如何交谈，让所有人都立刻喜欢你｜行为研究专家Vanessa
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:01 | So there's five questions here, and if you answer often more than three times, you're | 所以这里有五个问题, 如果你回答 经常超过三次,你是 |
| 0:06 | probably an over-talker. | 可能是一个过问者。 |
| 0:07 | That's it. | 就这样 |
| 0:08 | And all of them, secretly, Stephen, are saying, are you curious enough? | 他们都暗地里说 史蒂芬 你好奇吗? |
| 0:12 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 0:13 | Right, because we know that curiosity is the antidote. | 对,因为我们知道好奇是解药 |
| 0:15 | So I put this right at the end of level one, because you really can't go to level two | 所以我把这个放在第一层的尽头 因为你真的不能去第二级 |
| 0:18 | if you're talking too much. | 如果你说的太多了。 |
| 0:20 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 0:20 | You're not curious enough. | 你不够好奇 |
展开字幕全文（1766 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | So there's five questions here, and if you answer often more than three times, you're | 所以这里有五个问题, 如果你回答 经常超过三次,你是 |
| 2 | probably an over-talker. | 可能是一个过问者。 |
| 3 | That's it. | 就这样 |
| 4 | And all of them, secretly, Stephen, are saying, are you curious enough? | 他们都暗地里说 史蒂芬 你好奇吗? |
| 5 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 6 | Right, because we know that curiosity is the antidote. | 对,因为我们知道好奇是解药 |
| 7 | So I put this right at the end of level one, because you really can't go to level two | 所以我把这个放在第一层的尽头 因为你真的不能去第二级 |
| 8 | if you're talking too much. | 如果你说的太多了。 |
| 9 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 10 | You're not curious enough. | 你不够好奇 |
| 11 | You're not going to learn their dream. | 你不会去学习他们的梦想。 |
| 12 | So question one. | 所以第一个问题 |
| 13 | So if I say yes to three of these, then I'm probably an over-talker. | 所以如果我答应其中三个, 那我可能是一个过问。 |
| 14 | Correct. | 没错 |
| 15 | So first one is, I leave a conversation realizing I didn't know much about the other person. | 首先,我留下了一段对话,意识到我对另一个人不太了解。 |
| 16 | I'd say rarely. | 我说很少 |
| 17 | After I finish speaking, people nod politely but don't always respond. | 我讲完之后,人们会以礼貌点头,但并不总是回应. |
| 18 | Sometimes. | 有时 |
| 19 | Oh. | 瓳 |
| 20 | I love telling long, detailed stories, especially when people are too polite to interrupt. | 我喜欢讲长篇,详细的故事, 特别是当人们太礼貌 无法打断。 |
| 21 | Do you ever tell a long, detailed story? | 你讲过很长很详细的故事吗? |
| 22 | Only when I'm on stage and someone has paid me to. | 只有在我上台时 有人付钱给我 |
| 23 | That doesn't count. | 这不算 |
| 24 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 25 | Doesn't count. | 这不算 |
| 26 | Sometimes, I'd say, I've been told gently or not so gently that I talk a lot. | 有时,我会说,我被告知 轻轻或不轻轻地,我说话很多。 |
| 27 | Rarely. | 很少见 |
| 28 | I've never been told that. | 我从来没有被告知这一点。 |
| 29 | Number five. | 五号 |
| 30 | While I'm mid-story, I notice people glance around the room. | 当我是中层故事时,我注意到人们在房间里到处看. |
| 31 | Sometimes. | 有时 |
| 32 | So you pass. | 所以你通过。 |
| 33 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 34 | Now, I could have told you that also, but yeah, you pass. | 现在,我也可以告诉你, 但是,你通过了。 |
| 35 | So it's really important because it might be creating conversational friction, right? | 所以这真的很重要,因为它可能 造成对话摩擦,对不对? |
| 36 | Especially at work. | 特别是在工作时 |
| 37 | And the best muscle you can do is asking more, talking less. | 你所能做的最好的肌肉就是要求更多, 少说话。 |
| 38 | And a challenge, a very specific challenge, please do a yap challenge. | 一个挑战,一个非常具体的挑战, 请做一个yap挑战。 |
| 39 | Do you know what a yap challenge is? | 你知道什么是YAP挑战吗? |
| 40 | Oh, yap challenge. | 哦,是啊挑战。 |
| 41 | So a yap challenge is you open up your phone camera and you teach something or share an | 所以,一个YAP挑战就是 你打开你的手机相机 你教的东西或分享一个 |
| 42 | opinion about something without notes, and you hit record. | 对一些没有笔记的东西的看法, 你创造了记录。 |
| 43 | If you go naturally, 15 or 30 seconds, you're probably good. | 如果你自然地去,15或30秒, 你可能很好。 |
| 44 | If you're hitting 45 seconds, that's the max. | 如果你打了45秒,这是最大。 |
| 45 | If you're up to a minute or two minutes, you probably talk too much. | 如果你需要一两分钟, 你可能会说太多。 |
| 46 | Hmm. | 是吗? |
| 47 | About yourself or just about yourself? | 关于你自己还是仅仅关于你自己? |
| 48 | About yourself. | 关于你自己 |
| 49 | That your typical answering length is longer than conversationally appropriate. | 你典型的回答时间长于谈话的合适时间 |
| 50 | To a question about you? | 问你的问题? |
| 51 | A yap challenge could be. | 可能是一个YAP挑战。 |
| 52 | Share your opinion about veganism. | 分享你对素食主义的看法。 |
| 53 | Damn, I didn't think I could get that done in 15 seconds. | 该死,我没想到能在15秒内完成 |
| 54 | What's your answer? | 你的答案是什麽? |
| 55 | No, not to veganism. | 不,不是素食主义 |
| 56 | Just generally. | 只是一般地说。 |
| 57 | Like if it's an idea, everything in my head is a story first. | 比如说,如果这是一个想法, 我脑中的一切首先是一个故事。 |
| 58 | So it's like. | 故如来. |
| 59 | You know what though? | 你知道吗? |
| 60 | Introverts can. | 内道者能. |
| 61 | Introverts absolutely can. | 内向者绝对可以. |
| 62 | And they'll often go too short. | 而且它们常常会太短。 |
| 63 | Hmm. | 是吗? |
| 64 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 65 | Like for example, I'll give you a yap challenge that I was just thinking about the other day | 比如说,我会给你一个 雅普挑战,我刚刚想到的那天 |
| 66 | and we're going to do it on social media. | 我们要在社交媒体上做 |
| 67 | We'll do it together. | 我们一起来 |
| 68 | Yap challenge. | 雅普挑战. |
| 69 | Someone recently asked my friend out by asking for her Instagram handle, not her number. | 最近有人问我的朋友 问她的Instagram手柄,而不是她的号码。 |
| 70 | Agree or disagree? | 同意还是不同意? |
| 71 | It depends. | 这取决于。 |
| 72 | On? | 开? |
| 73 | Her vibe. | 她的情绪 |
| 74 | What energy was she giving? | 她给了什么能量? |
| 75 | And what was the context? | 情况如何? |
| 76 | Was that after a two hour date? | 那是在约会两个小时后吗? |
| 77 | Was that? | 是吗? |
| 78 | Just meeting her on the street. | 就在街上见她 |
| 79 | Rolled up on the street. | 卷起来在街上。 |
| 80 | I think it's actually, I agree then, because it's less invasive. | 我认为,事实上,我同意,因为它的侵入性较小。 |
| 81 | It's like, I will earn your number. | 这就像,我会得到你的号码。 |
| 82 | Oh wow. | 哦,哇呜。 |
| 83 | Give me the chance to earn your number. | 给我一个机会 赚你的号码。 |
| 84 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 85 | You just convinced me. | 你刚刚说服了我 |
| 86 | That's interesting. | 这很有趣。 |
| 87 | So by the way, I think that was what? | 顺便说一句,我认为这是什么? |
| 88 | 12 seconds? | 12秒钟? |
| 89 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 90 | Yeah, maybe. | 是啊,也许。 |
| 91 | Right? | 对吧? |
| 92 | You're keeping it tight. | 你要紧紧守住 |
| 93 | I disagree, but that is an interesting nuance. | 我不同意,但这是一个有趣的细微。 |
| 94 | 我不会把我的Instagram给你 因为我的Instagram是表演性的. | |
| 95 | Everyone's Instagram is performative. | 每个人都的Instagram是表演性的. |
| 96 | If you were looking at my Instagram, it's like saying, I don't want to get to know you | 如果你看着我的Instagram, 就像说,我不想了解你 |
| 97 | through conversation. | 通过对话。 |
| 98 | I'm going to look through everything and know everything about you before I decide if I | 在决定我是否 |
| 99 | want to take you out. | 想带你出去 |
| 100 | And you take the joy out of discovery. | 你从发现中取出快乐 |
| 101 | If I'm with you and I'm like, do you have any pets? | 如果我和你在一起,我一样, 你有宠物吗? |
| 102 | And you're like, yeah, I have a dog. | 你就像,是的,我有一条狗。 |
| 103 | Then I can say, oh, how'd you get the dog? | 然后我可以说,哦, 你是怎么得到的狗? |
| 104 | What's the dog's name? | 这狗叫什么名字? |
| 105 | How'd you choose that name? | 你怎么选择这个名字的? |
| 106 | Versus, oh, look, she has a dog named Stewie. | 弗苏斯,看,她有一条狗叫史黛薇 |
| 107 | But your number is reserved for people in your personal professional life. | 但你的号码是留给个人职业生活中的人的 |
| 108 | So what you're saying, if you roll up on the street, is you're saying, let me in to your | 所以,你的意思是,如果你滚动 在街道上,你是说, 让我进入你的 |
| 109 | personal and professional environment, stranger. | 个人和专业环境,陌生人。 |
| 110 | Whereas the public environment, which is Instagram, is, I think, a much more socially appropriate | 而公共环境,即Instagram, 我认为,更适合社会 |
| 111 | place to invite oneself into. | 地方邀请自己进入。 |
| 112 | Okay, let's fight about this. | 好吧,我们来争这个。 |
| 113 | If you do that, your conversation is going to be more awkward on your first date. | 如果你这样做, 你的谈话会更尴尬 在你的第一次约会。 |
| 114 | Because? | 因为? |
| 115 | Because you feel like you've already learned about the person. | 因为你觉得你已经了解这个人了 |
| 116 | So maybe you're discovering more of their public persona, but you've seen their kind | 所以,也许你发现更多的 他们的公众人格a, 但你见过他们的同类 |
| 117 | of friends, where they hang out, what they do on the weekends, do they hike or not? | 朋友,他们在哪里玩, 他们在周末做什么, 他们徒步或不? |
| 118 | Do they have any pets? | 他们有宠物吗? |
| 119 | Oh, look, there they are at Thanksgiving. | 看,他们在感恩节 |
| 120 | They have lots of siblings. | 他们有很多兄弟姐妹 |
| 121 | This is, I think, why we're having awkward first date conversations. | 我想这就是我们第一次约会谈话的原因 |
| 122 | Why first dates have gotten even worse is because you're on the first date. | 为什么第一次约会变得更糟 是因为你第一次约会 |
| 123 | You've already discovered all level one stuff that you think you know. | 你已经发现了所有你认为你知道的层次 |
| 124 | So now, even though you're having your very first conversation, you kind of have to go | 所以,现在,尽管你 有了你的第一次谈话, 你有点必须去 |
| 125 | to level two. | 到二级。 |
| 126 | It's so much harder, and it's unnatural. | 如此之难,亦非自然也. |
| 127 | It's unnatural to know all this information that wasn't transmitted human to human, that | 知道这些不是人类向人类传播的信息是不正常的 |
| 128 | was done in a performative way. | 以表演方式完成的。 |
| 129 | And then you have to get in person, and it's harder to come up with conversation starters | 然后,你必须亲自到场, 很难想出 对话的启动者 |
| 130 | because you already know a lot. | 因为你已经知道很多了 |
| 131 | I also think what I would say is, if someone were to, I'm not single, I haven't been single | 我也认为我会说,如果有人要, 我不是单身,我没有单身 |
| 132 | in a long time, but if someone were to say, can I have your Instagram? | 很久以后,但如果有人要说, 我可以拥有你的Instagram? |
| 133 | I would say, you know, I have one for just friends and family, but maybe you can get | 我会说,你知道,我有一个 只是朋友和家人, 但也许你可以得到 |
| 134 | there one day. | 有朝一日,我在这里 |
| 135 | You would say that? | 你会这么说吗? |
| 136 | Yeah, I would. | 是的,我会的。 |
| 137 | If I could have. | 如果我可以的话。 |
| 138 | I'd never. | 我永远不会。 |
| 139 | Because I want you to chat me. | 因为我要你跟我聊天 |
| 140 | Right? | 对吧? |
| 141 | 我不想给你看我的Instagram | |
| 142 | You're going to see everything, and like, I'd rather like, let's banter. | 你会看到一切的,我更愿意,让我们来玩玩 |
| 143 | Let's chat. | 让我们谈谈。 |
| 144 | Are you funny? | 你开玩笑吗? |
| 145 | Are you going to ask me good questions? | 你要问我好问题吗? |
| 146 | Are you going to be a conversational narcissist? | 你要成为一个对话自恋者吗? |
| 147 | And then ask me at dinner if it's going well over text or over the phone. | 然后在晚餐时问我 是否通过短信还是电话 |
| 148 | So you think less context results in better conversation. | 所以,你认为 较少的背景结果 更好的对话。 |
| 149 | So just having their WhatsApp or their iMessage is going to result in more interesting conversations | 所以只要有他们的WhatsApp 或他们的iMessage 将导致更有趣的谈话 |
| 150 | than me knowing that you like hiking and puppies and me being able to be like, have | 而不是我知道你喜欢徒步旅行 和小狗 我能够像, |
| 151 | you got a labradoodle too? | 你有拉布拉多吗? |
| 152 | Oh my God, my labradoodle is just giving birth to a couple of triplets. | 哦,我的上帝,我的拉布拉多 只是生了几个三胞胎。 |
| 153 | Yes. | 对 |
| 154 | And less performative context. | 而表现较少。 |
| 155 | Like our social feeds are not 100% real. | 就像我们的社会饲料不是100%真实的。 |
| 156 | So it's not like you were listening to me talk about something. | 所以,它不是像 你听我说的东西。 |
| 157 | It's a curated highlight reel of my life. | 这是我一生中最突出的一卷 |
| 158 | So you feel like you know me. | 所以你觉得你了解我 |
| 159 | Like people who follow me on Instagram, they might feel like they know me, but my life | 就像那些跟随我上Instagram的人 他们可能觉得他们了解我 但我的生活 |
| 160 | Instagram in the sense of I show a very small piece of what I do. | 从我的角度来说,Instagram 展现了我所做的事情的一小块。 |
| 161 | Same right with you, right? | 你也一样,对吧? |
| 162 | And so I know I'm not single, but if I was single and someone asked for my Instagram, | 所以我知道我不是单身 但如果我单身 有人要我的Instagram |
| 163 | even as a not like public figure, I would have no casual level one banter with them | 就算不是公众人物 我也不会随便跟他们玩 |
| 164 | that is critical, socially critical for me to understand their basics. | 这对于我了解他们的基本情况至关重要,社会上也至关重要。 |
| 165 | And so when we skip level one, we do damage to our potential connection later, we create | 所以,当我们跳过一级, 我们做破坏 我们潜在的连接, |
| 166 | more awkwardness and more friction for ourselves. | 更尴尬 更摩擦我们自己。 |
| 167 | So my challenge for single people is stop asking for handles and ask for numbers. | 所以,我的挑战 单身是停止 要求手柄 并要求数字。 |
| 168 | Are people going to get mad at me? | 人们会生我的气吗? |
| 169 | Well, a lot of them are meeting via dating apps now. | 他们很多人现在都通过约会程序见面了 |
| 170 | For sure. | 当然 |
| 171 | And I think that's okay. | 我觉得这没关系。 |
| 172 | But you know, a dating app is much more limited than an endless feed. | 但你知道,约会的应用 远比无尽的饲料有限。 |
| 173 | It's like, I don't know how many photos are on dating apps these days, but they're still | 我不知道这几天在约会应用上 有多少照片 |
| 174 | like, that's like the most performative. | 喜欢,这就像最 表演性。 |
| 175 | It's like, look at me at the gym. | 这就像,看着我在健身房。 |
| 176 | Look at this car that I bought. | 看看我买的这辆车 |
| 177 | But it's not forever. | 但不是永远。 |
| 178 | Like you can't go back to someone's Instagram since they were in high school, right? | 就像你无法回到别人的Instagram 自从他们上高中,对不对? |
| 179 | Like it's, you know, it's six images or 10 images. | 就像,你知道,它是六幅图像或十幅图像。 |
| 180 | You have these pre-subscribe questions. | 你有这些预先订阅的问题。 |
| 181 | I'm actually okay with that. | 其实我不介意。 |
| 182 | I love dating apps. | 我喜欢约会应用程序。 |
| 183 | I think that actually they can really connect people very quickly, but you don't know everything | 我认为实际上他们可以真正连接 人非常快, 但你不知道的一切 |
| 184 | about you. | 关于你 |
| 185 | You don't feel like you know everything about me. | 你不觉得你知道我的一切。 |
| 186 | I feel like people on dating apps hate dating apps. | 我觉得人们在约会的应用 讨厌约会的应用。 |
| 187 | Of course. | 当然 |
| 188 | But how else are we going to meet people if we have our AirPods in all the time? | 但是,如果我们有 我们的AirPod的所有时间? |
| 189 | You're not going to meet people if you're at the gym. | 如果你在健身房,你就不会和别人见面了 |
| 190 | We talked about this last time. | 我们上次谈过了 |
| 191 | If you have your AirPods in at the gym and someone wants to hit on you, you're not going | 如果你有你的AirPod 在健身房 有人想打你,你不会去 |
| 192 | to hear it. | 为了听到它。 |
| 193 | So we have to use dating apps. | 所以,我们必须使用约会应用程序。 |
| 194 | I think they're the only way that we'll be able to connect. | 我认为只有这样我们才能连接 |
| 195 | So I'm actually, I'm pro dating app. | 所以,我其实,我是专业的约会应用。 |
| 196 | Of course, I would love for people to approach in person, but I'm not pro not talking first. | 当然,我喜欢人们亲自接近, 但我不赞成先不说话。 |
| 197 | And I think if someone asks for your handle, you're fair to say, it's just for my friends | 我想如果有人问你的手柄, 你公平地说,这只是我的朋友 |
| 198 | and family. | 还有家人 |
| 199 | Let's try to get there. | 让我们试着去。 |
| 200 | I concede. | 我承认 |
| 201 | No, I think it makes sense. | 不,我觉得这有道理。 |
| 202 | It doesn't make sense. | 岂不通乎. |
| 203 | Okay, we did it. | 好吧,我们做到了。 |
| 204 | It's hard to repeat. | 难复言. |
| 205 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 206 | So this is a wonderful level, but it's reserved for your most important people. | 所以这是一个很棒的关卡, 但它保留给你最重要的人。 |
| 207 | I think a mistake that people make is they are afraid of going too deep too quickly, | 我认为人们犯了一个错误,就是他们害怕走得太远,太快了, |
| 208 | and they're afraid of going deep in conversation because it feels scary to be vulnerable. | 他们害怕深入谈话 因为脆弱是可怕的 |
| 209 | And are they right? | 他们说得对吗? |
| 210 | They are right. | 他们说得对。 |
| 211 | If we go too deep too quickly, especially at work, and I wrote this book with work in | 如果我们太过深入,特别是在工作上, 我写这本书与工作在 |
| 212 | mind, people are going to think you're weird. | 人们会觉得你很奇怪 |
| 213 | If we share too much too quickly, it's going to be weird. | 如果我们分享太快,那会很怪异。 |
| 214 | And there is such a thing as vulnerability regret. | 有一种东西是脆弱的遗憾。 |
| 215 | Vulnerability regret is you shared something too vulnerable and it wasn't to save space | 弱点的遗憾是,你分享了一些太脆弱的东西, 这不是为了拯救空间 |
| 216 | or it wasn't received well. | 或者它没有得到好评。 |
| 217 | And the heartache that you get from that is soul crushing. | 你从那里得到的心痛 是灵魂的压抑。 |
| 218 | If you share something too deep or you ask something too deep too quickly, you're like, | 如果你分享的东西太深 或者你问的东西太深 太快,你喜欢, |
| 219 | why did I do it? | 我为什么要这么做? |
| 220 | It痛. | |
| 221 | Does that happen to you? | 这发生在你身上吗? |
| 222 | Or no, you don't share? | 还是不,你不分享? |
| 223 | No, I've walked away from situations and thought, actually, maybe that wasn't the appropriate | 不,我已经走出了 情况和思考,实际上, 也许这不合适 |
| 224 | situation to share that. | 来分享这些 |
| 225 | But I've also been in situations, I immediately thought of a meeting I had two weeks ago where | 但我也一直处于困境, 我立刻想到一个会议 我两周前在那里 |
| 226 | I was interviewing someone and the first 25 minutes of the interview, they shared some | 我在采访某人 在采访的头25分钟 他们分享了一些 |
| 227 | really, really personal things about their very early childhood that I almost had to | 真的,真的私人的事情 关于他们的童年 我几乎不得不 |
| 228 | adjust myself to, you know, I thought I was going into an interview to like meet them | 调整自己,你知道, 我想我要去面试 喜欢见到他们 |
