（中英附文稿）《坚毅》作者谈努力：为什么坚持之外，还需要支持
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:00 | Effort isn't enough. | 努力是不够的。 |
| 0:01 | Grit's not enough. | 葛丽特不够 |
| 0:01 | If you don't have those support structures, if you don't have the mentors, the teammates, the culture, I think they make all the difference. | 如果你没有这些支撑结构,如果你没有导师,队友,文化,我认为它们能带来所有的变化. |
| 0:09 | I mean, you know, trying hard in a losing situation, you know, only leads to really like frustration and burnout. | 我的意思是,你知道,在输掉的情况下努力努力, 你知道,只会导致真正的 沮丧和燃烧。 |
| 0:15 | A psychologist, a professor and a bestselling author has sold over five million copies of her book called Grit, the one and only Dr. Angela Duckworth. | 一位心理学家,一位教授和一位畅销书作家已经卖出了500多万本名为Grit的书,这是她唯一一本,也是Angela Duckworth博士的书. |
| 0:24 | If you are trying and then you're trying harder and then you're trying harder still and you do not feel like you are making progress in your marriage, in your career, in your friendships, | 如果你在努力,然后你更努力,然后你更努力 仍然,你不觉得 你正在取得进步 你的婚姻,你的事业,你的友谊, |
| 0:35 | I think that is a time you should stop. | 我认为你该停止了 |
| 0:38 | Ask yourself, is it the situation? | 问问你自己,情况怎么样? |
| 0:41 | Like, do I need to pivot and put myself in a better situation? | 喜欢,我需要支点 并使自己处于一个更好的情况? |
| 0:45 | And then, you know, of course, like then keep trying. | 然后,你知道,当然, 像然后继续尝试。 |
展开字幕全文（1715 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Effort isn't enough. | 努力是不够的。 |
| 2 | Grit's not enough. | 葛丽特不够 |
| 3 | If you don't have those support structures, if you don't have the mentors, the teammates, the culture, I think they make all the difference. | 如果你没有这些支撑结构,如果你没有导师,队友,文化,我认为它们能带来所有的变化. |
| 4 | I mean, you know, trying hard in a losing situation, you know, only leads to really like frustration and burnout. | 我的意思是,你知道,在输掉的情况下努力努力, 你知道,只会导致真正的 沮丧和燃烧。 |
| 5 | A psychologist, a professor and a bestselling author has sold over five million copies of her book called Grit, the one and only Dr. Angela Duckworth. | 一位心理学家,一位教授和一位畅销书作家已经卖出了500多万本名为Grit的书,这是她唯一一本,也是Angela Duckworth博士的书. |
| 6 | If you are trying and then you're trying harder and then you're trying harder still and you do not feel like you are making progress in your marriage, in your career, in your friendships, | 如果你在努力,然后你更努力,然后你更努力 仍然,你不觉得 你正在取得进步 你的婚姻,你的事业,你的友谊, |
| 7 | I think that is a time you should stop. | 我认为你该停止了 |
| 8 | Ask yourself, is it the situation? | 问问你自己,情况怎么样? |
| 9 | Like, do I need to pivot and put myself in a better situation? | 喜欢,我需要支点 并使自己处于一个更好的情况? |
| 10 | And then, you know, of course, like then keep trying. | 然后,你知道,当然, 像然后继续尝试。 |
| 11 | I mean, I'll never stop believing in trying harder. | 我的意思是,我永远不会停止相信 更努力的努力。 |
| 12 | But that, I think, is a signal. | 但是,我认为这是一个信号。 |
| 13 | And I think I missed that signal. | 我想我错过了那个信号。 |
| 14 | When does someone know that they should change their environment? | 有人什么时候知道他们应该改变环境? |
| 15 | There's this research that I didn't do, but I think is like elemental to everything that I say. | 有个研究我并没有做, 但我认为它就像元素 我所说的一切。 |
| 16 | I'm curious to ask you first, if you could have all the grit in the world, but not have proximity to the right environment, do you believe we could still accomplish our big goals and dreams? | 我好奇的是,首先问你, 如果你可以拥有世界上所有的精神, 但不能接近正确的环境, 你相信我们仍可以实现 我们的大目标和梦想吗? |
| 17 | I don't. | 我没有。 |
| 18 | I think the answer to that is no. | 我认为答案是否定的。 |
| 19 | Grit是伟大的。 | |
| 20 | I haven't given up on grit. | 我还没放弃Grit |
| 21 | In fact, I think the final common path to greatness is always going to be a path of consistent effort. | 事实上,我认为通向伟大的最后共同道路总是一条坚持不懈的努力的道路. |
| 22 | But effort isn't enough. | 但努力是不够的。 |
| 23 | Grit's not enough. | 葛丽特不够 |
| 24 | I think if you don't have those support structures, if you don't have the mentors, the teammates, the culture, | 如果你没有这些支持结构, 如果你没有导师,队友,文化, |
| 25 | even something as mundane as like the physical environment that you need. | 即使是你需要的普通物质环境 |
| 26 | I mean, if you're a swimmer, like how long is the pool, right? | 我的意思是,如果你是一个游泳运动员, 像多久是游泳池,对不对? |
| 27 | Like, and how heated is the pool? | 游泳池有多热? |
| 28 | These seemingly trivial sometimes, I guess, like things that are outside of you, I think they make all the difference. | 这些看似无关紧要的东西,我猜, 就像你之外的东西, 我认为它们能改变一切。 |
| 29 | I mean, you know, trying hard in a losing situation, you know, only leads to really like frustration and burnout. | 我的意思是,你知道,在输掉的情况下努力努力, 你知道,只会导致真正的 沮丧和燃烧。 |
| 30 | When does someone know that they should change their environment? | 有人什么时候知道他们应该改变环境? |
| 31 | I don't think we know as soon as is optimal, to be honest. | 老实说,我不认为我们知道 只要是最佳的。 |
| 32 | You know, there's this research that I didn't do, but I think is like elemental to everything that I say in this book. | 你知道,有这样的研究,我没有做, 但我认为就像元素 我所说的书的一切。 |
| 33 | I want to credit Dick Nisbet and Lee Ross, these two psychologists who studied what's called the fundamental attribution error. | 我想归功于迪克·尼斯贝特和李·罗斯 这两个心理学家 他们研究了所谓的基本归属错误 |
| 34 | And in particular, this guy, Lee Ross, had a personal experience that led him to discover that when we think of ourselves and others, | 特别是这个家伙,李罗斯,有个人经历 他发现当我们想到自己和其他人时, |
| 35 | we often ignore the situation. | 我们常常无视局势。 |
| 36 | So you ask this question, like, when do we know it's time to change our situation? | 所以你问这个问题,比如,我们什么时候知道是时候改变我们的处境了? |
| 37 | I'll tell you about what he found, which is that we are so oblivious to our situation that, you know, | 我会告诉你他发现了什么, 那就是我们是如此忽略 我们的情况,你知道, |
| 38 | it can kind of, you know, be like the water of a fish. | 它可以有点,你知道, 像鱼的水。 |
| 39 | It's like, I think you should be, | 这就像,我认为你应该, |
| 40 | yeah, I think you should be swimming over here. | 是的,我觉得你应该 游泳在这里。 |
| 41 | But like, you've so habituated to it, you're so used to it. | 但是,你习惯了,你习惯了 |
| 42 | You're so used to it that you're blind to it. | 尔时善财菩萨摩诃萨. |
| 43 | His personal experience was he's getting his PhD. | 他的个人经历是 他得到了他的博士学位。 |
| 44 | And he's at a roundtable. | 他在参加一个圆桌会议。 |
| 45 | And of course, he knows his research well, like it's all he's been doing. | 当然,他非常了解自己的研究,就像他一直在做的一样。 |
| 46 | But the, you know, inquisitors, right, these professors who were like basically there, | 但是,你知道, 问询者,对, 这些教授 他们基本上像那里, |
| 47 | asking him like incredibly random and like sort of like abstruse questions, | 问他像难以置信的随机 和类似类似腹部问题, |
| 48 | like what was the wavelength of light used in this experiment? | 比如这个实验中使用的光波长度是什么? |
| 49 | And, you know, | 还有,你知道, |
| 50 | honestly, instead of feeling smart, he felt stupid. | 老实说,他不是觉得聪明,而是觉得愚蠢。 |
| 51 | And instead of feeling like an expert, | 而不是觉得自己是个专家 |
| 52 | he felt like a total rookie. | 他感觉像个新手 |
| 53 | And he passed, right? | 他通过了,对吧? |
| 54 | But that wasn't the end of the story. | 但事情还没结束 |
| 55 | So then he becomes a professor at Stanford. | 于是他成为斯坦福的教授. |
| 56 | And now he's on the literally on the other side | 现在他站在另一边 |
| 57 | of the table, right? | 在桌子上,对不对? |
| 58 | So now there's this PhD student, they're defending their thesis, | 所以现在有个博士生 他们在为他们的论文辩护 |
| 59 | and he's the one like asking all the clever questions. | 他就是那个喜欢问所有聪明问题的人 |
| 60 | And, you know, you can go through | 而且,你知道,你可以通过 |
| 61 | anything and be like, oh, on page 168, you say, like, what did you mean by that? | 在168页上,你说你是什么意思? |
| 62 | And suddenly, | 突然间, |
| 63 | he's like, I don't know. | 他喜欢,我不知道。 |
| 64 | The students like, yeah, like they're they're falling apart. | 学生喜欢,是的,好像他们正在崩溃。 |
| 65 | And yeah, | 没错, |
| 66 | the student felt stupid. | 那个学生觉得很蠢 |
| 67 | And then he felt smart. | 然后他觉得很聪明 |
| 68 | And I think from that personal experience, and | 我从个人经历中思考, |
| 69 | then like a whole lifetime of research, he found that, you know, so often will be like, oh, this | 就像毕生的研究, 他发现,你知道, 所以经常会是这样,哦,这个 |
| 70 | person doesn't know anything. | 一个人什么都不知道。 |
| 71 | I don't know anything. | 我什么都不知道,我什么都不知道,我什么都不知道,我什么都不知道,我什么都不知道,我什么都不知道,我什么都不知道 |
| 72 | Oh, this person knows a lot. | 哦,这个人知道很多。 |
| 73 | I know a lot. | 我认识很多 |
| 74 | We | 我们 |
| 75 | think it's the person. | 以为是那个人 |
| 76 | It's really the situation. | 这是真正的情况。 |
| 77 | So he later wrote a book called The Person and | 所以他后来写了一本书,叫做《人与人》 |
| 78 | the Situation. | 情况 |
| 79 | It was not a bestseller. | 这不是一个畅销书。 |
| 80 | It dramatically influenced the work of people | 它极大地影响了人们的工作 |
| 81 | like Malcolm Gladwell, Michael Lewis. | 比如马尔科姆·格拉德威尔,迈克尔·刘易斯. |
| 82 | It's an academic book. | 著有学术著作. |
| 83 | And the book says the situation | 书上说情况 |
| 84 | is incredibly powerful. | 非常强大 |
| 85 | But like gravity, it's invisible and ignorable. | 但和重力一样,它是隐形的和可忽略的. |
| 86 | And so I think your | 所以我认为你 |
| 87 | question is a great place to start, which is like, how do you know? | 问题是一个很好的起点, 这就像,你怎么知道的? |
| 88 | And I think oftentimes, like not | 我觉得经常是这样 |
| 89 | soon enough, like not soon enough, like maybe I should, maybe I should be like on a different | 很快,像不是很快, 也许我应该, 也许我应该像一个不同的 |
| 90 | team, maybe, maybe a different coach, like maybe a different zip code, right? | 团队,也许,也许 不同的教练, 像也许不同的拉链代码,对不对? |
| 91 | Like maybe my kitchen | 就像我的厨房 |
| 92 | isn't set up the way my kitchen should set up. | 这不是我厨房的设置方式 |
| 93 | Maybe my office isn't set up the way maybe my | 也许我的办公室没有设置 的方式,也许我的 |
| 94 | nightstand isn't set. | 睡台没摆好 |
| 95 | Like we are ignoring a situation that I think we shouldn't ignore. | 就像我们忽略了一个我们不应该忽视的情况 |
| 96 | It's interesting you're saying this because I had a guy who just graduated who came to my office | 你这么说很有趣 因为我有个刚毕业的人来我办公室 |
| 97 | yesterday to ask me some questions from one of the schools that I went to in college. | 昨天我问了一些问题 从我上大学的一个学校。 |
| 98 | And | 还有 |
| 99 | he was asking me like, if you could go back to my age, 22, and if there's anything you would change, | 他问我喜欢, 如果你可以回到我的年龄,22, 如果有什么你会改变, |
| 100 | is there anything? | 有什么发现吗? |
| 101 | And I'm like, well, you know, everything happens for a reason. | 而我喜欢,嗯,你知道, 一切发生是有原因的。 |
| 102 | But I'm like, | 但我喜欢, |
| 103 | listen, I wish I would have married the right person sooner. | 听着 我希望我早点娶对的人 |
| 104 | I wish I would have been because | 我希望我会是,因为 |
| 105 | I was in multiple long term relationships. | 我有过多种长期的关系 |
| 106 | And it took a lot of energy being with the wrong people. | 和错误的人在一起需要很多精力。 |
| 107 | And I don't make, I don't, I don't put any blame on the women that I was with and dating. | 我没有,我没有,我没有, 我没有把任何责怪 女人,我当时和约会。 |
| 108 | Like it's | 就像这样 |
| 109 | not their fault. | 不是他们的错。 |
| 110 | I chose to be with them. | 我选择与他们在一起。 |
| 111 | I chose to stay with them longer than I knew I should have. | 我选择和他们在一起的时间比我想象的要长 |
| 112 | I go, the only thing is like, you're going to be tempted. | 我走了,唯一的事情是, 像,你会受到诱惑。 |
| 113 | You're a good looking guy. | 你长得真帅 |
| 114 | You're fit. | 你身体不错 |
| 115 | You're this. | 你是这个。 |
| 116 | You've got passion. | 你有热情。 |
| 117 | You're smart. | 你很聪明 |
| 118 | You've already got a great job opportunity. | 你已经有一个伟大的工作机会。 |
| 119 | And like, just make sure you date the right girl and date with the intention to marry. | 就像,只是确保你约会 正确的女孩和约会 打算结婚。 |
| 120 | Don't just | 别那么简单 |
| 121 | fool around because it might be fun in the moment, but it might drain your energy from actually going | 胡说八道 因为此刻可能很有趣 但可能会消耗你的能量 |
| 122 | after what you want. | 随所欲后. |
| 123 | So I'm curious how in your research or in your perspective, if you have the | 所以我好奇你的研究 或者你的视角 如果你有 |
| 124 | right proximity and the right situation in the right environment and grit, but you're with the | 右近 和合适的环境 和grit, 但你与 |
| 125 | wrong person intimately, how much does that impact your ability to succeed or fail? | 这对你的成败能力产生了多大影响? |
| 126 | You know, I married, I, I wouldn't be in this chair right now if I weren't married to Jason | 要知道,我结婚了,我, 我不会在这个椅子上 现在,如果我没有嫁给杰森 |
| 127 | Duckworth. | 达克沃斯 |
| 128 | And it's not because, and it's not, it doesn't have anything to do with grit, right? | 这不是因为,而且不是, 它与Grit无关,对不对? |
| 129 | So | 这么说 |
| 130 | like, I will tell you, and I also wish I had married him earlier, but- | 就像,我会告诉你, 我也希望我早点嫁给他,但是... |
| 131 | How long have you been married? | 你结婚多久了? |
| 132 | I've been married, I don't know. | 我结婚了,我不知道。 |
| 133 | I always lose track. | 我总是迷路 |
| 134 | Definitely over 25 years. | 肯定超过25年了 |
| 135 | Okay, well, that's fine. | 好吧,没关系。 |
| 136 | Yeah, it's a long time. | 是啊,这是很长一段时间。 |
| 137 | 25 plus, right? | 25加,对不对? |
| 138 | So we're like, that's what, silver anniversary? | 所以,我们喜欢,这就是什么, 银周年纪念? |
| 139 | I think we're like, | 我觉得我们就像, |
| 140 | post-silver anniversary. | 银河后纪念日。 |
| 141 | I did try though, by the way. | 顺便说一句,我确实试过了 |
| 142 | I've always dated, according to your | 我总是约会, 根据你的 |
| 143 | philosophy, which is like, are we not getting married? | 哲学,就是说,我们不是结婚吗? |
| 144 | Like, yeah, like next. | 喜欢,是的,像下一个。 |
| 145 | I think the | 我觉得 |
| 146 | average amount of time that I dated a guy was like four weeks and there were a lot of them, | 我和一个人约会的平均时间 大约是四周 而且有很多 |
| 147 | but I did meet Jason Duckworth. | 但我的确见过杰森·达克沃斯 |
| 148 | But let me, let me say that I think when you talk about your | 但让我说,我想 当你谈论你的 |
| 149 | situation, like, yeah, it's like, you know, what's in your cup? | 情况,就像,是的, 它就像,你知道,什么 在你的杯子? |
| 150 | It's like, you know, do you have | 这就像,你知道,你有 |
| 151 | food on your counter? | 你柜台上有吃的吗? |
| 152 | It is also, and obviously, most importantly, I think, like the person that | 也是,而且很明显,最重要的是,我认为, 像这个人, |
| 153 | you're with. | 你和我们在一起。 |
| 154 | I cannot tell you how, like, I think Angela Duckworth is great. | 我不能告诉你,像, 我认为安吉拉Duckworth是伟大的。 |
| 155 | Angela Duckworth and | 安吉拉·达克沃斯和 |
| 156 | Jason Duckworth, 喜欢, 更伟大。 | |
| 157 | Really? | 真的吗? |
| 158 | So this wasn't all you. | 所以,这不是所有的你。 |
| 159 | When I did finish this book, which was a very long, hard road, which we could talk about or | 当我完成这本书的时候, 这是一个非常漫长,艰难的道路, 我们可以谈论或者 |
| 160 | not, but I, it was like, I think I had never been so humbled as in the five-year journey of | 但我觉得 我从来没有像五年的旅程那样谦卑 |
| 161 | writing this book. | 写这本书。 |
| 162 | You know, not just the most intellectually challenging work, like honestly, | 你知道,不只是最 智力挑战的工作, 像诚实, |
| 163 | the most personally and emotionally challenging work. | 最有个人和情感挑战性的工作 |
| 164 | When it finally was done, I could only use | 当它最终完成,我只能使用 |
| 165 | иΤ | |
| 166 | Like, now we're going to get published. | 喜欢,现在我们要去得到发布。 |
| 167 | One of the reasons, and you | 原因之一,还有你 |
| 168 | tell me, I'd love to hear more about your marriage. | 告诉我,我很想听到更多关于你的婚姻。 |
| 169 | I feel like I no longer conceive of my | 我觉得我不再 想象我的 |
| 170 | journey in life as being like me trying to do things. | 人生的旅程就像我试图做一些事情一样 |
| 171 | I mean, I really do think of like, you know, | 我的意思是,我真的认为, 你知道, |
| 172 | I have to write an op-ed with Jason. | 我得和杰森写一篇专栏 |
| 173 | Really? | 真的吗? |
| 174 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 175 | I mean, at like, you know, he's not a | 我的意思是,像,你知道, 他不是一个 |
| 176 | psychologist. | 心理学家. |
| 177 | He's a real estate developer, by the way, um, residential real estate, but he's | 他是一个房地产开发商,顺便说一句,嗯,住宅房地产,但他 |
| 178 | your psychologist because you've married to you in a sense. | 你的心理学家 因为你在某种意义上嫁给了你 |
| 179 | Like he understands you. | 就像他理解你一样 |
| 180 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 181 | Psychologically, emotionally, he understands me. | 在心理上,情感上,他理解我。 |
| 182 | He, um, you know, he's my intellectual sparring | 他,嗯,你知道, 他是我的智商参赛 |
| 183 | partner. | 搭档 |
| 184 | I think that the, the, the idea that like, I am just myself and then like occasionally I get | 我觉得,这个想法, 喜欢,我只是我自己, 然后像偶尔我得到 |
| 185 | feedback doesn't do justice to like how important he is. | 反馈不能公平对待他有多重要 |
| 186 | And again, like going back to like you and | 再说一遍 就像回到你身边 |
| 187 | your situation, I will go all Eastern on you because I have a Chinese descent. | 你的情况,我会去所有东部你 因为我有中国血统。 |
| 188 | So I have a | 所以我有一个 |
| 189 | little bit of the right born in Philadelphia, but my parents came from China and they, they, my dad | 一点点的权利出生在费城, 但我的父母来自中国 他们,我爸爸 |
| 190 | in particular would talk about how different it was to come from the East and the West. | 特别是要谈谈东西方的区别。 |
| 191 | And so I | 所以我才会 |
| 192 | will tell you what I think my father was saying to me when he said, like, when you are in the West, | 我会告诉你,我认为我父亲对我说什么 当他说,喜欢,当你在西方, |
