让 Oxford Union 全场大笑的表演
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:09 | We now look to Tom Lucy to continue the case for the opposition. | 我们现在指望汤姆·露西继续为反对派辩护。 |
| 0:17 | It's very exciting to be here. | 来这很刺激 |
| 0:19 | I'll be speaking in opposition of All You Need Is Love. | 我将反对你需要的就是爱 |
| 0:26 | 腾讯,Bumble,Happen,制服约会,Hinge,LinkedIn. | |
| 0:39 | All dating websites I have been subscribed to. | 所有约会网站我都订阅了 |
| 0:43 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 0:46 | And all dating websites I've been politely asked to leave. | 还有所有约会网站 我被礼貌地要求离开 |
| 0:51 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 0:55 | Between 2014 and 2018, I spent roughly £1,132 before tax. | 2014年至2018年间,我税前花费了约1,132英镑. |
| 1:06 | I spent this obscene amount of money not on food, not on leisure, | 我花了这么多钱 不是在食物上 不是在休闲上 |
展开字幕全文（208 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | We now look to Tom Lucy to continue the case for the opposition. | 我们现在指望汤姆·露西继续为反对派辩护。 |
| 2 | It's very exciting to be here. | 来这很刺激 |
| 3 | I'll be speaking in opposition of All You Need Is Love. | 我将反对你需要的就是爱 |
| 4 | 腾讯,Bumble,Happen,制服约会,Hinge,LinkedIn. | |
| 5 | All dating websites I have been subscribed to. | 所有约会网站我都订阅了 |
| 6 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 7 | And all dating websites I've been politely asked to leave. | 还有所有约会网站 我被礼貌地要求离开 |
| 8 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 9 | Between 2014 and 2018, I spent roughly £1,132 before tax. | 2014年至2018年间,我税前花费了约1,132英镑. |
| 10 | I spent this obscene amount of money not on food, not on leisure, | 我花了这么多钱 不是在食物上 不是在休闲上 |
| 11 | but on dating and the desperate pursuit of love. | 但约会和绝望的追求爱情 |
| 12 | And then I made a decision, a decision to stop. | 然后我做了一个决定,一个停止的决定。 |
| 13 | And since March 12th, 2018, I haven't been on a single date. | 而自2018年3月12日起,我一直没有单独约会. |
| 14 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 15 | Thank you so much. | 非常感谢 |
| 16 | Am I happier? | 我开心吗? |
| 17 | No. | 没有 |
| 18 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 19 | Am I more financially secure? | 我财务安全吗? |
| 20 | Fuck yes. | 他妈的是的。 |
| 21 | I'm Tom Lucy and I'm here to argue that love is not all you need. | 我是汤姆·露西,我在这里 争论爱不是你想要的所有。 |
| 22 | In fact, I'm doing exceptionally well despite it. | 事实上,尽管如此,我表现得特别好 |
| 23 | You're probably looking at me and thinking, | 你可能看着我,想着, |
| 24 | I haven't seen him around campus. | 我没在校园里见过他 |
| 25 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 26 | And you'd be right to think that, | 你这样想是对的 |
| 27 | because I'm not a student at the University of Oxford. | 因为我不是牛津大学的学生 |
| 28 | I am an award-winning comedian. | 我是获奖的喜剧演员 |
| 29 | To put it into perspective, in 2017, at the age of just 20, | 2017年,20岁时, |
| 30 | I was named the best new comedian by the most prestigious | 我被最有声望的新喜剧演员命名 |
| 31 | and informative newspaper in the world, The Sun. | 和世界信息报"太阳报". |
| 32 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 33 | This is the newspaper that, lest we forget, | 这是报纸 以免我们忘记 |
| 34 | changed the face of journalism | 改变了新闻的面貌 |
| 35 | by using pioneering phone hacking techniques | 使用先锋电话黑客技术 |
| 36 | to bring us more up-to-date news. | 给我们带来最新消息 |
| 37 | And this establishment looked at me and said, | 这个机构看着我说, |
| 38 | this is the future. | 这就是未来。 |
| 39 | Now, really, before we get into it, what can we agree on? | 现在,真的,在我们进入它之前, 我们可以商定什么? |
| 40 | We can agree that I'm very happy. | 我们可以同意我很快乐 |
| 41 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 42 | Because it's true. | 因为这是真的。 |
| 43 | I am. | 没错 |
| 44 | And we can also agree that there's a reason | 我们也同意有原因 |
| 45 | that I'm talking and you're listening. | 我在说话 你在听 |
| 46 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 47 | I'm successful. | 我成功过 |
| 48 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 49 | It's undeniable. | 不可否认. |
| 50 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 51 | But why? | 为什么? |
| 52 | How? | 怎么会? |
| 53 | Where? | 哪里? 哪里来的? |
| 54 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 55 | The difference between me and you is that, | 我和你的区别在于 |
| 56 | while you will have love in your lives, | 当你的生活中有爱, |
| 57 | nobody loves me. | 没有人爱我。 |
| 58 | And I really can't stress that enough. | 我真的不能强调这一点。 |
