TED演讲：完美主义陷阱

发布于 2026-10-08 · 时长 14:54

字幕摘录

时间	英文	中文
0:13	I'm a bit of a perfectionist.	我有点完美主义者。
0:16	Now, how many times have you heard that one?	你听过多少次了?
0:20	Over drinks, maybe with friends or perhaps with family at Thanksgiving.	喝完酒后,也许和朋友在一起或者和家人一起过感恩节
0:25	It's everyone's favorite flaw.	这是每个人最喜欢的缺陷。
0:28	It's that now quite common response to the difficult final question	现在对最后一个难题的回答很普遍
0:34	at job interviews.	在工作面试。
0:36	My biggest weakness?	我最大的弱点?
0:39	That's my perfectionism.	这是我的完美主义。
0:41	You see, for someone that supposedly holds us back,	你看,对于一个被认为阻止我们的人,
0:45	it's quite remarkable how many of us are quite happy to hold our hands up	令人惊叹的是,我们当中有多少人很高兴举起手来

展开字幕全文（279 条）

序号	英文	中文
1	I'm a bit of a perfectionist.	我有点完美主义者。
2	Now, how many times have you heard that one?	你听过多少次了?
3	Over drinks, maybe with friends or perhaps with family at Thanksgiving.	喝完酒后,也许和朋友在一起或者和家人一起过感恩节
4	It's everyone's favorite flaw.	这是每个人最喜欢的缺陷。
5	It's that now quite common response to the difficult final question	现在对最后一个难题的回答很普遍
6	at job interviews.	在工作面试。
7	My biggest weakness?	我最大的弱点?
8	That's my perfectionism.	这是我的完美主义。
9	You see, for someone that supposedly holds us back,	你看,对于一个被认为阻止我们的人,
10	it's quite remarkable how many of us are quite happy to hold our hands up	令人惊叹的是,我们当中有多少人很高兴举起手来
11	and say we're perfectionists.	说我们是完美主义者
12	But there's an interesting and serious point,	但有一个有趣和严肃的观点,
13	because our begrudging admiration for perfection	因为我们对完美的赞美
14	is so pervasive that we never really stopped to question that concept	如此无处不在以至于我们从未真正停止质疑这个概念
15	in its own terms.	以自己的条件。
16	What does it say about us and our society	它怎么描述我们和我们的社会
17	that there is a kind of celebration, imperfection?	有某种庆祝,不完美?
18	We tend to hold perfectionism up	我们倾向于坚持完美主义
19	as an insignia of worth,	作为价值的标志,
20	the emblem of the successful.	成功者的标志。
21	Yet in my time studying perfectionism,	然而在我研究完美主义的时候
22	I've seen limited evidence that perfectionists are more successful.	我很少看到完美主义者比较成功的证据
23	Quite the contrary, they feel discontented and dissatisfied	恰恰相反,他们感到不满和不满
24	amid a lingering sense that they're never quite perfect enough.	在一种挥之不去的感觉, 他们从来没有相当完美。
25	We know from clinician case reports	我们从临床医生的个案报告得知
26	that perfectionism conceals a host of psychological difficulties,	完美主义掩盖了很多心理困难,
27	including things like depression, anxiety, anorexia, bulimia	包括抑郁症、焦虑症、厌食症、暴食症
28	and even suicide, ideation.	甚至自杀,想法。
29	What's more worrying is that over the last 25 years,	更令人担忧的是过去25年里
30	we have seen perfectionism rise at an alarming rate.	我们看到完美主义以惊人的速度上升。
31	And at the same time,	同时,
32	we're seeing more mental illness among young people than ever before.	年轻人的心理疾病比以前多
33	Rates of suicide in the US alone	仅在美国自杀率
34	increased by 25 percent across the last two decades,	过去20年中增长了25%,
35	and we're beginning to see similar trends emerge across Canada	我们开始看到加拿大各地出现类似的趋势
