（中英附文稿）忙了一整年，却和重要的人越来越远：把关系重新放
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:00 | I don't even know if I can get through the opening of this. | 我甚至不知道能不能通过这个开口 |
| 0:02 | I literally am so excited for today because | 今天我真的很兴奋,因为 |
| 0:15 | over and over and over again, living a good life is about the things that are right in front of you | 一次又一次地 过上美好的生活 是关于你眼前的事情 |
| 0:22 | that you're not seeing. | 你没有看到。 |
| 0:23 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 0:24 | What's the strongest predictor of who's going to be healthy and happy | 谁是最强的预测者 谁将健康和快乐 |
| 0:28 | at age 80 when we look at age 50? | 80岁的时候,我们看50岁? |
| 0:31 | And when we looked, it wasn't their cholesterol levels, | 当我们看时, 这不是他们的胆固醇水平, |
| 0:34 | it was how happy they were in their relationships. | 他们的感情是多么幸福 |
| 0:38 | As we get older, the reality that life is short, | 随着我们变老, 现实生活是短暂的, |
展开字幕全文（1333 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | I don't even know if I can get through the opening of this. | 我甚至不知道能不能通过这个开口 |
| 2 | I literally am so excited for today because | 今天我真的很兴奋,因为 |
| 3 | over and over and over again, living a good life is about the things that are right in front of you | 一次又一次地 过上美好的生活 是关于你眼前的事情 |
| 4 | that you're not seeing. | 你没有看到。 |
| 5 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 6 | What's the strongest predictor of who's going to be healthy and happy | 谁是最强的预测者 谁将健康和快乐 |
| 7 | at age 80 when we look at age 50? | 80岁的时候,我们看50岁? |
| 8 | And when we looked, it wasn't their cholesterol levels, | 当我们看时, 这不是他们的胆固醇水平, |
| 9 | it was how happy they were in their relationships. | 他们的感情是多么幸福 |
| 10 | As we get older, the reality that life is short, | 随着我们变老, 现实生活是短暂的, |
| 11 | that it's limited, rather than making us depressed, it actually makes us happier because what we do is | 它有限, 而不是让我们沮丧, 它实际上使我们更快乐,因为我们所做的是 |
| 12 | we start savoring life. | 我们开始享受生活。 |
| 13 | We start paying attention to what's really important. | 我们开始关注什么才是真正重要的。 |
| 14 | Hey, it's Mel and I | 嘿,我是梅尔和我 |
| 15 | got a question for you. | 有个问题要问你 |
| 16 | What does it mean to live a good life? | 过好日子是什么意思? |
| 17 | You know, you and I can get so caught | 你知道,你和我可以这样被抓住 |
| 18 | up in the stupid things that you forget one of the biggest and most important aspects of your life, | 在愚蠢的事情 你忘记了 你生活中最大和最重要的方面之一, |
| 19 | that at some point it's going to be over. | 在某个时候 它会结束。 |
| 20 | Will you have lived a good life? | 你会过上美好的生活吗? |
| 21 | You and I are so busy | 你和我这么忙 |
| 22 | trying to get to the next thing, to make a certain amount of money, drive a certain kind of car, | 试图去到下一个事情, 赚一定的钱, 驾驶某种类型的汽车, |
| 23 | get a certain number of followers, look a certain way, have certain things. | 获得一定数量的追随者,寻找一定的方式,拥有某些东西. |
| 24 | But is that really | 但这是真的 |
| 25 | what creates a good life? | 什么创造了美好的生活? |
| 26 | When you lay on your deathbed and you look back on your life, | 当你躺在你的死床上,你回顾你的生活, |
| 27 | did you live a good life? | 你过得好吗? |
| 28 | Well, today you and I are not only going to consider that question, | 今天我们不但要考虑这个问题 |
| 29 | you're also going to learn the secrets to living a good life from an 86-year-long study at Harvard. | 你也会从哈佛的86年研究中 学到一些秘密 过上美好的生活 |
| 30 | It is the longest study that has ever been done on happiness, relationships, and the human experience. | 这是关于幸福、关系和人类经验的最长研究。 |
| 31 | Wherever it is that you're listening from, no matter how young or old you are or how much money | 无论你从哪里听来的 无论你多大年纪 多少钱 |
| 32 | you have in the bank, what you will learn today will inspire you to live a good life. | 银行里有你今天要学的东西 会激励你过上好日子 |
| 33 | Neuroscience, principles in physics, all designed to help you not only make a plan, but execute. | 神经科学,物理学原理,都是为了帮助你 不仅制定计划,而且执行。 |
| 34 | Because let's face it, you can cook up ideas in your head, but unless you actually take action, | 因为让我们面对它, 你可以在你的脑海里做一些想法, 但是除非你实际上采取行动, |
| 35 | nothing is going to happen. | 不会有事的 |
| 36 | So let me help you. | 让我帮你 |
| 37 | Last year, half a million people took my free | 去年,50万人抢走了我的自由 |
| 38 | training. | 培训。 |
| 39 | This year, it's going to be close to a million. | 今年将近百万. |
| 40 | Do not miss out on the opportunity | 不要错过机会 |
| 41 | to create the life that you love and cook up something really awesome. | 创造你所爱的生活 并做一些非常棒的东西。 |
| 42 | Let me help you make | 让我帮你做 |
| 43 | it happen. | 它发生。 |
| 44 | 只要去MelRobbins.com的斜线 让它发生,你进入。 | |
| 45 | Hey, it's Mel and I'm so | 嘿,我是梅尔,我很 |
| 46 | glad you tuned in today. | 很高兴你今天能来 |
| 47 | Holy cow, I already feel myself getting emotional. | 天啊,我已经觉得自己情绪化了 |
| 48 | I don't know why I'm so | 我不知道为什么我这样 |
| 49 | moved by what we're about to talk about because we haven't even had the conversation yet. | 被我们将要谈论的事情所感动,因为我们甚至还没有谈话。 |
| 50 | We're | 我们是 |
| 51 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}因为我知道这才是最重要的 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}我非常感动 | |
| 52 | conversation that you could have and I want you to really slow down and pay attention | 我想让你慢下来 注意听 |
| 53 | to what you're about to hear because this really matters. | 对你即将听到的 因为这真的很重要。 |
| 54 | Everything that you are going to learn | 你将要学习的一切 |
| 55 | today is based on the single longest study ever done on happiness. | 今天是建立在对幸福的最长研究基础上的 |
| 56 | The study began at Harvard in | 研究始于哈佛大学 |
| 57 | 1938. | 1938 (英语). |
| 58 | The study is on its 86th year. | 该研究正值其86年. |
| 59 | This is not some study where they have people fill out forms | 这不是一些研究 他们有的人填写表格 |
| 60 | and then they never see them again. | 然后他们再也见不到他们了 |
| 61 | They literally tracked people's lives until the end of their life. | 他们从字面上追踪人们的生活,直到生命的尽头. |
| 62 | It's called the Harvard study of adult development and the director of that study is here to share | 哈佛大学的成人发展研究 研究主任在这里分享 |
| 63 | all of the research and more importantly what you need to prioritize starting today in order to live | 所有研究 更重要的是,你需要优先 从今天开始 生活 |
| 64 | a good life. | 一个美好的生活。 |
| 65 | There is nothing more important in this conversation because one of these days | 这次谈话没什么比这更重要的了 |
| 66 | you're going to find yourself at the end of your life and you're going to look back and ask yourself | 你会发现自己 在你生命的尽头 你会回头看 问自己 |
| 67 | did I live a good life? | 我过得好吗? |
| 68 | And it is my hope that your answer is yes, that you're proud of yourself, | 我希望你的回答是肯定的 你为自己骄傲 |
| 69 | that you're surrounded by people that you love, that you use the time that you had to really | 你被你爱的人包围 利用你必须的时间 |
| 70 | enjoy your life. | 享受你的生活。 |
| 71 | 很荣幸将你介绍给 Robert Waldinger博士 | |
| 72 | He's the director of the Harvard study of adult development. | 他是哈佛大学成人发展研究的主任. |
| 73 | He's also a psychiatrist, a professor | 他也是心理医生,教授 |
| 74 | at Harvard Medical School and a Zen priest. | 在哈佛医学院和一位禅师 |
| 75 | He's the author of the amazing book and the | 他的作者惊人的书和 |
| 76 | international bestseller The Good Life and he is here to share all of the research, the secrets, | 他在这里分享所有的研究 秘密 |
| 77 | and some very surprising takeaways and I am certain that by the time you're done listening | 和一些非常令人惊讶的外卖 我敢肯定,当 你听完之后 |
| 78 | your life will not be the same. | 你的人生将不一样 |
| 79 | I hope you share this profound conversation with everyone you know | 我希望你能和大家分享这次深刻的谈话 |
| 80 | and love because we all deserve to live a good life. | 和爱,因为我们都值得 过一个美好的生活。 |
| 81 | So please help me welcome Dr. Robert Waldinger | 所以请帮我欢迎罗伯特·瓦尔丁格博士 |
| 82 | to the Mel Robbins podcast. | 给梅尔·罗宾斯播客 |
| 83 | I'm so glad to be here. | 我很高兴在这里。 |
| 84 | Have you ever had anybody else cry during | 你之前有没有人哭过? |
| 85 | not during the opening? | 不是开场的时候? |
| 86 | No, for me it means so much because you get what we're doing and you get | 不,对我来说,它意味着这么多 因为你得到我们在做什么,你得到 |
| 87 | why it's why it matters like you know that you really get it and it's like wow what could be | 为什么它很重要,就像你知道 你真的得到它, 它就像哇什么是 |
| 88 | better for somebody who just wrote a book really if you think about it. | 对刚刚写了一本书的人来说,如果你想起来,那更好。 |
| 89 | So thank you. | 谢谢 |
| 90 | Thank you for | 谢谢 |
| 91 | getting choked up. | 被闷死了 |
| 92 | You're welcome. | 不用谢 |
| 93 | I mean I didn't do it like I literally am just so moved by what | 我的意思是,我没有做到这一点 就像我字面上 只是如此感动什么 |
| 94 | you're doing and I really mean it. | 我是认真的 |
| 95 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| 96 | I guess I spent so much of my life causing myself | 我想我花了这么多时间 自己 |
| 97 | a lot of unnecessary heartache. | 很多不必要的心痛。 |
| 98 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 99 | And it's because I didn't know any better. | 那是因为我不知道什么更好。 |
| 100 | And you're not alone. | 而且你并不孤单 |
| 101 | I mean so many of us myself included caused so much heartache just by what we | 我的意思是,这么多我们自己 包括了这么多的心痛 仅仅由于我们 |
| 102 | imagined was true that wasn't really true about life. | 想象中的是真实的,其实不是关于生命的。 |
| 103 | True and also chasing the wrong things and | 也追寻错误的东西 |
| 104 | I just know that this really matters. | 我只知道这真的很重要。 |
| 105 | And so let's talk about first this study so that the | 我们先说说这个研究 这样我们就能... |
| 106 | person listening has context for why this study is so important how it is different | 倾听的人有背景 为何研究如此重要 如何是不同的 |
| 107 | and the impact that it can make on their life. | 以及它对他们生命的影响 |
| 108 | So can you just tell us about the study? | 所以,你可以只是告诉我们 关于研究? |
| 109 | Sure. | 当然 |
| 110 | First of all nobody would ever have dreamed when the study began that we would still be going | 首先,当研究开始的时候,没有人会梦见我们还会去 |
| 111 | today. | 今时. |
| 112 | It started in 1938 and it started with two groups of young men first Harvard College | 它始于1938年,开始于两组年轻人 第一哈佛学院 |
| 113 | undergraduates so a very privileged group and boys from Boston's poorest and most disadvantaged | 波士顿最穷最差的男孩子 |
| 114 | families a very underprivileged group and then eventually we expanded to spouses we expanded to | 家庭是一个非常贫困的群体, 最终我们扩大到配偶,我们扩大到 |
| 115 | children but initially it was a study of thriving. | 孩子们,但最初是研究繁荣。 |
| 116 | The question was what helps people make that | 问题是,什么帮助人们做到这一点 |
| 117 | transition from adolescence into young adulthood on good developmental paths. | 在良好的发展道路上从青春期过渡到年轻成人。 |
| 118 | And of course | 当然 |
| 119 | with Harvard undergraduates we think well they've got their lives all set up they're privileged | 哈佛大学的本科生 我们觉得他们的生活都安排好了 他们有特权 |
| 120 | but with the inner city boys and they were on average about 12 when they entered the study | 但与内城的男孩, 他们平均约12 当他们进入学习 |
| 121 | the question was how do some children from really disadvantaged homes manage to stay on good | 问题在于一些来自真正弱势家庭的儿童如何维持良好生活。 |
| 122 | developmental paths and grow up into healthy happy adults. | 成长为健康的快乐成年人 |
| 123 | So both both groups were studied | 所以两个组都研究过 |
| 124 | with the question of what helps us thrive. | 与什么帮助我们繁荣的问题。 |
| 125 | And how did the study work? | 学习是如何工作的? |
| 126 | So you started in 1938 | 你从1938年开始 |
| 127 | you've got a group of two very different people right or that's the assumption because they come | 你有两个非常不同的人 要么是假设,因为他们来了 |
| 128 | from very different backgrounds and how did the study actually work? | 从非常不同的背景 研究是如何实际运作的? |
| 129 | Well the Harvard group | 好吧,哈佛集团 |
| 130 | consisted of 268 young men and the inner city group 456. | 由268名青年男子和市内456人组成。 |
| 131 | We started with medical exams | 我们从体检开始 |
| 132 | psychological interviews we went to their homes and talked to their parents and sometimes their | 我们去了他们家 和他们的父母谈过 有时他们 |
| 133 | grandparents and the workers made notes about like disciplinary style in the home and even | 祖父母和工人在家中做了类似纪律式样的笔记,甚至 |
| 134 | what was being served for dinner in 1938. | 在1938年的晚宴上被送来的东西 |
| 135 | And then they were followed all the way through | 然后一直跟着他们 |
| 136 | adolescence into adulthood. | 青春期到成年. |
| 137 | Some famous people John F. Kennedy was part of the Harvard group | 一些名人约翰·肯尼迪是哈佛集团的成员 |
| 138 | Ben Bradley who was the longtime editor of the Washington Post. | 本·布拉德利曾长期担任"华盛顿邮报"的编辑. |
| 139 | The Boston Strangler was part | 波士顿刺客是其中之一 |
| 140 | the inner city group but most people were not famous they weren't infamous they were just living | 但大多数人并不出名 他们并不臭名昭著 |
| 141 | their lives. | 他们的生活。 |
| 142 | And then how did you follow them? | 那你是怎么跟踪他们的? |
| 143 | Because it didn't end with just this sort of one | 因为它没有结束 只有这种 |
| 144 | series of interviews. | 一系列采访。 |
| 145 | No and most studies do end that way or most studies that try to follow | 没有,大多数研究都这样结束 或大多数研究试图遵循 |
| 146 | people over time stop before 10 years are up because too many people drop out. | 人们在10年前停止 是因为太多人辍学。 |
| 147 | So this study | 所以这个研究 |
| 148 | followed people year after year with questionnaires how's your life going interviews every 10 years | 年复一年地跟随人们调查 你的生活如何每十年接受一次采访 |
| 149 | where we went to their homes and sat down with them and talked about their lives medical exams | 在那里我们去了他们的家 和他们坐下来 谈论他们的生活体检 |
| 150 | getting their medical records from their doctors and then and this is the coolest thing. | 从医生那里拿到病历 这是最酷的 |
| 151 | Eventually | 最终 |
| 152 | we brought in new techniques so we studied the same big things like you know physical health | 我们引进了新的技术,所以我们研究了同样的大问题,比如你知道身体健康 |
| 153 | mental health work life relationships but we started bringing in new techniques as science | 心理健康的工作关系 但我们开始引进新技术 作为科学 |
| 154 | developed them. | 开发了它们。 |
| 155 | So now we draw blood for DNA and messenger RNA those things weren't even imagined | 现在我们为DNA和信使提取血液 RNA 那些东西根本想象不到 |
| 156 | in 1938. | 于1938年逝世. |
| 157 | We put people into the MRI scanner and look at their brains and how they light up when | 我们把人放进核磁共振扫描仪 看看他们的大脑 和他们如何点亮 |
| 158 | we show them different images. | 我们给他们展示不同的图像。 |
| 159 | Again people would have thought this was like something from outer | 人们又会觉得这是外在的东西 |
| 160 | space if we had told you in 1938 we could put you in a scanner and look inside at your brain. | 如果我们在1938年告诉你的话 我们可以把你放进扫描仪里 看看你的大脑 |
| 161 | So it's a really exciting way to see how we can bring in the new tools of science to look at the | 因此,这是一个非常令人兴奋的方法,看看我们如何能够带来 新的科学工具来看待 |
| 162 | same questions about well-being. | 同样的福利问题。 |
| 163 | What is the biggest takeaway from this 86 year long study? | 这86年的学习中最大的外卖是什么? |
| 164 | The biggest takeaway is that the people who live the longest stay the healthiest and are the | 最大的外卖是那些活得最长的人 保持最健康 |
| 165 | people who have more relationships with other people and warmer relationships with other people. | 他们和别人的关系更密切 和别人的关系更温暖 |
| 166 | That the people who literally saw more people in in a given week the people who felt happier with | 那些在一周内见到更多人的人 那些更幸福的人 |
| 167 | their relationships actually lived years longer and they stayed healthier. | 他们的关系实际上 寿命更长 他们保持健康。 |
| 168 | They didn't develop | 他们没有发展 |
| 169 | the diseases of aging as soon if they developed them at all compared to people who were more | 衰老的疾病,如果它们发展起来 与那些更强壮的人相比 |
| 170 | isolated who didn't care about relationships. | 被孤立,谁不在乎的关系。 |
| 171 | What was the most surprising? | 最令人惊讶的是什么? |
| 172 | The surprise was | 惊讶的是 |
| 173 | not that relationships keep us happier because sure if we have warmer relationships we're going | 并不是因为关系让我们更快乐 因为如果我们有 更温暖的关系,我们要去 |
| 174 | to be happier. | 更快乐 |
| 175 | The surprise was that they keep us physically healthier. | 令人惊讶的是,他们让我们身体健康。 |
| 176 | So how could relationships | 那么,怎样的关系 |
| 177 | get into the body and shape our physiology so that good relationships make it less likely that we'll | 进入身体 塑造我们的生理学 这样好的关系 就会减少我们 |
