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TED演讲:20%夫妻正在经历"无性之困",如何拯救当代婚姻

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时间英文中文
0:15It's been said if you never want to have sex again有人说如果你再也不想做爱了
0:19Get married结婚
0:22Sex is one of the most contentious issues in marriage today性是今天婚姻中最有争议的问题之一
0:27second only to finances仅次于财务
0:30There are many married couples that have not had sex for months even years有很多已婚夫妇连几个月都没有做爱
0:35And that's okay as long as they're okay with it and happily married只要他们能接受 幸福地结婚
0:40The problem arises when one person in the relationship wants sex and the other doesn't当关系上一个人想要做爱 而另一个人不想做爱时 就会出现问题
0:48According to a national newspaper survey of approximately 10,000 respondents mostly married men根据全国报纸对大约10 000名受访者的调查,大多数是已婚男子。
0:5575%
0:58Were satisfied in their relationship, but more than 50% were dissatisfied with their sex lives两人的关系很满意,但超过50%的人对自己的性生活不满
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序号英文中文
1It's been said if you never want to have sex again有人说如果你再也不想做爱了
2Get married结婚
3Sex is one of the most contentious issues in marriage today性是今天婚姻中最有争议的问题之一
4second only to finances仅次于财务
5There are many married couples that have not had sex for months even years有很多已婚夫妇连几个月都没有做爱
6And that's okay as long as they're okay with it and happily married只要他们能接受 幸福地结婚
7The problem arises when one person in the relationship wants sex and the other doesn't当关系上一个人想要做爱 而另一个人不想做爱时 就会出现问题
8According to a national newspaper survey of approximately 10,000 respondents mostly married men根据全国报纸对大约10 000名受访者的调查,大多数是已婚男子。
975%
10Were satisfied in their relationship, but more than 50% were dissatisfied with their sex lives两人的关系很满意,但超过50%的人对自己的性生活不满
11We're having sex don't get me wrong.我们做爱不会错的
12We're just having sex at the wrong time and with the wrong people我们只是在错的时候和错人做爱
13I'll get to that later我待会再谈
14We're having sex before we get married ten years on average我们结婚前做爱 平均十年
15so we are effectively in a long-term relationship and因此,我们有效 在一个长期的关系,
16Potentially quite sexually bored before we even mess up the marital bed and that has its consequences在搞砸婚床之前 可能会很厌倦性生活
17Most brides today do not have sex on their wedding nights and今天的新娘在结婚的夜晚没有做爱
1850% of men would not have married their spouse had they known their marriage was going to be50%的男子如果知道自己的婚姻将会是
19sexless无性别
20So everybody wants to know just how much sex are married people having whether they are in所以每个人都想知道 有多少性爱是已婚的人 他们是否在
21Heterosexual relationships or same-sex unions you all want to know what's going on at the Jones's well not much异性恋关系或同性结合 你们都想知道 在琼斯的井里发生了什么
22Only about seven percent of married couples set the sheets ablaze只有约7%的已婚夫妇将床单点燃
23most married couples have sex a little bit more than once a week for the first decade of在前十年里,大多数已婚夫妇的性行为 每周略多于一次
24Their marriage it decreases after that so they have sex about 58 times a year and他们的婚姻会减少,所以他们每年约58次做爱
2520% of占20%
26marriages meet the criteria as a sexless marriage and that婚姻符合无性别婚姻的标准,以及
27Defined by the experts is sex less than ten times a year专家对性别的定义是每年不到10次
28So why aren't we having sex in our marriages?那为什么我们结婚时不做爱?
