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【TED演讲】你不必强迫自己积极向上!

【TED演讲】你不必强迫自己积极向上!

【TED演讲】你不必强迫自己积极向上!

发布于 2026-07-29 · 时长 16:49

字幕摘录

时间英文中文
0:13Hello, everyone.大家好,你们好
0:15Sawubona.萨武博纳.
0:20In South Africa, where I come from,在南非,我来自那里,
0:22sawubona is the Zulu word for hello.泽鲁博纳是祖鲁语的问候词
0:26There's a beautiful and powerful intention behind the word,这个词背后有一个美丽而强大的意图,
0:28because sawubona, literally translated, means,因为Sawubona,字面翻译,意味着,
0:31I see you, and by seeing you, I bring you into being.我看到你,通过看到你, 我带你进入现实。
0:35So beautiful.如此美丽。
0:36Imagine being greeted like that.想象一下被问候的样子
0:40But what does it take in the way we see ourselves,但对我们自己的看法有什么影响
展开字幕全文(263 条)
序号英文中文
1Hello, everyone.大家好,你们好
2Sawubona.萨武博纳.
3In South Africa, where I come from,在南非,我来自那里,
4sawubona is the Zulu word for hello.泽鲁博纳是祖鲁语的问候词
5There's a beautiful and powerful intention behind the word,这个词背后有一个美丽而强大的意图,
6because sawubona, literally translated, means,因为Sawubona,字面翻译,意味着,
7I see you, and by seeing you, I bring you into being.我看到你,通过看到你, 我带你进入现实。
8So beautiful.如此美丽。
9Imagine being greeted like that.想象一下被问候的样子
10But what does it take in the way we see ourselves,但对我们自己的看法有什么影响
11our thoughts, our emotions and our thoughts,我们的思想,我们的情感和我们的思想,
12and our stories,我们的故事,
13that help us to thrive in an increasingly complex and fraught world?帮助我们在日益复杂和充满活力的世界中兴旺?
14This crucial question has been at the center of my life's work,这个关键问题是我一生工作的核心
15because how we deal with our inner world drives everything.因为我们如何对待我们的内心世界 驱动一切。
16Every aspect of how we love, how we live,我们的爱和生活的方方面面
17how we parent and how we lead.我们如何做父母,如何领导。
18The conventional view of emotions as good or bad,传统的观点 情绪是好或坏,
19positive or negative,阳或阴,
20is rigid.是刚性。
21And rigidity in the face of complexity is toxic.而面对复杂性的刚性是有毒的.
22We need greater levels of emotional agility我们需要更敏捷的情绪
23for true resilience and thriving.为真正的复原力和繁荣。
24My journey with this calling我的旅程与这个召唤
25began not in the hallowed halls of a university,不是在大学的圣堂里
26but in the messy, tender business of life.但是在混乱,温柔的生活中
27I grew up in the white suburbs of apartheid South Africa,我在南非的白色郊区长大,
28a country and community committed to not seeing, to denial.国家和社区承诺看不到,否认。
29It's denial that makes 50 years of racist legislation possible,正是否认才使得50年的种族主义立法成为可能,
30while people convince themselves that they are doing nothing wrong.人们相信自己没有做错什么
31And yet, I first learned of the destructive power of denial然而,我第一次得知 否认的破坏力
32at a personal level,在个人一级,
33before I understood what it was doing to the country of my birth.在我明白它对我出生的国家做了什么之前
34My father died on a Friday.我父亲在星期五去世了
35He was 42 years old and I was 15.他42岁,我15岁
36My mother whispered to me to go and say goodbye to my father我妈妈悄悄地告诉我去跟爸爸说再见
37before I went to school.在我上学之前
38So I put my backpack down and walked the passage that ran through所以我把背包放下 穿过的通道
39to where the heart of our home, my father, lay dying of cancer.我们家的心脏,我父亲 死于癌症。
40His eyes were closed, but he knew I was there.他的眼睛是闭着的, 但他知道我在那里。
41In his presence, I had always felt seen.在他面前,我一直觉得自己看到了。
42I told him I loved him, said goodbye and headed off for my day.我告诉他我爱他, 说再见, 离开我的一天。
43At school, I drifted from science to mathematics to history to biology在学校,我从科学走向数学走向历史走向生物学
44as my father slipped from the world.就像我父亲从世界里溜走一样
45From May to July to September to November,从5月到7月到9月到11月,
46I went about with my usual smile.我带着我平常的微笑走了
47I didn't drop a single grade.我一个年级都没降
48When asked how I was doing, I would shrug and say,当我被问及我的情况时,我会大喊大叫地说,
49OK.摆
50I was praised for being strong.我被称赞为坚强.