| 178 | coronary artery disease. | 冠脉病. |
| 179 | They make it less likely that we'll get type 2 diabetes. | 这样我们就不会有2型糖尿病了 |
| 180 | How is that even | 这算什么 |
| 181 | possible? | 可能吗? |
| 182 | So in the last 10 years that's what we've been studying in our laboratory. | 所以在过去的十年里,这就是我们在实验室里研究的。 |
| 183 | How is it | 怎么样 |
| 184 | possible? | 可能吗? |
| 185 | Well it turns out so the best hypothesis we have with good data is that it has to do with | 结果发现我们最好的假设是 与数据有关 |
| 186 | stress. | 压力 |
| 187 | That relationships are stress regulators. | 这种关系是压力调节 |
| 188 | So if you think about it we're stressed at | 所以,如果你考虑它,我们的压力在 |
| 189 | times all day long. | 一天到晚都这样 |
| 190 | Like I might leave here and an hour from now something really stressful might | 就像我可能离开这里 和一个小时后 一些真正的压力力量 |
| 191 | happen and I can literally feel my body rev up, my heart rate revs up, my breathing gets faster, | 发生的时候,我可以感觉到我的身体恢复, 我的心率恢复,我的呼吸变得更快, |
| 192 | all that right? | 没事吧? |
| 193 | Fight or flight response. | 战斗或飞行反应。 |
| 194 | What we know is that if I can go home and talk to somebody | 我们所知道的是,如果我能回家和别人谈谈 |
| 195 | if I can call somebody on the phone or talk to someone at home I can literally feel my body | 如果我能打电话或和家里的人说话 我就能感觉到我的身体 |
| 196 | calm down and that's what the body's meant to do. | 冷静,这是身体的本意。 |
| 197 | So it's good that the body gets all revved up in | 所以,这是很好的,身体 得到所有回升 |
| 198 | response to stressors to meet a stressor but then it's meant to calm down and what we think happens | 应对压力 遇到压力 但它的本意是冷静下来 我们认为会发生什么 |
| 199 | when we don't have good relationships is that we stay in a kind of low level fight or flight mode | 当我们没有良好的关系 是我们停留在一种 低水平的战斗或飞行模式 |
| 200 | where we have higher levels of circulating stress hormones, higher levels of white blood cells ready | 我们的循环压力激素含量更高 白血球含量更高 |
| 201 | to fight off danger and that those things gradually break down multiple systems in the | 对抗危险 并且那些东西 逐渐打破多种系统 |
| 202 | body over time. | 身体随时间推移。 |
| 203 | One of the things that I thought was really interesting was that in the study that | 我觉得有趣的是 在研究中 |
| 204 | you could determine and predict who is going to be healthy at the age of 80 based on certain | 你可以根据某些因素确定和预测80岁时谁的健康。 |
| 205 | things you could see in the present. | 你可以看到的东西 在现在。 |
| 206 | Can you tell us about that? | 你能告诉我们吗? |
| 207 | Yeah so we had studied everybody | 是啊,所以我们研究了每个人 |
| 208 | out to age 80 and we thought okay we have all this information about them year after year after year | 到了80岁,我们觉得可以 年复一年地掌握所有关于他们的信息 |
| 209 | let's look back at them in middle age so we picked 50. | 让我们回顾一下他们中年时期, 所以我们选择50。 |
| 210 | Let's look back at everything we know about | 让我们回顾一下我们知道的一切 |
| 211 | them and say what are the strongest predictors since we know what they look like at age 80 | 说出最强的预言 因为我们知道他们80岁的样子 |
| 212 | what's the strongest predictor of who's going to be healthy and happy at age 80 when we look at age | 最能预测80岁时 谁会健康快乐 |
| 213 | 50 and when we looked it wasn't their cholesterol levels it was how happy they were in their | 50,当我们观察时,不是他们的胆固醇水平, 而是他们在他们的体内是多么的快乐。 |
| 214 | relationships initially we didn't believe it we re-analyzed the data because we said this can't | 最初我们不相信 我们重新分析数据,因为我们说这不能 |
| 215 | be true and then other studies of different groups of people began to find the same thing | 是真的,然后其他的研究 不同人群开始找到同样的东西 |
| 216 | and that's how you know you have a scientific truth not when one study even our study shows | 所以你才知道你有科学的真理 而不是我们的研究显示 |
| 217 | something it's when many studies point to the same thing. | 当很多研究都指向了同样的东西时, |
| 218 | So Dr. Waldinger can you talk directly | 所以,沃丁格博士 你可以直接说话 |
| 219 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}因为有这么多人 写信听节目 | |
| 220 | the world who either feel super lonely or they are not happy in their relationships what is your | 要么觉得超级孤独 要么在感情上不快乐 |
| 221 | message to that person about what's possible for them? | 告诉那个人他们有什么可能? |
| 222 | Yeah well you know if you think about it | 是啊,你知道 如果你考虑它 |
| 223 | there are many reasons why you might not be happy in your relationships and there are many reasons | 有很多原因,你可能不快乐 在你的关系中,有很多原因 |
| 224 | why you might be lonely so let's start with your current relationships what are the reasons for not | 为何你可能寂寞 让我们从现在的关系开始 |
| 225 | So at the worst end there are really toxic relationships there are abusive relationships | 所以在最糟糕的结局,有 真正有毒的关系 有虐待关系 |
| 226 | relationships where we might feel afraid of a partner those are relationships where when we can | 我们可能感到害怕伴侣的关系 这些关系是我们可以 |
| 227 | we need to step away if there's violence if there's terrible emotional or physical or sexual abuse | 如果有暴力,如果有 可怕的情感或身体或性虐待,我们需要退后 |
| 228 | okay that's at the extreme end but most of our relationships aren't troubled in that way most | 好吧,这是在极端 但我们大多数的关系 没有麻烦的方式大多数 |
| 229 | relationships have difficulties you know I've been married for 38 years do I ever have disagreements | 恋爱有困难 你知道我已经结婚38年了 我有分歧吗? |
| 230 | with my wife of course I mean any relationship with friends or family that's of any importance | 我当然是指和朋友或家人的任何关系 |
| 231 | is going to have disagreements so then the question is are those relationships worth | 所以问题在于这些关系是否值得 |
| 232 | the work of working out difficulties and in many cases they are worth the work | 解决困难的工作,在许多情况下,这些困难是值得的; |
| 233 | so then the question is can you work it out can you in fact first of all accept other people for | 所以问题是你能解决它吗? 你可以首先接受其他人 |
| 234 | the things you don't like as well as the things you like just as we hope they'll accept us for | 你不喜欢的东西 和你喜欢的东西一样 就像我们希望他们会接受我们一样 |
| 235 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}但你也可以解决分歧 | |
| 236 | can you talk about what you care about what's difficult for you in the relationship and see if | 你能谈谈你关心的是什么 在关系上你很难,看看是否 |
| 237 | you and the other person can come to a better understanding many times that's possible tell | 你和另一个人可以 得到更好的理解 很多次,这是可能的判断 |
| 238 | us about what you learned based on this study and the experience of being lonely you know one of | 你从这个研究中学到了什么 以及孤独的经历 |
| 239 | things we've learned when we study loneliness is that the causes of why we're lonely are many and | 我们研究孤独时学到的东西 是我们孤独的原因很多 |
| 240 | again the first step is to think about why do I feel lonely so remember loneliness is that | 第一步是思考 为什么我感到孤独 所以记住孤独 |
| 241 | experience of feeling less connected to other people than I want to be so I could be lonely | 感觉和别人的关系比我想的要小 这样我才能孤独 |
| 242 | in my marriage I could be lonely in a crowd it doesn't necessarily mean being alone on a mountain | 在我的婚姻中,我可能在人群中孤独 不一定意味着一个人在山上 |
| 243 | top can I just stop you right there because I think I just got something I just probably | 我能不能让你停下来 因为我认为我刚得到一些东西 |
| 244 | five years ago was struggling profoundly with loneliness I was extraordinarily busy | 五年前,我一直为孤独而苦苦挣扎 我特别忙碌 |
| 245 | but I felt very disconnected from my husband Chris I felt like I never saw my friends I didn't feel | 但我觉得和我丈夫克里斯很脱节 我觉得我从没见过朋友 |
| 246 | connected to the community that I lived in and even though I was surrounded by people all the time | 尽管我一直被人包围 |
| 247 | and on planes at work even standing in the kitchen with my husband Chris I felt this | 和飞机在工作 甚至站在厨房 与我丈夫克里斯... ... |
| 248 | deep sense of disconnection but I read it as something is wrong with me as just this sort of | 深层的脱节感 但我读到它... ... ...... |
| 249 | indictment that I've done something and the way that you just said it I had this little epiphany | 控告我做了一些事情 和你刚才说的一样 我有一个小悟 |
| 250 | и碞钩瓳 单 狦稰 lonely | |
| 251 | like hunger or thirst that there's something that you want there's nothing wrong with you other than | 就像饥饿或渴欲... ...有你想要的东西... |
| 252 | fact that you need human connection you need this this feeling of belonging in your relationships | 你需要人际联系 需要这种感情的归属感 |
| 253 | so I just wanted to make sure that as you're listening that I highlighted that and so one | 所以我只是想确保,当你在听 我强调,所以一个 |
| 254 | takeaway already is in those moments where you find yourself lonely catch yourself on that default of | 脱口而出已经是孤独的时刻了 |
| 255 | making yourself wrong and go oh wait a minute I remember from this interview that I heard | 把自己弄错了,去哦,等一下 我记得这次采访,我听到 |
| 256 | that this is actually a signal that there's something to do exactly that is perfect you | 这其实是一个信号, 有一些事情可以做 正是完美的你 |
| 257 | know and and that moment of making yourself wrong or making the world wrong that if we can | 以及那个让自己错 或者让世界错的瞬间 |
| 258 | get out of the mode of blaming anybody but just say oh this means I want connection it can be | 别再责怪别人了 不过说啊 这表示我想要联系 |
| 259 | so helpful and actually when couples come into therapy and they're angry at each other often | 当夫妻们开始接受治疗时 他们经常对彼此生气 |
| 260 | what you get to help them see is that underneath what they're yearning for is I want to be closer | 你帮他们看的就是 他们最渴望的就是 我想要更亲近 |
| 261 | to you and that once they get that oh my gosh everything changes so once we stop blaming | 一旦他们得到这个 哦,我的天啊 一切都变了 所以一旦我们停止责备 |
| 262 | ourselves or anybody else we just say oh I'd like more connection what's making that difficult | 我们自己或任何人,我们只是说 哦,我想更多的连接 是什么使这困难 |
| 263 | right now and then we start looking at the the things that we might be able to do to make more | 现在,然后,我们开始研究 我们可能做的 事情,我们可以做更多的 |
| 264 | connection so if you were to take that and turn it into something that somebody can do so if you're | 连线,所以如果你拿它 并把它变成的东西 有人可以做到这一点,如果你是 |
| 265 | listening and you do feel lonely or you're listening you're like oh I relate to what | 听着,你确实感到孤独 或者你正在听... ...你就像哦... |
| 266 | Mel just said like feeling very disconnected from your partner is a simple step to simply go up and | 梅尔刚刚说,感觉 与你的伴侣非常脱节 是一个简单的步骤 简单的上台 |
| 267 | say I've been feeling very lonely and I miss feeling connected to you yes although that could | 说我一直感到非常孤独,我想念感觉 与你相连 是的,虽然可以 |
| 268 | feel like blame to a partner but many partners will be okay with hearing that some partners may | 感觉自己是被怪罪到一个伙伴身上 但很多伙伴会同意听到一些伙伴 |
| 269 | just need to hear I'd love to spend a little more time could we go for a walk after dinner tonight | 只是需要听听,我想多花点时间 我们可以出去走走 今晚晚饭后 |
| 270 | making a positive suggestion might be a place to start I feel like I just got really good advice | 提出积极的建议 可能是一个开始的地方 我感觉我刚刚得到 非常好的建议 |
| 271 | I tend to go to Chris and just vomit the problem | 我经常去找克里斯 吐出问题 |
| 272 | but making a positive suggestion for connection yes yes because often when we vomit the problem | 但提出正面的连接建议是的,是的,因为我们经常呕吐问题 |
| 273 | which I do too at times when we vomit the problem the other person is like well what do I do about | 每当我吐出问题时 我也会这么做 另一个人就像我该怎么办 |
| 274 | that right but what if we come with a suggestion of something that would help me feel more connected | 那权利,但如果我们提出一个建议 来帮助我感觉联系更多 |
| 275 | and it can be small it can be you know taking a walk it can be could we plan a night just the | 它可能很小 它可以是你知道 散步 它可以是 我们可以计划一个晚上 |
| 276 | two of us to go out to dinner this week something very specific that's not hard to say yes to | 我们两个这周出去吃晚饭 说点非常具体的话 并不容易答应 |
| 277 | to try that first now what if you're lonely and what you realize is that I get scared when I'm | 现在先试试,如果你很孤独 你意识到,我害怕的时候 |
| 278 | with other people like I'm afraid of being rejected so that's something that's possible | 和别人一样,我怕被拒绝 所以这是可能的 |
| 279 | to work on there are first of all books you can read about getting through social anxiety | 书中首先可以读到 如何克服社会焦虑 |
| 280 | there's therapy for it that perhaps you have a trusted friend or a family member who you could | 可能你有一个值得信任的朋友 或者一个可以帮助你的家人 |
| 281 | talk to about what it's like to walk into a room and realize that you're afraid that people aren't | 谈谈走进房间的滋味 并意识到你害怕别人不是 |
| 282 | like you because many of us have that feeling so social anxiety is one common reason why we | 像你一样,因为我们很多人有那种感觉 社交焦虑是我们共同的原因 |
| 283 | hold ourselves back from people sometimes it's that we need to put ourselves in situations | 我们有时必须把自己置于困境中 |
| 284 | where connection is easier the way to do that they've actually studied this in research the | 联系比较容易做 他们实际上研究了这个 |
| 285 | quickest way to make friends is to do something you care about or something you love to do | 交朋友的最快方式是 做你关心的事 或者你喜欢做的事 |
| 286 | do it alongside other people and do it again and again with those same other people so let's say | 和别人一起做 和别人一起做 一遍又一遍 |
| 287 | you love gardening let's say you love pickleball let's say you love fighting for climate protection | 你爱园艺 喜欢泡菜球 喜欢为气候保护而战 |
| 288 | right anything that you love or that you're passionate about put yourself in a situation | 无论你喜欢什么 或是你热衷于让自己陷入困境 |
| 289 | where you can do that activity with other people because first of all it brings you in contact with | 在那里你可以和别人一起做这个活动 因为首先它让你与 |
| 290 | new people it also puts you in a situation where you share something we both are worried about | 新的人 也让你陷入你分享我们担心的境地 |
| 291 | climate change or we both love bird watching so you have an immediate place to start conversations | 气候变化,或者我们都喜欢看鸟 所以,你有一个直接的地方开始对话 |
| 292 | if you're feeling awkward well how do i talk to this stranger and so that turns out to be the | 如果你觉得很尴尬 那我怎么跟这个陌生人说话? |
| 293 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH | |
| 294 | about talking to someone new is it's not going to go well every time and that's okay think of it | 和新人说话是不会好的 每次,没关系 想想看 |
| 295 | more like being up to bat in baseball like if you hit the ball one time out of three you are doing | 更像是在棒球上打球 就像你打球一次一样 |
| 296 | amazing and chances are you're gonna get a friendly response from a stranger many more times than one | 你会得到一个陌生人的友善回应 不止一次 |
| 297 | out of three most of the time people are going to be kind to you and going to respond well but don't | 在大部分时间里 人们会对你友善 回应良好 但不要 |
| 298 | if somebody doesn't it might mean that they're just having a bad day or they're not in the mood | 如果有人不这样做,也许意味着 他们只是有一个糟糕的一天 或者他们没有心情 |
| 299 | to talk so remind yourself that it's okay to try multiple times to talk to new people and that | 提醒自己 尝试多次和新人交谈是正常的 |
| 300 | sometimes it's going to go well you did a mini harvard study yeah on your own life yeah and i | 有时候会很顺利的 你做了个小型哈佛研究 对你自己的生活 |
| 301 | would love to have you walk us through how you do that for yourself okay what we call the mini | 愿意你带我们走过去 如何自己做到这一点 |
| 302 | harvard study was noticing how my view of my life changes as i get older as i go through different | Harvard的研究注意到 我对生活的看法 如何改变 当我变老 经历不同的 |
| 303 | phases of life okay why is that important why is it important because i used to imagine that once | 生命的各个阶段都好 为什么那么重要呢 因为我曾经想象过 |
| 304 | i got into my 20s okay i was supposed to find a profession and i was supposed to find a partner | 我进入我的20多岁 好吧 我应该找到一个职业 我应该找到一个合伙人 |
| 305 | and i had my friends and i was done and i wasn't really going to change very much and i would just | 我有我的朋友,我完成了 我不是真的要去 改变很多,我会只是 |
| 306 | go through my life and then die and of course we know that doesn't happen but it's very important | 经历我的生活 然后死去 当然我们知道这不会发生 但很重要 |
| 307 | to remind ourselves of how much life changes and how much we change so the mini harvard study is | 提醒我们自己 生活会改变多少 我们改变多少 所以小哈佛研究是 |
| 308 | just go find a photograph of yourself maybe when you're half as old as you are now look at that | 去找张自己的照片吧 也许当你像现在一样大的时候 |
| 309 | photograph and ask yourself what did life look like to me when i was that age what was important | 并问自己,当我这岁数时 生活是什么样子的 |
| 310 | to me and how is it different now how is it the same what are what's important to me now that has | 对我来说,它是如何不同的 现在,它是如何是相同的 什么是什么对我的重要 现在,有 |
