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(中英附文稿)总觉得心累、对什么都提不起劲?心理学家教你重新

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0:00Today on the Mel Robbins podcast, how to feel like yourself again, get your spark back and bring more joy into your everyday life with world renowned expert on stress, resilience and joy, Stanford University's Dr. Kelly McGonigal.今天在Mel Robbins播客上, 如何再次感觉自己, 得到你的火花回来, 并带来更多的快乐 进入你的日常生活 与世界著名专家 关于压力,韧性和快乐, 斯坦福大学的 Kelly McGonigal博士。
0:23Kelly McGonigal博士 欢迎来到Mel Robbins播客台
0:26Thank you.谢谢
0:27It's great to be here.赞曰.
0:28I'd love for you to start by just setting the record straight about what we're going to talk about and how the person who's here with us is going to feel when they're done and how their life might change.我非常希望你首先 直截了当地说清楚我们要谈什么 和和我们在一起的人会有什么感觉 当他们完成, 他们的生活会怎样改变。
0:37Because you hear the word joy and you think, oh, my gosh, is this a to do list for being happy?因为你听到快乐这个词,你觉得, 哦,我的天哪, 这是一个做列表 快乐?
0:42But what are we going to talk about based on your research about how to feel like yourself again, and to use this science of joy to do that?但是,根据你的研究,我们该谈什么, 如何重新感觉自己, 用这种快乐的科学来做到这一点?
0:50My core hope is that when you wake up in the morning, you want to be alive, you're happy to be alive, you feel like you have things to look forward to.我的核心希望是,当你早上醒来的时候,你想要活着,你快乐地活着,你感觉自己有东西值得期待.
1:01You know that what you do matters, that who you are matters, that your existence in the world is a good thing, and that no matter what challenges you're facing, that you can handle them.你知道你做什么很重要,你是谁, 你的存在是件好事, 无论你面临什么挑战,你都能应付。
1:15And even in those challenges, it's possible to laugh, it's possible to feel close to others, it's possible to have things to look forward to, it's possible to do things every day that make life better for yourself or that make the world better.即使在那些挑战中,也可以笑起来,可以感觉与他人亲近,可以有期待的东西,可以每天做一些让生活对自己更好或者让世界更美好的事情.
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1Today on the Mel Robbins podcast, how to feel like yourself again, get your spark back and bring more joy into your everyday life with world renowned expert on stress, resilience and joy, Stanford University's Dr. Kelly McGonigal.今天在Mel Robbins播客上, 如何再次感觉自己, 得到你的火花回来, 并带来更多的快乐 进入你的日常生活 与世界著名专家 关于压力,韧性和快乐, 斯坦福大学的 Kelly McGonigal博士。
2Kelly McGonigal博士 欢迎来到Mel Robbins播客台
3Thank you.谢谢
4It's great to be here.赞曰.
5I'd love for you to start by just setting the record straight about what we're going to talk about and how the person who's here with us is going to feel when they're done and how their life might change.我非常希望你首先 直截了当地说清楚我们要谈什么 和和我们在一起的人会有什么感觉 当他们完成, 他们的生活会怎样改变。
6Because you hear the word joy and you think, oh, my gosh, is this a to do list for being happy?因为你听到快乐这个词,你觉得, 哦,我的天哪, 这是一个做列表 快乐?
7But what are we going to talk about based on your research about how to feel like yourself again, and to use this science of joy to do that?但是,根据你的研究,我们该谈什么, 如何重新感觉自己, 用这种快乐的科学来做到这一点?
8My core hope is that when you wake up in the morning, you want to be alive, you're happy to be alive, you feel like you have things to look forward to.我的核心希望是,当你早上醒来的时候,你想要活着,你快乐地活着,你感觉自己有东西值得期待.
9You know that what you do matters, that who you are matters, that your existence in the world is a good thing, and that no matter what challenges you're facing, that you can handle them.你知道你做什么很重要,你是谁, 你的存在是件好事, 无论你面临什么挑战,你都能应付。
10And even in those challenges, it's possible to laugh, it's possible to feel close to others, it's possible to have things to look forward to, it's possible to do things every day that make life better for yourself or that make the world better.即使在那些挑战中,也可以笑起来,可以感觉与他人亲近,可以有期待的东西,可以每天做一些让生活对自己更好或者让世界更美好的事情.
11Psychologists sometimes use this term existential courage, and that's what I really hope comes out of this conversation, is that you feel more courageous to create a life of meaning and a stronger capacity to appreciate not just what's good in your life, 心理学家有时会使用这个名词存在勇气,这正是我真正希望这个对话产生的,那就是你觉得更勇敢地创造出一种有意义的生活,更有能力去体会,不仅欣赏你生活中的好东西,而且欣赏你和他人的好东西,以及世界的好东西.
12My favorite thing that you just said was this ability to appreciate not just what's good in your life, but what's good in you.你刚才说的 我最喜欢的就是这种能力 不仅能体会你生活中的美好 还能体会你的美好
13Yeah.对
14Can you expand on that?你能扩展一下吗?
15I think like everything that I do, I'm trying to be an antidote to despair.我想像我所做的一切, 我试图成为一个解药 绝望。
16And there's a particular type of despair that people are comfortable talking about, which is looking out at the world and feeling like the world is falling apart.有一种特别的绝望, 人们很自在地谈论它, 它看着世界,感觉世界正在崩溃。
17There's so much wrong with the state of the world and other people are so disappointing.世界状态有如此之大问题,而其他人则如此令人失望.
18And I think people have a harder time admitting or recognizing sometimes we wonder what's good about us, whether what we do makes a difference, if our existence has a reason, if other people care or even know that we're here.我认为人们很难承认或承认 有时我们想知道我们有什么好处 如果我们的存在是有原因的 如果其他人在乎甚至知道我们在这里
19And I think that when we are better able to recognize and trust the better parts of ourselves or even just the parts about ourselves that bring us joy, and when we're comfortable sharing that with the world, it's a really, it's a brave act and it's a tran我认为,当我们能够更好地认识和信任我们自己的更好部分, 甚至只是我们自己带给我们欢乐的部分时, 当我们和世界分享这些东西的时候, 这是一种真正的,是一种勇敢的行为,是一种变革性的行为。
20I had this moment, Oprah calls it a light bulb aha moment when you were talking, because I've never heard anybody so simply and profoundly explain that there are two types of despair and discouragement that you experience in life.我有一个时刻,Oprah称之为灯泡 aha时刻 当你说话, 因为我从来没有听到任何人 如此简单和深刻的解释, 有两种绝望和沮丧 你经历的生活。
21I love that you have just aimed our focus at something that's hard to talk about, which is the despair quietly and the discouragement that we feel often alone as we wander, as we lie awake at night.我喜欢你把注意力集中在 难以谈论的东西上, 这就是绝望的悄悄地, 和挫折感,我们常常感到孤独 当我们徘徊, 当我们在夜里醒着。
22And I suppose that where we're going is, and I know where we're going, because I've read your next blockbuster bestseller and I love your research and your work is that you're going to shine a light on the interior life that you have.我想,我们要去的地方, 我知道我们去的地方, 因为我读了你的下一个街区畅销书, 我喜欢你的研究和你的作品, 就是你会照亮你拥有的内部生活。
23Dr. McGonigal, what is the definition of joy?McGonigal博士 快乐的定义是什么?
24Let me start by something that is very easy for most people to understand.让我先说一些对大多数人来说都很简单的事情。
25I'm going to give you the opposite of joy first.先以喜乐为逆.
26Okay.摆
27I've learned through experience to walk my way into joy.我从经验中学会了走向欢乐
28So imagine, you know, the feeling when you get bad news or something goes wrong or someone says something that hurts you and immediately it's like a punch to the stomach, your heart sinks, you feel heavier, you feel more pessimistic.想象一下,当你听到坏消息或出事时 或有人说伤害你的话, 立刻感觉就像对胃的一拳, 你的心脏会下沉, 你感觉更重, 你感到更悲观。
29You just immediately feel worse about yourself or worse about life.你只是立即觉得自己更糟糕 或更糟的生活。
30And it often happens in a flash, but it can linger.并且经常发生于一瞬间,但可以停留.
31It has this residue.它有这种残留物。
32So joy is the opposite of that.故喜乐与此相反.
33It's when something goes right or you notice something wonderful or something good happens, or someone says something nice and you immediately, your heart lifts, you feel lighter, your gut is telling you this is a moment that matters.就是当事情发生,或者你注意到一些美好的事情或者一些好事发生时, 或者有人说一些美好的事情,然后你立刻,你的心脏举起,你觉得轻点,你的直觉告诉你,这是一个很重要的时刻。
34You feel like you can breathe and no matter how small, small or big the moment is, you have a more positive outlook.你感觉自己可以呼吸,无论时间有多小,多小或多大,你都有更积极的前景.
35You feel better about yourself and better about life.你对你自己感觉更好,对生活感觉更好。
36That's joy.即是欢喜.
37And, you know, I've asked thousands of people to tell me, like, what's something that brought you joy in the last 24 hours?而且,你知道,我问 数千人告诉我, 像,是什么东西带来 你快乐 在过去24小时?
38And also people have published research from all over the world.人们也发表了来自世界各地的研究。
39It's so consistent what brings people joy.令众生欢喜之所持故.
40And I think sometimes knowing what the categories are also helps people understand what I'm talking about.我认为有时知道这些类别 也会帮助人们理解我在说什么。
41Yeah.对
42What are the categories?分类是什么?
43Number one is feeling connected or close to someone.第一是感觉 连接或接近某人。
44And the one of the easiest examples of that is people will tell me about a moment when they laughed with someone and that just in that moment, it's a biological reality.最简单的例子之一 就是人们会告诉我,当他们和某人一起笑的时候, 就在那一刻,这是一个生物现实。
45You are connected.你们有联系
46You feel close to someone.你感觉和某人很亲近
47The number two is when you do something that makes you feel good about yourself and who you are, it could be that you made progress on a goal and you got good news, or it could be that you did something that you've been putting off, or it could be you第二点是当你做一些 让你对自己和你自己感觉很好的事情时 你可能在目标上有所进展 并且有好消息 或者你做了一些你一直拖延的事情 或者可能是你
48did something that's aligned with your values.做了一些符合你价值观的事
49It could be you helped someone or someone tells you that you did something that made things, you know, better.可能是你帮助了某人或某人 告诉你你做了一些事情 使事情,你知道,更好。
50And then we have the third category is noticing something wonderful or beautiful in the world.然后,我们有第三类 注意的东西 奇妙或美丽的世界。
51It's often nature.常为自然.
52It's amazing how many joy reports I get from people.令人惊叹的是,我从人们那里得到了多少快乐的报告.
53I heard a bird sing.我听到一只鸟唱歌
54I just be like, why?我只是喜欢,为什么?
55Why are there so many birds in these joy reports?为什么这些欢乐报道里有这么多鸟儿?
56But people in that moment feel connected to the good in life itself.但那一刻人们觉得 与生活本身的美好有关
57And then the next biggest category is moments where you are enjoying something that you love, whether it's an activity or that thing that you love beyond reason, or you're just in the moment doing something you enjoy and you're able to to feel in that mom接下来最大的类别是 享受你所爱的东西的瞬间, 无论是一种活动,还是你所爱的超出理性的东西, 或者你正在做你所爱的东西, 你可以在那一刻或那一刻感受。
58Can you put this into context for why this truly does matter?你能把这一点放在背景上吗?
59And it's critical for your life and your meaning in your life.这对你的生命和人生的意义都很重要
60Yeah.对
61I mean, people sometimes hear the word joy and they think that what we're talking about is that like moment when everything in your life is perfect, no problems, no pain, nothing you're worried about.我的意思是,人们有时听到快乐这个词 他们认为我们谈论的就是 像你生命中的一切是完美的, 没有问题,没有痛苦, 没有你担心的那一刻。
62And we think that joy is the emotional reward you get when everything aligns in your life and in the world.我们认为,快乐是当生活和世界中的一切 都融洽起来时 得到的情感回报。
63And if that isn't true, it's irresponsible or it's foolish or it's naive or it's actually impossible to feel anything that we would call joy.如果这不是真的,那就是不负责任,或者愚蠢,或者天真,或者实际上不可能感觉到我们所说的快乐。
64The place that I often think about to start with joy is in that internal close to home place that even when the world is in chaos, your full humanity is still available to you.我经常想从欢乐开始的地方 是在离家乡很近的地方 即使在世界陷入混乱的时候 你仍然拥有你的全部人性
65And I know this is true because when I teach classes about joy, I often have people joining from war zones who have lost loved ones in war and are being bombed in the middle and they're taking an online class.我知道这是真的,因为当我教授关于快乐的课时, 我经常有来自战区的人加入, 他们失去了战争中的亲人, 在中间被轰炸, 他们正在上在线课。
66And what they tell, it's so funny because I will often have some students write me and be like, isn't it irresponsible or actually like impossible to be talking about joy right now when there's a war going on?他们告诉我,这太有趣了,因为我会经常让一些学生写信给我,然后变成这样, 是不是不负责任或者实际上不可能在战争中谈论快乐呢?
67And then someone living in that war will send a message that I share with the class that says we need joy.然后,生活在这场战争中的人会发出一个信息,我与班级分享, 说我们需要快乐。
68This is why we need joy, because life is so uncontrollable and so many terrible things are happening.这就是为什么我们需要快乐, 因为生活是如此的失控 和这么多可怕的事情正在发生。
69And they're experiencing this thing that is true for all of us, that even in that context, there's a part of you who can still find things to laugh about.他们正在经历这个对我们所有人都是真实的事物, 即使在这个背景下,你还有一部分人可以找到可以笑的东西。
70There's a part of you who wants to connect with others and is absolutely capable of it.你们有一部分人想和别人联系,绝对有能力.
