为什么别人从不主动问你问题
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:00 | you're talking to someone, you ask them where they are from, they answer, you ask what they do, | 你和某人说话, 你问他们来自哪里, 他们回答, 你问他们做什么, |
| 0:05 | they answer, you ask another question, another answer, and suddenly you realize, wait, they | 他们回答,你问 另一个问题,另一个答案, 突然你意识到,等待,他们 |
| 0:11 | haven't asked me a single thing, and that feeling, it stings way more than most people admit, | 从来没有问我一件事, 那种感觉,它刺痛得多 比大多数人承认, |
| 0:17 | because it doesn't just feel awkward, it feels personal. | 因为它不只是觉得尴尬, 它感觉个人。 |
| 0:20 | Like, am I boring? | 我无聊吗? |
| 0:21 | Do they not like me? | 他们不喜欢我吗? |
| 0:22 | Am I carrying this whole conversation by myself? | 我一个人来谈吗? |
| 0:25 | But here's the weird part, a lot of the time, | 但这里的怪异部分, 很多时候, |
| 0:28 | it has almost nothing to do with you, and by the end of this video, you will understand why people | 这几乎与你无关, 在这个视频结束时, 你会明白为什么人们 |
| 0:32 | don't ask you questions back, the hidden mistake that actually trains people not to invest in | 不要问你的问题, 隐藏的错误,实际上训练人们 不投资 |
展开字幕全文（91 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | you're talking to someone, you ask them where they are from, they answer, you ask what they do, | 你和某人说话, 你问他们来自哪里, 他们回答, 你问他们做什么, |
| 2 | they answer, you ask another question, another answer, and suddenly you realize, wait, they | 他们回答,你问 另一个问题,另一个答案, 突然你意识到,等待,他们 |
| 3 | haven't asked me a single thing, and that feeling, it stings way more than most people admit, | 从来没有问我一件事, 那种感觉,它刺痛得多 比大多数人承认, |
| 4 | because it doesn't just feel awkward, it feels personal. | 因为它不只是觉得尴尬, 它感觉个人。 |
| 5 | Like, am I boring? | 我无聊吗? |
| 6 | Do they not like me? | 他们不喜欢我吗? |
| 7 | Am I carrying this whole conversation by myself? | 我一个人来谈吗? |
| 8 | But here's the weird part, a lot of the time, | 但这里的怪异部分, 很多时候, |
| 9 | it has almost nothing to do with you, and by the end of this video, you will understand why people | 这几乎与你无关, 在这个视频结束时, 你会明白为什么人们 |
| 10 | don't ask you questions back, the hidden mistake that actually trains people not to invest in | 不要问你的问题, 隐藏的错误,实际上训练人们 不投资 |
| 11 | conversations with you, and the one subtle shift that instantly changes the dynamic, | 和你的对话 以及瞬间改变动态的微妙转变 |
| 12 | because once I learned this, my conversations changed completely, and the craziest part, | 因为一旦我得知这一点, 我的对话完全改变了, 最疯狂的部分, |
| 13 | I discovered it during one of the most painfully awkward dinners of my life. | 我在一生中最痛苦的尴尬晚餐中发现了它 |
| 14 | A few years ago, I went to dinner with a group of people I barely knew, and I did what I thought | 几年前,我和一群我几乎不认识的人 一起吃饭,我做了我想做的事 |
| 15 | people were supposed to do, I asked questions, lots of questions, what do you do? | 人们应该做的, 我问问题, 很多问题, 你做什么? |
| 16 | How do you | 你好吗? |
| 17 | know everyone here? | 认识这里的所有人吗? |
| 18 | What's your major? | 你主修什么课? |
| 19 | Oh really? | 是吗? |
| 20 | How do you get into that? | 你怎么会这样? |
| 21 | I thought I was being | 我以为我是 |
| 22 | engaging, but after like 40 minutes, I noticed something uncomfortable, nobody knew anything | 但是40分钟后,我注意到一些不舒服的事 没人知道 |
| 23 | about me, not one person had asked me a single question back, and I remembered walking home | 关于我,没有人问我 一个问题回来, 我记得走回家 |
| 24 | thinking, how is it possible to talk to people for almost an hour and still feel invisible? | 想想,怎么可能 与人们交谈近一个小时 仍然感觉看不见? |
| 25 | Now here's where most people stop, they assume people are selfish, everyone talks only about | 现在这里是大多数人停下来的地方, 他们假设人们是自私的, 每个人都只谈论 |
| 26 | themselves, no one cares, but that explanation is way too simple, because later I noticed something | 自己,没有人在乎, 但这个解释太简单了, 因为我后来注意到一些事情 |
| 27 | confusing, those same people were capable of being deeply curious in other conversations, | 困惑的是,这些人 能够深深地好奇 其他谈话, |
| 28 | which means the real question isn't why are people self-centered, the real question is what | 也就是说真正的问题在于 为什么人们不是自我中心 |
