晚饭前30分钟，他做了一个让自己后悔惨了的决定
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:00 | Welcome back to a new video guys. | 欢迎回到一个新的视频家伙。 |
| 0:02 | Today we have some more best of Reddit stories ever. | 今天我们有一些最好的Reddit故事。 |
| 0:06 | So today I made sure to get funny Reddit stories | 所以今天,我得到了有趣的Reddit故事 |
| 0:09 | and the best funny Reddit stories. | 还有最有趣的Reddit故事 |
| 0:12 | They're not just any, they're the best. | 他们不只是一个, 他们是最好的。 |
| 0:14 | And this is my really kind of broken water bottle. | 这是我的破水瓶。 |
| 0:18 | Don't pay attention to that. | 别管这个 |
| 0:19 | Anyway, low key I've been feeling pretty sick lately | 总之,我最近有点不舒服 |
| 0:22 | and I'm like so sore and I think I broke my shoulder blade | 我好像痛得要命 我想我的肩刀断了 |
| 0:25 | or like dislocated that. | 或像脱臼。 |
展开字幕全文（664 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Welcome back to a new video guys. | 欢迎回到一个新的视频家伙。 |
| 2 | Today we have some more best of Reddit stories ever. | 今天我们有一些最好的Reddit故事。 |
| 3 | So today I made sure to get funny Reddit stories | 所以今天,我得到了有趣的Reddit故事 |
| 4 | and the best funny Reddit stories. | 还有最有趣的Reddit故事 |
| 5 | They're not just any, they're the best. | 他们不只是一个, 他们是最好的。 |
| 6 | And this is my really kind of broken water bottle. | 这是我的破水瓶。 |
| 7 | Don't pay attention to that. | 别管这个 |
| 8 | Anyway, low key I've been feeling pretty sick lately | 总之,我最近有点不舒服 |
| 9 | and I'm like so sore and I think I broke my shoulder blade | 我好像痛得要命 我想我的肩刀断了 |
| 10 | or like dislocated that. | 或像脱臼。 |
| 11 | Hopefully these stories make me laugh. | 希望这些故事能让我笑起来 |
| 12 | I'm gonna make you guys laugh too. | 我也会让你们笑的 |
| 13 | Did I F up by stuffing my face with edibles before dinner | 我吃晚饭前把脸塞进食材里了吗? |
| 14 | with my wife's parents? | 和我妻子的父母吗? |
| 15 | For those of you who don't know, | 你们这些不知道的人 |
| 16 | who are from countries that are not crazy, | 他们来自不疯狂的国家, |
| 17 | edibles are, well they can be gummies, chocolate, | 食用品是, 他们可以是口香糖,巧克力, |
| 18 | anything you eat with marijuana inside. | 你吃里面有大麻的东西 |
| 19 | THC或CBD,我还不知道 | |
| 20 | I don't really do it that often, but that's what an edible is. | 我其实不经常做, 但这就是食谱。 |
| 21 | So instead of like smoking, you just eat it | 所以,与其抽烟,不如吃吧 |
| 22 | and it gives like the same effect. | 并产生同样的效果。 |
| 23 | Recently I traveled to Denver, Colorado with my wife | 最近我和妻子去了科罗拉多州的丹佛 |
| 24 | and my wife's parents. | 还有我妻子的父母 |
| 25 | As a resident of a non-legalized state, | 作为非合法国家的居民, |
| 26 | the state he's from, it's illegal. | 他来自的州,这是违法的。 |
| 27 | So it's not legalized, it's illegal to have, | 所以,它没有合法化, 这是违法的, |
| 28 | use marijuana I guess. | 使用大麻,我猜。 |
| 29 | I guess in Denver, Colorado or in Colorado. | 我猜在丹佛 科罗拉多州或科罗拉多州 |
| 30 | I'm not from the state, so I don't know. | 吾非州人,故不识. |
| 31 | Actually I feel like now, | 其实我觉得现在 |
| 32 | I think everywhere in the state is legal. | 我认为州内任何地方都是合法的. |
| 33 | You guys can let me know. | 你们可以告诉我。 |
| 34 | And as someone who is too much of a pussy | 作为一个太阴道的人 |
| 35 | to regularly buy illegal drugs, | 经常购买非法毒品, |
| 36 | the thing I was looking forward to the most | 我最期待的东西 |
| 37 | was the chance to buy fancy legal weed. | 是买法草的机会 |
| 38 | What could possibly go wrong? | 怎么会出问题? |
| 39 | A lot, a lot. | 甚处来. |
| 40 | So the first thing I did upon arriving | 所以,第一件事,我到达 |
| 41 | and after successfully ditching the in-laws | 在成功抛弃姻亲之后 |
| 42 | is drag my wife to a nearby dispensary | 把我太太拖到附近的药房 |
| 43 | for a shopping spree. | 为购物狂欢。 |
| 44 | And oh my God, it was just like in my dreams. | 哦,我的上帝, 它就像在我的梦。 |
| 45 | Tons of different options and neat little sample jars | 不同选择的吨位和整洁的小样罐 |
| 46 | and a team of helpful stoners | 和一群有帮助的石匠 |
| 47 | walking me through the various stains. | 穿过各种污点 |
| 48 | I think I've been in like a weed shop | 我好像在杂草店里 |
| 49 | like two or three times max. | 最多两三次 |
| 50 | And that's just like when my friends went in, | 就像我的朋友进去时 |
| 51 | I looked at what they had. | 我看看他们有什么 |
| 52 | Bro, they have soda, marijuana soda or whatever. | 兄弟,他们有苏打水,大麻苏打水之类的 |
| 53 | Gummies, chocolate. | 口香糖,巧克力。 巧克力。 |
| 54 | I know people make brownies. | 我知道人们会做蛋糕 |
| 55 | I think you can just put it in anything. | 我想你可以随便放进去 |
| 56 | Cake. | 饼. |
| 57 | Are you looking for a mellow body height | 你在找一个低调的身高 |
| 58 | or do you want something that gives you | 或者你想要的东西 给你 |
| 59 | a bit more pep and energy? | 再多一点便便和精力? |
| 60 | Or are you just hoping for something light | 还是你只是希望有光线 |
| 61 | to take the stress off? | 解除压力? |
| 62 | Yes, yes and yes. | 对,对,对 |
| 63 | I replied eagerly like a fat kid in a candy store. | 我像糖果店的胖子一样急切地回答 |
| 64 | Yes, yes, yes, yes. | 师曰. |
| 65 | And request an eighth ounce of about seven different options. | 并请求八盎司 大约七个不同的选择。 |
| 66 | In hindsight, if I learned anything from this experience, | 事后看来 如果我从这次经历中学到了什么 |
| 67 | it is that my math and science teachers | 我的数学和科学老师 |
| 68 | never taught me basic information like what is an ounce | 从来没有教过我什么是盎司的基本信息 |
| 69 | or how much weed can a person consume in a single weekend. | 或者一个人在一个周末能消耗多少大麻。 |
| 70 | I don't even know, dude. | 我不知道,伙计。 |
| 71 | I'm like the wrong person to be asking weed questions. | 我好像问错人了 |
| 72 | I don't even know. | 我什至不晓得。 |
| 73 | How much weed can one person consume in a day? | 一个人一天能消耗多少大麻? |