| 193 | it's like, you're an individual and you know, you have a resume and a career and yes, you have | 就像,你是一个个人 你知道,你有简历 和事业 是的,你有 |
| 194 | relationships with a, you know, romantic partner, with friends, with society, but it's your dream, | 和一个浪漫的伴侣 朋友 社会的关系 但这是你的梦想 |
| 195 | but it's your dream. | 但这是你的梦想。 |
| 196 | You know, like you're the silhouette, you're the right. | 你知道,就像你是 硅胶,你是正确的。 |
| 197 | He was like in the | 他当时就像在 |
| 198 | East speaking personally, he was like, that's not how we think of it. | 东语个人说,他喜欢, 这不是我们如何想它。 |
| 199 | Like you're part of a whole, | 就像你是一个整体的一部分, |
| 200 | you're part of a society, you know, your relationships are not like separate from you. | 你是一个社会的一部分, 你知道,你们的关系 不像你分开。 |
| 201 | So, um, so yeah, like, yeah, my husband, the real estate developer, I think in this, just in the | 所以,嗯,所以是啊,喜欢,是啊,我的丈夫, 房地产开发商,我想在这个, 只是在 |
| 202 | most profound way, I'm, I'm struggling to find the words for it, um, is so much part of, of anything | 最深刻的方式,我,我正在努力 找到它的词,嗯,是 这么多的一部分,任何东西 |
| 203 | that I could call success. | 我可以称之为成功。 |
| 204 | And by the way, not just this book, like the last one. | 顺便说一句,不只是这本书,就像上一本。 |
| 205 | So I- | 所以,我... |
| 206 | That's what I mean, your whole career, like your success as a professor and all the awards you've | 这就是我的意思,你的整个职业生涯, 就像你作为一个教授的成功和所有的奖项 |
| 207 | achieved and the books and the sales, like everything. | 成就,书和销售, 像一切。 |
| 208 | Like everything. | 譬如一切众生. |
| 209 | Would you be where | 你会在哪里 |
| 210 | you are without having the right marriage partner? | 你没有合适的婚姻伴侣? |
| 211 | I would not be where I am if I didn't have this, | 如果我没有这个,我就不会在那里了, |
| 212 | this marriage. | 这个婚姻。 |
| 213 | But you had the talent, you had the smarts, the skills, the other relations, | 但你有天赋,有智慧,有技能,有其他关系 |
| 214 | the network, you know, would you like, why wouldn't you be where you are without the right | 网络,你知道,你喜欢, 为什么你不在那里 你没有权利 |
| 215 | intimate partner? | 亲密伴侣? |
| 216 | Um, I'm going to answer it. | 嗯,我要回答这个问题。 |
| 217 | And I also just want to add, I know a very successful | 我也只想补充,我知道一个非常成功的 |
| 218 | Silicon Valley venture capitalist who off the record said, I mean, he came to me and he was | 硅 山谷风险投资家 谁不记录说, 我的意思是, 他来找我,他是 |
| 219 | like, I always look for grit. | 喜欢,我总是寻找grit。 |
| 220 | And I said, great. | 我说,太好了。 |
| 221 | So do I. I asked him, what else do you look for? | 我也一样。 我问他 你还在找什么? |
| 222 | He said, do you want to really know? | 他说 你真的想知道吗? |
| 223 | I was like, I was like, he's like, off the record, | 我很喜欢,我很喜欢, 他喜欢,不记录, |
| 224 | I look for somebody who's in a very stable, strong, you call it a romantic relationship, | 我要找一个非常稳定 坚强的人 你称之为浪漫的关系 |
| 225 | right? | 对吧? |
| 226 | Like marriage would be the most common form of such a relationship. | 婚姻是这种关系最常见的形式。 |
| 227 | And I was like, | 我当时想, |
| 228 | oh, that is so interesting. | 哦,这太有趣了。 |
| 229 | So let me just say that I'm not alone in like believing that, | 所以,让我只说,我不是孤独 喜欢相信, |
| 230 | you know, the two of you are like a unit, you know, like it's, it's not even possible to really | 你知道,你们两个就像一个单位, 你知道,就像它, 它甚至不可能真正 |
| 231 | conceive a, I mean, I will answer you, but I love to hear what you, like what you would say the same | 设想一个,我的意思是,我会回答你, 但我喜欢听到你,喜欢你会说什么 |
| 232 | question. | 问题。 |
| 233 | I, you know, do feel like at some point during the day when we like part ways, | 我,你知道,确实感觉 像在某个时候 在白天,当我们喜欢 部分方式, |
| 234 | we have breakfast and then like, I go off to work as a psychologist, you know, and I'm on conference | 我们有早餐,然后喜欢,我去工作 作为心理学家,你知道,我在开会 |
| 235 | calls, he's not on. | 电话,他不接。 |
| 236 | And I like sit and stare at a blank page and he's not standing next to me. | 我喜欢坐着盯着空白的一页 他不站在我旁边 |
| 237 | I | 一、导 言 |
| 238 | mean, obviously I'm also independent. | 显然我也独立了 |
| 239 | I don't any, I don't, I don't think any of this like diminishes | 我没有,我没有,我不认为 任何这样的减少 |
| 240 | like, oh, you know, I don't feel like I take credit. | 喜欢,哦,你知道,我不觉得 我收功劳。 |
| 241 | But, but everything I do, I think of us | 但是,但我所做的一切,我想我们 |
| 242 | like trying to embark on this challenge. | 像试图开始这个挑战。 |
| 243 | Like, I didn't know how to open this book. | 喜欢,我不知道如何 打开这本书。 |
| 244 | Honestly, | 说实话 |
| 245 | I was like, how do I explain to people the power of the situation? | 我当时想,我如何向人们解释局势的力量? |
| 246 | Because the situation is so | 因为情况如此 |
| 247 | abstract. | 抽象的。 |
| 248 | It's like, how do I explain to them that it's everything and everyone around | 这就像,我如何向他们解释 这是一切和周围的人 |
| 249 | your environment, it's your room, it's your, the mentors around you, the school, the city you're in. | 你的环境,是你的房间,是你的,你周围的导师,学校,你所在的城市. |
| 250 | And maybe I could have called you Louis, right? | 也许我可以叫你路易,对吧? |
| 251 | But you weren't around and I'm not married to you, | 但你不在 我也没有嫁给你 |
| 252 | right? | 对吧? |
| 253 | So I'm like sitting there struggling and, and Jason said, why don't you write about our | 所以我就像坐在那挣扎着, 杰森说, 你为什么不写我们 |
| 254 | marriage? | 结婚? |
| 255 | And I was like, okay. | 我当时想,好吧。 |
| 256 | He just wanted you to brag about them, you know. | 他只是想让你吹嘘他们,你知道的。 |
| 257 | He did ask | 他确实问 |
| 258 | actually just the other day, he's like, have you been telling people that like, he can say in so | 实际上只是有一天,他喜欢, 你有没有告诉人们,喜欢,他可以这样说 |
| 259 | many words, I was like, I was like, I don't know that I'm mentioning that enough. | 很多话,我说,我说, 我不知道我提到这一点还不够。 |
| 260 | But it was such | 但其实如此 |
| 261 | a generous act. | 一个慷慨的举动。 |
| 262 | And the reason is that he didn't want me or wasn't suggesting that I write about | 原因是他不想要我 或者没有暗示我写 |
| 263 | like all the good parts. | 喜欢所有的好部分。 |
| 264 | He was suggesting that I write about a crisis that we had in our marriage. | 他建议我写一个危机 我们的婚姻。 |
| 265 | I mean, it's like the most courageous act, something that we hadn't publicly talked about | 我的意思是,这就像最勇敢的行为, 我们没有公开谈论 |
| 266 | at all. | 一点也不 |
| 267 | And yeah, so I'll tell you the story. | 是的,所以我会告诉你的故事。 |
| 268 | And again, I think like, it's just so indicative of | 再说一遍,我想,这说明 |
| 269 | like, how we are doing this, like, in the deepest way together. | 像,我们是如何做到这一点, 像,以最深的方式在一起。 |
| 270 | So I met Jason Duckworth, I was in | 我遇见了杰森・达克沃斯,我加入了 |
| 271 | my 20s, I, you know, had this dating philosophy was like, we're not getting married next, not | 我的20多岁,我,你知道, 有这种约会的哲学 是喜欢,我们不会结婚下一个,不是 |
| 272 | getting. | 开始 |
| 273 | But when I met him, I was like, let's do it. | 但当我遇见他的时候,我就想,让我们做到这一点。 |
| 274 | Let's go couple days or first couple weeks, | 让我们去几天或头几个星期, |
| 275 | you're like, hey, hours, I had a dream the first night. | 你就像,嘿,小时, 我有一个梦的第一个晚上。 |
| 276 | And I wrote down my journal. | 我写了我的日记。 |
| 277 | So I have like | 所以我喜欢 |
| 278 | written evidence that this is true. | 书面证据证明这是真的。 |
| 279 | I'm not making this up. | 我不是在编剧 |
| 280 | I had the dream that we were getting | 我有一个梦想,我们得到了 |
| 281 | married, I was walking down the aisle, and I couldn't see the room. | 结婚了,我走在过道上, 我看不到房间。 |
| 282 | And he turned around. | 然后他转身 |
| 283 | And | 还有 |
| 284 | it was this guy I just met named Jason. | 是我刚认识的这个叫杰森的人 |
| 285 | And so I told him about it the second time I saw him. | 所以我在第二次见到他时告诉他了 |
| 286 | And | 还有 |
| 287 | I think he thought it was crazy. | 我觉得他觉得很疯狂 |
| 288 | Yeah, I guess that's a natural response. | 是啊,我想这是一个自然的反应。 |
| 289 | I was 26. | 当时我26岁 |
| 290 | I think I | 我觉得 |
| 291 | think I just turned 26. | 我想我刚刚26岁。 |
| 292 | I just turned 26. | 我刚26岁 |
| 293 | I was like 26 and two days. | 我26岁和2天 |
| 294 | And so we had a head over | 于是我们有了头 |
| 295 | heels romance, like there were some ups and downs, but like, oh my god, I was in love. | 高跟鞋浪漫,好像有些起伏, 但是,哦,我的上帝,我恋爱了。 |
| 296 | So that's not | 所以这不是 |
| 297 | what I wrote about. | 我写的那些 |
| 298 | I didn't write about like, oh, and then chapter or whatever, like it ended up | 我没有写,哦, 然后章节什么的, 像它最后 |
| 299 | being chapter five, not chapter one. | 作为第五章,而不是第一章。 |
| 300 | But he wanted me to write about my marriage crisis. | 但他要我写我的婚姻危机 |
| 301 | He thought | 他认为 |
| 302 | it would be a great way to like explain the power of the situation. | 最好能解释一下局势的力量 |
| 303 | I will tell you what happened. | 我会告诉你发生了什么事。 |
| 304 | Everything was going great. | 一切都很顺利 |
| 305 | You know, he's like you and he's like me, like, like, try to outwork us, | 你知道,他喜欢你,他喜欢 我,喜欢,像,试图比我们工作, |
| 306 | right? | 对吧? |
| 307 | It's like, you know, like, let's go, right? | 这就像,你知道, 像,让我们去,对不对? |
| 308 | Like, let's go. | 喜欢,让我们去。 |
| 309 | It's like, you know, maybe I don't | 就像,你知道,也许我不 |
| 310 | have the highest IQ score in the room. | 拥有室内最高智商分数. |
| 311 | Like, you know, but like, watch me work, right? | 喜欢,你知道,但喜欢, 看我的工作,对不对? |
| 312 | Like, so that | 喜欢,这样 |
| 313 | is Jason Duckworth. | 是杰森·达克沃斯 |
| 314 | And that is Angela Duckworth. | 这是安吉拉·达克沃思。 |
| 315 | And I, you know, and you shared with me that that's | 我,你知道, 你告诉我,这是 |
| 316 | your personal story. | 你的个人故事。 |
| 317 | So when we saw each other, it was like looking in the mirror, it was like, oh my | 所以,当我们看到对方, 它就像看着镜子, 它就像,哦,我的 |
| 318 | god, let's go. | 上帝,我们走吧。 |
| 319 | And it was working like trying harder was our life philosophy. | 它的工作就像我们的生活哲学 更加努力。 |
| 320 | And it worked until | 它的工作直到 |
| 321 | it didn't until he's lost it and burnout and overwhelmed. | 直到他失去它 燃烧和不堪重负 |
| 322 | Yeah, so let's see. | 是啊,让我们来看看。 |
| 323 | So and maybe | 所以,也许 |
| 324 | there's a scenario where could have worked forever. | 有个场景可能永远有效 |
| 325 | But I don't think that happens for those people. | 但我觉得这些人不会这样 |
| 326 | So | 这么说 |
| 327 | we get married. | 我们结婚。 |
| 328 | And he's starting his real estate career. | 他开始他的房地产事业。 |
| 329 | And you know more about business than I do | 你比我更了解商业 |
| 330 | despite my being a business school professor. | 尽管我是一个商学院教授。 |
| 331 | So you'll know that, you know, I'm I'm a professor, | 所以你会知道,你知道, 我是个教授, |
| 332 | I'm on tenure track. | 我在任职轨道上。 |
| 333 | He's a real estate developer, 2008 financial crisis. | 他是房地产开发商,2008年金融危机. |
| 334 | I know so little about like, | 我对这样一无所知 |
| 335 | finance and economics that like, I, like, I gave him the copy for this chapter. | 我给了他这个章节的复制品 |
| 336 | And he was like, | 他说, |
| 337 | I think you got the sweetie, I think you got the date wrong for the financial crisis that like, | 我想你得到了亲爱的, 我想你得到的日期错了 金融危机喜欢, |
| 338 | you know, sent the United States and the rest of the world into like a global recession. | 你知道,使美国和世界其他国家 陷入了全球衰退。 |
| 339 | It was | 这是 |
| 340 | like the worst housing market in, you know, recent American history. | 比如美国近代史上最糟糕的住房市场 |
| 341 | So here he is, like starting out | 所以他在这里,就像开始 |
| 342 | as a very ambitious, I'll outwork you real estate developer in the worst time in history to be a | 作为一个野心勃勃的房地产开发商 我会在历史上最糟糕的时期 让你成为一位 |
| 343 | real estate developer. | 房地产开发商。 |
| 344 | What happened to our marriage in this time is and this like, I'm glad | 我们这段时期的婚姻 是这样的 我很高兴 |
| 345 | I mentioned to you that I'm of Chinese heritage because it is relevant. | 我跟你说过,我是中国的遗产,因为它是相关的。 |
| 346 | So he's working harder | 所以,他更努力地工作着 |
| 347 | and harder because the philosophy of somebody who's like, I will try harder. | 更难的,因为有人的哲学 像,我会更努力。 |
| 348 | And that is my | 这是我的 |
| 349 | superpower. | 超级力量 |
| 350 | I will work my way out of every problem has an incredible vulnerability, which is like, | 我会努力解决每个问题 有着惊人的弱点,这就是, |
| 351 | you go from 60 hour work weeks to 80 to 100, right? | 你从60小时的工作周到80到100,对不对? |
| 352 | And I count it. | 我数着呢 |
| 353 | So right. | 没错 |
| 354 | I know people are like, | 我知道人们喜欢, |
| 355 | you know, if you really added up like, oh, yeah, trust me, I added him up. | 你知道,如果你真的加起来 像,哦,是的,相信我,我加了他。 |
| 356 | So he's working like | 所以,他的工作喜欢 |
| 357 | crazy. | 疯了。 |
| 358 | And, and honestly, like becoming incredibly unhappy, like miserable would not be the right | 而且,老实说,像变得令人难以置信的不快乐, 像悲惨是不正确的 |
| 359 | no, no, exactly the right adjective for it. | 不,不,完全正确的形容词。 |
| 360 | I'm, you know, trying to be what my mother who was | 我,你知道, 试图成为我的母亲是谁 |
| 361 | raised in China, like raised me to be, which is the perfect wife. | 在中国长大,就像把我养大, 这是完美的妻子。 |
| 362 | Like, that's impossible. | 这不可能 |
| 363 | I know, | и笵 |
| 364 | well, I had a lot of therapy since this all happened. | 自从这一切发生后 我接受了很多治疗 |
| 365 | And now you also but at the time, | 现在你也一样,但当时, |
| 366 | right? | 对吧? |
| 367 | Like, you know, 20 something, Angela, head over heels in love, and raised to be like | 像,你知道,20个东西,安吉拉,头 高跟鞋在爱, |
| 368 | a perfect wife. | 一个完美的妻子。 |
| 369 | So I'm working harder. | 所以我更努力地工作着 |
| 370 | So I'm trying to get tenure. | 所以我想获得任期 |
| 371 | But also we had these two | 但我们也有这两个 |
| 372 | girls and like, you know, I need to serve them organic fruit and like, keep up my Pilates routine. | 女孩和喜欢,你知道, 我需要为他们服务 有机水果,喜欢,保持我的普拉提的常规。 |
| 373 | But also I've got this husband. | 我也有这个丈夫 |
| 374 | And when you are raised as I was raised, like Louis, my mother laid | 当你像我一样被抚养长大 和路易一样 我母亲躺下 |
| 375 | her hands on my shoulders at college graduation. | 她在大学毕业时 手放在我的肩膀上 |
| 376 | And she with a tear in her eye said, I'm so proud | 她眼中流泪说,我很骄傲 |
| 377 | of you. | 你们的 |
| 378 | You're ready to be a wife. | 你准备好做妻子了 |
| 379 | And so for me, my husband's unhappiness was my failure. | 对我而言 我丈夫的不幸是我的失败 |
| 380 | So then I just worked harder. | 所以我就更努力地工作着 |
| 381 | I was like, I'll dust bus, you know, at five in the morning. | 我早上五点会去赶巴士的 |
| 382 | So I | 所以说 |
| 383 | will make everything right. | 会让一切都好起来的 |
| 384 | And my husband will be happy. | 我丈夫会很高兴的 |
| 385 | But then so we were both just digging | 但后来我们都在挖 |
| 386 | ourselves into, into like, I guess, kind of a foxhole. | 我们进入了类似,我想, 一种狐狸洞。 |
| 387 | Because that's what it felt like we're | 因为这就是我们的感觉 |
| 388 | just like, you know, we're just like, soldiers in a foxhole trying to make things work and all the | 就像,你知道,我们只是一样, 士兵在一个狐狸洞里 试图使事物工作,所有 |
| 389 | happiness. | 快乐 |
| 390 | I mean, the joy, like I was so in love with Jason Duckworth when we met, but I couldn't | 我的意思是,快乐,就像我是如此爱 杰森Duckworth 当我们遇见, 但我不能 |
| 391 | even remember that at this point. | 此时此刻甚至记得这一点。 |
| 392 | And so the crisis that I write about is how each of us had | 所以我写到的危机 是我们每个人的遭遇 |
| 393 | spent our lives being gritty, try harder people. | 我们一生都是贪婪的 更努力的人 |
| 394 | And we had to reckon with the reality that trying | 我们不得不考虑现实 尝试 |
| 395 | harder in a losing situation doesn't make you into a winner. | 在失败的情况下更困难 并不能让你成为赢家 |
| 396 | It didn't work for us. | 对我们没有用 |
| 397 | And we had to | 我们不得不 |
| 398 | change the situation in fundamental ways to rescue our marriage and to rescue our careers. | 从根本上改变现状 拯救我们的婚姻 拯救我们的事业 |
| 399 | I mean, to rescue ourselves. | 我的意思是,拯救我们自己。 |
| 400 | And so, yeah, I belatedly, in a way, like came to understand | 所以,是的,我迟到, 在某种程度上,就像来理解 |
| 401 | that working harder in a losing situation is just a recipe for, you know, exhaustion, burnout and | 在输掉的情况下更努力地工作, 仅仅是一种药方, 你知道,疲惫,燃烧和 |
| 402 | misery. | 苦难。 |
| 403 | Wow. | 珃 |
| 404 | Now, there's a couple things I relate to there. | 现在,有几件事我在那里。 |
| 405 | One, you know, I was, I told you before | 一,你知道,我曾经,我告诉过你 |
| 406 | I was in multiple long-term relationships, not married, but just in long-term dating relationships, | 我有过多种长期关系,不是结婚,而是长期约会 |
| 407 | committed relationships. | 承诺的关系。 |
| 408 | And there'd be seasons where I know like, oh, this was not, we're not | 会有季节 我知道,哦,这不是,我们不是 |
| 409 | supposed to continue. | 应该继续 |
| 410 | But for whatever in me, the athlete or the person that says, don't give up, | 但无论我什么, 运动员或那个人说, 不要放弃, |
| 411 | don't want to quit. | 不想放弃。 |
| 412 | I was like, I'm going to figure this out. | 我本来想,我会想办法的 |
| 413 | We'll do whatever it takes. | 随其所为. |
| 414 | I'll do more. | 我会做更多。 |
| 415 | I'll change. | 我会换衣服的 |
| 416 | We'll go to therapy, whatever it was. | 我们会去治疗,不管它是什么。 |
| 417 | And I repeated that in like four or five different | 我重复了四五个不同的 |
| 418 | relationships. | 关系 |
| 419 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 420 | And not most people, but I would say some people after five, 10 years of a | 而不是大多数人, 但我会说一些人 5,10年后 |
| 421 | marriage, until they get to that point, they would say, you know what? | 结婚之前,他们会说,你知道吗? |
