So I bought a handbag to cheer
So I bought a handbag to cheer myself up. And I filled it with f**king Maltesers
发布于 2022-03-08 · 时长 19:59字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:00 | At an early preview, a man came up to me and he said, | 在早期的预览中,一个男人来找我说, |
| 0:02 | is your show Chatterbox based on the film Chatterbox? | 你的节目查特尔盒是基于电影查特尔盒吗? |
| 0:05 | And I had no idea that there was a film called Chatterbox. | 我不知道有部电影叫查特博克 |
| 0:08 | I got in and I Googled it. | 我进入了谷歌 |
| 0:09 | Such film does exist. | 这种电影确实存在。 |
| 0:11 | It's American. | 这是美国人。 |
| 0:12 | It was made in 1977. | 1977年制作. |
| 0:13 | DVD上没有 | |
| 0:15 | which gives you a fair indication | 以公平的方式指示你们, |
| 0:16 | of the quality of the thing. | 质量的东西。 |
展开字幕全文（417 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | At an early preview, a man came up to me and he said, | 在早期的预览中,一个男人来找我说, |
| 2 | is your show Chatterbox based on the film Chatterbox? | 你的节目查特尔盒是基于电影查特尔盒吗? |
| 3 | And I had no idea that there was a film called Chatterbox. | 我不知道有部电影叫查特博克 |
| 4 | I got in and I Googled it. | 我进入了谷歌 |
| 5 | Such film does exist. | 这种电影确实存在。 |
| 6 | It's American. | 这是美国人。 |
| 7 | It was made in 1977. | 1977年制作. |
| 8 | DVD上没有 | |
| 9 | which gives you a fair indication | 以公平的方式指示你们, |
| 10 | of the quality of the thing. | 质量的东西。 |
| 11 | And the film Chatterbox is about a woman | 电影"聊天箱"是关于一个女人的 |
| 12 | with a talking vagina. | 和说话的阴道。 |
| 13 | And who came up to me, | 谁来找我, |
| 14 | must have thought it was gonna be a live stage version. | 一定以为会是舞台直播版 |
| 15 | You must have walked in and gone, | 你一定走进来走了 |
| 16 | well that microphone stands too high for a start. | 好吧,麦克风站得太高 开始。 |
| 17 | But I have managed to get a hold of the film on video, | 但我设法在录像上拿到了影片 |
| 18 | probably old school. | 可能是旧的学校 |
| 19 | And I've only seen the first two minutes, | 我只看到头两分钟, |
| 20 | but I've already decided that it's brilliant. | 但我已经决定它很精彩了 |
| 21 | In the first two minutes, a man and a woman have sex. | 初二分中一男一女为性. |
| 22 | They finish. | 他们完成。 |
| 23 | She says something like, that was lovely. | 她说了些类似的话,真可爱 |
| 24 | This doesn't sound very American, does it? | 这听起来不太美国化,是吗? |
| 25 | I can't really do accents. | 我无法真正做口音。 |
| 26 | I've made it sound more Geordie than it actually was, | 我让它听起来比乔迪更真实 |
| 27 | haven't I? | 是吗? |
| 28 | That was champion, pet. | 这是冠军,宠物。 |
| 29 | That's what I say after sex. | 性后我亦如是说. |
| 30 | Unless it wasn't champion, I'm no fucking liar. | 除非不是冠军,我他妈不是骗子 |
| 31 | So she's relatively positive about the experience | 所以她对这次经历比较肯定 |
| 32 | and then her vagina goes, is all right. | 然后她的阴道走,没事的。 |
| 33 | James, have you wanted to say that? | 詹姆斯,你想这么说吗? |
| 34 | It'll do. | 它会做。 |
| 35 | I'll do it probably on my own later on, don't worry. | 我以后可能自己来 别担心 |
| 36 | Why is it that the women are laughing | 为什么女人在笑 |
| 37 | and the blokes are doing this? | 和家伙这样做? |
| 38 | No. | 没有 |
| 39 | This is gonna be shit. | 这会是狗屎。 |
| 40 | I stopped buying women's magazines. | 我不再买女人杂志了 |
| 41 | About six months ago, I stopped buying women's magazines | 大概六个月前,我不再买女人杂志了 |
| 42 | because it feels like there's nothing in there for me. | 因为感觉里面没有我 |
| 43 | I might as well be buying a magazine about yachts. | 我不如买一本关于游艇的杂志 |
| 44 | There's just nothing in there for me. | 里面没有我 |
| 45 | Why would I buy anything | 我为什么要买任何东西 |
| 46 | where the only time I ever see anybody | 我唯一一次见到任何人 |
