（中英附文稿）一段关系值不值得继续？先分清心动、承诺和契合【
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:00 | love is not all you need. | 爱情并不是你需要的 |
| 0:01 | What do you need? | 你还需要什么? |
| 0:04 | I think the mistake that a lot of us make is that we look | 我觉得我们很多人都犯了一个错误 就是我们看着 |
| 0:06 | at a person across from us and we think even if this isn't up to my standards, I can fix this | 一个人在我们对面 我们认为,即使这不符合我的标准, 我可以解决这个问题 |
| 0:15 | person, I can twist this person and that is a tactic that will backfire on you. | 人,我可以扭曲这个人, 这是一个战术会反射你。 |
| 0:20 | The idea that | 这个想法 |
| 0:21 | if I get close enough and try hard enough that they're going to change, it's a really dangerous | 如果我足够接近并努力地尝试 他们将会改变, 这是一个真正的危险 |
| 0:27 | assumption to make. | 假设。 |
| 0:28 | We have to love ourselves enough that we would not put anyone in our presence | 我们必须爱自己 才能不让任何人出现 |
| 0:34 | if what we fundamentally want in life is something they cannot give us. | 如果我们在生活中根本想要的东西 是他们不能给我们的东西。 |
展开字幕全文（810 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | love is not all you need. | 爱情并不是你需要的 |
| 2 | What do you need? | 你还需要什么? |
| 3 | I think the mistake that a lot of us make is that we look | 我觉得我们很多人都犯了一个错误 就是我们看着 |
| 4 | at a person across from us and we think even if this isn't up to my standards, I can fix this | 一个人在我们对面 我们认为,即使这不符合我的标准, 我可以解决这个问题 |
| 5 | person, I can twist this person and that is a tactic that will backfire on you. | 人,我可以扭曲这个人, 这是一个战术会反射你。 |
| 6 | The idea that | 这个想法 |
| 7 | if I get close enough and try hard enough that they're going to change, it's a really dangerous | 如果我足够接近并努力地尝试 他们将会改变, 这是一个真正的危险 |
| 8 | assumption to make. | 假设。 |
| 9 | We have to love ourselves enough that we would not put anyone in our presence | 我们必须爱自己 才能不让任何人出现 |
| 10 | if what we fundamentally want in life is something they cannot give us. | 如果我们在生活中根本想要的东西 是他们不能给我们的东西。 |
| 11 | There's eight billion people | 有80亿人口 |
| 12 | on this earth. | 在这个地球上。 |
| 13 | All you need to start treating yourself a little better is to realize that if | 你只需要开始治疗自己好一点 就是意识到如果 |
| 14 | you keep saying you love people or you care about people that you are a person in the room. | 你一直说你爱人 或者你关心的人 你是一个在房间里的人。 |
| 15 | It's as | 这就像 |
| 16 | simple as that. | 很简单 |
| 17 | You have this incredible framework that you use when you're coaching people on | 你有一个不可思议的框架 当你在指导人们 |
| 18 | using four levels. | 使用四个级别。 |
| 19 | Level one, admiration. | 一级,钦佩。 |
| 20 | Level two is mutual attraction. | 二层是相互吸引。 |
| 21 | Level three is commitment. | 三级是承诺。 |
| 22 | Level four is... Hey it's your friend Mel and a couple months ago I stumbled upon this concept | 四级是... 嘿,这是你的朋友梅尔 和几个月前,我偶然发现这个概念 |
| 23 | called the four levels of a romantic relationship and it literally blew my mind. | 所谓的四层浪漫关系 它真的让我心碎。 |
| 24 | So I picked up the | 所以我捡起 |
| 25 | phone and I reached out to the guy who created it. | 我联系了那个创造者 |
| 26 | His name is Matthew Hussey. | 他叫马修·胡西 |
| 27 | He's a New York | 他是纽约人 |
| 28 | Bestselling Author and he has been helping people for more than 17 years to feel more confident and | 畅销作家和他帮助人们 超过17年 感到更加自信和 |
| 29 | in control of their relationships every day. | 每天控制着他们的关系 |
| 30 | More than three million people turned to Matthew Hussey | 三百多万人向马修·胡赛求助 |
| 31 | for relationship advice on his YouTube channel which is dedicated to helping you create a better | 他的YouTube频道提供关系咨询 致力于帮助你创造更好的 |
| 32 | love life and I cannot wait to jump into this conversation because I am certain that his four | 我迫不及待想跳进这段对话 因为我确信他的四位 |
| 33 | level framework is the best relationship advice that nobody has ever told you. | 水平框架是最好的 关系建议,从来没有人告诉你。 |
| 34 | So without further | 所以,没有进一步 |
| 35 | ado please help me welcome Matthew Hussey to the Mel Robbins podcast. | 请帮我欢迎马修·胡西 到梅尔·罗宾斯播客。 |
| 36 | Oh my gosh you're in the house | 哦,我的天哪,你在这里 |
| 37 | I can't believe it. | 不可思议. |
| 38 | This is exciting. | 这太刺激了 |
| 39 | I've been waiting for this one. | 我一直在等这个 |
| 40 | Oh have you? | 是吗? |
| 41 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 42 | Awesome. | 厉害 |
| 43 | Looking forward to talking with you. | 期待与你交谈。 |
| 44 | Well I've been waiting for you too because you run the number | 我也一直在等你 因为你在查号码 |
| 45 | one channel for advice on all of YouTube and I cannot wait to learn from you. | 我迫不及待地想从你那里学到东西。 |
| 46 | I can't wait for | 我等不及了 等不及了 等不及了 |
| 47 | person who's listening to learn and here's where I want to start. | 倾听学习的人 我想从这里开始 |
| 48 | You have this incredible framework | 你有一个不可思议的框架 |
| 49 | that you use when you're coaching people on relationships using four levels. | 用来指导人们用四个等级的关系 |
| 50 | It's called | 这叫做 |
| 51 | the four levels of a relationship. | 一个关系的四个层次。 |
| 52 | Can you explain it? | 你能解释一下吗? |
| 53 | Level one, admiration. | 一级,钦佩。 |
| 54 | Level two is mutual | 二层是相互的 |
| 55 | attraction. | 风景。 |
| 56 | Level three is commitment. | 三级是承诺。 |
| 57 | Level four is compatibility. | 第四级是兼容性. |
| 58 | I love this concept and this | 我喜欢这个概念和这个 |
| 59 | because if you don't know what level you're in no wonder your relationship isn't working. | 因为如果你不知道你处于什么水平 难怪你的关系是行不通的。 |
| 60 | Let's go through these levels one by one and really break them down. | 让我们逐个通过这些关卡 并真正打破它们。 |
| 61 | Let me start with this. | 让我从这个开始。 |
| 62 | Level one is just admiration. | 一级只是钦佩。 |
| 63 | That's when you see someone, you may even see them from afar, | 当你看到一个人, 你甚至可能从远处看到他们, |
| 64 | they may not know you exist, but there's something you admire about them. | 他们可能不知道你的存在, 但有一些东西你欣赏他们。 |
| 65 | You think they're attractive, | 你觉得它们很有吸引力吗? |
| 66 | hot, impressive, whatever it may be, compelling. | 热,令人印象深刻,无论它可能是什么, 令人信服的。 |
| 67 | Now on its own not important. | 现在靠自己并不重要。 |
| 68 | The person doesn't, | 这个人没有, |
| 69 | they're not attracted to you. | 他们不吸引你。 |
| 70 | This is completely unrequited. | 这是完全没有要求的。 |
| 71 | There's nothing important about it. | 没有什么重要的事情。 |
| 72 | It's just you having decided that someone is an impressive, wonderful, or just attractive person. | 只是你决定了 某人是一个令人印象深刻, 美妙,或只是吸引人。 |
| 73 | Then there's level two. | 后有二关. |
| 74 | Level two is mutual attraction. | 二层是相互吸引。 |
| 75 | Now this is when two people find | 现在,当两个人发现 |
| 76 | chemistry, a connection. | 化学,一种连接。 |
| 77 | There's a shared attraction between them. | 他们之间有共同的吸引力. |
| 78 | Now this is perhaps | 这也许是 |
| 79 | the most dangerous level because when we get attracted to someone, which by the way for many | 最危险的级别,因为我们被某个人吸引, 顺便说一句,对许多人来说 |
| 80 | of us we feel like doesn't happen nearly often enough, and then we find that that person is | 我们之中,我们觉得没有经常发生, 然后我们发现这个人是 |
| 81 | attracted back, we feel like we found the holy grail. | 被吸引回来,我们觉得我们找到了神圣的护身符 |
| 82 | Yes. | 对 |
| 83 | Like this is it. | 像这样 |
| 84 | It feels like an | 感觉就像一个 |
| 85 | explosion. | 爆炸声。 |
| 86 | It's like oh my god this is the most important thing in the world. | 这就像哦,我的上帝 这是世界上最重要的事情。 |
| 87 | I have to do | 我必须这么做 |
| 88 | everything for this thing. | 一切为此事. |
| 89 | Yes, so this is level two and this is dangerous. | 是的,所以这是二级,这是危险的。 |
| 90 | Why is this dangerous? | 为什么这么危险? |
| 91 | Because on its own it's not that important. | 因为它本身并不重要。 |
| 92 | A connection is not the rarest thing in the world. | 联系不是世界上最罕见的 |
| 93 | Sexual chemistry is not the rarest thing in the world, but it feels when you find it like it's so | 性化学不是世上最罕见的 但当你发现它是如此 |
| 94 | important. | 这很重要 |
| 95 | But we realize it's not important when we get to level three. | 但是我们意识到,当我们到达第三级时,这不重要. |
| 96 | Level three is commitment. | 三级是承诺。 |
| 97 | Two people actually saying yes to each other. | 两个人其实都答应了 |
| 98 | You know the number of people that I speak to that | 你知道有多少人 我说话 |
| 99 | start with I have this amazing person in my life, they're this, they're that, they're the other, | 首先,我有一个惊人的人 在我的生命, 他们是这个, 他们是另一个, |
| 100 | they're you know Matt, you, you, this person that we can talk about anything. | 他们知道马特,你,你,这个人 我们可以谈论任何事情。 |
