沃顿商学院谈判专家：如何为自己争取更多利益
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:00 | Welcome back to Aspire. | 欢迎回到阿斯庇尔 |
| 0:01 | Today, we are continuing the Career Girls Guide. | 今天,我们继续编写《职业女孩指南》。 |
| 0:04 | This series is all about giving you practical tools | 这一系列都是为了给你实用的工具 |
| 0:06 | to navigate every stage of your career, | 导航你职业生涯的每一阶段, |
| 0:09 | from your first job to the biggest opportunity. | 从你第一次工作到最大的机会 |
| 0:12 | Now, in this episode, we're covering all aspects | 现在,在这个剧集里,我们涵盖各个方面 |
| 0:15 | of negotiation, one of the most important skills we use, | 我们使用的最重要技能之一, |
| 0:19 | but one of the least talked about. | 但却是最不讲究的 |
| 0:22 | Now, negotiation impacts how much we earn, | 现在,谈判影响我们挣多少钱, |
| 0:24 | how we're valued, and what opportunities we say yes or no to. | 我们如何被重视, 和什么机会,我们说是或否。 |
展开字幕全文（1653 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Welcome back to Aspire. | 欢迎回到阿斯庇尔 |
| 2 | Today, we are continuing the Career Girls Guide. | 今天,我们继续编写《职业女孩指南》。 |
| 3 | This series is all about giving you practical tools | 这一系列都是为了给你实用的工具 |
| 4 | to navigate every stage of your career, | 导航你职业生涯的每一阶段, |
| 5 | from your first job to the biggest opportunity. | 从你第一次工作到最大的机会 |
| 6 | Now, in this episode, we're covering all aspects | 现在,在这个剧集里,我们涵盖各个方面 |
| 7 | of negotiation, one of the most important skills we use, | 我们使用的最重要技能之一, |
| 8 | but one of the least talked about. | 但却是最不讲究的 |
| 9 | Now, negotiation impacts how much we earn, | 现在,谈判影响我们挣多少钱, |
| 10 | how we're valued, and what opportunities we say yes or no to. | 我们如何被重视, 和什么机会,我们说是或否。 |
| 11 | And yet, so many of us are taught to be grateful, | 然而,我们中许多人被教导要感激 |
| 12 | patient, and quiet, instead of prepared. | 耐心 安静 而不是准备 |
| 13 | Now, to help us break this down, | 现在,为了帮助我们破解这个 |
| 14 | I'm joined by someone who lives and breathes this work. | 与我为伴的还有活人和活人. |
| 15 | Joining me today is Maury Tarapore, | 今天加入我的是莫里·塔拉波尔 |
| 16 | a negotiation expert, professor at Wharton, | 谈判专家 沃顿教授 |
| 17 | and author of Bring Yourself. | 以及创造你的作者。 |
| 18 | Maury has spent years teaching people how to negotiate | 毛里花了好几年 教人们如何谈判 |
| 19 | with confidence and clarity, | 以自信和明白的态度, |
| 20 | and today, she's here to teach us. | 她今天来教我们 |
| 21 | Before we get into the episode, | 在我们进入剧集之前 |
| 22 | please don't forget to like and subscribe. | 请不要忘记喜欢和订阅。 |
| 23 | The Start With Yourself Tour | 以你自己的旅程开始 |
| 24 | kicks off on April 15th in New York City. | 4月15日在纽约市开机. |
| 25 | Tickets are on sale now at emagreed.com. | 车票已经发售了 |
| 26 | So, Maury, I am so happy to have you here today, | 莫里,今天你来我很高兴 |
| 27 | because I feel like this is probably | 因为我觉得这可能是 |
| 28 | the most requested episode subject | 最需要的插曲主题 |
| 29 | that we could ever cover on this show. | 我们可以在这场演出中掩盖 |
| 30 | Every single woman that I speak to | 每一个我说话的女人 |
| 31 | has some horror story in negotiation, | 在谈判中有些恐怖故事, |
| 32 | and so when I went out to my followers, | 所以当我去我的追随者, |
| 33 | when I speak to my friends, | 当我与我的朋友说话, |
| 34 | they're like, please do me a favor | 他们喜欢,请帮我一个忙 |
| 35 | and do an episode on negotiation. | 并做一个关于谈判的插曲。 |
| 36 | I thought, I'll go one better than that. | 我想,我会去一个更好的。 |
| 37 | We're gonna do just a series, | 我们要做一个系列, |
| 38 | a series that really ultimately should serve | 一系列真正最终应该 |
| 39 | as a career woman's guide, | 作为职业女性的向导, |
| 40 | a career girl's guide, as we would say on Aspire, | 正如我们在《阿斯庇尔》中所说的, |
| 41 | and there is nobody better than you | 没有人比你更好 |
| 42 | to talk to about negotiation. | 谈谈谈判 |
| 43 | But it's true, it's true. | 但说真言曰. |
| 44 | I did my research, I called around, | 我做了我的研究,我打电话过来, |
| 45 | I was like, who really knows this? | 我当时想,谁知道呢? |
| 46 | And honestly, your books have been so seminal, | 老实说 你的书太有创意了 |
| 47 | so incredible. | 如此不可思议。 |
| 48 | I feel like they've really honestly helped so many women. | 我觉得他们真的帮了这么多女人 |
| 49 | But I wanted to ask you, | 但我想问你, |
| 50 | why do you believe that negotiation is a life skill | 为什么你相信谈判是一种生活技能 |
| 51 | that every woman ultimately needs? | 每一个女人最终都需要? |
| 52 | Yeah, first of all, | 对,首先 |
| 53 | you have no idea how thrilled I am to be here. | 你不知道我在这里有多高兴 |
| 54 | I think I have manifested you for sure, | 我想我已经证明你肯定, |
| 55 | so I am grateful for all of that that you just mentioned, | 所以我感谢你刚才提到的一切 |
| 56 | but it's really exciting to be here | 但来这里真的很刺激 |
| 57 | and have this conversation with you. | 和你谈谈 |
| 58 | Because we negotiate every single day, | 因为我们每天都在谈判 |
| 59 | literally from the time we were babies, | 从我们小时候开始 |
| 60 | we come into this world negotiating. | 我们来到这个世界谈判。 |
| 61 | And I think what's really interesting | 我觉得真正有趣的是 |
| 62 | is that we have so much practice. | 我们有很多练习 |
| 63 | We know so much because it's something | 我们知道这么多,因为它是什么 |
| 64 | that we practice every day. | 我们每天都在练习 |
| 65 | And yet, as we go through life, | 然而,当我们经历生命时, |
| 66 | and we have negative experiences, | 我们有负面的经验, |
| 67 | people get divorces, people lose jobs, | 人们离婚,人们失业, |
| 68 | people have scars, whether it's childhood trauma, | 人们有伤疤, 不管这是童年的创伤, |
| 69 | whatever it is, that we really start doubting | 不管是什么 我们开始怀疑 |
| 70 | our relationship with negotiations. | 我们和谈判的关系。 |
| 71 | We start doubting our own ability. | 我们开始怀疑自己的能力。 |
| 72 | And so, if this is something that we do every day | 所以,如果这是我们每天做的事情 |
| 73 | and it connects people, it gives us voice, | 它连接人们, 它给我们的声音, |
| 74 | it gives us power, it gives us opportunity. | 它给我们力量 给我们机会 |
| 75 | It is an absolute necessary life skill. | 这是绝对必要的生活技能。 |
| 76 | It's just that we start really fearing it | 只是我们开始害怕它 |
| 77 | and really account those negative experiences | 并真正记述这些负面经历 |
| 78 | as being the story, and we start counting ourselves out. | 作为故事, 我们开始计算自己了。 |
| 79 | So it's like the skill you must have | 就像你必须拥有的技能 |
| 80 | and the one that we start doubting ourselves the most with, | 我们最怀疑自己, |
| 81 | even though we're actually quite experienced | 虽然我们经验丰富 |
| 82 | and really quite good negotiators. | 和非常不错的谈判者。 |
| 83 | I couldn't agree more. | 我完全同意这一点。 |
| 84 | How did you personally find yourself | 你怎么发现自己 |
| 85 | in this, that world of negotiation? | 在这,那个谈判的世界? |
| 86 | I was graduating from the Wharton School, | 我从华顿学校毕业 |
| 87 | and my negotiations professor, my very last semester, | 还有我的谈判教授 我上个学期 |
| 88 | said, I think you should teach negotiations. | 我认为你应该教谈判 |
| 89 | I was like, I think you're crazy. | 我当时想,我觉得你疯了。 |
| 90 | I'm an introvert. | 我是内向者. |
| 91 | I like the notion of standing in front of a classroom, | 我喜欢站在教室前的想法, |
| 92 | saying anything, just scared the heck out of me. | 说什么,只是吓死我了。 |
| 93 | And I really had to ask, what was it about me? | 我不得不问,我怎么了? |
| 94 | Or what is it about, what do you see in me | 或者是什么,你看见我 |
| 95 | that makes you think I do this well? | 你觉得我干得好吗? |
| 96 | He said, one, you totally leaned into this class. | 他说,第一,你完全倾向于这个班。 |
| 97 | I have a very competitive edge, by the way. | 顺便说一句,我有很强的竞争优势 |
| 98 | But he said, and you took the mistakes | 但他说,你犯了错误 |
| 99 | that you made really seriously | 你做得很认真 |
| 100 | in so far as you learned from them. | 你从他们那里学到的 |
| 101 | Growth was really important to you. | 成长对你很重要 |
| 102 | And I was an entrepreneur at the time, | 当时我是个企业家 |
| 103 | and he said, and you've had so much experience. | 他说,你有这么多的经验。 |
| 104 | I think you'd be great. | 我想你会很棒的。 |
| 105 | So the imposter syndrome thing set in, | 所以冒牌货综合症的设定 |
| 106 | and I was like, no, I can't do this. | 我当时想,不,我不能做到这一点。 |
| 107 | And here I am, 22 plus years later. | 我在这里,22年之后。 |
| 108 | And I found my purpose. | 我找到了我的目标。 |
| 109 | How did you know that you had something | 你怎么知道你有什么东西 |
| 110 | and that you could help other people? | 你能帮助别人吗? |
| 111 | To be honest, the first few years of teaching | 老实说,教书的头几年 |
| 112 | were really difficult in so far as I really | 那时我真的很困难 |
| 113 | doubted myself, my ability, right? | 我怀疑自己,我的能力,对不对? |
| 114 | When you do something you never imagined yourself doing. | 当你做一些你从未想过的事时 |
| 115 | So I was very scripted. | 所以,我被非常脚本。 |
| 116 | I had the syllabus. | 我有教学大纲。 |
| 117 | I was like, I'm sticking to this no matter what. | 我当时想,我坚持这一点,不管怎样。 |
| 118 | And everything was on time and presented in a certain way. | 一切都按时进行 以某种方式呈现 |
| 119 | Then I looked up one day a couple of years later, | 几年后的某一天我抬头看 |
| 120 | and I was like, this is not fun. | 我当时想,这不好玩。 |
| 121 | And I don't know if I'm really fulfilling | 我不知道我是否真的满足 |
| 122 | my duty to my students. | 我对学生的责任 |
| 123 | I was teaching undergrads at Wharton at the time, | 当时我在Wharton教研究生 |
| 124 | and I loved them. | 我爱他们。 |
| 125 | And I felt such a sense of responsibility to them. | 我对他们有责任感 |
| 126 | I think it's such a privilege to do this. | 我认为这样做是种荣幸。 |
| 127 | So I said, you're going to try this one more time, | 所以我说 你要再试一次 |
| 128 | and you're going to do it your way. | 你要按你的方式来 |
| 129 | If that doesn't work, then this wasn't meant for you, | 如果这样不行的话,那这个就不是给你的 |
| 130 | and this was a chapter, and we move on. | 这是一章,我们继续前进。 |
| 131 | And I remember as I prepared for that semester coming up, | 我记得我为那个学期做准备时 |
| 132 | I really looked inward, and I thought about all the times | 我真的向内看,我一直想着 |
| 133 | I've negotiated in my life and what, in particular, | 我这辈子谈判过 特别是 |
| 134 | negotiations meant to me and for me in my life. | 谈判对我和我的生活都很重要 |
| 135 | And I realized every big move, every big conversation, | 我意识到每一个大动作,每一个大对话, |
| 136 | every big decision, for good or for bad, | 每一个重大的决定,无论好坏, |
| 137 | they'd really come from a place of negotiations. | 他们真的来自一个谈判的地方。 |
| 138 | Every big decision I made, I'm one of those people | 我所做的每个决定,都是其中之一 |
| 139 | who ruminates, unfortunately, to a fault sometimes. | 不幸地,他们有时会犯错。 |
| 140 | And that's a negotiation. | 这是谈判 |
| 141 | Should I do this? | 我应该这样做吗? |
| 142 | Should I not do this? | 我应该不这样做吗? |
| 143 | Why am I doing this? | 我为什么要这么做? |
| 144 | Should I do it this way? | 我应该这样吗? |
| 145 | Maybe not. | 也许不是。 |
| 146 | And those are all negotiations. | 这些都是谈判。 |
| 147 | And I really started understanding that the minute | 我真的开始理解 一分钟 |
| 148 | I reframed what I thought negotiations was | 我重新定义了我想谈判的内容 |
| 149 | to what it had been in my life, it brought me the sense | 对我生命中的一切,它给我带来了感知 |
| 150 | of power and legitimacy and experience. | 权力、合法性和经验。 |
| 151 | And I trusted myself all of a sudden. | 我突然间相信自己 |
| 152 | I trusted my gut because I fed it. | 我信任我的直觉,因为我喂它。 |
| 153 | I learned so much and I discounted all those things. | 我学到了这么多 我低估了所有这些东西。 |
| 154 | I thought, like, negotiations was a transaction. | 我以为谈判是一种交易 |
| 155 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 156 | You know, maybe even combativeness. | 你知道,也许甚至战斗。 |
| 157 | I thought no more negotiations was your power. | 我以为不再谈判是你的力量 |
| 158 | Negotiations was the way you show up in the world | 谈判是你出现在世界上的方式 |
| 159 | and tell people what you want. | 并告诉人们你想要的。 |
| 160 | And it's the way you fulfill a promise to yourself. | 这也是你履行诺言的方式 |
| 161 | Oh, I love that reframing. | 哦,我喜欢这个重塑。 |
| 162 | You have to say that again for me, | 你得为我再说一遍 |
| 163 | because I believe that so many people think | 因为我相信这么多人认为 |
| 164 | that negotiations have to be combative. | 谈判必须具有战斗性。 |
| 165 | And if I look at the questions that were sent through to me, | 如果我看看被传递给我的问题 |
| 166 | so many of them were anchored into this idea, | 如此之多的他们都植根于这个想法, |
| 167 | like, how do I not do this and have an argument? | 我怎么能不这样做 并有争论? |
| 168 | Or how do I do it without seeming ungrateful? | 或我如何做到这一点,而不显得忘恩负义? |
| 169 | So there's this kind of like double-edged sword | 所以有这种像双刃剑 |
| 170 | that you're doing something that you shouldn't do. | 你在做不该做的事 |
| 171 | And it's got to come with either one of those outcomes. | 任何一种结果都可能发生 |
| 172 | So how are people going to know what you want and need | 那么人们会如何知道 你想要什么和需要 |
| 173 | if you don't talk about it? | 如果你不说呢? |
| 174 | And if you don't, you can't present yourself to them | 如果你不这样做,你就不能向她们展示自己 |
| 175 | in that way. | 以这种方式。 |
| 176 | So I really had to go, again, | 所以,我真的必须去,再次, |
| 177 | through all the different conversations I've had, | 通过所有不同的谈话,我曾经, |
| 178 | all the examples of negotiations for me. | 对我来说所有的谈判例子 |
| 179 | And that's when I realized, | 那时我意识到, |
| 180 | this is the soundtrack of my life. | 这是我的生活的音轨。 |
| 181 | We've done this forever. | 我们做了一辈子。 |
| 182 | And it's funny, when we're kids, | 这很有趣, 当我们还是孩子的时候, |
| 183 | I was talking about the fact that I don't have kids, | 我是说我没有孩子 |
| 184 | but I've had enough experience when I'm kids. | 但我小时候经验丰富了 |
| 185 | And I know that, and I remember myself, | 我知道,我记得自己, |
| 186 | it's like I remember pictures of me in childhood, | 就像我记得我小时候的照片一样 |
| 187 | and I was so sassy. | 我当时太性感了 |
| 188 | But I showed up in a way that it was like, | 但我出现了一种感觉 |
| 189 | I was meant to be here. | 我本该在这里的 |
| 190 | This is what I want. | 这就是我想要的。 |
| 191 | And you're going to have to make a really good argument | 还要好好辩论 |
| 192 | as to why I can't have this, right? | 为什么我不能拥有这个,对不对? |
| 193 | And at that point, nobody's ever told us, | 那时 没人告诉我们 |
| 194 | you don't have a place at this table, | 你在这里没有位置, |