| 47 | who looks a bit like me is underneath the word, before? | 以前谁看起来有点像我? |
| 48 | Women's magazines always maintain | 女人的杂志总是 |
| 49 | that they're about improving women's lives | 他们是为了改善妇女的生活 |
| 50 | and it's bullshit because they never tell you | 这是废话,因为他们从来没有告诉你 |
| 51 | just to see your friends more often or to read more books. | 更经常地见你朋友 或者多读些书 |
| 52 | It's always the physical things | 总是物理的东西 |
| 53 | that we're supposed to do to ourselves. | 我们应该对自己做。 |
| 54 | And the list of those things is quite ridiculous. | 而那些东西的清单是相当荒谬的。 |
| 55 | You can have your eyebrows waxed, your eyelashes tinted, | 你可以把眉毛打蜡,把眼睫毛涂上 |
| 56 | your skin darkened, your teeth lightened, | 皮肤变黑,牙齿变亮 |
| 57 | manicures, pedicures, cleansed, toned and moisturised. | 指甲,指甲,清洗,调味和湿润. |
| 58 | I'm 38, I've cleansed, I've moisturised. | 我38岁了 我洗过澡 湿了 |
| 59 | I have no idea what toning actually is. | 我不知道什么TININ实际上是什么。 |
| 60 | Does anybody give us a woo if you do? | Τ倒и a盾 |
| 61 | A few of you, does anybody shout out what it is? | 你们几个,有没有人喊什么? |
| 62 | No. | 没有 |
| 63 | I'll woo, but I'm not explaining it to her. | 我会的 但我不会跟她解释的 |
| 64 | I like wearing makeup, I like wearing it on stage, | 我喜欢化妆 我喜欢在舞台上化妆 |
| 65 | I like wearing it if I go out somewhere nice, | 我喜欢穿它 如果我出去一个好地方, |
| 66 | but I don't think I need to wear it all the time | 但我不认为我需要 一直穿它 |
| 67 | and I don't think I look weird if I don't have any on. | 我不觉得我看起来怪怪的 如果我没有穿。 |
| 68 | I still don't really understand | 我还是不明白 |
| 69 | why I paint over naturally rosy cheeks | 为什么我画的 自然的玫瑰脸颊 |
| 70 | to then apply rosy cheeks. | 然后用玫瑰脸颊 |
| 71 | Like hair removal is a whole subject all in its own. | 就像除毛是整个学科一样 |
| 72 | There's so many different ways, | 有很多不同的方式, |
| 73 | especially as women, that we can remove our hair. | 特别是女人,我们可以脱发 |
| 74 | You can wax, you can shave, you can pluck, you can epilate. | 能蜡,能剃,能拔,能 epi. |
| 75 | My sister had laser treatment. | 我妹妹接受了激光治疗 |
| 76 | Laser treatment, which is supposed to be permanent. | 激光治疗,应该是永久性的. |
| 77 | She had it to her underarms. | 她的内臂上挂着这个 |
| 78 | It was quite painful and quite expensive. | 它相当痛苦和昂贵。 |
| 79 | And after two months, the whole lot just grew back in. | 两个月后 整个地盘都长回来了 |
| 80 | Which is terrible, but does go some way to explaining | 这太可怕了,但的确做了一些解释 |
| 81 | why James Bond was always so nonchalant | 为什么詹姆士庞德总是如此无趣 |
| 82 | when a laser was aimed at his cock and balls. | 当激光瞄准他的阴茎和球时 |
| 83 | Come back in a couple of months, man, I'll be champion. | 几个月后再来吧,我会成为冠军的 |
| 84 | I feel as if I've made James Bond a Geordie. | 我觉得我让詹姆斯·邦德成为乔迪 |
| 85 | Maybe that's the future. | 也许这就是未来 |
| 86 | Few cheers for a James Bond that's Geordie, how nice. | 很少人为詹姆斯·邦德的歌唱欢呼 |
| 87 | But according to women's magazines, | 但根据女性杂志, |
| 88 | there are only two options for hair down there for women. | 女人只有两种发型 |
| 89 | One of my friends said to me recently, she said, | 我朋友最近对我说 |
| 90 | you know why women are supposed to have hair down there, | 你知道为什么女人应该有头发在那里, |
| 91 | don't you? | 是吗? |
| 92 | And I said, is it like your nose so you don't get muck up it? | 我说,这是你的鼻子 所以你不会弄脏它? |
| 93 | And she said, no. | 她说,不。 |
| 94 | She said, women are supposed to have hair down there | 她说,女人应该有头发在那里 |
| 95 | so that nature knows where your reproductive bits are. | 这样自然才知道你的生殖部分在哪 |
| 96 | I said, why does nature need to know? | 我说,为什么大自然需要知道? |
