（中英附文稿）想改善沟通，却总觉得自己不够外向？先把对话当成
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:00 | It is almost impossible to hit your goals, especially professionally, socially and romantically, | 特别是职业、社交和浪漫 |
| 0:05 | if we cannot deeply connect with people quickly. | 如果我们不能与人们迅速紧密联系 |
| 0:08 | Vanessa Van Edwards has spent nearly two decades studying human behavior. | 凡妮莎·范·爱德华兹花了近20年时间研究人类行为. |
| 0:11 | In the age of AI, mastering conversation is career insurance. | 在AI时代,掌握对话是职业保险. |
| 0:15 | It's not about having the right personality or being naturally charismatic. | 这不是关于拥有正确的人格或自然的魅力. |
| 0:18 | It's a skill you can learn. | 能修习此功德. |
| 0:20 | Most of us are just out of practice. | 我们大多数人只是没有实践。 |
| 0:22 | We are talking to technology more than we're talking to each other. | 我们谈论的是科技,而不是彼此。 |
| 0:25 | Voice notes are not conversation. | 语音记录不是对话 |
| 0:26 | No, they are not. | 不,他们不是。 |
展开字幕全文（2445 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | It is almost impossible to hit your goals, especially professionally, socially and romantically, | 特别是职业、社交和浪漫 |
| 2 | if we cannot deeply connect with people quickly. | 如果我们不能与人们迅速紧密联系 |
| 3 | Vanessa Van Edwards has spent nearly two decades studying human behavior. | 凡妮莎·范·爱德华兹花了近20年时间研究人类行为. |
| 4 | In the age of AI, mastering conversation is career insurance. | 在AI时代,掌握对话是职业保险. |
| 5 | It's not about having the right personality or being naturally charismatic. | 这不是关于拥有正确的人格或自然的魅力. |
| 6 | It's a skill you can learn. | 能修习此功德. |
| 7 | Most of us are just out of practice. | 我们大多数人只是没有实践。 |
| 8 | We are talking to technology more than we're talking to each other. | 我们谈论的是科技,而不是彼此。 |
| 9 | Voice notes are not conversation. | 语音记录不是对话 |
| 10 | No, they are not. | 不,他们不是。 |
| 11 | The curse of smart people is they underestimate how important that small talk is. | 聪明人的诅咒是 他们低估了小话有多重要 |
| 12 | And they get stopped before they even get to their idea. | 他们被阻止了 之前他们甚至得到 他们的想法。 |
| 13 | Her argument is simple. | 她的论点很简单。 |
| 14 | The way you communicate can determine whether an opportunity opens up or passes you by. | 您的沟通方式可以决定一个机会是打开还是通过。 |
| 15 | You say that bad conversation is expensive. | 你说坏话很贵 |
| 16 | What do you think it costs us the most? | 你觉得我们付出的代价最大吗? |
| 17 | It costs us everything. | 它花费我们的一切。 |
| 18 | It costs us opportunities. | 这耗费了我们的机会。 |
| 19 | It costs us soulmates. | 失去灵魂伴侣 |
| 20 | It costs us business deals. | 它花费我们的业务交易。 |
| 21 | It costs us investment. | 这需要我们投资。 |
| 22 | You know you're having bad conversation if you feel socially exhausted. | 你知道,如果你觉得社交上很疲惫的话,你说话很不好。 |
| 23 | So how do you build trust without sounding transactional? | 那么,你如何建立信任 不听起来交易? |
| 24 | What do you say when you're sitting next to someone who could change your whole career? | 当你坐在一个可以改变你整个事业的人旁边时,你怎么说? |
| 25 | And how do you make yourself more memorable? | 你怎么让自己更难忘? |
| 26 | The way we change our narrative is through conversation. | 我们改变叙述的方式是通过对话。 |
| 27 | I like radical honesty. | 我喜欢激进的诚实。 |
| 28 | And powerful people know they're powerful. | 而强人知其强. |
| 29 | Yes, they do. | 是的,他们这样做。 |
| 30 | If you are asking socially autopilot questions, you are less memorable. | 如果你问社会自动驾驶问题, 你更难被记住。 |
| 31 | How do you stop a power imbalance from controlling the conversation? | 如何阻止权力失衡 控制对话? |
| 32 | It's always so crazy to me when I look at the data, | 我看着数据时总是这么疯狂 |
| 33 | but the large majority of people that watch this show aren't subscribed. | 但大多数看这个节目的人都没有签名 |
| 34 | And it's the only way that we can grow and keep bringing you the content that you want. | 只有这样,我们才能成长 并不断给你带来你想要的内容。 |
| 35 | So do me the biggest favor. | 所以做我最大的帮助。 |
| 36 | It costs absolutely nothing. | 这绝对不值钱。 |
| 37 | It takes no time at all. | 这根本不需要时间。 |
| 38 | And it would mean the world to me and the team at Aspire. | 这对我和阿斯庇尔的球队意味着世界 |
| 39 | If you would subscribe to our YouTube channel, it means you'll get all of our best content without needing to search. | 如果你可以订阅我们的YouTube频道, 这意味着你会得到我们所有最好的内容,而不需要搜索。 |
| 40 | Thanks so much. | 非常感谢 |
| 41 | Vanessa Van Edwards, welcome to Aspire. | 凡妮莎·范·爱德华兹 欢迎来到阿斯庇尔 |
| 42 | Thank you for having me. | 谢谢你邀请我 |
| 43 | I am really excited to have this conversation today. | 我很高兴今天能有这次谈话 |
| 44 | Now, your new book is called Conversations, which is so... | 现在,你的新书叫做对话, 这实在是... |
| 45 | No pressure. | 没有压力。 |
| 46 | It better be good. | 最好是不错的 |
| 47 | I'm fully, fully ready to hear what you think about me. | 我完全,完全准备听到 你对我的看法。 |
| 48 | But reading it made me think about how many, like how much in my life has been decided through a conversation. | 但读它让我想起了多少,比如我生命中有多少是通过对话决定的. |
| 49 | And that was like so insane to me, whether it is like pitching for a deal or being in some kind of a negotiation, | 这对我来说是如此疯狂, 无论它是像投 交易或某种谈判, |
| 50 | trying to figure out exactly what it is that I'm worth. | 试着找出我值多少钱 |
| 51 | But like so many big pivotal decisions come out of conversations that you need to have. | 但就像很多重要的决定 都来自你需要的对话 |
| 52 | And we talk all the time about the skills that you need to, you know, succeed. | 我们一直在谈论你需要的技能, 你知道,成功。 |
| 53 | But all of that comes from like the underlying thing of having a conversation. | 但所有这一切都来自 根本的东西,有一个谈话。 |
| 54 | And what struck me in your book is that you said, you know, and why I think the book feels so timely. | 在你的书里让我印象深刻的是 你说,你知道, 为什么我觉得这本书很及时。 |
| 55 | You said we are talking to each other all day and yet people right now report feeling so disconnected from each other. | 你说我们一整天都在交谈 然而人们现在却说 彼此之间很脱节 |
| 56 | So why do you think that we're using our conversation skills so much less when we need them more than ever? | 那你为什么认为我们比以往更需要对话技巧时 使用这些技巧? |
| 57 | I think this is actually the myth that smart people have, like very smart, overprepared folks. | 我觉得这其实是聪明人有的神话, 就像非常聪明,准备过度的人。 |
| 58 | They're like, it's all about my ideas. | 他们喜欢,这是所有关于我的想法。 |
| 59 | It's not my knowledge. | 这不是我的知识。 |
| 60 | And that's very important. | 这很重要 |
| 61 | So we go to school, we prep, we have the perfect pitch deck, we have the perfect script. | 所以,我们去学校,我们准备, 我们有完美的投球甲板, 我们有完美的剧本。 |
| 62 | We think of all the answers, the data, the research. | 我们想到所有的答案,数据,研究。 |
| 63 | But we forget that before we get to the presentation, we have that horrible thing called small talk. | 但是,我们忘记了,在我们开始演讲之前, 我们有一个可怕的东西叫做小谈。 |
| 64 | Small talk conversation is often overlooked, but actually it is a social lubricant. | 小型的谈话对话经常被忽略,但实际上是一种社交润滑剂. |
| 65 | If you can have that little bit of banter, that little bit of bonding, small talk, even for two or three minutes before a Zoom call, | 如果你能有一点点的节奏, 一点点的联结,小说话, 即使两三分钟前的Zoom呼叫, |
| 66 | it makes everything smoother. | 它使一切变得平滑。 |
| 67 | And the curse of smart people is they underestimate how important that small talk is, | 而聪明人的诅咒是 他们低估了小说的重要性 |
| 68 | as they don't realize, oh, my gosh, why is this so awkward? | 因为他们不知道,哦,我的天哪, 为什么这这么尴尬? |
| 69 | And they get stopped before they even get to their idea. | 他们被阻止了 之前他们甚至得到 他们的想法。 |
| 70 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 71 | You see that so much. | 你看见这么多。 |
| 72 | It's funny. | 这很有趣。 |
| 73 | You say that bad conversation is expensive. | 你说坏话很贵 |
| 74 | What do you think it costs us the most? | 你觉得我们付出的代价最大吗? |
| 75 | It costs us everything. | 它花费我们的一切。 |
| 76 | It costs us opportunities. | 这耗费了我们的机会。 |
| 77 | It costs us soulmates. | 失去灵魂伴侣 |
| 78 | It costs us business deals. | 它花费我们的业务交易。 |
| 79 | It costs us investment. | 这需要我们投资。 |
| 80 | People like to work with people who are good conversationalists. | 人们喜欢和善于交谈的人合作. |
| 81 | You know why? | 你知道为什么吗? |
| 82 | It's easy. | 方便无碍. |
| 83 | We have a lot of work to do, right? | 我们有很多工作要做,对吧? |
| 84 | If we're going into a meeting or making a big decision, we have a lot of things going on. | 如果我们要开会或做大决定,我们有很多事情要做. |
| 85 | We have a high cognitive load. | 我们的认知能力很高。 |
| 86 | If the conversation is also difficult and it's a little bit awkward. | 如果谈话也很困难,而且有点尴尬. |
| 87 | And what was your kid's name? | 你孩子叫什么来着? |
| 88 | And how are you? | 你好吗? |
| 89 | How's it going? | 怎么样? |
| 90 | How was the weekend? | 周末怎么样? |
| 91 | How's the weather? | 天气怎么样? |
| 92 | It's already hard to communicate with you. | 这已经很难跟你沟通了 |
| 93 | And so therefore, people are going to want to talk to you less. | 因此,人们会想和你少说话。 |
| 94 | They're going to be less bonded to you. | 他们不会再跟你纠结了 |
| 95 | They're going to want to call you less often. | 他们不会经常给你打电话的 |
| 96 | They're going to dread the meeting with you. | 他们会害怕和你见面的 |
| 97 | I think that this is the key. | 我认为这是关键所在。 |
| 98 | The reason why I wrote this book is because I want when people see your name on their calendar, | 我写这本书的原因 是因为我想当人们在日历上看到你的名字 |
| 99 | they're like, oh, yeah, that's going to be good. | 他们喜欢,哦,是的,这将是好的。 |
| 100 | That's going to be easy. | 这会很容易的。 |
| 101 | That's going to be fun. | 这将是有趣的。 |
| 102 | Oh, yeah. | 对 |
| 103 | Before they even get to the idea. | 他们还没想到这个主意 |
| 104 | And in that way, I think that if we don't have good conversation, it's costing us our success. | 那样的话,我认为如果我们没有很好的谈话, 那会耗尽我们的成功。 |
| 105 | It is almost impossible to hit your goals, especially professionally, socially and romantically. | 几乎不可能打中你的目标,特别是职业、社会和浪漫。 |
| 106 | If we cannot deeply connect with people quickly. | 如果我们不能迅速与人深入接触。 |
| 107 | And there is a difference between good conversation and bad conversation. | 而好谈与坏谈是有区别的. |
| 108 | Oh, yeah. | 对 |
| 109 | There is a big difference. | 差别很大。 |
| 110 | So someone is listening right now and they are bad at the art of conversation. | 所以现在有人在听 他们很擅长对话 |
| 111 | What are the signs that you would tell them to notice first? | 你告诉他们先注意什么迹象? |
| 112 | What would they notice first? | 他们会先注意到什么? |
| 113 | First of all, if this is you, this was me. | 首先,如果这是你,这是我。 |
| 114 | I'm a recovering, awkward person. | 我是一个康复,尴尬的人。 |
| 115 | I used to suck at conversation. | 我曾经很讨厌谈话 |
| 116 | Sometimes when I'm very, very awkward, I still do, but very rarely. | 有时候,当我非常,非常尴尬, 我仍然这样做,但很少。 |
| 117 | First thing is we have to learn that conversation is a skill. | 首先,我们必须学会 谈话是一种技巧。 |
| 118 | I think I used to think that you were born with it or you weren't, right? | 我想我曾经认为 你是天生的,还是没有,对不对? |
| 119 | You either had the art of the gab or you didn't. | 你要么有艺术 gab 或者你没有。 |
| 120 | No, conversation is a social skill. | 不,谈话是一种社交技巧。 |
| 121 | Not only is it a social skill, it is a combination of micro social skills, | 不仅是一种社交技能 也是微社交技能的结合 |
| 122 | meaning a really good conversationalist. | 意思是一个很好的谈话家。 |
| 123 | And I spent the last 20 years studying master conversationalists. | 在过去的20年里,我学习了主对话家。 |
| 124 | What is it that makes someone just easy to talk to, eloquent, elegant? | 是什么使得一个人 很容易说话, 雄辩,优雅? |
| 125 | They're funny, but also they listen well in that a master conversationalist. | 他们很有趣,但他们也听得很清楚 一个主对话家。 |
| 126 | They're excellent at listening, but they're also excellent at storytelling. | 他们擅长倾听,但也擅长讲故事. |
| 127 | They're also excellent at reading the room. | 他们也很会看房间 |
| 128 | They know when to pivot. | 他们知道什么时候可以做支点。 |
| 129 | They're very good at transition. | 他们擅长过渡. |
| 130 | There's all these micro skills. | 皆有微术. |
| 131 | So what I would say is if you're bad at conversation, first of all, don't worry. | 所以我想说的是 如果你对谈话不感兴趣 首先 别担心 |
| 132 | We can help. | 我们可以帮忙。 |
| 133 | We can do it right now. | 我们现在就能做到 |
| 134 | We're going to do it right now. | 我们现在就去 |
| 135 | Oh, we're going to do it right now. | 哦,我们现在就去 |
| 136 | We can do it in an hour. | 一小时后就可以了 |
| 137 | We're going to do it. | 师便打. |
| 138 | Seventy five minutes, 90 minutes, we can do it. | 75分钟90分钟,我们能做到 |
| 139 | You know you're having bad conversation if you feel socially exhausted. | 你知道,如果你觉得社交上很疲惫的话,你说话很不好。 |
| 140 | And again, this is what I see. | 再说一遍,这就是我看到的。 |
| 141 | Most of my students are highly ambitious, very smart, talented folks. | 我的学生大多是野心勃勃,非常聪明,有才华的人. |
| 142 | And they are so tired, not always only from the work. | 而且他们很累,不总是从工作。 |
| 143 | They are tired from what comes before the work. | 工作前的事让他们很累了 |
| 144 | They are exhausted by that small talk on the way to their office. | 在去办公室的路上,他们被那小话所耗尽。 |
| 145 | They're exhausted by does my team actually feel connected? | 他们累坏了 我的团队真的觉得有联系吗? |
| 146 | They're like another networking event. | 他们就像另一个网络活动。 |
| 147 | I just can't. | 我只是无法。 |
| 148 | They're exhausted because they're in the green room or they're backstage | 他们精疲力尽,因为他们在绿色的房间,或者他们在后台 |
| 149 | at a conference and they're like, I don't know how to connect with this person, | 在一个会议上,他们喜欢, 我不知道如何联系这个人, |
| 150 | but I know I should. | 但我知道我应该。 |
| 151 | I think that's the critical thing is, you know, you should. | 我认为关键是 你应该去 |
| 152 | We just have to have a plan. | 我们只需要有一个计划。 |
| 153 | We have to learn it. | 我们必须学会它。 |
| 154 | You just need to have a plan. | 你只需要有一个计划。 |
| 155 | And I love that you say anyone can learn this stuff because I do think | 我喜欢你说任何人都可以学这些 因为我确实认为 |
| 156 | certainly like I think about it in my own company. | 就像我在自己公司里想的那样 |
| 157 | Some people will be like, I'm so bad at that. | 有些人会喜欢, 我是如此糟糕的。 |
| 158 | I could never be at a conference. | 我永远不能参加一个会议。 |
| 159 | I never know how to initiate conversation. | 我不知道如何开始谈话。 |
| 160 | I never want to start the meeting. | 我从不想开始开会。 |
| 161 | And when you say that it can be learned, I mean, it's so specific. | 当你说它可以学习的时候, 我的意思是,它是如此具体。 |
| 162 | The skills that you can learn. | 你可以学习的技能。 |
| 163 | You've been listening to me for a few minutes and we had a little chat outside. | 你听我说了几分钟 我们在外面聊了一会儿 |
| 164 | What have you already noticed about the way that I communicate? | 你注意到我沟通的方式了吗? |
| 165 | So I listen to your interviews and you have a wonderfully natural | 所以我听了你的采访 你自然而然 |
| 166 | and assertively curious style. | 和坚定的好奇风格。 |
| 167 | When you're curious, you say it right away. | 好奇时即说. |
| 168 | And by the way, that is a sign of charismatic people. | 顺便说一句,那是有魅力的人的标志。 |
| 169 | So if they have a question, they cannot wait to ask it. | 所以,如果他们有一个问题, 他们不能等待问它。 |
| 170 | I get the sense that if you want to ask it, you're like, | и谋眔狦稱拜 碞钩 |
| 171 | I got to ask it right, right now. | 我现在就要问 |
| 172 | Good conversationalists are additive. | 好对话家是添加剂。 |
| 173 | They are constantly adding by following up. | 它们不断通过后续行动来补充。 |
| 174 | I tell me more by their own story, by nonverbal. | 我多讲讲他们的故事,非语言 |
| 175 | So you're a nodder. | 所以,你是一个点头。 |
| 176 | So you'll nod with me. | 所以你会跟我点头 |
| 177 | When someone does a slow triple nod, the other person speaks 67 percent longer. | 当有人慢地点头时, 其他人会说67%的更长时间。 |
| 178 | Isn't that so good? | 这不好吗? |
| 179 | I just think it's so I mean, there's so much to glean from everything | 我只是觉得它是如此,我的意思是, 有这么多从所有东西收集 |
| 180 | that you are teaching all the time. | 你一直在教书 |
| 181 | And I love the combination of conversation and the body language piece, | 我喜欢谈话和肢体语言的结合 |
| 182 | because again, I think if that's not how you are naturally, it can be, you know, | 因为再次,我想如果这不是你 自然,它可以,你知道, |
| 183 | you make it into such a it's such a hardship. | 你让它变成这样 这是如此困难。 |
| 184 | Right. | 对 |
| 185 | And those things don't get easier. | 那些事情不会变得容易。 |
| 186 | And that's why I really knew that I wanted to have you on the show, | 所以我才知道 我想让你上节目 |
| 187 | because again, as somebody who used to be a certain way, | 因为再次,作为一个曾经是某种方式的人, |
| 188 | you've actually taught yourself these skills. | 你其实已经学会了这些技能 |
| 189 | So what could I do in the next 60 minutes that would make this conversation better for you? | 接下来60分钟我还能做什么 让你的谈话更好? |
| 190 | What's your goal? | 你的目标是什么? |
| 191 | I want to make sure that everybody listening gets the benefit of your experience | 我要确保所有倾听者都能从你的经验中得到好处 |
| 192 | and that they can take away at least one thing that's going to make them | 他们至少可以拿走一件能让他们 |
| 193 | a better conversationist for the pure purpose of progression in their life. | 一个更好的对话者 为了他们生活中的进步 |
| 194 | Right. | 对 |
| 195 | Because, again, this is not just about work, career, | 因为,这不仅仅是工作,事业, |
| 196 | businesses, to your point, just having better conversations with your spouse, | 生意,就你而言, 只是有更好的谈话 与你的配偶, |
| 197 | with the people that you love, with your kids, kids. | 与你爱的人, 与你的孩子,孩子。 |
| 198 | I think that we all have been in a situation. | 我认为,我们大家都处于一种局面。 |
| 199 | You know, I always say to my children, eye contact. | 你知道,我总是说我的孩子, 眼睛接触。 |
| 200 | Right. | 对 |
| 201 | I think my awkwardness and I share this, you know, a lot of the communication | 我觉得我的尴尬,我分享这个,你知道, 很多沟通 |
| 202 | advice is given by extroverts and I am not an extrovert. | 忠告是由外向者提供的 而我不是外向者 |
| 203 | And so extroverts can can force themselves to be higher energy. | 所以外向体可以强迫自己成为更高的能量. |
| 204 | They can force themselves. | 他们可以强迫自己。 |
| 205 | Introverts and ambiverts. | 内论与偏论. |
| 206 | I'm an ambivert. | 我是一个矛盾者。 |
| 207 | I'm somewhere in between. | 我在中间的某个地方 |
| 208 | We can't. | 我们不能。 |
| 209 | We're not as good. | 我们没有那么好。 |
| 210 | Or we do it at great cost. | 或者我们付出了巨大的代价 |
| 211 | Yes. | 对 |
| 212 | Or we dial up and we pretend and we are depleting our internal energy. | 或者我们拨号,我们假装 我们消耗了我们的内部能量。 |
| 213 | So if you have an introverted or ambiverted kid. | 如果你有一个内向或矛盾的孩子。 |
| 214 | So I have I have I have two ambiverts leaning, one leaning introvert. | 所以我有两条斜线,一条斜线。 |
| 215 | I have a little little cat like I have three introverts and a humongous extrovert. | 我有一只小猫 像我有3个内向 和一个巨大的外向。 |
| 216 | Is it your youngest? | 你最小吗? |
| 217 | My youngest, of course, like she's not crazy. | 我最小的孩子,当然, 好像她没有疯。 |
| 218 | I love brotherhood. | 我爱兄弟情谊 |
| 219 | OK. | 摆 |
| 220 | OK, so you're OK. | 好吧,所以你没事。 |
| 221 | So it's really important for you as a mom, because you've learned | 作为妈妈,这对你很重要 因为你已经学会了 |
| 222 | you have to do these skills to get ahead. | 你必须做这些技巧才能领先 |
| 223 | You have to make eye contact. | 你必须保持眼睛接触。 |
| 224 | We want to make a handshake. | 我们要握个手 |
| 225 | I also will tell my kids, stand like you're wearing a cape. | 我也会告诉我的孩子们, 站好像你穿着披风。 |
| 226 | Right. | 对 |
| 227 | Because otherwise you'd say, set up straight. | 否则你就会说 立正点 |
| 228 | Stand up straight. | 直立竖立. |
| 229 | But if you're like, what would you do if you're wearing a cape? | 但如果你喜欢,你会怎么做 如果你穿披风? |
| 230 | They immediately put their shoulders down, their head up. | 他们立刻放下肩膀,头朝上 |
| 231 | So one, we're trying to give them goals. | 第一,我们试图给他们目标。 |
| 232 | So you asked me, how can I make this conversation better, which is lovely. | 所以,你问我, 我怎么才能让这个谈话更好, 这是可爱的。 |
| 233 | And I'm like, what's your goal for the conversation? | 而我喜欢,你的目标是什么 谈话? |
| 234 | Because if your goal was to be for us to bond, | 因为如果你的目标是让我们在一起 |
| 235 | we would have a totally different conversation, which would be lovely. | 我们将有一个完全不同的谈话,这将是可爱的。 |
| 236 | Totally. | 当然 |
| 237 | We're here for you. | 我们在这里为你。 |
| 238 | We're on a podcast. | 我们在播客。 |
| 239 | We're here for you. | 我们在这里为你。 |
| 240 | Yes. | 对 |
| 241 | Right. | 对 |
| 242 | So it's like, OK, no, it's to be as helpful as possible. | 所以这就像,OK,不, 这是尽可能的帮助。 |
| 243 | What I would say is whatever you are worrying about | 我想说的是你担心什么 |
| 244 | from a conversation perspective, ask it, because likely someone at home is as well. | 从对话的角度,问它, 因为可能有人在家里也是。 |
| 245 | And think of it as an introvert, like your most introverted kid. | 把它当成一个内向者 就像你最内向的孩子 |
| 246 | What would they be asking when they're entering the workforce, | 他们会问什么 当他们进入劳动力, |
| 247 | when they would be trying to make their big deal, | 当他们想做大事的时候, |
| 248 | when they're trying to meet their soulmate? | 当他们想见他们的灵魂伴侣时? |
| 249 | You know, I dedicated my book to my daughters | 我把我的书献给了女儿们 |
| 250 | because I don't want them to ever have an awkward conversation. | 因为我不希望他们有 一个尴尬的谈话。 |
| 251 | But I think that we're losing practice. | 但我认为我们失去了练习。 |
| 252 | I think we are all of us, not just littles, like all of us. | 我认为,我们都是我们所有人,而不仅仅是一些小人物,就像我们所有人一样。 |
| 253 | We are talking to technology more than we're talking to each other. | 我们谈论的是科技,而不是彼此。 |
| 254 | You know, we're talking to AI more than we're talking to each other. | 我们和AI的谈话比彼此的谈话还要多 |
| 255 | In some in some cases, we're leaving voice notes and audio notes | 在某些情况下,我们会留下语音记录和音频记录 |
| 256 | instead of even like bothering to pick up the phone. | 而不是像打扰 接电话。 |
| 257 | And voice notes are not conversation. | 语音记录不是对话 |
