【沟通技巧】CEO如何应对艰难对话

共 2 集

剧集目录

P1 · 【沟通技巧】CEO如何应对艰难对话 p01 中英字幕 (P1)

【沟通技巧】CEO如何应对艰难对话 p01 中英字幕 (P1)

发布于 2026-09-05 · 时长 26:08

字幕摘录

时间	英文	中文
0:00	You have been communicating your entire life the wrong way.	你一直用错误的方式传达你的一生
0:02	Like the entire world is like you,	就像整个世界都像你一样
0:04	a nice person, a good person, good intentions, trying to do the right thing.	一个好人,一个好人,一个好意,试图做正确的事情.
0:08	Here's the truth,	这是事实
0:09	the world is not like that.	世界不是这样的。
0:10	There are difficult people all around you every single day,	你身边每天都有困难的人
0:13	and there will be more.	还会有更多
0:14	The secret today that we're going to talk about is that you can take	今天我们要谈的秘密是 你可以接受
0:17	back your peace and power from toxic, obnoxious, hard people, even people you love, who are also	恢复你的和平和力量 从有毒的,讨厌的, 硬的人,甚至你爱的人,
0:22	just difficult.	只是困难。

展开字幕全文（677 条）

序号	英文	中文
1	You have been communicating your entire life the wrong way.	你一直用错误的方式传达你的一生
2	Like the entire world is like you,	就像整个世界都像你一样
3	a nice person, a good person, good intentions, trying to do the right thing.	一个好人,一个好人,一个好意,试图做正确的事情.
4	Here's the truth,	这是事实
5	the world is not like that.	世界不是这样的。
6	There are difficult people all around you every single day,	你身边每天都有困难的人
7	and there will be more.	还会有更多
8	The secret today that we're going to talk about is that you can take	今天我们要谈的秘密是 你可以接受
9	back your peace and power from toxic, obnoxious, hard people, even people you love, who are also	恢复你的和平和力量 从有毒的,讨厌的, 硬的人,甚至你爱的人,
10	just difficult.	只是困难。
11	But in order to do it, you need to know the rules of the game.	但为了做到这一点,你需要知道游戏的规则.
12	And most people	还有大多数人
13	don't even realize the game they are playing.	连他们玩的游戏都不知道
14	So today, let's get those rules and communicate	所以今天,让我们得到 规则和沟通
15	to get what you want, even when other people say it's impossible.	得到你想要的, 即使别人说这是不可能的。
16	We'll back it up by science,	我们通过科学支持它,
17	history, and the greatest communicators of all time.	历史上最伟大的传播家
18	Let's steal their homework.	让我们偷他们的作业。
19	Welcome back	欢迎回来
20	to the Big Deal Podcast.	给大交易播客。
21	I'm Cody Sanchez.	我是科迪・桑切斯。
22	Let's dive in.	让我们潜入。
23	Most people don't lose their power because	大多数人不会失去权力,因为
24	they're wrong.	他们错了。
25	They lose their power because they communicate like the other person is reasonable	他们失去权力 因为他们像别人一样沟通
26	when they're not.	当他们不是。
27	Do you ever think you're exchanging information but realize that the	你曾经认为你在交换情报 但意识到
28	other person is negotiating status, blame, or control?	其他人在谈判地位, 指责,还是控制?
29	Psychologists call this motivated	心理学家称这为动机
30	reasoning.	论证。
31	So people don't actually listen to understand you.	所以人们不听 真正理解你。
32	They are hearing to protect	他们听得到保护
33	their identity.	他们的身份。
34	So Harvard Business School found people interpret facts in ways that protect their	哈佛商学院发现人们 解释事实的方式 保护他们
35	ego and self-image, not accuracy.	自我和自我形象,而不是准确性。
36	And do you ever wonder, like, how do you actually beat them without	你有没有想过,像, 你如何真正打败他们没有
37	becoming one of them?	成为其中之一?
38	Well, maybe you haven't noticed this, that the most difficult person in	好吧,也许你还没有注意到这一点, 最困难的人在
39	the room often gets their way.	房间经常有他们的方式。
40	They interrupt, they blame, they drain everyone else.	他们打断,责备,他们耗尽所有人。
41	And somehow	不知为何
42	they walk out the winner.	他们走出了胜利者。
43	Meanwhile, the reasonable person, calm, ethical, they walk out exhausted,	与此同时,理智的人,冷静,道德, 他们走出来疲惫,
44	pissed, kind of confused.	生气,有点困惑。
45	Toxic people don't win because they're smarter, which is good.	有毒的人不会赢 因为他们聪明,这是很好的。
46	They win because they're playing the game differently.	他们之所以赢是因为他们玩的游戏不同.
47	What Harvard shows us is that this	哈佛大学告诉我们的是,
48	dominance behavior shows that people who display low emotional reactivity and high certainty are	统治行为表明,那些表现出低情感反应和高度确定性的人
49	perceived as higher status, even when they're wrong.	被认为是更高的地位, 即使他们错了。
50	So toxic people are persuasive not because	所以有毒的人有说服力 不是因为
51	they're right.	他们是对的。
52	They're persuasive because they're unmoved.	他们很有说服力,因为他们没有被移动。
53	They have low emotional reactivity,	他们的情绪反应低
54	but they really act like they know what they're talking about.	但他们真的表现得好像知道自己在说什么
55	So how do we win at their game?	那么,我们如何赢得他们的比赛?
56	I think about this as the asymmetry advantage framework.	我认为这是不对称优势框架。
57	If they are willing to create	如果他们愿意创造
58	discomfort in you and not have emotion from them, they can exploit your asymmetry.	他们可以利用你的不对称
59	And there's two	还有两个
60	types of asymmetries toxic people use.	使用毒性的不对称类型。
61	One's called narrative asymmetry.	一者名为叙说非对称.
62	They tell simple stories.	他们讲简单的故事。
63	Yours are too nuanced because nuance is usually the fact.	你太细微了 因为细微是事实
64	Cognitive fluency research shows simple	认知流畅性研究显示简单
65	narratives are believed more than accurate complex ones.	叙事被认为比准确的复杂。
66	So whether you hate Donald Trump or you love	所以,无论你恨唐纳德・特朗普 还是你爱
67	Donald Trump, what can we say for sure?	唐纳德·特朗普,我们可以肯定地说些什么?
68	He is simple.	他很简单。
69	That is why his communication style works	这就是为什么他的交流风格
70	very often because nuance is hard to remember.	常常是因为细微的细微的细微的细微的细微的细微的细微的细微的细微的细微的细微的细微的细微的细微的细微的细微的细微的细微的细微的细微的细微的细微的微的细微的微的微的细微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的微的,
71	They say on average we can only remember one to	他们说平均我们只记得一个
72	two sentences from an entire 10 minute conversation.	整整10分钟的谈话中 有两个句子
73	Yikes.	哎哟
74	So clarity beats correctness and human	因此,清晰度比正确性和人性
75	conflict.	冲突。
76	So that's one.	所以这是一个。
77	Take your stories, simplify them.	拿上你的故事,简化它们。
78	Don't add maybes, buts, alsos,	别加上也许,但是,同样,
79	and one sentence.	还有一句话
80	That's it.	就这样
81	The second asymmetry that people use who communicate well, which is	第二个不对称的人 谁使用好沟通,即
82	boundary asymmetry.	边界不对称。
83	They take space.	他们占用空间。
84	You ask for permission.	你请求许可。
85	Clinical psychology says boundary	临床心理学说边界
86	violators persist when boundaries are inconsistently enforced.	在边界执行不一致的情况下,违反者继续存在。
87	This is from the American Psychological	这是美国心理学报的
88	Association.	协会.
89	What does that mean?	这是什么意思?
90	It means you need to control the frame.	这意味着你需要控制框架。
91	Let me give you my frame	让我把我的画框给你
92	control rule.	控制规则。
93	So whoever controls the conversation will control the outcome.	所以,谁控制对话,谁就会控制结果。
94	And this comes from	这来自
95	hostage negotiation and power dynamics.	人质谈判和权力动态。
96	For instance, if you are going to have a conversation	举例来说,如果你要谈
97	with somebody, they give you a tight one line sentence.	与某人, 他们给你一个紧句子。
98	You want to respond in an unnuanced	你想用不细致的回答
99	way.	就是这样
100	What do I want you to do?	и璶或快
101	I want you to listen to their one sentence.	我要你听他们的一句话
102	And then I want	礛и璶
103	you to hold out your hand and just go, let me think about that for a second.	把手伸出来,让我考虑一下
104	Let me ponder that.	让我想想
105	Let me analyze that for a second.	让我来分析一下
106	Whatever word you want to use.	随所用语.
107	And then instead of feeling like	而不是感觉
108	you have to start talking immediately in order to regurgitate exactly what you're going to say.	你得马上开始说话 才能重述你将要说的话
109	No,	没有
110	no.	没有
111	Boundary control.	边界控制。
112	You say I'm the problem.	你说我是问题所在
113	The math says this is the problem.	数学说这就是问题所在
114	Use a redirect	使用重定向
115	and have a one-liner.	并有一个单行。
116	I actually learned a lot of this from one of my friends, Chris Voss, who wrote	我从我的朋友克里斯・沃斯那里学到了很多东西
117	Never Split the Difference.	从不分割差异。
118	Huge book.	巨大的书。
119	I go back to him again and again when I want to control the	我一遍又一遍地回到他身边 当我想控制
120	frame.	边框。
121	And what he learned at the FBI law enforcement was that reframing emotional	他在联邦调查局的执法部门学到的 就是情绪反射
122	accusations reduces hostility faster than a direct rebuttal.	指控比直接反驳更快地减少了敌意。
123	When someone says, you never listen to	有人说,你从来不听
124	me.	来啊
125	What do you actually want to say?	你到底想说什么?
126	You want to say, if you're me, that's not true.	你想说,如果你是我,那不是真的。
127	I listen all	我听着
128	the time.	时间
129	This never happens with me and my husband.	我和我丈夫从不这样
130	Of course.	当然
131	That's the wrong response,	这是错误的反应,
132	though.	虽然.
133	The correct response is a frame reset.	正确的反应是帧重置.
134	You're going to repeat back to them.	你要跟他们重复一遍
135	I understand	我理解你的话
136	that you feel this way.	你这样想
137	Can you be more specific with me and tell me what you think I am not	你能对我说得更具体点吗 告诉我你认为我不是
138	listening to?	监听?
139	And when you do that, I can bet my bottom dollar, they might say, I don't feel that	当你这样做,我可以打赌我的底美元, 他们说,我不觉得
140	way.	就是这样
141	That is what you're doing.	这就是你在做什么。
142	And your response is going to be, I don't want to debate words in	你的反应是,我不想在...
143	argument.	参数。
144	I don't believe that's useful.	我觉得这没什么用
145	What I heard you say was, you are unheard.	我听到你说的 你听不到
146	You're not	你没有
147	accepting their frame.	接受他们的框架。
148	You're not saying, I didn't listen to you.	你没有说,我没有听你的。
149	You're repeating back to them what	你在跟他们说
150	they said.	他们说。
151	So when I went head to head with another MD, managing director at First Trust,	所以当我去头 与另一个MD, 管理主任 第一信托,
152	I had this exact same issue.	我也有同样的问题
153	He was trying to box me in, make me feel small.	他想把我关进去 让我觉得自己很小
154	He was trying to tell	他想告诉
155	me that what I was talking about was wrong.	我说的是错的
156	And I remember the line explicitly that he said to me	我清楚地记得他对我说的话
157	back in the day.	那时候
158	He said, well, I haven't done that because you've made me feel like I don't have	他说,我还没有这样做 因为你让我觉得自己没有
159	the power to do it.	有能力做到这一点。
160	You've completely, this is your fault for the way you communicate.	你完全,这是你的错 你的沟通方式。
161	First of all,	首先,我们...
162	this is like a very middle-aged man.	这就像一个非常中年的男人。
163	This is a full adult.	这是一个完整的成年人。
164	And so I always do giggle when somebody	所以我总是在别人面前笑
165	says, you make me feel this way.	你让我有这种感觉
166	As if I'm like, okay, okay, take it easy.	就像我一样,好吧,好吧,放轻松。
167	But anyway, I listened	但总之,我听了
168	to it and I said the exact same thing.	我也这么说
169	I said, hey, I don't think I have control of your feelings.	我说,嘿,我觉得我无法控制你的感受