51I was the master of being OK.我曾经是"没事"的主人
52But back home, we struggled.但是在家乡 我们挣扎着
53My father hadn't been able to keep his small business going during his illness.我父亲在生病期间 没能维持他的小生意
54And my mother, Lauren, was grieving the love of her life,我的母亲,劳伦, 悲伤的爱她的一生,
55trying to raise three children, and the creditors were knocking.债权人敲门
56We felt as a family financially and emotionally ravaged,我们觉得作为一个家庭 在经济上和情感上受到破坏,
57and I began to spiral down, isolated, fast.我开始螺旋上升, 孤立,快速。
58I started to use food to numb my pain,我开始用食物来麻痹我的痛苦
59binging and purging,偷盗和清洗,
60refusing to accept the full weight of my grief.拒绝接受我的全部悲伤
61No one knew, and in a culture that values relentless positivity,没有人知道, 在一个重视无情的否定的文化中,
62I thought that no one wanted to know.我以为没人想知道
63But one person did not buy into my story of triumph over grief.但有一个人没有买进我的故事 胜利战胜悲伤。
64My eighth-grade English teacher fixed me with burning blue eyes我八年级的英语老师用燃烧的蓝眼睛帮我修补
65as she handed out blank notebooks.她散发了空白的笔记本。
66She said,她说,
67Write what you're feeling.写你的感觉。
68Tell the truth.说实话
69Write like nobody's reading.写得像没人看一样
70And just like that, I was invited to show up authentically to my grief and pain.就这样,我被邀请 真实地出现在我的悲伤和痛苦。
71It was a simple act,这是一个简单的行为,
72but nothing short of a revolution for me.但对我来说是一场革命
73It was this revolution that started in this blank notebook 30 years ago30年前这个空白的笔记本里开始的革命
74that shaped my life's work,塑造了我一生的工作,
75the secret silent correspondence with myself.秘密的无声通信与我自己。
76Like a gymnast, I started to move beyond the rigidity of denial像体操运动员一样 我开始超越否认的僵化
77into what I've now come to call emotional agility.进入我所谓的情感敏捷
78Life's beauty is inseparable from its fragility.生命的美丽与它的脆弱性是不可分割的.
79We are young until we are not.我们年轻到没有。
80We walk down the streets sexy until one day we realize that we are unseen.我们走在街上性感 直到有一天,我们意识到我们是看不见的。
81We nag our children and one day realize that there is silence有一天,我们知道有寂静
82where that child once was, now making his or her way in the world.那个孩子曾经去过的地方,现在他/她正在世界中前进。
83We are healthy until a diagnosis brings us to our knees.我们身体健康,直到诊断出我们膝盖。
84The only certainty is uncertainty,唯一的确定性是不确定性,
85and yet we are not navigating this frailty successfully or sustainably.然而,我们并没有成功地或可持续地克服这一弱点。
86The World Health Organization tells us that depression世界卫生组织告诉我们这种抑郁症
87is now the single leading cause of disability globally,目前是造成全球残疾的唯一主要原因,
88outstripping cancer, outstripping heart disease.超过癌症 超过心脏病
89And at a time of greater complexity,在更复杂的时代
90unprecedented technological, political and economic change,前所未有的技术、政治和经济变革,
91we are seeing how people's tendency is more and more to lock down我们看到人们越来越倾向于封锁
92into rigid responses to their emotions.变成对情感的僵硬反应
93On the one hand, we might obsessively brood on our feelings,一方面,我们可能会 沉迷于我们的感情,
94getting stuck inside our heads,被困在我们脑海里
95hooked on being right or victimized by our newsfeed.被我们的新闻报导所迷惑
96On the other, we might bottle our emotions, pushing them aside换句话说,我们可能会把情绪压在一边
97and permitting only those emotions deemed legitimate.并且只允许那些被认为合法的情绪。
98In a survey I recently conducted with over 70,000 people,我在最近对70,000多人进行的调查中,
99I found that a third of us, a third,我发现我们的三分之一,三分之一,
100either judge ourselves for having so-called bad emotions,要么评判自己有所谓的坏情绪,
101like sadness, anger or even grief,像悲伤,愤怒,甚至悲伤,
102or actively try to push aside these feelings.或者积极推开这些感情
103We do this not only to ourselves but also to people we love,我们这样做不仅是为了自己 而且是为了我们爱的人
104like our children.像我们的孩子一样
105We may inadvertently shame them out of emotions seen as negative,我们可能无意中让他们感到羞愧 因为情绪被认为是负面的,
106jump to solution跳转到解决方案
107and fail to help them to see these emotions as inherently valuable.也未能帮助他们将这些情感视为内在的价值.