| 258 | No, they are not. | 不,他们不是。 |
| 259 | They are entirely one sided. | 它们完全是一边的。 |
| 260 | And I and I love it. | 我和我喜欢它。 |
| 261 | I'm for both. | 我为二者. |
| 262 | I'm going to send as many 10 minute voices again. | 我要再发出10分钟的声音 |
| 263 | But but it's not real conversation. | 但这不是真正的对话 |
| 264 | And it doesn't give you as much of that good chemistry. | 它没有给你那么多好的化学。 |
| 265 | Right. | 对 |
| 266 | Like when you're in good conversation, like, yes, it will get you ahead. | 就像当你在良好的谈话, 像,是的,它会让你领先。 |
| 267 | Opportunity. | 机会 |
| 268 | But when you're in a joyful conversation, you're like, | 但当你在一个快乐的谈话, 你喜欢, |
| 269 | I feel heard, I feel seen, I feel chosen, I feel loved. | 感觉听到,感觉看到,感觉被选中,感觉被爱着. |
| 270 | You also feel that joy of like, I'm connected. | 你也觉得喜欢的快乐, 我连接。 |
| 271 | So it's also the joy. | 故亦是欢喜. |
| 272 | It's that, too. | 谓此也. |
| 273 | That's so important. | 这很重要 |
| 274 | I mean, you've been studying this for decades. | 我是说,你研究这个几十年了 |
| 275 | How linked is charisma to being a good conversationalist? | 魅力与好对话者的关系如何? |
| 276 | So charisma, I define charisma based on some really fascinating | 所以魅力,我定义魅力 是基于一些真正迷人 |
| 277 | research out of Princeton, which is charisma is a blend, | 普林斯顿大学的研究 魅力是混合的 |
| 278 | a perfect blend of warmth and competence, | 一个完美的混合 温暖和能力, |
| 279 | that very highly charismatic people, what they're doing in conversation | 那些非常有魅力的人, 他们在谈话中所做的 |
| 280 | is they're signaling first warmth. | 是它们发出第一个温暖信号 |
| 281 | You can trust me. | 你可以信任我,你应该相信我 |
| 282 | You can open up to me. | 你可以向我敞开心扉 |
| 283 | I'm here for you without judgment, but also competence. | 我在这里你没有判断力, 但也有能力。 |
| 284 | I'm going to get it done. | 即得圆满. |
| 285 | I'm going to listen well. | 我会好好听的 |
| 286 | You can rely on me. | 你可以信赖我 |
| 287 | I'm effective. | 我非常有效 我非常有效 I'm exactly. |
| 288 | And so charisma is that blend is beautiful in conversation, | 所以,魅力是 混合是美丽的谈话, |
| 289 | but it's not essential, meaning you can have a very fun conversation | 但这并不重要,这意味着 你可以有一个非常有趣的谈话 |
| 290 | with your Uber driver and not worry about having more than competence. | 与你的Uber车手, 不用担心拥有 更多的能力。 |
| 291 | So actually, I think that we can we can unlink them | 所以,实际上,我认为 我们可以解开它们 |
| 292 | in the sense of good conversation is down to a blueprint. | 从好对话的意义上讲, 是一个蓝图。 |
| 293 | And I literally think of conversation in this map. | 我从字面上想到了这张地图中的对话。 |
| 294 | Every good conversation has three levels, and it's your choice | 每个好对话都有三层,这是你的选择 |
| 295 | if you want to do all three levels. | 如果你想做所有三个级别。 |
| 296 | The first level in all basic conversation is called general traits. | 所有基础对话的第一级称为一般特征. |
| 297 | That's like when we first meet, we're going, OK, where are you from? | 就像我们第一次见面,我们要去,OK,你是哪里人? |
| 298 | What did you do? | 你做了什麽? |
| 299 | Married, got any kids? | 已婚,有孩子吗? |
| 300 | Our brain has like a social hierarchy. | 我们的大脑就像社会等级 |
| 301 | We actually have to pass through that level first before we can get deeper. | 我们实际上必须先经过这个关卡,然后才能深入。 |
| 302 | It's why we have that boring small talk. | 这就是为什么我们有 无聊的谈话。 |
| 303 | The problem is we tend to get trapped in that level. | 问题是我们往往被困在这个水平上。 |
| 304 | That's what happens to people. | 众生亦如是. |
| 305 | Right. | 对 |
| 306 | So we're like, whether our those kids? | 所以,我们喜欢, 无论是我们的孩子? |
| 307 | How was this morning? | 今天早上怎么样? |
| 308 | You do. | 没错 |
| 309 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 310 | OK, so my goal in most conversations to get to level two, if I can. | 好吧,所以我的目标 在大多数谈话 到二级,如果我可以。 |
| 311 | Level two is where things get more interesting. | 二层是事情变得有趣的地方. |
| 312 | I think it's where bonds connect, where bonds happen. | 我想这是债券连接的地方 债券发生的地方 |
| 313 | So this is personal concerns. | 所以这是个人问题。 |
| 314 | So personal concerns are motivations, | 所以个人的担心是动机 |
| 315 | core values, personality traits, goals. | 核心价值,人格特征,目标. |
| 316 | When you know this about a person, you know what drives them. | 当你知道这个关于一个人, 你知道什么驱动他们。 |
| 317 | You know, worries them. | 你知道,担心他们。 |
| 318 | I think really productive work conversations are when you know | 我认为真正的生产性工作对话是当你知道 |
| 319 | what the person's working on, you know, their goals, you know, it drives them. | 这个人的工作, 你知道,他们的目标, 你知道,它驱动他们。 |
| 320 | You also know what hangs them up. | 你也知道他们挂什么 |
| 321 | You know, what's worrying them, what's keeping them back. | 你知道,什么是担心他们, 是什么使他们退后。 |
| 322 | Give me an example of a level two question. | 举个例子 二级问题。 |
| 323 | Love it. | 喜欢它。 |
| 324 | OK, so let's can do the bad and then the good. | 好吧,让我们做坏,然后好。 |
| 325 | Yes, please. | 是的,谢谢。 |
| 326 | Here's the bad. | 这是坏的。 |
| 327 | Great. | 不错 |
| 328 | So like the bad is you hop on a team call and you really you're like, | 所以,坏的是你跳上一个团队电话 你真的是喜欢, |
| 329 | OK, we have this few minutes of banter, this three minutes. | 好了,我们还有几分钟时间,这三分钟。 |
| 330 | I want to make it not a waste of time where I would wish I could check. | 我想让它不浪费时间 我希望我能检查。 |
| 331 | Because the banter is important at the top of a conversation. | 因为这个节奏在谈话的顶端很重要 |
| 332 | Right. It is really. | 对 确实 |
| 333 | And I'm just going to go out on a limb and say, | 我将直截了当地说, |
| 334 | I think English people are better at it. | 我觉得英国人比较擅长 |
| 335 | Oh, I like it. | 我喜欢 |
| 336 | Let's go. | 我们走吧。 |
| 337 | I mean, we banter like that. | 我的意思是,我们像这样。 |
| 338 | And we do. | 我们做到了。 |
| 339 | I mean, I can't. | 我是说,我不能。 |
| 340 | The jokes don't always let you know that first hand. | 笑话并不总是让你知道第一手。 |
| 341 | They're not always working. | 他们并不总是工作。 |
| 342 | Well, I hope that we can catch up. | 好吧,我希望我们能赶上。 |
| 343 | I hope that we can catch up. | 我希望我们能够赶上来。 |
| 344 | 其符 charm. | |
| 345 | It's true, though. | 虽说真如. |
| 346 | And also, your banter is really good. | 而且,你的节奏真的很好。 |
| 347 | OK, so a really bad way to do that would be you get into a call and you're trying. | 好吧,所以一个非常糟糕的方法 这样做,你会得到一个电话,你正在尝试。 |
| 348 | But you're like, um, so how's it going? | 但你喜欢,嗯, 怎么样? |
| 349 | Oh, good. | 哦,不错。 |
| 350 | Busy, busy, busy. | 忙着忙着. |
| 351 | How about you? | 你怎么样? |
| 352 | Yeah, I'm busy, too. | 是啊,我很忙,太。 (笑声) |
| 353 | OK, let's get started. | 好吧,我们开始吧。 |
| 354 | Horrible. | 骇曰. |
| 355 | Right. | 对 |
| 356 | So what you did is you just went on social script. | 所以,你所做的是 你刚刚进入了社会剧本。 |
| 357 | You weren't sure what to do. | 你不确定该怎么办 |
| 358 | So you asked a very socially scripted autopilot question. | 你问了一个非常社会化的自动驾驶问题。 |
| 359 | How's it going? | 怎么样? |
| 360 | What's going on? | 这是怎么回事? |
| 361 | What's up? | 这是怎么回事? |
| 362 | And the brain is like, oh, I can't say anything deep. | 大脑就像,哦,我不能说深。 |
| 363 | So I'm going to say nothing at all. | 所以我一言不发 |
| 364 | A good version of that would be, oh, what's your biggest win this week? | 一个很好的版本是,哦, 什么是你最大的赢这个星期? |
| 365 | Or tell me something good. | 或说妙法. |
| 366 | So jumping to tell me something good, tell me something good. | 所以跳来告诉我好东西, 告诉我好东西。 |
| 367 | Tell me something good. | 告诉我一些好东西。 |
| 368 | Right. | 对 |
| 369 | Tell me how are you? | 告诉我你好吗? |
| 370 | Like, tell me something good. | 告诉我一些好东西 |
| 371 | Yes. | 对 |
| 372 | Oh, what's your biggest win? | 哦,什么是你最大的赢? |
| 373 | Right. | 对 |
| 374 | They're both very positive. | 他们都非常积极。 |
| 375 | Now, this is important, I think, culturally on a team is you have to have | 现在,这很重要,我认为, 文化上的团队是 你必须有 |
| 376 | enough psychological safety where if someone is good, they can tell you | 如果有人好,他们可以告诉你 |
| 377 | and they can brag about it. | 他们可以吹嘘。 |
| 378 | Like, what's your biggest win this week? | 喜欢,什么是你最大的赢本周? |
| 379 | Well, tell me something good. | 告诉我一些好事 |
| 380 | And someone's like, oh, man, I just killed these numbers or like my daughter | 有人喜欢,哦,伙计, 我刚刚杀了这些数字或像我女儿 |
| 381 | did great in soccer or whatever. | 踢足球还是什么的 |
| 382 | But if something is not good, it can be like, oh, it's been a week. | 但如果有什么不好的, 它可能像,哦,已经一个星期了。 |
| 383 | Let me tell you. | 我告诉你 |
| 384 | Right. | 对 |
| 385 | So it also takes that you need in business. | 所以,这也需要你 在商业上需要。 |
| 386 | Right. | 对 |
| 387 | I never want to be in a meeting where always sharing is good news. | 我从来不想参加一个总是分享好消息的会议。 |
| 388 | And then you leave and I get like this disastrous email. | 然后你离开,我得到 像这个灾难性的电子邮件。 |
| 389 | And I'm like, right. | 我很喜欢,没错。 |
| 390 | Tell me. | 告诉我 |
| 391 | And by the way, this is the myth that we have as as I think managers, | 顺便说一句,这是神话 我们有,就像我想的管理者, |
| 392 | managers often think that conversation is counterproductive. | 管理者往往认为对话适得其反。 |
| 393 | No, good conversation opens up productivity. | 不,好的对话打开了生产力。 |
| 394 | If someone has rapport, they're able to say, listen, I got to tell you, | 如果有人有关系, 他们可以说,听着,我得告诉你, |
| 395 | I got to tell you something. | 我得告诉你一件事。 |
| 396 | Last week's report and the client, it did not go as we thought. | 上周的报告和客户没有像我们想的那样 |
| 397 | Conversation actually opens people up to be more honest. | 对话实际上使人们更加诚实。 |
| 398 | It actually creates more psychological safety. | 这实际上创造了更多的心理安全。 |
| 399 | A team that is connected, that knows each other's the level one | 互相认识的团队是一级 |
| 400 | and our basic goals, they're going to be more open with collaboration. | 和我们的基本目标, 他们将会更加开放 合作。 |
| 401 | They're going to share things more often. | 他们将更经常地分享一些东西。 |
| 402 | And they're also going to enjoy their work more. | 他们也会更享受自己的作品. |
| 403 | So you have to have psychological safety. | 所以你必须有心理安全。 |
| 404 | You ask for good. | 汝为求善. |
| 405 | But there's always permission that if it's bad, we share it. | 但总是允许 如果它不好,我们分享它。 |
| 406 | Right. | 对 |
| 407 | So you've done the level one. | 所以,你完成了一级。 |
| 408 | And that's a must because you're never going to get to level two without it. | 这是必须的,因为没有它,你永远无法进入二级。 |
| 409 | So you have the frivolous conversation, but you move straight into level two | 所以,你有 琐碎的谈话, 但你直接移动到二级 |
| 410 | and you try to do it with a positive question. | 你试图用一个肯定的问题来做。 |
| 411 | If you can. | 若能说. |
| 412 | Or I wouldn't even say positive. | 或者我甚至不会说积极的。 |
| 413 | I would say emotion. | 我会说情感。 |
| 414 | OK. | 摆 |
| 415 | So one thing I noticed when I was studying at Master Conversationalist | 所以,有一件事我注意到 当我学习主对话论 |
| 416 | is what they are very good at is eliciting precise emotions. | 他们擅长的就是 激发出准确的情感 |
| 417 | So they wouldn't say something like, so, you know, you grew up around here. | 所以他们不会说类似的话 所以,你知道,你在这里长大的。 |
| 418 | Oh, and what's your favorite coffee shop around here? | 哦 你最喜欢的咖啡店在哪? |
| 419 | OK, favorite is all right. | 好吧,最爱没关系。 |
| 420 | But what's the coziest coffee shop around here? | 但这里最舒适的咖啡店是什么? |
| 421 | Specificity. | 具体性。 |
| 422 | Right. | 对 |
| 423 | They're asking for a specific state. | 他们要求一个特定的状态。 |
| 424 | And that is jumping from level one to level two, asking someone, | 那就是从一级跳到二级 问别人 |
| 425 | oh, you know, you grew up in L.A. | 哦,你知道,你长大 在洛杉矶。 |
| 426 | What's your like favorite family restaurant | 你最喜欢的家餐厅是什么? |
| 427 | that you would always go with your family? | 你总是和家人一起走? |
| 428 | That is a far better question than what's your favorite restaurant around here. | 这个问题比你最喜欢的餐厅多得多 |
| 429 | So this is a hard ask. | 故此难问. |
| 430 | This is we're putting more energy into conversation. | 我们正给对话注入更多的能量 |
| 431 | This is not easy. | 这不容易。 |
| 432 | But we're trying to elicit unique | 但是我们试图引领独特的 |
| 433 | and specific emotions that you want associated with you. | 以及你想要与你相关的具体情感 |
| 434 | With you. | 与汝诸人. |
| 435 | That's the point. | 这就是重点。 |
| 436 | Right. | 对 |
| 437 | So I love like exciting. | 所以我喜欢兴奋。 |
| 438 | I like winning. | 我喜欢赢 |
| 439 | I'm very competitive. | 我非常有竞争力 |
| 440 | Right. | 对 |
| 441 | So I'm like, what's your win? | 所以我说,你赢了什么? |
| 442 | What's your big goal? | 你的目标是什么? |
| 443 | What's your side hustle? | 你那边有什么花招? |
| 444 | Right. | 对 |
| 445 | Like, what's your personal passion? | 喜欢,什么是你的个人激情? |
| 446 | Those are my kinds of questions. | 这些是我的问题 |
| 447 | But I believe, and this is level two, everyone should have a signature question. | 但我相信,这是二级, 每个人都应该有一个签名问题。 |
| 448 | A signature question is a topic that you like to discuss | 签名问题是一个你喜欢讨论的议题 |
| 449 | with emotions you like to feel in conversation. | 与情绪 你喜欢在谈话中感受。 |
| 450 | You want to create a signature set of questions around your interests | 您想要围绕您的利益创建一组签名问题 |
| 451 | that you can bring up in those first few minutes of small talk | 你可以提起那些 最初几分钟的谈话 |
| 452 | and then be known for it. | 后因缘得名. |
| 453 | I go back to this question about charisma, | 我回到关于魅力的问题 |
| 454 | because I think that people always think you've either got it or you don't. | 因为我认为人们总是认为 你要么有它,要么你没有。 |
| 455 | And what you're saying is if you learn to ask the right questions | 你说的是 如果你学会问对问题 |
| 456 | and you frame them in a way that actually is meaningful to you, | 你用一种对你有实际意义的方式 来陷害他们 |
| 457 | you're going to be more charismatic in the exchange. | 你会更有魅力 在交换。 |
| 458 | Yes. | 对 |
| 459 | OK. Actually, there's two sides of this. | 摆 实际上,这是两个方面。 |
| 460 | Let's get advanced. | 举前行. |
| 461 | So the first side is asking emotion, specifically emotional listening questions. | 所以第一面是问情感,具体来说是情感听问题. |
| 462 | That's great. | 赞曰. |
| 463 | And also asking for stories, not facts. | 还问故事,不是事实。 |
| 464 | OK, so a mistake that people make in conversations are all about the facts. | 所以人们在谈话中犯的错误 都是关于事实的。 |
| 465 | So how was the weekend? | 周末怎么样? |
| 466 | How many kids? | 有几个孩子? |
| 467 | Or how long have you lived here? | 或者你住在这里多久了? |
| 468 | Right. | 对 |
| 469 | Like very fact based. | 像非常基于事实。 |
| 470 | The brain is dead on that. | 大脑已经死了 |
| 471 | Right. | 对 |
| 472 | There's nothing to grip. | 没什么好抓的 |
| 473 | Asking for stories, that's better. | 问故事,这是更好的。 |
| 474 | And even better, it's also sharing. | 更好的是,它也分享。 |
| 475 | So asking is part one, but sharing is part two. | 所以问是第一部分,但分享是第二部分。 |
| 476 | And this is the hard part. | 这是最难的部分。 |
| 477 | You got to give something. | 你得给一些东西。 |
| 478 | This is the hard part is we also love really good stories. | 这才是最难的,就是我们也喜欢好故事。 |
| 479 | So sharing stories, not facts. | 所以分享故事而不是事实 |
| 480 | When you are given a boring question, people are going to ask you, how's it going? | 当你被问到一个无聊的问题, 人们会问你,怎么样? |
| 481 | They're going to ask you autopilot questions. | 他们会问你自动驾驶的问题 |
| 482 | You should be ready to break the script and give dopamine with your answer. | 你应该准备好打破剧本 用你的答案给多巴胺 |
| 483 | And I know this is really hard. | 我知道这真的很难。 |
| 484 | And there's a very fine line, I think, between performing and being authentic. | 我认为,表演和真实之间 有着一条非常好的线 |
| 485 | So these stories have to be real or they have to be authentic, authentically. | 所以这些故事必须真实,或者必须真实,真实. |
| 486 | You have to authentically like sharing them. | 你必须真正喜欢分享 |
| 487 | But when someone asks you, how's it going? | 但当有人问你,怎么样? |
| 488 | Not answering busy, but good. | 不是忙着回答,但很好 |
| 489 | But instead, giving them a story like, so ask me, how's it going? | 但是,给他们一个像, 所以问我,怎么样? |
| 490 | How's it going? | 怎么样? |
| 491 | Book launch. | 书籍发布. |
| 492 | We're 12 days out and you'll never believe. | 我们出去12天,你永远不会相信。 |
| 493 | But last week and don't you know, then we're in, then we're in. | 但上周,你不知道, 然后我们进去,然后我们进去。 |
| 494 | And don't you want to know what that is? | 你不想知道这是什么吗? |
| 495 | 100 percent. | 百分百都一样 |
| 496 | What is it? | 这是什么? |
| 497 | What happened last week? | 上周发生了什么? |
| 498 | So I just in very, it doesn't have to be long. | 所以,我刚刚非常, 它不一定要很长。 |
| 499 | Right. | 对 |
| 500 | And in fact, most answers should be between 15 and 30 seconds. | 而事实上,大多数答案应该是15到30秒. |
| 501 | Oh, this is one part in your book that I really. | 哦,这是你书中的一个部分,我真的。 |
| 502 | OK, tell me. | 好吧,告诉我。 |
| 503 | Oh, my goodness. | 天呐 |
| 504 | I think I'm such a long talker. | 我觉得我长话短说 |
| 505 | The 15, 20. | 15,20号 |
| 506 | I was like, I'm like a minute and a half. | 我就像,我就像一分钟半。 |
| 507 | Me too. | 我也一样。 |
| 508 | Let's talk a little bit about that, because you said like a good exchange | 我们谈谈吧,因为你说的很好 |
| 509 | really happens like between 15, 30 seconds, 15, 30 seconds. | 真正发生的是15,30秒,15,30秒。 |
| 510 | And I'm. | 而我则. |
| 511 | OK, so this is. | 好吧,这是。 |
| 512 | I know. | 我知道,我记得 |
| 513 | Me too. | 我也一样。 |
| 514 | So this is the candor corpus, the one of the largest databases on conversation. | 这是关于对话的最大数据库之一。 |
| 515 | Let's go to the research and let's go to nuance. | 让我们去研究,让我们去细微。 |
| 516 | So the research says 15 to 30 seconds is about average for turn taking. | 研究显示 15到30秒是转弯的平均时间 |
| 517 | Right. | 对 |
| 518 | So how's it going? | 怎么样? |
| 519 | Oh, I had book launch and it's going crazy. | 哦,我有一个书发布会 它的疯狂。 |
| 520 | You never believe what happened last week. | 你从不相信上周发生的事 |
| 521 | So and so and so and so and so and so they picked it for this. | 所以他们选择了这个。 |
| 522 | That could be 15, 30 seconds. | 这可能是15,30秒。 |
| 523 | Forty five seconds is still OK. | 45秒还好 |
| 524 | It's just getting the longer side. | 它只是得到了更长的一面。 |
| 525 | If you are going over 45 seconds, it's got to be juicy. | 如果你要超过45秒, 一定是多汁。 |
| 526 | It's going to be juicy. | 将作多汁. |
| 527 | See, I'm full of juice. | 你看,我充满了果汁。 |
| 528 | That's what I am. | 这就是我。 |
| 529 | So I'm saying I have tea. | 所以我说我有茶。 |
| 530 | And you know, it's not juicy. | 而且你知道,这不是多汁。 |
| 531 | My hot take talking about how busy you are. | 我热衷于谈论你有多忙 |
| 532 | It's the least. | 这是最小的。 |
| 533 | It's the least juicy. | 最无汁. |
| 534 | And I hear it the most often with highly successful people. | 我听到它最经常 与高度成功的人。 |
| 535 | And by the way, I actually went to the research on this. | 顺便说一下,我确实去研究了这个问题。 |
| 536 | OK. | 摆 |
| 537 | The research says that talking about how busy you are | 研究说,谈论你有多忙 |
| 538 | makes people think you are less competent, | 让人觉得你不够胜任 |
| 539 | which is very, very hard for successful people to swallow, | 这对成功的人们来说是非常困难的, |
| 540 | because we think talking about how busy we are | 因为我们在谈论我们有多忙 |
| 541 | actually makes us sound more successful, more important. | 实际上,让我们听起来更成功,更重要。 |
| 542 | No, when we hear about how stressful and busy someone is, | 不,当我们听说一个人有多紧张和忙碌时, |
| 543 | we actually think they're less competent. | 我们实际上认为他们的能力更差。 |
| 544 | So the one thing that's not juicy is giving someone your schedule. | 所以唯一没有汁味的就是给别人你的日程安排 |
| 545 | You don't have to be positive all the time. | 何须常持正觉. |
| 546 | и硂癸册conf | |
| 547 | It's a silly way to think about this. | 这想法很傻 |
| 548 | If you're about to say something juicy, tell me first. | 如果你要说点多汁的话 先告诉我 |
| 549 | So if something crazy happened to you last week, don't just dive into it. | 所以如果你上周发生了什么疯狂的事情, 不要只是潜入其中。 |
| 550 | No, you're going to be like, it's a crazy thing happened. | 不,你会像, 这是一个疯狂的事情发生了。 |
| 551 | And then you're hooked. | 然后你就上瘾了 |
| 552 | You're in. | 你进去了 |
| 553 | Now, it has to be actually crazy. | 现在,它必须是真正的疯狂。 |
| 554 | You can't be like, the craziest thing happened. | 你不能像, 最疯狂的事情发生了。 |
| 555 | I got coffee. | 我买了咖啡。 |
| 556 | No, that's not crazy. | 不,这不是疯了。 |
| 557 | So like, we also have to think meta a little bit in like preparing. | 所以,我们还必须想 元在一点点 像准备。 |
| 558 | Wow, that was so weird. | 哇,这太奇怪了。 |
| 559 | That was embarrassing. | 真尴尬 |
| 560 | That was crazy. | 太疯狂了 |
| 561 | And then saying it. | 然后说. |
| 562 | And that conversational confetti, you're competing with the feed. | 和谈话的孔雀, 你竞争的饲料。 |
| 563 | I hate to say it, but we are we are directly competing | 我不想说 但我们是直接竞争的 |
| 564 | against the the the contagion of social media. | 反对社交媒体的蔓延 |
| 565 | And so we also have to be very emotionally contagious. | 所以我们也必须非常有情感上的传染性。 |
| 566 | So my debut book, Start With Yourself, is available now. | 所以我的首作"从你开始" 现在已经可以使用。 |
| 567 | You may have seen the headlines or the clips on social media, | 你可能看过社交媒体的头条新闻或剪辑 |
| 568 | but this book is exactly what I intended it to be. | 但这本书正是我想的 |
| 569 | It's a conversation that will make you think and a blueprint | 这是一个对话,会让你思考和蓝图 |
| 570 | for anyone pursuing success without the toxic positivity. | 对于任何追求成功而无毒药者来说 |
| 571 | Now, everywhere I go, people ask me how I got to where I am. | 现在,无论我走到哪里,人们都问我怎么走到我的位置。 |
| 572 | But what they're really asking is how they can get there, too. | 但是,他们真正要问的是,他们怎样才能到达那里。 |
| 573 | Start With Yourself is a New York Times bestseller. | "从你开始"是纽约时报的畅销书 |
| 574 | It's my answer. | 这是我的答案。 |
| 575 | And I think it will be yours, too. | 我想它也会是你的 |
| 576 | So I was just in Portland for an event at this iconic city block | 所以我刚在波特兰 在一个标志性的城市街区举行活动 |