| 311 | always been important but what has changed and what you'll see is how we all grow and change as | 一直都很重要,但改变的是什么 你会看到,我们如何成长和改变 |
| 312 | we go through life and that that's not only okay that's absolutely essential so i uh got a photo | 我们过着生活,这不光是没关系 这绝对是必需的 所以我有张照片 |
| 313 | of myself i am 27 years old in this photo this was the day if you're watching on youtube you | 我27岁在这张照片里... ...这是一天,如果你在看着你 |
| 314 | can see it if you're listening it's a photo of chris and i hours literally after we had just | 如果你在听的话,我就能看出来 这是一张Chris的照片,而我们刚吃了几小时 |
| 315 | gotten engaged and this is kind of halfway through life and so what are the questions | 订婚了 人生已经过半了 问题是什么 |
| 316 | that i'm asking myself so the question is what did life look like to you then what was most | 我问自己,所以问题在于 生活是什么 看起来像你,什么是最重要的 |
| 317 | important to you then um i felt like i had my whole life ahead of me and i was building a life | 对你来说很重要,嗯... ...我觉得我有我的整个生活 在我之前,我正在构建一个生活 |
| 318 | with chris and i guess what was important to me then was just him and making money yeah like that | 和克里斯,我猜是什么 对我重要,然后只是他 和赚钱 |
| 319 | was the focus like how am i paying my rent because i was a public defender working for legal aid in | 就像我如何支付房租 因为我是一个公设辩护人 在法律援助工作 |
| 320 | new york city yeah and it was very hard to pay my bills in new york city on nineteen thousand dollars | 纽约城市是,这是非常困难 支付我的账单在纽约市 一万九千美元 |
| 321 | and so i just was maniacally focused on making money and what is my next career move and how | 所以我疯狂地专注于赚钱 我接下来的职业生涯是什么 |
| 322 | does chris feel about me and that was the focus in life okay perfect now what now what's most | Chris是否对我有感觉 那是生活中的焦点 完美无缺 |
| 323 | important to you now as you look at your life oh boy um so much i mean if i had to boil it down | 现在对你很重要,当你看着你的生活 哦,孩子,嗯,这么多 我的意思是,如果我必须把它沸腾下来 |
| 324 | it would be relationships it would be my relationship with chris the people i work with | 那是我和克里斯的关系 我工作的人 |
| 325 | our children our friends family and do you feel like you have your whole life ahead of you | 我们的孩子,我们的朋友家庭, 你觉得你有你的 整个生命在你前面 |
| 326 | i do i really do like i think one of the things that has happened for me is that there was a | 我确实觉得 发生在我身上的事情之一是 |
| 327 | gripping when i was 26 years old everything felt like life or death and that might have been because | 当我26岁时 感觉就像生死一样 这可能是因为 |
| 328 | i had no idea how much childhood trauma had impacted me i was still profoundly struggling | 我不知道童年的创伤对我有多严重 我仍然在挣扎 |
| 329 | with anxiety so i lived in a very fight-or-flight yes space and i had not discovered the life | 因为焦虑,所以我生活在一个非常战斗或飞行的空间 是的,我还没有发现生活 |
| 330 | changing impact of really working on your inside life and settling your nervous system | 改变对内心生活的影响 和安顿你的神经系统 |
| 331 | and you know i would the way that i would put it is i was really obsessed with the curtains on the | 你知道我会怎么说 我真的很着迷于窗帘上 |
| 332 | window what things looked like how expensive they were like how does it look compared to everybody | 窗口 东西看起来有多贵 和每个人相比看起来怎么样 |
| 333 | else's and i had no idea how to enjoy the view yeah well and that is exactly what happens to | 我都不知道怎么欣赏风景 没错 事情就是这样 |
| 334 | most of us as as a species we get more appreciative of the view right right we get less worried | 大部分人作为一个物种, 我们得到更多的欣赏 风景正确的,我们不担心 |
| 335 | about what the curtains look like and we look beyond to oh my gosh the world is so beautiful | 关于窗帘的外观 我们向外看 |
| 336 | the world is so full of richness yeah because i was so obsessed with the stuff on the surface | 这个世界充满了丰富 是的 因为我对表面的东西如此着迷 |
| 337 | right like the outside stuff that you know i'm using the curtains as a metaphor but the car | 就像外面的东西 你知道我用窗帘作为比喻 但车 |
| 338 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}你开的是多少钱 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}你让那个朋友组 | |
| 339 | what you look like where you're buying a house like all that stuff on the outside that it fueled | 你买房子的样子 外表上的那些东西 |
| 340 | a lot of insecurity and i didn't know what to do with it and so when you when i think about where | 很多不安全感 我不知道该怎么处理 所以当你当我想到哪里 |
| 341 | i'm at now i am so focused on enjoying the view and i really do believe that the best | 我现在很注重欣赏风景 我真的相信最好 |
| 342 | years of my life are ahead of me yes that there are people that i will meet in the future that | 我生命的岁月在我眼前 是的,有些未来我会遇见的人 |
| 343 | will be some of my most important relationships and friends that i haven't met yet yes yes now | 这将是我的一些最重要的关系和朋友 我还没有见过面 是的,现在是的 |
| 344 | one thing i want to say is that when you open this podcast you reminded our listeners we're | 我想说的是 当你打开这个播客 你提醒我们的听众 |
| 345 | all gonna die life is going to end and what we think happens there's good research on this | 所有要死的 生命会结束 而我们认为会发生什么 |
| 346 | is that as we get older the reality that life is short that it's limited rather than making us | 当我们变老的时候 生活是短暂的 |
| 347 | depressed it actually makes us happier because what we do is we start savoring life we start | 压抑它实际上让我们更快乐 因为我们所做的就是开始享受我们开始的生活 |
| 348 | paying attention to what's really important you know the curtains the brand of my car not so | 注意什么是真正重要的 你知道窗帘是我的车牌 不是这样 |
| 349 | important as you know am i good to my family am i doing things that mean something to me | 你知道,我对我的家人很好, 我做的事情对我很重要 |
| 350 | in my life right and so what happens is we shed some of the things that when we put them next | 在我的生活中,然后发生的事情是,我们 抛出一些东西,当我们放在下一个 |
| 351 | to the fact that life is short they sort of fall away that we realize they're just not that important | 生命是短暂的,它们会掉下来 我们意识到它们并不重要 |
| 352 | so dr walden you're based on this study what do we get wrong about happiness well we get | Walden博士,你根据这个研究 我们得到的幸福有什么错 |
| 353 | wrong all the things that the culture tells us will make us happy so the culture says | 文化告诉我们的一切都是错误的 所以文化说 |
| 354 | if you buy this make of car you're going to be happy you're going to be cooler | 如果你买这辆汽车 你会很高兴你会更酷 |
| 355 | if you serve this brand of pasta to your family your family dinners are going to be blissful | 如果你为家人服务 你家的晚餐会很幸福 |
| 356 | right that's the message of the pasta ad we see on tv if you use this face cream you're never | 我们电视上看到的意大利面条广告信息 如果你用这个面霜 你永远不会 |
| 357 | going to get old you're certainly never going to look old right we're sold all these messages | 你会变老的,你绝对不会变老的 我们卖了所有这些消息 |
| 358 | about what will make us happy if you achieve a lot at work people come to me saying i feel | 如果你在工作上取得了很多成就 人们来找我说我感觉 |
| 359 | terrible because i'm not a billionaire yet and when i ask the question well what's the billion | 因为我还不是亿万富翁 当我问得好的时候 几亿呢 |
| 360 | dollars going to be for many of them are wide-eyed they're like deer in the headlights well well i | 很多人的面额都很大 他们就像头灯里的鹿 |
| 361 | know i just feel like i need to become a billionaire so we're given these messages | и琌谋眔и惠璶Θ货 ┮и眔硂ㄇ獺 |
| 362 | that this is what's important when it turns out that those things don't actually make us | 这才是最重要的 当发现那些东西并不真正让我们 |
| 363 | happy but they are measurable they're like badges of achievement and so we want those | 很高兴,但它们是可测量的 它们就像成就的徽章 所以我们想要这些 |
| 364 | badges it's sort of like our watches can can tell us okay you've done 10 000 steps today | 警徽,就像我们的表可以告诉我们,好吗 你已经做了一万步今天 |
| 365 | is that really what matters what my watch says or is what really matters how my body feels when | 我的手表到底说什么 或什么才是我身体的感受 |
| 366 | i move right and so what we want is to get beyond the badges of achievement to the substance | 我向右移动,所以我们想要的是 超越成就的徽章到实质 |
| 367 | of our life why do we go after all of this wealth and all of the stuff when i think | 为什么我们去追寻这些财富 和所有的东西 当我想 |
| 368 | deep down we all kind of know it's not the answer but we can't help ourselves from | 我们深知这不是答案 但我们无法自拔 |
| 369 | chasing it you know what i mean yeah well because it looks like something we could get and then be | 追它,你知道我的意思是好,因为它看起来像 东西我们可以得到,然后是 |
| 370 | done that if i get there then i'm going to be happy right if i that billion dollars when i | 如果我到了那里 我会很高兴的,如果我10亿美元 当我 |
| 371 | reach that billion dollar mark then i'm going to be happy what turns out is that life isn't like | 达到那十亿马克 然后我会很高兴的 事实证明 生活不是那样的 |
| 372 | that you know when we say life is a journey it can sound like a cliche but it's not life is an | 你知道,当我们说生活是一个旅程 它听起来像一个陈词滥调,但它不是生命是一个 |
| 373 | process of change what that means is we're never done our relationships are never done | 改变的过程意味着我们从来没有完成 我们的关系从来没有完成 |
| 374 | our happiness is never constant we're going to move from being more happy to less happy back to | 我们的幸福永远不变 我们将会从更快乐 变成更幸福 |
| 375 | more happy that's the truth of life even though what we wish for is a final resting place where | 更高兴的是,这是生命的真理 尽管我们希望的是一个最后的安息之地 |
| 376 | it's never difficult again that doesn't exist if you're constantly chasing things and you said | 如果你不停地追逐事物 再也不会有困难了 你说 |
| 377 | getting to that final place like i get that house on the beach i get the money in the bank i | 到了最后的地方,就像我得到的房子 在海滩上,我得到的钱在银行我 |
| 378 | find the love of my life all these things that we're chasing chasing chasing because we think | 找到我一生的爱 我们追逐着这些东西 因为我们想 |
| 379 | that we get there and we will have that exhale and we'll feel what we want to feel yeah how do | 我们到达那里,我们会有 呼气,我们会感受到 我们想要的感觉 |
| 380 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}你建议人们 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}根据你在这个研究中看到的 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}去和那些家伙搏斗 | |
| 381 | well the first is to recognize it to believe it most of us say no wait there has to be a way | 首先是承认它相信它 我们大多数人都说不等待 一定有办法 |
| 382 | in fact so i'm a zen master i'm a roshi and so people have said to me well you're finally at | 事实上我是一个十大大师,我是一个罗希, 所以人们对我说得很好,你终于 |
| 383 | a place where you're always calm you're always clear about life and i say no some mornings i | 一个你总是平静的地方 你总是明白生活 我说不说一些早晨 |
| 384 | wake up confused or sad or i feel like i'm doing it all wrong and they say wait no not you you | 醒来 困惑或悲伤 或者我觉得我做错了 他们说不等待你 |
| 385 | it can't be you can't have those ups and downs and i say yes me everybody on the planet so the | 你不可能有这些升降 我答应我 地球上的每一个人 |
| 386 | first thing is to recognize it and then to say okay but there are ways that we can work with | 首先要认清它 然后说好吧 但我们有办法可以合作 |
| 387 | the challenges that are always coming our way we can work with the ups and downs there's a saying | 挑战总是在我们的方式 我们可以工作 与上下 有个谚语 |
| 388 | from john kabat zinn that i love he said you can't stop the waves but you can learn how to surf | 从John Kabat Zinn,我爱他说你不能阻止波浪 但你可以学会如何冲浪 |
| 389 | you can't stop the waves of challenge and unhappiness and anxiety and anger | 你无法阻止挑战、不幸福、焦虑和愤怒的浪潮 |
| 390 | that come our way at times but you can learn how to surf you can learn how to work with them better | 有时候我们也会来 但你可以学会如何冲浪 你可以学会如何更好地与他们合作 |
| 391 | dr waldinger i am loving this so much because you are making me think about the deeper meaning of | Waldinger博士 我太喜欢这个了 因为你让我想起了 |
| 392 | life and here's what i want to do next i really want to get into what do i do what do i do so | 生活和这里的我想做 接下来,我真的想 进入什么 我做什么,我做什么 |
| 393 | don't go anywhere make sure you share this conversation with people that you love | 不要去任何地方 确保你分享这个谈话 与你爱的人 |
| 394 | take a listen to our sponsors dr waldinger and i will be back after a short break and we're going | 听听我们的赞助商Waldinger博士 我会在短暂休息后回来,我们要走了 |
| 395 | to dig into all of the steps all of the actions the simple things you're going to do to create | 挖掘所有步骤 所有动作 你将要做的简单的事情 |
| 396 | a good life stay with us hey it's your friend mel and i'm so excited because i can finally tell | 和我们一起过好日子 嘿,这是你的朋友Mel,我很兴奋 因为我终于知道 |
| 397 | you about a free gift that i've been working on just for you it is a two-part video training | 你是一个免费礼物,我一直在为你工作 它是一个两部分的视频训练 |
| 398 | make it happen with mel robbins it teaches you how you go from thinking about what you want to | 做它与mel Robbins发生 它教你如何去 从思考 你想什么 |
| 399 | actually doing it and making it happen i'm doing this because i want to thank you thank you for | 做它和使它发生 我这样做,因为我想谢谢你 |
| 400 | being here with me on social media thank you for being a fan of the mel robbins podcast you made | 在社交媒体上和我在一起 感谢你成为你制作的Mel Robbins播客的粉丝 |
| 401 | us the fifth most followed podcast in the world last year wow so i've poured my heart and soul | 去年世界上第五位跟随播客的人 |
| 402 | into this free two-part video training just for you as a thank you i want to teach you how to apply | 免费的两段视频培训 只是为了谢谢你 我想教你如何申请 |
| 403 | everything that you're learning to make real results happen in your life how do you jump in | 你所学的一切 使真正的结果发生 在你的生活中 你怎么跳进去 |
| 404 | 问个大问题,请见mel robbins.com slash 使去年我多练一次 | |
| 405 | than half a million of you took advantage of it this year's training is even better again go to | 超过50万的你利用了它 今年的训练 更好再去 |
| 406 | mel robbins.com slash 让它发生 欢迎回来 是你的朋友Mel 我太激动了 | |
| 407 | you're still here with me and dr waldinger so dr waldinger can you give us more advice on exactly | 你仍然和我和Waldinger博士在一起 所以Waldinger博士 你能给我们更多的建议吗? |
| 408 | how we can implement this wisdom well by doing a lot of the things that science tells us | 如何通过做很多科学告诉我们的事情 很好地实现这种智慧 |
| 409 | makes us stronger so for example not being reactive when we can help it when we can take | 使我们更强大,比如说,当我们能帮助它的时候, 不要被动。 |
| 410 | a moment to stop and take a breath when we're feeling challenged so when we're feeling anxious | 等我们觉得有困难的时候 停下来喘口气吧 所以当我们感到焦虑的时候 |
| 411 | or angry or scared to just stop and be with it for a moment and say to ourselves okay what's happening | 或生气或害怕,只是停下来 和它在一起片刻 并告诉自己好 |
| 412 | now what's causing it what is my wisest way to deal with this challenge right now so just stopping | 现在是什么原因 是什么是我最明智的方法 应对这个挑战 现在,只是停止 |
| 413 | taking a little mini time out taking a breath is the first step and then using what i call our wise | 花点小时间出去 喘口气是第一步 然后用我所说的智慧 |
| 414 | mind to say okay what has worked well in the past what hasn't worked well so you know you get the | 介意说好的 过去的工作是好的... ... |
| 415 | email that makes you angry and you want to fire off an angry email in response and you stop you | 让你生气的电子邮件 你想发一个愤怒的电子邮件 作为回应 你阻止你 |
| 416 | take a breath and you say okay what would be the wisest way to deal with this email that i want to | 深呼吸,你说好 处理这封邮件最明智的方法是什么? |
| 417 | get so mad about right and sometimes i'm gonna sleep on this i'm gonna wait till tomorrow morning | 发那么生气的权利 有时我会睡在这件事上 我会等到明天早上 |
| 418 | and see how it looks to me tomorrow morning now sometimes we don't have that time to step back | 看看明天早上我怎么样 有时我们没有时间退后 |
| 419 | but most of the time we do even if our partner says something that makes us furious can we not | 但大部分时间我们做 即使我们的伙伴 说一些让我们生气的东西,我们不会 |
| 420 | rise to the bait but can we stop and take a breath and say i'm just gonna take a moment here | 升到鱼饵上,但我们可以停下来 呼吸一下,然后说,我在这里需要一点时间 |
| 421 | to hear what you said and think about how i can respond to you right i wish we would have had | 听听你的话 想想我怎么回应你 |
| 422 | this conversation two days ago because there no i'm not kidding because there's a text that i sent | 两天前的谈话 因为我没有开玩笑 因为我发了短信 |
| 423 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}现在我坐在这里 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}我被吓坏了 | |
| 424 | two days later it's not been responded to by the other person and i of course am managing the wave | 两天后 对方没有回应 我当然是管理这波 |
| 425 | of oh my god i wish i hadn't have sent that yeah oh yeah how do i deal with this moment right now | 哦,我的上帝,我真希望我没有 已经发送了,是的,哦,是的,我如何处理这个时刻 现在 |
| 426 | when i feel this regret that i didn't put myself in pause okay the first thing is you don't beat | 当我感到后悔,我没有让自己 暂停,好吗 首先,你没有打败 |
