笑不活了！吉米秀花式嘲讽特朗普遭遇惨败，以及中期选举的“魔幻
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:20 | In case you've tuned away from the election coverage, | 如果你已经调离 竞选报道, |
| 0:23 | we are monitoring those who are monitoring | 我们正在监视那些正在监测的人 |
| 0:25 | the results of the election as they come in. | 他们来的时候,选举的结果。 |
| 0:28 | We have our chief election correspondent, Guillermo, | 我们有首席选举通讯员吉列尔莫 |
| 0:30 | keeping a close eye on the action. | 注意行动 |
| 0:33 | You keeping a close eye on the action, Guillermo? | 吉列尔莫,你注意行动吗? |
| 0:35 | Yes, I'm keeping close in the action, Jimmy. | 是的,我保持紧密的行动,吉米。 |
| 0:37 | OK, very good. | 好吧,很不错。 |
| 0:38 | And if anything major happens, do not hesitate to break in. | 如果有重大事件发生,请勿犹豫。 |
| 0:42 | All right. | 好吧,我们走。 |
展开字幕全文（203 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | In case you've tuned away from the election coverage, | 如果你已经调离 竞选报道, |
| 2 | we are monitoring those who are monitoring | 我们正在监视那些正在监测的人 |
| 3 | the results of the election as they come in. | 他们来的时候,选举的结果。 |
| 4 | We have our chief election correspondent, Guillermo, | 我们有首席选举通讯员吉列尔莫 |
| 5 | keeping a close eye on the action. | 注意行动 |
| 6 | You keeping a close eye on the action, Guillermo? | 吉列尔莫,你注意行动吗? |
| 7 | Yes, I'm keeping close in the action, Jimmy. | 是的,我保持紧密的行动,吉米。 |
| 8 | OK, very good. | 好吧,很不错。 |
| 9 | And if anything major happens, do not hesitate to break in. | 如果有重大事件发生,请勿犹豫。 |
| 10 | All right. | 好吧,我们走。 |
| 11 | All right, Nate Silver, Nate Cohn, Nate Dogg, | 好吧 内特·西尔弗 内特·科恩 内特·多格 |
| 12 | all the Nates were predicting a blue wave, | 所有奈特人都预言着蓝波 |
| 13 | the good kind of blue wave, not the kind of blue wave | 蓝色的波 而不是蓝色的波 |
| 14 | that pulls Nicolas Cage's beach house into the ocean. | 把尼古拉·凯奇的海滨别墅拉进海里 |
| 15 | And not just a wave, a blue tsunami, | 不仅仅是波浪 蓝色海啸 |
| 16 | despite the fact that no one knows tsunami has a T in it. | 尽管没有人知道海啸有T。 |
| 17 | That's right. | 没错 |
| 18 | One election model from Harvard said the chances | 哈佛的一个选举模式 说机会 |
| 19 | of Republicans keeping the house tonight | 共和党人今晚保住房子 |
| 20 | was as likely as rolling the number 20 on a 20-sided die. | 很可能是20码在20边的死亡。 |
| 21 | They could have just said 5%, but somebody at Harvard | 他们本可以说5% 但哈佛大学有人 |
| 22 | really wanted to let us know they | 真的想让我们知道他们 |
| 23 | play Dungeons and Dragons. | 扮演敦煌和龙. |
| 24 | And that seems to be what is happening. | 这似乎正在发生。 |
| 25 | It seems to be after all the talk about Nicki Minaj's ass, | 看来是在说了Nicki Minaj的屁股之后 |
| 26 | John Husted's ass, the only ass on Trump's mind tonight | John Husted的屁股, 唯一的屁股 今晚在特朗普的脑海 |
| 27 | is the one that just got handed to him. | 是刚刚交给他的 |
| 28 | Democrats took so many seats, JD Vance can't even | 民主党人坐了这么多个席位 万斯博士甚至不能 |
| 29 | find one to have sex with him tonight. | 找个今晚跟他做爱的人 |
