分手未必让你一蹶不振【TED演讲】
共 3 集
剧集目录
| 集 | 标题 | 时长 |
|---|---|---|
| P1 | 分手未必让你一蹶不振【TED演讲】 中英双语 | 11:22 |
| P2 | 分手未必让你一蹶不振【TED演讲】 英文字幕(中文外挂) | 11:22 |
| P3 | 分手未必让你一蹶不振【TED演讲】 无字幕(中英外挂） | 11:22 |
P1 · 分手未必让你一蹶不振【TED演讲】 p01 中英双语 (P1)
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:01 | So we need to talk | 所以我们需要谈谈 |
| 0:03 | Hearing those four simple words from your relationship partner | 听那四个简单的字 从你的伴侣 |
| 0:07 | Never feels good your heart sinks | 永远感觉不好 你的心脏沉没 |
| 0:10 | Palpitates your stomach flutters your palms get sweaty because it's never we need to talk about what a great relationship we have | 肠胃消化 手掌发汗 因为我们不需要谈论 我们的关系 |
| 0:18 | How we're best friends and how we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together. | 如何是好朋友,如何共度余生. |
| 0:21 | It's never that it's always | 永远不是 |
| 0:23 | We need to talk about the beginning of the end and whether your relationship is awful good or great | 我们需要谈谈结局的开始 以及你们的关系是好还是好 |
| 0:30 | We don't like endings we don't like to lose things and especially we don't like to lose things that are important to us and make no | 我们不喜欢结局 我们不喜欢失去东西 特别是我们不喜欢失去对我们很重要的东西 |
| 0:37 | mistake | 错误 |
| 0:38 | Relationships are the single most important thing to you in your life. | 关系是你一生中最重要的事情 |
展开字幕全文（180 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | So we need to talk | 所以我们需要谈谈 |
| 2 | Hearing those four simple words from your relationship partner | 听那四个简单的字 从你的伴侣 |
| 3 | Never feels good your heart sinks | 永远感觉不好 你的心脏沉没 |
| 4 | Palpitates your stomach flutters your palms get sweaty because it's never we need to talk about what a great relationship we have | 肠胃消化 手掌发汗 因为我们不需要谈论 我们的关系 |
| 5 | How we're best friends and how we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together. | 如何是好朋友,如何共度余生. |
| 6 | It's never that it's always | 永远不是 |
| 7 | We need to talk about the beginning of the end and whether your relationship is awful good or great | 我们需要谈谈结局的开始 以及你们的关系是好还是好 |
| 8 | We don't like endings we don't like to lose things and especially we don't like to lose things that are important to us and make no | 我们不喜欢结局 我们不喜欢失去东西 特别是我们不喜欢失去对我们很重要的东西 |
| 9 | mistake | 错误 |
| 10 | Relationships are the single most important thing to you in your life. | 关系是你一生中最重要的事情 |
| 11 | It's the source of all of your best memories | 这是你最好的记忆的来源 |
| 12 | It's the source of all of your worst memories | 这是你最糟糕记忆的来源 |
| 13 | When you think back on your life when you're 95 a hundred years old and you look back over the course of your lifetime | 当你回想起你的生活 当你95岁到100岁的时候 你回顾你的一生 |
| 14 | You're not gonna think I wish I owned a better phone. | 你不会认为我希望我拥有一个更好的电话。 |
| 15 | I wish I spent more time on the internet | 我希望我花更多的时间上网 |
| 16 | I wish I spent more time at work or sleeping. | 我希望我有更多的时间在工作或睡觉。 |
| 17 | It's not gonna be any of those kinds of things | 不会是那种东西 |
| 18 | It's going to be I wish I spent more time with the people I love | 我希望能多陪陪我爱的人 |
| 19 | Because our relationships they build us they define us they sustain us and they can break us, too | 因为我们的关系,他们建立了我们 他们定义我们 他们支撑我们,他们可以打破我们,太 |
| 20 | And we know | 我们知道 |
| 21 | Relationship breakup can be tough right the research is pretty clear loneliness depression | 感情破裂会很困难 研究很显然 孤独抑郁症 |
| 22 | Increased crime increased drug use some of my own | 犯罪增加 毒品使用增加 一些我自己 |
| 23 | Research shows that breakup leads you to experience a loss of self | 研究显示分手会导致自我丧失 |
| 24 | So when you lose a relationship part of who you are as a person goes with it | 所以,当你失去 关系的一部分 你作为一个人,去与它 |
| 25 | Because relationships are important and it's bad. | 因为关系很重要,很坏 |
| 26 | Don't get me wrong. | 别误会 |
| 27 | It can be bad, but it's often not as bad as we think | 可能很糟,但往往没有我们想象的那么糟 |
| 28 | Researchers at Carnegie Mellon and Northwestern asked people who are currently in happy relationships | 卡内基梅隆和西北的研究人员 问着现在关系愉快的人 |
| 29 | To look out into the future to make a prediction | 展望未来,作出预测 |
| 30 | They said, you know if your relationship were to end | 他们说,如果你的关系要结束 |
| 31 | How bad would you feel about it? | 你会觉得有多糟? |
| 32 | And then those researchers do it researchers do as they waited and they waited for those people those happy happy relationships | 然后这些研究者做了研究者做 他们等待,他们等待那些人 那些快乐的感情 |
| 33 | They waited for those people to break up | 他们等那些人分手 |
| 34 | Because only then could we actually see or could they actually see | 因为只有这样我们才能真正看到 或者他们才能真正看到 |
| 35 | How bad was it right? | 情况有多糟? |
| 36 | And so they waited for them to break up | 于是他们等待他们分手 |
| 37 | They said so how bad how bad is it now that you broke up and they compared what the predictions were | 他们说现在你分手了 情况有多糟糕 他们比较了预测结果 |
| 38 | To their actual breakup experience and what they found was people were wrong. | 在他们真正的分手经历中,他们发现的人是错误的。 |
| 39 | We they were wrong | 我们他们错了 |
| 40 | Their breakup simply wasn't as awful and devastating as they thought | 他们的分手没有想象的那么可怕和毁灭性 |
| 41 | So I'm curious by a show of hands. | 所以我好奇的是举手。 |
| 42 | How many people here have experienced a breakup or divorce? | 这里有多少人经历了分手或离婚? |
| 43 | Show of hands. | 举手曰. |
| 44 | I please keep your hands up if you survived that experience | 如果你能活下来,请举起手来 |
| 45 | Perfect. | 不错 |
| 46 | Good. | 不错 |
| 47 | I'm glad you're here. | 我很高兴你在这里。 |
| 48 | Now, please keep your hand up | 现在,请保持你的手 |
| 49 | Still if you learn something about yourself or about having better relationships by going through a breakup or a divorce | 还是要通过分手或离婚 了解自己或有更好的关系 |
| 50 | right | 对 |
| 51 | Perfect, right. | 完美,没错。 |
| 52 | It says well Ralph Waldo Emerson said our greatest glory is not never failing but in rising up every time we fail | 说得好 拉尔夫·瓦尔多·爱默生说 我们最伟大的荣耀不是永远的失败 而是每次失败时崛起 |
| 53 | No one emerges from their dating life unscathed | 没有人能从他们的约会生活中脱颖而出 |
| 54 | breakups happen | 分手发生 |
| 55 | Relationships fail and when they fail it hurts because you start you're a happy vibrant person | 感情失败了,当他们失败了... ...就因为你开始的时候... |
| 56 | Very much in love things are going perfectly you break up and you're alone. | 在爱情中很多事情会完美无缺 你分手了,你独自一人 |
| 57 | You're sad you're disappointed | 你很伤心,很失望 |
| 58 | Things hurt you're heartbroken | 伤到你心碎了 |
| 59 | Right, you're confused. | 对,你很困惑 |
| 60 | This is not a good we've all been there. | 这不是一个好 我们都去过那里。 |
| 61 | It's awful. | 这是可怕的。 |
| 62 | We've been there. | 我们去过那里。 |
| 63 | We saw we've been there | 我们看见我们去过那里 |
| 64 | No one likes being there, but life | 没有人喜欢在那里,但生活 |
| 65 | Thankfully happens on a continuum. | 幸好是连续发生的 |
| 66 | There's good things and there's bad things. | 有善有恶. |
| 67 | All right, so it goes the other way too | 好吧,所以它去的另一条路 |
| 68 | Sometimes your relationship really isn't perfect | 有时候你的关系真的不完美 |
| 69 | Right, it could be improved. | 对,可以改进 |
