如果你很容易被冒犯，你也很容易被操纵｜前特工教你2秒识破谎言

如果你很容易被冒犯，你也很容易被操纵｜前特工教你2秒识破谎言

发布于 2026-10-15 · 时长 2:38:46

字幕摘录

时间	英文	中文
0:00	If I'm easily offended, I'm easily manipulated.	如果我容易冒犯,我很容易被操纵。
0:02	So if you are that person where you are reactive, reactive, reactive, you're number one.	所以如果你是那个你的反应,反应,反应的人, 你是第一。
0:08	Shut the f*** up.	闭嘴
0:09	Because if you're looking to be respected, you need to manage yourself.	因为如果你想要被尊重, 你需要管理自己。
0:12	But there are times that people are going to cross you and disrespect you.	但有时人们会背叛你,不尊重你。
0:14	How do you deal with it?	你怎么处理的?
0:15	So there was a guy post that's talked to the intelligence communities	有个家伙和情报部门谈过
0:18	and it really, really helps when you're dealing with people.	它真的,真的,真的帮助 当你处理的人。
0:20	And so one of the ways you deal with that kind of behavior is...	所以你处理这种行为的方法之一是...
0:24	Evy Pompoulos, the former secret service agent turned human behavior expert.	前特勤局特工埃维·庞普洛斯成为人类行为专家.

展开字幕全文（3534 条）

序号	英文	中文
1	If I'm easily offended, I'm easily manipulated.	如果我容易冒犯,我很容易被操纵。
2	So if you are that person where you are reactive, reactive, reactive, you're number one.	所以如果你是那个你的反应,反应,反应的人, 你是第一。
3	Shut the f*** up.	闭嘴
4	Because if you're looking to be respected, you need to manage yourself.	因为如果你想要被尊重, 你需要管理自己。
5	But there are times that people are going to cross you and disrespect you.	但有时人们会背叛你,不尊重你。
6	How do you deal with it?	你怎么处理的?
7	So there was a guy post that's talked to the intelligence communities	有个家伙和情报部门谈过
8	and it really, really helps when you're dealing with people.	它真的,真的,真的帮助 当你处理的人。
9	And so one of the ways you deal with that kind of behavior is...	所以你处理这种行为的方法之一是...
10	Evy Pompoulos, the former secret service agent turned human behavior expert.	前特勤局特工埃维·庞普洛斯成为人类行为专家.
11	From protecting presidents to interrogating the world's most dangerous men...	从保护总统到审问世界上最危险的人...
12	She now teaches people how to develop mental strength and persuasive communication skills.	她现在教人们如何培养精神力量和说服力交流技能.
13	How did they train you as a secret service agent to have that strong mental foundation that you have?	他们怎么训练你当特勤局特工 让你有如此强大的精神基础?
14	There's a lot of things.	众生有情.
15	So first, one of the biggest things that holds people back is the idea that I'm special.	所以,首先,最能阻止人们的一件事 就是我特别的想法。
16	You're not that special.	你没那么特别
17	For example, I was one of the first responders at 9-11.	例如,我是9 -11的第一反应者之一。
18	I watched thousands of people die.	我看着成千上万的人死了
19	And one of the things that got me through it was understanding I wasn't alone in it.	其中一个让我渡过难关的 就是理解我并不孤单
20	And when you learn that, you can get through anything.	当你学会了这一点,你可以通过任何事情。
21	When you tell yourself, nobody knows what I'm going through.	当你告诉自己, 没有人知道我正在经历什么。
22	Nobody can help you because it's just you going through it.	没有人可以帮你,因为你只是经历它。
23	Now, the next thing, what's most important is this tool that we don't pay attention to.	现在,接下来,最重要的是 这个我们不注意的工具。
24	Our body.	我们的身体。
25	And there's a study where they started recording people walking.	有一个研究 他们开始记录人们走路。
26	Then they laid it to convicted felons and they said to them, who would you pick as prey?	然后他们把它给被定罪的重罪犯, 他们告诉他们,你会选谁做猎物?
27	They all picked the same people.	他们都选同一个人
28	They were ****.	他们...
29	So there are simple things you can do with your hands, your voice, how you sit.	所以有些简单的事情你可以做 用你的手,你的声音,你如何坐。
30	And I will tell you everything.	我会告诉你一切的
31	But also, the other thing that's actually interesting, which you didn't ask,	还有一件事你没问过
32	I will volunteer this information or the strategies to tell if somebody's being truthful or not.	我将自愿提供这些信息或策略, 告诉某人是否属实。
33	And it's that's lie detection 101.	而这是谎言检测101。
34	This has always blown my mind a little bit.	这总是让我心碎
35	53% of you that listen to the show regularly haven't yet subscribed to the show.	经常收听节目的53%的人还没有订阅节目.
36	So could I ask you for a favor before we start?	在开始之前,我能请你帮个忙吗?
37	If you like the show and you like what we do here and you want to support us,	如果你喜欢节目,你喜欢 我们在这里做什么,你想支持我们,
38	the free simple way that you can do just that is by hitting the subscribe button.	只需点击订阅按钮即可。
39	And my commitment to you is if you do that, then I'll do everything in my power, me and my team,	我对你们的承诺是,如果你这样做, 那么我会尽我所能,我和我的团队,
40	to make sure that this show is better for you every single week.	确保这个节目适合你每个星期。
41	We'll listen to your feedback.	我们会听你的反馈
42	We'll find the guests that you want me to speak to.	我们会找到你要我跟的客人
43	And we'll continue to do what we do.	亦复如是续修行.
44	Thank you so much.	非常感谢
45	Evy Pomporis, 当你想到你写的书,
46	the content you produce and all that you're fundamentally doing for people,	你制作的内容 以及你为人们所做的一切
47	in your own words, how do you summarize or define that?	用你自己的话来说,你如何概括或定义?
48	What is it that you think you're doing for people with the content, the books you've written, etc?	以所著之书等,自以为为人作何事?
49	It's a great question.	问曰.
50	And I don't know if I have a clear answer.	我不知道我是否有明确的答案。
51	I think always, I think about how am I serving other people?	我总是在想我如何为别人服务?
52	I always go back to that.	我总是回到那个。
53	I remember even when I wrote my book, Becoming Bulletproof,	我还记得我写书《防弹》的时候
54	actually my book was supposed to launch right at the height of COVID.	其实我的书应该是在COVID的高度上推出的。
55	I mean, it's when the world was shutting down.	我的意思是,这是 当世界关闭。
56	And I remember I had a PR person, my agent, the publishers, everyone's like,	我记得我有一个公关员 我的经纪人 出版商 每个人都喜欢
57	hey, you know, this COVID thing is happening.	嘿,你知道,这个COVID的事情正在发生。
58	All the media tour glitz went away.	所有的媒体巡演 Glitz 都走了。
59	Why don't we postpone the launch of the book?	为什么我们不推迟这本书的推出?
60	And nobody was advising me to launch the book.	没有人建议我推出这本书。
61	Nobody.	没人
62	Everyone's like, don't do it, don't do it.	每个人都喜欢,不要这样做,不要这样做。
63	And I remember I was like, all right, I need to kind of tune everybody out.	我记得我就像,好吧,我需要调整一下大家。
64	And I paused and I thought to myself, why did I write this book?	我停下来想,为什么我写这本书?
65	I wrote this book to help people.	我写这本书是为了帮助人们.
66	Okay, so if the goal is to help people make them more resilient,	好吧,所以如果目标是帮助人们 让他们更有弹性,
67	help them live less fearlessly, the world right now is in a state of fear.	帮助他们减少恐惧 世界现在处于恐惧状态
68	So if I follow that principle, then right now I should launch the book.	所以,如果我遵循这一原则, 那么现在我应该推出这本书。
69	And I remember against everybody's advisement, I launched it.	我记得我反对每个人的建议 我发动了
70	And when you get DMs from people in private messages,	当你在私人信息里从人们那里得到DM
71	what is it the essence of what they're coming to you for?	他们来找你是为了什么?
72	So I was surprised with my book where people began writing in,	所以我很惊讶我的书 人们开始写作,
73	I'm dealing with this problem.	我正在处理这个问题。
74	Your book helped me find a way out, or I'm dealing with this.	你的书帮助我找到出路, 否则我处理这个。
75	Can you give me guidance on how to deal with it?	你能给我如何处理它的指导吗?
76	What is the essence of what they're struggling with?	他们挣扎的本质是什么?
77	It's always themselves.	常为自身.
78	It's not the world around you.	这不是你周围的世界。
79	I get it to some extent, but it's almost always we're the problem.	我在某种程度上理解, 但几乎总是我们的问题。
80	We either sabotage ourselves, we get in the way, we make decisions,	我们要么破坏自己, 我们得到阻碍,我们做决定,
81	or we think, I didn't do anything.	或者我们想,我什么也没做。
82	Everything's cause and effect.	一切众生因果.
83	Anytime you say, do, act, or don't act, it has a consequence or an effect to it.	每当你说,做,做,或不做, 它有后果或效果。
84	And I think sometimes we're so blasé about it.	我觉得我们有时会很伤心
85	In the Western world, the science shows that we actually downplay our faults.	在西方世界,科学显示我们实际上低估了我们的过失。
86	When we make a mistake, it's not that big of a deal.	我们犯错时,就没什么大不了的.
87	We downplay our stuff.	我们轻描淡写
88	And we actually lift up our positive attributes.	实际上,我们提升了我们的积极性。
89	It's okay, but to a point, because when you downplay things,	没关系,但有一点 因为当你轻描淡写的时候
90	and you downplay your involvement, you downplay your choices,	你轻视你的参与, 轻视你的选择,
91	you downplay what role you play in your life,	你轻描淡写 你扮演的角色在你的生活中,
92	then you really are essentially powerless.	那么,你真的 本质上是无能为力。
93	You're blaming the world, and I'm not saying that other people can't harm you.	你在责怪世界 我不是说别人不会伤害你
94	They will.	他们会的。
95	They just will.	他们只是会。
96	I think if people make peace with the fact that there are bad actors out there,	我觉得如果人们能和好 外面有坏角色
97	some I know, some I don't know, and in pursuit of their self-interest,	有些我知道,有些我不知道, 为了追求他们的私利,
98	people are going to make choices that hurt me, period, bar none, the end.	人们会做出伤害我的选择, 时间,没有酒吧,结束。
99	If you can live with that and understand that, you will be okay,	如果你能忍受 并理解这一点, 你会没事的,
100	because you just have more awareness.	因为你只是有 更多的意识。
101	In fact, when I did polygraphs, the interview room,	事实上 当我做测谎时 面试室
102	after I interviewed so many people, and typically I would interview suspects,	我采访了这么多人之后 通常我会采访嫌疑人
103	people that we suspected committing a crime.	那些我们怀疑犯罪的人
104	Lie detector tests.	谎言探测器测试。
105	But I was a lie detector, not the machine.	但我是测谎器 不是机器
106	A lot of people think you hook that thing up.	很多人认为你把那个东西勾上了
107	Oh, ping, they're lying.	哦,平,他们在撒谎。
108	No.	没有
109	You sit there, you assess people, you read people.	你坐在那里,你评估人,你读人。
110	What the polygraph does is it tells you when you ask a series of questions to this person.	测谎仪所做的是 当你向这个人提出一系列问题时 它告诉你
111	I hook Steven up, I ask him a series of several questions.	我勾搭史蒂文 我问他几个问题
112	I look to see what Steven's autonomic nervous system is doing.	我看看史蒂芬的自体神经系统在做什么
113	Heartbeat, right?	心跳,对不对?
114	Does that change?	这能改变吗?
115	Your electrodermal activity, how much you sweat,	你的电极活动,你流了多少汗,
116	your breathing, the way you breathe.	你的呼吸,你的呼吸方式。
117	So that's why you have the blood pressure cough,	所以你才会有血压咳嗽
118	you have the electrodermal plates, which actually look at sweating.	你有电解板, 它实际上看汗。
119	You won't, it's imperceptible to you, but the plates will pick up sweating,	你不会的,这是无法想象的, 但板子会捡起汗水,
120	the sweating activity, the change in breathing.	出汗活动,呼吸的变化。
121	So if I'm asking you a series of questions,	如果我问你一系列问题
122	I'm looking at how your body deviates during those questions.	我在看你的身体在那些问题中是如何偏离的
123	You even have sensors because sometimes people try to beat the polygraph.	你甚至有感应器 因为有时候人们会试图击败测谎仪
124	And so there's sensor pads that we have to see if they're doing certain movements or not.	所以有感应垫,我们必须看看它们是否在做某些运动。
125	I personally don't think you can beat it.	我个人认为你打不过它
126	But again, the test itself means nothing.	但同样,测试本身也毫无意义。
127	You can't take it to court.	岂可告于庭.
128	You can't say, judge, they failed their polygraph.	你不能说 法官 他们的测谎失败了
129	That's not what it's there for.	岂非有为.
130	It's there to get more information.	它在那里获取更多的信息。
131	And look, who are you, if you're lying, who are you really in judgment of?	你看,你是谁,如果你在撒谎, 你真的在判断谁?
132	Yourself, that's why your body's reacting.	你自己,这就是为什么你的身体的反应。
133	Secondly, you talked about how victims stay victims.	第二,你谈到受害者如何成为受害者。
134	And this whole idea of becoming a bulletproof person,	这整个想法 成为一个防弹的人,
135	because regardless of what we do in our lives, bad things are going to happen.	因为不管我们在生活中做什么 坏事都会发生
136	We're going to encounter narcissists and people that are looking to take advantage of us.	我们将遇到自恋者和那些想利用我们的人。
137	There's a certain mental fortitude that you exude.	有一种精神上的坚韧,你表现得非常出色。
138	You exude a certain type of mental resilience and strength.	你展现出某种精神恢复力和力量
139	And I think that's really critical because if you have that strong internal foundation,	我认为这很重要 因为如果你有强大的内部基础
140	then everything else we're probably going to talk about today becomes much easier and possible.	然后我们今天可能要谈的一切都变得容易和可能。
141	But without that strong foundation, when the wind blows, the house falls over.	但是没有这个牢固的基础,当风吹的时候,房子就倒塌了.
142	So if we think about step one in building that strong	所以,如果我们想到第一步 在建设如此强大
143	mental fortitude foundation that you have, where does one begin?	你的精神坚韧基础, 从哪里开始?
144	And especially if we're beginning from a very, very bad place.	尤其是如果我们从一个非常非常糟糕的地方开始。
145	We're beginning from a place of victimhood.	我们从一个受害者的地方开始
146	Bad things have happened.	发生了坏事
147	We're not the most confident person.	我们不是最自信的人
148	It starts with who's around you.	从你身边的人开始
149	That's where it starts.	始从此.
150	If you have people around you, anybody can break victimhood, like anybody can.	如果你身边有人 任何人都可以像其他人一样 打破受害者状态
151	You can.	你当然可以
152	So I want to put that out there.	所以我想把这个放在那里。
153	Just because you're locked in a place doesn't mean you have to stay in there.	只是因为你被锁在一个地方 并不意味着你必须呆在那里。
154	You can.	你当然可以
155	But usually if you're locked in somewhere, it's because the system you have around you	但通常如果你被锁在某处 是因为你身边的系统
156	that you also helped create and perpetuate to some degree.	以便你们在某种程度上创造和延续。
157	We're not completely innocent.	我们不是完全无辜的
158	We play a role.	我们扮演一个角色。
159	The system that is built around you keeps you—think of it this way—it keeps you in jail.	环绕着你的系统 让你这样想 让你坐牢
160	So you have to look at your environment and say,	所以你得看看你的环境然后说,
161	what about my environment is keeping me here?	那我的环境会把我关在这里吗?
162	Usually it's a person or people.	通常是一个或几个人.
163	Hopefully it's one and you're not dealing with multiple.	希望它是一个 而你不处理多。
164	Now, it can be family, and that's where—when you deal with children	现在,它可以是家庭, 在那里,当你处理孩子
165	and you deal with certain crimes and abuse—I always feel like the one population of people	你处理某些罪行和虐待 我总觉得自己是一群人
166	that truly have—I don't want to say excuse, but it's really not their fault—are kids.	这真的有,我不想说借口, 但这不是他们的错,是孩子。
167	Because they're just so vulnerable and they rely on you for their livelihood.	因为他们非常脆弱 他们依赖你为生
168	They need somebody to feed them,	他们需要有人喂养他们,
169	take care of them, or they can't survive.	照顾他们,否则他们无法生存。
170	However, as you age, as you mature, it's looking at your environment,	然而,随着你的年龄, 随着你的成熟, 它看着你的环境,
171	who's around me, and who is keeping me here.	谁在我身边 谁把我关在这里
172	And you know what becomes hard?	你知道什么变得困难?
173	It becomes hard because you'll have a—let's say—I'm going to use this term bad actor	这变得很难,因为你会有一个 - 让我们说 - 我要用这个词坏演员
174	in your life.	在你的生活里,你没有。
175	That bad actor can be mom, dad, sibling, brother.	那个坏演员可以是妈妈,爸爸,兄弟,兄弟。
176	It can be anybody.	它可以是任何人。
177	You can love that bad actor.	你会喜欢那个坏演员的
178	But the choices and the things that that person does impacts you.	但选择和事物 那个人做影响你。
179	It makes you more vulnerable.	让你更脆弱
180	Even if you just look at crime, they've done a lot of different studies.	即使你只是看犯罪, 他们做了很多不同的研究。
181	And what they found is even—let's say if I don't commit crime,	他们发现的是... 如果我不犯罪,
182	but I'm around other people who commit crime,	但我是周围的人 谁犯罪,
183	I am more likely to be shot than any other population of people.	我比其他人口更可能被枪杀
184	I could not be involved in any nefarious activity at all.	我完全不能参与任何邪恶的活动。
185	I could be clean, but simply because of who I associate with,	我可能很干净,但只是因为我和谁有关联,
186	that makes me more vulnerable to becoming a victim.	这让我更容易成为受害者
187	So that's where you start.	这就是你开始的地方。
188	Who's around you?	你身边是谁?
189	Now, other really important things,	现在,其他真正重要的事情,
190	whoever you pick for your companion, if you have one, it's huge.	随便你挑谁给你的同伴, 如果你有一个,这是巨大的。
191	That companion's either going to raise you up or they're going to sink your ship down.	那个同伴要么把你养大 要么把你的船只沉没
192	And is that in the real world, best friends, husbands, wives?	这是在现实世界里,最好的朋友,丈夫,妻子?
193	If we're talking, I would say first intimate partner, whatever that is to you—husband,	如果我们在谈论,我会说第一个亲密伴侣, 不管那对你,丈夫,
194	wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever that is, companion.	妻子,男朋友,女朋友,无论那是什么,伴侣。
195	That's number one, because that's the person—here's the difference between	这是第一,因为那是人 - 这是区别
196	a partner and a friend.	搭档和朋友
197	Your friend goes home to their home.	你的朋友回到他们的家。
198	You go to your home.	汝等归家.
199	A companion or partner, you probably live with them.	你可能跟他们住在一起
200	That means you are so overly exposed to that person,	这意味着你太暴露在那个人身上了
201	and you need to make damn well sure that that person is not contaminating your life.	你得确定那个人不会污染你的生活
202	You can still love them, but you can step back and look at,	你仍然可以爱他们, 但你可以退后看,
203	there's a problem here, that this person's stuff is contaminating my life.	这里有一个问题, 这个人的东西正在污染我的生活。
204	And it's a hard thing to do for folks because this is why you're with someone.	这很难为人们做 因为这就是你和某人在一起的原因
205	It's like, okay, I'm with Evy, but Evy is this and Evy is that.	就像,好吧,我与Evy, 但Evy是这个,Evy是那个。
206	And so you start to blend my identity with my behavior.	所以你开始把我的身份和行为混为一谈
207	And then over the time, too, you normalize the things I do if I'm a bad actor.	随着时间的推移,你也会 使我的工作正常化 如果我是一个坏演员。
208	Well, Evy didn't mean it.	艾薇不是这个意思
209	She's always hot-headed.	她总是热头。
210	You know, she's this, but she did all these nice things for me here.	你知道,她是这样的, 但她做了所有这些好事 在这里我。
211	And then what we do is we miss stuff.	然后我们要做的就是错过一些东西。
212	That's why it's easier for you to look at somebody else's relationship and be like,	这就是为什么你更容易 看别人的关系,并喜欢,
213	hey, problem here, problem here, problem here.	嘿,问题在这里,问题在这里,问题在这里。
214	Because you are not tainted by the emotional aspect of being tied to that person.	因为你没有被那人绑起来的情感方面玷污
215	You're able to look at them objectively.	你可以客观地看待他们.
216	This is why, by and on, it's easy to give other people advice.	这就是为什么,过去,它很容易给别人的建议。
217	I can see the red flags and the issues in this person.	我可以看到红旗 还有这个人的问题
218	When you're in it, you can't.	入其中则不能.
219	It's hard.	难曰.
220	So I would also venture to say people may not like this.	所以我也敢说人们可能不喜欢这样。
221	If you're with someone and there are people around you that you know legitimately care	如果你和某个人在一起 身边有人 你知道有合理的照顾
222	and love you, and they're telling you, hey, not the best thing for you,	爱你,他们告诉你, 嘿,不是最好的事情,
223	I would say please listen.	我要说请听我说
224	Because they are seeing something that you might not be seeing.	因为他们看到的东西 你可能看不到。
225	Do you think people just tend to know?	你觉得人们会知道吗?
226	Like in their gut, they tend to know, but they justify the person's behavior	就像在他们的直觉里,他们往往知道, 但是他们证明一个人的行为是正当的
227	and they almost kind of gaslight themselves to some degree.	并且它们本身也在某种程度上有点像煤气灯
228	They say, well, maybe not.	他们说,也许不是。
229	Maybe that's fine.	也许这没关系。
230	Maybe they are a friend.	也许他们是朋友
231	Maybe they're just doing that for my best interest.	也许他们这样做只是为了我的利益
232	Whereas really that bad actor is acting in their interests	其实那个坏角色是为他们着想
233	and kind of gaslighting you.	和一种气燃你。
234	And then you're gaslighting yourself.	则气自消.
235	I think one thing is you don't go from zero to 100 overnight.	我想有件事是 你不能一夜之间从零降到100
236	When you're in a relationship or you're with around people who are like that,	当你在一段关系或 你身边的人 喜欢这样,
237	in the beginning, you don't see it.	一开始,你看不到它。
238	Everyone's got their best behavior.	每个人都有他们最好的表现。
239	But over time, you'll start to see little sneak peeks, little previews.	但随着时间的推移,你将开始看到小 偷窥,小预览。
240	And it's those previews you want to pay attention to.	这是你想要注意的预览。
241	We like to give people the benefit of the doubt.	我们喜欢给人们带来怀疑的好处。
242	We listen to the excuses that they give us.	我们听他们给我们的借口。
243	And there's this ancient Greek saying that says, don't listen to your opponent.	有一句古希腊语说,不要听对手的话。
244	Look at them.	看看他们。
245	It will tell you everything.	它会告诉你一切。
246	And when I say look at them, look at what people do.	当我说看他们时,看看人们做了什么。
247	I need you to drum out what they're telling you.	我要你按他们说的做
248	I need you to drum out their I am sorries because they probably are.	我要你叫他们出来 我是同情者 因为他们可能是
249	They've hurt you and they are probably genuinely sorry.	他们伤害了你 他们可能真的很抱歉
250	That's not the point.	这不是重点。
251	The point is, when do you want to learn your lesson?	重点是,你什么时候想吸取教训?
252	In the beginning or at the end?	在开始还是最后?
253	And at the end, sometimes it's very, very, very hard.	而在结尾,有时非常,非常,非常困难.
254	I have a community.	我有个社区
255	And I started after I did the book.	我写完书之后就开始了
256	And when people started writing in, I said, you know what?	当人们开始写作, 我说,你知道吗?
257	Let me do this community.	让我做这个社区。
258	I'll call it Beyond the Bulletproof and whoever signs up.	我管它叫"防弹外线" 和谁签名都行
259	And two years in, I have 800 members.	两年后,我有800名成员。
260	And a lot of people come in with different scenarios.	很多人有不同的场景
261	And they'll come in with, and it's almost always the scenario they come in with.	他们会一起进来, 几乎总是这样。
262	If there's something like this, it's somebody that they're tied to	如果有这样的东西, 是某人,他们绑在一起
263	that's just sinking them, sinking them.	让他们沉下去,让他们沉下去
264	Sometimes they're the sinker and they think it's the other person.	有时他们是沉没者,他们认为是另一个人.
265	So sometimes you're the bad actor and you don't even realize it.	所以有时候你是坏演员 你甚至没有意识到这一点。
266	So you need to figure out two things.	所以,你需要找出两件事。
267	Am I the one doing things that's not just hurting myself but other people,	是我在做那些不只伤害自己 也伤害别人的事吗?
268	but I've justified it to myself in pursuit of whatever self-interest I have?	但我为了追求任何私利 都为自己辩护?
269	Or am I tied to someone who's pulling me down?	还是我被绑在拉我下来的人身上?
270	I'm going to tell you something, Steven.	我要告诉你一件事,史蒂文。
271	I sat across people who did a lot of different things,	我坐过很多人 谁做了很多不同的事情,
272	some serious crimes, some not so serious.	有些是重罪,有些不是那么严重
273	Every single person sold it to themself why they did what they did.	每个人都卖给他们 为什么他们这样做。
274	We're sellers.	我们是卖家。
275	I can justify anything to myself if I want to.	我可以为自己辩护,如果我想。
276	They were turning themselves into, I guess, victims of situations.	我想,他们正在变成局势的受害者。
277	Why did I do that?	我为什么要这么做?
278	Well, you know, good people make bad choices.	好人做坏选择
279	Good people make mistakes.	好人犯错.
280	The problem is sometimes the consequences of those mistakes, they last.	问题有时是这些错误的后果,它们持续。
281	But you can't vouch for anybody because you don't know who people are behind closed doors.	但你不能为任何人作担保 因为你不知道谁在关门。
282	You don't.	你没有。
283	And two, anybody is capable of anything at any given moment in time if given the opportunity.	第二,如果有机会,任何人在任何特定的时刻都能够做任何事情。
284	If you understand that, you will not be surprised or shocked by anything or anyone.	如果你理解这一点,你不会惊讶或震惊 任何事物或任何人。
285	It's not that it's a morbid view of people.	岂非人之病观.
286	It's understanding people are malleable.	它理解人们是可交易的。
287	They're susceptible, some more than others.	它们是易感的,有些比其他更强.
288	Some may have either stronger integrity or more.	有些可能具有更强的完整性或更多。
289	I don't even think it's integrity.	乃至不思议清净.
290	It's just a stronger hold on themselves to say, yes, I won't do this.	我只是更坚持自己 说,是的,我不会这样做。
291	No, I won't do this.	不,我不会这样做。
292	And then some people are a bit more malleable.	然后,有些人是有点可塑性。
293	Like it's easier to get to them.	喜欢它更容易得到他们。
294	It's easier to manipulate them.	操纵它们比较容易.
295	It's easier to mold them to do other things.	做别的事更容易模具
296	It's either to get them to sway in a direction.	要么让他们朝一个方向摇摆
297	But if you understand that, then you understand human behavior.	但是,如果你明白这一点, 那么你了解人类的行为。
298	There's so many things of interest there.	那里有很多值得关注的事
299	I remember, if we go back to the top of your point around your environment and people having	我记得,如果我们回到你的顶点 你周围的环境和人们有
300	a huge impact on your life, I remember reading a study by a guy called Michael Hausman	我还记得读过一个叫迈克尔·豪斯曼的书
301	and another study done at Harvard University where they showed that even if at work you sit	以及哈佛大学的另一项研究 表明即使你工作的时候
302	{\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}你的工作机会
303	bad practice yourself radically increases.	做坏事会增加很多
304	And in some cases, that's by 25% and in other environments, that's up to 100%.	有些情况下,25%, 而在其他环境中, 高达100%。
305	Your probability of then getting a disciplinary against you just because you sat next to that	你得到纪律处分的概率 就因为你坐在旁边
306	person radically increases.	人急剧增加。
307	And this is, I think, reinforces the case that your environment has such a powerful	我认为,这加强了你的环境 如此强大的案例
308	and profound impact on you for better or for worse.	并对你们产生深远的影响,
309	And I think the for better part is also worth pausing on.	我认为更好的部分也是值得的。
310	Because if you're sitting with and you're around people that are lifting you and elevating	因为如果你坐在一起,你身边的人 抬起你,抬起你
311	you and making you believe that the world is malleable and you can do anything, as I've	让你相信世界是可塑的 你可以做任何事情,像我一样
312	experienced in my own life at times, it's crazy that that almost rewires the neurons	有时候我亲身经历 神经元几乎被重新接通是疯了
313	in your brain to some degree.	在你的大脑中在某种程度上。
314	How do you pick people?	你怎么选人?
315	Like how do you differentiate on your own who's good and who's not for you?	就像你如何区分谁好谁不适合你?
316	Do you know what?	你知道吗?
317	This is a really interesting question.	这是一个非常有趣的问题。
318	Vibes.	维布斯.
319	And everything else in my life, I'll tell you data science or this or here's my framework,	还有我生命中的其他一切, 我会告诉你数据科学 或者这个 或者这是我的框架,
320	but there's some things in life which I think your intuition and your vibes, if you've	但是生活中有些东西 我认为你的直觉和感觉 如果你有
321	developed the skill of tuning in enough, is the best indicator.	掌握了足够多的调试技能,是最佳指标。
322	And if you look back through my career at 18, dropping out of university, even at 16,	如果你回顾我的职业生涯 18岁, 退学,甚至16岁,
323	not going to school, 20 leaving a business that was going really well, and then at 27	不上学,20个离开一个生意 真的很好,然后27岁
324	quitting a business that was all over the world and about to do this major second IPO,	放弃了一家遍布全球的生意 即将完成第二大IPO
325	all this stuff.	所有这些东西。
326	In all of those moments, the most important thing wasn't my prefrontal cortex.	在所有这些时刻,最重要的 不是我的前额皮层。
327	It wasn't logical facts or figures or the money.	这不是合乎逻辑的事实或数字 或钱。
328	It was purely this feeling inside me that I no longer wanted to do this thing because	我内心的这种感觉 就是我不想再做这种事了
329	it didn't feel good anymore.	感觉不妙了
330	And in the moment, you look insane.	现在,你看起来很疯狂
331	But when you zoom out on a person's life who's driven by that voice inside, like really	但当你放大 一个人的生活 谁的驱动 的声音里面,像真的
332	driven by it, you go, oh my God, what a life that they have.	被它驱使,你走, 哦,我的上帝,多么 生命他们有。
333	Amazing.	厉害
334	Look at the girlfriend they have and the place they live and the stuff they have and	看看他们有的女朋友 住的地方 还有他们拥有的东西
335	the job they have.	他们的工作。
336	They're so lucky.	他们真幸运
337	But I actually think it starts with that like courage to tune into that voice inside.	但我实际上认为它开始 像勇气调和的声音里面。
338	So that's my answer.	这就是我的答案。
339	It's just pure vibes.	只是纯粹的氛围。
340	People for me, I just don't feel good.	人对我来说,我只是感觉不好。
341	Don't want to go.	不欲去处.
342	And then careers I've had this year where I go, I don't like doing this anymore.	之后,我今年的职业生涯, 我不再喜欢这样做。
343	That's me done.	我受够了
344	And there's another part, which is on the other end of that is uncertainty.	还有另一部分, 在另一端是不确定性。
345	Because in all those situations, there was really no Plan B.	因为在所有这些情况下,实际上没有B计划。
346	There was no good Plan B.	没有好计划B。
347	That's so interesting.	这太有趣了
348	So when you talk about vibes, it's your intuition.	所以,当你谈论气氛,这是你的直觉。
349	Yeah.	对
350	It's your instinct.	这是你的本能
351	I'm bar none.	我没有酒吧。
352	And it's when I'm around people, like anybody around, they give off something.	当我在别人身边 就像周围的人一样 他们有所贡献
353	And what we don't do is we don't listen to what we feel.	我们不做的就是不听我们的感受。
354	You can still do business or talk to someone.	你还可以做生意或和别人说话
355	But when you feel that, and I do too.	但当你有这种感觉的时候 我也一样
356	I feel my way, even honestly, even whose podcast I'm going to do.	我觉得我的方式,甚至诚实, 即使谁播客,我会做。
357	I'm like, I don't know if I like this vibe or I don't know if I like this.	我不知道我喜欢这种气氛还是喜欢这种气氛
358	I just feel it.	我只是感觉到它。
359	I feel like who do I want to be around?	我觉得我想跟谁在一起?
360	And even something like whose podcast do I want to be on?	即使是像谁的播客,我想上?
361	Because I'm bringing myself into a space, right?	因为我要把自己带进空间,对吧?
362	That person's space, it's like it's all interconnected.	那个人的空间, 它就像它都是相互关联的。
363	So it's like I'm choosing what spaces to go into.	所以这就像我选择 进入什么样的空间。
364	And if you're right, you don't have to articulate it to yourself.	如果你是对的, 你不必向自己解释。
365	And that's where we go wrong often.	这就是我们经常犯错的地方。
366	Because it's like somebody comes in, they say hi to you.	因为好像有人进来了 他们向你问好
367	And immediately you're like, I just, I don't like this.	立刻你就喜欢,我只是, 我不喜欢这样。
368	But they didn't say anything to you.	但他们什么也没跟你说
369	They didn't do anything to you.	他们没对你做什么
370	You can't articulate why.	你不能解释为什么。
371	And you know what we do?	你知道我们做什么吗?
372	We dismiss it.	我们驳回它。
373	Oh, it's me.	哦,这是我。
374	Oh, I shouldn't this.	哦,我不应该这样。
375	No, it's, you know what?	不,这是,你知道吗?
376	You've got two brains, right?	你有两个大脑,对不对?
377	This one and the gut.	这一个和直觉。
378	That's why they call it your gut instincts.	这就是为什么他们称之为你的直觉。
379	Listen to it, always.	听,永远。
380	And I think going back to people who are steady,	我想回到稳定的人身边
381	or talking about what makes you steady,	或谈论什么使你稳定,
382	I think a big part of what helps make you steady	我认为,很大的一部分 帮助你稳定
383	is trusting in yourself.	相信自己 相信自己 相信自己
384	You have to trust in yourself.	你必须相信自己
385	Believe in yourself.	相信自己 相信自己 相信自己
386	And when I say that, I mean trust that what you're feeling is true.	当我说,我的意思是相信你的感受是真实的。
387	Listen to it and not let other people talk you out of things.	听好,别让别人劝你
388	Or being able to say, I feel this way.	或者能说,我这样觉得
389	I don't know why, but I'm going to trust it.	我不知道为什么 但我会相信的
390	And almost, if not all the time, you look back and it's like,	几乎,如果不是所有的时间, 你回头看,它就像,
391	I knew better.	我比较清楚
392	I felt this.	我感觉到了
393	I kind of sensed this.	我感觉到了
394	I didn't listen to myself.	未尝自听.
395	And if you're wrong, so you're wrong.	如果你错了,所以你错了。
396	And that goes back to uncertainty.	这又回到了不确定性。
397	People are afraid to be wrong.	人不敢错.
398	Why?	为什么?
399	Because of what other people might say about me,	因为别人可能会说起我
400	because how I will look to the world.	因为我将如何看待世界。
401	And from there, from that conclusion, you then jump to,	从那里,从这个结论,你跳到,
402	and then they will reject me, and then I'll be alone,	然后他们会拒绝我 然后我会孤独一人
403	and then I'll be lonely, then I'll die.	然后我会孤独,然后我会死。
404	That's kind of like the logical downward step.	这有点像逻辑的向下步骤。
405	I always find that interesting.	我总是觉得很有趣。
406	I had this conversation with my girlfriend yesterday,	我昨天和我女朋友谈过
407	which is, it's interesting how one belief is actually connected	也就是说,有趣的是,一个信念是如何真正联系在一起的
408	to like a string of downstream beliefs that then go to,	喜欢一串下游信仰 然后去,
409	he doesn't love me.	他不爱我。
410	And this is such a random tangent, but me and my girlfriend	这真是随机而为 但我和我女朋友
411	were like scheduling our calendar for the future,	就像安排我们的日历 未来,
412	that we're going to be apart for a little while.	我们会分开一段时间
413	So she wanted to like schedule the dates.	所以她喜欢安排约会
414	And I was like really busy with something.	我忙着做一些事情
415	And so I wasn't like paying as much attention	所以,我不是喜欢 注意这么多
416	to the scheduling conversation.	到日程安排的对话。
417	And she got a little bit upset.	她有点不高兴
418	And I find it so interesting because the fact that I was	我发现这很有趣 因为事实上,我是
419	half paying attention to the scheduling conversation	半边注意安排对话
420	actually told her that I'm not interested in her,	告诉她我对她没兴趣
421	which means I don't love her.	这意味着我不爱她。
422	And so afterwards, I turned to her and I said,	之后我转向她说
423	can you explain to me like how I made you feel in that situation?	你能解释一下我让你在那种情况下的感受吗?
