迈克尔·彻对美国选举门槛的“黑色幽默”：在美国，给狗洗澡都要
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:02 | Ah, yeah, I'm having a real good year, I'm happy. | 啊,是的,我有一个非常好的一年,我很高兴。 |
| 0:06 | I'm doing things I never did before. | 我在做以前从未做过的事 |
| 0:08 | Pay taxes for the first time in my life, that was great. | 我这辈子第一次交税,真是太棒了 |
| 0:11 | I never paid taxes before, but I've had taxes taken, | 我从来没有交过税 但我有税, |
| 0:14 | and that's two totally different things. | 这是两个完全不同的事情。 |
| 0:16 | Because when you have taxes taken, | 因为当你有税, |
| 0:17 | you get a paycheck every week, | 你每个星期都有薪水 |
| 0:18 | and they take the taxes out of your check, right? | 他们从你的支票里扣税,对吧? |
| 0:20 | They just take it, you don't get a choice. | 他们只是把它,你没有选择。 |
| 0:22 | And then, until the end of the year, they're like, | 然后,直到年底, 他们喜欢, |
展开字幕全文（109 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Ah, yeah, I'm having a real good year, I'm happy. | 啊,是的,我有一个非常好的一年,我很高兴。 |
| 2 | I'm doing things I never did before. | 我在做以前从未做过的事 |
| 3 | Pay taxes for the first time in my life, that was great. | 我这辈子第一次交税,真是太棒了 |
| 4 | I never paid taxes before, but I've had taxes taken, | 我从来没有交过税 但我有税, |
| 5 | and that's two totally different things. | 这是两个完全不同的事情。 |
| 6 | Because when you have taxes taken, | 因为当你有税, |
| 7 | you get a paycheck every week, | 你每个星期都有薪水 |
| 8 | and they take the taxes out of your check, right? | 他们从你的支票里扣税,对吧? |
| 9 | They just take it, you don't get a choice. | 他们只是把它,你没有选择。 |
| 10 | And then, until the end of the year, they're like, | 然后,直到年底, 他们喜欢, |
| 11 | hey, I think we might have took too much. | 嘿,我想我们可能吃太多了。 |
| 12 | Here's $500, go buy yourself some sneakers or something. | 给你500美元 去买运动鞋什么的 |
| 13 | And you're like, thanks, government, | 你就像,谢谢,政府, |
| 14 | we're going to Red Lobster tonight. | 我们今晚要去红龙虾 |
| 15 | This is amazing. | 这是惊人的。 |
| 16 | When you pay taxes, | 当你交税时 |
| 17 | they let you keep all of your money all year, | 他们让你全年都留着你的钱 |
| 18 | and then at the end, they say you owe us 40%, | 最后 他们说你欠我们40% |
| 19 | which is a lot for me, | 这对我很重要, |
| 20 | because I don't know what I'm paying for. | 因为我不知道我付钱是为了什么 |
| 21 | I've never dialed 911, I put out all my own fires. | 我从来没有拨过911, 我扑灭了所有我自己的火。 |
| 22 | I'm not saying I shouldn't have to pay any taxes, | 我不是说我不该交任何税 |
| 23 | but I shouldn't have to pay as much as somebody that votes, | 但我不该像投票人一样多付钱 |
| 24 | or I don't vote because I don't know anything | 或者我不投票 因为我什么都不知道 |
| 25 | about politics, and honestly, I can't believe they'd let me. | 关于政治,说实话,我不敢相信他们会让我。 |
| 26 | Isn't that an important thing? | 这不是很重要的事吗? |
| 27 | They'll just let me pick the president, | 他们会让我选总统 |
| 28 | 我什么都不需要知道,我不需要你帮忙 I don't gotta know anything. | |
| 29 | You don't gotta take a test, you don't need a license. | 你不需要考试,你不需要执照 |
| 30 | You need a license to shampoo dogs in this country. | 在这个国家你需要洗发水狗的执照 |
| 31 | I've tried, I've tried, | 我试过了 我试过了 |
| 32 | but either I'm too stupid to understand politics, | 但要么我太愚蠢 无法理解政治, |
| 33 | or I feel like they're always lying to us. | 或者我觉得他们总是对我们撒谎 |
| 34 | Like, I was watching the news recently, | 我最近在看新闻 |
| 35 | this lady gets on talking about the economy, | 这位女士谈论经济 |
| 36 | and she's like, we're in a recession. | 她喜欢,我们正在衰退。 |
| 37 | We owe China $11 trillion, and I'm like, we? | 我们欠中国11万亿美元, 而我喜欢,我们? |
| 38 | I don't owe China anything. | 我不欠中国任何东西。 |
| 39 | You owe China $11 trillion. | 你欠中国11万亿元 |
| 40 | 我们欠Sprint90美元 | |
| 41 | You must have been roaming or something. | 你一定在游荡什么的 |
| 42 | She said the economy's messed up | 她说经济一团糟 |
| 43 | because we in a war for oil, which I'm against, | 因为我们在石油战争中 我反对 |
| 44 | because there's stuff out there way more valuable | 因为外面有更有价值的东西 |
| 45 | than oil that we could be fighting for, like ink. | 比石油,我们可以为它而战, 像墨水。 |
| 46 | Well, how much is oil, like $5 a gallon? | 那么,石油多少钱, 像5美元一加仑? |
| 47 | How much is ink, like $48 a cartridge? | 墨水多少钱,像48美元子弹? |