| 427 | yourself up about it too late you say okay how what am i gonna learn from this so when we feel | 来不及了 你说好 我该怎么从中吸取教训 |
| 428 | like we've made a mistake you know failure is fine the question is how do we learn from it so if i | 就像我们犯了一个错误 你知道失败是好的 问题是我们如何从中吸取教训 |
| 429 | and i've done this believe me where i've i've fired off an angry response and then i go oh no | 我做了这个 相信我 我发怒了 然后我就走了 哦不 |
| 430 | you know but then okay how am i gonna learn from it so the point is don't beat yourself up step | 你知道,但好吧,我该如何从中吸取教训... ...所以关键是不要把自己打倒 |
| 431 | away from that when you can and say okay what am i gonna learn here and i you know i have to learn | 当你能说出真相时 我在这里学到什么 你知道我必须学习 |
| 432 | it over and over again i i it's not like i it's one and done well i'll tell you the fact that you're | 一遍又一遍地说,我不像我 做得很好 |
| 433 | a zen uh master and you are still struggling with this i literally am like why on earth would you | 一个禅宗的大师 你还在为这个挣扎 我就像为什么你会在地球上 |
| 434 | become a zen master if you still have to struggle with the same stuff that we all do because part | 成为十大大师 如果你还得和我们一样挣扎 |
| 435 | of what i teach is we all struggle with this that and and part of the wisdom of zen is to say there | 我所教的就是 我们都在为这个而奋斗 禅的一部分智慧就是说 |
| 436 | is no final place there's actually a saying in zen there is nothing to attain and what we mean | 不是最后的地方 其实在Zen有一句谚语 没有什么可以实现的 |
| 437 | by that is there's no final place where we've got it all figured out and that that's so important | 也就是说,没有最后的地方 我们得到了这一切, 这一点非常重要 |
| 438 | to know otherwise we tend to follow people who tell us they've got it all figured out nobody's | 要知道,否则,我们倾向于跟踪的人 谁告诉我们,他们已经得到了这一切 找出没有人的 |
| 439 | like that there's nobody on the planet who can who alone can fix it well i want to talk a little | 像这样,地球上没有人 谁能单独解决它好 我想谈谈 |
| 440 | bit about money what did this 86 year long study at harvard tell you about the role that money plays | 这86年在哈佛大学的学习 告诉你钱的作用 |
| 441 | when it comes to happiness in your life it's complicated so money matters money matters what | 在你生活中的幸福是复杂的 所以金钱很重要 |
| 442 | we find when we do research on this is that having our basic needs met is vital so food security like | 当我们研究这个问题时,我们发现,满足我们的基本需要至关重要,所以,粮食安全,比如, |
| 443 | think of the the billions of people who are food insecure people who don't know where they're going | 想想几十亿粮食无保障的人 他们不知道他们要去哪里 |
| 444 | to sleep tonight people who don't know if they can educate their children if they can pay for | 今晚睡觉的人 谁不知道 他们能否教育自己的孩子 如果他们能支付 |
| 445 | their medication having those basic financial needs met is essential so there have been estimates | 满足这些基本财政需要的药物是必要的,因此有估计数。 |
| 446 | in the research of you know you need to make at least seventy five thousand dollars a year in the | 在研究中,你知道 你需要每年至少赚七万五千美元 |
| 447 | u.s. but whatever the the amount is and it's kind of arbitrary it's really can i get my basic needs | 但无论数量多寡 也是任意的 我都能得到我的基本需要 |
| 448 | met and until that happens we are significantly less happy but then if i make seventy five million | 相遇之前,我们很不快乐 但如果我赚七千五百万 |
| 449 | dollars a year that's not going to make me a whole lot happier than having my basic financial needs | 一年的美元,不会让我 更快乐,比有 我的基本财政需求 |
| 450 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}因为如果我想赚很多钱 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}我打算让自己开心起来 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}你觉得怎么样 | |
| 451 | it's a fool's errand it's not going to happen it's hard though to really accept that that's true | 这是傻瓜的差事 不会发生的 虽然很难接受那是真的 |
| 452 | and i've been in situations in my life both when i was at the beginning of my career as a public | 当我开始做公众职业的时候 我这辈子都遇到过麻烦 |
| 453 | defender right not making money not able to like make the ends meet i've been in a situation in | 维权者的权利不赚钱 无法满足目的 我一直处于一种情况 |
| 454 | my marriage where we couldn't pay our bills we were just absurdly in debt and there were | 我的婚姻,我们不能支付 我们的账单,我们只是荒谬的 债务,有 |
| 455 | acute and chronic stress yep and anxiety that you feel absolutely when you cannot buy groceries | 紧张和慢性压力 和焦虑 当你买不到杂货时你绝对会感到 |
| 456 | or pay your rent absolutely and so when you're in that situation i hear what you're saying which is | 或者绝对支付你的租金 所以当你处于那种情况下... ...我听到你说的是什么 |
| 457 | until you can get your basic needs met accessing a deeper level of happiness is going to be really | 直到你的基本需要得到满足 获得更深层次的幸福 |
| 458 | difficult because you're not thriving you have legitimate stress and problems that are overtaking | 很难,因为你没有繁荣 你有合理的压力和问题 正在承受 |
| 459 | your body and your mind and that's a very very real thing so money becomes a really important | 你的身体和思想,这是件非常真实的事 所以金钱变得很重要 |
| 460 | tool to be able to relieve stress and solve some of your problems but if i'm listening closely | 能缓解压力和解决你一些问题的工具 但如果我仔细听 |
| 461 | you're saying it's not the point of your life right and too many of us fall into this | 你说这不是你生命的重中之重 而我们中太多人陷入了这种境地 |
| 462 | trap where we believe because of what we see on social media or what is celebrated in our culture | 因为我们在社交媒体上看到什么 或我们文化中庆祝什么 |
| 463 | the new cars the mansions the jets the all of it that you start to think that it's the point of | 新车 豪宅 喷气式飞机 这一切,你开始认为 这是重点 |
| 464 | your life yes yes and so we should think about money as a tool not the point exactly to think | 你的生活是的,是的,所以我们应该考虑 金钱作为一种工具 而不是真正思考的重点 |
| 465 | well what's the money for and when i answer that is that likely to actually make me happy | 那么,什么是钱 当我回答那 可能真正让我快乐 |
| 466 | so we can each do a little internal check what are the times when i've been the happiest | 这样我们每个人都可以做一个小 内部检查是什么时代 我曾经是最幸福的 |
| 467 | was it actually when i had that new car maybe for a few minutes but was it actually when i had that | 其实是当我有那辆新车 也许几分钟 但其实是当我有那辆 |
| 468 | wonderful time with my niece and we just spent an afternoon knocking around the city of boston | 和我的侄女玩得很开心 我们刚度过一个下午 在波士顿的城市敲门 |
| 469 | together that was magical for me right so what i know when i check in with myself is that the | 在一起对我来说是神奇的,所以我知道 当我检查自己是 |
| 470 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}我最快乐的时光 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}和那些我在乎的事情 | |
| 471 | that they don't happen to be the things that money can buy but if i were making 19 000 a | 他们不会碰巧是钱可以买的东西 但如果我赚到一万九千元 |
| 472 | year in new york city darn right money matters hugely and and you're absolutely right that it's | 纽约的一年 正确的钱很重要 而你绝对是对的 |
| 473 | a level of stress that prevents us from being happy until we have those needs met that was | 在满足这些需求之前,这种压力使我们无法快乐。 |
| 474 | a great question that you asked us to contemplate and so i want to ask you as you're listening to | 你要求我们考虑一个大问题 所以我想问你 当你在听 |
| 475 | just stop and think back on your life right now and if you think about times where you are the | 别再想现在的生活了 如果你想想你在哪里 |
| 476 | happiest what's interesting is i reflect on that question it is one thousand percent when i am out | 最有趣的是,我在这个问题上反省一下 当我退出的时候是千分之一 |
| 477 | doing something with other people it is being for me anyway outside we're hiking we're sitting | 和别人做点什么,不管怎样,我在外面 我们徒步旅行,我们坐着 |
| 478 | and watching the sunset we are out working in the yard we're exploring some new area and it's with | 看着日落 我们在院子里工作 探索一些新的区域 |
| 479 | other people and these experiences and so i suppose if you can even just switch your perspective and | 其他人和这些经历,所以我想 如果你甚至可以改变你的观点, |
| 480 | think about money as a tool to help create more of those connections and experiences with other | 将金钱视为一种工具,帮助创造更多的与其他公司的联系和经验。 |
| 481 | people you have a completely different lens on it exactly and they've actually studied this they | 上面有完全不同的镜头 他们实际上研究了这个 |
| 482 | actually studied like what makes us happier paying for material things with our extra | 事实上,学习就像是什么让我们更快乐 支付物质的东西与我们的额外 |
| 483 | money yeah or paying for experiences and what they find is that paying for experiences whether | 金钱是,或支付的经验 他们发现的是,支付的经验是否 |
| 484 | it's you know going to a national park tickets to a basketball game going to a museum whatever it | 你知道要去国家公园 篮球比赛的门票 去博物馆什么的 |
| 485 | be that makes us happier and it makes us happier for longer than buying a physical object awesome | 这让我们更快乐 它让我们更快乐 比购买一个物理物品更棒 |
| 486 | awesome so let's talk about comparison how does comparing where you are in life | 好极了,让我们来谈谈比较 如何比较你的人生 |
| 487 | to somebody else impact your happiness there's a quote from teddy roosevelt that i love he said | 对别人影响你的幸福 有句泰迪·罗赛尔特的话 |
| 488 | comparison is the thief of joy and what we find when we study this is that the people who compare | 比较是快乐的盗贼 我们研究时发现的是 比较的人 |
| 489 | themselves to other people more often day to day in a given day you are less happy and the people | 一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一天一 |
| 490 | who don't compare themselves as much feel better about life and better about themselves how the | 他们不会比自己更喜欢生活 更喜欢自己 |
| 491 | heck do we stop isn't it human nature to compare yourself to somebody else it is human nature but | 我们停下来是不是人本性 比较自己和别人,这是人本性。 |
| 492 | there are situations that pull for comparison and there are situations that don't and by pull you | 有些情况需要比较 有些情况需要比较 |
| 493 | mean it is triggering you to do it it makes us compare gotcha okay like we almost can't help it | 意思是它触发你做它 它让我们比较Gotcha好,就像我们几乎无法控制它 |
| 494 | yes okay so what pulls for comparison doom scrolling through social media pulls for comparison | 是的,好吧,什么拉比较 末日滚动 通过社交媒体拉比较 |
| 495 | when i look at other people's curated lives other people's photos of beautiful meals or great | 当我看着别人的园艺生活 别人的美食照片或很棒 |
| 496 | vacations and i compare it to my own mundane life of driving through traffic i think you know i'm | 度假,我把它和我自己的普通生活 开车通过交通,我想你知道我 |
| 497 | not living my best life everybody else has it figured out right right so social media if we | 而不是过我最好的生活 每个人都想通了 |
| 498 | consume it passively pulls for comparison but what about gardening right what about bird watching | 被动地消耗它来比较,但是 如何园艺正确的, 鸟看 |
| 499 | it doesn't really make us want to compare it's just oh my gosh that's so amazing what would you | 这并不真的让我们想 比较它只是 哦,我的天哪,这是那么惊人 你会 |
| 500 | say though to a 20 year old that's listening to this because we have a huge range of listeners | 说到一个20岁 正在听这个,因为我们有 巨大的听众范围 |
| 501 | and there's tons of families that share episodes back and forth moms and dads sending to sons and | 和很多家庭 分享的故事前后 父母送儿子和 |
| 502 | daughters and vice versa and so what would you say to the 20 year old because the second that you said | 女儿,反之亦然 所以,你会说什么 20岁 因为你说的第二 |
| 503 | bird watching and gardening which by you know i'm going on an owl walking date with my husband | 观鸟和园艺,你知道我要去 猫头鹰步行约会我的丈夫 |
| 504 | you know like a tour with a local thing in our community on sunday and i love it and i can't | 你知道,就像一个旅游 与我们社区的地方的东西 星期天,我喜欢它,我不能 |
| 505 | wait but if you had said bird watching and gardening to me forget it when i was in my | 等待,但如果你说过鸟看 和园艺给我 忘了当我在我的 |
| 506 | 20s i'd be like uh delete not listening to this anymore so what do you say to somebody in their | 20多岁,我就像呃删除 不再听这个了 所以,你怎么说 有人在他们的 |
| 507 | 20s who has grown up with a phone in their hand yeah who is now in a generation and in a life | 20多岁,手里拿着手机长大... ...... |
| 508 | where everybody's outside life is on display and it makes you feel terrible on the inside | 外面的每个人都在展示 让你内心感到恐怖 |
| 509 | about where you are and what i would say is make sure you're spending a lot of time in real | 关于你在哪里,我要说的是 确保你花费了很多时间 在真实中 |
| 510 | life a lot of time away from your phone or at least with your phone in your pocket never taking | 远离电话生活很多时间 或者至少你的手机在你的口袋里 |
| 511 | it out with people in activities that you love so what are the activities that you love is it playing | 它与人们在你爱的活动 所以什么是你爱的活动 是它玩 |
| 512 | basketball could be just hanging out with your friends doing nothing i actually heard a story | 篮球可能只是 挂出与你的朋友做什么 我实际上听到一个故事 |
| 513 | today on npr about how video games can put some people into a state of flow where they're just | 今天四月,关于电子游戏 如何让一些人进入流动状态 他们只是 |
| 514 | in it they're just like doing the game yeah and they're not thinking about they're not comparing | 他们就像在玩游戏 他们没在想他们是不是比较 |
| 515 | themselves they're just like just trying to get better at this game now can it can it addict us | 他们只是想在这场比赛中表现得更好 现在能让我们上瘾吗? |
| 516 | yes it can but video games can be a break from this comparison on social media so there are all | 是的,可以,但是电子游戏 可以是一个突破 这个比较 在社交媒体 所以所有的 |
| 517 | kinds of ways to to find those places in your life where you're just in an activity that you | 那种寻找你生活中那些地方的方法 在那里你只是从事一种活动 |
| 518 | love that you're engaged in you know i on that note on video games i think it's this is a really | 爱,你从事 你知道我的字条 在电子游戏 我认为这是一个真的 |
| 519 | important experience to share is that i think they're very different than your kid or your | 要分享的重要经验是,我认为他们 和你的孩子或你的 |
| 520 | one scrolling on social media because the social media and the surfing is passive and video game | 一个在社交媒体上滚动 因为社交媒体和冲浪是被动的 电子游戏 |
| 521 | playing is very active and i remember when our son started getting super into video games | 玩的很活跃 我记得我们的儿子开始进入电子游戏 |
| 522 | my husband and i would be in the kitchen arguing because i was a big gamer when atari came out and | 我丈夫和我会在厨房吵架 因为我是个大游戏家 当阿塔里出来时 |
| 523 | played video games all the time and so i'm defending our son like he doesn't need to be | 一直在玩电子游戏 所以我在保护我们的儿子 就像他不需要那样 |
| 524 | outside like he loves it he's really good at it what there's nothing wrong with gaming i know i | 外面就像他喜欢它一样 他真的很擅长它什么 没有错的游戏 我知道我 |
| 525 | know you didn't game and i remember having this huge epiphany once where i went to check in on him | 记得你没有玩过游戏 我记得有一次我去看他 |
| 526 | one afternoon and he had a headset on and there were seven of his friends playing yeah | 一个下午,他有一个耳机 他有七个朋友在玩耶 |
| 527 | and he wasn't alone he was not only in a state of flow doing something very active with his | 而且他并不孤单 他不仅处于流动状态 做一些非常积极的事情 |
| 528 | mind and solving problems and doing all this stuff but he was talking to his friends as they were all | 思想 解决问题 做这些事 但他和朋友说话 他们都是 |
| 529 | playing this game together and i say that because i think we often look at what's happening on | 一起玩这个游戏,我说,因为我觉得我们经常看 发生了什么 |
| 530 | the outside without realizing oh there may be something deeper here and with video games it | 外面没有意识到 哦 这里可能有更深的东西 和电子游戏 |
| 531 | doesn't surprise me that there's not only the state of flow but a lot of people have found ways | 我并不惊讶,不仅有 流动状态,很多人已经找到了方法 |
| 532 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}和别人保持非常紧密的联系 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}是的 这一点很重要 | |
| 533 | because you know we have these stereotypes particularly of boys and young men that well | 因为我们有这些定型观念 特别是男孩和年轻人 |
| 534 | they're just kind of loners and they're on their video games and they're not making connections | 他们只是那种孤独 他们正在他们的电子游戏 他们不做连接 |
| 535 | but what you said is exactly right many young men will say i'm with my friends and we're doing this | 但你说的完全正确 很多年轻人会说我和我的朋友在一起 我们正在这样做 |
| 536 | thing i mean how is it different from playing basketball with your friends now there's a | 我的意思是它有什么区别 与打篮球与你的朋友 现在有一个 |
| 537 | physical element but still there's a connection element in basketball and in some video games | 物理元素,但篮球和一些电子游戏中仍然有连接元素 |
| 538 | that i suspect is pretty similar when you look at the research from this 86 year long study | 我怀疑你从这86年的 研究中看出来,是相当相似的 |
| 539 | what did the participants say at the end of their life what were their biggest regrets | 参与者在生命的尽头说了什么 最大的遗憾是什么 |