424	And I went, why?	我走了,为什么?
425	Why?	为什么?
426	Every time she answers, why?	每次她回答,为什么?
427	Why?	为什么?
428	And we got right down there.	我们到了那里。
429	You don't love me.	你不爱我。
430	And it all started with this little thing at the top.	这一切从上面的这个小东西开始。
431	And I think the same here where if I do something	我也这么想 如果我做点什么
432	and it goes wrong, there's like a downstream consequence	出了问题,下游的后果
433	in someone's subconscious that leads them to think	在某人的潜意识 引导他们思考
434	then I'm going to be exiled from the tribe.	然后我要被赶出部落
435	Do you know what I mean?	你知道我的意思吗?
436	That's like at the root of it.	这就像它的根。
437	That's why I think fear, you know,	这就是为什么我认为恐惧,你知道,
438	when you talk so much about fear and becoming fearless.	当你谈论这么多 关于恐惧和变得无畏。
439	Living fearlessly because I don't think you can be fearless.	过着无忧无虑的生活,因为我觉得你不可能无忧无虑
440	Okay, living fearlessly.	好吧,无所畏惧的生活。
441	What's the distinction?	有什么区别?
442	Fearlessly means I see things despite being afraid.	无所畏惧的意味着我看到的东西 尽管害怕。
443	I'm going to try.	我试试看
444	I'm going to do my best to like live in it, right?	我会尽我最大的努力 喜欢生活在其中,对不对?
445	And embrace it to some degree.	并在一定程度上拥抱它。
446	Whatever you're afraid of.	无论你害怕什么
447	If it's something you want to do, follow it.	如果这是你想做的事,就跟着它。
448	And then figure out a way to do it.	然后想个办法
449	But it's okay to be afraid and uncertain during the process.	但在此过程中恐惧和不确定是正常的.
450	I don't know.	师曰.
451	When I'm uncertain too, I'm thinking, all right,	当我不确定的时候,我在想,好吧,
452	I can figure this out.	我可以解决的
453	You don't fail until you stop.	止观前不失.
454	I look at it that way.	我这样看它。
455	Like even if you're failing incrementally,	就像你逐渐失败一样
456	overall you won't fail until you're just like, all right, I'm done.	总的来说,你不会失败 直到你只是喜欢, 好吧,我完成了。
457	And as long as you're done because you want to be done,	只要因为你想要完成你的工作
458	that's cool.	这很酷。
459	But you don't want to be done because you keep failing,	但你不想因为你一直失败而失败
460	or you're confused, or you're leaving because somebody,	或者你很困惑 或者你离开是因为有人
461	other people are telling you shouldn't be doing it.	其他人告诉你不应该这样做。
462	It's just because you decided, I don't want to be on this path anymore.	只是因为你决定了 我不想再走这条路了
463	I think it always has to come back to you.	我想它总得回到你身边
464	I think I've always been in the school of thought,	我觉得我一直在念书
465	and I love my family.	我爱我的家人。
466	But they were always telling me, do this.	但他们总是告诉我,这样做。
467	And especially because my parents were immigrant.	尤其因为我父母是移民
468	Everything was job security.	一切都是工作保障。
469	Get a good job.	找个好工作
470	Nine to five, get a good job.	九到五,找一个好工作。
471	Don't try to do anything else because they struggled so much.	别试图做别的事,因为他们挣扎得如此之多.
472	And so when I tried to do things outside of that element,	所以当我试图做一些 超出该元素的东西,
473	they were afraid.	他们很害怕。
474	They were confused.	他们很困惑。
475	They thought I was nuts.	他们以为我疯了。
476	Even when I started in the NYPD, they were not happy at all.	即使我从纽约警局开始 他们也不高兴
477	They're like, what is this?	他们喜欢,这是什么?
478	Girls don't do these types of jobs.	女孩不做这种工作。
479	Even in my community, I was laughed at.	即使在我的社区, 我被嘲笑。
480	People kind of were like, oh, look at Yanni.	人们喜欢,哦,看燕妮。
481	It was my dad's name.	这是我爸爸的名字。
482	Look at Yanni's daughter.	视燕妮之女.
483	Look how silly she is.	看她有多傻,她是个笨蛋
484	So this is kind of like those moments where you,	所以这有点像那些时刻 你,
485	going back to you, just have to do what you feel.	回到你身边 随你怎么说
486	Because afterward, you're going to be pissed off as hell	因为之后,你会很生气的
487	because you listen to other people.	因为你听别人的话
488	And on that point of gut instinct,	就直觉而言,
489	which you mentioned a second ago,	你刚才提到的,
490	is there a way, do you think,	你觉得有办法吗?
491	to train and develop your gut instinct?	训练和发展你的直觉?
492	Because you strike me as someone that has a pretty astute	因为你让我觉得自己很聪明
493	gut instinct that you trust.	你信任的直觉
494	But some people don't.	但有些人不会
495	And what ends up happening is they just end up living in regret	最终的结果是 他们最终只生活在后悔中
496	that they didn't listen to their gut instinct.	他们不听他们的直觉。
497	They only find out after the fact,	他们只是事后才发现
498	after they've been mistreated.	在他们受到虐待后
499	So I'm wondering if there's a way to cultivate	所以我想知道是否有种方法
500	a better relationship with one's intuition and gut instinct.	和直觉和直觉的关系更好
501	Yeah.	对
502	Stop asking everybody what they think.	别问别人他们怎么想的了
503	When I have a really big decision to make,	当我有一个真正的大决定,
504	like really big, I don't tally people.	像真的大, 我不计数的人。
505	In fact, the bigger it is, the bigger the consequences	事实上,它越大,后果就越大
506	or the bigger the pain or the trauma, whatever it is,	或更大的痛苦或创伤, 不管是什么,
507	I go in because they're going to confuse me.	我进去是因为他们会迷惑我
508	That's what you do.	这就是你的工作。
509	You stop asking people.	你别再问别人了
510	And if you're going to ask somebody,	如果你要问别人
511	let's say it's a health decision,	假设是健康决定
512	you're going to go to a doctor	你要去看医生
513	or you're going to go to someone who has specific knowledge	或者你要去一个有特定知识的人
514	about a decision you are trying to make.	关于你想做的决定
515	You're not going to go to mom.	你不会去妈妈那里。
516	You're not going to go to dad.	你不会去爸爸那里。
517	You're not going to go to your brother.	你不会去你的哥哥。
518	You're not going to go to people who don't have that,	你不会去的人 谁没有,
519	who, although they love you,	谁,虽然他们爱你,
520	their opinions are going to send you like a ping pong ball.	他们的意见会像乒乓球一样传达给你
521	That's how you become unsteady.	这就是你变得不稳定的方式。
522	And you can start small.	你可以从小开始
523	You can start small.	你可以从小开始
524	And when I say start small is start making decisions	当我说开始小 是开始做决定
525	without running them by anybody.	没有任何人运行它们。
526	What to eat, where to go, where to vacation.	吃什么,去哪里, 在哪里度假。
527	Just you can start small.	只是你可以开始小。
528	It's just allow yourself to be the decision maker.	只是让你自己做决定者
529	Allow yourself to be in the driver's seat.	让自己坐在驾驶座上
530	But what we do is we invite people in the car.	但是,我们做的是邀请人们上车。
531	We're like, yeah, yeah, you could drive my car.	我们就像,是的,是的, 你可以开我的车。
532	No problem.	没问题
533	They get in the driver's seat.	他们坐在驾驶座上
534	We put them in the driver's seat.	我们把它们放在驾驶座上
535	Then we're in the passenger seat.	那我们就坐客座吧
536	Or we might even get kicked to the back seat.	或者我们甚至会被踢到后座
537	And then we're all pissed off.	然后我们都很生气
538	Like, why are you driving like that?	你为什么开这种车?
539	Why are you going that way?	你为什么往那边走?
540	That's not really where I want to go.	这不是我想去的地方。
541	Then drive the car.	那就开车
542	And stop inviting everybody in to drive it for you.	别再邀请大家来帮你开车了
543	And then be pissed off when they don't take it	然后当他们不拿的时候就生气
544	the direction you want to go.	你想走的方向。 。
545	If you're going to be pissed off,	如果你要生气的话
546	always be pissed off at yourself.	总是生你的气
547	Because it's like, I chose.	因为它就像,我选择。
548	I chose wrong.	我选错了
549	But I chose.	但我选择了
550	That is how you build confidence.	这就是你建立信任的方式。
551	You know, going back to law enforcement,	回到执法部门
552	because I teach it,	因为我教它,
553	one of the predominant traits	一种主要特征
554	that people in law enforcement have	执法部门的人
555	is they have high confidence because of one reason.	他们有很高的信心是因为一个原因。
556	They make decisions.	他们做决定。
557	They're good decision makers.	他们是很好的决策者。
558	Because when you're out on the street	因为当你在街上
559	and you're dealing with somebody or situation,	和你处理的人或情况,
560	there's nobody to look over to and say,	没有人可以看 并说,
561	hey, how should I handle this?	嘿,我该怎么处理这个?
562	You have to make a choice.	你必须做出选择。
563	And you have to go.	你必须去。
564	Making decisions is going to increase your confidence	做决定会提高你的信心
565	and your ability in yourself,	还有你的能力,
566	even if they're the wrong decisions.	即使他们做错了决定
567	That's not the point.	这不是重点。
568	Be a decision maker in your life.	做个决定者
569	That is going to move you forward.	这会推动你前进。
570	That is going to increase your belief in yourself	这会增强你对自己的信心
571	and your trust in yourself.	和你对自己的信任。
572	And you're going to get comfortable, too.	你也会很舒服的
573	I read that wrong.	我读错了。
574	You know what I learned here?	你知道我在这里学到了什么吗?
575	I should have read it this way.	我应该这样读的
576	And so this is when you bring in the vibes	所以这是当你带来 气氛
577	and a little bit of tactical strategy.	还有一点战术策略
578	Because you're less emotional.	因为你没有那么激动
579	That's another fault.	这是另一个错误。
580	That's another hindrance.	这是另一个障碍。
581	When you are emotional, you are a bad decision maker.	当你情绪激动的时候,你是一个糟糕的决策者。
582	When you are in a space of emotion,	当你在情感的空间,
583	make no decision.	不做决定。
584	Don't text, don't call.	别发短信 别打电话
585	I always say just remove yourself and go in.	我总是说,只是脱下你自己 并进入。
586	Go quiet.	安静
587	When you can go quiet and be in that stillness of you,	当你可以去安静 和你的静静,
588	it will come to you over time.	它会随着时间而降临到你身上。
589	And you know what's another great thing?	你知道什么是另一个伟大的事情吗?
590	When you look at resilient people,	当你看着有弹性的人,
591	they don't have all the answers.	他们没有所有的答案。
592	And they don't need to have all the answers.	他们不需要有所有答案
593	I don't have all the answers.	我没有所有的答案。
594	But I don't need them to be OK.	但我不需要他们没事。
595	And this is where you embrace that uncertainty.	这就是你接受这种不确定性的地方。
596	You don't have to have all the answers.	你不必有所有的答案。
597	And that by itself is powerful.	这本身就很强大。
598	Like you don't need to figure it out.	就像你不需要想明白一样
599	You don't need to know what to do right away.	你不需要马上知道该怎么做
600	Leave it.	别管了
601	Sit in it.	坐进去吧
602	Be in it.	进去吧
603	Then when it's time, you move through.	等时间到了,你就走过去
604	You're going to end up getting a lot of unsolicited advice,	你最后会得到很多未经请求的建议,
605	though, you know.	不过,你知道的。
606	We all do.	我们都一样。
607	We get.	我们得到。
608	When we're trying to make those big life decisions,	当我们试图做出这些重大的生活决定时,
609	we'll have someone who we didn't even ask them,	我们会有一个我们甚至没有问过的人,
610	but people will be chipping in telling you what to think of yourself.	但人们会告诉你自己该怎么想
611	And there's an element almost, I guess,	还有一个元素,我想,
612	of being able to develop stronger boundaries in your life	在你的生活中发展更强大的界限
613	so that you can keep the outside world outside.	这样你就可以把外界留在外面
614	OK.	摆
615	So then how about you stop telling everybody your business?	那你就别再跟别人说你的生意了
616	Why do they need to know what you're thinking about doing here or there?	为什么他们要知道你想干什么?
617	Why?	为什么?
618	Because when you open your mouth to share things,	因为当你张开嘴分享事物时
619	you're going to get advice.	你会得到建议。
620	So this goes back to you.	所以这又归你了
621	Do I open my mouth or do I stay quiet?	我要张开嘴还是保持沉默?
622	Because if I open my mouth and I start talking,	因为如果我张开嘴开始说话
623	people are going to start sharing.	人们将开始分享。
624	And so when people are like, oh, they don't respect my boundaries,	所以当人们喜欢,哦, 他们不尊重我的界限,
625	you're the one who offered it.	是你提供的
626	If you want to create boundaries, you start with some.	如果你想建立边界,首先要有一些。
627	I don't share.	我不分享。
628	Or like if I'm like, for example, I'm working on a project or a deal,	或者说,如果我喜欢, 例如,我在做一个项目或交易,
629	nobody knows until my deal is done.	在我交易完成之前没人知道
630	Why?	为什么?
631	I don't know how it's going to go.	未审如何是境界.
632	I don't want other people's opinions.	我不想要别人的意见。
633	I'll have the opinions of whoever I'm dealing with	我要了解我和谁打交道
634	specifically in a deal if it's a project, right?	在一个交易中,如果这是一个项目,对不对?
635	I'm going to talk to them.	我要和他们谈谈。
636	But I don't want other people confusing me.	但我不想别人把我弄糊涂
637	People confuse you.	人们迷惑你。
638	Good intentions.	心意不错.
639	But when you've got too many voices in your head,	但是当你脑子里有太多声音的时候
640	that's why you can't trust yourself because you've got all these other voices.	这就是为什么你不能相信自己 因为你有所有这些其他的声音。
641	You can't hear your own.	你听不到你自己的声音
642	So I know if I share something with someone,	所以我知道如果我和别人分享一些东西
643	they're going to share their thoughts.	他们会分享他们的想法。
644	And maybe I don't want them.	也许我不想要
645	I will tell you, I usually stay quiet until I'm ready to reveal something.	我会告诉你,我通常保持安静 直到我准备好 透露一些东西。
646	Also, I'll stay quiet until it's either done, like it's happened,	而且,我会保持安静 直到它要么做, 像它已经发生,
647	because so many times you'll do something and it falls through.	因为很多次你都会做点什么 事情就过去了
648	And you're like, you don't want to have to explain it to other people.	而你喜欢,你不想 解释给其他人。
649	It's like, why do I need to put myself in that situation where we're always talking?	为什么我需要把自己 置于我们经常谈论的境地?
650	I think talking, talking, talking, talking, although I think communication is good,	我想说话,说话,说话,说话, 虽然我认为沟通是好的,
651	but sometimes it's oversharing and over putting our stuff out there.	但有时是过度分享 和把我们的东西放在那里。
652	How are you going to have boundaries when you yourself violate those boundaries?	当你自己违反这些界限时,你怎么会有边界?
653	You just make yourself open borders, everybody come in.	你只要让自己开放边界, 每个人都进来。
654	If you're a bit more methodical with who you share what with and why,	如果你比较有条不紊地跟谁分享什么和为什么
655	I think that that's okay.	我想这没关系。
656	But when you're literally tallying everybody, even if it's what job to do.	但当你真正地统计每个人, 即使这是什么工作。
657	For example, there's a woman in the community I have,	比如说,我有个女人
658	and she's trying to figure out what career to do.	她试图想出 什么样的职业做。
659	And she was kind of like, my mom says this, my dad says this, grown woman.	她有点像,我妈妈说这个,我爸爸说这个,成年女人。
660	And it was coming from a genuine place, and I like this, but I don't like that.	它来自一个真正的地方, 我喜欢这个, 但我不喜欢。
661	She was ping-ponging everywhere.	她到处打乒乓球
662	She's like, Evie, can you share something with me?	Evie 你能和我分享点什么吗?
663	I was like, stop.	我当时想,停下来。
664	I was like, stop talking to everybody.	我当时想,停止与每个人说话。
665	Why are you tallying everybody to give you advice?	为什么你要统计每个人给你的建议?
666	I was like, I want you to think about how insane what you're doing is.	我当时想,我希望你想想 你这样做有多疯狂
667	You are going to another human being to ask them what job, what career you should do,	你要去找另一个人 问他们你该做什么工作 做什么职业
668	a job that you're going to wake up every morning to get out of bed,	每天早上你都会起床起床睡觉
669	to go do day after day after day.	日复一日地干这个
670	And you're tallying and pulling other people who are not going to be doing that.	而你正在统计 和拉其他人 谁不会这样做。
671	You're going to be doing that on what you should do.	你将会做你应该做的。
672	Do you see a little bit of the ridiculousness of how you are asking somebody else,	你有没有看到一点点的荒谬 你是如何问别人,
673	you're the one who has to get up every morning and go do it?	你每天早上都得起床去做吗?
674	If you say that to her and you ask her to justify why she's doing that,	如果你跟她这么说 你要求她说明为什么她这么做
675	she might say, well, I'm just not sure.	她可能会说,嗯,我只是不确定。
676	I just wanted to hear other people's opinions.	我只想听听别人的意见
677	I just don't know.	我只是不晓得。
678	You can.	你当然可以
679	She can.	她会的
680	You can do that.	你可以做到这一点。
681	But if the question is, how do I learn to trust myself?	但如果问题是,我如何学会相信自己?
682	You trust yourself more by listening to yourself more and asking other people less.	你更信任自己 更多地倾听自己 少问别人
683	That is how you get there.	这就是你如何到达那里。
684	Clearly, she doesn't trust herself, though.	显然她不相信自己
685	No.	没有
686	And then maybe just the circle around you.	然后也许只是你的圆圈。
687	It's also to, you know, and I don't know if you've been able to do this.	也是为了,你知道,我不知道 你是否已经做到了这一点。
688	Over the years, slowly, I've also accumulated people around me.	多年来,慢慢地,我还积累了身边的人.
689	It takes time where there are trusted people where I can go to for specific things.	需要一些时间,如果有值得信任的人 我可以去 具体的事情。
690	If I need to, because I like the way they move through life.	如果需要的话 因为我喜欢他们过生命的方式
691	I think that they handle themselves well.	我觉得他们处理得很好
692	Maybe they do well in business.	也许他们在生意上表现很好
693	They're thoughtful.	他们很体贴
694	I like their character.	我喜欢他们的性格
695	And so over time, you can also, I don't want to say accumulate,	所以随着时间的推移,你也可以, 我不想说积累,
696	but you can kind of start to pull folks like that in.	但你可以开始 吸引这样的人。
697	Takes time because people are going to come into your life in different moments.	需要时间 因为人们会进入你的生活 在不同的时刻。
698	And when you find those precious gems, keep them a bit close.	当你找到这些珍贵的宝石时 让他们靠近一点
699	And then you can start to accumulate a circle.	然后可以开始积累一个圆.
700	And it's not people you go to every day.	你每天去的不是别人
701	It's just people that you can pick up the phone, say, hey, Steven, it's Evy.	只是人,你可以接电话, 说,嘿,史蒂芬,这是Evy。
702	Can I run something by you?	我可以运行的东西你?
703	Sure, Evy, no problem.	当然,艾薇,没问题
704	What do you want to run by me?	你想让我做什么?
705	You can create those, too.	你也可以创造这些。
706	And at least for me, I've been able over time slowly	至少对我来说,我慢慢地
707	because it's not going to happen overnight.	因为它不会在一夜之间发生。
708	And then sometimes people come into that space and sometimes you say,	有时候人们走进那个空间 有时你说
709	hmm, I'm going to push you a little further out.	嗯,我要把你推远一点。
710	It's not working out anymore.	已无功用.
711	That woman in that example, what does she ultimately need to do?	那个女人,她最终需要做什么?
712	Because I can imagine in her world, she's not certain about any path.	因为我可以想象在她的世界里, 她不确定任何路径。
713	So she's got 20% certainty about going in this direction,	所以她有20%的把握朝这个方向走
714	30% certainty about going in that direction apparently,	30%的确定 朝这个方向走显然,
715	and maybe 40% about going in that direction.	也许40%关于朝那个方向走。
716	And then the rest is just a little bit of confusion and procrastination and fear.	然则余则稍有迷惑,拖延及恐惧.
717	What does she actually have to do?	她到底要怎么办?
718	She just has to make a choice and do it.	她只需要做一个选择和做它。
719	Pick one and do it.	选一个来做
720	There's no perfect choice, Evy.	没有完美的选择,艾薇
721	But there isn't.	但是没有
722	There's no way to know how it's going to pan out.	没有办法知道会怎样
723	There's no way to know.	无有法可知.
724	Just choose.	只要选择。
725	Choose something.	选点什么吧
726	And even if it's wrong, find peace and like, I chose, it was wrong.	即使这是错误的,找到和平 就像,我选择了,这是错的。
727	But you know what?	但你知道吗?
728	I'm not stuck here.	我不是被困在这里。
729	That's the other thing.	这是另一回事。
730	You can change your decisions.	你可以改变你的决定。
731	Just because you choose something, it doesn't mean you're stuck there.	只是因为你选择了什么东西, 这并不意味着你被困在那里。
732	We have the ability to get out.	我们有能力出去
733	You do.	没错
734	You can find ways to get out and say, I made a wrong choice.	你可以想办法出去说 我做错了选择
735	It's okay.	没关系。
736	You also have to be okay with it.	你也必须接受它。
737	The interesting thing within our personal lives that I think causes such procrastination	在我们个人生活中有趣的事情 我认为导致这种拖延
738	versus business is in business, especially if you're in a startup,	对生意来说是生意 特别是如果你在创业
739	if you don't make a choice, or even like I imagine in the Secret Service,	如果你没有做出选择 或者像我在特勤局想象的那样
740	if you don't make a choice, there is an immediate consequence.	如果你不做选择,就会产生直接的后果。
741	Whereas in your life, you can kind of meander for a year, three years, five years,	而在你的生命中,你可以有点默默无闻 一年,三年,五年,
742	and just sit and procrastinate.	并只是坐下来拖延。
743	Whereas like in a Secret Service situation, when Trump is being shot at,	在特勤局的情况下 当特朗普被枪杀时
744	meandering for five years as a Secret Service agent, I imagine isn't possible.	作为特勤局特工工作了五年 我想不可能
745	So that is something, what will help with that is it's something called,	所以,这是一些东西,什么会 帮助它,这是一些叫做,
746	it's called instrumental.	它被称为工具。
747	It's called sense-making.	名为觉性.
748	It's understanding a person's motivational mindset.	它理解一个人的动机心态.
749	An instrumental person in certain jobs can yield more instrumental people.	在某些工作上,工具人员可以产生更多的工具人员。
750	This is where I am doing something where I am task-oriented.	我在这里做一些我的任务。
751	This just happened, so I have to respond this way.	这事刚刚发生 所以我必须这样回应
752	I'm going to do that.	我会做到这一点。
753	I'm going to do this.	我要做到这一点。
754	I'm looking at the overall, what is my next step, then my next step, then my next step.	我审视了总体, 什么是我的下一步, 然后是我的下一步,然后我的下一步。
755	When you are instrumental, you are non-emotional.	当你是工具,你是非情感。
756	I'm not in the emotion of it.	我不是那种情绪
757	So although like if you bring up a protective getting shot, right?	所以,尽管你提出 保护性中枪,对不对?
758	Although it can seem emotional, yes, it is.	虽然看起来很情绪化,但的确如此。
759	But in that moment, at least through training, it's shots being fired,	但是在那一刻,至少通过训练, 它的射击,
760	jump in front, cover, shield, evacuate.	跳到前面,掩护,盾牌,疏散。
761	You run through those things.	你穿过那些东西。
762	That's being instrumental, right?	这是有用的,对不对?
763	Which is having like a framework for what to do next.	这就像一个框架 下一步要做什么。
764	You're functioning.	你在运转
765	You're being tasked.	你的任务。
766	You're task-oriented.	你很注重任务
767	I'm going to do this.	我要做到这一点。
768	You have a business decision to make.	你有一个商业决定。
769	Let's say something bad's happening in the business.	说正业中坏事.
770	Okay, how do I stop this hemorrhaging?	好吧,我怎么才能阻止这种出血?
771	I'm going to do this.	我要做到这一点。
772	That's instrumental.	很有帮助
773	On the flip side of that is something called identity.	在它的反面 是一个叫做身份的东西。
774	When I am identity, I am, oh my God, I can't believe this is happening.	当我是身份,我,哦,我的上帝, 我不能相信这是正在发生。
775	This is horrible.	这是可怕的。
776	I don't know what to do.	无所依止.
777	I'm confused.	我有点困惑。
778	I'm really upset about this.	我真的很难过。
779	I can't believe I'm finding myself here.	我简直不敢相信自己会在这里
780	Now I'm in that purgatory space of not doing anything.	现在我在炼狱的空间里 什么都不做
781	I'm also emotional, so I can't think clearly, and I'm not able to make moves.	我也情绪化,所以无法清晰地思考,无法做出动作.
782	So how did they train you as a Secret Service Agent to have that instrumental mindset?	他们是怎么训练你成为特勤局特工的?
783	You do.	没错
784	Action, action.	行动,行动。
785	Everything's action.	一切行动.
786	Make a choice, make a choice, make a choice, move, go, go, go.	作出选择,选择,选择,移动,去,去.
787	Do you know what's interesting?	你知道什么是有趣的吗?
788	Everything was about movement.	一切都是关于运动的。
789	Don't be still.	别乱动
790	Even when you're getting shot at, don't be still.	就算你中枪了 也别乱动
791	They actually teach you to run in zigzags.	他们实际上教你用Zigzags跑步.
792	It's actually really hard to shoot someone.	开枪真的很难
793	If they're not perfectly still, I mean, we would shoot paper targets.	如果他们不完全静止,我的意思是,我们会拍摄纸质目标。
794	You'd miss.	你会错过的
795	You're stressed out, you're motion, you're looking at this guy shooting,	你紧张,你动了,你看着这家伙开枪,
796	that person shooting, am I shooting like shit?	那个开枪的人,我开枪像狗屎一样吗?
797	Because everyone's looking at each other's scores, and if you don't shoot well,	因为每个人都在看对方的分数 如果你拍得不好
798	they're going to be like, oh, I don't want to take you out on the next raid with me.	他们将像, 哦,我不想带你出去 在下一次突袭与我。
799	So you've got that adrenaline rush.	所以你有肾上腺素急症
800	It's a hard thing to do.	其难.
801	But they teach you like, hey, if you're getting shot at, don't sit there like a dummy.	但他们教你喜欢,嘿嘿, 如果你受到枪击, 不要坐在那里像一个傻瓜。
802	Move, run.	移动,运行。
803	And while you're running, run like zigzag.	在你跑步的时候 跑得像Zigzag一样
804	Throw people off, move.	扔人离开,移动。
805	And I've taken that premise of always being kinesis.	我已经接受了这个前提 永远是动静。
806	Kinesis是一个希腊动作.
807	Kinesis, move, move, always move.	基尼斯,移动,移动,总是移动。
808	Create momentum, no matter how stuck you feel.	创造出动力,不管你感觉如何
809	And I follow this actually in my own life.	实际上,我在自己的生活中也关注这个。
810	Just move.	走开
811	Don't sit still.	别坐着
812	I'm not saying don't grieve, don't be sad, don't feel.	我不是说不要悲伤 不要悲伤 不要感觉
813	It's okay.	没关系。
814	But don't put yourself in a place where you're completely stagnant	但不要把自己 在一个完全停滞的地方
815	because that's where you get stuck and you don't move and you get comfortable	因为在那里你被卡住,你不动,你得到舒适
816	and you become afraid.	你变得害怕。
817	If you can just create movement.	如果你能创造运动。
818	I'm going to create a little bit of movement.	我将创造一点运动。
819	I'm going to make a decision here.	我要在这里做个决定
820	And then another one, another one.	然后又一个,另一个。
821	If you can just stay in kinesis movement,	如果你能保持动静
822	you'll be able to move through whatever it is you're going through.	你将可以移动 通过任何你正在经历的。
823	I remember I interviewed Jocko Willick,	我记得我采访了乔科·威利克
824	and he said pretty much a very similar thing to me.	他跟我说过类似的话
825	He said in the SAS or the Navy SEALs,	他说在SAS或海军海豹突击队,
826	when you're lost, you're not going to get any new information	当你迷路,你不会得到任何新信息
827	if you just stay where you are.	如果你只是呆在那里,你现在。
828	So you have to just move, even if you don't know which direction.	所以,你必须只是移动, 即使你不知道的方向。
829	Movement generates information, which then can inform a better decision.	移动产生信息,然后可以为更好的决定提供信息。
830	And you're kind of saying the same thing there,	你也是这么说的
831	which is if you're stuck, you need to just get into kinesis,	如果你被卡住了, 你只需要进入动脉病,
832	make a decision, start moving,	做出一个决定,开始移动,
833	and then you'll learn at least something.	然后你至少会学到一些东西。
834	You'll learn something, even if it means reaching out to someone.	你会学到一些东西, 即使这意味着接触某人。
835	It's just do something that's helping you create some type of progress.	它只是做一些帮助你 创造某种进步。
836	When you don't move, when we don't have kinesis,	当你不动, 当我们没有动静,
837	this is where you get stuck in that emotional depravity of like,	这就是你陷入情感堕落的地方
838	I feel horrible.	我感觉糟透了
839	This is happening.	这正在发生。
840	If you can find ways to move out of your problem,	如果你能找到办法解决你的问题
841	as bad as it feels, don't bathe in it.	和感觉一样糟 别洗澡
842	Don't take a bath in it.	别沐浴其中.
843	Feel it, but to a point.	感受一下,但一点。
844	And you know what else, too?	你知道还有什么吗?
845	You also don't have to figure it out.	亦不须解.
846	You don't have to figure out why did this happen	你不必知道为什么会这样
847	or why did this person do it.	或者这个人为什么要这么做
848	Sometimes there's nothing to figure out.	有时无所解.
849	Sometimes it just is.	有时候就是
850	Sometimes there's brilliance and freedom	有时有辉煌和自由
851	and just letting go and saying, this happened.	然后就放手说 事情就发生了
852	I don't know why it happened and I don't need to know why.	我不知道为什么会发生 我不需要知道为什么
853	But I can figure out how I need to move forward.	但我能想出我需要如何前进
854	Kinesis,我该怎么走?
855	What do I go to next?	我接下来要做什么?
856	Sometimes the more you sit and you analyze this stuff,	有时你坐得越多 分析这些东西,
857	the more pain you put yourself through.	让你自己承受的更多痛苦
858	You're rethinking, you're retelling, you're reliving.	你重新思考,你重新认识,你重生。
859	And especially if you're reliving things	特别是当你重生的时候
860	that somebody else did to you, like the pain.	别人对你做的, 像痛苦。
861	And you ever have those moments where you start to relive,	你曾经有过那些开始重生的时刻,
862	I should have done this, I should have said this.	我应该这样做,我应该说。
863	Do you know what actually activates the same part	你知道什么是实际激活相同的部分
864	of the brain that's activated when you do cocaine?	你吸可卡因时激活的大脑?
865	So it becomes addictive.	所以它变得上瘾。
866	Yeah, it makes you high.	是啊,它让你高。
867	Think about that.	考虑一下
868	Even though it's negative feelings, you're like,	虽然这是负面的感情,你喜欢,
869	yeah, you're having this whole thing happen.	是啊,你得到了这一切发生。
870	And it's like, I always look at,	这就像,我总是看着,
871	I always look at is what I'm doing leading me	我总是在看着自己
872	to the path I want to go to.	我想走的道路。
873	If it's not, then I try to relinquish.	如果不是,那么我试图放弃。
874	I'm like, listen, it's okay to feel bad,	我很喜欢,听着, 这没关系 感觉不好,
875	but you will feel less bad if you can keep that momentum going.	但是如果你能保持这种势头 你会感觉更不好
876	Being stuck and in that place of victimhood	被困在那个受害者的地方
877	or fear or procrastination,	或畏惧或拖延,
878	do you think that victimhood is addictive?	你觉得受害者会上瘾吗?