| 101 | We have the most amazing | 我们有最神奇的 |
| 102 | time together and I and I know I already know there's a huge buck coming otherwise it wouldn't | 时间在一起,我和我知道我已经知道 有一大块钱来 否则它不会 |
| 103 | start with all of this amazing stuff. | 从这些惊人的东西开始 |
| 104 | And the punch line often is some form of but they don't | 和拳头 经常是某种形式 但他们不 |
| 105 | want a relationship. | 想要一个关系。 |
| 106 | But they say they're not ready. | 但他们说还没准备好 |
| 107 | But they're confused about me. | 但他们很困惑我 |
| 108 | And it's like okay | 这就像没事 |
| 109 | so we're in level two. | 所以我们在二级。 |
| 110 | We're not in level three. | 我们不是在三级。 |
| 111 | And there's a world of difference between those | 和世界的区别 |
| 112 | places. | 地点 |
| 113 | Level two is a plot of land. | 二级为地块. |
| 114 | It may look like a plot of land that's in a great part of town | 它可能看起来像一块地 在镇上大部 |
| 115 | or it looks over a lake or it's in an amazing part of the city. | 或者它看着一个湖 或者它位于一个惊人的城市的一部分。 |
| 116 | It's an amazing plot of land. | 这是一块惊人的土地。 |
| 117 | Something amazing could go here. | 令人惊叹的东西会在这里。 |
| 118 | You meet a person and the connection, the attraction, the chemistry | 你会遇到一个人 和连接,吸引,化学 |
| 119 | makes you feel like you've got an amazing plot of land. | 让你觉得自己有一块惊人的土地 |
| 120 | And all you can see is what could get built | 你所看到的就是能够建造的东西 |
| 121 | on that plot of land and how incredible that could be. | 在那块土地上,那是多么不可思议。 |
| 122 | But in order for that to become that | 但为了成为那样 |
| 123 | you need a builder. | 你需要一个建筑师。 |
| 124 | And the next question is do you actually have a builder? | 下一个问题是 你确实有建筑师吗? |
| 125 | Because when you have | 因为当你有 |
| 126 | a builder and two people build together they create something extraordinary on that land. | 一个建筑商和两个人一起建造 他们在那块土地上创造了非凡的东西。 |
| 127 | They build | 他们建设 |
| 128 | their castle whatever that castle is. | 他们的城堡 不论城堡是什么。 |
| 129 | And the more you build it the more innate it becomes. | 你建得越多 就越是天生的 |
| 130 | The more | 越来越多 |
| 131 | beautiful it becomes. | 变得美丽 |
| 132 | It is weathered in all sorts of ways that are distinct to your relationship. | 以各种与你的关系不同的方式风化了 |
| 133 | The secret rooms no one else knows about that only the two of you know about. | 无人知晓的秘密房间 只有你们两个知道 |
| 134 | It's your castle | 这是你的城堡 |
| 135 | together. | 一起来 |
| 136 | That's what's beautiful. | 这才是最美丽的 |
| 137 | That's what makes a relationship really really special is all | 这就是真正特殊的关系 |
| 138 | of the work that's gone into building something truly unique that only the two of you could have | 创造出真正独特的东西 只有你们两个能拥有 |
| 139 | built. | 已经建成。 |
| 140 | Now imagine the scene of you sitting there building away at this castle and the other builder | 现在想象一下你坐在城堡旁边的场景 还有另一个建筑师 |
| 141 | is AWOL. | 是离弃。 |
| 142 | They're not even there. | 他们甚至不在那里。 |
| 143 | They are somewhere else because they're not trying to build with you. | 他们在别的地方 因为他们不想和你一起建 |
| 144 | They're not trying to have a relationship. | 他们没有试图有关系。 |
| 145 | They just want an experience. | 他们只想体验一下 |
| 146 | It's a completely | 这是一个完全的 |
| 147 | different thing. | 不同的东西。 |
| 148 | So level three is a relationship. | 所以三级是关系 |
| 149 | It's commitment. | 这是承诺。 |
| 150 | Level two is just an experience. | 二级只是一次经历. |
| 151 | This is painful. | 这是痛苦的。 |
| 152 | Well I shouldn't say it's painful. | 我不该说很痛苦 |
| 153 | I'm thinking on behalf of so many of the | 我代表这么多人思考 |
| 154 | listeners who are single in their 20s and 30s and 40s and online dating because I would imagine | 20、30、40岁时单身的听众 在网上约会 因为我想 |
| 155 | that there's a tremendous amount of confusion between level two and level three. | 二级和三级之间 有很大的混淆 |
| 156 | And my next question is how the hell do you know if you're in level three? | 我下一个问题就是,你怎么知道你是否属于三级? |
| 157 | How do you know if somebody | 你怎么知道如果有人 |
| 158 | actually wants a commitment the way that you do? | 实际上,想要一个承诺的方式,你这样做? |
| 159 | You have the conversation you're too afraid to | 你有话要说,你太害怕了 |
| 160 | have right now. | 有现在。 |
| 161 | The one that you've been putting off because it feels so good to keep enjoying this | 你一直拖着那个 因为一直享受这个感觉真好 |
| 162 | thing that you don't want to wreck it. | 事情你不想毁了它。 |
| 163 | You don't want to drive it away. | 你不会想把它赶走的 |
| 164 | You are afraid that if you | 你怕,如果你 |
| 165 | have the question you're going to be seen as difficult. | 有个问题你会觉得很困难 |
| 166 | So we don't say it. | 所以我们不说。 |
| 167 | We're afraid of | 我们害怕 |
| 168 | the effects. | 影响。 |
| 169 | And what we think is, by the way, if I could just keep getting closer and closer and | 我们的想法是,顺便说一句, 如果我能继续 越来越接近, |
| 170 | closer to this person, if I can make myself indispensable, if I can just get so close that | 离这个人更近 如果我能让自己变得不可或缺 如果我能如此接近他 |
| 171 | I'm basically integrated with every part of their life, then essentially they'll see my value and | 我基本上融入了他们生活的每一个部分, 然后基本上他们会看到我的价值和 |
| 172 | by the way they'll start giving as much as I am because they'll realize my value. | 因为他们会明白我的价值 |
| 173 | Unfortunately | 很遗憾 |
| 174 | the opposite happens is we give and we give and we give and we give and someone learns that there's | 恰恰相反,我们付出,我们付出,我们付出,我们付出,有人学会 |
| 175 | absolutely no price to pay for the giving. | 绝对没有付出的代价。 |
| 176 | So everything we give gets completely taken for | ┮и┮Τ狥「 常砆场 |
| 177 | granted and assumed and we come to find after months or sometimes years of being in limbo with | 数月或数年后,我们终于发现 |
| 178 | when we finally say, what is this? | 当我们终于说,这是什么? |
| 179 | They're like, I don't know. | 他们就像,我不知道。 |
| 180 | And you realize you've | 你意识到你已经 |
| 181 | wasted all that time and energy all because you weren't prepared to have a hard conversation. | 浪费了那么多时间和精力 都因为你没有准备好进行艰难的对话 |
| 182 | Every great relationship is formed in the crucible of hard conversations. | 每一个伟大的关系都是在硬对话的十字架上形成的. |
| 183 | And a hard | 一个难 |
| 184 | conversation, by the way, is it doesn't have to be an aggressive or a pushy conversation. | 顺便说一句,它不是必须是一个 攻击性的对话,或者一个刻薄的对话。 |
| 185 | It could be a very elegant conversation. | 这可能是非常优雅的谈话。 |
| 186 | A hard conversation is just the one you're | 难谈的是你 |
| 187 | afraid to have. | 害怕拥有。 |
| 188 | That's true. | 没错 |
| 189 | You're going to find out very quickly where you stand | 你会很快发现你的位置 |
| 190 | and you're also introducing an element of, I'm not going to be here forever. | 而你也引入了一个元素, 我不会永远在这里。 |
| 191 | So let's role play. | 所以,让我们的角色扮演。 |
| 192 | So we're in a level two relationship and I want a commitment. | 所以,我们处于一个二级的关系 我想要一个承诺。 |
| 193 | I'm scared to death to ask you. | 我怕得要死 问你。 |
| 194 | I don't know how many other people you're dating. | 我不知道你在跟多少人约会 |
| 195 | We've kind of been in that zone where we're hooking up and we're going out on dates and | 我们曾经在那个区域 在那里,我们正在勾搭 我们出去约会和 |
| 196 | I feel like it's vibing and I now, I don't even know what the language is anymore. | 感觉像在振动 现在我,我甚至不知道 是什么语言了。 |
| 197 | That's how | 就是这样 |
| 198 | old I am. | 老样子 |
| 199 | Do we say monogamous? | 我们要说一夫一妻制吗? |
| 200 | Do we say exclusive? | 我们说独家? |
| 201 | Do we say that we're like, | 我们是不是说我们... |
| 202 | dating heaven forbid? | 约会天堂禁止? |
| 203 | Is that not a word we use? | 这不是我们用的词吗? |
| 204 | Like, I don't know. | 喜欢,我不知道。 |
| 205 | Every time I would say | 每次我说 |
| 206 | something to my daughters, like, okay, okay, okay. | 对我的女儿来说,像,好吧,好吧,好吧。 |
| 207 | I don't know what the terminology is. | 我不知道术语是什么 |
| 208 | Anyhow, we're in a level two. | 无论如何,我们处于二级。 |
| 209 | How do I bring this up with you? | 我该怎么跟你说? |
| 210 | Can you give me the sentence, Matt? | 你能给我句子吗 马特? |
| 211 | Yeah, there are different ways to come at this, but I'll give you one way. | 是的,有不同的方式来做到这一点, 但我会给你一个方法。 |
| 212 | Yeah, let's do it. | 是啊,让我们做到这一点。 |
| 213 | But I realized I'm investing a lot of kind of time and energy into this and it's an amount of | 但我意识到我投入了很多时间和精力 来做这个 |
| 214 | and energy and intimacy that I wouldn't be giving if we were still giving it to other people. | 和精力和亲密,我不会给 如果我们仍然给别人。 |
