TED演讲：如何正确地“调情”，而不让人觉得油腻和反感？
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:04 | How would you feel if I called you a flirt? | 如果我叫你调情你会怎么想? |
| 0:09 | Flattered, defensive, insulted, perhaps? | 平淡,防守,侮辱,也许? |
| 0:16 | Flirting doesn't have the best reputation. | 调伏无量功德. |
| 0:19 | Taste and point is the outdated dictionary definition of flirting, | 味道和点是过时的词典定义调情, |
| 0:23 | which is to behave as though attracted or trying to attract someone, | 即表现得像被吸引或试图吸引某人, |
| 0:28 | but for amusement rather than with serious intent. | 但是为了娱乐,而不是出于认真的打算。 |
| 0:32 | Basically, to waste someone's time and toy with their emotions. | 基本上,浪费别人的时间和玩弄他们的情绪。 |
| 0:36 | Well, today, I hope to change your mind about flirting, | 今天 我希望改变你对调情的想法 |
| 0:41 | starting with a new definition. | 从新的定义开始。 |
| 0:43 | Words and actions intended to make another person feel seen, | 语言和行动 意图让另一个人感觉, |
展开字幕全文（215 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | How would you feel if I called you a flirt? | 如果我叫你调情你会怎么想? |
| 2 | Flattered, defensive, insulted, perhaps? | 平淡,防守,侮辱,也许? |
| 3 | Flirting doesn't have the best reputation. | 调伏无量功德. |
| 4 | Taste and point is the outdated dictionary definition of flirting, | 味道和点是过时的词典定义调情, |
| 5 | which is to behave as though attracted or trying to attract someone, | 即表现得像被吸引或试图吸引某人, |
| 6 | but for amusement rather than with serious intent. | 但是为了娱乐,而不是出于认真的打算。 |
| 7 | Basically, to waste someone's time and toy with their emotions. | 基本上,浪费别人的时间和玩弄他们的情绪。 |
| 8 | Well, today, I hope to change your mind about flirting, | 今天 我希望改变你对调情的想法 |
| 9 | starting with a new definition. | 从新的定义开始。 |
| 10 | Words and actions intended to make another person feel seen, | 语言和行动 意图让另一个人感觉, |
| 11 | special and acknowledged. | 特别和承认。 |
| 12 | All three. | 三者一切众生. |
| 13 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| 14 | For the last 12-plus years, | 在过去的12年中 |
| 15 | I've been helping people to fall in love and create lasting relationships, | 我一直在帮助人们坠入爱河 建立长久的关系 |
| 16 | first as a matchmaker, | 首先作为一个媒人, |
| 17 | and for the last decade, | 过去十年, |
| 18 | I've been coaching people to be their own matchmakers. | 我教别人做自己的配手 |
| 19 | As a love professional, | 作为一个爱的专业人士, |
| 20 | I can assure you that many dating problems can be solved with flirting. | 我可以向你保证,很多约会问题可以通过调情来解决. |
| 21 | Can't get a date? | 不能约会吗? |
| 22 | 更 F. | |
| 23 | (*Laughter*) | (* 笑声*) |
| 24 | Always like them more than they like you? | 总是更喜欢他们 而不是他们喜欢你? |
| 25 | Date the ones who flirt back. | 和那些调情的人约会 |
| 26 | (*Laughter*) | (* 笑声*) |
| 27 | Flirting gives you more agency over human connection. | 调情让你在人际关系上更有影响力 |
| 28 | If you're single, it helps you to connect and fall in love. | 如果你是单身,它帮助你连接和坠入爱河. |
| 29 | If you're partnered, | 如果你是搭档 |
| 30 | it helps you to reignite or maintain the spark of chemistry | 它帮助你重新点燃或保持化学的火花 |
| 31 | that brought you together in the first place. | 使你们走到一起 |
| 32 | In other words, | 也就是说, |
| 33 | flirting is a multipurpose, customizable superpower. | 调情是一种多功能,定制的超能力. |
| 34 | In popular culture, | 在大众文化中, |
| 35 | we've seen countless depictions of the super-confident, | 我们看过无数关于超级自信的描述 |
| 36 | sweet-talking style of flirting. | 温柔的调情风格 |
| 37 | But in real life, | 但现实生活中, |
| 38 | you don't have to be the most confident person in the room | 你不必是房间里最自信的人 |
| 39 | to be a good flirt. | 成为一个很好的调情。 |
| 40 | And if you associate being flirtatious with a pickup artist | 如果你把调情和皮克艺人联系起来 |
| 41 | who comes across as creepy or insincere, | 谁来过 令人毛骨悚然或不诚实, |