| 577 | with color coded rooms and over a million books. | 和超过一百万本书。 |
| 578 | The place really feels like a city full of books. | 这地方真像个满满书的城市 |
| 579 | And getting to do an event there made my trip to Portland feel so special. | 在那里做一个活动 让我的波特兰之行感到很特别 |
| 580 | Then the team and I headed to Utah for another meeting. | 然后球队和我前往犹他州再开会 |
| 581 | And when I asked people for local recommendations, | 当我问人们的地方建议, |
| 582 | everyone we spoke to told us about this very popular soda shop. | 每个人,我们说话告诉我们 这个非常受欢迎的汽水店。 |
| 583 | I finally tried one. | 我终于试过了 |
| 584 | And I have to say, I was more than pleasantly surprised. | 我必须说,我非常愉快地感到惊讶。 |
| 585 | We also stopped by another local bookstore and signed copies of my book. | 我们还去另一家地方书店 签了我的书 |
| 586 | Start With Yourself. | 从你自己开始 |
| 587 | And we got to browse there for a little while. | 我们必须在那里浏览一段时间。 |
| 588 | Now, I love that feeling of a great bookstore where you can wander | 现在,我喜欢那种感觉 一个伟大的书店,你可以游荡 |
| 589 | without a plan and then just suddenly lose yourself for an hour. | 突然失去一个小时 |
| 590 | I've been traveling so much for work lately. | 我最近经常去上班 |
| 591 | And whenever I'm in a new city, I try to make the most of it | 每当我在新城市时,我都会尽量利用它 |
| 592 | and find a few local pleasures along the way. | 并找到一些本地的乐趣 沿途。 |
| 593 | If you have a busy travel schedule, I'm sure you also try to make the most | 如果你的行程安排很繁忙 我相信你也会尽量的 |
| 594 | of your time away. | 你离开的时间。 |
| 595 | And that is what is so smart about Airbnb. | 这就是Airbnb的聪明之处。 |
| 596 | You can list your space while you're away and bring in extra income | 在你离开时可以列出你的空间 并带来额外的收入 |
| 597 | to put towards your next adventure. | 来迎接你的下一个冒险 |
| 598 | Someone visiting your city gets a much more local place to land | 来你城里的人 得到一个更本地的地方登陆 |
| 599 | while they find their own favorite spots. | 他们找到自己最喜欢的斑点 |
| 600 | It's a practical way to make the most of the time that you're already away | 这是一个实用的方法 充分利用你已经离开的时间 |
| 601 | rather than letting your home just sit empty. | 而不是让你的家空着 |
| 602 | Your home might be worth more than you think. | 你的家可能比你想的更值钱 |
| 603 | 查查Airbnb dot com斜拉机主机售价多少. | |
| 604 | The thing about strength training is that effort alone is not always enough. | 关于实力训练,光靠努力是不够的。 |
| 605 | You can show up, do the workout, check the box and still not really know | 你可以现身 锻炼 检查盒子 仍然不知道 |
| 606 | if you're getting stronger in a meaningful way. | 如果你以有意义的方式变得更强 |
| 607 | That is where having a real plan matters. | 这才是真正的计划很重要的地方。 |
| 608 | The ladder app gives you structured strength training programming | 梯子应用给你结构化的实力训练程序 |
| 609 | created by certified coaches with workouts that build week after week. | 由经过认证的教练创造 每周的锻炼。 |
| 610 | So instead of starting over every time you train, each session | 所以不是每次训练都要开始,而是每次训练 |
| 611 | connects to the one before it. | 连接到它之前的那个。 |
| 612 | You know what you're working on, what weight you used last time, | 你知道你正在研究什么, 你上次用了什么重量, |
| 613 | how many reps you did and how to keep progressing. | 你做了多少代表 以及如何继续前进 |
| 614 | The in-ear coaching is also a big part of it. | 内耳教练也是其中的一大部分. |
| 615 | It talks you through the workout with form cues, reminders and motivation. | 它会用表格提示、提醒和动机 来说服你 |
| 616 | So it feels like having a coach with you while you train. | 感觉就像在训练期间有教练和你在一起 |
| 617 | Now, whether you're training at home or in the gym, | 不管是在家训练还是健身 |
| 618 | ladder has plans for different styles, Pilates, bodybuilding, dumbbells, | 梯子有计划 不同的风格, 彼拉多, 健美,哑铃, |
| 619 | hybrid strength, glute focus programs, kettlebells, prenatal, postnatal | 混合体力、重心方案、水壶、产前、产后 |
| 620 | and so much more. | 还有这么多 |
| 621 | Remove the guesswork with ladder and get a real coach in your ear | 移除梯子的猜测, 在你的耳朵里找到真正的导师 |
| 622 | telling you exactly what to do for every workout. | 告诉你每个运动都该做什么 |
| 623 | No thinking, everything planned for you. | 没有思考,一切都为你计划。 |
| 624 | If you have an iPhone, head to ladder dot fit slash aspire | 如果你有iPhone, 头到梯子点 适合斜线渴望 |
| 625 | and take a quick quiz to find your perfect ladder plan. | 快速测试 找到完美的梯子计划。 |
| 626 | Use my link and get a free seven day trial with no credit card | 用我的链接,免费的七天审判 没有信用卡 |
| 627 | and ten dollars off your first month if you join. | 如果你加入的话,第一个月的10美元。 |
| 628 | It's interesting because you did learn how bad conversation | 这很有趣,因为你确实学会了如何糟糕的谈话 |
| 629 | can actually cost you quite a lot in your career. | 你事业中会付出很多代价 |
| 630 | Well, you just talk about that, because I know you lost out on a huge opportunity. | 好吧,你只是谈论这一点, 因为我知道你失去了一个巨大的机会。 |
| 631 | And I do think it's important for people to contextualize | 我确实认为,重要的是,人们 要根据具体情况 |
| 632 | like how much being a good conversationist can be so advantageous. | 就像做一个好对话家能有多有利 |
| 633 | But equally, if it's not something you work on, it can cost you dearly. | 但是同样,如果这不是你的工作, 它会付出高昂的代价。 |
| 634 | And it will cost you when you least expect it. | 当你最不期待的时候,你会付出代价的 |
| 635 | All right. | 好吧,我们走。 |
| 636 | Even worse. | 更惨. |
| 637 | So I had a video viral. | 所以我有一个视频病毒。 |
| 638 | 我开始跟踪Instagram 当时不在 | |
| 639 | 所以它只是YouTube和Facebook。 | |
| 640 | I started getting viral and I got offered a television deal. | 我开始得到病毒, 我得到了一个电视交易。 |
| 641 | And we were had an agent, a fancy agent. | 我们有一个代理, 一个花哨的代理。 |
| 642 | And we were talking to producers. | 我们正和制片人交谈 |
| 643 | We had this whole thing set up. | 我们安排了整件事 |
| 644 | We had a really, really cool show idea based on what I was doing. | 我们有一个非常,非常酷的节目想法 基于我在做什么。 |
| 645 | And they say, you know, the big execs at the studio. | 他们说,你知道,工作室的大执行官。 |
| 646 | I will not mention the studio want to meet you just to, you know, | 我不会说工作室想见你们 只是为了... |
| 647 | just to get a little before we sign the deal. | 在签署协议前先弄点 |
| 648 | And I was really prepared for the pitch. | 我非常准备投球 |
| 649 | Of course. | 当然 |
| 650 | Right. | 对 |
| 651 | I was like, I had a slide deck with all the stuff for the show | 我当时想,我有一个滑板 与所有的东西为节目 |
| 652 | and my demographics and how we were going to hit. | 和我的人口统计 和我们打算如何打击。 |
| 653 | And like, this is a huge audience. | 观众很多 |
| 654 | I was ready for that. | 我准备好了 |
| 655 | What I was not ready for was that banter before the meeting started. | 我还没准备好在会议开始前做这个 |
| 656 | And so I get there and I was greeted by a sea of execs. | 于是我到了那里 被一群执行官迎接 |
| 657 | Right. | 对 |
| 658 | And they're like, oh, we just want to get to know you. | 他们就像,哦,我们只是想了解你。 |
| 659 | I was like, oh, because I was ready for the pitch. | 我当时想,哦, 因为我已经准备好了投球。 |
| 660 | But I wasn't ready to be known. | 但我还没准备好被认出来 |
| 661 | And I did not know how to connect quickly, quickly. | 我不知道如何快速地连接起来。 |
| 662 | I keep adding because, yeah, I can do it on a date. | 我不停地添加,因为,是的,我可以做到这一点 在约会。 |
| 663 | I could do it along with dinner with friends, but quickly with investors. | 我可以和朋友一起吃晚饭,但很快就和投资者一起吃 |
| 664 | But when it really matters and answering questions in an exciting | 但是,当它真正重要 和回答问题,令人兴奋 |
| 665 | but interesting way that's actually real and authentic is very hard. | 但有趣的方式其实是真实和真实的是非常困难的。 |
| 666 | And I was underprepared. | 我当时准备不足 |
| 667 | So we start the small talk and I know it's going badly. | 所以我们开始小谈 我知道情况很糟 |
| 668 | I know it's going badly. | 我知道情况很糟 |
| 669 | They're like, you know, so tell us, tell us about you. | 他们喜欢,你知道, 所以告诉我们, 告诉我们关于你。 |
| 670 | By the way, everyone watching, please be prepared for three questions. | 顺便说一句,大家看,请准备三个问题. |
| 671 | You should know how to answer. | 你应该知道如何回答。 |
| 672 | What's your story? | 你的故事怎么样? |
| 673 | When someone asks you, what's your story? | 当有人问你,你的故事是什么? |
| 674 | Tell me about you. | 说说你 |
| 675 | Be ready, because you're going to be asked that question | 准备好,因为你会被问到 |
| 676 | when you are not ready for it. | 当你还没准备好的时候 |
| 677 | You're going to be asked that question by someone who is very quickly. | 你会被一个很快的人 问到这个问题 |
| 678 | They're trying to gauge who are you. | 他们试图衡量你是谁。 |
| 679 | Be ready for it. | 准备好吧 |
| 680 | Second question, what do you do? | 第二个问题,你是做什么的? |
| 681 | It's it's a sneaker and we answer it apologetically. | 它是一个运动鞋,我们用波力回答它。 |
| 682 | So many people, I hear them say, oh, I'm just a little or they answer it | 这么多人,我听到他们说, 哦,我只是一点点 或者他们回答 |
| 683 | like a social script or they read the resume. | 喜欢社交剧本 或者他们读简历。 |
| 684 | More specifically, women answer it in a negative way. | 更具体地说,妇女以消极的方式回答这个问题。 |
| 685 | Do you think or am I wrong? | 你觉得我错了吗? |
| 686 | I think more specifically in an apologetic way | 我更具体地说,用一种古老的方式 |
| 687 | or in a way that they don't want to brag. | 或以他们不想吹嘘的方式。 |
| 688 | And so they undersell, they undersell themselves. | 故其下销,其下销也. |
| 689 | Right. | 对 |
| 690 | And they give it away with vocal power. | 他们用声音的力量把它送走。 |
| 691 | So I often will hear women ask what they do, not say what they do. | 所以我经常会听到女人问她们在做什么,而不是说她们做了什么。 |
| 692 | So they go up at the end of their sentence. | 故其刑终而上. |
| 693 | So instead of saying, they're asking someone, say, what do you do? | 所以,他们不是说, 他们问某人,说,你是做什么的? |
| 694 | Oh, I'm just in marketing. | 哦,我只是在营销。 |
| 695 | Do you hear me ask? | 你听到我问吗? |
| 696 | Oh, I heard it. | 我听见了 |
| 697 | So loud and clear. | 如此大声清净. |
| 698 | This is really important. | 这很重要 |
| 699 | It's really important. | 这很重要 |
| 700 | The way you say something matters just as much as what you say. | 你说话的方式和你说话一样重要 |
| 701 | But go back to those three questions. | 但是回到这三个问题。 |
| 702 | You want everyone to know what's your story. | 你想让大家知道你的故事 |
| 703 | So what's your story? | 那么,你有什么故事吗? |
| 704 | Be ready for that answer. | 准备好回答 |
| 705 | Be ready for a really tight 45 second answers. | 准备好45秒的答案 |
| 706 | It's a story with a little bit of emotion. | 以小乘情为故事. |
| 707 | What do you do? | 你们是做什么的? |
| 708 | Say it. | 说吧 |
| 709 | Don't ask it. | 不问. |
| 710 | And make sure you're giving them a hook. | 确保你给他们一个钩子。 |
| 711 | Be easy to talk to. | 易与语. |
| 712 | If you say I'm just in marketing, you just put the onus on them. | 如果你说我只是推销, 你只是把责任在他们。 |
| 713 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 714 | Now they're like, what kind of marketing, right? | 现在他们喜欢,什么样的营销,对不对? |
| 715 | Like, give us a little a little bit of story. | 给我们讲讲故事 |
| 716 | Why you love it, why you hate it, why it's embarrassing. | 你为何喜欢,为何讨厌,为何尴尬. |
| 717 | What you're working on, like something that's going to bring you, you know, | 你的工作, 像的东西会带给你,你知道, |
| 718 | the next project. | 下一个项目。 |
| 719 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 720 | Answer. | 答问. |
| 721 | We're trying to do right. | 我们在努力做正确的事情 |
| 722 | It levels up to level two if you answer with a goal. | 如果你用目标回答,它会达到二级。 |
| 723 | Right. | 对 |
| 724 | And the third one is the catch all for what's up. | 而第三则为一切如来所摄受. |
| 725 | And this is the ever changing answer. | 这是不断改变的答案。 |
| 726 | So I want you to be living a life that is so fun and so interesting | 所以我希望你过着有趣的生活 |
| 727 | and so fulfilling that that answer is always different | 如此满足 答案总是不同的 |
| 728 | and always authentic and always easy. | 永远是真实的 永远是容易的 |
| 729 | But that means watching things that other people aren't watching. | 但这意味着看别人不看的东西。 |
| 730 | That means getting off your feet. | 意思是离开你的脚。 |
| 731 | That means learning new things. | 这意味着学习新事物。 |
| 732 | That means trying new things. | 这意味着尝试新的事物。 |
| 733 | That means reading books that maybe are super weird or super out there. | 这意味着阅读书籍 也许超级怪异 或超级在那里。 |
| 734 | Being interested and interesting. | 感兴趣和有趣。 |
| 735 | I think the only way to be interesting is to live an interesting life. | 我认为唯一有趣的方法是过着有趣的生活. |
| 736 | Fact. | 事实 |
| 737 | I mean, to me, it's so simple. | 对我来说 很简单 |
| 738 | And even as you say it, it's like, I'm like, yeah. | 即便你这么说,我也一样,是的 |
| 739 | And I say that because I say that, yes, | 我这么说是因为我说,是的, |
| 740 | I want you to be conversationally charismatic. | 我希望你说话有魅力。 |
| 741 | Like, I know that if you're living an interesting life, | 我知道如果你过着有趣的生活 |
| 742 | that you're going to be interesting. | 你会很有趣的 |
| 743 | But also, I want that for you too. | 但是,我也希望你这样做。 |
| 744 | Right. | 对 |
| 745 | If you're like, I need more to talk about in my life. | 如果你喜欢,我需要更多的 谈论我的生活。 |
| 746 | If you're like, wow, I am dreading conversation. | 如果你喜欢,哇, 我害怕谈话。 |
| 747 | I find it really hard to come up with signature questions. | 我觉得很难提出签名问题 |
| 748 | And I don't have any signature questions. | 我没有签名问题 |
| 749 | If we say, OK, how could I live a life that's interesting to talk about? | 如果我们说,好吧,我怎么能过一个有趣的生活呢? |
| 750 | There's my really my secret goal there is to is to give you some more joy, | 我的秘密目标就是给你更多的快乐 |
| 751 | is to give you some more meaning, because I think that if you have meaning | 是给你更多的意义 因为我认为如果你有意义 |
| 752 | in your life of people or things that you're doing or goals that you have, | 在你的人的生活 或你正在做的事情 或你的目标, |
| 753 | it's going to come into your conversation. | 它会进入你的谈话。 |
| 754 | That's only going to benefit your conversation and yourself. | 这只会有利于你的谈话和你自己 |
| 755 | How much of that is coming from how we're living right now | 多少来自我们现在的生活 |
| 756 | at this moment in time, right? | 此时此刻,对不对? |
| 757 | Because if you do a lot of your work from home and everyone knows | 因为如果你在家做很多工作 大家都知道 |
| 758 | what I'm going to say, so like, fine, my audience understands. | 我要说什么,所以喜欢,很好,我的观众理解。 |
| 759 | But if you do a lot of your work from home or a lot of your work to a screen | 但是,如果你做了很多你的工作 从家里或很多你的工作 到屏幕 |
| 760 | and you have your food delivered to your house and therefore, | 你已把食物送到你家里, |
| 761 | like your human interactions are reasonably limited. | 就像你的人类互动是相当有限的 |
| 762 | What is that doing to our ability to have interesting conversations | 这对我们进行有趣对话的能力有什么影响? |
| 763 | and then interesting lives? | 然后是有趣的生活吗? |
| 764 | It's 80 percent of the reason why we are feeling burnt out. | 这是80%的原因 我们感到被烧焦。 |
| 765 | You're feeling bored. | 你感到无聊。 |
| 766 | We are feeling overwhelmed because the chemicals that we get from human | 我们感到不堪重负,因为我们从人类那里得到的化学物质 |
| 767 | to human connection cannot be replicated to other places. | 无法复制到其他地方。 |
| 768 | No, we don't feel loved by technology. | 不,我们不觉得被科技所爱 |
| 769 | We need to feel loved. | 我们需要感觉被爱。 |
| 770 | We don't feel understood by technology. | 我们不觉得被技术理解。 |
| 771 | AI can tell you, good job. | AI可以告诉你, 干得好。 |
| 772 | I hear you. | 我听见了 |
| 773 | But AI is not going to give you the deep feeling of feeling understood | 但AI不会给你深刻的感觉 理解 |
| 774 | by another person. | 被另一个人。 |
| 775 | It does not give you meaning. | 它没有给你意义。 |
| 776 | And so I think we have to fight this. | 所以,我认为我们必须战斗。 |
| 777 | And this is my big push is we are focused so much on our bodies. | 这就是我的大力推动,我们把精力集中在我们的身体上。 |
| 778 | And that's wonderful fitness and our health and our protocols. | 这是美妙的健身,我们的健康和我们的规程。 |
| 779 | And I love all of it. | 我喜欢这一切 |
| 780 | But we have to go to the social gym. | 但我们得去社会体育馆 |
| 781 | We are also getting conversationally flabby. | 我们说话也有点松懈 |
| 782 | We are getting socially weak. | 我们社会越来越虚弱。 |
| 783 | And we have to start thinking about conversation like reps. | 我们必须开始考虑 像代表一样的对话。 |
| 784 | The first couple of times you do a push up is really hard. | 头几次你做一个推 真的很困难。 |
| 785 | It hurts and it sucks. | 痛而烂. |
| 786 | But the more you do it, the stronger you get. | 但越多越强壮 |
| 787 | Conversation is it could be a little awkward, right? | 谈话可能有点尴尬吧? |
| 788 | Some of the tips in my book, they are not meant to make you feel comfortable. | 我书里有些小费 不是为了让你舒服 |
| 789 | Right. | 对 |
| 790 | Some of them are a little bit hard. | 有些是有点难。 |
| 791 | They take a little bit of courage. | 他们需要一点勇气。 |
| 792 | But it's the same thing as going to the gym. | 但去健身房也是一样的 |
| 793 | I also want you to just speak to the success piece of this all, | 我也希望你直言不讳地说出这一切的成功 |
| 794 | because at the top of this, and as I said to you, when I was reading your book, | 因为在这上面, 正如我告诉你, 当我读你的书, |
| 795 | I was like, wow, like the biggest moments and the biggest leaps I've taken in my | 我就像,哇, 像最大的瞬间 和最大的跃进,我在我的 |
| 796 | career have absolutely come out of like an important conversation. | 事业绝对是像重要对话一样 |
| 797 | Pitching a business, asking the people to invest in you, being able to move | 勾搭生意,叫人投资你,搬家 |
| 798 | yourself up in the world comes from you advocating for yourself, having great | 在世界上,你自己来自 你倡导自己, 拥有伟大的 |
| 799 | conversations, negotiating on your own behalf. | 对话,代表你谈判 |
| 800 | And you do that through talking. | 你通过说话来做到这一点。 |
| 801 | There is no other way. | 没有其他办法了。 |
| 802 | I have a question for you. | 我有一个问题要问你。 |
| 803 | So you have built this incredible empire. | 所以你已经建立了这个不可思议的帝国。 |
| 804 | How many of your relationships with people happened outside the boardroom? | 你和别人的关系有多少发生在董事会外? |
| 805 | Like, were you happy houring with them? | 喜欢,你高兴 小时与他们? |
| 806 | Were you going to parties with them? | 你和他们去参加派对吗? |
| 807 | Like, I wanted to ask you, like, how much of it was like casually social? | 喜欢,我想问你,喜欢, 多少是像 随便社交? |
| 808 | I would say quite a lot is casually social, but also that's my business, right? | 我想说很多是随便社交的, 但这也是我的事,对不对? |
| 809 | So in the fashion business, you'll be at a show, you'll be at an after show party. | 所以在时尚界,你会参加一个表演,你会参加一个表演后的派对. |
| 810 | You'll go and see a presentation. | 你会去看演示的 |
| 811 | Part of our work is being inspired. | 我们工作的一部分正在受到启发。 |
| 812 | So you'll go to a gallery with someone, you'll go to a concert, right? | 所以,你会去一个画廊与某人, 你会去一个音乐会,对不对? |
| 813 | It's not different. | 无异. |
| 814 | It's outside of the boardroom. | 于会堂外. |
| 815 | But it's not, but it's not. | 然则不然,则不然矣. |
| 816 | Interesting. | 有意思,这很有趣 |
| 817 | Everyone's business is social. | 每个人的生意都是社会性的. |
| 818 | I love that you say that. | 我喜欢你这么说 |
| 819 | All of our business is that. | 我们所有的事都是这样 |
| 820 | You don't have a unique business. | 你没有独特的业务。 |
| 821 | And all of those conversations that you had at a party, networking, waiting for | 你所有的谈话 在一个聚会,网络,等待 |
| 822 | the show to start, those were all going towards your investment. | 节目开始, 这些都是去你的投资。 |
| 823 | The really successful people, they are making connections out of the office | 真正成功的人 他们正在办公室里建立联系 |
| 824 | just as much as in the office. | 就像在办公室里一样 |
| 825 | They are making conversations at lunch, picking up their food when they're | 午餐时他们正在聊天 吃东西的时候 |
| 826 | walking in the building, in the elevator. | 在楼里,电梯里 |
| 827 | Like I also think what is a good elevator conversation, right? | 就像我也认为什么是 良好的电梯谈话,对不对? |
| 828 | We talk about an elevator pitch. | 我们谈论一个电梯投球。 |
| 829 | No, that is long ago, right? | 不,那是很久以前的事,对不对? |
| 830 | Like that is like old school. | 就像以前一样 |
| 831 | No, what if you're in the elevator with someone you kind of see occasionally | 不,如果你在电梯 与某人你偶尔看到 |
| 832 | or your boss, what are you saying? | 或你的老板, 你在说什么? |
| 833 | Don't ask how's it going, right? | 别问怎么样,对吧? |
| 834 | If you ask how's it going, they will not remember you. | 如果你问情况如何,他们会不记得你。 |
| 835 | What do you ask? | 你问什么? |
| 836 | Well, what's your goal, right? | 好吧,你的目标是什么,对不对? |
| 837 | What's your goal? | 你的目标是什么? |
| 838 | So if you're in an elevator with your boss, you have to ask yourself, | 所以如果你和老板在电梯里 你必须问问自己 |
| 839 | what's the goal? | 目标是什么? |
| 840 | Is the goal to get to know them more? | 更了解他们的目标吗? |
| 841 | The goal is for them to know me more. | 目标是让他们更了解我 |
| 842 | OK, OK, OK. | 好吧,好吧,好吧,好吧。 OK,OK。 |
| 843 | That's what you want. | 这就是你想要的。 |
| 844 | It's like if somebody's in the elevator with me, they need me to remember who they are. | 就像有人和我一起在电梯里 他们需要我记住他们是谁 |
| 845 | OK,OK。 OK,OK。 OK。 | |
| 846 | I have a different perspective. | 我有一个不同的视角。 |
| 847 | Oh, go on, tell me. | 哦,继续,告诉我。 |
| 848 | OK, I think that there are two different kinds of VIPs. | 好吧,我想有两种不同的贵宾。 |
| 849 | And I would consider you a VIP. | 我会把你当成贵宾 |
| 850 | I would consider any managers a VIP. | 我会认为任何经理都是贵宾 |
| 851 | The title of this chapter is how to talk to your boss or a celebrity or a VIP. | 本章的标题是如何与你的老板或名人或贵宾交谈. |
| 852 | OK, there are two types. | 好吧,有两种类型。 |
| 853 | And I've known this because I've interacted with a lot of VIPs and celebrities. | 我之所以知道这一点,是因为我和很多贵宾和名人进行了互动. |
| 854 | And you have to tell me if you agree with me. | 如果你同意的话 你得告诉我 |
| 855 | I think there are two types. | 我认为有两种类型。 |
| 856 | One are the entertainers. | 一者为娱乐者. |
| 857 | Entertainers, they love to share, right? | 娱乐者,他们喜欢分享,对不对? |
| 858 | They want to tell you the story. | 他们想告诉你这个故事。 |