| 215 | And I know that I'm not because it's just not me. | 我知道我不是因为我 |
| 216 | And, you know, I wanted to know if you're in the | 而且,你知道, 我想知道,如果你在 |
| 217 | same place. | 同一个地方。 |
| 218 | If you're not, that's totally okay. | 如果你没有,那完全没关系。 |
| 219 | Like, I get it. | 喜欢,我明白了。 |
| 220 | It's fine. | 没事 |
| 221 | You know, there's no | 你知道,没有 |
| 222 | pressure. | 压力。 |
| 223 | But if you're not in that place, I need to reevaluate how much I'm giving to this because, | 但如果你不在那个地方,我需要重新评价 我给这个多少钱,因为, |
| 224 | you know, I'm excited to meet someone, you know, that values the same things I do or has the same | 你知道,我很高兴见到一个人, 你知道,我珍视 同样的事情我做或有相同的 |
| 225 | things in mind that I do. | 我心里有数 |
| 226 | And I want to give my energy to someone who's in that place. | 我想把我的精力 给那个地方的人。 |
| 227 | And I | 还有我 |
| 228 | realized we haven't even had that conversation. | 发现我们甚至没有 有过这种对话。 |
| 229 | You know, Matt, I am having a great time with you. | 马特,我跟你在一起很开心 |
| 230 | I feel like I'm on The Bachelor right now. | 我觉得我现在在学士 |
| 231 | I am having a great time with you. | 我和你在一起很开心 |
| 232 | But, you know, | 但是,你知道吗, |
| 233 | I just got out of a long term relationship and I don't want to hurt you. | 我刚刚脱离了长期的关系 我不想伤害你 |
| 234 | Yeah, I'd like to | 对,我想 |
| 235 | still see you. | 还见么. |
| 236 | But this is why these are hard conversations. | 但这就是为什么这些是艰难的对话。 |
| 237 | Yeah, but that's a very real | 是啊,但这是非常真实的 |
| 238 | response, right? | 反应,对不对? |
| 239 | So let's keep, because that's a very realistic response by a lot of people. | 因此,让我们保持, 因为这是一个非常现实的反应 很多人。 |
| 240 | You say, look, that's totally cool. | 你说,你看, 这完全很酷。 |
| 241 | I can't keep giving my energy to someone who's not on the same | 我不能一直把精力 给一个不一样的人 |
| 242 | page as me. | 与我一样 |
| 243 | Like, it's not for me. | 喜欢,它不适合我。 |
| 244 | I know my energy is really precious. | 我知道我的能量真的很宝贵。 |
| 245 | I know how much I have to | 我知道我需要多少钱 |
| 246 | offer someone. | 提供某人。 |
| 247 | And if you're not in that place, it doesn't, you know, you don't need to worry | 如果你不在那个地方,那就不用担心了 |
| 248 | about hurting me because I'm always going to just do what's right for me anyway. | 伤害我,因为我总是会 做适合我的事。 |
| 249 | And as much as I | 就像我一样 |
| 250 | like spending time with you, you know, I value what I want more than that. | 就像和你共度时光,你知道的, 我珍惜我想要的更多。 |
| 251 | So I'm going to do | 所以,我会做 |
| 252 | my own thing, but, you know, I wish you the best and you're a great guy and it's okay. | 我自己的事情,但是,你知道, 我祝你最好的, 你是个伟大的家伙,没关系。 |
| 253 | Like, I get | 喜欢,我得到 |
| 254 | it. | 这个 |
| 255 | You're a great person. | 你是个好人 |
| 256 | I hope you, you know, find happiness in whatever you do, but I can't | 我希望你,你知道,找到幸福 在你做什么,但我无法 |
| 257 | give time and energy to someone who wants something different than I do. | 给一个比我更想要的东西的人时间和精力 |
| 258 | There's a couple | 有一对夫妇 |
| 259 | things I want to pull out that I think are incredibly important that I noticed. | 我想拔出的东西 我认为是 令人难以置信的重要 我注意到。 |
| 260 | And I wonder | и稱稱 |
| 261 | if it was on purpose. | 如果这是故意的。 |
| 262 | First of all, I loved that you didn't say that you liked me. | 首先,我喜欢你没说你喜欢我 |
| 263 | You specifically | 你特意说 |
| 264 | said you liked the time that we had spent together. | 说你喜欢我们在一起度过的时间 |
| 265 | And that left you like playing the person that's | 这让你喜欢扮演 |
| 266 | not as interested in the level two. | 对二级没兴趣 |
| 267 | I'm not ready to go to level three. | 我还没准备好进入三级 |
| 268 | Hearing that you liked the | 听说你喜欢 |
| 269 | time made you seem stronger and more confident because you weren't sounding like, Hey, I really | 时间让你看起来更强壮更自信 因为你听起来不像,嘿,我真的 |
| 270 | like you. | 喜欢你 |
| 271 | Do you like me? | 你喜欢我吗? |
| 272 | And fishing for an answer. | 而钓鱼求答. |
| 273 | And then when you said, you use the word | 然后当你说,你用这个词 |
| 274 | energy, you didn't use the word, I'm looking for a commitment. | 能量,你没有用这个词, 我在找一个承诺。 |
| 275 | I'm looking for monogamy. | 寻一夫一妻. |
| 276 | You didn't | 你没有 |
| 277 | use those words that feel like you're locking someone down. | 用那些感觉你把某人锁起来的话 |
| 278 | The way that the coaching went that | 教练走的方式 |
| 279 | you just gave us in the script that you can now play and you should repeat in your dating and | 你刚刚给我们的剧本 你可以现在播放, 你应该重复你的约会和 |
| 280 | your relationship life was one where you said, I value my energy and I know myself and I want to | 你的感情生活是你说的 我珍惜我的能量 我了解自己 我想 |
| 281 | put my energy into things that are going somewhere. | 把我的精力投入到某些事情中去 |
| 282 | And so I want to have that conversation because | 所以我想和你谈谈 因为... |
| 283 | this has been a lot of fun and I enjoy spending time with you, but I want to make sure that, | 这很有趣,我很喜欢跟你在一起 但我想确定一下 |
| 284 | you know, I want to check in with you because I don't want to date a lot of other people. | 你知道,我想与你检查 因为我不想约会 很多其他人。 |
| 285 | And you see what I'm saying? | 你明白我的意思了吗? |
| 286 | Like you were made powerful in that because you weren't | 碞钩琌⊿Τ' |
| 287 | actually looking for me to say, I like you back. | 其实是找我说 我喜欢你回来 |
| 288 | You were looking for clarification | 你在寻找澄清 |
| 289 | on whether or not this was worth your time. | 关于这是否值得你花时间 |
| 290 | And so that was super important for you listening | 所以这对你来说非常重要 |
| 291 | to understand the nuance of that. | 来理解这一点的细微差别。 |
| 292 | Massively different. | 广大不同. |
| 293 | Because you're having a conversation | 因为你在聊天 |
| 294 | about the allocation of an incredibly valuable thing. | 关于分配 一个令人难以置信的价值的东西。 |
| 295 | And you're showing through the conversation | 你正在通过对话显示 |
| 296 | how much you value it. | 你是多么珍视它。 |
| 297 | I know what I have to give is incredible. | 我知道我要付出的是不可思议的。 |
| 298 | Like that's the subtext. | 就像这是子文字。 |
| 299 | I know what I have to offer someone is incredible. | 我知道我要为某人提供的东西是不可思议的。 |
| 300 | So, you know, I'm very careful about who I give | 所以,你知道,我很小心 我给谁 |
| 301 | that to. | 给。 |
| 302 | This isn't a how dare you, you know, hook up with me or how dare we spend any time | 这不是一个你敢,你知道, 勾搭我或我们怎么敢花时间 |
| 303 | together if you weren't in the same. | 在一起,如果你不是在同一个。 |
| 304 | It's like, no, it's not. | 谓,非也. |
| 305 | Again, so quickly, I think a lot | 再说一遍,这么快,我觉得很多 |
| 306 | of people can lose their power that way because they don't take ownership of the time they've | 因为他们不掌握他们拥有的时间 |
| 307 | invested or the ways they've spent time with someone or even the intimacy. | 投资 或他们与某人相处的方式 甚至亲密关系 |
| 308 | Like you're an | 就像你是一个 |
| 309 | adult. | 成年人。 |
| 310 | If you want to do something with someone, do it, own it, enjoy it. | 如果你想和某人做点什么,做,拥有,享受. |
| 311 | But if it's no longer | 但是如果已经不是了 |
| 312 | working for you, then don't go to resentment about the time you've spent. | 为你工作,那么不要去 怨恨你花费的时间。 |
| 313 | Instead, just take | 相反,只是采取 |
| 314 | ownership of I know what I've been giving you and what I will continue to give is incredible. | 我知道自己给了你什么 我会继续给你什么是不可思议的。 |
| 315 | I know it's really valuable. | 我知道这很值钱 |
| 316 | I'm deciding whether this continues to be a good investment of all of | 我决定这是否继续是所有 |
| 317 | that time and energy. | 时间和精力 |
| 318 | And if it's not any longer, that's okay. | 如果它不再存在, 那没关系。 |
| 319 | I'm not turning you into the villain, | 我不会把你变成坏人 |
| 320 | but I, you're also not turning yourself into the loser. | 但我,你也不会变成失败者 |
| 321 | Like, I think here's the thing that's | 我觉得这就是 |
| 322 | really helpful about level one, which is, oh, I see that person over there is super attractive, | 关于一级,非常有帮助, 这是,哦,我看到那边的人是超级有吸引力的, |
| 323 | but there's nothing mutual level two, which is this mutual connection and attraction | 但是没有共同的二级, 这就是这种互相连接和吸引。 |
| 324 | and chemistry. | 还有化学 |
| 325 | And then if you want to try to go to level three, which is where you have a mutual | 如果你想尝试进入三级 那就是你有一个相互的 |
| 326 | commitment, that's where you have to have the conversation and starting to understand for | 承诺,这就是你必须让 谈话和开始理解 |
| 327 | yourself, not where is the other person, but where am I? | 你自己,不是别人在哪里,而是我在哪里? |
| 328 | The second that you start to feel | 你开始感觉到的第二 |