| 195 | or you're not allowed to negotiate for this. | 否则不准你谈判 |
| 196 | We sort of walk in, show up, and show out. | 我们有点走进来,出现,并显示出来。 |
| 197 | And that's who we are as kids. | 这就是我们小时候的样子。 |
| 198 | So we're courageous. | 所以我们很勇敢 |
| 199 | And then the other thing is that | 还有一件事 |
| 200 | when we don't get what we want, we always want to know why. | 当我们得不到我们想要的 我们总是想知道原因 |
| 201 | So if somebody says no to a kid, | 所以如果有人对孩子说不 |
| 202 | it's not like it's personal humiliation. | 这不像是个人羞辱 |
| 203 | That was true. | 没错 |
| 204 | And we don't take it personally as kids. | 我们不把它作为孩子。 |
| 205 | As kids, we think, you better have a good reason | 作为孩子,我们认为, 你最好有一个好的理由 |
| 206 | why you're saying no to me, | 你为什么拒绝我 |
| 207 | because I know the answer to this | 因为我知道答案 |
| 208 | is eventually going to be yes. | 最终会是的。 |
| 209 | So how are we going to get there, right? | 那么我们怎么去? |
| 210 | And when we grow up through life, | 当我们从小成长 |
| 211 | and we hear, unfortunately, a lot of nos, | 我们听到,很不幸, 很多不, |
| 212 | and again, we have the bad experiences, right? | 再说一遍,我们有糟糕的经历,对吧? |
| 213 | Life sort of happens to us. | 生活有点发生在我们身上 |
| 214 | So what happens to us along the way? | 那么我们沿途会发生什么? |
| 215 | Because if we start out in a place where, | 因为如果我们开始在一个地方, |
| 216 | and I know this firsthand, because I have four kids | 我第一手知道 因为我有四个孩子 |
| 217 | and they love to ask me, why not? | 他们喜欢问我,为什么不呢? |
| 218 | So what happens to us that stops us | 所以,我们会发生什么 阻止我们 |
| 219 | from being able to self-advocate? | 从能够自我辩护? |
| 220 | We are judged first by society and then ourselves. | 我们先被社会评判,然后被自己评判。 |
| 221 | Those nos start to leave scars, right? | 这些鼻孔会留下疤痕,对吧? |
| 222 | We really take, we internalize the nos. | 我们真的拿,我们内部化的诺。 |
| 223 | And personal rejection is what we associate with the nos. | 而个人的拒绝是我们与无名者的联系。 |
| 224 | And so I think that over time, | 所以我认为随着时间的推移, |
| 225 | instead of letting those nos become lessons, | 而不是让这些不 成为教训, |
| 226 | they become rejection. | 他们变成了拒绝者。 |
| 227 | And they, again, the wounds, right? | 他们,再次,伤口,对不对? |
| 228 | And then we don't let the scars heal. | 然后我们不会让伤疤愈合。 |
| 229 | We start picking at them because we sit there and think, | 我们开始挑选他们,因为我们坐在那里想, |
| 230 | oh God, I should have, and why did I not? | 哦,上帝,我应该有, 为什么我没有? |
| 231 | And all, again, the rumination. | 和所有的,再次,反弹。 |
| 232 | And so what happens over time is that | 随着时间的推移 会发生的是 |
| 233 | that lessens our ability to be courageous, | 这削弱了我们勇敢的能力, |
| 234 | but we also start internalizing it. | 但我们也开始内化它。 |
| 235 | We start thinking less of ourselves, right? | 我们开始少思考自己,对不对? |
| 236 | We don't give ourselves credit anymore. | 我们不再承认自己了。 |
| 237 | We don't really believe in ourselves anymore. | 我们不再相信自己了 |
| 238 | And I gotta tell you, teaching this, | 我得告诉你,教这个 |
| 239 | I'm very confident in how I teach and what I teach, | 我对我的教法和教法很有信心 |
| 240 | but I always tell people is that | 但我总是告诉人们, |
| 241 | if you can't be your own best advocate, | 如果你不能成为你最好的倡导者 |
| 242 | there's really nothing I can do for you | 我帮不了你 |
| 243 | because that is your duty. | 因为这是你的职责 |
| 244 | That is your single most important duty | 那是你最重要的职责 |
| 245 | {\fnSIMHEI\fs22\1cHFFFFFF\3cHFF8000}在谈判中给自己 | |
| 246 | Nobody is meant to take care of you. | 没人会照顾你 |
| 247 | You're supposed to take care of yourself fearlessly | 你应该无所畏惧地照顾自己 |
| 248 | and with great intention because, | 并怀着极大的意图, |
| 249 | especially for those of us that are people pleasers, | 特别是对于我们中那些心怀喜悦的人, |
| 250 | I don't know if that's where you are, I mean. | 我不知道你是否在那里,我是说。 |
| 251 | Absolutely not. | 绝对不是。 |
| 252 | Not a bone, not a bone of pleasing in this body. | 不是骨头,也不是这个身体中令人愉快的骨头。 |
| 253 | Many, in your life, there's a lot of, | 很多人,在你的生活中,有很多, |
| 254 | it's funny, when I first wrote my book, | 很有趣 当我第一次写书的时候 |
| 255 | I have a mentor who said, | 我有一个导师说, |
| 256 | Maura, you will never know what chapter | 毛拉,你永远不知道是什么章 |
| 257 | is going to be the most popular, | 将是最受欢迎的, |
| 258 | so don't start thinking you can figure that out. | 所以不要开始想 你可以解决。 |
| 259 | You let the audience decide. | 你让观众来决定 |
| 260 | It was a chapter on people pleasers. | 这是关于人们取悦者的一章。 |
| 261 | Everybody's like, I'm a people pleaser. | 每个人都喜欢,我是一个人民取悦。 |
| 262 | I didn't know this. | 我不知道这一点。 |
| 263 | This chapter was meant for me. | 此章为我本意. |
| 264 | Man, woman, whatever. | 男人,女人,随便。 |
| 265 | Interesting. | 有意思,这很有趣 |
| 266 | Yeah, and that then, when you are that person | 是啊,那么,当你是那个人 |
| 267 | who's in service of other people, | 谁在为他人服务, |
| 268 | what you no longer are in service to yourself. | 你不再为你自己服务了 |
| 269 | When you started this work, | 当你开始这项工作, |
| 270 | were you aware that there would be | 如果你知道,将会有 |
| 271 | like a specifically female track | 就像一个特别的女性赛道 |
| 272 | when you start to think about negotiation? | 当你开始考虑谈判时? |
| 273 | I think so then. | 我想是这样。 |
| 274 | I don't think that as much now | 我觉得现在没有那么多了 |
| 275 | because I think that anybody who considers themselves | 因为我认为任何人 谁认为自己 |
| 276 | to be an other, | 作为另一个人, |
| 277 | anybody who doesn't feel like | 谁不喜欢 |
| 278 | they have that seat at the table, | 他们坐在桌子上, |
| 279 | and whether it's societal, whether it's parental, | 不管是社会还是父母 |
| 280 | whether it's cultural, | 无论是文化, |
| 281 | I think that's sort of the same experiences | 我认为这是种相同的经历 |
| 282 | that women have had forever, right? | 女人已经永远拥有,对不对? |
| 283 | Very interesting. | 非常有趣,你觉得呢? |
| 284 | Yeah, correct. | 没错 |
| 285 | And so, though I speak to a lot of women | 所以,虽然我跟很多女人说话 |
| 286 | and I know that, of course, some of these things | 我知道,当然,有些事情 |
| 287 | that I've experienced through my own life, | 我经历了我自己的生活, |
| 288 | I do think that this notion of self-confidence, | 我认为这种自信的想法, |
| 289 | that's sort of the through line, right? | 这有点像横行,对不对? |
| 290 | The self-love, the self-confidence, | 自爱,自信, |
| 291 | again, being able to advocate for yourself, | 再说一次 能够为自己辩护 |
| 292 | and giving yourself permission to do that | 并允许自己这样做 |
| 293 | without the guilt, without the shame. | 没有愧疚,没有羞愧。 |
| 294 | I think that's something | 我觉得这是个东西 |
| 295 | that a lot of people actually experience. | 很多人都经历过 |
| 296 | Maury, you're a teacher. | 毛里,你是一个老师。 |
| 297 | Do you believe that everyone | 你相信每个人都 |
| 298 | can learn to be a better negotiator? | 可以学会成为更好的谈判者吗? |
| 299 | Absolutely. | 当然 |
| 300 | You do? | 是吗? |
| 301 | Absolutely. | 当然 |
| 302 | It's a learned skill. | 学人之术. |
| 303 | Even though I think we're sort of primed for it, | 虽然我觉得我们有点热衷于 |
| 304 | like I said, as kids, | 就像我说的,作为孩子, |
| 305 | but it's like any other skill. | 但它就像任何其他技能。 |
| 306 | And if you think about all of the adjacent skills, right, | 如果你想到所有相邻的技能,对吗? |
| 307 | those are all teachable and learnable, right? | 这些都是可以教和可以学的,对不对? |
| 308 | So having self-confidence, obviously. | 很明显,有自信 |
| 309 | So working through that and all those skills | 所以通过这些技巧来工作 |
| 310 | that you need to be able to do that, right? | 你需要能够做到这一点,对不对? |
| 311 | And that takes a variety of things in the toolkit. | 这需要很多东西。 |
| 312 | Being able to be present, right? | 能够在场 对吧? |
| 313 | Mindfulness, skill that we all learn. | 理智,技巧,我们都学习。 |
| 314 | Emotional intelligence. | 情绪智能. |
| 315 | That's teachable, that's learnable. | 这是可以教的,这是可以学的。 |
| 316 | So all of those things, | 所以所有这些事情, |
| 317 | it's like if you think about negotiations | 就像你想着谈判 |
| 318 | as being like the heart, like the organ, | 就像心脏,器官一样, |
| 319 | like all of those things, when they're strengthened, | 像所有这些东西, 当它们得到加强, |
| 320 | so is this organ. | 这个管风琴也是 |
| 321 | So what do you feel like most people get wrong | 所以,你是什么感觉 像大多数人错了 |
| 322 | about the art of negotiation? | 关于谈判艺术? |
| 323 | I truly believe that the best negotiators | 我真的相信,最好的谈判者 |
| 324 | are completely authentic. | 完全真实 |
| 325 | If you're walking in there, you're bringing yourself, | 如果你走在那里, 你带来了自己, |
| 326 | which is why that's the title of my book, | 这就是为什么这就是我书的标题, |
| 327 | you're not rehearsed. | 你没有排练。 |
| 328 | There's a part of you that you really trust. | 你确实信任你的一部分 |
| 329 | And therefore, when you release all the pretense | 因此,当你释放所有的假象 |
| 330 | and when you release the scripting | 当你发布脚本时 |
| 331 | and when you release the performance, | 当你发布表演, |
| 332 | the power sits in you. | 权力在你身上 |
| 333 | And if you can be true to yourself | 如果你能对自己诚实 |
| 334 | and you show up that way, | 你这样出现, |
| 335 | then you are then more present for the other person too, | 那你就更适合别人了 |
| 336 | because I'm not in my head wondering how you like me | 因为我脑子里没有你喜欢我 |
| 337 | or whether I'm saying the right word | 或者我是不是说对了 |
| 338 | or whether I should smile | 或者我该不该笑 |
| 339 | or whether I should cross my legs or whether. | 或者我是否应该交叉 我的腿,或者是否。 |
| 340 | I'm clear of all those burdens. | 我清除了所有这些负担。 |
| 341 | I unburden myself by being authentic. | 我为真实而自负 |
| 342 | And I think that people, because there's so many books | 我认为人们, 因为有这么多的书 |
| 343 | and people who teach this, | 和教这个的人, |
| 344 | who say, say these three things, do these two things. | 谁说,说这三件事,做这两件事。 |
| 345 | And I think the most courageous thing we can do | 我觉得我们能做的最勇敢的事情 |
| 346 | is to really understand ourselves and honor ourselves | 就是真正了解我们自己 尊重我们自己 |
| 347 | just as we are. | 就像我们一样 |
| 348 | Should you get better? | 你该好起来吗? |
| 349 | Absolutely, I believe in excellence. | 当然,我相信卓越。 |
| 350 | I believe in doing better and learning more | 我相信做更好 学习更多 |
| 351 | and all of that. | 这一切。 |
| 352 | But I don't believe that I'm supposed to go through life | 但我不相信我该过一辈子 |
| 353 | being somebody else. | 成为别人。 |
| 354 | The other is that people truly think of negotiations | 另一个是人们真正思考谈判 |
| 355 | as transactions. | 作为交易。 |
| 356 | Yes, explain that. | 是的,解释一下 |
| 357 | They think it's a win-lose proposition. | 他们认为这是一个胜利失败的提议. |
| 358 | They think that somebody always wins. | 他们认为总会有人赢 |
| 359 | That was literally a question that came up. | 这其实是个问题。 |
| 360 | If I win, does somebody else always have to lose? | 如果我赢了 难道别人总是要输吗? |
| 361 | I was like, that isn't what it is, | 我当时想,这不是它是什么, |
| 362 | but please explain that. | 但请解释一下 |
| 363 | By the way, all this is fair, right? | 顺便说一句,这一切都是公平的,对吗? |
| 364 | Because we go in to buy a car | 我们进去买车 |
| 365 | and we get a really horrible deal | 我们得到一个非常可怕的交易 |
| 366 | and we're like, oh God, I lost, right? | 我们就像,哦,上帝,我输了,对不对? |
| 367 | Or people get divorces and they get burned into divorce. | 或人们离婚 并被烧成离婚。 |
| 368 | So to them, that becomes the negotiations, right? | 所以对他们来说,这就是谈判,对不对? |
| 369 | So unfortunately, those negative experiences | 很遗憾,这些负面经历 |
| 370 | seem to leave a very lasting impression. | 似乎留下了一个非常持久的印象。 |
| 371 | I don't like this notion of I win, somebody else loses, | 我不喜欢这个概念 我赢了,别人输了, |
| 372 | because maybe I'm a people pleaser. | 因为我也许更喜欢别人 |
| 373 | Maybe I like everybody being happy. | 也许我喜欢大家快乐 |
| 374 | So therefore, I must not be a good negotiator. | 因此,我一定不能成为一个好的谈判者。 |
| 375 | Here's the truth. | 这是事实 |
| 376 | Negotiations is rooted in humanity. | 谈判植根于人类。 |
| 377 | It is personal connections, right? | 这是个人联系,对不对? |
| 378 | And again, whether it's you negotiating with yourself | 再说一遍,不管是你自己谈判 |
| 379 | or you with other people, I don't care. | 或者你和其他人, 我不在乎。 |
| 380 | It's five people, it's two people. | 是五众生是二众生. |
| 381 | It's the connection that we make. | 这是我们的连接。 |
| 382 | And sometimes the connections work, sometimes they don't. | 有时连络有用,有时则不行. |
| 383 | And if you think about all the conversations | 如果你想到所有的对话 |
| 384 | you have every day, if those are all negotiations, | 你每天都有 如果这些都是谈判 |
| 385 | the majority, and not just by a little, | 多数人,不只是一点点, |
| 386 | I mean, the large majority of those conversations | 我的意思是,这些谈话的大部分 |
| 387 | are not conflict. | 不是冲突。 |
| 388 | You're making a decision. | 你在做决定 |
| 389 | You're having a conversation. | 你在说话 |
| 390 | And through that conversation, | 通过那次谈话 |
| 391 | we're trying to get somewhere better | 我们想找更好的地方 |
| 392 | than when we were, when we first started. | 而不是我们刚开始的时候 |
| 393 | And maybe you're happier with us. | 也许你和我们在一起会更快乐 |
| 394 | Maybe I'm happier with us. | 也许我和我们在一起更快乐 |
| 395 | But this notion of if I'm happy, you are sad. | 但如果我高兴,你很伤心 |
| 396 | If you win, I lose, is nonsensical. | 如果你赢了,我输了,是无意识的。 |
| 397 | And it also, I think, comes from this place of scarcity. | 我认为,它也来自这个稀缺的地方。 |
| 398 | Oh yeah. | 对 |
| 399 | Right? | 对吧? |
| 400 | Well, that's why my thinking is always, | 这就是为什么我的想法总是, |
| 401 | and listen, I come at this from a place of, you know, | 听着,我来自一个地方,你知道, |
| 402 | I've been an employer of a lot of people for a long time. | 历任人大老板. |
| 403 | And I see the nuances and the differences. | 我看到了细微差别。 |
| 404 | I'm certainly not saying women are not as good at men, | 我当然没有说女人不擅长男人, |
| 405 | as good as men at negotiating, | 像男人一样善于谈判, |
| 406 | but they come at it from a different point. | 但他们从不同的角度出发 |
| 407 | They come at it from a scarcity point of view. | 他们从稀缺的角度来研究它。 |
| 408 | If I get this, then somebody else gets less. | 如果我得到这个,那么别人就会少。 |
| 409 | If I asked for this, | 如果我问这个, |
| 410 | then my team is going to get a little bit less. | 那么我的团队就会少一点 |