36	and in my home country, the United Kingdom.	以及我的祖国联合王国。
37	Now, our research is suggesting	现在我们的研究显示
38	that perfectionism is rising as society is changing,	完美主义随着社会的变化而兴起,
39	and a changed society reflects a changed sense of personal identity,	改变的社会反映了个人认同感的改变,
40	and with it, differences in the way in which young people interact	青年在互动方式上的差异
41	with each other and the world around them.	彼此和周围的世界
42	And there are some unique characteristics	有一些独特的特点
43	about our preeminent market-based society.	关于我们以市场为基础的杰出社会。
44	They include things like unrestricted choice and personal freedom.	其中包括不受限制的选择和个人自由等。
45	These are characteristics that we feel	这些都是我们觉得
46	are contributing to almost epidemic levels of this problem.	造成这一问题几乎流行。
47	So let me give you an example.	让我举个例子。
48	Young people today are more preoccupied	今天的年轻人更关心
49	with the attainment of the perfect life and lifestyle	实现完美的生活和生活方式
50	in terms of their image, status and wealth.	在他们的形象,地位和财富方面。
51	Data from Pew show that young people born in the US in the late 1980s	来自皮尤的数据显示,20世纪80年代末在美国出生的年轻人
52	are 20 percent more likely to report being materially rich	百分之二十的富翁
53	as among their most important life goals,	作为他们最重要的生活目标之一,
54	relative to their parents and their grandparents.	相对于父母和祖父母而言。
55	Young people also borrow more heavily than did older generations,	年轻人的借款也比老一代人要多
56	and they spend a much greater proportion of their income	他们花在收入中的比例要高得多
57	on image goods and status possessions.	图像商品和状态拥有。
58	These possessions, their lives and their lifestyles	这些财产、生活和生活方式
59	are now displayed in vivid detail	现在以生动的细节显示
60	在Instagram,Facebook,Snapchat等无处不在的社交媒体平台上.
61	In this new visual culture,	在这个新的视觉文化中,
62	the appearance of perfection is far more important than the reality.	完美的出现远比现实更重要
63	Now, at one side of the modern landscape	现在,现代景观的一面
64	that we have so lavishly furnished for young people	我们如此奢侈地供给年轻人
65	is this idea that there's a perfectible life	就是说有完美的生活
66	and that there's a perfectible lifestyle.	还有一种完美的生活方式
67	Then the other is surely work.	然后,另一个是工作。
68	Nothing is out of reach for those that want it badly enough.	对那些非常想要的人来说,没有什么是无法达到的。
69	Or so we're told.	或者我们被告知。
70	This is the idea at the heart of the American dream.	这就是美国梦的核心思想.
71	Opportunity, meritocracy, the self-made person, hard work.	机会才能自我创造的人辛勤工作
72	The notion that hard work always pays off,	辛勤工作总是有回报的概念,
73	and above all, the idea that we're captains of our own destiny.	首先,我们是命运的船长
74	These ideas, they connect our wealth, our status	这些想法,它们连接我们的财富,我们的地位
75	and our image with our innate personal value.	以及我们与生俱来的个人价值的形象。
76	But it is, of course, complete fiction.	当然,这完全是虚构的。
77	Because even if there were equality of opportunity,	因为即使机会平等
78	the idea that we are captains of our own destiny	认为我们是命运的船长
79	disguises a much darker reality for young people,	掩盖了年轻人更黑暗的现实
80	that they are subject to an almost ongoing economic tribunal.	他们受到几乎持续的经济法庭的管辖。