| 859 | They want to make you laugh. | 他们想逗你笑 |
| 860 | They love hearing other people laugh. | 他们喜欢听别人笑 |
| 861 | They want to share something where you're like, oh, wow, oh, no way. | 他们想分享一些你喜欢的地方, 哦,哇,哦,没有办法。 |
| 862 | Right. | 对 |
| 863 | They're the sharers. | 二者为分者. |
| 864 | They love getting really good questions and having very loud listeners. | 他们喜欢得到非常好的问题 和非常响亮的听众。 |
| 865 | A loud listener is a loud laugher. | 大声听者即是大声笑者. |
| 866 | They nod a lot. | 他们经常点头 |
| 867 | They're the ones who are going, oh, no way. | 他们是那些谁要去, 哦,没有办法。 |
| 868 | Wow. | 珃 |
| 869 | Uh-huh. | 对 |
| 870 | Eyebrow raises, right? | 眉毛长高,对吧? |
| 871 | Like they're loud listeners. | 譬如声闻者. |
| 872 | The other type, I think this is actually most VIPs, bosses and celebrities | 另一种类型的,我觉得这其实是大多数贵宾,老板和名人 |
| 873 | are appreciators. | 是欣赏者。 |
| 874 | This is actually me. | 这其实是我。 |
| 875 | I would be so upset if in an elevator you asked me a hard question. | 如果你在电梯里问我一个难题 我会很生气的 |
| 876 | Really? | 真的吗? |
| 877 | I would be like, don't want to talk to her again. | 我会想,不想再和她说话了。 |
| 878 | Kind of not really. | 有点没有 |
| 879 | Because you know why? | 你知道为什么吗? |
| 880 | I am an appreciator. | 我是一个欣赏者。 |
| 881 | I just want to listen. | 我只想听听这个 |
| 882 | Yeah, fair. | 对 公平 |
| 883 | I know it's weird because I'm on a podcast, but like, I just want to hear your stories. | 我知道这很奇怪 因为我在播客, 但我只是想知道你的故事。 |
| 884 | So appreciators are the types of VIPs where they want to be entertained. | 所以欣赏者是想要娱乐的贵宾类型. |
| 885 | They want you to tell them, you to tell, what's the most interesting thing | 他们希望你告诉他们,你告诉他们, 什么是最有趣的事情 |
| 886 | that happened to you this weekend? | 这周末发生在你身上? |
| 887 | What's the funny thing? | 有什么好笑的吗? |
| 888 | What's the thing you learned about our client? | 你对我们的客户有什么了解? |
| 889 | You're not going to believe this customer review. | 你不会相信这个客户评论的 |
| 890 | You're not going to believe. | 你不会相信的 |
| 891 | Like when my team is like, oh, my gosh, the last week, one of our students | 就像我的团队就像,哦,我的天哪, 上周,我们的学生之一 |
| 892 | emailed in and she had this great success story. | 她有一个伟大的成功故事。 |
| 893 | You just made my morning. | 你刚刚做了我的早晨。 |
| 894 | But if they were like, what's your greatest success for the week? | 但是,如果他们喜欢, 什么是你最大的成功 这周? |
| 895 | You don't want that. | 你不希望这样。 |
| 896 | I don't want it because I want to listen. | 不欲因缘欲听. |
| 897 | So I actually think it is different. | 所以,我实际上认为这是不同的。 |
| 898 | And this is a nuance of conversation, right? | 这是细微的对话,对不对? |
| 899 | Like there's a little bit of nuance here. | 譬如这里有微细微微细. |
| 900 | What is your goal? | 你的目标是什么? |
| 901 | Is your goal to bond and connect? | 你的目标是连结和连接吗? |
| 902 | Is your goal to learn about them? | 你的目标是要了解他们吗? |
| 903 | Is your goal to share about you? | 你的目标就是分享你吗? |
| 904 | So I think you have to figure out. | 所以,我认为你必须想明白。 |
| 905 | You really have to figure out which one are they? | 你真的要弄清楚他们是谁吗? |
| 906 | I'm thinking about this as like my single biggest mistake | 我认为这是我最大的错误 |
| 907 | that I've ever made in conversation. | 我在谈话中做过的 |
| 908 | It's a good one. | 谓善根. |
| 909 | Tell me. | 告诉我 |
| 910 | I am obsessed. | 我很着迷。 |
| 911 | You said conversational confetti. | 你说的谈话孔雀。 |
| 912 | Oh, I did. | 瓳и暗 |
| 913 | Wait, this is the single biggest mistake I've ever made in conversation. | 等等 这是我在谈话中犯过的最大错误 |
| 914 | What is it? | 这是什么? |
| 915 | I can't believe what is it? | 我不敢相信这是什么? |
| 916 | It was Oprah Winfrey. | 是奥普拉·温弗雷 |
| 917 | But you have to understand what Oprah is for me. | 但你必须明白奥普拉对我来说是什么 |
| 918 | Like the Queen, the King, the moon, the sun, the sky. | 如太后,王,月,阳,天. |
| 919 | It's like all to itself. | 亦如一切众生自在. |
| 920 | So and here's the thing. | 事情是这样的 |
| 921 | I invited the conversation, so I'm in it. | 我邀请了谈话,所以我加入了 |
| 922 | I'm in a party. | 我在一个聚会。 |
| 923 | I'm at like some, you know, Davenfusenberg's Anger Party. | 就像达文福森伯格的愤怒派对 |
| 924 | Not not overlooked. | 没有被忽视。 |
| 925 | A party is important conversation. | 聚会是重要的对话。 |
| 926 | Not overlooked. | 没有被忽略。 |
| 927 | Right. | 对 |
| 928 | So I'm there and I'm feeling myself good. | 所以我在那里,我感觉自己很好。 |
| 929 | And Oprah walks past me because she doesn't know me. | 而奥普拉走过我 因为她不认识我 |
| 930 | And Gail kind of follows and I know Gail. | 我认识盖尔 |
| 931 | I know Gail. | 我知道盖尔。 |
| 932 | Does Oprah smell good? | 奥普拉闻起来好吗? |
| 933 | Gail很快乐 | |
| 934 | She always smells good. | 她总是闻起来很香 |
| 935 | So I say, Gail, you've got to introduce me to Oprah. | 所以我说 Gail 你得把我介绍给Oprah |
| 936 | Oprah's up the road now. | 奥普拉在路上了 |
| 937 | Right. | 对 |
| 938 | And so Gail goes, Oprah, no, no, no, no, no. | 所以盖尔去,奥普拉,不,不,不,不。 |
| 939 | I have sunglasses on. | 我戴着太阳镜 |
| 940 | She gets to me in like 30 seconds. | 她30秒后就会来找我 |
| 941 | And me, I, conversation confetti, I go blank. | 而我,我,谈话孔雀,我走空白。 |
| 942 | No, no. | 没有,没有。 |
| 943 | I have sunglasses on and I don't take the sunglasses off. | 我戴着太阳镜,不脱太阳镜 |
| 944 | No, no, I can't. | 不,不,我不能这样做。 |
| 945 | And I like kind of like maybe cry a little bit. | 我喜欢那种可能 哭一点点。 |
| 946 | And I like just because and she's holding my hand, | 我喜欢因为她握着我的手 |
| 947 | stroking my hand like poor girl. | 像可怜的女孩一样握着我的手 |
| 948 | And it was my biggest choke. | 这是我最大的窒息。 |
| 949 | So, Vanessa Van Edwards of excellence. | 所以,凡妮莎・范・爱德华兹的优秀。 |
| 950 | What should I have done? | 我该怎么办? |
| 951 | What should people do when they meet the person of their dreams? | 人遇梦中之人时如何. |
| 952 | Or indeed, if you're meeting a boss or somebody that, you know, | 或者说,如果你要去见一个老板或者某个人, 你知道, |
| 953 | you really admire and you want to make a great first impression. | 你真的很钦佩,你想要 做出一个伟大的第一印象。 |
| 954 | What should those people do? | 那些人应该怎么做? |
| 955 | OK, so one, it's OK. | 好吧,所以一个,没关系。 |
| 956 | It's OK. | 没事的 |
| 957 | I bet you she's used to it. | 我打赌她已经习惯了 |
| 958 | It wasn't OK. | 这不好。 |
| 959 | But I bet you she's used to it. | 但我打赌她已经习惯了 |
| 960 | I made up for it. | 我弥补了 |
| 961 | She was petting you, right? | 她在宠你 对吧? |
| 962 | I made up for it. | 我弥补了 |
| 963 | She was probably giving you an oxytocin. | 她可能给你注射了催产素 |
| 964 | It's OK. Silly gal. | 没事的 傻丫头 |
| 965 | She's like, stop crying on me. | 她喜欢,停止哭我。 |
| 966 | So take your sunglasses off. | 所以把墨镜脱了 |
| 967 | OK, so I think the first thing is the mistake people make is they compliment. | 好吧,所以我认为第一件事是 人们的错误是 他们恭维。 |
| 968 | And I, I, I, not like this. | 我,我,我,我,不喜欢这样。 |
| 969 | I mean, I don't, I don't. | 我的意思是,我没有,我没有。 |
| 970 | I don't like it. | 我不喜欢它。 |
| 971 | No, I love you. | 不 我爱你 |
| 972 | You're my greatest hero. | 你是我最伟大的英雄 |
| 973 | I've been waiting for you so much. | 我一直在等你这么多。 |
| 974 | I mean, what do you think? | 我的意思是,你觉得呢? |
| 975 | Oh, my gosh, my favorite thing you ever did was OK, don't do that. | 哦,我的上帝,我最喜欢的事情 你做过是OK,不要这样做。 |
| 976 | Don't do that. | 别这样 |
| 977 | And I love an authentic compliment, but I think, especially for a VIP, | 我喜欢一个真正的赞美, 但我认为,特别是对于一个贵宾, |
| 978 | it it's hard to respond to that. | 很难回应 |
| 979 | It actually puts a lot of conversation weight on them. | 这实际上给他们带来了很多对话的重担. |
| 980 | We're trying to be easy to talk to. | 我们想和他们说话 |
| 981 | OK, so one is I would actually wait on the compliment. | 好吧,所以一个是,实际上我会等待 恭维。 |
| 982 | And you have two choices. | 你有两个选择 |
| 983 | And I would I have one that I prefer. | 我希望我有一个我喜欢的。 |
| 984 | But I'm going to give you two choices. | 但我会给你两个选择。 |
| 985 | It depends if they're entertainer or appreciator. | 要看他们是艺人还是欣赏者 |
| 986 | Like, I don't know Oprah. | 像,我不知道奥普拉。 |
| 987 | Do you know if Oprah is an entertainer or appreciator? | 你知道奥普拉是艺人还是欣赏者吗? |
| 988 | She like to listen or she likes to talk. | 她喜欢听或者喜欢说话。 |
| 989 | I think she probably is an entertainer. | 我觉得她可能是一个娱乐家。 |
| 990 | OK, so for her, she can do both because she's Oprah. | 好吧,所以对于她来说,她可以 两者都因为她是奥普拉。 |
| 991 | But I would like to do whatever she wants. | 但我想做她想做的任何事。 |
| 992 | She's a goddess. | 她是一个女神。 |
| 993 | Like, that's her category. | 喜欢,这是她的类别。 |
| 994 | Right. | 对 |
| 995 | OK, so so then I would pick a context cue. | 好吧,所以我选一个背景提示。 |
| 996 | So context cues are things that you can see in conversation. | 因此背景提示是您在对话中可以看到的东西. |
| 997 | And research shows that when you can both see the same thing | 研究表明,当你都能看到同样的东西 |
| 998 | or smell the same thing or taste the same thing, it creates a shared reality. | 或闻同物或尝同物,则产生共同现实. |
| 999 | And it actually lowers the psychological pressure. | 它实际上降低了心理压力。 |
| 1000 | So if I am not sure what to say, I don't want to like inauthentically compliment. | 所以,如果我不知道该说什么, 我不想喜欢非理性的赞美。 |
| 1001 | I will create some kind of context, so it's highly specific. | 我会创造一些背景, 所以它非常具体。 |
| 1002 | So I might say, oh, my gosh, what's your favorite food here? | 所以,我可以说, 哦,我的上帝, 什么是你最喜欢的食物在这里? |
| 1003 | Or how's the wine like a very just like we're in this together? | 或酒如何像 就像我们在一起一样? |
| 1004 | It's literally saying like we're in this shared context. | 它的字面意思是,我们是在这种共同的背景。 |
| 1005 | It takes on the pressure of like, Oprah, what's your greatest memory? | 奥普拉,你最大的记忆是什么? |
| 1006 | Or the only the mistake of like, what's your one piece of career advice for me? | 或唯一的错误 像,你有什么 职业建议给我? |
| 1007 | Oh, gosh, so much pressure. | 天啊,压力太大了 |
| 1008 | So I take on the pressure, pick a context cue. | 所以,我承受压力, 选择一个背景提示。 |
| 1009 | And then if you can share a story that's going to delight and entertain them. | 如果你可以分享一个故事, 来取悦和娱乐他们。 |
| 1010 | I think that like sharing something about you or about something you've seen | 我认为这是喜欢分享的东西 关于你或你见过的东西 |
| 1011 | or something you've learned or something you've heard. | 或者你学到的东西 或者你听到的东西 |
| 1012 | Everyone likes a good story. | 每个人都喜欢好故事 |
| 1013 | Everyone likes a story. | 每个人都喜欢故事 |
| 1014 | So do it over. | 所以做它过去。 |
| 1015 | If I was if I if I actually did it over last night, | 如果我是,如果我真的这样做 昨晚, |
| 1016 | you did it because because I saw her. | 你这样做是因为我看到她。 |
| 1017 | I'm just going to show you that with Oprah. | 我要和奥普拉一起告诉你 |
| 1018 | Just hanging. | 只是挂着。 |
| 1019 | No, no, no, I just saw her. | 不,不,不,我只是看到她。 |
| 1020 | So I knew what happened because I could see her in front of me. | 所以我知道发生了什么 因为我可以在我面前看到她 |
| 1021 | So the Lucas Museum opening and I could see her in front of me. | 卢卡斯博物馆开馆时 我看见她在我面前 |
| 1022 | So I was like, think, think, think, think, think. | 所以我想,想,想,想,想,想。 |
| 1023 | And then we disappeared. | 然后我们消失了。 |
| 1024 | Then she comes towards the light, the light. | 然后她朝着光明,光明。 |
| 1025 | That's what I hear, literally. | 我从字面上听说了 |
| 1026 | But it's like, I've got time, time, time. | 但我有时间,时间,时间 |
| 1027 | And again, you know, she's a handholder. | 再说一次 她是个手持者 |
| 1028 | Wait, what are you talking about? | 等等,你在说什么? |
| 1029 | Fuck it up again. | 又他妈的了。 |
| 1030 | No, God, you don't have sunglasses on. | 不,上帝,你没有墨镜。 |
| 1031 | That's what I was thinking. | 这就是我的想法。 |
| 1032 | OK, but were you preparing a conversation? | 好吧,但是你在准备谈话吗? |
| 1033 | Start on your head. | 从头开始 |
| 1034 | Of course, absolutely. | 当然可以 |
| 1035 | Well, what were they said? | 他们说了什么? |
| 1036 | What a joy to be here. | 来此多欢喜. |
| 1037 | Can you believe what we're seeing? | 你能相信我们所看到的吗? |
| 1038 | Because we're in this museum space, you know, and I said, | 因为我们在这间博物馆里 我说 |
| 1039 | there is nowhere like this in L.A. | 洛杉矶没有这样的地方 |
| 1040 | This what a gift to the city. | 这真是给城市的礼物 |
| 1041 | And she said, what a gift. | 她说,什么是礼物。 |
| 1042 | Have you seen that? | 你见过吗? |
| 1043 | And I said, no, but did you see the Frida Kahle? | 我说,没有,但你看到芙丽达卡勒了吗? |
| 1044 | And she said, I can't wait to see you in November. | 她说,我等不及要见你了 |
| 1045 | And I said, oh, my God, bye. | 我说,哦,我的上帝,再见。 |
| 1046 | High five. | 击掌 |
| 1047 | And I walked off and I was like, yeah, that was it. | 我走了,我就像,是的,就是这样。 |
| 1048 | You did it. | 你办到了 |
| 1049 | You did a context cue. | 你做了一个背景提示。 |
| 1050 | So that's why I know you're a natural conversationalist. | 所以我才知道你是天生的对话家 |
| 1051 | That was a natural cue. | 这很自然 |
| 1052 | What do you do? | 你们是做什么的? |
| 1053 | I mean, because I feel like so many people, they're good. | 我的意思是,因为我觉得 像这么多人,他们是好的。 |
| 1054 | They get into the meeting and they've done the small talk thing. | 他们进入会议 和他们已经做了小谈话的事情。 |
| 1055 | That that kind of works out for them. | 那样对他们是可行的 |
| 1056 | So how do you redirect a meeting that's going nowhere | 所以,你如何引导一个会议 没有结果 |
| 1057 | without embarrassing the person that's actually leading? | 而不是让真正领先的人尴尬? |
| 1058 | OK, so I think it's really good to have phrases in your back pocket, | 好吧,所以我觉得这是真的好 有短语在你的后口袋, |
| 1059 | like planning phrases. | 像规划短语。 |
| 1060 | So first of all, there's a couple of things that can come up in meetings. | 所以,首先,有一些事情可以出现在会议中. |
| 1061 | One, you don't have time for small talk. | 一,你没时间闲谈. |
| 1062 | So this is the first transition. | 所以这是第一个过渡。 |
| 1063 | Like people are in small talk. | 就像人们在闲聊 |
| 1064 | You want to skip small talk. | 你想跳过小说 |
| 1065 | You can actually say, I trust all is well with you. | 你可以说 我相信一切都很好 |
| 1066 | Trust all is good with you. | 信任一切对你有好处。 |
| 1067 | So you can actually skip small talk with a positive statement. | 这样你就可以用正面的语句跳过小说。 |
| 1068 | If you're in the meeting and you need a transition, | 如果你在开会,你需要过渡, |
| 1069 | what you want to do here is address the emotion and then give the next step. | 你想在这里做的是 解决情绪 然后给出下一步。 |
| 1070 | You have full permission to acknowledge the emotion. | 你完全可以承认这种情感 |
| 1071 | Move it on. | 快点 |
| 1072 | In fact, we see that as high competence. | 事实上,我们认为这是高能力。 |
| 1073 | So remember how we talked to the very beginning about charisma is warmth | 所以,记住我们是如何谈论 一开始关于魅力是温暖的 |
| 1074 | and competence. | 和权限。 |
| 1075 | Yes, this is where that comes in. | 对,就是这里 |
| 1076 | OK, you're in a meeting. | 好吧,你在开会。 |
| 1077 | You need to transition off something bad, off something good. | 你需要从坏东西, 从好东西。 |
| 1078 | You transition into metrics into productivity, warmth and competence, warmth, | 你向生产力、温暖和能力、温暖过渡 |
| 1079 | gratitude. | 谢谢 |
| 1080 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| 1081 | That was great. | 这是伟大的。 |
| 1082 | That was productive. | 这是富有成效的。 |
| 1083 | That was relieving or whatever. | 这是缓解什么的。 |
| 1084 | And now competence. | 而现在的能力。 |
| 1085 | We have a plan. | 我们有计划了 |
| 1086 | Let's go to this on the agenda. | 于此议论. |
| 1087 | Let's go next. | 下一个吧 |
| 1088 | You want to pair that formula all the time, all the time in conversation, | 你总是想把配方配对 总是在交谈 |
| 1089 | also even in your slides. | 即使在幻灯片中。 |
| 1090 | Right. | 对 |
| 1091 | So I'm doing a lot of presenting. | 所以我做了很多介绍。 |
| 1092 | I'm doing a lot of pitching. | 我在做很多投球比赛 |
| 1093 | That's most of my work. | 这是我大部分的工作。 |
| 1094 | I will even have a warm side and a competent side warm transition. | 我甚至会有一个温暖的一面 和一个称职的一面 温暖的过渡。 |
| 1095 | Thank you for that. | 谢谢你 |
| 1096 | And then competence. | 然后是能力。 |
| 1097 | You can always be pairing warmth and competence together. | 你永远可以把温暖和才能结合起来 |
| 1098 | So let's make this a little bit about work, because if you walk into a meeting | 我们来谈谈工作,因为如果你走进一个会议 |
| 1099 | where nobody knows you, what are people deciding about you | 在没有人认识你的地方 人们在决定你 |
| 1100 | before you're like before you've even made a point before you've opened your mouth? | 在你还没开口之前就说过话吗? |
| 1101 | Yes. | 对 |
| 1102 | So they are deciding first warmth. | 因此,他们决定 首先温暖。 |
| 1103 | Warmth actually comes first. | 温暖其实是第一。 |
| 1104 | Warmth signals are important in the first few seconds. | 温暖的信号在头几秒钟很重要. |
| 1105 | So we talk about impressions. | 所以我们谈论印象。 |
| 1106 | Really, we only have a first few the first few seconds. | 真的,我们只有头几秒钟。 |
| 1107 | Some people even say it's less than a second. | 有人甚至说这还不到一秒 |
| 1108 | Meaning you have to very quickly signal openness. | 意味着你必须迅速发出公开信号。 |
| 1109 | So there's a couple of nonverbal ways that we do this. | 所以有几种非语言的方法,我们这样做。 |
| 1110 | So I like to be hands first. | 所以我喜欢先做手 |
| 1111 | So on every Zoom call, on every meeting, even when we just met, | 每当Zoom的呼唤,每次见面, 即使我们刚刚见面, |
| 1112 | I was like, oh, my gosh, so good to see you. | 哦,我的天啊,很高兴见到你。 |
| 1113 | And then we went in for I think we hugged. | 然后我们进去,我想我们拥抱。 |
| 1114 | Right. | 对 |
| 1115 | So hands first. | 故先手执. |
| 1116 | So the moment you walk into a room, the moment you have on video, signal your palm. | 所以,当你走进一个房间的时候, 当你有视频的时候, 表示你的手掌。 |
| 1117 | I love an open palm. | 我喜欢张开的手掌 |
| 1118 | It's kind of like the window to the soul. | 有点像灵魂之窗 |
| 1119 | Second is you want to make eye contact, especially those first few seconds. | 第二,你想进行眼睛接触, 特别是头几秒钟。 |
| 1120 | It produces oxytocin. | 它产生催产素. |
| 1121 | So oxytocin is the chemical of connection. | 所以催产素是连接的化学物质. |
| 1122 | There's a lot of things in our body, but for our personal purposes. | 我们身体里有很多东西 但是为了个人目的 |
| 1123 | And then if you can do some kind of physical greeting, that's always good. | 如果你能做一些身体上的问候, 那总是好的。 |
| 1124 | A handshake, cheek kiss, high five, fist bump, hug. | 握手 脸颊吻 击掌 拳头 拥抱 |
| 1125 | All good. | 没事了 |
| 1126 | And then your opening line, specifically your first five words. | 然后,你的开场白, 特别是你的第一个五个字。 |
| 1127 | I want us to be purposeful with our first five words. | 欲以初五句为意. |
| 1128 | So often we throw these away or we ask them, we throw them away. | 我们常常扔掉这些东西 或者问他们,我们扔掉它们 |
| 1129 | So happy to be here. | 很高兴在这里。 |
| 1130 | Do I look happy to be here? | 我在这里很开心吗? |
| 1131 | So we either start on autopilot, which is off. | 所以我们要么开始自动驾驶, 关闭。 |
| 1132 | So we'll say, hey, everyone, so happy to be here. | 所以我们会说,嘿,大家, 很高兴在这里。 |
| 1133 | But we don't look happy to be here. | 但是我们在这里并不高兴。 |
| 1134 | That immediately signals an authenticity. | 这立即表明真实性 |
| 1135 | So if you're not actually happy to be there, don't say it. | 所以,如果你真的不高兴 在那里,不要说出来。 |
| 1136 | I would rather you be radically honest and pretend that you're happy to be there. | 我宁愿你完全诚实 假装你很高兴在场 |
| 1137 | So if you're actually happy to be there, make it sound like you're happy to be there. | 所以,如果你真的很高兴在那里, 使它听起来像 你很高兴在那里。 |
| 1138 | Second, your first five words should be purposeful. | 二汝初五句应具足意. |
| 1139 | It should not be apologizing. | 它不应该是道歉。 |
| 1140 | It should not be hedging. | 它不应该是套期保值。 |
| 1141 | It should not be qualifying. | 它不应具有资格。 |
| 1142 | And you have to state them, not ask them. | 你要说清楚,不要问 |
| 1143 | We briefly talked about earlier asking, especially your name. | 我们简短地谈到早些时候的询问,特别是你的名字。 |
| 1144 | If someone you walk into a meeting, you say, hi, my name is Vanessa. | 如果你走进一个会议,你说,你好,我的名字是Vanessa。 |
| 1145 | In our brain, when we hear an accidental question | 在我们的大脑, 当我们听到一个意外的问题 |
| 1146 | inflection used on a statement, it reminds us of liars. | 声明中使用的词句让我们想起骗子。 |
| 1147 | So liars accidentally use the question inflection because they're asking, | 所以,骗子不小心用 问题错误,因为他们问, |
| 1148 | do you believe me? | 你相信我吗? |
| 1149 | So that's why we get that spidey sense around people who are like, what? | 这就是为什么我们得到 spidey感 周围的人喜欢,什么? |
| 1150 | It's because our brain hears the question inflection. | 因为我们的大脑能听到这个问题 |
| 1151 | So liars will often go, no, because they're actually asking, do you believe me? | 所以骗子经常去,不, 因为他们实际上在问,你相信我吗? |
| 1152 | Like, if I ask my daughter, did you take that cookie and she goes, no? | 喜欢,如果我问我女儿, 你拿了饼干 她去,不是吗? |
| 1153 | Yeah, she did. | 是的,她这样做。 |
| 1154 | Right. | 对 |
| 1155 | So we know this instinctively. | 所以我们本能地知道这一点。 |
| 1156 | So if you're asking your own name, | 所以如果你问自己的名字, |
| 1157 | you're asking the point of the meeting, you're asking your greeting. | 你问会议要点,你问问好. |
| 1158 | You've lost your authority. | 你失去了你的权威。 |
| 1159 | You've lost your competence. | 你失去了你的能力。 |
| 1160 | Right. | 对 |
| 1161 | You're actually putting their brain into more of a suspicious place | 你居然把他们的大脑放到一个可疑的地方 |
| 1162 | rather than an open place. | 而不是一个开放的地方。 |
| 1163 | So first signaling warmth, then signaling competence | 所以首先表示温暖,然后表示能力 |
| 1164 | and making those first few words purposeful. | 并让这些开头的几个词有目的。 |
| 1165 | I also think this cuts down awkwardness. | 我也觉得这能减少尴尬 |
| 1166 | Like if I'm about to walk into a meeting, usually I used to be | 就像我要走进一个会议, 通常我曾经是 |
| 1167 | thinking about like my inbox, my tasks, the pitch. | 想想我的收件箱 任务 投球 |
| 1168 | No, no. | 没有,没有。 |
| 1169 | Just think about your first five words. | 思惟前五句义. |
| 1170 | I like gratitude. | 我喜欢感谢 |