| 411 | And so the point of view is always much more | 因此,观点总是更多 |
| 412 | like what's happening in the environment. | 就像环境里发生的事情 |
| 413 | And as a, you know, a consequence of what I get, | 作为一个,你知道,一个后果 我得到, |
| 414 | somebody else has to suffer. | 别人必须受苦。 |
| 415 | And that's just not what I see in the men that I negotiate with. | 这跟我谈判的人不一样 |
| 416 | No, but it's also, so let's talk about societal issues, | 不,但它也是, 所以让我们谈谈社会问题, |
| 417 | because it's very real. | 因为它是非常真实的。 |
| 418 | We've not made up these things in our head. | 我们没有在脑海中编造这些东西 |
| 419 | Absolutely not. | 绝对不是。 |
| 420 | And forever, we've been told, | 而且我们一直被告知 |
| 421 | I work a lot in sports, right? | 我经常在体育领域工作 对吧? |
| 422 | And, you know, in the sports industry, | 在体育行业里 |
| 423 | particularly female dominated, | 特别是女性占主导地位, |
| 424 | you can think about finance this way, | 你可以这样考虑融资, |
| 425 | plenty of other industries, | 还有很多其他行业, |
| 426 | but we only saw a few of us. | 但我们只看到我们几个人 |
| 427 | So we always thought there can only be room | 所以我们一直以为只有空间 |
| 428 | for a few of us, right? | 我们几个,对不对? |
| 429 | And if there's room at this table for only one person, | 如果这张桌子上只有一个人 |
| 430 | damn it, I'm going to be that person, right? | 该死,我就是那个人,对吧? |
| 431 | And the minute I'm collaborative, | 当我合作的时候 |
| 432 | the minute I appear understanding, | 当我看起来理解, |
| 433 | maybe they'll think that's weak. | 也许他们会认为那是软弱的。 |
| 434 | So you know what? | 你知道吗? |
| 435 | I'm going to show up with my armor on, | 我要穿上盔甲出现 |
| 436 | and that armor comes from a place of fear. | 盔甲来自恐惧的地方 |
| 437 | It comes from doubting yourself, | 是因为怀疑自己 |
| 438 | because if you're self-assured, | 因为如果你自保, |
| 439 | you don't think that it's going to be you or them. | 你不会以为是你或他们干的 |
| 440 | And if you, and if it is you or them, | 如果你,如果它是你或他们, |
| 441 | it's because you are not, this wasn't meant for me, right? | 是因为你没有,这不适合我,对吧? |
| 442 | And so, because we've been in places | 所以,因为我们去过的地方 |
| 443 | where there's so few of us, | 在那里我们如此少, |
| 444 | we have bought into the lie | 我们被骗了 |
| 445 | that there will always be a few of us. | 永远会有少数我们。 |
| 446 | That's just not true. | 这不是真的 |
| 447 | And so, you know, this notion of women | 所以,你知道,这个概念 女人 |
| 448 | not having negotiated so often, | 不经常谈判, |
| 449 | there's plenty of studies to show this, right? | 有很多研究可以证明这一点,对吧? |
| 450 | There's so much evidence for this. | 此证无量. |
| 451 | It says, you know, as a result of not wanting to be judged, | 上面说,由于不想被审判 |
| 452 | first of all, because I don't want to appear greedy, | 首先,我不想显得贪婪, |
| 453 | I don't want them to think that I'm in it for myself, | 我不想让他们认为我是为了自己 |
| 454 | which by the way, there's nothing wrong | 顺便说一句,没什么不对的 |
| 455 | with being in it for yourself. | 为了你自己 |
| 456 | Absolutely not. | 绝对不是。 |
| 457 | Because I don't want them to judge me, | 因为我不想让他们评判我 |
| 458 | I'm not going to do it, right? | 我不会这么做的 对吧? |
| 459 | And because I don't want to be losing, | 因为我不想输 |
| 460 | I'm not going to make room for somebody else. | 我不会为别人腾出空间 |
| 461 | And, you know, and the self, nevermind the self judgment, | 而且,你知道, 和自我, 从来不在乎 自我判断, |
| 462 | right, do I even deserve this, right? | 好吧,我甚至值得这样,对不对? |
| 463 | So if you come from a place of not believing in yourself, | 如果你从一个不信自己的地方来, |
| 464 | deservedness becomes the conversation, right? | 罪有应得成为对话,对不对? |
| 465 | I don't know if I can ask | 我不知道能不能问 |
| 466 | because I don't know if I deserve it. | 因为我不知道我是否值得 |
| 467 | Which is actually, I think, a starting point | 这其实是,我认为,一个起点 |
| 468 | for so many women. | 这么多女人。 |
| 469 | And I feel like, you know, | 我觉得,你知道, |
| 470 | I was raised in such a way | 我是这么长大的 |
| 471 | where I always thought I deserved it. | 我总是认为我应得的 |
| 472 | You know, it's like, if you get up and you go to work | 你知道,这就像,如果你站起来 去工作 |
| 473 | and you try really hard, | 你努力地尝试, |
| 474 | I just assumed that I was deserving of it. | 我只是认为我值得它。 |
| 475 | And that was the starting point | 这就是起点 |
| 476 | because I think in those early roles, you know, | 因为我想在这些早期的角色,你知道, |
| 477 | when you were really negotiating for like tiny things, | 当你真正谈判 像小事情, |
| 478 | you know, like a $5,000 pay rise, | 你知道,像5000美元的工资上涨, |
| 479 | like you had to believe that your work equated | 就像你不得不相信 你的工作等同于 |
| 480 | and equaled you being able to get that thing. | 也等于你能拿到那东西 |
| 481 | And so for me, it was that simple. | 对我来说,很简单。 |
| 482 | But I do think that this idea of, you know, | 但我确实认为 这个想法,你知道, |
| 483 | what is our level of self belief? | 我们的自信心水平是多少? |
| 484 | Like, that's almost like the starting point. | 碞钩琌秨 翴 |
| 485 | There's something that you talk about a lot in your work, | 有件事,你谈论了很多 在你的工作, |
| 486 | which is this idea of what happens in negotiation | 这就是谈判的结果 |
| 487 | before you even get in the room. | 在你进房间之前 |
| 488 | And I would love you to talk about that | 我希望你能谈谈 |
| 489 | because to me, that was just like the, | 因为对我来说,那就像, |
| 490 | aha, like, you know, the part that made me | 啊哈,就像,你知道, 部分让我 |
| 491 | like such a fan of your work and your way of thinking. | 就像你的作品和思维方式的粉丝 |
| 492 | I'm gonna add something before I go to there. | 我到那里之前要加点什么 |
| 493 | And it is something that sort of traditionally women | 也是那种传统女人 |
| 494 | have also not necessarily sort of succeeded | 也不一定成功过 |
| 495 | in when it comes to negotiations, | 在谈判的时候, |
| 496 | is that we almost felt like we had to be given permission | 我们几乎感到我们不得不得到许可 |
| 497 | to negotiate, right? | 谈判,对不对? |
| 498 | We don't recognize the negotiations when we're in it, | 我们不承认谈判 当我们在其中, |
| 499 | which is why we don't think we have experience, | 所以我们认为我们没有经验 |
| 500 | but we also don't know that we're allowed. | 但我们也不知道我们被允许了 |
| 501 | And therefore we miss the moments. | 因此,我们怀念这一时刻。 |
| 502 | And people always say, when is the right time to negotiate? | 人们总是说,何时是谈判的合适时机? |
| 503 | I say, when you need to negotiate. | 我说,当你需要谈判。 |
| 504 | That's the right time. | 是时候了 |
| 505 | No one's coming down and picking you | 没有人会来挑你 |
| 506 | and saying, this is the moment. | 并说,这是时刻。 |
| 507 | No, it's when you, if negotiations means | 不,这是当你,如果谈判意味着 |
| 508 | that's when you speak your voice | 当你说话的时候 |
| 509 | and that's when you speak your truth, | 当你说出你的真实, |
| 510 | then you decide when you're gonna speak it. | 然后你决定什么时候说 |
| 511 | Now, maybe you walk into your boss's office | 也许你走进你老板的办公室 |
| 512 | and they look like they're having a bad day. | 他们看起来很糟 |
| 513 | Probably not the right moment, right? | 也许时机不对,对吧? |
| 514 | But we're also emotionally intelligent. | 但我们在情感上也很聪明 |
| 515 | And so we know how to pick and choose, | 所以我们知道如何选择 |
| 516 | but nobody walks around to men and say, you know what? | 但没人会到处对男人说,你知道吗? |
| 517 | You are now having the permission to negotiate. | 你现在有谈判的权限了 |
| 518 | They're like, every day is a negotiating day for me. | 他们喜欢,每一天对我来说都是谈判日。 |
| 519 | So what do you say to someone who's listening to this | 你对听这个的人怎么说? |
| 520 | that says, yeah, but you know, there are seasons for this. | 也就是说,是的,但你知道, 有一些季节可以做到这一点。 |
| 521 | Like in the place where I'm working right now, | 就像现在我工作的地方 |
| 522 | you know, there's times when we get to talk | 你知道,有的时候,我们谈 |
| 523 | about our pay increases or a change of, you know, job. | 关于我们加薪 或改变,你知道,工作。 |
| 524 | What do you say to that person? | 你对那个人怎么说? |
| 525 | That's fine. | 没关系 |
| 526 | But also if you put it off, | 但是,如果你把它关闭, |
| 527 | you may no longer feel the courage to do it. | 你可能不再有勇气这样做了 |
| 528 | You may miss that moment. | 你可能会错过那一刻。 |
| 529 | So you can have the pre-conversations. | 这样你就可以有 预商。 |
| 530 | You can go up to your boss and say, listen, | 你可以去找你的老板说,听着, |
| 531 | I know that the annual reviews coming up in a few months, | 我知道几个月后进行的年度审查 |
| 532 | I would love to have a conversation | 我想和你谈谈 |
| 533 | with you before that, right? | 之前跟你在一起 对吧? |
| 534 | And so you've already then verbally committed yourself | 所以,你已经做了口头承诺 |
| 535 | to this, right? | 对这个,对不对? |
| 536 | And there's no turning back at this point | 此时此地无退路 |
| 537 | because your boss may turn around and say, | 因为你老板可能转身说 |
| 538 | yeah, now you want to have that conversation with me. | 是啊,现在你想和我谈谈。 |
| 539 | And so now it's sort of that accountability, right? | 所以,现在它有点 责任,对不对? |
| 540 | You voiced it, right? | 你说的,对不对? |
| 541 | So you create those moments. | 所以你创造了那些时刻。 |
| 542 | No, first of all, don't look for the perfect moment. | 不,首先,不要寻找完美的时刻。 |
| 543 | There is no such thing as a perfect. | 没有什么是完美的。 |
| 544 | The perfect moment is when you're ready | 完美的时刻就是你准备好 |
| 545 | and you create those opportunities. | 你创造这些机会。 |
| 546 | Maury, I love that you say this | 莫里,我喜欢你这么说 |
| 547 | because it's very, very different | 因为它是非常,非常不同 |
| 548 | from what is my bottom line, | 从什么是我的底线, |
| 549 | which I think is again, part of that scarcity mindset. | 我认为,这又是这种匮乏思维的一部分。 |
| 550 | People go, I won't take less than, | 人们去,我不会少, |
| 551 | and I'm like, that can't be the starting point. | 我很喜欢, 这不可能是起点。 |
| 552 | The starting point has to be like, what are your values? | 起点是,你的价值观是什么? |
| 553 | Oh, absolutely. | 当然 |
| 554 | What do I want to abide by? | 我该遵守什么? |
| 555 | Because if it doesn't go your way, | 因为如果它不走你的方式, |
| 556 | at least you can look in the mirror and say, | 至少你可以照照镜子说, |
| 557 | you know, I'll do better next time. | 下次我会做得更好 |
| 558 | What did I learn from this? | 我从这学到了什么? |
| 559 | But if you negotiate away or compromise the things | 但如果你放弃谈判或妥协 |
| 560 | that are so important to you, | 对你这么重要 |
| 561 | let's say for me, it's honesty, right? | 这么说吧,这是实话,对吧? |
| 562 | And part of it is I'm a really bad liar. | 而其中的一部分是,我是一个真正的坏骗子。 |
| 563 | And my reputation is tied to these things. | 而我的名声与这些事情有关 |
| 564 | So knowing that, I know that to abide by that value, | 所以,我知道,我知道 遵守这个价值, |
| 565 | I need to prepare in a way | 我需要做个准备 |
| 566 | that will eliminate the opportunity to have to, | 这将消除必须这样做的机会, |
| 567 | or the need to have to lie. | 或者必须撒谎 |
| 568 | So I think I go through all the potential questions | 所以我想我经过所有潜在的问题 |
| 569 | they're going to ask, right? | 他们会问,对不对? |
| 570 | I'm going to be ready | 我会准备好的 |
| 571 | because I want to know how much I want to give you. | 因为我想知道我要给你多少 |
| 572 | I want to know how I'm going to frame it. | 我想知道我要怎么设计它 |
| 573 | I'll do it honestly, | 我会诚实的 |
| 574 | but in a way that I'm not going to lose my leverage. | 但我不会失去我的影响力 |
| 575 | So knowing that, I will always keep that promise to myself | 所以,知道这一点,我将永远履行 承诺为自己 |
| 576 | because at the end, and I don't like using the word winning, | 因为我不喜欢用赢字 |
| 577 | but feeling whole comes from that, | 但感觉整体就由此而来, |
| 578 | the fulfillment of that promise. | 实现这个承诺。 |
| 579 | And just for people to like to crystallize that, right? | 只是人们喜欢 结晶这一点,对不对? |
| 580 | So knowing your values | 所以知道你的价值 |
| 581 | and knowing what you're not going to do, | 知道你不会做什么 |
| 582 | what is the conversation you're having in your head? | 你脑子里在想什么? |
| 583 | I frame it up for me. | 我为我陷害 |
| 584 | You're literally saying to yourself, what? | 你在自言自语 什么? |
| 585 | Who am I? | 我是谁? |
| 586 | What's important to me? | 这对我很重要吗? |
| 587 | And I'm not talking about a thing or a price or anything. | 我不是在说价格什么的 |
| 588 | What makes me who I am? | 我是谁? |
| 589 | Part of the understanding yourself, | 部分理解你自己, |
| 590 | it's the messy truth that people are so afraid | 这是混乱的真相 人们是如此害怕 |
| 591 | to really uncover or think about. | 真正发现或思考。 |
| 592 | But if you do it beforehand, | 但是,如果你事先这样做, |
| 593 | you've dealt with those monsters, right? | 你对付过那些怪物,对吧? |
| 594 | You've battled them. | 你和他们打过仗了 |
| 595 | You've go get your therapy, and I'm a big fan of therapy. | 你得到你的治疗, 而我是治疗的忠实粉丝。 |
| 596 | I'm a big fan of, these days I do a lot of sort of energy work. | 我是一个大粉丝, 这些天我做了很多的能源工作。 |
| 597 | You know, if I am burdened, I'm not free. | 你知道,如果我有负担, 我并不自由。 |
| 598 | Oh yeah. | 对 |
| 599 | And when I'm not free, | 而当我不自由, |
| 600 | I can't possibly advocate for myself, | 我不能为自己辩护 |
| 601 | but I'm not, my thoughts are not clear. | 但我没有,我的想法不清楚。 |
| 602 | My courage is diminished. | 我的勇气减弱了 |
| 603 | I want to feel free. | 我想感觉自由。 |
| 604 | I want to feel whole. | 我想感觉完整。 |
| 605 | I want to show up. | 欲现身. |
| 606 | Not as my perfect self, because I'm not. | 不是我的完美自我 因为我不是 |
| 607 | I want to show up as Maury. | 欲现如毛里. |
| 608 | This is who I am. | 这就是我 |
| 609 | And you don't have to love me, | 你不必爱我 |
| 610 | but I'm going to be respectful and I'm going to be kind | 但我会尊重你,我会仁慈的 |
| 611 | and I'm going to be likable. | 我会很讨人喜欢的 |
| 612 | But this is me. | 但这是我。 |
| 613 | All day long, every day. | 终日逐日. |
| 614 | So you go in and you've already done that work. | 所以,你进去 你已经做了这项工作。 |
| 615 | You've already asked yourself, what is important to me? | 你已经问过自己,什么对我很重要了? |
| 616 | What else needs to happen before you walk into that room? | 在你走进那个房间之前 还需要发生什么? |
| 617 | Goals. | 目标。 |
| 618 | So once you do that, | 所以,一旦你这样做, |
| 619 | and that's why sort of the order of it matters. | 这就是为什么它排序很重要。 |
| 620 | And so goal setting is really important. | 所以设定目标非常重要。 |
| 621 | And the really great thing about goal setting | 和真正伟大的事情 关于设定目标 |