| 70 | So sometimes breaking up in a relationship. | 所以有时在一段关系中分手. |
| 71 | That's not that great. | 没那么好 |
| 72 | It's like being paroled | 就像被假释一样 |
| 73 | Right, you're free now. | 对,你自由了 |
| 74 | You don't have this other person | 你没有另一个人 |
| 75 | To weigh you down with negativity | 以消极态度来压低你 |
| 76 | nagging | 唠叨 |
| 77 | Asking you to change how you look or how you act | 让你改变你的样子或行为 |
| 78 | Right. | 对 |
| 79 | Sometimes it's a pretty good experience, right this experience getting out of that relationship | 有时候这是相当不错的经验,对吗 这个经验摆脱了这种关系 |
| 80 | Restores your heart | 恢复你的心脏 |
| 81 | You're back to be the person that you you know, you can be | 你回来成为你认识的人,你可以 |
| 82 | Some breakups I would argue are worthy of celebration. | 我觉得有些分手是值得庆祝的 |
| 83 | I | 一、导 言 |
| 84 | Don't know if you've had any of these kinds of breakups, but I have and they're glorious | 不知道你有没有分手过 但我有 而且很光荣 |
| 85 | It's really fantastic | 这真是太棒了 |
| 86 | But I acknowledge that I mean that sounds you know, I'm talking about break up | 但我承认我的意思是 听起来你知道,我是说分手 |
| 87 | Which is typically sad and it sounds a little counterintuitive to say that it can be such a good experience | 这通常很悲哀 听起来有点反常 可以说这可能是个很好的经验 |
| 88 | So and but I know I've had it but it's also entirely possible that I'm weird | 所以,但我知道我已经得到了它, 但也完全有可能 我很奇怪 |
| 89 | Maybe look at my stick figures | 看看我的棍子图 |
| 90 | Right, so it's possible that I'm weird | 对,所以我可能很怪 |
| 91 | So the scientists in me said, you know, let's go out and look let's go see if people | 所以,我的科学家说,你知道, 让我们出去看看,让我们去看看是否人 |
| 92 | When they break up does anybody else is it just me that feels happy about it sometimes or is it true of other people too | 当他们分手时,其他人... ...只是我... ...有时感到快乐... |
| 93 | So I use the science | 所以我用科学 |
| 94 | my training and research to see if | 我的训练与研究 看看是否 |
| 95 | Breakups could be a good thing for other people and so as all good research does mine started with a very simple question overall | 分手对其他人来说是件好事 所以所有好的研究都从一个简单的问题开始 |
| 96 | How does your breakup influence who you are? | 你的分手影响你是谁? |
| 97 | How did it impact you right and what I did doesn't just ask anybody I asked people who are likely to be especially sad | 如何影响你的权利 我所做的 不只是问任何人 我问的人 谁可能特别伤心 |
| 98 | Right I asked people had recently broken up in the last three months broken up a long-term relationship | 对,我问人们最近 分手 在过去三个月 打破了长期的关系 |
| 99 | They've been in this relationship for a couple of years and they hadn't found a new relationship partner yet | 两人交往了几年 还没找到新的伴侣 |
| 100 | So if anybody was going to be sad about their breakup experience, it was this group | 所以如果有人要为他们的分手经历而难过,那就是这个团体。 |
| 101 | Right and what I found | 对,还有我找到的 |
| 102 | Was some people were sad they characterized their breakup as negative but it was one out of three people, right? | 有人伤心地说分手是负面的, 但这是三分之一的人,对不对? |
| 103 | Which sounds like a lot. | 这听起来像很多。 |
| 104 | I don't know if that's what you expected, but it means that two out of three people | 我不知道这是不是你想的那样, 但这意味着三分之二的人 |
| 105 | Didn't consider it negative in fact one out of four said it was neutral a little bit of both | 四分之一的人说 两者都是中立的 |
| 106 | Right as many emotional experiences are it's a little bit of both | 感情经验也差不多 两者都有一点 |
| 107 | 41% most people characterized their breakup as positive and remember this was supposed to be an especially sad group | 41%的人说分手是阳性的 记得这应该是个特别伤心的群体 |
| 108 | All right, so 41% are saying you know what that experience overall right saying overall not saying it had zero negative | 好吧,所以41%的人说 你知道什么经验 总体正确 说整体上,没有说它是零负数 |
| 109 | They're saying overall it was a positive experience | 他们说,总的来说这是一个积极的体验 |
| 110 | So what research is about is why why are those people feeling that way and in relationships | 因此,研究是为什么那些人 觉得这样和在关系中 |
| 111 | There's a lot of things that factor in to what makes a relationship good | 关系好的原因有很多因素 |
| 112 | But one of the things I focus on in my research is the self because who you are as a person touches every aspect of your life | 但我在研究中关注的一件事 就是自我 因为你作为一个人 |
| 113 | Including your relationships in particular. | 特别包括你们的关系 |
| 114 | I focus on self-expansion | 我专注于自我扩张 |
| 115 | This is the experience of a relationship that helps build who you are as a person | 这是关系的经验 帮助建设 你作为一个人 |
| 116 | It helps you grow it helps add to your sense of self being in this relationship makes you a better person | 帮助你成长 帮助你增强自我意识 让你成为更好的人 |
| 117 | These are the good ones. | 这些是好的。 |
| 118 | These are the ones you want, but it's a continuum right it goes the other way, too | 这些是你想要的,但它是一个连续体 右它走另一条路,太 |
| 119 | Sometimes your relationship is impoverished it lacks self-expansion your partner is not building up. | 有时候你的关系很穷 缺乏自我扩张 你的伴侣没有建立起来 |
| 120 | They're they're holding you back in fact | 他们实际上在牵制你 |
| 121 | These ones are stagnant | 这些是停滞的 |
| 122 | stale those relationships like when you're stuck in a rut your partner is not helping you grow if | 停止这些关系 就像当你被困在 rut 你的伴侣是不会帮助你成长,如果 |
| 123 | Anything they're preventing you from being the person that you can be and so I thought if you get out of one of those | 任何他们阻止你成为你能够成为的人 所以我想如果你摆脱其中之一 |
| 124 | impoverished relationships | 贫困关系 |
| 125 | It's literally going to be addition by subtraction right this relationship is holding you back by getting out of this | 从字面上说,它会通过减法增加 右 这种关系是拖住你 通过摆脱这个 |
| 126 | I'm going to now thrive as an individual | 我现在要作为一个个体繁荣起来 |
| 127 | And this is exactly what we found of people in breakup people had gotten out of a low self-expanding impoverished relationship | 而这正是我们发现的人 在分手 人们摆脱了 低自我扩张的贫困关系 |
| 128 | They reported a full range of positive emotions. | 他们报告了一系列积极的情绪。 |
| 129 | They're relieved. | 他们放心了 |
| 130 | They're calm. | 他们很冷静 |
| 131 | They're energized confident strong happy. | 他们充满了自信的快乐 |
| 132 | They're doing wonderfully | 他们做的很好 |
| 133 | Right it's like their world opened up things are getting clear for them. | 对,就像他们的世界打开了 事情为他们变得清晰。 |
| 134 | They're experiencing less loss of self | 他们没有失去自我 |
| 135 | They're experiencing more personal growth and importantly. | 他们正在经历 更多的个人成长 和重要的。 |
| 136 | They're experiencing more what I call | 他们正在经历我所说的更多 |
| 137 | rediscovery of the self which is | 自我的重新发现 |
| 138 | Recapturing those things that you may have sacrificed or diminished while you were in a relationship | 重拾那些你可能牺牲或减少的东西 当你在一个关系 |
| 139 | So these people are doing better | 所以,这些人做的更好 |
| 140 | Because they got out of a relationship so when your relationship doesn't help you become a better person | 因为他们脱离了恋情 所以当你的恋情不能帮助你成为一个更好的人 |
| 141 | ending it does | 结束了 |
| 142 | Which is important to realize because it's again a little counterintuitive | 这很重要 因为它又有点反感 |
| 143 | But what if you're not inherently strong? | 但如果你本性不强呢? |