71There is a part of you who is capable of noticing beauty in the world and putting beauty in the world that that you don't need to wait for external circumstances to align to experience those parts of yourself.你们中有一部分人能够注意到世界的美丽,把美放在世界中,你不需要等待外部环境来适应自己那些部分的体验.
72Wait a minute, I just saw something and I want to give this back to you to see if I'm tracking.等等,我刚刚看到一些东西 我想把这个还给你 看看我是否在追踪
73So if you have moments in life where there's external forces that cause you to feel despair and that then makes you feel despair internally, when it comes to the positive experiences of joy, of love, of beauty, those things are external in your life.所以,如果你有生命中的时刻, 有外部的力量让你感到绝望, 然后让你感到绝望, 当它涉及到快乐,爱,美的时候, 那些东西在你生活中是外部的。
74Whether it's weddings or puppies or sunsets or dancing, you know, at a concert with your friends to your favorite band.不管是婚礼还是小狗 日落还是跳舞,你知道的, 在与你的朋友的音乐会上 你最喜欢的乐队。
75And of course, that impacts how you feel internally.当然,这影响了你内心的感受。
76I just understood why the science of joy matters so much, because if the signaling from the world is overwhelmingly negative, you're going to feel internally so heavy and negative.我只是明白为什么快乐的科学如此重要, 因为如果来自世界的信号绝对是负面的, 你会感到内在如此沉重和消极。
77And in those moments, tapping into signals that they're still good, they're still happiness, that there's still a reason to move forward, that there's still something you can do.在那些时刻,利用信号 显示他们还是好的,他们还是幸福的, 仍然有前进的理由, 你仍然可以做些什么。
78That is what balances you out when life gets very heavy, when the world is very heavy.这就是当生活变得非常沉重,当世界变得非常沉重时,你就会得到平衡。
79This isn't like jazz hands and happiness and, you know, something on the surface.这不像爵士手和快乐 还有表面的东西
80This is deep within us.这是内心深处的
81Is that what you're saying?你是这么说的吗?
82The core function of joy is to make you want to be alive.快乐的核心功能是让你想要活着.
83Joy would not exist if life were not hard.如果生活不艰难,欢乐就不会存在。
84We wouldn't need it, actually.其实我们不需要它
85Joy is a particular type of uplift that pulls you up from when you're feeling stuck or sad or hopeless.欢乐是一种特殊类型的升华,它从你感到卡住或悲伤或绝望时拉起你.
86And that is why you have the capacity to be uplifted by things that are good.这就是为什么你有能力被好的东西提升。
87It's why you have the capacity in a moment when you're laughing with someone else and your brain start to synchronize and you feel connected to someone.这就是为什么你有一个能力 在一个时刻 当你与别人笑 和你的大脑开始同步, 你感觉连接到某人。
88Your body and brain are wired to have that moment of closeness because the reality is that it's hard to be human.你的身体和大脑被连接到 拥有那个接近的时刻 因为现实是很难成为人类
89And you're here to remind us that we have wiring in our bodies, brains and resources in us to tap into this fundamental need.你在这里是为了提醒我们, 我们的身体,大脑和资源 已经连接到我们的身体,大脑和资源 来挖掘这个基本的需求。
90You said the core function of joy is to make you want to live, to push through, to keep going, to evolve and grow.你说快乐的核心功能是让你想要生活, 推动,继续前进,进化和成长.
91And that's a beautiful way to think about this.而此妙法观想.
92It's a survival instinct.这是生存的本能
93I've never heard anybody say that, but it makes sense because if there's too much negative input, of course you're going to give up.我从来没有听到任何人这样说, 但这有道理 因为如果有太多的负面输入, 你当然会放弃。
94So I often collect these joy reports where I just ask people what something recent that brought you joy.所以我经常收集这些快乐报告, 在那里我只问人们最近有什么东西 带给你快乐。
95And then I collect some of the ones that I think would surprise people and some of the ones that really stood out to me that I received recently.然后,我收集了一些我认为会给人们带来惊喜的作品, 以及一些我最近收到的真正突出的作品。
96One was taking care of a spouse who was going through chemotherapy and it was messy and gross.一个是照顾一位正在接受化疗的配偶,而且病情混乱和令人毛骨悚然。
97And she said, I think I could do this for the rest of my life because I just I feel so much love and like like what I'm doing matters.她说,我想我可以做我的余生 因为我感觉我是如此的爱 喜欢我做的一切
98And then another was a student who talked about being in a bomb shelter and talking with neighbors.另一位是一位学生,他谈到在防空洞里和邻居交谈。
99And saying that he had never felt so close to other human beings as he had in that moment and that it was one of the most joyful experiences of his life.并说,他从未像那时那样感到与其他人类如此亲近,这是他一生中最快乐的经历之一.
100Now, nobody wants that experience.现在,没有人想要这种经历。
101Nobody would describe that as a happy moment or a positive moment.没有人会说这是一个快乐的时刻或积极的时刻。
102But our it's things we have this capacity and actually all of those were examples of the most common source of joy, which is to feel close or connected to others and also to feel like who you are matters.但是,我们拥有这种能力, 实际上,所有这些都是最常见的快乐来源的例子, 即感觉与他人的亲近或联系, 以及感觉你是谁。
103Those are beautiful examples.这些都是很好的例子。
104And it also makes your definition of joy, which is the core function is to make you want to live really powerful.这也是你对快乐的定义, 核心功能就是让你想要真正强大的生活。
105I want to read to you some of the things that listeners in the hundred and ninety four countries that watch and listen to this show wrote in about.我想向你们宣读一些在一百九十四个国家里收听,观看和聆听这个节目所写的内容.
106And maybe as you're watching right now or you're taking Dr. McGonigal and I on a walk or in the car or you have us with you as you're busy working, maybe you feel some of these things.也许当你现在在看 或者你带我和麦格尼加尔博士出去散步 或者在车里 或者你在忙着工作的时候带我们一起
107Maybe people in your life feel these things.也许你生活中的人会感觉到这些东西
108I don't feel like myself.我不觉得自己。
109Nothing excites me.没有什么让我兴奋。
110I feel flat.我觉得很平坦
111I am always waiting for something bad to happen.我总是在等坏事发生
112I'm tired of feeling exhausted all the time.我厌倦了总是感到疲惫
113When you hear that, what do you I hear something that's very easy to relate to.当你听到,你是什么 我听到的东西 非常容易关联。
114It's hard to be human.难为人.
115And I the first thing I want to say is it makes a lot of sense to feel that way as a response to life.我首先要说的是, 感觉这样对生活的反应是很有道理的。
116And also, it's not a fixed permanent state.此外,它也不是固定的永久状态.
117You know, your brain is hardwired to find meaning or make meaning your nervous system is primed to connect with people.你知道,你的大脑是硬线 找到意义或使意义 你的神经系统 被初始与人连接。
118And even at the level of your muscles, your muscles can manufacture and secrete something called hope molecules that when you just literally engage with life using your body that travel through your bloodstream to your brain and act like an antidepressant即使在肌肉水平上,你的肌肉也能制造和分泌一些叫做希望分子的东西, 当你用身体与生命进行接触时, 身体通过血液流动到大脑中, 表现得像抗抑郁剂。
119There are so many resources we have, you know, and we have the will to connect the will to find meaning, the will to celebrate the will to experience pleasure, even in dark moments.我们有这么多的资源,你知道, 我们有意愿连接 意志寻找意义, 意志庆祝 意志体验快乐,即使在黑暗的时刻。
120And these are these are parts of yourself that you can learn to harness.这些是你们自己可以学会掌握的部分。
121Now, is the research that you're about to share with us, is that the pathway to making the hard moments day to day easier?现在,你将要与我们分享的研究 是使困难时刻变得容易的路径吗?
122The research that I focus on is the the resources you already have because you're a human being.我所关注的研究是 你已经拥有的资源 因为你是一个人类。
123OK. And part of that's going to be your body.摆 而其中一部分将是你的身体。
124Part of it's going to be your brain.一部分会是你的大脑。
125Part of it is your attention, which is a resource that we can use and train.一部分是你的注意力,这是我们可以使用和训练的资源。
126Part of it's going to be instincts that we can harness.一部分是我们能利用的本能
127Having agency is the opposite of feeling like there's nothing you can do to to change the situation, to make things better, to get closer to what you want, to help people you care about the sense that there's nothing I can do.拥有代理权是相反的 感觉没有什么可以做 改变情况, 使事情更好, 更接近你想要的, 帮助人们 你关心的感觉 我无能为力。
128I don't see any way forward or out.我看不到任何前进或出路。
129And I think the most beautiful thing about human nature is that, you know, some part of us wants to survive and to survive.我认为人类本性最美丽的东西 就是,你知道,我们的一部分想要生存和生存。
130We need things like meaning and hope and connection.我们需要诸如意义、希望和联系之类的东西。
131And so we do have all of these resources.因此,我们拥有所有这些资源。
132So the good news is, Dr. McGonigal, as I was listening to you, there were seven things that you have right in front of you that you have the ability and you're going to teach us how to use as free resources好消息是 McGonigal博士 当我在听你们说话时 你面前有七件事
133to take control of where you are and to start feeling more like yourself and better.控制你的位置,开始感觉 更像自己和更好。
134And to help the people in your life feel that way, too.为了帮助你生活中的人也这样想
135Amazing.厉害
136You said the body, the brain, your attention, instinct, emotions, choices, relationships.你说身体,大脑,你的注意力,本能,情感,选择,关系。
137That's seven things.即为七事.
138And I think that's such a hopeful and amazing place to begin.我认为这是一个充满希望和惊人的起点。
139So the first resource that we have is our body.因此,我们拥有的第一种资源就是我们的身体。
140Yeah.对
141Two ways I think about the body.两法思惟体.
142I mean, one is you can literally place your hands on your body.我的意思是,一个是,你可以 字面上把手放在你的身体。
143You're breathing already.你已经在呼吸了
144You can feel that.你可以感觉到这一点。
145I put my hands on my heart.我以手执心.
146So even if you have a steering wheel in one hand, you can put the other hand in your heart.因此,即使你有一个方向盘在一只手,你也可以将另一只手放在心里.
147Yeah, I feel them breathing.是的,我觉得他们呼吸。
148You're already breathing.你已经呼吸了
149That's your connection to life.这就是你和生活的联系
150Your body is working so hard to support you.你的身体很努力地支持你
151Like, that could be a very simple way of just connecting to this idea that your body is a resource and you are already here and you have that ability.就像,这可能是一个非常简单的方式 只是连接这个想法, 你的身体是一个资源 你已经在这里,你有这种能力。
152To engage with life.与生活接触。
153So much of your work is around the research related to stress.你的很多工作都围绕着与压力有关的研究.
154And you have one of the most popular TED talks of all time on the science of stress.你有一个最受欢迎的TED演讲 关于压力学。
155And you think that we all completely misunderstand stress.你认为我们都完全误解了压力
156So, Dr. McGonigal, what do people misunderstand about stress?McGonigal医生 人们对压力有什么误解?
157The number one thing people misunderstand about stress is when they feel stressed, they think it is their brain and their body betraying them.人们对压力的第一理解是 当他们感到压力, 他们认为这是他们的大脑和身体背叛他们。
158And that the most important thing they can do in that moment is to try to feel less stressed.在那一刻他们能做的最重要的事情是 试着减轻压力。
159The reality is stress, what you experience as stress is your brain and your body trying to help you in a moment that matters.现实是压力,你所经历的压力 就是你的大脑和身体 试图帮助你在一个重要的时刻。
160And every symptom of stress we don't like is your body and brain trying to do something that is useful.我们不喜欢的每个压力症状 都是你的身体和大脑 试图做一些有用的事情。
161So feeling your heart racing or sometimes we feel like our blood pressure rising.所以,感觉你的心跳 或有时我们感觉我们的血压上升。
162That is the sign that two things, your body is trying to give you energy.这是两件事的标志, 你的身体试图给你能量。
163That's literally that's all that is.就是这样
164Your heart is possibly pounding faster or it's it's contracting out more blood with every pump so that you have the energy you need to deal with with whatever matters to you.你的心脏可能跳得更快 或者它会消耗更多的血液 与每一个泵 这样你就可以有你需要的精力 处理你的任何问题。
165But also what's really fascinating is in moments of heightened stress, your brain actually like prioritizes sensory information from your heart.但真正令人着迷的是 在压力增大的时刻, 你的大脑实际上喜欢优先排序 从你的心脏的感官信息。
166It can actually sense your heart more.它能感觉到你的心脏。
167So even if your heart wasn't pounding faster, you might feel your heart more clearly.所以即使你的心跳没有更快, 你可能更清楚地感觉到你的心。
168And that's a sign that your brain is actually trying to connect you to your heart to almost like metaphorically, like to help you think about what you care about, to think about who and what matters most.这说明你的大脑实际上正试图将你与你的心脏联系起来, 几乎像比喻,比如帮助你思考你关心的事物, 思考谁和最重要的事物。
169So, you know, what I would say is that even just that first symptom, when you feel your heart racing, the first thing you do is think, OK, thank you, body, for trying to give me energy.所以,你知道,我想说的是, 即使只是第一个症状, 当你感觉到你的心跳, 你做的第一件事就是思考, 好了,谢谢你,身体, 试图给我能量。
170I have the ability.我有这个能力。
171That means some part of me believes I can do something here.也就是说,我有些部分认为我可以在这里做点什么
172It's not hopeless or I'm not trapped.这不是没有希望,或我没有被困。
173And then also thank you, brain, for telling me, trying to bring you back to my heart, because in a moment of stress, there are a lot of things we can do to cope.也谢谢你,大脑,告诉我, 试图把你带回我的心, 因为在一个压力的时刻, 我们可以做很多事情来应付。
174But one of the best things you can do to cope is to think about who or what matters most to you, what you care about.但你能处理的最好的事情之一 就是思考谁或什么对你最重要的, 你关心什么。
175And in this situation, what's the opportunity that I have to do something that reflects who or what I care about most.在这种情况下,什么是机会,我必须做一些 反映谁或我最关心的。
176Dr. McGonigal, you talked about something called a hope molecule.McGonigal博士,你说的是一个叫做希望分子的东西。
177What is a hope molecule?什么是希望分子吗?