| 622 | is that there's so much science behind this. | 这背后有很多科学 |
| 623 | The research is profound. | 研究深入. |
| 624 | And what we know to be true is this, | 而我们所知道的真相是, |
| 625 | is that people who set aspirational goals | 是那些制定理想目标的人 |
| 626 | always do better in their negotiations, right? | 在他们的谈判中总是做得更好,对不对? |
| 627 | It's as though you rise to the occasion. | 犹如升座. |
| 628 | And aspirational is scary. | 而愿望是可怕的。 |
| 629 | Aspirational is not comfortable. | 呼吸不自在。 |
| 630 | Negotiations isn't meant to be comfortable, right? | 谈判不是要自在,对吧? |
| 631 | And what you want in life, if you see comfortable, | 如果你想在生活中, 如果你看到舒适, |
| 632 | that's as good as it's going to get. | 和会得到的一样好 |
| 633 | And probably less, | 也许更少, |
| 634 | because if you start negotiating in a place of comfort, | 因为如果你在舒适的地方开始谈判 |
| 635 | think about the only place to go from there is down. | 想想唯一能从那里走出去的地方是下方 |
| 636 | But here's the most empowering thing, | 但这是最赋予权力的事情 |
| 637 | is that when you think about it, | 当你思考的时候, |
| 638 | if I am aspirational, if I'm brave, | 如果我是渴望, 如果我是勇敢的, |
| 639 | if I have courage to dream big and want more for myself, | 如果我有勇气做大梦 想为自己多做点 |
| 640 | when the research tells me that I'm likely to get that, | 当研究告诉我 我可能得到, |
| 641 | or if I don't get that, it's like reaching for, | 或者,如果我不明白, 这就像伸手, |
| 642 | if you don't get to the moon, you'll at least hit the stars, | 如果你不到月亮,你至少会撞到星星, |
| 643 | then that feels so uplifting and empowering to me. | 那样我就会感到振奋和增强能力 |
| 644 | And that's why I spend so much of my time | 所以我花这么多时间 |
| 645 | talking to my students about this, | 跟我的学生们谈这个 |
| 646 | because you know what this is telling you | 因为你知道这告诉你什么 |
| 647 | is that life doesn't happen to you, you happen to life. | 生命不会发生在你身上 你也会发生在生活中 |
| 648 | So many of us give our power away in negotiations | 我们很多人在谈判中放弃了权力 |
| 649 | because we think somebody else has determined the outcome. | 因为我们认为其他人决定了结果 |
| 650 | No, my friend, you were all along, right? | 不,我的朋友,你一直这样,对不对? |
| 651 | And you were in the driver's seat. | 你坐在驾驶座上 |
| 652 | Now, if you ended up looking up | 现在,如果你最后抬头 |
| 653 | and you're all of a sudden in the passenger seat, | 你突然坐在乘客座位上, |
| 654 | it's because you opened the car door and you walked around | 是因为你打开车门走来走去 |
| 655 | and you sat in that passenger seat. | 你坐在乘客座位上 |
| 656 | So you gave up your power, | 所以你放弃了权力 |
| 657 | but you could have actually owned it. | 但你本来可以拥有它 |
| 658 | So Morrie, what's the difference | 莫瑞,有什么区别? |
| 659 | when you say set an aspirational goal, | 当你说设定一个愿望目标时, |
| 660 | what is the difference between doing that | 这样做有什么区别 |
| 661 | and setting a high bar for yourself | 并为自己设置一条高杠, |
| 662 | and completely overshooting? | 和完全过度射击? |
| 663 | Because again, as somebody that sits | 因为,作为一个坐 |
| 664 | in a lot of rooms with people, | 在很多房间与人, |
| 665 | I will often have somebody come in and do something. | 我经常会有人进来做点什么 |
| 666 | And I'm like, well, you need 10 more years experience | 而我喜欢,嗯,你需要10年的经验 |
| 667 | in a different company for that thing. | 在一个不同的公司 为那个东西。 |
| 668 | So how do people balance, | 那么人们如何平衡, |
| 669 | where is aspiration enough and where is just classical? | 愿望何在,古典何在? |
| 670 | Because negotiations is persuasion. | 因为谈判是说服 |
| 671 | So this first part of it that I was talking about | 所以,这是它的第一个部分,我说的 |
| 672 | was persuading yourself, right? | 说服自己,对不对? |
| 673 | That's why it's so important to know your value | 所以才要知道你的价值 |
| 674 | and understand your worth. | 并理解你的价值。 |
| 675 | But the second part of that is now you have | 但其中的第二部分,你现在有了 |
| 676 | to persuade other people. | 说服别人 |
| 677 | And it's really hard to do that without data, right? | 没有数据很难做到,对吧? |
| 678 | And it's because data is sort of a universal language. | 这是因为数据是一种通用语言。 |
| 679 | It's objective, right? | 这是客观的,对不对? |
| 680 | So I can ask for anything | 这样我什么都可以要求 |
| 681 | if I can give you the data for it, right? | 如果我能给你它的数据,对不对? |
| 682 | Know your market value, right? | 知道你的市场价值,对不对? |
| 683 | Know price points, know your pricing strategy | 知道价格点,知道定价策略 |
| 684 | reflects all of that data, right? | 反映所有的数据,对不对? |
| 685 | In the negotiations when you're asking for a raise | 在谈判中,当你要求加薪 |
| 686 | and you know what you're in your position at other companies | 你知道你在其他公司的地位 |
| 687 | in your industry people are making, | 在你的行业,人们正在做, |
| 688 | and you come in armed with that information, | 你带着这个信息进来 |
| 689 | as well as the data of what your accomplishments are, | 以及你们的成就的数据, |
| 690 | what you've managed to do in that position. | 你在那个位置上所做的一切 |
| 691 | When you come in armed with that, | 当你带着它进来时, |
| 692 | it feels like you're speaking truth to power | 感觉你对权力说真话 |
| 693 | as opposed to this place of, | 而不是这个地方, |
| 694 | well, I want this because I deserve it. | 我想这样是因为我应得的 |
| 695 | Okay, that's cute, right? | 好吧,这是可爱的,对不对? |
| 696 | But tell me why. | 但是告诉我为什么。 |
| 697 | Or, I'm asking for this | 或者,我要求这个 |
| 698 | because I think I'm the best in my job at this, | 因为我认为我是最好的工作 在这个, |
| 699 | through whose eyes, right? | 通过谁的眼睛,对不对? |
| 700 | This great Japanese proverb that says, | 这个伟大的日本谚语说, |
| 701 | even a sheet of paper has two sides, right? | 甚至一张纸都有两面,对吧? |
| 702 | This only works if I understand what your side is | 只有我明白你的一面才是可行的 |
| 703 | so I can communicate it in a way | 所以我可以用某种方式来传达 |
| 704 | that you will understand it and vice versa, right? | 你会明白的,反之亦然,对吧? |
| 705 | And isn't that so important making sure | 这难道不是那么重要 确保 |
| 706 | that you have run through | 您已经运行过 |
| 707 | what the other side's point of view is? | 对方的观点是什么? |
| 708 | Absolutely. | 当然 |
| 709 | Because again, so often it's so easy to be like, | 因为再说一遍 经常这样容易 |
| 710 | I've got this goal, I know exactly what I want, | 我有这个目标,我知道我到底想要什么, |
| 711 | and I've got my information together, | 我得到了我的信息在一起, |
| 712 | but you haven't considered what's happening | 但你没考虑过发生了什么 |
| 713 | with the person in front of you. | 在你面前的那个人 |
| 714 | Absolutely, absolutely. | 当然,绝对的。 |
| 715 | But I have to say this. | 但我必须说 |
| 716 | So I almost take preparation and split it into two sides. | 所以,我几乎开始准备,把它分成两面。 |
| 717 | The first is always prepare from your perspective first. | 第一个总是从你的角度来准备 |
| 718 | What do I want? | 我要怎样? |
| 719 | What are my non-negotiables? | 我有什么没商量的? |
| 720 | What are my goals? | 我的目标是什么? |
| 721 | All of that. | 这一切。 |
| 722 | Have perfect clarity, like very lucid. | 完全清楚 就像非常清楚一样 |
| 723 | And then you can say, okay, now let me think | 然后你可以说,好吧,现在让我想想 |
| 724 | about this person. | 关于这个人。 |
| 725 | What do I need to know about them? | 我需要知道他们什么? |
| 726 | And I know you've talked about this. | 我知道你已经谈过了 |
| 727 | You may be one of the only people I know that's like, | 你是我唯一认识的人之一 |
| 728 | I love negotiations. | 我喜欢谈判。 |
| 729 | I'm like, that's my girl. | 我很喜欢,这是我的女孩。 |
| 730 | But it's this notion of being really prepared | 但这是真正准备的想法 |
| 731 | and really curious. | 和真正的好奇心。 |
| 732 | It is, and the curiosity is something that is so, so key, | 是的 好奇心是那么重要的东西 |
| 733 | but I learned very early on because one of my very first jobs | 但我很早就学会了 因为我的第一份工作 |
| 734 | was, you know, I was the middleman. | 我是中间人 |
| 735 | Like I was the person that nobody wanted to pay | 就像我是个没人愿意付钱的人 |
| 736 | because there was somebody on this side | 因为这边有人 |
| 737 | and somebody on this side, | 这边有人 |
| 738 | and my job was to like broker the deal. | 我的工作就是喜欢做经纪人 |
| 739 | And you learn early that, you know, | 你早就学会了,你知道, |
| 740 | a good negotiation isn't about winning or losing at all. | 良好的谈判不是赢或输 |
| 741 | It's about finding this beautiful middle ground, you know, | 要找到这个美丽的中间地带 |
| 742 | where something is mutually advantageous. | 其中的东西是互利的。 |
| 743 | And when you're kind of the middleman, the middle girl, | 而当你是那种 中间人,中间的女孩, |
| 744 | you're like out of it. | 你就像从它。 |
| 745 | You can see that so clearly, | 你看得出来 |
| 746 | but I think it's so hard when you're in one of those seats. | 但我觉得你坐在一个座位上 实在太难了 |
| 747 | And that's why I kind of love this idea | 所以我才喜欢这个主意 |
| 748 | of you talking about the role of listening. | 你们在谈论倾听的作用 |
| 749 | And it is so important to think about yourself first, | 首先考虑一下你自己 |
| 750 | but that listening piece has to come in | 但那个监听片必须进来 |
| 751 | where you understand the other side. | 在那里你了解另一边。 |
| 752 | Absolutely, I think there's no greater power in negotiations | 当然,我觉得谈判没有更大的权力 |
| 753 | than a curious mind, honestly. | 而不是一个好奇的头脑,说实话。 |
| 754 | So how do you negotiate though, without over-justifying? | 那么,你如何谈判, 没有过分的判断? |
| 755 | You know, because I get that of coming in | 你知道,因为我得到的 进来 |
| 756 | with all of the data, with a list of your accomplishments, | 加上所有的数据 以及你们的成就 |
| 757 | knowing what you've brought to the company. | 知道你给公司带来了什么 |
| 758 | But again, it can move into this space of you | 但是,它又可以移动到你的这个空间 |
| 759 | kind of like feeling like you're in a position | 那种感觉就像你处于一个位置 |
| 760 | where you're like begging for something | 在那里,你喜欢乞讨的东西 |
| 761 | that you rightly deserve. | 这是你应得的 |
| 762 | What's the line and how do you feel that out? | 线是什么,你有什么感觉? |
| 763 | Really great question. | 问得好 |
| 764 | I'm thinking about running it through some of the mistakes | 我考虑过一些错误 |
| 765 | that I know that people make. | 我知道人们会做的。 |
| 766 | Maybe space, maybe silence. | 也许是空间,也许是沉默。 |
| 767 | That's a hard one for people, isn't it? | 这对人们来说很困难,不是吗? |
| 768 | Oh God. | 天呐 |
| 769 | Just, I mean- | 我是说... |
| 770 | Make the answer, shut the fuck up. | 回答,他妈的闭嘴。 |
| 771 | Just sit on your goddamn hands if you have to, right? | 一定要坐到你的手上 好吗? |
| 772 | Shut it, right? | 闭嘴,对不对? |
| 773 | And part of it, it's amazing how so much of it | 和一部分,这是惊人的 这么多 |
| 774 | comes from not having self-confidence. | 是因为没有自信 |
| 775 | Because when you make that presentation, | 因为当你做这个演示, |
| 776 | you've done all the work, right? | 你已经做了所有的工作,对不对? |
| 777 | Because we want external validation, | 因为我们需要外部验证 |
| 778 | we expect it at that moment, right? | 我们期待在那一刻,对不对? |
| 779 | So we expect we're gonna make the presentation | 所以我们希望我们能做演讲 |
| 780 | and somebody's gonna say, great. | 有人会说,很好。 |
| 781 | Most people won't, right? | 大多数人不会,对不对? |
| 782 | And by the way, people think in silence. | 况众生默念. |
| 783 | People don't speak through their thinking, right? | 人们不说话 通过他们的思维,对不对? |
| 784 | So give themselves a chance to think. | 所以给自己一个思考的机会。 |
| 785 | So you've done your work. | 所以你已经完成了你的工作。 |
| 786 | You've done your homework. | 功德已毕. |
| 787 | You've come up with arguments. | 你已经想出了争论。 |
| 788 | You've presented your case. | 你提过案子了 |
| 789 | You've done your work. | 你已经完成了你的工作。 |
| 790 | You sit back and you just relish | 你坐后,你只是喜欢 |
| 791 | in just the accomplishment of having done that, right? | 已经做到了,对不对? |
| 792 | Now the ball's in their court. | 现在球在他们的庭上。 |
| 793 | Honor that. | 尊重这一点。 |
| 794 | Let them show up with their counter to this proposal, right? | 让他们带着反对这个提议的人出现,对吗? |
| 795 | The minute you start talking, it's as though you're saying, | 你一开始说话 就好像在说 |
| 796 | by the way, if you don't like it, which I see all the time, | 顺便说一句,如果你不喜欢它, 我经常看到它, |
| 797 | we can negotiate this, right? | 我们可以谈判,对不对? |
| 798 | Or this is negotiable. | 或者这是可以谈判的 |
| 799 | Immediately you're saying, you know what? | 你马上说,你知道吗? |
| 800 | That number I gave you, I thought was already high. | 我给了你那个数字,我以为已经很高了 |
| 801 | So we can negotiate it down. | 所以我们可以谈判下来。 |
| 802 | That's the immediate message that you're sending them | 这就是你马上发来的消息 |
| 803 | because I probably shot too high | 因为我可能太高了 |
| 804 | so that we can negotiate this. | 这样我们才能就此进行谈判。 |
| 805 | If you just drop the mic and you sit back, | 如果你把麦克风放下然后坐下来 |
| 806 | especially if it has data, | 特别是如果它有数据, |
| 807 | if it has that information associated with it, | 如果它有与它有关的信息, |
| 808 | now what they're thinking is, damn, that was good, right? | 他们现在在想什么,该死的,这是很好的,对不对? |
| 809 | Maybe they think, if it was a really strong argument, | 也许他们认为,如果这是一个真正强烈的争论, |
| 810 | I don't like it, but now I have to come back | 我不喜欢,但现在我必须回来 |
| 811 | with my best game, right? | 我最好的游戏,对不对? |
| 812 | My counter has to be all that | 我的柜台必须如此 |
| 813 | because what they said feels really strong. | 因为他们说的话很强烈 |
| 814 | Samourie, where do you go when it turns in, | 萨穆里,当它转身时,你要去哪里? |
| 815 | when you're sitting opposite someone | 当你坐在对面的人 |
| 816 | who is a really strong negotiator and it gets combative, | 他是一个真正强大的谈判者 它变得战斗, |
| 817 | when you feel like, okay, what I've done, | 当你觉得, 好吧, 我做了什么, |
| 818 | I've followed all the steps. | 我已经跟随所有的步骤。 |
| 819 | It didn't necessarily land. | 它不一定着陆。 |
| 820 | I'm opposite somebody who's really good at this | 我和真正擅长这个的人相反 |
| 821 | and it moves into that place where it feels | 它会移动到它感觉到的地方 |
| 822 | not where you wanted it to go. | 不是你想让它去的地方 |
| 823 | And you start like, this is happening, you can feel it. | 你开始像,这是发生的, 你可以感觉到它。 |
| 824 | Why don't they understand what I said? | 为什么他们不明白我说的话? |
| 825 | I followed all the tips. | 我跟踪所有的提示。 |
| 826 | What don't they understand? | 他们不明白什么? |
| 827 | We never say, what don't I understand, right? | 我们从不说,我不明白,对不对? |
| 828 | They must be wrong. | 他们一定是错了。 |