| 422 | We've lost the love. | 我们失去了爱。 |
| 423 | We've lost | 我们输了 |
| 424 | this. | 这个 |
| 425 | Like we've, we've burned ourselves to the ground. | 象我们一样,我们把自己烧成灰烬。 |
| 426 | We tried everything. | 我们什么都试过了 |
| 427 | Let's break up. | 我们分手吧 |
| 428 | Let's | 让我们 |
| 429 | divorce. | 离婚协议。 |
| 430 | Let's break up. | 我们分手吧 |
| 431 | Even if we have kids, I'm not saying it's right or wrong for people to make | 就算我们有孩子,我也不是说人们做对错 |
| 432 | their decisions, but why did you feel like that ending the relationship and removing yourself from | 他们的决定,但你为什么 觉得这样结束关系 并把自己从 |
| 433 | the situation was not the right thing to do at that time for you? | 那时候的情况不适合你吗? |
| 434 | So there's some subtlety here, | 所以这里有些微妙之处 |
| 435 | right? | 对吧? |
| 436 | Cause it's like, okay, so I hear you saying is that like this had become an unsustainable | 因为这就像,好吧,所以我听到你说, 像这个已经成为一个不可持续的 |
| 437 | situation, Angela, like why isn't breaking up like the right thing to do? | Angela 为什么分手不合适? |
| 438 | And like you, I'm like, | 和你一样,我很喜欢, |
| 439 | why be it for me to pass judgment on anyone's marriage or life? | 为什么我要评判别人的婚姻或生活? |
| 440 | Because I don't know anything | 因为我什么都不知道 |
| 441 | about it, but I can speak personally. | 关于它, 但我可以亲自发言。 |
| 442 | And there is some nuance here because divorce was a way to | 这里有些细微的,因为离婚是一种方法 |
| 443 | change the situation. | 改变现状 |
| 444 | Right. | 对 |
| 445 | And I thought like I would be a happy, you know, single mom. | 我以为我是个快乐的单身妈妈 |
| 446 | And then, | 礛 |
| 447 | you know, he, you were happier, right? | 你知道,他,你更快乐,对不对? |
| 448 | Like you thought about this, you thought about like, | 就像你考虑过一样 |
| 449 | what would that look like if we were, I took him out for a walk and I was like, | 那会是什么样子,如果我们是, 我带他出去散步,我像, |
| 450 | and out of the blue, I was, you know, like all in one moment. | 突然之间,我,你知道的, 像所有在一个瞬间。 |
| 451 | I was like, okay, no, you think | 我当时想,好吧,不,你觉得 |
| 452 | everything is perfect. | 一切都是完美无缺的。 |
| 453 | I've been crying my eyes out every night and I don't want to be in this | 我每晚都在哭 不想在这 |
| 454 | marriage anymore. | 现在的婚姻。 |
| 455 | So it was not a great night. | 因此,这是一个不伟大的夜晚。 |
| 456 | You know, I wrote about this, but I don't know | 你知道,我写了这个,但我不知道 |
| 457 | that I did it justice. | 我这样做是正义的。 |
| 458 | Like, uh, I don't think there's anything more devastating. | 喜欢,呃,我不认为有什么 更具破坏性。 |
| 459 | He's like a | 他就像一个 |
| 460 | child of divorce. | 离婚子女。 |
| 461 | Like, I really don't think there is anything I could have said that was | 喜欢,我真的不认为 有我可以说 |
| 462 | more wounding than that. | 比这更伤人 |
| 463 | Um, I think it was terrifying. | 嗯,我觉得这是可怕的。 |
| 464 | I mean, I think it was like every | 我的意思是,我想这是像每一个 |
| 465 | negative adjective you could think of. | 你可以想到负面形容词 |
| 466 | It was terrifying. | 这是可怕的。 |
| 467 | It was like crushing. | 这就像粉碎。 |
| 468 | Uh, it was | 嗯,这是 |
| 469 | devastating. | 毁灭性的。 |
| 470 | And, and I won't lie. | 而且,我不会撒谎。 |
| 471 | Part of the reason why we're still married is grit. | 我们还是结了婚的部分原因是Grit |
| 472 | Cause he | 因为他 |
| 473 | was a little bit like, Oh no, I'm not done. | 有点像,哦,不,我还没说完。 |
| 474 | Like, you know, like, like, yeah, like, you know, | 喜欢,你知道,喜欢,是啊,喜欢,你知道, |
| 475 | we'll do it. | 我们会做到这一点。 |
| 476 | Um, so there was a little bit of grit, but I will tell you, um, I'll tell you, | 嗯,所以有一点点 grit, 但我会告诉你,嗯,我会告诉你, |
| 477 | what happened and why it is that like getting situated, I guess, you know, there were other | 发生什么了? 为什么会这样? |
| 478 | ways to do it, but I'm glad that we went the path we did. | 但很高兴我们走过这条路 |
| 479 | So there were calibrations to our | 所以有校准我们 |
| 480 | situation as opposed to like a radical, like changing, you know, like just splitting up. | 而不是像激进分子, 像改变,你知道,像只是分裂。 |
| 481 | So, um, I was also raised not to have therapy. | 所以,嗯,我也长大了 没有治疗。 |
| 482 | Like I was raised, I remember my father and my | 就像我长大了,我记得我的父亲和我 |
| 483 | mother were, you know, I have siblings and there was a moment in time in my childhood. | 妈妈,你知道的,我有兄弟姐妹, 在我童年时有一刻。 |
| 484 | No one talked about emotions or feelings or like, like Verboten. | 没人像凡尔博滕那样谈论情感或感情 |
| 485 | And there was a moment in time | 时隔一瞬间 |
| 486 | where like, I think the school, somebody reached out and was like, your family needs to go to | 哪里,我想学校,有人伸手 喜欢,你的家人需要去 |
| 487 | therapy. | 治疗。 |
| 488 | And by that, I mean the family. | 由此,我是说家庭。 |
| 489 | And so I remember this one episode, you know, it's like a | 所以,我记得这一集, 你知道,这就像一个 |
| 490 | sepia colored photograph. | 塞皮亚彩色照片. |
| 491 | It's a little fuzzy, but I remember being on this couch with my family. | 有点模糊 但我记得和家人在沙发上 |
| 492 | And you were a kid with my, yeah. | 而你还是个孩子 和我,是的。 |
| 493 | And my parents were there and my dad like stormed out, um, and | 我的父母在那里 我爸爸喜欢冲出去,嗯, |
| 494 | like, uh, you know, very, uh, like unrepeatable things about like the therapist. | 像,呃,你知道,非常,呃, 像不可重复的事情 关于像治疗师。 |
| 495 | So like I did | 就像我一样 |
| 496 | not, I did not grow up thinking like therapy should be part of your situation. | 不是,我从小就没想过 治疗应该是你的一部分 |
| 497 | So at this | 所以在这 |
| 498 | marriage crisis, um, uh, Jason, you know, said, whatever pleaded said, um, like therapy, like | 婚姻危机,嗯,呃,杰森,你知道,说, 不管说什么,嗯, 像治疗,像 |
| 499 | you need therapy, I need therapy and we need therapy. | 你需要治疗 我需要治疗 我们需要治疗 |
| 500 | And how did you respond? | 你怎么回应的? |
| 501 | Um, I, I was | 嗯,我,我曾经 |
| 502 | like incredibly resistant to the idea, you know, like also like when you, when you feel like you've | 就像对这个想法的强烈抵抗 就像当你觉得自己已经 |
| 503 | already gone to the place where you're like, Oh, by the way, like I've thrown it all out and like, | 哦,顺便说一句,我把它扔出去了 |
| 504 | there's no, there's no solution here. | 没有,这里没有解决办法。 |
| 505 | So coming back, but maybe there was enough of a Chinese | 所以回来,但也许中国人已经够多了 |
| 506 | wife and me that was like, Oh, but my husband wants me to go to therapy. | 妻子和我就像, 哦,但我丈夫想让我去治疗。 |
| 507 | So I'll still like, | 所以我还是喜欢, |
| 508 | we went, um, and that was a profound change in my situation. | 我们去了,嗯, 这是一个深刻的变化 我的情况。 |
| 509 | I think like you trying to figure out | и稱钩稱稱快猭 |
| 510 | your problems alone is a different situation than you trying to figure it out with somebody | 你一个人的问题 和你试图和别人解决的不一样 |
| 511 | whose whole job is to like help people like you for, and who has seen as like pattern recognition. | 他们的全部工作就是 帮助你这样的人, 和谁已经看 像模式识别。 |
| 512 | So I, you know, found this therapist, her name is Dee. | 所以我找到了这个治疗师 她叫迪伊 |
| 513 | She's still my therapist. | 她还是我的治疗师。 |
| 514 | Jason found a | 杰森发现 |
| 515 | therapist. | 治疗师 |
| 516 | We went through another that individually and then together we did like we had the biggest | 我们经历了另一个, 单独,然后我们在一起 喜欢我们拥有最大的 |
| 517 | therapy bills like in, uh, well, maybe not in history, but there were three therapists for two | 治疗费,呃,嗯,也许不是在历史上, 但有3个治疗师为2 |
| 518 | of us in one marriage. | 我们在一个婚姻。 |
| 519 | And that wasn't a great ratio for me. | 这对我来说不是很大的比例。 |
| 520 | And we were, you know, just, it was | 我们,你知道,只是,这是 |
| 521 | a huge amount of our annual income, time, energy, you know, these like two little girls who were | 我们的年收入、时间、精力 都很大,就像两个小女孩 |
| 522 | raising, like, you know, grandparents, like taking shifts so that we can each go to therapy, that we | 养大,像,你知道,祖父母, 像轮班 这样我们每个人都可以去治疗, |
| 523 | both go to therapy. | 都去治疗。 |
| 524 | I think that that was only one change, but like you in a marriage trying to | 我认为这只是一个变化, 但像你在婚姻中试图 |
| 525 | figure things out on your own by just trying harder is like a whole different world from like you | 更努力地自己去解决事情 就像一个完全不同的世界 和你一样 |
| 526 | together, like vulnerable enough to be like, I guess it's time for therapy. | 在一起,像脆弱 足以成为喜欢, 我想是时候 治疗。 |
| 527 | Like I can't figure | 就像我无法想象 |
| 528 | this out on my own. | 这事我自己解决了 |
| 529 | I can't talk about it with you, except for if there's this third person in the | 我不能跟你谈,除非有第三个人 |
| 530 | room. | 房间 |
| 531 | Like it did, it wasn't, and it wasn't the only thing we did, but it was like part of the | 和它一样,它不是, 它不是唯一的我们所做的, |
| 532 | turning point, right? | 转弯,对不对? |
| 533 | Um, you know, asking for help, I think is a big part of getting situated. | 嗯,你知道,寻求帮助, 我认为很大的一部分 得到定位。 |
| 534 | It is. | 没错 |
| 535 | Do you feel like you'd still be married and as successful as you are in your career if you | 你觉得你还是会结婚吗? 和你事业中一样成功 |
| 536 | didn't go through therapy with him at that season? | 那季没有和他一起接受治疗吗? |
| 537 | I know that I wouldn't be as successful as I am | 我知道我不会像我这样成功 |
| 538 | because you know what I've also found in my research, Louis, people aren't gritty when they're | 因为你知道我在研究中也发现了什么 路易 人们在研究时并不讨厌 |
| 539 | not happy. | 不快乐。 |
| 540 | So if you want to be gritty and successful, you have to be happy. | 所以,如果你想 粗鲁和成功, 你必须快乐。 |
| 541 | And | 还有 |
| 542 | maybe getting a divorce and getting out of the situation, maybe you would have felt a sense of | 也许离婚 摆脱困境 也许你会觉得 |
| 543 | freedom. | 自由权。 |
| 544 | There is the road not taken. | 有路没有走。 |
| 545 | I know, there's the road not taken. | 我知道,有路没有走。 |
| 546 | Maybe I don't have | 也许我没有 |
| 547 | anything. | 任何东西。 |
| 548 | I'll have to go to therapy for a year and deal with stress and bills and like, uh, | 我得去治疗一年 处理压力和账单 |
| 549 | changing myself. | 改变自己 |
| 550 | Like maybe it would have just been, I can be who I want and find someone else. | 就像也许它只是, 我可以成为我想要的人 并找到别人。 |
| 551 | So I nearly memorized the road not taken by Robert Frost, you know, like, you know, | 所以我几乎记住了罗伯特·弗罗斯特没有走的路 你知道,就像,你知道, |
| 552 | two roads diverged in the yellow wood and there I, the weary traveler stood and looked down one as | 两条路在黄木间分道扬镳 而我 疲惫的旅行者站在地上望着 |
| 553 | far as I could to where it bent in the undergrowth, right? | 我尽量去它弯曲在树丛里的地方,对吗? |
| 554 | I haven't memorized the whole thing. | 我还没记好整件事 |
| 555 | That's | 这是 |
| 556 | the first stanza and you get to the end. | 第一个Stanza,你得到的结尾。 |
| 557 | It's like, you know, basically the reason why that | 这就像,你知道, 基本上原因 |
| 558 | poem gets repeated all the time is like, who hasn't thought about like, but what if I hadn't | 诗会不断重复,像,谁没有想过 像,但如果我没有 |
| 559 | stayed with you or like, what if I had got like, or what if I had stayed in Ireland or whatever it | 和你在一起或喜欢, 如果我有喜欢, 或如果我留在爱尔兰或它是什么 |
| 560 | is, you know, you just have these like the, what if I'd stayed in football? | 就是,你知道,你只是有这些像, 如果我留在足球? |
| 561 | Like you have these | 就像你有这些 |
| 562 | other roads and they're not taken. | 其他道路,他们没有被带走。 |
| 563 | I don't know what the other roads are. | 我不知道其他的道路是什么 |
| 564 | I haven't taken them. | 我没拿 |
| 565 | I mean, I'm trying not to swear, but I love this road and I so, so love my husband. | 我的意思是,我试着不发誓, 但我爱这条路,我是如此,所以爱我的丈夫。 |
| 566 | Like I, I don't | 就像我一样,我不 |
| 567 | know, but I will say this, the thoughts that I had in my head, like this is ruined. | 但我会说,我脑中的想法, 像这样被摧毁了。 |
| 568 | Like it's | 就像这样 |
| 569 | no longer a fairy tale. | 不再是童话了 |
| 570 | Like I can't make you happy. | 就像我不能让你快乐 |
| 571 | Therefore I'm a failure as a wife. | 因此,我作为一个妻子是失败的。 |
| 572 | Like | 喜欢 |
| 573 | we are not meant to be. | 我们不是注定的。 |
| 574 | Those thoughts are not true. | 这些想法不是真的。 |
| 575 | And it was only by changing my situation | 只有改变我的处境 |
| 576 | that I could change my thoughts to, well, you are miserable and I am miserable. | 我可以改变我的想法,嗯,你很痛苦,我很痛苦。 |
| 577 | Facts. | 事实 |
| 578 | It doesn't have to be that way. | 不须如此. |
| 579 | It also doesn't mean that you're a congenitally miserable | 这也不代表你天生就很痛苦 |
| 580 | person or that I am congenitally unable to be a good wife. | 或者我先天不能成为好妻子 |
| 581 | Like there were so many assumptions | 就像有这么多的假设 |
| 582 | that I had in my head that hadn't I changed my situation, um, that, that it wouldn't have | 我脑子里有,我没有改变 我的情况,嗯,那,它不会 |
| 583 | changed my thoughts. | 改变了我的想法。 |
| 584 | Right. | 对 |
| 585 | And I think one of the, one of the things I would really do, like | 我觉得其中之一, 我真正会做的,喜欢 |
| 586 | we've had a conversation before this where I said, I'm slightly uncomfortable. | 之前我们谈过了 我说 我有点不舒服 |
| 587 | Like, you know, | 喜欢,你知道, |
| 588 | being on book tour, like, you know, I don't, but there is something I feel incredibly passionate | 正在书游, 喜欢,你知道,我不知道, 但有件事我感觉 令人难以置信的激情 |
| 589 | about in psychology and that is my job. | 关于心理学,这是我的工作。 |
| 590 | Right. | 对 |
| 591 | I am not a real estate developer. | 我不是房地产开发商 |
| 592 | I'm a psychologist. | 我是个心理学家。 |
| 593 | Like in psychology, there is this very simple way of understanding human behavior that I learned | 和心理学一样,我学到了一种非常简单的理解人类行为的方法 |
| 594 | about halfway through my career and I think is important to deliver to the world. | 我职业生涯的半途而废 我认为重要的是要为世界服务 |
| 595 | And it gets | 它会得到 |
| 596 | back to like, well, how does this all fit together? | 回到了那种,嗯, 这一切如何组合在一起? |
| 597 | There's just three boxes. | 只有三个盒子 |
| 598 | If you want to draw them | 如果你想画它们 |
| 599 | on a piece of paper. | 在一张纸上。 |
| 600 | And the third box is like how you respond, how you feel, are you miserable? | 第三个盒子就像你的反应,你的感觉,你痛苦吗? |
| 601 | Are you happy? | 你快乐吗? |
| 602 | Are you confident? | 你有信心吗? |
| 603 | Are you working 10 hours that day or two hours that day? | 你那天工作10小时还是2小时? |
| 604 | What did | 或 |
| 605 | you eat? | 你吃吗? |
| 606 | What did you drink? | 你喝过什么? |
| 607 | Like any behavior you can think of, any feeling you can think of | 就像任何你能想到的行为,任何你能想到的感觉 |
| 608 | is in box three. | 是在框三。 |
| 609 | And that's how you respond to what happens. | 这就是你对所发生事情的反应。 |
| 610 | That's how you're responding. | 这就是你的反应。 |
| 611 | And people can be different, right? | 人可以不一样,对吧? |
| 612 | You're like, Oh, you know, Ryan, you know, John, like Sally, | 你就像,你知道,瑞安,你知道,约翰,像莎莉, |
| 613 | like they stayed later and you know, Sue didn't like, okay, that's the response. | 就像他们留下来后,你知道,苏不喜欢, 好吧,这就是反应。 |
| 614 | Right. | 对 |
| 615 | Then what | 那又怎样 |
| 616 | happens in box two? | 发生于框2? |
| 617 | What box two are your thoughts? | 二号盒子是什么? |
| 618 | So one of the reasons why many therapists today | 所以今天很多治疗师的原因之一 |
| 619 | will identify themselves as cognitive therapists, like cognitive therapists, | 就像认知治疗师 |
| 620 | thinking therapists, your thoughts, like what are the thoughts that are making you under confident? | 思考治疗师,你的想法, 就像是什么想法让你在信心之下? |
| 621 | Like you're feeling like an imposter. | 就像你觉得自己是个冒牌货 |
| 622 | Let's think about the thoughts that go through your head | 让我们想想你脑海中的想法 |
| 623 | together. | 一起来 |
| 624 | And like, let's try to understand, you know, you don't think this marriage is going to | 就像,让我们试着理解, 你知道,你不认为 这婚姻是要去 |
| 625 | work. | 工作时 |
| 626 | You feel whatever you feel, like it's the thoughts of cognitive therapy. | 你感觉到什么,你感觉什么, 就像这是认知疗法的想法。 |
| 627 | Like you go | 就像你去一样 |
| 628 | and a therapist helps you interrogate and challenge maybe maladaptive and inaccurate | 心理医生帮助你 询问和质疑 可能不适应和不准确 |
| 629 | thoughts. | 思绪。 |
| 630 | Right. | 对 |
| 631 | So I think that's a lot of, that's a lot of growth. | 因此,我认为这是很多, 这是很多的增长。 |
| 632 | You talk about greatness. | 你谈论伟大的。 |
| 633 | Like | 喜欢 |
| 634 | I think a lot of that is becoming aware of your self-talk and your thoughts. | 我认为,其中很多是 开始意识到你的自我谈话和想法。 |
| 635 | But I want to say, | 但我想说, |
| 636 | and I'm not saying that therapists are not saying this too, but I want to say that there's another | 我不是说治疗师不会这么说 但我想说还有另一个 |
| 637 | box. | 页:1 |
| 638 | It's like, okay, that's box two and box three. | 这就像,好吧,这是框2和框3。 |
| 639 | You know what box one is? | 你知道什么是盒子吗? |
| 640 | Box one is your | 一号盒子是你的 |
| 641 | situation. | 情况 |
| 642 | Like who are you with? | 就像你和谁在一起? |
| 643 | Like, are you with a therapist or you're not with a therapist? | 喜欢,你是在治疗 还是你不是在治疗? |
| 644 | I mean, I also came clean to my friends who I had not really been sharing this with on the whole. | 我的意思是,我也向我的朋友坦白了 我并没有真正分享这一切。 |
| 645 | There were also professional changes we make. | 我们还做了一些专业上的改变。 |
| 646 | We changed box one. | 我们换了第一盒 |
| 647 | We changed our situation. | 我们改变了我们的处境。 |
| 648 | When you change your situation, you automatically change your thoughts. | 当你改变你的处境, 你自动改变你的想法。 |
| 649 | When you change your thoughts, you automatically change your behavior. | 改变想法时,会自动改变行为. |
| 650 | So I feel unapologetic and | 所以我觉得很不妥 |
| 651 | equivocal that like people should understand that everything you do comes from what you think. | 模棱两可的是,人们应该明白, 你所做的一切都来自你的想法。 |