| 42 | to be clear, that is not what I'm advocating. | 说清楚,这不是我主张的 |
| 43 | Remember the definition that we're working with. | 记住我们合作的定义 |
| 44 | Making another person feel seen, special and acknowledged. | 让别人觉得自己被看见了,很特别,很受认可. |
| 45 | Not objectified, creeped out or potentially unsafe. | 没有被附身,爬出 或潜在的不安全。 |
| 46 | So please refrain from making comments about a stranger's body parts | 所以请不要评论陌生人的身体 |
| 47 | or demanding that they smile at you. | 或者要求他们对你微笑 |
| 48 | (*Laughter*) | (* 笑声*) |
| 49 | And ... right? | 还有... 对不对? |
| 50 | And I've got good news for the introverts out there. | 我有好消息要告诉那些内向者 |
| 51 | You don't have to be extroverted to be a magnet for connection. | 你不必被外推 成为连接的磁铁。 |
| 52 | In fact, I believe that introverts have a secret advantage | 事实上,我相信内向者有秘密优势 |
| 53 | when it comes to flirting, | 在调情的时候, |
| 54 | because your efforts at being more open | 因为你努力更加开放 |
| 55 | feel more genuinely inspired by another person | 感觉更真实的灵感来自另一个人 |
| 56 | and therefore special. | 并因此特别。 |
| 57 | So if you're nervous about talking to strangers, | 如果你对和陌生人说话很紧张 |
| 58 | take a few deep breaths, | 深呼吸一点, |
| 59 | focus on the other person, | 关注对方, |
| 60 | and do it anyway. | 并做它无论如何。 |
| 61 | For the record, if I call you a flirt, | 老实说 如果我叫你调情 |
| 62 | I mean it as a compliment. | 我是认真的,作为恭维。 |
| 63 | Especially if I give you the eyebrows. | 尤其是我给你眉毛的时候 |
| 64 | (*Laughter*) | (* 笑声*) |
| 65 | 或作 win. | |
| 66 | Okay, before I make everyone in the audience more uncomfortable, | 好吧,在我让观众更不舒服之前, |
| 67 | allow me to explain how and why | 让我解释一下为什么 |
| 68 | I've come to be a flirting enthusiast. | 我是来调情的 |
| 69 | Since I was a little girl, I've been obsessed with romance. | 我从小就沉迷于浪漫 |
| 70 | So logically, I grew up to be a corporate lawyer. | 所以,逻辑上,我长大后成为一个公司律师。 |
| 71 | (*Laughter*) | (* 笑声*) |
| 72 | I know, very romantic. | 我知道,非常浪漫。 。 。 |
| 73 | As a young lawyer eager to live out my romantic dreams, | 作为一个年轻的律师 渴望实现我的浪漫梦想 |
| 74 | I ran into a problem I hadn't anticipated. | 我遇到了一个我没想到的问题 |
| 75 | I had no idea what I was doing when it came to romance. | 我不知道我在做什么 当它谈到浪漫。 |
| 76 | No one had ever taught me how to date, | 没人教我怎么约会 |
| 77 | so I decided to teach myself. | 所以我决定教自己 |
| 78 | 我上过Match.com, | |
| 79 | prayed that no one I knew saw my profile, | 祈祷我认识的人没有看到我的档案 |
| 80 | and went on as many dates as I could. | 我尽可能多地约会 |
| 81 | It went okay at first. | 一开始还好 |
| 82 | I succeeded in getting first dates, | 我成功得到了第一次约会, |
| 83 | but the dates were just okay, | 但日期还不错 |
| 84 | and they weren't turning into second dates. | 他们并没有变成第二次约会 |
| 85 | I figured that I couldn't be the least dateable person in New York City, | 我想我不可能是 纽约市最难约会的人, |
| 86 | but I had to admit that there was some room for improvement. | 但我不得不承认 有一些改进的余地。 |
| 87 | So instead of boring small talk, | 而不是无聊的闲话 |
| 88 | I started asking my dates questions out of genuine curiosity. | 我开始问我的约会问题 出于真正的好奇心。 |
| 89 | No longer looking for the right answers to my question, | 我的问题不再找对答案了 |
| 90 | I decided to find out who they were, | 我决定找出他们是谁 |
| 91 | what excited them in life, | 是什么让他们在生活中兴奋, |
| 92 | what they cared about. | 他们关心的 |
| 93 | I was more vulnerable, more playful, | 我更脆弱,更有趣, |
| 94 | and I didn't hold back my personality. | 我并没有阻碍我的个性。 |
| 95 | And before long, more often than not, | 不久以后 更常见的是 |
| 96 | my dates began wanting to see me again. | 我的约会开始想再见我 |
| 97 | I was getting better at dating | 我约会越来越好 |
| 98 | because I was becoming a flirt. | 因为我正变得调情。 |
| 99 | I know firsthand that flirting brings up a lot of fears | 我第一手知道调情引起很多恐惧 |