| 144 | What if you don't have the luxury of getting out of such an impoverished relationship? | 如果你没有奢侈 摆脱这种贫穷的关系呢? |
| 145 | And so I wanted to take those findings and think how can I help people who have experienced a breakup or divorce? | 所以我想接受这些发现 想想我怎样才能帮助经历过分手或离婚的人? |
| 146 | Accelerate their coping how can I help them get better and so looking back at the previous day looked at rediscovery of the self and that | 加速他们的应对,我怎样才能帮助他们 变得更好,所以回顾 前一天 看着自我的重新发现, |
| 147 | Looked really good right so I'm going to focus on that and I'm going to take people who have recently broken up | 看上去不错 所以我要集中精神 带那些最近分手的人 |
| 148 | I'm going to bring them into my lab. | 我要把他们带进实验室 |
| 149 | I'm going to randomly assign them one of two groups | 我要随机分配两个小组中的一个 |
| 150 | They're going to go out in the world do activities for two weeks | 他们要出去活动两周 |
| 151 | They're either going to do rediscovery of self activities, or they're going to do routine activities | 他们要么重新发现自我活动 要么进行例行活动 |
| 152 | There's rediscovery of the self things are things that their previous relationship prevented them from doing so if you like going to the beach | 自我的发现是 他们以前的关系阻止他们这样做 如果你喜欢去海滩 |
| 153 | And your partner didn't going to the beach now is a rediscovery of self activity | 你的搭档现在没去海滩 是自我活动的新发现 |
| 154 | Okay, routine activities are those things that you already like doing | 好吧,例行活动是那些你已经喜欢做的事 |
| 155 | Hang out with your friends could be going to the gym going to the movies whatever it happens to be now importantly both of these | 跟你朋友一起玩 可能去健身房 去看电影 不管现在发生什么 |
| 156 | Should help rediscovery because it helps you regain some of that those aspects of yourself that you lost | 应该帮助重新发现,因为它 帮助你恢复一些 你失去的方面自己 |
| 157 | Routine because it helps prevent you from sitting at home alone eating pints of ice cream and binge-watching television | 例行公事,因为这样可以阻止你独自在家 吃点冰激凌和看电视 |
| 158 | Right it's forcing you to sort of go out in the world and get better | 对,这迫使你到外面去,好起来 |
| 159 | And as I expected the rediscovery of the cells to those people it was like the dawn of a new day | 正如我所预想的 细胞重新发现 给这些人 就像是新一天的黎明 |
| 160 | They had less loss of self less negative emotions all less of lots of | 他们失去的自我更少 消极的情感更少 |
| 161 | Loneliness things like that also an increase of positive emotions the same ones you saw before but also increased overall well-being | 孤独之类的事 也增加了积极情绪 和你之前看到的一样 但也增加了整体的幸福 |
| 162 | Purpose in life and self-acceptance they were doing much much better simply because of the types of activities that they chose to do over two weeks | 仅仅由于他们选择在两周内从事的活动类型,他们的生活目的和自我接受就大有改善。 |
| 163 | So refocusing on yourself and rediscovering who you are accelerates coping alright, so that's very helpful | 所以重新关注自己 重新发现你是谁 就能加速应对好 |
| 164 | This is all part of a broader message relationships are important time is short mistakes are costly | 这都是更广泛的信息关系的一部分 时间很重要 短暂的错误是昂贵的 |
| 165 | Relationships should be the best part of your life | 关系应该是你生命中最好的部分 |
| 166 | Hopefully you have found one that builds you and sustains you and hopefully you have that but if you don't you have to ask yourself | 但愿你能找到一个能造就你 养活你 |
| 167 | What is one hour one day one week one month one lifetime of your happiness worth? | 一个小时一天一周 一个月的幸福值多少钱? |
| 168 | Because great relationships seldom fail | 因为伟大的关系很少失败 |
| 169 | Bad ones do as they should and when they do when those relationships fail they they end because the relationships are broken | 坏人做他们应该做的, 当他们这样做,当他们 关系失败,他们结束 他们因为关系破裂 |
| 170 | But it doesn't mean you have to be broken forever in fact Japanese have a word have an art form kintsugi | 但这并不表示你必须永远被打破 事实上,日本人有一个字 有艺术形式kintsugi |
| 171 | Which is this art form you take broken pottery? | 你拿破陶器的艺术形式是什么? |
| 172 | And you repair it using precious metals like gold platinum and silver and you use that to make the pot more beautiful | 你用金白金和银子等贵重金属修理它 用它使锅更漂亮 |
| 173 | And it's beautiful. | 则气盛. |
| 174 | It's stunning really it's not just an art form | 这真是令人惊叹 不仅仅是艺术形式 |
| 175 | It's also a philosophy which treats treats damage and it's repair as an opportunity | 也是一种把损害当作机会的哲学 |
| 176 | Something to take advantage of not to conceal | 利用不隐瞒的优势 |
| 177 | This is exactly what can happen in your relationship | 这就是你们感情中可能发生的 |
| 178 | Sure your relationship might leave you with a few cracks, but those cracks those imperfections those are sources of strength and beauty | 当然,你的关系可能会给你留下一些裂缝, 但那些裂缝 这些不完美是力量和美的源泉 |
| 179 | Because breakups don't have to leave you broken because you're stronger than you know. | 因为分手不一定要离开你 打破是因为你比你知道的强壮。 |
| 180 | Thank you | 谢谢 |
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P2 · 分手未必让你一蹶不振【TED演讲】 p02 英文字幕(中文外挂) (P2)
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:01 | So we need to talk | 所以我们需要谈谈 |
| 0:03 | Hearing those four simple words from your relationship partner | 听那四个简单的字 从你的伴侣 |
| 0:07 | Never feels good your heart sinks | 永远感觉不好 你的心脏沉没 |
| 0:10 | Palpitates your stomach flutters your palms get sweaty because it's never we need to talk about what a great relationship we have | 肠胃消化 手掌发汗 因为我们不需要谈论 我们的关系 |
| 0:18 | How we're best friends and how we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together. | 如何是好朋友,如何共度余生. |
| 0:21 | It's never that it's always | 永远不是 |
| 0:23 | We need to talk about the beginning of the end and whether your relationship is awful good or great | 我们需要谈谈结局的开始 以及你们的关系是好还是好 |
| 0:30 | We don't like endings we don't like to lose things and especially we don't like to lose things that are important to us and make no | 我们不喜欢结局 我们不喜欢失去东西 特别是我们不喜欢失去对我们很重要的东西 |
| 0:37 | mistake | 错误 |
| 0:38 | Relationships are the single most important thing to you in your life. | 关系是你一生中最重要的事情 |
展开字幕全文（181 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | So we need to talk | 所以我们需要谈谈 |
| 2 | Hearing those four simple words from your relationship partner | 听那四个简单的字 从你的伴侣 |
| 3 | Never feels good your heart sinks | 永远感觉不好 你的心脏沉没 |
| 4 | Palpitates your stomach flutters your palms get sweaty because it's never we need to talk about what a great relationship we have | 肠胃消化 手掌发汗 因为我们不需要谈论 我们的关系 |
| 5 | How we're best friends and how we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together. | 如何是好朋友,如何共度余生. |
| 6 | It's never that it's always | 永远不是 |
| 7 | We need to talk about the beginning of the end and whether your relationship is awful good or great | 我们需要谈谈结局的开始 以及你们的关系是好还是好 |
| 8 | We don't like endings we don't like to lose things and especially we don't like to lose things that are important to us and make no | 我们不喜欢结局 我们不喜欢失去东西 特别是我们不喜欢失去对我们很重要的东西 |
| 9 | mistake | 错误 |
| 10 | Relationships are the single most important thing to you in your life. | 关系是你一生中最重要的事情 |
| 11 | It's the source of all of your best memories | 这是你最好的记忆的来源 |