81	Metrics, rankings, league tables	计量、排名、联赛表格
82	have emerged as the yardsticks for which merit can be quantified	已出现可量化功绩的尺度
83	and used to sort young people into schools,	用来把年轻人送到学校去
84	classes and colleges.	学校。
85	Education is the first arena where measurements are publicly played out	教育是公开进行测量的第一个领域
86	and where metrics are being used	以及使用衡量标准的地方
87	as a tool to improve standards and performance.	作为提高标准和业绩的工具。
88	And it starts young.	它开始年轻。
89	Young people in America's big city high schools	美国大城市中学的年轻人
90	take some 112 mandatory standardized tests	进行约112项强制性标准化测试
91	between pre-kindergarten and the end of 12th grade.	从幼儿园前到12年级结束
92	No wonder young people report a strong need to strive, perform	难怪年轻人说很需要努力努力
93	and achieve at the center of modern life.	在现代生活的中心实现
94	They've been conditioned to define themselves	他们有定义自己的条件
95	in the strict and narrow terms of grades,	在严格和狭义的成绩方面,
96	percentiles and league tables.	百分位和联赛桌
97	This is a society that preys on their insecurities,	这是一个社会猎食他们的不安全感,
98	insecurities about how they are performing	他们表现的不安全感
99	and how they are appearing to other people.	以及他们是如何在别人面前出现的。
100	This is a society that amplifies their imperfections.	这个社会扩大了他们的不完善.
101	Every flaw, every unforeseen setback	每一个缺陷,每一个意外的挫折
102	increases the need to perform more perfectly next time or else.	增加下次或其他情况下更完美执行的需要。
103	Bluntly, you're a failure.	模糊的,你是一个失败。
104	That feeling of being flawed and deficient is especially pervasive.	这种有缺陷和不足的感觉尤其普遍。
105	Just talk to young people.	和年轻人谈谈
106	How should I look?	我该怎么看?
107	How should I behave?	我该怎么表现?
108	I should look like that model.	我应该看起来像那个模特儿
109	I should have as many followers as that Instagram influencer.	我和那个Instagram影响者一样多的追随者
110	I must do better in school,	我必须在学校做得更好
111	in my role as mentor to many young people.	作为许多年轻人的导师
112	I see these lived effects of perfections in firsthand.	我亲眼看到完美所生动的效果
113	And one student sticks out in my mind very vividly.	一个学生非常生动地在我的脑海中。
114	John, not his real name,	约翰,不是他的真名
115	was ambitious, hardworking and diligent,	是雄心勃勃的,勤奋的,勤奋的,
116	and on the surface, he was exceptionally high-achieving,	在表面上,他是超乎寻常的,
117	often gaining first-class grades for his work.	经常为他的工作获得一流的成绩.
118	No matter how well John achieved,	无论约翰有多出色
119	he always seemed to recast his successes as abject failures.	他总是把自己的成功重新描绘成微不足道的失败
120	And in meetings with me,	和我见面时
121	he would talk openly about how he'd let himself and others down.	他会公开谈论他如何让自己和其他人失望。
122	John's justification was quite simple.	约翰的理由很简单
123	How could he be a success	他怎么会成功呢?
124	when he was trying so much harder than other people	当他比别人更努力的时候
125	just to attain the same outcomes?	只是为了取得同样的结果?
126	You see, John's perfectionism,	你看,约翰的完美主义,
127	his unrelenting work ethic,	他执着地工作,
128	was only serving to expose what he saw as his inner weakness	只是为了揭露他眼中的内在弱点
129	to himself and to others.	给自己和其他人
130	Now, cases like John's speak to the harmfulness of perfectionism	现在,像约翰这样的案例谈到完美主义的有害性
131	as a way of being in the world.	以示众生.
132	Contrary to popular belief,	与大众信仰相反,
133	perfectionism is never about perfecting things or perfecting tasks.	完美主义绝不是完善事物或完善任务.