170	Are you saying that I can control your emotions, your emotional state, what you feel inside that's	你是说我可以控制你的情绪 你的情绪状态 你内心的感受
171	not up to you, that's up to me?	不由你决定,那由我决定?
172	What do you think happens?	你觉得会发生什么?
173	Well, no, of course, you know,	嗯,不,当然,你知道,
174	no, what I'm saying is, okay.	不,我是说,好吧。
175	So I said, so instead, what do we want to try to resolve?	所以我说,我们想解决什么?
176	And so I want you to try this.	所以我要你试试这个
177	Tell me how it works for you.	告诉我这对你有什么好处
178	Do not accept somebody else's frame.	别接受别人的陷害
179	And by the way, we're not being combative because oftentimes this is with people we love.	顺便说一句,我们不是在战斗, 因为我们经常爱的人。
180	This is not always in business.	这并不总是在生意上。
181	It could be in love.	可能恋爱了
182	This is just a way to make sure that you	这只是确保你
183	become a person who has boundaries.	成为一个有边界的人。
184	How do you respond to disrespect?	你如何回应不尊重?
185	You know, back in the day,	你知道,从前,
186	I always wanted to be like one of those characters on Entourage, like Ari, if you guys ever watched	我一直想像那些角色之一 在勇气,像阿里,如果你们曾经看
187	that show where he just he fired the heat, like somebody came at him and he just had a response.	那场演出,他刚刚发热, 就像有人朝他过来,他刚刚得到了一个响应。
188	And I'm not like that.	我不是那样的
189	I'm actually a wuss.	我其实是一个弱者。
190	And so I developed something I called the disrespect	所以我发明了一件我称之为不尊重的东西
191	response ladder.	反应梯子。
192	And I was like, okay, I need to figure out a path to use.	我当时想,好吧,我需要找出一条道路来使用。
193	And I'll show you that.	我会告诉你这一点。
194	But when somebody disrespects you, you kind of have four options.	但是,当有人不尊重你, 你有点四种选择。
195	And most people jumped	大多数人跳楼
196	the worst one.	最烂的
197	So level one would be absorb.	因此,一级将被吸收。
198	This is really weak.	这真的很弱。
199	So you just say nothing.	所以你什么都不说
200	Resentment builds.	忏悔积集.
201	Respect drops.	恭敬减退.
202	This is normal for people like me who are a bit of an avoidant.	这对像我这样的人来说是正常的,他们有点逃避。
203	Like, I just don't want to deal with it.	喜欢,我只是不想处理它。
204	I don't have time for this, you know.	我没有时间了
205	So if that's you too,	所以如果那也是你的话
206	I hear you.	我听见了
207	I'm the same.	我也一样
208	Level two is react.	二级反应。
209	This is explosive.	这是爆炸性的。
210	Yell, defend, explain.	大喊大叫 辩护 解释
211	You	你们
212	look unstable and absorb their frame.	看起来很不稳定 并吸收了他们的框架。
213	Level three, explain.	第三层,解释一下
214	This is more naive.	这更天真。
215	I do this too.	我也这样做。
216	So	这么说
217	you over justify, you over talk, you signal insecurity.	你为了辩护 你为了说话 你表示不安全
218	You know, when I first tried to get a job,	我第一次想找工作时
219	I was notorious for doing this.	我这样做是臭名昭著的
220	You know, hi, my name is Cody Sanchez and these are all my accolades.	嗨 我叫科迪·桑切斯 这些都是我的奖品
221	And you know, here's exactly why you should hire me and dah, dah, dah.	你知道,这就是为什么你应该雇用我和Dah,Dah,Dah。
222	And I've learned over time,	随着时间的推移,我学会了
223	little pause, exactly what you need.	暂停一下,你需要什么?
224	Not a single word more.	更无一字.
225	Now the God tier level response is	现在上帝级的反应是
226	level four, which is name plus redirect.	4级,即名称加方向调整。
227	Hmm.	是吗?
228	That comment feels disrespectful.	这句话很不尊重你
229	If you want to talk,	如果你想谈谈,
230	I'm open.	我开放。
231	If you want to attack, I'm done for the moment.	如果你想进攻,我暂时不干了
232	This literally just happened to me the	这其实只是发生在我身上
233	other day, you guys.	有一天,你们。
234	I was dealing with a leader at one of our companies and I gave him some hard	ии產场钉蛤烩钉
235	news that somebody else was going to take a role higher than him.	有消息说别人会比他高一个角色
236	He did not like this news.	他不喜欢这个消息。
237	Proceeded to start cussing.	开始骂人了
238	This is fucking bullshit.	这是他妈的废话。
239	I'm worth 10 of this guy.	我值10个人。
240	Bullshit,	废话
241	fucking blah, blah, blah.	他妈的,等等,等等。
242	And I had to say, this is a call with executives, executives at my companies.	我不得不说,这是电话 与高管,高管在我的公司。
243	They don't cuss emotionally.	他们不会在感情上骂人
244	So if you need to take a minute and stand outside until you can	所以,如果你需要 一分钟,站在外面直到你可以
245	emotionally re-regulate, that's perfectly fine and come back in.	情感上重新调节,这很好,然后回来。
246	But we don't do angry cussing	但我们不生气地骂人
247	at the executive level that basically says, this is my line.	在行政层面 基本上说 这是我的台词
248	And it's hard to argue with an	很难与一个
249	unemotional clear line.	无心清净行.
250	This goes back to that idea of assertive communication with calm boundary	这又回到了那种 与平静的边界进行坚定沟通的想法
251	setting that is perceived as dominance, which is kind of crazy.	被看成是霸主,这有点疯狂
252	Isn't it a fancy way to say	说来话长
253	the key is calm is actually better than allowed, short is better than long, still is better than	关键是镇静其实比允许的好 短比长 仍然比
254	emotion.	情绪
255	And my friend Jefferson Fisher, who I had on the podcast, it's a great episode by the way,	我的朋友杰斐逊·费舍尔, 我在播客, 这是一个伟大的插曲顺便说一句,
256	should listen to it after this, has a great line about this.	之后应该听它, 有很好的台词。
257	He says, you don't have to attend	他说,你不用参加
258	every argument you're invited to.	你被邀请参加的所有辩论
259	Ah, so good.	真不错
260	And then he also says, silence can never be	然后他还说,沉默永远不可能
261	misquoted.	引用错误。
262	But if say they keep gaslighting you and you don't know how to defend against it,	但如果说他们一直给你打气 你却不知道如何防御
263	I got a little protocol for you guys.	我有一个小程序给你们。
264	Think about it as our gaslighting defense protocol.	把它当作我们的防毒措施
265	Gaslighting is reality erosion.	燃气是现实侵蚀。
266	It's things like that never happened, but you know it did.	这种事从未发生过,但你知道的
267	You remembered it wrong, but you know that that's how it happens.	你记错了,但你知道 事情就是这样发生的。
268	What it actually does is this	它实际上做的是这个
269	increases cortisol and anxiety by destabilizing perception of reality.	由于对现实的不稳定感,皮质醇和焦虑感增加。
270	This is from the American	这是美国人送的
271	Sociological Review.	社会学评论.
272	And this is actually used in torture, which is crazy.	这其实是用来折磨的 这太疯狂了
273	But let's set a couple	但是,让我们设置一对夫妇
274	things straight.	事情很顺畅
275	Even though you don't see reality the same way, there are a couple studies that are	虽然你对现实的看法不同 但也有一些研究
276	fascinating that I think can help you even explain to the other person who's making you feel a	令人着迷的是,我认为可以帮助你 甚至向另一个人解释 谁让你觉得一个
277	certain way that maybe it's not gaslighting, maybe it's just human nature.	也许是人类的本性
278	And because we do	因为我们有
279	have a different perception reality in almost all events.	在几乎所有事件中都有不同的认识现实。
280	So self belief is really about knowing	所以,自信其实是知道
281	yourself, your abilities and knowing your path.	自己,你的能力 和知道你的道路。
282	And it's part of that path that many of us get	这条路的一部分,我们中的很多人
283	stuck on, which is actually why I created something called Main Street Millionaire Live.	坚持住,这就是为什么我 创造了一个叫做"主街百万富翁生活"的东西。
284	And it's for anyone whose path includes business ownership.	对于那些有商业所有权的人来说
285	Whether you've already bought a business	你是否已经买过生意
286	or you want to buy a business, we help you find and buy the best business for you.	或者你想买个生意 我们帮你找到最好的生意
287	Because business	因为生意
288	ownership, I believe, will change almost everyone's life.	我相信,所有权将改变几乎每个人的生活。
289	I know that if you come to this event, it	我知道如果你来参加这个活动
290	will change yours.	将改变你的。
291	It will help you believe the truth, which is that you are capable of ownership	这将帮助你相信真理, 那就是你有能力拥有
292	and can win at the game of owning things in life, which is the only game that leads to financial	并且可以在生活中拥有事物的游戏中获胜,这是导致财务的唯一游戏
293	freedom, asset ownership and overcoming what I think holds a lot of people back.	自由 资产所有权 以及克服我所认为的对许多人的阻碍
294	And so if you	所以,如果你
295	don't think you're good enough to become an owner to get to the next level, I want to talk to you	不要认为你足够好成为主人 到下一个关卡,我想和你谈谈
296	about four studies that totally changed my mindset on that.	4项研究彻底改变了我的心态
297	The first one's called the Invisible	第一个叫隐形人
298	Gorilla.	高丽.
299	So in the famous Chabris and Simon experiment, participants watched a video of	因此,在著名的查布里斯和西蒙实验中,参与者观看了一段视频,其中显示
300	people and they were like, pass and basketballs.	人们和他们一样, 通过和篮球。
301	Have you guys seen this?	你们看过这个吗?
302	And people were told to	人们被告知
303	count passes for one team.	一队人数通过.
304	So you're watching it, you're counting all the passes, you're kind of	所以,你看着它,你数 所有通行证,你有点
305	focused on that.	专注于这一点。
306	Well, in the middle, a person in a literal fucking gorilla suit walked through,	中间,一个穿着大猩猩装的人走过
307	stopped, thumped their chest and walked off.	停了下来,撞了他们的胸 然后走了
308	What's crazy, and I swear this happened to me,	疯了,我发誓这发生在我身上,
309	half the viewers, Cody, never saw the gorilla at all.	一半的观众,科迪,从来没有见过大猩猩。
310	Even though it was literally in plain sight,	虽然它完全在眼前,
311	but I had told my brain that I was only watching this thing and I was going to get those numbers	但我已经告诉我的大脑,我只是 看这个东西,我要去得到那些数字
312	right, totally missed the gorilla.	是的,完全错过了大猩猩。
313	Study two, I see it clearly you're biased.	第二期学习,我看得很清楚你有偏见
314	Social psychologist	社会心理学家
315	Ross called it naive realism, which is the belief that I see the world objectively and people who	罗斯称之为天真的现实主义,这就是我所相信的,我客观地看待世界和那些
316	disagree with me must be uninformed, irrational or biased.	与我意见不一 必须是不知情、不合理或有偏见的。
317	And there was a perfect way to think	有一个完美的方法来思考
318	about this.	关于这个。
319	Like two siblings read the same news article about a political protest.	就像两个兄弟姐妹读了同一篇关于政治抗议的新闻报道一样.
320	One sees	我看见了
321	dangerous extremists.	危险的极端分子。
322	The other sees brave citizens.	另一个看到勇敢的公民。
323	Each is certain.	每一个都是确定的。
324	They're just describing	他们只是形容
325	what happened.	发生了什么事。
326	When they argue, they both feel like the other is literally blind.	当他们争吵的时候,他们都觉得对方其实是盲目的.
327	In reality,	事实上,
328	they have all of these preset beliefs and identities that color what details they notice,	他们有所有这些预设的信仰和身份 颜色 他们注意到的细节,
329	how much weight they give them and what story they assemble.	他们给他们多少份量 和他们收集的故事。
330	So they literally live in two	因此,他们实际上 生活在两个
331	different realities from the same article.	与同一条款不同的现实。
332	This is also like selective attention.	这也是有选择性的注意。
333	So your brain	你的大脑
334	cannot process everything.	无法处理一切。