| 12 | It's the source of all of your worst memories | 这是你最糟糕记忆的来源 |
| 13 | When you think back on your life when you're 95 a hundred years old and you look back over the course of your lifetime | 当你回想起你的生活 当你95岁到100岁的时候 你回顾你的一生 |
| 14 | You're not gonna think I wish I owned a better phone. | 你不会认为我希望我拥有一个更好的电话。 |
| 15 | I wish I spent more time on the internet | 我希望我花更多的时间上网 |
| 16 | I wish I spent more time at work or sleeping. | 我希望我有更多的时间在工作或睡觉。 |
| 17 | It's not gonna be any of those kinds of things | 不会是那种东西 |
| 18 | It's going to be I wish I spent more time with the people I love | 我希望能多陪陪我爱的人 |
| 19 | Because our relationships they build us they define us they sustain us and they can break us, too | 因为我们的关系,他们建立了我们 他们定义我们 他们支撑我们,他们可以打破我们,太 |
| 20 | And we know | 我们知道 |
| 21 | Relationship breakup can be tough right the research is pretty clear loneliness depression | 感情破裂会很困难 研究很显然 孤独抑郁症 |
| 22 | Increased crime increased drug use some of my own | 犯罪增加 毒品使用增加 一些我自己 |
| 23 | Research shows that breakup leads you to experience a loss of self | 研究显示分手会导致自我丧失 |
| 24 | So when you lose a relationship part of who you are as a person goes with it | 所以,当你失去 关系的一部分 你作为一个人,去与它 |
| 25 | Because relationships are important and it's bad. | 因为关系很重要,很坏 |
| 26 | Don't get me wrong. | 别误会 |
| 27 | It can be bad, but it's often not as bad as we think | 可能很糟,但往往没有我们想象的那么糟 |
| 28 | Researchers at Carnegie Mellon and Northwestern asked people who are currently in happy relationships | 卡内基梅隆和西北的研究人员 问着现在关系愉快的人 |
| 29 | To look out into the future to make a prediction | 展望未来,作出预测 |
| 30 | They said, you know if your relationship were to end | 他们说,如果你的关系要结束 |
| 31 | How bad would you feel about it? | 你会觉得有多糟? |
| 32 | And then those researchers do it researchers do as they waited and they waited for those people those happy happy relationships | 然后这些研究者做了研究者做 他们等待,他们等待那些人 那些快乐的感情 |
| 33 | They waited for those people to break up | 他们等那些人分手 |
| 34 | Because only then could we actually see or could they actually see | 因为只有这样我们才能真正看到 或者他们才能真正看到 |
| 35 | How bad was it right? | 情况有多糟? |
| 36 | And so they waited for them to break up | 于是他们等待他们分手 |
| 37 | They said so how bad how bad is it now that you broke up and they compared what the predictions were | 他们说现在你分手了 情况有多糟糕 他们比较了预测结果 |
| 38 | To their actual breakup experience and what they found was people were wrong. | 在他们真正的分手经历中,他们发现的人是错误的。 |
| 39 | We they were wrong | 我们他们错了 |
| 40 | Their breakup simply wasn't as awful and devastating as they thought | 他们的分手没有想象的那么可怕和毁灭性 |
| 41 | So I'm curious by a show of hands. | 所以我好奇的是举手。 |
| 42 | How many people here have experienced a breakup or divorce? | 这里有多少人经历了分手或离婚? |
| 43 | Show of hands. | 举手曰. |
| 44 | I please keep your hands up if you survived that experience | 如果你能活下来,请举起手来 |
| 45 | Perfect. | 不错 |
| 46 | Good. | 不错 |
| 47 | I'm glad you're here. | 我很高兴你在这里。 |
| 48 | Now, please keep your hand up | 现在,请保持你的手 |
| 49 | Still if you learn something about yourself or about having better relationships by going through a breakup or a divorce | 还是要通过分手或离婚 了解自己或有更好的关系 |
| 50 | right | 对 |
| 51 | Perfect, right. | 完美,没错。 |
| 52 | It says well Ralph Waldo Emerson said our greatest glory is not never failing but in rising up every time we fail | 说得好 拉尔夫·瓦尔多·爱默生说 我们最伟大的荣耀不是永远的失败 而是每次失败时崛起 |
| 53 | No one emerges from their dating life unscathed | 没有人能从他们的约会生活中脱颖而出 |
| 54 | breakups happen | 分手发生 |
| 55 | Relationships fail and when they fail it hurts because you start you're a happy vibrant person | 感情失败了,当他们失败了... ...就因为你开始的时候... |
| 56 | Very much in love things are going perfectly you break up and you're alone. | 在爱情中很多事情会完美无缺 你分手了,你独自一人 |
| 57 | You're sad you're disappointed | 你很伤心,很失望 |
| 58 | Things hurt you're heartbroken | 伤到你心碎了 |
| 59 | Right, you're confused. | 对,你很困惑 |
| 60 | This is not a good we've all been there. | 这不是一个好 我们都去过那里。 |
| 61 | It's awful. | 这是可怕的。 |
| 62 | We've been there. | 我们去过那里。 |
| 63 | We saw we've been there | 我们看见我们去过那里 |
| 64 | No one likes being there, but life | 没有人喜欢在那里,但生活 |
| 65 | Thankfully happens on a continuum. | 幸好是连续发生的 |
| 66 | There's good things and there's bad things. | 有善有恶. |
| 67 | All right, so it goes the other way too | 好吧,所以它去的另一条路 |
| 68 | Sometimes your relationship really isn't perfect | 有时候你的关系真的不完美 |
| 69 | Right, it could be improved. | 对,可以改进 |
| 70 | So sometimes breaking up in a relationship. | 所以有时在一段关系中分手. |
| 71 | That's not that great. | 没那么好 |
| 72 | It's like being paroled | 就像被假释一样 |
| 73 | Right, you're free now. | 对,你自由了 |
| 74 | You don't have this other person | 你没有另一个人 |
| 75 | To weigh you down with negativity | 以消极态度来压低你 |
| 76 | nagging | 唠叨 |
| 77 | Asking you to change how you look or how you act | 让你改变你的样子或行为 |
| 78 | Right. | 对 |
| 79 | Sometimes it's a pretty good experience, right this experience getting out of that relationship | 有时候这是相当不错的经验,对吗 这个经验摆脱了这种关系 |
| 80 | Restores your heart | 恢复你的心脏 |
| 81 | You're back to be the person that you you know, you can be | 你回来成为你认识的人,你可以 |
| 82 | Some breakups I would argue are worthy of celebration. | 我觉得有些分手是值得庆祝的 |
| 83 | I | 一、导 言 |
| 84 | Don't know if you've had any of these kinds of breakups, but I have and they're glorious | 不知道你有没有分手过 但我有 而且很光荣 |
| 85 | It's really fantastic | 这真是太棒了 |
| 86 | But I acknowledge that I mean that sounds you know, I'm talking about break up | 但我承认我的意思是 听起来你知道,我是说分手 |
| 87 | Which is typically sad and it sounds a little counterintuitive to say that it can be such a good experience | 这通常很悲哀 听起来有点反常 可以说这可能是个很好的经验 |
| 88 | So and but I know I've had it but it's also entirely possible that I'm weird | 所以,但我知道我已经得到了它, 但也完全有可能 我很奇怪 |
| 89 | Maybe look at my stick figures | 看看我的棍子图 |
| 90 | Right, so it's possible that I'm weird | 对,所以我可能很怪 |
| 91 | So the scientists in me said, you know, let's go out and look let's go see if people | 所以,我的科学家说,你知道, 让我们出去看看,让我们去看看是否人 |
| 92 | When they break up does anybody else is it just me that feels happy about it sometimes or is it true of other people too | 当他们分手时,其他人... ...只是我... ...有时感到快乐... |
| 93 | So I use the science | 所以我用科学 |
| 94 | my training and research to see if | 我的训练与研究 看看是否 |
| 95 | Breakups could be a good thing for other people and so as all good research does mine started with a very simple question overall | 分手对其他人来说是件好事 所以所有好的研究都从一个简单的问题开始 |
| 96 | How does your breakup influence who you are? | 你的分手影响你是谁? |
| 97 | How did it impact you right and what I did doesn't just ask anybody I asked people who are likely to be especially sad | 如何影响你的权利 我所做的 不只是问任何人 我问的人 谁可能特别伤心 |
| 98 | Right I asked people had recently broken up in the last three months broken up a long-term relationship | 对,我问人们最近 分手 在过去三个月 打破了长期的关系 |