| 30 | Trump spent the day at the White House watching coverage, | 特朗普白天在白宫观看报道, |
| 31 | watching Fox News, trying to give himself an insurrection. | 看"福克斯新闻" 想给自己带来暴动 |
| 32 | Word from the inside the White House | 白宫内部传来的消息 |
| 33 | is he's already run out of dipping sauce containers | 他已经用光了酱油容器 |
| 34 | to throw at the television set. | 扔在电视机。 |
| 35 | Trump definitely gave it his all. | 特朗普肯定尽了全力 |
| 36 | He was on the road constantly over the last month, | 上个月他一直在路上 |
| 37 | including a stop in Daytona Beach | 包括在代托纳海滩停靠 |
| 38 | where he closed things out strong. | 在那里,他关闭的东西 坚固。 |
| 39 | Do you mind? | 你介意吗? |
| 40 | I got a little dig in my eye. | 我的眼睛有点挖。 |
| 41 | Watch this. | 看看这个 |
| 42 | Ah, there's so much better. | 啊,有这么多更好。 |
| 43 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| 44 | Sir, sir, your clown face is smudged a little bit. | 先生,你的小丑脸有一点污点 |
| 45 | You know, there were two Donald Trumps on the road this week | 你知道,这周有两个唐纳德·特朗普在路上 |
| 46 | trying to drum up support, one with two chins, that one, | 试图鼓起支持, 一个有两个下巴,那一个, |
| 47 | and the other doesn't even have one. | 而另一个甚至没有。 |
| 48 | They want to, what is it, save democracy | 他们想要,它是什么, 拯救民主 |
| 49 | by destroying democracy. | 摧毁民主。 |
| 50 | They want to pack the Supreme Court. | 他们想打包最高法院。 |
| 51 | They want to make Ohio a state. | 他们想把俄亥俄州变成州 |
| 52 | We don't want to see that. | 我们不想看到这一点。 |
| 53 | You know, maybe Eric isn't the dumb son. | 也许Eric不是那个傻儿子 |
| 54 | Maybe we've had that. | 也许我们已经得到了。 |
| 55 | What I like most about Don Jr. is he always | 我最喜欢小唐,他总是 |
| 56 | talks like a DJ being thrown out of a strip club. | 就像DJ被赶出脱衣舞俱乐部 |
| 57 | Does anyone, raise your heads, does anyone know anyone | 有没有人,抬起头来,谁知道谁 |
| 58 | with a business or real prospects | 商业或实际前景 |
| 59 | who has moved into New York in the last few years | 在过去几年里搬进纽约的人 |
| 60 | as opposed to out of it? | 而不是离开它? |
| 61 | You know one? | 你知道一个吗? |
| 62 | Oh, your son, OK, well, he's coming home. | 哦,你的儿子,好吧,好吧, 他回来了。 |
| 63 | All right, all right. | 好吧,没事。 |
| 64 | I didn't mean for anyone to answer that question. | 我无意让任何人回答这个问题。 |
| 65 | I was on a roll. | 我当时在打滚 |
| 66 | Trump himself has been very quiet so far tonight. | 特朗普本人今晚一直非常安静. |
| 67 | He was going bananas in pajamas on Truth Social last night. | 他昨晚穿着睡衣去吃香蕉 |
| 68 | All caps and kangaroo posted this | 所有帽子和袋鼠都贴了这个 |
| 69 | at 1 o'clock in the morning about the scenario in Alaska | 凌晨1点 关于阿拉斯加的情景 |
| 70 | where there are two candidates with the same name | 有两位同名候选人 |
| 71 | running for senator. | 竞选参议员 |
| 72 | He wrote, fake Alaska candidate Daniel J. Sullivan Jr. | 他写道,假阿拉斯加候选人小丹尼尔·J·沙利文. |
| 73 | is missing in action. | 正在行动中丢失。 |
| 74 | He totally disappeared. | 他完全失踪了 |
| 75 | Nobody's been able to find him. | 没人能找到他 |
