【双语音+文稿】在约会中，绝对不能忽视的几种危险信号！（识别
共 1 集
剧集目录
| 集 | 标题 | 时长 |
|---|---|---|
| P1 | 【双语音+文稿】在约会中，绝对不能忽视的几种危险信号！（识别 | 52:13 |
P1 · 【双语音+文稿】在约会中，绝对不能忽视的几种危险信号！（识别谎言）| 瓦妮莎・范・爱德华兹 p01 英文版 (P1)
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:00 | I think if you really want to be accurate at reading people, you're looking for what are the | 如果你真的想准确读别人的书 你在找什么 |
| 0:04 | hidden emotions that someone doesn't feel safe sharing. | 隐藏的情绪 某人感到不安全分享。 |
| 0:08 | And one, can you address them? | 还有一个,你能跟他们说吗? |
| 0:10 | But two, | 但两个 |
| 0:11 | can you make them feel more safe? | 你能让他们觉得更安全吗? |
| 0:12 | Research finds it's about 60 to 90 percent of our communication | 研究发现它占我们通讯的60%到90% |
| 0:16 | is nonverbal. | 是非语言的。 |
| 0:17 | It's a lot. | 甚处来. |
| 0:18 | It's insane. | 这太疯狂了 |
| 0:19 | Your subconscious is incredibly good at reading cues, | 你的潜意识非常擅长读取提示 |
展开字幕全文（732 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | I think if you really want to be accurate at reading people, you're looking for what are the | 如果你真的想准确读别人的书 你在找什么 |
| 2 | hidden emotions that someone doesn't feel safe sharing. | 隐藏的情绪 某人感到不安全分享。 |
| 3 | And one, can you address them? | 还有一个,你能跟他们说吗? |
| 4 | But two, | 但两个 |
| 5 | can you make them feel more safe? | 你能让他们觉得更安全吗? |
| 6 | Research finds it's about 60 to 90 percent of our communication | 研究发现它占我们通讯的60%到90% |
| 7 | is nonverbal. | 是非语言的。 |
| 8 | It's a lot. | 甚处来. |
| 9 | It's insane. | 这太疯狂了 |
| 10 | Your subconscious is incredibly good at reading cues, | 你的潜意识非常擅长读取提示 |
| 11 | but for some reason we've forgotten them. | 但出于某种原因 我们忘记了他们 |
| 12 | Eighty-two percent of our judgments of people | 我们82%的判断 |
| 13 | have to do with warmth and confidence alone. | 和温暖和自信有关 |
| 14 | Vanessa Van Edwards back in the house to teach | 凡妮莎·范·爱德华兹回到家里教书 |
| 15 | us how we can read people, what cues they're giving, and what cues we're giving out. | 我们如何读取人们, 他们给出的提示, 和我们给出的提示。 |
| 16 | That's | 这是 |
| 17 | right. | 对 |
| 18 | And where I want to start is something that you say in your book about how you can like go on | 我想从哪里开始,这是你在书里说的 关于你如何可以继续 |
| 19 | a date or go like to a job interview and you think oh my god they love me or they're going | 约会或去像 工作面试,你认为 哦,我的上帝 他们爱我或他们去 |
| 20 | to immediately call me. | 立刻给我打电话 |
| 21 | The guy's going to call me as soon as I get home. | 我一回家他就会打电话给我 |
| 22 | Yep. | 对 |
| 23 | I felt the connection. | 我感觉到了联系 |
| 24 | I saw all the signs and then you get completely blindsided and it's the opposite of what you | 我看见了所有的征兆 然后你完全被蒙蔽了 跟你的相反 |
| 25 | actually thought it was. | 其实以为是的。 |
| 26 | Okay, blindsiding is one of my greatest fears where you're on a date, | 好吧,盲行是我最大的恐惧之一 在你约会, |
| 27 | you think it's going great, you're in a meeting, you're giving a picture, you're like yes this | 你认为这是伟大的, 你在开会, 你给一个图片, 你就像是的 |
| 28 | interview is going to go so well and you get home you don't get a call, you don't get a text, | 面试会很顺利的 你回家时没有接到电话也没有短信 |
| 29 | you've got to follow up, you get ghosted. | 你必须要跟随,你被鬼。 |
| 30 | Okay, I think that the reason why this happens is because | 好吧,我认为 原因,这是因为 |
| 31 | we get so in our own heads, we have rehearsed answers, we have great stories we want to share, | 我们自有想法,我们排练过答案, 我们有我们想分享的精彩故事, |
| 32 | but we are not reading their cues and this is the biggest mistake that smart people make. | 但我们不读他们的提示 这是聪明人最大的错误 |
| 33 | This is not a dumb thing, this is actually a smart thing. | 这不是一个愚蠢的事情, 这其实是一个聪明的事情。 |
| 34 | So if you are highly intelligent, | 所以如果你很聪明的话 |
| 35 | highly smart, very aware, the mistake that you make is you miss the cues being sent to you because | 非常聪明,非常清楚,你犯了一个错误 就是你错过了寄给你的提示,因为 |
| 36 | you're focused on delivering the best, brightest, most smart thing that you can think of and that | 你专注于交付你能够想到的最优秀 最聪明的事物 |
| 37 | actually blinds us. | 居然把我们弄瞎了 |
| 38 | So one of my kind of motivations for this book was I don't want anyone to be blind | 这本书的动机之一是 我不想任何人瞎掉 |
| 39 | at it anymore. | 在它现在。 |
| 40 | You know for many years I don't even talk about this part in the book is I had, | 你知道很多年我甚至不谈 这本书的这一部分是,我有, |
| 41 | I think, toxic people in my life. | 我认为,有毒的人在我的生活中。 |
| 42 | I think I allowed people to blindside me where I was | 我觉得我允许别人在我身旁瞎了眼 |
| 43 | spending time with people and I wasn't reading their cues, I was really in my head, I was focused | 花时间和人在一起, 我没有读他们的提示, 我真的在我的脑海里,我专注 |
| 44 | on being my best and brightest self and I missed their toxic cues and so I think that I want to | 我错过了他们有毒的提示 所以我想 |
| 45 | empower people to be able to read exactly what's cues are being sent to you so you are never | 授权人们能够读到 准确的提示正在被发送到你 所以你永远不会 |
| 46 | blindsided. | 盲视. |
| 47 | I want you to know exactly what's going to happen next. | 我要你知道接下来会发生什么 |
| 48 | So let's get started girl. | 让我们开始女孩。 |
| 49 | Let's do it. | 贡举志五种 上. |
| 50 | Let's go down the rabbit hole. | 我们从兔子洞下去 |
| 51 | Okay so there are four | 好吧,所以有四个 |
| 52 | different kinds of cues. | 不同种类的提示。 |
| 53 | I think a lot of people when they think about cues they think about like | 我想很多人在思考暗示时会想到 |
| 54 | body language and body language is one of them. | 身体语言和身体语言是其中之一. |
| 55 | So non-verbal is the big communication channel. | 所以非语言是大交流渠道. |
| 56 | Research finds it's about 60 to 90 percent of our communication is non-verbal. | 研究发现,我们60%到90%的通讯是非语言的。 |
| 57 | That's a lot. | 甚处来. |
| 58 | It's | 这是 |
| 59 | insane. | 疯了 |
| 60 | It's insane because we often think about our verbal and not as much as how we say it. | 这太疯狂了,因为我们经常想着我们的言语,而不是我们怎么说的. |
| 61 | So | 这么说 |
| 62 | non-verbal, facial expressions, that's also our body language and our body posture. | 非口头,面部表情, 这也是我们的身体语言和身体姿态。 |
| 63 | That's only one | 只有一个 |
| 64 | column though. | 栏。 |
| 65 | The second is verbal which obviously we talk a lot about so our words | 第二种是口头的,我们谈了很多,所以我们的话 |
| 66 | and the last two are the ones that I think we never think about. | 而最后两个是那些 我认为我们从来没有想过。 |
| 67 | That is vocal. | 这是声音。 |
| 68 | So our inflection, | 所以,我们的作用, |
| 69 | our volume, our pace, our cadence, what our voice tone and our vocal cords give away or what people | 我们的音量,我们的速度,我们的节奏, 我们的语音调和我们的声带 给什么或什么人 |
| 70 | we're hearing, what that gives away how they're feeling and the last one is imagery. | 我们听到的,是什么 释放出他们的感受 和最后一个是图像。 |
| 71 | The colors | 颜色 |
| 72 | the ornaments we wear. | 我们戴的饰品。 |
| 73 | Like for example even just here if we were to think about a snapshot | 比如说,即使我们想拍个快照 也只是在这里 |
| 74 | like if we see your Wonder Woman necklace that is an emblem that shows something about your | 就像我们看到你的神奇女侠项链 上面的徽章显示你的东西 |
| 75 | non-verbal brand. | 非语言品牌。 |
| 76 | That shows strength and courage and power. | 这显示了力量、勇气和力量。 |
| 77 | It tells me about your | 它告诉我关于你的 |
| 78 | your role model, your hero, your goals. | 你的榜样,你的英雄,你的目标。 |
| 79 | Today I chose red. | 今天我选了红色 |
| 80 | I don't know if you could guess why. | 我不知道你能不能猜到为什么 |
| 81 | I'm in a red mood today and there's also color cues, colors cue us in certain ways too. | 我今天心情很红 也有颜色提示 颜色提示我们的方式也一样 |
| 82 | So the | 所以说 |
| 83 | last one is imagery. | 最后一张是图像。 |
| 84 | Colors, cues, ornaments, our jewelry, our hair for both men and women. | 颜色 提示 饰品 我们的首饰 男女的头发 |
| 85 | The images and the props behind us in our profile pictures, in our dating pictures. | 我们身后的图像和道具 在我们的档案图片, 在我们的约会图片。 |
| 86 | So I think that | 所以我觉得 |
| 87 | what people when they're thinking about their dating pictures they think about their face, | 当人们在思考 他们的约会照片 他们思考他们的脸, |
| 88 | how they look, their hair, maybe what they're wearing but we don't always think about other | 他们的样子,他们的头发, 也许他们穿什么 但我们不总是想其他 |
| 89 | information that we can use to help us cue. | 我们可以用来帮助我们的信息。 |
| 90 | Okay and that's props. | 好吧,这是道具。 |
| 91 | So some really fascinating | 所以,一些真正迷人的 |
| 92 | research looked at the different props that we hold in pictures and what these do is they create | 研究研究了我们在图片中持有的不同道具,这些道具的作用是创造 |
| 93 | neural maps. | 神经图. |
| 94 | So neural maps and that sounds fancy but actually all it is is that one prop can | 所以神经图,听起来很奇特 但实际上只是一个道具可以 |
| 95 | activate an entire neural map in your brain and it you might have read this part in the book but | 激活大脑中的整个神经图 你可能读过这本书的这一部分 |
| 96 | hopefully you won't remember it but okay so think of a moon. | 希望你不会记得它,但没关系 所以想想月亮吧。 |
| 97 | Everyone think of a moon. | 每个人都想着月亮 |
| 98 | Think of a | 想到一个 |
| 99 | moon over the ocean. | 月亮过海. |
| 100 | Close your eyes, think of it. | 闭上眼睛,想想看 |
| 101 | Now tell me a laundry detergent. | 现在告诉我洗涤剂。 |
| 102 | So most people | 所以大多数人 |
| 103 | after they hear that would say tide the laundry detergent and they actually did this in the lab. | 他们听到会说 潮洗洗洗涤剂 他们实际上是在实验室里做的 |
| 104 | They actually found that they could cue people to the answer they wanted with specific imagery cues | 他们实际上发现他们可以用具体的图像提示来提示人们想要的答案 |
| 105 | because when we think of a moon and ocean we think of gravity, we think of tides. | 因为当我们想到月亮和海洋时 我们想到引力,我们就想到潮汐 |
| 106 | Why this is really | 为什么这是真的 |
| 107 | powerful especially in dating is people are making these really quick decisions and so in a picture | 特别在约会中很强的是 人们正在做出这些非常迅速的决定 所以在画面中 |
| 108 | you don't want to just want to be pretty or handsome and I think that's what people focus on. | 你并不想只想要漂亮或英俊 我想这就是人们所关注的 |
| 109 | I want to be pretty or handsome. | 我想漂亮或帅哥 |
| 110 | You also want to activate neural maps. | 您也想要激活神经图 。 |
| 111 | That's how you get that | 你就是这样得到的 |
| 112 | extra second when someone's like swipe, swipe, swipe and they pause for an extra second. | 当有人像刷嘴,刷嘴,刷嘴,然后暂停一秒钟。 |
| 113 | It's | 这是 |
| 114 | because you've activated a neural map. | 因为你激活了神经图 |
| 115 | So for example a dog might activate someone's neural map. | 例如狗可能会激活某人的神经图. |
| 116 | If someone has their own dog they're going to think of all the warm and fuzzies with their dog. | 如果有人有自己的狗... ...他们会想到所有的温暖和富兹... ...和他们的狗。 |
| 117 | That one's obvious. | 很明显 |
| 118 | There's also not so obvious ones like so for example like a snowboard could | 也没那么明显 比如说滑板可以 |