| 74 | They don't wanna say how much you can use in a day | 他们不想说一天能用多少 |
| 75 | but they are saying third of a gram a week, | 但他们说每周三分之一的克, |
| 76 | a week, a third of a gram. | 一个星期,一克的三分之一。 |
| 77 | So that guy bought a lot of marijuana. | 那家伙买了很多大麻 |
| 78 | Whatever you take away from this, | 无论你夺走了什么 |
| 79 | he has a lot of marijuana that he has to use in a weekend. | 他有一个周末要用很多大麻 |
| 80 | He's obviously not gonna use it all | 他显然不会全用 |
| 81 | but he cannot bring it back to his state | 但他不能把它带回他的国家 |
| 82 | because he'll probably get arrested. | 因为他可能会被捕 |
| 83 | Sure, I can tell you when two speeding trains | 当然,我可以告诉你 当两辆超速列车 |
| 84 | leaving separate stations will collide | 离开不同的车站会碰撞 |
| 85 | or recite Avogadro's number | 或背诵阿沃加德罗的号码 |
| 86 | but it turns out that none of that information | 但事实证明,没有任何信息 |
| 87 | is particularly relevant to getting high | 特别与提高 |
| 88 | in a responsible and efficient manner. | 以负责和高效的方式。 |
| 89 | And it was at this dispensary that I also learned | 正是在这个药房,我也学到了 |
| 90 | that you can't actually smoke in public places | 在公共场所不能吸烟 |
| 91 | including the hotel that my wife and I were staying at. | 包括我妻子和我住过的酒店 |
| 92 | And as a result, before leaving, | 结果,在离开之前, |
| 93 | I begged my wife to buy some edibles | 我求我老婆买些食材 |
| 94 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}直到我们找到一个地方 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}我愿意去 | |
| 95 | to get properly lit. | 以正确点燃。 |
| 96 | After expressing shock as the absurd volume of drugs | 在表示震惊后 毒品量是荒谬的 |
| 97 | that we were buying, unlike me, | 我们买的, 不像我, |
| 98 | she is the product of private school | 她是私立学校的产物 |
| 99 | and understands the imperial measurement system. | 并理解帝国的测量系统。 |
| 100 | She relents and we walk out of the store | 她放松了,我们走出店里 |
| 101 | with what I felt like was a dump truck of weed | 与我的感觉 是一卡车的大麻 |
| 102 | plus a small package | 加一个小包 |
| 103 | of seemingly innocuous ginger snap cookies. | 似乎无味的姜饼饼干。 |
| 104 | First of all, this was probably expensive. | 首先,这可能很贵。 |
| 105 | I'm not gonna lie. | 我不会撒谎的 |
| 106 | This is like a couple hundred dollars in weed. | 这就像几百美元的大麻。 |
| 107 | When the broker takes out an eighth of an ounce | 当经纪人拿出八分之一盎司 |
| 108 | of seven different things with edibles | 七种不同的东西 与食用 |
| 109 | and you look at it all, | 你看着这一切, |
| 110 | you're gonna be like, | 你会像, |
| 111 | yeah, maybe I don't need this much weed | 是啊,也许我不需要这么多大麻 |
| 112 | to give to us our entire family reunion. | 给我们 我们的整个家庭团聚。 |
| 113 | I'm just saying the critical thinking skills | 我只是说 批判性思维技巧 |
| 114 | were not being critical. | 并没有受到批评。 |
| 115 | And I was surprised the wife | 我很惊讶她老婆 |
| 116 | even let him buy that much weed. | 甚至让他买那么多大麻 |
| 117 | When we finally get back to the hotel room, | 当我们终于回到酒店房间时 |
| 118 | I tear those bad boys open | 我撕开那些坏男孩 |
| 119 | only to find a dozen tiny cookies | 只为了找到一打小饼干 |
| 120 | roughly the size of a quarter. | 大约是四分之一。 |
| 121 | What the F, Denver? | 什么是F,丹佛吗? |
| 122 | Seeing the skepticism and hunger in my eyes, | 看到我眼中的怀疑和饥饿, |
| 123 | my wife warns me that I should go easy | 我老婆警告我,我应该放松 |
| 124 | and look at the back of the package first | 先看看包的背面 |
| 125 | before trying one. | 在尝试之前。 |
| 126 | Yeah, definitely read the dosage. | 是的,绝对读过剂量。 |
| 127 | See what's the recommended amount you should take. | 看看推荐的金额 |
| 128 | Like how much, you could just Google, | 像多少,你可以只是谷歌, |
| 129 | okay, how much would this many milligrams | 好吧,这多少毫克 |
| 130 | affect a person of this weight? | 影响这种体重的人吗? |
| 131 | You just ask Chachiputi, | 你只要问查奇普提 |
| 132 | like put your weight and height. | 就像把你的体重和身高。 |
| 133 | Be like, okay, will this affect me a lot? | 好吧,这会不会影响我很多? |
| 134 | And then you can do it from there if you want it exact. | 然后,你可以从那里做 如果你想精确。 |
| 135 | Or you could just read | 或者你可以只读 |
| 136 | what the recommended back of the packaging says. | 包装的推荐背面说。 |
| 137 | Dose, half a cookie. | 点心,半块饼干 |
| 138 | I read silently as I start taking | 我默默地阅读 当我开始接受 |
| 139 | micro-bites from the edges, | 边缘的微生物, |
| 140 | like a giant chinchilla gnawing on a sunflower seed. | 就像一只巨大的中国花纹在向日葵种子上 |
| 141 | But what kind of savage only eats half a cookie? | 但哪种野蛮人只吃半块饼干? |
| 142 | So one second later, | 所以,一秒钟后, |
| 143 | I covertly pop the remainder into my mouth. | 我隐蔽地把剩下的塞进嘴里 |
| 144 | As long as that's all he takes, | 只要他只拿这些 |
| 145 | I feel like it won't be that bad. | 我觉得不会那么糟 |
| 146 | Right. | 对 |
| 147 | But also remember, | 记住, |
| 148 | this is his first time trying it | 这是他第一次尝试 |
| 149 | and he's gonna have dinner with his in-laws. | 还要和岳父一起吃晚饭 |
| 150 | Huh? | 是吗? |
| 151 | Rule of thumb, don't take drugs | 拇指规则,不要吸毒 |
| 152 | before you meet people's parents | 在你遇见人们的父母之前 |
| 153 | or even if it's not the first time, | 即使这不是第一次 |
| 154 | before you meet anyone, really. | 在你遇见任何人之前,真的。 |
| 155 | I'm from Canada, so it's legal there. | 我来自加拿大 所以那里是合法的 |
| 156 | It's been legal for years and years | 已经合法多年了 |
| 157 | and I have friends that do it, | 我有朋友做这个, |
| 158 | so I know this is too much. | 所以我知道这是太多。 |
| 159 | This is too much and this is too much for your first time. | 这太过分了 第一次太过分了 |
| 160 | I personally don't do this. | 我个人不这样做。 |