879	I think it becomes a habit.	我觉得这成了习惯
880	I don't think most people want to be there.	我不认为大多数人想在那里。
881	If you ask anybody, nobody's going to say, yeah, I love it.	如果你问任何人, 没有人会说,是的,我喜欢它。
882	But what happens is it becomes a habit	但后来的习惯是
883	and it's a pattern of behavior and a pattern	这是行为模式和模式
884	and a way of thinking that you become used to.	还有一种让你习惯的思维方式
885	What's the reward in that habit cycle then?	那习惯周期的回报是什么?
886	I don't know if there's a reward	我不知道有没有奖励
887	and I don't know if people think about it.	我不知道人们有没有想过
888	They just get stuck and they repeat the same thing	他们只是卡住了,他们重复同样的事情
889	because they're afraid and uncertain	因为他们害怕和不确定
890	of if they change it, what will happen?	如果他们改变了它, 会发生什么?
891	You'll see this in relationships where,	你会在恋爱中看到这一点,
892	and it's not just domestic violence,	这不仅仅是家庭暴力,
893	but you'll see it in these really imbalanced relationships	但是,你会看到它 在这些真正不平衡的关系
894	where you will see one person who's very dominant	在那里,你会看到一个人 谁非常主导
895	and one person, the dominant person	一人,占支配地位的人
896	that will be somebody who's very high power and control	那将会是一个非常强大的 权力和控制权
897	setting the agenda, but not in a good way.	确定议程,但不是在很好的方式。
898	And then you'll see another person who's very low power,	然后,你会看到另一个人 谁非常低的权利,
899	weak, submissive, avoidant.	弱,顺,避也.
900	The reason why that relationship works is	这种关系之所以起作用的原因是
901	one is here, so the other has to be here.	一个在这里,所以另一个必须在这里。
902	They both can't be high power because they'll clash.	他们不可能因为会发生冲突而成为高权重.
903	And so that's why when you see a lot	所以这就是为什么当你看到很多
904	of these imbalanced relationships	这些不平衡的关系
905	or severely imbalanced when it's domestic violence	或严重失衡的家庭暴力行为
906	and it can be man towards woman, woman towards man,	男人对女人,女人对男人,
907	or same sex, you will see that it's one person	或同性,你会看到它是一个人
908	who's up here, high control,	谁在这里,高控制,
909	and then the other person goes submissive, avoidant.	然后另一个人就会顺从 逃避
910	This person down here is just trying to keep the peace.	这个人在这里只是想保持和平
911	I don't want conflict.	我不想要冲突
912	I don't want to upset them.	我不想让他们生气
913	I don't want to set them off.	我不想让他们失望
914	But what you do is you go deeper and deeper and deeper.	但你做的是越来越深入
915	And the more you try to keep the peace,	你越是想维持和平
916	the more you're submissive and avoidant and uncertain,	你越是顺从 和避免 和不确定,
917	what does the other person do?	别人是做什么的?
918	The higher up they go because you just help create	越高,他们去 因为你只是帮助创造
919	this imbalance, this further spread of power	这种不平衡,这种权力的进一步扩张
920	in the relationship.	在关系。
921	They become louder, stronger, dogmatic, demanding, rigid.	他们变得更响亮、更强大、教条主义、苛刻、僵硬。
922	And then that happens over time.	然后,这发生在一段时间。
923	And then you find yourself in this space where like,	然后你发现自己在这个空间 喜欢,
924	how did I end up here and this person's here?	我怎么会在这里,而这个人在这里?
925	And then that's one of those examples	然后就是其中一个例子
926	of where another person keeps you literally suppressed.	别人让你被压制的地方
927	So how are you going to trust yourself and your voice	那你怎么相信自己和声音
928	and make good decisions if you have such an individual around you?	如果你身边有这样的人 做出正确的决定?
929	And that's another thing that keeps a person pushed down	这也是另一个让一个人压下去的东西
930	and suppressed.	和被压制。
931	As a woman Secret Service agent, when you first went into service,	作为一个女性特勤局特工, 当你第一次服役时,
932	I imagine there was a sort of institutional sexism.	我想有某种体制性的性别歧视。
933	Just thinking about that era, that time,	想想那个时代,那个时代,
934	where people would look at you and think,	在那里人们会看着你思考,
935	well, as a woman, there wasn't as many women in the Secret Service.	作为一个女人,特勤局里没有那么多女人
936	So maybe she's someone that I can push down.	所以也许她是一个我可以推倒的人。
937	Maybe she's someone who I can make the odd comment to.	也许她是一个我可以做出奇怪评论的人。
938	Maybe I could create a power dynamic where I'm above her.	也许我可以创造出一种力量动力 在那里我高于她。
939	Did that ever happen?	发生过吗?
940	And if it did happen, how did you deal with it?	如果真的发生了,你怎么处理的?
941	The truth is that stuff does happen, right?	事实是,事情确实发生了,对不对?
942	And it could happen.	并有可能发生。
943	I remember Barbara Pierce Bush went to Tanzania.	我记得芭芭拉·皮尔斯·布什去了坦桑尼亚
944	I'm the assistant detail leader,	我是助理细节领导
945	which means I was the head person.	这意味着我是头人。
946	And then my boss from headquarters came, but he wasn't there yet.	然后总部的老板来了 但他还没到
947	And we were having a briefing.	我们做了一个简报。
948	And you were protecting the Bush family?	你在保护布什家族?
949	I was protecting.	我在保护你
950	I was the assistant detail leader for Barbara Pierce Bush.	我是芭芭拉·皮尔斯·布什的助理特长
951	So George Bush Jr.'s daughter, one of the twins.	小乔治·布什的女儿 是双胞胎之一
952	It's Jenna and Barbara.	这是珍娜和芭芭拉。
953	I had Barbara.	我拥有芭芭拉。
954	So she went there to do philanthropic work, aid.	于是她去那里做慈善工作,援助。
955	And we were going to some really not safe areas, right?	我们本来要去一些不安全的地方,对吧?
956	A lot of vulnerabilities, a lot of concerns.	有许多弱点,很多关切.
957	So I set up the briefing.	所以我安排了简报。
958	I'm the person in charge.	我是负责人
959	And agents are coming from different parts of the country	探员来自全国各地
960	to help supplement some agents I've never met.	来补充一些我从未见过的特工
961	So I remember one guy walks in and he's like, oh, hey, hi.	所以我记得有一个人走进来 他就像,哦,嘿,嗨。
962	So this is in the hotel room.	所以这是在酒店房间。
963	We're having the briefing and no one's there yet.	我们正在做简报 还没有人在场
964	It's just him and I.	只有他和我两个
965	Hi, how are you?	嗨 你好吗?
966	Okay.	摆
967	He's like, hey, the intern staff room is down the hall.	他就像,嘿,实习生 员工室在大厅下面。
968	If you want to go find it, I can show you.	如果你想去找,我可以给你看
969	So when he saw me, he made an assumption I was staff.	所以当他看到我时,他假设我是工作人员。
970	I was part of the entourage, but not an actual agent.	我是随从,但不是真正的特工
971	And so I'm like, actually, no, I'm the assistant detail leader here.	所以我喜欢,实际上,不,我是这里的助理 细节领导。
972	Thank you for joining.	谢谢你的加入
973	What office are you from?	你是哪个办公室的?
974	So now, could I be pissed off?	现在,我可以生气吗?
975	Sure.	当然
976	Did he make an assumption based on what he saw?	他有没有根据他所看到的假设?
977	Sure.	当然
978	Those are moments where I don't care.	那是我不在乎的时刻
979	Really?	真的吗?
980	No.	没有
981	Zero percent?	百分之零吗?
982	No.	没有
983	Who looked like a big dummy afterward?	之后谁看起来像个大傻瓜?
984	He did, not me.	他没有,不是我。
985	It does become annoying, but this is where you have to pick your battles.	这的确很烦人,但你必须在这里选择你的战斗。
986	You can't fight everybody.	你不能和每个人打
987	Imagine how exhausted you'd be if you fought every buffoon that came your way.	想象一下,如果你和每个来找你的野牛战斗 你会有多累。
988	Some people literally have designed their life to fight buffoons.	有些人从字面上设计了自己的生活来对抗野牛.
989	Right.	对
990	And I'm busy.	我忙着呢
991	I have things to do.	我有事要办
992	Think about how much time and energy they take and waste from you.	想想他们从你身上浪费了多少时间和精力
993	And talk about a life of being stagnant and doing nothing	并谈论生活 停滞和无所事事
994	because you're too busy fighting everybody.	因为你太忙着和所有人打架了
995	Choose and fight strategically.	选择和战斗战略。
996	So if it's something I need to fight, fight.	所以,如果它是的东西 我需要战斗,战斗。
997	I'll give you another example.	再举个例子
998	After September 11th, the US Secret Service field office was in the World Trade Center.	9月11日之后,美国特勤局外地办事处在世贸中心.
999	Seven.	七门.
1000	So when the towers collapsed, we lost our whole office.	所以当塔楼倒塌时 我们失去了整个办公室
1001	So immediately, the Secret Service New York office, they were trying to find a new home.	纽约特勤局的办公室 他们想找个新家
1002	So they found office space in Brooklyn.	所以他们在布鲁克林找到了办公室
1003	And obviously, in a place like that, the office space needs to be designed	显然,在这样的地方, 办公空间需要设计
1004	a specific way for what we're doing.	一个具体的方法,我们在做什么。
1005	Again, nondescript.	再说一遍,没有说明
1006	Nobody needs to know we're there.	没有人需要知道我们在那里。
1007	But you're designing it to look and feel a certain way to get things done.	但是,你设计它是为了看和感觉 某种方式来完成事情。
1008	I'm an agent now.	我现在是经纪人了
1009	I get called into the SACS office, which is the head boss.	我被叫到SACS的办公室,这是老板。
1010	And he says, I need you to design this office for me.	他说 我需要你帮我设计这间办公室
1011	Work with headquarters.	与总部合作.
1012	Get us nice photos.	给我们拍好照片
1013	Make this look like our new home.	让这里看起来像我们的新家
1014	We have a lot of briefings here.	我们这里有许多简报。
1015	I'm going to put you in charge of this.	由你负责
1016	Can you do this?	你能做到吗?
1017	OK.	摆
1018	Yes, sir.	是 长官
1019	There's 250 agents in the office.	办公室里有250名探员
1020	I get pulled for interior design duty.	我被拉去当室内设计任务
1021	HGTV. (中文(简体) ).
1022	Here we go.	开始了
1023	So I said, all right.	所以我说,好吧。
1024	No problem.	没问题
1025	So I did.	所以我就这么做了 So I did.
1026	I'm like, I'm going to do it.	如来如是.
1027	I'm going to own it.	我要拥有它。
1028	And I remember some of the women were like, aren't you?	我记得一些女人喜欢,不是吗?
1029	I'm like, no worries.	我很喜欢,不用担心。
1030	I was like, I'm going to do the best damn job I can.	我本来想,我会尽我所能
1031	So I did.	所以我就这么做了 So I did.
1032	It took me months.	我花了几个月时间
1033	I made a nice office.	我做了一个不错的办公室。
1034	I was done with it.	我受够了
1035	Fast forward.	快速前进。
1036	That same boss puts out an open bid.	那个老板公开出价
1037	New polygraph position.	新测谎姿势.
1038	There's only two polygraph examiners in the New York office.	纽约办事处只有两名测谎员.
1039	30 throughout the whole US Secret Service.	整个美国特勤局有30个
1040	A spot comes open, which is rare.	一个地方打开,这是罕见的。
1041	Everybody put your name in whoever wants it.	大家把你的名字写进谁想要的名字里
1042	Everybody puts their name in.	大家都把名字写进去了
1043	People senior to me put their name in.	高年级的人给我写名字
1044	And then one of the senior polygraph guys was like, why don't you put your name in?	然后一个高级测谎员说, 你为什么不把你的名字?
1045	I'm like, dude, no way.	我就像,伙计,没有办法。
1046	No one's going to confess to me.	没有人会向我坦白的
1047	They're going to see me.	他们会看到我的
1048	They're going to high five each other.	他们要互相击掌
1049	I'm never putting my name in.	我永远不会把我的名字。
1050	He's like, put your name in.	他喜欢,把你的名字。
1051	You don't know.	汝不识.
1052	I wait till the last half hour before they call it a bid closes and I throw my name in.	我等了半个小时 他们才叫停标 然后我就把我的名字丢进去了
1053	I'm like, it's not going to happen.	我很喜欢,它不会发生。
1054	Guess what?	你猜怎么着?
1055	A week later, I get a phone call.	一周后,我接到电话
1056	Come to my office.	到我办公室来
1057	Same boss.	同样的老板。
1058	Sits me down.	师坐曰.
1059	He's like, I had X amount of people put in.	他喜欢,我有X数量的人。
1060	Maybe 30 or so people.	也许30人左右。
1061	He's like, I picked you.	他喜欢,我选了你。
1062	And he said, do you know why?	他说,你知道为什么吗?
1063	I said, no, sir.	我说,没有,先生。
1064	He's like, I gave you that assignment to design the office and fix it.	他就像,我给了你 设计办公室和修复它的任务。
1065	And at no point did you bitch or complain or say anything to me.	你从来没有对我抱怨或抱怨
1066	And in fact, you did a great job.	事实上,你做得很好
1067	Thank you.	谢谢
1068	This is your assignment.	这是你的任务
1069	Put in.	上车
1070	I need to understand here something, which is on one hand, I've got to be protecting	我需要明白一件事 一方面 我得保护自己
1071	my boundaries, right?	我的界限,对不对?
1072	Don't let people fuck with me.	别让别人惹我
1073	On the other hand, don't make someone's prejudice my problem and don't bitch and complain.	另一方面,不要让别人对我的问题有偏见,不要放荡和抱怨.
1074	Are these mutually, are these like two separate ideas or is it like context dependent?	这些是相互的,是像两个独立的想法,还是像上下文一样依赖?
1075	Because if I'm protecting my boundaries, my boss calls me in and tells me that I'm	因为如果我保护我的边界, 我的老板给我打电话 并告诉我,我
1076	going to be doing the interior design job, potentially because I'm a woman, is not protecting	做室内设计工作 可能是因为我是个女人 保护不了
1077	my boundaries in that situation going, fuck you, and calling him out.	在那种情况下,我的界限去, 去你妈的,并叫他出来。
1078	I could have.	我本来可以的
1079	But I assure you, I would not have gotten that position.	但我向你保证,我不会得到那个职位。
1080	I also knew somebody has to do it.	我也知道有人必须这样做。
1081	So he happened to pick me.	所以他碰巧选了我
1082	Maybe he likes my sense of style.	也许他喜欢我的风格感。
1083	Maybe not.	也许不是。
1084	Maybe because of the way I look.	也许是因为我的样子
1085	Maybe because I'm a woman.	也许是因为我是个女人
1086	I don't know.	师曰.
1087	You know what's funny?	你知道什么是有趣的吗?
1088	He didn't know this.	他不知道这一点。
1089	I actually studied fine art in college.	我在大学里学过美术
1090	So I wasn't that appalled.	所以我没有那么震惊。
1091	And I also looked at, you know what, too?	我也看过,你知道吗?
1092	I also looked at the opportunity because now I got to work with people in headquarters	我也看到了这个机会 因为现在我得和总部的人合作
1093	that I never would have gotten exposed to and like all the historic archive stuff.	我永远不会接触到 和喜欢所有的历史档案。
1094	So there was a part of it.	所以有一部分是这样的。
1095	I was like, oh, this is kind of cool.	我当时想,哦,这很酷。
1096	Now, could I have argued it?	现在,我可以争论一下吗?
1097	I could have.	我本来可以的
1098	But then I guess you choose.	不过我想你还是选吧
1099	I chose not to.	我选择不这样做。
1100	In long term, it worked out for me.	从长远看,这对我来说是可行的。
1101	There's also times where, I don't know, Steven, you can't care so hard.	还有的时候,我不知道,史蒂芬,你不能这么在乎
1102	People are going to slight you.	人们会轻视你
1103	And you choose how much you're going to care about how much they slighted you.	你选择你有多关心他们轻视你。
1104	And I have noticed that the more I care, the more of a detriment it is to me.	而且我注意到,我越关心, 越是伤害我。
1105	And the less I care, the better I perform overall.	我越不在乎,我的表现越全面。
1106	All I'm saying is just choose strategically.	我想说的是 战略选择
1107	Don't choose just because you're pissed.	别因为你生气就选择
1108	Because if you're doing it because you're pissed,	因为如果你这样做是因为你生气,
1109	now you're being ruled by emotion.	现在你被情绪支配了
1110	And any time you make choices by emotion, you're going to make bad choices.	每当你通过情感做出选择, 你会做出糟糕的选择。
1111	Bar none the end.	没有结束。
1112	For a lot of people, the action they take following a situation like that	对很多人来说,他们在这样的情况下采取的行动
1113	is so quick and almost like so automatic.	这么快,几乎像这么自动。
1114	It's emotion.	这是情感。
1115	Yeah.	对
1116	That they just, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.	他们只是,哇,哇,哇,哇,哇。
1117	And then they might relax later and go, fucking hell, why did I say that?	然后他们可能放松 以后去,他妈的,为什么我说?
1118	I've ruined my life.	我毁了我的生活。
1119	But that's why I said it.	但是这就是为什么我说。
1120	That's why you're easily manipulated.	这就是为什么你很容易被操纵。
1121	If you are the person, and please know that I was that person.	如果你是那个人 请知道我就是那个人
1122	If you are that person where you are just reactive, reactive, reactive,	如果你是那个人,你只是反应,反应,反应,反应,
1123	you're going to sink your ship completely.	你会把船彻底沉没
1124	It means you're not thinking through things.	这意味着你没有思考的事情。
1125	It means you are just, you have no self-regulation.	这意味着你只是, 你没有自律。
1126	I self-regulate.	我自调和.
1127	Don't get me wrong.	别误会
1128	There's times where I'm like, I'm going to burn this bridge down	有时我会把桥烧掉
1129	all the way and I don't care.	一直这样,我不在乎
1130	I'm good with it.	我很擅长
1131	So long as I am choosing clear-headedly, I'm going to burn this bridge down.	只要我头脑清醒 我就把桥烧了
1132	But I'm choosing to do it.	但我选择这样做。
1133	I'm not doing it reactively.	我没有反应
1134	I'm not doing it because I've lost control.	我不这样做是因为我失去了控制。
1135	I'm doing it because I made that choice.	我这样做是因为我做出了选择。
1136	I'm going to burn this bridge and this relationship and I'm 100% okay with it.	我要烧掉这座桥和这段关系 我百分之百同意
1137	Do it.	做到这一点。
1138	But make sure you're doing it.	但要确保你这样做。
1139	Not the monkey inside your brain.	不是你的大脑里的猴子
1140	Exactly.	没错
1141	How do I train the monkey inside my brain over time?	我如何训练猴子进我的大脑 一段时间?
1142	Because you said you didn't, you used to be less regulated, right?	因为你说你没有, 你过去没有那么规范,对不对?
1143	You used to make more emotional decisions.	你曾经做出更多的情感决定
1144	And over time, you've come to be able to make those very rational,	随着时间的推移,你来到 能够使这些非常理性,
1145	like, prefrontal cortex decisions.	像,前额皮质决定。
1146	And vibes.	和声.
1147	Okay.	摆
1148	And vibes.	和声.
1149	I shut up.	闭嘴
1150	I started to shut up.	我开始闭嘴。
1151	I just started to be quiet.	我只是开始安静。
1152	When I'm pissed, I go quiet.	当我生气的时候,我会安静下来。
1153	I don't say anything.	我什么都不说
1154	I think that's the biggest thing.	我觉得这是最重要的事
1155	I learned to be quiet.	我学会了安静
1156	I just learned to shut my mouth.	我刚刚学会闭嘴
1157	Not to reveal your upcoming book, but I know that one of the 100	别透露你即将出版的书 但我知道100本书之一
1158	principles in that book is called...	那本书的原则叫做...
1159	100 Rules of Engagement.	100号交战规则。
1160	Shut the fuck up.	闭嘴
1161	Rule number one.	规则一。
1162	And the reason why is not to be vulgar.	而何因缘不粗俗.
1163	It's because it helped me so much.	因为它帮助了我这么多。
1164	Because the more you talk, just when you talk in general,	因为你说话越多, 当你说话一般,
1165	the more you talk, the more you reveal, the more people know,	你说话越多,你越透露, 人们越知道,
1166	the more you solicit, the more people share with you,	你要求的越多, 与你分享的人越多,
1167	the more you get confused, the more indecisive you are,	你越是困惑 越是执着
1168	the more, the more, the more, the more.	越,越,越,越.
1169	And when I learned to stop, self-regulate,	当我学会停止,自我调节,
1170	not to shoot my mouth off because I was offended,	不要因为我生气而打掉我的嘴
1171	you can only get offended, first of all,	首先,你只会生气
1172	if you allow yourself to get offended.	如果你允许自己生气的话
1173	There are times that people are going to cross you	有的时候人们会穿越你
1174	and disrespect you.	并且不尊重你们
1175	Yes, yes.	对,对。
1176	But like, how often can you be offended?	但是,你多久能生气一次吗?
1177	And also, there's times like, who cares?	还有,有时候,谁在乎呢?
1178	Like, I don't have to have everybody's respect.	喜欢,我不需要得到每个人的尊重。
1179	That's another exhausting thing.	这是另一个令人疲惫的事情。
1180	I have that, you need to respect me	我有这个,你要尊重我
1181	and you need to disrespect me.	而你必须尊重我
1182	He disrespected me and I'm Greek.	他不尊重我,我是希腊人。
1183	It's a big thing.	谓大事.
1184	Like, ugh.	喜欢,呃。
1185	That's going to wear you out.	这会令你疲惫不堪
1186	And you don't need it.	且道汝亦不须.
1187	There were times where maybe I worked with people	有几次也许我和别人一起工作
1188	who I could tell I was not wanted.	我可以说我被通缉了
1189	I remember once, NYPD, and I started off in the NYPD,	我记得有一次 纽约警局 我从纽约警局开始
1190	NYPD Queen's Narcotics Unit.	纽约警局的缉毒组
1191	Sorry, guys, this is a true story.	对不起,伙计们,这是一个真实的故事。
1192	And I was sent to partner up with Queen's Narcotics	我被派去跟皇后缉毒组合作
1193	to take down this guy who was doing child porn	干掉那个拍儿童色情片的人
1194	and counterfeit money in addition to drugs.	除了毒品,还有假币
1195	So I get sent to the task force.	所以我被派到特遣部队
1196	This is a hardcore task force within the NYPD.	这是纽约警局的一支核心特遣部队
1197	I show up with agents.	我和探员一起出现
1198	I'm the lead agent in charge.	我是负责人
1199	And I show up and they were not happy to see me.	我出现了,他们不高兴看到我。
1200	Not at all.	一点也不
1201	And I remember walking in.	我记得走进来。
1202	I don't know how it is now.	我不知道现在怎么样
1203	I'm sure it's not.	我敢肯定,这不是。
1204	But, you know, women's calendars, centerfolds,	但是,你知道, 女人的日历, 中间的夹子,
1205	all over the place.	遍满一切处.
1206	I walked in.	我走进来了
1207	Personally, I didn't care.	就我个人而言,我不在乎
1208	But I was just like, I think there's going to be a problem.	但我想,我想会有一个问题。
1209	Not me, them.	不是我,他们。
1210	Them for me.	给我的
1211	And I could tell that they didn't want me there.	我可以说他们不想我在那里。
1212	They started leaving information out of briefings.	他们开始在简报中遗漏信息。
1213	They would ignore me when we were doing the search warrants.	当我们执行搜查令时 他们会忽略我
1214	Like really tactical things that they were doing that were wrong.	像真正的战术 事情,他们做的是错的。
1215	And this was a ring of people that we were trying to take down.	这是一群人,我们想干掉他们。
1216	So the first time and then plus my team seeing this.	所以,第一次,然后加上我的团队看到这一点。
1217	So I don't say anything.	故不说.
1218	My team doesn't say anything.	我的团队什么都不会说
1219	My team's all guys.	我的团队都是男人。
1220	And thankfully, I had like really respectful agents with me.	谢天谢地,我有一个很尊重我的特工
1221	But these guys are seeing it.	但这些人看到它。
1222	They're seeing how they're treating me by proxy them.	他们看到他们如何对待我 通过代理他们。
1223	No one's saying anything.	无人言.
1224	They're disregarding us.	他们无视我们
1225	And the reason why we were asked to be there	而为什么我们被要求去
1226	is because we're experts in counterfeit.	因为我们是假冒专家
1227	We're also experts in child porn.	我们也是儿童色情专家
1228	So we do the arrest.	所以我们逮捕他
1229	It's done.	已办.
1230	But then there's a subsequent arrest that happens.	但后来又发生了逮捕事件.
1231	And we show up for that same thing.	我们为同样的事情而出现
1232	Like literally ignoring you.	像字面上忽略你。
1233	Like you're not even there.	就像你甚至没有在那里。
1234	We do the arrest.	逮捕我们
1235	We do the prints.	我们做指纹。
1236	And at one point, they even leave the precinct.	他们一度甚至离开警署
1237	And we're like, where did they go?	我们就像,他们去哪儿了?
1238	They just completely ditched us.	他们刚刚完全抛弃了我们。
1239	And I remember going back to my group leader, Carl.	我记得回到我的团体领袖卡尔身边
1240	And I go to Carl.	我去找卡尔
1241	I said, hey, listen.	我说,嘿,听着。
1242	If these guys call again, because there were more arrests.	如果这些家伙再打电话, 因为有更多的逮捕。
1243	I was like, don't send me out there.	我当时想,不要把我送出去
1244	And he's like, why?	他喜欢,为什么?
1245	I'm like, it's very clear.	我很喜欢,它非常清楚。
1246	They don't want me there.	他们不希望我在那里。
1247	I said, I don't want to fight.	我说,我不想打架。
1248	But I'm not also going to sit and stand my ground	但我不会也坐着站着
1249	and put myself somewhere I don't want to be.	把自己安置在我不想去的地方
1250	I don't like the way it feels.	我不喜欢那种感觉
1251	I don't want to be there.	亦不见.
1252	It's bad for the team.	对球队不利.
1253	Send a dude.	派个人来
1254	Don't send me back out there.	别把我送回去
1255	I won't go.	我不会去。
1256	Is that letting them win, though?	那是让他们赢吗?
1257	No.	没有
1258	Because they'll be at the office with their posters up	因为他们会带着海报去办公室
1259	of these women.	这些妇女。
1260	And they'll be like, yeah, we got rid of her.	他们会像,是的,我们摆脱了她。
1261	Like yourselves out.	喜欢自己出来。
1262	This is also where you choose what circles you want to be in.	这也是你所选择的圈子。
1263	It was a circle I chose I didn't want to be in.	那是我选择的圈子 我不想加入
1264	You can't change a mindset and culture of people.	你不能改变人们的心态和文化。
1265	Like, also think about it.	喜欢,也考虑一下。
1266	It wasn't one person I was up against.	不是我和一个人对着干
1267	It was the whole group.	这是整个团体。
1268	So now I'm going to come in and build those my way into this	所以现在我要进来把那些东西建起来
1269	what?	你说什么?
1270	Group mentality.	团体心态.
1271	I think this is where I really learned to navigate.	我想这就是我真正学会导航的地方。
1272	And you have to be good at it.	而得精进.
1273	Where to fight, where to walk away from.	何处打,何处走.
1274	And I was like, I don't need to be here.	我当时想,我不需要在这里。
1275	I don't need to prove anything to anybody.	我不需要证明给任何人。
1276	I've earned it.	我赚的
1277	I'm like, half of you yahoos couldn't become a special	我很喜欢,一半的你雅虎 不能成为一个特别
1278	agent if you applied.	如果你申请的话 探员
1279	It's a hard thing to become to go from a cop to do that.	从一个警察那里做这个很难
1280	So with that, I was like, no, I don't need to.	因此,我很喜欢,不,我不需要。
1281	And it's actually the only time I ever did that.	这是我唯一一次这样做。
1282	Because it was that egregious.	因为它是如此惊人。
1283	It was egregious.	这是惊人的。
1284	And I thought it was a danger to me and also a danger to the	我认为这对我是个危险 也是一种危险
1285	other special agents.	其他特别探员
1286	I felt like I had a responsibility.	我觉得我有责任
1287	And I'm like, if I'm working with the Queens Narcotics Task	如果我和皇后区缉毒组合作
1288	Force and they're not communicating, they're withholding	强迫和他们不沟通, 他们拒绝
1289	information, someone's going to get shot.	有人会中枪的
1290	I was like, and that's on them, not on me.	我很喜欢,那是他们,而不是我。
1291	But I'm also not going to partake.	但我也不打算参加。
1292	A lot of people will listen to this and they'll relate to the	很多人会听这个,他们会和
1293	feeling of being subtly disrespected on a recurring	感觉在反复出现时 被人轻视
1294	basis by individuals in their life, whether it's their	个人生活的基础, 无论是他们的
1295	romantic partner, whether it's a colleague at work, whether	浪漫的伴侣,无论是同事还是同事
1296	it's someone else that they interact with.	这是另一个人 他们互动。
1297	And so many people, I've seen this in some of the questions	这么多人,我见过这一点 在一些问题
1298	I get sent in, are keen to understand how to deal with	我被派进来,很想知道怎么对付
1299	someone that is disrespecting you.	一个不尊重你的人
1300	You know, because I guess there's a train of thought that	你知道,因为我想 有一列火车的想法
1301	would say when they disrespect you, you kind of argue and	他们会说,当他们不尊重你, 你有点争论,
1302	engage and try and shout them down and try and win.	参与并尝试大声喊他们下来 并试图赢得。
1303	But if you are being subtly disrespected in your own life	但是如果你在自己的生活中 被人轻视
1304	by someone, what do you recommend that they do?	你建议他们做什么?
1305	Okay.	摆
1306	Who is it?	是谁?
1307	So if it's my partner, so I'm married, I have a husband.	所以,如果这是我的伴侣, 所以我结婚了,我有丈夫。
1308	He's another special agent.	他是另一个特工
1309	If he does something where I feel disrespected because I care	如果他做了一些我感到不尊重的事 因为我在乎
1310	so deeply about that relationship and the integrity	如此深厚的关系和正直
1311	of that relationship, him, I might argue it.	关于那个关系,他,我可能会说。
1312	Not to argue, but because I want to keep a good, healthy	不争吵,但因为我想保持一个好,健康
1313	relationship.	关系。
1314	Now, don't get me wrong, being in a relationship, you also	现在,不要误会, 在一个关系,你也
1315	let a lot of things go, right?	让很多事情发生,对不对?
1316	So it's again, what am I willing to let go?	再说一遍,我愿意放手什么?
1317	I don't want to say silly, but what's really not important?	我不想说傻话 但有什么不重要的?
1318	And what's like, hey, I want to dress this with you and	怎么样,嘿,我想穿这个与你和
1319	this is why?	这就是为什么?
1320	So for me, that takes hierarchy.	对我来说,这需要分级。
1321	Who your partner is, when we talked about that before, bar	你搭档是谁,我们之前讨论的时候,酒吧
1322	none, that is really such a crux of how well you're going	没有,这真的是一个十字路口 你要去多好
1323	to do in life.	做在生活中。
1324	They're either going to raise you up or they're going to sink	他们要么把你养大 要么就沉下去
1325	you down.	你下来。
1326	So that matters.	所以这很重要。
1327	I will do my best not to be belligerent when I'm having	我会尽我最大的努力 不交战 当我有
1328	that discussion, right?	那个讨论,对不对?
1329	Now, everybody else falls to the side for me because I	现在,其他人都站在我这边 因为我
1330	understand the value of being with a person and you're with	理解与一个人在一起的价值,你与
1331	that person 90% of the time and that's an investment in that	那人90%的时间,这是投资
1332	relationship.	关系。
1333	But aside from everybody else, mostly everybody else, I can	除了其他人,大多数是其他人,我可以
1334	let it go.	让它去吧。
1335	I always look at, are you worth my time and energy?	我总是看,你值得我的时间和精力吗?
1336	I'm busy.	我忙着呢
1337	So do I need to stop and do I need to address you?	所以,我需要停下来 并需要我说话吗?
1338	Okay.	摆
1339	So let's play out a scenario.	所以,让我们玩出一个情景。
1340	Okay.	摆
1341	And in this scenario, I'm going to make us peers.	在这样的情况下,我要让我们成为同伴。
1342	So we work together, right?	我们一起工作 对吧?
1343	We work together in a call center.	我们在呼叫中心一起工作
1344	This is actually something that happened to me when I was in	这其实是发生在我身上 当我在
1345	the early phase of my career where I was working in call	我职业生涯的早期阶段,我正在待命中工作
1346	centers.	中心。
1347	So I was answering phones and doing that kind of thing and	所以我接了电话 做了那种事
1348	selling things on the phone, et cetera.	在电话上卖东西,等等。
1349	And I remember being sat next to someone who was subtly	我记得我坐在一个 低调的旁边
1350	disrespecting me all the time.	总是不尊重我
1351	And at this point in my life, I wasn't in any position of	在我生命的这一刻,我没有处于任何地位
1352	authority to do anything about it.	有权做任何事情。
1353	I've actually, it's funny because that one instance has	其实,这很有趣 因为有一个例子
1354	completely shaped my leadership perspective and my real deep	完全塑造了我的领导视野 和真正的深渊
1355	belief that I have a responsibility as the founder of	相信作为创始人 我有责任
1356	company or CEO to go in search of and clamp out all disrespect	公司或CEO去寻找 并消除所有不尊重
1357	in an organization that is happening beneath me because	在一个组织 发生在我身上,因为
1358	you're often powerless at work to do anything about it.	你经常在工作上无能为力 做任何事情。
1359	And I felt that I couldn't stop this lady that sat next to me	我觉得我无法阻止坐在我旁边的这位女士
1360	disrespecting me because.	不尊重我,因为。
1361	I wasn't her boss.	我不是她的头儿。
1362	So now that I have the responsibility, it's a big thing for me that we don't employ assholes	所以现在我有责任了 这对我来说很重要 我们不雇用混蛋
1363	and dickheads.	和蠢货。
1364	And there's actually a recent example where someone was in our business for a total of	事实上最近有个例子 某人在我们的生意中
1365	a couple of hours.	几个小时
1366	And actually, in my previous company, there was a guy that walked in during his initiation.	实际上,在我之前的公司里, 有个家伙在开始的时候走进来了。
1367	He went like this and walked off.	他就这样走了
1368	Day one of his job, he put both middle fingers up after his initiation, where initiation,	工作第一天,他把两个中指 在他的开始,在那里开始,
1369	we basically asked them questions, asked them what they're into, who they are, put both	我们基本上问他们问题,问他们 他们喜欢什么,他们是谁,把两者
1370	middle fingers up and walked off.	中指向上走开
1371	It was the last time anyone saw him in the building.	这是人们最后一次看到他在大楼里。
1372	Because it was a sign of a character issue that would lead to further disrespect.	因为它是一个人物问题的迹象,会导致进一步的不尊重.
1373	So if I'm sat next to you at work, Evie, we're colleagues, and you come in in the morning	所以,如果我坐在你旁边 在工作,Evie,我们是同事, 你进来在早晨
1374	and I go, oh, first time you've been on time?	我走了,哦,你第一次准时?