| 1171 | Oh, thanks so much for making this work. | 哦,非常感谢你做这个工作。 |
| 1172 | Thanks so much for having me. | 谢谢你邀请我 |
| 1173 | I'm always grateful. | 我总是感激不尽 |
| 1174 | I don't I don't walk into rooms I'm not grateful for. | 我不走进不感激的房间 |
| 1175 | So you're grateful to be there. | 所以,你感激 在那里。 |
| 1176 | Right. | 对 |
| 1177 | So like that's a that's a bar for me is like, if I cannot be grateful | 对我来说就像酒吧 如果我不能感激的话 |
| 1178 | for this meeting or meeting this person, I shouldn't be doing it. | 我不应该这么做 |
| 1179 | So I always know that gratitude is authentic. | 所以我一直知道 感激是真实的。 |
| 1180 | That doesn't always work for folks. | 这对人们并不总是可行的。 |
| 1181 | So if you're grateful, right, if you want to be productive, that's also good. | 因此,如果你感激,对, 如果你想要生产, 那也是好的。 |
| 1182 | Excited for this productive meeting. | 为这次富有成效的会议而兴奋。 |
| 1183 | Excited to get to get this done. | 很高兴能完成这一切 |
| 1184 | Excited to know you. | 很高兴认识你。 |
| 1185 | Right. | 对 |
| 1186 | So I think you can pick the words that you want to showcase. | 所以,我认为你可以选择你想展示的词。 |
| 1187 | I love that first five words is really strong. | 我喜欢前面五个字真的很强壮 |
| 1188 | First five words and first question. | 初五句而初问. |
| 1189 | All right. | 好吧,我们走。 |
| 1190 | First five words. | 初结五句. |
| 1191 | First, first question. | 第一,第一问. |
| 1192 | What happens because it does happen when you just lose the room | 因为失去房间会怎样? |
| 1193 | that you and you're looking around and people are on their phone | 你和你到处看 人们在打电话 |
| 1194 | and they're not, you know, feeling the presentation. | 他们没有,你知道, 感觉演示。 |
| 1195 | How do you bring everybody back in? | 你怎么把所有人都带回来? |
| 1196 | So is this during a chit chat session or during your presentation? | 那么这是在聊天时还是在演讲时? |
| 1197 | Like during a presentation. | 就像在演讲时 |
| 1198 | Oh, well, you got to prepare for those. | 哦,好吧,你得准备这些。 |
| 1199 | So, you know, you know, you've lost people. | 所以,你知道,你知道, 你失去了人。 |
| 1200 | You usually see it non verbally first, right? | 你通常先不口头地看,对吧? |
| 1201 | So nonverbal disengagement looks a certain way. | 所以,非语言脱离接触看起来是某种方式。 |
| 1202 | You know what this looks like? | 你知道这看起来像什么吗? |
| 1203 | It's glassy eyes. | 以玻璃为眼. |
| 1204 | Yes. | 对 |
| 1205 | It's peeking over at your computer. | 它在偷看你的电脑 |
| 1206 | It's that lean back, sit back block. | 是那个靠后,坐到后面的街区。 |
| 1207 | So lean back, sit back, block is someone leaning back in their chair. | 所以,靠后,坐后, 块是有人靠后 在他们的椅子上。 |
| 1208 | They're usually blocking their body. | 他们通常会挡住身体. |
| 1209 | They often have a blocking behavior on their face. | 他们的脸上经常有阻塞行为. |
| 1210 | They're covering their mouth with their eyes. | 以眼盖口. |
| 1211 | By the way, watch out for when someone's covering their mouth or their eyes. | 顺便说一句,当有人遮住嘴或眼睛时要小心. |
| 1212 | It's either a blocking gesture in discomfort so that something you said | 要么是一种令人不适的阻塞手势 这样你才会说 |
| 1213 | they don't like, like, for example, we we tend to eye block like rubber eyes. | 他们不喜欢,比如说,我们喜欢像橡皮眼一样的凝视。 |
| 1214 | I'm not going to touch my eyes now because I have too much cute makeup on. | 我现在不会碰眼睛 因为我的化妆太可爱了 |
| 1215 | But if you rub your eyes, it's usually a sign that you don't want to see something | 但是,如果你擦眼睛, 这通常是一个迹象,你不想看到的东西 |
| 1216 | like little kids when you give them bad news, they have eyes. | 就像小孩子们,当你给他们坏消息, 他们有眼睛。 |
| 1217 | True. | 没错 |
| 1218 | Right. | 对 |
| 1219 | So we have the same thing as as humans. | 所以,我们和人类有相同的东西。 |
| 1220 | If you see someone suddenly block or cover their eyes, | 如果你看到有人突然挡住或遮住眼睛 |
| 1221 | they're either embarrassed or uncomfortable. | 他们不是尴尬就是不舒服 |
| 1222 | Same thing with the mouth as we will typically cover our mouth | 和我们一般的嘴一样 |
| 1223 | when we're trying to hold something back. | 当我们试图阻止的东西。 |
| 1224 | So watch out for those signals. | 注意那些信号 |
| 1225 | And then you have a choice. | 然后你有一个选择。 |
| 1226 | I like to address it. | 我喜欢谈论它。 |
| 1227 | So if that person is engaged with you, I will make them | 所以如果那个人和你订婚了 我会让他们 |
| 1228 | a I will give them a lot more eye contact. | a 我会给他们更多的眼睛接触。 |
| 1229 | So oxytocin is energizing. | 所以催产素正在激化。 |
| 1230 | Right. | 对 |
| 1231 | So if I'm suddenly making eye contact with you, you're like, oh, oh, hello. | 所以,如果我突然 与你的眼睛接触, 你就像,哦,哦,你好。 |
| 1232 | Someone's saying hello to me. | 有人向我问好. |
| 1233 | I will often get physically closer to them, like not in a weird way. | 我会经常接近他们 而不是用奇怪的方式 |
| 1234 | But like if I'm presenting and I can sort of walk towards them, towards the | 但是,如果我展示 我可以走在他们身边,走向 |
| 1235 | in the boardroom, I will get physically closer to them because we know | 在会议室,我会 身体接近他们,因为我们知道 |
| 1236 | 这叫做proxemics。 | |
| 1237 | When someone closes the space, our brains like, oh, pay attention. | 当有人关闭空间, 我们的大脑喜欢,哦,注意。 |
| 1238 | They can reach out and touch me. | 他们可以伸手摸我 |
| 1239 | They reach out and high five me. | 他们伸手打我五个人 |
| 1240 | So our brain like kind of leans into that. | 所以,我们的大脑 像一种倾斜。 |
| 1241 | And then you probably need a vocal tone change. | 那你可能需要改变声调 |
| 1242 | So vocal tone change. | 所以声调改变。 |
| 1243 | Right now, I'm in explanation tone. | 我现在在解释语气 |
| 1244 | But what if just what if I went into this tone? | 但如果我进入这种语气怎么办? |
| 1245 | Now, I have to share something. | 现在,我必须分享一些东西。 |
| 1246 | It's it's really personal. | 这是真正的个人。 |
| 1247 | I used to really struggle with over talking. | 我经常因为说话而挣扎 |
| 1248 | Now I'm in a storytelling tone change. | 现在我正在改变讲故事的语气。 |
| 1249 | Right. | 对 |
| 1250 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1251 | So you need to practice the different ways you deliver. | 所以,你需要练习 不同的方式你交付。 |
| 1252 | Watch TED Talks, for example. | 例如,观看TED演讲。 |
| 1253 | There's a TED Talk tone. | 有一个TED演讲的基调。 |
| 1254 | You notice this? | 你注意到了吗? |
| 1255 | Yeah, absolutely. | 当然 |
| 1256 | Here's what it sounds like. | 这里听起来是这样的。 |
| 1257 | Ready today. | 今天准备好了 |
| 1258 | We're going to talk about a big idea. | 我们要谈一个大主意。 |
| 1259 | I'm going to break it down to three different things that are going to change | 我要把它分解成三个不同的东西 将会改变 |
| 1260 | ネ | |
| 1261 | Right. | 对 |
| 1262 | Like we know that tone is high competent. | 就像我们知道这种语气很能干 |
| 1263 | We're like, ah, we're in presentation mode. | 我们像,啊,我们正在展示模式。 |
| 1264 | So what do you do? | 那你怎么办? |
| 1265 | You suggest people practice at home. | 你建议人们在家里练习 |
| 1266 | I suggest people break their presentations. | 我建议人们打破他们的演讲。 |
| 1267 | This is really advanced. | 这真的很先进。 |
| 1268 | If you really want to be an excellent presenter, | 如果你真的想成为一个优秀的演讲人 |
| 1269 | I suggest you break your presentation or your pitch into warmth and competence. | 我建议你打破你的演讲 或你的投球进入温暖和能力。 |
| 1270 | And you should be bouncing between the two. | 而你应该弹出 在两者之间。 |
| 1271 | And the really good shark tank pitches. | 和真正的好鲨鱼罐子。 |
| 1272 | I love watching shark tank love the really good shark tank pitches. | 我喜欢看鲨鱼坦克 喜欢真正的好鲨鱼坦克投球。 |
| 1273 | What they're doing is they're taking on an emotional journey. | 他们正在做的是 他们正在经历一段情感的旅程 |
| 1274 | They usually start with something like this. | 他们通常从这样开始 |
| 1275 | Sharks today, I'm going to and they have competence. | 今天的鲨鱼,我要去 他们有能力。 |
| 1276 | They're that confident shark tone. | 他们就是那种自信的鲨鱼语气 |
| 1277 | And then you'll notice about 30 seconds in a minute and they'll go into warmth. | 然后你会在一分钟内注意到大约30秒,它们就会进入温暖状态. |
| 1278 | My journey started when I was a child. | 我从小就开始旅行了 |
| 1279 | And you're like, oh, warmth. | 你就像,哦,温暖。 |
| 1280 | And then their story gets a little bit boring. | 然后他们的故事变得有点无聊。 |
| 1281 | And they go. | 他们走了。 |
| 1282 | But then I launched my first product. | 但后来我推出了我的第一个产品. |
| 1283 | And we had 600 sales competence. | 我们有600个销售能力。 |
| 1284 | Then I brought my wife into the business warmth. | 然后我把妻子带进店里去 |
| 1285 | Then we got our first customer warmth. | 然后我们得到了我们的第一个客户温暖。 |
| 1286 | Then we had these sales numbers competence. | 然后我们有了这些销售号码的能力。 |
| 1287 | That is what they're doing. | 这就是他们在做什么。 |
| 1288 | Really good TED talks, really good shark tank pitches. | TED讲得非常好, 鲨鱼罐子的投注也不错。 |
| 1289 | We actually coded this. | 我们实际上编码了这个。 |
| 1290 | We analyzed four hundred ninety five shark tank pitches. | 我们分析了四百九十五个鲨鱼罐头 |
| 1291 | Jose Pina, my team member, helped me analyze them. | Jose Pina,我的团队成员, 帮我分析它们。 |
| 1292 | And we saw that they were actually dialing up and down emotion. | 我们看到,他们实际上正在拨动情绪。 |
| 1293 | They were doing it nonverbally and verbally. | 他们用非言语和口头方式做 |
| 1294 | So this is nuanced. | 所以这是细微的。 |
| 1295 | But can you bring in warmth, warmth, our stories, case studies, | 但是,你能带来温暖,温暖, 我们的故事,案例研究, |
| 1296 | personal history, even success stories, warmth, gifts, funny gifts in your slides, | 个人历史 甚至成功的故事 温暖 礼物 滑稽的礼物 |
| 1297 | a joke, passing something out, touching something that the shark tank pitches | 一个笑话,传递的东西出来, 触摸的东西,鲨鱼的坦克投出 |
| 1298 | that had interaction, any kind of interaction did better | 有互动, 任何类型的互动都做得更好 |
| 1299 | because they're immediately warm. | 因为他们马上会暖和 |
| 1300 | It's like touching something or giving something. | 这就像触摸某样东西或者给某样东西。 |
| 1301 | And then competence, data, research, numbers, budgets, charts, glasses. | 然后能力,数据,研究,数字,预算,图表,眼镜。 |
| 1302 | Glasses are actually seen as competent. | 眼镜实际上被视为有能力。 |
| 1303 | You should have a balance. | 你应该有一个平衡。 |
| 1304 | Wearing glasses, wearing glasses. | 戴眼镜 戴眼镜 |
| 1305 | Yeah, we actually see people who wear glasses, hair and competence, | 是的,我们实际上看到的人 谁戴眼镜, 头发和能力, |
| 1306 | which is so silly. | 这太傻了 |
| 1307 | So we can plan for this. | 这样我们就可以计划一下了 |
| 1308 | Really good presenters are. | 真正的好介绍者是。 |
| 1309 | And it's not by accident. | 且不为偶然. |
| 1310 | I think that if we can plan out warmth and competence, | 我认为,如果我们能规划出温暖和能力, |
| 1311 | you're actually just being easier to listen to. | 其实你只是更容易听。 |
| 1312 | That's all this is, is you want to be make it so that someone's cognitive load is low. | 这就是所有这一切, 你想做它 这样一个人的认知负载低。 |
| 1313 | They can only take one mode for so long. | 他们只能用一个模式 这么久。 |
| 1314 | And that's just that. | 就是这样 |
| 1315 | Right. | 对 |
| 1316 | So say I'm sitting next to someone that can completely change the trajectory | 所以说我坐在一个可以完全改变轨迹的人旁边 |
| 1317 | of my career. | 我的职业。 |
| 1318 | How can I have a conversation with that person | 我怎么能和那个人谈话 |
| 1319 | without making it feel like overly transactional? | 而不让它觉得过度交易? |
| 1320 | So I like radical honesty. | 所以我喜欢激进的诚实。 |
| 1321 | So sometimes in those situations, I like to call it out. | 因此,有时在那种情况下,我爱叫它出来。 |
| 1322 | Right. | 对 |
| 1323 | Like if you're with someone who can change the trajectory of your career, | 就像你和可以改变职业生涯轨迹的人在一起 |
| 1324 | I think you can say something like, you know, | 我想你可以说一些类似,你知道的, |
| 1325 | I've been so looking forward to this conversation. | 我一直期待着这次谈话 |
| 1326 | Thank you so much for staying down with me. | 谢谢你陪我 |
| 1327 | This could kind of change the trajectory of my life. | 这可能会改变我的生活轨迹 |
| 1328 | So no pressure. | 所以没有压力。 |
| 1329 | Like, I think you can be played. | 喜欢,我觉得你可以被玩。 |
| 1330 | So that's that's option one is like be very radically honest with it. | 所以,这就是选择之一 就像非常诚实地对待它。 |
| 1331 | Be very playful. | 玩得开心点 |
| 1332 | That works for me. | 这对我来说是可行的。 |
| 1333 | Have you ever done that? | 你做过吗? |
| 1334 | I mean, in your pivotal moments, are you usually that honest | 我的意思是,在你的关键时刻, 你通常那么诚实 |
| 1335 | or are you going for banter? | 还是你要去吃甜点? |
| 1336 | I'm that honest every day. | 我每天都那么诚实 |
| 1337 | Pivotal moment or not. | 关键的时刻与否。 |
| 1338 | I just that's just who I am. | 我只是我是谁。 |
| 1339 | I think that that's the better way, because usually someone knows it. | 我觉得这样更好 因为通常有人知道 |
| 1340 | Like if someone is sitting with you and they know they can change | 就像有人坐在你旁边 他们知道他们可以改变 |
| 1341 | the trajectory of your career, let's just call it out. | 你职业生涯的轨迹,让我们叫它出来。 |
| 1342 | Yes. | 对 |
| 1343 | And the research backs us up to is radical transparency is also vulnerable. | 研究支持我们 激进的透明度也是脆弱的。 |
| 1344 | And we like vulnerability. | 我们喜欢脆弱。 |
| 1345 | It skips levels. | 它跳过水平。 |
| 1346 | Right. | 对 |
| 1347 | If you go right into like, oh, let's let's do the bad. | 如果你直接进入,哦, 让我们做坏。 |
| 1348 | I like to do bad and then good. | 我喜欢做坏事然后好。 |
| 1349 | You sit down with, let's say, an investor. | 你和投资者坐下来 |
| 1350 | Right. | 对 |
| 1351 | Who who who would you like to who does your ideal person? | 你希望谁做你理想的人? |
| 1352 | Like, what's the person who could change their trajectory? | 比如说,能改变轨迹的人是谁? |
| 1353 | Is it an investor? | 是投资人吗? |
| 1354 | Let's say it's an investor or it's somebody very senior in a company, | 假设是投资人还是公司高层 |
| 1355 | you know, a powerful person, because I think the power plays | 你知道,一个强大的人, 因为我认为权力发挥 |
| 1356 | into so much of these so much. | 这么多的这些。 |
| 1357 | And powerful people know they're powerful. | 而强人知其强. |
| 1358 | Yes, they do. | 是的,他们这样做。 |
| 1359 | Typically. | 通常情况下 |
| 1360 | And if you were to stand with them and be like, so how was your weekend? | 如果你和他们站在一起,你周末怎么样? |
| 1361 | It it's just it's not very real. | 谓非实相. |
| 1362 | And also it kind of puts the pressure on them. | 也有点给他们带来压力。 |
| 1363 | I would rather be like, well, I've been looking forward to this my whole life. | 我宁愿喜欢,嗯,我一直期待着 我的整个生活。 |
| 1364 | I'm I'm I'm grateful this opportunity | 我很感激这个机会 |
| 1365 | could change the structure of my whole life. | 可以改变我一生的结构 |
| 1366 | I really want to get to my goal today is and then skip to level two. | 我真的想达到今天的目标 然后跳到第二级 |
| 1367 | Level two is goals. | 二级是目标。 |
| 1368 | So if you skip to, you know, my goal today is to get to know you. | 所以如果你跳过,你知道, 我今天的目标是 要了解你。 |
| 1369 | Or my goal today is to show you why this is the best investment | 或者我今天的目标是告诉你 为什么这是最好的投资 |
| 1370 | you could possibly make. | 你可能会做。 |
| 1371 | Or my goal today is to really connect with you. | 或者我今天的目标是 真正与你联系。 |
| 1372 | It's just for us to get to know each other. | 只为我们相识. |
| 1373 | Share your goal right at the start, because then you skip the level. | 在开始的时候分享你的目标,因为你跳过了关卡。 |
| 1374 | You don't have to go through those horrible level one niceties. | 你不必经历那些可怕的一级美人 |
| 1375 | And it's important to make yourself more memorable. | 而且重要的是要让自己更难忘. |
| 1376 | I think so. | 我想是这样。 |
| 1377 | And this is where emotion comes in. | 这就是情感的产生。 |
| 1378 | Right. | 对 |
| 1379 | If you are asking socially autopilot questions, | 如果你问社会自动驾驶问题 |
| 1380 | you are less memorable. | 你不太难忘 |
| 1381 | If you are preparing stories, but also emotion frames, | 如果你正在准备故事,但也有情感框架, |
| 1382 | you become a memorable. | 你变得难忘 |
| 1383 | And this is also level three. | 这也是第三级。 |
| 1384 | So level three is where real memorability happens. | 所以第三级是真正记忆力发生的地方. |
| 1385 | Level three is the last one we haven't talked about it yet. | 3级是最后一个我们还没讨论到的 |
| 1386 | It's called self narrative. | 名为自说. |
| 1387 | This is the story you tell yourself about yourself. | 这就是你对自己说的故事 |
| 1388 | You know what really powerful people like? | 你知道什么是真正强大的人喜欢? |
| 1389 | A story. | 一个故事 |
| 1390 | Because all people like a story. | 因为所有人都喜欢故事 |
| 1391 | So I think we make the mistake sometimes of sticking to business. | 所以我觉得我们有时候会犯坚持商业的错误。 |
| 1392 | But as I say, there's really no just sticking to business. | 但是,正如我所说,真的没有 只是坚持业务。 |
| 1393 | We like people where we are part of their story. | 我们喜欢那些属于我们的人 |
| 1394 | So sharing what is your hero's journey | 分享你的英雄之旅 |
| 1395 | that is going to hook a powerful person in because it's real. | 那会勾引一个强大的人 因为它是真实的。 |
| 1396 | It's really your story. | 这真的是你的故事。 |
| 1397 | But also they want to be on the journey with you. | 但他们也想跟你一起旅行 |
| 1398 | They want to root for you. | 他们想为你加油 |
| 1399 | The mistake that I think really smart people make, | 我觉得聪明人犯了一个错误 |
| 1400 | and these are most of my students, is it's all numbers. | 这些是我的大多数学生,都是数字。 |
| 1401 | And the worst shark tank pitches are these. | 最糟糕的鲨鱼罐就是这些。 |
| 1402 | It's all about the pitch, all about the numbers. | 皆以投子为主,以数为主. |
| 1403 | There's no history. | 没有历史. |
| 1404 | And usually the first question a shark asks is like, | 通常鲨鱼问的第一个问题是 |
| 1405 | can you just tell me about you? | 你能跟我说说你吗? |
| 1406 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1407 | Or how did you get started? | 或者你是怎么开始的? |
| 1408 | Like, that's why they're asking those questions, | 所以他们才问那些问题 |
| 1409 | because they're like, give me warmth, get me your get me your story. | 因为他们喜欢,给我温暖, 给我你的故事。 |
| 1410 | So this is the real challenge with that powerful person or in any conversation. | 所以,这是真正的挑战 与那个有权势的人 或在任何谈话。 |
| 1411 | Can you bring up your career self narrative? | 你能提起你的事业自我陈述吗? |
| 1412 | What is the story you're telling yourself about yourself? | 你对自己讲的故事是什么? |
| 1413 | What is the story of your career? | 你职业生涯的故事是什么? |
| 1414 | And how could this person play an essential role in it? | 这个人怎么会在其中扮演重要角色? |
| 1415 | Where are you in your journey? | 你在哪里 你的旅程吗? |
| 1416 | Are you in the climb? | 你在爬山吗? |
| 1417 | Are you at the top? | 你在顶端吗? |
| 1418 | Are you at the bottom? | 你在底部吗? |
| 1419 | We understand psychologically as humans that everyone should be on a hero's journey. | 我们作为人类从心理上理解,每个人都应该踏上英雄的旅程. |
| 1420 | If you bring them into that story, they are much more likely to root for you. | 如果你让他们进入那个故事, 他们更可能为你扎根。 |
| 1421 | I get that. | 我懂了,我懂你说什么 I get that. |
| 1422 | But how do you I mean, maybe again, | 但你是什么意思,也许, |
| 1423 | I might just be too English and too polite, | 我可能太英国了,太礼貌了 |
| 1424 | but how would you get someone to trust you without, like, oversharing? | 但你怎么能让别人信任你 而不是过度分享? |
| 1425 | Because there is that line, right? | 因为有这条线,对不对? |
| 1426 | You're still in a professional conversation. | 你还在专业对话中 |
| 1427 | You're like, yes. | 你喜欢,是的。 |
| 1428 | Oh, so horrible. | 哦,太可怕了。 这么恐怖。 |
| 1429 | OK, here's the difference. | 好吧,这是区别。 |
| 1430 | Here's the difference. | 如下分别. |
| 1431 | I'm going to do the bad version. I'm going to do the good version. | 我会做坏的版本。 我会做一个很好的版本。 |
| 1432 | So say, tell me about your business. | 跟我说说你的生意 |
| 1433 | Oh, I'm going to tell you. | 哦,我要告诉你。 |
| 1434 | Tell me about your business. | 跟我说说你的生意 |
| 1435 | Well, I you know, I'm so sorry. | 对不起 |
| 1436 | I'm so nervous. | 我很紧张 |
| 1437 | You know, I I just never thought I could do it. | 你知道,我只是从来没有想过 我可以做到这一点。 |
| 1438 | And I really struggle with imposter syndrome. | 我和冒牌货的症候群很矛盾 |
| 1439 | And so I started my business really despite all my imposter syndrome. | 于是我开始我的生意, 尽管我所有的冒牌货综合症。 |
| 1440 | That's too much. | 太过. |
| 1441 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1442 | You've lost me way too much. | 你失去我太过分了 |
| 1443 | Right. | 对 |
| 1444 | That's like way too much. | 这太过分了 |
| 1445 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1446 | That's that's oversharing. | 这是过度分享。 |
| 1447 | However, let's try again. | 然而,让我们再试一次。 |
| 1448 | So ask me again. | 故再问. |
| 1449 | OK. | 摆 |
| 1450 | Vanessa 告诉我你的事 | |
| 1451 | OK. | 摆 |
| 1452 | This is the business that I think is going to transform women's lives. | 我认为这将会改变妇女的生活。 |
| 1453 | So I teach people how to X. | 所以我教人们如何X。 |
| 1454 | And what got me started actually started this way back in college. | 我从大学开始就是这么开始的。 |
| 1455 | I had this horrible problem and I couldn't believe it. | 我有一个可怕的问题 我无法相信它。 |
| 1456 | And I was able to overcome it with this little product that I created. | 我用我创造的小产品克服了它。 |
| 1457 | What is it? | 这是什么? |
| 1458 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1459 | I mean, I had this little product created and I pushed it. | 我的意思是,我做了这个小产品 我推它。 |
| 1460 | I pushed it. | 我推开它。 |
| 1461 | I sold it at farmer's markets. | 我在农民市场卖的 |
| 1462 | And then it started to go viral. | 然后它开始病毒化。 |
| 1463 | And then once it went viral, I had all these women reaching out to me. | 然后一旦病毒传播, 我让所有这些女人都联系到我。 |
| 1464 | And that's why I'm here with you is I'm at this critical part of this journey | 这就是为什么我在这里和你在一起 是,我在这个关键 部分在这个旅程 |
| 1465 | with this product where I know all we need is a little bit of investment to take it off. | 与这个产品,我知道我们只需要 一点点的投资来取走它。 |
| 1466 | But if we do not get this investment, I know that it will slow our growth. | 但如果我们得不到这种投资,我知道这将减缓我们的增长。 |
| 1467 | Right. | 对 |
| 1468 | So like you see the difference. | 就像你看到了区别一样 |
| 1469 | I'm talking about there's a little bit of emotion there about how I started it | 我说的是有些情绪 关于我是如何开始的 |
| 1470 | with my personal pain point. | 以我个人的痛苦点。 |
| 1471 | But I'm also you saw where I was in the journey and where your role is. | 但我也看到了我在旅途中的位置 还有你的角色所在 |