| 29 | makes people want to become curious about you, and the answer surprised me, but before we get there, | 让人对你感到好奇 答案让我惊讶 但在我们到达之前 |
| 30 | you need to understand the biggest misconception people have about good conversation, | 你需要理解人们对良好对话的最大误解 |
| 31 | most socially anxious people accidentally turn conversations into interviews, question, answer, | 社会上最焦虑的人 不小心把谈话变成采访 问答 |
| 32 | question, answer, question, answer, and it feels productive, because technically the conversation | 问 答 答 感觉很有成效 因为从技术上讲 谈话 |
| 33 | is moving, but emotionally nothing is happening, because questions alone don't create connection, | 正在感动,但情感上什么都没有发生, 因为单凭问题不能产生联系, |
| 34 | emotional investment does, think about your favorite conversations, they probably weren't | 感情投资确实如此, 想想你最喜欢的对话, 他们可能不是 |
| 35 | just, so where are you from? | 你从哪里来? |
| 36 | What do you do? | 你们是做什么的? |
| 37 | What hobbies do you have? | 你有什么爱好? |
| 38 | There was energy, opinions, | 有能量,观点, |
| 39 | stories, emotions, reactions, but when you only ask questions, something subtle happens, | 故事,情感,反应, 但当你只问问题, 一些微妙的事情发生, |
| 40 | you unintentionally communicate, I want to get information from you, instead of, let's discover | 你无意的沟通,我想从你那里得到信息,而不是,让我们发现 |
| 41 | each other together, and this creates an imbalance, the other person unconsciously settles into the | 这造成了一种不平衡 另一人无意识地定居在 |
| 42 | role of the responder, instead of participant, which means they stop feeling responsible for | 反应者的角色,而不是参与者,这意味着他们不再感到对 |
| 43 | keeping the conversation alive, and this is the mistake I kept making for years, I thought, | 保持对话的活力 这是我多年来一直犯的错误 我想 |
| 44 | if I'm interested enough in them, they will naturally become interested in me, that sounds | 如果我对他们足够感兴趣 他们自然会对我感兴趣 听起来 |
| 45 | logical, right? | 合乎逻辑,对吧? |
| 46 | But human conversations don't work like that, curiosity is emotional, not | 但人类的谈话不是这样的,好奇心是情感的,不是 |
| 47 | mathematical, and in a minute I'll show you the exact shift that changes this dynamic almost | 数学,一分钟后我会告诉你 改变这个动态的确切变化 |
| 48 | instantly, but first, there's another reason people don't ask questions back, that almost | 立刻,但首先, 还有一个原因 人们不问回问题, |
| 49 | nobody talks about, and once you see it, you will notice it everywhere, here's something I realized | 没有人谈论, 一旦你看到它, 你会注意到它 到处,这是我发现的东西 |
| 50 | after hundreds of awkward conversations, a shocking number of people are terrible at conversations, | 经过几百次尴尬的交谈 令人震惊的很多人在交谈中都很可怕 |
| 51 | not because they are bad people, not because they don't like you, they are just inside their own | 不是因为他们是坏人 不是因为他们不喜欢你 而是他们自己人 |
| 52 | thinking, do I sound weird, what should I say next, am I awkward, did that joke land, meanwhile | 想想,我听起来奇怪吗? 接下来我该说什么? 尴尬吗? |
| 53 | you are interpreting their lack of questions as a rejection, when sometimes their brain is | 你将他们缺乏疑问解释为拒绝 有时他们的大脑是 |
| 54 | basically buffering, I remember talking to this guy at the party once, I carried the conversation | 基本上,缓冲, 我记得在派对上和这家伙谈过一次, 我背着谈话 |
| 55 | for like 15 minutes, no questions back, low energy, short answers, I assumed, okay, this guy clearly | 15分钟,没有问题回, 低能量,短答, 我想,好吧,这家伙显然 |
| 56 | doesn't want to talk, then later that night, one of my friends told me, oh yeah, he said you seemed | 不想说话,然后当晚晚些时候, 我的朋友告诉我,哦,是的,他说你看起来 |
| 57 | really cool, but he gets nervous meeting new people, that completely changed how I saw social | 很酷,但他紧张 遇到新人, 这完全改变了我的看法 社交 |
| 58 | interactions, because people can't be interested without being socially smooth, and this matters, | 互动,因为人们不能感兴趣 没有社交平滑, 这很重要, |
| 59 | because if you instantly interpret lack of questions as a lack of value, you will start | 因为如果你立即将问题无所问 解释为缺乏价值,你会开始 |
| 60 | becoming anxious, overperforming, and approval seeking in conversations, which actually makes | 变得焦虑,表现过度, 在谈话中寻求认可, 这实际上使得 |
| 61 | people less curious about you, and this leads to the biggest shift of all, here's the ironic truth, | 人们对你不那么好奇, 这导致了最大的转变, 这是讽刺的真理, |
| 62 | the more desperately you try to keep conversations alive, the less room the other person has to step | 你越是拼命地想让对话保持活力 对方的空间就越少 |