| 540 | and what were the big lessons okay the biggest regrets two categories one was | 最大的遗憾是第一种 |
| 541 | i wish i hadn't spent so much time at work i wish i had spent more time with people i cared about | 我希望我没有花那么多时间工作 我希望我花更多的时间 与我关心的人 |
| 542 | almost the number one regret and then the other regret and this came more from women than from men | 几乎是头号后悔,然后是另一号后悔, 这更多的来自女性而不是男性 |
| 543 | was i wish i hadn't worried so much about what other people thought and then so those are the | 我希望我没有这么担心 人们的想法,然后这些是 |
| 544 | two big regrets the things that people were proudest of were not their achievements and | 有两个很大的遗憾 人们最骄傲的东西 不是他们的成就和 |
| 545 | many people had achieved a lot it was people it was i was a good mentor i was a good partner | 很多人都取得了很大成就 别人,我是好导师,是好搭档 |
| 546 | i was a good parent i was a good boss you know it was always about the relationships even among | 我是一个好父母 我是一个好老板 你知道它总是 关于关系,即使 |
| 547 | people who had won huge prizes or gotten big accolades that's not what they named when they | 赢得大奖或大奖的人 并不是他们命名的 |
| 548 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}你说过 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}女人最大的遗憾就是浪费 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}我 | |
| 549 | so much of your life worrying about what other people think yeah how do you stop doing that | 你一辈子都在担心别人怎么想? |
| 550 | well it's realizing that first of all most of that's not going to matter when we're dead | 好吧,它意识到,首先, 大部分是不会重要 当我们死了 |
| 551 | right but what will matter am i treating people well that will matter and people will remember it | 对,但重要的是我善待人,人会记得 |
| 552 | even after we're gone it's not what people think but it's what i do so one of the sayings i like a | 即便我们走了 也不是人们所想的 而是我所做的事 我喜欢 |
| 553 | lot is 20 years from now the only people who will remember whether you worked late are your children | 20年后 唯一记得你加班的人就是你的孩子 |
| 554 | and so if you think about it so much of what we worry about like is my boss going to like me | 所以,如果你考虑它这么多 我们担心的是什么 我老板会喜欢我 |
| 555 | are people going to think i'm a good this or that it's not going to matter down the road | 是人们会认为我是一个好人 还是它不会重要 在路上 |
| 556 | but whether i was a good ethical person that's going to matter a lot we matter and our behavior | 但是,我是不是一个好道德的人 那会很重要 我们很重要和我们的行为 |
| 557 | matters but it's not necessarily other people's opinions about whether my curtains were the right | 但对于我的窗帘是否正确 不一定是别人的看法 |
| 558 | of blue on the windows yeah you're missing the point yeah so you said at the very beginning that | 窗户上的蓝色 你错过了重点 所以你一开始就说 |
| 559 | the single biggest takeaway from this 86 year long study on adult development at harvard is that | 这86年来对哈瓦德的成人发展的研究中 最大的一项就是 |
| 560 | a good life is made from good relationships so let's focus on what makes for good relationships | 美好生活是由美好关系造就的 所以让我们集中力量 创造美好关系 |
| 561 | and let's start with what kind of relationships do you need in order to have a good life yeah okay | 我们从你需要什么样的关系开始 才能过上美好的生活 |
| 562 | so there's a kind of bedrock relationship type that everybody needs which is who has my back | 所以有种基础 关系类型 每个人都需要 谁有我的背 |
| 563 | so we asked our study members at one point who could you call in the middle of the night if you | 所以,我们问我们的研究成员 在一个时间点,你可以打电话 谁在半夜 如果你 |
| 564 | sick or scared and most people could list you know several people in their life some people | 生病或害怕 大多数人可以列出你认识的几个人 |
| 565 | couldn't list anybody and some of those people were even married and they didn't list their spouse | 无法列出任何人 一些人甚至结婚了 他们没有列出他们的配偶 |
| 566 | ┮и谋眔 –常惠璶 и硂琌 attachment | |
| 567 | another person where you feel like if i'm in trouble that person would be there for me we've | 另一个你觉得有麻烦的人 那个人会陪着我 |
| 568 | talked about it on this podcast as your 4 a.m friend yeah the person you can pick up the phone | 在播客上作为你四点的朋友谈论过 是的 你可以接电话的人 |
| 569 | to at four o'clock in the morning whether it's an emergency or you're just lonely and you need | 早上四点,无论这是紧急情况 还是你孤独,你需要 |
| 570 | somebody to talk to yeah why does secure attachment matter and what is it how does it relate to | 有人说话是耶 为什么安全附件 是什么关系 |
| 571 | happiness secure attachment refers to this idea that we all bond when we're babies when we're | 幸福保障的依恋 是指当我们还是婴儿时 我们都联系在一起的想法 |
| 572 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}如果联系顺利 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}我们最终会相信 | |
| 573 | are lovable and that there's somebody there to love us and that when we believe those things | 是可爱的,有人在那里爱我们 当我们相信那些东西 |
| 574 | we grow up happy and we grow up brave enough to explore the world right because there's a home | 我们快乐地成长 我们勇敢地成长 探索世界 |
| 575 | base we can come back to so sometimes you'll see on a playground you'll see a parent with a | 我们可以回到基地,所以有时你会看到 在游乐场,你会看到一个父母有一个 |
| 576 | two-year-old and the two-year-old toddles off and then at some point they'll run back and they will | 两岁的孩子和两岁的孩子 分开,然后在某个时候,他们会跑回来,他们会 |
| 577 | grab the parents leg it's sometimes called refueling where they're reminded oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah | 抓住父母的腿 有时叫加油 提醒他们哦耶耶耶耶 |
| 578 | home base and then they'll toddle off again and then they'll run back for that kind of momentary | 回到家后,他们就会再次离开 然后他们就会跑回那种瞬间 |
| 579 | read refueling right we think that that's something we need all the way through life | и谋眔硂琌и惠璶 |
| 580 | so how do i take a risk in my life you may have someone in your life maybe it's your spouse | 所以,我如何冒险 在我的生命中,你可能有一个人 在你的生活中,也许是你的配偶 |
| 581 | and if you start to take a risk like starting a new podcast you might run it by him and say | 如果你开始冒险 像开始一个新的播客 你可能会运行它 说 |
| 582 | what do you think do you think i could do this we need somebody to say it's okay and i'm here | 你觉得我能做点什么 我们需要有人说没事 我在这 |
| 583 | even if it doesn't go well i've got your back i feel like that's the whole purpose of this podcast | 即使情况不妙 我支持你 我觉得这就是播客的目的 |
| 584 | for the person listening yeah that it is a refueling yeah that it's a place you can come | 对倾听的人来说 是个加油的地方 |
| 585 | back to like a home base and hear somebody who really means it say you got this yes you can you | 回到一个家庭基地 听到有人真的说 你得到了这个,你可以 |
| 586 | can exactly well dr waldinger i mean talking about relationships and connecting with people | Waldinger博士 我说的是 谈关系和与人的联系 |
| 587 | i already have a dozen people that i'm going to share this conversation with and so let's take | 我已经有十几个人了,我要去分享这个谈话,所以让我们采取 |
| 588 | a quick pause your word from our amazing sponsors because they allow us to bring this to you at zero | 我们的赞助商 允许我们以零点的速度 将你的话暂时停止 |
| 589 | and while you're listening to our sponsors take a minute and share this with somebody that you | 当你在听赞助商说话时 花点时间和别人分享这个 |
| 590 | love because as you're learning relationships are what create a good life and dr waldinger | 爱情,因为当你学习 关系是创造美好生活和博士华丁格 |
| 591 | and i will be waiting for you after a short break stay with us hey it's mel and you know what i want | 休息一会我会等你的 嘿 是Mel 你知道我想要什么 |
| 592 | you to stop thinking about what you want and watching videos on youtube and actually go out | 别再想你想什么了 看着Youtube上的视频 然后出去 |
| 593 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}因为行动是答案 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}你的第一个行动 | |
| 594 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}跳进我全新的免费训练 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}这训练让你 | |
| 595 | tools to go from thinking to doing it's packed with science it comes with a free workbook and | 工具从思考到做 它的包 科学 它有免费的工作手册 |
| 596 | it's exactly what you need right now more than half a million people are taking it and the fact | 这正是你现在需要的 超过50万人正在服用它和事实 |
| 597 | is you do have the power to change your life and i want to help you all you have to do is click in | 你确实有能力改变你的生活 我想帮助你 |
| 598 | the link in the caption or go to melrobbins.com make it happen it's free you jump right in i'm | 字幕中的链接或者去melrobbins.com 使它发生 它免费,你跳在右我 |
| 599 | going to be your coach i created it for you why wouldn't you take this opportunity to make your | 成为你的教练 我为你创造了它 为什么你不借此机会 |
| 600 | life better go do it do not miss out on the life you could be living let's make it happen together | 生活最好去做它不错过 你可能的生活 让我们让它一起发生 |
| 601 | welcome back it's your friend mel i'm so glad you're here thank you for sharing this conversation | 欢迎回来 这是你的朋友Mel 我很高兴你在这里 谢谢你分享这次谈话 |
| 602 | with the people that you love i know it's going to make a huge difference and we're learning | 与你所爱的人 我知道这会带来巨大的变化 我们正在学习 |
| 603 | incredible insights from the 86 year long harvard adult development study we're here with dr robert | 86年的哈瓦德成人发育研究中 令人难以置信的洞察力 |
| 604 | baldinger who is breaking down the amazing insights from this research study and helping us | 秃头 打破了研究的惊人见解 帮助我们 |
| 605 | live a good life one of the findings of the study is that your relationships not only create a good | 生活美好 研究的结果之一是 你们的关系不仅创造了美好 |
| 606 | life but they actually make you healthier they make you live longer and so can you talk a little | 生活,但实际上让你更健康 让你活得更长,所以你可以说话一点点 |
| 607 | bit about how the connection that you feel with people in your life or even warm connections with | 关于你如何感受 与人在你的生活中, 甚至温暖的联系 |
| 608 | strangers helps you manage stress yes i mean there are a bunch of ways it does that one is it makes | 陌生人帮助你应付压力 是的,我的意思是,有一堆方法 它做的是它做的 |
| 609 | us feel we're not alone and feeling like we're not alone is vital feeling like someone will | 我们觉得我们不孤单 觉得我们不孤独 是至关重要的感觉 像有人会 |
| 610 | me if I fall, right? | 如果我摔倒了,对不对? |
| 611 | Feeling like we belong, it's one of the reasons why feeling part of a group matters. | 感觉我们属于我们,这是为什么 感觉一个群体的一部分重要的原因之一。 |
| 612 | It's why being excluded from a group is so painful. | 这就是为什么被排斥在群体之外 是如此痛苦。 |
| 613 | We need to feel like we belong to feel good about ourselves. | 我们需要感觉我们属于 对自己好。 |
| 614 | So even the small interactions we have, like when you go into the coffee shop and you have | 所以,即使是小互动,我们有, 就像当你走进咖啡店,你有 |
| 615 | a nice exchange with the barista who makes you your latte, is that moment of connection | 和给你做拿铁的女律师交换一下,就是那个关节 |
| 616 | where, yeah, you know, how's your day going? | 哪里,是的,你知道, 怎么样的一天去? |
| 617 | And sometimes people will actually tell you how their day, they'll really tell you, not | 有时人们会告诉你 他们的一天,他们会告诉你,不是 |
| 618 | just on automatic pilot. | 只是自动驾驶。 |
| 619 | And that that helps us feel like we're with someone else and we belong and we're seen | 帮助我们感觉我们和别人在一起 我们属于我们 |
| 620 | by someone else. | 被别人。 |
| 621 | Can you talk a little bit based on the research of why these small moments and these small | 你能根据研究来谈谈 为什么这些小的瞬间 |
| 622 | conversations, even with a stranger throughout the week, really are an important part of | 谈话,甚至整个星期与陌生人的对话, 真的是重要的一部分 |
| 623 | living a good life? | 过着美好的生活? |
| 624 | What we know is that those conversations with strangers, again, help us feel connected, | 我们所知道的是,那些谈话 陌生人,再次, 帮助我们感到连接, |
| 625 | help us feel affirmed. | 帮助我们感到肯定。 |
| 626 | They did an experiment in Chicago where there are a lot of commuters on the Chicago commuter | 他们在芝加哥做了一个实验 芝加哥通勤车上有很多通勤者 |
| 627 | rail system and they assigned some people to do what they normally did on their commute, | 铁路系统 他们指派一些人 做他们平时的通勤, |
| 628 | which is to look at their phones or read a book or whatever, listen to music. | 就是看他们的手机 或者看书什么的 听音乐 |
| 629 | And the other people were assigned to talk to a stranger and they asked people, how much | 其他人被派去跟陌生人谈话 他们问人们,多少钱 |
| 630 | do you think you're going to like this assignment? | 你觉得你会喜欢这个任务吗? |
| 631 | And the people who were told they had to talk to strangers thought they were not going to | 而那些被告知要和陌生人交谈的人 认为他们不会 |
| 632 | like it. | 喜欢它。 |
| 633 | When they completed their assignment, they were all asked, how do you feel now? | 当他们完成任务时 他们都被问到 你现在感觉如何? |
| 634 | The people who talked to strangers were way happier than the people who just sat and did | 跟陌生人交谈的人 比那些坐着做的人更快乐 |
| 635 | what they normally did on their commute. | 他们通常在通勤时所做的 |
| 636 | And it seems that the connections we make are energizing much more often than not. | 似乎我们建立的联系 更频繁地激发起来 |
| 637 | Yes, sometimes we can get into a conversation we don't like, but more often than not. | 是的,有时我们可以进入 我们不喜欢的对话, 但更经常。 |
| 638 | That's like, oh, it's nice. | 这就像,哦,这是很好的。 |
| 639 | It's nice to say hello to you. | 宜与师问好. |
| 640 | It's nice to complain about the weather together. | 一起抱怨天气真好 |
| 641 | Whatever it might be, it just makes me feel like I belong. | 不管是什么 让我觉得自己属于自己 |
| 642 | This is something that I have always done. | 这是我一贯做的事情。 |
| 643 | I always said it was because I grew up in the Midwest, just very friendly. | 我总是说是因为我在中西部长大, 只是非常友好。 |
| 644 | I just am always talking to people. | 我只是总是跟人说话。 |
| 645 | 常向众生说 hello. | |
| 646 | I'm the person that gets onto an elevator. | 我才是上电梯的人 |
| 647 | We're staying at a hotel and there is this big electrical conference there. | 我们住在旅馆 那里有个大型的电机会议 |
| 648 | And so we get into the elevator yesterday. | 我们昨天才上电梯 |
| 649 | It's probably seven thirty in the morning. | 大概是早上七点三十分 |
| 650 | It is full of just imagine a group of seven electrical contractors. | 它充满了想象 一组7个电力承包商。 |
| 651 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 652 | Like, get that picture in your mind. | 把那张照片放在你脑海里 |
| 653 | They're all kind of standing there crying. | 他们都站在那里哭 |
| 654 | I'm like, hey, guys, what's up? | 嘿,伙计们,怎么了? |
| 655 | At first, silence. | 初寂灭. |
| 656 | Who is this? | 你是谁? |
| 657 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 658 | And I'm like, how's the conference? | 我很喜欢,怎么样的会议? |
| 659 | And they're like, oh, you know, and then one guy starts to talk. | 他们喜欢,哦,你知道, 然后一个家伙开始说话。 |
| 660 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 661 | And then all of a sudden, like popcorn popping. | 然后突然间 就像爆米花一样 |
| 662 | Next thing you know, as we're going down the 17 floors, we're chatting it up. | 接下来,当我们走下17层楼时,我们聊一下 |
| 663 | And I'm recommending the almond croissant at the bakery and the cafe. | 我在面包店和咖啡馆推荐杏仁卷饼 |
| 664 | And so I love that. | 我喜欢这样 |
| 665 | And I realize that it's not even about being extroverted | 我意识到,这甚至不是 关于被外推 |
| 666 | because I'm really more of somebody I'm realizing who's more amperverted. | 因为我更喜欢我认识的人 谁是更变态。 |
| 667 | I'm extroverted at work. | 我在工作上被夸张了 |
| 668 | But then I'm literally a I never leave my house. | 但从字面上讲,我从未离开过家 |
| 669 | Kind of thing. | 那种东西。 |
| 670 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 671 | But I am so energized by it. | 但我对它充满活力 |
| 672 | Right. | 对 |
| 673 | So how did you feel at the start of the elevator ride and then at the end? | 那么,你感觉怎么样 在电梯的开始和最后? |
| 674 | Can you compare? | 你能比较一下吗? |
| 675 | A thousand percent, I compare as I got out of my hotel room alone | 一千分之一,我比较一下 当我独自走出酒店房间时 |
| 676 | and I'm checking my phone as I'm walking down the hallway. | 我在走下走廊时检查手机 |
| 677 | And then I'm turning right to walk down the other long hallway. | 然后我右转 走在另一个长走廊。 |
| 678 | And I'm still on my phone and I'm thinking about my workday and I'm trapped in my head. | 我还在打电话 想着工作日 我被困在脑海里 |
| 679 | And then I walk over to the elevator and then I hit the button. | 然后我走到电梯 然后按下按钮 |
| 680 | And I'm so not present | 我却不在场 |
| 681 | that I step on the first elevator that dings and it's going up, not down. | 我踩到第一台电梯,它会上升,而不是下降。 |
| 682 | So then I go up alone in the elevator for another seven floors. | 然后,我一个人去电梯里再找七层 |
| 683 | And then the first contractor walks in. | 然后,第一个承包商走进来。 |
| 684 | And the second I looked at him and I said, Good morning. | 我一看他就说 早上好 |