| 161 | I don't like it, not my thing. | 我不喜欢它,不是我的东西。 |
| 162 | I don't do it, but obviously I have friends that do it. | 我不这样做,但显然我有朋友这样做。 |
| 163 | This is too much. | 这太过分了 |
| 164 | And then I quickly stuff another two cookies in my mouth | 然后,我很快地把两个饼干塞进我嘴里 |
| 165 | for good measure the moment my wife turns it back. | 我妻子一转身 就能衡量它 |
| 166 | We may not have legal weed back home, | 我们可能没有合法大麻回家, |
| 167 | but I routinely devour our entire package | 但我经常吃我们整个包裹 |
| 168 | of milanos in one sitting without breaking a sweat. | 一坐而无汗 |
| 169 | Dude, he's comparing eating normal food | 老兄,他比较吃普通的食物 |
| 170 | to eating fricking, yeah, they're small cookies, | 吃他妈的,是啊, 他们是小饼干, |
| 171 | but they're not meant for flavor. | 但是它们不是用来做口味的 |
| 172 | They're not meant to like fill you up or anything. | 他们不该让你吃饱的 |
| 173 | They're meant to get you high. | 他们是为了让你嗨起来 |
| 174 | Dude, what is this guy thinking? | 伙计,这家伙在想什么? |
| 175 | Your move, tiny ginger snaps. | 你的动作,小姜子 |
| 176 | About 30 minutes later, we are in the backseat | 大概30分钟后 我们在后座 |
| 177 | of her parents' rental car on the way to dinner | 在她父母的租车吃饭的路上 |
| 178 | and that's when things start to go tips up. | 事情从此开始发展 |
| 179 | My stomach growls loudly and angrily. | 胃气大而烦躁. |
| 180 | My wife looks at me with inquisitive eyes | 我老婆用好奇的眼睛看着我 |
| 181 | that seems to say diarrhea, | 这似乎表示痢疾, |
| 182 | but I merely clutch my tummy | 但我只是牵着肚子 |
| 183 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}然后说说海拔疾病 | |
| 184 | You didn't eat a whole cookie, did you? | 你没吃一整块饼干吧? |
| 185 | If this guy just does something like this so easily, | 如果这家伙这么容易做这种事 |
| 186 | the wife should be used to kind of him doing random stuff. | 妻子应该习惯他做一些随机的事情 |
| 187 | I don't know why she didn't like literally check | 我不知道为什么她不喜欢检查 |
| 188 | how many he ate because I would check like, | 他吃了多少,因为我会检查喜欢, |
| 189 | yeah, you ate too many. | 是啊,你吃太多东西了。 |
| 190 | We're not going for dinner anymore. | 我们不会再去吃饭了 |
| 191 | We're staying here. | 我们住在这里。 |
| 192 | Actually, you're staying here. | 实际上,你住在这里。 |
| 193 | I'm going for dinner. | 我去吃饭了 |
| 194 | She asks 10% in genuine concern | 她问10% 真正关心 |
| 195 | and 90% in seething irritation. | 和90%的可见刺激。 |
| 196 | Of course not, I respond, avoiding eye contact | 当然不是,我回答,避免眼睛接触 |
| 197 | for the remainder of the car ride. | 剩下的车程。 |
| 198 | A few minutes later, we are climbing out | 几分钟后,我们要爬出去了 |
| 199 | of her parents' rental car | 她父母的租车 |
| 200 | and heading into some trendy farm to table restaurant. | 并进入一些潮流的农场 餐饮。 |
| 201 | I don't remember how I made it to my seat | 我不记得我是如何到达我的座位的 |
| 202 | and I don't even remember looking at the menu, | 我甚至不记得看菜单, |
| 203 | but I do remember the concerned look on the waiter's face | 但我记得服务员脸上的表情 |
| 204 | as he asked me if I was doing all right. | 他问我是否没事 |
| 205 | Keep it together, man, I said to myself, | 保持它在一起,伙计,我对自己说, |
| 206 | but my wife's sudden groan suggested | 我老婆突然叹息 |
| 207 | that I may have also said that to the waiter. | 我可能也跟服务生说过了 |
| 208 | Oh God, dude, I'm trying to be so locked in. | 哦,上帝,伙计, 我试图被如此锁定。 |
| 209 | Like, you're just high out of your mind. | 喜欢,你只是高 出你的思想。 |
| 210 | You're just so, so high. | 你只是这么,那么高。 |
| 211 | And the waiter's trying to talk to you | 服务员想和你谈谈 |
| 212 | and you're like, you just hear someone say, | 你就像,你只是听到有人说, |
| 213 | keep it together, man. | 保持它在一起,伙计。 |
| 214 | Like, if you have any thoughts at all, | 喜欢,如果你有任何想法, |
| 215 | this guy's fucking on drugs or he's drug or he's something. | 这家伙他妈的吸毒 或者他吸毒 或者他是什么。 |
| 216 | Go crazy. | 疯了。 |
| 217 | The waiter nods sympathetically, | 侍者以同情心点头, |
| 218 | takes our orders and then heads to the next table. | 接我们的命令 然后往下桌走 |
| 219 | The moment he walks away, my wife is staring daggers at me. | 他一走,我妻子就盯着我 |
| 220 | I start to worry that the jig is up. | 我开始担心, jig是上升的。 |
| 221 | You are sweating from your entire face, | 你整个脸都流汗了 |
| 222 | she says with both pity and disgust, | 她既怜悯又厌恶 |
| 223 | not quite knowing what to do. | 不知道该怎么办 |
| 224 | I reach for my napkin and proceed to block my cheeks, | 我伸手拿餐巾 挡住脸颊 |
| 225 | nose, neck, chin, and forehead. | 鼻子、脖子、下巴和额头 |
| 226 | At this point, my wife's mom looks over at me | 此时,我妻子的妈妈看着我 |
| 227 | with some concern. | 有点担心 |
| 228 | Are you all right? | 你没事吧? |
| 229 | She asks kindly. | 她问的好。 |
| 230 | Yeah, the food's just a bit spicy. | 是啊,食物只是有点辣。 |
| 231 | I haven't read for word, but that'll be funny | 我还没读过字,但会很有趣 |
| 232 | if he didn't even have his food in front of him. | 如果他甚至没有 食物在他面前。 |
| 233 | You serious? | 真的吗? |
| 234 | I reply far too quick to realize | 我回答得太快了,没意识到 |
| 235 | that we had literally just ordered | 我们刚刚订的 |
| 236 | and that there is nothing on the table | 和没有任何在桌子上 |
| 237 | except for a basket of dinner rolls. | 除了一篮饭卷。 |
| 238 | They were kind of questioning if you were like high | 他们怀疑你是不是嗑药了 |
| 239 | or drunk or whatever. | 或者醉酒之类的 |
| 240 | There's no more questioning. | 无复问讯. |
| 241 | This guy is high as a kite. | 此人高如风筝. |
| 242 | His eyes are probably so intensely red. | 他的眼睛可能很红 |
| 243 | They probably know unless he has glasses on. | 他们可能知道 除非他戴眼镜。 |
| 244 | My wife kicks me under the table to grab my attention. | 我老婆踢我到桌子下面来吸引我的注意力 |
| 245 | Bathroom, now, she hisses. | 洗手间,现在,她神志不清。 |