1375	And then you do some work and I go, not bad considering your standard.	然后你做一些工作,我去, 不错,考虑到你的标准。
1376	And then you're in a meeting and you're talking and I just interrupt you and you submit a	然后你在开会 你在说话 我打断你 然后呈递
1377	piece of work and I look at it and I turn my nose up and you hear me talking shit about	我一看就把鼻子抬起来 你听到我胡说八道
1378	you behind your back when people aren't there and me criticizing your work and how you	你背着你当人们不在那里, 我批评你的工作和如何你
1379	are and your delivery.	就是你的货
1380	How are you going to deal with that situation?	你将如何处理这种情况?
1381	So I would deal with a specific situation, not the whole thing.	所以,我会处理一个具体情况,而不是整个事情。
1382	I would pick a moment where I have tangible facts and I would say, can I speak to you	我会选择一个有具体事实的瞬间, 我会说,我可以和你谈谈
1383	for a moment?	就一会儿?
1384	OK, so we're in a group.	好吧,所以我们是一个团体。
1385	We're all on the calls in my call center.	我们都在我的呼叫中心通话
1386	I'm not going to do in front of other people.	我不会在别人面前这么做的
1387	OK, fine.	好吧,没事。
1388	So this is what happens.	这就是发生的事情。
1389	This is not actually what happened in my life.	这其实不是我生命中发生的事
1390	Did you do this?	是你干的吗?
1391	No, no, no.	不,不,没有。
1392	Fuck me.	他妈的。
1393	I didn't do anything.	我什么也没做
1394	I just wanted the money.	我只是想要钱。
1395	I was trying to just survive.	我只是想活下来
1396	I couldn't feed myself.	我无法养活自己。
1397	I wasn't going to open my mouth.	我不会张开嘴的
1398	But we're in a call center and I've disrespected you for a while now.	但是,我们在一个呼叫中心 我已经不尊重你一段时间了。
1399	And then I turn to you and you've just come off a call and I go, you know what?	然后我转告你 你刚接到电话 我就走了 你知道吗?
1400	You could have done that better.	你本来可以做得更好
1401	You didn't close that properly, Evie.	Evie,你没有把那个关好
1402	Next time you do a call and you get stuck like that, just speak to me and I'll take	下次你打个电话 结果被卡住了 跟我说话 我就接
1403	the call off you.	取消你的电话。
1404	Just tell them that your colleague will handle it and I'll carry on with my day.	告诉他们,你的同事会处理它, 我会继续我的一天。
1405	What are you going to do in that moment?	那一刻你会怎么做?
1406	I might not do anything, but it also depends because you said I didn't do anything.	我可能什么都不做,但也取决于你说过我什么也没做
1407	I was trying to feed myself.	我试图养活自己。
1408	And that plays a role like where are you?	这就像你在哪里一样?
1409	I think part of it is also is I was very young and I didn't have the tools to address that	我想其中的一部分也是 我那时还很年轻 我没有工具来解决
1410	situation.	情况
1411	The problem is the situation made coming to work a misery.	问题在于情况变得很悲惨。
1412	And this version of myself, irrespective of my financial situation, would have.	而这个版本的我,无论我的财务状况如何,都会有。
1413	And even today, because even today, OK, I have money, I have security, but I'm still	甚至今天,因为即使是今天,OK,我有钱,我有安全,但我仍然
1414	playing at a certain level where there's disrespect potential.	在一定的级别上玩 有不尊重的潜力。
1415	I actually have a really good example that I could never share of someone that I work	其实我有一个很好的例子 我永远无法分享我工作的人
1416	with who's extremely successful.	和谁非常成功。
1417	We work on a particular project together and I found out that this was happening.	我们一起在一个特定项目上工作, 我发现这正在发生。
1418	And they were basically threatened by me because for a variety of reasons, this is what I was	他们基本上受到我的威胁 因为各种原因 这就是我的本性
1419	told by an intermediary.	是中间人说的
1420	And I chose a moment when I heard that they had just disrespected me within a short period	我选择了一刻,当我听到 他们只是不尊重我 在短时间内
1421	of time and I walked in in front of a group of people and I said to them, I said, I heard	我走到一群人面前,对他们说,我听到
1422	what you did out there in the hallway when I wasn't there.	我当时不在走廊里 你做了什么?
1423	And in the future, if you want to say something to me, I'd really appreciate it.	将来,如果你想对我说点什么,我会很感激的。
1424	You said it to my face instead of behind my back.	你当着我的面说 而不是背着我说
1425	And it's crazy what happened.	发生的事太疯狂了
1426	It's crazy what happened.	发生的事太疯狂了
1427	This really big, tough, powerful individual turned into a toddler in front of my eyes.	这个非常大,坚强,强大的个体 在我眼前变成了一个小孩。
1428	Oh, what?	或
1429	No, I didn't say.	不,我没有说。
1430	And I left the room.	我离开了房间。
1431	And then it never happened again.	之后就再也没有发生过.
1432	But I think that that's okay, too.	但我也觉得这没关系。
1433	But you also came to that place.	但你也来过那个地方
1434	I think each person has to choose.	我想每个人都得选择
1435	And if you choose to do it, you can do it.	且若选之,亦可也.
1436	Now, the fact that you did in front of people, but what you did that was smart is you were	现在,你当着人们的面做, 但你做的是聪明的,你是
1437	able to speak as upset as you were, you were able to speak and articulate yourself clearly.	和你说得一样难过, 你能够说话 和清晰地表达自己。
1438	Yeah.	对
1439	And it had just happened.	事情刚刚发生了。
1440	And you were able to say what just specifically happened here.	你能够说出这里发生的一切
1441	That's the difference.	即是分别.
1442	Because sometimes it's like, I feel like you treat me this way, or I think you did this,	因为有时候我觉得你这样对我 或者我觉得是你干的
1443	or it seems like that.	或者看起来是这样
1444	Those are very ambiguous.	这些很模糊。
1445	So if you're going to confront someone like you did, you did it the smart way because	所以,如果你要面对的人像你一样, 你这样做聪明的方式,因为
1446	you picked a specific moment.	你挑了一个具体的时刻。
1447	You said specifically, out in the hallway, you just did this.	你说,在走廊里,你就是这么做的
1448	你说X,Y,和Z。
1449	If you want to say something to me, always feel free to come say it to me.	如果你想对我说点什么 随时都可以来对我说
1450	That's why I also think it worked when you're also in a place where you feel like you can	这就是为什么我还认为它的工作 当你也在一个地方 你感觉你可以
1451	do that.	做到这一点。
1452	I think that that's okay, too.	我也觉得这没关系
1453	But you also took a risk and you're like, uncertainty, like, I'll burn this down.	但你也冒了风险,你就像,不确定, 就像,我会烧掉它。
1454	Yeah, because on that project, I'm not the one that's got the power.	是啊,因为在这个项目上, 我不是那个有权力的人。
1455	I can still be fired from that particular project.	我仍然可以被开除 从那个特定的项目。
1456	But you chose.	但你选择了
1457	You're like, let it burn.	你就像,让它燃烧。
1458	Yeah, because I don't want to be anywhere where I'm miserable.	是的,因为我不想 任何地方我感到痛苦。
1459	Exactly.	没错
1460	But you made a choice.	但你做出了选择
1461	You're like, let it burn.	你就像,让它燃烧。
1462	So you at some point understood like, there's a consequence here.	所以在某个时候你明白 这儿有后果
1463	And it's interesting because bullies, they're not, they flex, they're not very powerful.	这很有趣,因为恶霸,他们不是,他们灵活,他们不是非常强大。
1464	You know, I had, oh gosh, we're like swapping stories here.	你知道,我曾经,哦,天哪, 我们就像在这里交换故事。
1465	I had one scenario where I inherit a case.	我有一个设想,我继承一个案子。
1466	You know, Evie, John's gone.	艾薇 约翰走了
1467	He went to the president's detail.	他去了解总统的情况
1468	You are now taking John's case.	你现在要接约翰的案子
1469	Okay.	摆
1470	So there were some things that were incomplete in John's case with regard to evidence.	因此在约翰的案子中,在证据方面有些事情是不完整的.
1471	It was admin stuff.	这是管理的东西。
1472	The admin paperwork for evidence hadn't been filled out yet.	证据的管理文件还没有填好
1473	I got the case.	我来接这个案子
1474	I pushed it to the side.	我把它推到一边。
1475	I worked on it.	我尽力了
1476	I would update it, but I hadn't done the admin thing with it.	我本想更新的 但我没有用它来管理它
1477	Fast forward, I'm leaving because I just got bumped to a different position.	快速前进,我要走了 因为我刚刚被撞到 一个不同的位置。
1478	And so the new agent that got it, I'm like, hey, here's the case.	所以那个新来的探员,我说,嘿,事情是这样的。
1479	I said, there's one thing that I didn't get to do.	我说,有一件事,我没有做。
1480	It's the admin thing for the evidence.	这是管理证据的事。
1481	I'm like, I can help you go through it, blah, blah, blah, blah.	и腊筁
1482	Well, the group leader I had at the time, which was a peer in front of the whole group,	嗯,我当时的小组领导, 这是一个同行 在整个小组,
1483	one day is like, hey, you didn't do this admin.	有一天,就像,嘿, 你没有做这个管理员。
1484	You didn't file the evidence for whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah.	你没有提交证据 任何事情,等等,等等,等等。
1485	And he's doing this in front of everybody.	他在众人面前这样做。
1486	You need to take care of that, and that's on you, and I don't care that you inherited	你需要照顾它,这是你的, 我不在乎你继承了
1487	the case, and blah, blah, blah, blah.	这件案子 还有...
1488	So I'm watching this happen, and I assure you, all I wanted to do was reach over and	所以我看着这发生, 我向你保证, 我想做的只是伸手到这里,
1489	lunge him by the neck, but I didn't.	刺他脖子 但我没有
1490	I left.	我离开了
1491	I was pissed.	我当时很生气
1492	I let it ride, my anger ride, and later that day, I went and I found him after I calmed	我让它骑,我的愤怒骑, 那天晚些时候,我去了,我发现他 之后我平静下来
1493	down.	下来
1494	And his name was Jeff.	他的名字是杰夫。
1495	I'm like, hey, Jeff, come here.	嘿,杰夫,过来
1496	Let me talk to you.	让我跟你谈谈
1497	And I took him into the stairwell, because we had these secure stairwells.	我把他带到楼梯间 因为我们有安全楼梯
1498	And I said, listen, earlier on, you brought up this case.	我说,听着,早些时候, 你提起这个案子。
1499	You're 100% right.	你百分之百是对的。
1500	I didn't finish the admin paperwork for the evidence.	我没有完成 管理文件的证据。
1501	I will take care of it, and I will help the new agent do it.	我会照顾它, 我会帮助新的代理人做到这一点。
1502	I said, however, I was like, if you ever want to address me, because he was very insulting	但是,我说,如果你想跟我说话, 因为他非常侮辱我。
1503	when he did it in front of the whole group, to flex.	当他当着整个团体的面做的时候,
1504	I said, if you ever want to address me, don't ever do it like that again.	我说 如果你想跟我说话 就别再这样了
1505	I go, because I'm addressing you, and I'm actually giving you more respect than you	我走了,因为我是在跟你说话, 其实我给你更多的尊重比你
1506	showed me in there before by pulling you into this stairwell.	把你拉进楼梯里 带给我看
1507	I said, so if you want to address me, feel free to pull me to the side and speak to me.	我说,所以如果你想和我说话, 请随意把我拉到一边,和我说话。
1508	But what you did out there, there's no need.	但你在外面做的事 没必要
1509	We're peers, and that's it.	我们是同行,就是这样。
1510	You may be the group leader, but there's no need to talk to me like that.	你或许是组长 但没必要那样跟我说话
1511	I go, have the decency to address me with the courtesy that I'm giving you, because	我走了,有礼貌地对我说话 我给予你的礼貌,因为
1512	I could have easily tore your head off in there.	我可以轻易地把你脑袋撕下来
1513	And he was a peer.	他是一个同行。
1514	He was a peer slash group leader.	他是一个同行刀锋小组的领袖。
1515	So we were the same, but he happened to be a group leader, which meant he oversaw me.	所以,我们是一样的, 但他碰巧是一个团体领袖, 这意味着他监督我。
1516	I said, so next time, there's not going to be a next time.	我说,所以下一次, 没有下一次。
1517	It was immediately, I'm sorry, you're right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.	这是立即,对不起,你是对的,对不起,对不起。
1518	Now for that scenario, I wanted to have long-term good relationships, because this	现在的情景,我想有 长期良好的关系,因为
1519	person was in my squad.	人在我的队里。
1520	And so that's why I handled it like that.	所以我才这样处理
1521	Never happened again.	从此不再发生
1522	So I guess there's different ways to do it.	所以我猜有 不同的方法做到这一点。
1523	With Jeff, I preserved his dignity, because if I would have shot back, he would have	与杰夫,我维护他的尊严, 因为如果我会开枪还击,他会
1524	shot back at me.	向我开枪
1525	I would have shot back at him.	我本来会向他开枪的
1526	And there's a point, too, where I'm like, I don't want to sit and fight and look stupid.	还有一点,我喜欢的地方,我不想坐着战斗,看起来很愚蠢.
1527	I want to be in control of how I manage an environment.	我想控制我如何管理环境
1528	And me yelling back or confronting someone sometimes may not be it, especially if I think	我大喊大叫 或面对某人 有时可能不是,特别是如果我想
1529	I can't keep myself composed.	我无法保持自我。
1530	And in that moment, there was no way I was going to be composed.	在那一刻,我不可能被编织出来。
1531	I think you're right.	我想你是对的
1532	Now I reflect on the incident that I described to you.	现在我反思一下我给你描述的事件。
1533	I don't actually think I was that composed.	我其实不认为我是那种人
1534	I didn't shout.	我没有喊。
1535	I was very articulate, looked to them in the eyes without breaking eye contact.	我非常清晰 看着他们的眼睛 却又没有断眼
1536	But actually, if I was really composed, I would have done what you did, which is I would	但是,实际上,如果我真的 组成,我会做你做了什么,这就是我会
1537	have said, please can I have a private chat with you?	已经说过了,我可以和你私下谈谈吗?
1538	And I actually think it would have been more effective and would have shown more of my	其实我觉得这样会更有效 并且会显示更多的我
1539	sort of fortitude to have that conversation privately.	有点固执 私下谈话。
1540	The other thing that you said, which I thought was so important in the context of what we're	你说的另外一件事,我认为 对我们来说非常重要
1541	saying is you do have to point at a specific incident, because these individuals, they	说,你确实需要指出一个具体的事件, 因为这些人,他们
1542	are masters of gaslighting you.	他们是毒气的主宰
1543	So if you don't have specifics, that just happened in that location.	所以,如果你没有具体细节, 那只是发生在那个地方。
1544	And it made me feel like this.	它让我感觉是这样。
1545	And you said this.	你说的
1546	If you let it ride and you'd come to them with vibes, they will so easily twist it.	如果你让它骑,你会来 他们的气息,他们会很容易扭曲它。
1547	What are you talking about?	你在说什么?
1548	I don't know what you mean.	我不知道你在说什么
1549	No, that's not what I meant.	不,我不是这个意思
1550	That's why you have to come with very specific stuff.	这就是为什么你必须带着非常具体的东西。
1551	But you know, even if you said you were pissed when you did it, if you were still able to	但你知道,即使你说你生气 当你这样做, 如果你仍然能够
1552	articulate yourself, you were.	说清楚了,你是。
1553	I think it's okay to own it.	我觉得拥有它没关系。
1554	Listen, I'm not saying I've always flown like up top.	听着,我不是说我一直像上层一样飞
1555	There's times where I'm like, I shouldn't have done that or said it.	有时我像, 我不应该这样做或说出来。
1556	But I also run hot and I know myself.	但我也很热,而且我了解自己
1557	And so I have to police myself.	所以,我必须警察自己。
1558	And then there's times like we learn our lesson.	然则时有学人.
1559	It's just, I think whatever you do, just own it.	只是,我想无论你做什么,只是拥有它。
1560	If it was the wrong thing to do, just say, I won't do that next time.	如果这是错的,只是说,我不会这样做下一次。
1561	But I feel like you were okay.	但我觉得你没事
1562	You said something a second ago about bullies, right?	你刚才说了些关于恶霸的话 对吧?
1563	And there's this fascinating thing I've come to learn about bullies and people that	有一件有趣的事情,我 来学习 关于欺凌和人
1564	like this type of disrespect is they're actually going in search of the weakest link.	就像这种不尊重 他们实际上是在寻找最薄弱的环节
1565	And the incredible thing that happened in the scenario that I'm describing is once this	我所描述的情景中发生的不可思议的事 就是一次
1566	individual realized that I would literally call it out and I was I was off the table,	个人意识到,我会 字面上叫出来, 而我是下桌,
1567	they never treated me like that again.	他们再也不会这样对我了
1568	They moved on.	他们继续前进。
1569	They moved on to someone else that I work with.	他们转投另一个我工作的人。
1570	And that person, as we sit here today, is thinking of leaving that environment because	而这个人,当我们今天坐在这里的时候, 是想离开这个环境,因为
1571	of the same person who was making the little slight comments about me is now doing it about them.	就是那个对我稍作评论的人 现在正在对他们做
1572	And I say to this person, I say, why don't you just do what I did?	我对这个人说,我说,你为什么不照我说的做?
1573	Because she saw me confront.	因为她看到我面对。
1574	I say to her, why don't you go just do what I did?	我告诉她,你为什么不去 做我做了什么?
1575	And she just says, I haven't got I don't I don't want conflict.	她只是说,我没有 我不想冲突。
1576	So what is she doing actually?	那她实际上在做什么?
1577	She's becoming?	她变了?
1578	Suppressing herself.	折磨自己。
1579	Yes.	对
1580	And she's going to leave something that she loves doing purely.	她会留下她喜欢的东西 做纯粹的。
1581	She called me the other day purely because this person's making her feel a certain way.	她那天打电话给我 纯粹是因为这个人让她有某种感觉
1582	I think that that's OK, too, though.	我也觉得那也没关系
1583	Like she can it reminds me of that narcotics story.	就像她能让我想起毒品的故事
1584	It's like she says, like, I just don't want to be here anymore.	就像她说的一样 我只是不想再待在这里了
1585	But at the same time, too, if she keeps going, when you go small, small, small, they go higher, higher.	但与此同时,如果她继续走, 当你去小,小,小, 他们去更高,更高。
1586	It's you know, speaking of Billy's, I'm going to bring it back to crime.	你知道,说到比利,我要把它带回犯罪。
1587	When I started interviewing suspects, right, you watch TV shows and in your head,	当我开始采访嫌疑人,对, 你看电视节目和你的头,
1588	you think these predators are like these really intimidating, scary predators, the way they behave.	你认为这些掠食者就像这些 真正可怕的掠食者, 他们的行为方式。
1589	And you think, like, I'm going to get these savages in the room.	你觉得我会把这些野蛮人带进房间
1590	No.	没有
1591	And you know what's interesting?	你知道什么是有趣的吗?
1592	When you look at the populations of people being victimized the most, first it's children,	当你看着受伤害最多的人群 首先就是孩子
1593	then it's women, and then it's elderly.	然后是女人,然后是老人。
1594	Why?	为什么?
1595	Because they're the easiest to victimize.	因为他们是最容易受害的
1596	So when you look at predators, they pick easy prey or what they perceive as easy prey.	所以当你看到捕食者时,它们会选择容易捕食的猎物或它们认为容易捕食的猎物.
1597	They don't want fair fights.	他们不希望公平竞争。
1598	I would sit across people in a room who did like really horrific crimes against kids,	我会坐在一个房间里的人 谁确实喜欢真正可怕的 对儿童犯罪,
1599	and you would look at them and you're like, you?	你会看着他们,你喜欢,你呢?
1600	I could eat you for lunch.	我可以吃你的午饭。
1601	A lot of times, too, we build up people in our heads and we think like they're these these like high apex individuals.	很多时候,我们也在脑海中积聚人, 我们觉得他们就像这些高端个体。
1602	They're not.	他们不是。
1603	They prey on people weaker than themselves.	他们捕食比自己弱的人。
1604	And why?	为什么?
1605	It makes them feel stronger and better, more powerful.	让他们感觉更强大 更强壮
1606	Why do you need to do that?	你为什么要这么做?
1607	Because you feel weak.	因为你觉得软弱
1608	故曰 you.
1609	That's why you bully.	所以你才会欺负我
1610	That's why you push.	故推之.
1611	Because you feel a void and you look to fill that void by taking from other people.	因为你觉得一个空虚,你想要从别人那里 填补那个空虚。
1612	And that's what makes you feel strong.	令其发菩提心.
1613	All these predators, I never sat across from anybody to include terrorists.	所有这些掠食者,我从来没有坐在任何人对面 包括恐怖分子。
1614	I never sat across anyone and I was just like, oh, this guy's scary.	我从来没有坐过任何人 我就像,哦,这家伙的吓人。
1615	Never.	从来没有。
1616	I'm shocked, actually, as I say it.	我其实很震惊,就像我所说的
1617	I have never to this day sat across someone where I'm like, not once.	我从来没有坐过一个人 像我一样,从来没有过。
1618	Everybody I'd walk in and I'm like, you?	每个人我会走进来 而我喜欢,你呢?
1619	In my head, of course, the inside voice.	在我脑中,当然,内在的声音。
1620	Like, you did this?	喜欢,你这样做?
1621	And so I guess like bullies, like I think sometimes we unfortunately give them more weight and gravitas	所以我猜,像欺凌, 我觉得有时我们 不幸地给他们更多的重量和格劳塔斯
1622	than they really are.	比他们真正的。
1623	Weak.	虚弱.
1624	Weakness all the way through.	虚弱无尽.
1625	With that in mind, how do I stop myself becoming prey to a predator?	考虑到这一点,我如何阻止自己成为食肉动物的猎物?
1626	You stop acting like prey.	你别像个猎物一样
1627	So the one thing you're not going to be is, it depends who it is.	所以,唯一你不会是, 它取决于是谁。
1628	First of all, if it's personal relationships, you have to set the intention of the relationship	首先,如果这是个人关系, 你必须确定关系的意图
1629	from the beginning how you want it to go.	从一开始,你想怎样去。
1630	So let's do work.	所以,让我们做工作。
1631	Work is an easy one.	工作很简单。
1632	I'm not there to be your friend.	我没有你的朋友。
1633	I can be friendly, but I'm not going to be your friend.	我可以友善,但我不会成为你的朋友。
1634	I'm not there to be super nice to you or super sweet or super kind.	我不是有超级好 对你或超级甜蜜或超级善良。
1635	Like, I can be warm, I can be respectful, I can be compassionate.	喜欢,我可以温暖,可以尊重,可以同情.
1636	I can be those things, but I got to bring the right version of me to a work environment	我可以做那些事 但我得把正确的版本带进工作环境
1637	because then I just get...	因为...
1638	Because then I set the tone of like, well, is everyone my friend?	因为我把基调定得像,嗯, 每个人都是我的朋友吗?
1639	Or is everyone my boss?	还是每个人都是我的老板?
1640	Like, what am I dealing with here?	我在这里处理什么?
1641	Like, always keep that level of professionalism.	像,总是保持这种专业水平。
1642	Always.	永远
1643	And I make a point to do it because then it just becomes really awkward if people are	我提出这一点,因为如果人们...
1644	your friends.	你的朋友们
1645	Can you balance a relationship like that?	你能平衡这种关系吗?
1646	You just got to be really, really, really, really good.	你只是要 真的,真的,真的,真的很好。
1647	But don't come in and literally make yourself a doormat or overextend to the point.	但不要进来 给自己做个门垫或过度延伸
1648	Because the more you overextend, even a good person is going to be like, oh, that's just	因为你越是过分 即使是一个好人也会像,哦,那只是
1649	how she is.	她怎么样。
1650	That's how he is.	他就是这样
1651	They get used to being like that.	他们习惯了那样
1652	And people like being catered to.	人们喜欢被照顾
1653	They like feeling like they're above.	他们喜欢感觉自己在上方。
1654	And so now you create this role dynamic of, I'm subservient and you're here.	所以现在你创造了这个角色动态, 我服从,你在这里。
1655	So you want to make sure that no matter how excited you are to work with someone or be	所以,你想确保 无论你有多兴奋 与某人工作或成为
1656	with someone, that you don't create this disproportionate thing, like the seesaw.	与某人,你不会制造这种不相称的东西, 像锯子。
1657	You want to keep the seesaw level.	你想保持锯木水平。
1658	It'll go up and down.	将上下行.
1659	But you want to make sure that you, because you will do it.	但你要确保你, 因为你会做到这一点。
1660	Everybody assesses everybody.	每个人都会评估每个人
1661	Everybody sizes people up.	每个人大小的人。
1662	They do it intuitively.	他们直觉地做了
1663	People meet you.	众人见之.
1664	They size you up.	他们把你放大了
1665	Oh, he seems like this.	哦,他看起来是这样。
1666	She seems like that.	她看起来是这样。
1667	She seems like she's going to be this way.	她看起来会这样
1668	Project what you want them to feel.	你想让他们感受什么?
1669	I'm here.	我在这里。
1670	I'm warm.	我温暖。
1671	I'm open.	我开放。
1672	I'm happy to be here again.	又欢喜踊跃.
1673	Thank you for having me.	谢谢你邀请我
1674	Let's talk.	让我们谈谈。
1675	But at the same time, you can also think about how you sit, how you carry yourself, your	但与此同时,你也可以思考 如何坐,如何携带自己,你的
1676	voice, your tone.	声音,你的语气。
1677	All these things play alone together.	所有这些东西都是一起玩的
1678	I know people talk about body language.	我知道人们谈论身体语言。
1679	It does play a role in the fact that, look, something as simple as when you go to meetings,	它确实在这样一个事实中发挥作用,你看, 一些简单的东西,当你去开会,
1680	are you in the meeting and you're like this?	你是在开会 而你是这样的吗?
1681	You're small.	你个子还小
1682	Maybe you got your phone out.	也许你把手机拿出来了
1683	What am I doing?	我在干吗?
1684	I'm making myself small.	我变小了
1685	My hands aren't on the table because I don't think I'm worth putting my hands on the table.	我的手不在桌子上 因为我不认为我值得把手放在桌子上
1686	I want to literally make myself disappear.	我想让自己消失
1687	I'm not going to ask any questions.	我不会问任何问题。
1688	I'm going to maybe sit like this with my thing here.	我可能要这样坐在这里
1689	So this is telling you a story about me.	这是关于我的故事
1690	It is.	没错
1691	So it's a really subtle way to be like, why don't I sit with purpose?	所以,这是一个非常微妙的方式 像,为什么不我坐 目的?
1692	I'm going to sit like this.	我要像这样坐着
1693	I'm going to have my arms out.	我要把手伸出来
1694	将复肩 shoulders.
1695	Something as simple as just my posture means something.	简单的东西,就像我的姿势 意味着什么。
1696	There's a study actually done.	有个研究已经做了
1697	New York City, they put up cameras years ago and they started recording people walking	纽约市,他们几年前就安装了摄像头 开始录制人行走
1698	in New York City.	在纽约市。
1699	Then they took the footage and they played it to convicted felons in prison and they	然后他们拿走了录像 播放给在狱中的罪犯
1700	said to them, who would you pick as prey?	对他们说,你会选谁做猎物?
1701	They all picked the same people to prey on.	他们都选了同样的人来作为猎物
1702	All the same people, just by walk.	所有的人,只是通过步行。
1703	There were three types of walk they found out.	他们发现了三种步行方式
1704	One walk was, I'm walking, I'm sloppy, I'm not paying attention.	一次是,我在走路,我很草率,我没有注意。
1705	I'm just like in my own space.	我只是在自己的空间。
1706	I have really no deliberate purpose in the way I'm moving my body.	我改变身体的方式真的没有故意的目的
1707	Target.	目标
1708	Easy prey.	容易猎物。
1709	Other easy prey.	其他容易猎物。
1710	My walk is small.	我走的路还小
1711	I'm more timid.	我更胆小.
1712	I'm kind of like not comfortable.	我有点不舒服
1713	I'm like paying attention.	我喜欢注意
1714	Easy prey.	容易猎物。
1715	Those two, bar none, were picked.	这两个,没有酒吧,被选中了。
1716	You know what they didn't pick?	你知道他们没选什么吗?
1717	The walk wasn't too sloppy big.	散步不是太草率大。
1718	It wasn't too small.	也没那么小
1719	It was right in the middle.	就在中间
1720	And it's deliberate.	且道是深思议.
1721	I'm in control of my body.	我控制着我的身体
1722	I'm looking around.	我四处看看.
1723	I'm present.	我现身.
1724	I own my space.	我拥有我的空间。
1725	That person, I want nothing to do with.	那个人,我不想和他有任何关系。
1726	Those group of people were not picked to be targets.	这些人没有被选为目标。
1727	So we exude vibes, energy, all that stuff.	所以,我们释放出 气息,能量,所有的东西。
1728	But even this, this tool that we don't pay attention to, our body.	但即使是这个 我们不注意的工具 我们的身体
1729	Think about how you use it to portray yourself when you're out there.	想想你在外边用它来描绘自己
1730	Am I commanding myself?	我命令自己吗?
1731	Or am I just not paying attention at all?	还是我根本没注意?
1732	So even subtle things like that.	因此,甚至微妙的事情像这样。
1733	Your voice, it's called paralinguistics.	你的嗓子,这叫做语言学
1734	And I wrote about it a lot in Be It Coming, Bulletproof.	我写了很多关于它的东西 在Be It Coming,防弹。
1735	Your voice.	你的声音。
1736	Do I talk like this?	我这样说话吗?
1737	Hi, I'm Evie.	嗨,我是伊维。
1738	So nice to meet you.	很高兴见到你。
1739	I'm so glad to be here.	我很高兴在这里。
1740	Hi, guys.	嗨,伙计们。
1741	Love it.	喜欢它。
1742	Right?	对吧?
1743	What kind of guess am I going to be?	我该怎么猜呢?
1744	Right?	对吧?
1745	But when I find my true voice and I own it, I slow down my speech.	但当我找到我真正的声音,我拥有它时,我慢了我的演讲。
1746	I bring down my tone and pitch to my true voice.	我将我的语气和音调降到我真正的声音。
1747	To at least the most powerful voice.	至少给最强大的声音
1748	And I'm grounded.	我被禁足了 我被禁足了 我被禁足了
1749	And I take my time.	我慢慢来
1750	And I'm also, when I speak and I take my time, I'm letting you know I deserve to be here.	我也在,当我说话,我花时间, 我让你知道我应该在这里。
1751	What I'm saying deserves to be heard.	我说的应该被听到
1752	And I deserve to take time for you to listen to me.	我该花点时间让你听我说
1753	As opposed to when I speak really, really fast because, hey, guys, look, really quick.	而不是当我说话真的,真的很快 因为,嘿,伙计们,看,真的很快。
1754	I don't want to take up anybody's time anymore.	我不想再占用任何人的时间了
1755	I know you're all busy.	我知道你们都很忙
1756	What did I just tell everybody?	我刚刚跟大家说了什么?
1757	Don't listen to me.	别听我的
1758	What I'm about to say isn't really relevant.	我要说的并不重要
1759	And you're more important than what I'm about to say really isn't.	你比我将要说的更重要,真的不是。
1760	I just killed it.	我刚刚杀了它。
1761	How many times do people finish meetings like that?	多少次 人们完成这样的会议?
1762	Why are you saying that?	你为什么这么说?
1763	You just told them, don't listen to me.	你刚刚告诉他们,不要听我的。
1764	These are subtle things that if we just pay attention to, you don't have to do a lot.	这些都是微妙的事情 如果我们只注意, 你不需要做很多。
1765	You don't have to do a lot.	不须多作.
1766	There's no magic pill.	无有魔药.
1767	There's no secret to this other than really own yourself and think about what am I exuding	这件事情除了你自己之外 没有什么秘密了 想想我该向谁炫耀
1768	with my energy, with my body, with my voice?	用我的力量,用我的身体,用我的声音?
1769	Even your voice, your voice captures so many things.	甚至你的声音,你的声音 捕捉到这么多的东西。
1770	It's like you have to think of it over your time in your life.	谓于一生中得思惟.
1771	Your voice captures the things you've been through with.	你的声音能捕捉你经历的一切
1772	You were told to be quiet, be a good girl, be a good boy.	有人叫你安静点,乖一点,乖一点
1773	Don't talk loud.	别大声说话
1774	Don't do this.	别这样
1775	Don't do that.	别这样
1776	And you have to think over time, this voice has become a bit mangled because other people	你必须想,随着时间的推移, 这个声音已经变得有点模糊 因为其他人
1777	around you were telling you how to use it.	你一直在告诉你如何使用它。
1778	And often, we're actually not using our true voice.	我们经常不使用真正的声音。
1779	It's the voice that we've sort of somehow manufactured and created based off of what	是我们制造和创造的声音
1780	everybody else told us it should sound like.	其他人都说应该听起来像
1781	And so you want to pay attention to that.	所以,你想注意这一点。
1782	Like, how do I sound?	我听起来怎么样?
1783	And I even noticed when I, my husband pointed this out because he's kind of got the same	我甚至注意到 当我,我的丈夫指出这一点 因为他有一样的
1784	ưμ㼯A
1785	He said to me once, he's like, you ever notice that when you talk to your mom, your voice	他曾经对我说,他喜欢, 你曾经注意到,当你说话 你妈妈,你的声音
1786	goes high?	高吗?
1787	And I was like, it does?	我当时想,是吗?
1788	He's like, yeah, it does.	他就像,是的,确实如此。
1789	Because she's my mom.	因为她是我妈妈
1790	She's an authority.	她是一个权威。
1791	And also, she has a higher voice because she talks with a very high voice.	还有,她的声音更高 因为她说话的声音很高
1792	And I'm like, you're right.	我很喜欢,你是对的。
1793	And so even with my daughter, because I have a little one, I try very hard to make sure	所以即使与我的女儿, 因为我有一个小的, 我非常努力地确保
1794	that I don't do like the baby babbling voice and like the high-pitched voice because I	我不喜欢婴儿的声音 喜欢高调的声音 因为我
1795	don't want her to grow up thinking that because she's a girl, she has to talk like this all	不想让她长大 因为她是个女孩 她必须这样说话
1796	the time.	时间
1797	Hi, mom!	嗨,妈妈!
1798	Because I want her to have a strong commanding presence.	因为我希望她有一个强大的指挥存在。
1799	And where's she going to learn that from?	她从哪里学的?
1800	Her mom.	她妈妈
1801	In fact, there are studies done that even in scenarios where a child may be favored	事实上,有些研究认为,即使在儿童可能得到优待的情况下,
1802	the opposite-sex parent, they imitate the same-sex parent.	他们模仿同性父母
1803	So my daughter, whether she likes me or not growing up, will imitate my behavior more	因此,我女儿,无论她喜欢我还是不喜欢我长大, 会模仿我的行为更多
1804	so because I'm the one she's learning from.	所以,因为我是她学习的人。
1805	And so I have awareness with that.	所以我知道这一点。
1806	Do you think your life would have gone differently and you would be sat here now	你以为你的生活会不一样吗? 你现在坐在这里
1807	if you spoke differently in the high-pitched, fast way that...	如果你说话不同 在高调,快速的方式...