| 119 | activate adventure and travel or a type of food in the background of your picture. | 在你的照片背景中激活冒险和旅行或某种食物. |
| 120 | If you see | 如果你看见 |
| 121 | a bowl with chopsticks and they think it's fuh that could activate the right kind of neural map | 碗和筷子,他们认为 它的fuh可以激活 正确的神经地图 |
| 122 | for the right people. | 为正确的人。 |
| 123 | So I want you to think about what neural maps do you want to activate? | 所以我要你想想你想激活什么神经图? |
| 124 | Do you want someone who's a passionate foodie or really outdoorsy or really into book smarts? | 你想找一个热情的美食家 或室外活动的人 或者真正喜欢读书的人吗? |
| 125 | Have those props in your pictures. | 把这些道具放在你的照片里 |
| 126 | That's going to activate those neural maps around you. | 这会激活你周围的神经图 |
| 127 | One weird one. | 一个奇怪的。 |
| 128 | One weird one is research shows straight men should not hold cats. | 一个奇怪的是研究显示 直男不应该抱着猫 |
| 129 | I'm so sorry. | 对不起 |
| 130 | This study was quite clear that when straight men hold cats women do not find | 研究很明确 当直男抱猫时 女人不会发现 |
| 131 | them as attractive. | 他们像吸引人。 |
| 132 | I don't know why. | 我不知道为什么。 |
| 133 | I'm so sorry to the cat lovers out there. | 我对外面的猫恋人很抱歉 |
| 134 | Can I tell you why? | 我能告诉你为什么吗? |
| 135 | When I heard you saying this immediately I was like oh women won't like that and it wasn't | 当我听到你马上说,我就像 哦女人不会喜欢,它不是 |
| 136 | surprising only because I actually like cats. | 只是因为我很喜欢猫 |
| 137 | But they are dismissive. | 但他们是无礼的。 |
| 138 | They are the king of the | 他们是国王 |
| 139 | castle. | 城堡,这里 |
| 140 | They don't care about you as an owner. | 他们不在乎你当主人 |
| 141 | They will absolutely claw your eyes out if you | 他们一定会把你眼睛挖出来 |
| 142 | given a chance between them and you. | 给了他们和你的机会 |
| 143 | They'll choose them every time. | 他们每次都会选的 |
| 144 | Dogs aren't like that. | 狗不是那样的 |
| 145 | Dogs are loyal. | 狗为忠义. |
| 146 | Dogs are like forgiving. | 狗就像原谅。 |
| 147 | They'll sit at your feet. | 他们会坐在你的脚下。 |
| 148 | It activated a personality neural map. | 它激活了个性神经图. |
| 149 | You just answered a question that I've literally had for | 你刚刚回答了一个问题 我确实有 |
| 150 | years since reading this study. | 读了这本书多年 |
| 151 | That's right. | 没错 |
| 152 | A cat is not just a cat. | 猫不仅仅是猫 |
| 153 | The way that neural maps | 神经图的方式 |
| 154 | work is it's clusters of words. | 工作是一组词 |
| 155 | So let's say that there's a rose in your picture. | 所以假设你的照片里有一朵玫瑰 |
| 156 | That might make | 这也许可以 |
| 157 | someone think of sure flowers but it also might make them think of the bachelor. | 有人会想到花 但也可能会让他们想到单身汉 |
| 158 | It also might | 砛 |
| 159 | make them think of their grandmother because their grandmother always had red roses. | 让他们想到自己的祖母 因为他们的祖母总是有红玫瑰。 |
| 160 | So the | 所以说 |
| 161 | clusters of words and you're right. | 拼凑的词组,你是对的。 |
| 162 | A cat is not just a cat. | 猫不仅仅是猫 |
| 163 | It also has a cluster of personality | 它也有一组人格 |
| 164 | traits. | 特质 |
| 165 | Sometimes more standoffish. | 时有更立. |
| 166 | Sometimes more mysterious. | 有时更神秘. |
| 167 | And if women want a man who's | 如果女人想要一个男人 |
| 168 | going to be loyal they might not think of that in their neural map for a cat. | 要忠诚,他们可能不会想到 在他们的神经图一只猫。 |
| 169 | So I think that | 所以我觉得 |
| 170 | this is like a little superpower. | 这就像一个小超能力。 |
| 171 | So don't just think about your attractiveness or your | 所以,不要仅仅考虑 你的吸引力或你的 |
| 172 | approachableness in these photos including your LinkedIn photos. | 这些照片中的可接触性, 包括您的 LinkedIn 照片 。 |
| 173 | How can you add cues, | 你怎能增加线索呢? |
| 174 | imagery cues that are going to help you? | 图像提示会帮助你? |
| 175 | So like even for example in the background of | 因此,就像比如在背景 |
| 176 | LinkedIn profile pictures. | 链接 在档案图片。 |
| 177 | What could you add in the background? | 你能在背景中加上什么? |
| 178 | Like there's a difference between | 好像有区别 |
| 179 | if you're on a green background or if you're in a corporate background. | 如果你是绿色背景 或者你是一个公司背景。 |
| 180 | On our videos one thing | 在我们的视频上,一件事 |
| 181 | that I've learned is if I can have props behind me that help my cause it makes my clicks better. | 我学到的是,如果我有 道具在我身后 帮助我的事业 它让我的点击更好。 |
| 182 | It makes my watch time better. | 这让我的值班时间更好。 |
| 183 | So you know we talked about the four different types right. | 所以,你知道我们谈了四个不同的类型。 |
| 184 | So | 这么说 |
| 185 | non-verbal, verbal, vocal, and imagery. | 非口头、口头、声音和图像。 |
| 186 | There's also the way I like to think about this is there's | 我也喜欢这样想 |
| 187 | two goals with our cues. | 两个进球的提示。 |
| 188 | And this is also with reading people. | 这也是与阅读人。 |
| 189 | Is that we are constantly trying | 我们一直在努力 |
| 190 | to assess someone's warmth and competence. | 评估某人的温暖和能力。 |
| 191 | That researcher Dr. Susan Fisk, this incredible research | 那个研究者苏珊·菲斯克博士 这个不可思议的研究 |
| 192 | out of Princeton, found that 82 percent of our judgments of people have to do with warmth and | 我们82%的判断 都与温暖有关 |
| 193 | competence alone. | 仅凭能力。 |
| 194 | That's crazy. | 这太疯狂了 |
| 195 | Yeah we end up we think oh I want them to think we're funny and | 是啊,我们最后会觉得哦 我希望他们觉得我们很有趣, |
| 196 | likable and smart and efficient and powerful. | 可爱又聪明 高效又强大 |
| 197 | Actually warmth and competence are really the | 其实温暖和能力是真正的 |
| 198 | ones that are the most important. | 最重要的东西 |
| 199 | So if you can cue someone for your warmth and competence right | 所以,如果你能提示某人 你的温暖和能力的权利 |
| 200 | off the bat it actually speeds up your connection. | 它能加速你的连接 |
| 201 | And is that in every situation whether you're | 无论你是否 |
| 202 | dating, it's a work situation? | 约会,这是工作情况? |
| 203 | Every situation. | 每一个情况 |
| 204 | So for example if behind me on my YouTube channel I | 例如,如果在我的YouTube频道I的后面 |
| 205 | often put chemicals like I put my hair at chemicals behind me. | 经常把化学物质放进我身后 |
| 206 | The reason I did that is because I tend | 我这样做是因为我倾向于 |
| 207 | to come across as highly warm. | 以高度温暖的方式相遇 |
| 208 | And warmth is great, it's trust, it's likability, but I want people to | 温暖是伟大的, 这是信任, 这是可憎的, 但我希望人们 |
| 209 | take me seriously right. | 认真对待我 |
| 210 | I want them to take me seriously whether they're just browsing my YouTube | 我希望他们认真对待我 是否只是浏览我的YouTube |
| 211 | videos or they're listening to me. | 视频或者他们正在听我说。 |
| 212 | And I was having trouble dialing up the competence piece. | 我打不通权限 |
| 213 | And so I realized I had to add competence cues right off the bat so people knew ah this is a | 所以我意识到我不得不在球棒上加上能力提示 所以人们知道啊,这是一个 |
| 214 | serious video. | 严重的视频。 |
| 215 | The moment I added those chemicals behind me it added competence in that very first | 当我在后面加那些化学物质的时候 它就首先增加了能力 |
| 216 | frame. | 边框。 |
| 217 | People knew oh this is a learning video. | 人们知道哦 这是一个学习视频。 |
| 218 | Yes it will be a little funny sometimes, I'm only funny | 是的,有时候会有点好笑,我只是好笑 |
| 219 | sometimes. | 有时 |
| 220 | Yes I hope that I can trust her but actually this is a learning video. | 是的,我希望我能信任她 但实际上这是一个学习视频。 |
| 221 | And so what I | 所以,我怎样 |
| 222 | want you to think about whether you're dating or you're talking about your social interactions or | 你想想想你是在约会 还是在谈论你的社交互动 |
| 223 | your LinkedIn profile is what are your intentions? | 您的链接 简言之,你的意图是什么? |
| 224 | Right like what do you want to show? | 就像你想展示什么一样? |
| 225 | Is it warmth? | 暖和吗? |
| 226 | Is it a lot of likability? | 喜欢吗? |
| 227 | Is it competence? | 是能力吗? |
| 228 | That's what you should be cuing for and that's also what | 这才是你该追求的 也是 |
| 229 | others are cuing you for. | 别人在抚摸你 |
| 230 | So also the next level here is reading people. | 所以这里的下一个层次是读人。 |
| 231 | When you're looking at | 当你看着 |
| 232 | someone's profile or picture or you meet them for the first time, what cues are they sending to you | 某人的档案或图片 或者你第一次见到他们 他们给你寄了什么线索 |
| 233 | to try to cultivate your impression of them? | 试着培养你对他们的看法? |
| 234 | Okay I love that. | 好吧,我喜欢。 |
| 235 | Let's keep going down this because | 让我们继续下去 因为 |
| 236 | this is fascinating. | 这是令人着迷的。 |
| 237 | So let's say you're meeting someone for the first time. | 因此,让我们假设你是 第一次与某人见面。 |
| 238 | I'd love for you to | 我很乐意你 |
| 239 | break down the cues on certain things like the non-verbal and the verbal because you're so amazing | 打破了某些东西的提示 比如非口头和口头 因为你是如此惊人 |
| 240 | at being very specific. | 在非常具体。 |
| 241 | And then I'd love to dive into then how do you know in those moments? | 然后我想潜入,然后你怎么知道在那些时候? |
| 242 | So | 这么说 |
| 243 | let's say it's dating right? | 我们假设是约会吧? |
| 244 | It's or a high stress situation and high stresses and anxieties happening | 压力大 压力大 焦虑 |
| 245 | because you've got the excitement, you've got the nerves, all of this that comes with any situation | 因为你有兴奋感,你有神经, 所有这一切,随着任何情况 |
| 246 | where you may not be 100% confident. | 在那里,你可能不是100%的信心。 |
| 247 | So how do you decipher the cues that are accurate or the cues | 那么,你如何解析准确的提示或提示 |
| 248 | that are accidental due to the circumstances? | 是偶然的,因为情况? |
| 249 | Okay that's one of our biggest challenges as | 好吧,这是我们最大的挑战之一 作为 |
| 250 | readers right? | 读者对不对? |
| 251 | Because some of our cues we can control right? | 因为我们的一些提示 我们可以控制对不对? |
| 252 | Like I can set up straight, | 就像我可以设置直立, |
| 253 | I can have good posture, I can smile at you when I want. | 我可以有很好的姿势, 我可以微笑你,当我想。 |
| 254 | Like I can purposefully do all those things | 就像我能有目的地做那些事一样 |
| 255 | but actually what is more accurate, what we know is not put on or forced, are the small cues that | 但实际上,更准确的, 我们知道的不是被设置或强迫的, 是小提示, |
| 256 | people do especially while they're listening. | 人们在听的时候特别喜欢听 |
| 257 | So I find that when you're reading people you can read | 所以我发现当你读的人 你可以读 |
| 258 | while they're talking but actually it's much more interesting to read while they're listening | 他们一边说话,一边听一边看,其实更有趣 |
| 259 | and that's because when someone's talking they're in presentation mode right? | 这是因为当有人在说话时 他们正在展示模式中对不对? |
| 260 | Like they've either | 就像他们也有 |
| 261 | rehearsed the answer. | 排练了答案。 |
| 262 | So let's say that there's two different kinds of people, people with ill | 假设有两种不同的人,病人 |
| 263 | intentions, people with good intentions. | 有良好意图的人 |
| 264 | If someone has ill intentions they've rehearsed what they want | 如果有人有恶意 他们已经排练他们想要的 |
| 265 | to manipulate, they've rehearsed what they want to say right? | 他们已经排练了他们想说的话 |