178I'm so glad you asked.我很高兴你问。
179This is one of my favorite scientific findings I've ever come across.这是我见过的最爱的科学发现之一。
180You know, you have muscles throughout your body.你知道,你有肌肉 整个身体。
181And if you'd asked scientists a couple of decades ago, what are your muscles for?如果你数十年前问过科学家, 你的肌肉是干什么的?
182They would have said, well, to move your bones around, right, to stabilize your skeleton.他们会说,好吧,移动你的骨头周围, 对,稳定你的骨骼。
183But now we know that your muscles actually are like a pharmacy and they are a part of your body that manufactures all of these chemicals that are good for you.但现在我们知道 你的肌肉就像药房 它们是你的身体的一部分 制造出所有这些对你有好处的化学品
184Your muscles can manufacture chemicals that fight cancer cells, that boost your immune system, that are good for your heart, that regulate your blood sugar, that help you build strength.你的肌肉可以制造与癌症细胞抗争的化学物质, 增强你的免疫系统, 有利于你的心脏,调节你的血糖, 帮助你建立力量。
185And also they release chemicals that travel to your brain and work to help you recover from stress, that make you more resilient, that boost motivation.它们释放出化学物质, 这些化学物质会进入你的大脑, 帮助你从压力中恢复, 让你更具有韧性,增强动力。
186Again, that are essentially functioning like antidepressant molecules and they are released from your muscles when you use them.再说一遍,这基本上是像抗抑郁药分子一样发挥作用的, 当你使用这些分子时,它们就会从肌肉中释放出来。
187Muscle contraction pushes these hope molecules into your bloodstream where they can then course through your body and arrive at your brain, which, you know, you might actually need those molecules.肌肉收缩使这些希望分子 进入你的血液, 然后通过你的身体,到达你的大脑, 你知道,你可能需要这些分子。
188And the thing that I like, why I love this, we're so used to hearing scientific findings that are like, here's how your body can go wrong.我喜欢的东西,为什么我喜欢这个, 我们习惯于听到科学发现, 就像,这就是你的身体如何会出错。
189Here's how your body can betray you.这就是你的身体可以背叛你的方式
190Here are all the things you need to worry about.这就是你需要担心的一切
191We almost never get the opportunity to experience our own physical being as a resource, as something we can trust rather than something we have to fix.我们几乎从来没有机会 体验我们自己的身体 作为一个资源, 作为我们可以信任的东西 而不是我们必须解决的东西。
192And so I love this idea that by going for a walk, by, you know, lifting heavy things around your house, by having a dance party in your living room, whatever you want to do to use your body,所以我喜欢这个想法,通过去散步, 通过,你知道,举起重的东西在你的房子周围, 通过在你的客厅有一个舞蹈派对, 无论你想做什么 利用你的身体,
193every time you use your body to engage with life, you're actually accessing this pharmacy that wants to give you a little more courage, a little more resilience, a little more hope.每次你用身体与生命接触, 你实际上进入这个药店, 想要给你一点勇气, 一点恢复力,一点希望。
194This research comes out of the field of exercise science.这一研究出自锻炼科学领域.
195So sometimes people think, well, that means I have to go to the gym or I have to do the most strenuous workout that I can imagine.所以有时候人们会想,嗯,这意味着我必须去健身房, 或者我必须做我能想象到的最艰苦的锻炼。
196But that's not how your body and brain think about it.但你的身体和大脑不是这么想的
197Your body just thinks, oh, I'm engaged with life.你的身体只是认为, 哦,我和生活订婚了。
198So I better give all my system something that's going to help me thrive.所以我最好给我所有的系统 一些能帮助我成长的东西
199And when you are less active, your body gives you less of this resource.当你不那么活跃的时候,你的身体会给你更少的资源。
200So going from nothing to anything is the biggest step you can take.所以无所事事是你们所能迈出的最大一步。
201And then really, I mean, look, we could we could sit here and wave at each other and be releasing.然后,真的,我的意思是,你看, 我们可以坐在这里,挥手对着对方,并释放。
202It's true.这是真的。
203I'm like waving right now and I feel like my body shift.我现在就像挥手 感觉就像我的身体转变
204Like, if you've ever had an experience where you're at a wedding and it's very interesting because at really great weddings,喜欢,如果你曾经有过一个经历 在你的婚礼, 这是非常有趣的 因为真正的伟大的婚礼,
205the band just plays a banger out of the gate and you've got somebody pulling people on.乐队只是演奏一个banger出门 你得到了有人拉人。
206But that would be me, by the way, I'd be the one being like you.顺便说一句,那就是我,我会像你一样
207Come here.过来
208Yeah, I'm like that.是啊,我就是这样。
209I'm like, I probably surprises no one that I drag my poor husband, Christopher Robbins, who is deep in conversation right out onto the dance floor.我想,我可能不会惊讶任何人 我拖我可怜的丈夫,克里斯托弗·罗宾斯, 他深谈 右到舞池。
210But we've also had the experience where you're the one on the edge going, do I join?但我们也有经验 边上的人是你吗?
211The second you step on the floor and like just move your shoulders, you feel different.一旦你踩到地板上 就像肩膀移动 你就会觉得不一样
212You get pulled into this like force field of connection and joy.你被拉进这个 强大的连接和快乐领域。
213And you have to let yourself be pulled in.你必须让自己被拉进来。
214I always with almost anything that is good for you.我总是跟任何对你有好处的东西在一起
215And I don't mean in like the moral way, but in like you actually will feel better if you do it.我不是说道德上的方式, 但像你一样,如果你这样做会感觉更好。
216Almost everyone feels resistance beforehand.几乎每个人都事先感受到了反抗。
217You always are going to feel like you have less energy or you're always going to feel more socially anxious and withdrawn because you haven't done the thing yet that's going to help you feel less self-conscious and connected to others.你总是会觉得你精力比较少 或者你总是会觉得 社会上更焦虑 和退出 因为你还没有做 这样做会帮助你 感觉不那么自觉 和别人联系。
218You haven't done the thing yet that's going to give you energy or help you feel braver.你还没有做 的东西,会给你 精力或帮助你感觉更勇敢。
219And so I always tell people when you have that clear signal that says, I don't know whether I can or should join in or I don't have the energy for this, but that is a it's a real signal, but it's the opposite of what how you're interpreting it.所以我总是告诉人们,当你有清晰的信号, 上面说,我不知道我是否可以或应该加入,或者我没有这个能量, 但是,这是一个真正的信号, 但和你如何解释它恰恰相反。
220That is the signal that you need it and you need to draw on some kind of commitment to yourself rather than an in the moment feeling that says, I'm ready or I want to.这就是你需要的信号,你需要利用某种对自己的承诺,而不是在那一刻感觉,我准备好了或者我想。
221And for me, what I usually recommend to people is add music.对我来说,我通常建议人们增加音乐。
222It is one of the simplest ways to change people's...这是改变人们...
223Do you have a song you want to sing?你想唱歌吗?
224Well, it depends on what I want.那要看我想怎样了
225Right now, I'm really loving Madonna's Danceteria, which you know, it's a it's a fabulous song.现在,我真的很喜欢麦当娜的舞蹈, 你知道,这是一首很棒的歌。
226One of the lyrics is about how everybody hears a work of art, which is a lovely idea.歌词之一是大家如何听到艺术作品,这是一个可爱的想法.
227But I like music that I can dance to.但我喜欢我能跳舞的音乐
228But we know that when you listen to a song that you love, it is the fastest way to get a burst of dopamine that gives you more motivation and optimism, releases endorphins and endocannabinoids that make you feel better.但我们知道,当你听一首你爱的歌时, 这是获得多巴胺的最快方法, 它给你更多的动力和乐观, 释放内分泌素和内分泌素 让你感觉更好。
229It is literally when neuroscientists want to study joy in the brain, the easiest way to do it is to play a song that people love.就是当神经科学家想要研究大脑中的快乐时, 最简单的方法就是演奏一首人们喜爱的歌。
230They say they love.他们说他们爱。
231And the same thing if you want people to feel less pain.如果你希望人们觉得痛苦少一些,那也是一样。
232If someone is going through something painful like a medical procedure and you want them to feel less pain, the easiest way to do it is to have them listen to music they love.如果有人正在经历像医疗程序一样的痛苦,而你希望他们感到少一些痛苦,那么最简单的方法就是让他们听他们喜爱的音乐.
233It is just it's such a powerful intervention.这只是一个强大的干预。
234And so you put on a song that you love and then you do anything that is the opposite of lying down or sitting down if you're physically capable of it.所以,你放上一首你爱的歌,然后你做任何与躺着或坐着相反的事情,如果你身体上有能力的话。
235Yeah.对
236And if you aren't, then just listening to the song makes it activates the part of the brain that thinks it's moving anyways.如果你没有,那么只要听这首歌,它就能激活大脑中认为它正在移动的部分。
237So you get the benefit, but it's, you know, it's the feel better effect and there's no dose too small.所以,你得到的好处, 但这是,你知道, 这是感觉更好的效果, 没有剂量太小。
238The smallest studies that I found have been like two to three minutes.我发现的最小的研究是两到三分钟
239That's a pretty achievable dose.这是一个相当可以实现的剂量。
240That's one song.这是一首歌。
241Yeah, it's less.是啊,这是更少。
242I mean, well now TikTok era.我的意思是,现在TikTok时代。
243That is about one song.这是关于一首歌。
244Wow.珃
245That's pretty.这是漂亮的。
246I love that.我喜欢
247Okay.摆
248And what my favorite thing and I noticed this is what my family and my colleagues do is when I get particularly down or stressed or in a bad mood, they're like, let's take a walk.我最喜欢的事情,我注意到了 这是我的家人和我的同事们做的, 当我感到特别低落或紧张或心情不好的时候, 他们喜欢,让我们走走。
249Mel, come on, let's move, let's like take a walk because I'm not going for a run right now.梅尔,快点,我们出去走走 因为我现在不会跑步了
250We don't have time walking down the driveway and back up.我们没有时间走下车道后退
251I'm a different spouse.我是个不同的配偶
252Yeah, I'm a different mother.是的,我是一个不同的母亲。
253I am a different Mel Robbins walking around the block here by our studios.我是一个不同的梅尔・罗宾斯 走在街区 在这里我们的工作室。
254I come back feeling like different.我回来时感觉很不一样
255Yeah.对
256Okay.摆
257And it's for some of the reasons we've talked about.这也是我们讨论过的一些原因。
258I mean, first of all, you've got those hope molecules going and but you're also you're creating a state change when we are physically active.我的意思是,首先,你已经得到了这些希望分子 运行,但你还在创造状态变化 当我们身体活跃。
259Our brain reads that as a signal that there that you're moving forward, that there are steps you can take.我们的大脑读到,这是一个信号 在那里,你正在前进, 有你可以采取的步骤。
260I mean, it's like, it's so fascinating.我的意思是,这就像, 它是如此迷人。
261Movement is such a great metaphor.运动是一个伟大的比喻。
262And our brain just like takes it literally.我们的大脑就像从字面上拿走一样。
263You can move forward.你可以继续前进。
264There are steps you can take.你可以采取一些步骤。
265You can breathe, right?你能呼吸 对吧?
266It's it's the things that you do with your body.即是随身之事.
267You can do hard things.你可以做艰难的事情。
268There's reasons to celebrate.颂有因缘.
269Go move with somebody else.和别人一起走
270Your brain understands you're not alone.你的大脑知道你不是孤独的
271There's something movement is so interesting.有东西是这么有趣的。
272I guess it's just because that's how humans evolved and it's how we exist in bodies.我想这只是因为 人类是如何进化的, 这就是我们在身体中的存在。
273But our bodies really reward us for acknowledging that.但我们的身体确实值得我们承认这一点。
274Well, I think if you even just ask yourself, if you're feeling not like yourself and disconnected and flattened, have you gotten out of your chair?好吧,我想如果你甚至只是问自己, 如果你感觉不喜欢自己, 断开和扁平, 你下车你的椅子?
275Yeah.对
276Like simply just standing up.就像只是站起来。
277OK, I'm standing up now.好吧,我现在站起来。
278I'm like kind of wiggling and now I'm sitting back down and I feel just a little bit like different.我有点摇晃,现在我坐下来,感觉有点不一样
279I'm kind of positioned in the chair different.我的位置不一样
280And if you can't get out of a chair, you move whatever parts of your body you still can.如果你不能从椅子上下来, 你移动身体的任何部分,你仍然可以。
281Yeah.对
282Lift your arms.举起你的手臂。
283Do something.做点什么吧
284All right.好吧,我们走。
285So that's resource number one body.资源第一
286What is another thing we can do with our brain?我们还能用大脑做什么?
287So the brain is also a resource that can help you plug in to signals of joy and hope and meaning.因此,大脑也是一个资源,可以帮助你插入喜悦,希望和意义信号.
288You probably know that your brain monitors all sorts of processes in your body.你可能知道 你的大脑会监视你体内的各种过程
289It's measuring your heart rate, your breathing, your blood sugar, and it's trying to make sure everything's good enough to keep you alive.它测量你的心率,呼吸,血糖, 并试图确保一切都好 让你活着。
290Well, your brain also monitors these other like big existential questions like, does anybody care about me?你的大脑还监视着其他的问题 比如,有人关心我吗?