| 229 | and ask them about work stuff, but I almost felt myself pivoting away being like, oh my | 问他们工作的事情, 但我几乎觉得自己 支离破碎 |
| 230 | gosh, I have to be more of a counselor or something. | 天啊,我必须多做一个顾问什么的。 |
| 231 | And so I think that we actually have to gate level three, right? | 所以我认为我们真的必须进入三级 对吧? |
| 232 | I think we actually have to gate. | 我觉得我们真的得上门了 |
| 233 | And it's been a little confusing culturally because I think that we are loving vulnerability | 这在文化上有点混乱 因为我觉得我们喜欢脆弱 |
| 234 | and that's really good and vulnerability and authenticity, there's a very fine line | 这是非常好的,脆弱和真实的, 有一个非常好的线条 |
| 235 | there. | 这里 |
| 236 | Like being authentic is great, but being too vulnerable too quickly is very awkward and | 像做真人是伟大的, 但太容易太快是非常尴尬和 |
| 237 | sometimes not safe. | 有时不安全。 |
| 238 | So I really share when we talk about level three, I want you to reserve it for your most | 所以,我真的很分享 当我们谈论第三级, 我希望你保留它 对于你最多 |
| 239 | important people, okay? | 重要人物,好吗? |
| 240 | So level three is called your self narrative. | 所以,第三级叫做你的自我叙事。 |
| 241 | Your self narrative is the story you tell yourself about yourself. | 你的自我叙事是你对自己说的故事 |
| 242 | It is how you make sense of your journey and purpose in life. | 这就是你如何理解你的旅程和人生的目的。 |
| 243 | And the story you tell yourself about yourself is self creating, meaning if you have a narrative | 你告诉自己的故事是自我创造的 如果你有叙述的话 |
| 244 | of hardship and being unlucky, you are probably going to see more hardship and create more | 困难和不幸,你可能会看到更多的困难和创造更多 |
| 245 | bad luck for yourself. | 自己运气不好 |
| 246 | And they've proven that this there's actually two types of self narratives. | 他们已经证明这实际上有两种自我叙事. |
| 247 | There's a contamination narrative and a redemption narrative. | 有污染叙事和赎罪叙事. |
| 248 | People with a redemption narrative, they have a frame around the facts of their life of | 有救赎叙事的人 他们有一个框架 |
| 249 | no matter what they do, no matter what comes their way, they're going to overcome. | 无论他们做什么,不管他们走的路,他们都会克服的. |
| 250 | With hard work and grit and resilience, they can overcome anything. | 只要努力工作、精神和韧性,他们就能克服一切。 |
| 251 | And what's interesting about this in our research is this narrative, it holds across their life. | 在我们的研究中,有趣的是 这个故事贯穿他们一生。 |
| 252 | Yes, they're facts of their life, but their work, their love, their parenting, they repeat | 是的,他们是他们生活的事实, 但是他们的工作,他们的爱, 他们的养育,他们重复 |
| 253 | that same redemption narrative in everything they do. | 同样的救赎叙事 在他们所做的一切。 |
| 254 | The other kind of narrative is a contamination narrative. | 另一种说法是污染叙述. |
| 255 | People with a contamination narrative, they feel that all the hardship and all the challenge | 有污染叙述的人, 他们觉得所有的艰难和挑战 |
| 256 | and the struggle has happened to them and they can't make it through. | 斗争已经发生在他们身上 他们无法通过。 |
| 257 | They can't overcome. | 他们不能克服。 |
| 258 | That no matter how hard they've worked their grit, their strength, their resilience, they're | 无论他们多么努力地工作, 他们的力量,他们的韧性,他们是 |
| 259 | a victim of circumstance. | 受害者。 |
| 260 | They typically feel very unlucky and very out of control. | 他们通常感到很不幸,而且非常失控。 |
| 261 | And when you have that kind of narrative, it's less about the facts of your life and | 当你有这种叙事, 它较少关于你的生活事实和 |
| 262 | more about the frames of your life, how you're seeing those facts. | 更多关于你的生活框架, 你如何看待这些事实。 |
| 263 | When you have a contamination narrative or you're in a relationship with someone with | 当你有污染的叙述 或者你与某人的关系 |
| 264 | a contamination narrative, the only way that I think we can change that, because our narratives | 污染的叙述,我认为唯一的方法 我们可以改变这一点,因为我们的叙述 |
| 265 | are changeable, these are not fixed personality traits, is via conversation. | 这些不是固定的人格特征 而是通过对话 |
| 266 | So my secret hope with level three conversation is when you're in a safe relationship, when | 所以,我的秘密希望与三级对话是 当你在一个安全的关系, 当 |
| 267 | you can truly share who you are, when you feel understood, you can maybe rewrite your | 你可以真正分享你是谁, 当你觉得理解, 你也许可以改写你的 |
| 268 | narrative. | 说明。 |
| 269 | You can maybe flip from a contamination narrative the frame of how you've seen your facts into | 你可以从一个污染的叙述中 翻开你是如何看待事实的 |
| 270 | redemption. | 赎罪 |
| 271 | And that is my secret goal here. | 这是我的秘密目标 |
| 272 | So how do we do that? | 那么,我们如何做到这一点? |
| 273 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 274 | The first thing is beginning to uncover what your narrative is and what someone else's | 第一件事是开始揭开你的叙述 和别人的叙述 |
| 275 | narrative is. | 叙事是。 |
| 276 | So the first thing we have to understand is how our brain works. | 因此,我们首先要了解的是我们的大脑是如何工作的。 |
| 277 | Our brains are storytellers. | 我们的大脑是讲故事的 |
| 278 | That's why we love story. | 这就是为什么我们喜欢故事。 |
| 279 | In level one, it was kind of a warm up, like we're telling story about our passions and | 在一级,它有点热闹, 就像我们在讲述 我们的激情和 |
| 280 | our side hustles. | 我们的一方 匆忙。 |
| 281 | We're also telling the story about ourselves all the time. | 我们还一直在讲述我们自己的故事。 |
| 282 | And so we've told a story about ourselves and there are what I call narrative hints. | 所以我们讲了一个关于我们自己的故事 我称之为叙事提示 |
| 283 | In conversation, people will leak the kind of narrative that they have. | 在谈话中,人们会泄露他们有的那种叙事. |
| 284 | So they might say, oh, everyone always zigs and I zag, gosh, everything bad always happens | 所以他们可能说,哦,每个人都总是Zigs和我zag,天哪,一切坏事总是发生 |
| 285 | to me. | 对我来说。 |
| 286 | Oh, of course. | 当然 |
| 287 | Of course. | 当然 |
| 288 | Yet another thing. | 还有一件事 |
| 289 | If people have superlatives, always, never, they tend to be more of a contamination person. | 如果人们有超度, 总是,从来没有, 他们往往更是一个污染的人。 |
| 290 | People who are in that contamination narrative space, they tend to see things as very black | 在污染的叙事空间里的人 往往把事物看成非常黑色 |
| 291 | and white. | 还有白色的 |
| 292 | They tend to see things as permanent versus redemption. | 他们往往把事情看成是永久的,而不是赎罪。 |
| 293 | People tend to leak positive hints and they feel very lucky. | 人们往往泄露积极的暗示,他们感到非常幸运. |
| 294 | They say, oh, good things always happen to me or there's always a silver lining. | 他们说,哦,好的事情总是发生在我身上 或者总是有一道光明线。 |
| 295 | Oh, yeah. | 对 |
| 296 | You know, just my luck. | 你知道,只是我的运气。 |
| 297 | I got it. | 我来 |
| 298 | They're saying things about how it's happening. | 他们正在谈论它是如何发生的。 |
| 299 | They're leaking their narratives. | 他们泄露了他们的叙述。 |
| 300 | Who ends up being more successful, happy and healthy? | 谁会更成功 更快乐更健康? |
| 301 | Absolutely people with redemptive narratives. | 绝对有人有 红色的发号施令的叙述。 |
| 302 | They have found that people with redemption narratives, they live longer, they have better | 他们发现有救赎叙事的人 他们活得更久,他们有更好的 |
| 303 | immune systems, they have better connections, they feel happier. | 免疫系统,他们有更好的联系, 他们感觉更快乐。 |
| 304 | And that is because they feel they could handle whatever is thrown at them. | 这是因为他们觉得自己可以处理 任何向他们扔的东西。 |
| 305 | They have a great internal locus of control. | 他们有一个强大的内部控制中心。 |
| 306 | They feel that no matter what comes at them, they can handle it. | 他们觉得不管发生什么 他们都能应付 |
| 307 | And the good news is this is learnable, right? | 好消息是,这是可以学习的,对吧? |
| 308 | If we begin to talk about our narratives with our children, with our partners, we can begin | 如果我们开始谈论我们的叙事 我们的孩子,我们的伙伴,我们可以开始 |
| 309 | to teach them actually, you have growth here. | 教他们,你在这里有成长。 |
| 310 | You have agency over your narrative. | 你有代理你的叙述。 |
| 311 | This internal locus of control thing is something that I learned about when I was probably 16 | 我大概16岁时学到了这个内部控制点 |
| 312 | or 17 in psychology class. | 或者心理学课的17个 |
| 313 | And what does it mean and what does the study say about the importance of it? | 研究对它的重要性有何意义? |
| 314 | So an internal locus of control means that you feel that you're in control. | 因此,一个内部控制中心意味着你感觉自己在控制。 |
| 315 | You have agency over your decisions, over what happens to you, that things can happen | 你有代理权决定你的决定, 你发生了什么,事情可能发生 |
| 316 | to you in your life, but you can decide how you interact with them. | 在你的生活中, 但你可以决定如何与他们互动。 |
| 317 | You can decide how you behave. | 你可以决定你的行为 |
| 318 | People with an external locus of control get their worth from outside sources. | 有外部控制中心的人从外部来源获得价值。 |
| 319 | They feel validated when someone else tells them they look good. | 当别人说他们看起来不错时,他们觉得很有效. |
| 320 | They feel good when someone else tells them they're doing good. | 当别人告诉他们他们做得很好时,他们感觉很好. |
| 321 | They're looking for external ways to feel better. | 他们正在寻找外部方法来感觉好些. |
| 322 | They look more at, for example, vanity metrics, their likes or their follows, how many friends | 他们比较看,比如虚度度量, 他们喜欢或跟随, 有多少朋友 |
| 323 | they have, how often they're invited, are they getting compliments. | 他们被邀请多少次, 他们得到恭维。 |
| 324 | The analogy I was thinking of then is it's almost like you either think you're a bird | 我当时想的类比是 你几乎都认为你是鸟 |
| 325 | or you think you're on a roller coaster. | 或者你以为你在越野车上 |
| 326 | Tell me more. | 告诉我更多。 |
| 327 | You know, a roller coaster has a fixed track, really irrespective of what you do. | 过山车有固定的轨道 不管你做什么 |
| 328 | It's going to go up, down, left, right, spin, and you're just holding on and going with | 它会向上,向下,向左,向右,旋转, 你只是坚持和去 |
| 329 | it. | 这个 |
| 330 | Whereas a bird feels like it has the agency to go anywhere. | 而一只鸟觉得它有 机构去任何地方。 |
| 331 | No rail. | 没有铁路。 |
| 332 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 333 | And some people, I think, do think that they're on a roller coaster. | 一些人,我想,确实认为 他们乘坐过山车。 |
| 334 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 335 | On a track. | 在赛道上 |
| 336 | I mean, look, I don't want to get too deep, but if we were in a normal conversation, I | 我的意思是,你看,我不想太深入, 但如果我们在正常的对话,我 |
| 337 | would ask you about fate. | 会问你命运 |
| 338 | You know, I think there's questions that can begin to uncover someone's level three. | 你知道,我想有些问题 可以开始发现某人的三级。 |
| 339 | Do you believe in luck? | 你相信运气吗? |
| 340 | Do you believe you're lucky? | 你相信自己很幸运吗? |
| 341 | Do you believe in fate? | 你相信命运吗? |
| 342 | I think if you believe in fate, you're more likely to believe that you're on a roller | 我认为如果你相信命运, 你更可能相信你在滚车 |
| 343 | coaster, that you're on a ride that is predetermined and now it's up and then it's going to go | 越快越好,你骑的越快越好 现在越快越好 |
| 344 | down and they're going to have a loop. | 下来,他们会有一个循环。 |
| 345 | So I wonder, I don't know, if someone has a high belief in faith or predetermined fate, | 所以我想知道,我不知道, 如果有人对信仰有很高的信念 或预先确定的命运, |
| 346 | if they would feel an external locus of control and maybe that wouldn't be as good for their | 如果他们觉得自己是个外部的控制中心 也许那对他们来说就没什么好处了 |
| 347 | mental health. | 精神卫生。 |
| 348 | I wonder. | 不知为何? |
| 349 | I've done almost 700 interviews with some of the most interesting people in the world | 我采访了近700个世界上最有趣的人 |
| 350 | and one of the things you learn, which is unexpected, is that vulnerability is the doorway | 而其中一件事,你学到,这是出乎意料的, 脆弱是门道 |
| 351 | to connection. | 连接。 |
| 352 | And after sitting here for two, three hours with a guest, I feel a deep sense of connection | 和一位客人一起坐了两三小时后 我感觉到一种深厚的联系感 |
| 353 | to them. | 给他们。 |
| 354 | And as they leave, what I get them to do is to write a question in the diary of a CEO. | 当他们离开时,我让他们做的 就是在CEO的日记上写一个问题。 |
| 355 | We've taken all of the questions from the diary of a CEO. | 我们从首席执行官的日记里 拿走了所有的问题 |
| 356 | We have put the question here on this card with the name of the person that wrote it. | 我们把这个问题放在这张牌上,上面写着写它的人的名字。 |
| 357 | So you can sit at home as I do with my fiance and my colleagues at work and other people | 所以,你可以坐在家里,像我做 我的未婚夫和同事 在工作和其他人 |
| 358 | in my life. | 在我的生命中,我曾经是 |
| 359 | Whenever we get a minute, we play the diary of a CEO conversation cards and it is incredible | 每当我们得到一分钟,我们玩 日记CEO谈话卡,这是不可思议的 |
| 360 | what happens. | 发生什么了? |
| 361 | These are great if you're in a romantic relationship and you want to connect your partner more. | 如果你有浪漫的恋情 并且想把搭档联系得更紧密的话 这些都是很棒的 |
| 362 | These are also great if you're in a team and you want to bond your team together. | 这些也很棒,如果你在一个团队中, 你想把你的团队团结在一起。 |
| 363 | And I have to say they're also great for families that want to learn more about each other and | 我不得不说,对于想多了解对方的家庭来说,他们也很棒。 |
| 364 | that need a good excuse to spend some time in a digital world in the analog environment | 需要一个好借口 在数字世界中度过一些时间 在模拟环境中 |
| 365 | connecting human to human. | 连接人类和人类。 |
| 366 | It is remarkable what the right question at the right time can do. | 在适当的时间,正确的问题能够做什么是了不起的。 |
| 367 | Go to the diary.com and you can get these conversation cards right now. | 去日记.com 你可以马上拿到这些谈话卡 |
| 368 | So going back to this idea of these contaminators. | 回到这些污染者的想法。 |
| 369 | So we're listening for narrative hints and we can ask questions like, are you lucky? | 所以我们在听叙事提示 我们可以问问题 比如,你幸运吗? |
| 370 | By the way, if you ask this question, it's a sneaker because it sounds so casual when | 顺便问一句,如果你问这个问题, 这是一个运动鞋,因为它听起来很随意,当 |
| 371 | you ask, are you lucky? | 你问,你幸运吗? |
| 372 | But their answer really matters. | 但他们的答案真的很重要。 |
| 373 | Either there's three answers for, are you lucky? | 有没有三个答案,你幸运吗? |
| 374 | One, oh yes. | 一个,哦,是的。 |
| 375 | Yes, I feel lucky. | 是的,我觉得很幸运。 |
| 376 | When I asked you this last time, you said yes. | 我上次问你的时候 你答应了 |
| 377 | Yeah, I think I can't look at, I feel like I have so much privilege in my life that I | 是啊,我想我不能看, 我觉得我有这么多的特权 在我的生活,我 |
| 378 | am lucky. | 运气好 |
| 379 | Yes, yes. | 对,对。 |
| 380 | I feel the same. | 我也一样 |
| 381 | I'm just so grateful that I get to have this super unique career. | 我只是非常感激 我得到了这个超级独特的职业生涯。 |
| 382 | So I feel lucky, you feel lucky. | 所以我觉得幸运,你觉得幸运。 |
| 383 | So yes, if someone says yes right away, that tells you a lot about them. | 所以,是的,如果有人马上答应, 那会告诉你很多关于他们的事。 |
| 384 | That means they probably have a high amount of gratitude. | 也就是说他们可能非常感激 |
| 385 | They probably have a high amount of control or agency. | 他们可能有很高的控制或代理。 |
| 386 | And they also have confidence because the quickness, the speed of their answer matters | 他们也有自信 因为快速 快速的回答很重要 |
| 387 | here. | 在这里。 |
| 388 | Then there are people who are going to go, no, I don't think I'm lucky. | 之后还有人会去,不,我不觉得幸运. |
| 389 | Now this is a really important thing to know about them. | 现在,这是一件很重要的事情 了解他们。 |
| 390 | And I don't think you should try to change it, right? | 我觉得你不应该改变它,对不对? |
| 391 | Like I think that that's a version of toxic positivity telling someone, oh, but you're | 就像我认为这是一个版本 有毒的假设告诉某人,哦, 但你是 |
| 392 | so lucky. | 这么幸运。 |
| 393 | Think of all the things that you should be grateful for. | 想想你应该感激的一切 |
| 394 | Usually that actually makes someone dig in. | 通常,这实际上使人挖掘。 |
| 395 | It makes them feel very misunderstood. | 这让他们感到非常误解。 |
| 396 | You're the best thing you can do if someone says they don't feel lucky is to understand | 如果有人说自己不走运 你就能做的最好的事就是理解 |
| 397 | it. | 这个 |
| 398 | Why? | 为什么? |
| 399 | What are the forces? | 是什么势力? |
| 400 | When did that happen? | 什么时候发生的? |
| 401 | Did you ever feel lucky before? | 你以前觉得幸运吗? |
| 402 | Sometimes people can flip from lucky to unlucky with a very bad circumstance. | 有时人们在非常糟糕的情况下会从幸运地翻转到不幸. |
| 403 | And it is crucial that you understand that before you judge it. | 在你做出判断之前 一定要明白这一点 |
| 404 | So curiosity gets engaged. | 所以好奇心就被卷入其中了 |
| 405 | If someone says they're unlucky, I think that's an opportunity to really reach out and meet | 如果有人说自己不走运,我想这是真正接触的机会 |
| 406 | someone where they're at. | 他们所在的地方 |
| 407 | Because in that moment they might. | 因为在那一刻,他们可能。 |
| 408 | Are you going to agree with me? | 你会同意我吗? |
| 409 | No, no, no. | 不,不,没有。 |
| 410 | I was just thinking about how wonderful of a question that is for when you first meet | 我只是在想 当你第一次见面时 这个问题有多美妙 |
| 411 | someone in an interview or a first date. | 面试或第一次约会 |
| 412 | I was like, maybe I should ask people in an interview, do you think you're lucky? | 我当时想,也许我应该 问人们在采访, 你觉得你幸运吗? |
| 413 | You should. | 你应该。 |
| 414 | Because what is that revealing? | 因为什么是揭示? |
| 415 | If they say yes, it's revealing multitudes, right? | 如果他们答应了,那会暴露出很多人,对吧? |
| 416 | Their gratitude, their perspective on life, their internal locus of control. | 他们的感激,他们对生命的看法, 他们的内部控制中心。 |
| 417 | They're an optimist. | 他们是乐观主义者。 |
| 418 | Often not always, but often sometimes they can be realists. | 通常并不总是,但有时他们可以成为现实主义者。 |
| 419 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 420 | Right. | 对 |
| 421 | Like I am objectively lucky because I have all these things that can be realist too. | 就像我客观上很幸运 因为我有这些东西 也可以是现实主义的 |
| 422 | But man, you're going to learn a lot. | 但是,伙计,你会学到很多。 |
| 423 | The whole point of level three is predicting behavior. | 第三层的整个点是预测行为. |
| 424 | If you know their luck, you're going to be able to predict a lot of how they are in a | 如果你知道他们的运气,你会 能够预测很多他们是如何在一个 |
| 425 | relationship, how they are as a friend, how they are going to be at work. | 关系,他们如何作为一个朋友, 他们将如何工作。 |
| 426 | Fate, I think is an interesting one to ask someone. | 命运,我想一个有趣的 问一个人。 |
| 427 | And then there's other questions that seem silly, but actually have tremendous meaning. | 还有其他一些问题看起来很傻, 但实际上有巨大的意义。 |
| 428 | And level three is all about meaning. | 而第三层则全为意义. |
| 429 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 430 | So the third answer for lucky, thank you, is that person who is afraid to answer. | 所以第三个幸运的答案,谢谢你, 就是那个害怕回答的人。 |