335	So it spotlights what matches your current task, fears, goals,	因此,它凸显出什么 与你当前的任务, 恐惧,目标,
336	or things you've told it are important.	或者你说过很重要的事
337	That creates unintentional blindness.	这会造成无意的失明。
338	And there's	还有
339	of mental models about this.	心理模型的这个。
340	So expectations, culture, past experiences, they act like lenses	期望、文化、过去的经验 都像镜头
341	and they decide which data counts, what gets ignored.	他们决定哪些数据很重要 哪些被忽略了
342	And that allows you, your brain,	这样你才能有头脑
343	to create a personalized version of reality.	来创造个性化的现实
344	And so the moment you think I'm just being logical,	所以,当你觉得我只是逻辑,
345	you actually stopped listening.	你实际上停止听。
346	The moment that you think you can't buy a business,	当你认为你买不到生意的时候
347	you actually have just been pre-programmed to think you can't.	其实你只是被预先编程 认为你不能。
348	So how does this show up in	那么,这怎么出现
349	fights and communication?	战斗和沟通?
350	A couple examples.	几个例子。
351	You might say, you ignored me at dinner.	你可以说,你忽略了我 在晚餐。
352	And	还有
353	their reality was, I was trying to handle the check and the kids and I thought I was helping.	他们的现实是, 我试图处理 支票和孩子们,我以为我在帮助。
354	You say, you never appreciate what I do.	你说你从不欣赏我的工作
355	Their reality, they do appreciate you,	他们的真面目很欣赏你
356	but their appreciation cues are invisible to you or not in what they famously call your love	但他们的赏识提示 对你来说是隐蔽的 或者在他们所谓的你的爱里
357	language.	语言。
358	So the takeaway, same night, same facts, totally different edits, because attention and	所以,外卖, 同一晚上, 相同的事实, 完全不同的编辑, 因为注意力和
359	are pointed at two different things.	被指向两个不同的事物。
360	So you have to learn how to negotiate across these realities.	因此,你必须学会如何在现实中进行谈判。
361	You can say, okay, listen, last night, it looks like we kind of watched two different movies.	你可以说,好吧,听着,昨晚, 看起来我们看两部不同的电影。
362	We	我们
363	saw two different realities.	出现了两种不同的现实。
364	Would you mind if we each described our version without interrupting?	你介意我们各自描述一下我们的版本而不打扰吗?
365	This signals one, there are two realities and both get airtime.	这个信号,第一,有两个现实, 和两个都得到播放时间。
366	And don't ask or assume,	不要问或假设,
367	swap the why did you do that?	换掉你为什么这么做?
368	That's an attack for what were you trying to do there?	这是针对你试图在那里做什么的攻击?
369	Curiosity.	好奇心无穷.
370	You're asking for the intention behind their movie.	你要求他们电影背后的意图。
371	You're not cross examining it.	你没有交叉检查它。
372	And then you can mirror their key frames.	然后你可以镜像他们的钥匙框。
373	So repeat back their big beats.	重复他们的大节奏
374	So in your version,	所以在你的版本中,
375	you were stressed about money, trying to solve it fast.	你对钱有压力,想尽快解决
376	And my feedback felt like attack.	我的反馈就像攻击
377	People	人员
378	relax when they fear their movie is at least understood, even if you didn't see it.	当他们担心电影被理解时 放松 即使你没看到
379	Now,	现在,
380	what's great here is unrelaxed people do not come to the table.	这里的伟大 是不放松的人 不来到桌子。
381	And so you are going to be this calm	所以你要保持冷静
382	on the balcony in the store.	在商店的阳台上
383	So you're going to stop arguing about whose reality is right.	所以,你将停止争论 谁的现实是正确的。
384	Say both can be true.	说二者皆能真实.
385	In your reality, you were helping.	在你的现实中,你在帮助。
386	In mine, I felt alone.	在我的,我觉得孤独。
387	How do we design	我们如何设计
388	the next scene?	下一个场景?
389	So we both feel on the same team.	所以我们都觉得自己是同一个团队的。
390	This is key.	这是关键
391	If you want to be a CEO in business,	如果你想做首席执行官
392	you need to negotiate forward, not backward.	你需要谈判向前,而不是落后。
393	Instead of replaying the old scene for the 12th	而不是为12号重播旧场景
394	time, you can say next time this happens, what do you need from me?	时间,你可以说下次发生这种情况, 你需要我做什么?
395	Here's what I need from you.	这就是我需要你做的。
396	This just happened to me.	刚刚发生在我身上。
397	I had a member of the team and my team and he's a super high performer,	我有一个团队和我的团队成员 他是一个超高的表演者,
398	great team member.	伟大的团队成员。
399	I gave very direct feedback to something that we had done because I sometimes	我直接反馈了我们做过的事 因为我有时候
400	have the emotional EQ of a Tasmanian devil.	拥有塔斯马尼亚恶魔的情感EQ.
401	And so I just don't really think about it.	所以,我只是不 真正考虑它。
402	I go,	我会去,
403	here's the feedback.	这里是反馈。
404	I know you worked on this thing for three years, but here's all the things	我知道你在这件事情上工作了三年 但事情是这样的
405	I hate about it.	我讨厌它。
406	I only focus on the stuff I don't like.	我只是专注于 我不喜欢的东西。
407	So I sent him very direct feedback.	所以我直接给他反馈了
408	Bam, ba,m也.
409	I didn't mention anything I liked.	我什么也没提
410	I didn't mention how	我没说怎么
411	great he is.	伟大的他。
412	I just gave all the hard feedback.	我刚刚给所有的硬反馈。
413	This sent him into a spiral.	这让他陷入螺旋形。
414	I've done all this	我做了这一切
415	work.	工作时
416	Da, da, da, da, da, da.	达曰.
417	So once I realized he was on this spiral, what do I do?	所以,一旦我意识到他在这个螺旋上, 我该怎么办?
418	I call him	我打电话给他
419	into the office.	进入办公室。
420	I sit him down and I say, hey, I just want you to know how valued you are here,	我让他坐下来,我说,嘿, 我只是想让你知道你在这里有多重要,
421	how intelligent I think that you are.	我觉得你有多聪明
422	And I want to tell you something about the way that I	我想告诉你一些关于我的方式
423	people that I trust, people I think are super capable, intelligent, and I would consider one	我相信的人, 我认为是超能力,智能, 我会考虑一个
424	of my leaders, I don't have a filter.	我的领袖们 我没有过滤器
425	I talk just like Cody with no sort of rose colored glasses or	我说话就像科迪 没有玫瑰色眼镜或
426	hand holding happening.	手牵手发生。
427	That can be too much for people.	这对人们来说可能太多了
428	It can be pretty abrasive.	可能会很伤人
429	And so I want	所以我想这样
430	to tell you that I thought your project was great, but I always default mode, think your work is	告诉你,我以为你的项目很棒 但我总是默认模式,认为你的作品是
431	great.	伟大的。
432	And because I think you're so good, I'm only going to give you the edits.	因为我觉得你这么好,我只给你编辑。
433	How can I	我怎么会
434	better with you?	对你更好?
435	And the guy was like, actually, no, I do want you to just give it to me tough.	那家伙就像,实际上, 不,我确实希望你 只是给我硬。
436	And I said, okay, well, if that's the case, then next time, if you do feel that little ping inside	我说,好吧,如果是这样, 那么下一次,如果你真的感觉到 里面的小叮当
437	where you're like, God, she doesn't appreciate or whatever, do you want to just say a word to me?	在那里你喜欢,上帝, 她不欣赏什么, 你想只是说一句话给我?
438	And I like using a word that's ridiculous.	我喜欢用一个荒谬的词
439	So I'll be like, blue throated mockingbird,	所以我会像, 蓝色喉咙嘲笑鸟,
440	just say blue throated mockingbird.	说蓝色喉咙 嘲笑鸟。
441	And I will know that that means I kind of pissed you off	我会知道,这意味着我有点生气你
442	and you don't feel like I saw you.	你不觉得 我看到你。
443	And I can be like, oh, whoops, hey, man, here's what I actually	我可以像,哦,哇,嘿,伙计, 这就是我实际上
444	think.	以为.
445	Can I give you some context?	我可以给你一些背景?
446	And I find that when there's a high degree of trust, you're	我发现当有高度的信任,你
447	going to have a trigger breaker that basically breaks up the standard communication and it	将有一个触发器 基本上打破标准通信
448	changes people's state.	改变人的状态
449	So try this and see if it works for you, because sometimes they are difficult	所以试试看这对你是否有效, 因为有时他们很困难
450	or toxic people, not people you love, but sometimes they're people that you love too.	或有毒的人, 不是你爱的人, 但有时他们是你爱的人。
451	And so I want you	所以我要你们
452	to remember that it's okay to say, we remember this differently.	记住,这没关系说, 我们记得这一点不同。
453	Here's what I'm confident about.	以上为我信心.
454	Here's what I'm not debating.	这就是我没有辩论的。
455	And then stop talking.	然后停止说话。
456	Because one of the other things that's true is	因为另外一件事是
457	silence is devastating to gaslighters or emotion.	沉默对燃气者或情绪是毁灭性的。
458	It can kill either one of them.	它可以杀死其中之一。
459	So one of the most	所以,一个最
460	powerful things that you can do in communicating is to never be emotional in a world of people who	在交流中你能够做的强大事情 就是永远不要在充满情感的人的世界里
461	have never emotionally matured.	从未在情感上成熟过
462	Projection theory shows people attribute their own traits and	投影理论显示,人们将自己的特质归结为
463	insecurities to others, right?	对别人来说不安全 对吧?
464	This is from a famous study by this guy by the name of Newman,	这是这个叫纽曼的著名研究
465	I believe back in like the 90s.	我相信像90年代一样
466	90% of insults are just self disclosures.	90%的侮辱只是自我披露.
467	So when someone says	所以当有人说
468	you're selfish, what it often means is I feel deprived.	你是自私的,它常常意味着 我感到贫困。
469	So you have to mentally reframe them.	所以你必须重新塑造他们的精神
470	What would need to be true about them for the behavior to make sense?	行为要合理 需要什么真实的?
471	This allows you to create	这允许您创建
472	that balcony emotional distance and that distance creates power.	阳台的情感距离 和那距离创造力量。
473	I mean, Jefferson Fisher also says	我的意思是,杰斐逊·费舍尔也说
474	something amazing that I really love, which is the first thing about standing up for yourself is	我非常喜欢的东西, 这是第一件事 关于站起来为自己
475	knowing when to do it because not everyone is worth getting out of your chair for.	知道什么时候做 因为不是每个人都值得离开你的椅子
476	Also, he's	还有,他
477	like Texans.	像德州一样
478	So I love these little one-liners.	所以我喜欢这些小一派。
479	He's like, not everyone is worth getting out of	他喜欢,不是每个人都值得离开
480	your chair for, you know, like you're right.	你的椅子,你知道, 像你是对的。
481	Shucks.	惨了
482	So this ability to not take things	所以这种不拿东西的能力
483	personally shows your self-respect.	亲自展示你的自尊
484	And I'm going to tell you the truth that it makes people who	我会告诉你真相,它使人谁
485	are trying to manipulate you super uncomfortable.	试图操纵你 超级不舒服。
486	I remember I was getting pushed out of a company	我记得我被赶出公司了
487	and this guy wanted to intimidate me.	这家伙想恐吓我
488	And thankfully, I do believe like a pound of	谢天谢地,我确实相信
489	pre-production is worth five of posts.	预制作价值5个员额。
490	So I found out about it ahead of time and he might have	所以我提前发现 他可能已经
491	sidelined me, but I found out about it.	把我放在一边,但我发现了
492	So I did a silly thing, which is I brought my Navy Seal,	所以我做了一件傻事 把我的海军印章带来了
493	very scary husband who has a constant resting bitch face, a lot of muscles and an ability to,	非常吓人的丈夫, 他有一个不停休息 母狗的脸, 很多肌肉和能力,
494	you know, kill people with me to this meeting.	要知道,杀了我的人 与我参加这个会议。
495	And Matt was not expecting that.	马特没想到会这样
496	So we sat down	我们坐下来
497	at a hotel and I could see he just like starts twitching, getting nervous, whatever.	在酒店里,我可以看到他只是喜欢开始抽搐, 变得紧张,随便什么。
498	And I could	我也会