| 99 | They've been in this relationship for a couple of years and they hadn't found a new relationship partner yet | 两人交往了几年 还没找到新的伴侣 |
| 100 | So if anybody was going to be sad about their breakup experience, it was this group | 所以如果有人要为他们的分手经历而难过,那就是这个团体。 |
| 101 | Right and what I found | 对,还有我找到的 |
| 102 | Was some people were sad they characterized their breakup as negative but it was one out of three people, right? | 有人伤心地说分手是负面的, 但这是三分之一的人,对不对? |
| 103 | Which sounds like a lot. | 这听起来像很多。 |
| 104 | I don't know if that's what you expected, but it means that two out of three people | 我不知道这是不是你想的那样, 但这意味着三分之二的人 |
| 105 | Didn't consider it negative in fact one out of four said it was neutral a little bit of both | 四分之一的人说 两者都是中立的 |
| 106 | Right as many emotional experiences are it's a little bit of both | 感情经验也差不多 两者都有一点 |
| 107 | 41% most people characterized their breakup as positive and remember this was supposed to be an especially sad group | 41%的人说分手是阳性的 记得这应该是个特别伤心的群体 |
| 108 | All right, so 41% are saying you know what that experience overall right saying overall not saying it had zero negative | 好吧,所以41%的人说 你知道什么经验 总体正确 说整体上,没有说它是零负数 |
| 109 | They're saying overall it was a positive experience | 他们说,总的来说这是一个积极的体验 |
| 110 | So what research is about is why why are those people feeling that way and in relationships | 因此,研究是为什么那些人 觉得这样和在关系中 |
| 111 | There's a lot of things that factor in to what makes a relationship good | 关系好的原因有很多因素 |
| 112 | But one of the things I focus on in my research is the self because who you are as a person touches every aspect of your life | 但我在研究中关注的一件事 就是自我 因为你作为一个人 |
| 113 | Including your relationships in particular. | 特别包括你们的关系 |
| 114 | I focus on self-expansion | 我专注于自我扩张 |
| 115 | This is the experience of a relationship that helps build who you are as a person | 这是关系的经验 帮助建设 你作为一个人 |
| 116 | It helps you grow it helps add to your sense of self being in this relationship makes you a better person | 帮助你成长 帮助你增强自我意识 让你成为更好的人 |
| 117 | These are the good ones. | 这些是好的。 |
| 118 | These are the ones you want, but it's a continuum right it goes the other way, too | 这些是你想要的,但它是一个连续体 右它走另一条路,太 |
| 119 | Sometimes your relationship is impoverished it lacks self-expansion your partner is not building up. | 有时候你的关系很穷 缺乏自我扩张 你的伴侣没有建立起来 |
| 120 | They're they're holding you back in fact | 他们实际上在牵制你 |
| 121 | These ones are stagnant | 这些是停滞的 |
| 122 | stale those relationships like when you're stuck in a rut your partner is not helping you grow if | 停止这些关系 就像当你被困在 rut 你的伴侣是不会帮助你成长,如果 |
| 123 | Anything they're preventing you from being the person that you can be and so I thought if you get out of one of those | 任何他们阻止你成为你能够成为的人 所以我想如果你摆脱其中之一 |
| 124 | impoverished relationships | 贫困关系 |
| 125 | It's literally going to be addition by subtraction right this relationship is holding you back by getting out of this | 从字面上说,它会通过减法增加 右 这种关系是拖住你 通过摆脱这个 |
| 126 | I'm going to now thrive as an individual | 我现在要作为一个个体繁荣起来 |
| 127 | And this is exactly what we found of people in breakup people had gotten out of a low self-expanding impoverished relationship | 而这正是我们发现的人 在分手 人们摆脱了 低自我扩张的贫困关系 |
| 128 | They reported a full range of positive emotions. | 他们报告了一系列积极的情绪。 |
| 129 | They're relieved. | 他们放心了 |
| 130 | They're calm. | 他们很冷静 |
| 131 | They're energized confident strong happy. | 他们充满了自信的快乐 |
| 132 | They're doing wonderfully | 他们做的很好 |
| 133 | Right it's like their world opened up things are getting clear for them. | 对,就像他们的世界打开了 事情为他们变得清晰。 |
| 134 | They're experiencing less loss of self | 他们没有失去自我 |
| 135 | They're experiencing more personal growth and importantly. | 他们正在经历 更多的个人成长 和重要的。 |
| 136 | They're experiencing more what I call | 他们正在经历我所说的更多 |
| 137 | rediscovery of the self which is | 自我的重新发现 |
| 138 | Recapturing those things that you may have sacrificed or diminished while you were in a relationship | 重拾那些你可能牺牲或减少的东西 当你在一个关系 |
| 139 | So these people are doing better | 所以,这些人做的更好 |
| 140 | Because they got out of a relationship so when your relationship doesn't help you become a better person | 因为他们脱离了恋情 所以当你的恋情不能帮助你成为一个更好的人 |
| 141 | ending it does | 结束了 |
| 142 | Which is important to realize because it's again a little counterintuitive | 这很重要 因为它又有点反感 |
| 143 | But what if you're not inherently strong? | 但如果你本性不强呢? |
| 144 | What if you don't have the luxury of getting out of such an impoverished relationship? | 如果你没有奢侈 摆脱这种贫穷的关系呢? |
| 145 | And so I wanted to take those findings and think how can I help people who have experienced a breakup or divorce? | 所以我想接受这些发现 想想我怎样才能帮助经历过分手或离婚的人? |
| 146 | Accelerate their coping how can I help them get better and so looking back at the previous day looked at rediscovery of the self and that | 加速他们的应对,我怎样才能帮助他们 变得更好,所以回顾 前一天 看着自我的重新发现, |
| 147 | Looked really good right so I'm going to focus on that and I'm going to take people who have recently broken up | 看上去不错 所以我要集中精神 带那些最近分手的人 |
| 148 | I'm going to bring them into my lab. | 我要把他们带进实验室 |
| 149 | I'm going to randomly assign them one of two groups | 我要随机分配两个小组中的一个 |
| 150 | They're going to go out in the world do activities for two weeks | 他们要出去活动两周 |
| 151 | They're either going to do rediscovery of self activities, or they're going to do routine activities | 他们要么重新发现自我活动 要么进行例行活动 |
| 152 | There's rediscovery of the self things are things that their previous relationship prevented them from doing so if you like going to the beach | 自我的发现是 他们以前的关系阻止他们这样做 如果你喜欢去海滩 |
| 153 | And your partner didn't going to the beach now is a rediscovery of self activity | 你的搭档现在没去海滩 是自我活动的新发现 |
| 154 | Okay, routine activities are those things that you already like doing | 好吧,例行活动是那些你已经喜欢做的事 |
| 155 | Hang out with your friends could be going to the gym going to the movies whatever it happens to be now importantly both of these | 跟你朋友一起玩 可能去健身房 去看电影 不管现在发生什么 |
| 156 | Should help rediscovery because it helps you regain some of that those aspects of yourself that you lost | 应该帮助重新发现,因为它 帮助你恢复一些 你失去的方面自己 |
| 157 | Routine because it helps prevent you from sitting at home alone eating pints of ice cream and binge-watching television | 例行公事,因为这样可以阻止你独自在家 吃点冰激凌和看电视 |
| 158 | Right it's forcing you to sort of go out in the world and get better | 对,这迫使你到外面去,好起来 |
| 159 | And as I expected the rediscovery of the cells to those people it was like the dawn of a new day | 正如我所预想的 细胞重新发现 给这些人 就像是新一天的黎明 |
| 160 | They had less loss of self less negative emotions all less of lots of | 他们失去的自我更少 消极的情感更少 |
| 161 | Loneliness things like that also an increase of positive emotions the same ones you saw before but also increased overall well-being | 孤独之类的事 也增加了积极情绪 和你之前看到的一样 但也增加了整体的幸福 |