134	It's not about striving for excellence.	不是为了追求卓越
135	John's case highlights this vividly.	约翰的案子生动地强调了这一点.
136	At its root, perfectionism is about perfecting the self,	归根结底,完美主义就是完善自我
137	or more precisely, perfecting an imperfect self.	或者更精确地说,完善了一个不完美的自我。
138	And you can think about it like a mountain of achievement.	而能如是观想成就山.
139	The perfectionism leads us to imagine ourselves scaling.	完美主义引导我们想象自己放大。
140	And we think to ourselves, once I reach that summit,	我们自己想, 一旦我到达高峰,
141	then people will see I'm not flawed,	然后人们就会看到我没有缺陷,
142	and I'll be worth something.	我会值钱的
143	What perfectionism doesn't tell us is that soon after reaching that summit,	完美主义没有告诉我们的是达到高峰后不久
144	we will be called down again to the fresh lowlands of insecurity and shame,	我们将再次被召至不安全和羞耻的低地,
145	just to try and scale that peak again.	试着再放大那个高峰
146	This is a cycle of self-defeat	这是自败的循环
147	in the pursuit of unattainable perfection.	追求无法实现的完美
148	A perfectionist just cannot step up,	一个完美主义者只是不能站出来,
149	and it's why it's so difficult to treat.	这也是为什么很难治疗的原因
150	Now, we've known for decades and decades	现在,我们已经知道数十年了
151	that perfectionism contributes to a host of psychological problems,	完美主义造成许多心理问题,
152	but there was never a good way to measure it.	但从来没有一个好的方法来衡量它。
153	That was until the late 1980s,	直到20世纪80年代末
154	when two Canadians, Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett,	当两个加拿大人,保罗・休伊特和戈登・弗莱特,
155	came along and developed a self-report measure of perfectionism.	并制定了完善主义的自我报告标准。