| 652 | And | 还有 |
| 653 | everything you think is influenced by your situation. | 所有你认为受你处境影响的东西 |
| 654 | How many days does it take to go | 还要花多少天 |
| 655 | from total beginner to reasonably proficient at a new skill? | 从总的初学者到 合理掌握新技能? |
| 656 | Well, if you practice for a focused | 如果你练习专注 |
| 657 | hour a day, then about 250, which also happens to be the number of reasons to choose T-Mobile. | 每天小时,然后大约250小时,这也恰好是选择T-Mobile的原因数量. |
| 658 | Here's an excellent reason. | 这里有一个很好的理由。 |
| 659 | They have the fastest 5g home internet, according to oocla speed test, | 他们有最快的5g家 互联网,根据ocla速度测试, |
| 660 | which you can test for yourself, worry free with their 15 day money back guarantee. | 你可以自己测试, 不用担心他们15天的回扣担保。 |
| 661 | Another great | 另一个伟大的 |
| 662 | reason it's fast and easy to set up to plug it in and you're online and practically no time | 因为它是快速和容易设置 插入,你在线,实际上没有时间 |
| 663 | with no appointment or technician needed. | 无需预约或技术员。 |
| 664 | Those are just a few reasons. | 这些只是几个原因。 |
| 665 | Find yours at | 发现你的 |
| 666 | t-mobile.com slash home internet, 您可以检查可用性, 并自己尝试。 | |
| 667 | They're so sure you'll love it. | 他们肯定你会喜欢的 |
| 668 | You get your money back if you don't fastest, according to | 不快就拿回你的钱 |
| 669 | oocla speed test intelligence data, second half of 2025. | ocla速度测试情报数据,2025年下半年. |
| 670 | All rights reserved. | 版权所有。 |
| 671 | Redeem money back | 把钱还回去 |
| 672 | guarantee within 30 days of cancellation. | 保证在取消30天内完成。 |
| 673 | You know, this guy, this younger guy who came | 你知道,这家伙,这个年轻人谁来了 |
| 674 | yesterday, the one who asked you for advice. | 昨天,那个问你建议的人 |
| 675 | I love this question. | 我喜欢这个问题。 |
| 676 | I already love this guy. | 我已经喜欢这个家伙了 |
| 677 | I've never met him. | 我从没见过他 |
| 678 | Nice guy. | 不错的家伙。 |
| 679 | I was telling him like, listen, you know, everything I went | 我告诉他,喜欢,听着, 你知道,我去了所有 |
| 680 | through, all the challenges, they've all taught me who I am today and this and that, you know, | 通过,所有的挑战, 他们都告诉我 我是谁今天和这个,你知道, |
| 681 | and I'm grateful for all the experiences, but I know that my energy was drained so many times | 我很感激所有的经验 但我知道我的能量被消耗了这么多次 |
| 682 | and for so long in certain relationships and I don't blame anyone else. | 和这么长时间 在某些关系 我不怪任何人。 |
| 683 | I take full responsibility | 我全权负责 |
| 684 | and I wish I would have learned that skill on how to navigate those situations better sooner | 我希望我早点学会 如何更好地处理这些状况 |
| 685 | because now being married for, you know, and with Martha for the last five years, | 因为现在结婚,你知道, 和玛莎过去五年, |
| 686 | it has brought me so much greater energy in my life, more joy that has allowed me to expand | 它带给我如此多的精力 在我的生活, 更多的欢乐, 让我扩张 |
| 687 | my energy in positive ways. | 我的能量以积极的方式。 |
| 688 | I feel like better, right? | 我觉得好多了,对不对? |
| 689 | It's given me more and more energy, | 它给了我越来越多的能量, |
| 690 | given more confidence, all these things and less stress. | 更加自信,所有这一切 和更少的压力。 |
| 691 | And I think whenever I'm stressed, | 我觉得每当我紧张的时候 |
| 692 | I make worse decisions in life and I, and I make, you know, and I don't respond. | 我做出更糟糕的决定 我 我做,你知道,我不回应。 |
| 693 | Like you said, | 就像你说的 |
| 694 | in the third box as well. | 在第三个盒子里也一样。 |
| 695 | Right. | 对 |
| 696 | You're not your best self. | 你不是你最好的一个人。 |
| 697 | Not your best self. | 并不是你最好的一个人。 |
| 698 | I'm like a six out | 我就像一个六出 |
| 699 | of 10 every day or like a four out of 10. | 每天10个,或者说每天4个 |
| 700 | Are you like a different Lewis because like it's | 你像一个不同的刘易斯 因为就像 |
| 701 | Lewis and Martha? | 刘易斯和玛莎? |
| 702 | A hundred percent. | 百分百都一样 |
| 703 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 704 | A hundred percent. | 百分百都一样 |
| 705 | And this is the interesting thing. | 这是有趣的事情。 |
| 706 | You mentioned therapy because when I met Martha, I was so clear that I was not going to allow | 你提到治疗,因为当我遇到玛莎, 我是如此清楚,我不会允许 |
| 707 | chemical emotions to cloud my thinking, to just act, oh, we're in love and this is amazing and | 化学情绪 蒙蔽我的思维, 仅仅行动, 哦,我们相爱 这是惊人的, |
| 708 | it feels good. | 感觉不错 |
| 709 | And let's just not ask the deep questions and this, it feels good being around | 我们不要问这些深层问题 这感觉很好 |
| 710 | each other. | 彼此间. |
| 711 | So early on when we were dating, um, in the first couple of months, I was like, listen, | 这么早 当我们在约会,嗯, 在最初的几个月, 我很喜欢,听着, |
| 712 | we're having an amazing time. | 我们玩得很开心 |
| 713 | And it seems like it feels so many things are lining up. | 似乎感觉有太多事情在排队 |
| 714 | We're like, | 我们就像, |
| 715 | this is amazing. | 这是惊人的。 |
| 716 | Right. | 对 |
| 717 | But I said, for whatever reason, I'm not willing to get into a committed | 但我说,无论出于什么原因, 我不愿意进入一个承诺 |
| 718 | relationship unless we start in therapy. | 除非我们开始治疗 |
| 719 | Really? | 真的吗? |
| 720 | Yes. | 对 |
| 721 | And at the beginning of your relationship, | 在你们开始交往时 |
| 722 | getting in the relationship because every other relationship ended in therapy and it never works | 谈恋爱是因为其他关系 都以治疗结束 却一无所获 |
| 723 | out. | 出来。 |
| 724 | And I was like, I don't want to go over the next year of everything's going to be great. | 我本来想,我不想再过明年 一切都会好起来的 |
| 725 | And then we move in, in a year and a year and a half or whatever it is. | 然后我们搬进来,一年一年半左右。 |
| 726 | And then we start finding | 然后我们开始寻找 |
| 727 | out things about each other that don't work. | 找出彼此之间不起作用的东西 |
| 728 | We're trying to go back to that feeling you had with | 我们试图回到你的感觉 |
| 729 | Jason, right? | 杰森,对不对? |
| 730 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 731 | In the beginning, you try to remember that fantasy of the beginning | 一开始,你试着记住 开始的幻想 |
| 732 | and you can't find it because you're stressed out, you're overwhelmed, you hate each other, | 你无法找到它,因为你压力过大, 你们不堪重负, 你们互相憎恨, |
| 733 | whatever it is. | 无论它是什么。 |
| 734 | And I was like, I don't want to get to that point. | 我当时想,我不想说到这一点。 |
| 735 | I want to know that we have | 我想知道,我们有 |
| 736 | shared values, shared vision and shared lifestyle in the beginning and we're really | 共同的价值观,共同的愿景和共同的生活方式 在一开始,我们真的 |
| 737 | honest with each other. | 诚实的彼此。 |
| 738 | Right. | 对 |
| 739 | And maybe quickly we find out it doesn't work out. | 也许我们很快就发现它没有结果。 |
| 740 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 741 | Which is great, right? | 这是伟大的,对不对? |
| 742 | I'd rather do that in three to six months than three to six years. | 我宁愿在三到六个月内做 而不是三到六年 |
| 743 | God, I've never heard of this before. | 天啊,我从来没有听说过这个。 |
| 744 | This is awesome. | 这是真棒。 |
| 745 | It was the best thing that we have | 这是最好的东西,我们有 |
| 746 | ever done because right away she said, absolutely, let's do it, which I thought she was. | 因为她马上说,绝对的,让我们做到这一点, 我认为她是。 |
| 747 | Also a good | 也不错 |
| 748 | sign. | 签名。 |
| 749 | Great sign. | 伟大的标志。 |
| 750 | Such a good sign. | 这是个好兆头 |
| 751 | And we were able to just navigate little misunderstandings, | 而我们却能理解一些小误会 |
| 752 | little potential disagreements that could have blown up into something bigger so quickly. | 没有什么潜在的分歧 可能已经爆炸 成为更大的事情这么快。 |
| 753 | And it wasn't always comfortable. | 它并不总是舒适的。 |
| 754 | And there were some moments that were vulnerable and it was like, | 有些时候很脆弱,就像, |
| 755 | oh, this doesn't feel good. | 哦,这感觉不太好。 |
| 756 | But we were able to work through it with a mentor, a third party. | 但我们能够通过它与导师,第三方合作. |
| 757 | That's all they do. | 这就是他们所做的。 |
| 758 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 759 | Instead of us figuring out when we're emotional. | 而不是我们知道 当我们情绪化。 |
| 760 | It was the greatest gift | 这是最伟大的礼物 |
| 761 | we gave ourselves and our relationship. | 我们给了我们自己和我们的关系。 |
| 762 | How long did you go to this? | 你干这个多久了? |
| 763 | Probably about a year. | 可能要一年时间 |
| 764 | Wow. | 珃 |
| 765 | And the first year. | 及初一岁. |
| 766 | And it was just like, we appreciated each other. | 它只是像,我们感谢对方。 |
| 767 | Very genius. | 非常聪明 |
| 768 | Because I | 因为我 |
| 769 | know we're in this together and we've done this work early and we're willing to keep figuring | 知道我们是一起的 我们很早就做好了 我们愿意继续想 |
| 770 | things out together when we need to. | 需要的时候一起出去 |
| 771 | And it's been the most beautiful five-year experience with | 这是最美丽的五年经历 |
| 772 | someone ever. | 曾经有人 |
| 773 | And again, we've faced challenges. | 我们再次面临挑战。 |
| 774 | We have adversity. | 我们有逆境。 |
| 775 | We're going through different | 我们正在经历不同的 |
| 776 | stuff. | 东西。 |
| 777 | We just had twin girls 10 months ago, challenges at hospital. | 10个月前我们刚生了双胞胎女孩 在医院遇到挑战 |
| 778 | All these different | 所有这些不同 |
| 779 | things are happening. | 事情发生了。 |
| 780 | But the fact that we created almost a framework of connection, of vulnerability, | 但事实上,我们几乎创造了一个 连接,脆弱, |
| 781 | we're in this together in the beginning has created a better relationship now. | 一开始我们在一起 创造了更好的关系 |
| 782 | Again, | 再说一遍 |
| 783 | it doesn't guarantee we're going to have this perfect relationship forever. | 这不能保证我们永远保持完美的关系 |
| 784 | I'm just saying | 我只是说 |
| 785 | it's created a much more peace within us. | 它创造了我们内心更平静的氛围 |
| 786 | And I just think it's a valuable thing to explore. | 我只是觉得这是一个有价值的东西 探索。 |
| 787 | So I have never met anybody who was like, oh, and then when we first started dating, I was like, | 所以,我从来没有见过任何人 谁喜欢,哦, 然后,当我们开始约会, |
| 788 | but I went through so much pain, Angela, for 20 years of multiple relationships that were just | 但我经历了这么多痛苦 安吉拉 20年的多重关系 |
| 789 | heart-wrenching for me, that didn't work out. | 我心痛,这行不通。 |
| 790 | That I was like, my ability to have grit and pursue | 我就像,我的能力 有发泄和追求 |
| 791 | and create was diminished because of one situation. | 并因为一种情况而减少创造。 |
| 792 | Talk about in your book. | 在你的书里谈论。 |
| 793 | And the people that we | 而我们的人 |
| 794 | surround ourselves with, the mentors, the friends, the coaches, the teachers, those are the | 身边有导师 朋友 教练 老师 |
| 795 | environments in my mind that are more important than making sure your space is clean and you're | 在我脑海中的环境 比确保你的空间干净 更重要 |
| 796 | in the right city and things like that. | 在正确的城市和类似的事情。 |
| 797 | Yes, those environments are crucial. | 是的,这些环境至关重要。 |
| 798 | But if you are | 不过如果你是 |
| 799 | in an emotionally trapped environment with a coach, a mentor, a friend who's holding you hostage, | 和导师,导师,一个挟持你的朋友 |
| 800 | who's gaslighting you that you're pouring into and you feel like it is exhausting and it will suck | 谁在点燃你正在注入的气息 你感觉它很累,它会吸 |
| 801 | the life out of you. | 生活从你身上出来。 |
| 802 | So I feel like the people situations that you're in, those are the most | 所以我觉得你现在的处境 是最糟糕的 |
| 803 | emotionally important. | 感情上很重要,我需要你帮忙 |
| 804 | And everything else as well, like stack everything you can, like you're | 还有其他一切,就像堆叠所有你能做的,就像你 |
| 805 | talking about in your book, but it's the people that hold you back. | 在你的书里谈论, 但正是人们 拖住你。 |
| 806 | And so many people I've | 我这么多人 |
| 807 | interviewed, they're like, make sure you choose the person you marry wisely. | 面试,他们喜欢, 确保你选择的人 你嫁给明智。 |
| 808 | Really? | 真的吗? |
| 809 | Has that | 那个 |
| 810 | come up as a theme? | 成为主题? |
| 811 | Yeah, because it impacts everything. | 是啊,因为它影响一切。 |
| 812 | So it's not just venture capitalists. | 所以不只是风险投资家 |
| 813 | I asked my therapist this, who works with a lot of very financially successful older men, | 我问我的心理医生, 他和很多在经济上非常成功的老人合作, |
| 814 | who are maybe in their 50s, 60s and 70s. | 他们可能50,60和70岁。 |
| 815 | And she has a lot of high-profile clients | 她有很多高调的客户 |
| 816 | and things like that. | 和类似的东西。 |
| 817 | And I'm asking her, after a year and a half or a couple of years of doing | 我问她,经过一年半或几年 |
| 818 | this, and I was doing individual therapy and then her with couples therapy as well. | 我做了个人治疗 然后她也做了夫妻治疗 |
| 819 | When I did it | 当我做的时候 |
| 820 | this session at one point, she was like, so what do you want to talk about? | 这段时间,她喜欢, 你想谈什么? |
| 821 | I was like, man, I just | 我只是,伙计,我只是 |
| 822 | feel so good. | 感觉真好。 |
| 823 | And it was just happening every time. | 每次都这样 |
| 824 | I was like, I don't really know anything | 我当时好像什么都不知道 |
| 825 | to talk about. | 谈论。 |
| 826 | But I go, how about this? | 但我走了,这样如何? |
| 827 | Let's go into the future, future Lewis. | 让我们进入未来,未来的刘易斯。 |
| 828 | Say everything | 什么都说 |
| 829 | works out for me, everything I want. | 为我工作,我想要的一切。 |
| 830 | And I accomplished everything and all my dreams come | 我完成了一切 我的梦想都来了 |
| 831 | true. | 没错 |
| 832 | And I'm healthy, I'm happy, all these things. | 我很健康,我很高兴,所有这些事情。 |
| 833 | What's going to be my biggest challenge | 我最大的挑战是什么? |
| 834 | in 10, 20 years? | 10到20年吗? |
| 835 | Based on the pattern recognition you see with all your clients. | 根据你和所有客户看到的模式识别 |
| 836 | You asked her this | 你问她这个 |
| 837 | question and you asked your therapist this question. | 你问了心理医生这个问题 |
| 838 | I said, what are your clients coming to you and | 我说,什么是你的客户来找你 |
| 839 | what is their biggest challenge? | 他们最大的挑战是什么? |
| 840 | And he said, all these men who are very successful that come to her, | 他说,所有这些男人 谁非常成功 来到她, |
| 841 | they have fallen out of grace. | 他们从恩典里掉下来了。 |
| 842 | They have allowed the temptations of the world to take them out of | 他们让世界的诱惑 把他们从 |
| 843 | their situation, their marriage. | 他们的处境,他们的婚姻。 |
| 844 | They've cheated with someone. | 他们和别人作弊了 |
| 845 | They've strayed from the family. | 他们已经离开了家庭。 |
| 846 | They've allowed their power, their money, their success to get to them, whatever. | 他们已经允许他们的力量,他们的金钱, 他们的成功得到了他们,不管什么。 |
| 847 | And they made | 他们创造了 |
| 848 | mistakes that ruin their life. | 错误会毁了他们的生活。 |
| 849 | So they ruin their situation. | 所以他们毁了他们的处境。 |
| 850 | That's a good thing for something else, | 这对别的东西来说是件好事 |
| 851 | maybe more tempting. | 也许更诱人。 |
| 852 | And then they spend years trying to regain respect from their kids or their | 然后他们花了数年的时间 试图从孩子或他们的 |
| 853 | they eventually try to get back with the wife or whatever it might be. | 他们最终试图回到 与妻子或它可能是什么。 |
| 854 | And it's too late. | 且道为时已晚. |
| 855 | And so | 这样 |
| 856 | she was like, just be thinking of that because you're going to continue to grow. | 她想,只是想着 因为你会继续成长。 |
| 857 | You're going to | 你会 |
| 858 | continue to succeed. | 继续取得成功。 |
| 859 | Right. | 对 |
| 860 | And you're going to be more successful and the temptations are going to | 你会更成功 诱惑会 |
| 861 | be greater. | 翴 |
| 862 | Exactly. | 没错 |
| 863 | So make sure you continue to have a bond where you're staying connected, | 所以,确保你继续有一个纽带 在你保持连接, |
| 864 | you're staying present and you're working on things together. | 你留在现场 一起处理事情 |
| 865 | Right. | 对 |
| 866 | And I think that is the | 我想这就是 |
| 867 | thing where most people fail is like they get too successful and then they forget, I guess they | 大多数人都失败了 就像他们太成功 然后他们忘记了 我想他们 |
| 868 | forget about who they are. | 忘记他们是谁 |
| 869 | So look, you can be like, what's more important? | 你看,你可以像, 还有什么更重要的? |
| 870 | Like the people, | 就像人们一样 |
| 871 | places or things I'm like, and you want to argue people right at your relationships, like first and | 地方或我喜欢的东西, 你想辩论人们的权利 在你的关系中,像第一和 |
| 872 | foremost, like is right, because they're dragging you down or they're bringing you up there, like | 最重要的是,就像是正确的, 因为他们拖你下来 或者他们把你在那里,喜欢 |
| 873 | helping you remember who you are, or they're distracting you from like your so I think I'll | 帮助你记住你是谁, 或者他们让你分心 像你的一样,所以我想我会 |
| 874 | agree with you on that. | 同意你的观点。 |
| 875 | Like I hadn't thought about like a rank ordering but like if there's one | 就像我没有想过 像军衔命令,但如果有一个 |
| 876 | and imagine if your husband was not supportive of your career was just kind of put doubt inside of | 想象一下 如果你丈夫不支持你的事业 只是让人怀疑 |
| 877 | you like we worked in the same company and this is how we met so we were both in graduate school | 你喜欢我们在同一家公司工作 这就是我们相遇的原因 所以我们都是在研究生院 |
| 878 | but we were about to go to McKinsey consulting and he's a very proactive like like, you know, | 但我们正准备去麦肯锡咨询 他非常积极主动 就像,你知道, |
| 879 | Boy Scout class president type and so he's like, I'm going to organize a dinner for all the people | 童子军的班长类型,所以他喜欢, 我要为所有人安排晚餐 |
| 880 | who are going to go work at McKinsey consulting in New York City. | 他们要去纽约麦肯锡咨询公司工作 |
| 881 | I'm a little less like, yeah, | 我有点像,是的, |
| 882 | right and very, you know, that's why you need people to like organize your high school reunion, | 没错,非常,你知道, 这就是为什么你需要人们 组织你的高中聚会, |
| 883 | like he's your guy. | 就像他是你的人一样 |