| 162 | Purpose in life and self-acceptance they were doing much much better simply because of the types of activities that they chose to do over two weeks | 仅仅由于他们选择在两周内从事的活动类型,他们的生活目的和自我接受就大有改善。 |
| 163 | So refocusing on yourself and rediscovering who you are accelerates coping alright, so that's very helpful | 所以重新关注自己 重新发现你是谁 就能加速应对好 |
| 164 | This is all part of a broader message relationships are important time is short mistakes are costly | 这都是更广泛的信息关系的一部分 时间很重要 短暂的错误是昂贵的 |
| 165 | Relationships should be the best part of your life | 关系应该是你生命中最好的部分 |
| 166 | Hopefully you have found one that builds you and sustains you and hopefully you have that but if you don't you have to ask yourself | 但愿你能找到一个能造就你 养活你 |
| 167 | What is one hour one day one week one month one lifetime of your happiness worth? | 一个小时一天一周 一个月的幸福值多少钱? |
| 168 | Because great relationships seldom fail | 因为伟大的关系很少失败 |
| 169 | Bad ones do as they should and when they do when those relationships fail they they end because the relationships are broken | 坏人做他们应该做的, 当他们这样做,当他们 关系失败,他们结束 他们因为关系破裂 |
| 170 | But it doesn't mean you have to be broken forever in fact Japanese have a word have an art form kintsugi | 但这并不表示你必须永远被打破 事实上,日本人有一个字 有艺术形式kintsugi |
| 171 | Which is this art form you take broken pottery? | 你拿破陶器的艺术形式是什么? |
| 172 | And you repair it using precious metals like gold platinum and silver and you use that to make the pot more beautiful | 你用金白金和银子等贵重金属修理它 用它使锅更漂亮 |
| 173 | And it's beautiful. | 则气盛. |
| 174 | It's stunning really it's not just an art form | 这真是令人惊叹 不仅仅是艺术形式 |
| 175 | It's also a philosophy which treats treats damage and it's repair as an opportunity | 也是一种把损害当作机会的哲学 |
| 176 | Something to take advantage of not to conceal | 利用不隐瞒的优势 |
| 177 | This is exactly what can happen in your relationship | 这就是你们感情中可能发生的 |
| 178 | Sure your relationship might leave you with a few cracks, but those cracks those imperfections those are sources of strength and beauty | 当然,你的关系可能会给你留下一些裂缝, 但那些裂缝 这些不完美是力量和美的源泉 |
| 179 | Because breakups don't have to leave you broken because you're stronger than you know. | 因为分手不一定要离开你 打破是因为你比你知道的强壮。 |
| 180 | Thank you | 谢谢 |
| 181 | you | 老师 |
该视频共有字幕 181 条。解锁更多字幕为会员功能，请移动到 价格
P3 · 分手未必让你一蹶不振【TED演讲】 p03 无字幕(中英外挂） (P3)
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:01 | So we need to talk | 所以我们需要谈谈 |
| 0:03 | Hearing those four simple words from your relationship partner | 听那四个简单的字 从你的伴侣 |
| 0:07 | Never feels good your heart sinks | 永远感觉不好 你的心脏沉没 |
| 0:10 | Palpitates your stomach flutters your palms get sweaty because it's never we need to talk about what a great relationship we have | 肠胃消化 手掌发汗 因为我们不需要谈论 我们的关系 |
| 0:18 | How we're best friends and how we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together. | 如何是好朋友,如何共度余生. |
| 0:21 | It's never that it's always | 永远不是 |
| 0:23 | We need to talk about the beginning of the end and whether your relationship is awful good or great | 我们需要谈谈结局的开始 以及你们的关系是好还是好 |
| 0:30 | We don't like endings we don't like to lose things and especially we don't like to lose things that are important to us and make no | 我们不喜欢结局 我们不喜欢失去东西 特别是我们不喜欢失去对我们很重要的东西 |
| 0:37 | mistake | 错误 |
| 0:38 | Relationships are the single most important thing to you in your life. | 关系是你一生中最重要的事情 |
展开字幕全文（181 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | So we need to talk | 所以我们需要谈谈 |
| 2 | Hearing those four simple words from your relationship partner | 听那四个简单的字 从你的伴侣 |
| 3 | Never feels good your heart sinks | 永远感觉不好 你的心脏沉没 |
| 4 | Palpitates your stomach flutters your palms get sweaty because it's never we need to talk about what a great relationship we have | 肠胃消化 手掌发汗 因为我们不需要谈论 我们的关系 |
| 5 | How we're best friends and how we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together. | 如何是好朋友,如何共度余生. |
| 6 | It's never that it's always | 永远不是 |
| 7 | We need to talk about the beginning of the end and whether your relationship is awful good or great | 我们需要谈谈结局的开始 以及你们的关系是好还是好 |
| 8 | We don't like endings we don't like to lose things and especially we don't like to lose things that are important to us and make no | 我们不喜欢结局 我们不喜欢失去东西 特别是我们不喜欢失去对我们很重要的东西 |
| 9 | mistake | 错误 |
| 10 | Relationships are the single most important thing to you in your life. | 关系是你一生中最重要的事情 |
| 11 | It's the source of all of your best memories | 这是你最好的记忆的来源 |
| 12 | It's the source of all of your worst memories | 这是你最糟糕记忆的来源 |
| 13 | When you think back on your life when you're 95 a hundred years old and you look back over the course of your lifetime | 当你回想起你的生活 当你95岁到100岁的时候 你回顾你的一生 |
| 14 | You're not gonna think I wish I owned a better phone. | 你不会认为我希望我拥有一个更好的电话。 |
| 15 | I wish I spent more time on the internet | 我希望我花更多的时间上网 |
| 16 | I wish I spent more time at work or sleeping. | 我希望我有更多的时间在工作或睡觉。 |
| 17 | It's not gonna be any of those kinds of things | 不会是那种东西 |
| 18 | It's going to be I wish I spent more time with the people I love | 我希望能多陪陪我爱的人 |
| 19 | Because our relationships they build us they define us they sustain us and they can break us, too | 因为我们的关系,他们建立了我们 他们定义我们 他们支撑我们,他们可以打破我们,太 |
| 20 | And we know | 我们知道 |
| 21 | Relationship breakup can be tough right the research is pretty clear loneliness depression | 感情破裂会很困难 研究很显然 孤独抑郁症 |
| 22 | Increased crime increased drug use some of my own | 犯罪增加 毒品使用增加 一些我自己 |
| 23 | Research shows that breakup leads you to experience a loss of self | 研究显示分手会导致自我丧失 |
| 24 | So when you lose a relationship part of who you are as a person goes with it | 所以,当你失去 关系的一部分 你作为一个人,去与它 |
| 25 | Because relationships are important and it's bad. | 因为关系很重要,很坏 |
| 26 | Don't get me wrong. | 别误会 |
| 27 | It can be bad, but it's often not as bad as we think | 可能很糟,但往往没有我们想象的那么糟 |
| 28 | Researchers at Carnegie Mellon and Northwestern asked people who are currently in happy relationships | 卡内基梅隆和西北的研究人员 问着现在关系愉快的人 |
| 29 | To look out into the future to make a prediction | 展望未来,作出预测 |
| 30 | They said, you know if your relationship were to end | 他们说,如果你的关系要结束 |
| 31 | How bad would you feel about it? | 你会觉得有多糟? |
| 32 | And then those researchers do it researchers do as they waited and they waited for those people those happy happy relationships | 然后这些研究者做了研究者做 他们等待,他们等待那些人 那些快乐的感情 |
| 33 | They waited for those people to break up | 他们等那些人分手 |
| 34 | Because only then could we actually see or could they actually see | 因为只有这样我们才能真正看到 或者他们才能真正看到 |
| 35 | How bad was it right? | 情况有多糟? |
| 36 | And so they waited for them to break up | 于是他们等待他们分手 |
| 37 | They said so how bad how bad is it now that you broke up and they compared what the predictions were | 他们说现在你分手了 情况有多糟糕 他们比较了预测结果 |