| 1472 | Yes. | 对 |
| 1473 | So we're right before the pivot point. | 所以,我们是在关键点之前。 |
| 1474 | And we like that. | 我们喜欢这样 |
| 1475 | We like to see right before a pivot point. | 我们喜欢在一个关键点之前看到。 |
| 1476 | Because that is what happens so often. | 因为这是经常发生的事情。 |
| 1477 | People give me a huge long story. | 人们给我一个很长的故事。 |
| 1478 | And yet they haven't told me how I can be helpful. | 但他们还没告诉我我能帮上什么忙 |
| 1479 | I mean, what are you talking to me for? | 我是说,你跟我说话干嘛? |
| 1480 | No, you know, I get it. | 不,你知道,我懂的,我懂的。 |
| 1481 | I've got your whole life story. | 我有你整个生活的故事。 |
| 1482 | You've done this thing. | 你已经做了这件事。 |
| 1483 | Like, what do you need? | 喜欢,你需要什么? |
| 1484 | Right. | 对 |
| 1485 | And so let's let's break down the hero's journey. | 因此让我们打破英雄的旅程. |
| 1486 | Right. | 对 |
| 1487 | So here's the hero's journey. | 这就是英雄的旅程 |
| 1488 | And I I also hope that everyone's on a hero's journey. | 我也希望每个人都能踏上英雄的旅程. |
| 1489 | Right. | 对 |
| 1490 | Like, I hope that this can be your story. | 我希望这是你的故事 |
| 1491 | Every hero's journey, when you're telling someone your story, | 每个英雄的旅程 当你告诉别人你的故事 |
| 1492 | what's the challenge? | 挑战是什么? |
| 1493 | What was the pain point? | 痛点是什么? |
| 1494 | The struggle. | 挣扎 |
| 1495 | Start with that. | 从那开始 |
| 1496 | And no more than 15 seconds in the struggle. | 而斗争时间不超过15秒. |
| 1497 | That's a mistake that you'll make if they spend way too much time | 如果他们花太多时间 你会犯这个错误 |
| 1498 | oversharing the struggle. | 过度分享斗争。 |
| 1499 | So what was the challenge? | 挑战是什么? |
| 1500 | It was the mistake. | 这是错误的。 |
| 1501 | And the more relatable you can make that piece with universals. | 越是易重塑,你就能用普世乐谱来制作这部作品。 |
| 1502 | So like I was over like for my story, I was overwhelmed. | 就像我的故事一样,我无法忍受 |
| 1503 | I was social over thinker when I shared that | 我当时是社会上的思想家 当我分享 |
| 1504 | I used to mistake neutral faces as negative. | 我以前把中立面孔误认为是负面的 |
| 1505 | Hopefully, people watch some people watching were like, oh, that's me. | 希望人们能看一些人看 就像,哦,这就是我。 |
| 1506 | Yeah, totally. | 是啊,当然。 |
| 1507 | OK, so then then you skip to the hard work, the grit, the resilience, the discovery. | 好吧,然后你跳到艰苦的工作, 精神,韧性,发现。 |
| 1508 | What was the thing that made you overcome that in your business or yourself? | 是什么让你在生意上或你自己克服了这些? |
| 1509 | 15到30秒 15 -30 seconds. | |
| 1510 | That's it. | 就这样 |
| 1511 | Right. | 对 |
| 1512 | What unique grit, hard work, resilience to it. | 多么独特的精神, 辛勤的工作, 对它的弹性。 |
| 1513 | And then where are you before the tipping point? | 然后,你在哪里 在临界点之前? |
| 1514 | Or did you have your tipping point? | 还是你有你的临界点? |
| 1515 | Right. There are some people who have had their success. | 对 有一些人取得了成功。 |
| 1516 | What was the win? | 赢了什么? |
| 1517 | That's the hero's journey. | 这就是英雄的旅程. |
| 1518 | Sweater weather is finally here. | 风雨终于来了 |
| 1519 | And I do think there's a reason people get so excited about it. | 我确实认为人们有这么兴奋的原因。 |
| 1520 | It's one of the easiest moments in the year to get dressed, | 这是一年中最容易穿衣服的时刻之一 |
| 1521 | because a great sweater does so much of the work for you. | 因为一件伟大的毛衣能为你做很多工作 |
| 1522 | Now, this season at Macy's, they have the staples that make a full wardrobe | 现在,这个赛季在梅西, 他们有主食 做一个完整的衣柜 |
| 1523 | feel cozy, but still elevated. | 感觉舒适,但依然高涨。 |
| 1524 | Kashmir is the place I would start. | 克什米尔是我开始的地方。 |
| 1525 | It's soft, lightweight, warm and timeless, | 柔软轻重 温暖无时无刻 |
| 1526 | which is why it rarely goes out of style. | 这就是为什么它很少失去风格。 |
| 1527 | Macy's Kashmir is designed in-house and thoughtfully made | 梅西的克什米尔是内部设计 精心设计的 |
| 1528 | with two ply yarn construction. | 两条线构造 |
| 1529 | So it's built to last and it comes at great value. | 因此它被建造为持久,并具有巨大的价值。 |
| 1530 | If you want something with a little more personality, | 如果你想要更个性一点的东西 |
| 1531 | this is the great season for a statement sweater. | 这对一个声明毛衣来说是一个伟大的季节。 |
| 1532 | Feral is especially strong right now, and it gives a simple outfit | Feral现在特别强壮 穿得简单 |
| 1533 | that classic full feeling without trying too hard. | 那种经典的全身心的感受 并不费劲 |
| 1534 | The styling is what makes it feel current. | 造型是它感觉到时态的原因. |
| 1535 | You can wear a great sweater with baggy denim and slouchy boots | 你可以穿一件漂亮的毛衣 戴着毛衣和豪华的靴子 |
| 1536 | or make it feel a little more dressed up with a silk skirt or a trench. | 或让它感觉更 穿着丝绸裙或战壕。 |
| 1537 | The point is to mix the softness of the knit with something | 重点是把织物的柔软性 和一些东西混在一起 |
| 1538 | that gives the look a bit more shape. | 这让外观更加外形。 |
| 1539 | Head to your nearest Macy's store or go to Macy's dot com to shop online. | 去你最近的梅西店 或者去梅西的点com网上购物 |
| 1540 | One of the ways I think about parenting is that my job is to give my kids | 我对养育子女的想法之一是 我的工作是给孩子们 |
| 1541 | what I call nutritious fertilizer, good food, real attention, | 我所说的营养肥料,好食物,真正的关注, |
| 1542 | a strong foundation and the kind of love that lets them grow into themselves. | 坚固的基础和爱的种类 让他们成长到自己。 |
| 1543 | And when it comes to the food part, I care, but I'm also practical. | 谈到食物部分,我在乎,但我也很实际。 |
| 1544 | I have four kids, real mornings, real schedules and real life happening around me. | 我有四个孩子, 真正的早晨, 真正的日程安排 和真实的生活发生在我身上。 |
| 1545 | So I appreciate anything that makes the routine easier | 所以,我很感激一切 使常规更容易 |
| 1546 | without making it feel like yet another project. | 不让它感觉像另一个项目。 |
| 1547 | That is one of the reasons I started giving my kids Ella Ola. | 这也是我开始给孩子们爱拉·奥拉的原因之一 |
| 1548 | It's a tasteless, colorless, multivitamin powder | 是无味无色多维他命的粉末 |
| 1549 | for toddlers and kids ages two to 11. | 给2到11岁的小孩 |
| 1550 | Now, what I like about it is that it fits into what they're already eating or drinking. | 现在,我喜欢的是,它符合 他们已经吃或喝的东西。 |
| 1551 | It's one daily sachet that you can mix into milk or yogurt, | 你每天可以混进牛奶或酸奶 |
| 1552 | juice, oatmeal, smoothies, even something like ketchup or syrup. | 果汁,燕麦,冰片, 甚至像番茄酱或糖浆。 |
| 1553 | And there's no taste and no trace. | 而无味无迹. |
| 1554 | My kids genuinely do not notice it, which is the point. | 我的孩子真的没有注意到,这就是重点。 |
| 1555 | It's just part of their day. | 这只是他们一天的一部分。 |
| 1556 | Each serving has 19 essential vitamins and minerals, | 每服一剂,有19种维生素和矿物质, |
| 1557 | plus nutrients from 15 organic fruits and vegetables. | 加上15种有机水果和蔬菜的营养。 |
| 1558 | It has zero sugar, no artificial dyes or sweeteners, | 它没有糖 没有人工染料和甜剂 |
| 1559 | and it's free of the top nine allergens. | 并且没有前九位的过敏剂 |
| 1560 | For me, it's a simple way to support my kids' daily nutrition. | 对我来说,这是支持我孩子日常营养的简单方法. |
| 1561 | And I love that it was developed with pediatricians and pediatric dieticians. | 我喜欢它与儿科医生和儿科医生一起发展。 |
| 1562 | Ella Ola is offering my listeners 20 percent off your first purchase. | Ella Ola给我的听众 提供你第一次买的20% |
| 1563 | 只要去EllaOla.com slash 艾玛。 | |
| 1564 | Discount applied automatically. | 自动适用折扣。 |
| 1565 | No code needed. | 不需要密码 |
| 1566 | Try it risk free with Ella Ola's 45 day money back guarantee. | 用艾拉·奥拉的45天回贷担保来冒险 |
| 1567 | 去EllaOla.com 砍Emma 你第一次买的20% | |
| 1568 | I'm interested what happens when people disagree with you, | 我对人们不同意你的看法很感兴趣 |
| 1569 | because it happens all the time. | 因为它经常发生。 |
| 1570 | And how you would handle that in like a conversationally, | 你如何在谈话中处理它, |
| 1571 | like, you know, appropriate or positive way. | 像,你知道,适当或积极的方式。 |
| 1572 | And specifically before we move on from work, like, because again, | 具体地说 在我们离开工作之前 因为 |
| 1573 | that is something that happens every day. | 每天都会发生这种事 |
| 1574 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1575 | Welcome disagreement. | 欢迎大家意见不一 |
| 1576 | Disagreement is an opportunity. | 分歧是一种机会。 |
| 1577 | Bad conversations are even an opportunity. | 糟糕的对话甚至是一个机会。 |
| 1578 | You know why? | 你知道为什么吗? |
| 1579 | When you can get through a disagreement with someone, you feel even more understood. | 当你能克服与某人的分歧时,你会觉得更加理解. |
| 1580 | So do not feel that you can only have agreeing, productive conversations | 所以,不要觉得 你只能有 同意,富有成效的谈话 |
| 1581 | to be charismatic. | 成为魅力。 |
| 1582 | No, you can actually disagree very charismatically. | 不,你实际上可以不同意 很有魅力。 |
| 1583 | The first thing is, I think, calling it out. | 第一件事是,我想,叫它出来。 |
| 1584 | Right. | 对 |
| 1585 | Oh, let's fight about this. | 哦,让我们争这个。 |
| 1586 | Right. | 对 |
| 1587 | Let's get into it. | 进曰. |
| 1588 | It's back to that. | 复至此处. |
| 1589 | Just being really truthful and authentic, right? | 只是真实和真实,对不对? |
| 1590 | Over and over and over again. | 复次无量劫. |
| 1591 | You're like, just say what's happening. | 你就像,只是说 发生了什么事。 |
| 1592 | OK, so the tendency and disagreement is to go one of two ways to be defensive. | 好吧,所以倾向和分歧 是走两个方法之一 来防御。 |
| 1593 | It's not my fault. | 这不是我的错。 |
| 1594 | I didn't do it or to be offensive. | 我这么做不是为了冒犯你 |
| 1595 | It's your fault. | 都是你的错 |
| 1596 | I don't want you to do either. | 我也不想你这么做 |
| 1597 | I want you to be very rigid with yourself. | 我要你对自己很僵硬 |
| 1598 | I'm not going to get defensive here. | 我不会让防守在这里。 |
| 1599 | I'm not going to go attack them. | 我不会去攻击他们的 |
| 1600 | I'm going to call this out. | 我要叫这个出去。 |
| 1601 | Oh, we have a disagreement. | 我们意见不一 |
| 1602 | Here we go. | 开始了 |
| 1603 | OK, first and get logical. | 好,先讲逻辑 |
| 1604 | What you're trying to do when you disagree with someone is you want to keep them in logic. | 当你和某人意见不一时,你想做的是 让他们保持逻辑。 |
| 1605 | Don't let them go to the amygdala, right? | 别让他们去阿米格达拉 对吧? |
| 1606 | You don't want to go to lizard brain because once someone is emotional, | 你不想去蜥蜴脑 因为一旦有人情绪激动 |
| 1607 | it's very hard to get through it. | 很难熬过去 |
| 1608 | So you're going to go right back to logic, right? | 所以你要回到逻辑,对不对? |
| 1609 | Go right back into solution mode. | 回到溶液模式 |
| 1610 | OK, let's figure this out. | 好吧,让我们想清楚。 |
| 1611 | So let me make sure I get this right. | 所以,让我确保 我得到这一点正确。 |
| 1612 | You stand here. | 你站在这里。 |
| 1613 | Your position is AA, A set some right. | 你的位置是AA,A设置一些正确的。 |
| 1614 | OK, so my position is here. | 好吧,所以我的位置在这里。 |
| 1615 | BBB,BBB,BBB,BBB,BBB,BBB,BBB,BBB,BBB,BBB,BBB,BBB,BBBB,BBBB,BBBB,BBB,BBBB,BBBB,BBBB,BBBB,BBBBB,BBBBB,BBBBBB,BBBBBB,BBBBBB,BBBBBBB,BBBBBB,BBBBBBB,BBBBBB,BBBBB,BBBBBBB,BBBBBB,BBBBB,BBBBBBB,BBBBB,BBBBB,BBBB,BBBBB,BBBBB,BBBBB,BBBBBBB,BB,BBBB,BBBB,B,BBBBBBBB,BBB | |
| 1616 | That's right. | 没错 |
| 1617 | Right. | 对 |
| 1618 | OK, we got to figure out a way to meet the middle. | 好吧,我们必须想出一个方法 满足中间。 |
| 1619 | Here's our shared goal. | 这是我们的共同目标 |
| 1620 | Here's what we got to go. | 这就是我们该走了。 |
| 1621 | Notice how I'm using like a very, very logical tone. | 注意我如何使用 一个非常,非常合乎逻辑的语气。 |
| 1622 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1623 | Right. | 对 |
| 1624 | I'm like, this is where you are. | 我很喜欢,这是你的地方。 |
| 1625 | It's like, yeah, it's clipped because I want us to stay very logical. | 这就像,是的,它被剪断 因为我希望我们保持非常逻辑。 |
| 1626 | This is not about emotion, very logical. | 这与情感无关 非常合乎逻辑 |
| 1627 | we've got to figure out a solution. | 我们必须找到一个解决方案。 |
| 1628 | So it's your position. | 所以这是你的位置 |
| 1629 | Do I have that right? | 我有权利吗? |
| 1630 | My position. | 我的立场 |
| 1631 | Do you understand that? | 你明白吗? |
| 1632 | Does that make sense? | 这有道理吗? |
| 1633 | And then what are our shared goals? | 那么我们的共同目标是什么? |
| 1634 | We have a client, we have a due date, | 我们有客户,我们有个约会 |
| 1635 | we have a project, we have a budget. | 我们有项目,有预算 |
| 1636 | We have to get through it. | 我们必须熬过去。 |
| 1637 | Half of my work training companies | 我一半的工作训练公司 |
| 1638 | is getting through those difficult conversations. | 正在通过这些困难的对话。 |
| 1639 | Now I will say, you know what helps the disagreement? | 现在我要说 你知道什么有助于分歧吗? |
| 1640 | Repor. | 重现. |
| 1641 | So all that- | 所以这一切... |
| 1642 | You know me, I know you. | 你认识我,我认识你 |
| 1643 | Right, like we like each other. | 对,就像我们喜欢对方一样 |
| 1644 | We're good. | 我们很好。 |
| 1645 | So that rapport, that small talk | 那段感情,那段小话 |
| 1646 | is going to also make that disagreement | 也会引起分歧 |
| 1647 | when it comes so much better. | 当它来得更好。 |
| 1648 | So that's why it's also so worth it. | 故其义也. |
| 1649 | It's so worth it, especially at work. | 它是如此值得,特别是在工作。 |
| 1650 | It's lubricant. | 是润滑剂. |
| 1651 | But it's so nice actually, even as we have this conversation | 但其实这很好 虽然我们有这次谈话 |
| 1652 | because so much of this goes full circle. | 因为这很多事情都成全了 |
| 1653 | It's like, if you're telling the truth, | 就像,如果你说的是实话, |
| 1654 | if you're being authentic, | 如果你是真实的, |
| 1655 | if you're saying what's actually happening | 如果你在说到底发生了什么 |
| 1656 | as opposed to this fantasy that's going on in your head, | 而不是你脑中的幻想 |
| 1657 | like you will be a better- | 就像你会是一个更好的, |
| 1658 | Or like, let's not pretend we're not disagreeing. | 或者,让我们不要假装 我们没有异议。 |
| 1659 | Like we can just get to there. | 碞钩иê |
| 1660 | I like you, you like me. | 我喜欢你,你喜欢我 |
| 1661 | Or even like, you know, | 或者,甚至喜欢,你知道, |
| 1662 | the old subtitle of my book | 我书的旧字幕 |
| 1663 | was how to be instantly likable. | 如何立即变得可爱。 |
| 1664 | And I changed it because I was like, | 我改变了它 因为我喜欢, |
| 1665 | actually there's some conversations | 其实有些对话 |
| 1666 | where you don't like the person | 你不喜欢这个人的地方 |
| 1667 | and they can still be productive. | 并且他们仍然可以生产。 |
| 1668 | So like, maybe it's not you like them. | 所以也许你不喜欢他们 |
| 1669 | Maybe it's like, you have a shared goal, | 也许这就像, 你有一个共同的目标, |
| 1670 | you gotta get done. | 你必须做。 |
| 1671 | That's also okay. | 也没关系。 |
| 1672 | That's also fun. | 这也很有趣。 |
| 1673 | That's also fine. | 也没关系 |
| 1674 | Totally fun. | 完全有趣。 绝对有趣。 |
| 1675 | You write about delivering hard feedback, | 你写关于提供硬反馈, |
| 1676 | which is, I think, one of the places | 我认为,这是一个地方 |
| 1677 | that people struggle with so much. | 人们为此而挣扎 |
| 1678 | It doesn't matter how much practice you get. | 修行无碍. |
| 1679 | It's never easy to give hard feedback. | 硬反馈从来不易. |
| 1680 | But tell me about a time that you had to do it | 但说说你必须做一次 |
| 1681 | and give me the versions. | 并给我的版本。 |
| 1682 | When have you done it well? | 你什么时候做得很好? |
| 1683 | When have you done it badly? | 你什么时候干得不好? |
| 1684 | And how should we be delivering it? | 我们该怎么送? |
| 1685 | Okay, so let's do the bad first. | 好吧,让我们先做坏事。 |
| 1686 | I love doing the bad first. | 我喜欢做坏的第一。 |
| 1687 | Bad is bounce, beating around the bush | 糟透了,在灌木丛里乱跳 |
| 1688 | and sugarcoating. | 和糖涂装。 |
| 1689 | I think that when we're trying, | 我想当我们努力的时候 |
| 1690 | we have bad delivery type feedback. | 我们收到坏消息了 |
| 1691 | First of all, Vanessa, it's so amazing. | 首先,凡妮莎,它是如此惊人。 |
| 1692 | That like, I just want people | 也就是说,我只是想要人 |
| 1693 | that are listening to this to go, | 他们正在听这个去, |
| 1694 | that is bad because I just think that what happens, | 那很糟 因为我觉得会发生什么 |
| 1695 | people go beating around the bush, | 人们在灌木丛里打斗, |
| 1696 | I'm just gonna save you from hearing this | 我只是要让你不听这个 |
| 1697 | for a second longer. | 再等一会儿 |
| 1698 | And then sugarcoating, I'm gonna soften it. | 然后加糖,我会软化它。 |
| 1699 | Nobody means for that to be bad, right? | 没人觉得这样不好,对吧? |
| 1700 | They think that that's delivering hard feedback | 他们认为这能提供强烈的反馈 |
| 1701 | in probably the best way | 也许是最好的办法 |
| 1702 | to preserve the other person's feelings. | 保护他人的感情 |
| 1703 | But you go like, that's bad. | 但你去喜欢,这是不好的。 |
| 1704 | That's bad. | 这太糟了 |
| 1705 | If someone's receiving bad news, it's very hard. | 如果有人收到坏消息,那就很难了. |
| 1706 | It's very cognitive load. | 这是非常认知的负荷。 |
| 1707 | The quicker you can get to it, the better. | 越快越好 |
| 1708 | So no small talk. | 故无小言. |
| 1709 | No. | 没有 |
| 1710 | Okay, that's when we cut the small talk. | 好吧,这就是我们 切小谈。 |
| 1711 | That's when we cut the small talk. | 这时,我们切小谈。 |
| 1712 | And this is, I think, when you do permission feedback. | 这是,我想,当你 允许反馈。 |
| 1713 | This is how I do it. | 这就是我这样做的方式。 |
| 1714 | So when I've done it well, | 所以当我做得很好的时候 |
| 1715 | I've done it badly when I get nervous | 我紧张的时候干得不好 |
| 1716 | and I beat around the bush. | 我打在树丛里 |
| 1717 | When I do it well, I say, I have some tough feedback. | 当我做得很好,我说, 我有一些艰难的反馈。 |
| 1718 | Do you want me to just give it to you | 你想让我给你吗? |
| 1719 | or do you want me to do it slowly and softly? | 还是要我慢慢地轻轻地做? |
| 1720 | And you will tell you. | 你会告诉你的 |
| 1721 | Does anyone ever go slow and soft? | 有没有人会慢慢地软化? |
| 1722 | I get both. | 我两个都有 |
| 1723 | I do, I get both. | 是的,我得到了两者。 |
| 1724 | So I get folks who are like, slow and soft. | 所以我得到的人 喜欢,慢和柔软。 |
| 1725 | And then I'm like, great, let's do it. | 然后,我像,伟大的,让我们做到这一点。 |
| 1726 | So let's back up. | 故后举. |
| 1727 | Last week, we had a little issue. | 上周我们有个小问题 |
| 1728 | Remember what happened? | 记得吗? |
| 1729 | And I'll do it slow and soft. | 且作么生慢软. |
| 1730 | And there are people who are like, just give it to me. | 还有一些人喜欢, 只是给我。 |
| 1731 | I'm like, yeah, you messed up last week. | 我很喜欢,是的,你搞砸了上周。 |
| 1732 | That was like a real problem. | 这就像一个真正的问题。 |
| 1733 | And here's how we have to fix it, right? | 这就是我们要如何修复它,对不对? |
| 1734 | So I think like radical transparency. | 所以,我认为像激进的透明度。 |
| 1735 | Don't worry about the small talk in that sense. | 别担心那种小话 |
| 1736 | Your small talk that you invested in, | 你投资的小话 |
| 1737 | all that small talk are investments. | 那些小话都是投资 |
| 1738 | Every time that you ask better questions, | 每次你问更好的问题 |
| 1739 | you share good stories. | 你分享好故事。 |
| 1740 | You have that all with someone that is an investment | 你都跟投资人在一起 |
| 1741 | so that when you do have a disagreement, | 当你们分歧的时候, |
| 1742 | when you do have to deliver tough news, they remember. | 当你确实要传出坏消息时 他们就会记得 |
| 1743 | They remember this person's on my side | 他们记得这个人在我身边 |
| 1744 | and that investment really pays off in those moments. | 投资在那些时候真的有回报。 |
| 1745 | Yeah, I can see that. | 是的,我看得出来。 |
| 1746 | And I just think, again, | 我只是觉得,再次, |
| 1747 | people really struggle with giving hard feedback | 人们真的很难给回馈 |
| 1748 | because they just imagine that people don't want it. | 因为他们只是想象 人们不希望它。 |
| 1749 | And I think that as somebody who has to give feedback | 我认为,作为一个必须提供反馈的人 |
| 1750 | all the time, nine times out of 10, | 所有的时间,九倍的10, |
| 1751 | people are kind of, they might not find it in the moment, | 人们是那种, 他们可能找不到它在那一刻, |
| 1752 | but they come back to you a week later | 一个星期后他们又回来找你 |
| 1753 | and they're like, that was really helpful. | 他们喜欢, 那真的很有帮助。 |
| 1754 | I'm really glad you actually told me that. | 我真的很高兴你告诉我这些 |
| 1755 | So I wish we were able to get over it | 所以我希望我们能克服这一切 |
| 1756 | and find the way to just do it more frequently. | 并找到办法 只是更频繁地做到这一点。 |
| 1757 | Because I also think it doesn't help to like | 因为我也觉得喜欢也没用 |
| 1758 | wait for an assessment moment. | 等待评估的时刻。 |
| 1759 | Like keep, you know, it's like, give the feedback. | 就像保持,你知道, 它就像,给反馈。 |
| 1760 | Like, let's go. | 喜欢,让我们去。 |
| 1761 | And people I think are most grateful. | 我认为人们最感恩 |
| 1762 | Me too, I've gotten bad feedback too. | 我也收到了坏的反馈 |
| 1763 | The worst thing you can do for someone | 你为别人做最坏的事 |
| 1764 | when they have bad feedback is be confusing. | 当他们有坏的反馈 是令人困惑的。 |
| 1765 | Yes. | 对 |
| 1766 | Right, so sugarcoating is only going to confuse them. | 对 所以涂糖只会迷惑他们 |
| 1767 | So it's an interesting one though to think about | 所以,这是一个有趣的 虽然思考 |
| 1768 | when the shoe's on the other foot, right? | 当鞋在另一只脚上,对不对? |
| 1769 | Because it's fine if you're giving feedback to somebody | 因为只要你给别人回馈就没关系 |
| 1770 | that, you know, wherever they are in the organization, | 你知道,不管他们在组织里在哪里, |
| 1771 | you're their superior. | 你是他们的上司 |
| 1772 | How do people do it the other way around? | 人如何反其道而行之. |
| 1773 | When you're talking to your boss, | 当你和你老板说话时 |
| 1774 | when you're talking to a leader, | 当你跟一个领袖说话时 |
| 1775 | somebody that's got significantly more power than you, | 一个比你强得多的人 |
| 1776 | how do you talk to somebody without that imbalance | 你怎么和没有这种不平衡的人说话 |
| 1777 | kind of diluting what it is that you want to say to them? | 有点淡化了你想对他们说的话吗? |
| 1778 | I think it's the exact same. | 我觉得是完全一样 |
| 1779 | Is it really? | 是吗? |
| 1780 | Look, imagine that someone came to you with bad feedback | 听着,想象一下有人来找你时 收到了不好的反馈 |
| 1781 | and they said, listen. | 他们说,听着。 |
| 1782 | Happens all the time. | 总是这样 |
| 1783 | And they're like, hey, last week there was a problem. | 他们就像,嘿嘿, 上周有一个问题。 |
| 1784 | First of all, you don't want them to sugarcoat, right? | 首先,你不希望他们 糖衣,对不对? |
| 1785 | You're like, just get to it. | 你就像, 刚刚得到它。 |