499	tell that he was just going to leave it.	告诉他他打算离开它。
500	He's like, I'm going to wait until Cody's by herself	他喜欢,我要去等待 直到科迪一个人
501	and I can try to intimidate her.	我可以试图恐吓她。
502	But what did I do?	但我做了什麽?
503	I brought it up instead.	是我提起来的
504	I said, Matt,	我说,马特,
505	I know what you're trying to do.	我知道你想怎样
506	You're trying to push me out of the company.	你想把我赶出公司吗?
507	You want to take	你想带走
508	all of these assets that I've raised.	我筹到的这些资产
509	You want to push me out.	你想把我推出来
510	And I know this because of XYZ.	我之所以知道是因为XYZ
511	And he's like, oh, well, no, I said, listen, this isn't, this isn't a debate.	他就像,哦,好吧,不,我说, 听着,这不是,这不是辩论。
512	I already know.	我已经知道了
513	And so the next question is, what are we going to do about this?	接下来的问题是 我们该怎么办?
514	Because I am not going to do what	因为我不会做什么
515	you want me to do here.	你要我在这里做。
516	And this is, this is something for you to know.	而这是,这是一件事 让你知道。
517	Like you have to decide	就像你必须决定
518	how you get defined.	如何定义。
519	And it's not just about holding yourself or others accountable.	这不仅仅是要让自己或其他人承担责任。
520	It's	这是
521	about the way that you allow them to write your story.	你让他们写你的故事的方式
522	So I don't want you to fall into what I	所以我不想你落入我心中
523	call the accountability trap, which is when someone says you never do what you're going to do.	给责任陷阱打电话, 也就是当有人说你永远不会做 你将要做的事。
524	I instead want you to use that specificity switch we talked about.	我倒希望你用我们说过的特异性开关
525	And I want you to make sure you	我要你确保你
526	stay away from things like never always.	别像往常一样
527	And instead I want you to say, tell me one example	而我希望你说, 告诉我一个例子
528	you want to address, right?	你想找地址,对吧?
529	So why this works is because the more we can get somebody like Matt to	所以,为什么这样做是因为我们能 得到更多像马特的人
530	go, oh no, I'm not doing that.	走,哦,不,我不这样做。
531	I go, no, no, you are.	我去,不,不,不,你是。
532	I heard about this conversation.	我听说了这次谈话
533	Now what	现在怎么办
534	we're, what are we going to do about it?	我们怎么办?
535	Well, that allows these false accusations to collapse	这样这些不实的指控就会崩溃
536	under precision.	在精确度下。
537	Valid ones become solvable.	有效者可溶解。
538	Okay.	摆
539	You want to push me out?	你想把我赶出去吗?
540	What's the contract?	合同是什么?
541	What are we going to do?	我们该怎么办?
542	And the research says that specific feedback leads to resolution.	并且研究指出,具体的反馈会导致解析.
543	Vague blame escalates conflict.	模糊的指责使冲突升级。
544	So keep it simple and specific.	所以,保持简单和具体。
545	There's sort of like	有点像
546	three rules of power communication.	三条权力交流规则.
547	If you're going to try to negotiate something like I did	你要像我一样谈判
548	with Matt.	和马特。
549	So if you have somewhere where you know somebody is bullying you at work,	如果你有地方知道有人在欺负你
550	your boss wants to push you out.	你老板想把你赶出来
551	You have an employee that's toxic that you have to fire.	你有一个雇员 有毒的,你必须解雇。
552	You have what is called a crucial conversation.	你有所谓关键的对话。
553	You're going to slow down because slow speakers	你会慢下来 因为慢喇叭
554	are perceived as more confident.	他们认为自己更自信
555	Remember there are studies that show that slower cadence increases	记得有研究表明 缓缓的节奏增加
556	your authority perception.	你的权威感知。
557	So you're going to say less.	所以你会说少。
558	You're going to end with direction.	你会以方向结束。
559	You're going to say, here's what happens next.	接下来会发生什么?
560	You're not going to leave the conversation open	你不会让谈话开着的
561	ended because you actually beat them by having a very clean exit.	结束了,因为你实际上打败了他们 一个非常干净的出口。
562	So we're going to cut the frame.	所以我们要切掉这个框架。
563	You're never going to argue their accusation.	你永远也不会反驳他们的指控
564	If they say, you always try to redirect me,	如果他们说,你总是试图引导我,
565	Cody.	科迪。 科迪。 科迪。
566	You're going to say, that's not a useful direction.	你会说,这不是一个有用的方向。
567	What outcome are you asking for?	你想得到什么结果?
568	You just removed their emotional hook.	你刚刚取消了他们的情绪悬钩。
569	Then you're going to L, limit exposure.	然后去L 限制接触
570	Toxic people don't	有毒的人不会
571	want to change with feedback.	想要随反馈而更改 。
572	They change with reduced access.	它们随着出入减少而改变。
573	So you're going to say, hey,	所以,你会说,嘿,
574	we're not going to communicate that way.	我们不会那样沟通的
575	Hey, you're not going to speak to me like that.	嘿,你不会那样跟我说话的
576	Then you're going to E, enforce consequences.	那你去E 执行后果
577	Boundaries without consequences are just	没有后果的界限只是
578	suggestions.	建议。
579	That's not what we're going for.	这不是我们要去的。
580	So you're going to say, if this continues,	所以你要说 如果这样继续下去
581	I'm ending this conversation.	我要结束这次谈话
582	Then you might actually have to end it by the way.	顺便说一句,你可能要结束这一切
583	Back yourself	回来
584	up.	起来
585	You might have to end it because consistent consequence enforcement is going to reduce repeat	你可能不得不结束它 因为持续的后果 执行会减少重复
586	violations.	违反情况。
587	So if I let that employee keep cussing at me, well, he probably would keep cussing at me	所以如果我让那个员工继续骂我 他可能会继续骂我
588	next time.	下次再说吧
589	Then you're going to use an A for anchor reality.	然后用A做主播现实
590	When they distort facts, don't	当他们歪曲事实时,不要
591	debate.	辩论。
592	Say instead, here's what I'm willing to discuss.	换句话说,我愿意讨论一下
593	Here's what I'm not.	这就是我不是。
594	We're going to	我们要去
595	reality anchor, specificity anchor.	现实锚 特异性锚
596	And then N, no closure needed.	然后N,不需要关闭。
597	This is critical.	这一点至关重要。
598	You do not need	你用不着
599	them to understand, them to agree, them to apologize.	他们理解,同意,他们道歉。
600	Seeking emotional closure from	寻求从
601	antagonistic people, that increases your stress.	对立的人, 这增加了你的压力。
602	Lots of studies like on this.	有很多这样的研究
603	The power move is	电动是
604	to say, here is how we are going to execute the end of this conversation.	这就是我们如何执行这次谈话的结局
605	And you can walk away	你可以离开
606	not liking the guy, not liking the girl, being mad.	不喜欢男人,不喜欢女孩, 生气。
607	That doesn't actually matter.	这其实不重要。
608	So if a business	所以,如果一个生意
609	partner, an employee, someone creates conflict with you, remember, loudest person's going to	拍档 员工 有人和你制造冲突 记住 最大声的人会
610	dominate early, but you're going to not.	早期的统治, 但你不会。
611	You're going to stop explaining.	你会停止解释。
612	You're going to reduce	你会减少的
613	access.	进入。
614	You're going to enforce terms.	你要执行条件
615	And suddenly they're going to lose their leverage.	突然他们就会失去影响力
616	And I remember like the moment I stopped trying to win emotionally, I won structurally.	我记得,就像我不再试图在情感上赢得胜利的时候, 我从结构上赢得了。
617	Think	考虑一下
618	like, let that sink in for a second.	像,让它沉进去一秒钟。
619	Stop trying to make them feel what you want them to feel.	别再想让他们感受你想要的了
620	Do	执行
621	you care about their feelings?	你关心他们的感受?
622	No.	没有
623	You care about the outcome you want to get.	你在乎你想要得到的结果
624	And then also remember	临癘眔
625	like toxic people don't win because they're evil.	就像有毒的人不会因为邪恶而赢
626	They win because everyone else is so busy trying	他们赢是因为其他人都忙着努力
627	to be liked.	被喜欢。
628	But leadership isn't about being liked.	但领导力不是被喜欢的
629	It's about being clear.	是为清净.
630	So you don't beat	所以,你不击败
631	toxic people by out arguing them.	毒人通过争吵出来。
632	You beat them by outlasting, outstructuring, and out limiting	你打败了他们 通过持久,脱节,和限制
633	them.	他们。
634	And the most dangerous moment is when you realize you never needed to fight them at all.	最危险的时刻是 当你意识到你根本不需要对抗他们的时候
635	So the question you have to ask yourself is, do you want to argue with small people?	所以,你必须问自己的问题是, 你想和小人争论吗?
636	Do you want	你要吗?
637	to allow yourself to become small because they are?	让你自己变小 因为他们是?
638	Do you want to be an asterisk and a paragraph in	您想要成为星号 和段落
639	a book nobody reads because other people got to redirect you your whole life?	一本书没人读 因为别人要改变你的一生?
640	Do you want to just	你难道只想
641	be taken seriously by a serious person?	被严肃的人认真对待?
642	Do you want to be remembered?	你想被记住吗?
643	And if you do,	如果你这样做,
644	you got to communicate these ways.	你得用这些方式沟通
645	Because unless you figure out how to communicate,	因为除非你明白如何沟通
646	you'll never achieve anything really big in your life.	你一生中永远无法实现任何真正的伟大
647	It is the key to the things that you want.	这是你想要的东西的关键。
648	So maybe you'll be like me and you'll come back to this video.	所以,也许你会像我一样 你会回到这段视频。
649	You'll watch it again,	你会再看一次的
650	you'll follow and subscribe.	你会跟随和订阅。
651	And I promise I will teach you the lessons that I wish someone	我答应你,我会教你的 我希望有人
652	had taught me.	曾经教我。
653	But most people were too afraid to tell the truth.	但大多数人都不敢说实话。
654	I promise I won't do that to you.	我保证不会那样对你
655	Okay, guys, we'll see you next week.	好了,伙计们,我们下周见。
656	So excited to introduce you to some ordinary people doing extraordinary things.	很高兴将你介绍给一些普通人 做非凡的事
657	We have to really take the time to make a meaningful connection.	我们确实需要时间来建立有意义的联系。
658	It's the fact that	事实上,
659	there is a lack of connection and the person just wants to be seen, heard and understood.	缺乏联系 这个人只想被看见、听到和理解
660	Thanks for taking the question.	谢谢你接问
661	Are there extra things that need to be done when trying to	在试图
662	pay off bad debt?	偿还坏账?
663	Great question.	问得好
664	I buy businesses so simple, even your grandmother understands them.	我买生意太简单了 连你奶奶也懂
665	That's the game.	这就是游戏。
666	It's you and me versus the problem.	这是你和我对问题。
667	We're going to try to solve this together.	共求解脱.
668	I know how to build trust in a very advanced way.	我知道如何以非常先进的方式建立信任。
669	How does buying a business fit into the vision for your life?	买家生意怎么适合你的生活?
670	Today my goal is to teach you some fundamental skills that you can use to accelerate your business.	今天我的目标是教你一些基本技能,可以用来加速你的事业.
671	If you make a promise in the mirror, know that your word is freaking iron to you.	如果你在镜子里许下诺言, 知道你的话对你来说是铁的。
672	These people on Wall Street, they want to keep the normal people out of the game.	华尔街的这些人,想不让普通人参与游戏.
673	Main Street millionaires are all around this world and it starts with each and every one of you.	主街百万富翁遍及全球,从你们每个人开始.
674	What are you waiting for?	你还在等什么?
675	Your path to ownership starts now.	你的拥有权之路现在开始
676	Get your ticket to join us on Main Street.	得到你的票 加入我们的主街。
677	Join us today.	今天加入我们