291Are there people I care about?我在乎的人吗?
292Am I alone or am I connected?我是独自一人,还是有联系?
293Does what I do matter?我做什么重要吗?
294Is there beauty in the world?世上有美女吗?
295Is there a reason to smile?有笑的理由吗?
296Are there things to look forward to?有什么值得期待的吗?
297Are human beings good?人类好吗?
298There are all these things that like we actually need to know to want to be alive.这些东西都像我们真正需要知道 想要活着。
299Not to our brain is monitoring things in our body that allow us to be alive and our brain is monitoring things about our life that make us want to be alive.对我们的大脑来说,不是在监视我们体内的事物 使我们能够活着,我们的大脑在监视我们生活中的事物 使我们想要活着。
300And in a crisis, when you're getting so much information about how hard things are, how bad things could get, and you're starting to feel emotions like, like overwhelm or maybe loneliness, fear, anger.在危机中, 当你得到很多关于事情有多艰难, 多么糟糕的信息时, 你开始感觉到情绪像, 过度的或者也许孤独,恐惧,愤怒。
301You need signals that say there are good things in the world.你需要信号说世界上有好东西
302What you do matters.你做什么都重要,你做什么都一样
303You aren't alone.你不是一个人。
304There are people you care about who care about you.有的人你在乎谁在乎你。
305You need experiences that tell you that as much as you need to eat and as much as you need to breathe.你需要经验 告诉你,你需要吃多少,你需要呼吸多少。
306And so even the smallest uplifts, the smallest moments of joy, meaningful pleasure, connection, moments where you feel proud about yourself for something you did, even if it was small.所以即使是最小的提升, 最小的快乐时刻, 有意义的快乐,连接, 时刻,你感到骄傲 你做了什么,即使它很小。
307It's like it's so fascinating is as a coping resource, the size doesn't matter.这就像它如此迷人 是一个应对资源,大小不重要。
308You could be in a situation where the suffering is huge and you experience an uplift that is objectively small, like noticing something beautiful out your window or someone said thank you for something that you did.你可能处于一个 痛苦是巨大的, 你经历一个升起 客观上是小的, 就像注意到一些 美丽的东西在你窗外, 或者有人说谢谢你做的东西。
309I'll give you one.我给你一个。
310When I had severe postpartum depression with my daughter, Sawyer, I remember the day I actually got out of bed and took a shower.当我和女儿索伊尔患上严重的产后抑郁症时,我记得我真正起床洗澡的日子.
311Yeah.对
312And then I went back to bed.然后我回到床上睡觉。
313But that one moment of standing in that hot shower after like 11 days in that bed was the smallest moment that made me feel like, OK.但是在11天的床上 站在热水浴场的那一刻 让我觉得是最小的时刻,OK。
314And sometimes it's the sensory aspect of it, like the hot water on your skin and maybe there's relief for like a moment or sometimes it's the meaning that you make out of it.有时候是感官的方面, 就像你皮肤上的热水, 也许有解脱的瞬间, 或者有时,这就是你从中产生的意义。
315Maybe some part of you is like, I couldn't do this yesterday or the day before and I did it today.也许你们中的某些人喜欢, 我无法做到这一点,昨天或前一天, 我今天做到了。
316And it's that meaning that your brain, I mean, the brain, when I said that you like one of the resources is that your brain is really good at making meaning is your brain can have these generous interpretations of small moments or experiences.意思是,你的大脑,我的意思是,大脑, 当我说,你喜欢其中一种资源时, 你的大脑非常善于创造意义, 你的大脑可以有这些关于小瞬间或经历的慷慨解释。
317It's also like something you can train yourself to do.这就像你可以训练自己做。
318That hot shower wouldn't really have provided the same kind of hope if there wasn't some part of you that could put it in the context of you're not being able to do it yesterday.热淋浴不会提供同样的希望 如果没有你的一部分 可以把它的背景 你无法做到昨天。
319And that that means something.那意味着什么
320It means that change is possible or it means that you are capable.这意味着改变是可能的 或者意味着你有能力
321The brain has all sorts of processes it can do, visualization, imagination, memory, you know, problem solving.大脑有它能做的各种各样的过程,视觉,想象,记忆,你知道,解决问题。
322So let's go with memory, because we know that when you bring to mind a memory that either makes you feel good or makes you feel good about yourself.所以,让我们去与记忆, 因为我们知道,当你想起一个记忆, 要么让你感觉好,要么让你感觉好自己。
323So it doesn't necessarily have to be a happy memory, but a memory that means something to you, that it gives you an instant increase in hope.因此,它不一定必须是快乐的记忆,而是一个对你很重要的记忆,它让你在希望中瞬间增加.
324It can bring up positive emotions like gratitude or enthusiasm.它能产生如感激或热情之类的积极情绪.
325People have reported using memories when they can't be with people they love in order to remind themselves that there are people who care about them and that there are people who they can depend on.人们在无法与所爱的人在一起时报告了使用记忆的情况,以提醒自己,有的人关心他们,有的人可以依靠.
326So you can use whatever treasure trove of memories you have, remember something that makes you smile or makes you laugh or makes you feel close to someone.这样你就可以使用你拥有的记忆中的宝藏, 记住一些让你微笑或者让你笑或者让你感觉亲近的人的东西.
327You can even like collect memories that become resources in that way.你甚至可以喜欢收集记忆 成为资源的方式。
328When I'm feeling like really scared and I don't want to do something, but a more important part of me does want to do it.当我感到害怕的时候,我不想做点什么, 但我有更重要的一部分确实想做。
329It's just getting the other part that wants to be in control or avoid discomfort, right?它只是得到另一部分 想要控制或避免不适,对不对?
330That part is a little too loud right now.这部分现在有点太吵了
331I can bring up a memory of when I felt glad that I did this hard thing before, or I can bring up a memory of someone who loves me, encouraging me and telling me that I can do it.我可以提起一个记忆,当我觉得很高兴 我做了这个艰难的事情之前, 或者我可以提起一个记忆 谁爱我,鼓励我,告诉我,我可以做到这一点。
332Yeah, so let's make that our brain resource.是啊,让我们做我们的大脑资源。
333I love that one.我喜欢那个
334I think I have one that just came to mind.我想我有一个刚刚想到。
335When I feel lonely and I feel discouraged or I feel like I don't know how I'm going to get through something, a memory I often come back to is 21 years ago.当我感到孤独,感到沮丧,或者觉得自己不知道 我将如何通过的东西, 我经常回来的记忆是21年前。
336Mass General Brigham Hospital here in Boston.波士顿的布里格姆总医院
337Our son Oakley was five days old and had been medevaced to the hospital and the docs in the suburban hospital had said, pack your bags, we don't know if he's going to make it.我们的儿子Oakley5天大 被送往医院 市郊医院的医生说 收拾你的行李 我们不知道他会不会来
338So we went home, packed our bags and when we got to Mass General Brigham, it was like 11 o'clock at night and the door swung open to the NICU and there were my friends, Robin and Lisa.于是我们回家收拾行李 到了布里格姆将军那里 晚上11点 尼科联的门打开了 还有我的朋友罗宾和丽莎
339And I'll never forget it.我永远不会忘记的
340They had both had babies prior in the NICU and they know how hard it is and we didn't know if he was even alive at that point.他们俩在NICU之前都生过孩子 他们知道这有多难 我们不知道他当时是否还活着
341He made it.他来了
342But I come back to that and the funny thing is, is that I don't even see them as much as I am dying to see them.但我回到了这一点,有趣的是, 我甚至没有看到他们 像我渴望看到他们。
343You know, we're all in our late 50s and kids that have moved out of the house and everyone seems oddly busier at this stage in life.我们50多岁了 小孩都搬出家了 人生的这个阶段大家都显得更忙
344But it does remind me, even though they're not in front of me, of a moment when I wasn't alone and I did get through it.但它确实提醒了我, 即使他们不在我面前, 那一刻,我不孤独,我确实度过了它。
345So, you know, it's funny, you're doing what is the next step when psychologists are trying to help people use memories as a resource.所以,你知道,这很有趣, 你正在做下一步, 当心理学家试图帮助人们把记忆作为一种资源。
346This one question that I learned from a psychologist at Take a Contractor, she asks her clients, what is an important thought or feeling this memory gives you?我从一个叫Take Contractor的心理学家那里学到的一个问题, 她问她的客户, 是什么重要的想法或感觉 这样的记忆给你?
347And so I was going to actually ask you, that memory came to mind, what's an important thought or feeling that gives you?所以我想问你, 记忆中想到的, 是什么重要的想法或感觉给你?
348And you mentioned that you aren't alone and that you can get through this.你提到你并不孤单,你可以渡过难关。
349Yes, and that's and it also makes me want to be the kind of person that shows up in those moments.是的,那也让我想成为那种 在那些时刻出现的人。
350Yeah, that's so great.是啊,这是伟大的。
351Right.对
352So that's the next step with a lot of these things.因此,这是下一步 很多这些东西。
353I think sometimes people think the intention of what we're talking about is just to feel better.我认为有时人们会认为我们所说的目的只是为了感觉好一些.
354But often it's about helping us be the person we want to be in the moment, too.但常常是帮助我们 成为我们想要成为的人
355And so, you know, just asking yourself that question gave you almost an orientation or a mission.所以,你知道,只是问问你自己 这个问题给了你几乎一个方向或任务。
356You brought all the feelings up.你唤起所有的感情。
357And I think that's kind of the point of what we're talking about, like particularly, you know, that a good life is not one where you're happy all the time.我认为这就是我们所谈论的要点, 特别是,你知道的, 美好生活并不是你一直快乐的地方。
358A good life is not one where everything is going well or perfectly or everybody's healthy or you're thriving.美好的生活不是一切顺利或完美 或人人健康或你繁荣的生活
359A good life includes these moments that are terrifying.美好的生活包括这些可怕的时刻。
360And I think it's really important that when you recognize that even in those moments when your life feels horrible and scary, it can still be a beautiful life.我认为,当你意识到即使在你的生活感到可怕和恐惧的时候,它仍然可以是一个美丽的生活,这是非常重要的。
361And I really find it helpful personally.我真的很觉得这有帮助 个人。
362And I hope you do, too, as you're listening or watching this idea that there are signals that are scary and then there are signals that are hopeful.我希望你也这样做, 当你在听或看这个想法, 即有些信号是可怕的, 然后有信号是充满希望的。
363And at any moment, you can use these seven resources inside of you, whether they're not even here in the present.无论何时,你可以利用你体内的这七种资源, 不论它们是否还在这里。
364You can go back 21 years like I just did in this conversation and remind yourself that this moment, too, you can get through and that there are people there to help and that you aren't going to be alone, even though you feel it right now.你可以回到21年前 就像我刚刚在这段谈话中所做的一样 提醒自己,这一刻,你也可以度过, 那里有人可以帮忙,你不会孤独, 即使你现在感觉到了。
365Let's talk about the next, which is your attention.让我们来谈谈下一个,这就是你的注意力。
366Attention.请注意
367So there's way too much going on in any given moment for your brain to process.因此,在任何特定的时刻, 脑部的处理都太过分了。
368It's always making choices and your brain is just discarding huge amounts of information about what's happening in this moment.它总是在做选择 而你的大脑只是 丢弃了大量的信息 关于这瞬间发生的事情。
369And a lot of people like me have a negative attention bias where our brain has made a decision.像我这样的很多人 都有一个负面的注意偏差 我们的大脑已经做出了决定。
370It's just a little more important to be vigilant for things that could go wrong or to pay attention to things that are not right or maybe it's self-criticism or criticism outwards or anxiety.对可能出错的事情保持警惕,或者对不正确的事情注意,或者可能是自我批评,批评或外泄或焦虑,这仅仅是比较重要的一点.
371And you can just filter that by making a choice that in this moment, I want to bring my attention to something that's going right or to to find a signal that is encouraging.你可以通过做一个选择来过滤, 此时此刻,我想提醒我注意一些正发生的事情, 或者找到一个令人鼓舞的信号。
372So when I teach classes on joy, I'll often have people practice this by saying, like, right now, I want you to look around this room, wherever you are, including your body, for something that reminds you of someone or something you love.所以当我教授关于快乐的课时, 我经常会让别人练习这个, 比如说,现在,我要你看看这间屋子, 无论你在哪里,包括你的身体, 是为了让你想起你所爱的人或东西。
373You could do that, or you could say, I'm right now, I'm going to look around in this moment for evidence that somebody did something to make life better for me, or I'm going to look around right now for something that I enjoy, that I'm having a positive r你可以做到这一点, 或者你可以说,我现在, 我要四处看看这个时刻的证据, 证明有人做了一些事情来改善我的生活, 或者我现在要四处看看我喜欢的东西, 我有一个积极的反应。
374It really depends on your personality.这真的取决于你的个性。
375You get to choose what you bring your attention to.你可以选择你所关注的
376But there will probably be certain aspects of reality that are true, that if you don't remind yourself to pay attention to them, it's so easy to have a kind of like you're just blind to them.但是,也许现实中的某些方面是真实的,如果你不提醒自己注意它们,那么就很容易有那种你只是对他们视而不见的样子.