| 246 | Get it together. | 收齐. |
| 247 | I reluctantly get up from the table and head to the toilet. | 我勉强地从桌子上站起来,走到厕所。 |
| 248 | After splashing several handfuls of water on my face, | 在我脸上洒了几块水之后 |
| 249 | I approach a urinal and start to pee. | 我接近小便,开始小便。 |
| 250 | Now, one of the more disconcerting effects | 现在,一个更令人不安的效果 |
| 251 | of those tiny ginger snap monsters | 那些小的姜子猛兽 |
| 252 | is that the feeling that time has become | 一种感觉是 时间变成了 |
| 253 | untethered from reality. | 从现实中解脱. |
| 254 | Yep. | 对 |
| 255 | Time does not exist when you are this high | 当你这么高的时候,时间就不存在了 |
| 256 | and you move backwards. | 你向后移动。 |
| 257 | You might think something happened | 你可能觉得出事了 |
| 258 | and you might go through the whole thing, | 你可能会经历整个事情, |
| 259 | but you haven't even moved positions. | 但你甚至没有移动位置。 |
| 260 | And then the next second, | 然后下一秒钟, |
| 261 | you're already like way over there laying in bed. | 你就像躺在床上一样 |
| 262 | Time doesn't exist. | 时间不存在。 |
| 263 | Time is relative. | 时间是相对的。 |
| 264 | It's just like, this is what time is like. | 就像,时间就是这样 |
| 265 | I feel like that's a pretty accurate description. | 我觉得这描述非常准确 |
| 266 | As I am peeing, | 当我在撒尿时, |
| 267 | I start to get the very unsettling feeling | 我开始感到很不安 |
| 268 | that I have been taking a piss | 我撒了个尿 |
| 269 | for a better part of an hour | 一个小时的好时间 |
| 270 | and that my wife must be pacing around the restaurant | 我妻子一定在餐厅里闲逛 |
| 271 | worried about me. | 担心我 |
| 272 | Deep down, I know this is absurd. | 在内心深处 我知道这很荒谬 |
| 273 | I've been peeing all my life, | 我一辈子都在尿尿 |
| 274 | sometimes multiple times a day. | 有时一天多次。 |
| 275 | I've probably taken more than 50,000 leaks | 我大概已经漏了五万多条了 |
| 276 | and it usually only takes about a minute at most. | 通常最多只需要一分钟 |
| 277 | So given that my typical pee is no more than 60 seconds | 所以,鉴于我的典型小便 不超过60秒 |
| 278 | and given that it feels like I am about halfway done, | 并且因为感觉我快完成了一半, |
| 279 | that means that I've probably only been standing here | 那表示我可能只站在这里 |
| 280 | for about 60 seconds, right? | 约60秒,对不对? |
| 281 | This is a smart guy. | 这是一个聪明的家伙。 |
| 282 | Smart guy. | 聪明的家伙。 |
| 283 | But the guy at the urinal next to me doesn't respond | 但是那个在我旁边的小便池的人没有回应 |
| 284 | and instead starts shuffling away from me midstream | 转而从我中游走 |
| 285 | like a startled penguin. | 像个吓人的企鹅 |
| 286 | I try, albeit unsuccessfully, to break eye contact. | 我试图,虽然没有成功, 打破眼睛接触。 |
| 287 | After finally finishing, | 终于完成了 |
| 288 | I again splash some water on my face | 我又往脸上泼点水 |
| 289 | and return to my seat, | 回到我的座位上, |
| 290 | making sure to apologize to the table | 确保向桌子道歉 |
| 291 | for being gone such a long time, | 离开这么久 |
| 292 | just in case my math was off. | 以防我的数学断了 |
| 293 | I feel like he could have just checked up | 我觉得他可以直接检查一下 |
| 294 | that the food was there to tell like how long he's been. | 食物在那里 告诉 像他已经多久。 |
| 295 | Next, I try briefly to engage in small talk | 接下来,我试着简短地谈谈 |
| 296 | with my wife's father, | 和我妻子的父亲 |
| 297 | but I am far too high to understand | 但我太高了 无法理解 |
| 298 | what either of us are saying. | 我们两个都在说什么。 |
| 299 | Not wanting to start laughing uncontrollably | 不想开始无节制地笑 |
| 300 | at the wrong moment or really at any moment, | 在错误的时刻或真正在任何时刻, |
| 301 | I figure the safest idea is to nod my head periodically | 我觉得最安全的主意是定期点头 |
| 302 | and drink a ton of water. | 并饮一吨水。 |
| 303 | Nothing cures mental fatigue like water, right? | 没有什么东西能像水一样治疗精神疲劳,对吧? |
| 304 | To my wife's horror, I stand up, grab my water glass | 对我妻子的恐怖,我站起来,拿起我的水杯 |
| 305 | and thrust it out to the waiter, | 然后把它推向侍者, |
| 306 | who unfortunately is on the opposite side of the restaurant, | 不幸地站在餐厅的另一边 |
| 307 | but he turns out to be really cool | 不过他真的很酷 |
| 308 | and after making his way over to our table, | 回到我们的桌子后 |
| 309 | tells me that he'll do his best to keep me stocked | 告诉我他会尽力保持我 |
| 310 | with ice water for the rest of the meal. | 用冰水做饭 |
| 311 | He also helpfully suggests | 他也有帮助的建议 |
| 312 | that if the dinner rolls aren't too spicy for me, | 如果晚餐卷 对我来说不是太辣 |
| 313 | I should probably eat one or two | 我该吃一两 |
| 314 | so that I'm not sitting there on an empty stomach. | 这样我就不会坐在空腹上 |
| 315 | Smart man. | 聪明人 |
| 316 | I feel like the waiter definitely knows | 我觉得服务生肯定知道 |
| 317 | this guy is out of here, dude, he's out. | 这家伙走了,伙计,他走了。 |
| 318 | However, after going through all the bread on the table | 不过,经过所有的面包 在桌上 |
| 319 | and three glasses of water, | 和三杯水, |
| 320 | I start to get worried that I need actual food | 我开始担心我需要真正的食物 |
| 321 | to offset the growing paranoia | 抵消日益增长的妄想症 |
| 322 | from those tiny ginger snap devils. | 从那些小的 姜子snap魔鬼。 |
| 323 | Do you think I should flag down the waiter again | 你觉得我该再给服务员下旗吗? |
| 324 | and ask what's taking so long? | 问怎么这么久? |
| 325 | I said, just helpfully to my wife. | 我说,只是帮助我的妻子。 |
| 326 | What? | 你说什么? |
| 327 | We literally just ordered three fucking minutes ago. | 我们三分钟前才订货 |
| 328 | And at that exchange, my wife loses her cool. | 在那次交易中,我妻子失去了冷静 |
| 329 | How many cookies did you eat? | 你吃了多少饼干? |
| 330 | She demands. | 她会要求的 |
| 331 | Whoa, easy there. | 哇,轻点 |
| 332 | Dorky mother, dorky mother. | 狗娘养的 狗娘养的 |
| 333 | I respond somewhat horrified at her outburst. | 我对她的暴动有些惊恐 |