| 97 | Surely as long as me fella's got a rough idea, | 当然,只要我这家伙有一个粗略的主意, |
| 98 | why do all the deers and the rabbits need to know? | 为什么鹿和兔子都需要知道? |
| 99 | Well, maybe the rabbits. | 好吧,也许兔子。 |
| 100 | Actually, as an aside, I should tell you this, | 顺便说一句,我应该告诉你 |
| 101 | I did recently treat myself to a new, | 我最近对我自己做了一个新的, |
| 102 | and I cannot recommend it highly enough. | 我无法高度推荐 |
| 103 | It's only got the one speed, | 它只有一个速度, |
| 104 | which I think a lot of people in this room would be like, | 我认为这房间里很多人会说 |
| 105 | one speed, that sounds rubbish. | 一速,这听起来垃圾。 |
| 106 | You know what the speed is? | 你知道什么是速度吗? |
| 107 | Fucking hell yes, that's the speed. | 他妈的是的,这是速度。 |
| 108 | Any vibrator that needs a square battery | 任何需要方形电池的振动器 |
| 109 | is already fine by me. | 我已经很好了。 |
| 110 | The problem, if you can call it that, | 问题,如果你可以这么说, |
| 111 | the problem with it being so fast and efficient | 问题在于它如此迅速和高效 |
| 112 | is that I can't always get a scenario | 我无法总是得到一个情景 |
| 113 | going in my head, do you know what I mean? | 在我的脑海里,你知道我的意思吗? |
| 114 | Do you know what I mean? | 你知道我的意思吗? |
| 115 | You know what I fucking mean. | 你知道我在说什么 |
| 116 | Because normally, normally I'd be like this, | 因为通常,通常我会像这样, |
| 117 | not out loud, I don't do it out loud. | 不大声,我不大声。 |
| 118 | I'm just doing it for you, but normally I'd be like this. | 我只是为你做, 但通常我会像这样。 |
| 119 | He walks in the room, he's wearing a suit. | 他走进房间,穿着西装. |
| 120 | I like him to have a job, there's nothing wrong with that. | 我喜欢他有一份工作, 没有什么不对。 |
| 121 | But with the new one, it's much more like this. | 但随着新的一个,它更是这样。 |
| 122 | There's a knock at the, oh, done. | 有敲门,哦,完成。 |
| 123 | You know what it is, what it actually is, | 你知道它是什么, 它实际上是什么, |
| 124 | is an electric toothbrush with a special end. | 是一个电动牙刷,有一个特殊的端。 |
| 125 | Just feel the need to share it with you. | 只是觉得需要和你分享 |
| 126 | The information, I didn't bring it with us. | 信息,我没有带给我们。 |
| 127 | Just work it along the aisles, girls. | 沿着过道走,姑娘们 |
| 128 | But even though it's a toothbrush, | 但尽管是牙刷, |
| 129 | I didn't use it as a toothbrush | 我没有用它做牙刷 |
| 130 | because I'm nervous in case I get the ends mixed up | 因为我很紧张,以防我把结局搞混了 |
| 131 | and accidentally take all the plaque off me nunny. | 并意外地拿走了我所有的牌子 尼尼。 |
| 132 | When I was in the shop and this little boy came running over, | 当我在店里时 这个小男孩跑过来了 |
| 133 | maybe about five-year-old came running over, | 也许五岁小孩跑过来 |
| 134 | I put his hand in mine and shouted, mommy. | 我把他的手放在我的手里,大声喊叫,妈妈。 |
| 135 | And I thought, ooh, I sometimes forget my keys, | 我想,哦,有时我忘了我的钥匙, |
| 136 | but I think I'd remember that. | 但我会记得的 |
| 137 | And then his dad came over and I thought, | 然后他爸爸过来 我想 |
| 138 | wonder if this is like the best chat up line ever. | 不知道这是否是有史以来最好的聊天 |
| 139 | And his dad's gonna go, no, no, that's not your mommy. | 他爸爸要去,不,不,这不是你妈妈。 |
| 140 | Remember, your mommy left us cause my willy's too big. | 记住,你妈妈离开了我们 因为我的威利太大了。 |
| 141 | But I had to go to family planning just before Christmas. | 但我得在圣诞节前去计划生育 |
| 142 | Oh my God, I was the oldest by 20 years. | 哦,我的上帝,我是20年前最年长的。 |
| 143 | I was mortified. | 我感到难过。 |
| 144 | And the lady said, do you want some free condoms | 那位女士说,你要免费避孕套吗? |
| 145 | while you're here? | 你在这里的时候? |
| 146 | And I thought, out for nowt, just before Christmas, | 我想,现在, 就在圣诞节之前, |
| 147 | probably use them as stocking fillers or something. | 可能把它们当作袜子填充器之类的 |