| 431 | And I have asked this question of thousands of people. | 我问过成千上万人的问题。 |
| 432 | And you get this bucket of, well, kind of. | 你得到这桶,嗯,有点。 |
| 433 | Now this is very interesting because this tells you they're probably not that introspective. | 这很有趣,因为这告诉你 他们可能不是那么内向。 |
| 434 | So it's one of two things. | 故为二事之一. |
| 435 | They actually don't know. | 他们实际上不知道。 |
| 436 | They literally have not ever thought about it. | 他们从来没有想过。 |
| 437 | And they will say to you, I've never thought about it. | 他们会说,我从来没有想过。 |
| 438 | And they're literally sitting in front of you, reanalyzing their entire life, trying | 他们正坐在你面前, 重新分析他们的整个生活,尝试 |
| 439 | to answer this question for you. | 为你回答这个问题。 |
| 440 | They've never considered it. | 他们从没考虑过 |
| 441 | So that's also helpful. | 所以,这也是有益的。 |
| 442 | That's helpful. | 这很有帮助 |
| 443 | You know, if you're in a relationship and someone's not that introspective, that's | 你知道,如果你在一个关系 而有人不是那么内在,这就是 |
| 444 | good to know. | 很高兴知道。 |
| 445 | Not good or bad, just good to know, especially if you value that, like introspection is one | 不好或坏,只是很好知道, 特别是如果你重视这一点, 就像内观是一个 |
| 446 | of my core values. | 我的核心价值。 |
| 447 | So, you know, that might not be bode well for me. | 所以,你知道,这对我来说可能不是好兆头。 |
| 448 | Or second, they don't feel safe with you yet. | 或第二,他们觉得你还没有安全。 |
| 449 | It can be a hint that you went too fast. | 这可能是一个提示 你走得太快。 |
| 450 | If someone says, I kind of, or I'm not sure, you might have jumped to level three too quickly | 如果有人说,我有点,或者我不确定, 你可能跳到三级太快 |
| 451 | and they are not ready to share or they are embarrassed about something. | 而且他们还没有准备好分享 或者他们感到尴尬的东西。 |
| 452 | They have shame or they have something in their past that they feel is very unlucky, | 他们有羞耻,或者他们有 东西在他们的过去 他们觉得非常不幸, |
| 453 | but they don't feel ready to share it. | 但他们没有准备好分享它。 |
| 454 | Have they done studies on this, this particular question? | 他们研究过这个问题吗? |
| 455 | I think only we have. | 我认为只有我们有。 |
| 456 | Only you have? | 只有你有吗? |
| 457 | Richard Wiseman has done a lot of research on luck specifically. | 理查德·怀斯曼(Richard Wiseman)特别对运气做了很多研究. |
| 458 | And he, he, there's like a luck test you can give someone. | 他,他,有一个像运气测试 你可以给某人。 |
| 459 | We did this in our, in our lab. | 我们在实验室里做的 |
| 460 | So it's an official luck test to see how lucky you think you are. | 所以,看你觉得自己有多幸运,这是一次正式的幸运测试. |
| 461 | It's like a 10 question diagnostic and it asks all of these different variations of | 这就像一个10个问题诊断 它问所有这些不同的变体 |
| 462 | that question. | 这个问题。 |
| 463 | So it is academically studied, but I don't think what's studied, at least not yet, is | 所以,这是学术研究, 但我不认为什么研究 至少还没有,是 |
| 464 | how your answer is going to dictate your life. | 你的答案会决定你的生活 |
| 465 | Like I would love to know maybe future research in our lab is if you consider yourself very | 我很想知道 也许未来的研究 在我们的实验室是 如果你认为自己非常 |
| 466 | lucky, do you make more money? | 幸运的是,你赚的更多钱吗? |
| 467 | Do you make less money? | 你赚的钱少吗? |
| 468 | Is there any income? | 有没有收入? |
| 469 | Are you older? | 你年纪大吗? |
| 470 | Are you younger? | 你年轻吗? |
| 471 | Are you a child of privilege or not? | 你是否是个特权的孩子? |
| 472 | So I, I think it's coming. | 所以我,我觉得它来了。 |
| 473 | I mean, I think that's where this excitement kind of comes from. | 我的意思是,我想这就是这种兴奋的起源。 |
| 474 | At least it gets me excited as a behavior researcher. | 至少这让我兴奋 作为一个行为研究者。 |
| 475 | I was just looking at that study by Dr. Richard Wiseman. | 我只是在看理查德·怀斯曼博士的研究 |
| 476 | He discovered that people who answer, yes, I am lucky, actually generate their own good | 他发现,谁回答,是的,我很幸运, 实际上产生他们自己的好 |
| 477 | fortune by acting very, acting in very specific ways. | 以非常具体的方式行事 |
| 478 | They have lower anxiety. | 他们的焦虑度较低 |
| 479 | They have higher extraversion. | 他们有更高的外向。 |
| 480 | They tend to talk, talk to lots of people and make lots of friendships and relationships, | 他们往往会说话,和很多人交谈 和很多的友谊和关系, |
| 481 | high openness to experience, relentless optimism. | 高度开放的经验, 无情的乐观。 |
| 482 | That's very, very interesting. | 这是非常,非常有趣。 |
| 483 | I, I have considered, I've really considered this, doing a luck workshop where all I do | 我,我考虑过,我真的考虑过, 做一个幸运的工作坊,我所做的一切 |
| 484 | in the workshop is help you harvest your own feelings of luck. | 在车间里帮助你收获自己的幸运感 |
| 485 | It is so healing. | 它是如此治愈。 |
| 486 | It is so fulfilling to feel lucky, to wake up in the day and feel lucky. | 感到幸运,在白天醒来,感到幸运,真是令人满足。 |
| 487 | It's better than gratitude, right? | 这比感激更好,对不对? |
| 488 | Gratitude is sort of shaming in its own way. | 感恩是那种 羞辱自己的方式。 |
| 489 | I'm like kind of anti-gratitude, but feeling like you're really, really lucky is, is so | 我有点反感 但感觉你真的很幸运 |
| 490 | empowering. | 增强能力。 |
| 491 | And so I've thought about creating luck labs, like a little luck workshop where you can | 所以我考虑过创建幸运实验室, 就像一个小幸运车间 你可以 |
| 492 | come and we're going to, we're going to convince you that you're lucky because it's that good | 来,我们要去, 我们要说服你 你很幸运,因为它是如此好 |
| 493 | of an investment in your, in your feelings of happiness. | 投资在你的, 在你的幸福感。 |
| 494 | I would like to ask the audience, I'm just super interested. | 我想问观众,我只是超级感兴趣。 |
| 495 | I would like to ask all the people listening now, if they, do you guys feel lucky? | 我想问所有的人 现在听,如果他们, 你们觉得幸运吗? |
| 496 | And I would like honest answers in the comment section. | 我希望在评论部分有诚实的答案。 |
| 497 | And don't, I know you just had to say that lucky people are going to have a better life. | 不要,我知道你只是 不得不说,幸运的人 会有一个更好的生活。 |
| 498 | Just be completely honest, just for pure research purposes. | 只是完全诚实, 只是为了纯粹的研究目的。 |
| 499 | And do you know what? | 你知道吗? |
| 500 | I know people that don't feel lucky are going to be honest because they're going to be honest. | 我知道不觉得幸运的人会诚实,因为他们会诚实. |
| 501 | They're going to be honest. | 他们会诚实的 |
| 502 | And they're going to tell you exactly why. | 他们会告诉你原因 |
| 503 | And they're going to get really mad at us because they're going to say that something | 他们会对我们生气的 因为他们会说些什么 |
| 504 | really bad happened to them and how dare we tell them that luck is good. | 我们怎么敢告诉他们运气好 |
| 505 | That's what's going to happen because I've heard them do it. | 我听到他们这么做了 一定会这样 |
| 506 | Can you get mad at Vanessa and not me? | 你能生凡妮莎的气而不是我吗? |
| 507 | No, get mad at him. | 不,发脾气他。 |
| 508 | No, it's fine. | 没事 |
| 509 | You can get mad at me. | 你可能会生我的气 |
| 510 | It's fine. | 没事 |
| 511 | I have no shell. | 我没有壳 |
| 512 | But this is why I'm asking because I want to, I want to, I'm coming from one perspective | 但这就是我问的原因 因为我想,我想, 我从一个角度出发 |
| 513 | from one experience that I've had in my life and I feel like I am grateful and I've been | 从我一生的一次经历,我觉得我很感激,我一直 |
| 514 | very privileged. | 非常荣幸 |
| 515 | So I would like to understand why other people do not feel lucky in their lives. | 因此,我想了解为什么其他人在生活中并不感到幸运。 |
| 516 | And you know, I guess it would also be surprising to hear that some people have been through | 你知道,我猜它也会令人惊讶 听到有些人已经经历了 |
| 517 | objectively horrific things, but they, some of them might still feel lucky. | 客观上可怕的事情, 但他们,有些可能仍然觉得幸运。 |
| 518 | So that would be interesting as well. | 这样也很有趣。 |
| 519 | So I'll be reading the comments. | 所以我会读评论。 |
| 520 | And that is also fact versus frame. | 这也是事实与框架。 |
| 521 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 522 | Right. | 对 |
| 523 | So the way that we begin to rewrite our story, and I believe so much in self authorship, | 所以,我们开始重写我们的故事的方式, 我非常相信自我写作, |
| 524 | right? | 对吧? |
| 525 | Yes, there's a story you tell yourself about yourself, but you also are the author of your | 是的,有一个故事 你告诉自己 关于自己, 但你也是你的作者 |
| 526 | own life, right? | 自己的生活,对不对? |
| 527 | You're the author of your own narrative. | 你是你自己叙述的作者. |
| 528 | The way that we begin to take up the pen, like become the author of our own life, is | 我们开始拿起笔的方式 就像成为我们自己生活的作者一样 |
| 529 | we ask ourselves questions about why do I have that idea? | 我们问自己为什么有这个想法? |
| 530 | What is the evidence for that idea? | 这个想法有什么证据? |
| 531 | The facts might be there, but our frame of them is different. | 事实可能存在,但我们的框架不同。 |
| 532 | And so for example, let's take a breakup, and I can almost always find out someone's | 举个例子,我们分手吧 我几乎总能找到某人的 |
| 533 | contamination or redemption narrative if I ask them about a breakup. | 如果我问他们分手的事 就会被污染或赎罪 |
| 534 | People with contamination narratives will almost always say, the breakup nearly destroyed | 有污染叙述的人几乎总是会说 分手几乎被摧毁 |
| 535 | me. | 来啊 |
| 536 | I don't trust men anymore, I don't trust women anymore. | 我不再信任男人了 我不再信任女人了 |
| 537 | You know, it just took from me. | 你知道,它只是夺走了我。 |
| 538 | I feel like a shell of myself, and it stays that way. | 我觉得自己像一个贝壳, 它保持这样。 |
| 539 | Everyone has a period of a bad breakup time, but they never get through that. | 每个人都有一段糟糕的分手时间,但他们永远无法度过. |
| 540 | That they feel like that, that breakup fundamentally changed them for the worse, whereas someone | 他们有这种感觉 分手从根本上改变了他们的处境 而有人 |
| 541 | with a positive redemption narrative, even if it was a horrific breakup, they'll say, | 带着正面的救赎叙事 即使这是可怕的分手 他们会说 |
| 542 | I will never do that again. | 我不会再这么做了 |
| 543 | That made me stronger. | 这让我更强大。 |
| 544 | It was horrible. | 这是可怕的。 |
| 545 | It was one of the worst times of my life, but I know now who not to choose, and I know | 那是我一生中最糟糕的时光 但我现在知道谁不能选择了 |
| 546 | who to choose. | 谁可以选择。 |
| 547 | It made me feel stronger. | 这让我感觉更强大。 |
| 548 | It's that anti-fragile piece. | 是那块反易碎的 |
| 549 | Would you give someone a second date if on the first date they turned to you, and when | 如果第一次约会时你愿意再约一次吗? |
| 550 | you asked them the question, are you a lucky person, they went, absolutely not. | 你问他们,你是一个幸运的人, 他们去,绝对不是。 |
| 551 | I probably wouldn't. | 我可能不会。 |
| 552 | I feel like I'm going to be so mad. | 觉即发菩提心. |
| 553 | You are so cooked. | 你被烧成这样 |
| 554 | They are going to get you. | 他们会抓住你的 |
| 555 | Get her, guys. | 抓住她,伙计们。 |
| 556 | You are so cooked. | 你被烧成这样 |
| 557 | I'm not single. | 我不是单身。 |
| 558 | You are so cooked. | 你被烧成这样 |
| 559 | It's a hypothetical. | 以是假设. |
| 560 | It was a trap. | 这是一个陷阱。 |
| 561 | That's what it was. | 这就是它是什么。 |
| 562 | You're so mean. | 尔时恶人. |
| 563 | You're like, look, throw Vanessa into the fire. | 你就像 把凡妮莎扔进火里 |
| 564 | Oh, don't worry. | 哦,不用担心。 |
| 565 | I got a wine bottle coming. | 酒瓶来了 |
| 566 | I was thinking. | 我在考虑 |
| 567 | No, would you? | 不,你会吗? |
| 568 | Gosh, I'm going to ask you now. | 天哪,我现在要问你。 |
| 569 | First date. | 初约. |
| 570 | If someone, if I was on the first date and I said, are you a lucky person, and they said | 如果有人,如果我第一次约会 我说,你是一个幸运的人, 他们说 |
| 571 | to me, absolutely not. | 对我来说,绝对不是。 |
| 572 | Okay, I'd be curious. | 好吧,我会好奇。 |
| 573 | Sure. | 当然 |
| 574 | Of course. | 当然 |
| 575 | And I want to hear what they meant. | 我想听听他们的意思 |
| 576 | I wouldn't leave. | 我不会离开的 |
| 577 | I wouldn't leave the date. | 我不会离开日期。 |
| 578 | But if they were then just like extremely pessimistic, I would probably arrive at this | 但是,如果他们只是 像极端悲观, 我可能到达这一点 |
| 579 | assumption that this is probably not going to be a match because that's not my inclination. | 假设这不可能是一场比赛 因为这不是我的倾向 |
| 580 | And it doesn't, it takes too much energy out of me. | 它没有,它需要我太多的精力。 |
| 581 | And that is also because I think this is beautiful bridge to the next concept. | 这也是因为我认为这是通向下一个概念的美丽桥梁。 |
| 582 | Once you begin to uncover these narrative hints, okay, you're talking about luck, you're | 一旦你开始发现这些叙事暗示, 好吧,你说的是运气,你是 |
| 583 | I believe, and this is more art than science, that there are five archetypes of these stories. | 我相信,这比科学更艺术, 这些故事有五个典型类型。 |
| 584 | So I have harvested hundreds, I wouldn't say thousands, hundreds of narratives. | 所以我已经收获了上百种, 我不会说上千种,上百种叙事。 |
| 585 | It's actually quite hard to ask someone what is your self narrative. | 其实很难问别人 你的自我陈述是什么 |
| 586 | It's very hard question, but there are questions that we can begin to talk about that do harvest | 这个问题很困难,但有些问题 我们可以开始谈论 丰收 |
| 587 | it. | 这个 |
| 588 | I noticed patterns. | 我注意到了规律 |
| 589 | There are the same narratives over and over again, and there are about five of them. | 复次有同声叙事,约五部. |
| 590 | I think that we share an archetype. | 我认为,我们有一个典型。 |
| 591 | I think we do. | 我想我们有 |
| 592 | Now maybe I'm flattering myself. | 也许我是在自夸 |
| 593 | So the first archetype is the ambitious hero. | 因此,第一个典型的就是野心勃勃的英雄. |
| 594 | And I think this is us, but you'll tell me. | 我想这是我们, 但你会告诉我。 |
| 595 | So the ambitious hero has had challenges and obstacles, but they feel that their grit and | 所以野心勃勃的英雄有挑战 和障碍,但他们觉得他们的精神和 |
| 596 | resilience have, they've been able to overcome. | 恢复力已经,他们已经克服。 |
| 597 | They struggle because they are never satisfied. | 他们苦苦挣扎,因为他们从来不满意。 |
| 598 | And what is an archetype? | 原型是什么? |
| 599 | Oh, yeah. | 对 |
| 600 | Sorry. | 对不起 |
| 601 | I got excited. | 我很兴奋。 |
| 602 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 603 | Yes. | 对 |
| 604 | So this is not like a personality type. | 所以这不是个性类型。 |
| 605 | It's not like Myer Brigg or Enneagram. | 不像迈尔·布里格或恩尼格拉姆 |
| 606 | Those are quite like stable. | 这些很稳定 |
| 607 | This is a fluid archetype of how you're seeing your story in this moment. | 这是一个流畅的原型 你如何看待 你的故事在这个时刻。 |
| 608 | For example, I might ask you, if you had to write a memoir, what would the title of your | 例如,我可能会问你,如果你必须写一份回忆录, 你的标题是什么? |
| 609 | memoir be? | 回忆录? |
| 610 | And this is going to impact how I have conversations with people. | 这将会影响我如何与人们交谈。 |
| 611 | This is going to impact how you have conversations with people, how you behave interpersonally. | 这将影响你如何与人对话, 如何行为人际关系。 |
| 612 | So how you act at work. | 你的工作表现如何? |
| 613 | Like an ambitious hero is going to act very, very differently at work than a contented | 像一个野心勃勃的英雄 会非常,非常不同 在工作中与满足 |
| 614 | pragmatist. | 实用论者. |
| 615 | And is it going to impact who I'm attracted to platonically and romantically? | 它会影响我被柏拉图主义和浪漫主义吸引的人吗? |
| 616 | Absolutely. | 当然 |
| 617 | It dictates your relationship patterns. | 这决定了你的关系模式。 |
| 618 | Your conversational patterns, how you converse, how you bond, how you connect. | 你的谈话模式,如何交融,如何联系,如何联系。 |
| 619 | And more importantly, since I'm so interested in work conversations, how you work, how you | 更重要的是,我对工作对话很感兴趣,你是如何工作的,如何工作的 |
| 620 | view effectiveness, how you view efficiency. | 查看有效性,如何看待效率。 |
| 621 | My founders, ambitious hero founders, are going to have the same struggles over and | 我的创始人,野心勃勃的英雄创始人, 将会有同样的斗争 过和 |
| 622 | over again. | 再来一次 |
| 623 | They're going to be very different than the content of pragmatist founder. | 他们将会与实用主义创始人的内容大不相同. |
| 624 | So the ambitious hero, what's their sort of internal monologue? | 那么野心勃勃的英雄 他们内部的独白是什么? |
| 625 | Their internal monologue is, I got this. | 他们的内部独白是, 我得到了这个。 |
| 626 | I can do this hustle, hustle more, more, bigger, more, bigger, bigger, more. | 我可以做这个花招,花更多,更多,更多,更多,更多,更多,更多。 |
| 627 | I can do that better. | 我可以做得更好 |
| 628 | I can do that bigger. | 我可以做到这一点更大的。 |
| 629 | Right. | 对 |
| 630 | It's like we, I get, you know, shiny object syndrome is like one of the nicer ways to | 这就像我们,我得到,你知道, 闪亮的物体综合征 像一个更好的方法 |
| 631 | talk about ambitious heroes. | 谈论雄心勃勃的英雄。 |
| 632 | You know, shiny object syndrome? | 闪亮的物体综合征? |
| 633 | No. | 没有 |
| 634 | It's like a founder who won't stop trying new initiatives and keeps throwing new ideas | 这就像一个创始人,不会停止尝试 新的倡议,并不断提出新的想法 |
| 635 | on the table when they haven't finished their first one. | 当他们还没有完成第一个的时候,就放在桌子上。 |
| 636 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 637 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 638 | Do you have that? | 你有吗? |
| 639 | Well, yes, but I have put systems in place to make sure that it doesn't sink the company. | 嗯,是的,但我已经建立了系统 确保它不会让公司沉没。 |
| 640 | As Jeff Bezos said, Jeff Bezos said, I've got enough ideas to sink the company and he | 正如杰夫·贝佐斯所说,杰夫·贝佐斯说,我有足够的想法来摧毁公司和他 |
| 641 | can tolerate. | 能够容忍。 |
| 642 | So that's. | 所以这是。 |
| 643 | Love it. | 喜欢它。 |
| 644 | And that's beautiful because that's self-knowledge and everything that we're talking about is | 这是美丽的,因为那是自我知识 而我们谈论的一切是 |
| 645 | self-knowledge, right? | 自我知识,对不对? |
| 646 | If you're able to talk this through, you have self-knowledge to go to your team. | 如果你能通过这个来谈, 你有自我知识去你的团队。 |
| 647 | When I come to you with a new idea next week, say no. | 当我下星期给你个新点子时 就拒绝吧 |
| 648 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 649 | Don't let me do that. | 别让我这么做 |
| 650 | It's too much, right? | 太过份了吧? |
| 651 | So behaviorally, if you are the ambitious hero, you know, you dream big, you can burn | 所以行为上,如果你是野心勃勃的英雄, 你知道,你梦想大,你可以燃烧 |
| 652 | out because you dream so big. | 出来是因为你梦到这么大 |
| 653 | We tend, like I tend to like work almost regulates me. | 我们总是喜欢工作 几乎可以调节我 |
| 654 | Like when I'm working, I'm like, I'm being so productive. | 就像我工作的时候,我很喜欢, 我是如此的生产性。 |
| 655 | We are helping people, help more people, help all the people, right? | 我们正在帮助人们,帮助更多的人,帮助所有的人,对不对? |
| 656 | Like it's like it's too much. | 譬如太过. |
| 657 | And so we can we can burn out from a productivity perspective. | 因此,我们可以从生产力的角度来燃烧。 |