| 829 | Can't they see it the way I see it? | 他们不能像我这样看吗? |
| 830 | What's wrong with them? | 他们怎么了? |
| 831 | No, this again is quite simple. | 不,这又是相当简单的。 |
| 832 | I mean, first of all, I'd say breathe. | 我的意思是,首先,我会说呼吸。 |
| 833 | Breath work is so important and people don't give that enough. | 呼吸工作如此重要,人们对此不够给予. |
| 834 | They think that's so simple. | 他们觉得这很简单 |
| 835 | But the truth is that, I don't know | 但事实是,我不知道 |
| 836 | if you found yourself in this place, | 如果你发现自己在这里, |
| 837 | but I get really hard massages, right? | 但我真的很难按摩,对不对? |
| 838 | Like really hard. | 像真的很难。 |
| 839 | I love a good massage. | 我喜欢好好按摩 |
| 840 | Like dig deep, right? | 像挖深,对不对? |
| 841 | And my masseuse was laughing a while back. | 我的按摩师刚才在笑 |
| 842 | He's like, and he goes so hard anyway. | 他喜欢,他去这么辛苦反正。 |
| 843 | So I know the moment he says, | 所以我知道他一说 |
| 844 | this is gonna be a little tough, breathe. | 这会有点困难,呼吸。 |
| 845 | That means death is a bound, right? | 这意味着死亡是束缚,对不对? |
| 846 | Like we are going in. | 就像我们要进去一样 |
| 847 | And so he's like, take a breath. | 所以他喜欢,呼吸。 |
| 848 | And I literally went, and he goes, that was a breath. | 我从字面上走了,他走了,这是呼吸。 |
| 849 | It's because the anxiety, the thing I expected to be coming, | 这是因为焦虑,我期待的东西, |
| 850 | I had anticipated it to be so bad | 我早料到会这么糟 |
| 851 | that I couldn't even breathe through it. | 我甚至无法呼吸 通过它。 |
| 852 | So this is the same thing, conflict. | 所以这是同样的事情,冲突。 |
| 853 | Give yourself that breath, | 给自己呼吸, |
| 854 | that let the oxygen fill your lungs, right? | 让氧气填充你的肺,对不对? |
| 855 | Because that oxygen actually is bringing you clarity, right? | 因为氧气真的让你变得清晰,对吧? |
| 856 | It's giving you a moment to retreat, | 让你有时间撤退 |
| 857 | even if it's just a moment. | 即使只是一秒钟。 |
| 858 | So that's the first thing. | 所以这是第一件事。 |
| 859 | The second thing is, | 第二点是, |
| 860 | we call this going to the balcony in negotiations, | 我们称之为在谈判时去阳台, |
| 861 | which means that when you are both right here | 也就是说当你们俩都在这里的时候 |
| 862 | and you're going at it, | 而你却要这么做 |
| 863 | it's very hard to see somebody else's perspective. | 很难看出别人的看法 |
| 864 | And it's also hard to evaluate your own, right? | 也很难评价你自己 对吧? |
| 865 | Because we're in it, we're deep, right? | 因为我们在其中, 我们深,对不对? |
| 866 | This is the mud, we're wrestling, right? | 这是泥巴,我们在摔跤,对不对? |
| 867 | So when we talk about going to the balcony, | 所以,当我们谈论 去阳台, |
| 868 | it's like, if you can just envision this, | 这就像,如果你可以 只是设想, |
| 869 | it's sort of like lifting yourself up from that moment | 感觉就像从那一刻起就站起来了 |
| 870 | and saying, what is it that I'm not seeing? | 并说,是什么 我看不到? |
| 871 | What is it that they're not seeing? | 他们没看到什么? |
| 872 | Is there room, right? | 有房间吗? |
| 873 | Is there something that we're missing? | 我们漏了什么吗? |
| 874 | And so it's like almost that immediate evaluation | 所以这就像几乎 即时评估 |
| 875 | of the situation. | 情况。 |
| 876 | Some people are really good at doing that there. | 有些人真的很擅长做这些。 |
| 877 | The other thing is, who said it has to be done today, right? | 另一件事是,谁说今天必须这么做,对吧? |
| 878 | Maybe you just say, you know what? | 也许你只是说,你知道吗? |
| 879 | Maybe we just need a little space, right? | 也许我们只需要一点空间,对不对? |
| 880 | Let's just take a little time. | 我们慢慢来 |
| 881 | Let's go for a walk or, you know, | 让我们去散步,或者,你知道, |
| 882 | maybe you come at this tomorrow. | 或许你明天会来 |
| 883 | The American culture is so efficient. | 美国文化如此高效. |
| 884 | We're so hyper efficient. | 我们非常高效 |
| 885 | I always say, this is the only place where I know | 我总是说,这是唯一的地方 我知道 |
| 886 | that we eat while we walk, while we take a call | 我们一边走一边吃饭一边打电话 |
| 887 | and listen to a podcast all at once, right? | 立刻听播客播音,对吗? |
| 888 | So take a moment, you know, go back. | 慢慢来 回去吧 |
| 889 | Go back to your corners. | 滚回你的角落去 |
| 890 | But really sort of ensure that they know | 但真正确保 他们知道 |
| 891 | the reason you're doing this is because you say something | 你这么做是因为你说了些什么 |
| 892 | like, maybe we're missing something. | 也许我们漏了点什么 |
| 893 | Maybe I'm missing something. | 也许我错过了什么 |
| 894 | Experience a membership that backs your business journey | 体验一个支持你商业旅程的成员 |
| 895 | with American Express Business Platinum. | 与美国快报 商业白金。 |
| 896 | When you pay with membership rewards points | 当你给会员奖励时 |
| 897 | for all or part of an eligible flight | 全部或部分合格飞行 |
| 898 | booked with a qualifying airline through Amex Travel, | 通过Amex Travel与合格航空公司预订, |
| 899 | you can get 35% of those points back, | 你可以拿35%的这些点回, |
| 900 | up to 1 million points back per calendar year. | 每个日历年最多100万点。 |
| 901 | American Express Business Platinum. | 美国快报商业白金报. |
| 902 | There's nothing like it. | 何等为相. |
| 903 | Terms apply. | 条件适用。 |
| 904 | 学习更多在美国expression.com slash business shill palinum。 | |
| 905 | I always say that I think it's so important | 我总是说我觉得这很重要 |
| 906 | for people to know that on one side of a negotiation, | 人们知道,在谈判的一方, |
| 907 | it's always usually more important for one side | 这对一方来说总是更重要的 |
| 908 | than it is the other. | 而不是另一个 |
| 909 | And it's all right if you need some time. | 如果你需要时间也没关系 |
| 910 | You don't need to make a decision | 你不需要做决定 |
| 911 | to be fine with what's being offered to you. | 对你提供的东西没关系 |
| 912 | You can say, thank you, I need some time to think about this. | 你可以说,谢谢, 我需要一些时间来考虑这个问题。 |
| 913 | And that is okay too, because it's your life. | 那也没关系,因为这是你的生活。 |
| 914 | These are big decisions, | 这些是重大的决定, |
| 915 | and not everything can be done in the moment. | 而不是现在一切可以完成。 |
| 916 | I wanted to ask you what you saw | 我想问你看到什么 |
| 917 | in the kind of differences and the nuances | 差别和细微差别 |
| 918 | of negotiating in a place that is completely new to you | 在一个对你们全新的地方谈判 |
| 919 | versus somewhere where, let's say, | 比方说在什么地方 |
| 920 | you've been working in a place for a really long time. | 你在一个地方工作了很久 |
| 921 | Are there big differences between where you're known | 你认识的地方有没有很大的区别? |
| 922 | versus if you're walking into something | 与你走进某个地方 |
| 923 | that is a brand new situation? | 这是全新的情况吗? |
| 924 | I mean, I think that's really interesting. | 我的意思是,我觉得这真的很有趣。 |
| 925 | I think that it could go one of two ways, right? | 我认为它可以走两条路之一,对不对? |
| 926 | Familiarity sometimes breeds bad habits. | 熟悉有时会滋生不良习惯. |
| 927 | Doesn't adjust. | 没有调整。 |
| 928 | So a new location could be like a red star, right? | 所以,一个新的位置可能 像红星,对不对? |
| 929 | It's sort of void of perceptions and biases | 这是一种空洞的观念和偏见 |
| 930 | and all those things, and even yours of that place, right? | 那些东西,甚至你的地方,对不对? |
| 931 | We associate certain places with certain things. | 我们把某些地方和某些东西联系起来。 |
| 932 | But I think that it really goes back to the story | 但我认为它真的回到故事 |
| 933 | that you're telling yourself, your own narrative, right? | 你告诉自己,你自己的叙述,对不对? |
| 934 | And if your narrative is one | 如果你的叙述是 |
| 935 | that always leans towards anxiety and fear, | 总是倾向于焦虑和恐惧, |
| 936 | then it doesn't matter, right? | 那没关系,对吧? |
| 937 | Because no matter where you are at, | 因为不管你在哪里 |
| 938 | it's gonna feel, you're gonna associate | 它会感觉, 你会联系 |
| 939 | either the bad with that or the new place, | 不管是坏的还是新地方 |
| 940 | you're gonna be like, oh God, | 你会像,哦,上帝, |
| 941 | I'm never gonna someplace new, | 我永远不会有新的地方, |
| 942 | or oh, I feel so uncomfortable, | 或者,我觉得很不舒服, |
| 943 | or they don't know me, | 或者他们不认识我, |
| 944 | or I wish I knew this place, I don't feel comfortable. | 或者我希望我知道这个地方, 我不觉得舒服。 |
| 945 | So I think that whatever narrative you're telling yourself, | 所以我觉得不管你说什么 |
| 946 | you can control that. | 你可以控制这一点。 |
| 947 | And so neither of those situations | 因此,这两种情况都没有 |
| 948 | should feel uncomfortable or different. | 应该觉得不舒服或不同。 |
| 949 | If it's new, learn, if it's old, reset, right? | 如果是新的,学习,如果它是旧的,重置,对不对? |
| 950 | And so all of these things come from a place of, | 所以所有这些东西都来自一个地方 |
| 951 | let's just make sure that we're not selling ourselves short, | 让我们确保我们不卖 自己短, |
| 952 | because truth be told, | 因为真相, |
| 953 | you can navigate anything with curiosity, | 你可以以好奇心导航任何东西, |
| 954 | and you can navigate anything with experience. | 你可以用经验导航任何东西 |
| 955 | And so I think, again, how we tell ourselves these stories | 所以我想,再次,我们如何 告诉自己这些故事 |
| 956 | becomes really important. | 变得很重要 |
| 957 | You think you can navigate well or negotiate well | 你以为你可以好好导航或好好谈判 |
| 958 | when you actually have less leverage. | 当你实际上 杠杆更少。 |
| 959 | Oh yeah, what does leverage mean? | 哦,是啊,什么是杠杆意味着什么? |
| 960 | Leverage is perception, right? | 利用是感知 对吧? |
| 961 | All the studies show us that leverage has so little to do | 所有研究都显示 杠杆的作用太小 |
| 962 | with the size of your company | 与你的公司规模 |
| 963 | or the number of employees that you have, | 或您拥有的员工人数, |
| 964 | or the amount of resources that you have. | 或资源数量。 |
| 965 | If somebody else thinks you have leverage, | 如果别人认为你有影响力 |
| 966 | you have leverage. | 你有杠杆。 |
| 967 | So leverage is all about how you show up. | 所以,杠杆是所有关于 你如何出现。 |
| 968 | If you walk in a room, head held up high, you're smiling, | 如果你走在房间里,头举高, 你在笑, |
| 969 | you're shaking somebody's hand firmly, | 你握着别人的手 |
| 970 | you're making eye contact, you own that room. | 你在做眼睛接触, 你拥有那个房间。 |
| 971 | Oh, that matters. | 这很重要 |
| 972 | Oh, it's the only thing that actually matters, | 哦,这是唯一的事情 实际上, |
| 973 | because they will be like, | 因为他们将说: |
| 974 | oh, she looks like she's the boss lady, right? | 她看起来像是老板夫人,对吧? |
| 975 | She looks confident. | 她看起来很自信。 |
| 976 | And then immediately they think that you, of course, | 然后他们立刻认为你,当然, |
| 977 | have reason to feel that confident. | 有理由感到自信。 |
| 978 | So you have leverage. | 所以你有杠杆。 |
| 979 | You know, I always tell people, | 你知道,我总是告诉人们, |
| 980 | I'm just like, you want leverage? | 我只是喜欢, 你想要杠杆? |
| 981 | Then tell yourself you have it. | 那就告诉你自己有 |
| 982 | Walk in your power, | 以你的力量走动, |
| 983 | and this is why the power poses are so important, | 这就是为什么权力的摆设如此重要, |
| 984 | and you walk in with that, | 你带着那个走进去, |
| 985 | that I've got this. | 我得到了这个。 |
| 986 | It's everything, | 这一切, |
| 987 | because they immediately think that you do. | 因为他们立刻认为你这样做。 |
| 988 | I cannot believe I'm gonna ask you this question. | 我不敢相信我会问你这个问题 |
| 989 | Does the outfit matter? | 这衣服重要吗? |
| 990 | Yeah, yes, it does. | 是的,没错 |
| 991 | Is there research to say the outfit matters? | 是否有研究来说明服装的重要性? |
| 992 | I think that, well, I'm doing this sort of, | 我觉得,嗯,我做这种, |
| 993 | this is my own research, | 这是我自己的研究, |
| 994 | but I'll tell you why I think the outfit matters, | 但我会告诉你 为什么我觉得衣服很重要, |
| 995 | is because I know this to be true, | 因为我知道这是真的, |
| 996 | is that I will never, | 我永远不会 |
| 997 | like for me, I negotiate all the time, | 像我一样,我一直在谈判, |
| 998 | because I teach, teaching is negotiations, | 因为我教,教是谈判, |
| 999 | big presentations, being on stage. | 大型演讲,正在舞台上。 |
| 1000 | If I am not comfortable, | 如果我不自在的话 |
| 1001 | I don't care if 20 people tell me I look good, | 我不管20个人说我好看 |
| 1002 | but if I don't feel like I look good, | 但如果我不觉得自己看起来不错 |
| 1003 | I know that I've given up some of my power. | 我知道我已经放弃了一些权力。 |
| 1004 | And so this may be counter to what you're thinking, | 这可能与你的想法背道而驰 |
| 1005 | but I'm not dressing for you, | 但我不为你穿衣服, |
| 1006 | I'm dressing for me. | 我为我着衣. |
| 1007 | And that's why I think the outfit matters. | 所以我觉得衣服很重要 |
| 1008 | Can you negotiate well on a Zoom? | 你能好好谈判一下吗? |
| 1009 | Yes, hard, but yes. | 是的,很难,但是是的。 |
| 1010 | Harder though, no? | 更难,不是吗? |
| 1011 | It is, it is, because I believe | 是的,是的,因为我相信 |
| 1012 | that the energy we get off people really feeds us, | 我们从人身上得到的能量 真正地支撑着我们, |
| 1013 | it can direct us. | 它可以指导我们。 |
| 1014 | What makes it hard is because we're also very distracted. | 难的是因为我们也分心了 |
| 1015 | Our level of concentration, I mean, it's so diminished, | 我们的集中程度,我的意思是, 它是如此减弱, |
| 1016 | all the studies show us this, I know you know this. | 所有研究都告诉我们这一点, 我知道你知道这一点。 |
| 1017 | So the thing that becomes really important | 所以事情变得真的很重要 |
| 1018 | is that you know what your distractions are | 是因为你知道你的分心是什么 |
| 1019 | and you completely block them. | 你完全封锁了他们 |
| 1020 | Yeah, because you speak about this a lot, right? | 是啊,因为你常谈论这个,对不对? |
| 1021 | Presence, like be in the room. | 在场,就像在房间里。 |
| 1022 | Presence is power, presence is power. | 存在就是力量 存在就是力量 |
| 1023 | Because one, the two parts of this, | 因为其中两个部分 |
| 1024 | one is it feels really good for your counterpart, right? | 一个是感觉真的很好 你的对应者,对不对? |
| 1025 | You certainly don't want to ask a question | 你当然不想问问题 |
| 1026 | and your phone buzzes and you're looking at your text | 手机响起,你正在看短信 |
| 1027 | before the person is about to answer the question, | 在当事人回答之前 |
| 1028 | because I know how I would feel if I was that person. | 因为我知道我的感受 如果我是那个人。 |
| 1029 | I'd be like, oh, I'm competing with your text message. | 我会像,哦, 我竞争 您的短信。 |
| 1030 | This answer is not gonna be that important to you. | 这个答案不会对你那么重要 |
| 1031 | So you know what, why am I gonna be open and honest | 你知道么,我为什么要开诚布公 |
| 1032 | or vulnerable even about this, right? | 或脆弱,甚至这一点,对不对? |
| 1033 | So do what's important to you, | 所以做对你很重要的事 |
| 1034 | because clearly I'm not, right? | 因为我显然不是,对吧? |
| 1035 | So it's so disrespectful. | 故曰无礼. |