29Well, there's a little known嗯,有一点已知
30chemical in the brain conveniently called PEA or P and it's responsible for化学物质在大脑中被称作PEA或P 它负责
31The elation the excitement and the euphoria that you feel when you meet somebody that you are当你遇到你这样的人时 激动和兴奋
32Sexually interested in it's a fantastic feeling this chemical is scorching through your blood vessels性上对它感兴趣 是一种奇妙的感觉 这种化学物质正在烧穿你的血管
33You are so happy.你真是太高兴了
34That's how powerful如此强大
35This little chemical is well what happens after two years that chemical这种小化学品是两年后发生的
36Diminishes as does sexual frequency迪米尼谢和性频率
37that's just about the time you might get married or may have conflict in your relationship and那时你可能要结婚 或者在恋爱中发生矛盾
38That is why communication is key to great sex这就是为什么沟通是大性的关键
39Now there's another reason we're not having sex in our relationship and that has to do with the sex education现在还有另一个原因 我们的关系没有发生性关系 这和性教育有关
40That we provide I'd like to share a story about myself我们提供的,我想分享关于我自己的故事
41When I was a teenager, my mother came racing into my bedroom and she said Maureen我十几岁的时候 我妈跑到我的卧室 她说莫琳
42Please tell me you have not allowed a boy to French kiss you请告诉我你不允许一个男孩亲你
43She was feeling terrible that this sex education came a bit late她觉得很糟,因为性教育来晚了一点
44I was feeling horrifically guilty as an Irish Catholic girl that I'd French kissed a number of boys作为一个爱尔兰天主教女孩,我感觉很内疚 我亲了几个男孩
45by that stage到那个阶段
46We teach girls and women that sex is dirty and sex is bad or it's overrated我们教女孩和妇女,性是脏的,性是坏的,或是被高估的
47We say you're just gonna get a sexually transmitted infection anyway, or you might get pregnant this whole fear-based thing我们说,你只是要去 性传染感染反正, 否则你可能会怀孕 这整个基于恐惧的事情
48Frightens women from enjoying sex and we never talk about pleasure让女人不敢享受性生活 我们从不谈论快乐
49with girls and women or orgasm and in fact some women say与女孩和妇女或高潮 事实上,一些妇女说
50Orgasm is not important and that the journey is just as good as the destination.Orgasm并不重要,旅程也和目的地一样好.
51I disagree我不这么认为
52Of course, I'm the one who French kissed all the boys as an Irish Catholic girl当然,我是一个法国吻 所有男孩作为一个爱尔兰天主教女孩
53It's like getting on a train就像上火车一样
54With your lover and you are going to the most pleasurable place on the planet.与你的爱人,你要去 最愉快的地方在地球上。
55You are so excited你这么兴奋
56You're getting lubed up with all the free drinks they're giving you this is amazing and你被他们给你的免费饮料弄得一团糟
57Just before you reach your destination就在你到达目的地之前
58He gets off and you don't他下车了,你不下车
59You get my point你明白我的意思了吗?
60Now the sex education we have for boys and men that's entirely different.现在我们对男孩和男人的性教育是完全不同的。
61It's a global program这是一个全球方案
62It's free.自由无碍.
63It's accessible to everybody and it's known as人人都可以访问它,它被称为
64internet pornography互联网色情制品
65Fantastic and it does nothing to teach men and boys about intimacy好极了 教男人和男孩亲近一点也没用
66Which is really important to men and boys or how to make love to anybody这对男人和男孩都很重要 或者对任何人做爱
67also(单位:千美元)
68We have a paucity of information about sexual health for our LGBTQ I我们的LGBTQ I的性健康信息很少
69Community and we need to add to that社区与我们需要增加
70Now marriage can rapidly go from a holy matrimony to holy hell with the finances the kids the houses现在婚姻可以迅速从神圣的婚姻走向神圣的地狱 与财政 孩子们,房子
71The illness, I mean you may have signed up for sickness and health, but that was long before you'd ever witnessed a man cold疾病,我的意思是,你可能已经报名 疾病和健康, 但这是很久以前,你曾经看到一个男人寒冷
72And and how about that richer or poorer thing ladies?怎么样 富人或贫穷的事情 女士们?