| 148 | And she said, would you like flavor at once? | 她说,你需要口味吗? |
| 149 | And I thought, yeah, bugger, this is advanced | 我想,是的,混蛋,这是先进的 |
| 150 | compared to when I used to go and I said, look, love, | 比起我过去去的时候 我说,你看,亲爱的, |
| 151 | I'm 35, the only flavor I'd want the condom | 我35岁了 我唯一想要避孕套的口味 |
| 152 | to taste of is cock. | 尝起来就是鸡巴 |
| 153 | Probably they don't do those. | 也许他们不这样做。 |
| 154 | So I had to settle for two most popular lines, | 所以我不得不解决两条最受欢迎的线路, |
| 155 | which were Lambrini and Greg's Pasties. | 是兰布里尼和格雷格的糕点 |
| 156 | And for me, it's one of those films, | 对我来说,这是其中一部电影, |
| 157 | I think we've all got one of those films | 我想我们都有一部电影 |
| 158 | where even if you've got the DVD, | 即使你拿到DVD,我也会去 |
| 159 | which means technically you could watch it | 也就是说你可以看 |
| 160 | any time you liked, if it's on the telly, you're watching it. | 如果你喜欢,如果它在电视上, 你正在看它。 |
| 161 | And that's one of mine and it was on not too long ago | 那是我的,不久前开始的 |
| 162 | on ITV2 plus one times four. | 在ITV2上加上1乘以4 |
| 163 | And you know that scene, even if you hadn't seen the film, | 你知道那场景 即使你没看过电影 |
| 164 | you know, the classic scene where she goes back | 你知道,典型的场景 她回去 |
| 165 | into the shop that wouldn't serve her and she says, | 进入不为她服务的商店 她说 |
| 166 | you work on commission, big mistake, huge. | 你工作在佣金, 大错误,巨大的。 |
| 167 | And I thought that film would have been totally different | 我以为那部电影会完全不同 |
| 168 | if she'd been a size 18, wouldn't it? | 如果她是18号,不是吗? |
| 169 | Because I'm a size 18 and pretty much guarantee | 因为我是18号的,而且很有把握 |
| 170 | I couldn't get in any designer clothes. | 我不能穿任何设计师的衣服。 |
| 171 | I'd worry about getting stuck in the fucking cubicles, | 我会担心被困在该死的隔间里, |
| 172 | let alone the clothes. | 更别说衣服了 |
| 173 | She'd have gone back in and gone, you work on commission. | 她会回去和离开, 你工作佣金。 |
| 174 | Well, I've ordered some things online. | 我在网上订了一些东西 |
| 175 | They're gonna fit. | 它们会合身的 |
| 176 | So I bought a handbag to cheer myself up | 所以我买了个手提包来取悦自己 |
| 177 | and I filled it with fucking Maltesers. | 我充满了他妈的马耳他人。 |
| 178 | I started buying women's magazines, | 我开始买女人的杂志 |
| 179 | quite like women's magazines. | 很像女人的杂志 |
| 180 | And I bought one recently because on the front cover, | 我最近买了一个 因为封面上 |
| 181 | it said that some female celebrities had put weight on | 上面说有些女名人把重心放在 |
| 182 | and that they were now curvaceous. | 而且他们现在很阴险 |
| 183 | I thought, let's have a look | 我想,我们来看看 |
| 184 | and just see how curvaceous they are. | 看看他们有多阴险 |
| 185 | So I fixed it and the fattest woman in there, | 所以我修好了它 和最肥的女人在那里, |
| 186 | it said that she had ballooned. | 上面说她气球飞扬了 |
| 187 | I repeat, she had ballooned to a size 12, a size 12. | 我再说一遍,她已经升到12号,12号 |
| 188 | I give my right arm to be a size 12. | 我用右臂做12号 |
| 189 | My right arm might be a size 12. | 我的右臂可能是12号 |
| 190 | But I've discovered the most terrific way | 但我发现了最伟大的方法 |
| 191 | you know you've put weight on. | 你知道你把重量。 |
| 192 | I don't think this is commonly known, | 我不认为这是众所周知的, |
| 193 | so I feel like I should sort of spread the word. | 所以我觉得应该传播一下这个词 |
| 194 | This happened to me in January | 这发生在我一月份 |
| 195 | and it is genuinely upsetting. | 确是令人沮丧的。 |
| 196 | Where my boyfriend lives is a block of flats | 我男朋友住的地方是一栋公寓 |
| 197 | and round the back of the block of flats is a car park. | 和环绕 街区后部的平房是一个停车场。 |
| 198 | In order to get into the car park, | 为了进入停车场, |