| 266 | So bad actors will present themselves | 坏人会露面 |
| 267 | with the perfect kind of cues they think can add to it. | 他们认为完美的提示可以增加它。 |
| 268 | Good actors, people with good intentions | 好演员,好心人 |
| 269 | didn't rehearse anything but they're just presenting their best self. | 没有排练什么,但他们只是展示 他们最好的自我。 |
| 270 | That's all on purpose. | 这些都是故意的。 |
| 271 | What's more interesting is when they're listening. | 更有趣的是,当他们听。 |
| 272 | When someone's listening they're not rehearsing | 当有人在听时 他们不会排练 |
| 273 | anymore. | 现在。 |
| 274 | They're off the clock and their brain is much more focused on you and so what I like to | 他们不在时钟,他们的大脑更关注你 所以我喜欢什么 |
| 275 | think about is okay what can I observe while someone is listening? | 思考是好的 我能观察什么 当有人在听? |
| 276 | That's actually much better | 这其实好多了 |
| 277 | for reading people. | 用来读人。 |
| 278 | Same thing on zoom calls. | 缩放电话也一样 |
| 279 | My favorite thing on a zoom call is if I'm presenting | 我最喜欢的是一个缩放的电话是 如果我展示 |
| 280 | I make my face small. | 我的脸变小了 |
| 281 | I don't want to see my own face. | 我不想看到我自己的脸。 |
| 282 | I pull up other people's faces and I | 我拉别人的脸,我 |
| 283 | specifically look at people's faces on video to see what are they doing while they're listening. | 特别看人们在视频上的脸,看看他们在听时在做什么. |
| 284 | Are they open to me? | 他们对我开放吗? |
| 285 | Are they agreeing with me? | 他们同意我吗? |
| 286 | And so we can talk about those cues of what we're | 这样我们就可以谈谈我们是什么 |
| 287 | looking for. | 寻找。 |
| 288 | I like listening cues better. | 我喜欢听提示更好。 |
| 289 | Never dawn on it because I'm so in my own head right? | 从来没有黎明,因为我是如此 在我自己的头脑右? |
| 290 | So I'm just like what cues am I giving off? | 所以,我只是喜欢什么提示 我放弃? |
| 291 | I'm talking and you know so I we definitely want to | 我在说话,你知道的 所以我绝对想 |
| 292 | go down those cues but I didn't even really think about when someone's listening to you | 顺着那些线索走 但我根本没想过有人在听 |
| 293 | and obviously that that is I assume a skill that's going to be you need to train because | 很明显,我假设你需要训练一种技能 |
| 294 | sometimes it's hard to talk make sure that you're projecting yourself in an accurate way | 有时很难说话 确保你准确的投射自己 |
| 295 | and taking what the other person's doing. | 和拿别人在做什么。 |
| 296 | Sure and that's why like this is perfect like during the | 当然,这就是为什么像这样是完美的 像在期间 |
| 297 | kind of like easy small talk banter right when you're not like delivering the hardest part of | 有点像轻松的小 谈话布道的权利 当你不喜欢交付 最难的部分 |
| 298 | your presentation but you're like you know so uh yeah did you do anything exciting this weekend? | 你的演讲,但你就像你知道 所以,嗯... 是的,你做了什么刺激 本周末? |
| 299 | And you can talk about your weekend very casually while still observing all the listening cues. | 你可以随便地谈论你的周末 一边观察所有的监听提示 |
| 300 | That is a much easier way to sort of get warmed up and hopefully next level by the end of this | 这样比较容易暖和 希望到最后能达到下一个水平 |
| 301 | video when we next level they'll be able to do it even while you're talking. | 视频,当我们下一关 他们可以做到这一点,即使你说话。 |
| 302 | All right okay all | 没事了,没事了 |
| 303 | right so the first basic thing you want to know is warmth. | 所以第一个你想知道的基本事情是温暖。 |
| 304 | So what the research finds is that warmth | 所以研究发现,温暖 |
| 305 | and competence is actually chronological so they can happen at the same time but warmth comes first. | 并且能力是按时间顺序的 所以可以同时发生 但温暖是第一 |
| 306 | Humans when they first meet each other they ask each other two questions about each other. | 人类第一次相遇时,会互相问两个问题. |
| 307 | Can I trust you and can I rely on you? | 我可以信任你,我可以信任你吗? |
| 308 | Trust is the first one and so how do we know if we can | 信任是第一个 我们怎么知道我们能不能 |
| 309 | trust someone? | 相信别人吗? |
| 310 | That is the most important question we can ask ourselves about someone right? | 这是最重要的问题 我们可以问自己 关于一个人对不对? |
| 311 | Okay so | 好吧,这样 |
| 312 | the warmth cues are here are my favorite warmth cues which you want to look for when listening. | 温暖的提示在这里,是我最喜欢的温暖提示, 你想在听的时候寻找。 |
| 313 | This is what you want to see from someone to see if they're a good actor. | 这就是你想要从别人那里看到,看看他们是不是一个好演员. |
| 314 | The first one you're doing | 第一个你做的 |
| 315 | right now you're smiling and you're nodding. | 现在你笑着点头 |
| 316 | You're giving me lots and lots of nods. | 你给我很多很多点头。 |
| 317 | Lisa I | 丽莎一世 |
| 318 | love your nods. | 爱你的点头。 |
| 319 | I love them so much. | 我非常爱他们 |
| 320 | Can I just say I got a criticism in one of my recent videos | 我能说我最近的一个视频里 有批评 |
| 321 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}在评论部分 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}就像上帝啊 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}她点了点头就分心了 | |
| 322 | and in fact in that moment I was like it actually is a little like as I was watching myself I was | 事实上,在那一刻,我就像 它实际上有点像 当我在看着自己,我是 |
| 323 | like it is a little distracting but I'm so in it like I so block when I do interviews I so block | 有点让人分心 但我在其中就像我 挡住采访的时候 |
| 324 | out everything else and so if you're saying something like I just want to be like oh my god | 说出其他的,所以如果你在说 喜欢的东西,我只是想 像我的天啊 |
| 325 | but I don't interrupt you so I'm trying to actually signal to you that I love what you're | 但我不打扰你 所以我想向你表示我喜欢你 |
| 326 | saying without me interrupting you and you're not even really in control of your nods which is why | 说不用我打扰你 你连点头都控制不了 |
| 327 | listening to exactly you're not even if you were to say you know what that person is right which | 你甚至不知道那个人是对的 |
| 328 | they're not I should stop nodding you wouldn't be able to stop because you're listening yeah | 他们不是我应该停止点头 你不可能停止 因为你在听 |
| 329 | you're right that's why listening looking at the cues decoding someone while they're listening is | 你说得对,这就是为什么在别人听的时候 看着提示解码 |
| 330 | actually so good because it's very hard to control our cues while we're listening okay so I know that | 实在是太好,因为很难控制 我们的提示,而我们听好 所以我知道 |
| 331 | I can trust you because you are giving me high warmth cues so here are some high warmth cues so | 我可以信任你 因为你给了我高温的提示 所以这里有一些高温的提示 |
| 332 | nodding nodding is a very open right when we nod we're taking it in we're agreeing research finds | 当我们点头的时候点头是一种很开放的权利 我们同意研究 |
| 333 | that when you slow nod at me and I love a good so not right a one a two a three I speak three to | 当你对我慢点头,我爱好好... ...... |
| 334 | four times longer oh okay so if you want to encourage someone to keep talking tell me more | 4倍长 哦 好吧 如果你想鼓励别人继续说话 告诉我更多 |
| 335 | from and if you work with introverts or you're dating introverts and you want them to keep going | 如果你和内向者合作 或是和内向者约会 |
| 336 | you're on a date and you ask a question oh so have you been on any um good holidays recently | 你正在约会,你问一个问题 哦,你最近有没有在任何嗯好的假期 |
| 337 | yeah some good ones and you want them to keep going don't say anything and do a slow triple nod | 是啊,一些好的,你希望他们继续去 不要说什么,做一个慢的三点头 |
| 338 | that triple nod research shows they are three to four times they're going to speak three to four | 三点点头的研究表明 他们三到四倍 他们要讲三到四 |
| 339 | times longer so they're more likely to take it as a non-verbal dot dot dot so that's great you want | 所以他们更可能把它当作一个非口头的点点点 所以这是伟大的你想要的 |
| 340 | to see nodding you want to see smiling you want to see lean ends so this is a great lean this is | 看点头 你想看微笑 你想看斜端 所以这是很好的斜端 这是 |
| 341 | great charisma cue when we want to engage with something and they actually found that the lean | 伟大的魅力提示 当我们想 接触的东西, 他们实际上发现,瘦 |
| 342 | yeah like right like really like um even in my book cover I am slightly leaning forward because | 是啊 就像真的 像嗯 即使在我的书封面 我略微向前倾斜 因为 |
| 343 | I'm trying to show warmth so when you lean in if you just wherever you are right now just lean in | 我试图显示温暖,所以当你倾斜 如果你只是你现在在哪里 |
| 344 | for a second it will actually activate a specific part of your brain that is about motivation that | 它会激活你大脑的特定部分 是关于动机的 |
| 345 | we feel more motivated when we lean in why it activates our five senses if you want to smell | 我们觉得更积极,当我们靠在 为什么它激活我们的五感 如果你想闻 |
| 346 | something what do you do lean in if you want to touch something what do you do oh that's soft | 某事,你做什么倾斜 如果你想触摸某件事 你做什么,哦,这是柔软的 |
| 347 | and I'm closer to be able to touch yes we're in space zones which we can talk about too | 我更接近触摸是的 我们在太空区 我们可以谈论 |
| 348 | so the reason our brain knows oh if I'm leaning in I better activate all my senses and hear smell | 所以,我们的大脑知道 哦,如果我倾斜 我更好地激活 我的所有感官和听到的气味 |
| 349 | see touch taste better so if someone is leaning in towards you if they're nodding if they're | 如果有人朝你倾斜 如果他们点头的话 |
| 350 | smiling their brain is literally saying take it in tell me more take it in tell me more you just | 笑笑他们的大脑 字面意思是接受它 告诉我更多接受它 告诉我更多你只是 |
| 351 | did another one which I really liked which is the eyebrow raise so the eyebrow raise is also a high | 做了另一个我真的喜欢的是眉毛抬高 所以眉毛抬高也是很高的 |
| 352 | because when we raise our eyebrows up we can actually see our face from farther away | 因为当我们眉毛抬高的时候 我们可以从更远的地方看到我们的脸 |
| 353 | it's a universal engagement cue so when you're listening the first thing you're decoding is for | 这是通用的订婚提示 所以当你在听解码时 |
| 354 | warmth you're looking for any of those five cues are they on my side are they trusting me | 温暖的你正在寻找 任何这五个提示 是他们站在我这边 他们相信我 |
| 355 | if someone is leaning nodding smiling eyebrow raising at you it is very likely that you can | 如果有人朝你点头 微笑的眉毛,你很可能可以 |
| 356 | trust them and they trust you now can you give me the opposite what if you you can't trust someone | 相信他们,他们信任你 现在,你可以给我相反的 如果你不能信任某人 |
| 357 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}我不希望你看到 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}但如果你真的看到的话 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}你应该知道 | |
| 358 | it's really important to take note of them this is how we can prevent toxic people I think from | 记住这些很重要 这也是我们如何防止有毒物质 |
| 359 | coming into our life this is how you know have you ever been on like um it's been a long time | 进入我们的生活,这就是你如何知道你曾经 像嗯,它已经很久了。 |
| 360 | since I've been on a date but with someone and they're giving you all the right answers but | 自从我约会后... ...但有人... ...他们给你正确的答案... |
| 361 | your spidey sense is like something doesn't feel right and you can't figure it out you're like | 你的感觉就像有些事不对劲 你无法想象你的样子 |