73We're gonna have to start going for richer我们要开始更富有了
74Most women today are working inside and outside of the home今天,大多数妇女在家庭内外工作
75We're doing the lion's share of the housework because according to research men don't feel they're that good at it and we're我们正在做狮子的家务 因为根据研究 男人不觉得他们很擅长,我们是
76Bridging the gap between growing children and aging parents缩小儿童与老年父母之间的差距
77We are exhausted doing it all and never doing it.我们精疲力尽 做这一切,从来没有做到这一点。
78And when we are doing it, we're checking our smartphones当我们这样做,我们检查 我们的智能手机
79Ten percent of people check their smartphones during sex10%的人在做爱时检查智能手机
8035%
81immediately afterward紧接着
82We are我们是
83connected to the internet与互联网连接
84We are connected to the internet and我们连上了互联网
85disconnected from our would-be lovers和我们未来的情人断绝关系
86Maybe this is the reason that the most common sex position for married couples is也许这就是为什么 已婚夫妇最常见的性别地位是
87doggy style狗的样式
88No, no, no, it's not what you're thinking get your minds out of the gutter不,不,不,这不是你想的 让你的思想走出沟壑
89This is the one where he's on all fours and begs and she plays dead这是他四人行走,乞求,她装死
90I have a clinical practice where I see patients that have sexual dysfunction and there are two questions that I ask everybody and我有一个临床实践,在那里我看到病人 有性功能障碍, 还有两个问题,我问每个人,
91The first one is are you sexually active?第一个是你性活跃吗?
92It's obvious and很明显
93When I ask women they never say yes or no.当我问女人,她们从来不说是或否。
94Well, they never say yes, but they never say yes or no好吧,他们从来没有说是,但他们从来没有说是或否
95They say他们说
96Sometimes sort of I'm not sure有时我不确定
97he is or他是或者说
98they say I'm他们说我
99Married I say well that means no to me.结婚我说得好, 这意味着不对我来说。
100They say yes, you're right.他们说是的 你说的对
101It is no没有
102most men大多数男人
103Complained that women never initiate sex抱怨妇女从未开始性行为
104The reason for this is because once again the sex education we provide to women原因是我们再次向妇女提供性教育
105women falsely believe女人们都不相信
106that female sexual interests desire女性性利益欲达到的目的
107precedes sexual activity when in actuality it性活动发生前
108Is sexual activity that prompts sexual interest and desire?性活动引起性兴趣和欲望吗?
109sexual arousal emerges as a result of性兴奋因
110sexual activity性活动
111so you guys I know所以你们我知道
112Intimacy is important to you亲近对你很重要
113the most important question that reflects this that I received from you is我从你那里收到的最重要的问题
114How much masturbation is too much masturbation?多少自慰太过自慰?
115so I所以说
116Just say well as long as you can go to work you should you should be fine只要说得好,只要你可以去工作,你应该没事
117And then I realize然后我意识到
118That that's perhaps all that you're doing at work也许这就是你在工作中所做的一切
119so I所以说
120Know intimacy is important.了解亲密关系很重要。
121You want to come home and you want to make love to your wife if you're in a heterosexual relationship你想回家 想和你妻子做爱 如果你有异性恋关系
122so after a long and过了很久
123Quite possibly very hard day可能很难熬
124You come home to a bit of chaos perhaps你回家也许有点混乱
125But you've just got sex on the mind and she says did you remember the milk and you're like darn the milk但你脑子里只有性 她说你记得牛奶 你就像该死的牛奶
126I forgot the milk我忘了带牛奶
127Don't beat yourselves up about it.别自欺欺人
128If not for the milk.若不为乳.
129We have Facebook我们有脸书
130Hormones, I'm feeling a little tired tonight.荷尔蒙 今晚我有点累了
131Okay, my stomach's sticking out.好吧,我的胃的坚持了。
132I'm feeling kind of fat.我感觉有点胖
133Can't do it tonight今晚办不到
134Didn't we have sex last month and you're like that was actually last year上个月我们不是做爱了吗 你就像去年一样
135You don't get it.你不明白这一点。
136I mean literally you don't get it, but you're like she's amazing我的意思是,字面上你不明白, 但你像她惊人
137She's works in and outside of the home.在家内外作业.
138She does a great job with the kids.她和孩子们相处得很好
139She volunteers她自愿参加
140She even has time for girls nights out她晚上有时间泡妞
141I brought a friend home after one such girls night out as we approached her house我带一个朋友回家 在一个这样的女孩晚上 当我们接近她的房子
142Drove up.举拂子曰.
143She looked up to her bedroom window saw that the lights were on and she said, uh她看着她的卧室窗户看到灯亮着 她说
144Donnie's waiting up for me.唐尼等着我呢
145Do me a favor drive around the block a few times帮我兜圈子好几次
146Until the light goes out.直至灯灭.