| 1036 | But the other thing is that if you get distracted, | 但另外一件事是 如果你被分心, |
| 1037 | you are losing the ability to be strategic, | 你失去了战略能力, |
| 1038 | because part of listening is the ability | 因为监听的一部分是能力 |
| 1039 | to not just listen with your ears, | 不只是用耳朵听, |
| 1040 | but it's listening with your heart, | 但它是用你的心脏听, |
| 1041 | it's listening with your mind, | 它在用你的思想倾听 |
| 1042 | it's listening with your eyes, right? | 它用你的眼睛听,对不对? |
| 1043 | That really connected mindful listening | 这真的连接了 注意听 |
| 1044 | is impossible if you're not present, right? | 如果你不在场是不可能的,对吧? |
| 1045 | So Zoom, if you get on a call, if you're negotiating, | 所以Zoom 如果你接到电话 如果你在谈判 |
| 1046 | and by the way, there's a step before the negotiations | 顺便说一句 在谈判前还有一步 |
| 1047 | I think is even actually more important, | 我觉得实际上更重要 |
| 1048 | which is that notion of like information sharing. | 就是这种信息共享的概念。 |
| 1049 | Information exchange is that step before, | 信息交流是此前的一步, |
| 1050 | it's not transactional, it's the getting to know you stage, | 不是交易,是了解你的舞台 |
| 1051 | it's the building of the rapport, | 这是建立关系, |
| 1052 | increased amount of curiosity at that moment, | 这时候好奇心增加 |
| 1053 | because what you're saying is that | 因为你的意思是 |
| 1054 | we're gonna negotiate something, | 我们要谈点什么 |
| 1055 | that's the transactional piece, we're gonna get there, | 这是交易的一部分,我们要去那里, |
| 1056 | we're gonna get the things that we need to do | 我们要去得到的东西,我们需要做 |
| 1057 | to help us build that rapport for right now, | 帮助我们建立关系 现在, |
| 1058 | I just want to know who you are, all right? | 我只想知道你是谁,好吗? |
| 1059 | Oh, lost, but it feels so good. | 哦,迷路了,但感觉真好。 |
| 1060 | It feels so good, when you know that some, | 感觉真好,当你知道一些, |
| 1061 | I don't know about you, I'm sure that | 我对你一无所知,我肯定 |
| 1062 | almost everybody you sit with is super interested in you, | 几乎每个你坐在一起的人都对你感兴趣 |
| 1063 | but this notion of like, oh, | 但是这个概念,像,哦, |
| 1064 | they actually care what I want to say? | 他们真的在乎我想说什么? |
| 1065 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1066 | They see me? | 他们看见我了? |
| 1067 | I mean, every human being wants nothing more | 我的意思是,每个人 都想要的更多 |
| 1068 | than to be seen and to be heard, right? | 而不是被看到和听到,对不对? |
| 1069 | And so when you can grant somebody that gift and say, | 所以当你可以给某人 礼物并说, |
| 1070 | you know what, yeah, there's a transaction. | 你知道什么,是的,有一个交易。 |
| 1071 | That's actually not even that important. | 这其实并不重要。 |
| 1072 | This right here, this is the most important thing. | 这里,这是最重要的事情。 |
| 1073 | So tell me about yourself, | 跟我说说你自己 |
| 1074 | or what's that painting you have behind you? | 还是你后面的画是什么? |
| 1075 | That's really beautiful. | 这真的很漂亮。 |
| 1076 | Or, oh, is that your son? | 还是你儿子? |
| 1077 | Is he playing football? | 他在踢足球吗? |
| 1078 | Oh my God, my son plays football too. | 哦,我的上帝,我的儿子打橄榄球。 |
| 1079 | How do you feel about that? | 你觉得怎么样? |
| 1080 | Do you get a little worried about it? | 你有点担心吗? |
| 1081 | Now what you're saying is, and by the way, | 现在,你的意思是,顺便说一句, |
| 1082 | nevermind the fact that you come in | 你进来就无所谓了 |
| 1083 | knowing what college they went to, | 知道他们上什么大学了 |
| 1084 | what their job was, all of that, right? | 他们的工作是什么,所有这一切,对不对? |
| 1085 | But when you say that to somebody, | 但当你对别人说, |
| 1086 | what you're really saying is, | 你说的是, |
| 1087 | I'm giving you the gift of seeing you. | 我送给你的礼物 见到你。 |
| 1088 | And there's nothing more important in this moment than you. | 此时此刻没有什么比你更重要的了 |
| 1089 | Oh, Morrie, I am so happy that you said that, | 哦,莫里,我很高兴你说, |
| 1090 | because to me it's just, it's almost like a lost art. | 因为对我来说,它只是, 它几乎像一个丢失的艺术。 |
| 1091 | I have been working for so many years. | 我工作这么多年了 |
| 1092 | And so the goal when I was the middle man | 所以当我是中间人时的目标 |
| 1093 | was always to get in front of the people. | 总是在人民面前。 |
| 1094 | To take your relationship off of the phone, | 为了解除你们的关系 |
| 1095 | off of the email, and just get in person with people. | 离开邮件 直接和人见面 |
| 1096 | Because in person with people, you'd see their nail color. | 因为当着人们的面 你会看到他们的指甲颜色 |
| 1097 | You would understand what tube stop they got off of. | 你会明白他们从什么管子上下来的 |
| 1098 | You'd talk to them about their kids. | 你会和他们谈谈他们的孩子。 |
| 1099 | They'd walk in and tell you something about their day. | 他们会走进来告诉你一些关于他们的日子。 |
| 1100 | You'd create a connection. | 你会建立一个连接。 |
| 1101 | And through that, I remember writing down, | 通过这个,我记得写下来, |
| 1102 | I'd be like, Jeff from Mercedes has three children, | 我觉得 梅赛德斯的杰夫有三个孩子 |
| 1103 | and he loves going to Spain, whatever. | 他喜欢去西班牙,什么的。 |
| 1104 | But just the immediacy of the connection | 但只是连接的瞬间 |
| 1105 | and where your relationship goes, | 以及你们的关系 |
| 1106 | when you can be like, oh, how was your vacation in Spain? | 当你可以像, 哦,你的假期 在西班牙? |
| 1107 | And now I feel like because of so much that's happened | 现在我觉得因为发生了这么多事 |
| 1108 | in the wider culture, but certainly in the workplace, | 在更广泛的文化中,但肯定在工作场所, |
| 1109 | we stopped thinking it was a good idea to get to know people, | 我们不再觉得认识别人是个好主意 |
| 1110 | our clients, our vendors, our colleagues. | 我们的客户,我们的供应商,我们的同事。 |
| 1111 | It's like maybe we don't feel as comfortable | 好像我们感觉不太舒服 |
| 1112 | in asking those questions. | 问那些问题。 |
| 1113 | But to me, it's like, how do you forget the negotiation piece? | 但对我来说,这就像, 你怎么忘记 谈判部分? |
| 1114 | How do you do business with people that you don't know? | 你怎么跟不认识的人做生意? |
| 1115 | How do you do business with people you don't know? | 你怎么跟不认识的人做生意? |
| 1116 | And how do you expect this to become more than a one-time deal? | 你怎么期望这不只是一次性交易? |
| 1117 | For any entrepreneur, any business owner, | 对于任何企业家,任何企业所有者, |
| 1118 | you don't want that one-time deal. | 你不希望一次性交易。 |
| 1119 | You want business in perpetuity, | 你想永远做生意, |
| 1120 | where relationships actually matter. | 关系实际上很重要 |
| 1121 | And the other thing is, you may decide | 还有一件事 你可以决定 |
| 1122 | that this business isn't right for you at all. | 这件事对你完全不合适 |
| 1123 | And how are you going to discern that | 你怎么看出来 |
| 1124 | if you've already gone in and signed a contract? | 如果你已经进去签了合同? |
| 1125 | So you treat this as an opportunity to learn. | 所以你把这当成学习的机会 |
| 1126 | When your main objective is not the end result, | 当你的主要目标不是最终结果时 |
| 1127 | but the journey and the conversation and the connection. | 但旅程 谈话和联系 |
| 1128 | And you know what? | 你知道吗? |
| 1129 | If I end up not doing this deal, | 如果我最终不做这个交易, |
| 1130 | at least I've learned a lot about you. | 至少我对你学到了很多 |
| 1131 | And if not today, maybe in the future. | 如果不是今天,也许将来 |
| 1132 | Maybe in the future. | 也许将来。 |
| 1133 | Life is long. | 寿命长. |
| 1134 | And guess what? | 你猜怎么着? |
| 1135 | You've so enjoyed this conversation with me | 你这么喜欢和我谈话 |
| 1136 | that if today you can't afford my services, | 如果今天你买不起我的服务 |
| 1137 | when you can, you're going to be like, | 当你可以, 你会像, |
| 1138 | you know what? | 你知道吗? |
| 1139 | I'll see you then. | 到时见. |
| 1140 | Emma, she was great. | 艾玛 她很棒 |
| 1141 | I really enjoyed that. | 我真的很喜欢 |
| 1142 | Can we go back to Emma? | 我们可以回到艾玛身边吗? |
| 1143 | And you've now sort of sown the seed, right? | 现在你已经种下种子了 对吧? |
| 1144 | And that's where long-term opportunities come from. | 这就是长期的机会来源。 |
| 1145 | And I can't tell you how many times | 我不能告诉你多少次 |
| 1146 | that's happened in my career. | 那是我事业中发生的 |
| 1147 | That something hasn't been right for right now, | 现在有些事不对劲 |
| 1148 | but it's come back around full circle. | 但它又绕着圆圈回来了 |
| 1149 | And then you've kind of got the inevitability | 然后你有种 不可避免的 |
| 1150 | that when you're in business, when you're employed, | 当你在做生意, 当你被雇用, |
| 1151 | whatever your professional situation is, | 无论你的职业状况如何 |
| 1152 | shit goes wrong. | 狗屎错了。 |
| 1153 | And when you're in relationship with someone, | 当你和某人发生关系时 |
| 1154 | your ability to make things right, | 你的能力 纠正事情, |
| 1155 | to get on the same team and say, you know what? | 加入同一个团队,然后说,你知道吗? |
| 1156 | We need to work through this problem situation, emergency. | 我们需要解决这个问题,紧急情况。 |
| 1157 | When you know each other, | 你们认识的时候 |
| 1158 | when you've bothered to get to know one another | 当你们开始互相了解时 |
| 1159 | beyond the relationship that you're in, | 除了你的关系, |
| 1160 | the immediate one, everything changes. | 眼前的,一切都会改变 |
| 1161 | Everything. | 一切众生. |
| 1162 | Everything changes. | 一切变化. |
| 1163 | You do stuff together and you figure it out. | 你们一起做一些事情,然后想出办法。 |
| 1164 | And things just become better and stronger. | 事情变得更好 变得更强。 |
| 1165 | And I just feel like it's interesting to me | 我觉得这很有趣 |
| 1166 | that that's somewhat lost a little bit now. | 现在有点失落了 |
| 1167 | Oh, yeah. | 对 |
| 1168 | Well, there's so much lost these days. | 这阵子迷路了 |
| 1169 | The power of connection, the power of conversation. | 连接的力量,对话的力量. |
| 1170 | I mean, the minute conversations | 我的意思是,一分钟的对话 |
| 1171 | became reduced to text messages, right? | 变成了短信,对吧? |
| 1172 | And the humanity that's lost in that, it's really incredible. | 而在那场比赛中失去的人性,真是不可思议. |
| 1173 | Because again, it's all in favor of the efficiency. | 因为同样,它都赞成效率. |
| 1174 | To me, negotiations is so elegant. | 对我来说,谈判是如此优雅。 |
| 1175 | It's this beautiful dance. | 这是美丽的舞蹈。 |
| 1176 | I've got one painting in my apartment. | 我公寓里有一幅画 |
| 1177 | It's the painting of this couple doing the tango. | 这对夫妇画探戈. |
| 1178 | That is negotiations to me. | 对我来说,这就是谈判。 |
| 1179 | It's this beautiful, elegant, back and forth, | 它的美丽,优雅, 前后, |
| 1180 | and the rhythm. | 和节奏。 |
| 1181 | When I step forward, you're moving back and we trust | 当我向前走时,你就要回去了,我们相信 |
| 1182 | and we're moving together, the flow. | 我们一起移动,流动。 |
| 1183 | I love the idea that you have a negotiation painting. | 我喜欢你画谈判画的想法 |
| 1184 | Yeah, it's just, I see them. | 是啊,只是,我看到了他们。 |
| 1185 | That's the best, by the way. | 这是最好的,顺便说一句。 |
| 1186 | But I'm like, they're negotiating. | 但我喜欢,他们正在谈判。 |
| 1187 | Yeah, totally. | 是啊,当然。 |
| 1188 | They're building trust. | 他们在建立信任。 |
| 1189 | They're moving together. | 二者共动. |
| 1190 | One can't be ahead of the other and the other | 一个不能领先另一个和另一个 |
| 1191 | can't be ahead of the other. | 不能先于彼时. |
| 1192 | We flow because we know each other. | 我们流动是因为我们认识对方。 |
| 1193 | We flow because we are in rhythm but understanding. | 我们流动是因为我们节奏但理解。 |
| 1194 | That's information exchange. | 这就是交换情报。 |
| 1195 | So if that's information exchange, | 所以,如果这是信息交换, |
| 1196 | if that is done well, then this next stage, | 如果做得好, 那么下一阶段, |
| 1197 | believe it or not, that can all be done by email. | 信不信由你 这一切可以通过电子邮件完成 |
| 1198 | I can now negotiate a contract with you. | 我现在可以跟你谈合同了 |
| 1199 | Because you have enough information, | 因为你有足够的信息 |
| 1200 | you've gathered the data, you've done the work | 你已经收集了数据,完成了工作 |
| 1201 | before you get into the room, | 在你进入房间之前 |
| 1202 | and you're armed with exactly what you need. | 你拥有你所需要的武器 |
| 1203 | When you spend time getting to know each other, | 当你花时间去了解对方 |
| 1204 | then you're less likely to question someone's intentions. | 那你就不太可能质疑别人的意图了 |
| 1205 | What I'm trying to communicate to you, | 我试图传达给你, |
| 1206 | you're likely to receive it the way I mean it | 你可能会得到它的方式,我的意思 |
| 1207 | or at least come a lot closer. | 或至少更近一点。 |
| 1208 | That delta is not as big, right? | 三角洲没有那么大吧? |
| 1209 | Or at least give somebody the benefit of the doubt | 或至少给人怀疑的好处 |
| 1210 | because you know what type of person they are | 因为你知道他们是什么样的人 |
| 1211 | and what their intentions are. | 他们的意图是什么? |
| 1212 | They've sat with you. | 他们跟你坐在一起 |
| 1213 | They've talked to you, right? | 他们跟你谈过了,对吧? |
| 1214 | And if you do information exchange really well, | 如果你能很好地交换情报 |
| 1215 | by the time somebody makes an opening offer, | 当有人开价时 |
| 1216 | it should not be this surprise. | 这不应该是这个惊喜。 |
| 1217 | How dare you? | 你怎么敢这样? |
| 1218 | It should be like, oh, I knew they were going to be expensive. | 这应该像,哦,我知道他们会是昂贵的。 |
| 1219 | But they told me all about their story. | 但他们都告诉我他们的故事 |
| 1220 | They told me how they do business. | 他们告诉我如何做生意。 |
| 1221 | They told me what their products, | 他们告诉我他们的产品 |
| 1222 | the raw materials they use. | 他们使用的原材料。 |
| 1223 | I mean, you're in the clothing manufacturing business, right? | 我的意思是,你从事服装制造业,对不对? |
| 1224 | It makes a difference, right? | 这有区别,对不对? |
| 1225 | It makes a difference. | 其能分别. |
| 1226 | Right. | 对 |
| 1227 | And so if you have educated me through information exchange | 所以如果你通过信息交流教育我 |
| 1228 | about all of that, I understand your value proposition. | 关于这一切,我理解你的价值提议。 |
| 1229 | So I can assume buying something from SKIMS | 所以我可以假设从SKIMS买东西 |
| 1230 | is going to have a certain feel to it. | 会有某种感觉 |
| 1231 | It's going to have a different quality | 会有不同的品质 |
| 1232 | and the quality assurance and the care that goes into it. | 以及质量的保证 和其中的护理。 |
| 1233 | It will, Maury. | 它会的,莫里。 |
| 1234 | What? | 你说什么? |
| 1235 | I know this. | 我知道这一点。 |
| 1236 | 所以我才买SKIMS | |
| 1237 | But that's because I know what I'm getting because I know. | 但那是因为我知道我得到了什么 因为我知道。 |
| 1238 | And never mind that by the time I put it on, | 不要介意,当我穿上它的时候, |
| 1239 | it feels a certain way. | 它有某种感觉 |
| 1240 | But I'm willing to pay the price | 但我愿意付出代价 |
| 1241 | because you've told me why I should. | 因为你告诉我为什么我应该。 |