| 362 | they said all the right things but I just don't feel like it's right it's yeah that got intuition | 他们说了所有正确的话 但我觉得不对劲 就是有直觉 |
| 363 | like something's just telling you yes your subconscious is incredibly good at reading cues | 就像有些东西在告诉你 是的 你的潜意识非常擅长阅读提示 |
| 364 | but for some reason we've forgotten them kids are babies and kids are actually really good at | 但出于某种原因 我们忘记了孩子是婴儿 孩子们其实很擅长 |
| 365 | reading cues so give your brain it has a superpower and its superpower is to read these cues you have | 让你的大脑拥有超能力 它的超能力就是读取这些超能力 |
| 366 | to give it a voice I think that by learning to know what you're spotting you can go up that's | 给它一个声音 我认为通过学习 知道你在发现什么 你可以上去 |
| 367 | danger zone cue so that's the last area we want to talk about the danger zone cues so | 危险区提示,所以这是我们最后想谈 危险区提示,所以 |
| 368 | warmth competence danger zone danger zone cues are cues that are not horrible in themselves they | 危险区提示本身并不可怕 |
| 369 | just they raise little red flags it makes you think something is being withheld something makes | 只是他们升起小红旗 让你觉得有东西被扣着 东西使 |
| 370 | someone feel shame or guilt there's something going on there there's there's something that's | 有人感到羞耻或内疚 有事情发生 有事情发生 |
| 371 | not congruent there okay so some of our danger zone cues the first one is actually a lip purse | 不一样,好的,所以我们的一些危险区 提示第一个其实是一个唇袋 |
| 372 | so a lip purse is when we smash our lips together Lance Armstrong did this in his Larry King live | 所以嘴皮包就是当我们把嘴唇打碎时 兰斯·阿姆斯特朗在拉里·金的活里做了这个 |
| 373 | interview when he lied about doping this is because liars press their lips together we talked a little | 被采访时他撒谎说要喝这个 是因为骗子把嘴唇挤在一起 我们聊了一会儿 |
| 374 | bit in our last interview so if someone suddenly presses their lips together like let's say that | 所以如果有人突然按住嘴唇 就像我们说的那样 |
| 375 | you ask them a question or let's say that you're you're watching them while that you're they're | 你问他们一个问题 或者说 你在监视他们 而你在监视他们 |
| 376 | and you say yeah you know I just I love to travel they're like | 你说是的,你知道我只是喜欢旅行 他们喜欢 |
| 377 | you might want to stop there stop talking right and switch into not listening mode and be like | 你可能想停下来 停止说话 并切换到不听模式 |
| 378 | oh like do you love to travel have you traveled recently and you might learn oh they do love to | 哦,就像你喜欢旅行 你最近旅行, 你可能会学习 哦,他们真的爱 |
| 379 | travel but they haven't traveled recently because they're afraid of getting sick | 旅行,但他们最近没有旅行 因为害怕生病 |
| 380 | that would be a very helpful thing to know that they're extra cautious so you never know exactly | 如果知道他们特别小心 你永远不知道 |
| 381 | why you're seeing those danger zone cues which is why it's great to do it and then pause and be like | 为什么你看到这些危险区提示 这就是为什么它伟大的做到这一点, 然后暂停,就像 |
| 382 | I'm gonna dig deeper I'm gonna figure out why that happens so a lip purse and it's okay to call | 我会更深入地挖掘 我会想出为什么会这样 嘴皮包和它可以打电话 |
| 383 | someone on the lip purse oh okay so we you have two choices when you see a danger zone cue two | 嘴皮包上的人 哦,好吧,所以我们有两个选择 当你看到一个危险区提示两个 |
| 384 | choices maybe even three choices you see danger zone cue right one is you make a mental note and | 哪怕你看到危险区提示的 三个选择 就是做个心理笔记 |
| 385 | you wait right so I make a mental note he or she lip pursed while I was talking about travel I'm | 你等着我做个心理笔记 他或她嘴皮包 当我谈论旅行时 |
| 386 | gonna try to circle back to that I'm gonna see if it comes up again right so I could bring up travel | 试着回转,我会看看它是否再次出现 |
| 387 | again and see if I see another danger zone cue so just take a note don't do anything | 再看看我是否看到另一个危险区提示 所以只要记个字就别做任何事情 |
| 388 | second is to actually address it right so so do you like travel and the third one which like I'm | 第二,你喜欢旅行吗? |
| 389 | cautious to I'm cautious to share but you can do it because you actually acknowledged you spotted a | 谨慎的我 谨慎的分享 但你可以做到这一点 因为你实际上承认你发现了一个 |
| 390 | cue that's something I would actually do if this takes guts and I'm not surprised you would do it | 暗示如果这需要勇气的话 我也会这么做 我并不惊讶你会这么做 |
| 391 | I'm a little afraid I'm a little afraid to do it but the way that this would sound is if your | 我有点害怕,我有点害怕这样做 但是这听起来就像如果你 |
| 392 | partner is like oh yeah you know I'm fine you say you don't look fine you don't sound fine are you | 搭档就像哦,是啊,你知道我很好 你说你看起来不好吗 你听起来不好吗? |
| 393 | sure you're fine or someone says you know I I'm really upset about that you know you're saying | 确定你没事 或者有人说 你知道我很生气 你知道你说的 |
| 394 | you're upset but are you really upset you don't look upset so you actually call out the discrepancy | 你心烦意乱,但你真的心烦意乱 你看上去不难过 所以你实际上叫出差异 |
| 395 | and to be honest yes the the reason why I do that is to get clarification within myself because it's | 老实说,是的,我这样做的理由是 得到自己的澄清,因为它是 |
| 396 | the deciphering of the cue yeah right it's like well did I read that right did I not and if it's | 破译的提示是没错,我读的对吗? |
| 397 | someone I'm close to yeah I'm always trying to be open about hey you just gave me a signal just | 我和某个人很亲近 我一直想公开你刚刚给我一个信号 |
| 398 | right now that maybe I am misinterpreted yeah as like almost giving them the opportunity and then | 现在也许我被误解了 就像几乎给他们机会 |
| 399 | also if they don't have the confidence to say what they're really feeling it kind of allows them to | 而且如果他们没有信心 说出他们真正的感觉 那种允许他们 |
| 400 | yeah by me saying maybe I misread it and then they can be like actually no I am bothered by this okay | 是啊,我说,也许我读错了, 然后他们可以像实际上没有, 我为这个烦恼,好吗? |
| 401 | so that's a really good point is that you're giving them permission so maybe we don't have to | 所以这是个好点,你正在给他们许可 所以也许我们没必要 |
| 402 | think about it as like I'm calling them on right like I saw a lit purse like that can be a little | 想想看,就像我打电话给他们一样 就像我看到一个点亮的钱包一样,这样可能有点 |
| 403 | harsh but you're giving them permission to be like not okay mm-hmm I think a lot of the times we have | 但你允许他们像不好吗 嗯... 我想很多时候我们有 |
| 404 | a really a lot of pressure to always be okay which is why in relationships professional relationships | 压力很大 总是好, 这就是为什么在关系 专业关系 |
| 405 | and romantic relationships people are like yeah I'm okay I'm okay well they're not okay and so | 和浪漫的关系 人们就像是啊,我没事,我很好 他们不好,所以 |
| 406 | maybe like that's a gift you can give someone to say like listen like it's okay if you're not okay | 也许这就像一个礼物 你可以给别人说 像听,如果你不好吗? |
| 407 | it's okay if you don't like travel or like even like in early dating situations if you see that | 如果你不喜欢旅行 或者喜欢在早期约会时 如果你看到 |
| 408 | and you're like yeah you know I'm I love travel and they show a negative cue can be like you know | 你就像是啊,你知道我爱旅行, 他们显示一个负面的提示可以像你知道 |
| 409 | are you in travel it's totally cool if you're not like that's a gift of permission so that's | 你出行了,这很酷,如果你不喜欢, 这是一个许可的礼物,所以 |
| 410 | also a way of reframing is it's not a call out but it's a gift of permission the other way that this | 换一种方式是,它不是一个召唤 而是一个允许的礼物 另一种方式是,这个 |
| 411 | can sound and this is another danger zone cue or this is a cue that can be good or bad so let's | 可以发出声音,这是另一个危险区提示 或者这个提示可以是好的或坏的,让我们 |
| 412 | talk about it which is the lower lid flex right the lower lid flex so lower lid flex is a really | 说到它,是下盖的弹性右侧 下盖的弹性 所以下盖的弹性是一个真正的 |
| 413 | interesting cue because it can be positive or negative the lower lid flex is what we do when | 有趣的提示,因为它可以是正的或负的 下盖的弹性是我们做的时候 |
| 414 | we want to see something better so when we want to take in a lot of our environment we widen our | 我们想看到更好的东西,所以当我们想 在很多我们的环境 我们扩大我们 |
| 415 | eyes right we widen our eyelids and our eyebrows to take in as much the environment as possible | 眼睛右侧,我们张开眼皮和眉毛 尽可能地吸收环境 |
| 416 | when we want to see details we harden our lower lids and we lessen the amount of light that can | 当我们想看到细节时,我们加固我们的下盖,减少光线可以 |
| 417 | come in so we can see details so if you ask someone do you see that on the floor people will go uh oh | 进来看看细节 如果你问有人 你看见地板上的人会走的 |
| 418 | right when someone is deeply listening when they are really trying to be scrutinizing or intense | 当有人在深思熟虑的时候 当他们真正想仔细检查或紧张的时候 |
| 419 | they will harden their lower lids as if to say really i want to see that better and we do that | 他们会把下层的盖子硬起来 就像说我真的想看到更好的,我们这样做 |
| 420 | even if we're just talking to someone so when i'm asking a question that is particularly complex | 即使我们只是和某人谈话 所以当我问一个特别复杂的问题 |
| 421 | you you lid flex at me and that's great because i know that you're with me you're like deeply | 你对我闪闪发光 那太好了 因为我知道你跟我在一起 |
| 422 | listening you're like okay i'm following i'm following i'm following right so in a romantic | 听着,你就像没事 我跟着我跟着我 右所以在一个浪漫 |
| 423 | situation or interpersonal situation if you see someone lid flex and you're saying something | 情况或人际关系,如果你看到某人 盖着弹性,你说什么 |
| 424 | positive like they're listening and they're like oh they are in it they are in it with you they're | 阳性就像在听 和他们就像哦 他们在里面 他们和你在一起 |
| 425 | trying to understand you yes great if you said something that maybe is a something negative or | 试着理解你,是的伟大的 如果你说的东西 也许是一个负面的东西或 |
| 426 | something that you're trying to do or something they could be skeptical of and they lower lid flex | 你试图做的事情 或者什么 他们可能怀疑 他们降低盖子的弹性 |
| 427 | that might be a moment where you can say does that make sense all good especially in professional | 这可能是一个时刻,你可以说 这样做是有意义的, 特别是专业 |
| 428 | situations that lower lid flex has clued me into something that doesn't make sense | 下盖的弹性让我陷入了 毫无道理的境地 |
| 429 | so if i'm in a team meeting and i notice that someone on a video call does the lower lid flex | 所以,如果我在一个团队会议 我注意到 有人在视频通话 下盖弹性 |
| 430 | when i'm going through a process of our launch or something with the youtube channel i can be like | 当我正在经历一个过程 我们的启动 或东西与Youtube频道 我可以像 |
| 431 | are we all good does that make sense i'm going to pause here and take some questions | 我们是否都做得很好,这有道理 我要暂停在这里 和一些问题 |
| 432 | or even chris is that are you good are we cool that is a really respectful way to see a potentially | 或甚至克里斯是,你是好 我们很酷,这是一个真正尊重的方式 看到一个潜在的 |
| 433 | negative cue and nicely and kindly address it all good any questions anything i can do another | 负面的提示和善意的回答 所有好的问题 任何我能做的 |
| 434 | danger zone cue but we've talked a lot about non-verbal let's talk about vocal yeah so i love | 危险区提示,但我们已经谈了很多 关于非语言的 让我们谈谈声调 是的,我喜欢 |
| 435 | talking about vocal um the question inflection so the question inflection also fondly known as | 说到声调,嗯,问题不响 所以问题不响 也被人们熟知 |