| 334 | I had a few cookies, but keep it down. | 我吃了几块饼干,但小声点 |
| 335 | I don't want your parents to know | 我不想让你的父母知道 |
| 336 | how fucked up I am right now. | 我现在真是一团糟 |
| 337 | Really? | 真的吗? |
| 338 | They're sitting two feet away from you. | 他们离你两英尺远 |
| 339 | They know. | 他们知道。 |
| 340 | I look up for the first time, | 我第一次抬头看 |
| 341 | {\fn黑体\fs20\shad2\2aH82\3aH20\4aH33\fscx95\3cH592001\be1}注意到我的姻亲都盯着我 | |
| 342 | for what felt like an eternity. | 感觉就像永恒 |
| 343 | TLDR, ate way too many edibles on a trip | TLDR,在旅途中吃了太多的食材 |
| 344 | and wigged out during a dinner with my wife and her parents. | 和我的妻子和她的父母一起吃晚饭时发抖 |
| 345 | As part two of the story, there's a reason | 作为故事的第二部分,有一个原因 |
| 346 | or technically three delicious reasons | 或技术上三个美味的原因 |
| 347 | why it was cut short. | 为什么剪短。 |
| 348 | At that point, my wife's singular focus | 这时候,我妻子的独有的专注 |
| 349 | was on getting me out of the restaurant | 本来是要把我弄出餐厅的 |
| 350 | before I either puked all over the table | 在我吐满桌子之前 |
| 351 | or pissed myself or an unsightly combination of both. | 或惹怒自己 或不知不觉的兼而有之 |
| 352 | So after a few spastic two-handed waves | 所以经过了几次两手风波 |
| 353 | goodbye to my in-laws, she rushed me to the door | 告别婆婆,她催我到门口 |
| 354 | like a secret service agent evacuating the president. | 就像特勤局特工疏散总统 |
| 355 | My night after that was a whirlwind of barfing and groveling | 之后的晚上,我一阵狂欢 不停地不停地咆哮 |
| 356 | mixed with a few vain attempts | 和一些徒劳的尝试混在一起 |
| 357 | at getting handsy back in the hotel room. | 回到酒店房间 |
| 358 | But being the absolute awesome sweetie that she is, | 但是,作为绝对真棒 甜心,她是, |
| 359 | my wife stuck with me through the whole nightmare, | 我的妻子坚持与我 通过整个噩梦, |
| 360 | whispering over and over in my ear, | 一遍又一遍地在我耳边低语 |
| 361 | please don't die, we have a mortgage. | 请不要死 我们有抵押贷款 |
| 362 | Hey, that's true love, that's true love. | 嘿,这是真爱,这是真爱。 |
| 363 | The visual of OP standing up to have water poured | 观察者站出来倒水 |
| 364 | into his glass from a waiter across the restaurant got me. | 从餐厅对面的服务员那里 进入他的杯子里,我得到了。 |
| 365 | And so did him linking his sweaty face | 他把汗水连在一起 |
| 366 | to the spiciness of the bread. | 给面包的辣味。 |
| 367 | Phenomenal read from start to finish. | 现象从头到尾读。 |
| 368 | What killed me was the image of OP all red-eyed and squinty | 杀死我的是OP的形象 所有的红眼和精光 |
| 369 | staring down the poor bastard in the urinal next to him | 盯着他旁边的小便池里那个可怜的混蛋 |
| 370 | while thinking he's been pissing for an hour straight. | 以为他尿了一小时 |
| 371 | Must've had quite the effed up look on his face. | 他的脸上一定长得很帅 |
| 372 | и | |
| 373 | Someone else commented, | 别人评论, |
| 374 | you took six times the recommended dose of edibles | 你吃了6倍于推荐剂量的食材 |
| 375 | when you had to go do something about 30 minutes later. | 30分钟后你不得不去做一些事 |
| 376 | Oh my God, OP, you sweet summer child. | 哦,我的上帝,OP,你可爱的夏季孩子。 |
| 377 | Literally, dude, this is like the most naive thing ever. | 从字面上说,伙计, 这是有史以来最天真的事情。 |
| 378 | Even if you've never done any drug | 就算你从没吸毒过 |
| 379 | or anything in your entire life, | 或你一生中的一切, |
| 380 | you've at least seen people drink alcohol | 你至少见过人喝酒 |
| 381 | or at least drank it yourself. | 或者至少自己喝过 |
| 382 | Are you gonna like drink six times | 你会喜欢喝酒六次 |
| 383 | the recommended dose of alcohol | 建议的酒精剂量 |
| 384 | before you go and see your in-laws and have dinner with them? | 在你去看你的岳父和他们吃饭之前? |
| 385 | No, dude, you're gonna be like falling all over the place | 不,伙计,你会像 摔得到处都是。 |
| 386 | and probably puking, crazy. | 可能呕吐 发疯 |
| 387 | It's just so easy to overshoot it | 拍得太简单了 |
| 388 | because edibles are just so small. | 因为食材太少了 |
| 389 | These ones were small, but they're so easy to eat. | 这些是小的,但很容易吃。 |
| 390 | You kind of lose track. | 你有点迷失方向 |
| 391 | I remember my first experience with these edibles. | 我记得我第一次用这些食材 |
| 392 | Thought pigeons were planning an assault on my life. | 以为鸽子计划攻击我的生命 |
| 393 | There are no pigeons where I live. | 我住的地方没有鸽子 |
| 394 | Someone else commented, | 别人评论, |
| 395 | the time I did that, I stayed home | 我这样做的时候,我留在家里 |
| 396 | because I wasn't sure how it'd affect me. | 因为我不知道会怎样影响我 |
| 397 | The guy behind the counter said, this is six doses. | 柜台后面的人说 这是六剂 |
| 398 | Only take one sixth of this brownie. | 只能吃六分之一的巧克力饼 |
| 399 | Why do they sell it as one piece then, dude? | 那他们为什么把它当作一块卖? |
| 400 | It's just sell it in like six individual pieces | 只卖成六块 |
| 401 | because a guy is definitely just gonna eat that. | 因为一个人绝对会吃这个 |
| 402 | Of course, I reiterated this to my husband, | 当然,我向我丈夫重申了这一点, |
| 403 | but being the sweet addict he is, | 但却是瘾君子 |
| 404 | decided half the brownie was good. | 决定一半的布朗尼是好的。 |
| 405 | Once he ate it, I decided, F it, and did the same. | 一旦他吃了它,我决定,F, 并做了同样的。 |
| 406 | Yeah, we slept for 20 hours. | 是啊,我们睡了20小时。 |
| 407 | Made up some weird stories | 编了些怪故事 |
| 408 | about Channing Tatum riding naked on a unicorn, | 关于钱宁·塔图姆裸体骑在独角兽身上的事 |
| 409 | and I'm pretty sure I couldn't remember my body. | 我确信我不记得我的身体 |
| 410 | Couldn't remember my body for a while. | 有一阵子不记得我的身体了 |
| 411 | Someone commented, I like this comment. | 有人评论,我喜欢这个评论。 |
| 412 | Remember, you can always do more drugs. | 记住,你可以做更多的毒品。 |
| 413 | You can never do less. | 你永远不能少做。 |
| 414 | I always say this about cooking. | 我总是说这 关于烹饪。 |