147I said listen我说听
148You get in there and make love to your husband before somebody else does你进入那里,和你的丈夫做爱 比别人做
149Because that is one thing that will increase a woman's sexual desire when someone else wants her man因为当别人想要男人时 女人的性欲就会增加
150still unconvinced还是没有说服力
151she said I她说我
152Decided to extol the health and beauty benefits that sex has for a woman a决定赞美性对女性的健康和美感
153youthful glow年轻的光芒
154better sleep睡个好觉
155wrinkle free skin皱纹自由皮肤
156Keep driving.继续开车
157She said there is a device that will increase anybody's sexual desire and that happens to be the Mercedes Benz她说,有一个装置会增加任何人的性欲 而且碰巧是奔驰奔驰
158Format a convertible SL and it comes in 64 colors格式化可转换 SL, 它以64 种颜色出现
159But if that doesn't do it the desire to have a baby will rev up any woman's sex drive但是如果这样不行 想要一个孩子的欲望 就会让任何女人的性欲回升
160The problem is having that baby is likely to kill it along with any marital eroticism a couple may have had问题在于,如果孩子生下来 很可能会与任何婚姻色情行为同时发生
161because a lot of people believe that因为很多人相信
162motherhood and being sexual is母性与性爱
163incongruous不和谐
164John John跟踪我上了LinkedIn 两年 才鼓起勇气
165To make an appointment about his sexless marriage预约他的无性婚姻
166He'd been married for seven years and they had never consummated the relationship他已经结婚七年了 他们从未结过婚
167Their parents were pressuring them to have他们的父母在给他们压力
168Children because they wanted grandchildren when they came into my clinical practice孩子们来我临床时想要孙子
169The second question that I ask everybody that enters my clinical practice most unfortunately is have you ever experienced?我最不幸地问到所有进入我临床实践的人 第二个问题是 你有没有经历过?
170sexual abuse or性虐待或性虐待
171Unwanted sexual advances as a child小时候不想要的性进步
172This was the first time this gentleman had learned that his wife had experienced sexual abuse as a six year old at the hands这是这位先生第一次得知 他的妻子在手上六岁时遭受性虐待
173Of her best friend's father她最好的朋友的父亲
174She thought sex was dirty.她认为性是肮脏的。
175She hated sex她讨厌做爱
176We need a worldwide moratorium on ending sexual violence on our children boys and girls because it happens to both我们需要全世界暂停终止对男童和女童的性暴力,因为这两种情况都是如此。
177healing from sexual abuse治疗性虐待
178Takes a lifetime一辈子
179Ella had lived a lifetime a艾拉一生都过着
180widow寡妇
181She said she wasn't sexually active, but she hoped to be I thought fantastic她说她没有性活动,但她希望成为我 觉得很棒
182Somebody is going to have sex here, but she said the problem Maureen is有人会在这里做爱, 但她说问题莫琳是
183That these old guys can't get it up anymore.这些老家伙再也受不了了
184I said well Ella you might have to go for a younger guy我说好,艾拉,你可能得去找一个年轻人
185She said what's younger when you're 84?她说你84岁时更年轻?
18670 the70个
187Yes对
188Yes, some of you are saying the hard truth is是的,你们有些人说 很难的事实是,
189That men in their 30s and 40s may experience erectile dysfunction30到40岁的男人 可能会出现勃起障碍
190Ella is going to have to go for a millennial艾拉得去一个千年
191So you're all probably thinking what's the big deal?你们可能都在想这有什么大不了的?
192Why treat my erectile dysfunction?为什么治疗我的勃起功能障碍?