| 436 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}现在我们是在加州 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}就像加州一样 | |
| 437 | so yeah so you know valley girls so they use uptalk which is a question function so they sound | 所以,是的,所以你认识 山谷女孩,所以他们使用 高谈阔论 这是一个问题功能 所以他们听起来 |
| 438 | like this like i'm really happy to be here and it's so great to sit with you and can i ask you | 像这样,我真的很高兴 在这里,它是如此的伟大 与你坐在一起,我可以问你 |
| 439 | some questions so it goes up almost like it is always a question always questions so the | 有些问题,所以它几乎像 它总是一个问题 总是问,所以 |
| 440 | question inflection is great for questions it's a wonderful one to use on questions the problem is | 对问题来说,问题的作用是巨大的 它是一个美妙的用在问题中 |
| 441 | when the question inflection is used on statements and so um liars typically use the question | 当问题被用在语句上 所以嗯 骗子通常用这个问题 |
| 442 | inflection on their lies because they're actually asking do you believe me right so in two truths | 他们撒谎是因为他们在问 你相信我是对的吗? |
| 443 | and a lie we play a lot of two truths and a lie in our lab we talked about this in our last interview | 和谎言,我们玩 很多两个真理和谎言 在我们的实验室 我们在上次采访中谈到这一点 |
| 444 | um i have people come into the lab and they share two truths and why they almost always | 嗯,我有人来到实验室 他们分享两个真理 和为什么他们几乎总是 |
| 445 | will use the question inflection on their life it's amazing so they'll say like um oh yeah uh | 将用问题 在他们的生活中 触动 这是惊人的,所以他们会说 像嗯,哦,是的,呃 |
| 446 | i'm a vegetarian i have two dogs and i love green beans | 我是素食主义者 我有两只狗 我喜欢绿豆 |
| 447 | and that's because they know that one's not a statement they know that one is not true and | 因为他们知道,一个人不是一个声明 他们知道,一个人不是真的, |
| 448 | they're asking are you buying it and do you believe me so the question inflection a danger | 他们要求你买下它,你相信我吗? 这样问题就危险了 |
| 449 | zone is when you're not seeing that match up when someone says something but they use a question | 区是当你没有看到比赛 当有人说些什么,但他们用一个问题 |
| 450 | like in a dating scenario this would make me very nervous if someone said you asked so you know | 就像在约会的情景下 如果有人说你要的话,我会很紧张的 |
| 451 | what's your relationship like with your ex and they said oh we get along really great um you know | 你和前男友的关系怎么样 他们说我们相处得很好 |
| 452 | we we were really friendly and um i really like her those question inflections would make me | 我们真的很友好,嗯 我真的喜欢她 那些问题会让我 |
| 453 | nervous because why if they truly believe it would they be questioning it right and so that | 因为如果他们真的相信,他们为什么会质疑它 |
| 454 | would make me take note of why are we not being authoritative so the opposite of the question | 让我注意到为什么我们不具有权威性 所以问题恰恰相反 |
| 455 | inflection is the authoritative voice tone that's when we go down at the end of our sentences | 声调是权威的语音语调 当我们下到句子的结尾 |
| 456 | a really good example of this is uh former president barack obama so barack obama is | 一个很好的例子就是 前总统巴拉克·奥巴马 所以巴拉克·奥巴马就是 |
| 457 | known for his authoritative tone what barack obama does is he has a lot of space in his mouth | 他以权威的语气而闻名 巴拉克·奥巴马所做的就是 他嘴里有很多空间 |
| 458 | and that creates a nice resonance we can talk about um why that's very charismatic but when | 这创造了一个不错的共鸣 我们可以谈论 嗯,为什么这是非常有魅力 但何时 |
| 459 | you have space in your mouth and your vocal cords it makes you lower it sounds competent and then | 你嘴里有空间 你的声带 它让你更低 听起来很胜任 然后 |
| 460 | slings his voice down at the end of his sentences so here's my i'm gonna do it so you can hear how | 在他最后的句子里,他的声音响下来了 所以我要这么做 这样你才能听到 |
| 461 | it sounds yeah so you'll go um sasha malia it's really important that we talk about this right now | 听起来不错,所以你会去 嗯,莎莎玛莉娅... ... |
| 462 | what's facing our country is a major crisis and if we don't deal with this crisis right now we | 我们国家面临的是重大危机 如果我们现在不处理这个危机 |
| 463 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}那么我显然在胡说八道 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}你听得到卡登斯是个 | |
| 464 | particular kind of cadence and it's it captivates us because he is giving us the opposite of the | 一种特别的胆小, 它吸引了我们 因为他给了我们相反的 |
| 465 | question inflection he's saying i believe my statements so much that i'm going to actually | 他说我相信我的言论 以至于我真的要 |
| 466 | command them down there is no question in my voice and so when we're listening to someone we hear the | 命令他们下去 我的声音里没有问题 所以当我们听到某人的声音时 |
| 467 | question inflection as uncertainty not sure doubt disbelief sometimes deception when we hear someone | 怀疑疑惑有时会欺骗别人 |
| 468 | inflection downward downward downward that's very authoritative almost dominant right i would not | 向下向下,这是非常权威的 几乎占上风的权利,我不会 |
| 469 | recommend that you always use the dominant inflection you should only use the dominant | 建议你总是使用主导功能,你只应该使用主导功能 |
| 470 | inflection when you're really sure of something right like that just made like i'm sure of this | 当你真的确定这样的事情时,我确信 |
| 471 | so it's almost like a punctuator so that i want you to think about inflection too we can't forget | 所以,它几乎像一个插孔, 所以我希望你考虑 插孔太,我们不能忘记 |
| 472 | about inflection as well let's talk about fitness yeah and i love that i just actually want to keep | 我们来谈谈健身问题吧 是的 我喜欢我真正想保持的 |
| 473 | going because you give a great example in the book of like how this really does in real time | 因为你在书中给出了一个很好的例子 说明这在实时中是如何做到的 |
| 474 | actually affect potentially your life so if you can take us through the shark tank story because | 实际上会影响你的生活 如果你能让我们通过鲨鱼缸的故事,因为 |
| 475 | there's so many situations where they don't come back from that that's right or they build a billion | 有很多情况 他们不从那里回来,这是对的 或者他们建造了十亿 |
| 476 | dollar company right okay so what we i love shark tank so shark tank is a show where entrepreneurs | 美元公司好,所以我们喜欢鲨鱼的坦克 鲨鱼的坦克就是企业家的表演 |
| 477 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH | |
| 478 | cues and so my research team and i were curious what makes a successful pitch all of these are | 提示,所以我和我的研究团队 好奇是什么使成功的投注 所有这些都是 |
| 479 | good ideas all of these are successful people they wouldn't make it on the tank if they weren't | 不错的主意 所有这些都是成功的人 他们不会做到这一点 在坦克上,如果他们不是 |
| 480 | why is it that some get a deal and some don't and they're big deals they're not little deals | 为什么有些人得到一个交易,而有些人没有,他们是大交易 他们不是小交易 |
| 481 | so what my research partner jose pina and i did thank you jose for researching all these | 所以我和我的研究伙伴Jose Pina 感谢你Jose研究了这些 |
| 482 | talks is we did he analyzed 495 pitches on shark tank 495 pitches on shark tank 495 pitches on | 说到我们分析过495个投注 在鲨鱼坦克上495个投注 在鲨鱼坦克上495个投注 |
| 483 | a lot of pitches and we coded on as many variables as we could think of because we didn't know what | 许多投球,我们编码 尽可能多的变量,我们可以想到,因为我们不知道什么 |
| 484 | we were going to look for so we looked at hand gestures and smiling and inflection and space | 我们本来想找的 所以我们看了手势 微笑 插曲和空间 |
| 485 | and inner everything we could think of to see if we could find patterns and one of the ones we | 和内在的一切,我们可以想到 看看我们能不能找到模式 和其中之一 |
| 486 | 在这段编码过程中注意到了 Jamesie Simonoff的投手 所以Jamesie Simonoff是戒指的创始人 | |
| 487 | i use ring on my own doorbell it is a massively successful company on millions of homes around | 我用戒指在门铃上 它是一个巨大的成功的公司 在几百万个家庭周围 |
| 488 | the world and it was acquired by amazon for over a billion dollars with a b right what most people | 它被Amazon以十亿多美元收购 拥有一个B类的权利 |
| 489 | don't know is that he almost ruined his company and had a failed shark tank pitch and this is | 不知道他差点毁了他的公司 鲨鱼缸投球失败了 |
| 490 | someone who eventually got funding from shack and richard branson but yet he could not get a deal | 最终从小屋和Richard Branson那里得到资助的人 但他却得不到交易 |
| 491 | in the shark tank and the reason for this is even though it was a great idea he shared it with the | 在鲨鱼缸里 原因就在于 虽然这是个好主意 |
| 492 | wrong cues so what he did is he chose to go into the tank and close the doors now if you ever watch | 错误的提示,所以他所做的是 他选择进入坦克,关闭的门 现在,如果你曾经看 |
| 493 | shark tank there's a really important part of shark tank where you watch the entrepreneur walk | 鲨鱼缸里有个很重要的部分 你看着企业家走 |
| 494 | down the shark tank and that is actually a critical piece of our first impression the reason for this | 这实际上是我们第一印象中的关键部分 原因 |
| 495 | is because of the four space zones and that's because when we are getting to know someone we | 是因为四个空间区 这是因为当我们开始认识某人时 |
| 496 | want to see them come into our personal space so these pitchers would walk down the hallway and | 想要看到他们进入我们的个人空间 这样这些投手就会走下走廊 |
| 497 | they would come into the tank and they would stand on the carpet and they would say hi sharks i'm | 他们会进到坦克里 站在地毯上说"嗨,鲨鱼" |
| 498 | here to pitch you a deal what simonov did and he made a not a great choice with this i don't know | 在这里给你一个交易 西蒙诺夫做了什么 他做了一个不好的选择 这个我不知道 |
| 499 | if it was the producer's fault or not he closed the doors to the tank and he knocked on the shark | 如果这是制片人的错... ...他关闭了坦克的门... ...他敲了鲨鱼... |
| 500 | tank door and he said hello it's jamie and he went up at the end of his his name when we ask | 坦克门,他说你好 是杰米,他上去 在他的名字的末尾,当我们问 |
| 501 | our own name it is the fastest and biggest way that we give away our power it's like saying to | 我们自己的名字,这是最快和最大的方式,让我们放弃我们的力量,就像说 |
| 502 | i'm so not confident in myself that i'm going to ask you my own name i'm going to ask you | 我对我自己太不信任了 我要问你我的名字 我要问你 |
| 503 | permission so he says knock knock knock it's jamie and mark cuban goes you know hi and he says here | 所以他说敲门是Jamie 马克 cudan去你知道的,他说这里 |
| 504 | to pitch so he used two question inflections in the first few seconds of hearing him and that | 所以他用两个问题 反射在听他的最初几秒钟, |
| 505 | immediately gave away his competence it made them doubt him and he had a really hard time taking | 立刻放弃他的能力 让他们怀疑他 他很难接受 |
| 506 | having those sharks taken seriously they would not take his deal seriously and they eventually | 他们不会认真对待他的交易 最终 |
| 507 | excused him from the tank and i think it was all in those first few seconds that question | 把他从油箱里放出来 我想这都是在最初几秒钟里才问到的 |
| 508 | reflection is so so powerful i love that so much because that really does drive home exactly what | 反射是如此的强大,我爱的如此多 因为那真的 驱动回家 究竟什么 |
| 509 | you're saying it's not about all the other like the big totality of sometimes it can be these tiny | 你说的不是其他所有的事情 像是大整体的... 有时可能是这么小 |