377It's like, you know, if you're shopping, you're at the grocery store and you're looking for a type of cereal, if you know you're looking for that cereal, everything gets kind of blurry.这就像,你知道,如果你在购物, 你在杂货店 并且你在找一种谷物, 如果你知道你在找那个谷物, 一切都会变得模糊。
378And then that cereal logo jumps out at you.然后麦片的标志跳出你。
379Right.对
380It was already there, but you had to tell your brain, I'm trying to find that cereal now.它已经在那里, 但你不得不告诉你的大脑, 我试图找到麦片现在。
381So help me.所以帮帮我吧
382I am curious, Dr.我很好奇,医生。
383McEnable, in a moment in your life where either your personal life has so much external despair or the world around you that you're living in has so much external despair.McEnable, 在你生命的某一刻, 要么你的个人生活有这么多的 外部绝望, 要么你周围的世界 你生活在这么多的 外部绝望。
384So there's so much grabbing at your attention that's real, that's there.所以有很多吸引你的注意力 这是真实的,就在那里。
385Does your negative bias in your mind become bigger?你心中的负面偏见会变大吗?
386It depends.这取决于。
387Okay.摆
388If you're asking me, yes.如果你问我,是的。
389That's I mean, because I would think like if all the inputs negative, like this is like, you know, in periods of grief, you've just been laid off, you feel terrible about it, you're drowning, you've been broken up with like, these moments that are crushin我意思是,因为我想如果所有的输入都是负面的, 就像,你知道,在悲伤的时期, 你刚刚被解雇了, 你感到很可怕,你溺水了, 你被像那样的破碎了, 这些时刻正在被粉碎。
390Yeah.对
391Or you read the headlines for too long, and now you're like, I can't do anything I have to say, and now I'm like super and now all you see is negativity.或者你读标题太久了, 现在你喜欢, 我不能做任何事情,我不得不说, 现在我像超级,现在你看到的只是消极。
392So two things can happen.故有两事.
393Okay.摆
394One is it's very like your brain initially is going to think this is reality.第一,这就像你的大脑 最初会认为这是现实。
395So it's going to be really important to pay attention to this, to stay on guard.所以必须注意这一点, 保持警惕。
396I've got to keep track of all the things that I have to take care of.须知一切如来一切法门.
397I mean, I, you know, two years ago, I think to almost to this date, my father was diagnosed with a terminal untreatable cancer and my mom went through a health crisis that required a lot of help.我的意思是,我,你知道,两年前, 我想几乎到今天, 我父亲被诊断为 末期癌症无法治疗 和我妈妈经历了一个健康危机, 这需要很多帮助。
398And that was, I think, the most intense period of my life in terms of the apps, the chaos and the crisis unfolding all at once and requiring so much more from me than I was used to just day to day being able to function and take care of stuff and manage t我认为,那是我生命中最紧张的时期, 在应用方面, 混乱和危机 一次又一次地出现, 对我的要求比以前要多得多, 每天都能运作, 处理事情, 管理事情 出错和试图, 防止最坏的结果。
399But there's this other instinct that often can float up.但是还有另一种本能,常常可以浮起.
400And if it doesn't float up, you can pull it up, which is I am not going to survive this.如果它不浮起来,你可以把它拉起来, 那就是我无法幸存下来。
401If I do not have at least one moment today when I laugh, I am not going to survive this unless I have a moment where I let somebody touch me who cares about me or whatever it is for you.如果我今天笑的时候没有至少一分钟,我就不会活下来,除非我有一个时间,让我让别人碰我,谁关心我,或为你做什么。
402That brings you a little moment of peace or joy or meaning.这给你带来了片刻的和平或快乐或意义。
403I remember I was taking a shower and I started getting texts and phone calls at the same time from family and and health care providers and social workers.我记得我正在洗澡, 我开始得到短信和电话 同时从家庭和保健人员 和社会工作者。
404And I was in the shower.我当时在洗澡
405So I turned the water off and I sat on the floor of the shower for like three hours because I thought I do not have time to dry myself off.于是我把水关了,然后坐在淋浴的地板上,长达三个小时,因为我以为自己没有时间晒干。
406I couldn't even like that sort of coping.我甚至不能喜欢这种应付。
407But as the as things progressed, I realized that to survive, I needed to hold on to a few things that were renewing and sustaining.但是随着事态的发展,我意识到为了生存,我需要坚持一些正在更新和维持的东西。
408And part of its attention, like at the end of the day, looking back for one highlight instead of like my mind going to sleep, it would say your job now is to think about everything that could go wrong tomorrow, everything you have to do tomorrow.它的部分注意力,就像最后一样, 回想一个亮点, 而不是像我想睡觉一样, 它会说,你现在的工作是 思考一切可能发生错误的明天, 一切你必须做的明天。
409And definitely don't put your phone to sleep because you're going to be getting texts at three o'clock in the morning.而且绝对不要把你的手机睡着 因为你将在凌晨三点收到短信。
410But I could use my attention in that moment to think about one highlight of the day, which really functions well to also remind your brain that good things are possible or that you aren't alone, whatever that signal is that you need.但我可以在那个时刻用我的注意力来思考今天的某一个亮点, 这个亮点的功能确实很好, 也提醒你的大脑,好的事物是可能的, 或者你并不是孤独的, 无论你需要什么信号。
411I also appreciate that you just said, because as you're listening, you or somebody that you love may be in that moment where you're sitting in the shower for three hours dealing.我也很感激你刚才说, 因为当你在听, 你或你爱的人 可能在那一刻 你坐在淋浴 3小时的交易。
412Yeah, because you don't have time to take a shower.是啊,因为你没有时间 洗澡。
413And I love that we keep framing this like the external signals come in that overwhelm you and super challenging moments.我喜欢我们像外部信号一样 不断设定这个过程 将你和极具挑战性的瞬间所覆盖
414That's how life works.生活就是这样运作的.
415And you can dig up something when you realize I'm drowning here and I need to laugh.当你意识到我溺水了,我需要笑的时候 你可以挖出一些东西
416Yeah, let's go to the next one.是啊,让我们去下一个。
417The next free resource is your instincts.接下来的自由资源是你的直觉。
418Like, how do you use your instincts as a resource to find meaning purpose to support yourself through these challenging moments?比如,你如何利用你的本能作为一种资源 找到意义的目的 来支撑自己度过这些艰难的时刻?
419Here's my favorite instinct that is deeply underappreciated, because we have instincts for courage.这是我最喜欢的本能 深为低估,因为我们有勇气本能。
420We have instincts to help others.我们有帮助别人的本能
421Those are lovely.很可爱
422But there is some part of you who love something beyond reason.但是,有你的一部分 谁爱的东西超出理智。
423I don't know what you're a fan of, but there is something that probably you like more than is easy to explain.我不知道你喜欢什么 但有件事你可能更喜欢 比容易解释。
424Fantasy fiction.幻想小说.
425Okay, great.好吧,伟大的。
426Listening, dramatic audio.听,戏剧性的音频。
427So I think most people have something that they just love beyond reason, and often it's something that is accessible.所以我认为大多数人都有他们所爱的 超越理性的东西, 并且经常是能够理解的东西。
428And when life is difficult, we often think I don't have time for this or it's frivolous.而当生活困难的时候,我们常常认为我没有时间来做这件事,或者这很无意义.
429Maybe the people in our lives don't really understand why it's so important or helpful to us.也许我们生活中的人们并不真正理解它为什么对我们如此重要或有帮助.
430And if you just, you should trust what you love.如果你只是, 你应该相信你的爱。
431It's a beautiful part of who you are, especially if you've had a relationship with it over time.你是一个美丽的角色,特别是如果你已经 与它有一段时间的关系。
432If it's been there for you, that in moments when you need it to let it be that thing that keeps you going or lifts you up.如果有你, 当你需要它的时候, 让它让你继续前进或者抬起你。
433And I love it if it's a little weird.我喜欢如果它有点奇怪。
434Yeah.对
435Like one of the reasons why I love fantasy fiction is it allows me to escape.就像我喜欢幻想的一个原因 就是它允许我逃跑
436I'm living in a different world as I'm listening to this like movie acting out in my mind.我生活在一个不同的世界里 当我在听这个电影时 就像在脑海里演戏一样
437I also love knitting.我也喜欢编织
438I love needlework.我喜欢打针
439I love gardening.我喜欢园艺
440Like all those kinds of things.像所有这些事情。
441And so your instinct that gets ignited by something that's just for you, that kind of reminds you, like what does it do when you're sitting there doing needle point during a stressful time?所以你的直觉被一些只适合你的东西点燃了, 那种提醒你, 就像当你坐在那做针点的时候, 压力很大的时候它会做什么?
442It's so interesting.这很有趣。
443If you ask people about the things they love, they will, I play this game with my students where I make a list of activities.如果你问人们他们喜欢的东西,他们会的, 我会和我的学生玩这个游戏,在那里我列出一个活动清单。
444Knitting is one of them.编织是其中之一.
445Playing board games is one of them.玩棋盘游戏就是其中之一.
446And then researchers have asked people explain why this is so meaningful to you.然后研究者们问人们,为什么这对你如此有意义。
447And people say things like in a moment when I was in such deep pain and agony to be able to feel something that wasn't that it was like love.人们会说一些事情,比如在那一刻, 当我处于如此深的疼痛和痛苦中, 能够感觉到一些不是爱的感觉。
448I'm like, what activity do you think they were describing?我想,你认为他们在描述什么活动?
449That quote that I just paraphrased, that was about playing board games.刚才我所引用的话 就是关于玩游戏的
450This is why I said it's sort of without reason that there will be activities that just when you do them, you feel better about yourself, better about life.这就是为什么我说,这是某种没有理由的, 有一些活动, 当你做的时候, 你感觉好一些 对自己,更好的生活。
451You feel like you have a place to show up.你感觉你有一个地方出现。
452Whatever the reason is, they fulfill really important core human needs and you shouldn't have to justify that to anybody else.不管原因是什么,它们满足了人类真正重要的核心需求, 你不必为其他人辩解。
453It's so easy to dismiss these things.把这些东西丢掉是很容易的
454But if they brought in a puppy right now or a kitten, can we?但如果他们现在带了一只小狗或一只小猫进来,我们能吗?
455Tracy, come on.特雷西,来吧。
456Come on.来吧。
457Could we?可以吗?
458If you want to see some unbridled joy.若欲见无边欢喜.
459Oh, my God.须菩提.
460I would like even just imagining puppies running or I'm imagining little baby corgis.我甚至想想象小狗在跑 或者我想象着小宝宝科吉斯
461I love corgis.我喜欢科吉斯
462You know, they're like big, little, they're low to the ground.你知道,他们就像大,小, 他们低到地面。
463I just love corgis.我只是喜欢科吉斯。
464I'm imagining puppies right now.我现在在想象小狗
465Now I'm happier.现在我更快乐了
466I want to tell you about some research to do with this.我想告诉你一些研究 与此有关。
467I'm a huge proponent.我是一个巨大的支持者。
468Everyone should have an animal in their life.皆应生畜生.
469I'm trained as an adoption counselor.我被训练成收养顾问
470If you want to rescue pets, please hit me up.如果你想救宠物,请打我。
471Why should you have an animal in your life?你生命中为什么要有动物?
472It's such amazing research.这是如此惊人的研究。
473First of all, if you want to look for the moments in people's lives when they smile首先 如果你想在人们的生活中寻找微笑的时刻
474or laugh or experience play or experience affectionate touch, right, core human或欢笑或体验游戏 或体验亲切的触摸,对,核心人类
475needs that of anything you could do in life, you are most likely to experience those你最有可能经历这些
476things when you are interacting with an animal and especially your pet.当你与动物,尤其是你的宠物互动时,
477And they've done studies to looking at places where people are suffering, like in a他们研究了人们正在遭受痛苦的地方,比如
478hospital or in hospice.在医院或收容所。
479You bring in an animal and these things just come out of us.你带一只动物进来,这些东西就从我们身上出来
480We are still capable of smiling, laughing, playing and engaging in caregiving and我们仍然能够笑、笑、玩、照顾和照顾
481affectionate touch.亲切的触摸。
482It's a wonderful opportunity we have as humans.这是我们人类的好机会
483Everyone should adopt a pet.每个人都应该收养宠物。
484I agree.и種
485It's so true.如此真实.
486And when you bring in the pet, what's interesting is my resigned, frustrated,当你把宠物带来时 有趣的是我辞职了 沮丧了
487exhausted, judgy, pushbacky self goes right out the window.筋疲力尽的 强悍的自我 直接从窗外走出来
488I'm like, you're absolutely right.我很喜欢,你绝对是对的。
489I do feel better when I see my pet.我见到我的宠物会感觉好点
490And that's a signal of things that are good.这是好事的信号。
491That's a signal of meaning, the signal of the good experience of being human, which意思的信号, 良好的人类经验的信号,
492you said, Dr.你说,博士。
493McGonigal is hardwired in you.麦戈尼加尔在你的体内很硬
494I know.我知道,我记得
495And it's a sign of what's good in you too.亦能示现善根.
496So especially if you're a dog person, dogs, the way that dogs look at you is what所以,特别是如果你是一个狗的人,狗, 狗看你的方式是什么
497we really all crave, right?我们都很渴望,对吧?