| 329 | in a relationship where you're giving more than you're comfortable, where you're unsure of where | 在一个你付出 超过你舒适, 你不确定在哪里 |
| 330 | somebody stands, where you're starting to get sketchy about stalking people in terms of legally | 有人站在那里,你开始 变得草率 关于跟踪人们在法律上 |
| 331 | on their, you know, where they are, they're on their hinge. | 在他们,你知道,他们在哪里, 他们的链。 |
| 332 | You know, when you're doing that, | 你知道,当你这样做, |
| 333 | it's time to have the conversation you're avoiding, which is this is to a point where | 是时候和你回避的谈话了 这已经到了 |
| 334 | I got to be clear about whether or not it's worth me investing energy in because I think we all know | 我得说清楚 这是否值得我投入精力 因为我想我们都知道 |
| 335 | that point for ourselves where we tip into either super clingy, insecure, or sort of like resentful, | 对我们来说,我们要么是陷入 超级固执,不安全, 或有点像怨恨, |
| 336 | like anger mode. | 像愤怒模式。 |
| 337 | And you don't want to be there because it's not the other person's fault that | 你不想去,因为不是别人的错 |
| 338 | they don't want to give you a commitment. | 他们不想给你承诺 |
| 339 | It's your fault if you continue to show up to something | 继续露面都是你的错 |
| 340 | that isn't actually good for you. | 对你实在不好 |
| 341 | And the standard itself can actually be the thing | 标准本身其实就是问题所在 |
| 342 | that creates attraction. | 这创造了吸引力。 |
| 343 | We think, you know, we ask a lot of questions about how can we | 我们认为,你知道, 我们问了很多关于我们如何能够 |
| 344 | create attraction with someone. | 和某人一起创造魅力 |
| 345 | Well, one of the most amazing ways to create attraction | 创造吸引力的最神奇的方法之一 |
| 346 | is to have standards and to, and to live by those standards. | 要有标准,遵守和遵守这些标准。 |
| 347 | Let me tell you a story because you're | 让我告诉你一个故事 因为你是 |
| 348 | going to love this and your audience is going to love it. | 观众会喜欢的 |
| 349 | This is a story from something my own wife | 这个故事是我太太写的 |
| 350 | sent to me at a time when I was not the heroic, you know, ultra giving one in the situation. | 当我不是英雄的时候 被派来给我的 |
| 351 | I was the one who was like all over the place. | 我是一个谁像 各地。 |
| 352 | By all the place, you mean like you were like a | 你是说你就像一个 |
| 353 | player, you're dating a bunch of people at the same time? | 玩家,你同时和一群人约会? |
| 354 | We went, we were, we, we had met in | 我们去了,我们,我们,我们见过 |
| 355 | London. | 伦敦 |
| 356 | I'd like literally come back for a couple of weeks to see family. | 我想回来看看家人 |
| 357 | That was where we met. | 这就是我们相遇的地方。 |
| 358 | Then I went back to Los Angeles where I live. | 然后我回到我住的洛杉矶 |
| 359 | We just had had a great time together. | 我们刚刚相处得很愉快 |
| 360 | So you're level | 所以你是水平 |
| 361 | two. | 两个 |
| 362 | Very much level two. | 甚处是二层. |
| 363 | Got it. | 明白吗? |
| 364 | Like deep level two. | 如深二层. |
| 365 | Got, well, I don't know what that means, | 我不知道这是什么意思 |
| 366 | but level two. | 但二级。 |
| 367 | Lots and lots of attraction. | 很多很多的吸引力。 |
| 368 | Absolutely no commitment. | 绝对没有承诺。 |
| 369 | Can I just say something? | 我能说句话吗? |
| 370 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 371 | There is no such thing as deep level two. | 深二层无此法. |
| 372 | Let me tell you why. | 让我告诉你为什么。 |
| 373 | There's only level two. | 只有二级 |
| 374 | You, | 你们 |
| 375 | I mean, this is exactly the lesson. | 我的意思是,这正是教训。 |
| 376 | This is exactly the lesson. | 这正是教训。 |
| 377 | You're like letting it be | 你就像让它 |
| 378 | something. | 东西。 |
| 379 | It's just level fricking two. | 只是两层 |
| 380 | Correct. | 没错 |
| 381 | That's exactly right. | 没错 |
| 382 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 383 | So I go back to Los | 所以我就回洛斯去 回到洛斯 |
| 384 | Angeles和我们在发短信 | |
| 385 | We're having some calls. | 我们有一些电话。 |
| 386 | It's still fun. | 还趣么. |
| 387 | It's still | 还是这样 |
| 388 | engaging. | 战斗 |
| 389 | We're excited to speak to each other. | 我们很兴奋能和对方说话 |
| 390 | Gradually I start to fall off. | 渐渐地,我开始脱落。 |
| 391 | What does fall off | 掉下来的东西 |
| 392 | like? | 喜欢? |
| 393 | I am not. | 我没有。 |
| 394 | Day by day, my texts got less frequent. | 每天,我的短信越来越少 |
| 395 | I stopped. | 我停下来了。 |
| 396 | So I probably at some point, | 所以我也许在某些时候 |
| 397 | I stopped calling and started only texting. | 我不再打电话,只开始发短信。 |
| 398 | Then the texts are less and less frequent. | 然则文体少而少. |
| 399 | And then I | 接着我 |
| 400 | think, I don't know what it was a couple of weeks, something went by where we'd already been not | 想想,我不知道这是什么 几个星期,一些东西经过 在那里我们已经没有 |
| 401 | texting for a while. | 发短信一段时间。 |
| 402 | Maybe a few days went by or a couple of weeks. | 也许过了几天 或者几周 |
| 403 | I can't remember. | 我不记得了 |
| 404 | Audrey probably | 欧蕊可能 |
| 405 | remembers. | 记得 |
| 406 | But at a certain point I sent a message that said, it either said miss, I miss you or I'm | 但是在某个时候,我发了一个信息, 说,它要么说小姐, 我想你,要么我 |
| 407 | thinking of you. | 想着你 |
| 408 | She sent me a message I'll never forget. | 她给我发了一个我永远不会忘记的消息 |
| 409 | And for every woman out there, take this | 给外面的每一个女人 拿着这个 |
| 410 | message and run with it because it is so powerful. | 发个信息,就因为它很强大 |
| 411 | It's so amazing. | 真不可思议 |
| 412 | And it's word for word, perfect. | 且言一字,完美无缺. |
| 413 | Now bear in mind, I just want to stop for a moment. | 记住,我只想停一下 |
| 414 | What's the instinct to do in that moment? | 那一刻的本能是什么? |
| 415 | If you | 如果你们 |
| 416 | like someone. | 像一个人。 |
| 417 | I miss you too. | 我也很想你,我爱死你了 |
| 418 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 419 | You just rush of blood to the head, nervous system activated. | 你只是热血冲向头部, 神经系统激活。 |
| 420 | I'm just happy this person reached out and that they're saying something affectionate. | 我只是很高兴这个人伸出援手 他们说了一些亲切的话 |
| 421 | Yes. | 对 |
| 422 | Oh my | 天呐 |
| 423 | God. | 天呐 |
| 424 | And this is for every human being. | 而此是为一切众生. |
| 425 | I don't care how old you are. | 我不管你多大年纪 |
| 426 | I don't care gender, whatever. | 我不在乎性别,不管什么。 |
| 427 | This is, every one of us has that where somebody's gone silent and all of a sudden you get that little | 这就是,我们每个人都有, 在那里有人已经沉默了, 突然你得到的小 |
| 428 | boop. | 嘘。 |
| 429 | There it is. | 就是这样 |
| 430 | And that, what you just said, is why level two is the most dangerous stage. | 你刚才说的 就是为什么第二阶段是最危险的阶段 |
| 431 | Because the instinct in that moment is to text someone back. | 因为那一刻的本能是给某人发回短信 |
| 432 | Right. | 对 |
| 433 | To fly, to see them, to do | 飞翔,看他们,做 |
| 434 | whatever we can to be with them. | 只要我们能和他们在一起 |
| 435 | But that instinct might be the most dangerous instinct you have in | 但这种直觉可能是你最危险的直觉 |
| 436 | that moment. | 那一刻。 |
| 437 | So she didn't do that. | 所以她没有这样做。 |
| 438 | She sent this message back. | 她发了这个消息回来。 |
| 439 | She said, Hey, I hope you're well. | 她说,嘿,我希望你没事。 |
| 440 | To be honest, when I get a message like this from you, I don't really know what to say. | 老实说,当我从你那里得到这样的信息时,我真的不知道该说什么. |
| 441 | So again, | 再说一遍 |
| 442 | that first line is like confusion. | 第一行就像混乱。 |
| 443 | She's pointing out that there's something at odds with my words | 她说我的话有问题 |
| 444 | and my behavior. | 还有我的行为 |
| 445 | So, Hey, I hope you're well. | 所以,嘿,我希望你没事。 |
| 446 | To be honest, when you send a message like that, | 老实说 当你发出这样的信息时 |
| 447 | I don't really know what to say or I'm not really sure what to say. | 我不知道该说什么 或者我不知道该说什么 |
| 448 | We haven't really felt that close | 我们没有真正感觉那么接近 |
| 449 | for a while now. | 有一阵子了 |
| 450 | And then she put in parentheses, rightly or wrongly, this message feels like | 然后她把括号,对或错, 这个信息感觉像 |
| 451 | a bid for attention. | 争取注意 |
| 452 | So if you break down that message, it communicates so much. | 所以,如果你打破这个消息, 它沟通这么多。 |
| 453 | And this is why | 这就是为什么 |
| 454 | I'm not someone who says like, you know, here's a thousand scripts, use them word for word. | 我不是说,你知道的, 这里有一千个剧本, 用字逐句。 |
| 455 | But | 不过 |
| 456 | you have to understand why language matters because language matters deeply. | 你必须明白为什么语言很重要 因为语言很重要 |
| 457 | And if you | 狦 |
| 458 | know why it works, you could say it your way. | 你知道为什么它工作, 你可以说它的方式。 |
| 459 | But why does it work? | 但为什么它工作? |