1808	I wouldn't be doing news.	我不会做新闻。
1809	Who's going to listen to anything I say?	谁会听我的话?
1810	Hi, everybody.	大家好,你们好
1811	Welcome.	欢迎
1812	Today we had a mass shooting.	今天我们发生了大规模枪击事件。
1813	Do I sound like I know what I'm talking about?	我听起来像在说些什么吗?
1814	I don't.	我没有。
1815	Even if what I'm saying is correct, do I believe in the words that I'm saying?	即使我所说的是正确的,我是否相信我说的那些话?
1816	Do I own the words I'm saying?	我拥有我说的话吗?
1817	If I don't believe in them and I don't sound like I know what I'm talking about, you won't	如果我不相信他们 我听起来不像我知道我在说什么
1818	either.	也一样。
1819	In fact, when you watch any news anchor, you will hear they've got a strong anchored voice.	事实上,当你看新闻主播时, 你会听到他们的声音很强。
1820	Because even with breaking news, stuff changes all the time.	因为即使是突发新闻, 东西总是会改变。
1821	I remember I was covering the recent shooting in New Orleans.	我记得我是在报道 最近发生在新奥尔良的枪击案
1822	It's breaking news.	突发新闻.
1823	I'm getting information as it's coming in and I'm doing a breakdown the best I can	我得到的信息,随着它的到来, 我做了一个崩溃,我尽力
1824	with the information that's coming in.	和即将出现的信息。
1825	But I still have to convey it in a way where people can trust and believe in what I'm saying.	但我仍然必须用人们能够信任和相信我所说的话的方式来传达.
1826	But if I don't sound like I believe in what I'm saying, it's not going to land.	但是,如果我听起来不像我相信我说的话,它不会降落.
1827	The way you sound has more impact than the words you actually say.	你的声音比实际说的话更有影响。
1828	That's a big thing.	这是一件大事。
1829	I learned this later on.	我后来才知道
1830	I learned this as an agent and then even more so when I began doing TV.	我作为经纪人学到了这个 之后我开始拍电视的时候 更是这样
1831	Because there were times where I'm like, man, this is what I sound like?	因为有几次我喜欢,伙计, 这就是我的声音吗?
1832	I don't know if you've ever had that.	我不知道你有没有试过
1833	You ever, maybe when you first started off?	你曾经,也许当你第一次开始?
1834	Oh, yeah, of course.	哦,是的,当然。
1835	Where you play yourself and you hear yourself and you're just like, oh.	在那里你玩自己,你听到自己 而你只是喜欢,哦。
1836	Yeah, of course.	当然
1837	And then you're like, you know, I need to fix that.	然后,你喜欢,你知道, 我需要解决这个问题。
1838	I don't need to sound like that.	我不需要那样的声音。
1839	I need to sound a certain way.	我需要听出某种声音
1840	I'm the host of a podcast.	我是播客的主持人
1841	I'm asking these questions.	我问这些问题。
1842	I'm sitting across from these people.	我坐在这些人的对面
1843	I need to match them to some degree to show that like, please listen to my show.	我需要和他们匹配到某种程度 这样的话 请听我的节目
1844	I deserve to be here.	我值得在这里。
1845	I'm giving you good information.	我给你们很多信息
1846	I'm credible.	我是可信的。
1847	We take our time when it comes to hiring at Flight Story because I fundamentally believe	在"飞行故事"的招聘方面 我们花点时间 因为我坚信
1848	the success of a business is directly linked to how good you are at hiring.	企业的成功 直接与你有多好 雇用。
1849	And better hiring starts with smarter insights.	更好的雇用从更聪明的见解开始。
1850	LinkedIn, who's a sponsor of this podcast, has some of the strongest hiring data available	LinkedIn是这个播客的赞助商 拥有一些最强的雇佣数据
1851	to help you identify the best candidates for your business.	帮助你确定最佳人选
1852	Their platform will even pair you with those who match what you're looking for,	他们的平台甚至会把你和你们要找的人配对
1853	which might lie outside of the job description and more in their unique skills and interests.	可能超出职务说明的范围,更符合其独特的技能和利益。
1854	Because these days, hiring isn't just about finding the most qualified person,	因为这些天,雇用不只是 寻找最合格的人,
1855	but also finding the one whose experience, abilities and interests align with your company's mission.	也找到一个能与你公司的任务 相适应的经验、能力和兴趣
1856	And it goes beyond candidates who are applying for jobs too.	它超越了申请工作的候选人。
1857	In any given week, 171 million members who aren't actively seeking jobs are open to new opportunities.	在任何特定的一周里,没有积极寻找工作的1.71亿会员都向新的机会开放.
1858	Find your next great hire on LinkedIn and start today by posting your job for free	在LinkedIn上找到下一份好工作 从今天开始免费工作
1859	只是通过访问linkin.com slash D -O -A
1860	Your hands, you use your hands a lot as well.	你的手,你经常用你的手。
1861	Yeah, it's probably because I'm Greek.	是啊,这可能是 因为我是希腊人。
1862	No, but it's interesting because it's part of the delivery.	不,但很有趣,因为它是送货的一部分。
1863	When you're saying something, a second ago, you were going,	当你说话的时候,一秒钟前,你要去,
1864	and you were doing slow hand movements that are almost illustrating the point you're making.	你正在做缓慢的手动 几乎说明了你所要表达的观点。
1865	And it is persuasive because it almost is adding another layer of emphasis to what you're saying.	它很有说服力,因为它几乎增加了另一个层次的 重点,你所说的。
1866	Whereas if your hands were just tucked under the table,	如果你的双手被放在桌子下
1867	I actually might think you're less confident or sure in what you're saying.	实际上我可能觉得你对你说的不太自信或肯定
1868	But because you're like, again, it goes to what you're saying, you're taking more space up.	但是,因为你喜欢,再次, 它去你所说的, 你占用更多的空间。
1869	So don't hide your hands.	故别藏手.
1870	Like just for anybody listening 101, if you're sitting in a meeting, don't hide your hands.	就像任何人听101, 如果你坐在一个会议, 不要隐藏你的手。
1871	Don't sit on them.	别坐在他们身上
1872	Don't hide them.	别藏起来
1873	One, it doesn't look good.	一,看起来不妙.
1874	It doesn't send a good message.	不传妙旨.
1875	It sounds like you're kind of insecure.	听起来你有点不安全
1876	You don't want to be there.	你不会想在那里。
1877	Hands out.	手伸出来。
1878	I'm here.	我在这里。
1879	I'm present.	我现身.
1880	And yes, these are called illustrators.	是的,这些被称为插画家。
1881	When you do this with your hands, it's called illustrators.	用手做的时候,叫做插画家.
1882	Now, there's a couple of things with illustrators.	现在,有几件事和插画家。
1883	One, it can make it more interesting to watch someone speaking when you use an illustrator.	第一,当你使用插画器时,看别人说话会更有趣.
1884	It adds more emphasis.	它增加了更多的强调。
1885	You said it.	你说的
1886	It adds another layer aside from me just sitting still, right?	它增加了另一个层 离我只坐静,对不对?
1887	It engages people and pulls in the viewer a bit more.	它吸引了观众 吸引了观众更多
1888	It's more engaging.	更动人.
1889	That's one.	就是这样
1890	The other thing with illustrators is it can be a cultural thing.	插画家的另外一件事是 它可以是文化的东西。
1891	I'm Greek.	我是希腊人,我是希腊人 I'm Greek.
1892	I'm from New York.	我来自纽约
1893	So I've got massive problem with these things.	我对这些东西有大问题
1894	I actually work very hard to put them away.	实际上,我非常努力地把他们收起来。
1895	The other thing that's actually interesting, which you didn't ask, but I will volunteer	另一件事其实很有趣,你没有问, 但我会志愿
1896	this information, it's another way I would use to tell if somebody's being truthful or not.	这个信息,我用另一种方式 告诉别人是否属实。
1897	Again, everybody is different.	再说一遍,每个人都不一样。
1898	Everybody's body language is different.	每个人的身体语言都是不同的.
1899	But when you're speaking to someone and they use illustrators when they normally talk,	但是当你和别人说话时 他们通常用插画家说话
1900	typically when we see illustrators, it's truthful, right?	典型的,当我们看到插画家, 这是真实的,对不对?
1901	They're telling you a story.	他们告诉你一个故事。
1902	Yesterday, yes, I went out with my friends.	昨天,是的,我和朋友们出去了
1903	We went and we had burgers.	我们去吃汉堡
1904	And then afterward, we went to the store.	之后我们去了商店
1905	So when you see somebody doing that, it is very likely they are reliving the event and	所以当你看到有人这样做, 他们很可能重温事件,
1906	you can see the body reliving it with them.	你可以看到身体与他们重生。
1907	So when you see that, positive sign typically that they're being truthful.	所以,当你看到这一点, 积极的征兆 通常,他们是诚实的。
1908	Now, if you're talking to someone who uses illustrators and all of a sudden they do this.	现在,如果你在和某个使用插画家的人说话, 他们突然这样做。
1909	They put their hands away.	他们把手放下
1910	During a certain part of the story.	在故事的某个部分。
1911	So tell me who you went out and had dinner with, Evy.	告诉我你和谁出去吃饭了 艾薇
1912	Um, you know, it was just some people from the office.	嗯,你知道,这只是一些 从办公室的人。
1913	In that moment, what you're going to do is say, okay, Evy's used illustrators this whole time.	在那一刻,你要做的是说,好吧,艾薇一直用插画。
1914	I shifted the conversation.	我调换了对话。
1915	I asked her something else.	我问她别的东西。
1916	Now her hands went away.	现在她的手不见了。
1917	Why?	为什么?
1918	That's it.	就这样
1919	Why?	为什么?
1920	That's lie detection 101.	这是谎言检测101。
1921	Now, it doesn't mean I am lying because everybody lies different.	现在,这并不意味着我在撒谎,因为每个人都在撒谎。
1922	Everybody's behavior is different.	每个人的行为都是不同的.
1923	We're not going to put people in a box because that's just dumb.	我们不会把人放在盒子里 因为那太蠢了
1924	However, what you're noticing is a deviation.	然而,你注意到的是偏差。
1925	Whenever you tell stories, she uses her hands.	每当你讲故事, 她用她的手。
1926	And then for whatever reason, I asked a question.	我问了一个问题
1927	That question prompted something in Evy and Evy put her hands away.	这个问题引起了Evy的注意,而Evy把她的手收起来.
1928	She did a shift.	她做了一个转变。
1929	And now you, having caught that, you're going to ask me more questions.	而现在,你,抓住了这一点, 你会问我更多的问题。
1930	You're not going to move on to the next topic.	你不会继续讨论下一个话题的
1931	You're going to find a way to say, I need to get Evy to talk more about who she went out with last night	你得想办法说 我要让艾薇多说说她昨晚跟谁约会
1932	because clearly something just happened.	因为显然发生了一些事情
1933	And it's not because they're going from their natural state of flow and whatever to more calculated.	这并不是因为他们要从自然的流量状态 和任何更计算。
1934	And I think they're like overthinking.	我觉得他们好像想太多了
1935	Part of with lying, right, if we're just using lying, or if you ask me something for whatever reason,	和谎言的一部分,对, 如果我们只是用谎言, 或者如果你问我什么原因,
1936	let's say I don't want to tell you who I had dinner with last night, right?	我不想告诉你我昨晚和谁共进晚餐 对吧?
1937	When I feel that, I'm overwhelmed.	当我感觉到的时候,我无法承受
1938	I'm in the dating.	我在约会
1939	Lying is hard.	说谎是很难的。
1940	You have to think of what you're saying.	得思惟如来所说.
1941	How am I going to say it?	我该怎么说呢?
1942	Is it going to be believable?	会相信吗?
1943	I want to move the topic on.	我想继续讨论
1944	I don't want to get caught because who wants to be a liar?	我不想因为谁想撒谎而被抓?
1945	Although everybody lies to some degree.	虽然每个人都在撒谎
1946	So it's overwhelming.	故为压倒.
1947	It's actually a heavy cognitive load.	这实际上是一个沉重的认知负荷.
1948	That's why one of the things, it doesn't mean it's the only thing,	这就是为什么其中一件事情, 这并不意味着这是唯一的事情,
1949	but one of the things we were taught to pay attention to body language to people,	但其中一件事 我们被教 关注身体语言的人,
1950	狦弄眔 碞笵赣тぐ或 т deviation
1951	because everybody is uniquely different.	因为每个人都不一样
1952	But you would look at body language to see what are they doing with their body	但你会看身体语言 看他们用身体做什么
1953	because lying is hard and usually you want to go still.	因为说谎是很难的 而且通常你想去静静。
1954	And because you're putting so much of a cognitive load here, all this stuff goes away.	因为你把很多 认知负荷在这里, 所有这些东西都消失了。
1955	So that free-flowing, Evy telling you the story about I went out, I had dinner,	所以,自由流畅, Evy 告诉你的故事 关于我出去, 我吃了晚餐,
1956	I had a burger, it was great, goes away the moment you're like,	我有一个汉堡,这是伟大的, 离开那一刻你喜欢,
1957	well, who'd you go have dinner with, Evy?	你和谁一起吃晚饭,艾薇?
1958	And now if in that moment I don't want to tell you I'm having that oh shit factor,	现在,如果在那一刻,我不想告诉你 我有一个狗屎因素,
1959	what am I going to say?	我要说什么?
1960	How am I going to say it?	我该怎么说呢?
1961	I'm overloaded.	我超载了
1962	And so I stop moving.	所以我停止移动。
1963	The body does less in that moment in this specific scenario.	在这一具体情况下,该机构在这一时刻做得更少。
1964	A second ago when you were talking about the study in New York	刚才你在纽约说书房的事
1965	where they examined how people walk and tried to figure out who walks like prey,	在那里,他们检查 人们如何走 并试图找出谁走 像猎物,
1966	I was wondering as you said that, I was thinking, can you fake it?	我在想,你说的,我在想, 你能假装吗?
1967	Because presumably how we walk is quite a subconscious thing	因为大概我们走路的方式是潜意识的
1968	and it comes from, as you said, like the things we've been through in our life	就像你说的 就像我们生活中经历的
1969	and who we've come to believe that we are.	以及我们所相信的我们
1970	So after I heard that, do I just go out on the street	我听了之后,我是不是就上街了?
1971	and start walking with a bit more status and with my shoulders back	开始走动, 有点地位 和我的肩膀背
1972	or am I still going to fail at some point?	还是我还会失败呢?
1973	This is, I think, when I remember when I was younger	我想,当我记得我年轻的时候
1974	and I started learning about psychology and human behavior and stuff,	我开始学习心理学和人类行为
1975	even though I knew the information,	虽然我知道信息
1976	I think there was probably 990 other things that I was getting wrong	我想大概还有990件事情我错了
1977	that were projecting low value or would come disrespect me	投射低值,或会来不尊重我
1978	or I actually don't have a high sense of self-esteem that I couldn't see.	或者我实际上没有 我看不见的高度自尊感
1979	So if I can control this one little thing,	所以如果我能控制这个小东西
1980	it doesn't necessarily mean the other 999 things that matter	这不一定意味着其他999件重要的事情
1981	in non-verbal communication are going to be aligned	在非口头交流中,将调整
1982	if I'm not truly believing that I'm confident and high value in myself.	如果我真的不相信 我对自己有信心和高价值。
1983	So fake it till you make it or do you have to do some inner work?	所以,假装它直到你做它 或者你必须做一些内部工作?
1984	I don't believe in fake it till you make it.	我不信假的,直到你来。
1985	And I actually don't like that term.	我其实不喜欢这个词。
1986	You know why?	你知道为什么吗?
1987	There's nothing fake about me or you.	我和你没什么假的
1988	I don't need to be a fake version of myself.	我不必做一个假的自我版本。
1989	But what I can be is a more aware version of myself.	但我能做的是 更清楚的自我。
1990	And something as simple as just doing one thing, Steven,	做一件事一样简单 史蒂芬
1991	just that one thing, it's like, you know what?	只有一件事,就像,你知道吗?
1992	I'm just not going to make myself small.	我只是不想让自己变小
1993	When I walk, I'm going to take up space.	当我走的时候,我要占用空间。
1994	That's it.	就这样
1995	That's all I'm going to do.	即是一切众生.
1996	I'm not there to solve like a whole puzzle about why I am the way I am	我无法像解谜一样 解答我为何如此
1997	and why psychologically I walk this way.	和为什么心理上我走这条路。
1998	But I'm going to do one small thing that's going to make one small difference.	但我会做一件小事 这会让事情变得很不一样
1999	And it's going to lessen slightly whether somebody decides to prayer in me or not.	并且它会略微减少 是否有人决定 在我的祈祷或不。
2000	That's it.	就这样
2001	And so you know what happens?	你知道会发生什么?
2002	Habit.	哈比特语。
2003	You're going to break the habit of walking like this and being invisible	你会打破这样走路和隐形的习惯
2004	to just creating a very simple habit of I just walk with my shoulders back now.	仅仅创造了一个非常简单的习惯 我刚刚走 我的肩膀现在。
2005	Shoulders back, shoulders back when you go down the street.	肩背,肩背 当你去街道。
2006	In fact, when I started doing the news and pay attention to my posture	事实上,当我开始做新闻 注意我的姿势
2007	and I would sit and do the news, I'm like, shoulders back.	我会坐着做新闻,我像,肩背。
2008	Like in my head, I'm like, shoulders back, shoulders back, shoulders back.	就像在我的脑海里,我像, 肩背,肩背,肩背。
2009	Because there were times where I lost myself or even during commercial break,	因为有时候我失去自我 甚至在商业休息期间
2010	my husband would send me texts.	我丈夫会给我发短信
2011	He's like, Jesus Christ.	他就像,耶稣基督。
2012	He's like, sit up straight.	他喜欢,坐直。
2013	You look terrible.	你看起来糟透了
2014	He's like, no one's going to believe.	他像,没有人会相信。
2015	He's like, stop slouching.	他就像,停止荡妇。
2016	And I'm like, oh, you're right.	我很喜欢,哦,你是对的。
2017	It's just what am I projecting?	这就是我在预测什么?
2018	So there are simple things you can do.	所以有些简单的事情你可以做。
2019	So it's not one big thing we do over time.	随着时间的推移,我们做的不是一件大事。
2020	It's like, and I follow this too.	就像,我也跟着这个
2021	Over life, it's like one small thing for me to change a habit of something that I do.	一生中,我改变我的习惯就像一件小事
2022	Just start small and then conquer that thing and then move to the next thing	刚开始小 然后征服它 然后移动到下一个事物
2023	and then move to the next thing.	然后移动到接下来的事情。
2024	But at the same time, be kind to yourself.	但同时要对自己好
2025	Like we can't just beat ourselves up.	像我们不能只是打我们自己。
2026	I'm not this.	我不是这个
2027	I'm not that.	我不是那个意思
2028	I'm not confident.	亦无信心.
2029	That narrative just takes you down, down, down, down.	那段叙事让你失望 失望 失望
2030	And you can literally, I'm also not telling you to be like, I'm fantastic.	你可以说,我也没有告诉你,我很好。
2031	I'm great.	我没事
2032	I'm this.	我是这个。
2033	It's just, just be here.	只是,只是在这里。
2034	Just be like somewhere in the middle.	就像中间的某个地方
2035	You know, and speaking of which, it reminds me of,	说到这个 让我想起了
2036	and this is kind of something a little bit different,	这有点不一样,
2037	but we talked about steadiness earlier.	但是我们之前讨论过戒备状态
2038	Like how do you stay steady?	像如何保持稳定?
2039	And the one thing I also learned about steadiness and just kind of finding that space where you're in control,	还有一件事,我也学会了 准备状态,只是一种 找到空间 你控制,
2040	it's something called neutrality mindset.	这是所谓的中立心态。
2041	Actually, the person who brought it more to my attention,	事实上 那个更吸引我注意的人
2042	you've had her on, Gabrielle Lyon, Dr. Gabrielle Lyon.	你见过她了 加布里埃尔·里昂 加布里埃尔·里昂博士
2043	She's married to a SEAL.	她嫁给了海豹突击队
2044	Now, Gabrielle, who's actually my doctor.	现在,加布里埃尔, 谁实际上是我的医生。
2045	And Navy SEAL.	还有海豹突击队
2046	She's married to Navy SEAL, Dr. Lyon.	她嫁给了海军海豹突击队,里昂博士.
2047	When her book was coming out, she was asking me all these questions.	当她的书出版时 她问我这些问题
2048	She's like, you know, my book's coming out, you know,	她就像,你知道, 我的书要出来了,你知道,
2049	and she was asking me questions, smart woman, because I had a book come out.	她问我,聪明的女人, 因为我有一本书出来。
2050	So she's like, let me ask Evy, who's had a book come out, her opinion on a couple of things.	所以她喜欢,让我问Evy, 谁有一本书出来, 她对一些事情的看法。
2051	And at one point, she said to me, you know,	她曾经对我说
2052	Were you nervous about whether it would perform well or not or how it would do?	你是否对它是否表现良好或如何感到紧张?
2053	And I said, no.	我说,不。
2054	And she's like, no.	她就像,没有。
2055	She's like, you weren't worried it wouldn't make this list or that list.	她喜欢,你并不担心 它不会列出这个列表或那个列表。
2056	I was like, no, I didn't think about it.	我当时想,不,我没有想到它。
2057	And she laughed.	她笑了起来。
2058	I said, why are you laughing?	我说 你为什么笑?
2059	She's like, because you're all the same.	她喜欢,因为你都一样。
2060	You, my husband, and all these Navy SEALs.	你,我丈夫,还有这些海豹突击队
2061	She's like, you're all in the middle.	她喜欢,你们都在中间。
2062	And what she was talking about is we have a neutrality mindset,	她说的是我们有中立的心态
2063	which means we don't celebrate high highs,	这意味着我们不庆祝高,
2064	but we also don't fall down on low lows.	但是我们也不会低落
2065	We're always in the middle.	我们总是在中间。
2066	So going back to my book, if my book did well,	所以回到我的书, 如果我的书做得很好,
2067	it would do well because it was a good book and people liked it.	因为它是一本好书 人们喜欢它。
2068	That was it.	就这样
2069	And if it didn't do well, it didn't resonate.	且若其功德不善,则不复反响.
2070	I wasn't tied to the fact that, oh, my God, it's doing great.	我没有和事实挂钩, 哦,我的上帝,这是伟大的。
2071	It's selling.	它在卖.
2072	I didn't celebrate that.	我没庆祝过
2073	Now, you would look at like, why wouldn't you celebrate a high?	现在,你会看着像, 你为什么不庆祝一个高?
2074	I can, but what I start to do is I cultivate a habit	我可以,但我开始做 我培养一种习惯
2075	where I'm tied to the external world.	在那里,我与外部世界联系在一起。
2076	And when the external world is giving me this thing that I want,	当外界给我我想要的东西时
2077	I'm happy.	我很高兴
2078	But the flip side is that when the external world is going	但反面是 当外部世界走向
2079	to give me things I don't want, I'm also going to be tethered to that	为了给我一些我不想要的东西,我也会被绑起来
2080	and I'm going to sink down.	我会沉下去的
2081	But if I'm in the middle, I don't have high highs,	但是,如果我在中间, 我没有高,
2082	I don't have low lows.	我没有低调。
2083	I'm always somewhere here, neutrality mindset,	我总是在这里的某个地方,中立的心态,
2084	which means emotionally, I'm always stable, more than likely,	这意味着情感上,我总是稳定,更可能,
2085	99 or 90% of the time, whatever.	99或90%的时间,随便。
2086	That's neutrality mindset.	这是中立的心态。
2087	I don't have high highs.	我没有高点。
2088	I don't have low lows.	我没有低调。
2089	Nothing destabilizes me to that point.	任何事物都不能破坏我至此。
2090	How do we get there?	我们怎么去?
2091	How did you get there?	你怎么到那儿来的?
2092	It's just, it's, well, you don't get, it sounds terrible,	只是,这是,嗯,你没有得到, 这听起来很糟糕,
2093	but one, you don't get overly excited when something happens outside.	但第一,你不会太兴奋 当事情发生在外面。
2094	I'm not saying not to celebrate,	我不是说不要庆祝
2095	but I'm also not going to be tethered like,	但我也不会像...
2096	I can only be happy now because this thing outside of me happened	我现在只能高兴 因为事情发生在我身上
2097	because now I'm training myself and my mind to be,	因为我现在在训练自己和我的心灵
2098	when external things happen, then I can be truly, truly happy,	当外部的事情发生, 然后我可以真正,真正的快乐,
2099	or when external things happen, I'm going to be truly, truly sad.	或者,当外部的事情发生, 我会真正,真正的悲伤。
2100	But when these external things happen, they don't pull me all the way up	但是,当这些外部的事情发生, 他们不拉我一路上升
2101	and they don't pull me all the way down,	他们不会把我拖下水
2102	I won't have those highs and lows that other people will have.	我不会有那些高低 别人会有。
2103	I can stay here.	我可以留在这里。
2104	So I make sure that when something great is happening,	所以我确定当大事发生时
2105	very small example, I won't go out and tell everybody.	极小的例子,我不会出去告诉大家。
2106	I allow it to happen, right?	我允许它发生,对不对?
2107	And then people, if people congratulate me or give me good news,	然后人们,如果人们 恭喜我或给我好消息,
2108	I say, thank you, you know?	我说,谢谢你,你知道吗?
2109	But I don't like that to be the source of my happiness	但我不喜欢成为我幸福的源泉
2110	because it comes from here.	因为它来自这里。
2111	Because let's say I did my book and it bombed.	假设我写了本书 被炸了
2112	So what?	那又怎样?
2113	So now, according to that theory, I should what?	所以,现在,根据这个理论,我应该做什么?
2114	I should plummet and be like, oh my God, I'm a failure.	我应该跳伞 像,哦,我的上帝,我是一个失败。
2115	I wrote a book.	我写了本书
2116	It was the only chance I had.	这是我唯一的机会
2117	It tanked it.	它给它灌了油
2118	Who am I?	我是谁?
2119	I'm this.	我是这个。
2120	So now my value is tied to what?	所以现在我的价值和什么有关?
2121	My emotional state is tied to what?	我的情绪状态和什么有关?
2122	How well or not well my book did?	我的书写得怎么样?
2123	That's the problem.	这就是问题所在。
2124	So the more stressful situations you can put in,	所以,越是紧张的情况,你可以设置,
2125	the more places of uncertainty,	更不确定的地方,
2126	the more you can manage these highs and lows,	越能管理这些高低,
2127	the more you're going to live here.	你住在这里越多
2128	And you know what else?	你知道吗?
2129	Going back to who is in your inner circle.	回到你内心圈子里的人
2130	I don't like to be around people who lose their shit when things break bad.	我不喜欢在坏事发生时 失去自我的人身边
2131	I don't.	我没有。
2132	As steady as I am, they will destabilize me.	像我一样稳定,他们会破坏我的稳定。
2133	They just will.	他们只是会。
2134	So I do my very best to try to keep a circle of people around me as much as possible,	所以我尽我最大的努力 尽量把周围的人围起来
2135	of people that I know are steady.	我所认识的人,是稳定的。
2136	So going back to partners, I happen to have a partner, a husband who's like that.	所以回到伴侣,我碰巧有一个伴侣,一个这样的丈夫。
2137	Something can blow up and he'd be like, all right, let's go.	有东西会爆炸 然后他就会想,好吧,我们走吧
2138	He's not going to destabilize.	他不会破坏稳定
2139	So that is infectious on me.	因此,这是传染性在我身上。
2140	Now, can we have people around us that are severely impacted?	现在,我们周围能有人 受到严重影响吗?
2141	My mom, love you mom, sorry.	我妈妈,爱你妈妈,对不起。
2142	But my mom who's like very, at times can be emotionally impacted by the outside world, yes.	但我妈妈像非常, 有时会受到外界的情感影响,是的。
2143	So I have to work very hard to compensate for that,	所以,我必须努力工作 弥补这一点,
2144	to not let that impact me where I go high high and low lows.	不要让这影响我 在那里我走高低。
2145	It's just awareness.	这只是意识。
2146	But it's just, it's the external world,	但这只是,这是外部世界,
2147	the external environment cannot be the thing that either brings you up or brings you down.	外部环境不能是 让你升起或降下来的东西。
2148	I completely agree.	我完全同意你的观点。
2149	I mean, like, obviously running businesses and stuff is a prime example	我的意思是,喜欢,显然 经营企业和东西是一个主要的例子
2150	where you're just getting fucking great news or bad news all the time.	在那里你只是得到 他妈的好消息或坏消息 所有的时间。
2151	And even try and move emotionally with whatever the news is today in your inbox,	甚至试着用你收件箱里今天的消息感动一下
2152	would just be, I'd be like keeled over on the floor dead.	我就像死在地板上一样
2153	However, there's so many people that are listening that would say,	然而,有这么多的人在听 说,
2154	Evie, I agree, but my nervous system just seems to run the shop.	Evie 我同意 但我的神经系统好像在经营店铺
2155	Like I just seem to just get dragged around by good things and bad things.	好像我只是被好东西和坏东西拖着走
2156	And I catastrophize when something bad goes wrong.	坏事发生时,我就会大发雷霆
2157	And I just, I know what you're saying is true, Evie,	我只是 我知道你说的是真的 艾薇
2158	but like, how do I get there?	但是,像,我如何到达那里?
2159	What's like, what's step one in becoming that person	什么样的,什么是第一步 成为那个人
2160	that isn't swung up and down on the roller coaster of life?	生命的过山车上上下下上下上下下上下上下下上下下下上下下下上下下下上下下上下下下下上下下下下下下下上下下上下下下下下上下上下上下下上下下上下下上下下下上下下上下下下下下下上下下下上下下下上下下下上下上下上下上下上下上下下上下上下下下下下下上下下下下上下下上下下下上下下下上下上下下下下下下下上下上下下下上下上下上下下下下上下下下下下上下上下上下下下上下下下下下上下下下下下下下上下上下下下下下下上下下下上下下下下下下下下下下下上下上下上下下下下下上下下下下下下下下下下下下下下下下下下下下下下下下下下下下下下下下
2161	Do you know, like, I wish people gave themselves more credit.	你知道,喜欢,我希望 人们给自己更多的功劳。
2162	Like they think sometimes people like, I'm not, it's like you are,	就像他们认为有时人们喜欢, 我不是,这是像你是,
2163	like you have so much more authority and regulation of yourself than you realize.	像你有这么多的权威和调节 比你意识到。
2164	And I think sometimes to the narrative out there is like,	我觉得有时,在叙事 在那里,就像,
2165	oh, this happened to you, it's not your fault.	哦,这发生在你身上, 这不是你的错。
2166	Or that happened to you, it's not your fault.	或者发生在你身上 这不是你的错
2167	Or this person did this to you, it's not your fault.	或这个人对你这样做, 这不是你的错。
2168	And so what happens is the narrative that we hear right now	接下来是我们现在听到的叙述
2169	is this external world is fluctuating you.	这个外部世界在动摇你
2170	It's not your fault.	这不是你的错。
2171	And so if it's not my fault, how can I stabilize it?	所以,如果这不是我的错, 我如何稳定它?
2172	So that's one thing.	所以这是一件事。
2173	So I'm not saying it's your fault,	所以我不是说是你的错
2174	but I'm saying you have the ability to self-regulate.	但我说你有能力自我调节
2175	Please stop listening to everybody else that's telling you it's not your fault.	别听别人说这不是你的错
2176	It's out of your hands.	从汝手出.
2177	It's this, it's that.	就是这个,就是那个.
2178	No, everything always starts and ends with you.	不,一切总是从你开始和结束。
2179	If you can just keep that, it starts and ends with me.	如果你可以留着它, 它开始和结束与我。
2180	One, you're right there.	一,你在这里。
2181	Two, in those moments when you start to catastrophize	第二,在你开始灾难的时候
2182	that you start to feel yourself go that way, stop.	你开始感觉自己走那条路,停止。
2183	Literally just say out loud to yourself, stop it.	从字面上说,你大声说出来,停止它。
2184	Stop it.	别说了
2185	Talk to yourself.	自言自语.
2186	Like interrupt that thought.	就像打断那个想法
2187	Just interrupt it.	打断一下
2188	Don't let it finish.	不要让它结束。
2189	Even if you're having a hi-hi with something great happening,	即使你遇到一件大事 也一样
2190	I'm not telling you not to be happy,	我不是要你别高兴
2191	but also don't over-sensationalize it.	但也别太过敏感
2192	Don't go tell everybody	不要告诉大家
2193	because then you're pulling yourself up,	因为你要振作起来
2194	you're being tethered by that, right?	你被绑住了,对不对?