| 510 | tiny freaking minute things and it's not about what he was trying to sell because like you just said | 微小的瞬间的事情 和他想要卖的东西无关 因为就像你刚才说的 |
| 511 | it was a billion dollar company so great idea it's a great idea yes so it's not even about | 10亿美元的公司 如此伟大的想法 这是一个伟大的想法 是的,所以它甚至没有 |
| 512 | the product it is the delivery and the delivery then makes something either a smash success | 产品是送货,然后送货 要么就成功 |
| 513 | or it ends up being you know 20 years later you're like i had this idea for a ring thing | 否则20年后你就会知道 我对戒指的想法 |
| 514 | and i didn't get a funding so and this is i think the jamie simonoff is incredibly intelligent he's | 我没有得到资金 所以我觉得杰米·西蒙诺夫非常聪明 |
| 515 | incredibly smart he had an incredible idea and so this is the problem again smart people suffer | 非常聪明,他有一个不可思议的主意, 所以这是问题再次聪明人受苦 |
| 516 | with this this is not a problem of people who aren't smart enough this is actually the problem | 其实这不是一个不聪明的人的问题 |
| 517 | of people who are too smart very very smart people they prep for an interview or negotiation | 那些太聪明的人 他们准备面试或谈判 |
| 518 | or presentation and they prep their ideas they want their ideas to be amazing right they're | 或展示,他们准备 他们的想法 他们希望他们的想法是惊人的,对 |
| 519 | pitching to their boss or their team they want they have their dream job and they're like i have | 投给他们的老板或球队 他们希望他们有他们的梦想工作 他们就像我有 |
| 520 | to have the perfect answer and so they script out the perfect answer and they go in there and | 得到一个完美的答案, 所以他们写出 完美的答案,他们去那里, |
| 521 | they're blindsided they don't know why they're giving the perfect answers but people are on | 他们视而不见 他们不知道他们为什么 给出完美的答案 但人们开始 |
| 522 | their computer checking their email they're not getting any nods or any smiles or any leans they're | 他们的电脑检查他们的邮件 他们没有得到任何点头 任何微笑 或任何精华 |
| 523 | not seeing any of those warmth cues and they're like what's going on and that's just like jamie | 没有看到任何这些温暖的提示 他们就像发生了什么,那就像杰米 |
| 524 | simonoff if you are smart you might run into this problem or people underestimate you and your ideas | Simonoff 如果你聪明 你可能会遇到这个问题 或者人们低估你和你的想法 |
| 525 | because you are not delivering them the right competence and warmth yeah oh my god it's so | 因为你没有给他们合适的能力 和温暖 耶,我的上帝,这是如此 |
| 526 | powerful it really is um you actually mentioned space zone yeah i really want to go into this | 威力很大,真的,嗯,你实际上提到太空区 是的,我真的很想进去 |
| 527 | because i it was like the first time i'd really heard about how you break it down yeah so this | 因为我好像第一次听说 你是如何破解的 |
| 528 | i also when i read this science and this is research that i was like oh this is happening | 当我读到这个科学 和这个研究,我就像 哦,这正在发生 |
| 529 | invisibly it feels like there are these invisible rules that are happening in our interactions that | 隐形地感觉我们互动中 有一些无形的规则 |
| 530 | we're not aware of and then we accidentally trip over or break so one of my goals of this is like | 我们不知道,然后我们不小心 绊倒或打破 所以我的目标之一 |
| 531 | no more invisible like let's make them invisible cues so here's one of them which is that there are | 别再隐形了 就像我们让他们隐形一样 所以这里有一个是 |
| 532 | four space zones the fancy word for this is proxemics if you want to get fancy yeah um and so | 4个空间区,这个花哨的词是 proxemics 如果你想变得花哨 是啊,嗯,所以 |
| 533 | this is across genders and cultures and races although that there are some cultural differences | 尽管存在一些文化差异,但性别、文化和种族是不同的。 |
| 534 | between exactly how big each are but there are still four zones they are the public zone which | 但还有四个区域是公共区, |
| 535 | is further than seven feet away so further from seven feet away from someone you can't really see | 离你无法真正看到的人的七尺远 |
| 536 | their facial expressions that well you kind of have to speak up for them to hear you that's | 他们的面部表情... ...你不得不为他们说话... ...以听到你的声音... |
| 537 | considered the public zone strangers we like them to stay in our public zone where they can't reach | 考虑一下我们喜欢的陌生人 留在我们的公共区域 他们无法到达 |
| 538 | out and hurt us there we can't really see them very closely they kind of keep their distance | 在那里伤害我们,我们不能真正看到他们 非常接近他们 那种保持距离 |
| 539 | the next zone is called the social zone the social zone is around uh three or four feet seven feet | 下一区叫社会区 社会区在三四英尺七英尺左右 |
| 540 | this is where we can see facial expressions we can talk pretty easily this is where we spend like | 这就是我们可以看到面部表情的地方 我们可以很轻松地交谈 |
| 541 | networking events or at bars and clubs we might be sitting near someone in that zone the next zone | 网络活动,或酒吧和俱乐部 我们可能坐在附近 在下一个区域的人 |
| 542 | is the personal zone the personal zone is about a foot and a half to three feet away again a little | 是个人区域 个人区域大约一英尺半到三英尺 |
| 543 | bit different based on culture that's where we really have deep conversations this is the | 基于文化的不同,我们真的有深层对话 |
| 544 | perfect distance for us to have a deep conversation if i were closer to you i would be in my in your | 如果我更接近你 我会在你身边 |
| 545 | intimate zone your intimate zone is 18 inches away from you and that would be way too close right | 离你18英寸远 离你太近了 |
| 546 | that's like pre-kissing yeah when you're in the 18 inch zone you're too close the problem is is | 这就像亲吻前 是的 当你在18英寸区域 你太近了 问题是 |
| 547 | that we are messing this up digitally in what i call digital close talking have you ever had a | 我们用数字方式把这事搞砸 我称之为数字近距离谈话 你曾经有过 |
| 548 | talker most older people all you see is like they're they're like the mouth and they're like | 最老的人你看到的是 他们就像他们像嘴,他们就像 |
| 549 | it's and they talk into your mouth i know i know they're like they're literally like hello i know | 他们用嘴说话 我知道他们就像... |
| 550 | so yes so close talkers uh if you watch the jerry seinfeld episode close talking you might be | 所以,是的,如此亲密的谈话者 呃,如果你看 Jerry Seinfeld 的插曲 关闭说话你可能 |
| 551 | familiar with this but now what's happening is what i call digital close talking so in real life | 熟悉这个,但现在发生的事 我称之为数字闭合 说话这样在现实生活中 |
| 552 | we're kind of vaguely aware of these zones i know not to walk up into your intimate space | 我们有点模糊地意识到这些区域 我知道不会走进你的亲密空间 |
| 553 | but digitally what's happening is we're hopping on video and the camera is 18 inches from our | 但从数字角度来说,我们是在视频上购物 相机距离我们18英寸 |
| 554 | face and so all of a sudden our very first impression is whoa we're in someone's own and | 所以突然间我们的第一个印象是 哇,我们是在某人自己的和 |
| 555 | we don't know why have you ever had like that awkward uh at the start of a video call we were | 我们不知道你为什么会有 像这样尴尬 呃,在视频通话开始时,我们是 |
| 556 | like i'm on camera it's probably because either you are too close to your camera or they are too | 就像我在摄像头上一样 可能是因为你太靠近摄像头了 |
| 557 | close to their camera instinctively your brain goes too close too close too close awkward awkward | 靠近相机的本能 你的大脑太近 太近 太尴尬了 |
| 558 | and you'll notice i've seen this on video calls we will hop on too close and there's like this | 你会注意到我在视频通话中见过这个 我们会跳到太近的地方 像这样 |
| 559 | oh uh hi and they both sit back and they're like so how's it going it's like they had to get out | 哦,呃,嗨,他们都坐下来, 他们喜欢,怎么样 事情是这样的, |
| 560 | of that zone so please please please measure the distance between the tip of your nose | 请测量你鼻尖之间的距离 |
| 561 | to your camera i love how precise you are i mean let's get precise right yeah so like measure the | 对你的相机,我喜欢你有多精确,我的意思是,让我们得到 准确的,是啊,就像测量 |
| 562 | tip of your nose to your camera and make sure you are at least 18 inches away if you are taking | 把鼻子尖伸到摄像头上 保证你至少离摄像头18英寸远 |
| 563 | selfies just keep in mind closer than 18 inches away is intimate so if you are on a dating profile | 离18英寸外的自拍是亲密的 所以如果你在约会档案上 |
| 564 | you might want that right you might want something that's up and close and personal intimate that is | 你可能想要那权利 你可能想要的东西 与近 和私人亲密是 |
| 565 | going to send off intimate signals if you are like just getting to know someone if it's a | 如果你只是了解某人,如果这是一个 |
| 566 | profile picture linkedin profile picture if you're farther away so this is more than 18 inches away | 剖面图片链接到剖面图片,如果你离这里更远的话,那么它离这里超过18英寸 |
| 567 | this is going to be more casual that you'll notice it when people are doing like personal | 这会是更随意的,你会注意到 当人们做 像个人 |
| 568 | 你知道Snapchats或Instagram或tiktoks 他们就在这里 他们真的很接近 | |
| 569 | telling you how it is when they're a little further away hey guys just want to tell you about | 告诉你,当他们 有点远的时候,嘿家伙只是想告诉你 |
| 570 | morning smoothie right it's further away so we're aware of these but i want you to use them to your | 早上Slutie右 它的更远,所以我们知道这些 但我希望你用它们来你的 |
| 571 | advantage and i also want you to use them for decoding so we're talking about decoding people | 我也希望你用它们来解码 所以我们在谈解码 |
| 572 | see how close people get to you are they sending you videos and pictures here or here when they | 看人们怎么接近你 他们给你发的视频和图片在这里或在这里 |
| 573 | walk up to you in a meeting or in a bar at a restaurant are they planting at four feet away | 在会场或餐厅的酒吧里走过去 他们四尺外就栽培 |
| 574 | they want to sit next to you on the table are they coming into your intimate space to give | 他们想坐在你旁边 坐在桌子上 他们进入你的亲密空间 |
| 575 | you a hug or a cheek kiss then staying in the personal zone that is going to indicate to you | 拥抱或脸颊吻 然后留在个人区域 以示你 |
| 576 | how close they are and how close they want to get so it's a really great tool for decoding actually | 他们离得有多近,又有多近 所以它是一个很好的解码工具 |
| 577 | yeah that's so i love that you said that and then um that kind of makes me then think of something | 是啊,我太喜欢你说的了 然后,嗯,那种让我想到一些东西 |
| 578 | else you talk about which is fronting yes and um currently found wrong also like if you sit next | 说到前面的是"是" 而目前你发现错了 就像你坐在下一个 |
| 579 | {\fn黑体\fs20\shad2\2aH82\3aH20\4aH33\fscx95\3cH592001\be1}对着某人对像 因为约会时事情就是这样 {\fn黑体\fs20\shad2\2aH82\3aH20\4aH33\fscx95\3cH592001\be1}就像你坐在你旁边 | |
| 580 | the person you're dating or do you sit opposite the person okay so this is a couple different | 你约会的人,还是你坐在人对面,好吗? |
| 581 | things like let's unpack them because those are actually really really good questions they can | 像让我们拆开它们 因为那些其实是非常好的问题 他们可以 |
| 582 | affect your entire date and i actually looked into there's a lot of research on seating so we | 影响你的整个约会 我实际上调查了很多关于座位的研究 所以我们 |
| 583 | can talk about yes please i know i love this subject so much it matters yes it matters okay | 我可以说是的,请我知道,我爱这个话题 所以重要的是是的,没关系的 |
| 584 | so first fronting which i love so fronting is sort of a side cue to space and the reason for this is | 所以我喜欢的第一面 有点像太空的侧面提示 原因就是 |