| 460 | Well, I hope you're well. | 希望你没事 |
| 461 | So | 这么说 |
| 462 | still warmth to that. | 仍然很温暖 |
| 463 | It's not like how dare you. | 岂不为敢. |
| 464 | I hope you're well. | 希望你没事 |
| 465 | Don't wish you any harm. | 别希望你受到伤害 |
| 466 | But when you send something like this, I'm not really sure what to say. | 但当你送来这样的东西, 我真的不知道该说什么。 |
| 467 | Why? | 为什么? |
| 468 | Because we haven't | 因为我们没有 |
| 469 | really felt that close for a while. | 有一阵子感觉很近 |
| 470 | So it's a little strange. | 所以有点奇怪 |
| 471 | The fact that we've kind of like | 我们喜欢 |
| 472 | stopped talking very much. | 别再说话了 |
| 473 | There's the interactions we have a very superficial, very noncommittal. | 我们的相互作用非常肤浅,非常不承诺。 |
| 474 | There's not a lot of energy behind them. | 后无量众生. |
| 475 | There's not much thought or intention behind them. | 背后没有太多的想法或意图. |
| 476 | They're more and more sparse. | 他们越来越少。 |
| 477 | And then at the end of all of that, you send, I miss you. | 在这一切结束时,你发送,我想念你。 |
| 478 | That is | 这是 |
| 479 | completely out of sync with everything you have done over the last month or not done. | 完全与你上个月做过或没有做过的一切 完全脱节 |
| 480 | We haven't | 我们没有 |
| 481 | felt that close for a while now. | 暂时感觉很接近了 |
| 482 | Now that again is exposing the elephant in the room. | 现在,再次暴露在房间里的大象。 |
| 483 | Because | 因为 |
| 484 | what most people are hoping for in a situation like that, consciously or unconsciously, | 在这样的情况下 大多数人希望得到什么 有意或无意中 |
| 485 | is that you will not point out the discrepancy between their actions and their words, | 难道你不会指出他们的行为和言辞之间的矛盾吗? |
| 486 | but you will mirror them. | 但你会照镜子的 |
| 487 | That I'll say I miss you and you'll come back and you'll mirror that. | 我会说我想念你 你会回来,你会照镜子的 |
| 488 | That's true. | 没错 |
| 489 | We do. | 没错 |
| 490 | So she's saying, I'm not going to mirror that because that's not where we're at | 所以她说,我不会去 镜像,因为这不是我们的位置 |
| 491 | in reality. | 在现实中。 |
| 492 | So I'm shining a giant spotlight on this elephant in the room. | 所以我在房间里的这头大象身上闪耀着巨大的聚光灯。 |
| 493 | So you've got nowhere | 你无处可逃 |
| 494 | to hide. | 藏起来 |
| 495 | And then she said rightly or wrongly. | 然后她说对或错 |
| 496 | Now rightly or wrongly is very powerful language | 现在对或错 是非常强大的语言 |
| 497 | there because it's also humility. | 因为它也是谦卑的。 |
| 498 | She's not bringing ego into it. | 她不会自负的 |
| 499 | And she's not flaring | 她没有发抖 |
| 500 | up my ego. | 升起我的自负。 |
| 501 | She's like, I might be wrong. | 她说,我可能错了。 |
| 502 | Maybe I've misread this whole situation, | 也许我搞错了 |
| 503 | but it looks an awful lot like you're not really trying. | 但它看起来很可怕 像你没有真正尝试。 |
| 504 | You don't want any more. | 你不再想要这些了 |
| 505 | And | 还有 |
| 506 | you want attention right now. | 你现在需要注意。 |
| 507 | It comes across rightly or wrongly like a bid for attention. | 它的出现是正确还是错误的,就像要引起注意一样。 |
| 508 | Now in that moment, I'm called out. | 现在,那一刻,我被叫出来。 |
| 509 | So what do you do with that information? | 你拿这个信息做什么? |
| 510 | Well, it depends on the | 嗯,这取决于 |
| 511 | kind of person you're dealing with. | 那种人你处理。 |
| 512 | Some people in response to that will love bomb you, especially | 一些人对此的反应 会爱上炸弹你,特别是 |
| 513 | an unhealthy person is going to go, now I'm going to get you. | 一个不健康的人要去, 现在我要得到你。 |
| 514 | So, oh my God, let me call you right | 所以,哦,我的上帝, 让我打电话给你的权利 |
| 515 | now. | 现在 |
| 516 | lah. | |
| 517 | Charm, charm, charm, charm, charm. | 魅力,魅力,魅力,魅力,魅力,魅力,魅力,魅力,众生. |
| 518 | Like let me fly out to see you this weekend. | 像让我飞出去 看到你这个周末。 |
| 519 | Can you come out to see me? | 你能出来见我吗? |
| 520 | You know, like goes full charm mode. | 你知道,像去 完全魅力模式。 |
| 521 | I didn't do that then, | 我当时没有那么做 |
| 522 | but there was a time in my life where I absolutely would have done that. | 但有段时间我绝对会这么做 |
| 523 | And just to be clear, | 说清楚了 |
| 524 | that's still in level two because you haven't had the conversation right about the commitment. | 因为在承诺方面你没有好好交谈 |
| 525 | Yes. | 对 |
| 526 | Because they're keeping you in level two. | 因为他们把你关在第二层 |
| 527 | I love how simple this is that you're either | 我喜欢你这么简单 |
| 528 | attracted to somebody, which is admiration that is not interested in you. | 被某个人吸引, 这是一种不感兴趣的崇拜。 |
| 529 | Or there's this level | 或有这一关 |
| 530 | two dangerous mode where it is all about the attraction and the game there is to keep you | 两种危险模式,其中它的一切 吸引和游戏有 保持你 |
| 531 | in that lane. | 在那个车道。 |
| 532 | 100%. | 百分百的 百分百的 百分百的 |
| 533 | And so you have to know for yourself, which it's very clear that your wife, | 所以你得自己知道 很明显你妻子 |
| 534 | Audrey, did in that moment that I'm done with level two. | 奥黛丽 那一刻我完成了二级 |
| 535 | And the fact that you probably were | 而事实上,你可能 |
| 536 | made her realize she wanted to have something that was more certain with you if it was going | 让她意识到她想要的东西 更肯定你,如果它去 |
| 537 | to continue. | 继续。 |
| 538 | And she did the thing that most of us don't do, which is she acted consistently | 她做了我们大部分人不做的事 那就是她一贯的行为 |
| 539 | with somebody who no longer wanted to be in level two. | 和一个不想再进入二级的人 |
| 540 | She wanted to be with somebody who | 她想和一个人在一起 |
| 541 | was willing to go to level three and have the commitment. | 愿意进入第三级并做出承诺。 |
| 542 | And she is also smart. | 她也很聪明 |
| 543 | And I need | и惠璶 |
| 544 | one of you listening to hear me. | 你们中有人听我的 |
| 545 | You will stay in level two for the rest of your damn life. | 你下半辈子都要呆在第二级 |
| 546 | If you're unwilling to have the conversation about level three, because no one, no one cares | 如果你不愿意谈论第三级 因为没人在乎 |
| 547 | about your time and your life as much as you and expecting them to is a recipe for wasting your | 关于你的时间和生活 和你期望他们 是浪费你的秘方 |
| 548 | life. | 活着 |
| 549 | So many of my audience are not in their early twenties where it's like, well, I could | 所以,我的许多观众 不在他们的20多岁 喜欢,嗯,我可以 |
| 550 | throw away five years on a person in level two and, you know, plenty of time to go and I deal | 在二层的人身上丢掉5年 还有很多时间去处理 |
| 551 | with people in their thirties, late thirties, early forties. | 和三十多岁,三十多岁,四十多岁的人在一起 |
| 552 | And many of them, their life's | 很多人 他们的生活 |
| 553 | greatest dream is to have their own biological family. | 最大的梦想是拥有自己的亲生家庭。 |
| 554 | And they are in level two right now | 他们现在处于二级 |
| 555 | at risk of sacrificing for many of them, their biggest goal, their biggest dream in the entire | 冒着牺牲他们中许多人的风险 他们的最大目标 他们最大的梦想 |
| 556 | world for someone who I guarantee is either not going to regret having wasted all that time | 对于我保证的人来说,世界 要么不会后悔 浪费所有的时间 |
| 557 | of yours, or even if they do, which many do, when I look back on my life, I regret wasting | 或即使他们这样做, 很多人这样做, 当我回顾我的生活, 我后悔浪费 |
| 558 | people's time. | 人们的时间。 |
| 559 | I don't have the power to give it back to them. | 我没有权力还给他们 |
| 560 | I love that we're talking about this | 我喜欢我们谈论这个 |
| 561 | because I have seen too many of my friends literally waste a decade with somebody. | 因为我见过太多朋友 浪费了十年时间和别人在一起 |
| 562 | And this | 还有这个 |
| 563 | doesn't have to look like one night stands and dating. | 不需要像一夜情和约会 |
| 564 | This could be somebody that you're living | 这可能是你活着的人 |
| 565 | with that doesn't want to get married or who you keep thinking is going to change your mind on | 不想结婚 或者你一直想着谁会改变主意 |
| 566 | having children with you. | 有孩子和你在一起。 |
| 567 | And you won't have the conversation. | 而你不会有谈话。 |
| 568 | Like the moving from level two to | 就像从第二级转到 |
| 569 | level three is really about the type of commitment you're looking for. | 第三层的确是你要找的那种承诺 |
| 570 | And level two doesn't just | 第二层不只是 |
| 571 | refer to someone who's keeping you in limbo in month three where they don't want a relationship | 指有人在3个月里把你关在禁闭室里 他们不想谈恋爱 |
| 572 | and you do. | 而你会的 |
| 573 | It's anyone who can't give you the level of commitment that you're looking for. | 是诸众生不能令汝等所求成就成就成就成就. |
| 574 | There are couples that have been together for three years and one of them deeply wants marriage, | 有些夫妻在一起已经三年了 其中一人非常想结婚 |
| 575 | deeply wants to have a family, and the other one just cannot make up their mind or says I really | 非常想有一个家庭, 而另一个只是不能决定 他们的决定或说我真的 |