2195	I'm trying to, what I'm saying is don't be this up-down yo-yo.	我想说的是,别这样
2196	Cut it.	少顷.
2197	Just be like, oh, no.	只是像,哦,没有。
2198	Like literally just tell yourself.	就像只是告诉自己一样
2199	There's moments where I, like I talk to myself all the time.	有些时候,我,就像我一直对自己说话
2200	I like, I'm my voice.	我喜欢,我是我的声音。
2201	And so if there's moments	所以,如果有时刻
2202	where I think my voice is drowning out,	在那里,我想我的声音正在淹没,
2203	I will say, hey, no, this is what we're gonna do now.	我会说,嘿,不,这是我们现在要做的。
2204	Talk yourself through it.	说你自己通过它。
2205	It's such a powerful thing to really just stop the thoughts.	阻止这些想法是件很强大的事情。
2206	Just stop them and take ownership	拦住他们,当家作主
2207	and say, stop thinking that.	并且说,停止思考。
2208	No.	没有
2209	There's this person who used to tell me	有个人曾经告诉我
2210	that one of the things that she used to say to herself	她曾经对自己说过的话
2211	was cancel, cancel.	被取消,取消。
2212	There was a negative thought or something bad.	有负面的想法或坏事。
2213	She would say to herself, cancel, cancel.	她会对自己说,取消,取消。
2214	I'm canceling that thought out loud.	我要大声地取消这个想法
2215	So find something that interrupts it.	所以找点能打断它的东西
2216	That's where you just start.	这就是你刚刚开始的地方。
2217	Like we're not trying to do the whole feat.	就像我们不是在努力完成整个事业
2218	We're just trying to break these habitual patterns.	我们只是想打破这些习惯模式
2219	And also sometimes I quite honestly,	有时我也会说实话
2220	this nonsense stuff that we're fed	这些胡说八道的东西,我们吃饱了
2221	that really keeps us like just,	这真的让我们像,
2222	it just keeps us from being able to take ownership over ourselves.	它只是阻止我们 能够拥有自己的所有权。
2223	I think what's really interesting as well	我觉得有趣的是
2224	in that cancel, cancel example is	在取消时,取消示例是
2225	you're almost talking to someone and that person is yourself.	你几乎在和某人说话 那个人就是你自己
2226	And as you were saying that, I was thinking,	正如你说的 我在想
2227	yeah, I think the fundamental underlying belief	是的,我认为根本的信念
2228	{\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}你证明 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}那个人证明
2229	is that they are not their thoughts.	他们不是他们的想法。
2230	It's like they're talking to someone else.	谓彼人言.
2231	Whereas most of us go through our life	而我们大部分人的生活
2232	thinking that our thoughts are us.	以为我们的想法就是我们
2233	So if my brain starts going,	所以如果我的大脑开始运行,
2234	oh my God, this is gonna go so badly	哦,我的上帝,这是要去如此糟糕
2235	and then it's gonna happen like this	然后它会是这样的
2236	and then I'm gonna lose my job.	然后我会失去工作。
2237	And you think that's yourself.	你认为这是你自己。
2238	And you don't think you could have a conversation	而且你不认为你可以有一个谈话
2239	with that voice.	用那个声音。
2240	You know what I'm saying?	你知道我在说什么吗?
2241	But you can interrupt that voice.	但你可以打断那个声音。
2242	Like you have the ability to say stop.	就像你有能力说停止。
2243	I remember speaking to Mo Gorda on the podcast	我记得在播客上跟莫·戈达说过话
2244	他说他叫Becky
2245	so that he can do that.	这样他才能做到这一点。
2246	So that he can kind of detach from the thoughts.	以便他能从思想中分离出来
2247	And so he'll say, Becky,	他会说,贝琪,
2248	have a conversation with Becky,	和贝琪谈谈
2249	which I think is kind of smart.	我觉得很聪明
2250	Now I think about it.	现在我考虑一下
2251	It's not a bad way of detaching from your toxic thoughts.	这不是一个坏的方法 解脱你的毒思想。
2252	Talking yourself through things is actually good	说话自己其实是好事
2253	going back even in training,	回到训练阶段
2254	when we would be put in scenarios,	当我们陷入困境时
2255	like they would simplify things	就像他们会简化事情
2256	like in some scenarios like,	就像在某些情景下,
2257	hey, step one, this, step two, this, step three, this.	嘿,第一步,这个,第二步,这个,第三步,这个。
2258	Or they would create acronyms	或者,他们会创建缩写
2259	like I'm gonna make one up	就像我要编一个
2260	because I can't think of one.	因为我想不出一个。
2261	Like stop, target, move, shift.	如停,目标,移动,移动.
2262	And they would teach you to say that to yourself	他们会教你对你自己说
2263	as you're in this stressful situation.	因为你的处境很紧张
2264	Like if they created like,	就像他们创造了一样,
2265	they would create scenarios	他们将创造情景
2266	where there would be explosions, attacks.	会有爆炸 袭击
2267	All right, talk yourself.	好吧,你自己说。
2268	And like literally when we would do,	像字面上,当我们这样做,
2269	let's say a scenario in Beltsville,	假设在贝尔茨维尔,
2270	and we do an ambush on,	然后我们伏击,
2271	they create a system where they do ambushes on us.	他们创造了一个系统 他们做伏击我们。
2272	All right, fight yourself out of it.	好吧,你自讨苦吃
2273	Because you're so overloaded	因为你太过份了
2274	with the stress of what's happening.	与压力 发生了什么事。
2275	And even though you know it's training,	即使你知道这是训练
2276	you don't wanna look bad in front of your peers.	你不想在同伴面前看起来很糟
2277	You don't wanna look like you don't know what you're doing.	你不会想看起来像你不知道自己在做什么。
2278	You wanna do a good job.	你想做一个好工作。
2279	And sometimes even though it's training,	有时就算是训练
2280	the body doesn't know it's training	身体不知道这是训练
2281	and it thinks it's real life, there's moments.	它认为它是真实的生活, 有时刻。
2282	And literally, like you'd be in these tactical scenarios	从字面上来说,就像你会在 这些战术情景
2283	and you would talk to yourself in your head.	你会自言自语
2284	And sometimes you could do it even out loud.	有时候你甚至可以大声地做
2285	Stop, shift, move, target, move, target, take.	停止,转移,移动,目标,移动,目标,带走。
2286	So I'm giving like a hypothetical example	所以我给一个假设的例子
2287	but this ability to talk yourself	但这种自言自语的能力
2288	through movements is also a very powerful thing.	通过运动也是非常强大的东西。
2289	It can stop like this mass amount	它可以停止 像质量量
2290	of like the muck in your head and kind of clear it out.	就像你脑子里的泥浆 和一种清理出来。
2291	So I actually learned that in training	所以我在训练中学到了
2292	and they taught us like just tactical words,	他们教我们像 战术语言,
2293	sentences, things to say to ourselves	句子, 事情对自己说
2294	that would just help us habitually move through problems.	这只会帮助我们 习惯性地解决问题。
2295	Kinesis, just keep moving, keep moving through the problem.	Kinesis,继续走,继续走过问题。
2296	There's an element of what you just said there though	你刚才说的话有一点
2297	that raises another question which is	提出另一个问题是
2298	there's a reason why they were doing explosions in training	训练时爆炸是有原因的
2299	because they are trying to fully simulate	因为他们试图完全模拟
2300	and put you through the real world examples	让你通过真实世界的例子
2301	that you're going to go through	你会经历
2302	so that you develop some resilience.	这样你才会有弹性
2303	And I was thinking then, you know,	我当时在想,你知道,
2304	we can talk about tactics and tricks	我们可以谈论战术和诡计
2305	and tips to do this all we like	和小费做我们喜欢的一切
2306	but you've literally had to go through it	但你必须经历
2307	in order to be able to deal with it.	以能治之.
2308	That's like the essence of the training you described.	这就像你所描述的训练的精髓.
2309	So is there not an element of this,	难道没有这个因素吗?
2310	everything we're saying here where	我们在这里所说的一切
2311	unfortunately you're just going to have to go through	不幸的是,你只是要经历
2312	some shit in life to develop the thick skin?	在生活中一些狗屎 发展厚的皮肤?
2313	Because even when I think about my career in business,	因为即使我想起我的事业
2314	I think if I had heard on a podcast,	我觉得如果我听到播客,
2315	someone telling me, oh, when bad shit happens	有人告诉我 当坏事发生时
2316	just fucking, you know, like stay in the middle,	只是他妈的,你知道, 像留在中间,
2317	I don't think it would have been enough to prepare me	我觉得这不足以让我做好准备
2318	for the reality of the situation when you've got,	面对现实,当你有,
2319	say 500 employees and you've got to pay them all tomorrow	说500名员工,你明天就要付他们所有的钱
2320	and you look at the bank and it says zero	你看着银行说零
2321	and you've got clients emailing you,	你有客户给你发邮件,
2322	giving you shit for this or this, whatever,	给狗屎这个或这个,不管,
2323	how you act or when our company got hacked in the early days	你如何表现 或者当我们的公司 在早期被黑
2324	and all of my clients, my biggest clients in the world,	还有我所有客户 我世界上最大的客户
2325	biggest brands in the world,	世界上最大的品牌,
2326	all got personalized abusive emails	所有个人化的虐待邮件
2327	about their appearance at 3 a.m. in the morning.	他们早上3点出场
2328	That was apparently from my business partner's email.	这显然来自我的生意伙伴的电子邮件。
2329	It was apparently meant to go to my PA	很明显,这是去我的PA
2330	but accidentally got sent to them	但是不小心被送到他们那里
2331	and waking up on that morning as a 23, 24 year old,	当日早晨,他醒来时,已是23、24岁,
2332	there's really no words that can prepare me for that.	没有什么能让我做好准备的话了
2333	But because I've been through it,	但因为我经历过
2334	I could go through it again.	我可以再经历一次
2335	And I wonder how much of this is actually in life,	我想知道这到底有多少 在生活中,
2336	you're just going to have to go through some difficult shit	你只是要经历一些困难的狗屎
2337	because you've been through difficult shit.	因为你经历了困难的狗屎。
2338	But you have to go through it.	但你必须经历它。
2339	There's no exception.	亦无例外.
2340	The harder you work, you're going to work so hard to avoid it	你工作越辛苦,你就会努力避免
2341	which actually just makes you more afraid and weaker.	这只会让你更加害怕和软弱
2342	Where it's like, it's just going to happen and being okay.	凡如是等正觉随顺.
2343	We mitigate as much as we can through the circle of people,	我们尽量通过人群的圈子来缓解
2344	what we choose to do, what we surround ourselves with.	我们所选择的,我们环绕自己。
2345	We understand that, right?	我们理解,对不对?
2346	The bulletproof vest can only cover so much of our body.	防弹背心只能遮住我们身体的大部分
2347	And then we understand that we are vulnerable in other areas	然后我们明白我们在其他领域是脆弱的
2348	and you're going to have to go through it.	你将不得不经历它。
2349	Even as a mom, one of the things is I want to give my daughter	身为母亲,我想给女儿
2350	the best tools so that she can problem solve.	最好的工具,让她能解决问题。
2351	And it's not just being able to feel the stress.	而且不只是能感受到压力
2352	It's being able to, when you're dealing with a scenario like that,	它能够, 当你面对这样的情景,
2353	you can't just sit and be paralyzed by it.	你不能坐着被它瘫痪
2354	You're like, I have to respond to this.	你就像, 我必须回应这一点。
2355	And you learn to cope.	你学会应付。
2356	You learn coping skills and strategies.	你学会了应对技巧和策略。
2357	You're learning to problem solve.	你学着解决问题
2358	The only way you learn to problem solve	你学会解决问题的唯一方法
2359	is when you're dealing with a problem.	当你面对一个问题。
2360	If everything's problem free, you don't know how to problem solve.	如果一切都是免费的,你不知道如何解决问题.
2361	So one of the things I make sure with my daughter,	所以其中一件事 我确定与我的女儿,
2362	even though she's still very young,	虽然她还很年轻,
2363	is I will look at moments where she's frustrated.	我会看着她沮丧的时刻
2364	Let's say she's trying to climb onto the bed.	假设她想爬上床
2365	I will let her, as long as it's safe,	我会让她的 只要安全
2366	I'll let her be frustrated and cry and scream	我会让她感到沮丧 哭着尖叫
2367	until she gets up on the bed.	直到她起床睡觉。
2368	I've seen her do it.	我见过她这样做。
2369	I know she can do it.	我知道她可以做到这一点。
2370	So I will tell her, I will say, work out the problem.	所以我会告诉她,我会说, 解决问题。
2371	There's incremental things we can do in our lives	我们生活中有增量的东西
2372	to allow ourselves to learn how to problem solve.	让自己学会如何解决问题。
2373	There's no escaping problems for anyone.	任何人都没有逃生问题
2374	There's no escaping hardship for anybody.	任何人都没有逃避的困难。
2375	There's no escaping trauma or tragedy for anybody.	任何人都无法逃脱创伤或悲剧
2376	There just isn't.	没有
2377	I think when you come to terms with that,	我认为当你同意这一点,
2378	you're OK.	你没事
2379	But it's when you can't come to terms with it	但当你无法接受的时候
2380	and you think, like, life's just bad for me.	你觉得生活对我不好
2381	Life's picking on me.	人生在挑拨我
2382	My life is hard.	我的生活是艰难的。
2383	My life is this.	我的生活就是这样
2384	My life is that.	我的生活就是这样
2385	You know, you're not that special.	你知道,你不特别。
2386	I just did my second TED Talk	我刚刚做了第二个TED演讲
2387	and I talked about the six inhibitors that hold us back,	我说了六种抑制剂
2388	hold people back.	拦住人
2389	It was based off of all the mentors I did, like hundreds,	它是基于所有的导师 我做了,像数百,
2390	like, which happened after I wrote my book	就像我写书后发生的那样
2391	with people writing in.	与人们写入。
2392	And one of the biggest things that holds people back	和最大的事情之一 使人们退缩
2393	is the idea that I'm special.	是我特别的想法
2394	I'm special in that my problems are special.	我很特别 我的问题很特别
2395	My pain is special.	我的痛苦很特别
2396	I'm so unique.	我是如此独特。
2397	Nobody knows what I'm going through.	没有人知道我正在经历什么。
2398	So when everything around me, if I'm that special,	所以当我周围的一切, 如果我是那么特别,
2399	well, I can't figure my stuff out	我搞不懂我的东西
2400	because I'm not like everybody else.	因为我和别人不一样
2401	And when you do that, when you have that narrative,	当你这样做, 当你有那个叙述,
2402	like, that you think of yourself in that way,	就像,你这样想自己,
2403	you are telling yourself, I'm alone in the world	你告诉自己,我一个人在世界上
2404	because I'm special.	因为我很特别
2405	Nobody can know what I'm going through	没人知道我在经历什么
2406	or struggling with or dealing with.	或挣扎或处理。
2407	It's actually kind of when I would talk with people	其实是什么时候我会和别人说话的
2408	and, like, you'd give them solutions	你会给他们解答
2409	and they're like, no, no, no, but that won't work for me	他们就像,不,不,不,但那对我行不通
2410	because of this or this and that.	因为这个或者这个或者那个
2411	It was always like, and I would tell them,	它总是喜欢, 我会告诉他们,
2412	I'm like, I say this with all the love in my heart,	我满怀爱意地说
2413	you're not that special.	你没那么特别
2414	If you recognize that, then you're going to realize	如果你认得,那你会发现
2415	that you're not alone in this world	在这个世界你并不孤单
2416	going through all this stuff.	经历了所有这些东西。
2417	This stuff isn't just happening to you and they're solace.	这东西不只是发生在你身上 而且它们很安慰
2418	You know, after 9-11, you know, I survived 9-11.	你知道,911之后,你知道, 我活了911。
2419	I was one of the first responders there.	我是那里最早的响应者之一。
2420	I don't even like to use the word survive.	我甚至不喜欢用这个词生存。
2421	I was there.	我当时在场。
2422	I lived through it.	我活过它。
2423	People ask me, you know, how did you deal with the aftermath?	人们问我,你知道, 你如何处理 后果?
2424	Because, you know, you're watching thousands of people die.	因为,你知道,你正在看着成千上万的人死去。
2425	You almost die yourself.	你差点就死了
2426	Sorry, just to pause there	对不起,只是暂停一下
2427	because that was an important point for me.	因为这对我很重要
2428	Why don't you like to use the word survive?	你为什么不喜欢用这个词生存?
2429	I like lived through.	我喜欢活下来
2430	Survive to me has a negative connotation.	活着对我来说有负面的意义。
2431	It's not as powerful.	其威力未尽.
2432	I don't like it.	我不喜欢它。
2433	To me, like, I live through.	对我来说,就像,我活过。
2434	Survive is this thing happened and I,	幸存下来的事情发生了,我,
2435	this is how it feels	感觉就是这样
2436	because I'm trying to articulate it.	因为我正试图表达它。
2437	It feels like I survived through it.	感觉我活下来了
2438	It's like, no, I thrive through that.	这就像,不,我蓬勃通过。
2439	I live through that.	我活过这个。
2440	I thrive through it.	我通过它蓬勃发展。
2441	Survive makes me think I barely made it,	活下来让我觉得自己没来得及
2442	which technically I kind of did, but I don't care.	严格来说我做到了 但我不在乎
2443	But one of the things that helped me get through it	但有一件事能帮助我渡过难关
2444	when people like, you know, we do this trauma,	当人们喜欢,你知道, 我们做这个创伤,
2445	like, you're watching, truly, you're watching,	喜欢,你在看, 真的,你在看,
2446	I watched thousands, like, thousands of people die,	我看着成千上万的人死了,
2447	people jumping, and like, you can't do anything.	人们跳跃, 喜欢,你不能做任何事情。
2448	Like, you tried.	你试过了
2449	I tried.	我试过了
2450	So, and then after that,	所以,然后之后,
2451	we had search cleanup and rescue efforts.	我们进行了搜索清理和救援
2452	And I will tell you,	我会告诉你,
2453	one of the things that got me through it	有一件事让我度过它
2454	to the point where I barely dealt with any type of real	以至于我几乎不 处理任何类型的真实
2455	aftermath, like PTSD or anything like that.	结果,像创伤后精神紧张症之类的
2456	I'm not saying I didn't get anything,	我不是说我什么都没拿到
2457	but what helped me through is I wasn't that special.	但帮助我通过的是 我并不是那么特别。
2458	I wasn't alone in it.	我不孤单
2459	When you know you're not alone in the world,	当你知道你不是孤独在世界上,
2460	like, you can get through anything.	喜欢,你可以通过任何事情。
2461	But when you tell yourself that you are that unique	但当你告诉自己,你是那么独特
2462	and that what is happening to you is just happening to you,	而发生在你身上的就是发生在你身上
2463	then all your pain is special.	那你所有的疼痛都是特别的
2464	All your problems are special.	你所有的问题都是特别的
2465	Your trauma is special.	你的创伤很特别
2466	And then nobody can help you	然后没人能帮你
2467	because it's just you going through it.	因为它只是你经历它。
2468	How alone is that?	那有多孤独?
2469	And it's that mental shift	这是精神转变
2470	of when you can hear other people's stories	当你听到别人的故事
2471	or see what other people are going through,	或见别人遭遇什么,
2472	and then that helps pull you through your stuff.	然后帮助你通过你的东西。
2473	I will tell you that I'm not that special	我會告訴你,我不是那麼特別
2474	has gotten me through so much.	使我经历了这么多。
2475	I can see it in your face as you talk.	你说话的时候我从你脸上就能看见
2476	And it's making me curious as to why this is so personal.	这让我好奇为什么这是私人恩怨
2477	Because I'm not special.	因为我不特别
2478	And I think, I don't know,	我觉得,我不知道,
2479	I think it's a detriment	我觉得这样不好
2480	when people think that they're that special.	当人们觉得自己很特别时
2481	I think it takes you down.	我认为这会让你失望。
2482	There's a story here you're not telling me, I feel like.	这里有一个故事,你没有告诉我,我觉得是这样。
2483	I don't think it's a story.	不思议事.
2484	We all think we're the sun, right?	我们都认为我们是太阳,对不对?
2485	And everything moves around us.	和一切移动我们周围。
2486	And when you are in that space,	当你在这个空间,
2487	when you think you're that special,	当你觉得自己很特别的时候
2488	you self-analyze, you go in a lot more.	你自我分析,你走更多。
2489	And you would probably say, well, that's good, Evie.	你可能会说,嗯,这是好的,Evie。
2490	Is it really that good for me to sit	我坐着真的好么?
2491	and analyze everything going on in my life?	分析我一生的一切?
2492	Or when I overanalyze, I overassess,	或者当我过度分析, 我过度估计,
2493	I'm overly critiquing.	我太吓人了
2494	I'm so focused on myself.	我这么专注于自己。
2495	Do you know what that actually does?	你知道这能做什么吗?
2496	It actually, you have higher rates of anxiety	其实,你的焦虑率更高
2497	and higher rates of depression.	和更高的抑郁率。
2498	Because I am so self-focused.	因为我太专注了
2499	Now, I'm not saying when I say you're not that special,	现在,我不是说 当我说你不是那么特别,
2500	I don't mean that you're arrogant	我不是说你很傲慢
2501	or narcissistic or self-absorbed.	或自恋或自恋.
2502	I mean that you are so self-focused	我是说你这么专注
2503	that the outside world fades.	外面的世界渐渐消失
2504	And it's just you and whatever it is you're dealing with.	只有你和你面对的一切
2505	How can you get out of that?	何以解脱.
2506	That's a very hard headspace to get out of.	这是一个非常硬的头部空间 走出。
2507	Why do they stay in that space, in your opinion?	你认为他们为什么留在那个空间?
2508	I don't think that they realize that they're in that space.	我不认为他们意识到 他们在这个空间。
2509	They're not listening.	他们不听。
2510	Like sometimes you can even talk to people	就像有时你甚至可以和别人说话
2511	they're not listening to you.	他们没听你的
2512	Why don't they want to listen?	他们为什么不听?
2513	Like why aren't they listening?	为什么他们不听?
2514	Because they don't think anything's wrong.	因为他们觉得没什么不对劲
2515	Or sometimes they'll look to you and be like,	或者有时候他们会看着你,就像,
2516	oh, you're you.	哦,你是谁。
2517	Like, you don't know what I'm going through.	喜欢,你不知道 我经历了什么。
2518	Or you don't realize, here's the thing,	或者你没意识到 事情是这样的
2519	you and I talking about stuff from a place	你和我从一个地方谈东西
2520	where we're trying to understand it objectively.	我们试图客观地理解它
2521	We're looking to not live that way.	我们不想那样生活
2522	We're looking to understand it	我们想了解
2523	and so we can share it with others.	这样我们就能和其他人分享
2524	But the only people that are going to receive it	但唯一会接受的人
2525	are the people that watch this podcast and want to.	是那些观看播客 并想要。
2526	And even then, when they watch this,	即使这样,当他们看到这个,
2527	they're going to pick and choose the parts	他们将选择部分
2528	that work for them or the parts of this podcast	为他们工作 或这个播客的部分
2529	that fit the narrative that they tell themselves.	符合他们自己说的叙述
2530	Yes.	对
2531	And I was reading something over Christmas,	我在圣诞节的时候读了一些东西
2532	which is really front of mind.	这是真正的前脑。
2533	And I think it's part of why I'm so interested	我想这也是我为什么这么感兴趣的原因之一
2534	in this subject.	本主题。
2535	It was called The Courage to be Disliked.	它被称为勇气 被厌恶。
2536	And in the opening chapter of the book,	在书的开篇一章中
2537	it confronts this, it's this kid basically arguing	它面对这个, 它基本上是一个孩子争论
2538	with this philosopher.	与这个哲学家。
2539	And the kid is saying to the philosopher,	那孩子对哲学家说
2540	kind of exactly what we've said,	我们刚才说的
2541	no, I'm a victim of my life.	不,我是我生命的牺牲品
2542	The things that happened to me, my trauma.	发生在我身上的事 我的创伤
2543	This is the way that I am.	我就是这样
2544	And I don't believe I can change.	而且我不相信我能改变
2545	And the philosopher is making the case to the kid	哲学家正在向孩子申辩
2546	that you can, in fact, change.	事实上,你可以改变。
2547	And really the like, insight,	而真正的类似,洞察,
2548	the thing the philosopher ends up saying to this kid,	哲学家最后对这个孩子说的话
2549	which spun my brain for a while	使我的大脑暂时
2550	and is still spinning my brain a little bit,	还在转动我的大脑
2551	is this idea that what happened to us	是这个想法 我们发生了什么
2552	doesn't determine our lives,	不决定我们的生活,
2553	but we use what happened to us	但是我们用我们身上发生的事情
2554	to achieve a goal that we have today.	实现我们今天的目标。
2555	Now, to put this into like a practical real example,	现在,把这个作为一个实际的例子,
2556	if I am a kid that is 27 years old	如果我是27岁的孩子
2557	and I'm still in my mom's basement	我还在我妈的地下室
2558	and I'm not going out there and getting a job,	我不会出去找份工作
2559	I might say, yeah, I want a job.	我想说,是的,我要一份工作。
2560	But actually being in my mom's basement	但其实是在我妈妈的地下室里
2561	is actually serving me in some way.	实际上是以某种方式为我服务。
2562	And it might seem to be self-destructive	似乎自毁
2563	{\fn黑体\fs20\shad2\2aH82\3aH20\4aH33\fscx95\3cH592001\be1}给一个看里面的人 {\fn黑体\fs20\shad2\2aH82\3aH20\4aH33\fscx95\3cH592001\be1}
2564	but my mom's bringing me my food.	但我妈妈要给我带食物
2565	They finally show me attention.	他们终于让我注意到了
2566	If I change, I lose the sympathy.	如果我改变了,我失去了同情。
2567	If I change, I lose the attention.	如果我改变,我就会失去注意力。
2568	And actually this attention has gotten a little bit addictive.	实际上这种关注 变得有点上瘾。
2569	This sympathy, this place of victimhood	这种同情心,这个受害者的地方
2570	has gotten a little bit addictive to me	我有点上瘾了
2571	in a way that I don't even know,	以一种我甚至不知道的方式,
2572	in a way that's actually self-destructive	以实际上自毁的方式
2573	in the near term and the long term.	在近期和长期。
2574	But at some subconscious level,	但在某些潜意识层面,
2575	I'm actually like addicted to my pain and suffering.	其实我就像沉迷于我的痛苦
2576	And it's funny because when I was,	这很有趣,因为当我是,
2577	so I read the book and then I started writing	我读了这本书 然后开始写
2578	because I like to read things	因为我喜欢看东西
2579	and then try and write them into my own like language.	然后试着把它们写进我自己的语言中
2580	And I started thinking about someone in my own life.	我开始在想自己生活中的某个人
2581	And it's just, I finally figured out this individual	我终于找到了这个个人
2582	in my life that's been in my life for a long time,	在我的生活中, 一直在我的生命 很长时间,
2583	who when you look at the actions,	当你看着那些动作的时候,
2584	you go, they're ruining their own life.	你走,他们毁了自己的生活。
2585	But when you dig deeper into their identity,	但当你深入挖掘他们的身份时
2586	being a heroic victim is everything to them.	成为英雄的牺牲品是他们的一切。
2587	And actually if this person walked into this room now	如果这个人现在走进这个房间
2588	and introduced themselves,	并介绍自己,
2589	it would take 60 seconds for them to get to a story	他们要花60秒才能找到一个故事
2590	{\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}他们是如何艰难地完成的 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}他们如何
2591	and how they've overcome it.	他们是如何克服的
2592	But this means that help aid good decisions	但是,这意味着帮助 良好的决定
2593	have had to always be secondary to protecting	总是在保护中处于次要地位
2594	this narrative that they're a victim.	说他们是受害者
2595	And actually, sorry to go on a bit of a rant here,	实际上,抱歉在这里说些废话,
2596	at one point they were a victim.	他们一度是受害者。
2597	At one point, objectively,	客观地说,
2598	they went through some really horrific, horrible things,	他们经历了一些可怕的事情,
2599	but the predator's gone now.	但食肉动物已经走了
2600	So now they're looking for a predator	所以现在他们在找捕食者
2601	and it's ruined their entire life.	它毁了他们的一生
2602	It's ruined their home, their family, their financials.	这毁了他们的家 家庭 财务
2603	Because even when good things come by,	因为即使好东西来了
2604	good people come by,	好人来了
2605	they find a way to make this person a predator	他们想方设法让这个人成为掠食者
2606	and they find a way to make them the heroic victim.	他们想方设法让他们成为英雄的受害者
2607	And so it really shifted my brain about even my own trauma	所以它真的改变了我的大脑 甚至我自己的创伤
2608	and the narratives and this hero story I tell about myself.	还有我讲述的关于我自己的故事
2609	I'm like, maybe I'm using what happened to me	我想,也许我在利用我身上发生的事
2610	to serve a goal I have today of projecting to the world	今天我向世界投射的目标
2611	that I am filling the gap.	我在填补空白
2612	Whatever gives me validation and reinforcement from people.	无论我从别人那里得到什么证明和帮助
2613	So anyway.	总之
2614	You know, it reminds me a little bit of a histrionic disorder	你知道,这让我想起了一点 精神障碍
2615	or where you pretend you're sick.	或者你假装生病的地方
2616	It's like one of the disorders.	如诸烦恼之一.
2617	You pretend either you're sick or your child is sick	你假装你生病了 或者你的孩子生病了
2618	because when you do that, you get a lot of attention.	因为当你这样做的时候,你会得到很多的注意。
2619	And so if I'm a victim of something	所以,如果我是一个受害者的东西
2620	or I'm going through something,	或者我正在经历一些事情,
2621	are you okay?	你还好吗?
2622	Are you all right?	你没事吧?
2623	Do you need something?	你需要什么吗?
2624	And it does cultivate this attention	它确实培养了这种注意力
2625	whereas if everything's okay, that all goes away.	如果一切都好,一切都会消失的
2626	And so I think all of it, it's people.	所以我想这一切,它是人。
2627	I think it's so many different things.	我觉得这有很多不同的事情
2628	People get comfortable.	众生自在.
2629	They don't want to get out of it.	他们不想离开
2630	They don't think anything is wrong.	他们不认为什么是错的。
2631	It serves them.	它为他们服务。
2632	Nothing's wrong with my life.	我的生活没有问题
2633	Who are you to tell me?	你凭什么告诉我?
2634	It's like all these different layers.	这就像所有这些不同的层。
2635	And when it's people close to us, it's hard.	而当其人亲近于我者难.
2636	And I just have surrendered that two things.	我只是交出了两件事
2637	Who am I to tell somebody else how to live?	我是谁来告诉别人如何生活?
2638	So if they think that that's the way their life needs to be,	所以如果他们认为 他们的生活需要这样,
2639	I do have a little bit.	我有一点。
2640	I'm not that special.	我没那么特别
2641	So who am I to tell you that you should live this way?	那么,我是谁告诉你,你应该这样生活?
2642	There's a little bit of, or a lot of rather,	有一点,或者说很多
2643	let people live how they want to live.	让人们过着他们想要的生活
2644	It reminds me of what you were saying earlier about identity.	这让我想起你刚才关于身份的说法
2645	And I was thinking of something I read recently	我最近在想我最近读过的东西
2646	that said, swear to the effect of people would go	说到做到,发誓人们会去
2647	to great lengths to destroy things, including themselves,	为了毁灭一切,包括他们自己,
2648	before they dare edit their own identity.	在他们敢编辑自己身份之前。
2649	There's a real element of truth in that.	这里面有一个真实的元素。
2650	You're talking about identity and instrumental mindsets.	你说的是身份和工具思维
2651	And I wonder if there's a real risk to developing an identity.	我想知道是否真的有风险 发展出一个身份。
2652	Because you've got an identity now.	因为你现在有身份了
2653	Secret service agent, NYPD, strong woman,	纽约警局特工 强壮的女人
2654	doesn't take shit, says it how it is.	不拿狗屎,说它是如何的。
2655	Well, so in the context of identity,	所以从身份的角度来说
2656	the identity mindset, if we go back,	身份思维 如果我们回去
2657	it's that I'm special mindset.	我是特别的心态
2658	I'm in an emotional state.	我处于一种情绪状态。
2659	I'm special.	我很特别
2660	That's like identity mindset.	这就像身份思维。
2661	That's how you know when you're talking to someone	这样你才能知道自己在跟谁说话
2662	if they're instrumental or identity.	如果他们是工具或身份。
2663	If they're instrumental, they're task-oriented,	如果他们有用,他们面向任务,
2664	they're moving, they're trying to solve problems.	他们移动, 他们试图解决问题。
2665	If they're identity, they're stuck, they're emotional,	如果他们是身份,他们卡住,他们情绪化,
2666	I can't believe this, I can't believe this is happening to me.	我不能相信,我不能相信 这是发生在我身上。
2667	So with that, when you can figure out	有了这个,你就能明白
2668	what mindset somebody is in, then you can talk to them.	一个人的心态是什么, 然后你可以和他们说话。
2669	But you talk to them in the mindset that they're in.	但是,你和他们说话的心态 他们的思维。
2670	If somebody is instrumental,	如果有人有用的话
2671	I'm going to know this is a person that's just like,	我要知道这个人就像...
2672	tell me what to do.	告诉我该怎么做。
2673	Just get to the point.	直说吧
2674	I just want this, this, and this, and this.	我只是想这个,这个,这个,这个,这个。
2675	There's no feelings.	没有感情
2676	There's no stuff involved.	里面没有东西
2677	There's no emotions.	没有情感
2678	Somebody's identity, right?	有人的身份 对吧?
2679	They are, it's about them.	他们,这是他们。
2680	It's how it's affecting them.	这是如何影响他们。
2681	Typically, again, when we're very self-focused,	典型的,再次, 当我们非常自我集中,
2682	higher depression, higher anxiety,	抑郁症和焦虑症
2683	because we're overanalyzing things.	因为我们分析过度了
2684	We're in an emotional state.	我们处于一种情绪状态。
2685	So when someone's there, it's good for you to know	所以,当有人在那里, 这是很好的让你知道
2686	because you know in that moment,	因为你知道在那一刻,
2687	they're not listening to what I'm saying.	他们没在听我说话
2688	They are stuck in their space.	他们被困在自己的空间里
2689	Now, if I'm looking to progress the conversation,	现在,如果我想 推进对话,
2690	let's say they work for me,	假设他们为我工作
2691	I'm going to sit and listen to them,	我要坐着听他们的话
2692	let them offload to a point to get them	让他们卸载到一个点 得到他们
2693	where I need them to be,	我需要他们在哪里,
2694	or to get them to get to this instrumental space.	或者让他们进入这个工具空间
2695	Like an agency like the US Secret Service,	就像美国特勤局那样
2696	it was very instrumental.	很有帮助
2697	Nobody wants to hear you complaining,	没人想听你抱怨
2698	get it done, fix this, do this,	把它弄好,修好它,做到这一点,
2699	because they didn't really have the luxury of being like that,	因为他们没有那么奢华
2700	because if you are like that, people die.	因为如果你是这样, 人们会死。
2701	It's just like you got to move on.	这就像你必须前进。
2702	But if your identity and where it's like	但是,如果你的身份和它是什么样
2703	you're really wanting other people to understand you,	你真的希望别人能理解你
2704	I'm not saying that we don't visit	我不是说我们不来
2705	identity land once in a while,	身份土地偶尔,
2706	but it's not a great place to live either	但这里也不好住
2707	because you're so self-focused that you can't function.	因为你如此专注于自我,无法发挥功能.