| 658 | We have shiny objects and in conversation relationships, people sometimes don't always | 我们有闪闪发光的物体 在谈话中 人们有时不总是 |
| 659 | understand our drive. | 了解我们的驱动力。 |
| 660 | Like we're so driven, we get accused of hustle culture a lot and we can burn other people | 就像我们被驱赶一样,我们经常被指责为 剥削文化,我们可以烧别人 |
| 661 | out by trying to bring them with us on how fast we want to work, how long we want to | 让他们知道我们想要工作的速度 多久 |
| 662 | work. | 工作时 |
| 663 | You know, those are not necessarily bad things, but they're traits, they're behavioral traits. | 你知道,这些不一定是坏事, 但是它们是特质, 他们是行为特质。 |
| 664 | OK. | 摆 |
| 665 | And by the way, so this is number one, the ambitious hero. | 顺便说一句,这是头号人物,雄心勃勃的英雄。 |
| 666 | One way that you can kind of suss these out is asking the question, what character are | 一种方式是 问,什么样的角色 |
| 667 | you most like? | 你喜欢吗? |
| 668 | What book, movie or TV character are you most like? | 你最喜欢什么书、电影或电视角色? |
| 669 | Not look like, life choices, personality, core values. | 不像,生活选择,个性,核心价值 |
| 670 | And I said pursuit of happiness, which is, yeah, yeah, which is ambitious hero. | 我说追求幸福, 也就是,是的,是的,那是雄心勃勃的英雄。 |
| 671 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 672 | But why did you choose that character? | 但你为什么选择那个角色? |
| 673 | Because he he the reason why I chose the character was because when I was 19, 18, 19 years old | 因为他是我选择这个角色的原因 因为我19、18、19岁的时候 |
| 674 | and I was literally shoplifting, food to feed myself, I watched that movie randomly and | 我在偷东西 吃东西养活自己 我随意看了那部电影 |
| 675 | I was in bed the day that day. | 那天我在床上睡觉 |
| 676 | And it really made me feel like like the journey I was on, you know, when he was in the he | 这真的让我感觉 就像我的旅行, 你知道,当他在他的 |
| 677 | was in the like disabled toilet with his kid, the toilet scene. | 在像残疾的厕所 与他的孩子,厕所的场景。 |
| 678 | And I remember like my life in shades felt a little bit like that at the moment, just, | 我记得我的影子生活 感觉有点像现在,只是, |
| 679 | you know, kind of doing things to feed myself that would, you know, and keep the lights | 你知道,做一些事情 养活自己, 你知道,并保持灯光 |
| 680 | on and swerving these landlords because my rent was five months late and all the kind | 因为我的房租迟了五个月, 和所有类型的 |
| 681 | of games I played to try and just survive. | 我为了生存而玩的游戏 |
| 682 | And then he went on to be successful. | 然后他继续成功。 |
| 683 | So it was it gave me a lot of hope. | 所以它给了我很多希望。 |
| 684 | So he's also black. | 故亦为黑. |
| 685 | So it was really important in that interaction that I didn't assume about that character. | 所以,在那种互动中,真的很重要, 我没有假设那个角色。 |
| 686 | I asked you why. | 我问你为什么 |
| 687 | And then you told me a story about what you saw and when you saw it. | 然后,你告诉我一个故事 关于你看到什么 当你看到它。 |
| 688 | A really critical part of this exercise is that you ask someone about the character and | 真正的关键部分是 你问某人 有关性格和 |
| 689 | then you say why, what traits, because the traits that they say next are going to tell | 然后你说为什么,什么特征, 因为他们说的特征 接下来将告诉 |
| 690 | you every single thing about that person. | 你每一件事 关于那个人。 |
| 691 | For example, I if I ask someone, you know, what what person are you most like? | 比如,如果我问一个人, 你知道,你最喜欢什么样的人? |
| 692 | And they say, Mother Teresa, I say, oh, you know, why? | 他们说 特蕾莎修女 我说 为什么? |
| 693 | You know, I might not agree with them. | 你知道,我可能不同意他们。 |
| 694 | Maybe I don't see that. | 也许我看不出来 |
| 695 | But whatever they say next is going to tell me a lot about how | 但不管他们接下来说什么 都会告诉我很多关于如何 |
| 696 | they view themselves, whether it's true or not. | 他们看待自己, 无论它是否真实。 |
| 697 | And this is the hardest part of level three. | 这是三级最难的部分。 |
| 698 | And it's the most inconvenient part of level three. | 而这是三级最不方便的部分. |
| 699 | You probably won't agree. | 你可能不会同意的 |
| 700 | OK, there's a lot of times where people in my life have told me self narratives and | 好吧,有很多时候,在我的生活中 人们告诉我 自我叙述和 |
| 701 | I'm like, what? | и琌或妓 |
| 702 | What's yours? | 你的怎么样? |
| 703 | What character are you? | 你是谁? |
| 704 | Just like a boy. | 就像一个男孩。 |
| 705 | OK, so I relate most with Claire Dunphy from Modern Family, especially in her entrepreneurial | 我和现代家庭的Claire Dunphy联系最密切 尤其是她的创业 |
| 706 | years. | 岁月 |
| 707 | Most people would be surprised to actually identify first as a mother, not an | 大多数人会惊讶的 真正识别 首先作为一个母亲,而不是一个 |
| 708 | entrepreneur. | 企业家. |
| 709 | Most of my day is with my kids. | 我大部分时间都和孩子在一起 |
| 710 | I'm a little awkward. | 我有点尴尬。 |
| 711 | I'm very neurotic. | 我非常神经质。 |
| 712 | And so I resonate most with her and that ambitious working mom is sort of what I'm | 所以我对她最有共鸣 那个雄心勃勃的工作妈妈就是我 |
| 713 | struggling with constantly. | 不断挣扎着 |
| 714 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 715 | Especially as an ambitious hero, because I want to do both perfectly and I cannot. | 特别是作为一个野心勃勃的英雄, 因为我想做到完美而我不能。 |
| 716 | So, by the way, if you're having trouble with this question, this is the one way that I | 所以,顺便说一句,如果你有 麻烦这个问题,这是唯一的方式,我 |
| 717 | think AI can help. | 认为AI可以帮助。 |
| 718 | You know, I have I have my own relationship with AI, but AI can be a great brainstorm | 你知道,我有我自己的关系 AI,但AI可以是一个伟大的大脑风暴 |
| 719 | partner. | 搭档 |
| 720 | It can be a great conversational practice partner, can be a great role playing | 它可以是一个伟大的对话 练习伙伴,可以是一个伟大的角色扮演 |
| 721 | partner. | 搭档 |
| 722 | And this is actually one way that I like it. | 这其实是我喜欢的一种方式。 |
| 723 | So if you're not sure if you're like, Vanessa, I don't know. | 如果你不确定你是否喜欢瓦内萨,我不知道。 |
| 724 | I don't know what character I am. | 我不知道我是谁 |
| 725 | Go to AI and ask this. | 去AI问这个。 |
| 726 | What book, movie or TV character is most like me in the way that I treat you, especially | 什么书,电影或电视角色 最像我的方式,我对待你,特别是 |
| 727 | if you have a relationship with your AI? | 如果你和你的人工智能有关系? |
| 728 | I am fill in the blank. | 我填满了空白。 |
| 729 | So for me, it was mom, entrepreneur, neurotic. | 所以对我来说,是妈妈,企业家,神经病。 |
| 730 | My personality is how to try to be a person. | 我的个性是怎样尝试成为一个人。 |
| 731 | My core values are what character is most similar to me. | 我的核心价值是什么样的角色和我最相似. |
| 732 | And it will pull a bunch of characters that are those traits. | 它会吸引一帮人物 这些特征。 |
| 733 | So this is the one way that it can help you sometimes brainstorm. | 所以这就是它能帮助你有时脑电波的方法。 |
| 734 | OK, the ambitious hero. | 好吧,野心勃勃的英雄。 |
| 735 | Right. | 对 |
| 736 | We started with that. | 我们从那开始。 |
| 737 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 738 | Architect number one. | 建筑师一号. |
| 739 | The second one is called the content. | 第二则名为内容. |
| 740 | I called it the contented pragmatist. | 我称之为满足的实用主义者。 |
| 741 | Again, these are a little more art than science. | 再说一遍,这些艺术比科学要多一点。 |
| 742 | The contented pragmatist is somebody who likes it as it is. | 满足的实用主义者就是喜欢它的人 |
| 743 | They are quite content, very happy with where things are. | 他们很满意,对事物的所在非常满意。 |
| 744 | They don't really need to change it if it's not broken. | 他们真的不需要改变它 如果它没有坏。 |
| 745 | They are not very ambitious because they're very grounded in where they are. | 它们并不雄心勃勃,因为它们非常扎根于它们的位置。 |
| 746 | They love habit and ritual and tradition. | 他们喜欢习惯、仪式和传统。 |
| 747 | In conversation, relationally, they struggle when people push them to try harder or do | 在交谈中,在关系上,他们挣扎 当人们推他们更努力或做 |
| 748 | more because they're like, I'm good. | 更因为他们喜欢,我很好。 |
| 749 | Life is good. | 生活是不错的。 |
| 750 | Why would we change things? | 我们为什么要改变? |
| 751 | I have two very specific people in my life who are very annoyed by me as the | 我生命中有两个非常特别的人 他们非常烦我 |
| 752 | ambitious hero because I have a new goal every month and I'm constantly like, | 野心勃勃的英雄,因为我每个月都有一个新的目标,我总是喜欢, |
| 753 | they're like, I love smoothies or they make great granola. | 他们喜欢,我喜欢冰块 或者它们做大颗粒。 |
| 754 | And I'm like, you should bottle it up and sell it at farmer's markets. | 我很喜欢,你应该把它装起来, 在农民的市场出售。 |
| 755 | And they're like, but why? | 他们喜欢,但为什么? |
| 756 | And I'm like, but why not? | 我很喜欢,但为什么不呢? |
| 757 | Right. | 对 |
| 758 | So relationally, they're often seen as unambitious, but actually they're | 所以在关系上,他们常常被视为没有野心,但实际上他们 |
| 759 | just quite content. | 只是相当满足。 |
| 760 | Interesting. | 有意思,这很有趣 |
| 761 | Do you know someone like that? | 你认识这样的人吗? |
| 762 | I do. | 当然 |
| 763 | I was just thinking also about just business generally and how when you're | 我只是在想一般的生意 以及你什么时候 |
| 764 | hiring teams or even in relationships, you can get a contented pragmatist | 雇用团队,甚至关系上, 你可以得到一个满足的实用主义者 |
| 765 | holding back an ambitious hero. | 挡住一个野心勃勃的英雄 |
| 766 | And I've often had friends come to me and say, like, I've got this big startup | 我经常有朋友来找我 说,像,我有一个大的启动 |
| 767 | idea that I want to launch, but my girlfriend and my husband is telling me to be realistic. | 但我的女朋友和我丈夫告诉我要现实一点 |
| 768 | And they tend to be more, a little bit, a little bit more fear-based. | 而他们往往更加,一点点,一点点的恐惧. |
| 769 | It's not that they're negative, but they, they are so contented that they're | 这并不是说他们是消极的, 但他们,他们是如此满足 他们是如此的 |
| 770 | very, very hyper practical. | 非常非常实用 |
| 771 | I also think on a team, it is important to know what role will be best served by | 我也认为,在一个团队中,重要的是要知道什么作用将最好地通过 |
| 772 | this ambitious roles, growth roles, rainmaker roles, leaders who are in a | 这种雄心勃勃的角色、增长的角色、造雨者的角色、 |
| 773 | industry of change, some like fiduciary, you know, I do a lot of finance | 你知道,我做很多金融 |
| 774 | conferences and I work with a lot of folks in banking. | 我和很多银行业的人一起工作 |
| 775 | Sometimes the ambitious heroes can really be crushed in those roles because | 有时野心勃勃的英雄们 也会被粉碎 |
| 776 | there isn't a lot of fast moving growth in those companies. | 这些公司增长不快 |
| 777 | A contented pragmatist can do really well in a very stable traditional industry | 在一个非常稳定的传统行业里,一个受人欢迎的实用主义者可以做得很好 |
| 778 | with a lot of regulation because they are very happy to live in that regulation. | 因为他们非常乐于在条例中生活 |
| 779 | You might want someone might, I say might because it really depends on your company, | 你可能想要有人,我说也许 因为真的取决于你的公司, |
| 780 | but in a corporate culture, you know, you might want a contented pragmatist | 但是在企业文化中,你知道, 你可能想要一个满足实用主义 |
| 781 | running your books. | 管理你的书。 |
| 782 | They're quite conservative. | 他们相当保守 |
| 783 | They're not going to make a big leap here, right? | 他们不会大跃进吧? |
| 784 | And they're also, they're like, let's keep it as it is. | 他们也一样,让我们保持原样。 |
| 785 | Let's know what we're doing. | 令诸众生. |
| 786 | Don't, don't break, don't change if it's not broken, right? | 不,不打破,不改变 如果它没有打破,对不对? |
| 787 | So you have to think about your roles in a hiring manager. | 所以,你必须思考 你的角色 一个雇用经理。 |
| 788 | It depends on how you're, what your company is like. | 这取决于你怎么样,你的公司是什么样子。 |
| 789 | And in terms of conversation tips, are there different tips for different | 在谈话技巧方面 是否有不同的技巧 |
| 790 | archetypes and ambitious hero, they are going to get so much dopamine talking | 典型和野心勃勃的英雄, 他们会得到这么多多巴胺谈话 |
| 791 | about goals, talking about new, talking about progress. | 关于目标,谈论新事物,谈论进步. |
| 792 | They are juiced by progress and they want to hear about progress too. | 他们受进步的影响,他们也想听到进步。 |
| 793 | So not only are they wanting to like, you know, I, when someone asked me, how | 所以,他们不仅想喜欢, 你知道,我, 当有人问我,如何 |
| 794 | are you, it takes everything in me to not share my metrics. | 是你吗,我每样东西都要用不着分享我的衡量标准 |
| 795 | Like, I know that's not socially acceptable. | 我知道这在社会上是无法接受的 |
| 796 | So I have to be like, I'm doing great. | 所以我必须像,我做得很好。 |
| 797 | The business is exploding. | 生意开始爆炸了 |
| 798 | And then I just stop, right? | 然后我就停下来,对不对? |
| 799 | Because it would be weird if I was like, we have for 305% growth on Instagram, | 因为如果我喜欢,那会很奇怪, 我们在Instagram有305%的增长, |
| 800 | you know, like, right. | 你知道,像,没错。 |
| 801 | Cause we love ambition. | 因为我们喜欢野心 |
| 802 | I also love ambition and others. | 我也喜欢野心和其他人 |
| 803 | Like I, when I hear about my friend's side hustle that's growing, like I'm, | 像我一样,当我听到我朋友的一面 正在增长,像我一样, |
| 804 | that's all my texts, all my check-in texts. | 那是我所有的短信, 所有我的登录短信。 |
| 805 | I'm just thinking about you is how's the biz? | 我只是在想你,你好吗? |
| 806 | How's the traffic? | 交通怎么样? |
| 807 | How are the book sales? | 书卖得怎么样? |
| 808 | How the movie sales? | 电影卖得怎么样? |
| 809 | Like, I want to hear about growth. | 喜欢,我想听到 关于成长。 |
| 810 | A contender pragmatist, they want to talk about ritual. | 竞争者是实用主义者 他们想谈仪式 |
| 811 | They want to talk about what works. | 他们想谈谈什么是可行的。 |
| 812 | They want to savor life's pleasures. | 他们想要拯救生命的乐趣 |
| 813 | They're very good at savoring. | 他们很会吃东西 |
| 814 | And by the way, this can be a wonderful relationship sometimes, because sometimes | 顺便说一句,这有时会是一个美妙的关系,因为有时 |
| 815 | the contender pragmatist reminds the ambitious hero, enjoy it, enjoy it. | 竞争对手实用主义者提醒了野心勃勃的英雄,享受它,享受它. |
| 816 | You've worked so hard, like just taking the view for a moment. | 你这么努力工作, 就像只是取景片刻。 |
| 817 | And so they love gratitude. | 所以他们喜欢感激 |
| 818 | They love habit, ritual routine. | 他们喜欢习惯, 仪式的常规。 |
| 819 | They love to be honored for what works. | 他们喜欢为工作而荣耀 |
| 820 | They're the ones who will make a beautiful Thanksgiving dinner and they | 他们将会做 一个美丽的感恩节晚餐,他们 |
| 821 | want to have that three hour dinner and savor it and not talk about next year | 想吃三个小时的晚饭,好好吃,明年不要谈了 |
| 822 | and not talk about goals and just savor this moment and talk about what they did | 而不是谈论目标 仅仅享受这一刻 并谈论他们做了什么 |
| 823 | last year and year before that, a little bit different. | 去年和之前的一年 有点不同 |
| 824 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 825 | This is, I think the most important one to talk about, actually. | 这是,我认为最重要的 一个谈论,实际上。 |
| 826 | I think it's the least understood of all the archetypes, which is the selfless | 我认为这是最不理解的 所有古老类型, 这是无私的 |
| 827 | helper, okay? | 帮手,好吗? |
| 828 | This is such a clear narrative. | 这是这么清楚的叙述。 |
| 829 | I almost always can predict it within the first few minutes of conversation. | 我几乎总是可以预测 在谈话的前几分钟。 |
| 830 | And that is because selfless helpers, their entire story is about giving. | 这是因为无私的帮助者, 他们的整个故事是关于付出。 |
| 831 | Their entire reason for being is being of service. | 他们的全部理由都是为了服务。 |
| 832 | They almost always pick careers that are of service. | 他们几乎总是选择服务生涯。 |
| 833 | They almost always pick careers, teachers, coaches, trainers, nurses, doctors. | 他们几乎总是挑职业,教师,教练,教练,护士,医生. |
| 834 | And that is because they're so ingrained that to have worth is to help. | 这是因为他们被束缚得如此深 值得帮助。 |
| 835 | And oftentimes where they can sometimes get into trouble is they don't feel | 有时候他们有时会惹上麻烦 因为他们感觉不到 |
| 836 | worthy if they are not helping. | 如果他们不帮忙是值得的。 |
| 837 | And so they help so much and there's nothing left. | 所以他们帮了大忙 什么都没有了 |
| 838 | They have compassion burnout or compassion fatigue because they are giving | 他们有同情心 燃烧或同情疲劳 因为他们给予 |
| 839 | and giving and giving and giving. | 以及给予和给予。 |
| 840 | They cannot say no. | 他们不能说不。 |
| 841 | In a relationship, they are beautiful to be in a relationship with because | 在感情中,他们很美丽 与关系,因为 |
| 842 | they are givers, right? | 他们是施舍者 对吧? |
| 843 | They are nurturers. | 他们是养育者。 |
| 844 | They are giving their, you know, a lot of parents can flip into | 他们给了他们,你知道, 很多父母可以翻身 |
| 845 | selfless helpers once they become a parent. | 无私的帮助者一旦成为父母。 |
| 846 | I've seen this happen with both moms and dads. | 我亲眼看到爸爸妈妈都这样 |
| 847 | The moment they have a baby, they flip into selfless helper because all | 他们一有孩子 就变成无私的帮手 |
| 848 | of a sudden their purpose is there is to take care of this little person. | 他们的目的就是照顾这个小人物 |
| 849 | The problem is that they have a really hard time saying no. | 问题是他们很难拒绝 |
| 850 | That people pleases. | 那人们喜欢。 |
| 851 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 852 | They struggle with boundaries. | 他们与边界斗争。 |
| 853 | They say yes to too much and they put themselves last. | 他们对太多的人说"是的",而他们把自己放在最后. |
| 854 | Can be both good and bad in a relationship. | 在恋爱中既好又坏 |
| 855 | And so if you're in a relationship with them, sometimes half of it is just | 所以如果你和他们有关系 有时候一半只是 |
| 856 | letting them stand up to protect themselves. | 让他们站起来保护自己 |
| 857 | It's not give too much. | 亦不给太多. |
| 858 | And I mentioned this very briefly earlier, but I had many friends who are | 我之前非常简短地提到了这一点,但我有许多朋友。 |
| 859 | selfless helpers and they attract takers, right? | 无私的帮手和他们吸引 接受者,对不对? |
| 860 | They attract high conflict people. | 它们吸引了冲突激烈的人。 |
| 861 | You know what I mean by high conflict? | 你知道我在说什么吗? |
| 862 | Oh, okay. | 哦,还好。 |
| 863 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 864 | A high conflict person is Bill Eddy's work. | 一个冲突激烈的人就是比尔·埃迪的作品. |
| 865 | He estimates that 10% of the population is a high conflict person. | 他估计,10%的人口是一个高冲突的人。 |
| 866 | A high conflict person is someone who thrives with drama. | 冲突激烈的人就是以戏剧为生的人。 |
| 867 | They create difficulty in their relationships. | 它们在他们的关系上制造困难. |
| 868 | They almost like to have difficult conversations. | 他们几乎喜欢有困难的对话。 |
| 869 | They thrive with that kind of drama. | 他们以这种戏剧形式蓬勃发展。 |
| 870 | They see an absolutes. | 他们看到一个绝对数。 |
| 871 | So they often speak in like black or white. | 所以他们经常说话 像黑或白。 |
| 872 | They see no nuance. | 他们看不到细微差别。 |
| 873 | They weaponize emotions. | 他们把情绪武器化了 |
| 874 | These days, they often sometimes use psychology to their advantage by taking | 这些天,他们常常利用心理学来利用 |