| 576 | don't want this. | 不想这样 |
| 577 | That represents a level of commitment you know you need in order to be | 这代表着你们知道自己需要的 承诺程度 |
| 578 | happy that someone else isn't giving you. | 很高兴别人没给你 |
| 579 | Whoa. | 珃 |
| 580 | That's a really important point | 这很重要 |
| 581 | because we've been focusing on dating but you're basically saying that you could be trapped in | 因为我们一直专注于约会 但你基本上说 你可能被困在 |
| 582 | level two for years because you are in a relationship justifying staying because of | 几年来第2级 因为你的关系 有理由留下来 因为 |
| 583 | the attraction or whatever else but you don't have the commitment that you deeply in your heart want. | 吸引人什么的 但你没有你内心深处想要的承诺 |
| 584 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 585 | Holy cow. | 天呐 |
| 586 | Let's keep digging into level two. | 继续挖第二层 |
| 587 | Yes and the hardest conversation | 是的,最难的谈话 |
| 588 | that you have to have is the one you have with yourself | 你必须拥有的是你自己 |
| 589 | where you come to terms with the fact that this conversation that you have out loud with them | 在那里,你得到了一个事实的事实, 你大声地和他们谈话 |
| 590 | might be the one that ends the relationship and so we're afraid to have a conversation with them | 可能就是结束关系的人 所以我们不敢和他们谈话 |
| 591 | because we haven't had a conversation with ourselves first about what we're prepared to | 因为我们还没有和自己对话 我们准备做什么 |
| 592 | make peace with about what is most important to us in our love lives and this is a model you can | 和我们爱情生活中最重要的事讲和 这是你们可以学习的典范 |
| 593 | use for any part of your life but in our love lives in order to change in order to get a different | 为了改变你的生活,为了改变你的生活 |
| 594 | result we have to rewire our brain. | 结果是我们必须重新连接我们的大脑。 |
| 595 | I put an entire chapter in this new book called how to rewire your | 我在这部新书里写了整章 名为"如何重新连接你" |
| 596 | brain. | 大脑。 |
| 597 | Now how do you do that when you've been doing things for a certain way for so long. | 现在,你怎么做 当你一直在做一些事情 一段时间。 |
| 598 | How do you get to the point where you're actually prepared to do something different. | 如何达到你真正准备做不同事情的地步. |
| 599 | The first thing you have to do is you have to make change absolutely necessary for yourself. | 你要做的第一件事是,你必须让改变成为自己绝对必要的。 |
| 600 | Now one of the things I do is get people to have the conversations with themselves that they've | 现在,我要做的之一 是让人们 与自己对话 他们已经 |
| 601 | been putting off year after year after year. | 年复一年地拖延时间 |
| 602 | That conversation might be with a 35 year old | 说不定是跟一个35岁的孩子 |
| 603 | or a 37 year old who finally has the conversation with themselves about how important it is to them | 或一个37岁 终于和他们谈话 关于这对他们有多重要 |
| 604 | to have children because it all starts with getting really really really honest about that. | 有了孩子,因为一切都开始 真正真正诚实的这一点。 |
| 605 | How do you make somebody who's in their 30s or even late 20s who is starting to panic about | 30多岁甚至20多岁 开始惊慌失措 |
| 606 | this how do you how do you coach somebody to have that conversation with themselves because we will | 你怎么教别人和自己谈话呢? |
| 607 | come in and rationalize oh they might change oh I have time oh I could just do this oh I could just | 进来理顺,哦,他们可能会改变 哦,我有时间 哦,我可以做这个 哦,我可以只是 |
| 608 | do that and there is a biological reality if you are somebody who's one of your biggest life goals | 这样做,有一个生物现实 如果你是一个人 谁是你的最大生活目标之一 |
| 609 | is to have a family of your own and you know after coaching people for 17 years you've seen | 就是拥有一个自己的家庭 你知道在指导别人17年之后 |
| 610 | this window close on people. | 这个窗户关上人。 |
| 611 | I've seen it close I've seen the protracted grief that takes place | 我亲眼目睹了痛苦的发生 |
| 612 | for many years afterwards that many of them still haven't been able to process. | 之后的很多年,他们中许多人仍然无法处理. |
| 613 | I mean I've watched | 我是说我看过 |
| 614 | the pain I've had a front row seat to the most terrible pain that people go through. | 我有一个前排座位 给人们带来的最可怕的痛苦 |
| 615 | I had a | 我有一个 |
| 616 | retreat who just balled up on the floor and was inconsolable because she had spent 10 years married | 退后,她刚摔倒在地上,很不爽 因为她结婚十年了 |
| 617 | to a man who always said that he would he wasn't sure about having children and year after year | 一个男人总是说,他不会 确定有孩子,年复一年 |
| 618 | after year she delayed the conversation not only with him but with herself and missed her window | 年复一年,她不仅推迟了与他的对话,而且推迟了与自己的对话,错过了她的窗户 |
| 619 | biologically and then he ended up leaving the relationship anyway and the grief that | 从生理上说,他最后还是离开了 关系和悲伤 |
| 620 | she felt was profound. | 她觉得很深刻 |
| 621 | The conversation starts by truly assessing how important is this to me? | 谈话首先要真正评估 这对我有多重要? |
| 622 | What is it about this that makes it something that I feel is a non-negotiable for me? | 是什么让我觉得 对我而言是不可讨价还价的? |
| 623 | At least a non-negotiable that I'm going to try for because even for those | 至少一个不可讨价还价的 我想试试 因为即使是那些 |
| 624 | for whom it's a non-negotiable we all know not everyone has it as simple as they think it's | 对谁来说这是不可讨价还价的 我们都知道 不是每个人都有他们认为的那么简单 |
| 625 | going to and a lot of people find it's impossible. | 去和很多人 发现这是不可能的。 |
| 626 | Well and I also want to broaden this out because | 我也想扩大这个范围 因为... |
| 627 | what you're actually talking about is the level of honesty you have to have with yourself | 你其实说的是 诚实的程度 你必须拥有自己 |
| 628 | to go from level two to level three if it's not happening whether that's dating to moving in or | 如果没有发生 不管是约会还是搬进来 |
| 629 | it is living together to engage or engaged to married or whatever or trying harder in a | 它共同生活,以从事或从事已婚或任何活动,或更努力地从事 |
| 630 | relationship that there is this movement that has to be intentional to get you to the commitment | 关系,有这种运动 必须故意让你的承诺 |
| 631 | phase and I can see how if you don't even know what the hell you want and you're not being honest | 阶段,我可以看到,如果你甚至不知道 你想要什么,你不诚实 |
| 632 | with yourself you wouldn't be able to have the conversation in a casual sex situation of saying | 与你自己,你不会有 谈话在一个偶然的性情况 说 |
| 633 | hey I just know myself and I don't want to put my energy into something that isn't actually heading | 嘿,我只知道自己,我不想把我的能量 投入到一些实际上没有方向的东西 |
| 634 | somewhere and so I just need to check in with you because having a lot of fun but I know myself and | 某处,所以我只需要检查 与你,因为有很多乐趣 但我了解自己和 |
| 635 | I prioritize my well-being and my time and I just need to do the check the gut check now. | 我把我的幸福和时间放在优先位置 我现在只需要检查一下肠道 |
| 636 | Even to | 连去 |
| 637 | the conversation lightly and playfully you need to have a very strong sense of what matters to you | 轻而易举的谈话,你需要有一个非常强烈的 感知什么对你很重要 |
| 638 | of the path that you're on in life you have to otherwise you'll never back it up anything you | 在你生命的道路上,你必须 否则你永远不会支持它的任何你 |
| 639 | do will be a tactic it won't be a standard. | 这将是一种战术 它不会是一个标准。 |
| 640 | I think the mistake that a lot of us make is that | 我认为我们很多人的错误是 |
| 641 | we look at a person across from us and we think even if this isn't up to my standards I can | 我们看着我们对面的人 我们想,即使这不符合我的标准 |
| 642 | fix this person I can twist this person I can get we're not thinking this consciously | 修补这个人,我可以扭曲这个人,我可以得到 我们没有意识地思考 |
| 643 | but if I can get close enough I can change this and that is a tactic that will backfire on you. | 但是,如果我能接近足够, 我可以改变这一点, 这是一个战术会反射你。 |
| 644 | Yes. | 对 |
| 645 | You've seen it happen over and over again. | 尔时世尊复次见此如来. |
| 646 | The idea that if I get close enough and try | 如果我能接近你并尝试 |
| 647 | hard enough that they're going to change is a non-sequitur. | 他们要改变的硬度是非定律 |
| 648 | What does that mean? | 这是什么意思? |
| 649 | That's a big | 痷摆 |
| 650 | wager. | 赌注。 |
| 651 | I stake my life my energy my time my most precious resources on in the world the ones I | 我将生命的精力 生命中我最宝贵的资源 |
| 652 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}不能回到这个想法 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}这个人总有一天会突然改变 | |
| 653 | things I need them to become for me to be happy. | 我需要他们让我快乐 |
| 654 | The irony is people can change but they change | 讽刺的是,人可以改变,但他们可以改变 |