| 59 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 60 | I haven't come here to argue tonight. | 我今晚不是来吵架的 |
| 61 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 62 | I haven't travelled 14 miles | 我没有走14英里 |
| 63 | in a BMW 1 series... | 在宝马1系列... |
| 64 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 65 | ..to argue here tonight. | 今晚在这里辩论 |
| 66 | So, why have I rejected love? | 为什么我拒绝爱? |
| 67 | Well, a better way of asking that would be, | 嗯,一个更好的方式 问,这将是, |
| 68 | why has love rejected me? | 为什么爱拒绝了我? |
| 69 | Let's start with my family. | 从我家人开始 |
| 70 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 71 | I received little to no love as a child. | 我小时候很少或没有爱过 |
| 72 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 73 | My father, my father was a soldier in the British Army, | 我父亲,我父亲是英国陆军的士兵 |
| 74 | which, as we all know, means two things. | 我们都知道,这意味着两件事。 |
| 75 | He's unable to express affection for his children | 他无法表达对孩子的爱意 |
| 76 | and he's a repressed homosexual male. | 他是一个被压制的同性恋男性。 |
| 77 | My father is practical, not emotional. | 我的父亲是实用的,而不是感情上的。 |
| 78 | I'll give you an example of this. | 举个例子 |
| 79 | On my 21st birthday, a birthday which I'm sure we can all agree | 在我的21岁生日, 我相信我们都同意 |
| 80 | is generally considered to be one of the big ones, | 一般认为是最大的一个, |
| 81 | the present I received from my father | 我父亲给我的礼物 |
| 82 | was not a watch passed down from my grandfather. | 不是我爷爷送的表 |
| 83 | It was not a pearl of wisdom which I would carry through life, | 这不是一颗智慧的珍珠,我将永存于世, |
| 84 | it was a clutch for my car. | 这是离合器 我的车。 |
| 85 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 86 | Now, to be fair, I did need a new clutch. | 现在,公平地说,我确实需要一个新的离合器。 |
| 87 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 88 | But what you've got to ask yourself is, | 但你得问问自己 |
| 89 | is that a present that suggests a loving relationship | 表示爱情关系的礼物 |
| 90 | between a father and a son? | 父子之间? |
| 91 | I would argue not. | 我并不认为 |
| 92 | So, we can agree that my father is a cold, loveless man. | 所以,我们可以同意,我父亲是一个冷酷无情的人。 |
| 93 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 94 | Who, against all the odds, | 谁,面对所有的机会, |
| 95 | created an exceptionally impressive young man. | 创造了一个特别令人印象深刻的年轻人。 |
| 96 | I also have a sister. | 我也有一个妹妹。 |
| 97 | Her name is Charlotte. | 她的名字是夏洛特。 |
| 98 | And she, too, has little to no affection for me. | 她对我也没什么感情 |
| 99 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 100 | In fact, and this is completely true, | 事实上,这是完全正确的, |
| 101 | my sister is a student at this exact university | 我姐姐是这所大学的学生 |
| 102 | and she is still not bothered to come to this debate. | 她仍然不关心 来参加这场辩论。 |
| 103 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 104 | APPLAUSE | 赞 诗 |
| 105 | Pretty unbelievable, even by her standards. | 难以置信,即使按照她的标准。 |
| 106 | My mother, who, to be fair, has always been very supportive, | 我的母亲,公平地说, 她一直非常支持, |
| 107 | so we'll move on from her. | 所以,我们将从她继续前进。 |
| 108 | The point is this. | 重点是这一点。 |
| 109 | Would I have been invited to speak here tonight | 我今晚会受邀在这里发言吗? |
| 110 | at the second best university in the UK? | 在英国第二好大学? |
| 111 | GROANS | 圭亚那 |
| 112 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 113 | My father at the back of the room there. | 我父亲在后面的房间。 |
| 114 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 115 | Would I have been invited to speak here | 如果有人邀请我在这里发言 |
| 116 | if I had received more love as a child? | 如果我小时候得到更多的爱? |
| 117 | Probably not. | 也许不是。 |
| 118 | I would have probably ended up like one of you out there. | 我可能会像你们一样死在那里 |
| 119 | Loved, but utterly disposable. | 爱,但完全一次性。 |
| 120 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 121 | If I had received more hugs from my dad, | 如果我得到了更多的拥抱 从我爸爸, |
| 122 | would I be the man I am today? | 我会是今天的男人吗? |
| 123 | No. | 没有 |
| 124 | Would I be happier? | 我会更快乐吗? |
| 125 | Yes. | 对 |
| 126 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 127 | Would I be as financially secure? | 我的财务安全吗? |
| 128 | No. | 没有 |
| 129 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 130 | And that's the key. | 这就是关键 |
| 131 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 132 | I would also like to draw your attention to the fact | 我也谨提请你注意以下事实: |
| 133 | that today is Valentine's Day | 今天是情人节 |