2708	It's me, me, me, me, me.	师曰我.
2709	But if you can master this,	但是如果你能掌握这个
2710	which you can easily do when you talk to people,	当你和别人说话时,你很容易做到
2711	you'll know that person's instrumental.	你会知道那人很有用
2712	They just need X, Y, and Z, that person's identity.	他们只需要X、Y和Z 这个人的身份
2713	Your friend is identity.	你的朋友是身份证明
2714	The thing with them is their identity almost all the time.	他们的身份几乎总是如此
2715	That's when it becomes a problem.	这时它成为一个问题。
2716	And I've got great empathy and sympathy	我得到了伟大的同情和同情
2717	because defense can become someone's personality,	因为防御可以成为某人的个性,
2718	especially if at a younger age, defense was their survival.	尤其是在年轻的时候 防卫就是他们的生存
2719	Do you know what's interesting?	你知道什么是有趣的吗?
2720	Harvard Business Review did a study on this.	哈佛商报对此进行了研究.
2721	They wrote about this.	他们写了这个
2722	Do you know that the more you go through,	你知道你越经历,
2723	the less empathy you have?	你越没有同情心?
2724	So you would think,	所以你会认为,
2725	let's say you've been through your hardships,	假设你经历了你的痛苦
2726	you would think that because you've been through that stuff,	你会这么想 因为你经历过那些事
2727	you would have more empathy.	你会有更多的同情心。
2728	But as you rise through the ranks,	但当你通过队伍升起
2729	you actually have less empathy	你其实没有那么同情心
2730	because you've been through it,	因为你经历了它,
2731	you've overcome it, and you kind of look at people like,	你克服了它, 你看着人喜欢,
2732	can you please get it together?	麻烦你把它弄好好吗?
2733	So, yes.	没错
2734	And if you think about it, it makes sense	如果你考虑一下,这很合理
2735	because it's like, get through this.	因为它就像,通过这个。
2736	I've gotten through this.	我已经熬过了
2737	Whereas if you're dealing with someone	如果你和别人打交道
2738	who hasn't gone through it	谁没有经历它
2739	or is in the lower ranks at work,	或低级工作,
2740	they've got more empathy.	他们有更多的同情心。
2741	Because also think of it too,	因为也想想看
2742	as you're going up in business,	既然你生意上扬
2743	you're dealing with so many more people.	你和这么多人打交道
2744	You don't have the cognitive space or load	你没有认知空间或负载
2745	to deal with everybody's stuff.	处理每个人的东西。
2746	So sometimes when people come to me, my boss, my boss,	所以有时当人们来找我, 我的老板,我的老板,
2747	and my response is,	我的反应是,
2748	do you know how much your boss is probably juggling?	你知道你老板在耍什么花招吗?
2749	It's not that they're a jerk.	不是说他们是个混蛋
2750	They're instrumental, they're just trying to get stuff done, and you being where you	他们很有用,他们只是想把事情弄好 而你却在那里
2751	are kind of lower in the hierarchy, you're not dealing with as much, trying to juggle	在等级上有点低, 你处理的不是那么多, 试图玩耍
2752	as much, and so you're looking for more empathy, you have more space, more time.	所以,你正在寻找更多的同情, 你有更多的空间,更多的时间。
2753	This person's up here, they're trying to keep that ship from sinking.	这个人在这里 他们想阻止那艘船沉没
2754	So that's where a lot of people sometimes get lost with their supervisors.	因此,很多人有时会和他们的主管一起迷路.
2755	So it's interesting too because, you know, I even noticed that for myself, I try to have	所以这也很有趣,因为,你知道, 我甚至注意到, 对于我自己,我尝试有
2756	But there's moments where you're like, man, I'm, you know, it can be, you want to control	但有时你喜欢,伙计,我,你知道, 它可以是,你想控制
2757	it on the inside, but be like, there's times where you're like, can we please just get	里面有,但就像, 有时你喜欢,
2758	it together?	一起吗?
2759	Like, it's not that big of a deal.	这没什么大不了的
2760	I've invested more than a million pounds into this company, Perfect Ted, and they're also	我投资了超过一百万磅 这家公司,完美泰德,他们也是
2761	a sponsor of this podcast.	这个播客的赞助商
2762	I switched over to using Matcha as my dominant energy source, and that's where Perfect Ted	我转而使用Matcha作为我的主要能源,这就是完美泰德。
2763	comes in.	进来
2764	They have the Matcha powders, they have the Matcha drinks, they have the pods, and all	他们有Matcha粉末, 他们有Matcha饮料, 他们有舱,所有
2765	of this keeps me focused throughout a very, very long recording day, no matter what's	这一切让我全神贯注 在非常,非常漫长的录音日, 不管是什么
2766	going on.	继续
2767	And their team is obsessed with quality, which is why they source their ceremonial-grade	他们的团队对质量很着迷 所以他们才有礼仪等级
2768	来自日本的Matcha.
2769	So when people say to me that they don't like the taste of Matcha, I'm guessing that	所以当人们对我说 他们不喜欢Matcha的味道时 我猜
2770	they haven't tried Perfect Ted.	他们还没有尝试完美泰德。
2771	Unlike low-quality Matcha that has a bitter, grassy taste, Perfect Ted is smooth and naturally	不像低品质的Matcha有苦涩的草味 完美的Ted很光滑 很自然
2772	sweet.	可爱
2773	And without knowing it, you're probably a Perfect Ted customer already if you're getting	而且不知道,你可能已经是一个完美的Ted客户 如果你得到
2774	your Matcha at places like Blank Street or Joe in the Juice.	你的Matcha在布兰克街或果汁里的乔
2775	But now, you can make it yourself at home.	但是现在,你可以自己做在家里。
2776	So give it a try, and we'll see if you still don't like Matcha.	试试看,看看你是否还不喜欢Matcha
2777	So here's what I'm going to do.	故此下释.
2778	I'm going to give you 40% off our Matcha if you try it today.	如果你今天试试,我给你40%的利润
2779	Head to perfectted.com and use code STEPHEN40, or if you're in a supermarket, you can get	头到完美化的.com 并使用代码STEPHEN40, 或者如果你在超市,你可以得到
2780	it at Tesco's or Holland & Barrett, or in the Netherlands at Albert Heijn.	在特斯科或荷兰和巴雷特, 在荷兰艾伯特海因。
2781	And those of you in the US, you can get it on Amazon.	你们这些美国人,可以上亚马逊
2782	Quick one.	快一点
2783	I want to talk about something we all need to take seriously, which is cybersecurity.	我想谈谈我们都需要认真对待的事情,那就是网络安全。
2784	Whether you're a first-time founder facing your very first audit or a seasoned professional	你是第一次面对第一次审计的创始人 还是一个老练的专业人士
2785	who's been through it all, staying compliant is getting more critical than ever and more	守规矩越来越重要了
2786	complicated, I have to say.	复杂,我不得不说。
2787	And that is where Vanta comes in, who is a sponsor of this podcast.	范塔就是从这里来的, 他是播客的赞助商。
2788	Vanta takes the pain out of security compliance, automating the tedious but essential process	万塔在遵守安全规定时感到痛苦,使繁琐但必不可少的过程自动化
2789	of proving your business is secure across over 35 frameworks like SOC 2, ISO 27001.	在超过35个框架,例如SOC 2,ISO 27001, 证明你的业务是安全的。
2790	Centralize your workflows, answer security questions up to five times faster, and protect	将工作流程集中起来,以最快的速度回答安全问题,并保护
2791	your business without losing focus on growth.	你的生意不会失去对成长的关注
2792	And this is really a critical part of this.	这确实是一个关键部分。
2793	A new IDC white paper found that companies using Vanta save over $535,000 a year, and	一份新的IDC白皮书发现,使用万塔的公司每年节省535 000美元。
2794	it pays for itself in just three months.	三个月后它就自费了
2795	在有限的时间内,我的社区得到1000美元 从Vanta.com slash Stephen。
2796	That's v-a-n-t-a dot com slash Stephen for $1,000 off.	这是1千块的刀子
2797	On our previous conversation, funnily enough, the most replayed moment in the conversation	在我们之前的谈话中 有趣的是 对话中最重现的时刻
2798	was where you talk about the dangers of victimhood.	在那里,你谈论 伤害的危险。
2799	Stop, really?	停下来,真的吗?
2800	Yes, yeah, the most replayed moment.	是的,是啊,最重播的时刻。
2801	Wow.	珃
2802	I was quite surprised.	我很惊讶。
2803	I think people don't, I think most people don't want to be there anymore, you know,	我认为人们不会,我认为大多数人 不想在那里了,你知道,
2804	because it's not working out for them.	因为这对他们没好处
2805	It's not.	这不是。
2806	That's why I think most people, most people, they're trying really hard.	这就是为什么我认为大多数人,大多数人, 他们非常努力。
2807	Most people who will watch this podcast or watch things similar to this, they're really	大多数会看这个播客 或看类似的东西的人, 他们真的是
2808	trying hard, and they're trying to do better.	努力地努力, 他们试图做得更好。
2809	I do believe that, and I think that's why a moment like that, because they're like,	我相信,我想这就是为什么 像这样的时刻,因为他们喜欢,
2810	I don't want to be here anymore.	我不想再待在这里了
2811	Just help me get the fuck out.	只要帮我他妈的滚出去。
2812	You know, I respect that, because they're trying, like they're trying really hard as	你知道,我尊重这一点, 因为他们正在尝试, 像他们真的努力,
2813	opposed to somebody who's just like, I'm checked out, and that really speaks to people just	我被查了出来 这对人们来说就是
2814	saying like, I know this isn't working.	说,像,我知道这是行不通的。
2815	This isn't where I want to live.	这不是我想住的地方
2816	This isn't where I want to be.	这不是我想去的地方。
2817	And it's not getting me ahead in life.	它不会让我在生活中领先
2818	You know, I always, again, I live by this credence.	你知道,我总是,再次, 我生活在这个信任。
2819	If I go tomorrow, am I okay to go?	如果我明天去,我可以去吗?
2820	And it always set things right for me.	它总是为我做正确的事情。
2821	If you've lived in a way where you're like, I've done or tried to do these things, then	如果你生活的方式,你喜欢, 我已经做了或尝试做这些事情,然后
2822	you've lived a full life.	你过着充实的生活
2823	But being a victim prevents you from living a full life.	但作为一个受害者,你无法过上完整的生活。
2824	If everyone is hurting you, if everyone's out to get you, if everyone's doing something	如果每个人都在伤害你, 如果每个人都在得到你, 如果每个人都在做一些事情
2825	to you, if everybody is sliding you, if this person and that person, how are you living	如果每个人都在滑动你, 如果这个人和那个人,你是如何生活的
2826	a full life?	过充实的生活?
2827	If you're fighting everybody or pissed off at everybody because they disrespected you,	如果你在和所有人争吵 或者因为每个人都不尊重你而生气
2828	they're not giving you what you need, they didn't validate this, validate that, how will	他们不会给你你需要的东西, 他们没有验证这个,验证那个,如何会
2829	you ever get anything done?	你做过什么吗?
2830	How will you ever be instrumental?	你怎么会有用?
2831	It doesn't mean you need to be a CEO or a Secret Service agent.	这并不意味着你需要做首席执行官或特勤局的特工.
2832	It doesn't mean you need to be anything like that.	这并不意味着你需要做这样的事。
2833	Whatever your journey is, like how will you ever achieve that if you're so easily distracted	不管你的旅程是什么, 就像你会永远实现 如果你这么容易分心
2834	by all this nonsense?	这些胡说八道?
2835	Who says you have to have respect by everybody?	谁说每个人都要尊重你?
2836	It's nice.	不错
2837	I welcome it.	我欢迎
2838	But I'm not always going to get respect.	但我并不总是会得到尊重。
2839	I can sit and check every single box off.	我可以坐着检查每个盒子
2840	I'll be respectful to you.	我会尊重你的
2841	I'll be kind to you.	我会对你很好。
2842	I'll hand my things in our time.	我会在我们的时代交出我的东西。
2843	I'll show up on time.	我会准时出现
2844	I'll do all these things.	我会做所有这些事情。
2845	Check all those boxes.	检查所有的箱子。
2846	There are still no guarantees you'll give it to me.	你还是不能保证会给我的
2847	I know.	我知道,我记得
2848	I was a former cop, former agent.	我是前警察,前探员
2849	I don't always get it.	我不总是得到它。
2850	I was like, I hope I get it, but I don't need it.	我当时想,我希望我明白了, 但我不需要它。
2851	But we tell people, you need this.	但我们告诉别人 你需要这个
2852	Who says who?	谁说的?
2853	Who says I need everybody's respect?	谁说我需要大家的尊重?
2854	Who?	谁?
2855	And who am I to demand it?	我是谁来要求的?
2856	Who says I need everybody to like me?	谁说我要每个人都喜欢我?
2857	I don't want people to dislike me.	我不想别人讨厌我
2858	I'm not going to do things to make people dislike me.	我不会做让人讨厌的事
2859	But I'm also like, I can't navigate my ship like that.	但我也一样,我不能 导航我的船这样。
2860	And then at the same time, if you stop and think about it, when people are like, oh,	同时,如果你停下来想想, 当人们喜欢,哦,
2861	get everyone to like you, be charismatic, pause.	让每个人都喜欢你,有魅力,暂停。
2862	Who are you making that about?	你在跟谁谈?
2863	You.	你,你来
2864	You don't really care about the other person.	你根本不在乎别人
2865	It's me.	师曰是我.
2866	I want you to like me.	我要你喜欢我
2867	I want you to think I'm charismatic.	我想让你觉得我很有魅力
2868	Comes back to me.	回到我身边
2869	Me, me, me, me, me.	我,我,我,我,我,我,我。
2870	How about there's a little less me and more of how can I be of service to this person?	不如少一点我,多一点我怎么为这个人服务?
2871	How can I help this person?	我该怎么帮这个人?
2872	How can I be more generous?	我怎么能更慷慨一点?
2873	Generous to others.	善哉众生.
2874	How can I give more instead of take so that I can feel fulfilled?	我怎样才能付出更多,而不是拿来让我感到满足呢?
2875	It's all about me and my fulfillment, my identity.	这都是关于我和我的成就,我的身份。
2876	Where am I going?	我该去哪儿?
2877	Me, me, me.	我,我,我,我,我。 我,我,我。
2878	I think we need a little less of that.	我认为我们需要少一点。
2879	And how about us, us, us?	我们,我们,我们呢?
2880	How about how can I help other people?	那我怎么帮别人呢?
2881	How can I be of service?	我怎么能为您效劳?
2882	How can I be genuine?	我怎么会是真的?
2883	And that rig, this whole thing, give me tips so everybody likes me.	那个钻井机,这整件事, 给我小费,所以大家都喜欢我。
2884	Give me tips so I'm the smartest person in the room.	给我小费,所以我是房间里最聪明的人。
2885	If I'm the smartest person in the room, Steven, I'm in trouble.	如果我是最聪明的人 在房间里,史蒂芬,我有麻烦了。
2886	I want to be the biggest dummy because I'm not learning anything from other people.	我想成为最大的傻瓜 因为我没有从别人那里学到任何东西
2887	And who am I to think I'm all this?	我凭什么把我当成这样?
2888	Why would you want that?	你为什么要这么做?
2889	You see this marketing stuff come up and we feed people garbage.	你看这个营销的东西出现 我们喂人垃圾。
2890	And then we wonder why everybody's confused, why everybody has a void, because we're telling	然后我们想知道为什么每个人都困惑, 为什么每个人都有一个空虚,因为我们告诉
2891	them you need more, you need more.	他们需要更多,你需要更多。
2892	You are enough.	你够了。
2893	You are steady, you are good.	你稳定,你很好。
2894	Stop listening to all that.	别听这些了
2895	Be a genuine human being.	作个真人.
2896	Try to do the right thing by people.	尝试做正确的事情的人。
2897	Be careful because not everyone's out to do the best thing for you because people in pursuit	要小心,因为不是每个人都要为你做最好的事 因为人们在追求
2898	of their own self-interest, they will screw you over and that's okay.	为了他们自己的私利 他们会把你搞砸的 没关系
2899	Just don't be shocked when it happens.	发生时别惊慌
2900	It happens.	它发生。
2901	But move through steady and focus on being of service to others.	但要稳步前进,注重为他人服务。
2902	Everything, bring it back.	所有东西都拿回来
2903	And it's like, stop thinking about you.	这就像,停止想你。
2904	I promise you, you will have a better life.	我向你保证,你会有更好的生活。
2905	It'll be calmer, it'll be quiet, you'll be less depressed, less anxious, less...	会更平和,安静,少忧,少忧,少忧,少...
2906	Because it's not all you.	因为那不是你的全部
2907	You're in it with everybody else.	你跟别人一起的
2908	There's something really interesting.	有件事真的很有趣。
2909	There's so many interesting things you said there.	你说了很多有趣的事
2910	Two highlight points for me were this idea of play the long game of just trying to serve	对我来说有两个重点 就是想玩一个游戏
2911	other people and you'll achieve your objectives versus trying to do the short-term game of	其他人,你会实现你的目标 而不是试图做短期游戏
2912	maybe being nicey and caring too much about how you appear, which might help you maybe	也许对你的外表太好 也太在乎了 这也许对你有所帮助
2913	in the moment, but it's almost a form of long-term sabotage.	但几乎是一种长期的破坏
2914	And I guess this brings me to the question, which is like, should we try and make people	我想这让我想到一个问题, 也就是,如果我们尝试让人
2915	like us?	像我们一样?
2916	No, because it's fake, because it's manipulation.	不,因为它是假的,因为它是操纵。
2917	That's why I'm...	这就是为什么我...
2918	Who am I doing it for?	我是为了谁?
2919	If I'm trying to get you to like me, is that who you want or do you want the person who's	如果我想让你喜欢我,那就是你想或想要的人
2920	{\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}会来播客 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}好好谈谈 尽她所能
2921	give you some valuable information to help people?	给你一些有价值的信息 帮助人们?
2922	Who do you want?	你想要谁?
2923	You want me to be like, I hope Steven likes me.	你想要我像,我希望史蒂文喜欢我。
2924	I hope he thinks I'm smart.	希望他觉得我很聪明
2925	I hope Steven thinks I'm a good guest.	希望史蒂芬觉得我是个好客人
2926	I hope Steven invites me back.	我希望史蒂芬邀请我回来
2927	Is that what you want?	这就是你想要的吗?
2928	And who did I just make all that about?	我刚刚说到谁了?
2929	Do I give a shit about you and your podcast?	我不管你和你的播客吗?
2930	No.	没有
2931	Clearly, I just care about Evy.	显然,我只关心艾薇。
2932	That's the problem, because I'm manipulating you to fulfill myself.	这就是问题所在 因为我在操纵你来完成自己
2933	That's where it goes wrong.	即是错处.
2934	If somebody likes you, it'll be genuine.	如果有人喜欢你,那会是真的
2935	We don't manufacture it.	我们不制造它。
2936	It's disingenuous.	谓虚妄.
2937	People feel it.	众生有感.
2938	I'm trying to be charming and charismatic.	我试图变得迷人和魅力。
2939	First of all, major red flag for narcissistic personality disorder, number one.	首先,自恋人格障碍的主要红旗,第一.
2940	Really?	真的吗?
2941	Sure.	当然
2942	A lot of them are.	很多都是这样的
2943	In fact, when you see that, always ask yourself, what is motivating this person?	事实上,当你看到这一点, 总是问自己, 什么是激励这个人?
2944	I always think like, what is motivating this person?	我总想,什么是激励这个人?
2945	So as I sit across from you, what's motivating you is, you want to do a good podcast.	所以当我坐在你对面时, 激励你的是, 你想做一个很好的播客。
2946	You have millions of people who listen.	汝有百万众生听法.
2947	You want to give them good content.	你想让他们满意
2948	Period.	期间。
2949	The end.	终.
2950	You seem to be a big fan of being authentic, right?	你似乎很爱当真 对吧?
2951	As a person.	身为人.
2952	I just want to be genuine.	我只是想成为真正的。
2953	And I don't want to be a bullshit artist.	我不想当个烂艺术家
2954	Nobody wants to be bullshitted.	没人想被骗
2955	I've experienced it.	我经历过
2956	Nobody likes it.	没人喜欢
2957	And it's not being authentic.	亦非真实.
2958	It's just being genuine.	这只是真实的。
2959	Because also, you can't just walk into a room and like, I'm going to be me and whoever	因为,你不能走进一个房间 就像,我要成为我和谁
2960	likes it, likes it.	喜欢,喜欢。
2961	Good luck with that, right?	祝你好运,对吧?
2962	You want to adapt to the environment and to people you're with and what mindset that they	你想适应环境 适应你所和的人 适应他们的想法
2963	have and talking to them in a way that they understand, not you.	和他们说话的方式 他们理解,不是你。
2964	So that's a bit more adaptability and connecting with people.	因此,这更适应 和联系人。
2965	Even when I talk to businesses, a lot of times one of the big things is, and they're learning	即使我跟企业说话 也有很多时候 他们都在学习
2966	this, a lot of businesses are moving away from being transactional, making the sale,	这,很多企业 正在逐渐摆脱交易, 做交易,
2967	and just trying to get these short-term goals.	并试图获得这些短期目标。
2968	And what they're shifting toward, which is smart, is long-term relationships with people.	而他们转向的,是聪明的, 是和人们的长期关系。
2969	Because if you have a long-term relationship with a client and they genuinely like you,	因为如果你和一个客户有长期的关系 他们真的喜欢你
2970	not because you charm them or you trick them, but because they genuinely like you, they're	不是因为你吸引他们或是骗他们 而是因为他们真的喜欢你
2971	genuinely going to want to stay with you and they're not going to want to leave and go	真的想和你在一起 他们不想离开和离开
2972	do business somewhere else.	去别的地方做生意
2973	That's why being genuine works.	故作真业.
2974	And you can be genuine and disagree with someone too.	你也可以是真心的 和别人有分歧
2975	That holds better.	这样比较好
2976	People vibe other people quite a bit and they feel it.	人们对别人有相当的感受,他们也感觉到了.
2977	And if they feel your nonsense and they feel like you're tricking them or using tactics,	如果他们觉得你胡说八道 他们觉得你在欺骗他们 或者利用战术
2978	even when sometimes I give keynotes and I'll tell them, I'm like, I'm not here to give	即使有时我做基调 我会告诉他们, 我很喜欢,我不是在这里给
2979	you tips, tricks, or techniques.	你的小费,技巧,或技巧。
2980	I'm not here for that.	我不是为这个来的
2981	I was like, can I ask you a question?	我想,我可以问你一个问题吗?
2982	Do you like it when people use techniques on you?	你喜欢别人对你用技术吗?
2983	Do you like it when people use tricks on you?	你喜欢别人耍花招吗?
2984	No?	是吗?
2985	So why would you do that?	那你为什么要这么做?
2986	And why would you think that's going to take you places?	那你为什么认为那会 带你的地方?
2987	It'll take you somewhere short-term.	它会带你去短期的地方。
2988	Long-term, people are going to drop you.	长期来说,人们会放弃你的。
2989	I was watching your BBC Maestro recording, which by the way is fantastic.	我在看你的BBC大师录音 顺便说一句,这太棒了
2990	And I highly recommend anybody who hasn't seen it to go and check it out.	我非常推荐所有没看过的人去检查一下
2991	It's basically like a, it takes everything you're saying.	基本上就像一个, 它需要你说的一切。
2992	It kind of turns it into a bit of a course.	它会把它变成一个小课程。
2993	And there was a line you said in it, which I thought was quite interesting, which is,	里面有一句你说过的台词 我认为这句词很有趣
2994	I wish you as much rejection as possible because that will increase your self-confidence.	我希望你尽量拒绝,因为这将提高你的自信。
2995	Are you also saying that in the BBC Maestro piece that confidence is the number one thing	你是在说在BBC大师的作品中 信心是头号
2996	you get asked about?	你被问及了吗?
2997	I wish you as much rejection as possible.	我希望你能尽量拒绝
2998	That kind of goes back to what we were saying earlier about how like going through difficult	那种事情可以追溯到我们刚才所说的 如何经历困难
2999	shit is the best way to build a thicker skin.	屎是建立更厚的皮肤的最好方法
3000	But who on earth wants to go through rejection?	但究竟谁想经历拒绝?
3001	Who on earth, what kind of psychopath is going to self-elect to go through rejection?	到底是谁 什么样的精神病人会 自我选择去接受拒绝?
3002	Person who wants to build their resilience.	想要建立复原力的人。
3003	Because when you deal with it, so the BBC Maestro course is the art of influence, how	因为当你处理它, 所以BBC大师课程 是影响艺术,如何
3004	to influence others.	影响他人
3005	So going back to the ethos of that course was, and I say it at the beginning, I'm	所以回到那个课程的特质是, 我一开始说,我
3006	here to give you tips, tricks, or techniques because that's not going to influence people.	在这里给你小费,技巧,或技巧, 因为这不会影响人们。
3007	We're not trying to trick people or manipulate people to get things out of them because that's	我们不是想骗人 或操纵人 来把事情从他们身上弄出来 因为...
3008	not going to help anybody in the long term.	从长远来看,不会帮助任何人。
3009	It won't help you in the long term.	久之无益.
3010	Influence is having the ability to have people to want to be around us, to have people to	影响是有能力让人 想要在我们身边,
3011	want to work with us, to have people who want to talk to us.	想要和我们一起工作, 有想和我们说话的人。
3012	That's what influence is, genuine influence and like how we push that out there.	这就是影响,真正的影响, 就像我们如何推动它。
3013	Also, in the class where I talk about rejection because we split it up into certain parts,	而且,在课堂上,我谈论拒绝,因为我们把它分成某些部分,
3014	and one of the parts was your ability to understand yourself.	其中一个部分就是你理解自己的能力。
3015	Kind of like you can't influence other people if you don't understand yourself.	有点像你不能影响别人 如果你不明白自己。
3016	And so part of that is how resilient are you?	所以其中一部分就是 你有多有韧性?
3017	How steady are you?	你有多稳定?
3018	And you don't build those things unless you deal with rejection, unless you deal with	除非你处理拒绝 除非你处理
3019	people pushing back.	人们推回。
3020	Maybe be a psychopath and embrace the things that everybody else is too terrified to embrace.	也许做个精神病人 拥抱别人害怕的事物
3021	Everyone's so scared of being rejected, so why don't you be the deviant?	每个人都害怕被拒绝,你为什么不做变态呢?
3022	Don't be like everybody else and be like, I'm ready for it.	别跟别人一样 我准备好了
3023	I'm good with it.	我很擅长
3024	Because the more you deal with it, the better you are at dealing with it.	因为你处理得越多越好
3025	And you're going to get it anyway.	你还是会得到的
3026	On that point of better understanding yourself, the other thing I found was this thing you	我发现的另一件事就是你
3027	talk about, which is the animal will, which is a framework that helps people understand	谈论,这是动物的意志, 这是帮助人们理解的框架
3028	by finding out what their communication style is.	找出他们的交流风格
3029	I'll put this animal will on the screen for people that are watching on video, but for	我会把这个动物的意志 放在屏幕上 对于在视频上观看的人,但
3030	people that can't see because they're listening on Spotify or Apple or somewhere else, what	看不见的人,因为他们在Spotify或苹果 或其他地方听,什么
3031	can you explain to me what this animal will is?	你能解释一下这个动物会是什么吗?
3032	So that was created by researchers Dr. Lawrence and Emily Allison.	这是研究者劳伦斯博士和艾蜜莉·艾莉森创造的。
3033	They're actually in the UK.	他们实际上是在英国。
3034	And they created a way to break behavior down, behavior of people.	他们创造了一种方法 来打破人们的行为。
3035	They actually watch thousands of hours of interview tapes.	他们实际上观看了数千小时的采访录影带。
3036	Law enforcement, intelligence.	执法,情报.
3037	And they were coding people's behavior.	他们正在编码人们的行为。
3038	So basically, they were like, what behavior is this person?	所以基本上,他们喜欢, 什么是这个人的行为?
3039	So there's two important things.	所以有两件事很重要
3040	One is we don't label people.	第一,我们不给人贴标签。
3041	We label behavior.	我们标签行为。
3042	You label behavior because people change.	你给行为贴上标签是因为人变了
3043	People are fluid.	人们是流体。
3044	For the most part, people are fluid.	人多为流体.
3045	So I need to look at who do I have across from me in this moment?	所以,我需要看看我是谁 在我的对面现在?
3046	So how they identified behavior of people, they gave them four animal archetypes.	因此,他们如何识别人们的行为, 他们给了他们四个动物型。
3047	Lion, monkey, mouse, T-Rex.	狮子,猴子,老鼠,T -Rex。
3048	Lion is someone who's in charge setting the agenda.	狮子是负责制定议程的人.
3049	I'm in control.	我控制着
3050	That's lion.	那是狮子。
3051	When you have your meetings with your team and you're the one talking and your team sitting	当你和你的团队见面时 你才是说话的人 你的团队坐着
3052	listening, you're lion in that moment.	听着,你是狮子在那一刻。
3053	He's in charge setting the agenda.	他负责制定日程
3054	Mouse is a person who is patient, looking to learn.	老鼠是个有耐心的人 渴望学习
3055	They're trying to get information.	他们试图得到信息。
3056	They're eager.	他们很急切
3057	They're humble, seeking guidance.	他们谦卑,寻求指导。
3058	It can be the people on your team who are sitting quietly because they're trying to	可能是你们队的人静静地坐着 因为他们想
3059	learn.	学习。
3060	Probably in some sense right now, you and I switch back and forth from lion.	也许从某种意义上说,现在,你和我 调换前后狮子。
3061	And then our viewers, they're all mouse.	我们的观众都是老鼠
3062	They're all here, humble, seeking guidance.	他们都在这里,谦卑,寻求指导。
3063	What can I learn?	我能学到什么?
3064	That's that.	就是这样
3065	But it's fluid.	却流水.
3066	Now, a person who is monkey, monkey is an animal where you're social, you're warm,	现在,一个猴子的人,猴子是一种动物 你在这里社交,你温暖,
3067	you're talking to people.	你在和别人说话
3068	Hi, how are you?	嗨 你好吗?
3069	Good.	不错
3070	How are you?	你好吗?
3071	That's what that is, right?	这就是它,对不对?
3072	And then they're probably going to be that back to you, right?	然后他们很可能会 回到你,对不对?
3073	Bad monkey, which you probably get a lot is, hey, Steve, I got a great idea.	坏猴子,你可能会得到很多... 嘿,史蒂夫,我有一个好主意。
3074	Can I just share it with you?	我能跟你分享吗?
3075	Hey, let me just pitch you something real quick.	嘿,让我给你一些东西 非常快。
3076	That's pleading.	这是恳求。
3077	That's desperate.	这是绝望的。
3078	That's really wanting something.	这真的很想要的东西。
3079	Now, the other animal is T-Rex.	现在,另一个动物是T -Rex。
3080	T-Rex, which is something I tend to lean a little bit more towards, which I work very	T -Rex,这是我倾向于 更倾向于,我的工作非常
3081	hard not to be, but that's a person who is direct, frank, and forthright.	很难不是, 但这是一个直接,坦率,直率的人。
3082	It's also a person who sounds just like the animal.	也是一种听起来像动物的人.
3083	You're more ready to fight.	你更准备战斗了
3084	Something happens and you're like, let's go.	有事发生,你喜欢,让我们去。
3085	There's a good version of that.	其版本颇佳.
3086	There's a bad version of that.	有坏说法.
3087	All of these have a good and bad version, but that's T-Rex.	所有这些都有好坏的版本,但那是T-Rex.
3088	The key to people is not for you to dominate.	人的关键不是让你主导
3089	The key to people is for you to identify the person in front of you in that moment	人的关键是让你在那一刻 认出你面前的人
3090	and then adapt to that behavior.	然后适应这个行为。
3091	So if I've got, for example, if you're a lion and I'm trying to be lion,	所以,如果我得到了,例如, 如果你是狮子 而我试图成为狮子,
3092	we're both competing.	我们都在竞争
3093	Nothing's going to happen.	无事无事.
3094	Like, you're going to be talking and I'm going to be trying to talk over you.	就像,你会说话 而我会试图谈论你。
3095	It doesn't work.	亦无功用.
3096	But if I see, okay, right now Steven's lion, he's the one talking,	但是如果我看到,好吧, 现在史蒂芬的狮子, 他是谁说话,
3097	he's guiding the conversation, he's doing this meeting, I'm going to go mouse.	他指导谈话,他做这个会议, 我要去老鼠。
3098	I'm going to be humble seeking guidance.	我会谦卑地寻求指导
3099	Yes, Steven, I'm listening.	对,史蒂芬,我在听
3100	I want to learn.	我想学习。
3101	So the wheel actually helps you identify who you have in front	因此,轮子实际上帮助你识别 谁在你前面
3102	and then where do you go based on what you have in front.	然后,你在哪里去 根据你面前的东西。
3103	Now, if I'm dealing with someone who's monkey, I go to this event.	如果我是跟猴子打交道的话 我就去参加这个活动
3104	You're going to this event.	你要参加这个活动
3105	People are talking to you.	人们在跟你说话
3106	When you have monkey, you also display monkey, which is warm, social, respectful.	当你有猴子的时候,你也会展示猴子, 这是温暖,社会,尊重的。
3107	However, you want to be aware of when people are the bad version of that,	但是,你想知道 当人们是坏的版本,
3108	which is they're trying to sell you something, they want something from you.	他们想卖给你一些东西 他们想要你的东西
3109	You maintain that warm, social, respectful, but you realize,	你保持温暖,社交,尊重, 但你意识到,
3110	I've got bad monkey in front of me.	我前有坏猕猴.
3111	I need to keep distance.	我需要保持距离。
3112	T -Rex是, 如果我有谁谁是T -Rex,
3113	it just means being direct, frank, and forthright.	直言直语
3114	But it also teaches you how to deal with another T-Rex.	但它也教你如何处理另一个T -Rex。
3115	That story you told me earlier, that guy that you checked, that you had checked,	你刚才告诉我的故事, 那个你查过,你查过的人,
3116	他当时是T -Rex。
3117	He was attacking you behind your back.	他在背后攻击你
3118	He's still attacking you because you can attack somebody,	他还在攻击你 因为你可以攻击别人
3119	not to their face, but behind their back.	不是当着他们的面 而是背着他们
3120	You gossip, you slander, you hurt their reputation.	你这个八卦,你诽谤,你伤害了他们的名誉
3121	这是T -Rex。
3122	That's bad T-Rex, by the way.	顺便说一句,那是坏T -Rex。
3123	So you had bad T-Rex, and then you came in.	所以你有不好的T -Rex, 然后你进来。
3124	I don't think you were bad T-Rex.	我不认为你是坏T -Rex。
3125	You came in as good T-Rex, but you were frank, forthright, and direct.	你来得像T -Rex, 但你坦率,直截了当,直接。
3126	You said, hey, I heard about that stuff you just said outside to this person.	你说,嘿,我听说 你刚才在外对这个人说的话。
3127	If you have something to say, please say it to me.	如果你有话要说 请跟我说
3128	You were actually good T-Rex.	你真的是不错的T -Rex。
3129	You addressed him.	你跟他说了
3130	And what happens is when you have T-Rex, you have to be T-Rex too.	会发生什么 当你有T -Rex, 你必须是T -Rex太。
3131	You just can't be bad T-Rex where you're patronizing, sarcastic, and insulting people.	你不能是坏的T -Rex 在那里你赞助, 讽刺,和侮辱人。
3132	But you come in, and you be direct, frank, and forthright,	但你进来时要直言直语
3133	and you address the person.	并且你告诉那个人。
3134	It's okay to address people.	向人说话没关系
3135	It's okay not to let stuff slide.	不要让东西滑下来没关系
3136	So long as you are regulating your behavior.	只要你在调节你的行为
3137	But the way you do this is these animals help you realize, who do I have in front of me?	但你这样做的方式是 这些动物帮助你意识到, 我是谁在我面前?