| 655 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}你也会发现 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}他们不能通过硬对话改变 | |
| 656 | because you'll learn even if they say they're going to do something you'll learn whether there's | 因为即使他们说要做点什么 你也会知道是否有 |
| 657 | progress or not and if there's no progress there's your answer. | 进步与否,如果没有进步,有你的答案。 |
| 658 | There's a great jacob m broad quote | 有个很棒的 Jacob m 广的引文 |
| 659 | that goes consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand how foolish it | 想想改变自己有多难 你会明白的 |
| 660 | is to think you can change someone else. | 认为你能改变别人 |
| 661 | I wish I said that because that's a good one. | 我希望我这么说,因为那是个好话 |
| 662 | It's so true. | 如此真实. |
| 663 | I want to eat well right now Mel. | 我想好好吃东西,梅尔 |
| 664 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 665 | I'm not eating well. | 我吃不饱。 |
| 666 | Why not? | 为什么不呢? |
| 667 | Because we're | 因为我们是 |
| 668 | on the road and there's so much good food in every city and we have been doing a lot of broadcasting | 在路上,每个城市都有这么多好食物 我们一直在做很多广播 |
| 669 | and I haven't been getting to the gym and I'm not making excuses but I kind of am as well | 我还没去健身房 也没找借口 但我也是 |
| 670 | and it's just really really really been hard and when I don't train I eat badly and when I eat badly | 真的很辛苦,我不训练的时候吃得不好,吃得不好 |
| 671 | I then don't feel good but then I'm in a cycle and that's kind of the cycle I'm in and have been in | 那时我感觉不妙,但后来我进入了一个循环... ...这就是我进入和一直进入的循环 |
| 672 | for the last week. | 上个星期。 |
| 673 | My relationship with food has been a really challenging one. | 我和食物的关系非常艰难 |
| 674 | I've been very | 我曾经非常喜欢 |
| 675 | like food's been an addiction for me for since as long as I can remember and it has been an | 就像食物对我来说是上瘾 从我记起,它一直是一个 |
| 676 | extraordinarily difficult thing to fix. | 非常难解决 |
| 677 | Very very very very difficult and I'm still working on it. | 非常困难,我还在努力 |
| 678 | It's an ongoing thing and I want to change that. | 这是一个持续的事情 我想改变这一点。 |
| 679 | I'm motivated to change that and anyone who goes | 我有改变的动机 任何人去 |
| 680 | to therapy knows this. | 治疗知道这一点。 |
| 681 | If you decided to go to therapy that's an amazing step. | 如果你决定去治疗 那是一个惊人的步骤。 |
| 682 | Now all of the | 现在所有的 |
| 683 | work is ahead of you because you're going to see things you might want to change and it's going to | 工作在你前面,因为你会看到一些事情 你可能想要改变,它会 |
| 684 | be really really difficult to move the needle on those things. | 很难在那些东西上扎针 |
| 685 | If it was easy you would have done | 如果很简单的话,你会做的 |
| 686 | it already. | 它已经。 |
| 687 | So now take someone who may not even accept that there's something that needs to be | 所以,现在采取的人 谁甚至不接受 有的东西需要 |
| 688 | changed even if they think there's something that they could change to make the relationship better | 即使他们觉得有些事情可以改变 改善关系 |
| 689 | they now have to be motivated to do it and now they have to have the stomach and the resilience | 现在他们必须鼓动去做 现在他们必须有胃和韧性 |
| 690 | and the continued sustained effort to actually go ahead and make that change. | 并持续不懈地努力实际着手作出这种改变。 |
| 691 | That is an | 这是一个 |
| 692 | extraordinary assumption to make of someone that we are with. | 以非凡的假设来塑造一个我们在一起的人。 |
| 693 | Now can someone change? | 现在有人能改变吗? |
| 694 | Yes. | 对 |
| 695 | Have you had the conversation with them? | 你和他们谈过了吗? |
| 696 | Is there progress? | 有进展吗? |
| 697 | Is the progress continuing? | 进展是否仍在继续? |
| 698 | You're you're probably not even close to that level of understanding because right now you're | 你可能甚至没有接近 水平的理解,因为现在你 |
| 699 | having the conversation about what's bothering you with your friends and not even with the person. | 跟你朋友谈什么让你烦恼 甚至和那个人谈什么 |
| 700 | It's true I'm in level two I won't even have that conversation about level three | 是真的,我进入了第二级... ...我连关于第三级的谈话都不会说 |
| 701 | so I'm definitely not going to talk about the weight I actually need I want to make sure that | 所以,我绝对不会谈论 我真正需要的重量 我想确保 |
| 702 | I get to level four. | 我到了第四层 |
| 703 | Yep. | 对 |
| 704 | Because when you have the hard conversation and is there a mistake that | 因为当你有困难的谈话 而且有一个错误, |
| 705 | people make when it comes to level three meaning the commitment piece? | 人们在第三层 意味着承诺? |
| 706 | Thinking love is all you | 想着爱情就是你的全部 |
| 707 | need. | 需要帮助。 |
| 708 | Love is not all you need. | 爱不是你想要的 |
| 709 | What do you need? | 你还需要什么? |
| 710 | You need level four. | 你需要四级。 |
| 711 | What's level four? | 四级是什么? |
| 712 | Compatibility. | 相应性. |
| 713 | What is compatibility and your work? | 兼容性和你的作品是什么? |
| 714 | Do we work together? | 我们一起工作吗? |
| 715 | How do you know? | 你怎么会知道? |
| 716 | Because | 因为 |
| 717 | a lot of people don't know like they they want it to work together but how do you know if it | 很多人不知道 他们希望它一起工作,但 你怎么知道如果它 |
| 718 | works together? | 一起工作吗? |
| 719 | Well I think the baseline is can we get our fundamental needs met in this relationship? | 那么,我认为基线是,我们能够 满足我们的基本需要 在这个关系中? |
| 720 | There are I think lots of luxury items in a relationship but at the core can I get my | 我觉得关系上有很多奢侈品 但核心是,我可以得到我的 |
| 721 | fundamental needs met? | 满足基本需要? |
| 722 | You have to ask yourself what those things are? | 你要问自己这些是什么? |
| 723 | What are the things I truly | 我真正的东西是什么? |
| 724 | need? | 需要吗? |
| 725 | Like I have a friend of mine always dated dancers and I said to him does you you're married | 就像我有个朋友经常约会跳舞 我跟他说你结婚了 |
| 726 | now? | 现在? |
| 727 | I said you always dated dancers does your wife dance? | 我说你总是和舞者约会 你妻子跳舞吗? |
| 728 | He said he's the least coordinated | 他说他最不协调 |
| 729 | person I've ever met and I was like so does it bother you? | 我见过的人,我也是,你烦吗? |
| 730 | You know because that was always | 你知道,因为那一直是 |
| 731 | your preference and he said Matt how much of my life do you think I spend dancing? | 你偏好,他说Matt,你认为我花多少时间跳舞? |
| 732 | So I maybe dance once or twice a year. | 所以我也许每年跳一两次舞 |
| 733 | He said it's literally has no bearing on the quality | 他说这与质量无关 |
| 734 | of my marriage. | 我婚姻的缘故 |
| 735 | This person is an amazing partner, an amazing mother. | 这个人是一个惊人的伴侣, 一个惊人的母亲。 |
| 736 | We have the best time together. | 我们在一起的时间最好 |
| 737 | She's my best friend. | 她是我最好的朋友。 |
| 738 | Like those are the things that affect my life every day. | 就像那些影响我每天生活的东西 |
| 739 | I'm so glad that | 我很高兴 |
| 740 | we're talking about compatibility because I believe that this is one of those topics | 我们谈论的是兼容性 因为我相信这是其中之一 |
| 741 | that you don't understand compatibility until you meet somebody that you're actually compatible | 直到遇到你真正相容的人 你才理解兼容性 |
| 742 | with and you go oh wait a minute this is so much easier and when I reflect back on prior relationships | 和你去哦,等一下 这容易得多 当我回想以前的关系 |
| 743 | where I realize now I just wasn't compatible there may have been a commitment there we were in level | 在那里,我现在意识到 我只是不兼容 可能有一个承诺在那里,我们处于水平 |
| 744 | three but the level four piece there was no compatibility even though we wanted to be | 3,但4级的棋子没有兼容性 尽管我们想 |
| 745 | compatible and here's how I know there was always so much friction like everything felt like an | 相容性,这里我知道 总是有这么多的摩擦 像所有感觉像一个 |
| 746 | effort there was underlying agitation whether we're trying to pick a restaurant or making | 不管我们是想选餐厅还是做 |
| 747 | plans on what to do on a Saturday or like those relationships that you find yourself in where | 计划周六做什么 或者喜欢那些你发现自己的关系 |
| 748 | everything that the person does irritates you that's a sign that you're not compatible when | 一个人做的一切刺激你, 这表示你不符合当 |
| 749 | you're compatible with somebody it's not that hard sure you fight sure there are things that bother | 你和某个人很相配 并不是很难确定你打过架 肯定有麻烦的事 |
| 750 | you but it passes so quickly because there's this energetic match you know I'm the kind of person | 你来得真快 因为有种活力的比赛 你知道我是那种人 |
| 751 | who has massive ADHD and I'm very competitive and hard driving and the reason why I'm so | 拥有巨大的ADHD,我非常有竞争力 和硬性驱动, 原因我是如此 |
| 752 | compatible with my husband is probably because he is a very easygoing very kind kind of person | 和我丈夫相容 可能是因为他是个很轻松的人 |