| 63 | because you are unconsciously doing all the work for them, think about it, if someone immediately | 因为你在无意识地为他们做所有的工作, 想想,如果有人马上 |
| 64 | feels every silence, asks every question, manages every transition, you never feel the need to | 感受每一个沉默,问每个问题, 管理每一个过渡, 你从来不觉得需要 |
| 65 | contribute, but confident conversationalists do something differently, they leave space, | 但自信的对话家会做不同的事情 他们留下空间 |
| 66 | instead of, what do you do, oh cool, how long, oh nice, what's that like, oh interesting, | 而不是,你做什么,哦酷, 多久,哦好,是什么样子,哦有趣, |
| 67 | where do you study, they might say, oh wow, that reminds me of when I tried doing something | 你在哪里学习,他们会说,哦,哇, 这让我想起 当我尝试做一些事情 |
| 68 | two weeks and completely failed, now the conversation has texture, now there is something | 两周后完全失败 现在谈话有纹理 现在有东西 |
| 69 | to respond to, and here's the key, people ask questions when they become emotionally curious, | 回答,这里的关键, 人们问问题 当他们变得情绪好奇, |
| 70 | not when they are simply given opportunities, that distinction changes everything, because if | 而不是简单地给他们机会,这种区分会改变一切,因为如果 |
| 71 | you only provide questions, you become the interviewer, but if you provide stories, opinions, | 你只提供问题, 你成为采访者, 但如果你提供故事,意见, |
| 72 | reactions, humor, vulnerability, you become a person they want to discover, and this was the | 反应,幽默,脆弱, 你成为一个人 他们想发现,这就是 |
| 73 | detail about their life, start trying to be easy to connect with, that's when people started asking | 详细介绍他们的生活, 开始尝试 容易连接, |
| 74 | me things naturally, but there's still one final piece, because sometimes people genuinely don't | 我自然而然,但还有最后的一段 因为有时候人们真的不会 |
| 75 | ask questions back, and you need to stop taking that personally too, this part is important, | 问回问题,你需要停止 个人采取,这一点很重要, |
| 76 | not every conversation is meant to flow, some people are distracted, some are exhausted, | 并不是每一次谈话都是要流畅的,有些人分心了,有些人筋疲力尽了, |
| 77 | some are self-absorbed, some just aren't socially aware, and sometimes you're simply not compatible | 有些是自负的,有些是社会意识不足 有时你根本就是不相容 |
| 78 | conversationally, that's normal, but socially anxious people often turn one flat interaction | 对话中,这是正常的, 但社会焦虑的人 往往会改变一个平坦的互动。 |
| 79 | into a global statement about themselves, one person doesn't ask questions back, and suddenly | 一个人不问回问题 突然 |
| 80 | it becomes, I'm boring, I suck socially, nobody likes me, that's way too much meaning attached to | 它变得,我无聊,我吸 社交,没有人喜欢我, 这是太多的意义 依附于 |
| 81 | one interaction, socially skilled people don't panic over weak conversations, they sample broadly, | 一个互动, 社交技能的人 不惊慌对薄弱的谈话, 他们抽样广泛, |
| 82 | they move on quickly, they understand chemistry matters, and honestly, one of the biggest signs | 他们快速前进, 他们理解化学的重要性, 说实话,最大的征兆之一 |
| 83 | of social confidence is no longer needing every interaction to validate your worth, | 社会信心不再需要 每一个互动来验证你的价值, |
| 84 | because the moment you stop performing for approval, you become dramatically easier to | 因为一旦你停止演出 批准, 你变得非常容易 |
| 85 | talk to, and weirdly enough, that's often when people finally start getting curious about you, | 说话, 很奇怪的是, 经常, 当人们终于开始 好奇你, |
| 86 | so if people don't ask you questions back, don't immediately assume you're the problem, | 所以,如果人们不问你回问题, 不要立刻假设你是问题, |
| 87 | sometimes they're nervous, sometimes there just wasn't chemistry, but the biggest takeaway is this, | 有时他们很紧张 有时不是化学的 但最大的外卖就是这个 |
| 88 | people become curious about people who reveal something emotionally interesting to connect | 人们开始好奇谁 揭示了什么 情感有趣的连接 |
| 89 | with, not people who flawlessly conduct interviews, so next time you're talking to someone, | 而不是那些无懈可击的人进行面试 所以下次你和某人谈话时 |
| 90 | don't focus only on asking better questions, focus on becoming more shareable, more expressive, | 不要只关注问更好的问题, 专注于更共享, 更表现, |
| 91 | more playful, more real, that's what creates connection, subscribe if you find this helpful, | 更有趣,更真实, 这就是产生连接, 订阅 如果你发现这个帮助, |
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