498We want people to kind of see us for who we are and be like, I'm so glad you're我们想让人们看到我们是谁 和我们一样,我很高兴你
499here and dogs are really good at that.这里和狗都非常擅长。
500I'm a cat person.我是一个猫的人。
501What cats are really good at, they're good at saying, I trust you.猫儿最擅长的就是说 我相信你
502Like that's, that's a trust-based relationship.就像,这是一种基于信任的关系。
503When you get a cat who's willing to trust you, it gives you this sense of like,当你得到一只猫 谁愿意相信你, 它给你的感觉喜欢,
504wow, I'm a, I'm a special person.哇,我是一个,我是一个特别的人。
505Like I, I created a real bond here.和我一样,我在这里创造了真正的纽带。
506And then when you interact with animals and you feel that way about yourself, you当你与动物互动时,你对自己有这种感觉
507know, it just leaves a sense of that being true outside of just that one你知道,它只是留下了一种感觉 这是真实的 除了那个
508relationship.关系。
509And it's, I mean, we're talking about animals now.我的意思是,我们现在谈论的是动物。
510There are lots of ways we can experience this, but I actually really want people我们有很多方法可以体验, 但我真的想要人
511to do is trust the experiences that give them that feeling.这样做就是相信给他们这种感觉的经验。
512So if you're thinking I'm not an animal person, but I feel that way when I'm in所以,如果你认为 我不是动物的人, 但我的感觉 当我在
513nature, or I feel that way when I'm making music, or I feel that way when I'm自然,或者我做音乐的时候有这种感觉 或者我做音乐的时候有这种感觉
514cooking for people is to, to find the things that make you feel that way about为人做饭就是 找到让你有这种感觉的东西
515yourself.你自己来
516We're like, who you are is a good thing.我们就像,你是谁是好事。
517And there's a fit between who you are and what's happening in that moment.在你是谁和那一瞬间发生的事情之间 有一种感觉
518Emotions is another one of these free resources that help you tap into the情感是另一个免费资源之一 帮助你开发
519signals of life that you're wired to feel, meaning, purpose, joy.生命的信号,你被线 感受,意义,目的,快乐。
520How do you use your emotions?你怎么用你的情绪?
521Let's see.让我看看。
522I mean, one way is to start with where you actually are that that's where you我的意思是,一种方式是从你在哪里开始
523ask yourself like what emotions are present and what is that emotion trying to问自己,像什么是情感存在 是什么情感试图
524help me reflect on or what is it calling me to do?帮助我思考,还是它叫我做什么?
525I feel like that's a really advanced skill though.我觉得这很先进
526When you shut down emotionally, what does that mean?当你关闭情绪, 这是什么意思?
527It is a moment where your body and brain reading the situation, uh, think that这是你的身体和大脑 读到的情况,呃,认为
528there's actually nothing you can do.其实你无能为力
529And if you feel like you are unsafe, don't have a lot of power, don't have a如果你觉得自己不安全, 没有太多的力量,没有
530lot of control or options, your body and brain will try as an act of kindness to许多控制或选择, 你的身体和大脑将尝试 作为善意的行为
531make you less present for what's happening.让你少点现身
532And so you can start to shut down.这样你就可以开始关闭。
533You can start to be less, you know, in some, some stress responses, it你可以开始减少,你知道, 在一些,一些压力反应,它
534heightens all your senses because those stress responses want you to fight or增强你所有的感官 因为这些压力反应 想要你战斗或
535flee or help someone or like, you know, rise to the challenge, but some stress逃离或帮助某人或喜欢,你知道, 面对挑战,但一些压力
536responses are just trying to take care of you in a difficult moment and make回应只是试图在困难的时刻照顾你
537it less awful to be in.进来也没那么可怕了
538And in some situations it's helpful, but a lot of us who have had在某些情况下,这是有帮助的, 但我们很多人谁有过
539experiences where it was helpful at the time, it can become a kind of chronic在当时很有帮助的体验中, 它会变成一种慢性
540way to relate to life where anytime things get difficult, the body and brain如何与生活联系起来 每当事情变得困难, 身体和大脑
541is like, let's go into that place where it can't, can't, we can't feel it as much.就像,让我们去的地方 它不能,不能,我们感觉不到它。
542And, uh, often, you know, the, the coping strategies I had to learn that someone而且,呃,经常,你知道, 应付策略,我不得不学习 某人
543who, who experiences this kind of withdrawal or shut down, you have to,谁,谁经历这种 退出或关闭,你必须,
544um, start to really cultivate these other stress responses, these other嗯,开始真正培育 这些其他的压力反应, 这些其他
545stress resources that are more about engaging with life.更需要投入生命的资源
546How do you do that?你怎么做到的?
547There's two types of strategies.策略有两种.
548One is the more global, like what you do in your life to train yourself.一个是更全球性的, 就像你在生活中做的训练自己。
549And then there is in the moment.然后有在此刻。
550I really believe that what you need to do is train for these moments.我真的相信,你需要做的 是训练这些时刻。
551So, I mean, I could tell you something to do, but the number one thing I would所以,我的意思是,我可以告诉你 一些事情做, 但头一件事我会
552tell you to do is you need to go in your mind to the memory of the thing you were告诉你,你需要去 脑海里的记忆 你曾经的事情
553able to do when you were training.能在你训练的时候做到
554So let me give you an example.让我举个例子。
555You know, you thanked me for getting on a plane to get out here.你知道,你感谢 我上飞机离开这里。
556And I mentioned, I hate flying.我提过 我讨厌飞
557I have a huge fear of flying my entire life to the point where, you know, refuse我非常害怕我一生的飞行 以至于,你知道,拒绝
558to fly, have panic attacks, even thinking about booking an airline ticket.甚至想订机票
559I would like dissociate or hope to dissociate even when I had to think我想和他们断绝关系 哪怕我不得不考虑
560about giving up my bodily autonomy in that way and being on an airplane.放弃我的身体自主的方式 和在飞机上。
561It felt unsafe.感觉不安全
562Yeah.对
563So here's how I trained when I decided I wanted to be able to fly.所以我决定要飞的时候是怎样训练的
564I thought, how do I feel when I'm on a plane, which is completely out of control?我想,当我在飞机上时,我感觉如何? 这完全失控了?
565I'm having a panic attack.我吓坏了
566So my heart is racing.我的心在竞速
567I'm sweating.我发汗.
568All I want is to get out of this space.我只想离开这个空间
569I want the freedom to leave and I'm trapped and I can't.我希望自由离开,我被困住了,我不能。
570Um, I thought, where have I ever felt like that?嗯,我想,我曾经有过这样的感觉吗?
571That's not on a plane.这不是在飞机上。
572Cause I'm not ready to get on a plane.因为我还没准备好上飞机
573And I remembered going to a spinning class, an indoor cycling class and hating我记得去一个旋转课, 一个室内自行车课和恨
574it and feeling like I, when I was on that bike, I just wanted to get off the bike.感觉就像我, 当我在自行车, 我只是想下车。
575I wanted to get out of the sweaty room with stale air.欲出汗室,以凝滞之气.
576My heart was pounding and I thought I'm going to go back and I'm going to go我的心在跳动,我以为 我要回去,我要去
577to that spin class and I'm going to practice staying on the bike and feeling去那个旋转课 我要去练习 留在自行车和感觉
578all the things that I feel on an airplane.我在飞机上感受到的一切
579And in that moment, I'm going to tell myself I'm doing this because I want在那一刻,我要告诉自己 我这样做是因为我想
580to choose a life where I can get on planes as much as I try to protect myself.选择一个我能在飞机上得到的生活 就像我试图保护自己一样
581I can't protect myself from things I don't want to experience it.我无法保护自己不受我不愿经历的事情的影响.
582Actually I'm suffering just as much by avoiding it as I ever would be by doing it.实际上我和以前一样在逃避痛苦
583And so I'm going to, I'm going to practice this kind of, for me, it was like a,所以我要,我要去 练习这种,对我来说,它就像一个,
584just the physical courage to stay put and tolerate the pounding heart and仅仅身体上的勇气 留在原地 并容忍震动的心脏,
585tolerate the sweat, um, and feeling trapped.忍受汗水 感觉被困住了
586I'm going to tolerate that in the service of something that matters to me.我要容忍它 为了我重要的事
587And I feel like, so I know it'd be like so nice if I could tell you我觉得,所以我知道 它会是这么好 如果我可以告诉你
588when you're dissociated.当你脱离。
589I mean, there are things you can do, like feel your feet on the floor.我的意思是,有些事情你可以做, 像感觉你的脚在地板上。
590There are things you can do to ground.有些事情你可以做地面。
591And I've heard a lot of wonderful people on your show talk about those in the我听过很多很棒的人 在你的节目 谈论那些在
592But I really want you to have a memory of you being that version of yourself.但我真的很希望你能记得 你是一个版本的你自己。
593And that's what you call to mind.这就是你所想到的。
594Is there something you can say, um, to yourself?你能对自己说点什么吗?
595Because if you're saying to yourself, there's nothing I can do.因为如果你对自己说, 我无能为力。
596Could you start saying to yourself, well, there's something I can do.你可以开始对自己说, 嗯,有我可以做的。
597You could, but here's what I'd rather start with.你可以的,但我想从这里开始
598The function of that shutdown is some part of you is trying to take care of you.关闭的功能是 你试图照顾你的一部分。
599Yeah.对
600It is compassion for yourself the same way that you would want to protect someone这是同情自己 就像你想保护别人一样
601you love and you'd want to like scoop them up and like shelter them.你爱他们,你想把他们挖出来 并庇护他们。
602If something terrible was happening, right.如果发生了可怕的事情,对吗?
603You'd throw your body over them so they didn't have to experience it.你会把身体扔到他们身上 这样他们就不用体验了
604So that's what is real and true.故此真如实相.
605And that moment is there's a part of you who cares about yourself that much.而那一刻,你的一部分 谁关心自己这么多。
606Oh, I love that.哦,我喜欢这个。
607And that's the part of me that got on a bike and that's the part of me that gets这也是我骑自行车的部分 也是我得到的
608on an airplane, even when I don't want to, it's a different form of self-compassion.在飞机上,即使我不想, 这是一种不同的自我同情形式。
609And so what I would say is rather than saying, I do have control, I, you know,所以我想说的是 而不是说,我确实有控制权,我,你知道,
610well, that's also true, but to start with a thing that's closer to what's happening,嗯,这也是真的, 但从一个事情开始 更接近发生的事情,
611which is there's a part of you who really cares about you and wants the best for这也是你的一部分 谁真正关心你 并希望最好的为
612you.你们
613That part of you, if you thought about it, like, what, who do I want to be你那部分,如果你考虑过, 喜欢,什么,我想成为谁
614in this moment?此时此刻?
615What do I want to bring to this moment?我要给这个时刻带来什么?
616I love what you said.我喜欢你说的
617I think it's extraordinarily powerful to not make yourself wrong, but to recognize我认为这是特别强大的 不使自己错了, 但承认
618{\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}你沉默的关机 开始收缩
619you love yourself and you're protecting yourself.你爱自己,你在保护自己。
620And what I heard you say is then start to ask yourself, like, how do I want in theи钮弧琌 秨 拜 и稱妓
621future to feel and show up in these moments?未来 感受和出现在这时刻?
622Like, what does a little courage look like?有点勇气是什么样子的?
623Even when I'm a little afraid, I don't have to do it right now.即使我有点害怕,我也不必现在就这么做。
624But if you can start to imagine what you want to feel like in those moments, then但是如果你能开始想象 你想在那些时刻感受什么
625you can find opportunities to practice that in little moments where you're not as你可以找到机会去练习 在你还没有成为
626shut down. Is that what you're saying?关闭。 你是这么说的吗?
627In the same way that someone who loves you would, like the person who's going to就像爱你的人一样 就像要去
628be like, all right, Kelly, you don't want to get on that plane.就像,好吧,凯莉,你不想上那架飞机。
629But I know you can do it.但我知道你可以做到这一点。
630You've done, like, really hard things before.你以前做过很多很难的事
631I trust you and you want this.我相信你,你想要这个。
632You can do it.你可以做到这一点。
633You know, you can talk to yourself in the same way as someone who你知道,你可以 以同样的方式对自己说话的人
634cares because you are someone who cares about you.关心是因为你是关心你的人
635And then it can move from protection to encouraging and curiosity about what is然后从保护转向鼓励和好奇
636possible.也许吧
637And so often hopelessness or despair is trying to get you to give up.经常是绝望或绝望 让你放弃
638And in some situations, that could be a functional response.在某些情况下,这可能是一个功能性的反应。
639But how we often we often end up generalizing if it was just saying give up on但是,我们经常被概括 如果我们只是说放弃
640this job, like this specific move on to the next or there's something better这工作,像这个特定的 前进到下一个 或者有更好的
641waiting for you.等着你
642If that were how we felt hopelessness, it would be more useful.如果我们感到无望,那将更加有用。
643But how we often feel it is we just transfer it to life.但我们常常觉得 我们只是把它转生。
644We're like, it's time to give up on life or it's time to give up on the belief我们就像,是时候放弃生命 或者是时候放弃信仰
645that things will get better.事情会好转。
646Or my dreams.或者我的梦想
647Oh, I think a lot of people are there.哦,我认为很多人在那里。
648So I think this is important.所以我认为这很重要。
649And what I like about what you're saying is that the mistake if I parse through我喜欢你说的就是 如果我理解错误
650this is that if you're feeling hopeless or discouraged, like this isn't worth it.这是如果你感到绝望或沮丧, 像这不值得。
651It's never going to get better, which a lot of people do.它永远不会变得更好, 这是很多人做的。
652And then you go wide and you look around and you say nothing is going to matter.然后你走大,你看看周围, 你说没有什么是无关紧要的。
653There's nothing that I can do.无我无我.
654Yeah.对
655Then you've taken an emotion that's trying to give you a signal from那你的情绪 试图给你一个信号
656intelligence.情报
657Yeah.对
658And you've made it way too broad.你让它变得太宽了
659Yeah.对
660And so instead of like trying to pull you like it could be所以,而不是像试图拉你 像它可以
661hopeless to stay in a relationship that is very harmful to you.没有希望能保持对你非常有害的关系
662That relationship may not change, but there is hope that you can get out.这种关系可能不会改变,但有希望你能出去。
663Here's what I'm hearing from you.今闻此经.