| 685 | And he smiled and said, Good morning. | 他笑着说,早上好 |
| 686 | I felt a little burst of energy. | 我感到能量有点大 |
| 687 | It was like I was immediately now in the moment. | 那一刻我仿佛在马上 |
| 688 | And not on my phone. | 也不在我的电话里 |
| 689 | I was now present with another human being staying at the same hotel. | 我现在和另一个人在同一个旅馆里 |
| 690 | The door shut. | 门闭. |
| 691 | And as we start to descend, I turn, I'm like, were you | 当我们开始下降,我转身,我一样,是你 |
| 692 | in the elevator with me yesterday morning? | 昨天早上跟我在电梯里? |
| 693 | And he kind of laughed and he's like, I don't think so. | 他有点笑了,他想,我不这么认为。 |
| 694 | And I'm like, well, you probably would have remembered it | 而我喜欢,嗯, 你可能已经记得 |
| 695 | because I was yapping with everybody in the elevator. | 因为我在电梯里和所有人聊天 |
| 696 | But there was somebody in there and then the doors open and now we're talking. | 但是里面有人,然后门打开,现在我们说话。 |
| 697 | And so then somebody else gets in and we I say, good morning. | 然后有人进来,我说,早上好 |
| 698 | And then the guy looks up, good morning. | 然后那家伙抬头,早上好。 |
| 699 | And then we stand in and then the doors open again. | 然后我们站出来 然后门又打开了 |
| 700 | And so as everybody then starts to get on, you were the greeter. | 所以当大家开始上场时 你是欢迎者 |
| 701 | Yes. | 对 |
| 702 | But the energy in the elevator shifted. | 但电梯的能量转移了 |
| 703 | Nobody was on their phone. | 没人打电话 |
| 704 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 705 | And we didn't solve the world's problems. | 我们没有解决世界的问题。 |
| 706 | But even just getting off the elevator | 但即使刚下电梯 |
| 707 | and then as I exit, have a great day, everybody. | 然后当我离开, 有一个伟大的一天,大家。 |
| 708 | And, you know, a couple of people, hey, you too, you know, kind of thing. | 还有,你知道,一对夫妇, 嘿,你也,你知道, 那种事情。 |
| 709 | I was present. | 我当时在场 |
| 710 | I felt a little less alone. | 我感觉有点孤独。 |
| 711 | I felt a lift of life force energy from other people. | 我感受到了别人的能量 |
| 712 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 713 | It shifted my mood and it changed the day. | 它改变了我的心情 它改变了一天。 |
| 714 | And and what you've developed is a habit of doing that. | 你所发展出来的是一种习惯。 |
| 715 | And what is worth pointing out is that it's a habit we can develop, | 值得指出的是,这是一个习惯 我们可以发展, |
| 716 | that even though it's a little awkward at first, if you just keep doing it, | 虽然一开始有点尴尬 如果你继续做 |
| 717 | it'll become second nature. | 它会变成第二大自然。 |
| 718 | But I had to develop the habit. | 但我不得不养成这个习惯。 |
| 719 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 720 | And I think it's really important to note something that | 我觉得重要的是要注意到 |
| 721 | this is really important because you underestimate | 这很重要,因为你低估了 |
| 722 | how big of a difference it makes in your life. | 你生活中的差别有多大 |
| 723 | And I'd like to offer one other example of how you can do this, | 我想举个例子 说明你是如何做到的 |
| 724 | because I know that for a lot of people striking up a conversation | 因为我知道对很多人来说... ... |
| 725 | or making small talk feels either scary or trivial. | 或做小说 感觉恐怖或微不足道。 |
| 726 | And it's not. | 则不然. |
| 727 | And what I've noticed about making this a habit of creating | 而我注意到的就是 把这个当作创造的习惯 |
| 728 | what you in the research have found are, quote, warm connections | 你在研究中发现的是 温和的连接 |
| 729 | and these small social, you know, day to day interactions, | 这些小社交,你知道, 日常互动, |
| 730 | is that I notice that I would rather feel the way that I felt | 我发现,我宁愿 感觉的方式,我的感觉 |
| 731 | when I got off the elevator this morning at the hotel, | 我今早在酒店下电梯时 |
| 732 | having just chatted and saying good morning to people in the elevator. | 刚和电梯里的人聊完早上好 |
| 733 | I'd rather feel that tiny little buzz and lift in my mood | 我更愿意在心情中 感受到那小声 |
| 734 | than the way that I feel when I'm standing there, | 比起我站在那时的感觉 |
| 735 | lonely, looking at my phone, waiting for time to pass by, | 寂寞,看着我的电话,等待时间经过, |
| 736 | that I have realized that I have a choice | 我意识到我有选择 |
| 737 | about the experience in my day to day life that I can create for myself. | 关于我日常生活中的经历 我可以为自己创造。 |
| 738 | And so another way to do this is you probably go to a coffee shop most weeks | 所以另一种方式是 你可能去一个咖啡店 大部分星期 |
| 739 | and simply complimenting somebody either on their nails | 仅仅夸夸别人的指甲 |
| 740 | or the shirt they're wearing or how good the coffee looks. | 或者他们穿的衬衫 或者咖啡看起来有多好 |
| 741 | And then after doing that, three or four days in a row saying, | 之后连续三四天说 |
| 742 | do you mind me asking what your first name is? | 你介意我问问你的名字吗? |
| 743 | I feel like I come in here every day. | 我觉得我每天都来这里 |
| 744 | I see. | 原来如此 |
| 745 | I don't even like I'd like to just, you know, I'm Mel. | 我甚至不想只是,你知道,我是梅尔。 |
| 746 | Yes. | 对 |
| 747 | And then here's a pro tip. | 然后是专业小费 |
| 748 | When you turn around, after you say their name, | 当你转过身, 当你说出他们的名字, |
| 749 | write their name in your contacts, | 在你的联络人中写上他们的名字, |
| 750 | in the notes under the entry for the coffee shop. | 在咖啡店的笔记里 |
| 751 | And as you pull in tomorrow morning, if you're like me, | 当你明天早上来的时候 如果你像我一样 |
| 752 | you will forget that Evan is the dude that is at the coffee shop | 你会忘记埃文是咖啡店的那个家伙 |
| 753 | at the hotel I stay at all the time in Boston. | 在酒店我一直住在波士顿。 |
| 754 | I now know his name. | 我现在知道他的名字了 |
| 755 | He knows my order. | 他知道我的命令。 |
| 756 | Yeah, yeah. | 对 对 |
| 757 | Because I use this and I refresh my memory the first couple of times. | 因为我用这个,我恢复记忆 前几次。 |
| 758 | So when I walk up, I'm like, oh, it's Evan, right? | 所以当我走起来,我就像, 哦,这是埃文,对不对? |
| 759 | Oh, I'm Mel. | 哦,我是梅尔。 |
| 760 | It's great to see you again. | 复次阿难. |
| 761 | That that small thing, as crazy as it sounds, it makes me less lonely. | 那个小东西,尽管听起来很疯狂, 它让我不那么孤独。 |
| 762 | Absolutely. | 当然 |
| 763 | And it makes the other person feel seen. | 令彼众生觉知见. |
| 764 | Evan feels like you see him. | 埃文觉得你看见他了 |
| 765 | You're not just like doing some transactional thing. | 你不只是做一些交易的事情。 |
| 766 | It's like, I see you and I'm glad we're here together. | 这就像,我看到你,我很高兴我们在一起。 |
| 767 | And here's the other piece, if I could take it to an even more profound level, | 这是另一块 如果我能把它带到更深层 |
| 768 | like every one of us wants to create more meaning. | 就像我们每个人都想创造更多的意义。 |
| 769 | In life. | 于众生中. |
| 770 | And you want to feel like you have discovered this deeper sense of purpose. | 你想感觉你发现了这种更深层次的目的感。 |
| 771 | And I will go to my grave knowing that I feel that my life is more meaningful | 我会去我的坟墓 知道我感觉我的生活更有意义 |
| 772 | and I am experiencing it at a deeper level simply because of this one habit | 我更深层次地体验 仅仅因为这个习惯 |
| 773 | of forcing myself to create these warm, simple connections and conversations | 强迫我建立这些温暖,简单的连接和对话 |
| 774 | with strangers as I go about my day. | 和陌生人一起过日子 |
| 775 | It's like a it's almost like being tethered to a mooring. | 这就像一个它几乎 像被系在锚。 |
| 776 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 777 | That keeps you present in life, that keeps you able to kind of ride the waves | 让你能驾驭海浪 |
| 778 | and locate a sense of energy and goodness as you go about your days, no matter where you are. | 无论你身在何处,你都会找到一种 充满活力和善良的感觉 |
| 779 | Yes. | 对 |
| 780 | And one of the things I would add is that we can't always do it every time. | 我要补充的一件事是,我们不能每次都这样做。 |
| 781 | So sometimes you're going to be in a bad mood or you're going to be really preoccupied | 所以有时候你心情会不好 或者你会非常紧张 |
| 782 | with something and you're not going to be able to reach out, to get outside of your own head | 带着一些东西,你将无法伸手 走出你自己的脑袋 |
| 783 | and do just what you're describing. | 照你说的去做 |
| 784 | It's okay if we can't do it every time. | 我们每次不能做都没关系 |
| 785 | Yes. | 对 |
| 786 | Do it when you can. | 尽其所能. |
| 787 | Well, I find that sometimes those small things take less energy than trying to refuel | 我发现有时候这些小东西 消耗的能量比试图加油要少 |
| 788 | with a deeper conversation from somebody else. | 更深入的谈话 从别人。 |
| 789 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 790 | Can you talk a little bit about what the study says about the importance of romantic relationships | 你能谈谈研究中所说的浪漫关系的重要性吗? |
| 791 | to your happiness and health and to living a good life? | 为了你的幸福和健康 并过上美好的生活? |
| 792 | Yes. | 对 |
| 793 | So actually, I was talking about this to a group of people and one woman raised her hand | 所以,事实上,我正和一群人谈论这个, 一个女人举起手来。 |
| 794 | and said, well, given all you've said, if I don't have a partner, should I just walk in | 并说,好吧,考虑到所有你说的, 如果我没有搭档,我应该只是走进来 |
| 795 | front of a bus now? | 现在在巴士前? |
| 796 | And the answer is absolutely not. | 答案绝对不是。 |
| 797 | You don't need a romantic partner that romance is great. | 你不需要浪漫的伴侣 浪漫是伟大的。 |
| 798 | Sex is great. | 性为大. |
| 799 | Intimacy is great. | 亲密是伟大的。 |
| 800 | And intimacy can be with all kinds of people, right? | 亲密关系可以和各种各样的人在一起,对吧? |
| 801 | So it may be that you don't have a romantic partner right now in your life. | 所以也许你现在没有浪漫的伴侣 |
| 802 | That doesn't mean you never will. | 这并不意味着你永远不会。 |
| 803 | But if you don't have one now, | 但如果你现在没有 |
| 804 | there are ways to be intimate with close friends, with other family members. | 有一些方法可以和亲密的朋友,以及其他家庭成员亲密相处。 |
| 805 | And so what we're finding is that these benefits of relationship | 所以,我们发现这些好处 关系 |
| 806 | don't require a marriage license. | 不需要结婚证 |
| 807 | They don't even require living in the same place with somebody | 他们甚至不需要和别人住在一起 |
| 808 | that you can have people in your life, maybe just one or two, who are your close friends, | 你可以有 人在你的生活中, 也许只有一两个, 谁是你的密友, |
| 809 | who you share your life with, and that there's no special arrangement you need to have with them. | 与你分享你的生活, 没有特殊的安排 你需要与他们。 |
| 810 | Now, that said, what we do find in the research is that living with somebody | 这么说吧 我们在研究中发现 和某人住在一起 |
| 811 | in an intimate partnership actually keeps you healthier longer and helps you live longer. | 在一个亲密的伙伴关系中,实际上让你更健康, 帮助你更长寿。 |
| 812 | But there's no mystery about it. | 然此中无迷. |
| 813 | It's because it's somebody to remind you to take your medication | 因为有人提醒你吃药 |
| 814 | when you're older. | 当你长大了。 |
| 815 | It's somebody to remind you to get off the couch. | 有人提醒你离开沙发 |
| 816 | It's somebody to drag you out to a gathering when you're kind of stuck watching Netflix. | 是有人把你拖到一个集会 当你有点卡住看Netflix。 |
| 817 | You make it sound so romantic. | 你听起来很浪漫 |
| 818 | Well, I know. | 嗯,我知道了,我记得 |
| 819 | I know. | 我知道,我记得 |
| 820 | It's not so romantic. | 没那么浪漫 |
| 821 | But it is really just the day to day that other | 但是,它真的只是 一天到今天,另一个 |
| 822 | people make us better by keeping us on track. | 人们通过让我们走上正轨来使我们变得更好。 |
| 823 | It's somebody to get up for. | 这是有人起床。 |
| 824 | It's somebody to | 有人来 |
| 825 | get dressed for. | 换衣服 |
| 826 | That's one of the reasons we find that many times when one partner dies, | 这也是我们发现很多次 当一个伴侣死亡, |
| 827 | the other partner kind of doesn't live that long afterwards when we're very old, | 另一种伴侣不会活那么久 当我们非常老, |
| 828 | because there's a way that living with another person helps us stay in the world and take care | 因为和别人住在一起 有助于我们留在世上 照顾自己 |
| 829 | of ourselves. | 我们自己。 |
| 830 | Is that kind of the same reason why pets are so good for your health? | 宠物对健康这么好 也是这种原因吗? |
| 831 | Oh, yeah. | 对 |
| 832 | Pets are great. | 宠物很棒 |
| 833 | First of all, they get us up. | 首先,他们让我们起来。 |
| 834 | They get us to walk. | 他们让我们走路。 |
| 835 | But also, | 临Τ |
| 836 | pets love us, especially dogs. | 宠物爱我们 尤其是狗 |
| 837 | Dogs are particularly emotionally attuned to their | 狗在情感上特别适应 |
| 838 | masters. | 师曰. |
| 839 | Pets provide comfort in a way that, again, literally lowers the fight or flight | 宠物提供舒适的方式, 再次,字面上降低战斗或飞行 |
| 840 | response. | 反应。 |
| 841 | We can measure it. | 我们可以测量它。 |
| 842 | When we're petting a dog, ah, the body calms down. | 当我们宠养一只狗, 啊,身体冷静下来。 |
| 843 | I want to go back to something that you said. | 我想回到你说的 |
| 844 | You mentioned something about even just having | 你提到一些事情,甚至只是有 |
| 845 | a friend or two that you have a much deeper or an intimate connection with. | 一个朋友或两个 你有一个更深或亲密的联系。 |
| 846 | Do you have two or three | 你有两三个 |
| 847 | examples that might get somebody's mind thinking about things that they could plan or do or ways | 可能让人思考 事物,他们可以计划 或做或方式 |
| 848 | they could look at their friendships to amplify them? | 他们可以看看他们的友谊来扩大它们? |
| 849 | I do. | 当然 |
| 850 | You know, our lives are so busy, | 你知道,我们的生活是如此繁忙, |
| 851 | and we're pulled in so many different directions. | 而我们被拉进 这么多不同的方向。 |
| 852 | And, you know, what we find is that often we want | 而且,你知道,我们发现的是, 我们经常想要 |
| 853 | to see people, but we don't. | 去看人,但我们没有。 |
| 854 | So one of the things you can do is set up a regular contact with | 所以,你可以做的一件事是 建立定期联系 |
| 855 | somebody. | 有人吗? |
| 856 | So let's say maybe there are just one or two or five people who you say, | 所以也许只有一两五个人 |
| 857 | I got to have these people in my life regularly. | 我得让这些人经常进入我的生活 |
| 858 | Make it happen. | 使之发生. |
| 859 | I'll give you an example. | 举个例子 |
| 860 | и | |
| 861 | co-author for this book we wrote, The Good Life, is Mark Schultz. | 我们写的这本书的作者是马克·舒尔茨 |
| 862 | He's been my collaborator for | 他曾经是我的合作者 |
| 863 | 30 plus years, but he's also my friend. | 30年以上,但他也是我的朋友。 |
| 864 | So every Friday at noon, we get on the phone. | 所以每个星期五中午 我们都会打电话 |
| 865 | He lives in | 他住在这里 |
| 866 | Billy. | 毕利 |
| 867 | He's not around Boston, so I might see him once a year in person. | 他不在波士顿,所以我可能每年见他一次 |
| 868 | But for 30 plus years, | 但是在30多年的岁月里 |
| 869 | we've had a phone call every Friday at noon. | 我们每个星期五中午都有电话 |
| 870 | And yeah, we do talk about research and we talk about | 是啊,我们谈研究,我们谈 |
| 871 | our writing together, but we talk about our kids and our marriages and we talk about everything. | 我们一起写作,但我们谈论 我们的孩子和我们的婚姻,我们谈论的一切。 |
| 872 | Now, one of us has to cancel if we're not going to meet Friday at noon. | 如果我们不能在周五中午碰面 我们中的一个必须取消 |
| 873 | That means that it's going | 也就是说,它会去 |
| 874 | to happen by default. | 默认发生。 |
| 875 | And that means it happens much more often than not. | 这意味着它经常发生。 |
| 876 | It's rare that we cancel | 我们很少取消 |
| 877 | a time. | 一个时间。 |
| 878 | What if you had a friend like that who you said, once a month, we're going out to dinner. | 如果你有这样的朋友 你说,一个月一次, 我们出去吃饭。 |
| 879 | So what I'm saying is try making one thing regular in your life with a friend or a sibling or somebody | 所以我想说的是 尝试做一件事 在你的生活中正常 与朋友或兄弟或某人 |
| 880 | who you just want to say, I don't want to lose this connection. | 你只想说 我不想失去这种联系 |
| 881 | I want to tease that out because | 我想取笑你,因为... |
| 882 | I think this is something that you could listen to and kind of nod along and be like, uh-huh, uh-huh. | 我觉得这是你可以听的 并有点点头 喜欢,嗯,嗯,嗯。 |
| 883 | And so I want to make sure that you really understand what we're saying here because | 所以我想确保你真正理解 我们在这里说什么,因为 |
| 884 | over and over and over again, living a good life is about the things that are right in front of you | 一次又一次地 过上美好的生活 是关于你眼前的事情 |
| 885 | that you're not seeing. | 你没有看到。 |
| 886 | And everybody's busy. | 大家都忙着呢 |
| 887 | And if this matters to you, what he's recommending | 如果这对你很重要,他建议 |
| 888 | . . . . . | |
| 889 | It is already set up. | 它已经建立。 |
| 890 | The | 那个 |
| 891 | babysitter is locked in or your friend is on board. | 保姆被锁在里面 你的朋友也在船上 |
| 892 | And so you've already done the hard part | 所以,你已经做了难的部分 |
| 893 | of moving from thinking about it to doing it. | 从思考到做 |
| 894 | And the appointment itself is what keeps you | 预约本身就是让你无法 |
| 895 | connected. | 连接。 |
| 896 | Like if you have it in the calendar, it's more likely to happen. | 就像你在日历里有它, 它更有可能发生。 |