| 1786 | Busy people are busy, right? | 忙着的人很忙,对吧? |
| 1787 | It's like, so get to it. | 这就像,所以得到它。 |
| 1788 | And wouldn't you like it if someone was like, | 如果有人喜欢,你会不会喜欢? |
| 1789 | listen, something bad happened last week, | 听着 上周发生了一些坏事 |
| 1790 | you want me to give you the nice version | 你想让我给你一个很好的版本 |
| 1791 | or you want me to give you the hard version? | 还是要我给你硬版? |
| 1792 | It's the same. | 亦复如是. |
| 1793 | I think we should treat power- | 我觉得我们应该对待权力... |
| 1794 | You think it's exactly the same. | 你认为它完全一样。 |
| 1795 | I think it's exactly the same. | 我认为这完全一样。 |
| 1796 | I think we should treat, | 我认为我们应该治疗, |
| 1797 | powerful people are people. | 强人就是人 |
| 1798 | But how do you stop a power imbalance | 但如何阻止力量的不平衡 |
| 1799 | from controlling the conversation? | 从控制谈话? |
| 1800 | Because even if that's fine for me, | 因为即使那对我很好 |
| 1801 | I think for the person having that, | 我想对于有这样的人, |
| 1802 | the conversation with me, it's tougher then. | 和我的谈话, 更难。 |
| 1803 | Then I, you know, I need to beat around the bush a bit. | 然后我,你知道, 我需要打 周围的灌木丛一点点。 |
| 1804 | But I think beating around the bush is only gonna just, | 但我觉得在灌木丛里乱打只会... |
| 1805 | it's only gonna be the service to you. | 它只会是服务给你。 |
| 1806 | We should never beat around the bush. | 我们不应该在灌木丛里打斗 |
| 1807 | I don't think we should ever beat around the bush | 我觉得我们不该在树丛里打斗 |
| 1808 | because it's gonna cause confusion. | 因为这会引起混乱 |
| 1809 | And also for a busy person, | 对于一个忙碌的人, |
| 1810 | they're like, just tell me what it is. | 他们喜欢,只是告诉我是什么。 |
| 1811 | Just tell me what it is. | 告诉我是什么 |
| 1812 | Especially a highly smart person, | 特别聪明的人 |
| 1813 | they want efficiency in communication, right? | 他们想提高沟通效率,对吧? |
| 1814 | So the faster you get it out and you do it, | 所以,你越快得到它 你做到这一点, |
| 1815 | they're like, all right, let's go, let's fix it. | 他们就像,所有的权利, 让我们去,让我们修复它。 |
| 1816 | And I will say the one hierarchy difference would be, | 我会说一个等级差异是, |
| 1817 | don't drop a monkey on their desk. | 别把猴子扔在桌子上 |
| 1818 | Have you ever heard that metaphor is like, | 你听说过这个比喻吗? |
| 1819 | sometimes I think if you're the boss, | 有时候我觉得如果你是老板 |
| 1820 | you get people bringing in their monkeys, | 你让人们 带来他们的猴子, |
| 1821 | leaving them on your desk. | 把它们放在你桌上 |
| 1822 | Like they just bring their problems to you | 就像他们只是把问题带给你 |
| 1823 | and dump them on the desk. | 把它们丢在桌子上 |
| 1824 | And then you have office floor monkeys. | 然后你有办公室地板猴子。 |
| 1825 | Yeah, so the best, don't drop the monkey on their desk, | 是啊,所以最好的, 不要把猴子扔在他们的桌子上, |
| 1826 | which is come with the solution. | 它与解决方案。 |
| 1827 | So state the problem the same way. | 所以,说明问题的方式相同。 |
| 1828 | Do you want it soft? | 你想软点吗? |
| 1829 | Do you want it hard? | 你想很难吗? |
| 1830 | And then like, what is the next step? | 接下来呢? |
| 1831 | Don't expect them in the moment to troubleshoot. | 别指望他们马上会出事 |
| 1832 | You had time. | 你有时间。 |
| 1833 | So think about what are the potential options for this? | 想想这潜在的选择是什么? |
| 1834 | I think that is a respectful thing to do | 我认为这是尊重的事情 |
| 1835 | for someone who is in a high position of power | 对于一个高权重的人 |
| 1836 | because they don't have a lot of time. | 因为他们没有太多的时间。 |
| 1837 | Yeah, I think that is really, really sad. | 是的,我觉得这真的很,真的很伤心。 |
| 1838 | Also moves you both to resolution. | 也把你们俩都移到解析度。 |
| 1839 | I was gonna say, it gets you closer to the point | 我想说,它让你更接近重点 |
| 1840 | where you're like, okay, | 你喜欢的地方,好吧, |
| 1841 | how are we on the other side of this already? | 我们怎么已经在另一边了? |
| 1842 | And then you can brainstorm. | 然后,你可以脑暴。 |
| 1843 | You're discussing, you're not in this problem. | 你在讨论,你没有在这个问题。 |
| 1844 | Like you're discussing the way forward. | 就像你在讨论前进的方向 |
| 1845 | Yeah, the worst thing is like, | 对,最糟糕的是... |
| 1846 | you drop a problem and then you're like silent. | 你放弃一个问题,然后你就像沉默。 |
| 1847 | There was something that you said in the book. | 你在书里说了些什么 |
| 1848 | You said, you believe the way that someone talks | 你说,你相信别人说话的方式 |
| 1849 | about their past can tell us something | 关于他们的过去 可以告诉我们一些事情 |
| 1850 | about what they'll do next. | 他们接下来会做什么 |
| 1851 | So what should we listen for? | 那我们该听什么? |
| 1852 | So I believe in frames, not facts. | 所以我相信框架 而不是事实 |
| 1853 | Meaning someone can frame the facts | 意思是有人可以捏造事实 |
| 1854 | of their life any way they want. | 任何他们想要的方式。 |
| 1855 | And I've heard people do this. | 我听说过有人这样做。 |
| 1856 | I do in this research for this book, | 我为这本书做研究 |
| 1857 | I was harvesting narrative. | 我在收集叙事 |
| 1858 | So I was asking people, what's the story of your life? | 所以我问人们 你的生活是什么故事? |
| 1859 | What's the story of how you got to where you are today? | 如何是汝今处如何. |
| 1860 | What forces shaped who you are | 什么力量塑造你是谁 |
| 1861 | that made you who you are today? | 让你成为今天的你? |
| 1862 | And the answers were, | 而答案是, |
| 1863 | there were patterns in their answers. | 他们的答案有规律 |
| 1864 | And what I noticed is there are two different kinds | 我注意到有两种不同的 |
| 1865 | of frames people have, | 人们的帧, |
| 1866 | a contamination frame or a redemption frame. | 污染框架或救护框架。 |
| 1867 | A contamination frame. | 一个污染框架。 |
| 1868 | So let's take the same facts, right? | 所以,让我们采取 同样的事实,对不对? |
| 1869 | I was born to a single mom and my dad left us | 我生下来是单身妈妈 我爸爸离开了我们 |
| 1870 | and I never finished school and I had a really hard time. | 我从来没有完成学业 我有一个非常困难的时间。 |
| 1871 | And I was a mechanic because I had no other choices. | 我是个机械师,因为我别无选择。 |
| 1872 | And last year I had to buy the shop | 去年我不得不买下这家店 |
| 1873 | because I was going to be fired | 因为我会被解雇 |
| 1874 | and I just struggle every day. | 我每天都在挣扎 |
| 1875 | That is a certain way of telling those facts. | 这是说出这些事实的某种方式。 |
| 1876 | Versus, you know, I was born to a single mom. | 弗苏斯,你知道,我出生 一个单身妈妈。 |
| 1877 | She's incredible. | 她真不可思议 |
| 1878 | My dad left us, thank goodness, | 我爸爸离开了我们 谢天谢地 |
| 1879 | because I was better off with my mom. | 因为我和我妈在一起更好 |
| 1880 | You know, I didn't end up finishing school. | 你知道,我没有结束 学校。 |
| 1881 | I actually got a really amazing job under a mechanic | 我其实在机械师手下有个很棒的工作 |
| 1882 | who taught me everything I know. | 他教会了我一切 |
| 1883 | Last year I had the opportunity to buy the shop | 去年我有机会买了这家店 |
| 1884 | and it's a lot of pressure, it's a lot of work, | 压力很大,工作很辛苦 |
| 1885 | but I have my own boss now. | 但我现在有自己的老板了 |
| 1886 | Same facts, totally different frames. | 同样的事实,完全不同的框架。 |
| 1887 | And so you hear this as people talk. | 你从人们的口中听到这个 |
| 1888 | So my goal for this is you'll have big cornerstone | 我的目标是,你会有大块基石 |
| 1889 | conversation with someone in your life | 和你生命中的某个人交谈 |
| 1890 | that is asking the really important question. | 这才是真正重要的问题。 |
| 1891 | I have nine power questions in the book | 我书里有九个权力问题 |
| 1892 | to ask these nine questions. | 以问此九问. |
| 1893 | I love the nine power questions. | 我爱九种权力问题。 |
| 1894 | So if you ask these nine questions, | 所以如果你问这九个问题 |
| 1895 | you're gonna level up very quickly. | 你会很快恢复的 |
| 1896 | Some of those questions are narrative at the end. | 其中一些问题是最后的叙述。 |
| 1897 | Listen for their frames. | 听他们的画框。 |
| 1898 | Are they using superlatives? | 他们用的是超液吗? |
| 1899 | Oh, I always have the best luck. | 哦,我总是有最好的运气。 |
| 1900 | I never get what I want, right? | 我从来没有得到我想要的,对不对? |
| 1901 | So always, nevers, black, white. | 所以,永远,永远,黑色,白色。 |
| 1902 | Are they telling a redemption narrative? | 他们在说救赎叙事吗? |
| 1903 | A redemption narrative, everything in their life was hard, | 一个救赎的叙述 他们生活中的一切都是艰难的 |
| 1904 | but then it got better through their own grit | 但后来通过他们自己的格力 变得更好 |
| 1905 | and resilience and hard work, they got through it. | 坚韧不拔 辛勤工作 他们度过了难关 |
| 1906 | Everything in their life will be redemptive. | 他们生命中的一切都会是红色的 |
| 1907 | My team members, my friends who have redemption narratives, | 我的团队成员,我的朋友 谁赎罪叙事, |
| 1908 | they're always telling redemption narratives. | 他们总是说救赎叙事 |
| 1909 | It doesn't matter what they're doing. | 何等为众生. |
| 1910 | It doesn't matter what the task is. | 任务是什么不重要 |
| 1911 | That is their frame for life. | 这是他们的生命框架。 |
| 1912 | My, I don't have any teammates | 我没有队友 |
| 1913 | who have a contamination narrative | 有污染叙述的人 |
| 1914 | because it's really hard to work with, yeah? | 因为它真的很难工作,是吗? |
| 1915 | But my friends and people who are in my family | 但我的朋友和家人都在我家里 |
| 1916 | who have a contamination narrative, | 他们有一个污染的叙述, |
| 1917 | everything is a contamination. | 一切都是一个污染。 |
| 1918 | It doesn't matter. | 没关系 |
| 1919 | They have a feeling that life is happening to them. | 他们觉得生命正在发生 |
| 1920 | They don't have a lot of agency. | 他们没有太多的代理。 |
| 1921 | They often have the feeling that their bad luck | 他们经常觉得自己运气不好 |
| 1922 | is stopping them, that no matter how hard they work, | 阻止他们 不管他们多么努力 |
| 1923 | no matter how smart they are, | 不管他们有多聪明 |
| 1924 | they will never be able to overcome. | 他们永远无法克服。 |
| 1925 | And that repeats in their personal relationships | 这在他们的私人关系中重复 |
| 1926 | and their work relationships with their money. | 和他们的工作关系 他们的钱。 |
| 1927 | People have money narratives, | 人们有钱的叙述, |
| 1928 | civic narratives around money. | 钱的民间叙事 |
| 1929 | We have to listen for those | 我们必须听这些 |
| 1930 | because people are telling us their stories. | 因为人们告诉我们他们的故事。 |
| 1931 | All the time. | 一切时. |
| 1932 | Do you think if you, because I get it, right? | 你觉得如果你, 因为我明白了,对不对? |
| 1933 | I'm a redemption person. | 我是一个救赎的人。 |
| 1934 | It's like everybody who works around me | 就像我周围的人一样 |
| 1935 | is that type of person. | 就是这种人 |
| 1936 | But if you're sitting there listening now | 但是如果你现在坐在那里听 |
| 1937 | and you know that you have the contamination narrative, | 你知道你有 污染叙述, |
| 1938 | how do you even begin to change that? | 你怎么开始改变? |
| 1939 | Because you just told us the same story | 因为你刚刚跟我们说了同样的故事 |
| 1940 | in two different ways. | 两种不同的方式。 |
| 1941 | So if you know that that is your way of describing things, | 如果你知道这就是你描述事物的方式 |
| 1942 | that that is your narrative, | 这就是你的叙述, |
| 1943 | then the chances are some pretty shitty things | 那机会就太差劲了 |
| 1944 | have happened to you because that's the story | 发生在你身上 因为这就是故事 |
| 1945 | and then you just don't know any other way to tell it. | 然后,你只是不知道 任何其他方法来告诉它。 |
| 1946 | So what do you do? | 那你怎么办? |
| 1947 | How do you begin to get to that point | 你怎么开始说到这一点 |
| 1948 | where you can start to shift | 在那里你可以开始移动 |
| 1949 | and turn it into a redemption narrative? | 把它变成赎罪叙事? |
| 1950 | This is the whole reason I wrote the book. | 这就是我写这本书的原因 |
| 1951 | The way we change our narrative is through conversation. | 我们改变叙述的方式是通过对话。 |
| 1952 | The way that we change our story | 我们改变故事的方式 |
| 1953 | is through sharing our story | 通过分享我们的故事 |
| 1954 | and then having people we love and we care about say, | 然后有了我们爱的人 我们在乎说 |
| 1955 | hey, there's actually a different way to look at it. | 嘿,实际上有一个不同的方式 看待它。 |
| 1956 | Or hey, let's rewrite your story. | 或者,让我们改写你的故事。 |
| 1957 | And this is the beautiful thing about narrative. | 这就是叙事的美丽之处。 |
| 1958 | Narrative are actually, | 叙述其实, |
| 1959 | it's not like any grammar personality types. | 它不像任何语法人格类型。 |
| 1960 | Narratives are changeable. | 叙事可变. |
| 1961 | Meaning you can decide to change your narrative. | 意味着你可以决定改变你的叙述。 |
| 1962 | They're not coded within you. | 他们不是你内部的密码 |
| 1963 | And Vanessa, can you do it for yourself? | 瓦妮莎,你能自己来吗? |
| 1964 | You could do it for yourself. | 你可以为自己做。 |
| 1965 | You can do it through self authorship. | 你可以通过自我创作来完成. |
| 1966 | So the last chapter of the book is about self authorship. | 故书末章论自撰. |
| 1967 | Meaning you have to believe | 这意味着你必须相信 |
| 1968 | you are the author of your own life. | 你是你人生的作者,你是谁? |
| 1969 | You have to believe that life doesn't just happen to you, | 你必须相信 生活不只是发生在你身上 |
| 1970 | that you are writing your narrative. | 你在写你的叙述 |
| 1971 | Now there's things of course you can't control. | 现在有些事情你当然不能控制。 |
| 1972 | All of us have things we can't control, | 我们都有无法控制的东西 |
| 1973 | but you have to believe that the pen is in your hands. | 但你必须相信 笔在你手中。 |
| 1974 | So my question for you is, what can you do in your life? | 所以我要问你 你这辈子能做什么? |
| 1975 | And again, this is going back full circle | 再说一遍,这回是满圆的 |
| 1976 | to living a more interesting life. | 过着更有趣的生活 |
| 1977 | That was the very first like little nudge. | 这是第一个像小石头。 |
| 1978 | How can you write your own story from now on? | 从今以后你怎么能写你自己的故事呢? |
| 1979 | How can you decide to do things | 你怎能做决定? |
| 1980 | that are going to change the story | 那将会改变故事 |
| 1981 | you tell yourself about yourself? | 你告诉自己吗? |
| 1982 | The question, the fundamental question | 问题,根本问题 |
| 1983 | that I ask in self narrative research is this, | 我要求自我叙事研究是, |
| 1984 | are you lucky? | 你很幸运吗? |
| 1985 | Do you think you're lucky? | 你觉得你很幸运吗? |
| 1986 | Oh, I think I'm so lucky. | 哦,我觉得我是如此幸运。 |
| 1987 | Me too, I think I'm so lucky. | 我也是,我觉得我很幸运。 |
| 1988 | Ask this question on the people in your life. | 问此命中人. |
| 1989 | Are you lucky is a hint at what someone's self narrative is. | 你运气好是暗示别人的自我叙事 |
| 1990 | If you answer no, I don't think I'm lucky. | 如果你回答不, 我不认为我幸运。 |
| 1991 | It's likely you're struggling with a contamination narrative. | 可能你正在挣扎着 污染的叙述。 |
| 1992 | What do you have to do in your life to feel luckier? | 你这辈子要做什么才能更幸运? |
| 1993 | I believe that the more chances you take, | 我相信你越是冒险 |
| 1994 | the more chances you have to get lucky. | 运气越好 |
| 1995 | In this way, even trying out | 这样,甚至尝试 |
| 1996 | some of these socially courageous conversations, | 一些社会勇敢的对话, |
| 1997 | you're going to feel lucky. | 你会觉得很幸运 |
| 1998 | What if you meet your person? | 如果你遇见了你的人呢? |
| 1999 | What if you have a great conversation? | 如果你有一个伟大的谈话? |
| 2000 | I think it's lucky you found this podcast, right? | 我觉得你很幸运找到这个播客 对吧? |
| 2001 | It is so lucky that you happen to be listening to this | 幸好你听到这个 |
| 2002 | right now on your drive, on your workout. | 现在在你的驱动器, 在你的锻炼。 |
| 2003 | This is lucky and you're hearing this right now. | 这是幸运的,你现在听到这个。 |
| 2004 | This is the moment you get | 这是你得到的时刻 |
| 2005 | to be the author of your own life. | 成为自己的作者。 |
| 2006 | It was lucky that you clicked on this today. | 幸好你今天点击了这个 |
| 2007 | You just happened to click on it. | 你只是碰巧点击它。 |
| 2008 | You happen to be listening to it. | 你碰巧在听这个 |
| 2009 | You get to start writing right now. | 你现在可以开始写作了 |
| 2010 | Yeah, and I think for anybody, | 是的,我想对任何人来说, |
| 2011 | we all know people that have the contamination narrative. | 我们都知道有污染描述的人 |
| 2012 | You should send this to your friend. | 你应该把这个寄给你的朋友 |
| 2013 | Because if I heard this, | 因为如果我听到这个, |
| 2014 | I would immediately recognize those traits in myself. | 我马上会认出这些特质 |
| 2015 | I could name, like literally, as you're speaking, | 我可以点名,就像字面上, 当你说话, |
| 2016 | I'm like, this has to go to her and to her | 我很喜欢,这必须去她和她 |
| 2017 | and to him and to her and to her. | 以及他,还有她,还有她 |
| 2018 | But it's like, you know that you've just done it | 但它就像,你知道 你刚刚做到了 |
| 2019 | for so long that it's become a pattern. | 如此之久,它变成了一种模式。 |
| 2020 | It's a story that you tell yourself | 这是一个故事,你告诉自己 |
| 2021 | and you've just got to find a new narrative. | 你只需要找到一个新的叙述。 |
| 2022 | And even as you speak it, it's like, yes, actually, | 当你说话的时候,就像,是的,实际上, |
| 2023 | everybody will be able to find and identify | 每个人都可以找到和识别 |
| 2024 | a little nugget of luck somewhere. | 一点运气的地方。 |
| 2025 | And that can be the beginning of your reframing. | 这可能是你重新思考的开始。 |
| 2026 | Someone sent this to you. | 有人寄给你的 |
| 2027 | Finding that, just listening to the podcast. | 找到它,只是听播客的声音。 |
| 2028 | How lucky, I clicked on this today. | 真幸运,我今天点击了这个。 |
| 2029 | Oh my gosh, so two things. | 哦,我的上帝,所以两件事。 |
| 2030 | One, send this to them and say, | 一,把这个寄给他们,然后说: |
| 2031 | I want to listen to this with you, right? | 我想跟你一起听,对吧? |
| 2032 | Like, I want to listen to this with you. | 我想跟你一起听这个 |
| 2033 | Oh, let's do it together. | 哦,让我们一起做。 |
| 2034 | That's nice. | 不错 |
| 2035 | Let's do it together on a walk, on a drive. | 我们一起走走 开车 |
| 2036 | It's cute, a little date, a little podcast. | 很可爱 约会 播客 |
| 2037 | I lift and listen to podcasts with my husband. | 我举起手来和我丈夫一起听播客 |
| 2038 | We lift and listen to podcasts. | 我们抬起并听播客。 |
| 2039 | That's so romantic. | 这太浪漫了 |
| 2040 | It's so good, it's so good. | 妙妙无边. |
| 2041 | So lift and listen, right? | 所以抬起来听,对不对? |
| 2042 | Or like listen with your person. | 或与人同听. |
| 2043 | But second, be like, hey, | 但第二,就像,嘿, |
| 2044 | can we do the nine power questions together? | 我们能一起处理九个权力问题吗? |
| 2045 | The act of going through the questions | 处理问题的行为 |
| 2046 | is going to help them rewrite. | 将帮助他们改写。 |
| 2047 | Because even just voicing fears. | 因为即使只是表达恐惧。 |
| 2048 | Like one of the questions, | 像一个问题, |
| 2049 | I believe this is question number eight, | 我想这是第八题 |
| 2050 | is how do you feel most misunderstood? | 你觉得你最误解吗? |
| 2051 | Just the act of asking and answering that question, | 只是问和回答这个问题, |
| 2052 | which with someone you trust, | 与你信任的人, |
| 2053 | it can be someone who you're even level two person, | 可以是一个人 你甚至二级的人, |
| 2054 | you're going to begin to think about, | 你会开始思考, |
| 2055 | how do I wish I was seen? | 我希望我被看见吗? |
| 2056 | That is self authorship, right? | 这是自我创作,对不对? |
| 2057 | Talking about how you wish to be understood, | 谈论你希望如何被理解, |
| 2058 | that's writing your own story. | 这是写你自己的故事。 |
| 2059 | That is writing your own story. | 这是写你自己的故事。 |
| 2060 | So something I love to talk about on this show | 所以我喜欢在节目上谈 |
| 2061 | all the time is money. | 所有的时间都是钱。 |
| 2062 | Yeah, I love it, I love it. | 是啊,我喜欢它,我喜欢它。 |
| 2063 | But money conversations are really just about money, right? | 但是钱的对话其实只是钱,对吧? |
| 2064 | And people get really mixed up. | 人们会变得很困惑。 |
| 2065 | They don't know how to speak about money. | 他们不知道如何谈论钱。 |
| 2066 | What can the way people speak about money | 人们怎么谈钱 |
| 2067 | actually reveal about them? | 揭发他们? |
| 2068 | Okay, so everyone has a money narrative. | 好了,所以每个人都有一个钱的叙述。 |
| 2069 | Yes, they do. | 是的,他们这样做。 |
| 2070 | This is the story you tell yourself about your worth, | 这就是你告诉自己 你的价值的故事, |
| 2071 | about the money you make and success, right? | 关于你赚的钱和成功,对不对? |
| 2072 | I also believe people have career narratives | 我也相信人们都有职业叙事 |
| 2073 | are a little bit different. | 有点不一样。 |
| 2074 | They can be a little different. | 他们可以有点不同。 |
| 2075 | This is a very personal story to me. | 这对我来说是一个非常私人的故事。 |
| 2076 | So a couple that I knew, | 我认识一对夫妇 |
| 2077 | they were in like a little icebreaker dinner situation. | 他们像一个小 破冰晚餐的情况。 |
| 2078 | And the icebreaker was very casual, | 破冰者很随意, |
| 2079 | sounded very casual, was if you won the lottery, | 听起来很随意 如果你中了彩票 |
| 2080 | what amount of money would you need | 你需要多少钱? |
| 2081 | to never have to work again? | 再也不用工作了吗? |
| 2082 | Kind of like a silly little conversationer. | 有点像一个愚蠢的小对话者。 |
| 2083 | This is a money narrative question. | 这是一个货币叙事问题。 |
| 2084 | That is my narrative question. | 这是我的叙事问题。 |
| 2085 | And someone in the couple said, 500,000. | 夫妇中有人说,50万。 |
| 2086 | And someone in the couple said, 30 million. | 夫妇中有人说,3000万。 |
| 2087 | And they got divorced. | 他们离婚了 |
| 2088 | And that couple told me it was that conversation | 那对夫妇告诉我这是谈话 |
| 2089 | that was the beginning of the unravel. | 这是分裂的开始。 |
| 2090 | Wow. | 珃 |
| 2091 | Because they had very different beliefs about money | 因为他们对金钱的信仰大不相同 |
| 2092 | and what it could do for you. | 以及它能为你做什么。 |
| 2093 | Neither of them were right or wrong, | 他们两个都不是对的 |
| 2094 | but they were totally incompatible. | 但是它们完全不相容 |
| 2095 | Yeah, that's a fundamental disconnect. | 是啊,这是一个根本性的断开。 |
| 2096 | So first, just bringing into your conversations | 所以,首先,只是带进你的谈话 |
| 2097 | those kinds of questions. | 那些问题 |
| 2098 | What was your first money memory? | 你的第一个钱记忆是什么? |
| 2099 | Does money make you feel powerful, | 钱让你觉得有力量 |
| 2100 | attractive, scared, free, right? | 迷人,害怕,自由,对不对? |
| 2101 | Like even just asking those kinds of questions, | 就像问那些问题一样 |
| 2102 | you start to uncover things. | 你开始发现一些东西。 |
| 2103 | Like, for example, my origin story as an entrepreneur | 比如我作为企业家的起源故事 |
| 2104 | actually starts with money. | 其实是从钱开始的。 |
| 2105 | And I was like, I knew I wanted to be a mom. | 我当时想,我知道我想当妈妈 |