664And I think this is really actually helpful.我认为这真的很有帮助。
665Hopelessness is a signal that the way you're approaching this doesn't work.绝望是一种信号 你接近它的方式不起作用。
666And you should change the approach rather than the goal.你应该改变方法而不是目标。
667And so if the approach, if what you want is to be loved, but you're in a因此,如果方法, 如果你想得到爱, 但你在一个
668relationship that's hopeless, staying in that relationship won't give you what感情是没有希望的, 保持这种关系不会给你什么
669you want.你想吗?
670You have to change your approach.你必须改变你的做法。
671There's a like flexibility as a response to hopelessness is a very helpful那样的灵活性,就像对绝望的反应 是非常有帮助的
672response.反应。
673That is to not give up on what you want or what you care about.这就是不放弃你想要的 或关心的。
674Change the way you're approaching it, because if you've sent 300 resumes on an改变你接近它的方式, 因为如果你已经发送300 简历在一个
675online platform and got nothing back, of course you're going to feel hopeless.当然你会觉得无望。
676But what the signal is saying is, hey, ding, ding, ding, this strategy isn't但信号是,嘿,叮,叮,这个策略不是
677working.工作时
678And let's get creative about how we can approach how you want to get让我们来创造我们如何对待你
679better.好多了,你还好吧?
680And sometimes it's actions like you have to try something different.有时你不得不尝试一些不同的行动。
681But, you know, when I used to advise a lot of freshmen at Stanford, they would但是,你知道,当我过去建议 很多新生在斯坦福,他们会
682often come in feeling hopeless, like the first time they fail an exam or when经常觉得没有希望 就像第一次考试失败一样
683they realize they can't actually be pre-med.他们意识到他们实际上不可能是医学预科医生
684And they have this sense that like there's only one way for them to have a他们有这种感觉 就像他们只有一种方法
685good life or a happy life or make other people proud.美好生活 快乐生活 或者让别人骄傲
686And I always felt like my job was like, there are so many ways to have a life我总是感觉我的工作就像, 有很多方法可以生活
687where you contribute.在那里你贡献。
688There are so many ways to have a life where you wake up有很多方法可以让你醒来
689and you enjoy yourself that day.那天你很开心
690The opportunities to have a life worth living are vast.拥有值得生活的机会是巨大的。
691And, you know, when you're feeling hopeless, the more you fixate on the而且,你知道,当你感到无望时, 你越确定
692{\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}你认为应该有具体版本 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}就是当绝望变成
693overwhelming.令人难以置信。
694And also you can, since we're talking about emotions here, so if你也可以,因为我们在这里谈论情绪, 所以如果
695you're feeling hopelessness, you can also use your capacity for hope as a你感到无望,你也可以 利用你的能力作为希望
696resource.资源。
697And there's great, you know, like I love global research because I并且有伟大的,你知道, 像我喜欢全球研究 因为我
698always feel like sometimes studies will like look at one small sample and who总是觉得有时研究会喜欢看一个小样本
699knows if this is really a human thing or just like a thing for that group.知道这是真的人类的东西 还是像那群人一样的东西
700So there's a study called the Hope Project where they ask people all over the有个研究叫希望计划 他们问人们
701world, what is a source of hope for you when life is hard?世界,当生活艰难时,你有什么希望?
702And the, they were very common themes, but one of the biggest sources of hope,这些主题很常见 但也是最大的希望来源之一
703two of the biggest sources of hope were doing something to help someone else.两个最大的希望来源 正在做一些 帮助别人。
704Actually, let me give you three, doing something to help someone else, being其实,让我给你三个,做一些事情 帮助别人,是
705thanked by someone you helped or seeing somebody else do something to help感谢别人 你帮助或看到别人 做一些帮助
706someone.有人吗?
707Now, look, all of those are possible when you're feeling hopeless.现在,你看,所有这些是可能的 当你感到绝望。
708I always say one of the, the most underappreciated acts of kindness you can我总是说,其中之一, 最低估的善行 你可以
709do or acts of courage or joy or hope is to let somebody else help you because in勇气、快乐或希望的举动 是让别人帮你 因为...
710the moment you let someone help you, you receiving, receiving the support of当你让别人帮助你, 你接受,接受的支持
711someone is another source of hope.有人是另一个希望的来源。
712But then that person feels better.但那个人感觉好多了
713They feel more hopeful.他们觉得更有希望。
714You have an opportunity to thank them for helping you.你有机会感谢他们的帮助
715That's a huge source of hope.这是巨大的希望来源。
716And you make hope possible for you and for the person who helped you.你让你和帮助你的人有了希望
717And then if you can help someone else out, it's just another way into that如果你能帮别人,那只是另一种方式
718cycle.循环。
719Well, and I think it's important to be reminded as you're listening or watching嗯,我认为这很重要 当你在听或看
720this, that your brain is wired to pick up signals that you're doing this, because这个,你的大脑被电线 来接收你这样做的信号,因为
721when your brain sees you doing these acts of good or appreciating them or当你的大脑看到你做这些好事 或欣赏他们,或
722allowing other people to help you, it reminds you that you're good.让别人帮助你, 它提醒你,你很好。
723It reminds you that life is worth living.它提醒你,生命是值得的。
724It's this kind of through line that gets you to use these resources in you to get就是这种通过线 让你利用这些资源得到
725you through this and you by doing this or making a choice.你通过这个,你 这样做或做出选择。
726And that's another one of these free resources that choices you make.这是你选择的另一种免费资源。
727So let's give an example of how to use the power of a choice.所以举个例子,如何使用选择的力量.
728Yeah, I think, you know, there are certain, um, I often talk about acts of joy.是啊,我想,你知道,有 肯定,嗯,我经常谈论 快乐的行为。
729There are things you do that make joy possible for yourself or for others.有些事情你做 使快乐成为可能 为自己或他人。
730And by that, I really mean you can do things that make people feel connected or我的意思是你可以做一些事情 让人们觉得自己有联系
731less alone or yourself.少一个人或你自己。
732You can create a sense of meaning.能造诸义感.
733You can create a moment where people have something to laugh about.你可以创造一个人们有笑柄的时刻。
734And so in a simple version could be, um, I'm going to do something to put something因此,在一个简单的版本 可能是,嗯, 我要做一些事情 将一些
735beautiful in the world that might surprise someone if you're somebody who世上的美丽 如果你是
736responds to beauty, um, or I'm going to send somebody a note to encourage them回应美,嗯, 或者我要去给某人 寄个字条鼓励他们
737and let them know that I'm thinking about them.让他们知道我在想他们
738Um, and these are, these are acts that you don't have to feel.嗯,这些是,这些都是 行为,你不必感受。
739You don't have to feel joyful.不须心生欢喜.
740You don't have to feel hopeful.你不必觉得有希望。
741You just have to think I'm going to do something where I know the most likely你只需要认为我会做一些事情 在那里我知道最有可能
742consequence is joy, hope, meaning connection.后果是快乐,希望,意思是联系。
743And if you, if you do that almost always, you end up being the recipient of it如果你,如果你几乎总是这样做, 你最终成为它的接受者
744yourself too, because the person you encourage is going to be encouraged and因为你鼓励的人会受到鼓励
745they'll respond in a way that makes you feel good or you'll delight in imagining他们的反应方式会让你感觉很好 或者你会很高兴想象
746or seeing somebody else understand that you went out of your way to, you know,或者看到别人明白 你走出去的方式,你知道,
747make their day better or to give them something to laugh about.让他们的一天变得更好 或者给他们一些可以笑的东西
748It just occurred to me that another choice that is a free resource is to do我刚刚想到另一种选择是自由资源
749any one of the things you're recommending.任何你推荐的东西。
750Yeah.对
751Because then by choosing to do it, you're reminding yourself that you're capable因为通过选择这样做, 你提醒自己 你有能力
752and you have a bit of agency right now.你现在有个机构
753All this stuff, what you pay attention to, what you bring to mind, what you do所有这些东西,你所注意的,你所想到的,你所做的
754with your body and memories, the music, all of it.你的身体和记忆,音乐,所有的一切。
755And the final free resource is your relationship.最后的自由资源是你们的关系。
756How would you recommend that you think about the relationships in your life as你会如何建议你思考 你生活中的关系
757a resource to help you through the very challenging moments?帮助你渡过难关的资源?
758Because I've been struck by the number of people that write in and say因为我被写着并说
759they don't have anybody.他们没有任何人。
760And I don't know that that's true.亦不识此义.
761It may feel like it's true.可能觉得这是真的
762It often feels like it's true.常觉如实.
763You know, when I think about using relationships as a resource, they're你知道,当我考虑 把关系作为一种资源,他们是
764really like, there's two directions.真的喜欢,有两个方向。
765So you're pointing to a willingness to ask for help or let people know what's所以,你是指一种意愿 寻求帮助或让人们知道什么是
766going on.继续
767That's very difficult for me.这对我来说很困难。
768I mean, I was really brought up to believe that you are not supposed to be a burden.我的意思是,我真的长大 相信你不应该成为一个负担。
769So sometimes I think one of the ways you use your relationships as resources is所以有时候我觉得你把关系当作资源的方式之一
770you actually invite the possibility that people in your life want to be there for你实际上邀请了 可能你生活中的人 想要在那里
771you and that it actually is, it's not just a gift to yourself, but it's a gift你,事实上,它不只是一个礼物 给自己,但它是一个礼物
772to other people.给别人
773And if you feel like you don't have close friends or family that you can rely on,如果你觉得自己没有可以信赖的亲密朋友或家人
774it's amazing.这是惊人的。
775There are people who might be around you who've been through something similar可能有人在你身边 经历过类似的事情
776and are waiting to turn that horrible experience into a source of meaning for并且正等待着将那可怕的经历变成对
777themselves.他们自己。
778I see this happen all the time.我经常看到这种情况
779I teach at a community center.我在社区中心教书
780I see people who were strangers.我看见了陌生人
781Suddenly when one person is honest and says, I'm going through grief, I'm going突然,当一个人诚实地说, 我经历悲伤,我要去
782through cancer treatment, I'm going through a divorce, somebody else who's通过癌症治疗,我正在经历 离婚,其他人谁
783been through that, who was a stranger, suddenly becomes somebody who wants to经历了这个,他是一个陌生人, 突然变成了一个想要
784show up for that person with moral support, advice, resources.以精神上的支持,建议,资源出现
785And so part of it is it maybe had the idea that there are people who, if you所以其中的一部分是 它也许有 想法是,有人 谁,如果你
786just start being more transparent about what you're going through, there are刚刚开始更加透明 你正在经历,有
787people who want to be there for you because they care about you, but also那些因为关心你而想陪着你的人
788there are going to be people who, if you just start being more transparent about将会有人 如果你开始更加透明
789it makes their life more meaningful让他们的生活更有意义
790and easier to deal with it和更容易处理它
791because they're able to turn that into an opportunity因为他们可以把这个变成机会
792to connect with or help you.连接或帮助您。
793I think it's very common to not wanna feel我觉得这很常见 不想感觉
794like you're burdening somebody else.像你在负担别人。
795And I remember my dad had a health incident我记得我爸有一次健康事件
796a couple of years ago,一对夫妇几年前,
797and when they finally figured out what it was,当他们终于知道是什么,
798which was an intact brain aneurysm它是一个完整的脑动脉瘤
799that was gonna require him to have这需要他拥有
800a major surgery at Umich.在乌米奇做大手术
801And my parents had been dealing with this for a month我父母处理这件事一个月了
802before they told me and my brother.在他们告诉我和我弟弟之前
803And I remember them saying,我记得他们说
804"'We didn't wanna worry you.'""我们不想让你担心"
805And I was actually mad我其实很生气
806because I felt like you, by wanting to protect me,因为我想保护我 就觉得自己喜欢你
807denied me the opportunity to love you没有机会爱你
808and support you through this.并通过这个支持你。
809And I understand both sides of it,我理解其中的两面
810but because I've always been the kind of person但因为我一直是那种人
811that doesn't wanna ask for help,不想寻求帮助,
812doesn't wanna burden people,不想给人带来负担
813but when I really experience this feeling of,但当我真正感受到这种感觉时
814"'Wait, but I didn't get to support you.'""等等,但我没有得到支持你。"
815I love you.我爱你
816I want the opportunity to do that for you.我想给你一个机会
817It makes me upset that you went through that alone你独自经历那事让我很难过
818and felt like it was a burden to tell me.并觉得这是一个负担 告诉我。
819It's generous, in my opinion,在我看来,这很慷慨
820to share with people what you're going through分享你经历的一切
821and to really allow them in.并让他们真正进入。
822It's interesting.这很有趣。
823There's the sense of not wanting to be a burden有种不想成为负担的感觉
824when things are bad.当事情是坏的。
825And then people also have a fear然后人们也会害怕
826of not wanting to brag when things are going well.不想在事情顺利的时候吹嘘
827And they're like two sides of the same coin.它们就像一个硬币的两面
828Just like you were saying,就像你说的
829you can deprive someone of the opportunity你可以剥夺某人的机会
830to be there for you in your worst moments.在你最糟糕的时刻陪着你
831And so one of the ways we use our relationships所以我们利用我们的关系
832as a resource for all of us,作为我们所有人的资源,
833if you're gonna use your relationships as a resource,如果你打算用你们的关系作为资源
834you really need to be in that mindset of interdependence你真的需要 处于这种相互依存的心态
835because it's not just for you.因为它不只是为你。
836It's for the relationship.是为关系.