| 875 | advantage of people and the worst high conflict people, and this is where I've | 人民的利益 和最糟糕的 高冲突的人, |
| 876 | noticed it in my work when I was listening and reading Bill Eddy's work, I | 我在读比尔・艾迪的作品时注意到了 |
| 877 | was like, oh, they actually are enablers. | 他们就像,哦,他们实际上是促进因素。 |
| 878 | They can get other people to do their dirty work for them. | 他们可以让别人为他们做肮脏的工作. |
| 879 | So they can sometimes put a seed in a selfless helper's ear and the | 因此,他们有时可以把种子 在一个无私的帮助者的耳朵和 |
| 880 | selfless helper will go, oh, how dare they? | 无私的帮助者会去, 哦,他们怎么敢去? |
| 881 | And they'll go fight for you. | 他们会为你而战 |
| 882 | And so sometimes selfless helpers, they're roped into things that are not | 所以有时无私的帮手, 他们被绑在 事物不是 |
| 883 | necessarily what they should be doing because they are standing up for | 他们必须做什么 因为他们站在 |
| 884 | the person they care about. | 他们关心的人。 |
| 885 | And so if you're dealing with a selfless helper in terms of conversation. | 所以,如果你在处理一个无私的帮助 在谈话方面。 |
| 886 | Yes. | 对 |
| 887 | Sometimes they even think talking about themselves is taking. | 有时他们甚至认为 谈论自己是需要的。 |
| 888 | So you might sometimes in conversation, like you're asking them a question. | 所以你可能有时在谈话, 就像你问他们一个问题。 |
| 889 | They're like, oh no, no, enough about me. | 他们喜欢,哦,不,不,够了我。 |
| 890 | Yeah, yeah, yeah. | 对,对,对 |
| 891 | Oh, let's talk about you. | 哦,让我们谈谈你。 |
| 892 | Oh, I want to help you. | 我想帮你 |
| 893 | How can I help you? | 有什么事吗? |
| 894 | It's so funny. | 这太好笑了。 |
| 895 | Like my friends who are selfless helpers, I cannot get them to tell me what I can | 像我的朋友,谁无私的帮助, 我不能让他们告诉我什么我可以 |
| 896 | help them with because all they want to do is check in on me. | 帮帮他们,因为他们想做的就是来找我 |
| 897 | I'm like, no, no, I really do want to hear about you. | 我很喜欢,不,不,我真的很想听到你。 |
| 898 | So sometimes they won't take the ball because they're worried it's selfish. | 所以有时他们不会接球,因为他们担心球是自私的. |
| 899 | And so sometimes getting them to open up can be hard because they feel like | 所以有时让他们打开 可能很难,因为他们觉得 |
| 900 | their needs are not important, but their needs are very important. | 他们的需要并不重要,但他们的需要非常重要。 |
| 901 | Like they're such beautiful people. | 就像他们是这么漂亮的人。 |
| 902 | So I think in conversation, the greatest gift we can give a selfless helper is | 所以我想在谈话中,我们可以给一个无私的帮助者最大的礼物是 |
| 903 | letting them know that you're understood. | 让他们知道你明白了 |
| 904 | I value you and getting to know you is not taking from me. | 我珍视你 并且知道你不会夺走我 |
| 905 | It's giving to me. | 它给了我。 |
| 906 | I have to tell my friends, it makes me feel good to help you. | 我必须告诉我的朋友, 它让我感觉很好帮助你。 |
| 907 | It makes me feel good to hear about what's going on for you. | 我很高兴听到你的事 |
| 908 | You're actually giving to me by telling me about yourself, not taking from me. | 你其实是在告诉我关于你自己的事 而不是夺走我 |
| 909 | So we have to gift to them. | 所以我们必须给他们礼物。 |
| 910 | I think we have to be extremely conversationally generous with them. | 我想我们得对他们慷慨解囊 |
| 911 | Do you know, do you know anyone? | 你知道,你认识谁吗? |
| 912 | Yes, I do. | 是的,我会的。 |
| 913 | Oh, lovely. | 哦,可爱。 |
| 914 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 915 | And it all, it all tracks with everything you said. | 这一切,所有轨迹与你说的一切。 |
| 916 | So in corporate, I write all these apply to work. | 所以在公司里,我写这些 申请工作。 |
| 917 | These are great. | 这是伟大的。 |
| 918 | If you have, not always, but often managers can do great things as selfless | 如果你有,并不总是, 但经常管理者可以做伟大的事情 作为无私 |
| 919 | helpers because they are so attuned to others that they are very good at | 帮手,因为他们很适应别人,所以很擅长 |
| 920 | bringing out performance, not always, but I've seen really, really amazing | 展现出表演,并不总是, 但我看到真的,真的很惊人 |
| 921 | managers who they know the ROI, they know metrics, like they're following | 管理者谁知道ROI, 他们知道度量衡, |
| 922 | their KPIs, but they're so good at finding how does this person need to be helped? | 他们的KPI,但他们是如此的好 找到如何帮助这个人? |
| 923 | How could this person be their best selves? | 这个人怎么会是他们最好的自己? |
| 924 | Oh, that person has a great expert power. | 哦,这个人有 伟大的专家力量。 |
| 925 | They're so good at that, that they bring up performance in everyone. | 他们很擅长这个,以至于在每个人身上都出现了表演. |
| 926 | But they might avoid that difficult conversation. | 但他们可能避免了这种困难的对话。 |
| 927 | These people tend to be a little bit conflict avoidant. | 这些人往往有点冲突避免。 |
| 928 | They can be conflict avoidant, but they're very good at framing everything | 他们可以避免冲突,但他们很擅长设计一切 |
| 929 | as we're in this together. | 就像我们在一起一样 |
| 930 | So yes, they can be conflict avoidant, but the really good managers who are | 是的,他们可以避免冲突, 但真正的好管理者谁是 |
| 931 | excellent conversationalists, they are able to frame bad news and hard | 优秀的谈话家, 他们能够编造坏消息和困难 |
| 932 | feedback as I want to help you. | 我想帮助你的反馈。 |
| 933 | The reason I'm giving you this feedback is because I so want you to succeed. | 我之所以给你这个反馈 是因为我想让你成功 |
| 934 | And the person on the receiving end goes, Oh, I trust you. | 接收端的人会说 我相信你 |
| 935 | I know that. | 我知道这一点。 |
| 936 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 937 | So yes, if they're not excellent conversationalists, it's true. | 所以,是的,如果他们不是优秀的对话家,这是真的. |
| 938 | They can be avoidant, but if they learn how to be assertive, and by the way, | 他们可以避免,但是如果他们学会 如何自信,顺便说一句, |
| 939 | learning, you know, you can be assertive, then they're tremendous in conversation | 学习,你知道,你可以 自信,然后他们是巨大的谈话 |
| 940 | because they're, people trust them. | 因为他们是, 人们相信他们。 |
| 941 | Cause they come in a good place. | 因为他们来的地方不错 |
| 942 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 943 | The creative disruptor. | 创意干扰器。 |
| 944 | So the creative disruptor, this is my most challenging archetype. | 因此,创造性干扰器,这是我最具有挑战性的典型。 |
| 945 | So I'm really going to try to talk about this archetype in a positive way. | 所以我真的想用积极的方式来谈谈这个典型。 |
| 946 | Creative disruptors do not like rules. | 创意干扰者不喜欢规则。 |
| 947 | Their entire ethos is breaking things. | 他们的整个气质 正在打破的东西。 |
| 948 | They want to disrupt. | 他们想破坏。 |
| 949 | They want to go anti norm. | 他们想违反常规 |
| 950 | They want to be counter cultural. | 他们想要反文化 |
| 951 | They're the ones who are like, I don't need a blueprint. | 他们就是那种人 我不需要蓝图 |
| 952 | And they, them and me in conversation is, is not always the best. | 他们,他们和我谈话时, 并不总是最好的。 |
| 953 | There's probably the ones in the comm comments who are like, well, this doesn't | 通讯评论中可能有人说... |
| 954 | apply to me because of all these reasons, because they want to push, they want to | 由于所有这些原因,他们想要推动,他们想要 |
| 955 | challenge, and this is wonderful because they often are the really creative | 挑战,这是美妙的 因为他们往往是真正的创造力 |
| 956 | thinkers, right? | 思想家 对吧? |
| 957 | They often are the ones who are thinking outside the box the most. | 他们常常是那些在盒子外思考最多的人。 |
| 958 | They're often the ones who are willing to challenge the way | 他们常常是那些愿意挑战道路的人 |
| 959 | something has always been done. | 总是有事情发生 |
| 960 | The problem is, is sometimes that can rub people the wrong way. | 问题是,有时会用错误的方式去抚摸人。 |
| 961 | And sometimes these folks can thrive over conflict in the way of, it's | 有时候这些人能从冲突中兴旺起来 |
| 962 | just, it's fun for them. | 只是,这是他们的乐趣。 |
| 963 | Like it's fun to negotiate. | 譬如谈得乐. |
| 964 | It's fun to push. | 推之为乐. |
| 965 | A litigators, my litigators who are watching, I find that my, my litigators | 一个诉讼者,我的诉讼者 谁在看, 我发现,我的,我的诉讼者 |
| 966 | tend to fall into this, into this category or very disruptive entrepreneurs. | 往往属于这一类,属于这一类或非常具有破坏性的企业家。 |
| 967 | I know there's ones on this show. | 我知道这节目里有 |
| 968 | I've listened to the interviews with them and I go, Oh, that's a creative | 我听了他们的采访,我走了,哦,这是个创意 |
| 969 | disruptor. | 干扰器。 |
| 970 | It's someone who they're not only building something, but they're not quite | 是某个人,他们不仅在造东西,他们也不完全 |
| 971 | an ambitious hero because they want to break things that they want to build it | 一个野心勃勃的英雄 因为他们想打破他们想要建造的东西 |
| 972 | and break it. | 并击破. |
| 973 | They want to reinvent the entire system and they're doing it. | 他们想要重塑整个系统,他们正在这样做。 |
| 974 | You know, Edward Snowden is, is one of the examples I give in the book of like, | 爱德华·斯诺登是我在书中举的例子之一 |
| 975 | he, he wanted to change something. | 他,他想要改变的东西。 |
| 976 | And also he, he wanted to like stick it to the man. | 还有他,他想把它粘在男人身上 |
| 977 | Like he wanted to break the system that he was in. | 就像他想要打破他当时的系统一样 |
| 978 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 979 | Do you struggle with this? | 你为此而挣扎吗? |
| 980 | Do you like this? | 你喜欢这个吗? |
| 981 | In interviews, they, they're very interesting. | 在访谈中,他们非常有趣. |
| 982 | They're really good in interviews. | 他们很擅长采访 |
| 983 | I actually interviewed someone the other day that was like that. | 那天我确实采访过这样的人 |
| 984 | So interesting. | 这么有趣。 |
| 985 | Because they have a contrarian view by nature. | 因为他们天生观点相反 |
| 986 | Everything they say is like deeply contrarian. | 他们所说的每句话都像反面的 |
| 987 | But I think, I think having people like that, that are challenging around, they're | 但我想,我觉得有这样的人, 这是挑战周围,他们是 |
| 988 | like default is challenge is quite, it's quite useful. | 就像默认是挑战 相当有用 |
| 989 | Yes. | 对 |
| 990 | It helps me be sort of refine my, my, my points of view. | 它能帮助我完善我的观点 |
| 991 | And they live as dream killers. | 他们活在做梦的杀手。 |
| 992 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 993 | Right. | 对 |
| 994 | They're dream killers for sure. | 他们肯定是梦中杀手 |
| 995 | It can be amazing, but can be exhausting. | 它可以令人惊叹,但可以是累人。 |
| 996 | So conversation, it just, it's good to go and prepared to know, ah, I need this. | 所以谈话,只是,这是很好的去 准备知道,啊,我需要这个。 |
| 997 | I want to get stronger. | 我想变得更强壮 |
| 998 | I want to be anti-fragile. | 欲为反佛. |
| 999 | They'll break for you to make you stronger. | 他们会为了你而破坏你的力量 |
| 1000 | Or like, I'm a delicate flower right now. | 或者说 我现在是一朵微妙的花 |
| 1001 | I cannot do the dream killing. | 我不能做梦杀。 |
| 1002 | I'm exhausted by it. | 我被它疲惫不堪。 |
| 1003 | It's a fine line between that and like pessimism. | 这与悲观主义之间有细微的界限. |
| 1004 | Not always, but sometimes they are pessimistic. | 并不总是,但有时他们悲观。 |
| 1005 | Not always. | 并不总是 |
| 1006 | I, we have a creative disruptor friend who, I did an Instagram post about this. | 我们有个有创意的破坏者朋友 我做了一篇Instagram的文章 |
| 1007 | And I said, you know, I have a friend who always says, I hate everything. | 我说,你知道,我有一个朋友 谁总是说,我恨的一切。 |
| 1008 | Texts. | 文字经. |
| 1009 | I hate everything. | 我憎恶一切. |
| 1010 | And he, Instagram knew it was him and served him the video. | 而他,Instagram知道是他,并且为他提供了视频. |
| 1011 | And he texted me, he's like, is this me? | 他给我发短信,他喜欢,这是我吗? |
| 1012 | And I was like, yes. | 我很喜欢,是的。 |
| 1013 | Instagram知道是他干的 | |
| 1014 | Instagram, how dare you. | 英斯塔格拉姆,你胆敢这样 |
| 1015 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 1016 | The last one is one we've actually already touched on, which is the unlucky | 最后一个是我们已经碰过, 这是不幸的 |
| 1017 | struggler. | 挣扎者。 |
| 1018 | So this is someone with a contamination narrative and they feel that no matter | 所以,这是一个有 污染叙事 他们觉得,无论 |
| 1019 | what they've done, they are unlucky. | 他们所做的,他们很不幸。 |
| 1020 | They are struggling. | 他们在挣扎 |
| 1021 | They often feel stuck. | 他们常常觉得卡住了。 |
| 1022 | They often feel misunderstood. | 他们常常感到误解。 |
| 1023 | They often feel overlooked. | 他们常常感到被忽视。 |
| 1024 | And the problem with unlucky strugglers that the, the character you want to think | 还有那些不走运的挣扎者的问题 以及你想思考的角色 |
| 1025 | of is like George Costanza from Seinfeld, right? | 就像塞因费尔德的乔治·康斯坦萨 对吧 |
| 1026 | Like, ah, everything is bad for me. | 像,啊,一切都对我不好。 |
| 1027 | They can be hilarious, but they are tortured. | 他们可以搞笑,但他们被折磨。 |
| 1028 | They are tortured. | 他们受到折磨。 |
| 1029 | And in conversation, it's really hard for ambitious heroes to not try to convince | 在谈话中 野心勃勃的英雄们 很难说服他们 |
| 1030 | them they're not unlucky. | 他们不是不幸的。 |
| 1031 | Like my biggest challenge with my unlucky strugglers in my life is to not try to | 就像我一生中最大的挑战 我的不幸的挣扎者 是不要尝试 |
| 1032 | flip them into something that they're not, or try to convince them that they're | 把它们变成他们不是的东西 或者试图说服他们 |
| 1033 | actually lucky. | 其实很幸运 |
| 1034 | They also in conversation can be very funny. | 他们在谈话中也会很有趣 |
| 1035 | Like they can make fun of themselves. | 像他们可以取笑自己。 |
| 1036 | They're so humble. | 诸人恭敬. |
| 1037 | They're low self-esteem. | 他们自尊心很低 |
| 1038 | Some of the best comedians are unlucky strugglers. | 一些最优秀的喜剧演员是不幸的挣扎者. |
| 1039 | And so they're beautiful to be around, but sometimes you wish that they had more | 因此,他们美丽 周围,但有时你希望 他们有更多的 |
| 1040 | confidence in the confidence you see in them. | 对你所看到的信任有信心 |
| 1041 | They had it too. | 他们也有 |
| 1042 | If you're in a conversation with one of these people that you don't gel with, is | 如果你在和这些人谈话 却不和他们在一起 |
| 1043 | there a, I mean, you talk about it a little bit in the book, but what are the ways to | 书里有段话要说 但有什么办法 |
| 1044 | get out of a bad conversation without offending people? | 走出一个糟糕的谈话 没有冒犯人? |
| 1045 | Oh my goodness. | 天呐 |
| 1046 | It's called a graceful exit. | 所谓优雅出家. |
| 1047 | So there's a behavior concept, the peak end effect that we remember the first few | 因此,有一个行为概念, 峰末效应,我们记得前几个 |
| 1048 | minutes of a conversation and the last few minutes of conversation, but we tend to | 几分钟的谈话和最后几分钟的谈话 但我们倾向于 |
| 1049 | focus a lot on the first impression. | 专注于第一印象。 |
| 1050 | Peak end. | 峰顶端. |
| 1051 | Like, like, so when you're remembering something, you remember the peak of a | 喜欢,喜欢,所以当你记得一些东西, 你记得高峰 |
| 1052 | conversation and the end of the conversation. | 谈话和谈话结束 |
| 1053 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 1054 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1055 | But we also, of course, the first impressions are incredibly important as | 但我们,当然,第一印象 极为重要,因为 |
| 1056 | well. | 不错 |
| 1057 | We tend to over-index on the first impression. | 我们的第一印象是过度指数化 |
| 1058 | So we think a lot about our first few minutes, our opening line, maybe the | 所以我们想了很多 关于我们的第一个几分钟, 我们的开场线,也许 |
| 1059 | highlight, but we don't really think about the end, but actually that's what we | 重点,但我们不 真正思考结束, 但实际上,这就是我们 |
| 1060 | leave people with. | 离开别人。 |
| 1061 | So I have a formula. | 所以我有一个公式。 |
| 1062 | You know, I love a formula. | 我喜欢配方 |
| 1063 | This calms my anxiety. | 这平息了我的焦虑。 |
| 1064 | When I'm in a conversation, it's time to go, right? | 当我在谈话时,是时候走了,对不对? |
| 1065 | Either, either we're not feeling it. | 要么我们感觉不到 |
| 1066 | Like we're not, we're just not clicking or like we got to go. | 就像我们不是,我们只是没有点击 或者像我们得走了。 |
| 1067 | One first is a future cue. | 第一个是未来的提示。 |
| 1068 | So it's future cue plus compliment or action. | 所以这是未来的提示加上赞美或行动。 |
| 1069 | So a future cue is when you ask about or mention something coming in the future. | 所以,未来的提示是 当你问 或提到未来的事情。 |
| 1070 | The reason for this is it's a subtle way to shift the brain into not here later. | 原因在于它是一个微妙的方法 将大脑转移到以后不在这里。 |
| 1071 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 1072 | So that's role play. | 这就是角色扮演。 |
| 1073 | Yeah, let's do it. | 是啊,让我们做到这一点。 |
| 1074 | We're at a, we're at a party. | 我们在开派对 |
| 1075 | We're having some wine and things get a little bit awkward. | 我们喝了点酒 事情变得有点尴尬 |
| 1076 | We ran out of things to say to each other. | 我们没有话要说 |
| 1077 | Do you have any fun plans coming up this weekend? | 你周末有什么好玩的计划吗? |
| 1078 | Do you have any fun? | 你有乐趣吗? |
| 1079 | Uh, this is wine bar across town that I'm really into. | 呃,这是葡萄酒酒吧 跨镇,我真的很喜欢。 |
| 1080 | So I'm probably just going to go there. | 所以我可能要去那里。 |
| 1081 | I think with some friends. | 我想与一些朋友。 |
| 1082 | Oh my gosh. | 天呐 |
| 1083 | Well, I hope it's lovely. | 嗯,我希望这是可爱的。 |
| 1084 | Make sure to try. | 确保尝试。 |
| 1085 | Um, I love a Chardonnay. | 嗯,我喜欢一个夏多奈。 |
| 1086 | Uh, I don't know if you like white wine, be sure to try it. | 呃,我不知道你是否喜欢白葡萄酒, 请试试。 |
| 1087 | Future cues. | 未来的提示。 |
| 1088 | So I just asked you about a future and I'm going to wish you well on it, which | 所以,我只是问你 关于一个未来, 我会祝你好在它, |
| 1089 | already gets us into future mode. | 已经让我们进入未来模式。 |
| 1090 | And then I'm going to end on a compliment or an action. | 然后,我要结束一个赞美或行动。 |
| 1091 | It was so lovely talking to you. | 跟你说话真好听 |
| 1092 | I hope you have a great time with that wine bar. | 我希望你和那个酒吧玩得开心点 |
| 1093 | I'm going to go get some more coffee. | 我去拿点咖啡 |
| 1094 | Have you got any fun plans coming up? | 你有什么有趣的计划吗? |
| 1095 | I have so many coming up. | 我有这么多即将到来。 |
| 1096 | My daughter's just started school. | 我女儿刚开始上学 |
| 1097 | And so we're having a celebratory Labor Day weekend this weekend. | 所以,我们有一个庆祝劳动节周末 这个周末。 |
| 1098 | What'd you love to talk about? | 你想谈什么? |
| 1099 | I'm not sure that's it. | 我不确定就这样 |
| 1100 | That's a signature question. | 这是一个签名问题。 |
| 1101 | What have you always wanted to learn? | 你一直想学什么? |
| 1102 | So I'm, what if they just go straight back in though? | 所以,我,如果他们只是去 直接回来虽然? |
| 1103 | Cause that's happened to me before where I've tried to. | 因为这发生在我之前 我试图。 |
| 1104 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 1105 | This is where the, the action and the compliment that, that second piece of the | 行动与赞美就是在这里,第二段 |
| 1106 | future queue is we mentioned future and you're right, they might, they | 未来的排队是,我们提到未来 而你是对的,他们可能,他们 |