| 100 | around rejection, | 以否认发誓, |
| 101 | leading someone on, | 带人上路, |
| 102 | vulnerability and more. | 脆弱性和更多。 |
| 103 | There are many layers of flirting, | 调情有很多层 |
| 104 | and there's different styles of flirting, | 有不同的调情风格, |
| 105 | and one of its common purposes | 及其共同目的之一 |
| 106 | is to actively convey romantic or sexual desire. | 是积极传达浪漫或性欲。 |
| 107 | But flirting is not inherently a come-on, | 但调情不是天生的 |
| 108 | a declaration of desire | 愿望宣言 |
| 109 | or a promise of anything beyond the moment's interaction. | 或承诺什么 超越瞬间的互动。 |
| 110 | Confidence with flirting comes from knowing yourself, | 对调情的信心来自了解你自己 |
| 111 | your intentions, | 你的意图, |
| 112 | reading the room, | 阅读房间, |
| 113 | discerning other people's reactions | 了解别人的反应 |
| 114 | and adapting accordingly. | 并相应调整。 |
| 115 | Sometimes it's going to be awkward, | 有时候会很尴尬 |
| 116 | sometimes it's going to be embarrassing, | 有时候会很尴尬 |
| 117 | and that's OK. | 没关系 |
| 118 | There's no avoiding all the uncertainty of human connection, | 人类联系的不确定性无法避免 |
| 119 | but you can experience the power of flirting for yourself | 但你可以体验自己调情的力量 |
| 120 | with minimal ick. | 与最小的ick。 |
| 121 | Here's how. | 就是这样 |
| 122 | Let's start with two foundational elements | 我们从两个基础元素开始 |
| 123 | of successful flirting. | 成功调情。 |
| 124 | Presence and enthusiasm. | 在场和热情。 |
| 125 | Presence is about being in the moment with another person | 在场就是和别人在一起 |
| 126 | without being distracted by what's going on in your head | 不要被你脑子里的事分心 |
| 127 | or your surroundings. | 或者你的周围。 |
| 128 | To practice being more present, | 要练习更现身, |
| 129 | take deep breaths to ground yourself in real time, | 深呼吸,在实时地面上, |
| 130 | especially if you're feeling nervous. | 特别是如果你感到紧张。 |
| 131 | You can silently but powerfully communicate | 你可以默默而有力的沟通 |
| 132 | using your body language your openness to connection | 使用身体语言打开连接 |
| 133 | or not. | 或无. |
| 134 | So keep your phones down and your eyes up. | 所以,保持你的电话 和你的眼睛。 |
| 135 | Next is enthusiasm. | 接下来是热情。 |
| 136 | By being enthusiastic, | 通过热情, |
| 137 | you have the ability to leave other people feeling good | 你有能力离开别人 感觉很好 |
| 138 | for having interacted with you. | 与你互动。 |
| 139 | Your genuine smile can make someone's day. | 你真正的微笑可以让别人过日子 |
| 140 | Even your unspoken appreciation for a shared moment of connection, | 即使你不知不觉的感谢 分享一个连接的时刻, |
| 141 | no matter how brief, can often be felt. | 无论多么短暂,往往都能感觉到。 |
| 142 | Lean into being the version of you | 让你变成你这个版本 |
| 143 | who leaves other people with a smile on their face | 带着微笑离开别人 |
| 144 | and notice how much more magnetic you become. | 注意你变得多磁性 |
| 145 | So once your vibe is right, | 所以,一旦你的气息是正确的, |
| 146 | here are three simple flirting styles you can start experimenting with. | 这里有三个简单的调情风格 你可以开始试验。 |
| 147 | First is my personal favorite, | 首先是我个人最喜欢的 |
| 148 | and that is attentiveness or curiosity. | 而这是细心或好奇。 |
| 149 | So this looks like inviting connection | 所以这看起来像邀请连接 |
| 150 | by asking questions that inspire interesting conversations, | 通过提问 激发有趣的对话, |
| 151 | like, | 喜欢 |
| 152 | if money was no object | 如果钱不是目标 |
| 153 | and you could do any job in the world for one year, | 你可以做任何工作 在世界上一年, |
| 154 | what would you do? | 你会怎么做? |
| 155 | And then looking them in the eye, | 然后看着他们的眼睛, |
| 156 | leaning in and listening to their answer. | 倾身听其答. |
| 157 | It looks like paying attention to the stories that they share | 看起来像注意他们分享的故事 |
| 158 | and noticing that the waiter forgot their lemon wedge. | 并且注意到服务员忘了他们的柠檬楔子 |