| 884 | So he organizes this dinner and I meet him. | 所以他安排了这次晚餐 我遇见了他 |
| 885 | Yeah, fall in love. | 是啊,坠入爱河。 |
| 886 | But the point is | 但重点是 |
| 887 | we both went to McKinsey and so we were, you know, like in the same track and and I wasn't | 我们都去了麦肯锡 所以,我们,你知道, 像在同一赛道上, 而我不是 |
| 888 | more successful than him but I will say that smarter than him. | 比他更成功 但我会说比他聪明 |
| 889 | More charming. | 更迷人一点 |
| 890 | I wore shorter | 我穿短裤 |
| 891 | skirts. | 长裙 |
| 892 | I will say that I got that performance of you. | 我会说我得到了你的表演。 |
| 893 | They're like, yeah, you know, he liked that | 他们喜欢,是的,你知道,他喜欢 |
| 894 | but apparently not my engagement manager. | 但显然不是我的订婚经理 |
| 895 | But so so here's the thing being a successful person, | 但是,所以这里的事情 作为一个成功的人, |
| 896 | I think, is hard. | 我觉得很困难 |
| 897 | Being a successful woman in a marriage, I think, can be hard for the husband. | 作为婚姻中的成功女性,我想,对丈夫来说是很难的. |
| 898 | He frequently reminds me that he is the son of a, like his parents divorced and so he was raised | 他经常提醒我,他是一个儿子, 就像他的父母离婚,所以他长大了。 |
| 899 | by both his father and his mother but like not at the same time and his mother, Sharon, is an | 被他父亲和母亲所继承 但不喜欢同时 和他的母亲,沙龙,是一个 |
| 900 | incredibly strong woman, very ambitious. | 非常强壮的女人 非常有野心 |
| 901 | She became a school superintendent and he frequently reminds | 她成了一名校长 他经常提醒我 |
| 902 | me that like I should be more articulate about this list but maybe is it because it's emotional | 我好像应该更清晰地描述一下这份名单 但也许是因为它很情绪化 |
| 903 | or because it's hard to describe. | 或者因为很难形容 |
| 904 | The support that this man gives me, like it's not that he | 这个人给我的支持,好像不是他 |
| 905 | tolerates my success. | 宽容我的成功。 |
| 906 | It's not that he is capable of like managing his own ego. | 并不是说他能控制自己的自我 |
| 907 | And by the way, | 顺便说一句 |
| 908 | he is successful too but I think he would point to my success like it is true love, right? | 他也很成功 但我认为他会指出我的成功 就像这是真爱,对不对? |
| 909 | When | 何时 |
| 910 | it's like I assume that like the greater that Louis is, like the more fulfilled Martha herself | 就像我假设路易斯越大 就像玛莎自己越充实 |
| 911 | is, like it is that way on my side of this marriage. | 就像我这边的婚姻一样 |
| 912 | Like I feel like he might enjoy my | 我觉得他会喜欢我的 |
| 913 | success more than I do. | 比我还成功 |
| 914 | Does he speak good words into you on a consistent basis around your project | 他对你讲好话吗? |
| 915 | that you're working on? | 你在努力吗? |
| 916 | I think he is, A, a lot more like he is ballast. | 我觉得他是,A, 更像是压载。 |
| 917 | I mean I get like very | 我的意思是,我变得像非常 |
| 918 | excited about things like and he has a steadiness. | 他对这种事很兴奋,而且他有心理准备 |
| 919 | There's like a, you know, there's like a salutity | 有如,你知道, 有如一个孝敬 |
| 920 | to Jason Duckworth. | 给杰森·达克沃斯 |
| 921 | I think he also is like ethically and morally, like I don't know a lot | 我觉得他也像道德和道德上一样,好像我不太了解 |
| 922 | of people, I don't know a lot of people who did what you did at the very beginning relationship | 我不认识多少人 在一开始的感情里 你做过什么 |
| 923 | but I also can say I don't know a lot of people like Jason is actively trying to be a better | 但我也可以说,我不认识很多 像杰森这样的人 积极试图成为一个更好的 |
| 924 | person. | 个人。 |
| 925 | Like he actively prays to be a better person. | 就像他积极祈祷成为更好的人一样. |
| 926 | Like he asked the question like is this | 就像他这样问问题一样 |
| 927 | the most ethical way, you know, like we're now in our 50s, like is this the ethical way to be | 最道德的方法,你知道, 像我们现在的50多岁, 就像这是道德的方式 |
| 928 | like using our money, using our time? | 就像用我们的钱,用我们的时间? |
| 929 | So I have this person in my life who has like unconditional, | 所以我有这个人在我的生活中, 像无条件, |
| 930 | it's not like in any marriage like you know you're always happy with the other person but like | 在任何婚姻中都不像你知道 你总是和另一个人在一起快乐 |
| 931 | this unconditional commitment and unconditional support but then also he's this like, you know, | 无条件的承诺和无条件的支持... ... ...... |
| 932 | paragon of like integrity. | 类似正直的典范 |
| 933 | Like I am not an immoral person but I don't think on like, | 像我不是一个不道德的人 但我不认为像, |
| 934 | you know, like I don't wake up in the morning and pray like oh I wonder if I could be a better | 你知道,就像我不醒来 在早晨和祈祷 像哦,我不知道我是否可以成为一个更好的 |
| 935 | person today. | 今天的那个人 |
| 936 | I mean I try to be nice but I think he's at another level and yeah think about the, | 我的意思是,我试着好,但我想他 在另一个层次,是啊思考, |
| 937 | okay so like let's assume that Robert Frost is right and our life is a road and we and you know | 好吧,让我们假设罗伯特・弗罗斯特是正确的 我们的生活是一条道路,我们和你都知道 |
| 938 | sometimes we come to like a fork in the road and we could be with this person or that person, | 有时我们来到像叉 在路上,我们可以与这个人或那个人, |
| 939 | we could go to therapy or not go to therapy, we could stay in our job or not stay in our job, | 我们可以去治疗 或不去治疗, 我们可以留在我们的工作 或不留在我们的工作, |
| 940 | we could move or not move. | 我们可以移动或不移动。 |
| 941 | We'll never know the road's not taken. | 我们永远不会知道这条路没有走 |
| 942 | There's not only one road not | 不止一条路没有 |
| 943 | taken, there are uncountable roads not taken. | 有无法统计的道路没有被带走。 |
| 944 | I don't know what the roads are like with a different | 我不知道道路是什么样的 与不同的 |
| 945 | husband. | 老公,你来干什么? |
| 946 | I don't know what Angela Duckworth with another relationship would be but this road that | 我不知道Angela Duckworth和另一个关系会是什么 但是这条路 |
| 947 | I'm on, I just look back at the road and I'm like I could not have come this far. | 我上路了,我只是回顾一下路,我好像走不了这么远 |
| 948 | Like I wouldn't, | 就像我不会 |
| 949 | I wouldn't even, you know, I shared with you this, you know, my mom by the way I think would be okay | 我甚至不会,你知道, 我分享这个,你知道, 我妈妈的方式我认为会好起来的 |
| 950 | with, you know, my relaying this anecdote because now she's 91 and I think she looks back and she | 因为现在她91岁了 我觉得她回头看 |
| 951 | was like what was I talking about when you were at college graduation? | 就像我在说什么 当你在大学毕业? |
| 952 | Like probably not the thing | 可能不是这样 |
| 953 | to say like, you know, I'm glad you're, you know, you could be a wife but I know this road that I've | 我很高兴你能成为妻子 但我知道这条路 |
| 954 | been on and I know that there's no way I would get this far and one reason I know is that being | 一直以来,我知道我不可能走这么远 我知道的一个原因是, |
| 955 | raised in that, you know, be a good wife, be a good wife, you know, like make him happy. | 在那里长大的,你知道, 做一个好妻子, 做一个好妻子,你知道, 像让他快乐。 |
| 956 | Like literally | 就像从字面上 |
| 957 | I was told at the beginning of my marriage, like my mom again, not the 91 year old I have now, | 我结婚之初就被告知 就像我妈妈一样 而不是现在的91岁 |
| 958 | but back then she was like when he comes home play some soft music and like as if he were a lion or | 但那时她就像他回家时 演奏一些柔和的音乐 就像他是狮子一样 |
| 959 | something it's like play some soft music and like, you know, rub his feet and like, you know, always | 就像演奏一些柔软的音乐 摸摸他的脚 |
| 960 | have the food ready. | 准备好食物 |
| 961 | So I don't think the ambitious Angela that I am today who's like I'm gonna, | 所以我不认为我今天这个野心勃勃的安吉拉 |
| 962 | I'm gonna just go. | 我这就走 |
| 963 | Like I'm gonna be as great a psychologist I can be. | 就像我会成为一个伟大的心理学家一样 |
| 964 | I want to like, I want to | 我想喜欢,我想 |
| 965 | do everything I can. | 尽我所能 |
| 966 | I don't think I would have given myself that permission if I hadn't gotten | 如果我没有得到同意,我也不会同意的 |
| 967 | his support. | 他的支持。 |
| 968 | So like I don't know what the other roads are but I'm so far down this road and this | 就像我不知道其他的道路是什么 但我已经走这么远了 |
| 969 | road has taken me to places that I would never have dreamed of even like allowing myself to want | 道路带我到那些我从未梦想过的地方 哪怕是允许自己想要的地方 |
| 970 | to go, right? | 去,对不对? |
| 971 | Because yeah like we're so happily married and you know this ring, so this is the | 因为我们是那么幸福的婚姻 你知道这个戒指,所以这是 |
| 972 | ring I, you know, I got engaged with this ring, right? | 我和这戒指订婚了,对吧? |
| 973 | Then we got married we got this ring and | 然后我们结婚 我们得到了这个戒指, |
| 974 | I have a third ring and after our marriage crisis where a little bit of grit and a lot better | 我有第三枚戒指 在我们的婚姻危机后... ...有一点忧郁和更好 |
| 975 | situation like, you know, here we are. | 就像,你知道,我们在这里。 |
| 976 | And therapy. | 还有治疗 |
| 977 | So much therapy, right? | 这么多治疗,对不对? |
| 978 | Well that was part of | 嗯,这是一部分 |
| 979 | the better situations, right? | 更好的情况,对不对? |
| 980 | Exactly. | 没错 |
| 981 | You reimagined a new situation. | 你重新想到了一个新的情况。 |
| 982 | Exactly and like many | 没错,跟很多一样 |
| 983 | situational improvements, like it leads to an even better situation because like now you're, | 形势的改善, 就像它导致一个更好的情况, 因为像现在你, |
| 984 | you know, now you're making better decisions across the board. | 你知道,现在你正在做出 更好的决定,全面。 |
| 985 | So this third ring is like, | 所以这第三个戒指就像, |
| 986 | you know, the ring to celebrate our second marriage. | 庆祝我们第二次婚姻的戒指 |
| 987 | Like the sort of, you know, like | 像那种,你知道,喜欢 |
| 988 | we are not just going to try harder individually or even together. | 我们不只是要努力 单独甚至一起。 |
| 989 | Like we will when we're stuck. | 就像我们被困住了一样 |
| 990 | I mean here's a way to know. | 我的意思是这里有一个方法知道。 |
| 991 | Like you asked me in the very beginning, like do we know like on | 就像你一开始问我一样 就像我们知道一样 |
| 992 | schedule? | 计划? |
| 993 | And I said, I think we often know too late, but here's a way to know. | 我说,我想我们经常知道太迟了, 但有一个方法可以知道。 |
| 994 | If you are trying | 如果你在尝试 |
| 995 | and then you're trying harder and then you're trying harder still and you do not feel like | 然后你更努力 之后你更努力 仍然,你感觉不像 |
| 996 | you are making progress in your marriage, in your career, in your friendships, in your health, | 在婚姻、事业、友谊、健康方面都有进步 |
| 997 | in anything. | 在任何东西。 |
| 998 | You're like more effort is not producing more results. | 你就像更多的努力 没有产生更多的结果。 |
| 999 | I think that is the time | 我觉得是时候了 |
| 1000 | you should stop. | 你应该停止。 |
| 1001 | Ask yourself, is it the situation? | 问问你自己,情况怎么样? |
| 1002 | Like do I need to pivot and put myself in a better | 喜欢我需要支点 让自己进入一个更好的 |
| 1003 | situation? | 情况? |
| 1004 | And then, you know, of course, like then keep trying. | 然后,你知道,当然, 像然后继续尝试。 |
| 1005 | I mean, I'll never stop believing | 我的意思是,我永远不会停止相信 |
| 1006 | and try harder, but that I think is the signal. | 并更努力, 但我认为是信号。 |
| 1007 | And I think I missed that signal. | 我想我错过了那个信号。 |
| 1008 | I was just like, | 我只是说, |
| 1009 | oh, just like keep going. | 就像继续前进一样 |
| 1010 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1011 | I mean, that's the problem with the superpower, right? | 我的意思是,这就是问题 与超能力,对不对? |
| 1012 | Like it, | 喜欢它, |
| 1013 | like it's a kryptonite you don't realize. | 就像是你没有意识到的金刚石 |
| 1014 | Let's hypothetically go back and say, you know, you | 假设我们回去说 |
| 1015 | stayed in the relationship and it wasn't, maybe it got a little bit better, but it wasn't really | 留在关系里,其实不是, 也许它得到了一点点好, 但不是真的 |
| 1016 | transforming after therapy and you guys just cut it. | 治疗后转变,你们就剪了 |
| 1017 | We're just going to stick this out for the kids | и璶р硂倒 |
| 1018 | or whatever. | 还是什么的。 |
| 1019 | Like, yeah, we're just going to stay in this. | 喜欢,是的,我们只是要留在这个。 |
| 1020 | You're asking me to like think through this kind of factual, right? | 你让我通过这种事实思考 对吧? |
| 1021 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1022 | Go back, go back in time. | 回去,回去的时间。 |
| 1023 | Go back in time, but also imagine that like, yeah. | 回到过去,但也想象一下,是的。 |
| 1024 | And let's just say the marriage | 这么说吧 |
| 1025 | got maybe a little bit better, but it's kind of just like running its course and you're just staying | 也许有一点点好,但 它有点像运行它的路线 你只是停留 |
| 1026 | together. | 一起来 |
| 1027 | And let's say he wasn't encouraging. | 假设他不鼓励。 |
| 1028 | Maybe he wasn't negative, but he wasn't like | 也许他不是消极的, 但他不喜欢 |
| 1029 | encouraging you and supporting you in projects and books and speeches and, you know, championing you | 鼓励你,支持你的项目,书籍和演讲 并且,你知道,拥护你 |
| 1030 | as a partner. | 作为合伙人 |
| 1031 | Do you think him being neutral or even him putting doubt inside of you with negative | 你觉得他是中立的 还是他用阴性来怀疑你 |
| 1032 | words or negative thoughts, would that have hurt your experience in life and hurt you from | 语言或负面思想, 会伤害你的生活经历 伤害你从 |
| 1033 | accomplishing what you've accomplished? | 完成你的成就? |
| 1034 | Do you think you would have been able to overcome that | 你以为你能克服 |
| 1035 | with that type of situation? | 那种情况? |
| 1036 | Like you like literally just described my mother's marriage | 就像你喜欢的字面 刚刚描述了我妈妈的婚姻 |
| 1037 | to my father, right? | 对我父亲,对不对? |
| 1038 | So I know what that looks like because that was her. | 所以我知道这是什么样子 因为那是她。 |
| 1039 | So, you know, my parents | 所以,你知道, 我的父母, |
| 1040 | also fell head over heels in love. | 还坠入爱河 |
| 1041 | They were actually fabulously good looking. | 他们的长相真美 |
| 1042 | Like I watched | 就像我看着 |
| 1043 | these like old movies of them and I was like, holy my mother was like a female, you know, like | 这就像旧的电影 他们和我一样,我一样,圣洁 我妈妈就像一个女人,你知道,喜欢 |
| 1044 | like she was a goddess. | 就像她是个女神 |
| 1045 | I mean, she looked like a Chinese Sophia Loren. | 我的意思是,她看起来像一个中国索菲亚洛伦。 |
| 1046 | And my dad actually, to my | 我爸爸实际上,对我 |
| 1047 | shock and awe, was like actually pretty good looking too. | 震惊和敬畏, 实际上是相当不错的外观太。 |
| 1048 | And, you know, he had a big white | 而且,你知道,他有一个大白色 |
| 1049 | They had this like very head over heels romance, much like Jason and I. | 他们有这种非常头 高跟鞋浪漫, 很像杰森和我。 |
| 1050 | But you just described | 但你刚刚说 |
| 1051 | really, I think, what their marriage was like. | 真的,我想,他们的婚姻是什么样的。 |
| 1052 | So my mother immigrated to this country, like knowing | 所以我母亲移民到这个国家 就像知道 |
| 1053 | no one, first in her family. | 没有人,首先在她家里。 |
| 1054 | She spoke hardly any English. | 她几乎不会说英语。 |
| 1055 | She wanted to be an artist and she thought | 她想成为一个艺术家,她想 |
| 1056 | she could do it, you know, make her dream come true in America, right? | 她可以做到这一点,你知道, 让她的梦想在美国实现,对不对? |
| 1057 | The land of opportunity. | 机会之地. |
| 1058 | So she changed her situation, moved countries. | 于是她改变了自己的处境,感动了国家. |
| 1059 | She changed her situation, which I think is good. | 她改变了她的处境 我认为这很好 |
| 1060 | Step one. | 第一步。 |
| 1061 | Yeah, she has situational agency. | 是啊,她有情况代理。 |
| 1062 | My mother is a paragon of situational agency. | 我妈妈是情境代理的典范 |
| 1063 | But her situation | 但是她的处境 |
| 1064 | wasn't perfect. | 不尽如人意 |
| 1065 | So she moved from, you know, Taiwan to the United States. | 她从台湾搬到美国 |
| 1066 | That was a better | 这样更好 |
| 1067 | situation because like, as a woman, you can go to art school in the United States. | 因为作为一个女人 你可以在美国上艺术学校 |
| 1068 | Like she went to | 就像她去过 |
| 1069 | great art schools here. | 伟大的艺术学校在这里。 |
| 1070 | But there was challenges because she didn't know the language and other | 但有挑战 因为她不知道语言和其他 |
| 1071 | challenges. | 挑战。 |
| 1072 | And she overcame them. | 她克服了他们。 |
| 1073 | She's also gritty. | 她也是阴险的 |
| 1074 | Okay, so, okay. | 好吧,这样,好吧。 |
| 1075 | But in marrying my dad, | 但是在嫁给我爸的时候 |
| 1076 | who went by YK because he uses like a very unpronounceable, total Chinese name. | 他用YK是因为他使用 一个非常不发音的中文名字 |
| 1077 | Let's call | 我们打电话 |
| 1078 | him YK because that's what everyone did. | 他YK 因为大家都这么做了 |
| 1079 | In marrying YK, Teresa married into a very traditional | 特蕾莎嫁给YK时 娶了一个很传统的 |
| 1080 | marriage, like a very traditional Chinese marriage, because though they were in the United States, | 婚姻,就像一个非常传统的中国婚姻, 因为尽管他们在美国, |
| 1081 | they were both raised in China in the 1930s. | 他们都是1930年代在中国长大的 |
| 1082 | So not only was she raised to be a good wife, | 所以她不仅被培养成一个好妻子 |
| 1083 | he was raised to marry a good wife. | 他长大后娶了一个好妻子 |
| 1084 | And he married her because she was beautiful, but not because she | 他娶她是因为她漂亮 但不是因为她 |
| 1085 | was smart and creative and awesome. | 聪明又有创造力 很棒 |
| 1086 | Well, awesome maybe, but mostly because she was beautiful and | 嗯,也许真棒, 但主要因为她是美丽的, |
| 1087 | kind, but not because she was like a great artist and like ambitious and smart. | 善良,但不是因为 她像一个伟大的艺术家, 像雄心勃勃和聪明。 |
| 1088 | Cause like my mom | 就像我妈妈一样 |
| 1089 | was every bit as, you know, is as every bit as smart as my dad was. | 和我父亲一样聪明 |
| 1090 | My dad's now passed. | 我爸爸现在去世了 |
| 1091 | So when | 所以什么时候 |
| 1092 | you describe this marriage, like Angela, go back in time. | 你描述这段婚姻 就像安吉拉 回到过去 |
| 1093 | Imagine, imagine greatness and the ceiling | 想象一下,想象一下伟大的和天花板 |
| 1094 | that, you know, how high would it be if you had a different supporter at home? | 如果你家里有不同的支持者 会有多高? |
| 1095 | If you had somebody | 如果你有个人 |
| 1096 | who was giving you like, you know, doubts and so forth and was like actually resentful. | 他给了你一样,你知道, 怀疑等等, 并像实际上怨恨。 |