108Normal, natural emotions are now seen as good or bad,正常的,自然的情绪 现在被视为好或坏,
109and being positive has become a new form of moral correctness.并且积极成为道德正确的新形式。
110People with cancer are automatically told to just stay positive.癌症患者被自动告知保持阳性
111Women to stop being so angry.女人别再生气了
112And the list goes on.名单还继续
113It's a tyranny.这是一个暴政。
114It's a tyranny of positivity.这是绝对主义的暴政.
115And it's cruel,这是残酷的,
116unkind不对
117and ineffective.和无效。
118And we do it to ourselves,我们对自己做,
119and we do it to others.而我们这样做对别人。
120If there's one common feature of brooding, bottling or forced positivity,如果有一个共同的特征 rooding,bottling 或强制的否定,
121it's this.就是这个
122They are all rigid responses.它们都是僵硬的反应。
123And if there's a single lesson we can learn from the inevitable fall of apartheid,如果有一个单一的教训 我们可以从 不可避免的种族隔离倒台,
124it is that rigid denial doesn't work.僵硬的否定是行不通的。
125It's unsustainable.谓不可持续.
126For individuals, for families, for societies.为个人,为家庭,为社会.
127And as we watch the ice caps melt,当我们看着冰盖融化时
128it is unsustainable for our planet.这对我们星球来说是不可持续的。
129Research on emotional suppression shows that when emotions are pushed aside关于情绪抑制的研究表明,当情绪被推到一边
130or ignored, they get stronger.或被忽略, 他们变得更强壮。
131Psychologists call this amplification.心理学家称之为这种放大.
132Like that delicious chocolate cake in the refrigerator,就像冰箱里的巧克力蛋糕一样
133the more you try to ignore it,你越是无视它
134the greater its hold on you.越是紧紧握着你
135You might think you're in control of unwanted emotions when you ignore them,你可能会认为你控制了不想要的情绪 当你无视他们,
136but in fact, they control you.但事实上 他们控制了你
137Internal pain always comes out.内痛总出.
138Always.永远
139And who pays the price?是谁付出代价的?
140We do.没错
141Our children, our colleagues, our communities.我们的儿童,我们的同事,我们的社区。
142Now, don't get me wrong.别误会我
143I'm not anti-happiness.我不是反对幸福
144I like being happy.我喜欢快乐
145I'm a pretty happy person.我是一个相当快乐的人。
146But when we push aside normal emotions to embrace false positivity,但当我们推开正常的情绪 拥抱虚假的假设,
147we lose our capacity to develop skills to deal with the world as it is,我们丧失了发展应对现实世界的技能的能力,
148not as we wish it to be.不是我们所希望的
149I've had hundreds of people tell me what they don't want to feel.我已经让几百人告诉我 他们不想感觉到什么
150They say things like,他们说,
151I don't want to try because I don't want to feel disappointed,我不想尝试 因为我不想感到失望,
152or I just want this feeling to go away.或者我只是希望这种感觉消失。
153I understand, I say to them.我明白,我告诉他们。
154But you have dead people's goals.但你有死人的目标。
155(*Laughter*)(* 笑声*)
156Only dead people never get unwanted or inconvenienced by their feelings.只有死人才不会因自己的感情而无望或不便.