| 585 | fronting is when we angle our body towards what we're talking with so if we're fully fronting | 正面是当我们把身体 转向我们说话的,所以如果我们是完全正面 |
| 586 | our toes our torso and our heads are fully in alignment right you would know now by the way | 我们的脚趾 我们的躯干和我们的头 完全一致 |
| 587 | we don't do the interview like this as much because then it kind of is exclusive yeah it's | 我们没有这样做采访 因为它是独家的 |
| 588 | not as inclusive to everyone that's the only reason why because i way prefer facing someone | 并不是每个人都能包容 因为我更喜欢面对一个人 |
| 589 | head-on than i do like at the side but it's but that but i just think this is what's interesting | 头顶上比我喜欢在侧面,但这是, 但我只是认为这是有趣的 |
| 590 | is the way that you have your chairs angled the way that we're set up is actually beautiful | 让你的椅子被摆到 我们的设置方式其实是美丽的 |
| 591 | because i'm saying when i really want to talk to you i'll angle the top of me towards you | 因为我说,当我真的想跟你说话时 我会把头朝你倾斜 |
| 592 | and then i'll also kind of angle out towards the cameras it's actually a way of being inclusive if | 然后我也会从镜头的角度出发 这其实是一种包容的方式 如果 |
| 593 | we did the entire interview like this everyone would feel really left out right we don't want | 我们做了整个采访 像这样,每个人都会觉得 真正被忽略 右我们不希望 |
| 594 | to feel left out so when you're in an important interaction and you want them to feel like you | 感觉自己被忽略了 所以当你在 一个重要的互动,你希望他们 感觉喜欢你 |
| 595 | are there and you also want to decode are they really on the same page as me watch their toes | 你还想解码吗? 他们真的和我一样 看着他们的脚趾 |
| 596 | watch their toes when we are really into someone anecdotally we found that we can usually predict | 看着他们的脚趾 当我们真正进入某人的传闻 我们发现,我们通常可以预测 |
| 597 | office crushes we can not always anecdotally i can usually go to like a christmas party or like a | 办公室的粉碎不能总是传闻 我通常可以去 像圣诞派对或像 |
| 598 | work party and by looking at people's toes i can usually tell where the office crushes are | 工作派对和看人们的脚趾 我通常能分辨办公室的粉碎位置 |
| 599 | and that is because when we have a crush on someone we want to be fully engaged with them so we point | 这是因为当我们迷恋某个人时... ...我们想与他们充分接触... ...所以我们指出 |
| 600 | our toes towards that person and that's what we want to move towards when we're walking towards | 我们的脚趾对着那个人 这就是我们想向着 |
| 601 | something we angle our toes towards them so in a good interaction on shark tank someone starts in | 我们把脚趾对准它们 所以在鲨鱼缸上的良好互动 |
| 602 | the public zone they walk into the walk through the social zone walk into the personal zone | 他们走进公共区 走进社会区 走进个人区 |
| 603 | and in a really good pitch they reach over and they hand out tasty treats they reach over and | 在一个非常不错的球场里,他们伸手, 散发美味的款待,他们伸手, |
| 604 | hand out samples we actually found that interactivity was the number one predictor of what pitch would go | 发出样本,我们发现交互作用 是头号预测器 投出什么 |
| 605 | well and i think it had to do with fronting and space is it if the person remained on the carpet | 好吧,我想这和前面和空间有关 如果这个人留在地毯上 |
| 606 | the whole time they were always in the social zone it's really hard to connect with someone deeply | 一直以来,他们总是在社会区 它真的很难联系到一个人 |
| 607 | and trust them and give them your money if they're in the social zone so the really good pitchers | 相信他们,给他们你的钱 如果他们在社交领域 所以真正的好投手 |
| 608 | would have some reason to cross over into the shark zone so they would be like oh you know here | 这样他们就会像这里一样 |
| 609 | here's a puppy for you or you know here's a salsa for you to taste or here's a cupcake for you | 这里有一个小狗给你,或者你知道 这里有一个萨尔萨给你品尝,或者这里有一个蛋糕给你 |
| 610 | and they'd walk into their shark's intimate zone hand them something and if you watch on camera | 他们走进鲨鱼的亲密区域 给他们一些东西 如果你看着镜头 |
| 611 | they'll actually lean down front with them and say here you go barbara here lori here kevin | 他们真的会和他们一起靠在前面 说这里是野蛮人 这里是罗里 |
| 612 | for a brief moment of full fronting right full alignment and also a real brief moment in that | 以短暂的瞬间 完全靠前 右完全对齐 以及真正短暂的瞬间 |
| 613 | intimate zone and i think that those sharks were literally like ah this person i trust them enough | 我觉得那些鲨鱼就像啊 这个人 我足够信任他们了 |
| 614 | to be close to me i'm much more likely to get engaged with them yeah i so yeah so fronting | 接近我 我更可能和他们订婚 是的,我是如此的正面 |
| 615 | space zones right so to show engagement angle your toes towards the person you're with the most | 以显示你的脚趾与你最亲近的人的交火角度 |
| 616 | important person in the room a boss a vip angle your toes towards them even if you're across the | 房间里的重要人物 老板会用脚指着你的脚趾 |
| 617 | room and if you want to know if someone is very into you or aligned with you watch their toes | 房间,如果你想知道 有人对你非常感兴趣 或与你结盟 看着他们的脚趾 |
| 618 | it's not a great date if someone is angled out and this always makes me really nervous when i | 如果有人有角度的话,那不是个好约会 这总是让我很紧张 |
| 619 | love my husband and i sit at restaurants i'm like you know we like guess we have a game | 爱我丈夫,我坐在餐厅... ...我想你知道,我们喜欢猜测我们有一个游戏 |
| 620 | yeah we do too are they on their fourth day yeah yeah exactly and so like are they on their fifth | 是啊,我们也一样,他们是 他们的第四天 是的,是准确的,他们也是一样 他们的第五 |
| 621 | date are they friends are they going well is it not going well we love doing it and one of the | 约会,他们的朋友 他们走好,是不是它走好 我们喜欢这样做 |
| 622 | easiest ways to tell if it's going well or not is if someone is you know angled away yeah and they're | 说得最简单 说得没错 说得没错 |
| 623 | just giving you head attention their body and their feet are looking somewhere else they are | 他们的脚在寻找别的地方 |
| 624 | not fully engaged with you it is a sign of non-verbal respect to say i'm going to angle my entire | 没有与你充分接触 这是一种非口头尊重的标志 说我要对我的整个 |
| 625 | body towards you this also can happen if you're on a date or you're in an interaction and you | 身体朝你走去 如果你在约会 或者在互动中 |
| 626 | say something that made someone disengage so if you say something that makes them nervous | 说些令别人脱离的东西 如果你说些让他们紧张的话 |
| 627 | like you know and i really really want to have a family i really want to have children | 就像你知道 我真的很想有一个家庭 我真的很想有孩子 |
| 628 | yeah yeah you know i've always i've always i've thought about kids too and they shift the body | 是啊,是啊,你知道我一直 我一直想着孩子,他们转移身体 |
| 629 | shift their body out in a way that's a literal signal that we can't control a listening cue | 改变身体的方式 是一个字面的信号, 我们不能控制一个听提示 |
| 630 | right if someone's like oh and it shapes a lot that that somehow disengaged them or made them | 如果有人像OH,它塑造了很多 以某种方式脱离他们或制造他们 |
| 631 | just a little bit nervous and so you also want to look for sudden not fronting or distancing it's | 只是有点紧张,所以你也想寻找 突然,不是正面或距离它。 |
| 632 | called distancing um for looking at the actual cue so the one thing that actually you do talk about | 被称作"远征",因为你看到了实际的提示 所以,你真正谈论的一件事 |
| 633 | though is also context because it's like you know some people may go okay i've watched the episode | 虽然也是背景,因为你好像知道 有些人可能会走好 我看过这集 |
| 634 | i've read you know venice van edwin's book cues i got this i know oh my god their toes aren't | 我读过你认识Venice van Edwin的书提示... ...我知道我知道,哦,我的上帝... ...他们的脚趾不是 |
| 635 | me screw that i'm not going on a second date they weren't interested okay okay okay yes yes yes so | 我操,我不会去 第二次约会,他们不感兴趣 好吧,好吧,是的,是的 |
| 636 | first of all always give someone the non-verbal benefit of the doubt right so there's actually | 首先,总是给一个人 非语言的好处 怀疑的权利,所以实际上有 |
| 637 | research on this um there's i think we talked about this last time the polliana effect it's | 关于这个的研究,我想我们谈过了 这最后一次的花粉效应是 |
| 638 | always better to assume good yes so i do want to say that first is this is not about gotcha moments | 总是更好的假设是的 所以我想说 首先 这不是关于得到的瞬间 |
| 639 | it's actually the more you can assume good in people and good intentions the more accurate you | 事实上,你越能假设好人,好意就越准确 |
| 640 | are the second thing is there are 96 cues in the book so we've maybe talked about eight yeah right | 第二件事是书里有96个提示 所以我们也许谈了8个 |
| 641 | so this is good right but there are a lot of cues the 96 cues isn't even all of the cues like i had | 所以,这是好的,但有很多提示 96提示甚至不是所有的提示 像我有 |
| 642 | to cut cues because it was just too long so first is there's a lot uh packed into all those signals | 因为时间太长了,所以首先... 有很多 呃... |
| 643 | we also want to look at contexts and clusters those two c's that protect us context and clusters | 我们还想看看背景和集群 保护我们的背景和集群 |
| 644 | protect us as decoders if you want to be really accurate reading people you have to focus on | 保护我们作为解码器 如果你想真正准确 阅读的人,你必须专注于 |
| 645 | context and clusters so context very simply is what is the context you're in so for example if | 上下文和集群,所以上下文非常简单 就是你所处的环境,例如如果 |
| 646 | you're in a loud bar or nightclub and it's people can't hear you they might lean in to hear you | 你在一个响亮的酒吧或夜总会里 人们听不到你,他们可能会靠着听 |
| 647 | that might not be a warmth cue right yeah they literally might be like what was that and you're | 可能不是一个温暖的提示 对,他们字面上可能是 是什么,你是 |
| 648 | like oh head tell lean in he likes me yeah but he is just contextually leaning in to hear you | 像头一样说,倾斜在 他喜欢我 是的,但他只是 上下文倾斜 听到你 |
| 649 | right so you always want to think is there a reason this could be happening contextually | 你总想着,这是有原因的 |
| 650 | if someone suddenly distanced so their best friend just walk in the room right do they need | 如果突然有人离家出走 所以他们最好的朋友就走在房间里 他们需要吗? |
| 651 | a waiter are they looking for a drink do they have to go party so always think about context what | 服务生在找饮料 他们非去派对不可 所以总想着背景 |
| 652 | is another explanation especially if it's a negative cue if you've seen a negative cue is | 这是另一个解释,特别是如果它是一个负提示 如果你已经看到一个负提示是 |
| 653 | there any benefit of the doubt i can give them for context can i tell you something that i do now | 有任何好处,我可以给他们 上下文 我可以告诉你一件事,我现在做 |
| 654 | because like this is really like um made my radar of the you know the crossing of the arms right | 因为像这样的,就像嗯... ...让我的雷达,你知道右臂的交叉 |
| 655 | you know now at this point we know that crossing the arms is kind of like well this i'm protecting | 你知道,现在,我们知道 过臂是有点好 我保护 |
| 656 | my space closed off yes but you even say in the book what if it's freaking cold so the funny thing | 我的空间关闭了 是的,但你甚至在书里说 如果它太冷了,那么有趣的事情 |
| 657 | as i was reading it i was like oh i actually realized what i start doing if i cross my arms | 当我读它,我就像 哦,我真的意识到 我开始做什么 如果我交叉我的手臂 |
| 658 | because i'm cold i say out loud yes i'm like oh it's actually quite chilly yeah and now people | 因为我很冷,我大声地说,是的,我很喜欢 哦,它实际上很冷 是的,现在的人 |