| 1097 | I was like, | 我当时想, |
| 1098 | I don't have to imagine it because that is the marriage my mother had. | 我不用想象,因为这是我母亲的婚姻。 |
| 1099 | So what happened to this? | 这是怎么回事? |
| 1100 | Like, and my mom, by the way, was maybe more talented than you and I were like, she was a prodigy. | 顺便说一句,我妈妈也许比你更有才华... ...她是个天才 |
| 1101 | Like I saw the paintings. | 就像我看到画一样 |
| 1102 | She still has them that she made when she was a teenager. | 她还留着她十几岁时做的 |
| 1103 | And I really | и痷 |
| 1104 | think she had a gift. | 以为她有天赋 |
| 1105 | So she had a gift and she had grit and she was in America. | 所以她有天赋 她有Grit 而且她在美国。 |
| 1106 | Like what's, | 喜欢什么, |
| 1107 | what's wrong? | 发生什么事了? |
| 1108 | What's wrong? | 有什么不对吗? |
| 1109 | Well, the trifecta, but I guess there are four things because like | 嗯,三重奏, 但我猜有四件事,因为像 |
| 1110 | she didn't have the marriage. | 她没有结婚。 |
| 1111 | So, so my dad was not mean and not a bad person, kind of dismissive | 所以,我爸不是坏人,不是坏人, 有点轻蔑 |
| 1112 | or kind of just like not supportive, right? | 或者有点像不支持,对不对? |
| 1113 | Like, like, um, don't do that stuff. | 喜欢,喜欢,嗯, 不要做那些东西。 |
| 1114 | You should | 你应该 |
| 1115 | must be doing well, like, uh, you know what, like let's start a wholesale needlepoint company, | 一定是做得很好,喜欢,呃,你知道什么, 像我们开办一个批发针点公司, |
| 1116 | because it will make money. | 因为它会赚钱。 |
| 1117 | Do you know what needlepoint is? | 你知道什么是针头点吗? |
| 1118 | Needlepoint meaning, | 针头的意思, |
| 1119 | what is that? | 这是什么? |
| 1120 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 1121 | It's a handicraft sewing version of sewing. | 这是缝纫的手工缝纫版本. |
| 1122 | You get this canvas. | 你得到这个画布。 |
| 1123 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1124 | It's like artwork needlepoint. | 这就像艺术品针点。 |
| 1125 | Is that what you mean? | 这就是你的意思吗? |
| 1126 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1127 | Like the canvas is usually like | 就像画布一般 |
| 1128 | painted with like, I don't know, like a unicorn or like your dog or something, right? | 我不知道,像独角兽 或像你的狗什么的,对不对? |
| 1129 | Or it can have | 或者它可以拥有 |
| 1130 | like a saying, like, you know, like home is where the heart is and like it's painted. | 就像一句谚语,就像,你知道,像家 是心脏所在的地方,就像它被画。 |
| 1131 | So you get this | 所以,你得到这个 |
| 1132 | canvas and it's painted and needlepoint is this string in there. | 画布和画针点是这里的绳子 |
| 1133 | Like, uh, yeah. | 喜欢,嗯,是的。 |
| 1134 | So this is like, | 这就像, |
| 1135 | you know, by the way, this is partly why their like business idea didn't take off, but anyway, | 顺便说一句,这部分是为什么 他们像商业想法没有起飞,但无论如何, |
| 1136 | like nobody does needlepoint. | 就像没人会针头一样 |
| 1137 | So like you, you like, if it's green, you stitch green and if it's | 所以喜欢你,你喜欢,如果它是绿色, 你缝绿色,如果它是 |
| 1138 | yellow, you stitch yellow. | 黄色,你缝黄色。 |
| 1139 | So my dad's idea like was not necessarily a bad, it's like not evil, | 所以我爸的主意 不一定是坏的 也不像邪恶 |
| 1140 | but when you're married to somebody, your job is not to make them happy, but your job is to help | 但当你嫁给某人,你的工作 不让他们高兴, 但你的工作是帮助 |
| 1141 | them realize their dreams. | 他们实现了他们的梦想。 |
| 1142 | And my dad did not do that. | 我爸爸没有这么做 |
| 1143 | So he wanted my mom to run this business. | 所以他想让我妈妈经营这个生意 |
| 1144 | She wanted like, they became small business owners. | 她想成为小企业主 |
| 1145 | I mean, he had a career. | 我的意思是,他有一个职业生涯。 |
| 1146 | He was a chemist, | 他是化学家, |
| 1147 | but he gave her this assignment, which is like, yeah, full time side hustle. | 但是他给了她这个任务, 这就像,是的,全时的一边的动作。 |
| 1148 | So she ran this | 所以她跑这个 |
| 1149 | business listed like needlepoint business where she was like painting dogs on canvas and like, | 生意上市 像针点生意 她就像画狗 在帆布上,喜欢, |
| 1150 | you know, you know, like whatever, you know, homes where the heart is, like whatever it is, | 你知道,你知道,像什么,你知道, 家园的心脏是,像它是什么, |
| 1151 | like unicorns and then, you know, getting other people to paint them and then selling them to | 像独角兽,然后,你知道, 让其他人画它们,然后卖给 |
| 1152 | stores and not doing what she came to this country to do, which is to be a painter herself, | 而不是做她来这个国家做的事 也就是做画家 |
| 1153 | like a real painter. | 像一个真正的画家。 |
| 1154 | And that was their whole marriage until he died. | 这是他们整个婚姻 直到他死了。 |
| 1155 | And then he did die. | 然后他确实死了。 |
| 1156 | And that is when my mom started painting again. | 这时,我妈妈又开始画画。 |
| 1157 | Come on. | 来吧。 |
| 1158 | No. | 没有 |
| 1159 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1160 | Like, so how many years were | 喜欢,所以多少年 |
| 1161 | they together until he died? | 他们在一起直到他死了? |
| 1162 | Over 50. | 50岁以上。 |
| 1163 | Gosh, I must not have like a mind for numbers. | 天哪,我一定不会想数字 |
| 1164 | I'm like, | 我很喜欢, |
| 1165 | how many years am I? | 我有多少年时间? |
| 1166 | Definitely over 50. | 绝对超过50岁 |
| 1167 | So for 50 years. | 所以50年来。 |
| 1168 | 50 plus. | 50加仑. |
| 1169 | 50 plus years. | 五十加岁. |
| 1170 | I've been married | 我结婚了 |
| 1171 | 25 plus. | 25加时. |
| 1172 | She did all the hard work to get to this country to like start pursuing it. | 她尽了很大努力才来到这个国家 开始追求它 |
| 1173 | But then | 但后来 |
| 1174 | not in a negative way or a bad way, she was trying to be a great wife and she was trying to | 她不是在消极或坏的方式, 她试图成为一个伟大的妻子 她试图 |
| 1175 | show up for what your father wanted, I guess. | 我想,为了你父亲想要的而出现 |
| 1176 | And that situation, if you want to contend that the | 那种情况,如果你想反驳 |
| 1177 | most important part of getting situated is like being with the right partner. | 找到位置最重要的部分 就像和合适的伙伴在一起 |
| 1178 | He was many things, | 他是很多东西, |
| 1179 | but supportive about art. | 但支持艺术。 |
| 1180 | He was not curious. | 他一点都不好奇 |
| 1181 | Like I grew up in that house. | 就像我在那个房子里长大 |
| 1182 | We never went to | 我们从没去过 |
| 1183 | art museum. | 艺术博物馆. |
| 1184 | Like there is a beautiful art museum in Philadelphia. | 就像费城有个美丽的艺术博物馆 |
| 1185 | It looks like it should be in | 看起来应该是在 |
| 1186 | Greece. | 希臘语. |
| 1187 | It's like, you know, one of the greatest art museums in the world. | 这就像,你知道, 世界上最伟大的艺术博物馆之一。 |
| 1188 | We never went to the | 我们从来没有去过 |
| 1189 | art museum. | 艺术博物馆. |
| 1190 | Like, you know, my mom, you know, like had one painting that I used to like it had like | 比如,我妈妈,你知道, 就像有一幅我曾经喜欢的画 |
| 1191 | cherry blossoms and there was another painting that had boats. | 樱桃花 还有一幅有船的画 |
| 1192 | There's only two paintings in my | 我只有两幅画 |
| 1193 | house. | 房子,这是... |
| 1194 | Now that we've talked about this and you know, life is long and you learn a lot. | 既然我们谈过了,你知道, 生活是漫长的,你学到了很多。 |
| 1195 | And now | 现在 |
| 1196 | my 91 year old mother looks back and says like, I should have said something. | 我91岁的妈妈回头看,我应该说点什么 |
| 1197 | I should have done | 我本该这么做的 |
| 1198 | something. | 东西。 |
| 1199 | I asked her why there weren't more paintings. | 我问她为什么没有更多的画。 |
| 1200 | Like when we were growing up and she | 就像我们长大的时候和她 |
| 1201 | was like, well, you know, I was taking care of your father. | 我当时在照顾你父亲 |
| 1202 | He was like my fourth child. | 他就像我的第四个孩子。 |
| 1203 | And she | 还有她 |
| 1204 | said, you know, sometimes I would paint something like, cause I would find like a stolen hour on | 说,你知道,有时我会画的东西喜欢, 因为我会发现像一个被盗的小时 |
| 1205 | the side, you know, between lunch and dinner and, uh, and I would put it up on the wall and nobody | 在午餐和晚餐之间 我会把它挂在墙上 |
| 1206 | would say anything. | 会说什么。 |
| 1207 | And especially your father, like he would walk by a new painting for months | 特别是你父亲,就像他会在新画旁走好几个月 |
| 1208 | and not say anything because he didn't notice. | 并且没有说什么 因为他没有注意到。 |
| 1209 | Like you didn't notice. | 好像你没注意到一样 |
| 1210 | So like, I don't know, | 所以说,我不知道, |
| 1211 | Martha, but I already love like, like that's changed your life. | 玛莎,但我已经喜欢了, 就像这改变了你的生活。 |
| 1212 | You know, I think that's, | 你知道,我认为, |
| 1213 | Jason's changed my life. | 杰森改变了我的生活。 |
| 1214 | And I think, you know, obviously there are a lot of people who are like, | 我想,你知道,显然有很多人 喜欢, |
| 1215 | sounds great. | 听起来不错。 |
| 1216 | How do I get one? | 我该怎么买? |
| 1217 | Um, but even knowing that like who you are in a certain | 嗯,但即使知道 像谁你在一个特定 |
| 1218 | relationship is like a different you, like I'm not the same Angela. | 就像我和安吉拉不一样 |
| 1219 | So it's not only a poem about | 所以这不仅仅是一首关于 |
| 1220 | the road, not taken. | 道路,没有采取。 |
| 1221 | They're like, okay, I'm on this road. | 他们就像,好吧,我在这条路上。 |
| 1222 | It's not only like, I mean, like | 这不仅仅是,我的意思是,喜欢 |
| 1223 | this traveler is not the same traveler because I did take that road like, right. | 这个旅行者不是同一个旅行者 因为我确实走那条路一样,对。 |
| 1224 | And it's changed | 变了 |
| 1225 | me. | 来啊 |
| 1226 | Support for this podcast is brought to you by Walden university. | Walden大学为您提供播客支持 |
| 1227 | Ever think what if you could | 永远想想,如果你可以 |
| 1228 | go after what you actually want and really make a difference. | 去追寻你真正想要的 并真正有所作为。 |
| 1229 | You're not alone for over 50 years. | 50多年来你并不孤单 |
| 1230 | Walden university has helped working adults turn ambition into action. | 瓦尔登大学帮助工作成人将抱负转化为行动. |
| 1231 | Walden是学生的地方 | |
| 1232 | get the W those big and small wins that move them forward and create the change they want to see in | 让那些大赢家和小赢家前进 创造他们想看到的改变 |
| 1233 | their lives, their careers, and in their communities with more than 100 online degrees and certificates | 拥有超过100个在线学位和证书 |
| 1234 | in fields like nursing, social work, counseling, and psychology. | 在护理、社会工作、咨询和心理学等领域。 |
| 1235 | It's never been easier to find a | 找到一个更简单 |
| 1236 | program that matches your goals. | 符合你目标的程序。 |
| 1237 | And Walden is a partner from your very first class all the way | Walden是你头等舱的合伙人 |
| 1238 | to your career with the tools, the support and dedicated career coaching you need to win. | 以工具、支持和敬业的辅导为生, |
| 1239 | If | 若为 |
| 1240 | you've been waiting for the right moment, this is it. | 你一直在等待正确的时机,这就是它。 |
| 1241 | 前往waldenu.edu 并迈出第一步。 | |
| 1242 | Walden university set a course for change certified to operate by chef. | 瓦尔登大学设置了由厨师认证的变革课程. |
| 1243 | You've had an encouraging | 你有一个鼓励 |
| 1244 | supportive partner throughout this whole time. | 支持伙伴 在整个期间。 |
| 1245 | And yeah, not a perfect person, but like, | 是的,不是一个完美的人,但喜欢, |
| 1246 | but he's been encouraging. | 但他一直鼓励。 |
| 1247 | He hasn't put doubt in your mind or maybe once in a while, | 他没有在你的脑海中怀疑, 或偶尔, |
| 1248 | but it sounds like consistently he puts, he reinforces positive encouragement in your mind | 但听起来他总是这么说 他加强了你心中的积极鼓励 |
| 1249 | with supportive energy and cheering you on instead of doubting you or neglecting you. | 与支持的能量和欢呼你 而不是怀疑或忽视你。 |
| 1250 | Right. | 对 |
| 1251 | And, and research shows, right. | 和研究显示,正确的。 |
| 1252 | And this is not like Angela and her marriage and so forth. | 这跟安吉拉的婚姻不一样 |
| 1253 | But Angela, the professor and psychologists who can tell you what, so one of the really surprising | 但安吉拉,教授和心理学家 谁能告诉你什么, 所以一个真正令人惊讶的 |
| 1254 | things about confidence. | 和自信有关的事 |
| 1255 | And I think, you know, what thousands of podcast episodes, right? | 我想,你知道,什么 成千上万播客节目,对不对? |
| 1256 | Like | 喜欢 |
| 1257 | the theme of confidence of belief, like I believed I could do it, right. | 就像我相信我能做到的一样 |
| 1258 | Believing you can do | 相信自己能办到 |
| 1259 | something always proceeds doing it. | 总是有事情发生 |
| 1260 | You don't do things. | 你没有做任何事情。 |
| 1261 | You don't believe you can do human | 你不相信你会做人 |
| 1262 | beings cannot go against the grain of their own confidence. | 人不能违背自己的信心 |
| 1263 | Your partner is telling you, | 你的搭档告诉你 |
| 1264 | you can't do this. | 你不能这样做。 |
| 1265 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 1266 | So, so, so I don't know in the marriage context, I'm sure this is true, | 所以,所以,我不知道 在婚姻背景下,我敢肯定这是真的, |
| 1267 | but I, but in other contexts, it's like been shown in research. | 但我,但在其他情况下, 它就像在研究中表现出来。 |
| 1268 | So much of your belief comes | 这么多的信念都来了 |
| 1269 | from other people's belief. | 从别人的信仰。 |
| 1270 | It's saying, I believe in you. | 意思是 我相信你们 |
| 1271 | It's borrowed. | 借来. |
| 1272 | Just saying, | 我只是说, |
| 1273 | hey, I believe you can do it. | 嘿,我相信你能做到这一点。 |
| 1274 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1275 | And then like acting that way and so forth. | 然后就喜欢这样演戏 |
| 1276 | So like, | 所以说, |
| 1277 | how important is it to have a partner who believes in you, a coach who believes in you, | 有位相信你的搭档 相信你的教练 |
| 1278 | a boss who believes in you, a best friend who believes in you. | 一个相信你的老板 一个相信你的好朋友 |
| 1279 | It's the nature of human nature | 这是人类的本性 |
| 1280 | that our self-confidence comes from other people. | 我们的自信来自别人 |
| 1281 | So there's, there's this experiment that's called | 有个实验叫做 |
| 1282 | Pygmalion effect. | 侏儒效应. |
| 1283 | It's actually appropriately, since we ended up talking about love and marriage | 其实是合适的,因为我们最后 谈论爱情和婚姻 |
| 1284 | and Martha and Jason. | 还有玛莎和杰森 |
| 1285 | So it's not a true story and it's not a research study, but the Pygmalion | 所以,这不是一个真实的故事 也不是一个研究, 但俾格马利翁 |
| 1286 | myth from Greek mythology is that there is a sculptor whose name is Pygmalion and he carves | 希腊神话中的神话是有一个雕塑家 他叫皮格马利翁 他雕刻 |
| 1287 | a statue out of ivory that is so beautiful that he falls in love with it. | 雕像出象牙 如此美丽 他爱上它。 |
| 1288 | And he so believes that | 他这么认为 |
| 1289 | this statue is real, that the goddess of love, Aphrodite, like sort of looks down on this mortal | 这个雕像是真实的, 爱的女神,阿佛洛狄忒, 像那种俯视着这个凡人 |
| 1290 | and takes some pity on him and basically brings the statue to life. | 对他有些怜悯 基本上使雕像复活 |
| 1291 | And the reason why this research | 以及这个研究的原因 |
| 1292 | study is called the Pygmalion effect is because the idea is that if you truly believe in somebody else, | 研究被称为Pygmalion效应 是因为这个想法是 如果你真的相信别人 |
| 1293 | like it will transform them. | 就像它会改变它们 |
| 1294 | It will bring them to life. | 这会让他们复活 |
| 1295 | So the study is that there are these little | 所以研究是 有一些小 |
| 1296 | kids at an elementary school in California and they're just going through elementary school. | 加州一所小学的孩子们 他们只是读小学而已 |
| 1297 | And before the beginning of the school year, this Harvard psychologist named Bob Rosenthal, | 在学年开始前 哈佛心理学家鲍勃·罗森塔尔 |
| 1298 | who came to this hypothesis that belief is borrowed, that self-confidence comes from other | 他的假设是信仰是借来的 自信是来自其他 |
| 1299 | people, that you need to be in these relationships because who has the belief that they can do | 人,你需要在这些关系 因为谁有信仰 他们可以做 |
| 1300 | something until someone else says they can do it and acts like they can do it. | 直到别人说他们能做到 表现得像他们能做到一样 |
| 1301 | So he randomly | 所以他是随机的 |
| 1302 | assigns these kids to either be labeled as gifted or not, right? | 指定这些孩子要么被贴上天赋的标签,要么没有,对不对? |
| 1303 | And for the gifted group, he goes | 对于有天赋的团体,他去 |
| 1304 | and he tells their teachers, he's like, oh, by the way, here's the list of kids before the school | 他告诉他们的老师, 他喜欢,哦,顺便说一句, 这是学校前的孩子名单 |
| 1305 | year starts. | 一年开始。 |
| 1306 | I gave them the like Harvard test of inflected reasoning. | 我给了他们像哈佛测试 反映推理。 |
| 1307 | I mean, he made this up, | 我的意思是,他编的这个, |
| 1308 | he made up the test, he made up the title, but it sounded very fancy and he was a Harvard professor. | 他创造了测试, 他创造了标题, 但听起来非常花哨 他是一个哈佛教授。 |
| 1309 | And he said, and these are your bloomers. | 他说,这些是你的开花机。 |
| 1310 | And it might not be obvious on day one of school | 在学校的第一天可能并不明显 |
| 1311 | and it may not be obvious on day 10, but like before the end of the school year, you will see | 在第十天可能并不明显, 但像学年结束前,你会看到 |
| 1312 | that they bloom because they are gifted. | 他们因天赋而开花。 |
| 1313 | So he gave the teachers the belief in the kids, | 所以他让老师相信孩子们 |
| 1314 | experimentally. | 实验性的。 |
| 1315 | We just waited to see what happened. | 我们只是等着看发生了什么。 |
| 1316 | And sure enough, it was a self-fulfilling | 当然,这是自我实现 |
| 1317 | prophecy. | 预言 |
| 1318 | The teachers believed that these kids would be great. | 老师相信这些孩子会很棒 |
| 1319 | That gave the kids the confidence | 这给了孩子们信心 |
| 1320 | that they were great. | 他们是伟大的。 |
| 1321 | And even on IQ tests, especially the youngest kids, like they literally | 即使是智商测试,尤其是最小的孩子, 就像他们字面上 |
| 1322 | did better by a lot by the end of the year. | 到年底成绩更好 |
| 1323 | 所以Pygmalion效应就是我们 | |
| 1324 | Angela Duckworth对Angela Duckworth的信念 不仅仅是因为Angela Duckworth | |
| 1325 | 是因为Jason Duckworth和你知道的 就像另一组人 | |
| 1326 | But it's just | 但这只是 |
| 1327 | evidence that your relationships matter to not only like what your opportunities are, | 证明你们的关系 不仅像你的机会一样重要 |