| 415 | When my mom asks, oh, is it salty enough | 我妈妈问,哦,够咸了吗? |
| 416 | or you want me to add more salt? | 还是要我加盐? |
| 417 | I'm like, you could always add more salt after it's done. | 我很喜欢,你可以总是 加更多的盐 之后,它做了。 |
| 418 | You can never take salt out. | 你永远不能拿盐出来。 |
| 419 | That's my contribution when my mom cooks. | 我妈妈做饭时,这是我的贡献。 |
| 420 | She's like, oh, taste this. | 她喜欢,哦,尝这个。 |
| 421 | Is it good? | 好吃吗? |
| 422 | I'm like, I'm not like a chef, | 我像,我不像一个厨师, |
| 423 | so I don't really know. | 所以,我不是真的知道。 \ N |
| 424 | It tastes good though. | 味道不错 |
| 425 | She's like, oh, I think it needs more salt. | 她喜欢,哦,我觉得它需要更多的盐。 |
| 426 | I'm like, yo, it tastes good. | 我很喜欢,哟,它的味道不错。 |
| 427 | If someone wants more salt, they can add it. | 如果有人想要更多的盐,他们可以添加. |
| 428 | If not, it's chill. | 若无则寒. |
| 429 | Dealing with in-laws while stoned is the worst. | 处理姻亲,同时用石头砸石头是最糟糕的. |
| 430 | I once ate half a lemon drop. | 我吃过半滴柠檬 |
| 431 | I don't know what that is. | 我不知道这是什么。 |
| 432 | While visiting my wife's uncle in Seattle, | 在西雅图拜访我妻子的叔叔时 |
| 433 | I'm glad I didn't eat the whole thing. | 我很高兴我没有吃 整件事。 |
| 434 | He liked to talk, so fortunately, | 他喜欢说话 很幸运 |
| 435 | it wasn't too odd for me to just stare and nod. | 看着点头对我来说并不奇怪 |
| 436 | But hey, now you know. | 但现在你知道了 |
| 437 | When it says half a cookie, it means half a cookie. | 当它说半块饼干, 它意味着半块饼干。 |
| 438 | Stop it. | 别说了 |
| 439 | Get some help. | 找人帮忙 |
| 440 | Last comment before the next story. | 下一个故事前的最后评论. |
| 441 | One night, I was the guy at the table who was way too high. | 一天晚上,我是一个在桌子上的家伙 谁太高。 |
| 442 | Only problem was I was the waiter. | 唯一的问题是,我是服务员。 |
| 443 | Oh, imagine the waiter being high. | 哦,想象一下服务员是高。 |
| 444 | Imagine both of them. | 想象一下他们俩 |
| 445 | Only problem was I was the waiter. | 唯一的问题是,我是服务员。 |
| 446 | I had eaten a brownie right before my shift | 值班前我吃过一块布朗尼 |
| 447 | and got way higher than anticipated. | 而且比预期的要高 |
| 448 | I was so stoned that I couldn't talk loud enough | 我被迷住了,我说话不够大声 |
| 449 | for my tables to hear me. | 让我的桌子听到我的声音 |
| 450 | They seemed irritated. | 他们似乎很烦恼。 |
| 451 | Every time I looked in the mirror, | 每次我看着镜子, |
| 452 | my eyes were a darker shade of red. | 我的眼睛是更深的红色阴影。 |
| 453 | I was overwhelmed with paranoia | 我被偏执所迷惑 |
| 454 | and certain I was going to get fired, | 我肯定会被开除的 |
| 455 | and I just kept getting higher. | 我只是不断提高。 |
| 456 | Rough night. | 难熬的夜晚。 |
| 457 | Oh my God, dude, that would really, ugh. | 哦,我的上帝,伙计, 那真的,呃。 |
| 458 | This is why you don't do drugs if you have responsibilities. | 这就是为什么你不吸毒 如果你有责任。 |
| 459 | You can do it after your shift | 换班后就可以了 |
| 460 | or way, way before your shift | 或者在轮班之前 |
| 461 | so you know you're completely fine for your shift, | 所以,你知道你完全罚款 你的轮班, |
| 462 | but don't do it right before your shift. | 但别在轮班前就做 |
| 463 | Next story. | 下一个故事。 |
| 464 | Did I F up by enraging the parents of my girlfriend | 我是不是因为惹恼我女朋友的父母而生气? |
| 465 | by pretending not to know what a potato is? | 假装不知道土豆是什么? |
| 466 | This was posted 11 years ago. | 这是11年前张贴的。 |
| 467 | Let me tell you that I have made a bad mistake this evening. | 让我告诉你,我今晚犯了一个错误。 |
| 468 | My girlfriend, who let me tell you, | 我的女朋友,谁让我告诉你, |
| 469 | is only my second girlfriend of all time. | 我一直都是第二个女朋友 |
| 470 | Said I am invited to dinner with her and her parents. | 说我被邀请和她的父母共进晚餐 |
| 471 | I was very aghast, nervous, and bashful | 我很恐怖,很紧张,很害羞 |
| 472 | to be invited to such a situation, | 应邀参加这种会议, |
| 473 | but I knew it must be done. | 但我知道必须这么做 |
| 474 | I met them nicely, I should tell you, | 我和他们很熟 应该告诉你 |
| 475 | and it started off in a good way. | 开始的方式很好 |
| 476 | The idea slapped my mind that I should do a comic bit | 这个想法打动了我的心,我应该做一点漫画 |
| 477 | to make a good impression and become known to them | 给他们留下好印象,让他们知道 |
| 478 | as a person who is amusing. | 作为一个有趣的人。 |
| 479 | I don't know if I agree with that. | 我不知道我是否同意这一点。 |
| 480 | Like, yeah, being like funny or making jokes is good, | 喜欢,是的, 像像搞笑 或做笑话是好的, |
| 481 | but being like a jester, | 却像个小丑, |
| 482 | like the people that dance for the king and queen, | 像那些为国王和女王跳舞的人一样 |
| 483 | I don't think that's a good idea | 我觉得这不是个好主意 |
| 484 | because then they won't take you seriously, you know? | 因为他们不会把你当回事,你知道吗? |
| 485 | When I saw that baked potatoes were served, | 当我看到烤土豆被卖了 |
| 486 | I got the idea that it would be very good | 我有一个想法,这将是非常好的 |
| 487 | if I pretended I did not know what potatoes were. | 如果我假装我不知道马铃薯是什么 |
| 488 | That would be funny. | 那会很有趣的。 |
| 489 | Right. | 对 |
| 490 | That would be hilarious. | 那会很有趣。 |
| 491 | That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. | 这是我听过最有趣的事 |
| 492 | What's a potato? | 什么是马铃薯? |
| 493 | That's a good joke, that is a good joke. | 这是一个很好的笑话, 这是一个很好的笑话。 |
| 494 | Well, let me tell you, backfired in my face. | 好吧,让我告诉你, 背火在我的脸上。 |
| 495 | I'll tell you how. | 我来告诉你 |
| 496 | So first, when the potato came on my plate, | 所以,首先,当土豆 在我的盘子里, |
| 497 | I acted very interested. | 我的行为很感兴趣。 |
| 498 | I showed an expression on my face | 我脸上有表情 |
| 499 | so as to seem that I was confused, astounded, | 似乎我感到困惑 震惊 |
| 500 | but in a restrained way, curious and interested. | 但以克制的方式,好奇和感兴趣。 |