| 659 | know i'm not being like closed off yes yes yes so the other power here the confidence here is if | 知道我不是像关闭 是的是的 所以这里的另外一个权力 |
| 660 | you know what cues mean you can say to people what you mean right so yes oh my goodness it's | 你知道什么是暗示 你可以对别人说 你的意思对了 所以是的,哦,我的天啊 |
| 661 | it's chilly right you can actually say that someone or like you can give explanation for | 这很冷,你可以说, 某人或喜欢你解释 |
| 662 | your cues or like i'm so sorry i'm having a bad day so if i have you know rbf today that's why | 你的提示或者说我很抱歉 我今天很不好 所以如果我今天知道 rbf |
| 663 | but you can literally say that to people and i do say that to people so yes that is super powerful | 但你可以直截了当地对人说 我确实对人说 |
| 664 | and that there's a beauty in sharing why you know the cues you're sending right okay so if you know | 和有一个美丽的分享 为什么你知道提示 你发送的权利,所以如果你知道 |
| 665 | your own context think of other contexts always give someone the benefit of the doubt the last | 你对其它背景的思考 总是给某人带来最后的怀疑 |
| 666 | one to protect ourselves as decoder is looking for a cluster so a cluster is you never take one | 一个保护自己,因为解码器 正在寻找一个集群,所以一个集群 你从来没有拿一个 |
| 667 | cue by itself right if you take one cue by itself it could be anything right like if someone touches | 如果你自己接受一个提示,它就等于有人碰 |
| 668 | their nose it could be they have allergies or there's a fuzz on their nose or they just have | 他们的鼻子可能是过敏 或者鼻子上有绒毛 或者他们只是有 |
| 669 | an itch right it's because when we talked about reception last time right we touch our nose but | 因为上次我们讨论接待的时候 我们碰了鼻子 |
| 670 | someone might have allergies so it's the same thing with any other non-verbal cue is i you notice i | 可能有人过敏 所以和任何其他非语言提示一样 |
| 671 | mentioned like five warmth cues and i mentioned like five danger zone cues because i don't want | 提到像五个温暖的提示 我提到像五个危险区提示 因为我不想 |
| 672 | to look at a cue by itself right so we're looking for the combo the cluster of nod smile eyebrow | 自己看一个提示,所以我们寻找组合 点头笑眉 |
| 673 | rays flex lid we're looking for all those together that signals yes like i'm having a warm interaction | 光线闪闪发光的盖子,我们一起寻找那些 表示是的,就像我有一个温暖的互动 |
| 674 | same thing with danger zone cues i saw a lit purse and a distancing behavior and they disengaged oh | 危险区提示也一样 我看见一个点亮的钱包 和散漫的行为 他们脱离了 |
| 675 | shoot they use the question reflection i needed i need to dig deeper right and it's actually a | 拍摄他们用我需要的 问题反射 我需要挖掘更深的右侧 实际上这是一个 |
| 676 | confirmation can you confirm it oh yeah can you verbally confirm all good you okay are you sure | 你能确认一下吗? 你能口头确认一下一切情况吗? |
| 677 | you feel that way right the last one i love that is that the same is because i've heard you say | 你这样想对了 我最爱的就是一样 因为我听到你说 |
| 678 | contempt is one of those ones where we actually very often misread and you know contempt is the | 藐视是其中之一 我们实际上经常误读 你知道藐视是 |
| 679 | four horsemen of the apocalypse you know it's just it is literally the danger to every relationship | 启示录上的四位骑手 你知道这只是对每段关系的威胁 |
| 680 | man contempt is a really good one these seas are especially important for contempt because | 人类蔑视是件好事 这些海洋对藐视尤其重要 因为 |
| 681 | contempt you have to make sure you're actually seeing it and what why you're seeing it so | 藐视法庭,你必须确定你是否真的看到... ...以及你为什么看到它这样 |
| 682 | contempt very simply universally is a one-sided mouth raise so someone just smirks their mouth | 轻蔑是一派胡言 所以有人会笑着说 |
| 683 | either side right kind of like a it's like a smirk if you try this by the way and tap into | 右两侧都像笑脸一样 如果你试一下 摸摸看 |
| 684 | how you feel really intuitive people will actually feel kind of better than like yeah all right | 你感觉如何 真正直观的人 会觉得 那种更好 比喜欢是好的 |
| 685 | whatever it's like a better than it's like a scorned disdain it's it's negative the problem | 不管它比它更好, 它像一个鄙视的蔑视 它是一个消极的问题 |
| 686 | is most people think of the contempt smirk as okay or half happiness i see so many profile pictures | 大多数人都认为轻蔑的笑容是好的 或一半的幸福 我看到这么多的档案图片 |
| 687 | or people are like i'm like what are you doing you're showing contempt by accident because | 或者人们都喜欢我 你在干嘛 无意中表现出蔑视 |
| 688 | it's trying it's like apathetic it's like kind of look cool but actually it's an incredibly | 它在尝试它像无悲观 它看起来像一种很酷的,但实际上它是一个不可思议的 |
| 689 | negative cue in our body language quiz we have body language quiz where we have people just | 身体语言测试中的阴性提示 我们有身体语言测试 在那里我们有人们 |
| 690 | test themselves on facial expressions contempt is the number one cue people get wrong number one | 在面部表情上测试自己 藐视是头号线索 人们搞错了头号 |
| 691 | cue and they usually think it's boredom and it's the opposite of boredom so what dr john gotman | 他们通常觉得无聊 和无聊相反 |
| 692 | found and this is like the most incredible one of the most incredible research experiments in the | 这就像最不可思议的 研究实验之一 |
| 693 | book i think dr john gotman is a marriage and family counselor in seattle and he looked at | 我想约翰·盖德曼博士是 座椅上的婚姻和家庭顾问 |
| 694 | married couples and he wanted to know why couples stay together and why couples get divorced and can | 他想知道为什么夫妇在一起 和为什么夫妇离婚 |
| 695 | you predict it so he brought couples into his love lab and he tested them on everything he could think | 你预言他会把情侣带进他的爱情实验室 测试他能想到的一切 |
| 696 | of so from body language to answers to history to health to children to where they lived to economic | 从身体语言到历史、健康、儿童生活、经济、 |
| 697 | status he looked at everything he could think of and he found that there was only one single | 他看了他能想到的一切 他发现只有一个 |
| 698 | indicator of divorce that couples who showed contempt only one member of the couple had to do | 表示对夫妻一方蔑视的离婚指标 |
| 699 | it during the initial intake interview were 93 likely to get divorced 93 so if one member of | 在初次录取面谈期间,有93人可能离婚。 |
| 700 | that's my wife i see or uh she's really a anal yeah really a obsessive compulsive | 我老婆,我看见了,或者,呃,她真的是一个肛门 是的,真的强迫性 |
| 701 | and i showed that little contempt contempt is the only emotion that doesn't go away | 我展现了一点轻蔑的蔑视 是唯一没有消失的情感 |
| 702 | so why this is such a predictor of divorce is because most of our emotions now this is | 因此,为什么这是一个这样的 离婚预测 因为我们大多数的情绪 现在这是 |
| 703 | important to know as decoders most emotions fade quickly happiness comes in a burst and then you | 作为解码器 大部分情绪迅速消逝 幸福就会突然爆发 然后你 |
| 704 | go back to normal fear comes all at once and you self-suit anger comes and you calm yourself down | 回到正常的恐惧中去 你自以为是的愤怒中来了 你冷静下来 |
| 705 | but contempt it's like a it sits and it festers contempt or disrespect or hatred if you feel | 但蔑视它就像它坐着 它会恶化 蔑视或不尊重或仇恨 如果你觉得 |
| 706 | better than someone feel that better than and it's not addressed it grows and it grows and then you | 比别人感觉更好,它没有解决 它生长,它生长,然后你 |
| 707 | can't even look at your spouse for doing that you get annoyed with everything they do | 甚至不能看你的配偶 做你烦 与他们所做的一切 |
| 708 | that's what that seed of contempt is and so if you see contempt on someone's face | 这就是那种蔑视的种子 所以如果你看到藐视别人的面孔 |
| 709 | ccc is it a cluster what's the context is there any other reason they could feel contempt | ccc是一个集群,什么是上下文 是任何其他原因 他们可能感到蔑视 |
| 710 | and lastly confirm what made them feel contempt it's not always obvious by the way you don't | 并最后确认是什么让他们觉得蔑视... ... |
| 711 | always know why someone chose contempt i learned this cue many many years ago and ever since then | 总是知道为什么有人选择藐视法庭 很多年前我学会了这个暗示 从那时起 |
| 712 | i am very aware of making sure i figure out is it self-contempt sometimes people feel contentious | 我非常清楚我是否知道 有时候人们会觉得有争议 |
| 713 | of themselves they don't like their own thought sometimes it's something that's being said | 他们不喜欢自己的想法 有时有人说 |
| 714 | something that's where they are since that they're hungry i mean you don't always know | 有些东西是因为他们饿了,所以他们在那里... ...我的意思是,你并不总是知道 |
| 715 | what it is that's why i like that last piece of confirming hey what's going on be like look i | 是什么,这就是为什么我喜欢最后的一块 证实嘿嘿,什么是怎么回事 看起来像我 |
| 716 | want to be honest with you sometimes you show me contempt when i talk about x what is it what's | 老实说,有时你让我觉得很鄙视 当我在谈论什么 |
| 717 | going on i think that kind of verbalization is like incredibly powerful for relationships | 继续说下去 我觉得这种口语化 就像是对感情的强大 |
| 718 | i love that because didn't i think you even said like that stat they can even do it with the audio | 我很喜欢,因为你甚至不 说这样的STAT,他们甚至可以做到这一点 用音频 |
| 719 | off i don't even have to listen to the words that are coming out of the couple's mouth | 我甚至不用听那对夫妇嘴里说的话 |
| 720 | if one of them shows that sign if dr gotman can watch thank you for adding that that's what's so | 如果其中之一显示标志 如果Gosterman博士可以看 感谢你添加,这就是为什么 |
| 721 | crazy he can watch silent videos of couples and tell you with 93.6 accuracy that couple's going | 疯狂的,他可以看 沉默的夫妇视频 并以93.6的准确性告诉你 夫妇去 |
| 722 | to get divorced i mean that is a shocking statistic but that's what he's looking for he's | 离婚,我的意思是 这是一个令人震惊的统计 但他正在寻找 |
| 723 | looking for that emotion and that's what decoders do i think if you really want to be accurate at | 寻找那种情感,这就是解码器会做的 如果你真的想准确点 |
| 724 | people you're looking for what are the hidden emotions that someone doesn't feel safe sharing | 你要找的人是什么 隐藏的情感 人感觉不安全分享 |
| 725 | and one can you address them but two can you make them feel more safe right like a really accurate | 一个人可以和他们说话 但两人可以让他们觉得 更安全 |
| 726 | decoder has nothing to decode it's all good they create safe spaces for people right really good | 解码器没什么好解码的 他们能为人创造安全空间 |
| 727 | decoders don't have a lot they have to do because they're constantly open and having safe spaces | 解码器不需要做很多事情 因为他们经常打开 并且有安全的空间 |
| 728 | for people to share and not hide emotions when people don't have to hide emotions they're not | 当人们不必隐藏情绪时,他们可以分享而不是隐藏情绪 |
| 729 | hiding or sharing that they don't have to have to hide from you oh my god homie i freaking adore | 隐藏或分享,他们不必 躲你 哦,我的上帝,我的爱人 |
| 730 | you your book is so damn fire i freaking adore this woman but it all came down to when i've read | 你那本书太火了 我超爱这女人的 但当我读过之后 这一切就发生了 |
| 731 | her first book it was so directive it gave me tips it actually bettered my life and until next time | 她的第一本书 如此的指令 它给了我提示 它实际上改善了我的生活 直到下一次 |
| 732 | guys be the hero of your own life peace out what does it mean meet when i do that oh that's like a | 男人们做你人生的英雄 平和,这是什么意思 当我这样做,哦,这就像一个 |
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