| 134 | and every member of this audience tonight has made an active decision | 今晚每个观众都做出了积极的决定 |
| 135 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 136 | to attend a debate. | 参加辩论。 |
| 137 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 138 | Rather than actually be on a date. | 而不是实际上在约会。 |
| 139 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 140 | And, er, to be fair, looking around the room, | 而且,呃,公平, 看着周围的房间, |
| 141 | I admit that for a lot of you it probably wasn't much of a choice. | 我承认,对你们很多人来说,这也许不是太多的选择。 |
| 142 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 143 | More of a... | 更喜欢... |
| 144 | more of a crippling necessity. | 更是一个致命的需要。 |
| 145 | Something to stop you sitting alone in your dormitory, | 有些东西可以阻止你独自坐在宿舍里 |
| 146 | furiously masturbating. | 愤怒的自慰。 |
| 147 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 148 | To Facebook holiday photos. | 脸书节日照片。 |
| 149 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 150 | Or perhaps playing a game of Soggy Biscuit. | 或玩"索吉饼干" |
| 151 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 152 | With some of your fellow classmates. | 和一些同学在一起 |
| 153 | Which is something, I believe, which goes on a fair amount. | 我认为,这是一件相当大的事。 |
| 154 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 155 | And I respect each and every one of you. | 我尊重你们每一个人 |
| 156 | But the fact that we're all here tonight leads me to believe | 但事实上我们今晚都在这里 让我相信 |
| 157 | that this is a room full of people with no regard for love | 这是满屋子的人 不顾爱情 |
| 158 | and that makes me very happy indeed. | 我确实很开心 |
| 159 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 160 | We don't need love. | 我们不需要爱 |
| 161 | In fact, I would go one further | 事实上,我会更进一步 |
| 162 | and say we should strive for the opposite of love. | 并说我们应该争取 与爱相反。 |
| 163 | Bullying. | 欺负. |
| 164 | I believe that society needs bullying. | 我相信社会需要欺负 |
| 165 | People always want to stop bullying, OK? | 人们总是想停止欺负,好吗? |
| 166 | That's always... People always want to stop bullying. | 这总是... 人们总是想停止欺凌。 |
| 167 | I say no. | 我说不。 |
| 168 | I say keep the bullying. | 我说继续欺负 |
| 169 | I say encourage the bullying. | 我说鼓励欺凌。 |
| 170 | Finance the bullying. | 资助欺凌. |
| 171 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 172 | On that point, sorry, will the financing of the bullying | 在这一点上,对不起, 资助欺凌 |
| 173 | be in accordance with subsection 64C? | 是否符合第64C小节? |
| 174 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 175 | I don't have any idea what you just said, but I like it. | 我不知道你刚才说什么 但我喜欢 |
| 176 | I like it. | 我喜欢 |
| 177 | I like your thinking. | 我喜欢你的想法 |
| 178 | So, bullying. | 所以,欺负。 |
| 179 | Steve Jobs, | 史蒂夫・乔布斯 |
| 180 | Elon Musk, | 埃隆・穆斯克 |
| 181 | the body coach, | 身体教练, |
| 182 | all people who were bullied at school | 所有在学校被欺负的人 |
| 183 | and who went on to achieve great things. | 他继续成就伟大的事物。 |
| 184 | Bullying creates excellence. | 欺负创造出卓越 |
| 185 | This will shock you, | 这会让你震惊的 |
| 186 | but I was bullied mercilessly at my school. | 但我在学校被无情的欺负了 |
| 187 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 188 | And I am now widely acknowledged | 现在我被广泛认可 |
| 189 | to be the future of British comedy. | 成为英国喜剧的未来。 |
| 190 | So, something to think about. | 所以,有东西想。 |
| 191 | So, to sum up, love is not all you need. | 总之 爱情不是你想要的 |
| 192 | As far as I'm concerned, it's a phrase that can fuck off. | 就我而言,这是句可以滚开的词 |
| 193 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 194 | I'm going to put it in a cabinet with other phrases that can fuck off, | 我要把它放进一个柜子里 里面有其他的句子可以滚蛋 |
| 195 | such as, all we have to fear is fear itself. | 我们所担心的就是恐惧本身 |
| 196 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 197 | Which was famously said by Roosevelt, | 罗斯福曾说过 |
| 198 | who clearly never had his credit card declined. | 他的信用卡显然从未被拒 |
| 199 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 200 | So, what am I trying to say? | 我到底想说什么? |
| 201 | Do I need love? | 我需要爱吗? |
| 202 | No. | 没有 |
| 203 | Would I like love? | 我想爱吗? |
| 204 | Yes. | 对 |
| 205 | LAUGHTER | 笑一个 |
| 206 | But that's for another time. | 但这是另一个时间。 |
| 207 | Thank you very much, Felicity. | 非常谢谢你 费利西蒂 |
| 208 | CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 欢呼与掌声 |
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