| 76 | Maybe he's been kidnapped by the corrupt Democrat lawyers. | 也许他被腐败的民主党律师绑架了 |
| 77 | They are scared stiff of being prosecuted for election fraud. | 他们害怕因选举舞弊被起诉。 |
| 78 | This is so perfect. | 这太完美了 |
| 79 | After all this screaming and suing and threatening | 这么多的尖叫 起诉和威胁 |
| 80 | about how these names were presented on the ballot, | 关于这些名字是如何在选票上的, |
| 81 | this is how he spells Daniel. | 他就是这么给丹尼尔下咒的 |
| 82 | Someone might be in denial himself, perhaps. | 也许有人在否认自己 |
| 83 | Trump was reportedly angry and cursing as the results came in. | 据报道,特朗普在结果出现时愤怒和咒骂. |
| 84 | John Ossoff won the Senate race bigly in Georgia. | 约翰·奥索夫在乔治亚州大获参议院赛事冠军. |
| 85 | Also in Georgia, Mayor of Atlanta, Keisha Lance Bottoms | 同样在格鲁吉亚,亚特兰大市长凯莎·兰斯·贝茨 |
| 86 | was up. | 是起来。 |
| 87 | She's the first black female governor in American history. | 她是美国历史上第一位黑人女性州长. |
| 88 | James Tallarico could become the first Democrat elected | 詹姆斯·塔拉里科可以成为第一个当选的民主党人 |
| 89 | this year. | 今年, |
| 90 | Texas is 1988. | 德克萨斯州为1988年. |
| 91 | He's up by a million with half of the votes counted. | 他以一半的票数增加了一百万 |
| 92 | That's the good news. | 这是好消息。 |
| 93 | 坏消息是Tallarico可能要和Ted Cruz拼车 | |
| 94 | starting in January. | 从1月开始。 |
| 95 | It's all looking good for Democrats. | 皆为民主党人所观. |
| 96 | Man, oh man, would I hate to be the door dash driver who | 男人,哦,男人,我讨厌 成为门破碎的司机 谁 |
| 97 | delivers Trump his Papa John's tonight. | 今晚给特朗普送他约翰爸爸的礼物 |
| 98 | Any new updates, Guillermo? | 有新消息吗,吉列尔莫? |
| 99 | 不,我在看Low Bylines电影 | |
| 100 | Oh. | 瓳 |
| 101 | You might as well. | 你也一样。 |
| 102 | I'm sure Trump didn't know the extent of it, | 我敢肯定,特朗普不知道它的程度, |
| 103 | but I have to believe he saw some of this coming. | 但我必须相信他预见到了这一切 |
| 104 | Because this morning, he was bragging about his approval | 因为今天早上 他在吹嘘他的认可 |
| 105 | rating in another country. | 在另一个国家评级。 |
| 106 | So I'm the number one that was so voted. | 所以我是投票最多的 |
| 107 | I'm at 99% approval rating in Israel. | 我在以色列获得99%的认可率 |
| 108 | Can you believe it? | 你能相信吗? |
| 109 | In fact, if people ever got tired of me in the US, | 事实上,如果人们在美国厌倦了我 |
| 110 | I'll go to Israel and become prime minister. | 我去以色列当总理 |
| 111 | That might be the best idea he's ever had. | 这也许是他最好的主意 |
| 112 | Gladly pay for an LL flight. | 很乐意支付LL飞行费 |
| 113 | Make Israel great again. | 使以色列再次成为伟大的国家。 |
| 114 | You could sell a whole new line of hats. | 你可以卖一排全新的帽子 |
| 115 | Think about it. | 考虑一下 |
| 116 | Trump's approval rating here is terrible. | 特朗普在这里的认可评级是可怕的. |
| 117 | Just like every woman he's ever slept with, | 就像他睡过的女人一样 |
| 118 | voters are unsatisfied with the job he is doing. | 选民不满意他的工作。 |
| 119 | Trump's priorities, if you really look at them, | 特朗普的优先事项,如果你真的看他们, |
| 120 | his priorities are insane. | 他的重心是疯狂的。 |
| 121 | They have no relation to what Americans are worried about. | 他们和美国人担心的无关 |