156	So that's right, folks, you can measure this.	所以,这是正确的,伙计们, 你可以测量这一点。
157	And it essentially captures three core elements of perfectionism.	它基本上抓住了完美主义的三个核心要素。
158	The first is self-oriented perfectionism.	第一种是自我导向的完美主义.
159	The irrational desire to be perfect.	非理性欲求圆满.
160	I strive to be as perfect as I can be.	我努力做到完美无缺
161	The second is socially prescribed perfectionism.	第二个是社会规定的完美主义。
162	The sense that the social environment is excessively demanding.	社会环境要求过高。
163	I feel that others are too demanding of me.	我觉得别人对我太苛刻了
164	And the third is other-oriented perfectionism.	第三个是面向其他的完美主义。
165	The imposition of unrealistic standards on other people.	将不切实际的标准强加于其他人。
166	If I ask somebody to do something, I expect it to be done perfectly.	如果我要求别人做点什么我期望事情能完美完成
167	Now, research shows that all three elements of perfectionism	现在,研究显示,完美主义的三个要素
168	are associated with compromised mental health,	与精神健康受损有关,
169	including things like heightened depression,	包括像高压一样的东西,
170	heightened anxiety and suicide ideation.	更加焦虑和自杀的想法。
171	But by far the most problematic element of perfectionism	但迄今为止完美主义最有问题的因素
172	is socially prescribed perfectionism.	是社会规定的完美主义。
173	That sense that everyone expects me to be perfect.	大家都希望我完美无缺
174	This element of perfectionism has a large correlation with serious mental illness.	这种完美主义的元素与严重的精神疾病有很大的关联.
175	And with today's emphasis on perfection at the forefront of my mind,	而今天的强调完美在我脑海的前沿,
176	I was curious to see whether these elements of perfectionism were changing.	我很想知道这些完美主义的元素是否在变化。
177	To date, research in this area is focused on immediate family durations,	迄今为止,这方面的研究侧重于直系亲属,
178	but we wanted to look at it at a more broader level.	但我们想从更广泛的层面来看待它。
179	So we took all of the data that had ever been collected	所以我们把所有收集的数据都拿走了
180	in the 27 years since Paul and Gord developed that perfectionism measure,	在保罗和戈尔德制定完美主义措施的27年里
181	and we isolated the data from college students.	我们把数据从大学生中分离出来
182	This turned out to be more than 40,000 young people	结果有四万多年轻人
183	from American, Canadian and British colleges.	来自美国、加拿大和英国的学院。
184	And with so much data available, we looked to see if there was a trend.	有了这么多的数据,我们看看是否有趋势。
185	And in all, it took us more than three years	总之,我们花了三年多的时间
186	to collate all of this information, crunch the numbers and write our report,	整理所有的资料整理数字写我们的报告
187	but it was worth it, because our analysis uncovered something alarming.	因为我们的分析发现了一些令人震惊的东西。
188	All three elements of perfectionism have increased over time.	完美主义的所有三个要素都随着时间的推移而增加。
189	But socially prescribed perfectionism saw the largest increase, and by far.	但社会要求的完美主义出现了最大的增长,到目前为止。
190	In 1989, just nine percent of young people	1989年,只有9%的年轻人
191	report clinically relevant levels of socially prescribed perfectionism.	报告与临床相关的社会规定的完美主义程度。
192	Those are levels that we might typically see in clinical populations.	这些是临床人群通常看到的水平。
193	By 2017, that figure had doubled to 18 percent,	到2017年,这一数字翻了一番,达到18%,
194	and by 2050, projections based on the models that we tested	到2050年,根据我们测试的模型作出的预测
195	indicate that almost one in three young people	显示几乎三分之一的年轻人
196	will report clinically relevant levels of socially prescribed perfectionism.	将报告与社会规定的完美主义相关的临床水平。
197	Remember, this is the element of perfectionism	记住,这是完美主义的元素
198	that has the largest correlation with serious mental illness,	与严重精神疾病关系最密切
199	and that's for good reason.	这是有正当理由的。
200	Socially prescribed perfectionists feel an unrelenting need	社会上规定的完美主义者感到无比的需要
201	to meet the expectations of other people.	满足其他人的期望。
202	And even if they do meet yesterday's expectation of perfection,	即使他们确实达到了昨天对完美的期望
203	they then raise the bar on themselves to an even higher degree,	然后,他们把栏杆提升到更高的高度,
204	because these folks believe that the better they do,	因为这些人相信他们做的更好,
205	the better that they're expected to do.	越好他们的预期。
206	This breeds a profound sense of helplessness,	这产生了一种深刻的无助感,
207	and worse, hopelessness.	更糟糕的是绝望
208	But is there hope?	但还有希望吗?
209	Of course there's hope.	当然有希望。
210	Perfectionists can and should hold on to certain things.	完美主义者可以而且应该坚持某些东西.
211	They are typically bright, ambitious, conscientious and hardworking.	它们一般是明亮、雄心勃勃、勤奋和勤奋的。
212	And yes, treatment is complex.	是的,治疗很复杂。
213	But a little bit of self-compassion,	但一点点的自我同情,
214	going easy on ourselves when things don't go well,	当事情不顺利时,我们自己就轻松了
215	can turn those qualities into greater personal peace and success,	能够将这些品质转化为更大的个人和平与成功,
216	and then there's what we can do as caregivers.	然后我们可以做一个照顾者。
217	Perfectionists developed in our formative years,	完美主义者在我们成长的年代,
218	and so young people are more vulnerable.	年轻人更容易受到伤害。
219	Parents can help their children by supporting them unconditionally	父母可以无条件地帮助子女
220	when they've tried but failed.	当他们尝试但失败。
221	And mom and dad can resist that understandable urge	妈妈和爸爸可以抗拒这种可以理解的冲动
222	in today's highly competitive society to helicopter parent.	在当今竞争激烈的社会中对直升机家长。
223	There's a lot of anxiety that's communicated	有很多的焦虑被传达出来
224	when parents take on their kids' successes and failures as their own.	当父母把孩子的成功和失败当做自己的。
225	But ultimately, our research raises important questions	但归根结底我们的研究提出了重要的问题
226	about how we are structuring society.	我们如何构建社会。
227	And whether our society's heavy emphasis on competition, evaluation and testing	还有我们社会是否重视竞争评价和测试
228	is benefiting young people,	使年轻人受益,
229	it's become commonplace for public figures to say	公众人物常说
230	that young people just need a little bit more resilience	年轻人只是需要一点点的恢复力
231	in the face of these new and unprecedented pressures.	面对这些前所未有的新压力。
232	But I believe that is us washing our hands of the core issue,	但我相信,这就是我们洗手核心问题,
233	because we have a shared responsibility	因为我们有共同的责任
234	to create a society and a culture	创造社会和文化
235	in which young people need less resilience, less perfection	青年人需要的恢复力较低,不够完美
236	in the first place.	最初.