| 1328 | but like how you think about yourself as a person. | 就像你把自己当人一样 |
| 1329 | Yes. | 对 |
| 1330 | And that's why I think your book is | 所以我认为你的书 |
| 1331 | so powerful situated because it's about finding the people and places that bring out your best. | 如此强大的位置 因为它是寻找 人民和地方 带来你最好的。 |
| 1332 | You said people first in the title. | 你说人们在标题中第一。 |
| 1333 | I guess I could have said places. | 我想我可以说的地方。 |
| 1334 | Yeah, it takes primacy, | 是的,它具有首要地位, |
| 1335 | right? | 对吧? |
| 1336 | It's pole position. | 是杆位. |
| 1337 | And you talk about mentorship and relationships, the relationships | 你讲的是导师关系 关系 |
| 1338 | we choose to create. | 我们选择创建。 |
| 1339 | Now, obviously when you're a kid, you can't choose your parents and siblings, | 现在,很明显 当你还是个孩子, 你不能选择你的父母和兄弟姐妹, |
| 1340 | but at some point, hopefully your parents can choose your friends for you early on and start | 但有时 希望父母能早点为你选择朋友 |
| 1341 | putting you in those relationships and putting you in the right school environment or whatever it | 让你进入那些关系 让你进入正确的学校环境 或任何它 |
| 1342 | might be to set you up for that success. | 也许是为了你的成功 |
| 1343 | But when we're adults, if we have the opportunity to choose | 但是,当我们是成年人, 如果我们有机会选择 |
| 1344 | people specifically that pour into you, positive re-encouragement, positive self-belief, | 特别是那些倾注在你身上的人, 积极的重新鼓励,积极的自信, |
| 1345 | it is going to give you so much a greater advantage than being in, you know, the perfect school, | 它会给你更大的优势 比进入,你知道,完美的学校, |
| 1346 | the perfect place without those people giving that to you. | 完美的地方 没有那些人给你。 |
| 1347 | Like you like the people part. | 就像你喜欢别人一样 |
| 1348 | I | 一、导 言 |
| 1349 | couldn't agree more. | 无可奉告 |
| 1350 | And Liz, it's really like not like, oh, you'll be 5% more productive, | 丽兹,这真的 不喜欢,哦,你会有5%的生产力, |
| 1351 | like you'll be 7% more efficient, like it is. | 就像你效率会提高7%一样 |
| 1352 | I think to me, the transformative element is that | 我认为,变革的要素是 |
| 1353 | you don't know who you could become. | 你不知道你会变成谁 |
| 1354 | That's the thing. | 就是这样 |
| 1355 | And your mom, like who could she have | 还有你妈,像谁可以让她 |
| 1356 | become? | 变成? |
| 1357 | Not that she's not great right now and she raised great kids and she had a great marriage, | 不是说她现在不伟大 她养育了好孩子 她的婚姻很好 |
| 1358 | but who could my mother have become? | 但我母亲会变成谁? |
| 1359 | Who could she have become? | 她会变成谁? |
| 1360 | And it doesn't mean that she | 这并不意味着她 |
| 1361 | could have been a famous, maybe she could have been famous, but maybe she could have just enjoyed | 也许她可以出名 但也许她可以享受 |
| 1362 | her life more creating the art she had inside of her. | 她的生活更能创造她内心的艺术 |
| 1363 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1364 | Like she will tell you herself that | 就像她会告诉你自己 |
| 1365 | she asked that question, right? | 她问这个问题,对不对? |
| 1366 | And again, you know, is she sorry that she raised her family? | 再说一遍 她为抚养家人感到抱歉吗? |
| 1367 | No. | 没有 |
| 1368 | Like did she feel like she had infinite freedom? | 她觉得自己有无限的自由吗? |
| 1369 | Like no. | 像没有。 |
| 1370 | But yeah, no. | 但是是的,没有。 |
| 1371 | And you'll be | 你会是 |
| 1372 | happy to know at age 91. | 很高兴知道在91岁。 |
| 1373 | I mean, she paints every day. | 我的意思是,她每天画。 |
| 1374 | And how does it make her feel or look or | 和如何让她的感觉或看起来 |
| 1375 | what's her energy like? | 她的能量怎么样? |
| 1376 | She texted me once and she said in this text message, like, | 她曾经给我发过短信 并在短信里说 |
| 1377 | when I paint, I have no age. | 我画画的时候,没有年龄 |
| 1378 | Like I forget that I am old. | 就像我忘了我老了一样 |
| 1379 | Right. | 对 |
| 1380 | And she says like, | 她说... |
| 1381 | every day I'm good to work to like make these dreams come true. | 我每天都很乐于工作 让这些梦想成真 |
| 1382 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1383 | Like God bless. | 就像上帝保佑一样 |
| 1384 | She's | 琌 |
| 1385 | very healthy 91 year old, but I think it's just, I mean, it really is. | 非常健康的91岁, 但我认为它只是,我的意思是,它是真的。 |
| 1386 | It's like, okay, now she's in | 就像,好吧,现在她进来了 |
| 1387 | a situation where like there are people, I asked her about her art. | 我问她关于她的艺术 |
| 1388 | Like growing up, I was not part | 像长大了一样,我没有参与 |
| 1389 | of a situation that was supportive. | 一个支持性的情况。 |
| 1390 | I never asked mom, like, do you want to go to the art museum? | 我从未问过妈妈 你想去艺术博物馆吗? |
| 1391 | Like, what are you working on? | 喜欢,你在做什么工作? |
| 1392 | Like, do you like this painting? | 你喜欢这幅画吗? |
| 1393 | Like now, now I ask her, I ask her | 就像现在,现在我问她,我问她 |
| 1394 | to send pictures or I go to her art studio. | 要不然我就去她的艺术工作室 |
| 1395 | Like I, like, I'm only a tiny part of that situation. | 就像我一样,我只是那种情况的一部分。 |
| 1396 | But, but yeah, and I think the, the point that I'm, you know, inadequately expressing is like, | 但是,但是,是的,我想, 这一点,我,你知道, 不充分的表达是, |
| 1397 | like, I'm only a tiny part of that situation. But, but yeah, and I think the, the point that I'm, | 喜欢,我只是一个很小的一部分 的情况。 但是,但是,是的,我想, 这一点我, |
| 1398 | Again, it's not about five percent or seven percent gains. | 再者,这还不到5%或7%的收益。 |
| 1399 | It's a transformation and like in who you are | 这是一个转变 就像你是谁 |
| 1400 | Like you're you are a different person. | 就像你是一个不同的人。 |
| 1401 | You are a different person when you're in a different situation | 身处不同的处境,你变了 |
| 1402 | So true. | 没错 |
| 1403 | I've got a couple fun questions for this has been powerful. | 我有几个有趣的问题 这个问题很有说服力 |
| 1404 | I didn't even ask you any questions | 我都没问你问题 |
| 1405 | I had you're talking about my marriage the whole time | 我一直都有你在说我的婚姻 |
| 1406 | Okay, but I think it's important part of my life | 好吧,但我认为这是我生命中很重要的一部分 |
| 1407 | I think you learn so much about a human being based on the people they're with and | 我认为你学到了这么多关于一个人 基于他们在一起的人和 |
| 1408 | I just don't think you would be as happy and healthy and | 我只是不认为你会是 快乐和健康, |
| 1409 | You know successful in your career without a great partner | 在没有好搭档的情况下,你事业很成功 |
| 1410 | Supporting you and encouraging you we talked about off-camera about you know early on in your career | 支持你,鼓励你 我们谈了脱口秀 关于你早年知道 在你的职业生涯 |
| 1411 | You thought you might want to study the placebo. | 你以为你想学习安慰剂? |
| 1412 | I'm a big fan of the placebo of like | 我很喜欢安慰剂 |
| 1413 | Even if it's not true if you believe something to be true | 就算你相信某件事是真的 也不是真的 |
| 1414 | It gives you that that belief that energy that and that's a soul prophecy, right? | 让你相信能量是灵魂预言,对吧? |
| 1415 | Yeah, and it's like and it makes you more gritty and all these things | 是啊,它就像,它让你 更粗糙和所有这些东西 |
| 1416 | Million effect and the placebo effect are highly related | 百万效应和安慰剂效应密切相关 |
| 1417 | They're both about belief and they're both about the belief preceding the reality, but then creating the reality, right? | 两者都是关于信仰的 两者都是关于现实之前的信仰, 但然后创造现实,对不对? |
| 1418 | There's a book out by near I out. | 我在附近有本书 |
| 1419 | You know him. | 你认识他 |
| 1420 | He wrote a book called Beyond Belief | 他写了一本名为《超越信仰》的书 |
| 1421 | Yeah, really interesting is near. | 是啊,真的很有趣是临近。 |
| 1422 | Yes psychologist. | 是的,心理学家。 |
| 1423 | Yes | 对 |
| 1424 | Yeah, it's called Beyond I haven't read it, but I think I read his previous book is powerful | 是啊,它叫Beyond 我没有读过, 但我想我读了他的前一本书是强大的 |
| 1425 | Yeah, I think the previous book was called hooked. | 是的,我觉得前一本书叫做迷上了。 |
| 1426 | I think it was | 我觉得是 |
| 1427 | The new one is about belief you should check it out | 新的是相信,你应该看看 |
| 1428 | Beyond beliefs and | 超越信仰 |
| 1429 | Believe he was also atheist | 相信他也是无神论者 |
| 1430 | I believe before from what he was talking about and he said in all my research of studying beliefs | 我之前相信他所说的 他在我的研究中说过 |
| 1431 | Yeah, and the benefits of beliefs. | 对,还有信仰的好处 |
| 1432 | I now pray to God even though I don't necessarily | 我现在向上帝祈祷 虽然我不一定 |
| 1433 | I didn't grow up thinking about this, but I and I never prayed before | 我从小就没想过这个 但我和以前从没祈祷过 |
| 1434 | but prayer | 惟祈祷, |
| 1435 | Makes you happier and healthier and helps you accomplish your goals more. | 让你更快乐更健康 更有助于你实现你的目标 |
| 1436 | So I'm going to believe so I | 所以我会相信,所以我 |
| 1437 | Believe it even if I don't know really 100% | 信不信由你,即使我不知道 100% |
| 1438 | There's a God I choose to believe I've chosen to believe based on the psychological emotional and health benefits in my life | 有一个上帝,我选择相信 我选择相信 基于心理 情感和健康的好处 在我的生活 |
| 1439 | Yeah prayer. | 是的,祈祷。 |
| 1440 | Yeah, and so I pray every day because I believe it's gonna make me better | 是啊,所以我每天都祈祷 因为我相信这会让我更好 |
| 1441 | Yeah, and whether and then when you're talking about your husband Jason how he prays every day | 是啊,是否,然后当你谈论 你的丈夫杰森 他如何每天祈祷 |
| 1442 | Yeah to be better and how can I have more integrity and make better choices? | 是啊,更好,我怎么能有 更多的正直和做出更好的选择? |
| 1443 | You know what? | 你知道吗? |
| 1444 | There are lots of books about believing and I am not saying that like you shouldn't read that one | 有很多关于信仰的书 我并不是说你不应该读那本 |
| 1445 | But I will say mindset, you know, like, you know, like you like there there are lots of things about | 但我会说心态,你知道, 像,你知道,像你喜欢 有很多关于 |
| 1446 | What you do in your mind you pray you meditate you set goals | 你心里所想的 你祈祷你冥想你设定的目标 |
| 1447 | I think I believe in all of it by the way | 顺便说一句,我觉得我完全相信 |
| 1448 | like I I think there should be a thousand books a million books, right because that is a lot of of | 我觉得应该有一千本书 一百万本书,对吗? |
| 1449 | Changing like your behavior to be better than you were yesterday | 改变你的行为 比你昨天好 |
| 1450 | But I would tell you this many people let's take prayer as an example | 但我会告诉你这么多人 让我们以祈祷为例 |
| 1451 | Like why are there churches and mosques and synagogues, right? | 像为什么有教堂、清真寺和犹太教堂,对不对? |
| 1452 | Like why are there sacred spaces, right? | 像为什么有神圣的空间,对不对? |
| 1453 | Like well the same reason why there are libraries and restaurants and art museums and art museums and art studios, right? | 就像图书馆 餐馆 艺术博物馆 艺术博物馆 艺术工作室一样 对吧? |
| 1454 | Like and I know we've talked a lot about relationships as being the most important part of your situation | 喜欢,我知道我们已经谈了很多 关系是最重要的部分 你的处境 |
| 1455 | But just on the side of the like the spaces matter | 但是在像空间一样的一侧 |
| 1456 | Right. | 对 |
| 1457 | I think prayer is easier in certain places like you could pray at Starbucks | 我觉得在某些地方祈祷比较容易,比如你可以在星巴克祈祷 |
| 1458 | You know, and maybe some people are really good at praying in Starbucks, but when I go to church, which I do | 也许有些人很擅长在星巴克祷告 但当我去教堂时,我这样做 |
| 1459 | You know, like that's a different space right present to it. | 你知道,就像这是一个不同的空间 正确的礼物。 |
| 1460 | You're more | 你更厉害 |
| 1461 | You know at least for me, right? | 你知道至少对我来说,对不对? |
| 1462 | So so again like it's a late | 所以,再次像它已经很晚了 |
| 1463 | Understanding of mine in a way because I think I was like if you just try hard everything will work out | 以某种方式理解我,因为我认为我就像 如果你只是努力尝试,一切都会成功 |
| 1464 | It's like no. | 犹如无. |
| 1465 | No, you just try hard in a great situation | 不,你只要在大局下努力一点 |
| 1466 | I think that situation should have the people who bring out your best. | 我认为,这种情况应该有 那些能把你最好的。 |
| 1467 | Yes first and foremost | 首先是 |
| 1468 | I think we agree and the environment and the physical environment. | 我认为我们同意环境与自然环境。 |
| 1469 | Well, you put people first. | 好吧,你把人放在第一位。 |
| 1470 | So, you know, that's | 所以,你知道,这是 |
| 1471 | You like I'm speaking from the same hymnal, but but I think I think the physical matter | 你喜欢我说话的同一种赞美, 但我认为物理问题 |
| 1472 | I mean when I walked into this place, I was like, oh, I love it | 我的意思是当我走进这个地方, 我很喜欢,哦,我喜欢 |
| 1473 | Right, like and I I think it was a great experience great vibe, right like details matter | 对,我认为这是一次伟大的经历 伟大的气氛,就像细节一样重要 |
| 1474 | So like do all the details matter the same? | 所有细节都一样重要吗? |
| 1475 | No, but I think like once you just open your eyes like just look around right like look around who are you with? | 不,但我想,一旦你只是睁开眼睛 就像只是看着周围,就像看看你是谁? |
| 1476 | Where are you? | 你们在哪? |
| 1477 | What is within reach like? | 我们能达到什么程度? |
| 1478 | What do you see? | 你看见什么了? |
| 1479 | You know | 你知道吗 |
| 1480 | Do you like the billboards in the city that you live in or do you look at those billboards and you say like what? | 你喜欢住在城里的告示牌还是看那些告示牌,你说什么? |
| 1481 | Am I doing here? | 我在这里做什么? |
| 1482 | I will tell you the billboards are different in LA than they are in Philadelphia | 我会告诉你 告示牌在洛杉矶和在费城不一样 |
| 1483 | They're not as they're probably not as they don't make you feel as good. | 他们可能不像他们那样让你感觉很好 |
| 1484 | Probably. | 也许吧 |
| 1485 | Well, have you been to Philadelphia? | 你去过费城吗? |
| 1486 | I know the weather is better here. | 我知道这里天气比较好 |
| 1487 | I think our billboards are 90% about like see the billboards | 我觉得我们的广告牌是90% 喜欢看广告牌 |
| 1488 | You can't see in the rain there the clouds. | 雨中见云何. |
| 1489 | Okay, that's true. | 好吧,这是真的。 |
| 1490 | Well, that's the other problem, but | 好吧,这是另一个问题,但 |
| 1491 | But in Philadelphia our billboards are more mostly like, you know, like how to you know, sue people like, you know | 但是在费城,我们的广告牌 大多喜欢,你知道, 喜欢如何你知道, 告人喜欢,你知道 |
| 1492 | Like political or government. | 如政治或政府. |
| 1493 | Yeah, what's that called? | 是啊,这叫什么? |
| 1494 | Like legal like the legal thing. | 如法界如法界事. |
| 1495 | We're like, you know | 我们就像,你知道的 |
| 1496 | There's a lot of those here though on the highway. | 这里有很多在高速公路上的人 |
| 1497 | They're everywhere. | 到处都是 |
| 1498 | Yeah | 对 |
| 1499 | I just like passed a lot of entertainment one | 我只是喜欢通过很多娱乐之一 |
| 1500 | So I just thought like very different thing | 所以我就想了个非常不同的想法 |
| 1501 | But um, but yeah, you should just be I think be aware of it before you change your situation, right? | 但是,嗯,但是是的,你应该只是我 认为要知道它之前 你改变你的情况,对不对? |
| 1502 | Absolutely shit, but I think just being aware that's probably step one just like notice one. | 绝对的狗屎,但我想只是意识到 这也许是一步 就像注意一。 |
| 1503 | Yeah, that's it | 是的,就是这样 |
| 1504 | Angela's been powerful. | 安吉拉一直很厉害 |
| 1505 | I got a couple fun of questions. | 我有几个有趣的问题。 |
| 1506 | This question is something I ask everyone at the end called the three truths | 我最后问大家一个问题 就是三个事实 |
| 1507 | Hypothetical scenario you get to live as long as you want, but it's your last day on earth | 假想的情景,你想活多久都行 但这是你最后的一天 |
| 1508 | You get to accomplish and create everything you want on this road that you're on | 在这条路上,你可以成就一切 |
| 1509 | But for whatever reason in the hypothetical scenario, you have to take all of your work with you. | 但是无论在假设情景中出于什么原因,你都必须带着你的所有工作. |
| 1510 | So this book is gone | 所以这本书不见了 |
| 1511 | Great has gone all of your speeches content video all gone from this world | 好极了,你所有的演讲内容视频 都从这个世界消失 |
| 1512 | Everything before this moment. | 此时此刻之前的一切 |
| 1513 | Yes, but you get to leave behind | 是的,但你可以离开 |
| 1514 | Three truths three lessons that you've learned from your experience that you would share with the world and we get to keep that | 3个真理 从你的经验中吸取了3个教训 你会与世界分享 |
| 1515 | What would those three truths be for you? | 这三件事对你有什么好处? |
| 1516 | Oh number one? | 哦,第一吗? |
| 1517 | Effort is the final common path to greatness | 努力是通向伟大的最后共同道路 |
| 1518 | number two | 二号 |
| 1519 | Effort pays off more in certain situations | 在某些情况下付出更多的代价 |
| 1520 | Than others | 对他人 |
| 1521 | number three | 三号 |
| 1522 | You can change your situation for the better another hypothetical scenario | 你可以改变你的处境 更好的另一种假设情景 |
| 1523 | If you could go back to the day you graduated | 如果你能回到毕业那天 |
| 1524 | Where your mom put her hands on your shoulders and said now you can be a wife now | 你妈妈把手放在肩膀上 说你现在可以当老婆了 |
| 1525 | You're ready to be a wife ready to be a wife | 你准备好当老婆了 准备好当老婆了 |
| 1526 | Yeah | 对 |
| 1527 | if you could go back and just you know hypothetically time travel you are who you are now and you see that | 如果你可以回去 只是你知道假设的时间旅行 你现在就是你现在的样子,你看到了 |
| 1528 | Girl then on graduation day and if you're able to send a message to her and speak to her | 女孩在毕业那天 如果你能给她发个信息 和她说话 |
| 1529 | For 30 to 60 seconds and you're able to look in the camera and speak to her | 30到60秒,你可以看着镜头和她说话 |
| 1530 | What would that message be to her of everything that she's about to go through and what advice would you give her? | 你会给她什么建议? |
| 1531 | I? | 我吗? |
| 1532 | would say Angie you think of life as a watercolor and you think that when you | 你会说安琪你认为生活是水彩 而你认为当你 |
| 1533 | brush a stroke of | 刷一针 |
| 1534 | Pigment you can't undo it | 颜料你无法解开 |
| 1535 | But that's not the right metaphor | 但是,这不是正确的比喻 |
| 1536 | Because life is not a watercolor painting where the job is to be perfect make no mistakes and | 因为生活不是一幅水彩画 工作要完美,不要犯错 |