| 1242 | How do you teach people to deal with rejection | 如何教人对付拒绝 |
| 1243 | without internalizing it? | 而不内化它? |
| 1244 | Because they're not saying no to you. | 因为他们没有拒绝你 |
| 1245 | They're saying no to that thing. | 他们拒绝那个东西。 |
| 1246 | It's not about me, right? | 这不是关于我,对不对? |
| 1247 | Not creating some distance. | 没有创造一些距离。 |
| 1248 | This doesn't work for you. | 这对你没用 |
| 1249 | You're allowed not to like this, right? | 你被允许不喜欢这样,对吧? |
| 1250 | It doesn't mean you don't like me. | 这并不意味着你不喜欢我。 |
| 1251 | It doesn't mean that you're rejecting Maury. | 这并不意味着你拒绝莫里。 |
| 1252 | And guess what? | 你猜怎么着? |
| 1253 | I love a good no. | 我喜欢一个好不。 |
| 1254 | By that, I mean if you say no, | 我是说如果你拒绝 |
| 1255 | I'm going right back to that like childhood mindset. | 我要回到那种童年的心态 |
| 1256 | Or I'm like, tell me why it doesn't work. | 或者说,告诉我为什么它不起作用。 |
| 1257 | Or I can understand this may not be right for you, | 或者我能理解这也许不适合你 |
| 1258 | but give me more information. | 但给我更多的信息。 |
| 1259 | And so few people do that. | 很少有人这样做。 |
| 1260 | Oh, yeah. | 对 |
| 1261 | Because they hear no, they're like, | 因为他们听到没有,他们喜欢, |
| 1262 | yeah, you're the dagger. | 对,你是匕首 |
| 1263 | Yeah, because immediately you're saying | 是啊,因为立即你说 |
| 1264 | they're rejecting me. | 他们拒绝我 |
| 1265 | No, they are not rejecting you. | 不,他们不会拒绝你的 |
| 1266 | There's so much to learn from rejection, right? | 从拒绝中可以学到很多,对吧? |
| 1267 | Yes, but ask the question. | 是的,但问问题。 |
| 1268 | Ask the question. | 问曰. |
| 1269 | That door closed, but one will certainly open. | 那扇门关闭了,但肯定有人会打开 |
| 1270 | And they have the right. | 他们有权利 |
| 1271 | They have the right to say no, | 他们有权拒绝 |
| 1272 | it wasn't right for them, right? | 对他们不合适,对吧? |
| 1273 | So instead of saying, oh, I understand. | 而不是说,哦,我理解。 |
| 1274 | Or worse yet, well, can we lower the price for you? | 或者更糟,那么,我们可以降低价格给你? |
| 1275 | You know, no, that didn't work. | 你知道,不,那没有工作。 |
| 1276 | I totally understand. | 我完全理解你的话 |
| 1277 | Give me more information. | 给我更多的信息。 |
| 1278 | We'd love to do business with you. | 我们很想和你做生意 |
| 1279 | Maybe this isn't the right time or what have you. | 也许现在不是时候,或者你有什么 |
| 1280 | But just give me more. | 但只要给我更多。 |
| 1281 | Let me know what maybe could work | 告诉我什么可能有用 |
| 1282 | or what could we have done better, right? | 或者我们能做得更好,对吧? |
| 1283 | If not now, then maybe later. | 如果不是现在,那么也许以后。 |
| 1284 | But you learn from those, right? | 但你从中学习,对不对? |
| 1285 | And I think you become better business person for it. | 我想你会成为更好的商人 |
| 1286 | I think it builds resilience. | 我认为它能增强复原力。 |
| 1287 | It builds grit, right? | 它会建立Grit,对不对? |
| 1288 | But nobody's no is going to stop me. | 但没人能阻止我 |
| 1289 | What is the one mindset shift you would impart | 你所要改变的心态是什么? |
| 1290 | and you would love people to know | 你会喜欢人们知道 |
| 1291 | when it comes to negotiation if there was just one thing? | 如果只有一件事,那么谈判呢? |
| 1292 | You've done this before. | 你以前也做过这种事 |
| 1293 | You've done this forever. | 你一直都这么做 |
| 1294 | It's really important for me for people to understand | 这对我很重要 让人们明白 |
| 1295 | that this is not new. | 这并不是新的。 |
| 1296 | You are experienced. | 你经验丰富 |
| 1297 | I've never stood in front of an audience | 我从来没有站在观众面前 |
| 1298 | that is not experienced in negotiations. | 这是没有在谈判中经历的。 |
| 1299 | But you're not counting those as moments, right? | 但你不会把这些算作时刻吧? |
| 1300 | And so you think you're not good at this. | 所以你觉得自己不擅长这个 |
| 1301 | Of course you're good. | 你当然好 |
| 1302 | I mean, even if you're sitting here, | 我的意思是,即使你坐在这里, |
| 1303 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}你经历了多次糟糕的谈判 | |
| 1304 | but also have had great wins, right? | 但也取得了很大的胜利,对吧? |
| 1305 | So you've done this before. | 这么说你以前也做过 |
| 1306 | You've done this before, right? | 你以前做过,对吧? |
| 1307 | It may look new. | 它可能看起来很新。 |
| 1308 | It may look different, but you are experienced. | 它可能看起来不同, 但你有经验。 |
| 1309 | And can you get better always? | 你能永远好起来吗? |
| 1310 | But we can get better at everything always. | 但我们总是能改善一切 |
| 1311 | I mean, I feel almost uncomfortable. | 我的意思是,我觉得几乎不舒服。 |
| 1312 | People are like, she's a negotiations expert | 人们喜欢,她是谈判专家 |
| 1313 | because expert feels so final. | 因为专家觉得如此最终。 |
| 1314 | Expert almost says, I have nowhere to go from here. | 专家几乎说,我无处可去。 |
| 1315 | I know everything. | 我对一切了如指掌 |
| 1316 | No, every person is new. | 不,每个人都是新来的。 |
| 1317 | Every conversation is new. | 每次谈话都是新的 |
| 1318 | I like relish those things. | 我喜欢喜欢这些东西。 |
| 1319 | And so, can you get better? | 所以,你能好起来吗? |
| 1320 | Yes. | 对 |
| 1321 | But are you better at this than you think you are? | 但你比你想的要强吗? |
| 1322 | Emma, 99.999% of the time, that's a yes. | 艾玛,99.999%的时间,这是肯定的。 |
| 1323 | You're just not giving yourself credit. | 你只是不给自己信用。 |
| 1324 | I mean, that's really good information. | 我的意思是,这是非常好的信息。 |
| 1325 | So I asked my audience before you got here | 所以我在你们来之前就问我的观众 |
| 1326 | if they would ask some questions. | 如果他们会问一些问题。 |
| 1327 | Will you take them directly from, I've got my phone. | 你能直接带他们走吗 我有手机 |
| 1328 | Oh God, there's so many. | 哦,上帝,有这么多。 |
| 1329 | Do you know what's so interesting? | 你知道什么是这么有趣吗? |
| 1330 | I'm getting nervous looking at you. | 看着你我好紧张 |
| 1331 | No, it's funny. | 不,这很有趣。 |
| 1332 | I mean, there's a lot of questions that talk about guilt here. | 有很多关于内疚的问题 |
| 1333 | That's so interesting. | 这太有趣了 |
| 1334 | It's like, how do I do this in a non-invasive way? | 这就像,我如何做到这一点 以非侵入的方式? |
| 1335 | How do I ask in a kind way? | 我该怎么问? |
| 1336 | How do I not feel? | 我有什么感觉? |
| 1337 | I mean, that's just wild. | 我的意思是,这只是野性的。 |
| 1338 | People are worried about how the person on the other side | 人们很担心对方的人 |
| 1339 | feels. | 感觉 |
| 1340 | How much should we be concerned about | 我们应该多关心 |
| 1341 | what the person on the other side is feeling | 对方的感受 |
| 1342 | and not to overstate your ask and ask for too much? | 并且不要夸大你的要求和要求太多? |
| 1343 | Oh God, no. | 哦,上帝,没有。 |
| 1344 | That second part, no. | 第二部分,没有。 |
| 1345 | I'll go there a second. | 我一会就过去 |
| 1346 | But this notion of, I do believe that likeability matters. | 但是这个概念,我确实相信 喜欢很重要。 |
| 1347 | I do. | 当然 |
| 1348 | Because I think that no matter who this person is, | 因为我认为无论这个人是谁 |
| 1349 | you have to come at it from a place of respect. | 你必须从尊重的地方来 |
| 1350 | I think people will say more, will open up more, | 我想人们会说更多,会打开更多, |
| 1351 | will be more vulnerable, | 将更加脆弱, |
| 1352 | will be likely to do business with you again. | 可能会和你再做生意 |
| 1353 | If there is this notion of likeability. | 如果有这种相似性的概念。 |
| 1354 | And that doesn't mean you have to like me. | 这并不意味着你必须喜欢我 |
| 1355 | That just means I'm going to show up | 就是说我要现身了 |
| 1356 | and I'm going to listen to you. | 我会听你的 |
| 1357 | That means I'm going to show up and pay attention to you. | 那表示我要现身 注意你 |
| 1358 | That means that all the devices are shut off. | 这意味着所有设备都被关闭. |
| 1359 | I am at that moment again, making you feel really important. | 我再次在那一刻, 让你觉得真的很重要。 |
| 1360 | And so that's really the only thing you owe them, right? | 所以这是你唯一欠他们的,对吧? |
| 1361 | And so- | 这样... |
| 1362 | That's it. | 就这样 |
| 1363 | Yeah, that's it. | 是的,就是这样。 |
| 1364 | That's it. | 就这样 |
| 1365 | Be respectful. | 恭敬礼敬. |
| 1366 | And people often then think that | 人们常常认为 |
| 1367 | what you're asking for is the most important thing. | 你的要求是最重要的东西 |
| 1368 | It's actually how you're asking for it that's important, right? | 这才是你要求的,对吧? |
| 1369 | So instead of worrying about, am I asking for too much? | 所以,与其担心,我是不是要求太多? |
| 1370 | Worry about how you can make them feel comfortable | 担心你如何让他们舒服 |
| 1371 | and respected and create that openness in that conversation. | 并在对话中尊重并创造这种开放性。 |
| 1372 | How you ask, it matters. | 你怎么问,这很重要。 |
| 1373 | It really does. | 确实 |
| 1374 | And that's why I can't understand the people that come in | 所以我无法理解那些进来的人 |
| 1375 | and the brute force and the aggression and all that. | 野蛮的力量 侵略和这一切 |
| 1376 | I don't think that anybody likes working with somebody | 我觉得没有人喜欢和别人合作 |
| 1377 | who belittles them. | 他们贬低他们。 |
| 1378 | No way. | 不会吧 |
| 1379 | That's my next question. | 这是我的下一个问题。 |
| 1380 | What is the wrong way to negotiate? | 什么样的谈判方式是错误的? |
| 1381 | There is no wrong way, Emma. | 没有错的,艾玛 |
| 1382 | I really wholeheartedly believe that. | 我真的全心全意地相信这一点。 |
| 1383 | Because wrong for who? | 因为谁错了? |
| 1384 | I mean, if I am somebody that says | 我是说 如果我是说 |
| 1385 | there's no prescriptive way, like bring yourself and be authentic. | 没有什么规范的方法, 象带来自己和真实。 |
| 1386 | For somebody who's aggressive in nature, | 对于一个有攻击性的人来说, |
| 1387 | they've probably had a lot of successes. | 他们可能已经有很多成功。 |
| 1388 | So who am I to turn around and say, | 那么,我是谁转身说, |
| 1389 | because I don't negotiate that way, that is the wrong way. | 因为我不谈判那样, 这是错误的方式。 |
| 1390 | Now, again, can you improve? | 现在,再次,你能改善? |
| 1391 | Yes, even if you are somebody that has that more aggressive personality, | 是的,即使你是一个人 谁有那么积极的人格, |
| 1392 | are there things that you can do to improve? | 你能做点什么来改进吗? |
| 1393 | I would say yes. | 我会说是的。 |
| 1394 | Make sure that you are paying more attention to people. | 确保你更加关注人们。 |
| 1395 | Make sure that you have more questions for them. | 确保你有更多的问题要问他们。 |
| 1396 | Make sure that you're curious. | 确保你好奇。 |
| 1397 | But I can't tell somebody that you are wrong | 但我不能告诉别人你错了 |
| 1398 | in the way you are negotiating because you are different than me. | 你谈判的方式 因为你跟我不一样 |
| 1399 | This is the last question. | 这是最后一个问题。 |
| 1400 | This is such a sweet question. | 这是一个如此甜蜜的问题。 |
| 1401 | How do I make sure I don't walk away with any regrets? | 我如何确保不带着悔恨而走? |
| 1402 | So regret. | 真遗憾 |
| 1403 | Regret is a really powerful feeling. | 后悔是一种非常强烈的感觉。 |
| 1404 | I used to think that regret was the worst thing in the world. | 我以前觉得后悔是世界上最糟糕的事 |
| 1405 | And I write about it in my book. | 我写在我的书里。 |
| 1406 | I used to refer to it as this heavy blanket that we wear. | 我以前把它称为 我们穿的厚毯子。 |
| 1407 | It's very hard to get rid of regret. | 难免悔恨. |
| 1408 | I can get angry, I'll go to a boxing class, go for a run. | 我可以生气,我会去一个拳击课,去跑步。 |
| 1409 | I can be sad and I can get over that. | 我可以伤心,我可以克服。 |
| 1410 | But because I'm somebody that lives in my head so much, | 但因为我是一个 住在我脑海里的人, |
| 1411 | regret would just take over. | 后悔只是接管。 |
| 1412 | And oh my God, I should have and would have and why didn't I? | 哦,我的上帝,我应该有,并且会有,为什么我没有? |
| 1413 | And all the rest of it. | 及一切众生. |
| 1414 | And then I realized that here's the thing. | 然后我意识到事情是这样的 |
| 1415 | The burdening of myself and not being able to move past that. | 我的负担 和无法移动过去。 |
| 1416 | Because what is all that going to do? | 因为这一切会做什么? |
| 1417 | I'm not going to learn anything from it. | 亦不从中修习. |
| 1418 | So I started to look at regret very differently. | 所以,我开始非常不同地看待遗憾。 |
| 1419 | I started to think this. | 我开始想这个 |
| 1420 | First of all, if I regret it, that means it was meaningful to me. | 首先,如果我后悔, 这意味着它对我有意义。 |
| 1421 | That conversation, that negotiations, that moment. | 那个谈话,那个谈判,那个时刻 |
| 1422 | And I let myself feel it because I feel like if I bottle it up, | 我让自己感觉它 因为我觉得如果我装瓶它, |
| 1423 | it'll show up some other way, right? | 它会出现 另一种方式,对不对? |
| 1424 | But then I'm like, okay, so what could you have done better? | 但是,然后我像,好吧, 那么你有什么可以做的更好? |
| 1425 | What did you learn from it? | 你从中学到了什么? |
| 1426 | What could you have done differently? | 你还能做什么? |
| 1427 | And now what regret is allowing me to do is that if something is that important to me, | 现在让我后悔的是 如果事情对我很重要 |
| 1428 | how can I be better the next time? | 下次我怎么能好点? |
| 1429 | Because what I've now immediately done is, | 因为我现在做的是 |
| 1430 | I like controlling the things that I can control. | 我喜欢控制我能控制的东西 |
| 1431 | Because only those things will allow me to get better. | 因为只有那些东西才能让我好起来 |
| 1432 | So if I can learn, if regret becomes a moment in time where I've learned a lesson, | 所以,如果我能够学习, 如果后悔变成一个时刻 我学到了教训, |
| 1433 | not only to understand what was worth fighting for, | 不仅知道什么是值得战斗的, |
| 1434 | but also how I could have done that better, | 但还有我怎样才能做得更好, |
| 1435 | then regret actually becomes in some ways kind of magical. | 然后悔恨在某些方面变得神奇 |
| 1436 | Because it's a life lesson. | 因为它是一个生活课。 |
| 1437 | It's a moment, right? | 就一会儿,对吧? |
| 1438 | But you're not dwelling in it because then it feels like you are giving up your power. | 但你没有住在里面 因为那感觉你正在放弃你的力量 |
| 1439 | Use regret as an opportunity to feel actually better and more powerful and more educated. | 利用遗憾作为真正感觉更好,力量更大,教育程度更高的机会. |
| 1440 | And just learn. | 学着点 |
| 1441 | Why is it so hard for us to be present all the time? | 为什么我们总是这么难出席? |
| 1442 | Because most of us are either living in the past, | 因为我们大多数人 要么生活在过去, |
| 1443 | thinking about all the things we should have done differently, regret. | 想想我们本该做的,后悔 |
| 1444 | Or living in the future and all the things I'm supposed to do. | 或住未来及一切我应作诸事. |
| 1445 | But that part right in the middle, which is so beautiful. | 但那个部分就在中间, 这太美了。 |
| 1446 | I'm not trying to regret this too, right? | 我也不想后悔,对吧? |
| 1447 | And I'm trying to own this moment. | 我试图拥有这个时刻。 |
| 1448 | I'm trying to be in it. | 欲入其内. |