| 1107 | might keep going with it. | 可能会继续 |
| 1108 | The action and compliment is really important. | 行动和赞美是非常重要的。 |
| 1109 | So wrapping up the conversation sounds like it's been so wonderful talking to you. | 所以把谈话结束 听起来你说话真好 |
| 1110 | I'm using an exit voice. | 我在用出口的声音 |
| 1111 | Do you hear the exit voice? | 你听到出口的声音了吗? |
| 1112 | And our tone really matters here. | 我们的语气在这里真的很重要。 |
| 1113 | So it's been so wonderful talking to you. | 很高兴和你聊天 |
| 1114 | I hope that that goes great this weekend or be sure to connect with me on LinkedIn. | 我希望这周末会很顺利 或者能在LinkedIn上跟我联系 |
| 1115 | I was so happy we were able to trade numbers. | 我很高兴我们能交换数字 |
| 1116 | So you're mentioning the action that's going to come later and it's using that | 所以,你提到 以后的动作 它使用 |
| 1117 | closing voice and then the action. | 关闭声音,然后行动。 |
| 1118 | I'm going to go grab more coffee. | 我去拿点咖啡 |
| 1119 | I'm going to go say hi to the host. | 我去跟主持人打个招呼 |
| 1120 | I'm going to run to the ladies room. | 我要去洗手间了 |
| 1121 | I'm going to let head home. | 我先回去了,我马上回去 |
| 1122 | Right. | 对 |
| 1123 | Like then they cannot, right? | 像那样,他们不能,对不对? |
| 1124 | Like you've ended it then. | 就像你结束了一样 |
| 1125 | And you also can use nonverbal cues here. | 你也可以在这里使用非语言提示。 |
| 1126 | So the moment I take a step back, the moment I angle my body towards the door, our | 所以,当我退一步, 当我把身体转向门,我们 |
| 1127 | brain subtly sees, ah, they are literally trying to physically disengage. | 大脑潜伏地看到, 啊,他们实际上试图 物理分离。 |
| 1128 | So usually I pair those with those subtle nonverbal cues of like a slow backup and | 所以通常我把那些 与那些微妙的非语言提示像一个缓慢的备份, |
| 1129 | I angle towards the door and remember, you can be assertive with this, the | 我靠着门,记住,你可以坚持这一点, |
| 1130 | worst kind of last impression is a lingering awkwardness. | 最糟糕的最后一种印象是 持续的尴尬。 |
| 1131 | There is nothing worse than a, well, this has been good. | 没有什么比这更糟的了,嗯,这是很好的。 |
| 1132 | It's, it's been good for you. | 对你有好处 |
| 1133 | It's, it's been good for me. | 这是,它一直对我很好。 |
| 1134 | Well, um, so, uh, uh, those are the worst. | 嗯,嗯,所以,嗯,嗯, 这些是最糟糕的。 |
| 1135 | So be assertive with this. | 所以,要坚持这一点。 |
| 1136 | If you want to end it, if you're feeling it's the end, do it. | 若欲灭之,若觉灭之,即行. |
| 1137 | It's been so great talking to you. | 很高兴跟你说话 |
| 1138 | I'm going to grab some more coffee. | 我去拿点咖啡 |
| 1139 | Good luck at the wine bar this weekend. | 祝这周末酒会好运 |
| 1140 | Have so much fun, right? | 玩得开心点,对吧? |
| 1141 | Like be assertive with it or else it will linger. | 喜欢用它固执 否则它会停留。 |
| 1142 | And that is just kryptonite for charisma. | 那只是闪电石的魅力 |
| 1143 | On this point of being assertive. | 这一点是坚定的。 |
| 1144 | Oh yes. | 对 |
| 1145 | I was talking to some friends the other day about people that have aura and Riz. | 那天我跟一些朋友聊过 关于有气息和里兹的人 |
| 1146 | Oh yeah. | 对 |
| 1147 | Who has aura and Riz? | 谁有气息和里兹? |
| 1148 | Who does? | 谁知道? |
| 1149 | I don't know. | 师曰. |
| 1150 | I don't really know what the words mean. | 我不知道这些话是什么意思 |
| 1151 | I kind of know what aura means, but I don't really know what Riz means. | 我有点明白Aura的意思 但我真的不知道Riz的意思 |
| 1152 | So I I'm curious, like how you define those terms and like, how does | 所以我好奇,就像你如何定义这些术语, 喜欢,怎么样 |
| 1153 | one cultivate aura and Riz? | 养气和里兹? |
| 1154 | I think aura and Riz, the only reason this is front of mind is, is my daughter | 我觉得Aura和Riz, 唯一的原因是,这是前脑, 我女儿 |
| 1155 | asked me, she heard one of my YouTube videos and she said, what is charisma? | 问我,她听到我的一个YouTube视频 她说,什么是魅力? |
| 1156 | She asked me that and I was like, Ooh, like she's eight. | 她问我,我就像,哦,像她8岁。 |
| 1157 | They said charisma or Riz or aura is someone that you really want to be around. | 他们说,魅力或Riz或Aura 是一个你真正想要身边的人。 |
| 1158 | It's when they walk into a room, you want to go over and talk to them. | 就是他们走进房间的时候 你想过去和他们谈谈 |
| 1159 | You want to sit near them. | 你想坐在他们附近。 |
| 1160 | You want to listen to them. | 你想听他们的话 |
| 1161 | You want to work with them. | 你想和他们合作 |
| 1162 | You want to play with them. | 你想和他们玩 |
| 1163 | And I said, do you know anyone like that? | 我说,你认识这样的人吗? |
| 1164 | And she goes, Oh yes. | 她走了,对了。 |
| 1165 | And she named so interesting. | 她命名这么有趣。 |
| 1166 | She named two kids in her class that I had already identified as very charismatic. | 她给班里的两个孩子取了名字 我已经确认他们很有魅力 |
| 1167 | Like I knew, I in my mind, I knew who the charismatic kids were in her class. | 就像我知道的,在我脑海里, 我知道谁是迷人的孩子 在她的课堂上。 |
| 1168 | I had, I had popped them, right? | 我有,我已经弹了,对不对? |
| 1169 | I saw them. | 我看见了 |
| 1170 | They were the kids that you really wanted to be around. | 他们是你真正想要的孩子们。 |
| 1171 | They have this aura about them and she named those exact two kids. | 他们有这种气息 关于他们,她命名 确切的两个孩子。 |
| 1172 | So I think that that definition works. | 所以我认为这个定义是可行的。 |
| 1173 | It's someone that we are drawn to verbally, physically. | 我们被从口头上,身体上吸引 |
| 1174 | I think also some of it is can be physical and there's something | 我觉得有些也是物理的,有东西 |
| 1175 | hormonal there as well, but it's someone we're drawn to. | 那里还有荷尔蒙, 但我们被吸引到一个人。 |
| 1176 | So based on the 20 years of research you've done, if you were trying to teach | 所以根据你20年的研究 如果你想要教书 |
| 1177 | me to have aura and Riz, what are like the basics? | 我有一个气和里兹, 什么是基础是什么? |
| 1178 | Be really easy to talk to. | 很容易说话 |
| 1179 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 1180 | Right. | 对 |
| 1181 | So the point of level one is to put someone at ease. | 因此,第一层的要点是让某人放松. |
| 1182 | We like to be people around people who are one clearly signaling. | 我们喜欢成为周围的人 一个明显的信号。 |
| 1183 | We don't like people who are mute with their body language. | 我们不喜欢用身体语言变哑的人 |
| 1184 | We don't like people who under signal. | 我们不喜欢有信号的人 |
| 1185 | We like people who clearly like us, right? | 我们喜欢明显喜欢我们的人 对吧? |
| 1186 | So we have to be very allowed with our liking. | 因此,我们必须非常允许 我们喜欢。 |
| 1187 | So saying things like, it's always so fun talking to you or you always have the | 所以说,事情一样, 它总是那么有趣 跟你说话或者你总是有 |
| 1188 | best stories. | 最好的故事。 |
| 1189 | Oh, you always make me laugh. | 哦,你总是让我笑。 |
| 1190 | I love when you're put on my team. | 我喜欢你加入我的团队 |
| 1191 | So clearly signaling like and verbally, I think we, there's something called signal | 所以清晰的信号 类似和口头的, 我认为,我们, 有东西叫做信号 |
| 1192 | amplification bias, which is this bias that we have that we think we're being | 放大偏执,这就是这种偏执,我们有 我们认为我们正在 |
| 1193 | really obvious with our cues, but we are not in fact being obvious. | 我们的提示非常明显,但我们事实上并不明显。 |
| 1194 | We think that people know that we like them. | 我们认为人们知道我们喜欢他们。 |
| 1195 | Of course they know that we like them, but actually people underestimate liking, | 他们当然知道我们喜欢他们 但实际上人们低估了喜欢 |
| 1196 | right? | 对吧? |
| 1197 | The liking gap. | 喜欢的空隙。 |
| 1198 | So we like people who are very clearly broadcasting likes. | 所以我们喜欢那些非常清晰的 广播喜欢的人。 |
| 1199 | And I have a funny story, if I may. | 我有一个有趣的故事,如果我可以。 |
| 1200 | So this hit very close, embarrassingly to home because of my job. | 因此,这击中非常接近, 尴尬的回家 因为我的工作。 |
| 1201 | I don't know what this happens to you. | 我不知道这发生在你身上。 |
| 1202 | My friends often ask me to suss out their partners, like potential partners. | 我的朋友们经常要求我像潜在的伙伴一样 甩掉他们的伙伴 |
| 1203 | So like a friend will be like, Hey, I met a new guy. | 所以,就像一个朋友会喜欢, 嘿,我遇到了一个新的家伙。 |
| 1204 | Can, can you go out to dinner with us and tell me what you think? | 你能和我们一起吃晚饭吗? |
| 1205 | Does that like you all? | 你们都喜欢吗? |
| 1206 | Absolutely not. | 绝对不是。 |
| 1207 | Oh my God, nobody asks me. | 哦,我的上帝,没有人问我。 |
| 1208 | So I get this a lot. | 所以我得到这个很多。 |
| 1209 | And by the way, I, I'm just a regular person. | 顺便说一句 我只是个普通人 |
| 1210 | So I'm always like, are you, are you sure you really want to know what I'm | 所以我总是喜欢,你, 你确定你真的想知道我是什么 |
| 1211 | saying? | 说什么? |
| 1212 | So I go on a lot of like second or third little go-see coffee dates to see, to | 所以我去很多 像第二或第三 小去看咖啡日期看, |
| 1213 | suss out the guy or girl. | 帮那个男的或女的 |
| 1214 | It makes me feel needed. | 这让我觉得需要。 |
| 1215 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 1216 | I also love eavesdropping on like the date conversation. | 我也喜欢偷听 像约会谈话。 |
| 1217 | So she said, I really want you to meet this guy. | 她说,我真的希望你能见见这个人。 |
| 1218 | Let's call him Schmobbert. | 我们叫他施莫伯特吧 |
| 1219 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 1220 | And so we go on this dinner and we have like a Mediterranean platter and he was | 所以我们去吃晚饭, 我们有一个像地中海的盘子,他当时 |
| 1221 | okay, you know, it's like, okay, he's, he's nice, but I wasn't like green | 好吧,你知道,这就像,好吧,他很好, 但我不喜欢绿色 |
| 1222 | flag, green flag, you know, it's kind of like meh. | 旗帜,绿色旗帜,你知道, 这有点像Meh。 |
| 1223 | So the next day I get the call. | 所以第二天我接到电话 |
| 1224 | She's like, Hey, what did you think? | 她就像,嘿,你觉得呢? |
| 1225 | And I'm about to say, he's only okay. | 我要说 他没事 |
| 1226 | When she goes, you know what? | 当她走了,你知道吗? |
| 1227 | He just loved you. | 他只是爱你。 |
| 1228 | It's like, Oh, what? | 这就像,哦,什么? |
| 1229 | She said, Oh, you know, he thought you were so funny and he already bought your | 她说,哦,你知道,他觉得你这么好笑 他已经买了你的 |
| 1230 | audible book and he just loved talking to you. | 他喜欢跟你说话 |
| 1231 | Like the most I started to like him more. | 就像我最喜欢他一样 |
| 1232 | Like it was so embarrassing because as she was telling me all these things about | 好像很尴尬 因为她告诉我这些事情 |
| 1233 | how he liked me, I was like, you know, Schmobbert, he is a great guy. | 他喜欢我,我就像, 你知道,施莫伯特, 他是一个伟大的家伙。 |
| 1234 | He's clever. | 他很聪明 |
| 1235 | He's so smart. | 他很聪明。 |
| 1236 | He liked my, he liked my jokes. | 他喜欢我的,他喜欢我的笑话。 |
| 1237 | Really? | 真的吗? |
| 1238 | She's like, yeah, he just, you know, he just really had a good time with you. | 她喜欢,是的,他只是, 你知道,他只是 真的有一个很好的时间与你。 |
| 1239 | And I felt like I liked him more in that moment. | 我觉得我更喜欢他 |
| 1240 | And I was horrified by my own response. | 我对自己的反应感到震惊。 |
| 1241 | And I realized we so want to be liked that when someone clearly signals liking, | 我意识到我们非常想被喜欢 当有人明显喜欢的时候 |
| 1242 | it makes us like them more. | 这让我们更喜欢他们。 |
| 1243 | Right? | 对吧? |
| 1244 | So we can be charismatic one as we send clear signals of liking, but also two, | 所以当我们发出清晰的喜悦信号时 我们可以成为魅力的一号 但还有二号 |
| 1245 | and we talked about this a little bit last time is fundamentally 82% of our | 我们上次谈这个 基本上占我们82% |
| 1246 | impressions of people are based on warmth and competence. | 对人的印象是基于温暖和能力。 |
| 1247 | So people who are first and is first signaling, I'm open, I'm friendly, and | 所以先发信号的人 我开放,我很友好 |
| 1248 | then competent, I'm capable, I'm efficient, I'm effective, make us feel | 然后有能力,我有能力,我有效率,我有效,让我们觉得 |
| 1249 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}就像我这样在人手上 | |
| 1250 | Every human being we first meet, we're trying to answer two questions. | 每个人类,我们第一次见面, 我们试图回答两个问题。 |
| 1251 | Can I trust you and can I rely on you? | 我可以信任你,我可以信任你吗? |
| 1252 | So the second thing that charismatic people are doing is they're signaling, | 所以,第二件有魅力的事情是,他们正在发出信号, |
| 1253 | you can trust me and you can rely on me. | 你可以相信我,你可以信赖我。 |
| 1254 | I'm going to get it done. | 即得圆满. |
| 1255 | I'm going to only speak when I know something. | 我只会在知道事情之后说话 |
| 1256 | I'm going to be assertive. | 我会很自信的 |
| 1257 | I'm going to carry us through this conversation. | 我要带我们通过这个对话。 |
| 1258 | I think that sort of the, this came after cues in a good way because cues is very | 我认为,那种,这是 后提示的方式很好 因为提示是非常 |
| 1259 | much about picking your signals, but conversation is about being a bit | 大部分关于选择你的信号, 但谈话是有点 |
| 1260 | assertive about the plan, right? | 坚持计划,对不对? |
| 1261 | If you read this book, you are going to feel in control of conversation. | 如果你读了这本书 你会觉得能控制对话 |
| 1262 | You're going to feel like you're approaching a conversation and you know | 你会觉得你正在接近谈话,你知道 |
| 1263 | what you want to do if you have intention. | 你想做什么,如果你有意图。 |
| 1264 | We like that. | 我们喜欢这样 |
| 1265 | Charismatic people like they can, they carry us, right? | 有魅力的人像他们可以, 他们背我们,对不对? |
| 1266 | Like they're like, we got this, we're going to do level, I'm going to ask about | 就像他们一样,我们得到了这个, 我们要做水平,我要问关于 |
| 1267 | this, I'm going to do dream killing. | 这个,我要去做梦杀。 |
| 1268 | And if I like you, if I like you, we're going to talk about your character. | 狦и尺舧 狦и尺舧 и穦酵酵 |
| 1269 | And so I think that that plan is a secret door into charisma. | 所以我认为这个计划是进入魅力的秘密门。 |
| 1270 | Is there anything else that, you know, people accidentally do that holds them | 还有其他什么,你知道, 人们不小心做的 持有他们 |
| 1271 | back from being someone of high aura? | 从高气压的人回来? |
| 1272 | Yes. | 对 |
| 1273 | They try to be impressive. | 他们试图令人印象深刻。 |
| 1274 | Now I know we talked about this before. | 我知道我们之前谈过了 |
| 1275 | Here's what happens when you go into the conversation, trying to sound smart, | 当你进入对话中, 试图听起来聪明, |
| 1276 | trying to impress people with your accolades and your background as you | 试图用你的优雅和背景来给人们留下深刻印象 |
| 1277 | actually end up creating distance. | 最终创造了距离。 |
| 1278 | And I have a story where this felt very, very real. | 我有一个故事,它的感觉非常,非常真实。 |
| 1279 | So I was living in Austin, Texas. | 所以我住在德克萨斯州奥斯汀 |
| 1280 | I moved since then, but I was in Austin, Texas and I was invited to a VIP party. | 我从那时起就搬家了 但我在德克萨斯州奥斯汀 被邀请参加贵宾派对 |
| 1281 | She lives down at the beach in LA. | 她住在洛杉矶的海滩上 |
| 1282 | If anyone wants to do lunch or dinner or breakfast with Vanessa, she is, I'll | 如果有人想和Vanessa一起吃午饭 吃晚饭 或者吃早餐 |
| 1283 | share her number in the comments section. | 与她分享评论部分的编号。 |
| 1284 | It'll be pinned. | 会被钉住的 |
| 1285 | Exactly. | 没错 |
| 1286 | So I was in Austin and I was invited to this VIP party and I was like, oh | 我当时在奥斯汀 我被邀请参加贵宾派对 我当时想 |
| 1287 | man, like what, why am I being invited? | 为什么邀请我? |
| 1288 | Like so imposter syndrome. | 像这样冒充综合症。 |
| 1289 | We get there and I'm like, oh, I know that person's YouTube channel. | 我们到了那里,我就像, 哦,我知道那个人的YouTube频道。 |
| 1290 | Like I know that person. | 就像我认识那个人一样 |
| 1291 | Like the people I immediately recognized. | 就像我马上认出的人一样 |
| 1292 | And I'm like, wow. | 而我喜欢,哇。 |
| 1293 | And then of course, like within the first five minutes, the leader of this group | 然后,当然,就像在前五分钟, 这个集团的领导人 |
| 1294 | says, we're going to get in a circle and we are going to introduce ourselves. | 说,我们要进入一个圈子,然后自我介绍。 |
| 1295 | And this is like, so we get in a circle and the first person basically is like, | 这就像,所以我们得到一个圆 和第一人基本上就像, |
| 1296 | I'm a billionaire and I invented the internet or something like that. | 我是亿万富翁,我发明了互联网之类的东西。 |
| 1297 | And the second person is like, I'd love to know what they actually said. | 第二个人喜欢, 我想知道他们到底说了什么。 |
| 1298 | That's what you heard. | 这就是你听到的。 |
| 1299 | Like it was so impressive. | 简直让人印象深刻 |
| 1300 | You know, I was like, okay, okay. | 你知道,我很喜欢,好吧,好吧。 |
| 1301 | This first person is all right. | 此第一人无碍. |
| 1302 | The second person is like, I cured cancer, right? | 第二个人就像,我治愈了癌症,对不对? |
| 1303 | Like, like, like amazing, like, and it was just like person after person. | 喜欢,喜欢,像惊人的, 像,就像人一个接一个。 |
| 1304 | It was like getting more and more impressive and like, it's slowly coming | 这就像越来越令人印象深刻, 像,它正在慢慢的来 |
| 1305 | to me and I was like, everyone was trying to be impressive, right? | 对我来说,我就像, 每个人都试图令人印象深刻,对不对? |
| 1306 | Like they're, they were saying things that were meant to, to shock | 就像他们一样,他们说话 本来想,震惊 |
| 1307 | and wow and awe you it gets to me. | 哇哇哇哇哇哇哇哇哇哇哇哇哇哇哇哇哇哇 |
| 1308 | And I was like, my name is Vanessa and I'm a recovering awkward person. | 我当时想,我叫Vanessa, 我是一个恢复尴尬的人。 |
| 1309 | And I help smart, awkward people with my books and my YouTube channel. | 我用我的书和YouTube频道 帮助聪明、尴尬的人。 |
| 1310 | And everyone laughed and took a deep breath. | 大家都笑了,深呼吸了。 |
| 1311 | Now I have other accolades that I could have shared, but I was | 现在,我还有其他的优雅,我可以分享, 但我是 |
| 1312 | like, it's nothing in comparison. | 像,这是没有比较。 |
| 1313 | And also I just wanted to be a little vulnerable. | 我也只是想有点脆弱。 |
| 1314 | So I said, and I don't know why I was invited to this party. | 所以我说,我不知道为什么我被邀请参加这个聚会。 |
| 1315 | And everyone laughed, right? | 大家都笑了,对吧? |
| 1316 | There's like a little bit of vulnerability. | 亦有如是微细微虚弱. |
| 1317 | Every single person after me said, I'm a recovering awkward person. | 在我之后的每个人 都说 我是个正在康复的尴尬的人 |
| 1318 | So like, they also were able to feel awkward. | 所以,他们也感到尴尬。 |
| 1319 | So it changed the nature of the rest of the invites, the rest of the introductions. | 于是改变了其余邀请,其余介绍的性质. |
| 1320 | And then afterwards, the circle like breaks up for networking and most | 之后,圆形像断裂 建立网络和大多数 |
| 1321 | people came over to me, not the billionaire, not the cure of cancer, not | 人们来找我,不是亿万富翁,不是治疗癌症,不是 |
| 1322 | the saving the earth, climate change guru, but wanted to talk to me about awkwardness | 拯救地球 气候变化大师 但想和我谈谈尴尬 |
| 1323 | and about my YouTube channel and about they're smart, but they feel uncomfortable. | 和关于我的YouTube频道 关于他们很聪明,但他们觉得不舒服。 |
| 1324 | And I realized like, I was just the easiest person to talk to in that circle. | 我意识到 我只是在那个圈子里最容易交谈的人 |
| 1325 | You have aura, Vanessa. | 你有气息 瓦内萨 |
| 1326 | You have Riz. | 你有里兹。 |