837You are letting people be there for you,你让别人在你身边,
838strengthens the relationship,加强了关系,
839and also you are helping the person你也会帮助他
840you're in a relationship with.你和他有关系
841So if you're gonna try to use your relationships所以,如果你要尝试 利用你们的关系
842as a resource, you really gotta get into that mindset作为一个资源,你真的必须进入这种心态
843that actually it's bigger than you其实它比你大
844and that can make it easier to ask for help.这样就更容易寻求帮助
845But also it can make it easier to recognize但也能让大家更容易认识
846that people wanna be there for you人们想和你在一起
847in your good moments too.在你的美好时刻。
848Well, I wanna read to you from your bestselling book,我想读你的畅销书
849Joy is a Risk Worth Taking.乔伊是个值得冒险的人
850I am on chapter seven and this is page 167.我在第七章,这是167页。
851People don't wanna be alone in their happiness.人们不想在幸福中独处
852And you write about this.你写这个。
853Someone else's happiness can make you genuinely happy.别人的幸福能让你真正幸福
854And the person you are happy for你为他高兴
855can receive your joy's evidence that you care about them.可以接受你的喜悦 你关心他们的证据。
856Importantly, humans crave company in their best moments重要的是,人类渴望在最美好的时刻陪伴
857as much as we need comfort in our worst moments.虽然我们最糟糕的时刻需要安慰
858When something positive happens,当一些积极的事情发生,
859most people don't wanna be alone in their joy.大多数人不想在欢乐中独处
860They want others to celebrate with them.他们希望其他人和他们一起庆祝.
861Your ability to support others in this way你这样支持别人的能力
862is as important as your ability to offer compassion和你的同情能力一样重要
863to somebody who is struggling.给一个挣扎着的人
864Taking joy in other people's happiness享受别人的幸福
865is also a rich source of pleasure, meaning,也是丰富的快乐之源,意思是,
866and connection for you.和连接你。
867Yes.对
868How do you do that?你怎么做到的?
869Especially when you're struggling.特别是你挣扎的时候
870When people ask me what's the single most important thing当人们问我最重要的事情是什么
871I could do if I want more joy in my life,如果我想得到更多的快乐,我就可以
872I give them a mantra, meet joy with joy.我给他们一个口号 欢乐的满足
873You have to actually treat other people's joy你要好好对待别人的快乐
874like a signal that is your opportunity就像一个信号,这是你的机会
875to connect with them and strengthen that relationship.与它们建立联系,加强这种关系。
876So it really kind of starts with a goal, right?所以它真的有点开始 一个目标,对不对?
877Taking joy in other people's happiness享受别人的幸福
878is about strengthening relationships是关于加强关系
879and letting other people know that they matter,并让别人知道他们的重要性,
880that their happiness matters and that you care about them.他们的幸福很重要 你关心他们
881How do you do that if you're miserable?如果你很痛苦,你会怎么做?
882How do you do that if you're struggling如果你挣扎着怎么办?
883or your kid is the one struggling否则你的孩子就是挣扎的人
884and it is falling behind in life or not thriving,它在生命中是落后的,在生命中不是繁荣的,
885they're not going to prom, they're not graduating.他们不会毕业的
886How do you do that and what does it give back?你怎么做到的,又能回报什么?
887So you're talking about in a situation所以,你说的是 在一种情况
888where your kid is struggling你的孩子在挣扎
889or your struggling and a friend is thriving.或者你的奋斗和朋友是兴旺的。
890I've spent a decade of my life我花了十年的时间
891not being happy for other people不为别人高兴
892because I was not happy in my life因为我一生不快乐
893and I felt like their happiness我觉得他们幸福
894just reminded me of how miserable I was.让我想起我有多痛苦
895That's because it's activating envy, right?这是因为它激活 嫉妒,对不对?
896Which is another emotion that has a function这也是另一种有作用的情感
897that often goes awry, right?经常出错,对吧?
898It's meant to remind you of what you really want让你想起你真正想要的
899but too often it triggers these feelings of comparison但往往会引发比较的感觉
900or sense like I'm falling behind in life.或感觉我在人生中落后
901And a real like, there's a real sadness,和真正的一样, 有一个真正的悲伤,
902the sadness of envy, like why does this person嫉妒的悲哀 就像为什么这个人
903have this experience and why can't I, I want this?有这样的经历, 为什么我不能,我要这个?
904It can even be grief if you think it's not possible for you.如果你认为自己不可能,那甚至可能是悲伤.
905I mean, you went to the really hard place.我的意思是,你去了一个非常困难的地方。
906I always do.我总是这样
907In those moments, if it's a friend or a family member那时候,如果是朋友或家人
908who's experiencing something that you long for正在经历你渴望的东西
909and you don't have.而你没有。
910It could be I can't get pregnant and my friend is pregnant.这可能是我不能怀孕 我的朋友怀孕了。
911I want to be married and I'm still the single one我想结婚,我还是单身
912at all the weddings.在所有的婚礼上。
913You have to in that moment make a decision你必须在那一刻作出决定
914about whether you value that relationship.你是否重视这种关系?
915You don't have to start by trying to force yourself你不必从强迫自己开始
916to feel happy for them, right?为他们高兴,对不对?
917It's a mistake to be like, I should be happy for them.这是错误的 像,我应该为他们高兴。
918I'm just gonna be happy for them.我会为他们高兴的
919You have to go to the thing that actually will allow你必须去的东西 实际会允许
920your happiness to emerge authentically.让你的幸福真正出现
921You have to think, I care about this person.你得想想,我在乎这个人
922I want this person to be able to enjoy it,我希望这个人能够享受它,
923to know that actually probably the people in your life,要知道,实际上可能 人们在你的生活中,
924they're gonna be aware of this.他们会知道的
925They may be trying to hide their happiness他们可能想隐藏自己的幸福
926from you to not hurt you.不伤害你。
927I mean, it works both ways.我的意思是,这是双向的。
928It's not like they're trying to rub it in.他们不是想把它涂进去
929There is probably, people understand the complexity人们可能知道复杂之处
930of this type of situation.此类情况。
931So you can go to the part of yourself这样你就可以去 自己的一部分
932who values the relationship or wants the other person谁重视这种关系或想要对方
933who also has suffered, but in different ways, right?谁也曾受过苦, 但以不同的方式,对不对?
934Maybe they are pregnant now,也许她们现在怀孕了
935but they also lost a family member recently但他们最近也失去了一个家庭成员
936or they're struggling at work.或者他们在工作上挣扎
937We all have the zones of suffering我们都有受苦区
938and how important it is for this person to be able以及这个人能有多么重要
939to appreciate this good thing and feel supported in it.欣赏这个好东西 并觉得支持它。
940You have to go to that motivation.你必须去达到这个动机。
941It has to be real.须是实相.
942And then if you connect to that motivation,如果你把动机联系起来
943then what you do is you express something然后,你做什么,你表现了什么
944as authentically as you can.尽可能真实
945Again, don't try to fix your feeling first.再说一遍,别试着先改变你的感受
946Go to an expression.转到一个表达式。
947I'm so happy for you.我为你高兴
948Tell me more about it.告诉我更多关于它。
949I want to be there.我想去那边
950Don't skip the shower or the wedding不要跳过淋浴和婚礼
951because you know it's gonna bring up mixed feelings for you.因为你知道这会让你感觉很复杂
952You have to trust that you are strong enough你要相信你够强壮
953to tolerate those mixed feelings容忍这些混合的感情
954and that you want the opportunity你想要机会
955to also experience the connection of being there.也体验到在那里的关联。
956We talked about that life is not perfect我们说过生活并不完美
957and it's not about happiness.这与幸福无关
958That there's this huge range of the heartbreak and the joy,有如此巨大的范围 心碎和欢乐,
959the sunsets and the funerals,夕阳和葬礼,
960that everything that you've been teaching us你教给我们的一切
961helps us move through it帮我们渡过难关
962and access these signals of meaning and joy and purpose.并获得这些意义和喜悦与目的的信号.
963That's the thing, if you do it, right?这就是问题所在,如果你这样做,对不对?
964If you, there's gonna be a part of you狦穦Τ场だ
965that wants to distance yourself.想要远离自己。
966Yes.对
967To be away from their happiness远离他们的幸福
968because it's going to hurt you.因为它会伤害你。
969Yes.对
970But if you prioritize the relationship但是,如果你优先的关系
971and you show up in some way,你以某种方式出现
972you send the text message, you go to the event,你发送短信,你去活动,
973you call them up, whatever it is,你叫他们来 不管是什么
974and you do your best to meet their joy with joy,你将尽力满足他们的喜悦,
975you will receive a signal back你会收到回信
976that makes you feel connected to that person.让你觉得和那个人有关联
977That makes you feel,这让你觉得,
978the thing is when you connect in that way,事情是当你 用这种方式连接,
979then you also feel less alone in what you're going through,那样你就会觉得自己经历的 也不那么孤独了
980even though it feels like that can't be possible.虽然感觉这不可能
981You could feel connected to a friend who is pregnant你会觉得自己和一个怀孕的朋友有关联
982when you are grieving the fact that you cannot have a child当你为无法生育而悲伤的时候
983and that feeling connected to them和那种与他们相关的感觉
984can make you feel less alone in the fact可以让你觉得 少孤独的事实
985that you can't have a child,你不能有一个孩子,
986even though it seems like that's so illogical虽然这看起来太不合逻辑了
987that that could happen.这有可能发生。
988So to prioritize that connection and do your best,因此,为了优先连接 并尽力,
989you will receive signals back to you你会收到回信
990that bolster your own sense那能增强你自己的感觉
991that you can get through what you're going through你可以度过你经历的一切
992or that you can get what you want.或者你可以得到你想要的东西。
993Well, it makes sense to me这对我来说很合理
994that if you want more joy in your life,如果你想在生活中更加快乐
995that shutting down and closing yourself off关闭和关闭自己
996from moments of joy is gonna not help you feel joy.从欢乐的瞬间 对你感到欢乐毫无帮助
997You've got to meet joy with joy.得以欢喜满足欢喜.
998So Dr. McGonigal, if the person who's listening or watching所以,麦格尼加尔博士, 如果有人在听或看
999takes one thing away from this conversation,从谈话中夺走了一件事
1000what is the most important thing?什么是最重要的东西?
1001I think the most important thing you can take away我认为最重要的事情 你可以带走
1002is that joy is not selfish,欢乐不是自私的,
1003that joy is the profound act欢乐是深刻的行为
1004of care for yourself and collective care.照顾自己和集体照顾。
1005It is a way of supporting yourself through hard times.这是帮助自己渡过困境的一种方式。
1006It is absolutely possible, even when life is hard即使生活艰难,也绝对有可能
1007and that this capacity for joy that you have,以及你们所享受的快乐,
1008even if it feels diminished, is still in you.即使它感觉下降, 仍然在你身上。
1009What are your parting words?你讲什么话?
1010Mm, one of my most meaningful memories as a student我作为学生最有意义的记忆之一
1011was this exercise where the teacher had everyone老师让大家一起练习
1012in the room think about what they really needed to hear,在房间里思考 他们真正需要听到什么,
1013what they really hoped was true, they wanted to believe.他们真正希望的是真实的 他们希望相信
1014And then she just simply said it back to that person.然后,她只是 说回来的人。
1015And so I think when I think about所以当我想起
1016what people have shared with me,人们和我分享的
1017the fears that they have,他们的恐惧,
1018I just wanna say some things that I know are true我只想说一些我知道的事
1019that maybe are hard for you to feel as true,也许很难让你觉得自己是真实的
1020but some part of you also knows they're true.但你们中的一些人也知道他们是真的
1021You are capable of joy and you deserve joy,你能够快乐,你应该得到快乐,
1022that your joy can be a source of joy to others,以你的喜悦为他人的喜悦,
1023that your existence in this world is a good thing你在这世上的存在是件好事
1024and a source of joy.与欢喜之源.
1025Dr. McGonigal, your existence in this world.McGonigal博士 你在这个世界上的存在
1026Is a source of joy.是快乐的源泉
1027Thank you, thank you, thank you for your research,谢谢你 谢谢你的研究
1028for your work, for getting on a plane,为了你的工作 为了上飞机
1029{\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}我们被灌入我们体内 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}教我们如何利用
1030this wiring and these resources inside of us这条线和我们内部的资源
1031to experience more joy in our life.体验我们生活中的快乐
1032And I also wanna say thank you.我也想说谢谢你。
1033Thank you to you for making the time谢谢你抽空来
1034to devour this episode.吞噬这集。
1035I hope that's what you did with it.我希望这是你用它做的。
1036I hope it hit you in your DNA我希望它击中你的DNA
1037and then you send this to everybody in your life然后把这个寄给每个人
1038that you care about.你关心的。
1039This was so remarkable.这真是了不起
1040I'm so joyful about it and here's why.我为它高兴,这就是原因
1041There is no doubt in my mind that everything我毫不怀疑,一切
1042that you just learned will make your life better你刚刚学的会让生活更美好
1043and more meaningful and it will give you a lifeline更有意义,它会给你一条生命线
1044to help yourself through the very challenging帮助自己渡过难关
1045and difficult times.和困难的时代。
1046And I'm excited for you to have this as a resource我很高兴你能有这个资源
1047to come back to and to be reminded of the power回来,被提醒 力量
1048that you have inside of yourself to live a beautiful life你内心深处有美好的生活
1049despite how it may feel right now.尽管现在感觉如何
1050And in case nobody else tells you,如果没人告诉你
1051I wanted to be sure to tell you as your friend我想肯定地告诉你 作为你的朋友
1052that I love you and I believe in you.我爱你,我相信你。
1053You are capable of joy and you can create a better life.你能够享受快乐,可以创造更好的生活。
1054And the tools that you learned today will help you do that你今天学到的工具会帮助你做到这一点
1055starting today in the day-to-day moments.从今天开始,在日常时刻。
1056And that's where you build a life.这就是你建立生活的地方。
1057Alrighty, I will see you in the very next episode.好吧,我会看到你 在下一集。
1058I'm gonna welcome you in the moment you hit play.我会欢迎你 在你打球的时刻。
1059Play.弹
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