| 199 | you have to go through like a barrier, | 你要像障碍物一样穿过 |
| 200 | like an arm that lifts up | 举起手臂 |
| 201 | when it senses a car is near. | 当它感觉到一辆车就在附近。 |
| 202 | I mean, I was carrying two big bags of shopping, | 我的意思是,我背着两个大包的购物, |
| 203 | but it still thought I was a Peugeot 206. | 但它仍然认为我是一个Peugeot 206。 |
| 204 | But a friend of mine, actually no, | 但我的一个朋友,实际上没有, |
| 205 | I'm not gonna call him that, it's not appropriate. | 我不会这么叫他的 这不合适 |
| 206 | I'm gonna call him a male acquaintance. | 我要叫他一个男性熟人 |
| 207 | Let's do that. | 让我们做到这一点。 |
| 208 | A male acquaintance of mine | 我的一个男性熟人 |
| 209 | with whom I have never had a dalliance said to me, | 我从未与他同床共枕, |
| 210 | you know what, if you lost a couple of stone, | 你知道,如果你失去了一对夫妇的石头, |
| 211 | I said, the rest of this better be a fucking equation. | 我说,剩下的最好是一个该死的方程式。 |
| 212 | If you lost a couple of stone, we could probably go out. | 如果你失去了一对夫妇的石头, 我们也许可以出去。 |
| 213 | I said, I don't know if the couple of stone I lost | 我说了,我不知道我丢了那对石头 |
| 214 | was my fucking head. | 我他妈的头。 |
| 215 | It's lovely to be here though. | 来这里真好 |
| 216 | It's a nice temperature in here, isn't it? | 这里温度不错,不是吗? |
| 217 | We'll get warmer as we go on, obviously, | 很明显,我们继续前行时会更暖和 |
| 218 | the lights and whatnot. | 灯和什么的。 |
| 219 | I respond in quite a peculiar way to the heat, I think, | 我对热量的反应很特别 |
| 220 | mostly sort of here. | 主要是这里 |
| 221 | I realised I aimed that just at you guys | 我意识到我的目标只是你们 |
| 222 | in the front there, didn't I? | 在前面,不是吗? |
| 223 | Sorry about that. | 对不起 |
| 224 | Hey, upstairs, can I have a go? | 嘿,楼上,我可以去吗? |
| 225 | There you go. | 给你。 |
| 226 | Down there gets what I call claggy. | 在那里得到什么我叫Claggy。 |
| 227 | Anybody else got a good word for that? | 还有谁有好词吗? |
| 228 | Anybody else? | 还有谁? |
| 229 | Moist, who said moist? | 湿润 谁说的湿润? |
| 230 | Moist is a good word. | 摩诃衍是妙语. |
| 231 | What was that one? | 那个是什么? |
| 232 | Sticky. | 粘着. |
| 233 | There was a lady that the day said, | 那天有个女士说 |
| 234 | what you've got there is LDF. | 你得到的就是LDF。 |
| 235 | I said, what is LDF stand for? | 我说,LDF代表什么? |
| 236 | She said, long day funny. | 她说,漫长的一天很有趣。 |
| 237 | When I said claggy and pressed in her mind, | 当我说"小声" 压在她的脑海里时 |
| 238 | she said, oh no, we call that ready. | 她说,哦,不,我们叫准备好了。 |
| 239 | But what I do when it gets moist and sticky, | 但是当它变得湿润和粘稠,我做什么, |
| 240 | I just do a plie. | 我只是做一个plie。 |
| 241 | I'm not a massive ballet dancer, | 我不是一个巨大的芭蕾舞者, |
| 242 | but if I was a ballet dancer, | 但如果我是一个芭蕾舞者, |
| 243 | I would clearly be a massive one. | 我显然是一个巨大的。 |
| 244 | I just do that. | 我只是这样做。 |
| 245 | You only get a couple of seconds relief | 你只有几秒钟的解脱时间 |
| 246 | because it mostly just slicks back together. | 因为它大多只是 浮回一起。 |
| 247 | I did a show in Edinburgh | 我在爱丁堡演出过 |
| 248 | and a lady at the back of the room shouted out, | 房间里后面的一位女士大喊 |
| 249 | you need to use some talc. | 你需要使用一些塔尔克。 |
| 250 | And I thought, surely that just forms a paste. | 我想,当然,那只是形成一个面条。 |
| 251 | But I don't worry anymore about the fact | 但我不再担心这个事实 |
| 252 | that I can't really see me fanny. | 我无法真正看到我的粉丝。 |
| 253 | Fannies make you feel quite sick, sir. | Fannies让你觉得很恶心 先生 |
| 254 | Is it my fanny in particular? | 特别是我的粉丝吗? |
| 255 | You're just not a big fan of fannies. | 你只是不喜欢粉丝 |
| 256 | You're not a fan of fannies. | 你不喜欢粉丝 |
| 257 | I've got some cock stuff later on, | 我有些鸡巴的东西以后, |