| 48 | What are we doing in the Middle East? | 我们在中东做什么? |
| 49 | Let's invade Kinkos. | 让我们入侵金科斯。 |
| 50 | I actually went to the Middle East. | 事实上,我去了中东。 |
| 51 | I had fun there. | 我玩得很开心 |
| 52 | They treated me so nice, I almost converted | 他们对我这么好,我差点皈依 |
| 53 | until I found out their stance on bacon. | 直到我发现他们在培根上的立场 |
| 54 | They got a strict no-bacon policy there, | 他们有严格的禁食政策 |
| 55 | and that's why I draw the line. | 这就是为什么我画的线。 |
| 56 | Some people won't try bacon for religious reasons. | 有些人因为宗教原因不会尝试培根. |
| 57 | I won't try religions for bacon reasons. | 我不会因为培根的原因去尝试宗教 |
| 58 | When I was there, this lady was showing me around, | 当我在那里,这位女士 正在带我周围, |
| 59 | and she goes, hey, Che, I don't want to sound racist | 她去,嘿,切,我不想听起来种族主义 |
| 60 | or anything, but you've got to try this chicken restaurant | 或任何东西, 但你必须尝试这个鸡餐厅 |
| 61 | we got down the block. | 我们到了街区。 |
| 62 | It's amazing. | 不可思议. |
| 63 | And I was like, why would that be racist? | 我当时想,为什么那是种族主义? |
| 64 | And she was like, well, because black people | 她喜欢,嗯,因为黑人 |
| 65 | like chicken a lot, which is a very hurtful stereotype | 像很多鸡, 这是一个非常有害的陈规定型 |
| 66 | for two reasons. | 有两个原因。 |
| 67 | One, it's absolutely true. | 一,这是绝对真实的。 |
| 68 | Two, you know who else likes chicken a lot? | 第二,你知道还有谁喜欢鸡肉吗? |
| 69 | Everybody with taste buds. | 每个人都有品味 |
| 70 | Why is it only funny when we eat it? | 为什么只有吃它才好笑? |
| 71 | I don't know. | 师曰. |
| 72 | I don't know how that became a racist thing. | 我不知道怎么变成种族主义的东西。 |
| 73 | I blame white people because there was a guy | 我怪白人,因为有个男人 |
| 74 | that made the news, a professional golfer, | 是个职业高尔夫球手 |
| 75 | his name was Sergio Garcia. | 他叫塞尔吉奥·加西亚 |
| 76 | He got in trouble because he told Tiger Woods, | 他惹上麻烦是因为他告诉了虎伍兹 |
| 77 | he said, I'm going to invite Tiger Woods to my house | 他说,我要邀请老虎伍兹来我家 |
| 78 | and I'm going to make him some fried chicken. | 我要给他做炸鸡 |
| 79 | And white people was like, oh, that is racist. | 白人喜欢,哦,那是种族主义。 |
| 80 | And I was like, is it? | 我当时想,是吗? |
| 81 | What kind of thoughtful racist | 什么样的深思熟虑的种族主义 |
| 82 | finds out your favorite food | 发现你最喜欢的食物 |
| 83 | and then threatens to make it for you? | 然后威胁要给你做吗? |
| 84 | Sounds hospitable. | 听起来不错 |
| 85 | I don't understand racism, I guess. | 我猜我不懂种族主义 |
| 86 | I understand prejudice. | 我理解偏见。 |
| 87 | I mean, maybe it's prejudice, but we're all prejudiced. | 我的意思是,也许这是偏见, 但我们都是偏见。 |
| 88 | I know they say you're not supposed to judge a book | 我知道他们说你不应该看书 |
| 89 | by its cover, but that's why they put covers on books | 封面,但这就是为什么 他们把封面在书上 |
| 90 | in the first place. | 最初. |
| 91 | I don't know. | 师曰. |
| 92 | One time after the show, I was doing a show | 演出结束后,我做了一次演出 |
| 93 | and these people wanted to take a picture with me | 这些人想和我合影 |
| 94 | and I was like, sure, we could take a picture. | 我想,当然,我们可以拍照。 |
| 95 | So this white guy takes out his camera phone | 所以这个白人拿走了他的摄像机电话 |
| 96 | and he snaps the picture, right? | 他拍了这张照片,对吧? |
| 97 | Now, when he snapped the picture, | 现在,当他打破了图片, |
| 98 | I noticed there was no flash. | 我注意到没有闪光。 |
| 99 | So immediately I understand I'm not in this picture. | 所以,我马上明白 我不在这张照片。 |
| 100 | That's not racist, that's just physics. | 这不是种族主义, 这只是物理学。 |
| 101 | But instead of him just being honest and saying, | 但与其说只是实话实说 |
| 102 | Hey man, we got to take this picture again, | 嘿,伙计,我们得再拍一张照片, |
| 103 | because I'm not used to taking pictures | 因为我不习惯拍照 |
| 104 | of black people at nighttime. | 黑人在夜间。 |
| 105 | Instead of him just being honest, | 而不是他只是诚实, |
| 106 | I just see a bead of sweat trickle down his face | 我只是看到他脸上流着汗珠 |
| 107 | and then he tagged me in a photo of floating teeth. | 然后他给我贴了张漂浮牙齿的照片 |
| 108 | I hear this man say, thank you so much. | 我听到这个人说,非常感谢。 |
| 109 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
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