该视频共有字幕 677 条。解锁更多字幕为会员功能，请移动到 价格

P2 · 【沟通技巧】CEO如何应对艰难对话 p02 无字幕 (P2)

【沟通技巧】CEO如何应对艰难对话 p02 无字幕 (P2)

发布于 2026-09-05 · 时长 26:08

字幕摘录

时间	英文	中文
0:00	You have been communicating your entire life the wrong way.	你一直用错误的方式传达你的一生
0:02	Like the entire world is like you,	就像整个世界都像你一样
0:04	a nice person, a good person, good intentions, trying to do the right thing.	一个好人,一个好人,一个好意,试图做正确的事情.
0:08	Here's the truth,	这是事实
0:09	the world is not like that.	世界不是这样的。
0:10	There are difficult people all around you every single day,	你身边每天都有困难的人
0:13	and there will be more.	还会有更多
0:14	The secret today that we're going to talk about is that you can take	今天我们要谈的秘密是 你可以接受
0:17	back your peace and power from toxic, obnoxious, hard people, even people you love who are also	让你的安宁和力量 从有毒的,讨厌的, 硬的人,甚至你爱的人
0:22	just difficult.	只是困难。

展开字幕全文（674 条）

序号	英文	中文
1	You have been communicating your entire life the wrong way.	你一直用错误的方式传达你的一生
2	Like the entire world is like you,	就像整个世界都像你一样
3	a nice person, a good person, good intentions, trying to do the right thing.	一个好人,一个好人,一个好意,试图做正确的事情.
4	Here's the truth,	这是事实
5	the world is not like that.	世界不是这样的。
6	There are difficult people all around you every single day,	你身边每天都有困难的人
7	and there will be more.	还会有更多
8	The secret today that we're going to talk about is that you can take	今天我们要谈的秘密是 你可以接受
9	back your peace and power from toxic, obnoxious, hard people, even people you love who are also	让你的安宁和力量 从有毒的,讨厌的, 硬的人,甚至你爱的人
10	just difficult.	只是困难。
11	But in order to do it, you need to know the rules of the game.	但为了做到这一点,你需要知道游戏的规则.
12	And most people	还有大多数人
13	don't even realize the game they are playing.	连他们玩的游戏都不知道
14	So today, let's get those rules and communicate	所以今天,让我们得到 规则和沟通
15	to get what you want, even when other people say it's impossible.	得到你想要的, 即使别人说这是不可能的。
16	We'll back it up by science,	我们通过科学支持它,
17	history, and the greatest communicators of all time.	历史上最伟大的传播家
18	Let's steal their homework.	让我们偷他们的作业。
19	Welcome back	欢迎回来
20	to the Big Deal Podcast.	给大交易播客。
21	I'm Cody Sanchez.	我是科迪・桑切斯。
22	Let's dive in.	让我们潜入。
23	Most people don't lose their power	大多数人不会失去力量
24	because they're wrong.	因为他们错了
25	They lose their power because they communicate like the other person	他们因为像其他人一样交流而失去权力
26	is reasonable when they're not.	当它们不合理时是合情合理的。
27	Do you ever think you're exchanging information but realize	你有没有想过你在交换情报 但意识到
28	that the other person is negotiating status, blame, or control?	对方在谈判地位、指责或控制?
29	Psychologists call this	心理学家叫这个
30	motivated reasoning.	动机性推理。
31	So people don't actually listen to understand you.	所以人们不听 真正理解你。
32	They are hearing to	他们听到
33	protect their identity.	保护他们的身份
34	So Harvard Business School found people interpret facts in ways that protect	所以哈佛商学院发现人们 以保护的方式解释事实
35	their ego and self-image, not accuracy.	他们的自我和自我形象,而不是准确性。
36	And do you ever wonder, like, how do you actually beat them	你有没有想过,你到底怎么打败他们?
37	without becoming one of them?	没有成为其中之一?
38	Well, maybe you haven't noticed this, that the most difficult	或许你没注意到,最困难的
39	person in the room often gets their way.	在房间里的人经常得到他们的方式。
40	They interrupt, they blame, they drain everyone else.	他们打断,责备,他们耗尽所有人。
41	And somehow, they walk out the winner.	不知何故,他们走出了胜利者。
42	Meanwhile, the reasonable person, calm, ethical, they walk	同时,理智的人, 冷静,道德,他们走
43	out exhausted, pissed, kind of confused.	筋疲力尽 生气 有点困惑
44	Toxic people don't win because they're smarter, which is	有毒的人不会赢,因为他们更聪明
45	good.	不错
46	They win because they're playing the game differently.	他们之所以赢是因为他们玩的游戏不同.
47	What Harvard shows us is that this	哈佛大学告诉我们的是,
48	behavior shows that people who display low emotional reactivity and high certainty are	行为表明,那些表现出低情绪反应和高度确定性的人
49	perceived as higher status, even when they're wrong.	被认为是更高的地位, 即使他们错了。
50	So toxic people are persuasive not because	所以有毒的人有说服力 不是因为
51	they're right.	他们是对的。
52	They're persuasive because they're unmoved.	他们很有说服力,因为他们没有被移动。
53	They have low emotional reactivity,	他们的情绪反应低
54	but they really act like they know what they're talking about.	但他们真的表现得好像知道自己在说什么
55	So how do we win at their game?	那么,我们如何赢得他们的比赛?
56	I think about this as the asymmetry advantage framework.	我认为这是不对称优势框架。
57	If they are willing to create discomfort	如果他们愿意制造不适
58	in you and not have emotion from them, they can exploit your asymmetry.	他们能利用你的不对称
59	And there's two types of	还有两种类型
60	asymmetries toxic people use.	使用毒性的不对称物质。
61	One's called narrative asymmetry.	一者名为叙说非对称.
62	They tell simple stories.	他们讲简单的故事。
63	Yours are too nuanced because nuance is usually the fact.	你太细微了 因为细微是事实
64	Cognitive fluency research shows simple	认知流畅性研究显示简单
65	narratives are believed more than accurate, complex ones.	叙事被认为不止是准确的,复杂的。
66	So whether you hate Donald Trump	你是否讨厌唐纳德·特朗普
67	or you love Donald Trump, what can we say for sure?	或者你爱唐纳德·特朗普,我们能肯定地说些什么?
68	He is simple.	他很简单。
69	That is why his communication	这就是为什么他的通信
70	style works very often because nuance is hard to remember.	风格经常有用,因为细微的细微很难记住.
71	They say on average we can only remember	他们说,平均我们只能记得
72	one to two sentences from an entire 10-minute conversation.	一到两句 从整个10分钟的对话。
73	Yikes.	哎哟
74	So clarity beats correctness	所以清晰比正确
75	in human conflict.	在人类冲突中。
76	So that's one.	所以这是一个。
77	Take your stories, simplify them.	拿上你的故事,简化它们。
78	Don't add maybes,	别添麻烦
79	buts, alsos, and one sentence.	但是,还有一句话。
80	That's it.	就这样
81	The second asymmetry that people use who communicate	人们用来沟通的第二个不对称
82	well, which is called boundary asymmetry.	这叫边界不对称
83	They take space.	他们占用空间。
84	You ask for permission.	你请求许可。
85	Clinical psychology says boundary violators persist when boundaries are inconsistently	临床心理学说,边界不一致时,违反边界者持续存在
86	enforced.	已执行。
87	This is from the American Psychological Association.	这是美国心理学会的
88	What does that mean?	这是什么意思?
89	It means you	就是说你
90	need to control the frame.	需要控制帧。
91	Let me give you my frame control rule.	让我给你我的帧控制规则。
92	So whoever controls the	所以,谁控制
93	conversation will control the outcome.	对话将控制结果。
94	And this comes from hostage negotiation and power dynamics.	这来自人质谈判和权力动态。
95	For instance, if you are going to have a conversation with somebody, they give you a	例如,如果你要和某人谈话, 他们给你一个
96	tight one-line sentence.	紧一行句.
97	You want to respond in an unnuanced way.	汝欲以无微细法应.
98	What do I want you to do?	и璶或快
99	I want	и稱
100	you to listen to their one sentence and then I want you to hold out your hand and just go,	你听他们的一句话 然后我要你伸出手走人
101	let me think about that for a second.	让我考虑一下
102	Let me ponder that.	让我想想
103	Let me analyze that for a second,	让我来分析一下
104	whatever word you want to use.	随便你怎么说
105	And then instead of feeling like you have to start talking immediately	而不是感觉你必须马上开始说话
106	in order to regurgitate exactly what you're going to say, no, no, boundary control.	为了重新确定你要说的话 不 不 边界控制
107	You say I'm the	你说我是
108	problem.	问题。
109	The math says this is the problem.	数学说这就是问题所在
110	Use a redirect and have a one-liner.	使用重定向并具有单线.
111	I actually learned	我其实学到了
112	a lot of this from one of my friends, Chris Voss, who wrote Never Split the Difference.	我的一个朋友克里斯·沃斯写了很多这些, 他写了"从不分割差异".
113	Huge book.	巨大的书。
114	I go back to him again and again when I want to control the frame.	我想控制这个框架时,我一次又一次地去找他.
115	And what he learned at the FBI	还有他在联邦调查局学到的
116	law enforcement was that reframing emotional accusations reduces hostility faster than a direct	执法部门认为 重述情感指控比直接
117	rebuttal.	反驳
118	When someone says, you never listen to me, what do you actually want to say?	当有人说,你从来不听我的话, 你到底想说什么?
119	You want to	你想这样
120	say, if you're me, that's not true.	说,如果你是我,那不是真的。
121	I listen all the time.	我常听闻.
122	This never happens with me and my husband,	我和我丈夫从不这样
123	of course.	当然
124	That's the wrong response though.	不过,这是错误的反应。
125	The correct response is a frame reset.	正确的反应是帧重置.
126	You're going	你该走了
127	to repeat back to them.	重复到他们。
128	I understand that you feel this way.	我明白你这样想
129	Can you be more specific with me	你能告诉我更具体点吗?
130	and tell me what you think I am not listening to?	告诉我你认为我不听?
131	And when you do that, I can bet my bottom dollar,	当你这样做,我可以打赌我的底美元,
132	they might say, I don't feel that way.	他们可能会说, 我不觉得这样。
133	That is what you're doing.	这就是你在做什么。
134	And your response is going to	你的反应是
135	be, I don't want to debate words in an argument.	我不想在争吵中争论
136	I don't believe that's useful.	我觉得这没什么用
137	What I heard you say	我听到你说的
138	was, you are unheard.	曾经,你没有听到。
139	You're not accepting their frame.	你不能接受他们的陷害
140	You're not saying, I didn't listen to you.	你没有说,我没有听你的。
141	You're repeating back to them what they said.	你重复他们的话
142	So when I went head to head with another MD,	所以当我去头 与另一个MD,
143	managing director at First Trust, I had this exact same issue.	我也有同样的问题
144	He was trying to box me in,	他想把我关进去
145	make me feel small.	让我觉得小。
146	He was trying to tell me that what I was talking about was wrong.	他想告诉我,我所说的是错误的。
147	I remember the line explicitly that he said to me back in the day.	我清楚地记得他那天对我说的话
148	He said, well, I haven't done	他说,嗯,我没有做
149	that because you've made me feel like I don't have the power to do it.	因为你让我觉得自己没有力量去做
150	This is your fault for	这是你的错
151	the way you communicate.	和你沟通的方式
152	First of all, this is like a very middle-aged man.	首先,这就像一个非常中年的人。
153	This is a full adult.	这是一个完整的成年人。
154	And so I always do giggle when somebody says, you make me feel this way.	所以我总是笑,当有人说, 你让我有这种感觉。
155	I'm like, okay, guy,	我像,好吧,伙计,
156	take it easy.	别紧张
157	But anyway, I listened to it.	但无论如何,我听它。
158	I said the exact same thing.	我也说过同样的话
159	I said, hey, I don't	我说,嘿,我不
160	think I have control of your feelings.	我想我能控制你的情绪
161	Are you saying that I can control your emotions,	你是说我能控制你的情绪
162	your emotional state, what you feel inside that's not up to you, that's up to me?	你的情绪状态,你内心的感受 这不由你决定,那由我决定?
163	What do you think happens?	你觉得会发生什么?
164	Well, no, of course, you know, no, what I'm saying is,	嗯,不,当然,你知道, 不,我的意思是,
165	okay.	还好。
166	So I said, so instead, what do we want to try to resolve?	所以我说,我们想解决什么?