| 258 | you'll fucking love that. | 你会喜欢的 |
| 259 | I don't need to say me fanny anymore anyway | 反正我再也不用说我的幻想了 |
| 260 | because I've got people for that now. | 因为我现在有很多人要这么做 |
| 261 | What person? | 哪个人? |
| 262 | People sounds bad, doesn't it? | 人们听起来很坏,不是吗? |
| 263 | Well, there's two, it's a job share. | 嗯,有两个,这是一份工作。 |
| 264 | I can't see me fanny because of me belly, | 因为我肚子疼,我看不见我 |
| 265 | but I can't see me belly because of me tits. | 但是因为我的乳房,我看不到肚子 |
| 266 | Hooray. | 万岁 |
| 267 | It's like a zesty, I'm all right. | 这就像一个ze,我没事。 |
| 268 | If they go, I'm fucked. | 如果他们走了,我就完蛋了。 |
| 269 | Well, probably less so. | 嗯,也许没有。 |
| 270 | A medical assessment recently, nothing serious, | 最近医学鉴定 没什么大不了的 |
| 271 | quite a standard medical assessment. | 相当标准的医学评估。 |
| 272 | Just sort of height and weight and blood pressure | 只是有点高 体重和血压 |
| 273 | and heart rate, that sort of thing. | 和心率,那种东西。 |
| 274 | But I wasn't really looking forward to the weight bit | 但我没有真正期待的重量位 |
| 275 | because I don't have scales at home, | 因为我家里没有天平 |
| 276 | I don't believe in them. | 我不相信他们。 |
| 277 | I do have kitchen scales now and I'd be lying if I said | 我确实有厨房的秤 如果我说,我会说谎 |
| 278 | I hadn't weighed anything of myself in them. | 我并没有在他们身上称重 |
| 279 | Left one's heavier, interesting. | 左边的更重,有趣。 |
| 280 | But I don't have bathroom scales, | 但我没有浴室的台阶, |
| 281 | I don't think it's healthy. | 谓不生不生. |
| 282 | Why would I do something every day | 为什么我每天都做点什么? |
| 283 | that makes me feel a bit shit? | 这让我感觉有点狗屎? |
| 284 | So what I do instead, I think a lot of people do this, | 所以,我所做的,我认为很多人这样做, |
| 285 | it's a much healthier way of doing it. | 这是更健康的方法 |
| 286 | You just judge it on your clothes, don't you? | 你只是用衣服来判断,不是吗? |
| 287 | Judge it on your clothes and then when your clothes | 在衣服上判断 然后当衣服 |
| 288 | start getting a bit tight, you think, | 开始有点紧,你认为, |
| 289 | well, maybe it's time I went out and bought bigger clothes. | 也许我该出去买大点的衣服了 |
| 290 | So I told the doctor I wasn't really looking forward | 所以我告诉医生,我不太期待 |
| 291 | to the weight, but he said, we still have to do it. | 但是他说 我们还得这么做 |
| 292 | I said, no, I understand, I'm just trying to think of a way | 我说,不,我明白,我只是想想个办法 |
| 293 | to make it a bit more fun and he said, | 更好玩一点,他说 |
| 294 | well, what do you suggest? | 那你有什么建议? |
| 295 | I said, well, how about this, simple as this, | 我说,好吧,这个怎么样,简单的这个, |
| 296 | how about I guess me own weight? | 怎么样,我想我自己的体重? |
| 297 | And he said, okay, we can do that. | 他说,好吧,我们可以做到这一点。 |
| 298 | So guess me own weight and I got it right | 所以,猜我自己的体重,我得到了它的权利 |
| 299 | and I was fucking thrilled. | 我他妈的兴奋。 |
| 300 | And he just went, nobody's ever been that happy | 他刚刚走了 没有人能这么高兴过 |
| 301 | about being that weight before. | 之前的重量。 |
| 302 | Which I thought was a little mean, | 我觉得有点刻薄 |
| 303 | so I said back, perhaps too loudly | 所以我说回来,也许太大声了 |
| 304 | and also I don't know where this came from, | 我不知道这是从哪里来的 |
| 305 | it just fell out of my mouth. | 它从我嘴里掉下来了 |
| 306 | I just went, it's more important to be right than to be thin. | 我只是走了, 更重要的是正确 而不是瘦。 |
| 307 | It feels like I might have read it on a t-shirt, | 我好像在T恤上读过 |
| 308 | I don't know where that came from, | 我不知道从哪里来的, |
| 309 | but if that's gonna be my mantra, | 但是如果那会是我的漫画, |
| 310 | that's quite a good mantra, isn't it? | 这是一个相当好的口号,不是吗? |
| 311 | It's much better than what Kate Moss said, | 比凯特·莫斯说的要好得多 |