| 753 | and if I were with somebody that were more hard driving like me we'd probably kill each other | 如果我跟一个像我这样硬开车的人在一起 我们可能会互相残杀 |
| 754 | because there'd be a ton of friction around the energy with us and so compatibility for me Matt | 因为和我们在一起 会有一吨的摩擦 对我来说,马特 |
| 755 | really is when it just works and it's easier to tell when you're not compatible because | 真的,当它只是工作, 更容易分辨 当你不兼容,因为 |
| 756 | it's hard and you're always kind of upset with somebody or walking on eggshells or you don't | 很难,你总是 那种生气的人 或者走在蛋壳上,或你不 |
| 757 | think like you can be yourself and I guess the bottom line is that I knew when I met Chris he | 认为你可以做你自己 我猜底线是 我知道当我遇到克里斯时 |
| 758 | was the one because I realized oh my god I can be exactly who I am and exactly who I'm not I don't | 是因为我意识到哦,我的上帝... ...我可以做我到底是谁... ...我到底是谁... |
| 759 | have to pretend I don't have to work hard to be somebody different to make this work that is what | 得假装我不用努力工作 做一个不同的人来做这个工作 |
| 760 | is at the heart of compatibility that you can be you and when you find that you'll know it | 是兼容的核心 你可以成为你 当你发现你会知道它 |
| 761 | because it'll be easier than any other relationship you've had in the past because | 因为它会比过去的任何其它关系都容易,因为 |
| 762 | the energy matches Matthew what is your message to someone who is really struggling with valuing | 能量和马修匹配 你给那些在价值上挣扎的人的信息是什么 |
| 763 | themselves inside a relationship we have to love ourselves enough that we would not put anyone in | 在一个关系里,我们必须爱自己 足够我们不会让任何人陷入 |
| 764 | our presence no one would be the continued recipient of our investment our energy our | 没有人会继续接受我们的投资 |
| 765 | attention our love our intimacy if what we fundamentally want in life is something they | 注意我们的爱,我们的亲密 如果我们在生活中的根本想要的东西是他们 |
| 766 | cannot give us that's the essence of self-love so how does it translate to the relationship | 无法给我们这就是自我爱的本质 所以它如何转化为关系 |
| 767 | with ourselves well there's eight billion people on this earth now all you need to start treating | 现在世上有80亿人口 你需要开始治疗 |
| 768 | yourself a little better is to realize that if you keep saying you love people or you care about | 如果你一直说爱人或关心别人 |
| 769 | people that you are a person in the room it's as simple as that that's a starting point but it's | 人们说你是 一个人在房间里... ... |
| 770 | actually more important than that of the eight billion people on this earth you are the only one | 其实比地球上80亿人口更重要 你是唯一一个 |
| 771 | charged with the responsibility of taking care of this one human you were born and someone said | 负责照顾你出生的这个人类 有人说 |
| 772 | you have one job take care of this human that's it and your only job in this world is to take care | 你只有一份工作照顾这个人类 你在这世上的唯一工作就是照顾他 |
| 773 | of nurture stand up for help this person find happiness be there for this human that's it | 帮助这个人类找到幸福 |
| 774 | when you look at it like that comparison makes no sense anymore because you go it's not i can't | 当你看着它 这样比较 已经没有意义了 因为你去,它不是 我不能 |
| 775 | exchange this human i only get one and my job isn't to judge this human my i only get one so | 交换这个人类 我只得到一个 而我的工作不是来评判这个人类 我只有一个 |
| 776 | judgment is irrelevant my job is just to give the best possible life to this human that turned | 审判无关紧要 我的工作就是给这个转身的人 尽可能好的生活 |
| 777 | self-love into something i knew exactly how to do because i realized oh i don't need to like myself | 喜欢一些我很清楚的事情 因为我意识到 我不需要喜欢自己 |
| 778 | in order to love myself liking myself can come later loving myself isn't a feeling it's an | 为了爱自己 喜欢自己 以后可以来爱自己 不是感觉 |
| 779 | approach it's a job it's a verb once we understand that we go why would i let someone who doesn't | 一旦我们明白我们走了,我为什么要让一个不这样做的人 |
| 780 | respect this human anywhere near them why would i let someone who is making this human feel unsafe | 尊重这个人类 在他们附近 为什么我会让一个人 谁使这个人类感到不安全 |
| 781 | or confused about their worth or keeps them in limbo or picks them up and puts them down | 或迷惑他们的价值 或让他们陷入困境 或捡起并放下他们 |
| 782 | is completely inconsistent with them why would i let anyone like that near this human the way | 和他们完全不一致 为什么我会让这样的人 接近这个人类的方式 |
| 783 | you stick to these standards is you connect with the fact that even when it's difficult | 你坚持这些标准 是因为你联系的事实, 即使困难的时候 |
| 784 | it's your job to take care of this human this isn't like a one-time epiphany it's something that | 你的工作是照顾这个人类 这不像一个一次性的觉悟 |
| 785 | i go through you know once a month once a week sometimes if i feel disconnected from | 我经过你的一个月一次... ...每周一次... ...有时,如果我觉得与 |
| 786 | myself and why i should be loving myself you want this structure laid out in a way you can go through | 我自己和为什么我应该爱自己... ...你希望这个结构能用你能够经历的方式布置 |
| 787 | any time you want which is why i put the entire thing inside my book in a section called core | 随时随地,这就是为什么我把 整个事情在我的书 在一个叫做核心的部分 |
| 788 | confidence a lot of us are crazy critical of the way our parents raised us perhaps we should be | 我们很多人对父母养育我们的方式 充满信心的批评 |
| 789 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}更批评我们如何养家糊口 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}新书就是爱情生活 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}谢谢 | |
| 790 | you thank you thank you for being here thank you for pouring so much love into us and um i'll tell | 谢谢你来到这里 谢谢你给我们注入了这么多的爱 |
| 791 | you that level four thing one two three four really changed me and so i've never heard that | 你那四级的东西 一二三四真的改变了我 所以我从来没有听说过 |
| 792 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}之前我真的真的爱你 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}和我们分享了一切 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}恭喜你 | |
| 793 | everything that you're doing um audrey thank you for sending that badass text back and letting him | 你所做的一切 um Audrey 谢谢你发那烂短信回来 让他 |
| 794 | where he was and where he stood and standing for yourself because i think it's a really good | 他在哪里,他站在哪里,并站立 为自己,因为我认为这是一个真正的好 |
| 795 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}你怎样提高标准? {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}你听 | |
| 796 | sure in case nobody else tells you that i tell you that i love you and i believe in you and i | 万一没人告诉你 我爱你,我相信你 |
| 797 | believe in your ability to create a better life and a huge part of that is you creating higher | 相信自己创造美好生活的能力 而其中的一大部分就是创造更高的 |
| 798 | standards for how you treat yourself and who you let into your life and now that you have | 你如何对待自己,你让谁进入你的生活,现在你有 |
| 799 | heard this conversation you know exactly how to do that so go do it i'll talk to you in a few days | 听到这个谈话,你知道怎么做,所以去做它 我几天后跟你谈 |
| 800 | and for you on youtube thank you thank you thank you for being here with us today and i want to | 感谢你今天和我们在一起 我想... |
| 801 | be sure to tell you in case nobody does i love you i think we're like in level three we're kind | 一定要告诉你 万一没人爱你... ...我觉得我们就像第三级... |
| 802 | of in a commitment here right we're on youtube together that's why i keep showing up every day | 我们一起在Youtube上 这就是为什么我每天都露面 |
| 803 | and it's your turn for commitment would you hit subscribe if you're not subscribed to this channel | 现在轮到你承诺了,如果你没有订阅这个频道的话,你会打订阅 |
| 804 | it's a way you can support me in bringing you videos every single day because i love you and | 你可以支持我每天给你带视频 因为我爱你 |
| 805 | believe in you and i believe in your ability to create a better life and that's what these videos | 相信你 我相信你有能力创造更美好的生活 这些视频就是这样 |
| 806 | are about inspiring you and equipping you to do so and now that we're on the topic of love i know | 是要激励你 并装备你做到这一点 而现在,我们是在 爱情的主题 我知道 |
| 807 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}所以我建议你去看这段录像 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}我很高兴能再看一些 | |
| 808 | next this one's with my friend jay sheddie and it's all about love how to find it keep it and let it | 接下来这个是我的朋友杰伊·布丁 和所有关于爱 如何找到它保存,让它 |
| 809 | go this one's with my friend jay sheddy and it's all about love how to find it keep it and let it go | 去吧,这个是我的朋友杰伊·谢迪, 这一切都是爱如何找到它 保存它,让它去。 |
| 810 | this one's with my friend jay sheddy and it's all about love how to find it keep it and let it go | 这个和我的朋友杰伊·谢迪在一起 和爱情有关 如何找到它保存它,让它消失 |
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