193Well, I liken the penis to a plane if the pilot can't get the plane up in the air and keep the plane好吧,我把阴茎比作飞机 如果飞行员不能让飞机升空,保持飞机
194In the air for the entire trip was probably a problem with the engine整个旅程在空中 可能是引擎的问题
195So if you can't get your penis up and keep it up for the entire sexual experience所以,如果你不能得到你的阴茎 保持它的整个性经验
196There's likely a problem with your engine.你的引擎可能有问题
197Well, that's your heart那是你的心脏
198Erectile dysfunction is the canary in the coal mine and it may signify功能障碍是煤矿中的金丝雀 它可能意味着
199Cardiovascular disease it may also indicate心血管疾病,也可能是
200Diabetes so these two medical conditions in addition to low testosterone stress除了睾丸酮应激性低之外,还有糖尿病
201Substance use and abuse药物使用和滥用
202excessive alcohol consumption饮酒过量
203unresolved conflict未解决的冲突
204Financial issues all of those may contribute to low sexual desire and you may end up in a sexless marriage经济问题 所有这些都可能导致性欲低落 你可能最终陷入无性婚姻
205George presented to my clinical practice at age 40.George40岁时给我的临床实践介绍.
206He decided to settle down他决定安顿下来
207He was marrying a beautiful and accomplished woman in a few months.几个月后他娶了一个美丽而有成就的女人
208There's only one problem只有一个问题
209George was gay乔治是同性恋
210George乔治
211Could not bear to tell his family that he was gay不敢告诉他家人他是同性恋
212Because he felt it would have shamed the entire family.因为他觉得这会让全家蒙羞
213I said George you're going to end up in a sexless marriage我说乔治,你终究会陷入无性婚姻
214He said tell me something.他说告诉我
215I don't know我不知道,你觉得呢?
216So George said to me his plan was this所以乔治跟我说他的计划是
217Well when my parents die当我的父母死了
218I'm then going to divorce this woman and I'm going to marry the man that I love and I said George然后我要和这个女人离婚 我要和我爱的男人结婚 我说乔治
219You are not thinking straight你脑子不清醒
220The那个
221Sex is the barometer of the state of affairs in a marriage性是婚姻状态的晴雨表
222People who live in sexless marriages report feeling frustrated生活在无性婚姻中的人表示感到沮丧
223unloved无爱
224undesirable不受欢迎
225unattractive and the worst of all lonely and没有吸引力 最糟糕的孤独和
226Loneliness has been shown to increase孤独度有所上升
227Vascular resistance and elevate blood pressure and lead to an early death血压升高并导致早死
228You are more likely to die from loneliness than you are from obesity or excessive alcohol consumption比起肥胖或酒精消费过度 你更有可能死于孤独
229When I educate women and I say if you're not having sex with your husband当我教育女人,我说如果你没有和你丈夫发生性关系
230Someone else may可能还有别人
231They get upset and they say that I'm blaming women for men's bad behavior他们生气了 他们说我怪女人的坏行为
232When in actuality, I'm doing a community service其实我是在做社区服务
233You see men in sexless marriages你看到男人在无性婚姻中
234Cheat to remain in that marriage in general and women cheat to leave a sexless marriage and欺骗性地留在婚姻中 女人欺骗离开无性婚姻
235Women cheat too.女人也骗人
236Nobody ever thinks we do we're just sneakier about it.没有人认为我们这样做 我们只是偷偷摸摸的。
237We just don't get caught我们只是不会被抓
238We're socialized very differently.我们的社会化非常不同。
239This is one thing we have on you guys这是你们身上有的
240women cheat with other men and women cheat with other women and女人跟男人作弊 女人跟女人作弊
241Technology has made cheating accessible for everybody from the politician to the stay-at-home parent技术让政客们和家里的家长们 都能利用欺骗
242That quick swipe right can lead to an online那个快速的刷子右转可以导致在线
243passionate love affair from texting to sexting to secret phone conversations从发短信到色情到秘密电话交谈
244The more two people communicate online the more likely an in-person encounter will occur在网上交流的人越多 就越有可能发生面对面的相遇
245But you can always blame your genes但你总能怪你的基因
246The gene DN4n has been isolated in cheaters and the sexless marriageDN4n基因被隔离在骗子和无性婚姻中
247Just the environment to turn on that gene it's based on a system of pleasure and reward只有环境可以打开基因 它基于一个快乐和奖励的系统
248The stakes are high the reward substantial.利害关系重大 回报重大。
249It is the perfect cocktail这是完美的鸡尾酒
250To turn that love drug back on PEA and the cycle begins again把爱的药重新用在PEA上 循环重新开始
251historically历史上
252Marriage was not based on婚姻并非基于
253Mutual love but rather it was an institution to acquire of all things in-laws彼此相爱,而是一种制度 获得一切的姻亲
254Property and财产和
255physical labor but at the turn of the 20th century in America体力劳动,但到了20世纪之交
256egalitarian ideals and the emerging Hollywood movie industry平等的理想和新兴的好莱坞影业
257Burdened marriages with promising romantic love forever, and now we're living forever婚姻充满了充满希望的浪漫爱情 现在我们永远活着
258Fantastic.厉害
259Congratulations.祝贺你
260You get to have sex with the same person for the rest of your life一辈子都和同一个人做爱
261The second most common question that I hear from patients is when does sex end?我从病人那里听到的第二个常见问题是 性何时结束?