| 38 | To their actual breakup experience and what they found was people were wrong. | 在他们真正的分手经历中,他们发现的人是错误的。 |
| 39 | We they were wrong | 我们他们错了 |
| 40 | Their breakup simply wasn't as awful and devastating as they thought | 他们的分手没有想象的那么可怕和毁灭性 |
| 41 | So I'm curious by a show of hands. | 所以我好奇的是举手。 |
| 42 | How many people here have experienced a breakup or divorce? | 这里有多少人经历了分手或离婚? |
| 43 | Show of hands. | 举手曰. |
| 44 | I please keep your hands up if you survived that experience | 如果你能活下来,请举起手来 |
| 45 | Perfect. | 不错 |
| 46 | Good. | 不错 |
| 47 | I'm glad you're here. | 我很高兴你在这里。 |
| 48 | Now, please keep your hand up | 现在,请保持你的手 |
| 49 | Still if you learn something about yourself or about having better relationships by going through a breakup or a divorce | 还是要通过分手或离婚 了解自己或有更好的关系 |
| 50 | right | 对 |
| 51 | Perfect, right. | 完美,没错。 |
| 52 | It says well Ralph Waldo Emerson said our greatest glory is not never failing but in rising up every time we fail | 说得好 拉尔夫·瓦尔多·爱默生说 我们最伟大的荣耀不是永远的失败 而是每次失败时崛起 |
| 53 | No one emerges from their dating life unscathed | 没有人能从他们的约会生活中脱颖而出 |
| 54 | breakups happen | 分手发生 |
| 55 | Relationships fail and when they fail it hurts because you start you're a happy vibrant person | 感情失败了,当他们失败了... ...就因为你开始的时候... |
| 56 | Very much in love things are going perfectly you break up and you're alone. | 在爱情中很多事情会完美无缺 你分手了,你独自一人 |
| 57 | You're sad you're disappointed | 你很伤心,很失望 |
| 58 | Things hurt you're heartbroken | 伤到你心碎了 |
| 59 | Right, you're confused. | 对,你很困惑 |
| 60 | This is not a good we've all been there. | 这不是一个好 我们都去过那里。 |
| 61 | It's awful. | 这是可怕的。 |
| 62 | We've been there. | 我们去过那里。 |
| 63 | We saw we've been there | 我们看见我们去过那里 |
| 64 | No one likes being there, but life | 没有人喜欢在那里,但生活 |
| 65 | Thankfully happens on a continuum. | 幸好是连续发生的 |
| 66 | There's good things and there's bad things. | 有善有恶. |
| 67 | All right, so it goes the other way too | 好吧,所以它去的另一条路 |
| 68 | Sometimes your relationship really isn't perfect | 有时候你的关系真的不完美 |
| 69 | Right, it could be improved. | 对,可以改进 |
| 70 | So sometimes breaking up in a relationship. | 所以有时在一段关系中分手. |
| 71 | That's not that great. | 没那么好 |
| 72 | It's like being paroled | 就像被假释一样 |
| 73 | Right, you're free now. | 对,你自由了 |
| 74 | You don't have this other person | 你没有另一个人 |
| 75 | To weigh you down with negativity | 以消极态度来压低你 |
| 76 | nagging | 唠叨 |
| 77 | Asking you to change how you look or how you act | 让你改变你的样子或行为 |
| 78 | Right. | 对 |
| 79 | Sometimes it's a pretty good experience, right this experience getting out of that relationship | 有时候这是相当不错的经验,对吗 这个经验摆脱了这种关系 |
| 80 | Restores your heart | 恢复你的心脏 |
| 81 | You're back to be the person that you you know, you can be | 你回来成为你认识的人,你可以 |
| 82 | Some breakups I would argue are worthy of celebration. | 我觉得有些分手是值得庆祝的 |
| 83 | I | 一、导 言 |
| 84 | Don't know if you've had any of these kinds of breakups, but I have and they're glorious | 不知道你有没有分手过 但我有 而且很光荣 |
| 85 | It's really fantastic | 这真是太棒了 |
| 86 | But I acknowledge that I mean that sounds you know, I'm talking about break up | 但我承认我的意思是 听起来你知道,我是说分手 |
| 87 | Which is typically sad and it sounds a little counterintuitive to say that it can be such a good experience | 这通常很悲哀 听起来有点反常 可以说这可能是个很好的经验 |
| 88 | So and but I know I've had it but it's also entirely possible that I'm weird | 所以,但我知道我已经得到了它, 但也完全有可能 我很奇怪 |
| 89 | Maybe look at my stick figures | 看看我的棍子图 |
| 90 | Right, so it's possible that I'm weird | 对,所以我可能很怪 |
| 91 | So the scientists in me said, you know, let's go out and look let's go see if people | 所以,我的科学家说,你知道, 让我们出去看看,让我们去看看是否人 |
| 92 | When they break up does anybody else is it just me that feels happy about it sometimes or is it true of other people too | 当他们分手时,其他人... ...只是我... ...有时感到快乐... |
| 93 | So I use the science | 所以我用科学 |
| 94 | my training and research to see if | 我的训练与研究 看看是否 |
| 95 | Breakups could be a good thing for other people and so as all good research does mine started with a very simple question overall | 分手对其他人来说是件好事 所以所有好的研究都从一个简单的问题开始 |
| 96 | How does your breakup influence who you are? | 你的分手影响你是谁? |
| 97 | How did it impact you right and what I did doesn't just ask anybody I asked people who are likely to be especially sad | 如何影响你的权利 我所做的 不只是问任何人 我问的人 谁可能特别伤心 |
| 98 | Right I asked people had recently broken up in the last three months broken up a long-term relationship | 对,我问人们最近 分手 在过去三个月 打破了长期的关系 |
| 99 | They've been in this relationship for a couple of years and they hadn't found a new relationship partner yet | 两人交往了几年 还没找到新的伴侣 |
| 100 | So if anybody was going to be sad about their breakup experience, it was this group | 所以如果有人要为他们的分手经历而难过,那就是这个团体。 |
| 101 | Right and what I found | 对,还有我找到的 |
| 102 | Was some people were sad they characterized their breakup as negative but it was one out of three people, right? | 有人伤心地说分手是负面的, 但这是三分之一的人,对不对? |
| 103 | Which sounds like a lot. | 这听起来像很多。 |
| 104 | I don't know if that's what you expected, but it means that two out of three people | 我不知道这是不是你想的那样, 但这意味着三分之二的人 |
| 105 | Didn't consider it negative in fact one out of four said it was neutral a little bit of both | 四分之一的人说 两者都是中立的 |
| 106 | Right as many emotional experiences are it's a little bit of both | 感情经验也差不多 两者都有一点 |
| 107 | 41% most people characterized their breakup as positive and remember this was supposed to be an especially sad group | 41%的人说分手是阳性的 记得这应该是个特别伤心的群体 |
| 108 | All right, so 41% are saying you know what that experience overall right saying overall not saying it had zero negative | 好吧,所以41%的人说 你知道什么经验 总体正确 说整体上,没有说它是零负数 |
| 109 | They're saying overall it was a positive experience | 他们说,总的来说这是一个积极的体验 |
| 110 | So what research is about is why why are those people feeling that way and in relationships | 因此,研究是为什么那些人 觉得这样和在关系中 |
| 111 | There's a lot of things that factor in to what makes a relationship good | 关系好的原因有很多因素 |
| 112 | But one of the things I focus on in my research is the self because who you are as a person touches every aspect of your life | 但我在研究中关注的一件事 就是自我 因为你作为一个人 |
| 113 | Including your relationships in particular. | 特别包括你们的关系 |
| 114 | I focus on self-expansion | 我专注于自我扩张 |
| 115 | This is the experience of a relationship that helps build who you are as a person | 这是关系的经验 帮助建设 你作为一个人 |
| 116 | It helps you grow it helps add to your sense of self being in this relationship makes you a better person | 帮助你成长 帮助你增强自我意识 让你成为更好的人 |
| 117 | These are the good ones. | 这些是好的。 |
| 118 | These are the ones you want, but it's a continuum right it goes the other way, too | 这些是你想要的,但它是一个连续体 右它走另一条路,太 |
| 119 | Sometimes your relationship is impoverished it lacks self-expansion your partner is not building up. | 有时候你的关系很穷 缺乏自我扩张 你的伴侣没有建立起来 |