167	And so I want you to try this.	所以我要你试试这个
168	Tell me how it works for you.	告诉我这对你有什么好处
169	Do not accept somebody else's frame.	别接受别人的陷害
170	And by the way,	顺便说一句
171	not being combative, because oftentimes, this is with people we love.	经常和我们爱的人在一起
172	This is always in business,	这总是在生意上,
173	it could be in love.	它可能是在恋爱。
174	This is just a way to make sure that you become a person who has boundaries.	这只是确保你成为一个有边界的人的一种方法。
175	How do you respond to disrespect?	你如何回应不尊重?
176	You know, back in the day, I always wanted to be like one of those	以前我一直想成为那种人
177	characters on Entourage, like Ari, if you guys ever watched that show where he just he fired the heat,	像Ari一样在勇气中扮演角色 如果你们看那场表演时 他刚刚发火了
178	like somebody came at him and he just had a response.	就像有人来袭击他,他只是得到了一个回应。
179	And I'm not like that.	我不是那样的
180	I'm actually	其实我
181	a wuss.	一个小傻瓜。
182	And so I developed something I called the disrespect response ladder.	于是我开发了一种叫不尊重的反应梯子。
183	And I was like, okay,	我当时想,好吧,
184	I need to figure out a path to use.	我需要找出一条路用。
185	And I'll show you that.	我会告诉你这一点。
186	But when somebody disrespects you,	但是,当有人不尊重你,
187	you kind of have four options.	你有四个选择
188	And most people jump to the worst one.	大多数人跳到最坏的。
189	So level one would be	所以,一级是
190	absorb.	吸收。 吸收。
191	This is really weak.	这真的很弱。
192	So you just say nothing.	所以你什么都不说
193	Resentment builds, respect drops.	礼建,敬降.
194	This is normal for people like me who are a bit of an avoidant.	这对像我这样的人来说是正常的,他们有点逃避。
195	Like, I just don't want to deal	喜欢,我只是不想交易
196	with it.	用这个
197	I don't have time for this, you know.	我没有时间了
198	So if that's you too, I hear you, I'm the same.	所以,如果那是你,我听到你,我是一样的。
199	Level two is react.	二级反应。
200	This is explosive.	这是爆炸性的。
201	Yell, defend, explain.	大喊大叫 辩护 解释
202	You look unstable and absorb	你看起来很不稳定,很沉闷
203	their frame.	他们的画框。
204	Level three, explain.	第三层,解释一下
205	This is more naive.	这更天真。
206	I do this too.	我也这样做。
207	So over justify, you over	所以,结束论证,你结束
208	talk, you signal insecurity.	说话,你表示不安全。
209	You know, when I first tried to get a job, I was notorious for	你知道,当我第一次尝试找工作, 我臭名昭著
210	doing this.	这样做。
211	You know, hi, my name is Cody Sanchez.	嗨,我是科迪・桑切斯。
212	And these are all my accolades.	这些都是我的功劳
213	And you know,	你知道吗?
214	here's exactly why you should hire me and dah, dah, dah.	这就是为什么你应该雇用我和Dah,Dah,Dah。
215	And I've learned over time, little pause,	随着时间的推移,我学会了暂停
216	exactly what you need.	这正是你需要的。
217	Not a single word more.	更无一字.
218	Now the God tier level response is level four,	现在上帝级的反应是第四级
219	which is name plus redirect.	名称加方向
220	That comment feels disrespectful.	这句话很不尊重你
221	If you want to talk, I'm open.	如果你想谈,我开口。
222	If you want to attack, I'm done for the moment.	如果你想进攻,我暂时不干了
223	This literally just happened to me the other day,	那天我突然发生了这种事
224	you guys.	你们
225	I was dealing with a leader at one of our companies and I gave him some hard news	ии產そ蛤烩钉
226	that somebody else was going to take a role higher than him.	别人要扮演比他更高的角色
227	He did not like this news.	他不喜欢这个消息。
228	Proceeded to start cussing.	开始骂人了
229	This is fucking bullshit.	这是他妈的废话。
230	I'm worth 10 of this guy, bullshit,	我值十个人,废话,
231	fucking blah, blah, blah.	他妈的,等等,等等。
232	And I had to say, this is a call with executives, executives at my	我不得不说,这是一个电话 与高管,高管在我的
233	companies, they don't cuss emotionally.	公司,他们不会在情感上骂人。
234	So if you need to take a minute and stand outside until you	所以,如果你需要一分钟 站在外面直到你
235	can emotionally reregulate, that's perfectly fine and come back in.	情绪可以重新调节, 这是完全好的,然后回来。
236	But we don't do angry cussing	但我们不生气地骂人
237	at the executive level that basically says, this is my line.	在行政层面 基本上说 这是我的台词
238	And it's hard to argue with an	很难与一个
239	emotional clear line.	情感清澈
240	This goes back to that idea of assertive communication with calm boundary	这又回到了那种 与平静的边界进行坚定沟通的想法
241	setting that is perceived as dominance, which is kind of crazy, isn't it?	被看成是霸权的设定, 这有点疯狂,不是吗?
242	A fancy way to say	说得好听
243	the key is calm is actually better than allowed.	关键是镇静其实比允许的好
244	Short is better than long, still is better than	短比长,还是比长
245	emotion.	情绪
246	And my friend Jefferson Fisher, who I had on the podcast, it's a great episode by the way,	我的朋友杰斐逊·费舍尔, 我在播客, 这是一个伟大的插曲顺便说一句,
247	should listen to it after this, has a great line about this.	之后应该听它, 有很好的台词。
248	He says, you don't have to attend	他说,你不用参加
249	every argument you're invited to.	你被邀请参加的所有辩论
250	Ah, so good.	真不错
251	And then he also says, silence can never be	然后他还说,沉默永远不可能
252	misquoted.	引用错误。
253	But if say they keep gaslighting you and you don't know how to defend against it,	但如果说他们一直给你打气 你却不知道如何防御
254	I got a little protocol for you guys.	我有一个小程序给你们。
255	Think about it as our gaslighting defense protocol.	把它当作我们的防毒措施
256	Gaslighting is reality erosion.	燃气是现实侵蚀。
257	It's things like that never happened, but you know it did.	这种事从未发生过,但你知道的
258	You	你们
259	remembered it wrong, but you know that that's how it happens.	记错了,但你知道 事情就是这样发生的。
260	What it actually does is this	它实际上做的是这个
261	increases cortisol and anxiety by destabilizing perception of reality.	由于对现实的不稳定感,皮质醇和焦虑感增加。
262	This is from the American	这是美国人送的
263	Sociological Review.	社会学评论.
264	And this is actually used in torture, which is crazy.	这其实是用来折磨的 这太疯狂了
265	But let's set a couple	但是,让我们设置一对夫妇
266	things straight.	事情很顺畅
267	Even though you don't see reality the same way, there are a couple studies that are	虽然你对现实的看法不同 但也有一些研究
268	fascinating that I think can help you even explain to the other person who's making you feel a	令人着迷的是,我认为可以帮助你 甚至向另一个人解释 谁让你觉得一个
269	certain way that maybe it's not gaslighting, maybe it's just human nature.	也许是人类的本性
270	And because we do have a	因为我们有一个
271	perception of reality in almost all events.	在几乎所有事件中对现实的看法。
272	So self-belief is really about knowing yourself,	所以,自我信念 真的是关于了解你自己,
273	your abilities and knowing your path.	你的能力和了解你的道路。
274	And it's part of that path that many of us get stuck on,	我们很多人被困在这条路上
275	which is actually why I created something called Main Street Millionaire Live.	这也是为什么我创造了 一个叫做"主街百万富翁生活"的东西。
276	And it's for anyone	这是给任何人的
277	whose path includes business ownership.	其途径包括企业所有权。
278	Whether you've already bought a business or you want to	无论你已经买过生意还是想买
279	buy a business, we help you find and buy the best business for you.	买个生意,我们帮你找到 和买最好的生意给你。
280	Because business ownership,	因为企业所有权,
281	I believe, will change almost everyone's life.	我相信,几乎会改变每个人的生活。
282	I know that if you come to this event,	我知道如果你参加这个活动
283	it will change yours.	它会改变你的。
284	It will help you believe the truth, which is that you are capable of	它能帮助你相信真相 那就是你有能力
285	ownership and can win at the game of owning things in life, which is the only game that	拥有,并且可以在生活中拥有事物的游戏中获胜,这是唯一的游戏
286	leads to financial freedom, asset ownership, and overcoming what I think holds a lot of people	导致财务自由 资产所有权 以及克服我所认为的 很多人
287	back.	回来
288	And so if you don't think you're good enough to become an owner to get to the next level,	所以如果你觉得你不够好 成为一个主人进入下一个层次,
289	I want to talk to you about four studies that totally changed my mindset on that.	我想和你谈谈四项研究 彻底改变了我的心态。
290	The first one's called The Invisible Gorilla.	第一部名为隐形大猩猩.
291	So in the famous Chabris and Simon experiment,	在著名的查布里斯和西蒙实验中
292	participants watched a video of people and they were like, passing basketballs.	参与者观看了一段关于人们的视频 他们喜欢,通过篮球。
293	Have you guys	有你们
294	seen this?	看到这个了吗?
295	And people were told to count passes for one team.	人们被告知要为一支队伍计票.
296	So you're watching it.	所以,你正在观看它。
297	You're	琌
298	counting all the passes.	数一切经.
299	You're kind of focused on that.	你有点专注于这一点。
300	Well, in the middle, a person in a literal	嗯,中间,一个人在一个字面上
301	fucking gorilla suit walked through, stopped, thumped their chest and walked off.	他妈的大猩猩的西装走过,停下来, 猛击他们的胸部,走开。
302	What's crazy,	什么疯狂,
303	and I swear this happened to me, half the viewers, Cody, never saw the gorilla at all, even though it	我发誓这发生在我身上, 一半的观众,科迪,从来没有见过 大猩猩,尽管它
304	was literally in plain sight, but I had told my brain that I was only watching this thing and I	完全在眼前 但我已经告诉我的大脑,我只是在看这个东西,我
305	was going to get those numbers right, totally missed the gorilla.	本来会把数字弄对的 完全错过了大猩猩
306	Study two, I see it clearly,	第二课,我看得很清楚
307	you're biased.	你是偏见。
308	Social psychologist Lee Ross called it naive realism, which is the belief that I see	社会心理学家李罗斯称之为天真的现实主义,这就是我所看到的信念
309	the world objectively and people who disagree with me must be uninformed, irrational or biased.	客观的世界和不同意我的人必须不知情、不合理或有偏见。
310	And there was a perfect way to think about this.	并有一个完美的方法来思考这个问题。
311	Like two siblings read the same news article about	就像两个兄弟姐妹读了同样的新闻
312	a political protest.	一个政治抗议。
313	One sees dangerous extremists.	我们看到危险的极端分子。
314	The other sees brave citizens.	另一个看到勇敢的公民。
315	Each is certain.	每一个都是确定的。
316	They're just describing what happened.	他们只是描述 发生了什么事。
317	When they argue, they both feel like the other is	当他们争吵的时候 他们都觉得对方是
318	literally blacked.	从字面上说是黑色的。
319	In reality, they have all of these preset beliefs and identities that color	在现实中,他们有所有这些预设的信仰和身份 颜色
320	what details they notice, how much weight they give them and what story they assemble.	他们注意到什么细节, 他们给了他们多少份量 和他们集合的故事。
321	So they	所以他们
322	literally live in two different realities from the same article.	从字面上讲,生活在两个不同的现实中 与同一篇文章。
323	This is also like selective	这就像选择性
324	attention.	注意点
325	So your brain cannot process everything.	所以你的大脑不能处理一切
326	So it spotlights what matches	所以,它突出 匹配的
327	your current task, fears, goals, or things you've told it are important that creates	你的当前任务,恐惧,目标, 或你说过的事物 重要的是创造
328	unintentional blindness.	无意失明。
329	And there's lots of mental models about this.	有很多关于这个的心理模型。
330	So expectations, culture,	因此,期望,文化,
331	past experiences, they act like lenses and they decide which data counts, what gets ignored.	过去的经验,它们表现得像镜头 他们决定哪些数据很重要,哪些被忽略。
332	And that allows you, your brain to create a personalized version of reality.	这使你,你的大脑 能够创造出一个个性化的现实。