| 501 | They did notice and seem confused. | 他们确实注意到了,似乎很困惑。 |
| 502 | Yeah, because you're probably like, | 是啊,因为你可能喜欢, |
| 503 | but in his mind, he's like, | 但在他的脑海里,他像, |
| 504 | I was confused, astounded, | 我感到困惑,惊呆了, |
| 505 | but in a restrained, curious and interested way. | 但以一种节制、好奇和感兴趣的方式 |
| 506 | So I asked, this looks very interesting. | 所以我问,这看起来很有趣。 |
| 507 | What is this? | 这是什么? |
| 508 | They stared at me and the mother said, | 他们盯着我看 母亲说 |
| 509 | it's a baked potato. | 这是烤土豆。 |
| 510 | And I was saying, oh, interesting, a baked dot dot dot. | 我说,哦,有趣, 一个烤点点点。 |
| 511 | What is it again? | 又是什么来着? |
| 512 | And she was like, a potato? | 她就像一个土豆? |
| 513 | Dude, they probably just think you're stupid. | 伙计,他们可能只是觉得你很蠢。 |
| 514 | Who doesn't know what a potato is, dude? | 谁不知道土豆是什么? |
| 515 | They probably just think you're stupid, man. | 他们可能只是觉得你很蠢 |
| 516 | And I was like, a potato. | 我就像,一个土豆。 |
| 517 | I never heard of a potato. | 我从没听说过土豆 |
| 518 | It looks pretty good. | 看起来不错 |
| 519 | A baked potato is like the most unseasoned | 烤土豆就像最没有季节的 |
| 520 | white people food ever. | 白人吃过东西 |
| 521 | It looks good. | 看起来不错 |
| 522 | Ew, brother, ew. | 哟,兄弟,哟。 |
| 523 | And then they didn't see I was clowning, | 然后他们没看到我在开玩笑 |
| 524 | but thought, really didn't know what a potato is. | 但是想,真的不知道什么是马铃薯。 |
| 525 | So I knew I would be very shamed, humiliated, depressed | 所以我知道我会很丢脸,很丢脸,很沮丧 |
| 526 | and disgusted if I admitted to making a bad joke. | 我承认自己做了一个糟糕的笑话 也令人厌恶 |
| 527 | So what I did was to act as if it was not a joke, | 所以,我所做的是 假装这不是一个笑话, |
| 528 | but I committed to the act of pretending | 但我承诺要假装 |
| 529 | I didn't know what a potato is. | 我不知道马铃薯是什么 |
| 530 | They asked me very incredulously, | 他们非常有说服力地问我 |
| 531 | did I really not know what a potato is? | 我真的不知道土豆是什么吗? |
| 532 | That I never heard of a potato? | 我从来没听说过土豆? |
| 533 | I went with it and told them, | 我带着它去告诉他们, |
| 534 | yes, I did not ever even hear of a potato. | 是的,我从来没有听说过一个土豆。 |
| 535 | Not only had I never eaten a potato, | 我不仅没吃过土豆 |
| 536 | I'd never heard the word potato. | 我从没听过土豆这个词 |
| 537 | This went on for a bit and my girlfriend | 这事发生了一段时间 和我女朋友 |
| 538 | was acting very confused and embarrassed | 表现得非常困惑和尴尬 |
| 539 | by my effing antics. | 由我的阴森。 |
| 540 | And then the more insistent I was | 我越坚持 |
| 541 | about not knowing what a potato is, | 不知道马铃薯是什么 |
| 542 | was when them parents started thinking | 当他们的父母开始思考 |
| 543 | I did know what a potato is. | 我知道马铃薯是什么 |
| 544 | Bro, what are you talking about, man? | 兄弟,你在说什么? |
| 545 | Bro, I don't get the point of this joke. | 兄弟,我不明白这个笑话的意思 |
| 546 | They're just gonna think you're stupid | 他们只会认为你很蠢 |
| 547 | or just like annoying and like not serious, | 或只是喜欢烦人 和喜欢不严重, |
| 548 | not a serious person. | 不是一个严肃的人。 |
| 549 | Well, let me tell you, | 让我告诉你, |
| 550 | I had to commit 100% at this point. | 这时候我必须承诺100% |
| 551 | No, you didn't. | 不,你没有。 |
| 552 | You can just say, you know what? | 你可以直接说,你知道吗? |
| 553 | I was trying to make a joke, I was trying to be funny | 我是在开玩笑,我是在开玩笑 |
| 554 | and act like I didn't know what a potato was. | 假装我不知道马铃薯是什么 |
| 555 | But when you guys seem to like actually believe me, | 但是,当你们似乎喜欢 实际上相信我, |
| 556 | I just had to double down. | 我只是不得不加倍下来。 |
| 557 | And now I realized too late, I'm too deep. | 现在我意识到太晚了,我太深了。 |
| 558 | My bad, it was a dumb joke. | 我的错,这是一个愚蠢的笑话。 |
| 559 | Problem solved. | 问题解决了。 |
| 560 | When I would not admit to knowing what a potato was, | 当我不承认马铃薯是什么时 |
| 561 | the father especially began to get annoyed. | 父亲尤其开始生气 |
| 562 | Yeah, now you're making everyone annoyed. | 是啊,现在你让每个人都生气了。 |
| 563 | At one point, he said something like, | 他曾经说过, |
| 564 | enough is enough, you're effing with us. | 够了,你跟我们在一起 |
| 565 | Admit it. | 承认吧 |
| 566 | And I said, sir, before today, I'd never heard of a potato. | 我说,先生,今天之前,我从没听说过土豆 |
| 567 | I still don't know what a potato is. | 我还是不知道马铃薯是什么 |
| 568 | Other than some kind of food, | 除了某种食物, |
| 569 | I don't know what to tell you. | 我不知道该怎么跟你说 |
| 570 | Well, let me tell you, he got very annoyed. | 让我告诉你 他很生气 |
| 571 | I decided to take a bite of the potato. | 我决定吃点土豆 |
| 572 | And when I did, I made a high pitched noise | 当我做了,我做了一个高调的声音 |
| 573 | and said, tastes very strange. | 并说,味道非常奇怪。 |
| 574 | That is when the father started yelling at me | 这时父亲开始对我大吼大叫 |
| 575 | and the mother kept saying, what are you doing? | 母亲一直说,你在做什么? |
| 576 | And my girlfriend went to some other room. | 我女朋友去了别的房间 |
| 577 | Okay, first of all, why is the father getting so mad | 好吧 首先 为什么父亲这么生气 |
| 578 | about the potato thing? | 关于土豆的事? |
| 579 | I would just think this guy's stupid. | 我只是觉得这家伙很蠢 |
| 580 | How long are you dating my daughter again? | 你和我女儿约会多久了? |
| 581 | Yeah, cut that off, cut that off. | 是啊,切断,切断。 |
| 582 | Finally, the father said I should get the eff | 最后,父亲说,我应该得到的eff |
| 583 | out of his house. | 从他家出来 |
| 584 | And I said, it was irrational to treat me like this | 我说,这样对待我是没有道理的 |
| 585 | just because I never heard of a potato before. | 只是因为我从没听说过土豆 |
| 586 | Well, let me tell you, he didn't take that kindly. | 好吧,让我告诉你, 他没有这么好心。 |