| 1449 | Is it always good? | 总是好的吗? |
| 1450 | Hell no. | 地狱没有。 |
| 1451 | When has my life ever been good all the time? | 我的人生什么时候过得很好? |
| 1452 | Never, right? | 从来没有,对不对? |
| 1453 | But I don't want to miss those moments. | 但我不想错过那些时刻。 |
| 1454 | Oh, yeah. | 对 |
| 1455 | And so don't regret this now. | 现在别后悔了 |
| 1456 | Do something with what you have in your power in this moment. | 用你现在的力量做点什么 |
| 1457 | You can change it. | 你可以改变它。 |
| 1458 | You can learn from it. | 你可以从中吸取教训。 |
| 1459 | You can do something with it. | 你可以做点什么 |
| 1460 | But don't give away this moment. | 但不要放弃这一刻。 |
| 1461 | Do something with it. | 做点什么吧 |
| 1462 | I love your thinking about that. | 我喜欢你的想法 |
| 1463 | And as a mother, I try to teach my kids. | 作为母亲,我试着教孩子们 |
| 1464 | I'm like, guys, if it feels terrible, it's a teacher. | 我很喜欢,伙计们, 如果感觉很糟糕, 这是一个老师。 |
| 1465 | And in the most simple way, it's my way of explaining to them, | 简而言之,这是我向他们解释的方式 |
| 1466 | look for some kind of lesson in this. | 找点教训 |
| 1467 | Look for whatever it's trying to tell you. | 寻找它想告诉你的一切 |
| 1468 | And I feel like had I had that type of information in my 20s, | 我觉得我20多岁时有这种信息 |
| 1469 | that some of this stuff that felt so bad in the moment | 有些东西现在感觉很糟 |
| 1470 | was actually there to teach me something, | 其实是在那里教我的东西, |
| 1471 | it just is so useful. | 这太有用了 |
| 1472 | So I love your framing of that. | 所以我喜欢你的设定 |
| 1473 | I really, really do. | 我真的,真的这样做。 |
| 1474 | So I want to feel like this all meant something. | 所以,我想感觉 像这一切意味着什么。 |
| 1475 | Yeah, yeah. | 对 对 |
| 1476 | Because it does. | 因为它有。 |
| 1477 | It does. | 没错 |
| 1478 | Because it does. | 因为它有。 |
| 1479 | It really does. | 确实 |
| 1480 | OK, my love. | 好了,亲爱的。 |
| 1481 | I'll just have a few rapid fire questions for you. | 我有几个快速火力问题要问你 |
| 1482 | Are you ready? | 你准备好了吗? |
| 1483 | Yes. | 对 |
| 1484 | I'm the worst at rapid fire. | 我是最糟糕的快速火力。 |
| 1485 | We all know that. | 我们都知道这一点。 |
| 1486 | Because she's long-winded. | 因为她是长风。 |
| 1487 | All right. | 好吧,我们走。 |
| 1488 | I love this. | 我喜欢这个 |
| 1489 | What is the hardest thing that you ever | 什么是你曾经最难的事情 |
| 1490 | have had to ask for in your career? | 在你的职业生涯中必须要求? |
| 1491 | Actually, those moments have not been working for other people. | 事实上,那些时刻并没有为其他人工作。 |
| 1492 | They've been working for myself, probably with my relationship | 他们一直为我工作 可能和我的关系 |
| 1493 | with my business partner. | 与我的生意伙伴。 |
| 1494 | And I think it's because we were probably not | 我想是因为我们可能不是 |
| 1495 | meant to be in business together to begin with. | 本来是一起做生意的 |
| 1496 | The difference is in values. | 差别在于价值. |
| 1497 | And I was very young. | 我那时很年轻 |
| 1498 | He was much older than me. | 他比我大许多。 |
| 1499 | And it was really hard to sort of exercise my power, | 很难行使我的权力 |
| 1500 | or really my voice, because I didn't believe in myself. | 因为我不相信自己 |
| 1501 | Because I bought into this notion of because I was younger | 因为我买进这个概念 因为我年轻 |
| 1502 | and less experienced, I must have not been right, | 经验更少,我一定是不对 |
| 1503 | or I didn't know. | 还是我不知道 |
| 1504 | And so it was feeling like I was in a prison that I created. | 感觉就像我在我创建的监狱里 |
| 1505 | And the best part of it was when I finally, | 最好的部分是当我终于, |
| 1506 | actually, did negotiate it in a way that was meaningful to me, | 实际上,谈判的方式 对我来说是有意义的, |
| 1507 | where I actually believed in whatever the outcome was, | 我真正相信结果是什么, |
| 1508 | I could live with it. | 我可以忍受这一切 |
| 1509 | Because I was asking for it. | 因为我要求的 |
| 1510 | And it was my voice. | 那是我的声音 |
| 1511 | And it was my values. | 这是我的价值。 |
| 1512 | And it was my power that, even though that outcome was | 这也是我的力量 尽管结果 |
| 1513 | by anybody's standards, was not very favorable, | 根据任何人的标准, 不是很有利, |
| 1514 | it was the most freeing moment ever. | 这是有史以来最自由的时刻。 |
| 1515 | Because I finally used negotiations as the opportunity | 因为我终于利用谈判的机会 |
| 1516 | to speak my voice. | 我的声音。 |
| 1517 | I stood in my truth. | 我站在我的真实。 |
| 1518 | And that really mattered. | 这真的很重要。 |
| 1519 | This might actually answer this next question. | 这也许能回答下一个问题。 |
| 1520 | But what's a negotiation that you're proud of, | 但你所引以为荣的谈判是什么 |
| 1521 | not because you won, but because you handled it well? | 不是因为你赢了 而是因为你处理得很好? |
| 1522 | I handled it well. | 我处理得很好 |
| 1523 | I don't know if I handled it well. | 我不知道我处理得好不好 |
| 1524 | I handled it when I told my father | 我告诉我爸爸的时候处理的 |
| 1525 | I didn't want to be a doctor. | 我不想当医生 |
| 1526 | And most would argue it came way too late. | 多数人会说来得太晚了 |
| 1527 | I went through all the things. | 我经历了所有的事情。 |
| 1528 | I went through college, pre-med. | 我读过大学,医学预科 |
| 1529 | I took the MCATs twice. | 我吃了两次MCAT |
| 1530 | Oh, God. | 天呐 |
| 1531 | The amount of pain that I went through, | 我经历的痛苦, |
| 1532 | because I was trying to fulfill again my promise to him | 因为我想再次履行我对他的承诺 |
| 1533 | or what he wanted for me. | 或者他为我想要的 |
| 1534 | And finally, when I said it, it was the worst of things. | 最后,当我说, 这是最糟糕的事情。 |
| 1535 | I let him down. | 我让他失望了 |
| 1536 | So I don't know if I handled it well. | 所以我不知道我处理得是否很好 |
| 1537 | But I did it and here I am. | 但我做到了,我在这里。 |
| 1538 | What's one word you've had to unlearn in negotiation? | 你在谈判中要解开一个字是什么? |
| 1539 | Impossible. | 这不可能 |
| 1540 | I love that. | 我喜欢 |
| 1541 | All things are possible. | 万物皆有可能,无所不包. |
| 1542 | Even if it doesn't work out, it's not that it was impossible, | 即使没有成功 也不是不可能 |
| 1543 | but maybe it wasn't the right thing. | 但也许那不对劲 |
| 1544 | Not impossible. | 一点也不不可能 |
| 1545 | I think that a lot of people walk into negotiations. | 我认为很多人走进谈判。 |
| 1546 | And again, this comes from the scarcity mindset | 再说一遍,这是来自稀缺的心态 |
| 1547 | where they're like, either it's me or you, | 他们喜欢的地方,要么是我,要么你, |
| 1548 | or there's never going to be a way. | 否则永远不可能有办法 |
| 1549 | We're so far apart on this. | 这件事我们离得很远 |
| 1550 | You immediately relinquish the ability to problem solve. | 你马上放弃解决问题的能力 |
| 1551 | You immediately relinquish this notion of together we can find a way. | 你马上放弃这个概念 我们可以找到办法 |
| 1552 | And so we kind of get lazy because we're like, can't be done. | 所以我们有点懒了 因为我们喜欢,不能完成。 |
| 1553 | Look, possibility takes hope, promise and work. | 听着 可能性在于希望、承诺和工作 |
| 1554 | What's the question that you always ask before a negotiation? | 你总是在谈判前问什么问题? |
| 1555 | For myself, it's, have I asked for enough? | 为了我自己,我问够了吗? |
| 1556 | Because I know that I've had the tendency to undervalue myself. | 因为我知道我有低估自己的趋势 |
| 1557 | Am I afraid to ask for more? | 我怕要更多吗? |
| 1558 | Have I understood what I'm worth? | 我知不知道我值多少钱? |
| 1559 | Like really that notion of, and it used to be, have I asked for too much? | 就像以前那样 我要求太多了吗? |
| 1560 | Which is part of the questions that you were reading to me. | 这是你读给我听的问题的一部分。 |
| 1561 | And so the women, the guilt, right? | 所以女人 内疚 对吧 |
| 1562 | Not anymore. | 现在不是了 |
| 1563 | I think it's, have I asked for enough? | 我想,我问够了吗? |
| 1564 | Should I ask for, you know, like pushing myself of other people? | 我应该要求,你知道, 像推自己别人? |
| 1565 | A lot of times it actually has less to do with that particular negotiations, | 很多时候,它实际上 较少与特定的谈判, |
| 1566 | but more about something bigger. | 但更多关于更大的东西。 |
| 1567 | What's important to you? | 什么对你很重要? |
| 1568 | What do you want to do in five years? | 五年内你想做什么? |
| 1569 | Like if it's an employee, it's like, what do you want to do in five years? | 比如说,如果是雇员,那么五年后你想做什么? |
| 1570 | What do you want to do in 10 years? | 十年后你想怎么办? |
| 1571 | Because what I'm indicating is that maybe I don't have enough to pay you today, | 因为我的意思是 也许今天我没有足够的钱给你 |
| 1572 | but I want to know what's important to you so that in some other way, | 但我想知道什么是对你很重要的 这样以其他方式 |
| 1573 | I can compensate for that and make you sort of well on your way to this, | 我可以补偿你 让你在去这的路上做得更好 |
| 1574 | this next level of your journey, right? | 这下你的旅程,对不对? |
| 1575 | But what's important to you? | 但对你有什么重要? |
| 1576 | Like we don't ever ask. | 就像我们从来没有问过。 |
| 1577 | We sort of assume and we ask less when we know them. | 我们假设,当我们了解他们时,我们问得更少。 |
| 1578 | So in marriages, in relationships and friendships, | 因此,在婚姻, 在关系和友谊, |
| 1579 | because we think we know everything there is to know about this person. | 因为我们觉得我们知道 关于这个人的一切 |
| 1580 | And so we stop listening. | 所以,我们停止听。 |
| 1581 | We're not curious anymore. | 我们不再好奇了 |
| 1582 | But just that notion of what matters to you. | 但只是你认为什么很重要 |
| 1583 | And sometimes people are like dumbfounded because they're like, huh? | 有时候人们就像哑巴 因为他们喜欢,是吧? |
| 1584 | Like, why does that matter? | 喜欢,这有什么关系? |
| 1585 | Because you matter. | 因为你很重要。 |
| 1586 | What matters to you? | 有什么关系? |
| 1587 | And I think that those are really because it tells me things about them. | 我认为这是真的 因为它告诉我关于它们的事情。 |
| 1588 | It tells me if their goals are short term or long term. | 它告诉我他们的目标是短期还是长期。 |
| 1589 | It tells me that, you know, something that's really meaningful for them, | 它告诉我,你知道, 一些对他们真正有意义的, |
| 1590 | that's maybe different than this negotiations. | 这也许和这次谈判不同 |
| 1591 | But maybe this can be a part of that bigger picture for them. | 但也许这可以成为他们大局的一部分。 |
| 1592 | It feels like you're allowing them space. | 感觉就像你允许他们空闲 |
| 1593 | It feels like you want more from them than just a thing. | 感觉你更想从他们身上得到什么 不只是一件事 |
| 1594 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1595 | You know, and I love that when you talk about relationships because it changes. | 你知道,我喜欢当你谈论 关系,因为它改变了。 |
| 1596 | We're talking just about people and, you know, those things really shift and they change. | 我们谈论的只是人,你知道, 那些东西真的改变,它们改变。 |
| 1597 | All right. | 好吧,我们走。 |
| 1598 | My final question for you. | 我最后要问你的问题 |
| 1599 | What is a book that changed your life? | 什么书改变了你的生活? |
| 1600 | Changed my life. | 改变了我的生活。 |
| 1601 | So the one book that's been consistently. | 所以一直以来的一本书 |
| 1602 | It's so boring. | 太无聊了 |
| 1603 | But the one book that's been consistently in my like, you know, on my syllabus is required | 但是,我一贯的书 就像,你知道,在我的教学大纲是需要的 |
| 1604 | 由戴尔·卡内基(Dale Carnegie)撰写。 | |
| 1605 | Classic, classic, classic. | 经典,经典,经典. |
| 1606 | And I sort of got goosebumps just now, but I think that it is. | 刚才我有点傻,但我想是的。 |
| 1607 | It's so good. | 妙绝. |
| 1608 | And so you said you recommend that on your syllabus. | 所以,你说你推荐 在你的教学大纲。 |
| 1609 | I think it's a must read. | 我想这是必须读的。 |
| 1610 | It's a must read. | 这是必须读的。 |
| 1611 | One, I think it tells my students immediately what to expect from the class, | 一,我想它告诉我的学生 立即从班上期待什么, |
| 1612 | because I do mine to work like I'm this is if you want a transactional | 因为我做我的工作 就像我,这是 如果你想交易 |
| 1613 | class, you're in the wrong class. | 班级,你走错课了 |
| 1614 | You're going to learn all of that. | 你会学到这一切。 |
| 1615 | But you're going to learn how to be a better person, a better human. | 但你要学会如何成为一个更好的人 一个更好的人 |
| 1616 | And you're going to know that I come at this from a place of humanity. | 你会知道,我来自一个人类的地方。 |
| 1617 | And so that's more important to me than any transaction you're ever going to do, | 这对我比任何交易都重要 |
| 1618 | because I think if you don't have this, you don't have that. | 因为我认为如果你没有这个, 你没有那个。 |
| 1619 | So this is about to be some internal like messy look at yourself. | 所以,这是一些内部 像混乱的看着你自己。 |
| 1620 | Here's the mirror. | 这是镜子。 |
| 1621 | Let's work through this class. | 让我们通过这个班。 |
| 1622 | And it's also going to be a reminder of things that I think we | 这也会提醒我们 |
| 1623 | so undervalued. | 如此低估价值。 |
| 1624 | And here we are in the world, right. | 在这里,我们是在世界上,正确的。 |
| 1625 | But how to treat people, how like kindness matters, | 但是如何对待人, 如何像善良的事情, |
| 1626 | how empathy is a superpower. | 同情是多么的超能力。 |
| 1627 | It's not weakness. | 这不是软弱。 |
| 1628 | How? | 怎么会? |
| 1629 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1630 | And there's like if you read the book for those people that have it, | 如果你为那些有这本书的人读这本书 |
| 1631 | I mean, it's it takes you 10 minutes to get through it. | 我的意思是,它需要你10分钟 度过它。 |
| 1632 | I mean, read the book. | 我的意思是,读这本书。 |
| 1633 | Yes. | 对 |
| 1634 | And half the time you're going like, yeah. | 半个时间你要去喜欢,是的。 |
| 1635 | Yeah, obviously. | 是的,很明显。 |
| 1636 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1637 | But if it's so obvious, why don't we do it? | 但如果如此明显,我们为什么不做呢? |
| 1638 | When we when have we forgotten to notice people? | 我们什么时候忘记注意别人了? |
| 1639 | It's a great reminder book. | 妙记本. |
| 1640 | It's like a good book for like the start of something. | 犹如善书为如是起事. |
| 1641 | Right. | 对 |
| 1642 | You know, it's like to just like get your your framing correct. | 你知道,这就像 只是让你的设定正确。 |
| 1643 | Yes. | 对 |
| 1644 | We just need to be reminded that it's really important | 我们只是需要提醒, 这真的很重要 |
| 1645 | to treat people well, because how else do we expect to be treated well? | 以善待人, 因为我们期望 如何得到良好的待遇? |
| 1646 | Right. | 对 |
| 1647 | It's the start and the end of everything. | 一切众生始末. |
| 1648 | It is. | 没错 |
| 1649 | It really is. | 没错 |
| 1650 | Maury, thank you so much. | 莫瑞,非常感谢 |
| 1651 | You taught us so much. | 你教了我们这么多。 |
| 1652 | And I'm so grateful to you. | 我非常感谢你。 |
| 1653 | Thank you. I'm so grateful. | 谢谢 我非常感谢你 |
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