262Well a 44 year old asked me he said when does sex end Maureen 65 I answered him this way a 22 year old一个44岁的人问我 他说什么时候性爱结束 莫琳65 我这样回答他 一个22岁的人
263Asked me when does sex end Maureen 35 everybody's older until you get there问我性爱什么时候结束 莫琳35岁了,直到你到那里
264I'm here to tell you that sex never ends if you're healthy you can have a我是来告诉你 如果你健康的话 性爱永远不会结束
265you're healthy you can have a great sex life well into your 80s and你身体健康 80多岁就能过上伟大的性生活了
26690s90s (英语).
267Sex is good for you性对你有好处
268Sex is healthy yet sex is shrouded in shame in the ancient aristocracies性是健康的,而性却被遮蔽在 古代贵族的耻辱中
269The wealthy men had courtesans for pleasure and concubines for quick sex in the way.富人有礼,以乐为乐,妾以快性为道.
270We're going我们要走了
271Computers will be our concubines电脑是我们的妾
272Internet pornography our mistress of the day互联网色情 我们的情妇的一天
273Technology is fast replacing human connection at high speed技术快速取代了人类高速连接
274So how do you rev up the sexless marriage?所以,你如何恢复 无性婚姻?
275Sex is about blood flow性爱是血流
276Sexercise性别
277Every day you want to have a daily workout.你每天都想每天锻炼一下
278It increases your agility your stamina它会增强你的敏捷性 你的敏捷性
279Women will experience more sexual sensation女人会有更多性感觉
280When blood is flowing to the genitalia it also helps to treat erectile dysfunction当血液流入生殖器时,它也帮助治疗勃起功能障碍
281Also get help for any of the sexual dysfunctions you may have还要为你的性功能障碍寻求帮助
282Vaginal dryness it's an issue that happens to women who have who are on the oral contraceptive pill who are breastfeeding阴道干燥是口服避孕药的妇女哺乳时遇到的问题
283Perimenopausal postmenopausal and there are treatments for you pay more attention to your spouse than you do your smartphone后经期后期的Perimenopausal 和有治疗 你更关注你的配偶 比做你的智能手机
284Spend more time in your bedrooms than you do your boardrooms or your bedrooms are going to become boardrooms在卧室里花更多的时间 比你做你的董事会或你的卧室 会变成董事会
285Deal with your marital issues处理你的婚姻问题
286Go to sleep in the same bed at the same time and don't bring anything or anyone into your marriage在同一时间睡在同一个床上 不要带任何东西或任何人进入你的婚姻
287Except for a great sex toy and a darn good sex therapist除了一个很棒的性玩具和一个优秀的性治疗师
288You must establish guidelines that govern those moments when you are struck by someone's attractiveness你必须制定准则 来指导你被别人的吸引力所打击的那一刻
289outside of your marriage在你的婚姻之外
290But don't think for a second that you have to have sex with the same person for the rest of your life但别以为一辈子都得和同一个人做爱
291That's not what I mean in your mind.你心里不是这个意思
292That is这是
293Fantasy is key最终幻想是关键
294Your brain is your largest sex organ and one more thing.你的大脑是最大的性器官 还有一件事
295I would like to leave you all off with a bang我想把你们都抛在一边
296Settle all marital arguments in the bedroom naked在卧室裸体解决所有婚姻争论
297Settle all marital arguments in the bedroom. Naked在卧室里解决所有婚姻争论 裸体
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