| 120 | They're they're holding you back in fact | 他们实际上在牵制你 |
| 121 | These ones are stagnant | 这些是停滞的 |
| 122 | stale those relationships like when you're stuck in a rut your partner is not helping you grow if | 停止这些关系 就像当你被困在 rut 你的伴侣是不会帮助你成长,如果 |
| 123 | Anything they're preventing you from being the person that you can be and so I thought if you get out of one of those | 任何他们阻止你成为你能够成为的人 所以我想如果你摆脱其中之一 |
| 124 | impoverished relationships | 贫困关系 |
| 125 | It's literally going to be addition by subtraction right this relationship is holding you back by getting out of this | 从字面上说,它会通过减法增加 右 这种关系是拖住你 通过摆脱这个 |
| 126 | I'm going to now thrive as an individual | 我现在要作为一个个体繁荣起来 |
| 127 | And this is exactly what we found of people in breakup people had gotten out of a low self-expanding impoverished relationship | 而这正是我们发现的人 在分手 人们摆脱了 低自我扩张的贫困关系 |
| 128 | They reported a full range of positive emotions. | 他们报告了一系列积极的情绪。 |
| 129 | They're relieved. | 他们放心了 |
| 130 | They're calm. | 他们很冷静 |
| 131 | They're energized confident strong happy. | 他们充满了自信的快乐 |
| 132 | They're doing wonderfully | 他们做的很好 |
| 133 | Right it's like their world opened up things are getting clear for them. | 对,就像他们的世界打开了 事情为他们变得清晰。 |
| 134 | They're experiencing less loss of self | 他们没有失去自我 |
| 135 | They're experiencing more personal growth and importantly. | 他们正在经历 更多的个人成长 和重要的。 |
| 136 | They're experiencing more what I call | 他们正在经历我所说的更多 |
| 137 | rediscovery of the self which is | 自我的重新发现 |
| 138 | Recapturing those things that you may have sacrificed or diminished while you were in a relationship | 重拾那些你可能牺牲或减少的东西 当你在一个关系 |
| 139 | So these people are doing better | 所以,这些人做的更好 |
| 140 | Because they got out of a relationship so when your relationship doesn't help you become a better person | 因为他们脱离了恋情 所以当你的恋情不能帮助你成为一个更好的人 |
| 141 | ending it does | 结束了 |
| 142 | Which is important to realize because it's again a little counterintuitive | 这很重要 因为它又有点反感 |
| 143 | But what if you're not inherently strong? | 但如果你本性不强呢? |
| 144 | What if you don't have the luxury of getting out of such an impoverished relationship? | 如果你没有奢侈 摆脱这种贫穷的关系呢? |
| 145 | And so I wanted to take those findings and think how can I help people who have experienced a breakup or divorce? | 所以我想接受这些发现 想想我怎样才能帮助经历过分手或离婚的人? |
| 146 | Accelerate their coping how can I help them get better and so looking back at the previous day looked at rediscovery of the self and that | 加速他们的应对,我怎样才能帮助他们 变得更好,所以回顾 前一天 看着自我的重新发现, |
| 147 | Looked really good right so I'm going to focus on that and I'm going to take people who have recently broken up | 看上去不错 所以我要集中精神 带那些最近分手的人 |
| 148 | I'm going to bring them into my lab. | 我要把他们带进实验室 |
| 149 | I'm going to randomly assign them one of two groups | 我要随机分配两个小组中的一个 |
| 150 | They're going to go out in the world do activities for two weeks | 他们要出去活动两周 |
| 151 | They're either going to do rediscovery of self activities, or they're going to do routine activities | 他们要么重新发现自我活动 要么进行例行活动 |
| 152 | There's rediscovery of the self things are things that their previous relationship prevented them from doing so if you like going to the beach | 自我的发现是 他们以前的关系阻止他们这样做 如果你喜欢去海滩 |
| 153 | And your partner didn't going to the beach now is a rediscovery of self activity | 你的搭档现在没去海滩 是自我活动的新发现 |
| 154 | Okay, routine activities are those things that you already like doing | 好吧,例行活动是那些你已经喜欢做的事 |
| 155 | Hang out with your friends could be going to the gym going to the movies whatever it happens to be now importantly both of these | 跟你朋友一起玩 可能去健身房 去看电影 不管现在发生什么 |
| 156 | Should help rediscovery because it helps you regain some of that those aspects of yourself that you lost | 应该帮助重新发现,因为它 帮助你恢复一些 你失去的方面自己 |
| 157 | Routine because it helps prevent you from sitting at home alone eating pints of ice cream and binge-watching television | 例行公事,因为这样可以阻止你独自在家 吃点冰激凌和看电视 |
| 158 | Right it's forcing you to sort of go out in the world and get better | 对,这迫使你到外面去,好起来 |
| 159 | And as I expected the rediscovery of the cells to those people it was like the dawn of a new day | 正如我所预想的 细胞重新发现 给这些人 就像是新一天的黎明 |
| 160 | They had less loss of self less negative emotions all less of lots of | 他们失去的自我更少 消极的情感更少 |
| 161 | Loneliness things like that also an increase of positive emotions the same ones you saw before but also increased overall well-being | 孤独之类的事 也增加了积极情绪 和你之前看到的一样 但也增加了整体的幸福 |
| 162 | Purpose in life and self-acceptance they were doing much much better simply because of the types of activities that they chose to do over two weeks | 仅仅由于他们选择在两周内从事的活动类型,他们的生活目的和自我接受就大有改善。 |
| 163 | So refocusing on yourself and rediscovering who you are accelerates coping alright, so that's very helpful | 所以重新关注自己 重新发现你是谁 就能加速应对好 |
| 164 | This is all part of a broader message relationships are important time is short mistakes are costly | 这都是更广泛的信息关系的一部分 时间很重要 短暂的错误是昂贵的 |
| 165 | Relationships should be the best part of your life | 关系应该是你生命中最好的部分 |
| 166 | Hopefully you have found one that builds you and sustains you and hopefully you have that but if you don't you have to ask yourself | 但愿你能找到一个能造就你 养活你 |
| 167 | What is one hour one day one week one month one lifetime of your happiness worth? | 一个小时一天一周 一个月的幸福值多少钱? |
| 168 | Because great relationships seldom fail | 因为伟大的关系很少失败 |
| 169 | Bad ones do as they should and when they do when those relationships fail they they end because the relationships are broken | 坏人做他们应该做的, 当他们这样做,当他们 关系失败,他们结束 他们因为关系破裂 |
| 170 | But it doesn't mean you have to be broken forever in fact Japanese have a word have an art form kintsugi | 但这并不表示你必须永远被打破 事实上,日本人有一个字 有艺术形式kintsugi |
| 171 | Which is this art form you take broken pottery? | 你拿破陶器的艺术形式是什么? |
| 172 | And you repair it using precious metals like gold platinum and silver and you use that to make the pot more beautiful | 你用金白金和银子等贵重金属修理它 用它使锅更漂亮 |
| 173 | And it's beautiful. | 则气盛. |
| 174 | It's stunning really it's not just an art form | 这真是令人惊叹 不仅仅是艺术形式 |
| 175 | It's also a philosophy which treats treats damage and it's repair as an opportunity | 也是一种把损害当作机会的哲学 |
| 176 | Something to take advantage of not to conceal | 利用不隐瞒的优势 |
| 177 | This is exactly what can happen in your relationship | 这就是你们感情中可能发生的 |
| 178 | Sure your relationship might leave you with a few cracks, but those cracks those imperfections those are sources of strength and beauty | 当然,你的关系可能会给你留下一些裂缝, 但那些裂缝 这些不完美是力量和美的源泉 |
| 179 | Because breakups don't have to leave you broken because you're stronger than you know. | 因为分手不一定要离开你 打破是因为你比你知道的强壮。 |
| 180 | Thank you | 谢谢 |
| 181 | you | 老师 |
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