| 312 | I don't know if you know this, Kate Moss, the model, | 我不知道你是否知道 凯特·莫斯 模特儿 |
| 313 | said, nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. | 说没有比瘦子感觉好的东西了 |
| 314 | Let me just say that to you again | 我再说一遍 |
| 315 | so it can probably sink in all of your heads. | 所以它可能会沉入你的脑海 |
| 316 | She said, nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. | 她说,没有什么比瘦子感觉好。 |
| 317 | And I thought, well, she's obviously never had | 我想,她显然从来没有 |
| 318 | millionaire shortbread, has she? | 百万富翁短面包,是吗? |
| 319 | And my response to her would be, | 我对她的反应是 |
| 320 | nothing looks as good as not being a cunt. | 没有什么比不做贱货好。 |
| 321 | My friend invited me around for tea, she said, | 我朋友邀请我喝茶 她说 |
| 322 | come round to mine, I'm gonna cook all your favourite food, | 到我这儿来 我要煮你最喜欢的食物 |
| 323 | that's what a lovely thing to do for somebody, | 这对某人来说是件好事 |
| 324 | so of course I went. | 我当然去了 |
| 325 | Couple of hours later, I was sitting on the sofa, | 几个小时后,我坐在沙发上 |
| 326 | putting the world to rights, | 赋予世界权利, |
| 327 | and she blurted out, just out of nowhere, | 她不知从哪冒出来 |
| 328 | she blurted out, I don't think my lady parts | 她模糊了,我不认为我的女士部分 |
| 329 | look like other girls' lady parts. | 看起来像其他女孩的女士部分。 |
| 330 | What am I supposed to do with that? | 我该怎么办? |
| 331 | I realised the whole night had been a ploy. | 我意识到整个晚上都是个阴谋 |
| 332 | Favourite foods, my arse, come and look at me, Fanny. | 喜欢的食物,我的屁股, 来看我,范妮。 |
| 333 | She said, I'm not looking at it, I'm not looking at it, | 她说,我不看它,我不看它, |
| 334 | but if you're drawing on a bit of paper, | 但如果你画了些纸 |
| 335 | I'll have a look at that. | 我来看看 |
| 336 | So she drew on a bit of paper, and I drew mine as well, | 她画了些纸,我画了我的纸, |
| 337 | and we compared them, and they were very similar, | 我们比较了他们, 他们非常相似, |
| 338 | so she was much happier. | 所以她更快乐了 |
| 339 | She said mine was tidier, I don't really know what that means, | 她说我的是铁匠,我不知道是什么意思 |
| 340 | but I know I definitely don't wanna look at hers | 但我知道我绝对不想看她的 |
| 341 | now that I know that it's messy. | 现在我知道这很乱 |
| 342 | I could have been worse than drawing on a bit of paper, | 我可能比在纸上画画更糟 |
| 343 | I could have just put some paint on it, | 我本来可以把一些油漆在上面, |
| 344 | and done a potato print. | 并做了一个土豆印。 |
| 345 | Sometimes I wouldn't even need the paint, oh. | 有时我甚至不需要油漆,哦。 |
| 346 | Men's magazines, there are only two options | 男人杂志,只有两种选择 |
| 347 | for hair down there, for women, | 给下面的头发,给女人, |
| 348 | the options are all off or most off. | 选择权全部关闭或大部分关闭。 |
| 349 | Give us a cheer if you think all off is the way to go. | 给我们一个欢呼,如果你认为这一切是出路。 |
| 350 | Fuller in the middle of that there. | 富勒在中间那里。 |
| 351 | It's not technically aimed at you, love. | 这不是技术上针对你的,亲爱的。 |
| 352 | I suppose it is good to know we've got a paedophile in, | 很高兴知道我们有个恋童癖 |
| 353 | but that's what it means, that's what it means. | 但这就是它的意思,这就是它的意思。 |
| 354 | Give us a cheer if you think more stuff is the way to go. | 给我们一个欢呼,如果你认为更多的东西是前进的道路。 |
| 355 | Still quite a lot of you left, isn't there? | 你们还剩下很多人 不是吗? |
| 356 | Can only assume that the rest of you are like me. | 只能假设你们都跟我一样 |
| 357 | I just try to keep it in me pants. | 我只是想把它留在我的裤子里。 |
| 358 | Even if sometimes that involves tucking it in. | 即使有时这涉及到 塞进去。 |
| 359 | But surely the most ridiculous of all of the things | 但其中最荒谬的 |
| 360 | we are supposed to do to ourselves is anal bleaching. | 我们应该对自己做 是肛门漂白。 |