| 1327 | I was the easiest person to talk to in that circle. | 我是那个圈子里最容易交谈的人 |
| 1328 | And so I think that if we can- | 所以我认为如果我们能... |
| 1329 | Do you have aura, Vanessa? | 你有气息吗,凡妮莎? |
| 1330 | You parlayed that one out there. | 你把那一个摊了出来。 |
| 1331 | Maybe when my makeup is done. | 也许当我的化妆完成。 |
| 1332 | Do you have aura? | 你有气息吗? |
| 1333 | When my makeup is done, maybe. | 当我的化妆完成,也许。 |
| 1334 | Maybe when my makeup is done. | 也许当我的化妆完成。 |
| 1335 | I mean, I don't, I don't know. | 我意思是说,我不知道,我不知道。 |
| 1336 | Do I? | 是吗? |
| 1337 | You do have aura. | 你确实有气息。 |
| 1338 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 1339 | Um, so I think that I just share that because we don't have to put so | 嗯,所以我想我只是分享 因为我们不必说 |
| 1340 | much pressure on ourselves to be impressive. | 给自己带来很大压力,让我们印象深刻。 |
| 1341 | In fact, the really impressive people, I don't know, I haven't met that many | 其实,真正令人印象深刻的人, 我不知道,我还没有见过那么多 |
| 1342 | billionaires, but the ones I've met, like most of them are quite humble and they're | 亿万富翁,但我见过的人, 就像他们大多数人都相当谦卑,他们是 |
| 1343 | quite, they downplay how successful they are because they've already made it. | 相当的,他们轻描淡写他们有多成功 因为他们已经做到了。 |
| 1344 | And so I think if we all just put less pressure on ourselves to just connect, | 所以我认为如果我们都只是 给自己带来的压力 仅仅连接, |
| 1345 | that would be easier. | 那样比较容易 |
| 1346 | It does really track. | 它真的跟踪。 |
| 1347 | I was thinking about the people in my life that have aura and they're not the | 我在想我生命中那些有气息的人 他们不是 |
| 1348 | people that have, are the most successful, the most accomplished. | 那些曾经,最成功,最成就的人。 |
| 1349 | They are, they are the ones that you would most like, like to spend time | 他们是,他们是你最喜欢的, 喜欢花时间 |
| 1350 | with for whatever reason. | 无论出于什么原因 |
| 1351 | Yeah, they're easy. | 是啊,他们很容易。 |
| 1352 | And by the way, it's back and forth. | 且道是前后时. |
| 1353 | Like you can be introverted and an extra or extroverted. | 就像你可以内向 和额外的或外向的。 |
| 1354 | You don't have, like people I think think that master | 你没有,像人一样,我觉得主人 |
| 1355 | conversationals are extroverted. | 对话是外向的。 |
| 1356 | Actually, that's not usually the case. | 实际上,情况通常并非如此。 |
| 1357 | Sometimes extroverts fall into their own traps with computational | 有时外向器会随着计算而落入自己的陷阱 |
| 1358 | narcissism, uh, ambiverts, introverts do really well. | 自我主义,呃,矛盾论,内向论都做得非常好。 |
| 1359 | But one of the other sort of definitions of aura is the person who, I don't know, | 但另一种对气态的定义是, 我不知道, |
| 1360 | they just seem to take up more space. | 他们似乎占据了更多的空间。 |
| 1361 | They, they seem to speak slower and be, you kind of like see them walk across a room. | 他们说话似乎比较慢,你好像看到他们走过一个房间 |
| 1362 | What is that? | 这是什么? |
| 1363 | And like, how are they cultivating that? | 他们是怎么培育出来的? |
| 1364 | Like that kind of aura? | 喜欢这种气息? |
| 1365 | I think there's, I, this has been my guess. | 我想,这是我的猜测。 |
| 1366 | I have also thought about this because when someone walks into a room and you're | 我也考虑过这一点 因为当有人走进一个房间 你 |
| 1367 | just like, Michelle Obama was like that. | 就像,米歇尔・奥巴马就是这样。 |
| 1368 | Oh, I've never met her, I've never met her, but like, I can only | 哦,我从来没有见过她, 我从来没有见过她,但喜欢,我只能 |
| 1369 | imagine, rather becoming. | 想象一下,相当的成为。 |
| 1370 | Tony Robbins as well. | 托尼・罗宾斯也是 |
| 1371 | Oh, he had Sirius. | 哦,他有天狼星。 哦,他有天狼星。 |
| 1372 | For sure. | 当然 |
| 1373 | I think it's winner energy. | 我觉得是赢家的能量 |
| 1374 | I think when certain people walk into a room and they have claimed their space, | 我想,当某些人走进一个房间 他们已经要求自己的空间, |
| 1375 | I think it's internal and external. | 以为内外. |
| 1376 | I think physically, and this has been studied, they are physically taking up | 我认为身体上,已经研究过, 他们正在身体上接受 |
| 1377 | more space, whether they're short or tall, in that winners, they have more | 更多的空间,无论是短还是高, 在那些赢家,他们有更多的 |
| 1378 | space between their ears and their shoulders. | 他们的耳朵和肩膀之间的空间。 |
| 1379 | They take up more space between their torso and their arms. | 他们在躯干和手臂之间占据更多的空间. |
| 1380 | They literally claim more space physically. | 他们实际上要求更多的物理空间。 |
| 1381 | Right? | 对吧? |
| 1382 | So if I were to like do the entire interview, and I've seen people do | 所以,如果我喜欢做 整个采访,我见过的人做 |
| 1383 | interviews in your chair where they're taking up as little space as possible. | 在你的椅子上接受采访 他们尽量少占用空间 |
| 1384 | You, you, you aren't as drawn to this. | 你,你,你,你没有 吸引到这一点。 |
| 1385 | Right? | 对吧? |
| 1386 | And so I think that physical, there's a physical taking up space and | 所以我认为,物理, 有一个物理占用空间, |
| 1387 | they're micro movements. | 它们是微小的运动。 |
| 1388 | Like I, it's not walking in like with my arms up, it's, it's micro, right? | 就像我,它不是走进来 像我的手,它是,它是微的,对不对? |
| 1389 | It's like a slight down the shoulder. | 如轻轻下肩. |
| 1390 | It's a slight up of the head. | 头稍起. |
| 1391 | And when I do that, it affects everything about me. | 当我这样做,它影响 我的一切。 |
| 1392 | like it affects my vocal tone, like it effects my vocal tone, like it affects my vocal tone, | 就像它影响我的声调, 就像它影响我的声调, 就像它影响我的声调, |
| 1393 | like it affects my vocal tone, like it affects my vocal tone, like it affects my vocal tone, | 就像它影响我的声调, 就像它影响我的声调, 就像它影响我的声调, |
| 1394 | like it affects my vocal tone, like it affects my vocal tone, like it affects my vocal tone, like it | 就像它影响我的声调 就像它影响我的声调 就像它影响我的声调 |
| 1395 | One thing that I think about a lot is maximum resonance point. | 我有很多想法是 最大的共鸣点 |
| 1396 | Maximum resonance point is a part of your voice that is the lowest end of your natural | 最大共振点是您声音的一部分,是您自然界的最低端 |
| 1397 | range that signifies pride, that signifies calm. | 表示自豪 表示平静 |
| 1398 | So for example, when I'm afraid or a little bit nervous, like I'll tend to go a little | 比如说,当我害怕或者有点紧张的时候, 就像我倾向于去一点点 |
| 1399 | bit higher in my vocal range, and if I were to do the entire presentation in this tone | 声音范围要高一点 如果我用这个音调做整个演示 |
| 1400 | of voice where I was talking to you, it would be horrible, right? | 我和你说话的地方的声音很可怕,对吧? |
| 1401 | You would not want to listen to it. | 你不会想听的 |
| 1402 | And that's because I'm tightening my vocal cords, and when someone's very anxious, they | 这是因为我收紧了我的声带, 当有人非常焦虑,他们 |
| 1403 | tighten their shoulders, they tighten their neck, they tighten their chin. | 肩膀收紧,脖子收紧,下巴收紧 |
| 1404 | It's more of a loser feeling, right? | 更像是失败的感觉,对吧? |
| 1405 | And you're also speaking a little bit faster then. | 你说话也快一点 |
| 1406 | Oh, interesting. | 哦,有趣的是,我们是... |
| 1407 | I didn't even notice it, but yes, I think I was, yeah, rushing, rushing, yeah. | 我什至没有注意到它, 但是,是的,我想我,是的,是的,是的,是的。 |
| 1408 | And I had less breath, like I'm actually out of breath after doing that. | 我呼吸得更少了, 就像我这样做后,我实际上喘不过气来。 |
| 1409 | So when we don't have breath, we're speaking too quickly. | 所以,当我们没有呼吸, 我们说话太快。 |
| 1410 | My vocal cords are tense. | 我的声带很紧张 |
| 1411 | You can hear it, and they're taking up less even vocal space, right? | 你能听到的,他们占用的音域更少,对吧? |
| 1412 | Winners use this maximum resonance point, so we can actually try it if you want to. | 获胜者使用这个最大共振点,所以如果你想的话,我们可以实际尝试. |
| 1413 | So I want you at the very top of your, you're going to take in a deep breath and say hello | 所以,我要你站在你的顶部, 你要深呼吸,打个招呼 |
| 1414 | at the top of your breath. | 在你呼吸的顶端。 |
| 1415 | So it sounds like this. | 听起来是这样的 |
| 1416 | Hello. | 哈罗 |
| 1417 | Okay, I'm a little bit sick, hence why my voice might sound a bit different today, so | 好吧,我有点病了,所以为什么我的声音可能 听起来有点不同今天,所以 |
| 1418 | I'm a little bit deeper than normal, but hello. | 我比正常人深一点,但你好 |
| 1419 | Horrible. | 骇曰. |
| 1420 | Yeah, that was embarrassing. | 是啊,这是尴尬的。 |
| 1421 | Horrible. | 骇曰. |
| 1422 | Right, but I hear, I listen in on Zoom calls and I hear people, that's their very first | 是的,但是我听说,我听了Zoom的电话 我听到人们,这是他们第一次 |
| 1423 | word. | 词 |
| 1424 | Like they literally hold their breath and they say, good morning. | 就像他们真的屏住呼吸说,早上好。 |
| 1425 | Hello. | 哈罗 |
| 1426 | Hello, everyone. | 大家好,你们好 |
| 1427 | Hi. | 顿 |
| 1428 | Ooh. | 瓳 |
| 1429 | You are actually giving away your vocal competence because I'm so far away from my maximum resonance | 实际上你放弃了你的声学能力 因为我离我最大的共鸣很远 |
| 1430 | point. | 点。 |
| 1431 | My maximum resonance point is when I speak on the out-breath, so my vocal cords are relaxed. | 我最大的共鸣点是当我在呼吸时, 所以我的声带放松。 |
| 1432 | So now listen to the difference. | 故今谛听差别. |
| 1433 | So here's the hi, hello, versus hello. | 这是你好,你好,对你好。 |
| 1434 | Both me, but you're going to treat me totally differently. | 我两个 但你会对我完全不同的 |
| 1435 | So now take a deep breath and say hello on the out-breath. | 所以现在深呼吸,在呼吸时打声招呼。 |
| 1436 | Hello. | 哈罗 |
| 1437 | Right. | 对 |
| 1438 | Now that sounds more like you because you usually use your maximum resonance point, | 现在这听起来更像你 因为你通常使用 你的最大共鸣点, |
| 1439 | right? | 对吧? |
| 1440 | You're very good at that. | 你很擅长这个 |
| 1441 | And I've noticed that in work culture, people who use their maximum resonance point, they | 我注意到,在工作文化中, 使用最大共振点的人,他们 |
| 1442 | are listened to more. | 他们听了更多。 |
| 1443 | They are easy to talk to because we want to listen to them. | 他们很容易交谈,因为我们想听他们说话。 |
| 1444 | They take up more aura, more riz because we're like, ah, because we can hear their confidence. | 因为我们能听到他们的信心 他们能听到他们的声音 |
| 1445 | We can hear their relaxation. | 我们可以听到他们的放松。 |
| 1446 | And so vocal cues are such an important aspect of charisma. | 所以声带是魅力的一个重要方面。 |
| 1447 | All of these questions are beautiful, but how you say your words is just as important | 所有这些问题都很美 但你怎么说话也同样重要 |
| 1448 | as what you say. | 如汝所说. |
| 1449 | If I were to ask, so, like, what's your pursuit passion project, I guess? | 如果我问,所以,喜欢, 什么是你的追求激情项目,我想? |
| 1450 | Can you do it? | 你能做到吗? |
| 1451 | That sounds so terrible. | 听起来很可怕 |
| 1452 | You know, like, my lack of vocal care, you immediately hear and it tunes you out, right? | 你知道,像,我缺乏声波照顾, 你立即听到 它调谐你出来,对不对? |
| 1453 | So I can, if I don't have good intention here, it does leak out. | 所以,我可以,如果我没有 良好的意图在这里,它确实泄漏。 |
| 1454 | That's why earlier when you asked me, like, does intention matter, I said, if you have | 这就是为什么你早些时候问我, 喜欢,真的意图很重要, 我说,如果你有 |
| 1455 | intention to care and try, it's going to matter. | 打算关心和尝试, 它会很重要。 |
| 1456 | But if you don't, if you're not trying, people will hear it. | 但如果你不这样做,如果你没有尝试, 人们会听到它。 |
| 1457 | And a lot of that is voice. | 大部分都是声音 |
| 1458 | And I think that very charismatic people, they're imbuing their voice with that winning, | 我觉得那些很有魅力的人 正在用胜利来表达他们的声音 |
| 1459 | calm confidence, and we want to catch it. | 冷静点,我们要抓住它 |
| 1460 | What about the rest of me? | 那剩下的我怎么办? |
| 1461 | So we've talked about some of the specific conversational questions at the three stages. | 因此我们讨论了三个阶段的一些具体的谈话问题. |
| 1462 | We've talked about vocal tone. | 我们谈过声调了 |
| 1463 | Is there any other part of being a great conversationalist? | 做一个伟大的对话家还有别的地方吗? |
| 1464 | And I'm thinking now about, I guess we talked about hands and taking up space, but even | 现在我想,我想我们谈论了 手和占据空间,但甚至 |
| 1465 | eye contact. | 眼睛接触。 |
| 1466 | I think about this a lot. | 我经常想这个 |
| 1467 | It takes a lot of, dare I say, confidence for me to, like, look you in the eyes like | 它需要很多,我敢说, 自信,喜欢,看着你的眼睛像 |
| 1468 | 这个 Vanessa 问你个问题 | |
| 1469 | That is because when we are making eye contact chemically, we're producing oxytocin, which | 因为当我们用化学方法进行眼睛接触时, 我们会产生催产素, |
| 1470 | is great for connection, but also you are not able to process as much. | 对于连接来说是伟大的,但是你也不能处理那么多。 |
| 1471 | The reason why eye contact is quite complicated, and I think sometimes the clips on social | 眼睛接触的原因相当复杂, 我想有时剪辑在社交上 |
| 1472 | media have, I don't like clips very much because it takes off the nuance. | 媒体说 我不太喜欢剪辑 因为剪辑会减少细微差别 |
| 1473 | Eye contact, yes, universally it's good when we have oxytocin, but also I cannot do complex | 眼睛接触,是的,我们有催产素的时候 普遍都是好的,但是我不能做复杂的事情 |
| 1474 | thinking when I'm doing this with you. | 想想当我和你做这些。 |
| 1475 | Right? | 对吧? |
| 1476 | Like when I'm trying to remember something, I immediately look away. | 就像我试着记起一些事情时,我立刻视而不见。 |
| 1477 | If you were to ask me a complex math problem, I look away. | 如果你问我一个复杂的数学问题,我就不看。 |
| 1478 | And so in conversation, we actually do not want 100% eye contact. | 因此,在谈话中,我们实际上不希望100%的眼神接触。 |
| 1479 | We don't even want 70% eye contact. | 我们甚至不想要70%的眼睛接触。 |
| 1480 | 60-70% eye contact is more ideal in Western cultures. | 60-70%的眼接触在西方文化中更为理想. |
| 1481 | But if someone is deep thinking, or they are social processing, you actually do want less | 但是如果有人深思熟虑,或者他们是 社会加工,你确实想要更少 |
| 1482 | eye contact because they're trying to access their memories. | 眼睛接触因为他们试图访问他们的记忆. |
| 1483 | If I'm doing this, I'm purely focused on the connection. | 如果我这样做, 我纯粹专注于连接。 |
| 1484 | But we're in an interview. | 但我们正在接受采访 |
| 1485 | I want to, what does my work say? | 我想,我的工作怎么说? |
| 1486 | What was the research? | 研究内容是什么? |
| 1487 | What was the number? | 号码是多少? |
| 1488 | And so that is why it can be sometimes uncomfortable is because it's not allowing your brain to | 这也是为什么它有时会不舒服 是因为它不允许你的大脑 |
| 1489 | think. | 以为. |
| 1490 | It's just about connection. | 这只是关于连接。 |
| 1491 | But when you're delivering, like I understand the deliberation. | 但当你送货的时候 就像我理解的考虑 |
| 1492 | You look away when you deliver. | 你送货的时候别看 |
| 1493 | I do that. | 我这样做。 |
| 1494 | Like I'm doing it right now. | 就像我现在在做一样 |
| 1495 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1496 | But then when I deliver the point. | 但当我说出重点时 |
| 1497 | Oh, yeah. | 对 |
| 1498 | I come back. | 我回来了。 |
| 1499 | Is that? | 是吗? |
| 1500 | You know why? | 你知道为什么吗? |
| 1501 | Because one, yes, you're trying to connect. | 因为有一个,是的,你试图连接。 |
| 1502 | But two, when you are delivering, you want to watch my face to see, do I believe you? | 但第二,当你送货时, 你想看我的脸看, 我相信你吗? |
| 1503 | Am I raising my eyebrows? | 我抬眉毛吗? |
| 1504 | Am I showing you disgust? | 我让你觉得恶心吗? |
| 1505 | Am I like, I don't believe it. | 我简直不敢相信 |
| 1506 | I hardened my lower lid. | 我硬了下盖 |
| 1507 | So the reason why we'll often like we're processing, we're processing, and then we're delivering | 所以,为什么我们经常喜欢 我们处理,我们处理, 然后我们交付 |
| 1508 | is because two things are happening at once. | 因为有两件事正在发生 |
| 1509 | We're trying to connect. | 我们正在尝试连接。 |
| 1510 | I want you to hear my point and fill it with oxytocin. | 我要你听我的话 用催产素填充 |
| 1511 | But also I want to see, do you believe me? | 我也想知道,你相信我吗? |
| 1512 | Or are you raising your eyebrows, right? | 还是你抬起眉毛,对吧? |
| 1513 | So I'm making more eye contact with you because I'm trying to see where your interest lies, | 所以,我做更多的眼睛接触你 因为我试图 看你的兴趣所在, |
| 1514 | right? | 对吧? |
| 1515 | Whereas you're looking at your eye pack as you're trying to get to the next question. | 当你正看着你的眼袋 当你试图得到下一个问题。 |
| 1516 | You want to make sure that we're covering everything. | 你想确保我们覆盖一切 |
| 1517 | That's why this is not natural. | 所以这不自然 |
| 1518 | This doesn't usually happen in a natural conversation. | 这通常不会发生在自然对话中. |
| 1519 | But it's also when you're in conversation, you're better off making eye contact in the | 但也是当你在谈话时,你最好在 |
| 1520 | first few seconds of an interaction. | 前几秒钟的互动。 |
| 1521 | So right when you're on that greeting, oh, it's so good to see you hopping on video or | 所以当你在打招呼, 哦,很高兴看到你在视频上跳跃,或者 |
| 1522 | in person because you're giving that burst of oxytocin. | 是因为你给 催产素爆发。 |
| 1523 | But then you're okay to look away. | 但你还是可以视而不见的 |
| 1524 | You're okay to process. | 你可以处理。 |
| 1525 | You might want to make your eye contact most when you're trying to suss out, how is this | 你可能想让你的眼睛接触最多 当你试图吸出,如何是这个 |
| 1526 | person receiving this? | 有人收到吗? |
| 1527 | That also makes you easy to talk to because if I notice that you're lighting up about | 这也让你容易说话 因为如果我注意到你正在点燃 |
| 1528 | something, I can pivot more into that. | 有些事我可以更深入地研究 |
| 1529 | If I notice that you're like, oh, that's horrible, I want to be easy to talk to by pivoting away | 如果我注意到你喜欢, 哦,那太可怕了, 我想通过支离破碎的方式 容易交谈 |
| 1530 | from it. | 从它。 |
| 1531 | And when you're talking to me, what is the best way to be a good listener? | 当你和我说话的时候,做一个好听者的最佳方法是什么? |
| 1532 | Because some people go like, they interrupt, they go, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, | 因为有些人像,他们打断, 他们去,哦,是啊,是啊,是啊,是啊, |
| 1533 | yeah, yeah. | 对,对。 |
| 1534 | And then you've got other people who will like nod and like really sort of encourage | 还有其他人喜欢点头 喜欢鼓励 |
| 1535 | and cheerlead when you're talking. | 和啦啦队,当你说话。 |
| 1536 | And then you'll have the like, some people that they kind of, they don't know they're | 然后,你会有类似, 有些人,他们有点, 他们不知道他们是 |
| 1537 | doing it, but they start to like scowl at you. | 这样做,但他们开始喜欢 嘲笑你。 |
| 1538 | I know. | 我知道,我记得 |
| 1539 | Yes, yes. | 对,对。 |
| 1540 | That really bothers me. | 这真的让我很困扰。 |
| 1541 | But I struggle with that a little bit, just personally, because I'm a people pleaser. | 但我有一点挣扎, 只是个人的, 因为我是一个人民取悦。 |
| 1542 | So when someone's like, oh, I actually have a friend who defaults to the disgust micro-expression. | 所以当有人喜欢,哦,我有一个朋友 谁默认了恶心的微表情。 |
| 1543 | He doesn't even realize he's doing it. | 他甚至没有意识到他这样做。 |
| 1544 | It's a punctuator. | 即是普门. |
| 1545 | A facial punctuator is a non-verbal habit. | 面部穿孔器是一种非语言的习惯. |