157Only dead people never get stressed,只有死人才会有压力
158never get broken hearts,永不伤心,
159never experience the disappointment that comes with failure.永远不会经历失败带来的失望。
160Tough emotions are part of our contract with life.痛苦的情绪是我们与生命的契约的一部分。
161You don't get to have a meaningful career or raise a family你没有一份有意义的工作 也没有养家糊口
162or leave the world a better place或离开一个更好的世界
163without stress and discomfort.没有压力和不适。
164Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.不安是接受有意义的生活的代价.
165So how do we begin to dismantle rigidity and embrace emotional agility?那么,我们如何开始拆除僵化和拥抱情感敏捷?
166As that young schoolgirl, when I leaned into those blank pages,作为那个年轻的女学生, 当我靠在那些空白页上,
167I started to do away with feelings of what I should be experiencing我开始放弃我应该经历的感受
168and instead started to open my heart to what I did feel.反而开始打开我的心 以我的感受。
169Pain and grief and loss and regret.痛苦 悲伤 失去 后悔
170Research now shows that the radical acceptance of all of our emotions,现在的研究表明, 激进接受我们所有的情绪,
171even the messy, difficult ones,连那些乱七八糟的
172is the cornerstone to resilience, thriving and true, authentic happiness.是坚韧、繁荣、真实、真正的幸福的基石。
173But emotional agility is more than just an acceptance of emotions.但情绪敏捷不仅仅是接受情绪.
174We also know that accuracy matters.我们也知道准确性很重要。
175In my own research, I found that words are essential.在我自己的研究中,我发现言语是不可或缺的.
176We often use quick and easy labels to describe our feelings.我们经常使用快速和容易的标签来描述我们的感受.
177I'm stressed is the most common one I hear.我最常听到的就是压力
178But there's a world of difference between stress and disappointment,但是压力和失望之间 却有不同之处
179or stress and that knowing dread of,或紧张,或知道恐惧,
180I'm in the wrong career.我在错误的职业生涯。
181When we label our emotions accurately,当我们把情感贴上准确的标签
182we are more able to discern the precise cause of our feelings.我们更能辨别我们感情的确切原因。
183And what scientists call the readiness potential in our brain is activated,科学家所说的我们大脑中的准备潜力 被激活了,
184allowing us to take concrete steps.使我们能够采取具体步骤。
185But not just any steps, the right steps for us.但不只是任何步骤 对我们来说是正确的步骤
186Because our emotions are data.因为我们的情绪是数据。
187Our emotions contain flashing lights to things that we care about.我们的情感包含着闪烁的灯光 照亮我们关心的东西。
188We tend not to feel strong emotion我们不会感到强烈的情感
189to stuff that doesn't mean anything in our worlds.我们的世界里没有任何意义的东西
190If you feel rage when you read the news,如果你在读新闻时感到愤怒
191that rage is a signpost perhaps that you value equity and fairness,愤怒也许是一个标志 你珍视公平和公平,
192and an opportunity to take active steps to shape your life in that direction.并有机会采取积极的步骤 塑造你的生活朝这个方向。
193When we are open to the difficult emotions,当我们对困难的情绪敞开心扉
194we are able to generate responses that are values-aligned.我们能够产生符合价值观的对策。
195But there's an important caveat.但有一个重要的警告。
196Emotions are data, they are not directives.情感是数据,不是指令
197We can show up to undermine our emotions for their values我们可以为了他们的价值观 来破坏我们的情感
198without needing to listen to them.不需要听他们的话
199Just like I can show up to my son就像我能出现在我儿子面前一样
200in his frustration with his baby sister,他对他的妹妹感到沮丧,
201but not endorse his idea that he gets to give her away但并不认可他的想法,即他要把她送走
202to the first stranger he sees in a shopping mall.在购物中心见到的第一个陌生人
203We own our emotions, they don't own us.我们拥有我们的情绪, 他们不拥有我们。
204When we internalize the difference between how I feel and all my wisdom当我们将我的感受和智慧的区别内化
205and what I do in a values-aligned action,和我在价值一致的行动,
206we generate the pathway to our best selves via our emotions.我们通过我们的情绪 创造通往我们最好的自我的道路。
207So what does this look like in practice?这在实际中是什么样子?