| 897 | And there's something | 还有一件事 |
| 898 | that I did that really helped me tremendously, which is I have a habit every morning where I | 我这样做真的 帮助了我巨大的, 这就是我有一个习惯 每天早晨,我在那里 |
| 899 | send a text to a friend or a family member just saying, I was just thinking about you | 给朋友或家人发短信 说,我只是在想你 |
| 900 | or sending a photo or whatever else. | 或者寄照片或者别的什么 |
| 901 | And if I really do want to get together, | 如果我真的想在一起的话 |
| 902 | I say, I would love to see you. | 我想见你 |
| 903 | Are you around next Thursday? | 你下周四在吗? |
| 904 | Or I saw this photo come up on | 或者我看到这张照片出来了 |
| 905 | Facebook. | 脸书. |
| 906 | I just say, I was thinking about you. | 我只是说,我在想你。 |
| 907 | And we underestimate how much it means to somebody | 我们低估了这对某人的意义 |
| 908 | else. | 别的 |
| 909 | And making it a habit to do that first thing in the morning every morning has kind of | 每天早上做第一件事 是一种习惯 |
| 910 | fanned the embers of old relationships, of people that are still friends. | 粉丝着旧恋情的调子 和那些仍然是朋友的人 |
| 911 | I just never see them. | 我只是从来没有见过他们。 |
| 912 | People that I went to college with, high school with, people that I used to work with. | 跟我上大学的人 高中的人 和我以前一起工作的人 |
| 913 | Like you | 就像你一样 |
| 914 | have many more people in your life than you realize. | 比你意识到的要多得多 |
| 915 | And these small habits actually help | 这些小习惯确实有帮助 |
| 916 | them contribute to creating a good life. | 他们有助于创造美好生活。 |
| 917 | Absolutely. | 当然 |
| 918 | Mel, you are the poster child | 梅尔,你是海报的孩子 |
| 919 | for what we call in the book, social fitness. | 对于我们所说的书, 社会健身。 |
| 920 | These small actions, like physical fitness, | 这些小动作,像健身, |
| 921 | like something you do every day to keep yourself socially fit. | 就像你每天都做一些事 来保持自己的社交能力 |
| 922 | And it can be small things like a | 它可以是小东西 像一个 |
| 923 | text. | 语句。 |
| 924 | It could be somebody with a long commute. | 可能是通勤时间很长的人 |
| 925 | Like you say, well, I can't add anything to my | 就像你说的,我不能增加任何内容 |
| 926 | time. | 时间。 |
| 927 | Well, if you have a hands-free phone in your car, use your commute time to talk to somebody | 如果你车上有免手的电话 利用你的通勤时间跟别人谈谈 |
| 928 | instead of listening to music or listening to the news. | 而不是听音乐或听新闻。 |
| 929 | Reach out to somebody. | 联系人 |
| 930 | There are all | 到处都是 |
| 931 | kinds of ways you can add to your life without having to add so much time that you are more | 那种你可以增加你的生活 而不增加这么多的时间,你更 |
| 932 | stressed. | 压力很大。 |
| 933 | Did the study give you any guidance on what makes for a good friendship? | 研究有没有给你任何指导 关于什么能产生良好的友谊? |
| 934 | Yes, several | 对,几个 |
| 935 | things. | 东西。 |
| 936 | One is what we call authenticity. | 一是所谓真实性. |
| 937 | And all that means is I feel I can be myself with | 那意味着我感觉我可以和自己在一起 |
| 938 | this person. | 这个人 |
| 939 | I don't have to put on any kind of act. | 我不用演戏 |
| 940 | I don't have to hide big parts of who I am | 我不必隐瞒我是谁 |
| 941 | with this person. | 与这个人。 |
| 942 | That that sense of just being able to show up as yourself means a huge amount | 那种能以自己身份出现的感觉 意味着很多 |
| 943 | in terms of the comfort with which you can be together. | 就你们能在一起的舒适程度而言 |
| 944 | The other thing that makes a good | 还有一件好事 |
| 945 | relationship is curiosity. | 关系就是好奇心 |
| 946 | So if you think about it, especially with long relationships, | 所以,如果你考虑它, 尤其是与长期的关系, |
| 947 | we think, well, I know this person. | и粄醚硂 |
| 948 | I know what they're going to say. | 我知道他们会说什么 |
| 949 | I know how they're going to | 我知道他们会怎么做 |
| 950 | react. | 反应 |
| 951 | Bringing curiosity even to long standing relationships can be so good. | 给长期的关系带来好奇心会很好 |
| 952 | One of my meditation | 我的一个冥想 |
| 953 | teachers actually taught me this first. | 老师先教我这个 |
| 954 | He said, your job when you go sit down on your cushion now | 他说,你的工作 当你现在坐在你的垫子上 |
| 955 | for the 1000th time as you meditate is to ask yourself, what's here that I have never noticed | 你冥想的第1000次 是在问你自己 我从来没有注意到什么 |
| 956 | before? | 以前吗? |
| 957 | So what if you're sitting across from your friend at the coffee shop and you ask yourself, | 如果你坐在你朋友对面的咖啡店 你问自己 |
| 958 | what's here that I've never noticed before? | 我从来没有注意到什么? |
| 959 | And just bring curiosity even to the relationships | 给关系带来好奇心 |
| 960 | that you think are routine, mundane, you know, like the back of your hand. | 你认为是例行公事, 普通,你知道, 像你的手的背部。 |
| 961 | You know, what's | 你知道吗,什么是 |
| 962 | interesting that I just thought about is that if you think about your own life and you go back to | 有趣的是,我刚刚想到 如果你想想你自己的生活,你回去 |
| 963 | like half the age that you are looking backwards, you realize how much you've grown, | 就像你回头看的一半年龄 你意识到你长大了多少 |
| 964 | how much you've changed, how different of a person you are. | 你变了多少,你变了多少 |
| 965 | And yet we don't give that same | 但我们不给同样的 |
| 966 | perspective to the people in our life. | 展望我们生活中的人们 |
| 967 | Like your mom has gone through the exact same amount of | 就像你妈妈经历了同样多的 |
| 968 | growth, even though the habits on the outside look the same. | 虽然外界的习惯看起来是一样的 |
| 969 | Your partner is a totally different | 你的搭档完全不一样 |
| 970 | human being. | 人类 |
| 971 | Even though they look the same to you, your friends have had so many things happen | 虽然他们看起来和你一样,但你的朋友发生了很多事 |
| 972 | in their life that have changed who they are and what they care about. | 在他们的生活, 改变了他们是谁, 他们关心什么。 |
| 973 | And yet you still show up | 你却还出现 |
| 974 | and talk about the same old sports team and how are the kids and there's something | 谈谈同一个老运动队 和孩子们怎么样,有东西 |
| 975 | so much deeper going on. | 如此深奥下去。 |
| 976 | Yes, to notice how somebody has changed can make someone feel | 是的,注意到有人变了 可以让人感觉 |
| 977 | so seen and understood. | 如此的见识和理解。 |
| 978 | Do you have a good question? | 你有好的问题吗? |
| 979 | Like how would you advise us | 喜欢如何你建议我们 |
| 980 | if you're sitting here listening to this and you're considering everything and you're thinking about | 如果你坐在这里听这个 你在考虑一切 你在想 |
| 981 | the just treasure that is right in front of your face with the people that are already in your life? | 正当的宝藏 就在你面前 面对你生活中已经存在的人们? |
| 982 | How do you lean in without sounding like some weird cheeseball that's just listened to a podcast | 你怎么可以不听播客的 奇怪奶酪球的声音就靠着呢 |
| 983 | episode and now you're like, so, you know, if you thought about how much you've changed in the last | 插曲,现在你喜欢, 所以,你知道,如果你考虑 你有多少改变在最后 |
| 984 | half decade, you know, curious, like what's a way to like broach this with somebody? | 半十年,你知道,好奇, 像是什么方法喜欢 讨论这个与某人? |
| 985 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 986 | Well, one thing we could do is notice change. | 好吧,我们可以做的是注意变化。 |
| 987 | Like to say, you know, you're doing that | 喜欢说,你知道,你这样做 |
| 988 | differently than you used to. | 跟你以前不一样 |
| 989 | Tell me about that. | 告诉我 |
| 990 | Or, you know, I've noticed this. | 或者,你知道,我已经注意到这一点。 |
| 991 | Is that right? | 是吗? |
| 992 | Do you think that this is more important to you than it used to be? | 你觉得这比以前更重要吗? |
| 993 | Or, you know, just to notice | 或者,你知道,只是为了注意到 |
| 994 | and ask, have I got that right? | 问一下,我是不是说对了? |
| 995 | I can think about a time when my brother-in-law turned to me and he | 我可以想一想,当我的姐夫 转向我和他 |
| 996 | said, you know, you're really different than you used to be. | 说,你知道, 你真的很不同 比你过去。 |
| 997 | And I just wanted to acknowledge like | 我只是想承认 |
| 998 | just how much work you've done and like how fun you are to be around. | 只是你做了多少工作 喜欢在身边多开心 |
| 999 | Of course, I immediately went | 当然,我马上去了 |
| 1000 | to make myself wrong. | 以为自己错了。 |
| 1001 | Like, wow, I must've been a real bitch before. | 喜欢,哇,我一定是 一个真正的婊子以前。 |
| 1002 | But it was, I remember feeling | 但它是, 我记得感觉 |
| 1003 | very touched by that. | 非常感动。 |
| 1004 | And so I think that's a wonderful suggestion to say to somebody, | 所以,我认为这是一个很好的建议 对别人说, |
| 1005 | you know, I've noticed that, you know, you're a lot calmer or that you seem happier or that | 你知道,我注意到,你知道, 你是一个多平静 或你看起来更快乐或 |
| 1006 | something's off. | 东西关闭了。 |
| 1007 | Like you don't seem like yourself. | 好像你不像你自己一样 |
| 1008 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1009 | Or that you're spending more time on this. | 或者你花更多的时间处理这件事 |
| 1010 | You're spending less time on that. | 你花的时间不多了 |
| 1011 | Or you seem less worried about this, just anything. | 或者你似乎不太担心这个,只是任何东西。 |
| 1012 | Because | 因为 |
| 1013 | partly it's saying, I notice you. | 部分是说,我注意到你了。 |
| 1014 | I don't just take you for granted. | 我不认为你是理所当然的。 |
| 1015 | I think about you and how | и稱帝 |
| 1016 | you are. | 没错 |
| 1017 | I'm stealing that. | 我在偷那个 |
| 1018 | I love that. | 我喜欢 |
| 1019 | Take it. | 拿着 |
| 1020 | I am. | 没错 |
| 1021 | I'm grabbing all this and I'm going to run | 我抓住这一切,我要跑 |
| 1022 | back into my life. | 回到我的生活里来 |
| 1023 | What if the person listening to this is really introverted and the idea of | 如果听这个的人真的内向 和想法 |
| 1024 | these conversations just out and about in your life make their skin crawl? | 你生活中的这些谈话 让他们的皮肤爬行? |
| 1025 | And they're like, | 他们喜欢, |
| 1026 | I don't want a lot of people in my life. | 一生不求众生. |
| 1027 | That is perfectly fine. | 这很好 |
| 1028 | That many people | 这么多人 |
| 1029 | are introverted. | 是内向的。 |
| 1030 | We're all somewhere on that spectrum between introversion and extroversion. | 我们都处在内向和外向的频谱上。 |
| 1031 | And there's no normal. | 而无常. |
| 1032 | There's no better or worse. | 无有优劣. |
| 1033 | But introverts are just great and just fine as | 但内向者只是伟大的,只是罚款 |
| 1034 | they are. | 他们是。 |
| 1035 | So then the question is, how many people do I need in my life? | 那么问题是 我生命中需要多少人? |
| 1036 | And for me, if I'm an | 对我来说,如果我是一个 |
| 1037 | introvert, having a lot of people in my life would be stressful. | 内向者,有很多人在我的生活中 会压力很大。 |
| 1038 | It would be one of those | 这将是其中之一 |
| 1039 | stressors in my life. | 压力在我的生活中。 |
| 1040 | So instead, focus on the one or two people who you want to invest in | 因此,集中关注你想投资的一两个人 |
| 1041 | and who help you feel good in your life. | 和帮助你感觉好在你的生活中。 |
| 1042 | Don't worry about the fact that there are other people | 不用担心还有别人 |
| 1043 | out there who are party animals and getting their energy from lots of people. | 在那里,谁是党的动物 并获得他们的能量 从很多人。 |
| 1044 | What does the study | 研究内容 |
| 1045 | about raising kids? | 关于抚养孩子? |
| 1046 | What's important to focus on? | 何谓重心. |
| 1047 | Wow. | 珃 |
| 1048 | Probably the most important thing about | 也许最重要的事情 |
| 1049 | raising kids is providing them with stability and love. | 抚养孩子给他们带来稳定和爱意。 |
| 1050 | So one of the things we know from all the | 所以,从我们所知道的一件事 |
| 1051 | child development research that's been done, I mean, thousands of studies, billions of dollars | 已经做的儿童发育研究, 我的意思是,成千上万的研究,数十亿美元 |
| 1052 | in child development, it all boils down to what one scientist said. | 在儿童发育过程中, 都归结为一个科学家所说的。 |
| 1053 | He said, every child needs | 他说,每个孩子都需要 |
| 1054 | a stable relationship with one adult who's crazy about them. | 和一个疯狂的成年人稳定的关系 |
| 1055 | And so if you- | 所以,如果你... ... . . |
| 1056 | Not crazy. | 不是疯了。 |
| 1057 | Not an adult who's crazy. | 不是一个疯狂的成年人 |
| 1058 | No, not crazy. | 不,不是疯了。 |
| 1059 | Who just loves them. | 谁只是爱他们。 |
| 1060 | And that doesn't mean affirms everything | 这并不意味着肯定一切 |
| 1061 | they do. | 他们有。 |
| 1062 | It doesn't mean praise everything. | 不谓一切称赞. |
| 1063 | It means you just love them and you're stable | 就是说你只爱他们,你很稳定 |
| 1064 | and you're there. | 你在这里。 |
| 1065 | They know they can count on you. | 他们知道他们可以指望你。 |
| 1066 | So it's providing stability. | 所以它提供了稳定性。 |
| 1067 | And that | 还有 |
| 1068 | can be very hard for some of us, for some families. | 对我们有些人来说,对一些家庭来说,可能很难。 |
| 1069 | And so even through divorce, for example, | 因此,即使通过离婚,例如, |
| 1070 | how do we divorce in a way that provides the most stability for the kids? | 我们怎样才能离婚 给孩子们带来最稳定的生活? |
| 1071 | I don't know. | 师曰. |
| 1072 | How do you? | 你好吗? |
| 1073 | Well, you fight as little as you can. | 你尽量少打点 |
| 1074 | You don't make war with your partner if you possibly can | 如果你可以的话,你不会跟你的伙伴开战 |
| 1075 | help it. | 帮助它。 |
| 1076 | But you let the kids know we're both here for you. | 但你让孩子们知道 我们都在这里为你。 |
| 1077 | We both still love you and you've | 我们都爱你,你也爱你 |
| 1078 | got both of us and that's not going to change even though we're not going to be together anymore. | 虽然我们再也不会在一起了 那也不会改变的 |
| 1079 | That's a huge message to give to kids. | 这是一个巨大的信息给孩子们。 |
| 1080 | A lot of what you're talking about when it comes to living a good life, | 你所说的很多关于过上美好生活的话 |
| 1081 | it's about the relationships that you cultivate and it's about the inner life and the way that | 这是关于你培养的关系 和它的内在生活和方式 |
| 1082 | life feels. | 生活的感觉。 |
| 1083 | How do you teach kids those kind of emotional skills? | 你怎么教孩子们这种情感技能? |
| 1084 | We really can teach it. | 我们真的可以教它。 |
| 1085 | One of the things they know, for example, about family dinners | 他们知道的一件事,比如家庭晚餐 |
| 1086 | is they're hugely important for teaching emotional skills. | 它们对于传授情感技巧非常重要 |
| 1087 | Kids listen to what we say, | 孩子们听我们说的话 |
| 1088 | but what they really do is they watch what we do and we model stuff all the time. | 但他们真正做的是 他们看我们做什么 我们一直做模特 |
| 1089 | So at a family | 所以在一个家庭 |
| 1090 | dinner or other places too, are we respectful of each other? | 吃晚饭还是其他地方, 我们互相尊重吗? |
| 1091 | Do we really listen to each other or | 我们真的要互相倾听吗? |
| 1092 | do we interrupt? | 我们打断一下吗? |
| 1093 | We used to play the interrupting game with our kids where everybody would start | 我们以前经常和孩子玩打扰游戏 在那里大家都会开始 |
| 1094 | out with a certain number of M&Ms and if you interrupted, you had to put one M&M into the | 输出一定数量的M&M,如果中断,必须将一个M&M放入 |
| 1095 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}然后你就可以挣回来 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}如果你在晚餐时不打断一下 | |
| 1096 | We teach not interrupting. | 我们教不会打断你 |
| 1097 | We teach listening. | 我们教听。 |
| 1098 | We teach respect for somebody's views rather | 我们教尊重别人的观点 |
| 1099 | than jumping in and saying, that's wrong, or how can you believe that? | 而不是跳进去说,那是错误的, 或者你怎么能相信这一点? |
| 1100 | We teach curiosity. | 我们教好奇心。 |
| 1101 | We teach turn-taking. | 我们教转身 |
| 1102 | We teach mutuality. | 我们教彼此 |
| 1103 | One of the things that we know in a good relationship | 恋爱中我们所知道的一件事 |
| 1104 | is that one person doesn't occupy all the air time. | 一个人没有占用所有的空闲时间 |
| 1105 | Well, where do kids learn that? | 孩子们从哪里学的? |
| 1106 | First, | 首先,我们... |
| 1107 | they learn it at home. | 他们在家里学的 |
| 1108 | How do you have discussions where you share the air time rather than one | 你怎么会有讨论 在那里你共享的播出时间 而不是一个 |
| 1109 | person taking it all? | 一个人拿走了? |
| 1110 | What role does forgiveness or acceptance play in creating a good relationship, | 宽恕或接受在建立良好关系方面起到什么作用, |
| 1111 | particularly with family? | 特别是家庭? |
| 1112 | Yes. | 对 |
| 1113 | The things we've been saying, so one habit is being curious about | 我们一直说的话, 所以一个习惯是好奇 |
| 1114 | how they're changing right in front of you and then going with the flow. | 它们在你面前如何改变 然后随流而去 |
| 1115 | If someone is changing, | 如果有人变了 |
| 1116 | not opposing that, think of all the pain we cause each other by saying, no, no, you can't grow up | 不要反对,想想我们给彼此造成的痛苦 说,不,不,你不能长大 |
| 1117 | to be an engineer. | 成为一名工程师。 |
| 1118 | You have to be a doctor or you can't grow up to be a woodworker. | 要当大夫,或不能长成木工. |
| 1119 | You have to be a lawyer. | 得作律师. |
| 1120 | However, we decide someone else has to live their life. | 然而,我们决定 别人必须生活。 |
| 1121 | That is a recipe | 这是食谱 |
| 1122 | for pain and suffering in families because each of us is who we are. | 因为家庭的疼痛和痛苦 因为我们每个人都是我们 |