237	Let's not kid ourselves.	别自欺欺人了
238	Creating that kind of world is an enormous challenge,	创造这样的世界是一个巨大的挑战,
239	and for a generation of young people that live their lives	以及一代青年人的生活
240	in the 24-7 spotlight of metrics, league tables, social media,	在24-7的聚光灯度量衡,联盟表,社交媒体,
241	perfectionism is inevitable,	完美主义是不可避免的,
242	so long as they lack any purpose in life,	只要他们没有生命的目的
243	greater than how they are appearing or how they are performing to other people.	比他们表现得更好也比他们表现得更好
244	What can they do about it?	他们能怎么办?
245	Every time they are knocked down from that mountaintop,	每次他们从山顶被击倒
246	they see no other option but to try scaling that peak again.	他们没有其他选择,只能尝试再次放大这个峰值.
247	The ancient Greeks knew	古希腊人知道
248	that this endless struggle up and down the same mountain	这无休止的斗争上下同山
249	is not the road to happiness.	不是通往幸福的道路。
250	Their image of hell was a man called Sisyphus,	他们的地狱形象是一个叫西西弗斯的人,
251	doomed for eternity to keep rolling the same boulder up a hill	注定要永远把同样的巨石滚上山
252	only to see it roll back down and have to start again,	只为了看到它回滚并不得不重新开始,
253	so long as we teach young people	只要我们教年轻人
254	that there is nothing more real or meaningful in their lives	他们的生活没有比这更真实或有意义的
255	than this hopeless quest for perfection.	比这无望的追求完美
256	Then we are going to condemn future generations	那我们就谴责后代
257	to that same futility and despair.	对同样的徒劳和绝望。
258	And so we're left with a question.	所以,我们有一个问题。
259	When are we going to appreciate that?	我们什么时候才能欣赏?
260	There is something fundamentally inhuman	根本上是不人道的
261	about limitless perfection.	关于无限的完美。
262	No one is flawless.	没有人是无瑕疵的。
263	If we want to help our young people escape the trap of perfectionism,	如果我们想帮助我们的年轻人摆脱完美主义的陷阱,
264	then we would teach them that in a chaotic world,	然后我们教他们在混乱的世界,
265	life will often defeat us.	生命往往会打败我们
266	But that's OK.	但没关系。
267	Failure is not weakness.	失败不是软弱。
268	If we want to help our young people outgrow the self-defeating snare	如果我们想帮助我们的年轻人超越自欺欺人
269	of impossible perfection,	无法完美
270	then we will raise them in a society	然后在社会中培养他们
271	that has outgrown that very same delusion.	已经超越了同样的妄想
272	But most of all,	不过最重要的是
273	if we want our young people to enjoy mental,	如果我们想要我们的年轻人享受精神,
274	emotional and psychological health,	情感和心理健康;
275	then we will invite them to celebrate the joys	然后我们邀请他们来欢庆,
276	and the beauties of imperfection	和不完美之美,
277	as a normal and natural part of everyday living and loving.	作为日常生活和爱的正常和自然部分.
278	Thank you very much.	谢谢
279	Thank you.	谢谢

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