| 1546 | It doesn't actually mean anything emotionally. | 这实际上不意味着什么情感。 |
| 1547 | It's just how they are at rest. | 这只是他们如何休息。 |
| 1548 | I've had to tell myself he doesn't actually feel disgusted. | 我不得不告诉自己 他并不觉得恶心 |
| 1549 | So you're talking about warmth. | 故言温养. |
| 1550 | All the listening cues are about warmth. | 所有监听提示都是关于温暖的。 |
| 1551 | So listening cues are nodding, treble nod, that in India, Bulgaria, and Pakistan, nodding | 所以监听提示是点头,三点点头, 在印度,保加利亚和巴基斯坦,点头 |
| 1552 | is a little bit different. | 有点不同 |
| 1553 | So I always try to make that note. | 所以我总是试着做那个音符。 |
| 1554 | Head tilt is a universal warmth signal because we're exposing our ear up to the sky. | 头部倾斜是一个普遍温暖的信号,因为我们正向天空暴露我们的耳朵. |
| 1555 | Alinen is warm and competent, both actually, because I'm trying to literally get closer | 阿里宁是温暖和有能力的, 两者都实际上, 因为我试图 字面上接近 |
| 1556 | to you to understand more deeply. | 让你更深刻地理解 |
| 1557 | A competent cue where you're listening is a lower lid flex. | 一个能听的提示是 下盖的弹性。 |
| 1558 | So if I flex my lower lids at you, this is a universal response. | 所以,如果我把下部的盖子对着你, 这是一个普遍的反应。 |
| 1559 | When we flex our lower lids, we're trying to see something better, right? | 当我们把下面的盖子伸开, 我们试图看到更好的东西,对不对? |
| 1560 | If I say, do you see that over there? | 如果我说,你看见那边吗? |
| 1561 | We harden our lower lids. | 我们加硬我们的下盖。 |
| 1562 | What we're doing biologically is we're hooding our eyes to block the light so I can see more | 我们在生物上所做的是 蒙住眼睛 挡住光线 这样我就能看见更多 |
| 1563 | detail. | 细节。 |
| 1564 | So when you're speaking and someone goes, they are trying to deeply understand you. | 所以当你说话和有人去, 他们试图深深理解你。 |
| 1565 | It is not positive or negative. | 它不是积极或消极的。 |
| 1566 | It is a cue of intense focus. | 这是强烈关注的提示。 |
| 1567 | Take note, because whatever you just said has triggered something in their brain that | 注意,因为无论你刚才说什么 都引发了他们大脑里的东西 |
| 1568 | they're going, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, right? | 他们走了,什么,什么,什么,什么,什么,什么,什么,对不对? |
| 1569 | So when I'm giving a presentation to a C-suite and have a couple or investors or important | 所以当我给一个C套房做介绍 并有夫妇或投资者或重要 |
| 1570 | people and I see someone do a lower lid flex, I have a choice. | 人们,我看到有人做 一个较低的盖子弹性, 我有选择。 |
| 1571 | I can take note of what I just said and bookmark it, or I can stop and do dynamic presenting. | 我可以注意到我刚才说的话,并给它打上记号,或者我可以停下来做动态的介绍。 |
| 1572 | We haven't even talked about presenting, but I can sw- does this make sense? | 我们甚至没有谈论 展示, 但我可以sw - 这有道理吗? |
| 1573 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1574 | Are we good? | 没事吧? |
| 1575 | Any questions here? | 有问题吗? |
| 1576 | You know, let me give you another example of this. | 让我再举个例子 |
| 1577 | So you can also look for these cues, which also makes you a pleasure to listen to because | 所以你也可以寻找这些提示, 这也让你乐于聆听,因为 |
| 1578 | I am so deeply listening that I'm trying to respond to your emotional reaction to what | 我是如此的深刻的听,我试图回应 你的情绪反应什么 |
| 1579 | I'm saying. | 我说的 |
| 1580 | I think that is a really, we sort of touched on it earlier, but I think it's a really unappreciated | 我认为这是真的,我们有点 感动它之前, 但我认为这是 一个真的不欣赏 |
| 1581 | part of being a good conversationalist is being dynamic based on the cues you're getting | 作为一名好对话家的一部分 正在根据你得到的提示而充满活力 |
| 1582 | back. | 回来 |
| 1583 | Yes. | 对 |
| 1584 | Actually, please let's double click on this for a second because I think my planners, | 事实上,请让我们双击一下,因为我认为我的规划者, |
| 1585 | my planners for watching are like, okay, I got a plan, Vanessa, I got it, I got my questions. | 我的计划是,好吧,我有个计划,凡妮莎,我得到了它,我得到了我的问题。 |
| 1586 | What I don't want you to do is have the plan, ask the question, and then check off to the | 我不希望你做 是有计划,问问题,然后检查 |
| 1587 | next one. | 下一个 |
| 1588 | Right? | 对吧? |
| 1589 | The whole point of these is actually to be quite dynamic. | 整个问题其实是相当动态的。 |
| 1590 | It might be that you ask, what's your personal passion project, and you spend hours talking | 你可能会问,你的个人激情项目是什么, 你花几个小时说话 |
| 1591 | about that. | 关于那个。 |
| 1592 | What a pleasure. | 幸会 |
| 1593 | What a delight. | 多开心啊 |
| 1594 | That means you're being dynamic in that, whoa, like you both lit up on it. | 意思是你们都充满活力 就像你们一样 |
| 1595 | You can go there. | 你可以去那边。 |
| 1596 | You can dive deep. | 你可以潜入深处。 |
| 1597 | So I want you to have a plan, but I also want you to be dynamic with it. | 所以我希望你有一个计划, 但我也希望你充满活力。 |
| 1598 | Like both can be true. | 就像两者都是真的 |
| 1599 | Vanessa, of all the things that we have discussed, is there anything we haven't talked about | 凡妮莎,我们讨论过的所有事情, 有没有我们没有谈论过的东西 |
| 1600 | that we should have talked about that appears within your new book, Conversation? | 你的新书"对话"里写到的 我们该谈谈吗? |
| 1601 | How to connect with anyone and make every interaction count. | 如何与任何人联系,使每一次互动都算数. |
| 1602 | There is one thing that we didn't get to touch on that I think can help you prepare | 有一件事我们没有接触 我想可以帮助你准备 |
| 1603 | for good conversation, just very practically, which is you are going to be asked boring | 说好话,实际上, 你会被问到无聊 |
| 1604 | questions. | 问题。 |
| 1605 | We talked about this earlier. | 我们之前谈过了 |
| 1606 | I want you to, if you are willing, write down the questions you are asked the most often. | 我希望你,如果你愿意的话, 写下你最常被问的问题。 |
| 1607 | Everyone kind of gets similar questions depending on their job, their industry, where they are | 每个人都会有类似的问题 取决于他们的工作,他们的行业,他们在哪里 |
| 1608 | in the world. | 在这个世界。 |
| 1609 | What are the questions you're asked most often? | 你最常问的问题是什么? |
| 1610 | And how can you do better? | 你怎么能做得更好呢? |
| 1611 | And then think of what are gifts to the other person? | 然后想想给别人的礼物是什么? |
| 1612 | Not just interesting for you, right? | 不只是你感兴趣的,对不对? |
| 1613 | Not just like, oh, well, you know, an interesting fact about me, but like what is a story or | 不只是喜欢,哦,嗯,你知道, 一个有趣的事实 关于我, |
| 1614 | an anecdote or an answer that's going to let the other person be like, oh, me too, or really, | 传闻或答案 会让其他人喜欢,哦,我也一样,或者真的, |
| 1615 | or what got you into that, or why did you do that? | 或者你为什么这么做? |
| 1616 | Because then you're actually, your answer is doing two things. | 因为实际上,你的答案是做两件事。 |
| 1617 | It's interesting, but it's also conversationally generous. | 有趣的是,但也在谈话中慷慨解囊. |
| 1618 | You're not creating a dead end for yourself. | 你不会为自己制造一个死胡同 |
| 1619 | And this is so true because there is a most interesting thing about everybody, and that | 这是事实 因为每个人都有一件有趣的事 |
| 1620 | most interesting thing will beget the same set of questions. | 最有趣的事情是 会得到相同的问题集。 |
| 1621 | Yes. | 对 |
| 1622 | There's someone that I know, and she has a very interesting career, but in one part of | 有个我认识的人 她的职业生涯很有趣 但其中一部分 |
| 1623 | her career she went to Bible school for a couple of years. | 她的事业上过几年圣经学校 |
| 1624 | And I've never met anybody that went to Bible school for three years, so I imagine this | 我从来没有见过任何人 谁上过圣经学校三年, 所以我想象这个 |
| 1625 | person always gets asked about Bible school for three years, like, because everybody wants | 人们总是被问 关于圣经学校三年一样, 因为每个人都想 |
| 1626 | to know. | 来知道。 |
| 1627 | In the three years of her life. | 于三世时. |
| 1628 | Yeah, yeah, yeah. | 对,对,对 |
| 1629 | So I remember just thinking that, like, that's the question that everybody, when you introduce | 所以,我记得只是在想, 喜欢,这是每个人的问题, 当你介绍 |
| 1630 | it, they were like, Bible school, tell me about it. | 他们就像圣经学校,告诉我 |
| 1631 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1632 | Or, and I give this example in the book, is my friend Jason, he can't smell or taste. | 或者,我在书中举了这个例子,是我的朋友杰森,他闻不到,也闻不到味道. |
| 1633 | And he's always at dinners with people. | 他总是和别人一起吃饭 |
| 1634 | That's all he does all the time. | 他总是这样 |
| 1635 | He's the editor of Entrepreneur Magazine. | 他是企业家杂志的编辑. |
| 1636 | And so he is always at dinners. | 所以他总是在吃饭。 |
| 1637 | And he brings up on purpose, he will say, what are you ordering? | 他故意提起,他会说,你订什么? |
| 1638 | I feel asked about food all the time, and he goes, well, actually, I have no sense of | 我总是觉得自己被问及食物, 他去,嗯,实际上,我不明白 |
| 1639 | taste or smell. | 味觉或嗅觉。 |
| 1640 | So what's your favorite thing? | 你最喜欢什么? |
| 1641 | What should I taste? | 我该吃什么? |
| 1642 | If I could taste something, what would you have me taste? | 如果我能尝到什么 你会让我尝到什么? |
| 1643 | And it produces incredible conversation. | 它产生了令人难以置信的对话。 |
| 1644 | So much so that I was talking to my friend Nicole Lapin, she goes, I know Jason. | 以至于我和我的朋友妮可·拉平谈过 她走了,我认识杰森 |
| 1645 | And she began to tell me about his interesting stories. | 她开始告诉我他有趣的故事。 |
| 1646 | She remembered his interestingness from that answer. | 她从这个答案中想起了他的趣味. |
| 1647 | So even like, where are your settings? | 所以,甚至像,哪里是你的设置? |
| 1648 | Are you doing coffee? | 你在喝咖啡吗? |
| 1649 | Is there interesting coffee anecdotes? | 有有趣的咖啡异闻吗? |
| 1650 | Are you always at meals? | 你总是在吃饭吗? |
| 1651 | Are you, right? | 是吗? |
| 1652 | So you can also set yourself up and them up for success with those interesting answers. | 所以,你也可以设置自己 和他们的成功 这些有趣的答案。 |
| 1653 | So have a script for the questions that you get asked the most that offer gifts to those | 所以,有一个脚本 对于你被问到的问题 最提供礼物给这些 |
| 1654 | that are on the receiving end of that answer. | 答案的接收端。 |
| 1655 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1656 | And the last thing I would say is, this is a plan. | 我最后要说的是,这是一个计划。 |
| 1657 | And the entire goal of this is for you to feel more in control, for you to feel more | 这整个目标是让你 感觉更多的控制, 让你觉得更多的 |
| 1658 | confident. | 自信点 |
| 1659 | You know, I think as someone who wasn't confident for a long time and who had very awkward conversations | 你知道,我认为一个人 谁不自信 长时间,谁有过非常尴尬的谈话 |
| 1660 | for a long time, just knowing that I had a good intent helped me a lot. | 很久以来,只是知道我有好意 帮助了我很多。 |
| 1661 | So this is the plan, but also feel free to totally deviate from the plan. | 所以这就是计划, 但也觉得可以完全偏离计划。 |
| 1662 | That when you're in the moment, if you're feeling excited and interested and engaged, | 当你在那一刻, 如果你感到兴奋和感兴趣和订婚, |
| 1663 | go with it. | 随它去。 |
| 1664 | If you're feeling, I don't like this person, I don't feel this person, we are off. | 如果你觉得 我不喜欢这个人 我不觉得这个人 我们要走了 |
| 1665 | You can lead the conversation. | 你可以领导谈话 |
| 1666 | Who did you write this book for, Vanessa? | 你为谁写的这本书,凡妮莎? |
| 1667 | So if they've gotten to this stage in the conversation and they're thinking, should | 所以如果他们在谈话中进入了这个阶段, 他们正在思考,应该 |
| 1668 | I get that book or not? | 我拿到那本书了吗? |
| 1669 | Who is it for? | 给谁用的? |
| 1670 | This is for people who want to stop dreading small talk. | 这是给那些不想害怕小说的人的 |
| 1671 | Dread was a real motivation for me because so many of my students would say, oh, I have | 死亡对我来说是一个真正的动机 因为我的很多学生会说,哦,我有 |
| 1672 | to go to the networking event. | 用于网络活动。 |
| 1673 | I am dreading talking to my boss. | 我怕跟我老板说话 |
| 1674 | I hate those first five minutes of my team call. | 我最讨厌我的团队打来的第一个五分钟 |
| 1675 | Oh, I don't know what to talk about on a date. | 哦,我不知道该说什么 在约会。 |
| 1676 | First dates are horrible. | 第一次约会是可怕的。 |
| 1677 | First dates can be fun if you have a conversational plan. | 第一次约会会很有趣 如果你有一个对话计划。 |
| 1678 | Even if it's not your person, they can still be fun. | 即使不是你的人, 他们仍然可以很有趣。 |
| 1679 | Conversation can be not awkward. | 交谈不是尴尬的。 |
| 1680 | It can be great at the start of a meeting if you know how to do it. | 如果你知道怎么做,在会议开始时会很棒的 |
| 1681 | And so I would like to get rid of the dread in your life. | 所以我想摆脱你的恐惧 |
| 1682 | I would like to get rid of the awkwardness in your life because, and the deeper meaning | 我想摆脱你生活中的尴尬 因为,更深的意义 |
| 1683 | is we are in a loneliness epidemic. | 我们陷入孤独的流行病 |
| 1684 | And I think if we don't remember how good the joy of conversation is, we won't do it. | 我想如果我们不记得对话的快乐有多好 我们就不会这么做了 |
| 1685 | And so if I can take away the dread of conversation and give you beautiful | 所以,如果我能消除 可怕的谈话, 给你美丽的 |
| 1686 | conversation with your person or not, you're going to feel less lonely. | 无论你是否和你个人交谈, 你会觉得不那么孤独。 |
| 1687 | Kind of sounds like it's for all of us. | 听起来像是给大家的 |
| 1688 | I think it's for all of us. | 我想是给大家的 |
| 1689 | What a wonderful book. | 多么棒的书。 |
| 1690 | And what a perfectly timed book at a time when AI and computers are robbing us of the | 当AI和电脑在抢走我们 |
| 1691 | joy of human conversation. | 人类对话的快乐 |
| 1692 | And I think increasingly kids are going to struggle with conversations. | 我想孩子们会越来越难以接受对话。 |
| 1693 | I mean, people are saying this already. | 我是说,人们已经说过了 |
| 1694 | Teachers say to me that, you know, they see their kids in class and they don't know the | 老师对我说,你知道, 他们看到他们的孩子在课堂上,他们不知道 |
| 1695 | basic skills of how to relate to each other through conversation. | 如何通过对话彼此联系的基本技能。 |
| 1696 | So a great book, I think, for parents. | 给父母写本很棒的书 |
| 1697 | It was meant to be now. | 本来是现在的 |
| 1698 | It was meant to be. | 本来意. |
| 1699 | It took you a long time, right? | 你花了很长时间,对吧? |
| 1700 | 20 years. | 20岁 |
| 1701 | Well, I'm glad it's here. | 嗯,我很高兴它在这里。 |
| 1702 | Conversation. | 论曰. |
| 1703 | How to connect with anyone and make every interaction count. | 如何与任何人联系,使每一次互动都算数. |
| 1704 | I'm going to link it below if anyone wants to go and buy it right now. | 如果有人想现在就去买它 我会把它连到下面 |
| 1705 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| 1706 | What a wonderful book, Vanessa. | 多棒的书,凡妮莎。 |
| 1707 | Congratulations. | 祝贺你 |
| 1708 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| 1709 | It's finally here. | 终于来了 |
| 1710 | Thank you for helping me bring it into the world. | 谢谢你帮我把它带进世界 |
| 1711 | It's OK. | 没事的 |
| 1712 | You deserve everything. | 你应该得到一切。 |
| 1713 | You're such a phenom. | 你真是个坏蛋 |
| 1714 | Oh my gosh. | 天呐 |
| 1715 | I hardly, I'm obsessed with people. | 我几乎不,我迷恋的人。 |
| 1716 | That's it. | 就这样 |
| 1717 | We have a closing tradition where the last guest leaves a question for the next guest | 我们有一个关闭的传统, 最后一个客人留一个问题给下一个客人 |
| 1718 | not knowing who they're leaving it for. | 不知道他们要为谁而去 |
| 1719 | And the question left for you is, do you feel like there are things you sacrificed in your | 剩下的问题是,你觉得自己牺牲的东西 |
| 1720 | personal life to build your success that you regret and wish you could now get back? | 个人生活来建立你的成功 你后悔并希望你现在能回来? |
| 1721 | Yes. | 对 |
| 1722 | You know, I briefly mentioned that I moved, and I moved to be closer to family, and that | 你知道,我简短地提到,我搬家了,我搬家了 更接近家庭,而且 |
| 1723 | was because I think I sacrificed friendship and family relationship in the hustle. | 因为我认为我牺牲了友谊和家庭关系 |
| 1724 | You know, we moved to Austin for work. | 我们搬到奥斯汀工作 |
| 1725 | I moved to Austin for work, and I left my family. | 我搬到奥斯汀工作,我离开了我的家人。 |
| 1726 | And I don't regret Austin because I had some great growth there, but I regret being away | 我不后悔奥斯汀 因为我在那里成长很壮观 但我后悔离开 |
| 1727 | from my family when my children were very, very little. | 我的家人,当我的孩子很小。 |
| 1728 | It was really hard to have babies without my mom, without my sister. | 没有我妈妈,没有妹妹,很难生孩子 |
| 1729 | And so I wish I could have figured that out a little bit differently, but I'm here now. | 所以我希望我能想出 有点不同, 但我现在在这里。 |
| 1730 | And what is it you wish you could get back? | 那你希望你能回来吗? |
| 1731 | I felt very alone as a new mom, and I don't think that helped me or my children. | 我作为一个新妈妈感到非常孤独, 我不认为那帮助了我和我的孩子。 |
| 1732 | I wish I could get back a time to feel more communal. | 我希望我能回到一个 感觉更共同的时间。 |
| 1733 | You know, having a baby is such a beautiful thing for family and friends, and it was very | 生孩子对家人和朋友来说是件很美好的事 |
| 1734 | lonely because I just didn't have a lot of people around me. | 寂寞是因为我身边的人不多 |
| 1735 | And now you're here. | 现在你来了 |
| 1736 | I know. | 我知道,我记得 |
| 1737 | I'm back. | 我回来了。 |
| 1738 | Down by the beach in LA. | 在洛杉矶的沙滩边 |
| 1739 | I'm back. | 我回来了。 |
| 1740 | My sister is at my house right now. | 我妹妹现在在我家 |
| 1741 | Oh really? | 是吗? |
| 1742 | With my kids, yes. | 和我的孩子,是的。 |
| 1743 | It's good to have you in town. | 很高兴你来了 |
| 1744 | I'm so excited. | 我太兴奋了 |
| 1745 | And I will come. | 我会来的。 |
| 1746 | Maybe. | 也许 |
| 1747 | I don't believe you. | 我不信你们 |
| 1748 | Only if it's good. | 惟有妙义. |
| 1749 | So you don't have to say it. | 故不须说. |
| 1750 | You don't have to say it. | 你不必说 |
| 1751 | I'm not going to invite you to anything. | 我不会邀请你参加任何活动 |
| 1752 | Conversation. | 论曰. |
| 1753 | How to connect with anyone and make every interaction count. | 如何与任何人联系,使每一次互动都算数. |
| 1754 | Please do go buy this book. | 请去买这本书 |
| 1755 | Very important to Vanessa, and also very important to me by way of that. | 对凡妮莎很重要 对我也很重要 |
| 1756 | It's a brilliant, brilliant book. | 这是一本辉煌的书 |
| 1757 | One I think that we will need. | 我认为我们需要一个。 |
| 1758 | Vanessa, thank you. | 凡妮莎 谢谢你 |
| 1759 | We're done. | 我们结束了。 |
| 1760 | Thanks. | 谢谢 |
| 1761 | YouTube have this new crazy algorithm where they know exactly what video you would like | YouTube有新的疯狂算法 他们知道你想要的视频 |
| 1762 | to watch next based on AI and all of your viewing behavior. | 接下来根据人工智能和所有观看行为观看 |
| 1763 | And the algorithm says that this video is the perfect video for you. | 算法上说这段视频 对你来说是完美的视频 |
| 1764 | It's different for everybody looking right now. | 现在每个人看起来都不一样 |
| 1765 | Check this video out. | 看看这个视频 |
| 1766 | I bet you, you might love it. | 我打赌你会喜欢的 |
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