| 587 | Now in text messages, I've been telling my girlfriend, | 现在在短信中,我一直告诉我的女朋友, |
| 588 | I really don't know what a potato is. | 我真的不知道马铃薯是什么 |
| 589 | The only way I can ever get out of this | 我唯一能摆脱这一切的方法 |
| 590 | is for them to buy that I don't know what a potato is. | 是给他们买的 我不知道马铃薯是什么 |
| 591 | I wish I never started, but I can't go back. | 我希望我从来没有开始, 但我不能回去。 |
| 592 | I think she will break up with me anyway. | 我觉得她还是会跟我分手的 |
| 593 | Did you eff up by enraging your girlfriend's parents | 你是不是因为惹恼你女朋友的父母而生气? |
| 594 | pretending to not know what a potato was? | 假装不知道什么是土豆? |
| 595 | Yeah, yeah you did. | 是啊,是啊,你这样做。 |
| 596 | No question about it, yes. | 没问题,是的。 |
| 597 | Someone commented, you need to commit 100% to this now. | 有人评论,你需要 承诺100%的这个现在。 |
| 598 | Invent a religion, perhaps an obscure offshoot | 发明一个宗教,也许一个模糊的支点 |
| 599 | of Roman Catholicism formed after the Irish potato famine | 爱尔兰马铃薯饥荒后形成的罗马天主教 |
| 600 | that eschews potatoes in all forms. | 以各种形式抛弃马铃薯 |
| 601 | Create a Wikipedia page, find a passage in the Bible | 创建维基百科页面,查找圣经中的一段 |
| 602 | that supports it, literal interpretation of beasts | 支持它,对野兽的字面解释 |
| 603 | of the field perhaps, maybe claim beasts | 也许是野兽 |
| 604 | as close to the old Irish word for potatoes. | 和爱尔兰老字号的土豆差不多 |
| 605 | You are going to have to get creative. | 你得有创意 |
| 606 | Reveal all of this to the girlfriend's family | 把这一切告诉女朋友的家人 |
| 607 | as though you just found out yourself. | 就像你刚刚发现自己。 |
| 608 | Tell them you went home and asked your parents about it | 告诉他们你回家问你父母 |
| 609 | and they sat you down and told you that they were part | 他们让你坐下来 告诉你他们是其中的一部分 |
| 610 | of this religion and had raised you in observance | 信奉此教,并教诲你们, |
| 611 | of its tenets. | 其信条。 |
| 612 | You can then roll your eyes and act like your parents | 你可以转动你的眼睛 表现得像你的父母 |
| 613 | are the weirdest, most embarrassing people on earth | 世上最奇怪,最尴尬的人 |
| 614 | for putting you in this situation. | 让你陷入这种境地 |
| 615 | Oh, and they told you French fries were made from bread | 他们告诉你薯条是用面包做的 |
| 616 | because it was only one indulgence they allowed. | 因为只有一次他们允许的宽恕 |
| 617 | Never let your parents and her parents meet | 不要让你的父母和她的父母见面 |
| 618 | unless they have been briefed and can be trusted | 除非他们已被告知,而且已获得信任, |
| 619 | to dive on any grenades. | 潜入任何手榴弹。 |
| 620 | Okay, I'm not gonna lie, if you're gonna commit, | 好吧,我不会撒谎,如果你要犯罪, |
| 621 | you gotta commit fully. | 你必须全力以赴 |
| 622 | And everything that that guy said seems like a lot of effort | 那家伙说的一切 似乎都是很大的努力 |
| 623 | and some stuff I would not do. | 和一些我不会做的事。 |
| 624 | I would just tell the truth and be like, yeah, you know what? | 我会说出真相,然后,是的,你知道吗? |
| 625 | I'm sorry, dude, that was so stupid. | 对不起,伙计,那太愚蠢了。 |
| 626 | But I was so committed and I couldn't go away. | 但我如此执着 我不能离开。 |
| 627 | I couldn't like, I couldn't cut the bit. | 我不能喜欢,我不能削减。 |
| 628 | I just had to keep on committing | 我不得不继续承诺 |
| 629 | and doubling down to like, my bad. | 并加倍 喜欢,我的错。 |
| 630 | It's the biggest piece of dog shit that I have ever heard. | 这是我听过最大的狗屎 |
| 631 | Someone else said, invite your girlfriend | 有人说,邀请你的女朋友 |
| 632 | to meet your parents. | 来见你的父母。 |
| 633 | Have your father take her aside | 让你爸带她走 |
| 634 | and ask if potatoes were served at the dinner | 问晚餐有没有送土豆 |
| 635 | with her parents. | 和她的父母在一起 和她的父母在一起吗 |
| 636 | When she says yes, he looks alarm, | 她答应的时候 他看起来很惊慌 |
| 637 | mutters something about wanting to keep them from him | 变种人想让他们远离他 |
| 638 | and never mentions the subject again. | 别再提这个话题了 |
| 639 | This all seems excessive. | 这似乎太过分了。 |
| 640 | Okay, this is my favorite one. | 好吧,这是我最喜欢的。 |
| 641 | When confronted about this horrible joke, | 当面对这个可怕的笑话时, |
| 642 | insist it never happened with the same level of commitment. | 坚持说,没有同样的承诺。 |
| 643 | Maybe they'll just think you have a brain disorder. | 也许他们会以为你有脑病 |
| 644 | I don't think that's any better. | 我不认为这更好。 |
| 645 | Why, why? | 为什么,为什么? |
| 646 | I don't think it's any better | 我觉得没有更好的了 |
| 647 | if your girlfriend's parents think you have a brain disorder | 如果你女朋友的父母认为你有脑病 |
| 648 | and they're gonna think, oh yeah, | 他们会想,哦,是的, |
| 649 | this is the man I want to have spend the rest of their life | 这就是我想要度过他们余生的人 |
| 650 | with my daughter and have kids and everything. | 和我女儿,还有孩子和一切。 |
| 651 | Honestly, I think my favorite part of the story | 老实说,我觉得我最喜欢的故事 |
| 652 | was when just the dad got so annoyed | 就是那个爸爸生气的时候 |
| 653 | and told them, get the F out of my house. | 告诉他们,把F赶出我的房子。 |
| 654 | I could just imagine that just like yelling at someone | 我可以想象,就像对别人大喊大叫 |
| 655 | to get out of your house | 离开你家 |
| 656 | because they don't know what a potato is. | 因为他们不知道马铃薯是什么 |
| 657 | Or they're pretending they don't know what a potato is. | 或者他们假装不知道马铃薯是什么 |
| 658 | Let me know if you guys found these stories funny. | 如果你们觉得这些故事很有趣,就告诉我 |
| 659 | And if you want more stories, | 如果你想要更多故事的话 |
| 660 | let me know in the comments, | 在评论中告诉我 |
| 661 | what type of stories you want. | 你想要什么样的故事。 |
| 662 | Cheating, wedding, am I the a-hole? | 欺骗,婚礼,我是洞吗? |
| 663 | Nice guys, nice girls, college rants, or anything else. | 好男人,好女孩, 大学狂言,或其他什么。 |
| 664 | Bye guys. | 再见 |
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