3138	It also helps you realize, who am I more?	这也帮助你意识到,我是谁?
3139	I know when I see this, I'm T-Rex, hands down.	我知道当我看到这个,我是T -Rex,手放下。
3140	I have to work on it.	我必须努力
3141	But some people, when we talked about people who are very subservient,	但有些人,当我们谈论 那些非常顺从的人,
3142	or weak, or dismissive, or avoidant, for them, they're mouse, bad mouse.	或弱,或贬,或避,对他们而言,是鼠,坏鼠.
3143	And when you realize I go mouse a lot, then that tells you, you know what?	当你意识到我经常去老鼠, 那告诉你,你知道吗?
3144	I need to be a little bit more lion in my life.	我需要成为我生命中更多的狮子。
3145	So on this wheel, the reason why it's a wheel is because	所以在这个轮子上,它为什么是一个轮子的原因是
3146	the behavior that I'm getting is on the outside,	我得到的行为是在外,
3147	and the response that I should give them is the thing on the inside.	以及我应该给他们的答案 里面的东西。
3148	Is that right?	是吗?
3149	There's four animals.	有四畜生众.
3150	Each animal has a good version and a bad version.	每个动物都有好的版本和不好的版本.
3151	Good version lion is, I'm in charge, I'm setting the agenda.	好版本狮子是,我负责, 我设定议程。
3152	I'm a boss who's really just trying to guide and lead his team.	我是一个老板 谁真的只是想 引导和领导他的团队。
3153	Okay.	摆
3154	Bad version of lion, which is outside that outer perimeter.	狮子的坏版本, 它就在那个外围。
3155	Okay.	摆
3156	Dogmatic, demanding, rigid.	教条主义 苛刻 僵硬
3157	This is the way I want it.	这就是我想要的。
3158	This is the way it's going to be done because I want it like this.	这样做是因为我想要这样
3159	So how do I know, using this wheel, which response I should give?	那么,我怎么知道,用这个车轮, 我应该给出什么反应?
3160	So you're telling me that on the outside of the wheel is the bad version of that animal,	所以,你告诉我,在车轮的外面 是那个动物的坏版本,
3161	and on the inside of the wheel is the good version of that animal.	在车轮的内侧 是那动物的好版本
3162	How do I find which response to give based on the behavior?	我怎么才能找到根据行为做出的反应?
3163	So first, you always want to stay in the good wheel.	所以首先,你总是想留在好方向盘。
3164	You always want to stay as a good animal.	你总是想留下来做一只好动物
3165	You don't want people to pull you out.	你不想别人把你拉出来
3166	And that's where it talks about self-regulation because it's very easy for people to pull you	这就是它谈论自我调节的地方 因为人们很容易拉你
3167	into their bad wheel, their bad animal.	他们的坏车轮,他们的坏动物。
3168	And so that's one.	所以这是一个。
3169	So you always want to stay in that center part.	所以,你总是想 留在中心部分。
3170	So if I've got, it works two ways.	所以,如果我有, 它的工作有两种方式。
3171	If I've got lion in front of me, I have to be mouse because the conversation won't work.	如果我有狮子在我面前, 我必须成为老鼠 因为对话不会工作。
3172	We'll flip.	我们会翻转。
3173	So if I've got lion in front of me, you're setting the agenda, you're controlling the	所以,如果我有狮子在我面前, 你设定的议程, 你控制
3174	conversation.	谈话。
3175	I have to allow it to happen to you.	我必须允许它发生在你身上。
3176	Here's why.	这是为什么。
3177	If I try to talk or cut you off, you're not listening.	如果我试图谈论或切断你, 你没有在听。
3178	In fact, it's going to piss you off even more.	事实上,这会让你更生气
3179	In fact, there was a big beverage company, I won't say which, a coffee company, a very	事实上,有一个大饮料公司, 我不会说,哪个,一个咖啡公司,一个非常
3180	well-known one.	闻名者.
3181	They came to me and said, we have a problem with clients.	他们来找我说 我们和客户有问题
3182	They come in, we give them the wrong version of what they asked for.	他们进来,我们给他们错误的版本 他们要求的东西。
3183	And sometimes they lose their mind.	有时会失去理智
3184	They had one client that came in, a customer, and the manager said, I thought they were	他们有一个客户进来 一个客户 经理说 我以为他们是
3185	going to assault the person behind the register.	要攻击登记员背后的人
3186	We actually fixed their drink, and they were still just being very belligerent.	我们实际上修好了他们的饮料, 他们仍然非常好战。
3187	According to that wheel, that person was T-Rex.	根据那个车轮,那个人是T -Rex。
3188	T -Rex,所以攻击。
3189	Punitive.	罚之.
3190	Sarcastic.	讽刺
3191	And they would flow back and forth between T-Rex and lion because they were trying to	他们会往返于T -Rex和狮子之间 因为他们试图
3192	control the conversation.	控制对话
3193	They were like, we fixed the order, we apologized, but it kept escalating.	他们喜欢,我们修好了命令,我们道歉,但 它不断升级。
3194	What did I do?	我做了什麽?
3195	What did we do wrong?	我们做错了什么?
3196	What they did wrong was they kept interrupting and trying to stop the behavior of that person.	他们的错在于他们不断打断 试图阻止他的行为
3197	That person was in this aggressive state, lion slash T-Rex, and when you have somebody	那个人处于侵略的状态,狮子斜刀T -Rex, 当你有一个人
3198	there, you have to let them go.	好了,你得让他们走。
3199	Because by interrupting the person and telling them, calm down, we're going to this, what	因为通过打断人 告诉他们,冷静下来, 我们要做到这一点,什么
3200	does that do?	是这样吗?
3201	It aggravates people more.	它使人们更加恶化。
3202	Let me vent.	让我发泄一下
3203	Let me say what I need to say.	让我说我要说的话。
3204	One of the ways you deal with that kind of behavior is let them go.	你处理这种行为的方法之一是让他们走。
3205	So long as you're not in danger or someone's trying to hurt you, let it go.	只要你没有危险或者有人想伤害你,就放手吧.
3206	When they are done, then you can talk, but they're not listening to you.	当他们完成, 然后你可以说话, 但他们没有听你的。
3207	That's why the wheel helps because if I've got a lion and he's trying to control, he's	这就是为什么车轮有帮助,因为如果我有一只狮子 他试图控制,他是
3208	being dogmatic, trying to control the conversation, then I come in and say, hey, look, calm down.	教条主义,试图控制对话, 然后我进来说,嘿,看,冷静下来。
3209	I got you another drink.	我又给你买了一杯酒
3210	I'm not letting you talk.	我不会让你说话的
3211	I'm competing with you.	我在跟你竞争
3212	It doesn't work.	亦无功用.
3213	That's why it escalates.	故曰升迁.
3214	Let people go, be mouse.	放人走,当老鼠
3215	It's hard to be mouse because people's ego won't let them be mouse.	做老鼠很困难,因为人们的自负不会让他们做老鼠.
3216	It's hard to sit there and take it.	难坐而取之.
3217	But if you can put your ego to the side, which you should put to the side.	但是如果你可以把自己的自我放在一边, 你应该放在一边。
3218	In fact, we had a saying in the interview room, check your ego at the door because if	事实上,我们有一个谚语 在采访室, 检查你的自我在门口 因为如果
3219	you bring your ego in, you're done.	你把自己的自负带进来,你就完了。
3220	So you want to put yourself aside and be able to manage the behavior.	所以,你想把自己放在一边 并能够管理行为。
3221	But that requires your ability to be like, I know what I'm seeing.	但这需要你的能力 像,我知道我看到了什么。
3222	And this always goes back to, I don't need to address every little thing because I feel	这总是回到,我不需要 处理每一个小事情 因为我感觉
3223	I'm being slighted.	我被轻视了
3224	I see what I have.	我看见我有什么。
3225	I've got a lion in front of me.	我前有狮子.
3226	Let him finish or her.	让他说完或者她。
3227	I'm going to be mouse.	我要当老鼠了
3228	I'm going to sit and listen, humble seeking guidance.	我要坐着听,谦卑地寻求指导.
3229	And then when they're done, now I talk because also they're ready to listen.	然后当他们完成, 现在我说话,因为他们也准备听。
3230	But when you keep interrupting people, they're not ready to hear you.	但当你不断打扰人们, 他们还没有准备好听到你。
3231	I mean, you see that a lot with bad cops, right?	我的意思是,你看到很多 与坏警察,对不对?
3232	So they pull someone over to arrest them and the person becomes a T-Rex that they're	所以他们拉人过来逮捕他们 这个人就变成了T -Rex
3233	trying to arrest.	试图逮捕。
3234	They start insulting them.	他们开始侮辱他们。
3235	And then the cop ends up getting a disciplinary case because they react like a T-Rex.	然后,警察最后得到一个纪律案件 因为他们的反应像T -Rex。
3236	They take the bait.	他们上钩了
3237	If the person's calling you a F-Y-Z, whatever, they then start doing it back and elbowing	如果那个人叫你F -Y -Z,什么的, 然后他们开始做回来和肘
3238	them and are getting aggressive.	他们越来越凶猛
3239	And then you see these other examples of really exceptional police where they're being	然后,你可以看到这些其他的例子 真正非常的警察 他们在那里
3240	verbally insulted and they have total composure.	受到辱骂,他们完全不自在。
3241	And it's like they're unfazed.	亦复如是无上菩提.
3242	It's because they're ego.	因为他们是自负
3243	And they really try hard.	他们真的很努力。
3244	In the U.S., in the U.K., you have a national police force.	在美国,在英国,你有一支国家警察部队.
3245	That means it's one hiring process, one police commissioner, one person of authority.	这意味着这是一个雇用过程, 一个警察专员, 一个权威的人。
3246	In the United States, there's 17,000 law enforcement entities.	在美国,有17,000个执法实体.
3247	They all have their own leader.	他们都有自己的领袖
3248	The problem is their training is different.	问题是他们的训练不同
3249	So for example, when I went into the NYPD, they gave me a psychology test to take.	例如,当我去纽约警局时 他们给了我心理测试
3250	It's something similar, if not the MMPI-2, which is the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality	这是类似的东西,如果不是 MPI-2, 这是明尼苏达的多法斯人格
3251	Inventory.	库存。
3252	What they try to see is what behaviors I have.	他们想看到的是我的行为
3253	Am I narcissistic?	我自恋吗?
3254	Am I a hypochondriac?	我是缺血症吗?
3255	What issues are going on within me to avoid scenarios like that?	为了避免发生这样的情况,我内部有什么问题?
3256	You have to be steady because people are going to pull you into their nonsense.	你必须稳住 因为人们会把你拉进他们的胡说八道
3257	People, you can't sit there in law enforcement and be baited.	人,你不能坐在那里 执法和被诱饵。
3258	If you get baited, it's a problem.	如果你被诱饵了,这是个问题。
3259	You shouldn't be wearing the uniform.	你不该穿制服
3260	You shouldn't be wearing the badge.	你不该戴警徽的
3261	I'm not saying you need to sit there and be hurt by someone or take physical abuse.	我不是说你需要坐在那里 被别人伤害 或者身体虐待
3262	You need to be able to control your mouth and your behavior.	你需要能够控制你的嘴巴和行为
3263	You said something earlier, which I think is an important point of nuance here, which is	你刚才说了些话 我认为这很重要的一点
3264	it doesn't mean you have to be passive.	这并不意味着你必须被动。
3265	It just means that when you, as you said, decide to burn it down,	它只是意味着,当你,像你说的, 决定烧毁它,
3266	you're doing it intentionally, not being controlled by some emotional puppet master.	你这样做是故意的, 不是被一些情绪化的傀儡主人控制。
3267	If you're in law enforcement, and I was, first of all, nobody's happy to see you.	如果你在执法部门, 而我,首先, 没有人高兴看到你。
3268	Firemen, they're happy to see them.	消防员,他们很高兴看到他们。
3269	No one's happy to see law enforcement.	见执法者无乐.
3270	I've never been greeted in the interview room or even anywhere out there where they're like,	我从来没有在面试室 或甚至任何地方 他们喜欢,
3271	hey, special agent, come on in.	嘿,特别探员,进来吧
3272	So glad you're here.	很高兴你来了
3273	They're not happy to see you because A, somebody's getting arrested.	他们不高兴看到你 因为A 有人被捕了
3274	B, something bad happened.	B,发生了一些坏事。
3275	C, you're about to arrest somebody that they care about.	C 你要逮捕他们在乎的人
3276	It's all bad news.	皆是恶报.
3277	So you have to go in there understanding that.	所以,你必须去那里 理解这一点。
3278	But if you're offended, you're looking to be respected, that badge is not for that.	但如果你生气了,你想要受到尊重,那徽章就不是这个意思.
3279	You are there to be a peacekeeper and you have to manage your behavior.	你有一个维和人员, 你必须管理你的行为。
3280	I remember NYPD Academy, they would take us to the FDR highway,	我记得纽约警察学院 他们会带我们去联邦公路局
3281	and the FDR runs around the east side of Manhattan by the East River.	而FDR则绕着曼哈顿东侧的东河而行.
3282	And sometimes they take you there, we'd go running, and they'd have us run long distances.	有时他们带你去,我们会跑, 他们会让我们长途跋涉。
3283	People are driving by, you're doing 50, 60 miles an hour.	人们开车经过, 你做50,60英里每小时。
3284	When I say they're blowing past you, they're blowing past you.	当我说他们吹过你们时,他们吹过你们.
3285	And this was pre-9-11 when I was going through the academy.	这是9 -11前 当我通过学院。
3286	They're spitting on you or trying to spit on you, cursing you, giving you the finger,	他们朝你吐口水 或者想吐口水 咒骂你,给你手指
3287	calling you a pig, calling you all sorts of names.	叫你猪,叫你各种名字
3288	So the first time I experienced this, I'm young,	所以我第一次经历这个,我很年轻,
3289	we're running and somebody hollered something at us and said something.	我们逃跑了 有人对我们大喊大叫 说些什么
3290	I actually stopped running and turned around and started yelling back.	我实际上停止了跑步,转身开始大喊大叫。
3291	And my instructor, the PT instructor, the police officer grabbed me.	而我的教官,PT教官,警察抓住了我。
3292	He's like, you don't do that.	他就像,你不这样做。
3293	He's like, this isn't for you if you're going to do that.	他喜欢,这不是为你 如果你要去做到这一点。
3294	You have to manage yourself.	你必须控制自己。
3295	Because when you go out onto the street, people will hate you.	因为当你走上街头 人们会恨你
3296	And if you can't control yourself, you're not going to be able to manage this.	如果你不能控制自己, 你将无法管理这个。
3297	And that was the first time I learned that is not the way you earn respect.	那是我第一次学会 这不是你赢得尊重的方式
3298	You need to manage yourself.	你得自理点
3299	So controlling others starts with self-control.	因此控制他人从自我控制开始.
3300	Yeah.	对
3301	Also, what does that say about me that I'm quick to respond to something like that?	还有,那对我有什么影响? 我对这种事反应很快?
3302	In the study you referenced about the animals,	在你提到的关于动物的研究中
3303	I read that the interviewers who were most successful at getting information	我读到那些采访者 谁最成功获得信息
3304	were able to switch between different communication styles.	能够在不同通信风格之间切换。
3305	Interviewers who were most successful understood the suspect's communication style	最成功的采访者了解嫌疑人的沟通风格
3306	as well as their own.	以及他们自己的。
3307	And it made me think, to be successful, do I then need to be able to adopt	这让我觉得,要成功,我是否需要 能够收养
3308	all of these communication styles context-dependent?	所有这些通信风格都取决于上下文?
3309	Because I can think a lot of people in my life	因为我能想到很多人在我的生活中
3310	that basically don't have a Lion or a T-Rex in them.	里面基本上没有狮子或T -Rex
3311	They just give mouse everywhere they go.	他们到处都给老鼠
3312	I can think of some people who I could just never imagine a world	我可以想到一些我无法想象的人
3313	where they were demanding, dogmatic, rigid, in charge, guiding, leading,	在那里,他们要求,教条主义,僵硬, 负责,引导,领导,
3314	frank, forthright, direct, attacking, sarcastic.	直言直语 直言直语 攻击 讽刺
3315	They are just like, nice, nice.	他们就像,很好,很好。
3316	Okay.	摆
3317	So when you're dealing with them, you're going to look at,	所以当你面对他们, 你会看到,
3318	if we're going to use the animals.	如果我们要使用动物。
3319	I mean more, how did those people be successful?	我是说,那些人是怎么成功的?
3320	They're not.	他们不是。
3321	They're not successful.	他们不成功。
3322	They're going to have a hard time because they've made themselves,	他们会很难过,因为他们已经做了自己,
3323	they've suppressed themselves so much for whatever reason, they can't lead.	无论出于什么原因 他们都无法领导自己
3324	No one, I'm going to tell you this, there's nothing wrong with mouse.	没有人,我要告诉你, 老鼠没有问题。
3325	Actually, if you had to default to any one of those animals,	事实上,如果你不得不 拖欠其中任何一种动物,
3326	mouse would be it.	老鼠会是它。
3327	Mouse is king.	老鼠是国王。
3328	I love mice.	我爱老鼠
3329	I think everybody loves mice.	我想每个人都喜欢老鼠
3330	They're the most likable people.	他们是最可爱的人。
3331	They are.	他们是。
3332	And monkeys, but.	还有猴子,但是...
3333	Yes, but mouse is good because you're humble seeking guidance.	是的,但老鼠是好的 因为你谦卑地寻求指导。
3334	It means that you're saying less.	这意味着你所说的更少。
3335	It means you're listening.	谓汝谛听.
3336	You're also gathering information.	你也在收集情报
3337	So if I'm trying to figure Steven out,	所以,如果我试图找出史蒂文,
3338	I'm going to get more information from Steven when I'm not talking.	我会从史蒂芬那里得到更多的信息 当我不说话。
3339	And when I ask good questions rather than me talking,	当我问好问题而不是我说话
3340	a lot of people think I need to be lying in charge setting the agenda.	很多人认为我需要躺下 负责制定日程
3341	You can be.	你可以这样
3342	And there's times for that.	而时有为.
3343	Like if you're a leader, you need to be lying from time to time.	譬如是头头,须不时作假.
3344	You do.	没错
3345	But mouse overall is the one who gets the most.	但总的老鼠是最受欢迎的
3346	It's the one who gets the most information.	是名最上知见者.
3347	So long as you're good mouse.	只要你是个好老鼠
3348	Good mouse is humble seeking guidance.	好老鼠谦卑地寻求指导
3349	Steven, tell me what you're looking for in a partnership.	史蒂芬,告诉我你在寻找什么 在伙伴关系。
3350	Help me understand what matters to you most.	帮我了解你最关心的是什么
3351	And then I shut the fuck up.	然后我就他妈的闭嘴。
3352	And I'm going to let Steven show me everything he cares about.	我要让史蒂文给我看他关心的一切
3353	His values, his beliefs.	他的价值观和信仰
3354	I'm going to understand Steven and I'm going to learn a lot about him	我要了解史蒂文,了解他很多
3355	so that I can speak more intelligently to Steven about what Steven cares about.	这样我就能更明智地跟史蒂文谈谈 史蒂文在乎什么
3356	Now, what I care about, what you care about.	现在,我关心的,你关心的。
3357	However, you also don't want to be the bad version of mouse.	然而,你也不想成为鼠标的坏版本.
3358	And that's where it's weak, submissive, avoidant.	然此乃虚弱,顺从,避之也.
3359	And this is where you become that.	这就是你变成那样的地方。
3360	And this is where people pray and victimize you.	这就是人们祈祷和伤害你的地方。
3361	I can be mouse.	我可以当老鼠
3362	I can ask questions.	我可以问问题。
3363	I can learn.	我可以学习。
3364	But I want to make sure that I don't cross over to the malignant part of that,	但我要确保我不要越过 邪恶的部分,
3365	which is I'm so conflict diverse and so afraid of it that I will make	我是如此的冲突 多样性,如此害怕它,我会做
3366	myself completely small to the point where other people will just steamroll me.	我完全小到别人会把我蒸发
3367	Can mice be leaders?	小老鼠能当领袖吗?
3368	Because I know some mice.	因为我知道一些老鼠。
3369	And if I was employing those people, I would absolutely never make	如果我雇用这些人 我绝对不会
3370	someone a leader who hasn't got a little bit of line in them.	一个领导者 谁没有一点点的线。
3371	It would be irresponsible.	这将是不负责任的。
3372	It would frankly be irresponsible.	坦率地说,这是不负责任的。
3373	It would be unfair on them because they're going to be challenged	这对他们不公平,因为他们会受到挑战
3374	by the people that they are leading.	以他们所率领的民众盟誓,
3375	And in order for them to withstand those challenges in a calm, composed,	为了让他们能冷静地承受这些挑战,
3376	as it says on this little wheel, in charge, guiding and leading way,	正如它在这个小车轮上所说的, 负责,引导和引导,
3377	like a lion does, they're going to need to have a line in them.	就像狮子一样 他们需要排队
3378	You want to be all of those animals.	你想成为所有这些动物。
3379	You want to balance up all of them.	你想平衡他们所有的。
3380	That's what you want to strive for.	这就是你所要争取的。
3381	You want a balance of all those in the good sense, right?	你想平衡所有那些有道理的,对不对?
3382	The good version of those animals.	这些动物的好版本。
3383	But you need to know when am I supposed to be lion?	但你需要知道我什么时候才能成为狮子?
3384	So if I'm a leader, if I'm a business person, if you're selecting someone	所以,如果我是领导者, 如果我是商人, 如果你选择某人
3385	to put in charge of a group, they have to have some lion in them.	他们必须拥有一些狮子。
3386	They can't all be a mouse because no one's going to listen.	他们不可能都是老鼠 因为没人会听
3387	What if I'm negotiating a pay rise?	如果我在谈判加薪呢?
3388	If you're negotiating a pay raise, first of all, you're going to come in	如果你在谈判加薪,首先,你会进来
3389	with all your homework done.	你的功课都做了
3390	You're not going to come in and go, I think I deserve a raise.	你不会进来去的 我想我应该加薪
3391	I feel like I deserve a raise.	我觉得我应该加薪
3392	You know, I've been here for a long time.	你知道,我在这里很久了。
3393	You're going to come in with a list of facts and you're going to say,	你要拿一份事实清单进来 然后说
3394	I closed this deal and made this much money.	我结束了这个交易,赚了这么多钱。
3395	I closed this account with this person.	我和这个人关闭了这个账户
3396	I made this much money.	我赚了这么多钱
3397	I did this in a year.	我一年来就这么做了
3398	I generated this amount of money.	我赚了这么多钱
3399	I'm going to list the facts so I can articulate to you	我要列举事实,这样我才能跟你解释
3400	why you should give me that raise.	为什么你应该给我加薪。
3401	That's on you.	这是你的责任。
3402	I think, I feel, I believe.	我觉得,我觉得,我相信。
3403	And then your boss can turn around and be like, well, I think, I feel,	然后,你的老板可以转身 像,嗯,我想,我觉得,
3404	I believe that you shouldn't get one.	我相信你不应该得到一个。
3405	It's so ambiguous.	甚为模糊.
3406	When you come in with facts, it's a hard thing to fight.	以实事求是入门后,难于争斗.
3407	Now, when you're going into that meeting, if I'm the one asking for the raise,	现在,当你要参加那个会议时, 如果我是那个要求加薪的人,
3408	I'm going to go in as lion.	我要像狮子一样进去
3409	I'm in charge.	我负责
3410	I'm setting the agenda because I'm the one asking for a raise.	我设定议程是因为我要求加薪
3411	So I'm going to come in with my facts methodical.	所以我要用有条不紊的事实来解释
3412	I'm going to be good lion.	我会是好狮子。
3413	Sir, hi, Steven, I just wanted to talk to you.	长官,嗨,史蒂芬,我只是想和你谈谈
3414	I'm looking to increase my compensation here.	我想在这里增加报酬
3415	Well, now you're just bad lion.	现在,你只是坏狮子。
3416	You want to let the guy, even if it, here's the thing.	你想让那家伙,即使它,这是事情。
3417	Let's assume it's no.	让我们假设它不是。
3418	You're like, in your head, you're like, there's no way.	你就像,在你的脑子里,你喜欢,没有办法。
3419	You're going to let the person talk.	你会让那个人说话。
3420	You're going to let the person feel heard, even if it's like a hard no.	你会让人感觉听到, 即使它像一个很难拒绝。
3421	Because what's most important is to let them feel like you actually listen.	因为最重要的是让他们觉得你确实在听
3422	But what if I say no to you, then what do you do?	但如果我拒绝你 你会怎么做?
3423	Who do you become?	你变成谁了?
3424	Do you become mouse?	你会变成老鼠吗?
3425	I just said absolutely not.	我只是说绝对不是。
3426	So I would say, okay, I'll say, could you explain to me why?	所以我会说,好吧,我会说, 你能解释为什么吗?
3427	I don't want to give you a pay raise.	我不想给你加薪。
3428	When I think about who I'd rather have that money, me or you, I think me.	当我想到我宁愿拥有那笔钱时, 我或你,我想我。
3429	Well, so you've got actually T-Rex right there.	那么,你确实有T -Rex就在那里。
3430	How do you deal with it?	你怎么处理的?
3431	So if it's T-Rex, if it's a person who's trying to kind of push back and fight you,	所以,如果它是T -Rex, 如果它是一个人 谁试图 那种推回和反抗你,
3432	you have to deal with T-Rex.	你必须面对T -Rex。
3433	One of the things that they teach you with the animal wheels,	他们用动物轮子教你的东西之一
3434	the only time you swap is mouse and lion, because two people can't be in charge.	你唯一一次交换是老鼠和狮子 因为两个人不能负责
3435	So that's the only time.	所以,这是唯一的时间。
3436	But when you have T-Rex, one of the things they teach you is you have to deal with T-Rex.	但当你有T -Rex, 他们教你的一件事是 你必须处理T -Rex。
3437	So you have to be the good T-Rex, which is frank.	所以,你必须成为好的T -Rex,这是坦率的。
3438	成为好T -Rex。
3439	Okay, so you said that you prefer the money go to you and not to me.	你说你宁愿把钱交给你而不是我
3440	Okay, so bad T-Rex to remind people is attacking, sarcastic, etc.	好吧,那么糟糕的T -Rex 提醒人们正在攻击,讽刺等等。
3441	Yeah, bad T-Rex would be like, well, you're an idiot.	是啊,坏T -Rex 会像,嗯, 你是个白痴。
3442	You're ridiculous.	你真荒谬
3443	Well, you're a jerk.	你真是个混蛋
3444	And good T-Rex is frank, forthright, and direct.	而好T -Rex是坦率的,直率的,和直接的。
3445	Yeah, so you're saying you're not going to give me a raise	是啊,所以你说你不会给我加薪
3446	because you want to keep all the money for yourself.	因为你想把所有的钱都留给自己
3447	Correct.	没错
3448	And not for me.	亦不为我.
3449	Okay, well, I don't know if I can continue to stay here if that's going to be the case.	好吧,我不知道我能不能继续留在这儿 如果是这样的话。
3450	I've been here for X amount of years.	我在这里已经很多年了
3451	I've generated X amount of dollars.	我赚了十块钱
3452	And so that's going to be an issue for me and my ability to stay and work here.	因此,这将是一个问题 我和我的能力 留下来工作。
3453	I'm being direct, frank, and forthright.	我直言不讳
3454	Address people.	向人演说.
3455	You can address people, and it doesn't have to be ugly.	你可以告诉别人, 并且它不必丑陋。
3456	Now, again, you can't control their behavior, but you can control yours.	现在,再次,你不能控制他们的行为, 但你可以控制你的行为。
3457	So you just want to make sure that a person who's behaving like that,	所以,你只是想确保 一个人谁的行为这样,
3458	that you don't get pulled into that behavior.	你不会被拉进那个行为。
3459	You just want to stay on the good wheel of it.	你只想保持好方向盘
3460	It's all self-regulation.	皆为自律.
3461	But you also don't want to be afraid to deal with people.	但你也不想害怕对付别人
3462	That's why dealing with rejection and tough personalities	这就是为什么处理 拒绝和强硬的人格
3463	and hard people, it's good practice.	和艰苦的人,这是好的做法。
3464	Every time somebody like that comes along, I want you to think,	每当这样的人来了, 我希望你会想,
3465	I'm practicing, I'm practicing, I'm practicing.	我在练习,我在练习,我在练习。
3466	Don't be afraid of it.	不畏其义.
3467	And then it also allows you to work on your T-Rex.	然后它也允许你工作 在你的T -Rex。
3468	Because if you have a hard time with it, it allows you to work that muscle.	因为如果你对它有困难, 它允许你工作 肌肉。
3469	It allows you to learn how to deal with people	让你学会如何对付人
3470	who get in your face while managing yourself.	谁在管理自己的同时 冲进你的脸
3471	You're going to have folks like that.	你会有这样的人。
3472	I think it's what, I was listening to one researcher,	我想这是什么,我在听 一个研究员,
3473	one in every 25 people are either going to be a psycho,	每25人中就有一人会变成精神病
3474	they're going to have antisocial personality disorder,	他们会有反社会的人格障碍,
3475	which is like psychopath, sociopath type of behavior,	这就像精神病,反社会的行为类型,
3476	or narcissistic personality disorder.	或自恋人格障碍。
3477	One of these extremes behaviors which lack empathy.	其中一种极端的行为缺乏同情心。
3478	One in 25 people, that means one out of every 25 people you meet	25个人中就有一人 也就是说每25个人中就有一人
3479	are going to be trying to slap you around.	将试图打你周围。
3480	Buckle up.	系好安全带
3481	We have a closing tradition on this podcast	我们这个播客有很近的传统
3482	where the last guest leaves a question for the next guest,	最后一位客人给下一个客人留了问题
3483	not knowing who they're going to be leaving it for.	不知道他们会为了谁而离开
3484	And the question that has been left for you in the Diary of a CEO is,	首席执行官日记里留给你的问题是
3485	on your deathbed, what do you want your legacy to be?	在你临终前,你想要你的遗产是什么?
3486	I want to have given something to the world.	我想给世界一些东西
3487	I want to have added value to the world rather than taken from it.	我想增加世界的价值,而不是从中取出。
3488	That's what I would like on my deathbed.	这就是我在临终前想要的
3489	And I think also, I just wanted to have lived a good life.	我也觉得 我只是想过上美好的生活
3490	When I say good, I don't mean problem-free or anything like that.	当我说好, 我不是说没有问题 之类的事。
3491	I mean just, I've lived it to my fullest,	我的意思是,只是,我已经 活得最充分,
3492	and I can leave the world with that peace.	我可以带着和平离开这个世界
3493	Everybody needs to go listen to your BBC Maestro course.	每个人都需要去听 你的BBC大师课程。
3494	It's really fantastic.	这真是太棒了。
3495	There's a lot of courses on there,	那里有很多课程
3496	but I think yours stands out for so many reasons.	但我认为你的突出 有很多原因。
3497	You actually pull in some experts who have trained you on various things,	你实际上拉 一些专家 谁训练你 在各种事情,
3498	to be part of that course.	成为该课程的一部分。
3499	So I'll link that below.	所以,我会链接到下面。
3500	But also, this book has been an absolute revelation to so many people.	但是,这本书对这么多人来说是绝对的启示。
3501	I think in part because it's so unbelievably easy to read for everyone.	我部分地认为,这是 如此令人难以置信的容易 为每个人阅读。
3502	You don't need to be a super advanced psychologist or a professor like you are	你不需要做一个超高级的心理学家 或者像你这样的教授
3503	to understand all of these strategies and tactics.	了解所有这些策略和策略。
3504	And it has everything.	它拥有一切。
3505	I think if I was in the contents page,	我想如果我在内容页面
3506	and just to give people a flavour of the subjects that you talk about,	为了给人们一种你所谈论的主题的味道,
3507	it's everything from overcoming fear, mental resilience.	从克服恐惧, 心理恢复力到一切。
3508	If you must fight, then fight.	如果你必须战斗,那么战斗。
3509	Things we've talked about today.	我们今天讨论过的事情
3510	The parts about how to influence people,	如何影响人们,
3511	the subjects about everybody lying,	关于每个人说谎的主题,
3512	all the stuff we've talked about and so, so much more is in this book.	所有我们讨论过的东西,所以, 更多的在这本书。
3513	So I recommend if you haven't read it.	所以我建议如果你没读过的话
3514	I know a lot of people have because they tag me in it all over the place.	我知道很多人都有,因为他们到处都把我贴进去
3515	I highly recommend you read the book,	我强烈建议你读这本书,
3516	Becoming Bulletproof Life Lessons from a Secret Service Agent.	特勤局特工的防弹生命课
3517	Thank you so much.	非常感谢
3518	Thank you for having me.	谢谢你邀请我
3519	You're so full of wisdom, and you remind me of so many things	你充满智慧,你让我想起很多事情
3520	that I seem to quickly forget every time we speak.	我似乎很快就忘记了 每次我们说话。
3521	You're helping so many people, and the legacy that you aspire to have	你帮助这么多人, 以及你渴望的遗产
3522	is most certainly the legacy that you're on course to create	绝对是你正在创造的遗产
3523	by everything that you do, by the millions of people that you've served.	为你所做的一切 为你所服务的数百万人
3524	And there's something about you that's very, very special.	你身上有些特别的东西
3525	There's some sort of relatability, there's a wisdom,	有某种相对性 有智慧
3526	there's a frankness and a no-bullshitness,	有直言不讳,
3527	but then there's also the balance and the nuance	但还有平衡和细微
3528	and the understanding that the truth is often somewhere in the middle,	和理解真相 往往是在某处中间,
3529	which I think is incredibly important for people.	我认为这对人们来说非常重要
3530	So thank you for being who you are and doing all that you do.	所以,谢谢你的作为 和你所做的一切。
3531	It's a privilege to speak to you once again,	很荣幸能再次和你说话
3532	and I hope we speak again in the future.	我希望我们将来能再次发言。
3533	I appreciate you.	谢谢你
3534	Thank you, Stephen.	谢谢你,斯蒂芬。

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