| 122 | Americans are worried about corruption, inflation, climate | 美国人担心腐败、通货膨胀、气候 |
| 123 | change, war, wealth disparity, health care, housing, measles, | 变化、战争、财富差距、保健、住房、麻疹、 |
| 124 | and democracy itself. | 和民主本身。 |
| 125 | Now let's take a look at the 10 subjects MAGA | 现在让我们来看看10个学科MAGA |
| 126 | seems to be worried about. | 似乎很担心 |
| 127 | Transgender, testosterone, Black Helen of Troy, windmills, | 跨性别 睾丸酮 特洛伊的黑海伦 风车 |
| 128 | ballrooms, Mexicans, reflecting pools, racism against whites, | 舞厅 墨西哥人 反光池 反白人的种族主义 |
| 129 | Tylenol, Canada, and Canada. | 加拿大泰伦诺尔和加拿大. |
| 130 | And Canada. | 还有加拿大 |
| 131 | So in case the president is wondering why things | 所以如果总统想知道为什么 |
| 132 | didn't go his way tonight, refer to the list on this side, yes. | 今晚他没走,请参考这边的名单,是的。 |
| 133 | No, that side, yes. | 不,那边,是的。 |
| 134 | And in the meantime, if you're still in line to vote, | 同时 如果你还排队投票 |
| 135 | you're probably not in the right line. | 你可能走错线了 |
| 136 | Voting is closed. | 表决结束。 |
| 137 | You might be in line for hot dogs or horchata or something. | 你可能会排队 热狗或horchata什么的。 |
| 138 | Democrats felt they needed a huge margin of victory | 民主党人觉得他们需要巨大的胜利 |
| 139 | to avoid Republicans claiming they | 避免共和党声称他们 |
| 140 | tampered with the election, which is nuts in and of itself | 篡改了选举,这本身是疯狂的 |
| 141 | that that has to be the case. | 必须如此。 |
| 142 | At Trump's behest, the DOJ sent 1,000 election monitors, | 在特朗普的授意下,司法部派出了1000名选举监督员, |
| 143 | which are basically ICE agents in polo shirts, | 他们基本上是穿着马球衫的ICE特工, |
| 144 | to voting places around the country. | 前往全国各地的投票地点。 |
| 145 | And you probably won't be surprised to learn | 你可能不会惊讶地学习 |
| 146 | they were sent to predominantly Democratic areas. | 他们被派往主要是民主地区。 |
| 147 | But what are these election monitors looking for? | 但是这些选举监督员在找什么? |
| 148 | They say they're looking for fraud. | 他们说他们在找欺诈 |
| 149 | How do you spot fraud? | 你怎么发现欺诈? |
| 150 | What does fraud look like? | 欺诈是什么样子的? |
| 151 | Trump really did his best to put his little thumb | 特朗普真的尽力把他的小拇指放进去了 |
| 152 | on the scale for this. | 以这个比例表示。 |
| 153 | Alabama is using a map that intentionally discriminates | 阿拉巴马州正在使用一个地图 故意歧视 |
| 154 | against Black voters. | 反对黑人选民。 |
| 155 | Mississippi instituted mandatory REO speed wagon | 密西西比州建立了强制性REO快车 |
| 156 | cover bands at all polling occasions | 在所有投票情况下的覆盖带 |
| 157 | to deter Black voters. | 阻止黑人选民。 |
| 158 | But don't worry, if there are any shenanigans, | 但别担心,如果有其他的 |
| 159 | our Secretary of Homeland Security and Plumbing Supply, | 我们的国土安全和管道供应部长, |
| 160 | Mark Wayne Mullen, is going to root them out. | 马克・韦恩・穆伦, 要根除他们。 |
| 161 | We will be looking at the registers and all the voting | 我们将看登记和所有投票 |
| 162 | and all those that voted after the election | 以及所有在大选后投票的人 |