333	And so the	所以说
334	moment you think I'm just being logical, you actually stopped listening.	那一刻你认为我只是逻辑, 你实际上停止听。
335	The moment that you	当你的那一刻
336	think you can't buy a business, you actually have just been pre-programmed to think you can't.	认为你买不到一个企业, 实际上你只是被预先编程 认为你不能。
337	So how does this show up in your fights and communication?	那么,这是如何显示 在你的战斗和沟通?
338	A couple of examples.	几个例子。
339	You might say, you ignored me at dinner.	你可以说,你忽略了我 在晚餐。
340	And their reality was, I was trying to handle the	他们的现实情况是, 我试图处理
341	check and the kids and I thought I was helping.	支票和孩子们 我以为我在帮忙
342	You say, you never appreciate what I do.	你说你从不欣赏我的工作
343	Their	他们的
344	reality, they do appreciate you, but their appreciation cues are invisible to you or not in	现实中,他们确实欣赏你, 但是他们的欣赏提示是看不见的,无论你是否在
345	what they famously call your love language.	他们称之为你的爱情语言
346	So the takeaway, same night, same facts, totally	所以,外卖,同一晚, 同样的事实,完全
347	different edits because attention and stories are pointed at two different things.	不同的编辑,因为关注和故事被指向两个不同的事物.
348	So you have to	所以你必须
349	learn how to negotiate across these realities.	学会如何在现实中进行谈判。
350	You can say, okay, listen, last night, it looks	你可以说,好吧,听着,昨晚,看起来
351	like we kind of watched two different movies.	就像我们看两部不同的电影
352	We saw two different realities.	我们看到两种不同的现实。
353	Would you mind	你介意吗?
354	if we each described our version without interrupting?	如果我们都描述了我们的版本而不打扰?
355	This signals one, there are two	这个信号一,有两个
356	realities and both get airtime and don't ask or assume, swap the why did you do that?	现实 都得到了播出时间 并且不要问 或假设,交换 你为什么要这样做?
357	That's an	这是一个
358	attack for, what were you trying to do there?	攻击,你想干什么?
359	Curiosity.	好奇心无穷.
360	You're asking for the intention	你要求的就是这个意图
361	behind their movie.	他们的电影后面。
362	You're not cross-examining it.	汝不诘之.
363	And then you can mirror their key frames.	然后你可以镜像他们的钥匙框。
364	So	这么说
365	repeat back their big beats.	重复他们的大节拍。
366	So in your version, you were stressed about money,	所以,在你的版本, 你被强调的钱,
367	trying to solve it fast.	试图快速解决它。
368	And my feedback felt like attack.	我的反馈就像攻击
369	People relax when they fear their	人们害怕时放松
370	movie is at least understood, even if you didn't see it.	电影至少是可以理解的 即使你没看到
371	Now, what's great here is	现在,这是伟大的
372	unrelaxed people do not come to the table.	未解脱人不来席.
373	And so you are going to be this calm on the balcony	所以你要在阳台上保持冷静
374	in the storm.	在风暴中。
375	So you're going to stop arguing about whose reality is right.	所以,你将停止争论 谁的现实是正确的。
376	Say both can be true.	说二者皆能真实.
377	In your reality, you were helping.	在你的现实中,你在帮助。
378	In mine, I felt alone.	在我的,我觉得孤独。
379	How do we design the next scene?	我们如何设计下一个场景?
380	So we both feel on the same team.	所以我们都觉得自己是同一个团队的。
381	This is key.	这是关键
382	If you want to be a CEO in business, you need to	如果你想当首席执行官,你需要
383	forward, not backward.	前进,而不是后退。
384	Instead of replaying the old scene for the 12th time, you can say,	而不是在12次重播旧场景, 你可以说,
385	next time this happens, what do you need from me?	下次发生这种事,你需要我做什么?
386	Here's what I need from you.	这就是我需要你做的。
387	This just happened to me.	刚刚发生在我身上。
388	I had a member of the team and my team, and he's a super high performer,	我有一个团队成员 我的团队, 他是一个超级高业绩,
389	great team member.	伟大的团队成员。
390	I gave very direct feedback to something that we had done because I sometimes	我直接反馈了我们做过的事 因为我有时候
391	have the emotional EQ of a Tasmanian devil.	拥有塔斯马尼亚恶魔的情感EQ.
392	And so I just don't really think about it.	所以,我只是不 真正考虑它。
393	I go,	我会去,
394	here's the feedback.	这里是反馈。
395	I know you worked on this thing for three years, but here's all the things	我知道你在这件事情上工作了三年 但事情是这样的
396	I hate about it.	我讨厌它。
397	I only focus on the stuff I don't like.	我只是专注于 我不喜欢的东西。
398	So I sent him very direct feedback.	所以我直接给他反馈了
399	I didn't mention anything I liked.	我什么也没提
400	I didn't mention how great he is.	我没有提到他有多伟大。
401	I just gave all the	我只是给了所有
402	hard feedback.	硬反馈。
403	This sent him into a spiral.	这让他陷入螺旋形。
404	I've done all this work.	我做了这一切的工作。
405	So once I realized he was on	所以,一旦我意识到他是在
406	this spiral, what do I do?	这个螺旋,我该怎么办?
407	I call him into the office.	我打给他的办公室。
408	I sit him down and I say, hey,	我让他坐下,我说,嘿,
409	I just want you to know how valued you are here, how intelligent I think that you are.	我只是想你知道你在这里有多珍贵, 我认为你有多聪明。
410	And I want to tell you something about the way that I communicate with people that I trust,	我想告诉你一些事情 我如何与我信任的人沟通,
411	people I think are super capable, intelligent, and I would consider one of my leaders.	我认为人们是超能的,聪明的, 我会考虑我的领导者之一。
412	I don't	我没有
413	have a filter.	有过滤器。
414	I talk just like Cody with no sort of rose colored glasses or hand holding happening.	我说话就像Cody一样 没有玫瑰色眼镜或手牵手
415	That can be too much for people.	这对人们来说可能太多了
416	It can be pretty abrasive.	可能会很伤人
417	And so I want to tell you that I thought	所以我想告诉你,我想
418	your project was great, but I always default mode, think your work is great.	你的作品很棒 但我总是默认模式 认为你的作品很棒
419	And because	因为
420	I think you're so good, I'm only going to give you the edits.	我觉得你很棒,我只给你剪辑
421	How can I communicate better with	我怎样才能更好地沟通
422	you?	你吗?
423	And the guy was like, actually, no, I do want you to just give it to me tough.	那家伙就像,实际上, 不,我确实希望你 只是给我硬。
424	And I said,	我说,
425	okay, well, if that's the case, then next time, if you do feel that little ping inside where you're	好吧,如果是这样的话,那么下一次, 如果你真的感觉到 里面的小叮当你在哪里
426	like, God, she doesn't appreciate or whatever, do you want to just say a word to me?	像,上帝,她不欣赏什么的, 你想只是说一句话给我?
427	And I like	我喜欢
428	using a word that's ridiculous.	用一个荒谬的词
429	So I'll be like blue-throated mockingbird.	所以我会像蓝喉嘲笑鸟。
430	Just say blue-throated	只要说蓝喉
431	mockingbird.	嘲笑鸟。
432	And I will know that that means I kind of pissed you off and you don't feel like I	我会知道,这意味着我有点生气 你没有感觉像我一样
433	saw you.	看见你了
434	And I can be like, oh, whoops, hey, man, here's what I actually think.	我可以像,哦,哇,嘿,伙计, 这就是我的想法。
435	Can I give you some	我可以给你一些
436	context?	语境?
437	And I find that when there's a high degree of trust, you're going to have a trigger	我发现当有高度的信任, 你会有一个触发器
438	breaker that basically breaks up the standard communication and it changes people's state.	断路器 基本上打破了标准的通信 它改变了人们的状态。
439	So try this and see if it works for you because sometimes they are difficult or toxic people,	试试看这是否对你有用 因为他们有时很困难或有毒
440	not people you love, but sometimes they're people that you love too.	不是你爱的人, 但有时他们是你爱的人。
441	And so I want you to remember	所以我想让你记住
442	that it's okay to say, we remember this differently.	可以说,我们记得的不一样。
443	Here's what I'm confident about.	以上为我信心.
444	Here's what I'm not debating.	这就是我没有辩论的。
445	And then stop talking because one of the other things that's	然后停止说话 因为其他的事情之一
446	true is silence is devastating to gaslighters or emotion.	沉默对燃气者或情绪是毁灭性的
447	It can kill either one of them.	它可以杀死其中之一。
448	So one of the most powerful things that you can do in communicating is to never be emotional in	所以在交流中你所能做的最强的一件事 就是永远不要在感情上
449	a world of people who have never emotionally matured.	一个从未在情感上成熟的人的世界
450	Projection theory shows people attribute	投影理论显示人的属性
451	their own traits and insecurities to others, right?	他们自己的特质和对他人的不安全感,对不对?
452	This is from a famous study by this guy by the	这是这个家伙的著名研究
453	name of Newman, I believe back in like the nineties.	纽曼的名字,我相信回到90年代。
454	90% of insults are just self-disclosures.	90%的侮辱只是自我披露.
455	So when someone says you're selfish, what it often means is I feel deprived.	所以当有人说你自私时, 通常意味着我感到贫困。
456	So you have to mentally reframe them.	所以你必须重新塑造他们的精神
457	What would need to be true about them for the behavior to	他们的行为需要什么真实
458	make sense.	说得通
459	This allows you to create that balcony emotional distance and that distance	这让你可以创造阳台的情感距离和距离
460	creates power.	创造力量。
461	I mean, Jefferson Fisher also says something amazing that I really love,	我的意思是,杰斐逊·费舍尔 也说一些惊人的东西,我真的爱,
462	which is the first thing about standing up for yourself is knowing when to do it because not	这是第一件事 为自己站起来 是知道什么时候做,因为没有
463	everyone is worth getting out of your chair for.	每个人都值得离开你的椅子。
464	Also, he's like Texan.	还有,他就像德州人
465	So I love these little	所以我喜欢这些小
466	one-liners.	单线
467	He's like, not everyone is worth getting out of your chair for, you know?	他喜欢,不是每个人都值得 走出你的椅子,你知道吗?
468	Like,	喜欢,
469	you're right.	你说得对。
470	Shucks.	惨了
471	So this ability to not take things personally shows your self-respect.	所以,这种不拿东西 个人的能力 显示了你的自尊。
472	And I'm going to tell you the truth that it makes people who are trying to manipulate you	我要告诉你真相,它让那些想操纵你的人
473	super uncomfortable.	超级不舒服。
474	I remember I was getting pushed out of a company	我记得我被赶出公司了
475	and this guy wanted to intimidate me.	这家伙想恐吓我
476	And thankfully, I do believe like a pound of	谢天谢地,我确实相信
477	pre-production is worth five of post.	预制作值5个员额。
478	So I found out about it ahead of time and he might have	所以我提前发现 他可能已经
479	sidelined me, but I found out about it.	把我放在一边,但我发现了
480	So I did a silly thing, which is I brought my Navy Seal,	所以我做了一件傻事 把我的海军印章带来了
481	very scary husband who has a constant resting bitch face, a lot of muscles and an ability to,	非常吓人的丈夫, 他有一个不停休息 母狗的脸, 很多肌肉和能力,
482	you know, kill people with me to this meeting.	要知道,杀了我的人 与我参加这个会议。
483	And Matt was not expecting that.	马特没想到会这样
484	So we sat down	我们坐下来
485	at a hotel and I could see he just like starts twitching, getting nervous, whatever.	在酒店里,我可以看到他只是喜欢开始抽搐, 变得紧张,随便什么。
486	And I could	我也会
487	tell that he was just going to leave it.	告诉他他打算离开它。
488	He's like, I'm going to wait until Cody's by herself	他喜欢,我要去等待 直到科迪一个人
489	and I can try to intimidate her.	我可以试图恐吓她。
490	But what did I do?	但我做了什麽?
491	I brought it up instead.	是我提起来的
492	I said, Matt,	我说,马特,
493	I know what you're trying to do.	我知道你想怎样
494	You're trying to push me out of the company.	你想把我赶出公司吗?
495	You want to take all of these assets that I've raised.	你想拿走我筹到的所有资产
496	You want to push me out.	你想把我推出来
497	And I know this	我知道这一点
498	of XYZ.	页:1
499	And he's like, Oh, well, no, I said, listen, this isn't, this isn't a debate.	他就像,嗯,不,我说, 听着,这不是,这不是辩论。