| 1537 | That things get ruined unless they don't get ruined | 事情被破坏 除非它们不被破坏 |
| 1538 | It's an oil painting in an oil painting. | 油画中的油画. |
| 1539 | You can just like throw on a whole nother layer the things | 你只是喜欢扔 整个不她层的东西 |
| 1540 | You know, it's a it's a work in progress | 你知道,这是一个在进行中的工作 |
| 1541 | when I was | 当我是 |
| 1542 | 22 I | 22 页:1 |
| 1543 | Thought I would just try harder and harder live as perfect a life as I could in every dimension | 我本想尽我所能 努力过着完美的生活 |
| 1544 | And when things did go south in any endeavor, I did try harder | 当事情确实在任何努力中向南发展时,我确实更加努力 |
| 1545 | But in that one crucial decision where I chose the road I chose the chose, you know, I chose the road with Jason | 但在这个关键的决定中 我选择了道路 我选择了道路 你知道 我选择了道路与杰森 |
| 1546 | It was a shift from the watercolor metaphor like this marriage must be ruined to like | 这是从水彩的比喻的转变 像这段婚姻必须被毁掉 喜欢 |
| 1547 | It's an oil painting and if we can put ourselves in the right situation | 这是油画,如果我们能让自己处于合适的境地 |
| 1548 | then | 接下来 |
| 1549 | We're going to be more than okay. | 我们不会有事的 |
| 1550 | And if I hadn't shifted metaphors, I would not have been able to | 如果我没有改变比喻,我就不会 |
| 1551 | make those | 做这些 |
| 1552 | adjustments that | 调整 |
| 1553 | Put us on the road. | 带我们上路 |
| 1554 | I'm glad I'm on. | 欢喜踊跃. |
| 1555 | Yeah, that's beautiful | 是啊,这是美丽的 |
| 1556 | Well, Angie, I want to acknowledge you for the book you created situated find the people and places that bring out your best | 安琪,我想承认你所创作的书 找到最好的人和地点 |
| 1557 | People first people first that for me | 人先为我 |
| 1558 | This is the book everyone should be reading right now because I'm just a big believer proximity is power | 这是大家现在应该读的书, 因为我是一个伟大的信仰者 接近是力量 |
| 1559 | And this gives you more tools and more wisdom on how to make sure you're in proximity to the right people and places | 这给你更多的工具和智慧 如何确保你接近合适的人和地点 |
| 1560 | To support your goals support your dreams and ultimately live a better life | 支持你的目标 支持你的梦想 最终生活更美好 |
| 1561 | Live a happier more fulfilled life in a world where a lot of people are struggling and stressing and that's what we try to do | 过一个更快乐的生活 在这个世界上,很多人都在挣扎和压力, 这就是我们试图做的 |
| 1562 | We're on the school of greatness is give people those tools | 我们的伟大学校 是给人们那些工具 |
| 1563 | So I'm gonna acknowledge you for this. | 所以,我会承认你这一点。 |
| 1564 | I want to acknowledge you for opening up and talking about your marriage | 我想感谢你的开场白和谈起你的婚姻 |
| 1565 | I don't know if you thought you'd be doing that here. | 我不知道你是否认为你会这样做。 |
| 1566 | I do not think so, but you know what? | 我不这么认为,但你知道吗? |
| 1567 | I was happy to do | 我很高兴 |
| 1568 | Can I ask you a question? | 我能问你个问题吗? |
| 1569 | I know that you often ask your | 我知道你经常问 |
| 1570 | Your interviewees your guests like what their definition of greatness is | 你们的受访者,你们的客人,喜欢他们的伟大定义是什么? |
| 1571 | well, that's my next question for you, but can you | 好吧,这是我下一个问题 给你,但你能 |
| 1572 | like yeah for me, it's | 对我来说是的 |
| 1573 | Discovering your unique talents and gifts that God gave you | 发现上帝赐予你的独特才华和天赋 |
| 1574 | To pursue your dreams and in that pursuit making the maximum impact on the people around you and | 追求你的梦想 追求对周围的人产生最大影响 |
| 1575 | Earlier in my life | 我生命的早些时候 |
| 1576 | I would have thought greatness is about being the best being number one and winning and that's kind of what I thought it was | 我本以为伟大是第一 获胜的最好人选 |
| 1577 | When I was like a teenager of 20 is you know something and I realized | 当我像个20岁的少年时 你知道一些事情,我意识到 |
| 1578 | that | 那个 |
| 1579 | That definition or that belief in my mind got me those results, but left me feeling unhappy | 那个定义或者我心中的信念 给了我这些结果 但让我感到不快乐 |
| 1580 | Because I was making it all about me and what I wanted rather about, you know, we and | 因为我做了这一切 关于我和我想要的,你知道,我们 |
| 1581 | Service and so then I was I started to start the school of greatness | 服务,然后我开始创办大学校 |
| 1582 | yeah, I went through a healing journey and a journey of more self-discovery and | 是的,我经历了一个疗伤的旅程 和一个更自我发现的旅程 |
| 1583 | Wondering why I was feeling this anger and frustration inside of me even though I was accomplishing everything that I wanted | 想知道我为何感到内心的愤怒和挫折 即使我完成了我想要的一切 |
| 1584 | You're winning. | 你赢了。 |
| 1585 | But why am I unhappy? | 但我为什么不高兴? |
| 1586 | Why am I why am I in breakdown relationship? | 为什么我恋爱了? |
| 1587 | Why why what's going on? | 为什么是怎么了? |
| 1588 | Yeah, and I realized | 是啊,我意识到 |
| 1589 | I was just like, oh, that's not this secret to a fulfilling life. | 我只是喜欢,哦,这不是这个秘密 一个满足的生活。 |
| 1590 | It's about we it's about everyone needs to win | 是关于我们的 是关于每个人都需要赢 |
| 1591 | It should be about win-win not win-lose, right? | 应该是双赢而不是双败 对吧? |
| 1592 | And in sports, you know, you're just conditioned like win | 而在运动中,你知道, 你只是条件像胜利 |
| 1593 | Give your best like get better and improves and if you're not a winner lose and if you're not a winner, you're a loser | 给最好的,像得到更好,改善 如果你不是赢家,如果你不是赢家,你是一个失败者 |
| 1594 | Right. | 对 |
| 1595 | So that framework of sports is a win-lose unless you look at sports differently and say even if I lose how can I win? | 所以,体育的框架是一个赢败 除非你看不同的运动 并说,即使我输了,我怎么能赢? |
| 1596 | Even if I lose where's the lesson? | 就算我输了 教训呢? |
| 1597 | Where was the growth? | 生长在哪里? |
| 1598 | Where was the good? | 那好东西呢? |
| 1599 | What about that moment we had as teammates like what did I learn from my coach? | 作为队友的那一瞬间 我从教练那里学到了什么? |
| 1600 | What about that sportsmanship that we created here or what about the other team was really negative and nasty and I responded with my integrity | 我们在这里创造的体育风度怎么样 或者其他球队 真的很消极和讨厌 我以正直的态度回应 |
| 1601 | You know, whatever might be where's the win in the loss and I just never thought of that when I was growing up | 你知道,无论什么 可能在哪里的赢 在损失,我只是从来没有想过 当我长大了 |
| 1602 | I thought like if we don't win that I'm a loser | 我以为如果我们不赢 我就输了 |
| 1603 | I am a loser, right and I cannot deal with feeling like I am not I experienced a loss | 我是一个失败者,对,我不能处理 感觉我不是经历了损失 |
| 1604 | Yeah, it was an identity of I am | 是啊,这是我的身份 |
| 1605 | instead of | 改为 |
| 1606 | We experienced this loss in this game, but I'm not a loser. | 我们在这场比赛中经历了这一损失,但我不是一个失败者. |
| 1607 | It was like no any loss | 就像没有损失一样 |
| 1608 | I am NOT enough and so it was more of a oh, this is unsustainable way of living life | 我不够,所以它更是一个哦, 这是不可持续的生活方式 |
| 1609 | Yeah, and I believe like your mom | 是啊,我相信喜欢你妈妈 |
| 1610 | She had an incredible talent and gift | 她有非凡的天赋和天赋 |
| 1611 | that God someone gave her that she was curious about she wanted to paint and | 上帝给了她 她好奇她想画画 |
| 1612 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}她跟踪了一段时间 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}然后她不得不减少一阵子 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}现在她又来了 | |
| 1613 | And she says she feels ageless | 她说她觉得自己没有年龄 |
| 1614 | And it doesn't mean she has to be some famous | 这并不意味着她一定有名 |
| 1615 | World-class painter that is recognized in the Philadelphia Museum and makes millions of dollars | 世界一流的画家 在费城博物馆被认可 赚了数百万美元 |
| 1616 | But she feels the most alive she's ever felt it sounds like pursuing her gift and talent and | 但她觉得她最有活力 听起来像是追求她的天赋和天赋 |
| 1617 | I believe it shouldn't be with only ourselves | 我相信不应该只有我们自己 |
| 1618 | It should be shared our gift and talent whether that's with a small community friends family the world whatever it might be | 应该分享我们的天赋和才华 不管是与一个小社区朋友家庭... 不管它是什么 |
| 1619 | But if we don't share it, then I don't think it's greatness. | 但如果我们不分享,那么我不认为这是伟大的。 |
| 1620 | So it's finding way to do to discover our talents and gifts | 因此它正在寻找方法 发现我们的才能和天赋 |
| 1621 | Sharing of the others and making an impact on those people around us with our talents | 分享他人,用我们的才能对我们周围的人产生影响 |
| 1622 | That's for me know what it is, but what's your definition of greatness? | 我知道这是什么 但你对伟大的定义是什么? |
| 1623 | I think greatness is being part of and in service to something larger than yourself | 我认为伟大是 的一部分,服务于 比你更大的东西 |
| 1624 | And that is also the definition I would give for meaning | 这也是我给的定义 意义 |
| 1625 | and the longer | 时间越长 |
| 1626 | Explanation is this I think the psychologist who has influenced me at least as much as any other as Viktor Frankl. | 解释是这样的,我认为,心理学家 已经影响了我 至少像任何其他 与维克多弗兰克尔一样多。 |
| 1627 | Yeah | 对 |
| 1628 | Stimulus in response and I think Viktor Frankl is not | 我认为维克多·弗兰克尔不是 |
| 1629 | Understood I think there's a mistake we make when we think of Viktor Frankl people like oh, right the psychiatrist who survived Auschwitz | 明白,我想当我们想到维克多·弗兰克尔时,我们犯了一个错误。 哦,对了,那个在奥斯维辛集中营幸存下来的心理医生。 |
| 1630 | That's true | 没错 |
| 1631 | Stimulus and response right between stimulus and response. | 刺激和反应 在刺激和反应之间 |
| 1632 | There's a space in that space. | 那里有个空间 |
| 1633 | We find our freedom | 我们找到自由 |
| 1634 | He often quoted Nietzsche and he would say things about how you cannot always change your situation | 他经常引用尼采的话 他会说出你无法改变你的处境 |
| 1635 | But you can change how you respond to the situation and I think that's the lesson that people take from man search meaning and then his own | 但你可以改变你如何应对这种情况 我认为这是教训 人们从人类搜索的意义,然后他自己的 |
| 1636 | Triumph in adversity because when you are in a concentration camp, there's very little you can do to change your situation | 在逆境中奋战 因为当你们在集中营里的时候 改变自己的处境 你无能为力 |
| 1637 | But if you read man search for meaning carefully | 但是,如果你读人 寻找意义仔细 |
| 1638 | He says two things that I think are not always understood about Viktor Frankl. | 他说了两件事 我觉得对Viktor Frankl并不总能理解 |
| 1639 | One is he says emphatically | 一是他说的很强烈 |
| 1640 | When you can change your situation, you should because not to do so would be foolish and masochistic | 当你可以改变你的处境,你应该这样做,因为不这样做是愚蠢和受虐 |
| 1641 | Don't stay in a horrible situation. | 别呆在可怕的地方 |
| 1642 | Maybe you are in a concentration camp. | 也许你在集中营里 |
| 1643 | You have zero degrees of freedom | 你没有自由度 |
| 1644 | You can't change like where this cup is you can't change what's in the cup | 你不能像这杯子一样改变 你不能改变杯子里的东西 |
| 1645 | You can't change where your phone is you can't change whether you know, you hang out with this person or that person | 你不能改变 你的手机在哪里 你不能改变 无论你知道, 你挂出的人或那个人 |
| 1646 | You have zero freedom. | 你没有自由 |
| 1647 | I think Viktor Frankl when he escaped | 我觉得维克多·弗兰克尔逃跑时 |
| 1648 | When he was released from the concentration camps and he came especially to lecture in America | 当他从集中营被释放时 他特别来到美国讲课 |
| 1649 | He said, you know emphatically that you do have freedoms and so you should consider them responsibly | 他说,你很清楚你有自由 所以你应该负责地考虑 |
| 1650 | So that's one mistake we make that like Viktor Frankl did not want us to only think about how we respond to our situation | 所以我们犯了一个错误 就像Viktor Frankl不希望我们只考虑 如何应对我们的处境 |
| 1651 | Viktor Frankl wanted us to be in better situations and make those better for others | Viktor Frankl希望我们处于更好的状态 并让那些更好的人 |
| 1652 | And the second thing I was saying he would have put places first over the people. | 第二件事,我说,他会先把位置放在人民之上。 |
| 1653 | I don't know Viktor Frankl | 我不知道维克多・弗兰克尔 |
| 1654 | I wish I I'm not gonna put words in Viktor Frankl and he probably would say oh it's but | 我希望我不要在Viktor Frankl上写词 他可能会说哦 但是 |
| 1655 | He probably put people first | 他也许把人放在第一位 |
| 1656 | 但Viktor Frankl在辩论时 谈到自己是什么 | |
| 1657 | Trying to accomplish in the short time you have on this planet Lewis and I think our definitions of greatness overlap, right? | 尝试在短时间内完成你在这个星球上拥有的刘易斯, 我认为我们伟大的定义重叠,对不对? |
| 1658 | It's about pointing towards something that's not you right like greatness is in self actualization | 而是指向一些不是你对的事物 就像伟大是自我实现 |
| 1659 | It is what Frankl called self transcendence | 这就是弗兰克尔所谓的自我超越 |
| 1660 | So again, I don't know that people like got into the nitty-gritty of what Viktor Frankl wrote about for the rest of his life | 再说一次,我不知道人们喜欢 进入了Nitty -gritty的 维克多・弗兰克尔写的他的余生 |
| 1661 | Because he wrote over 30 books, right? | 因为他写了30多本书,对吧? |
| 1662 | Man Search for Meaning was the first | 人类寻找意义是第一个 |
| 1663 | He had a debate with Abraham Maslow Abraham Maslow's higher. | 他与亚伯拉罕·马斯洛·亚伯拉罕·马斯洛的上级有争论. |
| 1664 | Yes. | 对 |
| 1665 | Wow, they were contemporaries | 哇,他们是同时期的 |
| 1666 | both Jewish | 两个犹太人 |
| 1667 | Abraham Maslow born in the Bronx or something or Brooklyn. | 亚伯拉罕·马斯洛出生在布朗克斯或者布鲁克林什么的. |
| 1668 | So like did not survive the concentration camps, but they they sparred, right? | 所以,像没有幸存 集中营,但 他们分裂,对不对? |
| 1669 | They're both great psychologists. | 他们都是伟大的心理学家。 |
| 1670 | The reason why they debate each other is they had a disagreement over what was the highest | 他们互相辩论的原因是 他们对什么是最高的有分歧 |
| 1671 | Expression of human existence in other words. | 换句话说,表达人类的存在。 |
| 1672 | What is greatness? | 什么是伟大? |
| 1673 | Yeah | 对 |
| 1674 | and in 1943 Maslow wrote a paper with a hierarchy of needs on the bottom is like, you know food and | 在1943年,马斯洛写了一篇论文, 底部需要分级, 就像,你知道食物和 |
| 1675 | Exactly all the survival needs and then it's like and then there's to love and be loved and then there's a Steve | 这正是所有的生存需要 然后它就像 然后有爱和被爱 然后有史蒂夫 |
| 1676 | But the top right so that you know the time he never drew a pyramid by the top of this hierarchy | 但右上方是让你知道 他从未画过金字塔 |
| 1677 | Was self actualization realizing your potential realizing your gifts and your ambitions, but that was not what you gave | 是自我实现 实现你的潜力 实现你的天赋和野心 但这不是你给 |
| 1678 | You said in service to others, right? | 你说在服务他人,对不对? |
| 1679 | So the debate was that Viktor Frankl thought Abraham Maslow had missed the final layer | 所以辩论是维克多·弗兰克尔认为亚伯拉罕·马斯洛错过了最后一层 |
| 1680 | He he called it self transcendence. | 他称之为自我超越。 |
| 1681 | He said it's not self actualization | 他说这不是自我实现 |
| 1682 | It's to be pointed outward to something greater than yourself to other people | 向外指向比你自己更伟大的东西 向外指向别人 |
| 1683 | so I will just say that I think a lesson that I would hope people would take from a careful reading a | 所以我只想说,我认为一个教训 我希望人们能从仔细阅读 |
| 1684 | Man's search for meaning and Viktor Frankl is that greatness is not self actualization | 人寻找意义 维克多·弗兰克尔是 伟大的不是自我实现 |
| 1685 | It is self actualization in service of self transcendence | 这是自我实现 为了自我超越 |
| 1686 | Like it and you can either take that lesson or the fact that like, you know | 喜欢它,你可以要么去上课 或者事实上,喜欢,你知道 |
| 1687 | Viktor Frankl doesn't want you to be a masochist and like suffer and as an illusion | Viktor Frankl不希望你成为受虐狂 像受苦受难一样 |
| 1688 | He doesn't want you to be in a bad marriage. | 他不希望你 在一个糟糕的婚姻。 |
| 1689 | Here's when you have a toxic, you know work environment | 当你有毒的时候,你知道工作环境 |
| 1690 | But but I do think that there's so much wisdom there and I do believe that there is a space between stimulus and response and | 但我确实认为那里有很多智慧 我相信刺激和反应之间还有空间 |
| 1691 | In there there lies freedom and they also believe that you can change the stimulus itself | 里面有自由,他们也相信 你可以改变刺激本身 |
| 1692 | Yeah, like Mary Martha or Jason like find your Martha like find your Jason | 是啊,像玛丽玛莎或杰森喜欢 找到你的玛莎 找到你的杰森 |
| 1693 | Like be with the people who bring out your best. | 譬如与诸众生出汝功德者. |
| 1694 | It will change your life. | 这会改变你的生活 |
| 1695 | It will change you | 它会改变你 |
| 1696 | Amen. | 阿门 |
| 1697 | Amen, Angela. | 阿门,安吉拉。 |
| 1698 | I appreciate you being here. | 我很感激你在这里。 |
| 1699 | I want me to make sure people get the books situated | 我要让大家知道书的位置 |
| 1700 | It's out right now and also hopefully we see you more on Instagram because I saw some sparse content on there | 它现在出来了 希望我们能在Instagram上看到你更多 因为我看到一些稀疏的内容 |
| 1701 | But hopefully you're on there more frequently in the future. | 但希望你将来能更频繁地去 |
| 1702 | So Angela | 这么说安吉拉 |
| 1703 | 在Instagram上你会看到Angela Duckworth的情况 | |
| 1704 | 在YouTube上的Duckworth实验室以及 | |
| 1705 | Angie thank you so much for being here. | 安琪非常感谢你来这 |
| 1706 | I appreciate you very much. | 我非常感谢你。 |
| 1707 | I enjoyed it. | 我很喜欢 |
| 1708 | Thank you | 谢谢 |
| 1709 | I was like my god man, like, you know | 我就像我的神,喜欢,你知道 |
| 1710 | She she was in a dark place and I was in a dark place and we were kind of on our own | 她在一个黑暗的地方, 我在一个黑暗的地方, 我们有点自己 |
| 1711 | And in the same house, but live in different lives | 在同一间房子里,但生活不同 |
| 1712 | And I realized at this time my life she was a great mom, but I was on my own | 此时我意识到她是个好妈妈 但我独自一人 |
| 1713 | And that's when the real big change happened for me. | 这时,真正的大变化发生在我身上。 |
| 1714 | So I said I'm gonna join the military | 所以我说我要参军了 |
| 1715 | I | 一、导 言 |
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