| 159 | It's perfect for any occasion, | 任何场合都适合 |
| 160 | from a first date to being an enviably thoughtful spouse. | 从第一次约会到令人羡慕的深思熟虑的配偶。 |
| 161 | Next is compliments. | 接下来是恭维。 |
| 162 | In movies, the meet cute is the moment | 在电影里,相遇是可爱的时刻 |
| 163 | when two love interests meet for the first time. | 当两个爱情兴趣第一次见面时 |
| 164 | Giving a compliment is one of the best ways | 恭维是最好的方法之一 |
| 165 | to have your own meet cute moment. | 有你自己的见面可爱的时刻。 |
| 166 | So if you dream of meeting your person in person, | 所以如果你梦见自己本人 |
| 167 | lean into giving sincere and observant compliments | 你应当谨守拜功, |
| 168 | as you move through the world. | 当你穿越世界时 |
| 169 | Now, I want to pause here for a moment | 现在,我想暂停一下 |
| 170 | to make a distinction between compliments | 区分恭维 |
| 171 | that succeed in making another person feel good | 使别人感觉良好 |
| 172 | and ones that are more, shall we say, ambiguous. | 以及那些比较模糊的 |
| 173 | So here are a few things that aren't compliments, | 所以这里有几件不是恭维的事 |
| 174 | or at least aren't particularly good ones. | 或者至少不是特别好的。 |
| 175 | Saying, | 说, |
| 176 | you're hot | 你很热 |
| 177 | is, frankly, unimaginative | 老实说,是无法想象的 |
| 178 | and far too non-specific to be a good compliment. | 和太不具体 不是一个很好的赞美。 |
| 179 | Saying things like, | 说的东西, |
| 180 | you're just my type | 你只是我喜欢的类型 |
| 181 | kind of sounds like a compliment, | 听起来像是赞美 |
| 182 | but it's actually centering your taste | 但它实际上 中心你的品味 |
| 183 | more than it is the other person. | 比别人还要多 |
| 184 | And backhanded compliments like, | 和背书恭维,喜欢, |
| 185 | how is someone who looks like you still single? | 像你这样的人怎么还单身? |
| 186 | are not, in fact, compliments. | 其实不是恭维 |
| 187 | Stop and ask yourself, | 停下来问问你自己 |
| 188 | well, what I'm about to say or do, | 好吧,我要说什么或做什么, |
| 189 | succeed in making this person feel seen, special and acknowledged, | 成功地使这个人感到被看到, 特别和承认, |
| 190 | or judge, objectified and defensive? | 或法官,反对和防御? |
| 191 | Please, flirt responsibly. | 请调情负责。 |
| 192 | Seriously. | 说真的 |
| 193 | Increase the effectiveness of your compliments | 提高致意的效力 |
| 194 | by making them specific and sincere, | 使他们更加具体和真诚, |
| 195 | like, you have a great sense of style, | 像,你有一个伟大的风格感, |
| 196 | or your eyes are so lovely. | 或者你的眼睛是如此可爱。 |
| 197 | Maybe it's the start of a longer conversation. | 也许这是长谈的开始 |
| 198 | Maybe you gave them a boost of confidence. | 也许你给了他们信心 |
| 199 | Either way, it's a win. | 无论哪种方式,这是一个胜利。 |
| 200 | Last but not least is the flirting style of playfulness. | 最后但并非最不重要的是 玩乐的调情风格 |
| 201 | Playfulness can look like anything | 玩乐可以看起来像什么 |
| 202 | from sending over a drink with a wink | 以眨眼的饮料, |
| 203 | or making a corny, but respectful joke like, | 或做一个古老的, 但尊重的笑话喜欢, |
| 204 | I'm sorry, I was listening, | 对不起,我在听 |
| 205 | but I'm just mesmerized by your radiance. | 但我只是被你的光芒所迷惑 |
| 206 | Or, if all else fails, | 或者,如果所有其他失败, |
| 207 | eyebrows. | 眉间. |
| 208 | Read the room as results will vary. | 阅读房间的结果会有所不同。 |
| 209 | Nuance and a dash of courage is required to flirt well, | 调情需要努恩斯和勇气 |
| 210 | but practice prepares you to rise to the occasion. | 但练习时,你准备起立。 |
| 211 | Attentiveness, compliments, playfulness, | 勤奋、恭维、嬉戏 |
| 212 | there's nothing complicated about these actions, | 这些行动没有什么复杂的, |
| 213 | yet they have the potential to spark and sustain connection over time. | 然而,它们有可能在一段时间内激发和维持连接。 |
| 214 | That's a true superpower we can all tap into. | 这是真正的超级力量,我们都可以利用。 |
| 215 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
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