500	I	一、导 言
501	already know.	已经知道了。
502	And so the next question is, what are we going to do about this?	接下来的问题是 我们该怎么办?
503	Because I am not	因为我不是
504	going to do what you want me to do here.	你想让我做什么就做什么
505	And this is, this is something for you to know,	而这是,这是一件事 让你知道,
506	like you have to decide how you get defined.	就像你必须决定如何定义。
507	And it's not just about holding yourself or others	不只是抱着自己或别人
508	accountable.	负责。
509	It's about the way that you allow them to write your story.	这是关于你允许他们写你的故事的方式。
510	So I don't want you to	所以我不想让你
511	fall into what I call the accountability trap, which is when someone says you never do what	落入我所谓的责任陷阱里 当有人说你从不做什么
512	you're going to do.	你会做的。
513	I instead want you to use that specificity switch we talked about.	我倒希望你用我们说过的特异性开关
514	And I	还有我
515	want you to make sure you stay away from things like never always.	你要确保你永远远离一切
516	And instead I want you to say,	而我希望你说,
517	tell me one example you want to address, right?	告诉我你想举个例子,对吧?
518	So why this works is because the more we can get	因此,为什么这个工作是因为我们可以得到的越多
519	somebody like Matt to go, Oh no, I'm not doing that.	像马特这样的人去, 哦,不,我不这样做。
520	I go, no, no, you are.	我去,不,不,不,你是。
521	I heard about this	我听说了
522	conversation.	谈话。
523	Now what we're, what are we going to do about it?	现在,我们是什么,我们该怎么办呢?
524	Well, that allows these false	这样可以让这些虚假
525	accusations to collapse under precision.	指控在精确度下崩溃。
526	Valid ones become solvable.	有效者可溶解。
527	Okay.	摆
528	You want to push me	你想推我吗?
529	out?	出来?
530	What's the contract?	合同是什么?
531	What are we going to do?	我们该怎么办?
532	And the research says that specific feedback	研究指出,具体的反馈
533	leads to resolution.	导致解决。
534	Vague blame escalates conflict.	模糊的指责使冲突升级。
535	So keep it simple and specific.	所以,保持简单和具体。
536	There's sort of like three rules of power communication.	电源通信有三条规则
537	If you're going to try to	如果你打算尝试
538	negotiate something like I did with Matt.	就像我和马特一样谈判
539	So if you have somewhere where you know somebody is	所以如果你有你认识的人的地方
540	bullying you at work, your boss wants to push you out.	在工作时欺负你 你老板想把你赶出去
541	You have an employee that's toxic that you	你有个有毒性的员工
542	have to fire.	必须开火
543	You have what is called a crucial conversation.	你有所谓关键的对话。
544	You're going to slow down because	你会慢下来,因为
545	slow speakers are perceived as more confident.	缓慢的发言者被认为更有信心。
546	Remember there are studies that show that slower	记得有研究显示 速度较慢
547	cadence increases your authority perception.	胆大妄为会增加你的权威感知
548	So you're going to say less.	所以你会说少。
549	You're going to end with	你会以
550	direction.	向上转
551	You're going to say, here's what happens next.	接下来会发生什么?
552	You're not going to leave the	你不会离开的
553	conversation open-ended because you actually beat them by having a very clean exit.	对话是开放的,因为你实际上打他们 一个非常干净的出口。
554	So we're going	所以我们要去
555	to cut the frame.	来剪断画框。
556	You're never going to argue their accusation.	你永远也不会反驳他们的指控
557	If they say, you always try to	如果他们说,你总是试图
558	redirect me, Cody, you're going to say, that's not a useful direction.	改变方向,科迪,你会说,这不是一个有用的方向。
559	What outcome are you asking	你问的结果是什么?
560	for?	因为?
561	You just removed their emotional hook.	你刚刚取消了他们的情绪悬钩。
562	Then you're going to L limit exposure.	然后去L限制接触。
563	Toxic people	有毒物质
564	don't want to change with feedback.	不想随反馈而改变.
565	They change with reduced access.	它们随着出入减少而改变。
566	So you're going to say,	所以你会说,
567	hey, we're not going to communicate that way.	嘿,我们不会那样沟通的。
568	Hey, you're not going to speak to me like that.	嘿,你不会那样跟我说话的
569	Then you're going to E enforce consequences.	然后,你要去E执行后果。
570	Boundaries without consequences are just	没有后果的界限只是
571	suggestions.	建议。
572	That's not what we're going for.	这不是我们要去的。
573	So you're going to say, if this continues,	所以你要说 如果这样继续下去
574	I'm ending this conversation.	我要结束这次谈话
575	Then you might actually have to end it by the way.	顺便说一句,你可能要结束这一切
576	Back yourself up.	退后一点
577	You might have to end it because consistent consequence enforcement is going to	你可能必须结束它,因为持续的后果 执法将
578	reduce repeat violations.	减少屡次违反。
579	So if I let that employee keep cussing at me, well, he probably	所以如果我让那个雇员 继续骂我,嗯,他可能
580	would keep cussing at me the next time.	下次会一直骂我
581	Then you're going to use an A for anchor reality.	然后用A做主播现实
582	When they distort facts, don't debate.	当他们歪曲事实时,不要争论.
583	Say instead, here's what I'm willing to discuss.	换句话说,我愿意讨论一下
584	Here's what I'm not.	这就是我不是。
585	We're going to reality anchor, specificity anchor.	我们要去真人主播 特异性主播
586	And then N, no closure	然后N,没有关闭
587	needed.	需要帮助。
588	This is critical.	这一点至关重要。
589	You do not need them to understand, them to agree, them to apologize.	你不需要他们理解,他们同意,他们道歉。
590	Seeking emotional closure from antagonistic people that increases your stress.	寻求对峙者的情感封闭 增加你的压力
591	Lots of	许多
592	studies like on this.	像这样的学习
593	The power move is to say, here is how we are going to execute the end of	电动是说,这里是 我们要如何执行结束
594	this conversation.	这次谈话
595	And you can walk away not liking the guy, not liking the girl, being mad.	你可以走开 不喜欢男人 不喜欢女孩 生气
596	That doesn't actually matter.	这其实不重要。
597	So if a business partner, an employee, someone creates conflict	所以,如果一个商业伙伴,一个雇员, 有人制造冲突
598	with you, remember, loudest person's going to dominate early, but you're going to not.	与你,记住,最响亮的人 会占据早期, 但你不会。
599	You're going to stop explaining.	你会停止解释。
600	You're going to reduce access.	你会减少访问。
601	You're going to enforce terms.	你要执行条件
602	And suddenly they're going to lose their leverage.	突然他们就会失去影响力
603	And I remember like the moment	我记得就像那一刻
604	I stopped trying to win emotionally, I won structurally.	我不再试图在情感上赢得胜利,在结构上赢得了胜利.
605	Think like, let that sink in	想想看,让那个沉进去吧
606	for a second.	就一会儿
607	Stop trying to make them feel what you want them to feel.	别再想让他们感受你想要的了
608	Do you care about	你关心
609	their feelings?	他们的感情?
610	No.	没有
611	You care about the outcome you want to get.	你在乎你想要得到的结果
612	And then also remember like	临癘眔
613	toxic people don't win because they're evil.	有毒的人不会因为邪恶而赢
614	They win because everyone else is so busy trying to be	他们赢是因为其他人都忙着做
615	liked.	喜欢。
616	But leadership isn't about being liked.	但领导力不是被喜欢的
617	It's about being clear.	是为清净.
618	So you don't beat toxic	这样你就不会毒了
619	people by out arguing them.	人们通过争吵他们。
620	You beat them by outlasting, outstructuring, and out limiting them.	你打败了他们 通过持久,脱节, 和限制他们。
621	And the most dangerous moment is when you realize you never needed to fight them at all.	最危险的时刻是 当你意识到你根本不需要对抗他们的时候
622	So the question you have to ask yourself is, do you want to argue with small people?	所以,你必须问自己的问题是, 你想和小人争论吗?
623	Do you want	你要吗?
624	to allow yourself to become small because they are?	让你自己变小 因为他们是?
625	Do you want to be an asterisk and a paragraph	你想成为一个星号和一个段落
626	in a book nobody reads because other people got to redirect you your whole life?	在一本书里 没人读过 因为别人要改变你的一生
627	Do you want to	你想吗?
628	just not be taken seriously by a serious person?	只是不认真对待 一个严肃的人?
629	Do you want to be remembered?	你想被记住吗?
630	And if you do,	如果你这样做,
631	you got to communicate these ways.	你得用这些方式沟通
632	Because unless you figure out how to communicate,	因为除非你明白如何沟通
633	you'll never achieve anything really big in your life.	你一生中永远无法实现任何真正的伟大
634	It is the key to the things that you want.	这是你想要的东西的关键。
635	So maybe you'll be like me and you'll come back to this video.	所以,也许你会像我一样 你会回到这段视频。
636	You'll watch it again.	你会再看的
637	You'll follow	跟着你
638	and subscribe.	并订阅。
639	And I promise I will teach you the lessons that I wish someone had taught me.	我保证我会教你的 我希望有人教我。
640	But most people were too afraid to tell the truth.	但大多数人都不敢说实话。
641	I promise I won't do that to you.	我保证不会那样对你
642	
643	guys, we'll see you next week.	伙计们,下周见
644	We are sitting on a generational wealth creation event.	我们正坐在一个世代创造财富的活动上。
645	If you're here, this means you're a builder.	如果你在这里,这意味着你是一个建筑师。
646	Going through these next three days, I want you	接下来的三天,我要你
647	to know that the American dream starts with you guys by our little Main Street revolution.	要知道美国梦是从你们开始的 我们的小主街革命。
648	And then I just want to give you guys permission to take a leap of faith.	然后,我只是想给你们一个许可 采取一个信仰的飞跃。
649	If I knew then what I know now, I would probably do bigger deals.	如果我知道现在我所知道的, 我可能会做更大的交易。
650	It's given us an extra layer of security that we never would have had.	它给了我们一层额外的安全 我们永远不会有。
651	I am so excited to introduce you to some ordinary people doing extraordinary things.	我很高兴能把你们介绍给一些普通人 做不同寻常的事
652	We have to really take the time to make a meaningful connection.	我们确实需要时间来建立有意义的联系。
653	It's the fact that	事实上,
654	there is a lack of connection and the person just wants to be seen, heard and understood.	缺乏联系 这个人只想被看见、听到和理解
655	Thanks for taking the question.	谢谢你接问
656	Are there extra things that need to be done when trying to	在试图
657	pay off bad debt?	偿还坏账?
658	Great question.	问得好
659	I buy businesses so simple, even your grandmother understands them.	我买生意太简单了 连你奶奶也懂
660	That's the game.	这就是游戏。
661	It's you and me versus the problem.	这是你和我对问题。
662	We're going to try to solve this together.	共求解脱.
663	I know how to build trust in a very advanced way.	我知道如何以非常先进的方式建立信任。
664	How does buying a business fit into the vision for your life?	买家生意怎么适合你的生活?
665	Today, my goal is to teach you some fundamental skills that you can use to accelerate your	今天,我的目标是 教你一些基本技能 你可以用来加速你
666	business.	业务。
667	If you make a promise in the mirror, know that your word is freaking iron to you.	如果你在镜子里许下诺言, 知道你的话对你来说是铁的。
668	These people on Wall Street, they want to keep the normal people out of the game.	华尔街的这些人,想不让普通人参与游戏.
669	Main Street millionaires are all around this world and it starts with each and every one of you.	主街百万富翁遍及全球,从你们每个人开始.
670	What are you waiting for?	你还在等什么?
671	Your path to ownership starts now.	你的拥有权之路现在开始
672	Get your ticket to join us on Main Street.	得到你的票 加入我们的主街。
673	Join us today.	今天加入我们
674	Get your ticket to join us on Main Street. Join us today.	得到你的票 加入我们的主街。 今天加入我们

该视频共有字幕 675 条。解锁更多字幕为会员功能，请移动到 价格