| 361 | Now, some of you might not know what that is. | 现在,有些人可能不知道那是什么。 |
| 362 | If you don't know what it is, it's exactly as it sounds. | 如果你不知道它是什么, 它的准确的声音。 |
| 363 | Some people, and I don't know why, | 有些人 我不知道为什么 |
| 364 | I can't answer that question for you, | 我不能为你回答这个问题 |
| 365 | some people choose to have their arseholes bleached. | 有些人选择把屁眼漂白 |
| 366 | As far as I'm concerned, regardless of your gender, | 就我而言 无论你的性别 |
| 367 | regardless of your sexuality, | 无论你的性欲 |
| 368 | if somebody is so close to your arsehole | 如果有人这么接近你的屁股 |
| 369 | that they can see the colour of it, | 以便他们看见火狱的颜色, |
| 370 | they're not gonna stop. | 他们不会停止的 |
| 371 | This, this is never gonna happen. | 这,这永远不会发生。 |
| 372 | Woo-hoo. | 呜呼. |
| 373 | S. | |
| 374 | Woo-hoo. | 呜呼. |
| 375 | S. | |
| 376 | Woo-hoo. | 呜呼. |
| 377 | Oh, sorry love, I don't do that colour. | 哦,对不起,爱,我不这样做的颜色。 |
| 378 | It's warm now, isn't it? | 现在暖和了 不是吗? |
| 379 | But I love a slogan on the knicker, | 但我喜欢尼克斯的口号 |
| 380 | I love a slogan on the knicker. | 我喜欢内裤上的标语 |
| 381 | The best slogan I ever had, it said, | 我最好的口号,它说, |
| 382 | I'd do anything for love and on the back, | 我愿意为爱情和背面做任何事 |
| 383 | but I won't do that. | 但我不会那么做的 |
| 384 | I mean, it was written on in biro, but still. | 我的意思是,它是写在比罗,但仍然。 |
| 385 | But I went into Marks and Spencer's | 但我去了马克斯和斯宾塞 |
| 386 | recently to try some clothes on and, | 最近尝试一些衣服和, |
| 387 | and the same thing happens, | 同样的事情, |
| 388 | that always happens when you try clothes on in there. | 这总是发生 当你尝试穿衣服在那里。 |
| 389 | The lady took the clothes off us that I wanted to try on. | 那个女士脱了我想穿的衣服 |
| 390 | She hung them on the rail. | 她把它们挂在栏杆上。 |
| 391 | She gave us the tag. | 她给我们的标签。 |
| 392 | She switched the curtain, all very normal so far. | 她把窗帘换了 目前很正常 |
| 393 | But as she switched the curtain, her part and shot, | 但是当她换掉窗帘时 她的角色和镜头 |
| 394 | she said, just give us a shout | 她说,只要叫我们一声 |
| 395 | if you need any bigger sizes. | 如果你需要更大的尺寸。 |
| 396 | So I switched it back just as quickly and went, | 所以,我把它调回 一样快,走了, |
| 397 | I think you'll find you mean different, you bitch. | 我想你会发现你的意思不同,你婊子。 |
| 398 | But while I was in Marks, | 但当我在马克斯, |
| 399 | I went to the lingerie department. | 我去了内衣部 |
| 400 | In the lingerie department, | 在内衣部 |
| 401 | they had a stretchy, lacy, all-in-one kind of body stock | 他们有伸展的, 丝绸的, 全身的股 |
| 402 | and type of thing. | 和类型的东西。 |
| 403 | Presumably for sort of sexy time. | 大概是那种性感的时间 |
| 404 | I can't imagine any actual practical use. | 我无法想象有什么实际用途 |
| 405 | Maybe straining vegetables. | 或许是给蔬菜带来压力 |
| 406 | And on the bottom of the packaging, it said, | 在包装的底部,它说, |
| 407 | one size fits most. | 一码最合适 |
| 408 | I clearly used to say it fits all. | 我之前都说很合适 |
| 409 | You've got to pity the poor woman who had to go in and go, | 你得同情那个可怜的女人 她必须走进去 |
| 410 | you need to change your packaging, pet. | 你需要改变你的包装,宠物。 |
| 411 | It doesn't fit all. | 不合一切处. |
| 412 | It's still on one leg. | 仍为一腿. |
| 413 | Hello, I'm Sarah Millican | 你好,我是莎拉・米利坎 |
| 414 | and thanks very much for watching my videos. | 非常感谢你看我的视频。 |
| 415 | I'm going on tour with a brand new show called Bobby Dazzler. | 我要去巡回演出 一个全新的节目叫Bobby Dlazzer。 |
| 416 | For all the information about where I'm going and when, | 关于我要去哪里和什么时候的信息 |
| 417 | go to SarahMillican.co.uk. | 去萨拉米利坎大学 |
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