| 163 | and making sure that no one voted illegally. | 确保没有人非法投票 |
| 164 | And so after this election, we'll | 因此,这次选举之后,我们将 |
| 165 | be gathering all the data, we'll be gathering the voting logs, | 收集所有的数据 我们会收集投票记录 |
| 166 | and we'll be going through those and making sure | 我们会通过这些,确保 |
| 167 | that no illegals voted. | 没有违法者投票。 |
| 168 | Oh, good, Gomer Pyle is going to make sure the election was | 哦,很好,戈默·派尔会确保选举 |
| 169 | fair, using all 10 fingers and all nine toes. | 公平,用十指和九趾 |
| 170 | I'm trying to add up exactly how a voter would be intimidated | 我想把选民的威吓加起来 |
| 171 | by the presence of ICE if they are not an illegal voter. | 如果不是非法选民,则由ICE在场。 |
| 172 | So this fear and historia that they're | 因此,这种恐惧和神话 他们 |
| 173 | trying to push out in this fake story | 试图推出这个假故事 |
| 174 | that they're trying to make a narrative of is so ridiculous. | 他们试图做一个叙事 太荒谬了。 |
| 175 | Listen, words are hard for Mark Wayne. | 听着,对马克·韦恩来说话语难说 |
| 176 | I like how he tried to correct himself | 我喜欢他怎样修正自己 |
| 177 | and instead got it wrong two times. | 却两次弄错了 |
| 178 | Only the best people. | 只有最强的人 |
| 179 | Here in Los Angeles, we have a very tight mayoral race | 在洛杉矶,我们有一个非常紧张的市长赛 |
| 180 | between the Democrats and themselves. | 在民主党和他们之间 |
| 181 | The guy running for governor of California, Javier Becerra, | 竞选加州州长的哈维尔·贝塞拉 |
| 182 | decided not to endorse our current mayor, Karen Bass, | 决定不认可现任市长卡伦·巴斯 |
| 183 | 或她的挑战者, Nithya Raman。 | |
| 184 | But he did do an appearance with Karen Bass, | 但他确实和凯伦·巴斯一起出现过 |
| 185 | which led to this exceptionally uncomfortable moment. | 这导致了这个特别不舒服的时刻。 |
| 186 | Why should voters in Los Angeles vote for Mayor Karen Bass? | 洛杉矶的选民为什么要投票给凯伦·巴斯市长? |
| 187 | Well, I hope people just go out and vote. | 我希望人们能出去投票 |
| 188 | That's the most important thing. | 这是最重要的事情。 |
| 189 | But again, the mayor is standing with you. | 但市长还是站在你这边 |
| 190 | The mayor is standing with you right now. | 市长现在跟你站在一起 |
| 191 | Why should Angelino's vote for the mayor? | 安杰利诺为什么要投市长的票?. |
| 192 | She is standing here with you, not Nithya Raman. | 她和你站在这里 不是尼西亚·拉曼 |
| 193 | This is a unified force. | 这是一支统一的部队。 |
| 194 | Well, Karen Bass and I go way, way back. | 凯伦・巴斯和我很久前就认识了 |
| 195 | We have known each other for a long, long time. | 我们认识很久了 |
| 196 | And we served together in Congress. | 我们一起在国会任职 |
| 197 | You know, politics is one thing. | 你知道,政治是一回事。 |
| 198 | Friendships are another thing. | 友谊是另一回事 |
| 199 | And I hope that folks recognize that you | 我希望人们能认出你 |
| 200 | can have friendships that far exceed | 友谊可以远超过 |
| 201 | whatever goes on in politics. | 政治方面发生的一切 |
| 202 | Not anymore, you can't. | 已经不行了,你不能。 |
| 203 | He did hear her when she said she's standing next to you. | 当她说她站在你旁边时 他确实听到了 |
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