208When you feel a strong, tough emotion, don't race for the emotional exits.当你感到强烈,坚韧的情感时,不要为情感退出而竞相.
209Learn its contours, show up to the journal of your hearts.学习它的轮廓,出现在你的心的日记。
210What is the emotion telling you?情感告诉你什么了?
211And try not to say,尽量不要说,
212I am, as in I am angry or I am sad.我是,就像我生气或伤心。
213When you say, I am, it makes you sound as if you are the emotion,当你说,我是, 它让你听起来就像你是情感,
214whereas you are you, and the emotion is a data source.而你是你,而情感是一个数据源。
215Instead, try to notice the feeling for what it is.相反,尝试注意的感觉是什么。
216I'm noticing that I'm feeling sad or I'm noticing that I'm feeling angry.我注意到我感到悲伤 或者注意到我感到愤怒
217These are essential skills for us, our families, our communities.这些是我们、我们的家庭、我们的社区的基本技能。
218They are also critical to the workplace.它们对于工作场所也至关重要。
219In my research, when I looked at what helps people在我的研究中,当我看到什么帮助人们
220to bring the best of themselves to work,给自己带来最好的工作,
221I found a powerful key contributor,我找到一个强大的关键贡献者,
222individualized consideration.个性化的考虑。
223When people are allowed to feel their emotional truth,当人们被允许 感受到他们的情感真理,
224engagement, creativity and innovation flourish in the organization.本组织的参与、创造和创新蓬勃发展。
225Diversity isn't just people, it's also what's inside people,多样性不仅仅是人,它也是人体内的东西,
226including diversity of emotion.包括情感的多样性。
227The most agile, resilient individuals, teams, organizations,最敏捷、最有弹性的个人、团队、组织、
228families, communities家庭、社区
229are built on an openness to the normal human emotions.建立在对正常人情感的开放之上
230It's this that allows us to say,就是这个让我们说:
231what is my emotion telling me?我的情感告诉我什么了?
232Which action will bring me towards my values?什么样的行动能带给我的价值?
233Which will take me away from my values?哪个会让我远离我的价值观?
234Emotional agility is the ability to be with your emotions,情感的敏捷性 是一种与你的情感相伴的能力
235with curiosity,带着好奇心
236compassion同情心
237and especially the courage to take values-connected steps.特别是采取与价值观相关步骤的勇气。
238When I was little, I would wake up at night terrified by the idea of death.当我还小的时候,我会在晚上醒来 害怕死亡的想法。
239My father would comfort me with soft pats and kisses,我的父亲会安慰我 用软的拍拍和吻,
240but he would never lie.但他绝不会撒谎
241We all die, Susie, he would say.我们都死了,苏西,他会说。
242It's normal to be scared.惊恐无常.
243He didn't try to invent a buffer between me and reality.他没有试图创造我和现实之间的缓冲
244It took me a while to understand the power of how he guided me我花了一段时间才明白 他是如何引导我的力量
245through those nights.穿过那些夜晚
246What he showed me is that courage is not an absence of fear.他向我展示的是,勇气并非没有恐惧。
247Courage is fear walking.勇气就是行走恐惧
248Neither of us knew that in 10 short years he would be gone,我们都不知道在短短的十年内他就会离开
249and the time for each of us is all too precious and all too brief.我们每个人的时间都太宝贵和太短暂。
250But when our moment comes但是当我们的时刻来临
251to face our fragility in that ultimate time,面对我们最终的脆弱,
252it will ask us,它会问我们,
253are you agile?你动作敏捷吗?
254Are you agile?你敏捷吗?
255Let the moment be an unreserved yes,让这一刻成为无保留,是的,
256a yes born of a lifelong correspondence with your own heart,生于一生的心血之交,
257and in seeing yourself,看着你自己,
258because in seeing yourself,因为看到自己,
259you are also able to see others, too.你也可以见到别人
260The only sustainable way forward唯一的可持续前进道路
261in a fragile, beautiful world.在一个脆弱的,美丽的世界。
262Sawobona and thank you.萨沃博纳 谢谢你
263Thank you.谢谢
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