| 1123 | Each of us is this unfolding | 我们每个人都是这个样子 |
| 1124 | being who has their own likes and dislikes, their own talents. | 拥有自己喜欢和不喜欢的人 拥有自己的才能 |
| 1125 | If I think, oh, my child has to be | 如果我认为,哦,我的孩子必须是 |
| 1126 | like me, that's a recipe for a disaster. | 像我一样 那是一场灾难的秘方 |
| 1127 | What if we could really be curious about who is this being | 如果我们真的能好奇 这是谁 |
| 1128 | that I've brought into the world and how can I help this person express who they are in the world? | 我带进这个世界 怎样才能帮助这个人表达他们的身份? |
| 1129 | That's a big factor in which families thrive. | 这是家庭繁荣的一大因素。 |
| 1130 | When you look at couples and this innate desire | 当你看着夫妇和这种天生的欲望 |
| 1131 | that we have to either change or control them, and you just mentioned that one of the amazing | 我们要么改变 要么控制它们 你刚才提到一个惊人的 |
| 1132 | things that you can do for someone is to step aside and not interrupt the flow of them changing. | 你可以为某人做的事情是 站到一边,而不是打断它们的变化。 |
| 1133 | I was just curious, what do you think the balance is between the nudging, get off the couch, | 我只是好奇,你认为什么是平衡 在裸体,下车沙发, |
| 1134 | we got to take a walk, you've been sitting at your desk all day and stepping in and trying to | 我们得出去走走 你整天坐在桌子上 踩着想 |
| 1135 | control somebody? | 控制别人? |
| 1136 | I'm going to quote a famous Zen teacher who told his monks, you're perfect | 我要引用一位著名的禅师的话 他告诉他的僧侣,你很完美 |
| 1137 | just as you are and you could use a little improvement. | 就像你一样,你需要一点改进。 |
| 1138 | It's this kind of | 这是这种 |
| 1139 | paradox that yes, we want to accept each other and we want to help each other be better. | 矛盾的是,是的,我们想接受对方,我们想帮助对方变得更好。 |
| 1140 | It is a little of both. | 两者都有一点 |
| 1141 | We don't want to just accept kids and let them do whatever they want | 我们不想只是接受孩子 让他们做他们想做的 |
| 1142 | because they'll be heathens. | 因为他们是异教徒 |
| 1143 | They won't learn to function in the world. | 他们不会学会在世界上运作。 |
| 1144 | They're also not adults yet. | 他们还不是成年人 |
| 1145 | They're not adults yet. | 他们还没成年 |
| 1146 | They're not able to choose for themselves. | 他们不能自己选择 |
| 1147 | We can't say to the | 我們不能說 |
| 1148 | toddler, sure, go out and play in the street if you want to. | 当然,如果你想的话,去街上玩 |
| 1149 | No. | 没有 |
| 1150 | And you're right. | 你说得对 |
| 1151 | We do want to | 我们确实想 |
| 1152 | say to our partner, come take a walk with me. | 跟我们的搭档走走 |
| 1153 | We've spent enough time on the couch. | 我们在沙发上花的时间够多了 |
| 1154 | The balance | 余额 |
| 1155 | is trying to let someone be who they are, but to nudge them in the ways that we can to be healthier, | 试图让一个人成为他们自己, 但努力让他们的方式,我们可以保持健康, |
| 1156 | to do things that we think will help them be happier. | 做我们认为会帮助他们更快乐的事 |
| 1157 | So it's always walking a fine line. | 所以它总是走一条好线。 |
| 1158 | Is there any strategy based on the research that works better than others? | 是否有任何基于研究的战略比其他研究更有效? |
| 1159 | Because I think, | 因为我认为, |
| 1160 | especially as you age and you see somebody's health decline and you want them to take better | 特别是你年纪大了,你看到有人的健康状况下降,你希望他们好点 |
| 1161 | care of themselves, did anything emerge from this study that's like, obviously pressuring | 关心自己,做任何事情 从这个研究中出现 像,显然压力 |
| 1162 | isn't going to work. | 根本没用 |
| 1163 | But is there something that you can do in terms of how you show up | 但是,你有什么可以做的 如何出现 |
| 1164 | that makes it more likely or triggers intrinsic motivation for somebody else to want to do | 这会更可能 或触发内在动机 别人想做 |
| 1165 | that work to improve themselves? | 这能改善自己吗? |
| 1166 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1167 | First of all, let people learn from life. | 首先,让人们从生活中学习。 |
| 1168 | Don't shield them from the consequences of what | 不要让他们逃避什么的后果 |
| 1169 | they choose. | 他们选择。 |
| 1170 | If somebody says, well, I don't really want to get a job. | 如果有人说,嗯,我真的不想找工作。 |
| 1171 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 1172 | Well, so how | 那么,怎样 |
| 1173 | are you going to pay your rent? | 你要付房租吗? |
| 1174 | There are lots of things we can do to help people meet the challenges | 我们可以做很多事情来帮助人们应对挑战 |
| 1175 | of life by not shielding them from the challenges of life. | 无法保护他们免受生命挑战 |
| 1176 | That matters. | 这很重要。 |
| 1177 | You know, this often | 经常这样 |
| 1178 | happens in the realm of addiction with loved ones that we have to let people deal with the | 发生在与爱人上瘾的领域 我们必须让人们处理 |
| 1179 | pain of losing a job, of losing a partner because they're not present, because they're addicted to | 失去工作 失去伴侣 因为他们不在场 因为他们沉迷于 |
| 1180 | some substance that we don't try to run in and make it all better. | 一些物质,我们不试图 跑进去,使这一切更好。 |
| 1181 | We let people when we can | 我们让人,只要我们能 |
| 1182 | face the real world consequences of the choices they make and hopefully learn from them because | 面对他们所作选择的现实世界后果,希望从中吸取教训,因为 |
| 1183 | that's how we all learn. | 这就是我们学习的方式。 |
| 1184 | Beautiful. | 美丽 |
| 1185 | In chapter five, there was this really interesting statistic | 在第五章中,有一个非常有趣的统计 |
| 1186 | about the fact that we spend half the time thinking about something else rather than | 我们花一半的时间去思考别的事情 |
| 1187 | being in the present moment. | 此时此刻 |
| 1188 | Yes. | 对 |
| 1189 | Can you talk a little bit about the importance of your attention? | 你能谈谈你注意力的重要性吗? |
| 1190 | Yes. | 对 |
| 1191 | So paying attention to just what's here now is something we don't normally do. | 所以,我们通常不注意这里的情况。 |
| 1192 | Our minds carry us off into thinking about the future or thinking about the past. | 我们的头脑让我们开始思考未来或思考过去。 |
| 1193 | And in some | 在一些 |
| 1194 | ways that's helpful. | 很有帮助 |
| 1195 | Like to be able to anticipate the future is a good thing. | 喜欢预测未来是件好事。 |
| 1196 | It's one of the reasons | 这是原因之一 |
| 1197 | why we survive so well. | 为什么我们活得这么好 |
| 1198 | And thinking about the past lets us learn from the past. | 想想过去让我们从过去吸取教训。 |
| 1199 | So all that's | 就这样 |
| 1200 | good. | 不错 |
| 1201 | But what we know is it doesn't make us as happy as being in the present, as me paying | 但我们知道,它不会让我们像现在一样快乐,就像我付钱 |
| 1202 | attention right now to what it's like sitting here talking to you, what the chair feels like | 现在注意坐在这里和你说话的感觉 椅子的感觉 |
| 1203 | under me, what the air feels like on my skin, that all of that, when I can let myself be present for | 在我的下,空气的感觉 在我的皮肤, 所有这一切, 当我可以让自己在场 |
| 1204 | it, actually makes me feel more alive. | 其实让我感觉更活泼 |
| 1205 | So the practice of coming back into the present, | 所以回到现在的实践 |
| 1206 | that's part of what flow is. | 这是流动的一部分。 |
| 1207 | Flow is just being present for what is. | 流动只是存在的东西。 |
| 1208 | You don't have to sit on a | 你不必坐着 |
| 1209 | meditation cushion to do this. | 冥想的衬垫来做到这一点。 |
| 1210 | You can take a walk in nature and you get outside of your thoughts | 你可以在大自然中散步, 让你离开你的想法 |
| 1211 | about the past and present. | 关于过去和现在。 |
| 1212 | You just look at, oh my gosh, that tree is so beautiful. | 你只是看看, 哦,我的天哪, 那棵树是如此美丽。 |
| 1213 | And you're just | 你只是... ... 刚开始 |
| 1214 | right there in the moment. | 就在此时此刻 |
| 1215 | Or you're right there with your friend. | 或者你和你的朋友就在这里 |
| 1216 | And so what we find when we | 所以当我们发现 |
| 1217 | are thinking about the past or thinking about the future. | 是思考过去 还是思考未来 |
| 1218 | Can you help me and the listener | 你能帮我和听众吗? |
| 1219 | just drop into the present? | 掉进现在? |
| 1220 | Can you show us how accessible it is? | 你能告诉我们它有多方便吗? |
| 1221 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1222 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 1223 | Just sit here | 坐这儿 |
| 1224 | for a moment. | 就一会儿 |
| 1225 | Sit still. | 请坐 |
| 1226 | Listen to my voice. | 听我的声音。 |
| 1227 | Maybe close your eyes if it's comfortable. | 也许闭上你的眼睛,如果它是舒适的。 |
| 1228 | And now just feel your heartbeat wherever you feel it. | 现在只要感受你的心跳 无论你感觉到它。 |
| 1229 | Just feel that your heart is beating | 只是觉得你的心脏在跳动 |
| 1230 | all the time. | 所有的时间。 |
| 1231 | Most of the time we're not aware of it, but it's right there supporting us. | 大部分时候我们不知道,但它就在那里支持我们。 |
| 1232 | And now take a moment to appreciate your breath going in and out. | 现在需要一点时间来欣赏你的呼吸进出。 |
| 1233 | And take a moment to appreciate | 慢慢欣赏一下 |
| 1234 | any sounds that are reaching your ears. | 任何声音 进入你的耳朵。 |
| 1235 | That's it. | 就这样 |
| 1236 | That's the present moment. | 这就是现在 |
| 1237 | And so actually | 其实 |
| 1238 | you can do that anywhere. | 你可以在任何地方做到这一点。 |
| 1239 | You can do it in a busy waiting room, waiting for a doctor's appointment. | 你可以在一个繁忙的候诊室里做,等待医生的预约. |
| 1240 | You can do it sitting at a red light. | 你可以坐在红灯边 |
| 1241 | Don't close your eyes with the red light in traffic, | 不要用交通红灯闭上眼睛 |
| 1242 | but you can look at that red light and notice, wow, I'm breathing. | 但你可以看红灯和注意, 哇,我呼吸。 |
| 1243 | My heart's beating. | 心跳动. |
| 1244 | You can do this at any moment and dropping into the present moment just allows us to take a break | 你可以随时都行 进入现在的时刻 只允许我们休息一下 |
| 1245 | from the swirl of automatic pilot of our automatic thoughts. | 从自动驾驶 自动驾驶 我们的自动思维。 |
| 1246 | How has this study impacted your life? | 这个研究如何影响你的生活? |
| 1247 | Oh, a lot. | 哦,很多东西。 |
| 1248 | At a certain point, I realized, okay, I'm a Harvard professor. | 在某个时候,我意识到, 好吧,我是哈佛的教授。 |
| 1249 | I could work 24-7. | 我可以24 -7号工作 |
| 1250 | I mean, | 我是说... |
| 1251 | I could be writing papers, editing, applying for grant money. | 我可以写论文 编辑 申请赠款 |
| 1252 | And especially once my kids left home | 特别是我的孩子离开家以后 |
| 1253 | and they weren't there to pull me away and say, dad, let's do this or drive me here. | 他们不在那里拉我走 并说,爸爸,让我们做到这一点或开车我在这里。 |
| 1254 | And I realized | 我意识到 |
| 1255 | that I could work all the time and not have any friends. | 我可以一直工作 没有朋友。 |
| 1256 | And then I was looking at my own study | 然后我看着自己的书房 |
| 1257 | and saying, wait a minute, friendships are kind of important. | 说,等一下,友谊很重要 |
| 1258 | They're everything. | 他们就是一切。 |
| 1259 | So what I've | 那么,我有什么 |
| 1260 | started doing is the stuff that I just recommended to all of you, which is I started texting my | 开始做那些事情,我刚刚向你们推荐, 那就是我开始发短信 |
| 1261 | friends. | 朋友们 |
| 1262 | I started making dinner dates, not just letting my wife make the dinner dates for our | 我开始做晚饭约会 不只是让我太太做晚饭约会 |
| 1263 | couple, right? | 情侣,对不对? |
| 1264 | Because she's the social director, has been for years. | 因为她是社长,已经很多年了。 |
| 1265 | I started saying to my friends, | 我开始对我的朋友说, |
| 1266 | let's go take a walk. | 我们出去走走 |
| 1267 | Let's go meet for coffee or a beer. | 我们一起去喝咖啡或啤酒 |
| 1268 | And what I made myself do was pay more | 我让自己付出更多 |
| 1269 | attention to my relationships and less attention to my work. | 注意我的关系 少注意我的工作 |
| 1270 | Now we could say, I'm lucky. | 现在我们可以说,我很幸运。 |
| 1271 | I'm older. | 我年纪大了 |
| 1272 | I'm more senior in my career. | 我事业上比较高级. |
| 1273 | I can do that. | 我可以做到这一点。 |
| 1274 | But what I would say is that even when we're younger | 但我会说,即使我们年轻 |
| 1275 | and we're under all those pressures of making a living and making a career and supporting my family, | 我们正承受着这些压力 以生计为生 以事业为生 以养家糊口 |
| 1276 | that we can still make sure we keep in as our North Star connections, including at work, | 我们仍然可以确保我们保持 我们的北极星连接, 包括在工作, |
| 1277 | because you can do this at work. | 因为你能在工作上做到这一点。 |
| 1278 | You can make more friends at work so that there are people | 你可以在工作时多交些朋友 这样才有人 |
| 1279 | you care more about showing up for each day. | 你更在乎每天出现 |
| 1280 | Well, between the age of 20 and 60, the people | 20到60岁之间的人 |
| 1281 | you work with are who you spend most of your time with day to day. | 和你们一起工作的人 就是你们一天到晚相处的人 |
| 1282 | So I think it's really a huge | 所以,我觉得这真的是一个巨大的 |
| 1283 | part of living a good life. | 过着美好的生活 |
| 1284 | Exactly. | 没错 |
| 1285 | So I love to always end by having you speak directly to the | 所以我喜欢总是结束 让你直接说话 |
| 1286 | person who's listening. | 倾听的人。 |
| 1287 | So if you could just talk to the person listening about all the things that | 所以,如果你可以只是说话的人 听所有的事情 |
| 1288 | you've learned about living a good life, what would you want them to know? | 你学会了如何过上美好生活 你想让他们知道什么? |
| 1289 | I would say invest | 我想说投资 |
| 1290 | in the people who you care about and invest in the things that you care about. | 在你关心的人 投资你关心的东西。 |
| 1291 | And if you keep your | 如果你留着你的 |
| 1292 | eye on those things, those are the most likely to make you feel like your life is good. | 看着那些东西,最有可能让你觉得 你的生活是好的。 |
| 1293 | And then | 礛 |
| 1294 | when you're in doubt about what to do, make kindness your default setting. | 当你怀疑该做什么时,请善待你的默认设置。 |
| 1295 | So if you're in | 所以如果你加入的话 |
| 1296 | doubt, should I do this or should I do that? | 怀疑,我应该这样做 还是我应该这样做? |
| 1297 | Think to yourself, well, what would be the kinder | 想想你自己,好吧,什么是仁慈的 |
| 1298 | thing to do and do that? | 做和做吗? |
| 1299 | Dr. Robert Waldinger, thank you so much for being here with us. | 罗伯特·瓦尔丁格博士 非常感谢你和我们在一起 |
| 1300 | I have been so looking forward to this. | 我一直期待着这一点。 |
| 1301 | You did not disappoint. | 你没有失望。 |
| 1302 | I have a million people I want to | 我有一百万人,我想要 |
| 1303 | I'm really excited about the curiosity piece and understanding that everybody around me has changed | 我对好奇心和理解感到很兴奋 我周围的人都变了 |
| 1304 | so much and leaning into it and noticing it is going to help me live a good life. | 如此的倾斜和注意 将会帮助我过上美好的生活 |
| 1305 | And to you, | 对你来说 |
| 1306 | I want to thank you for spending time with us today. | 我想感谢你今天和我们在一起 |
| 1307 | And in case nobody else tells you, | 如果没人告诉你 |
| 1308 | I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you. | 我想告诉你我爱你 |
| 1309 | I believe in you and I believe in your ability to | 我相信你们,我相信你们的能力 |
| 1310 | that you learn today. | 今天你学到了。 |
| 1311 | And I hope you do. | 我希望你会的 |
| 1312 | I hope you take what you learned and you put it into | 我希望你能把学到的东西 投入到 |
| 1313 | action in your day to day life. | 在你的日常生活中行动。 |
| 1314 | Because if you do, you will look back when your life is near its end | 因为如果你这样做,你会回顾 当你的生命接近尽头时 |
| 1315 | and you will be able to say, I lived a good life. | 你会说,我过得很好 |
| 1316 | Alrighty, I'll talk to you in a few days. | 好吧 我过几天再跟你说 |
| 1317 | And to you on YouTube, I just wanted to take a minute and say thank you. | 在YouTube上,我只想花点时间说声谢谢 |
| 1318 | Thank you for being a part of my life. | 谢谢你成为我生命的一部分 |
| 1319 | Thank you for watching and subscribing to this channel. | 谢谢你观看和订阅这个频道。 |
| 1320 | Thank you for sharing these episodes with the people that you love. | 谢谢你和你爱的人分享这些故事 |
| 1321 | And this one in particular, | 特别是这个 |
| 1322 | it is so important. | 这很重要 |
| 1323 | It is so profound. | 它是如此深刻。 |
| 1324 | I mean, this is what life is about after all. | 毕竟这就是生活 |
| 1325 | And so thank you for taking the time to send this link to people that you care about. | 感谢你花时间 把这个链接发给你关心的人。 |
| 1326 | And in case no one else tells you, I wanted to be sure to tell you | 如果没人告诉你 我想告诉你 |
| 1327 | that I love you and I believe in you. | 我爱你,我相信你。 |
| 1328 | And I believe in your ability to take everything | 我相信你有能力带走一切 |
| 1329 | that you learned today and to use it to create good relationships and to live a good life. | 你们今天学会了 用它来创造良好的关系 并过上美好的生活 |
| 1330 | And one thing that is going to help you put this into action is this next video, | 有一件事可以帮助你 把它付诸行动 是下一个视频, |
| 1331 | which is all about happiness. | 这是所有关于幸福。 |
| 1332 | And you're going to love it because I'm going to walk you through | 你会喜欢的,因为我要送你过去 |
| 1333 | an exercise that is going to help you get deeply personal about what happiness really means to you. | 帮助你深刻了解幸福对于你的意义 |
该视频共有字幕 1337 条。解锁更多字幕为会员功能，请移动到 价格