| 2106 | And so I knew that I didn't want to have a job | 所以我知道我不想有工作 |
| 2107 | that was tied to my hours. | 这和我的工作时间有关 |
| 2108 | I knew that I did not want to do, | 我知道我不想这样做, |
| 2109 | I still to this day don't do coaching or consulting. | 我到现在都不做教练或咨询 |
| 2110 | So I started the business | 于是我开始了生意 |
| 2111 | because I knew that I wanted to create books. | 因为我知道我想创造书籍。 |
| 2112 | And so I think that like even asking someone, | 所以我觉得这就像问别人一样 |
| 2113 | what was the first time you made money? | 你第一次赚钱是什么时候? |
| 2114 | How did it feel? | 感觉怎么样? |
| 2115 | How do you think about money? | 你觉得钱怎么样? |
| 2116 | How does money drive you? | 钱是怎样驱使你的? |
| 2117 | If we talk about that, | 如果我们谈论这个, |
| 2118 | you're going to discover things about yourself, | 你会发现一些关于你自己的事情, |
| 2119 | even as you're talking. | 乃至如来所说. |
| 2120 | Yeah, and it's so important. | 是啊,这很重要。 |
| 2121 | No one can get away from the conversations around money. | 没人能逃脱钱的事 |
| 2122 | And it really actually is one of those things, | 实际上,这是其中之一, |
| 2123 | just as you described with the couple that got divorced, | 就像你和离婚夫妇描述的那样 |
| 2124 | you really need to know that | 你真的需要知道这一点 |
| 2125 | about the people that are closest to you. | 关于与你最亲近的民众。 |
| 2126 | It's not a conversation | 这不是谈话 |
| 2127 | you want to be necessarily having in the workplace, | 您想要在工作单位, |
| 2128 | though I wish more women did. | 虽然我希望更多的女人这样做。 |
| 2129 | But those that are closest to you, | 但最亲近你的人 |
| 2130 | you really need to understand | 你真的需要 理解 |
| 2131 | and they need to understand you better | 他们需要更了解你 |
| 2132 | through the lens of money. | 通过钱的镜头。 |
| 2133 | It's helpful. | 这很有帮助。 |
| 2134 | It's helpful, it's also predictive. | 有帮助,也有预测性. |
| 2135 | Entirely, entirely. | 绝对,完全。 |
| 2136 | If you hear what someone's money narrative was | 如果你听到某人的钱的叙述 |
| 2137 | about their first job, | 关于他们的第一份工作, |
| 2138 | it's going to tell you a lot about this current job | 这会告诉你很多关于现在的工作 |
| 2139 | and how they save and how they don't save | 和他们如何拯救 和他们如何不拯救 |
| 2140 | and how they spend. | 和他们的花费。 |
| 2141 | All right, so as we draw to a close, | 好吧,当我们接近尾声时, |
| 2142 | I really want to ask you this question | 我真的很想问你这个问题 |
| 2143 | because I think for so many of us, | 因为我想 对于这么多我们, |
| 2144 | we have somebody that we've known for the longest time, | 我们有一个我们认识的时间最长的人 |
| 2145 | for years and years and years, | 几年,几年,几年, |
| 2146 | but we don't actually know them. | 但其实我们不认识他们 |
| 2147 | So if this is somebody that you've invested a lot of time in | 所以如果这是你投入了很多时间的人 |
| 2148 | and somebody that you love, | 还有你爱的人 |
| 2149 | where do you even start to get deeper with people? | 你从哪里开始和别人交往? |
| 2150 | Like you talk about the levels, | 就像你说的关卡 |
| 2151 | from level one to level two to level three, | 从一级到二级到三级, |
| 2152 | but this is not somebody | 但这不是某人 |
| 2153 | like you're meeting for the first time. | 就像你第一次见面一样 |
| 2154 | It's like, you know this person, you just don't know him. | 这就像,你知道这个人, 你只是不认识他。 |
| 2155 | No, okay, so I would start with goals. | 不,好吧,所以我会开始 目标。 |
| 2156 | So- | 所以说... |
| 2157 | Oh, I love that. | 哦,我喜欢这个。 |
| 2158 | I love goals. | 我喜欢目标。 |
| 2159 | I could do goals. | 我可以做目标。 |
| 2160 | I'm a goal girl, right? | 我是一个进球的女孩,对不对? |
| 2161 | I could do goals. | 我可以做目标。 |
| 2162 | Like I host gold digger dinners, like I love goals. | 喜欢我主持淘金者晚宴,喜欢目标. |
| 2163 | So I would start with goals and here's why, | 所以我从目标开始,这就是为什么, |
| 2164 | is it's a good reset conversation. | 这是一次很好的重置对话。 |
| 2165 | If you've known someone for a long time, | 如果你认识了很久的人 |
| 2166 | you can't be like, what's your personal passion project? | 你不可能是那种人 你的个人激情项目是什么? |
| 2167 | You know what I mean? | 你知道我的意思吗? |
| 2168 | Facts. | 事实 |
| 2169 | Right, you can't do that. | 对 你不能这么做 |
| 2170 | So I have this concept in the book of being a dream builder. | 所以我在书里有这个概念 一个梦想的创造者。 |
| 2171 | Being a dream builder is like, you're additive. | 做一个造梦者就像,你是添加剂。 |
| 2172 | You're always kind of harvesting, right? | 你总是那种收获,对不对? |
| 2173 | So I would start here, which is, | 所以我从这里开始,这就是, |
| 2174 | I was listening to this podcast, right? | 我在听播客的节目 是吗? |
| 2175 | You can use context clue. | 你可以使用上下文线索. |
| 2176 | I was listening to this podcast | 我在听这个播客 |
| 2177 | or like anytime around New Year's, | 或喜欢任何在新年, |
| 2178 | I reinvigorate some of my old friendships. | 我恢复了以前的一些友谊 |
| 2179 | I'm like, hey, what's your big goal for 2027, you know? | 嘿 你2027年的大目标是什么 |
| 2180 | So birthdays, New Year's, start of the month, | 所以生日,新年,开始的月份, |
| 2181 | start of the week, start of the quarter. | 本周开始,季度开始。 |
| 2182 | Excuse. | 对不起 |
| 2183 | Basically any time, right? | 基本上任何时间,对不对? |
| 2184 | Basically any time. | 基本上随时都可以 |
| 2185 | So if it's the start of a month, just be like, | 所以,如果这是一个月的开始, 只是喜欢, |
| 2186 | hey, you wanna do an October goal? | 嘿,你想做一个十月球? |
| 2187 | Learn a new number of goals? | 学习新的目标吗? |
| 2188 | I'm thinking about doing this goal set. | 我在考虑这个目标 |
| 2189 | You wanna do goals with me? | 你想和我做目标? |
| 2190 | So I would actually start with goals | 所以我从目标开始 |
| 2191 | because it's a way of, | 因为这是一种方式, |
| 2192 | you're just like, it's a little sneaky way | 你只是喜欢, 这是一个有点狡猾的方式 |
| 2193 | to flip on their growth mindset. | 改变他们的成长心态。 |
| 2194 | So growth mindset is important for long-term relationships | 所以增长思维对于长期的关系很重要 |
| 2195 | because I think we can get out of the habit | 因为我觉得我们可以摆脱这种习惯 |
| 2196 | of growing with our partners or growing with our friends. | 与我们的伙伴一起成长 或与我们的朋友一起成长 |
| 2197 | Yeah, and it's death to our relationship. | 是啊,这是死亡 我们的关系。 |
| 2198 | It's death to our relationship | 这对我们的关系来说是死亡 |
| 2199 | because we're not learning if we're not growing. | 因为如果我们没有成长,我们不会学习。 |
| 2200 | So if you're asking, hey, I wanna do a goal reset with you. | 所以,如果你问,嘿, 我想做一个目标重置 与你。 |
| 2201 | Do you wanna do some goals with me? | 你想和我做一些目标吗? |
| 2202 | I was listening to Emma, Vanessa talk. | 我在听艾玛,凡妮莎说话 |
| 2203 | You're saying, will you learn and grow with me? | 你是说 你愿意和我一起学习成长吗? |
| 2204 | So then you start with goals. | 然后从目标开始。 |
| 2205 | Yeah, and I'm taking an interest | 是啊,我感兴趣 |
| 2206 | into things that are important to you. | 成为对你很重要的东西 |
| 2207 | What is your goal for the month? | 你一个月的目标是什么? |
| 2208 | What is your personal goal? | 你个人的目标是什么? |
| 2209 | What is your work goal? | 你的工作目标是什么? |
| 2210 | What is your health goal? | 你的健康目标是什么? |
| 2211 | What is your social goal? | 你的社会目标是什么? |
| 2212 | So you're talking about goals. | 你说的是目标 |
| 2213 | Then what do we need to learn? | 那我们要学什么? |
| 2214 | We're sneaking, getting into the questions | 我们偷偷摸摸地 问问题 |
| 2215 | because question number five is about goals. | 因为第五题是关于目标 |
| 2216 | Question number six is about learning. | 第六问为学. |
| 2217 | So what do we need to learn to get that goal? | 我们要学什么才能达到这个目标? |
| 2218 | Now we're really talking about growth mindset. | 现在我们在谈论增长思维。 |
| 2219 | If you've been with someone for a long time, | 如果你和别人在一起很久了 |
| 2220 | what's the new thing we wanna learn, read, watch, do? | 我们想学习、阅读、看、做什么? |
| 2221 | Is it a class? | 是上课吗? |
| 2222 | Are we trying something together? | 我们一起尝试什么吗? |
| 2223 | Then you're getting into a little bit of accountability | 然后,你得到 一点点的责任 |
| 2224 | and then maybe you can learn something together. | 然后也许你们可以一起学点什么 |
| 2225 | So goals and learning, it's a great way to reinvigorate. | 因此,目标与学习, 是一个伟大的振兴方式。 |
| 2226 | I actually think it's a brilliant way to reinvigorate | 其实我认为这是复兴的绝妙方法 |
| 2227 | because especially if you think about, | 因为特别是如果你想到, |
| 2228 | let's say you have a relationship, you're in a couple, | 假设你们有关系 你们是一对 |
| 2229 | you've had your kids, | 你已经有了你的孩子, |
| 2230 | like you're not doing that thing together, | 就像你们不是一起做的一样 |
| 2231 | you're living in the same house. | 你住在同一个房子。 |
| 2232 | I remember my husband's father, | 我记得我丈夫的父亲 |
| 2233 | he always used to say like, | 他总是说, |
| 2234 | relationships have to give birth to something, | 关系必须产生一些东西, |
| 2235 | meaning that you need to create together. | 意思是你们需要一起创造 |
| 2236 | And actually if you're aligning on your goals | 事实上,如果你配合你的目标 |
| 2237 | and you're like, we're gonna learn this, | 你就像,我们会学到这一点, |
| 2238 | you've seen together, | 你见过一起, |
| 2239 | you're creating something together. | 你们一起创造一些东西 |
| 2240 | And actually the research was about too, | 其实研究也差不多 |
| 2241 | shared future comes from goals. | 共同的未来来自目标。 |
| 2242 | So saying like, even if it's like, | 所以说,即使它是这样, |
| 2243 | we're gonna learn Italian, right? | 我们要学意大利语,对吧? |
| 2244 | Creating a shared future | 创造共同的未来 |
| 2245 | where you're both speaking Italian | 你们都说意大利语的地方 |
| 2246 | is actually very, very bonding. | 实际上是非常,非常紧密的联系。 |
| 2247 | So it also speaks to the science. | 所以它也讲科学。 |
| 2248 | That was very wise of them. | 这是非常明智的。 |
| 2249 | He was a very wise man. | 他是一个非常聪明的人。 |
| 2250 | So if someone listening changes one thing | 所以,如果有人听 改变一件事 |
| 2251 | after listening to this episode, what should it be? | 在听了这集之后,应该是什么? |
| 2252 | No small talk, small talk diet, | 没有闲聊, 闲聊的饮食, |
| 2253 | small talk diet, meaning for the next 30 days, | 小小的谈话饮食 意味着接下来的30天 |
| 2254 | know what do you do, | 你知道你做什么的吗? |
| 2255 | know how are you or any version of it, | 你知道你怎么样 或任何版本它, |
| 2256 | know where are you from. | 知道你从哪里来的 |
| 2257 | Small talk diet for 30 days. | 小说饮食三十日. |
| 2258 | I want you to go on a small talk cleanse. | 我要你继续说点干净的 |
| 2259 | Just see what happens | 看看会发生什么事 |
| 2260 | if you stop defaulting to those questions. | 如果你们不再回避那些问题 |
| 2261 | You're gonna feel a little bit nervous. | 你会觉得有点紧张的 |
| 2262 | It's gonna be a little bit hard. | 将略难. |
| 2263 | Remember that's reps, right? | 记得那是代表吗? |
| 2264 | The first time you do pushups is really hard, | 你第一次做俯卧撑真的很难 |
| 2265 | but just that 30 days, | 但仅仅30天, |
| 2266 | you're gonna break the conversational bad habits. | 你会打破谈话的不良习惯 |
| 2267 | You're gonna get conversationally strong. | 你会得到 谈话非常强壮。 |
| 2268 | Do you think there's anything that can't be taught? | 岂有不能教者乎? |
| 2269 | I'm a pretty growth mindset person. | 我是一个漂亮的成长心态的人。 |
| 2270 | Anything that can't be taught. | 凡不可教者. |
| 2271 | I don't think you can fake authenticity. | 我不认为你能伪造真实性。 |
| 2272 | Occasionally you'll get someone who's like, | 有时你会得到一个像, |
| 2273 | I don't like them. | 我不喜欢他们。 |
| 2274 | I don't think you can fake liking. | 我不认为你可以假装喜欢。 |
| 2275 | I just don't think you can learn that. | 我只是觉得你学不好 |
| 2276 | I don't think you can learn | 我想你学不好 |
| 2277 | how to be an authentically likable. | 如何成为一个真正的可爱。 |
| 2278 | You spent so many years doing this | 你做了这么多年 |
| 2279 | and learning it and getting so good at it. | 和学习它 并变得如此优秀。 |
| 2280 | And I think that what you've spoken about so much today | 我认为你今天所说的这么多 |
| 2281 | is figuring out the questions that make people feel known. | 正在想出问题 让人们知道。 |
| 2282 | And I wonder if there's one question that you have | 我想知道你是否有一个问题 |
| 2283 | that you wish people would ask more often. | 你希望人们更经常地问 |
| 2284 | It's a really hard one, | 这是一个真正的困难, |
| 2285 | but it is my true wish, | 这是我真正的愿望 |
| 2286 | which is what would you do if you weren't afraid? | 如果你不害怕你会怎么做? |
| 2287 | I think most of us are afraid a lot. | 我觉得我们大多数人都很害怕 |
| 2288 | We're afraid of failure. | 我们害怕失败。 |
| 2289 | We're afraid of rejection. | 我们害怕被拒绝。 |
| 2290 | We're afraid of not being liked. | 我们害怕不被喜欢。 |
| 2291 | We're afraid in conversation. | 我们在谈话时很害怕 |
| 2292 | We're afraid in business. | 我们在生意上很害怕 |
| 2293 | And if we could just peel back that layer, | 如果我们能把那层挖回来 |
| 2294 | what would you do if you weren't afraid right now? | 如果你现在不害怕 你会怎么做? |
| 2295 | What would you do if you weren't afraid in your business? | 如果你不害怕,你会怎么做? |
| 2296 | What would you do if you weren't afraid socially? | 如果你不害怕的话 你会怎么做? |
| 2297 | I think that we would really get to some major truths. | 我认为我们真的会了解一些主要的真相。 |
| 2298 | So tell me, what do you still aspire to do or to be? | 告诉我,你还想要做什么? |
| 2299 | I aspire to make a global movement of conversationalists. | 我渴望做一个全球性的对话家运动。 |
| 2300 | And this is tricky, right? | 这很棘手,对吧? |
| 2301 | I don't say that lightly. | 亦不轻说. |
| 2302 | I think we're opting out of conversation every day. | 我觉得我们每天都在选择不说话 |
| 2303 | Okay, we're moving to rapid fire. | 好,我们向快速开火 |
| 2304 | Which I'm terrible at, | 我很讨厌 |
| 2305 | but I feel like you're bad at too. | 但我觉得你也不好 |
| 2306 | Yeah, I can't ask things quickly, as we know. | 是啊,我无法快速问事情,我们知道。 |
| 2307 | I know, I was like, what is she gonna ask me? | 我知道,我像, 她要问我什么? |
| 2308 | I'm gonna try. | 我会尽力的 |
| 2309 | All right, a famous conversation | 好吧,一个著名的谈话 |
| 2310 | that you think everyone needs to listen to. | 你认为每个人都需要听。 |
| 2311 | Yes, there's a forgotten conversation history. | 是的,有一个被遗忘的对话历史。 |
| 2312 | It is the first conversation | 这是第一次谈话 |
| 2313 | between Martin Luther King and Lyndon B. Johnson. | 在马丁·路德·金和林登·B·约翰逊之间. |
| 2314 | When President Lyndon B. Johnson took office, | 林登·B·约翰逊总统上任时 |
| 2315 | he had to take over the civil rights agenda from Kennedy | 他不得不从肯尼迪手中接管民权议程 |
| 2316 | very quickly. | 很快的,你应该知道 |
| 2317 | And Martin Luther King had built up | 马丁・路德・金已经建立起来 |
| 2318 | all this camaraderie with Kennedy. | 所有与肯尼迪的友情 |
| 2319 | He had to restart it. | 他不得不重新开始。 |
| 2320 | And it's documented. | 并有记载. |
| 2321 | They have the transcripts of this conversation, | 他们有谈话记录 |
| 2322 | the very first phone call between the two of them. | 两人之间的第一个电话 |
| 2323 | It is mastery. | 这是掌握。 |
| 2324 | It is master level. | 这是主级。 |
| 2325 | I have it printed word for word in my book. | 我书里有逐字印刷的 |
| 2326 | Very basic, if you don't wanna read it. | 非常基本,如果你不想读它。 |
| 2327 | They skipped the small talk | 他们不谈这个小事 |
| 2328 | and they started immediately with gratitude. | 他们立即开始感谢。 |
| 2329 | So both Lyndon B. Johnson and Martin Luther King, | 所以林登·B·约翰逊和马丁·路德·金 |
| 2330 | they both had very serious agendas they were working on | 他们都有一个非常严肃的议程 他们正在努力 |
| 2331 | and they had to find camaraderie. | 他们不得不找到朋友 |
| 2332 | So they started with camaraderie and gratitude. | 于是他们从友情和感激开始. |
| 2333 | They also talked about legacy. | 他们还谈到遗产问题。 |
| 2334 | They were literally in the very first two minutes. | 他们从字面上说 在最初的两分钟。 |
| 2335 | Level two. | 二级. |
| 2336 | Level three. | 三级. |
| 2337 | They were like a legacy. | 他们就像一个遗产。 |
| 2338 | Kennedy's legacy. | 肯尼迪的遗产. |
| 2339 | And then incredibly, this is a president, right? | 然后令人难以置信的是,这是一个总统,对不对? |
| 2340 | Lyndon B. Johnson's president, | 林登·B·约翰逊的总统 |
| 2341 | he actually said all of his worries. | 他实际上说 他的所有担心。 |
| 2342 | In the first minute of the conversation, | 在谈话的第一分钟, |
| 2343 | he lists to Martin Luther King his worries | 他向马丁·路德·金列出他的忧虑 |
| 2344 | about these bills. | 关于这些账单。 |
| 2345 | And immediately, that's a hero's journey, right? | 立刻,这是一个英雄的旅程,对不对? |
| 2346 | Lyndon B. Johnson said, I need help with this. | 林登·B·约翰逊说 我需要帮助 |
| 2347 | I am worried about getting this done. | 我担心这件事能办到 |
| 2348 | And Martin Luther King is like, let's go. | 马丁・路德・金说,我们走吧。 |
| 2349 | Not in those words, but he's like, | 不是那些词, 但他喜欢, |
| 2350 | I'm your ally, let's do it. | 我是你的盟友,让我们做到这一点。 |
| 2351 | That conversation is short, but high stakes. | 谈话很短,但事关重大。 |
| 2352 | I think we tend to think of conversations | 我觉得我们总是想着对话 |
| 2353 | as casual and social, and they're wonderful. | 作为随意和社交, 他们是美妙的。 |
| 2354 | But there are some very high stakes conversations | 但有一些非常重要的谈话 |
| 2355 | and they don't have to be long. | 而且他们不用很久。 |
| 2356 | If you know what to hit, you can do them right. | 如果你知道该打什么, 你可以做对了。 |
| 2357 | So if I could just replay that, broadcast it out, I would. | 所以,如果我可以重新播放, 播放出来,我会的。 |
| 2358 | Another reason to buy the book. | 另一个买书的理由. |
| 2359 | Oh, thank you, thank you. | 谢谢,谢谢 |
| 2360 | Okay, text, voice note, or phone call? | 好,短信,语音留言,还是电话? |
| 2361 | Tell the truth, Vanessa. | 说实话,凡妮莎。 |
| 2362 | Video call. | 视频通话. |
| 2363 | Video call? | 视频通话? |
| 2364 | Video call. | 视频通话. |
| 2365 | Oh, okay. | 哦,还好。 |
| 2366 | I'm a video caller. | 我是一个视频通话员。 |
| 2367 | I'm a spontaneous video caller. | 我是一个自发的视频呼叫员。 |
| 2368 | Really? | 真的吗? |
| 2369 | Oh, yeah. | 对 |
| 2370 | I'm not picking up to you. | 我不会接你的 |
| 2371 | You're not? | 你没有吗? |
| 2372 | No, no, no, no. | 释曰. |
| 2373 | What? | 你说什么? |
| 2374 | I feel like you need to text ahead to face tell me. | 我觉得你需要提前发短信来告诉我 |
| 2375 | I'm like 12, 44 years old. | 我像12,44岁。 |
| 2376 | What? | 你说什么? |
| 2377 | No, it has to be a family member for me to pick this up. | 不,必须是一个家庭成员 我拿这个。 |
| 2378 | I'm 41, I'm 41. | 我41岁,我41岁。 |
| 2379 | I FaceTime my friends | 我面对我的朋友 |
| 2380 | and I want to see them at their ugliest. | 我想看到他们最丑的。 |
| 2381 | I love it. | 我喜欢它。 |
| 2382 | I call people when I'm like sweaty in the sauna. | 我在桑拿里汗流满面时就叫人来 |
| 2383 | I'm like, hello, like in my sauna hat. | 我像,你好, 就像在我的桑拿帽。 |
| 2384 | You know you're my good friend | 你知道你是我的好朋友吗? |
| 2385 | if I randomly video call you. | 如果我随机视频给你打电话。 |
| 2386 | Wow. | 珃 |
| 2387 | Deep. | 深处. |
| 2388 | That's very deep. | 甚深义. |
| 2389 | A communication habit that you want people | 一个你想要人的交流习惯 |
| 2390 | to stop doing right away. | 立刻停止行动 |
| 2391 | Stop asking. | 别问了 |
| 2392 | Been busy? | 很忙吗? |
| 2393 | Stop asking that question | 别再问了 |
| 2394 | and stop talking about how busy you are. | 别再说你有多忙了 |
| 2395 | There's just is no, both of those. | 两者都不行 |
| 2396 | There's no other way. | 无有他法. |
| 2397 | That's it. | 就这样 |
| 2398 | I've really enjoyed that by the way. | 顺便说一句 我真的很喜欢这个 |
| 2399 | That was really good. | 这是非常好的。 |
| 2400 | Well done. | 干得不错 |
| 2401 | Is there a book that's changed your life? | 有本书改变了你的生活吗? |
| 2402 | So many books have changed my life. | 这么多书改变了我的生活 |
| 2403 | I'm going to go back to the original, | 我要回到原画 |
| 2404 | the first self-help book I ever read. | 我读过的第一本自助书 |
| 2405 | So it was on my mom's dresser. | 所以是在我妈妈的梳妆台上 |
| 2406 | And she was like, I was like, | 她喜欢,我说, |
| 2407 | why is my mom reading a book? | 为什么我妈妈在看书? |
| 2408 | It was an old school book called Why Men Don't Listen | 这是一本老书,叫"男人不听" |
| 2409 | and Why Women Can't Read Maps. | 以及为什么妇女不能阅读地图。 |
| 2410 | It was by Barbara and Alan Pease. | 是芭芭拉和艾伦·派斯写的 |
| 2411 | And it was, I didn't know self-help existed. | 而这是,我不知道 自助存在。 |
| 2412 | Back then, you know, I was like, | 当时,你知道,我说, |
| 2413 | I was like in elementary school or something, | 我像小学什么的, |
| 2414 | like early high school. | 喜欢早期高中。 |
| 2415 | I thought it was only fiction books. | 我以为这只是虚构的书 |
| 2416 | I read this book and I understood my dad. | 我读了这本书,我理解我爸爸。 |
| 2417 | No. | 没有 |
| 2418 | Like I read this book and explained how men think | 就像我读了这本书 解释了男人的想法 |
| 2419 | versus how women think. | 与女人的想法相对 |
| 2420 | I don't even know if it holds up, I haven't read it. | 我什至不知道它是否维持, 我没有读它。 |
| 2421 | But I was like, oh, I understand my dad. | 但我想,哦,我理解我父亲。 |
| 2422 | I understood my brother. | 我了解我弟弟的心声 |
| 2423 | Like it actually was the first time | 好像这是第一次 |
| 2424 | where I understood the people in my life. | 在那里,我理解 人民在我的生活中。 |
| 2425 | And I was like, I wanna write books like this. | 我想这样写书 |
| 2426 | That was the first time where I was like, | 这是我第一次喜欢, |
| 2427 | this is what I wanna write. | 这就是我要写的。 |
| 2428 | That's amazing. | 这是惊人的。 |
| 2429 | I was like 12. | 我当时12岁 |
| 2430 | Well, let me tell you, anyone who goes out | 好吧,让我告诉你,任何人谁出去 |
| 2431 | and gets a copy of your book | 拿到一本你的书 |
| 2432 | will understand something in a whole new way. | 将会以全新的方式理解一些事情 |
| 2433 | It's as enlightening. | 如是开悟. |
| 2434 | Like honestly, congratulations to you | 老实说,恭喜你 |
| 2435 | because it's a really amazing book | 因为这是本很棒的书 |
| 2436 | and there's so much to learn in there. | 里面有很多东西要学 |
| 2437 | You should be really proud of yourself. | 你真该为自己骄傲 |
| 2438 | Thanks for having this conversation with me. | 谢谢你跟我谈这个 |
| 2439 | I'm so happy to have done it. | 师大欢喜. |
| 2440 | Thank you, my love. | 谢谢你,亲爱的。 |
| 2441 | So good. | 这么好 |
| 2442 | Yay! | 赞! |
| 2443 | Thanks for joining me on the Aspire podcast. | 谢谢你来参加阿斯庇尔播客节目 |
| 2444 | For more strategies on how to build the life of your dreams, | 对于如何构建你梦想生活的更多策略, |
| 2445 | be sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel. | 确保订阅我们的YouTube频道。 |
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